#jackson just deserves a rae in his life.

[musecraft]

      HIS EVERY WORD HITS HOME, & for a moment rae can only nod her head in utter shock. ❝ yeah, actually. i know exactly what you mean. ❞ it was almost unbelievable that jackson marchetti ( the swim team icon, head boy, & indisputable hunk ) of all people would struggle with anxiety. he always seemed so confident all the time, so unbelievably handsome & cool. but the symptoms of an impending panic attack are instantly recognizable — especially to someone who has firsthand experience with them. ❝ you're going to be alright. listen, just forget about it all for a second, close your eyes, & count to ten. slowly. it's something ti- something my friend showed me to do when everything seems overwhelming. it sounds strange, but it works. ❞ & rae reaches out to rest a friendly hand on his shoulder, hoping that the point of contact will help steady his breathing. ❝ here, i'll count with you, alright ? one ... two ... ❞

@musecraft​ ( rae ) sent a meme for jackson:

33. west end girls  /  pet shop boys

        “ Too many whispering voices. If, when, why, what… It just doesn’t fucking stop, you know what I mean? ”

[gaywatch]

I need more music to listen, so unleash your reccomendations

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh dear I never get to talk about music enough so pardon me if I explode all over you

(Links are to songs that are both faves and good places for a newcomer to start.)

Taylor Swift - Yeah yeah she's a household name but no kidding, she has 10 albums spanning several genres and I can guarantee you that she has at least some songs that you will permanently add to your rotation. Google around for a good place to start and dive in (...or just ask me because I will gladly help you out).

Taemin - He's been known as 'the Michael Jackson of kpop' for years now, but what's wild is that he started at Michael and has since grown into a dancer and performer all his own. The only kpop artist I fully stan. His singles never. ever. miss.

Delta Rae - Incredible folk/country/Americana band from the state I live in with male and female vocalists. They are criminally underrated because they were liberal country artists before that was even remotely possible. Seen them live twice, met them twice, they are the most genuine people and outstanding artists.

Amanda Palmer - Originated as The Dresden Dolls, a duo that invented the 'punk cabaret' indie subgenre, and has been a solo artist for like 15 years at this point? Intense piano, intense lyrics, intense everything (the linked song is the anthem for girls with daddy issues). Objectively the most personal lyrics I've ever heard. Voice may take a second to adjust to. Not made for mainstream and doesn't want to be. One of the most important artists to me, personally.

Marianas Trench - Pop/punk perfection (but also simply genre chameleons) with a musical mastermind at its core. One of the best vocalists. Most albums end with an opus arrangement of the songs that came before and it's life changing.

Pink - People don't realize how powerful her vocals are and how incredible her lyricism can be. A pop icon. This bitch raised me, forever grateful.

Halsey - If all you know is Without Me and Closer, you haven't heard Halsey. Every album is outstanding but hopeless fountain kingdom doesn't have a single misplaced sound. It's pretty freakish actually.

Chvrches - Sheer and utter synthpop perfection, every single song. The one I linked is one of my favorite songs of all time, period.

MUNA - Queer girls making queer indie pop. Great lyrics, immaculate vibes. Recently opened for Taylor Swift on the Eras Tour, and well deserved.

The Midnight - 80s/90s synth like you can't even believe. Saxophone for days.

Imogen Heap - A genius and pop legend. Her greatest song was sampled in something god awful and got meme-d to death, I don't wanna talk about it. If a pop artist does breathy vocals, 95% chance they're doing it because of Imogen. She sang me happy birthday. Haven't been alive since.

Rina Sawayama - THIS BITCH. Falls under pop but never met a genre she couldn't master. Stayed in the game into her late twenties (which is geriatric by pop standards), when she finally blew up a bit. A variety of sounds, some of them strange, but all of them brilliant in one way or another (even if you don't personally vibe with it).

Troye Sivan - Twink icon whose first two albums were as gay as they were pop brilliance. I don't care much for his newest work, but you might.

Alice Merton - She's the girl with that Roots song from a few years back. Two albums now, both genius. Unique voice, varied sound but with a distinct Florence oomph to it.

Ava Max - UN. DER. RATE. D. Classic, anthemic pop. Vocals for DAYS. Music so infectious you have it on loop for days. So much more than Sweet but Psycho.

Kesha - I prefer recent Kesha to her classic dance pop madness, personally. She grew into an amazing artist who can blend her weird ass dance flavor with her more mature sounds in a way that doesn't really seem possible.

Bishop Briggs - Nobody has a voice like this. A sort pop/alternative vibe that can be anthemic as easily as it can be dark.

The Chicks - Icons for a reason. Their most recent album, written by the main lyricist after leaving her husband of 20 years for cheating on her left right and sideways, is one of the best break up albums of all time. Period.

The Civil Wars - They only lasted long enough to make two albums, but both are flawless. Nobody will ever harmonize quite like them. Folk/country in the most *beautiful* way possible.

Evanescence - 2000s rock with with a stunning female writer and vocalist whose melodies are simply beyond compare when we're talking about their stuff from 2003-2006. Goth, dramatic, hard hitting, cathartic.

Freya Ridings - Adele but make it a touch more contemporary. Gorgeous deep voice, lots of ballads but her up tempo stuff is just as good.

Billie Eilish - If you haven't heard her first album yet or her early EPs, you need to. Nobody that young should have that much of a grasp of music and her place in it.

Foxes - Underrated pop queen! I have yet to hear a bad song from her, but her latest album is quintessential synthpop mastery.

Jukebox the Ghost - Piano pop/rock. It's actually too much fun to listen to them, tbh.

Kelly Clarkson - Listen, her latest album follows directly after The Chicks' on the string of ultimate divorce albums we've gotten from pop icons lately. I've loved Kelly forever, but in bits and pieces. Her latest album is her strongest project to date, easily.

Labrinth - I do not comprehend what this genius does with music. Electronic, experimental, metaphorical, personal, just something else. Did the music for Euphoria, but his first solo album was an experience and a half.

Lorde - Everybody tells you to listen to Melodrama because you should.

Maisie Peters - Everybody calls everybody else 'the next Taylor Swift,' and they're wrong. It's this girl.

Marina and the Diamonds - SUCH a unique voice, lyrics that are way too smart for mainstream pop.

Patrick Wolfe - A deep-voiced violinist who released a pop album in 2011 that I still listen to because I'm a sucker for pop laced with classical instruments and it's just that good.

Owen Pallett - A higher-toned violinist with more of an indie approach, coming up with concepts and melodies that would go well with an A24 film.

Emilie Autumn - Violin-fueled industrial/pop/metal, often with Victorian leanings. Visceral lyrics on mental illness, depression, bipolar, suicidal ideation, sexual assault, sometimes with a satirical bent or through a historical lens. Voice might take a second to get used to, it's unique and she does unique things with it (including "ugly" sounds on purpose) but once it clicks it clicks hard. Opheliac and Fight Like A Girl are good starting places.

The Veronicas - Underrated (yet oddly influential?) pop icon twins from the early 2000s to now. Killer voices, KILLER pop.

[yourshiningastr]

CHAPTER 30

"You. Are you going somewhere?" Panandalian akong nawala sa mga iniisip ko nang pumasok si Jacksion sa kwarto.

"Huh?" I arch my brow at him. Tumabi ito sakin sa pagtayo at tumingin din sa labas ng bintana.

"I mean, earlier.. You were just bluntly giving all those lands and properties as if aalis ka at hindi na babalik. I mean okay lang naman since maganda na makalanghap ka ng bagong environment" Hindi ako sumagot dito at hinayaan siyang magsalita..

"Saan bansa ka ba pupunta? May naisip ka na ba? Dito ka pa din naman mag Bibirthday diba?"

"Naghahanda si Yna para doon. Magagalit sayo yun kapag umalis ka before that special day of yours." I heaved a sigh and smiled.

"I don't know, basta gusto ko sa malayo." He looked at me with innocent eyes.

"Why don't you try going to Spain, sa Madrid? May kakilala ako doon, he will take care of you! Sabihan mo lang ako kung kailan para matawagan ko siya." Napangiti ako sa sigla ng boses nito. I then turn my gaze on the window and stare their lawn outside.

"How are you? I heard you have a girl now. Seryosohan na ba yan?" Jackson scoffed and lightly rolled his eyes at me.

"Kailan ba ako hindi nagseryoso?" Nakakunot noo nitong tanong.

"Uhm... lagi?" Jacksion sneers and glared at me.

"Grabe! Ang sama talaga ng tingin mo sakin noh? Nakakapagsisi tuloy na naging crush kita." I arch my brow and tilted my head to look at him.

"You really had a crush on me?" Jacksion shook his head and chuckled.

"Oo na nga! pero hindi ibig sabihin nun maganda ka. Wala pa lang akong nakikitang anghel nun, ngayon meron na." Natawa naman ako sa pagmamayabang niya na yun.

"So you mean, you have an angel now?" I tilted my head again to get a proper look at his peaceful face.

His eyes are getting dreamy, I guess he's really in love huh? Good for him.

"Yeah, her voice is just so calm and soothing. Her face is just incomparable to others, and her heart... Her heart is just too good to be true. Sobrang bait, sobrang ganda.." I smiled warmly when I saw how his eyes flickered with joy.

Animo'y kaharap ang babaeng kinukwento niya.

"I'm happy you found someone now." He looked at me and smiled.

"Yes, and she wants to meet you. Lagi kitang kinukwento doon. "

I wanna meet her too..

"Hindi mo na pala kailangan ng guardian angel kasi may angel ka na?" Pabiro kong sabi dito.

"Hindi kailangan ang guardian angel sa demonyong katulad ko. Kahit nga siya, hindi niya ako deserve. Hanggang ngayon nagtataka pa din ako kung bakit niya ako nagustuhan. I mean alam ko namang gwapo ako, given na yun. Pero sa ugali.. Eeekk fail!" Sabay kaming tumawa sa sinabi nito.

"Maybe because she found something good in you that you haven't seen before." I look around his face as I tried to memorize it.

"You know other people are the only ones who can really see the good in us. In our eyes, we are full of scars and insecurity but to other people who have the clear sight of our soul, they can see the beauty that we failed to accept ourselves." I tapped his shoulder and smiled at him.

"It takes a lot of courage to see your own beauty, maybe that's why we need someone in our life even if we are strong enough to be alone because they will be the one who will teach us how to properly open our eyes." Ngumiti ako

"So you're lucky to have someone like her. Keep her and love her as much as how she loves you." Jacksion then looked at me in a serious manner.

"You will find yours too, Rae. So live." Natigilan ako at tumingin dito..

I know that he knows. We spent our childhood days together. He can feel it, he is not that fool not to know.

"I know you're tired, you must really hate yourself now. You must have run out of reasons to live for yourself."

"If so, don't live for yourself then. Live for that someone who was patiently waiting for you. Live for that someone who will see the beauty in you." Hirap itong humarap at tumitig sakin. Hinawakan nito ang dalawang balikat ko at malalim na nagbuntong hininga.

" I wish for your happiness... we all do."

I wish for my happiness too... Every single day.

"Ma'am Rae, kami na po diyan!" Napalingon ako sa mga katulong na tumatakbo papalapit sakin.

It's June 24 at muli na naman akong nakabalik sa bahay namin. Napilit ko na si Yna na hindi sumama pero ang sabi nito ay susunod siya at susunduin ako bago ang graduation.

Hinayaan ko naman ang mga katulong na buhatin ang ilang mga gamit na dala ko.

Pagkapasok ko sa bahay ay hindi na ako nagtaka nang matagpuan ko si Tristan na nakaupo sa living room.

Nakapolo ito ngayon at iba sa damit na lagi nitong suot kapag nagtatrabaho siya sa plantation. Desente at gwapong gwapo. Napangiti naman ako sa naisip kong iyun.

"Rae! Pasensya na at nandito ako agad, hindi kasi ako makapaniwala sa balitang nalaman ko kaya pumunta agad ako nang nalaman ko na uuwi ka ngayon." I nodded at him and smiled.

Tumawag ako ng kasambahay at nanghingi ng meryenda bago maupo sa harap nito.

"Ano bang balita ang nalaman mo?" Malumanay kong tanong sakanya.

"S-sakin mo daw ipinangalan ang plantasyon? Totoo ba iyun?" Napangiti ako sa gulat at hindi makapaniwala nitong mukha. Umaasang kasinungalingan lang ang balitang narinig.

"Totoo nga, nakita ko kung gaano ka kasipag at kaloyal na trabahador sa Plantation." He faced me uneasily.

"P-pero bakit sa akin? Marami ang mas deserving para doon. At isa pa masipag akong magtrabaho dahil may sweldo, walang ibig sabihin iyun!" Napangiti ako sa pag papanic ng boses nito.

"Kinausap ka ba nila Tito?" His eyes widened and with that, I already know what was making him uneasy.

"Don't worry, I have a trusted lawyer that will help you. Hindi na sila makakalapit sayo ngayon." He furrowed his brow and bit his lower lips.

"Pero bakit nga ako? Bakit sakin mo binibigay?"

"You've mentioned before that you want to have a plantation right? So here it is, tada! My gift!" Pagbibiro ko dito na mukhang hindi naman bumenta dahil seryoso pa din ang mukha.

"Hindi ako nakikipagbiruan, Rae. Hindi ko kayang hawakan ang ganitong kalaking negosyo." Giit nito

"I told you, I have a lawyer that will help you. You already have a basic knowledge about planting and managing our farmers before and you're also studying agriculture. You are the perfect person for this kind of job. You deserve this." Gusto pa uli nito humindi ngunit umiling na ako.

"I know I am being selfish right now, I am leaving you with no choice. But you are the only trusted person of mine na alam kong kaya hawakan ang negosyo na ito. I believe in you, Tristan. Don't worry I have a lot of people that will help you, just give them a call. I have already briefed them about it." Nakakunot pa din ang noo nito at seryosong nakatingin sakin.

"Bakit ba kung magsalita ka ay parang namamaalam ka?" I stilled at my seat and looked away.

Damn, this man is smart. I can't let him see what's inside this facade of mine.

"S-so anyway, you don't have any choice but to handle this business. My decision is final." Huminga ito ng malalim at tumayo na.

"Wag kang mag alala, aalagaan ko ang plantasyon at kapag okay ka na at kaya mo na. Ibabalik ko yun sayo. Salamat, Rae. See you.." I wanted to tell him see you too pero ayoko naman siya agad makita kapag wala na ako.

1 message from an unknown number.

From: 09662—

Okay na po, ma'am.

I smiled as I read the message. I suddenly remembered that kid's innocent and warm smile on me when I gave her the money and food in the jeep. I hope she's happy with my gift.

Tomorrow came and I woke up early to finish everything. I look for Marina, the daughter of Manang pero wala na daw ito sa bahay nila. I called the number I called last time hoping she'll answer it pero mukhang nagpalit na ng sim ito dahil hindi ko na macontact.

I was planning to give them the mansion because Manang spent almost all her life here serving us. I wanted to at least give them a house full of her memory.

It was then lunch time when Yna called me. She's been asking me kung kumain na ba ako and such, pati ang paliligo ko ay tinatanong niya. I know she's just ensuring that I am fine, well and breathing.

Well, I still am. Not until I talked to my mom. I need to see and talk to her first.

After lunch, I called our driver and asked him to take me where my mom was. We went to the hotel that she stayed at when the chaos happened but she wasn't there anymore.

I wanted to talk to her at least, I wanted to hug her and tell her how much I love her for the last time. I wanted to hear her say it as well.

Maybe in her, I will find the courage to live. Maybe with her, I might choose to live..

We stopped at the cafe to have a snack since it's already 2 hours na kami nagpapaikot ikot habang hinahanap si Mommy.

I can't just give up now. I needed at least a day to look for her.

I walked right into the cafe thinking about what to order when I saw a familiar woman sitting happily with a man. His arm is resting on her back and in front of her were two teenagers who were happily telling them something.

I stopped in trance.

Is this why she never called me? Is this why she never visited me or dad? Is this why she just left as if she doesn't have a family?

As I watched her laugh, that's when I realized that I have never seen her being happy like this. I never saw her eyes glisten with joy like that. I never see her in a light aura like that, I never see her talk to me like that nor even looked at me like that..

Sudden envy, insecurities, and sadness came through me and pierced my heart over and over.

How about us? How about me?

I prayed for her to see me or look at my side but only a tear had to peek from my eyes.

I guess it's really over.

Mabilis akong lumabas ng cafe at sinabi sa driver na bumalik na sa Mansyon. Yna and The Velasco brothers were calling me but I just turned off my phone and cried. I couldn't care less about the driver, I can't seem to stop my tears from falling.

It's too painful to see that she can find happiness from other people while she finds miseries from us. But I realized that's what I also felt throughout the years I am being their daughter, throughout the years that I am following all of their commands.

Miseries.

I guess were just the same. Gusto makalayo, gusto makatakas. So anong karapatan ko magalit?

"Ma'am okay lang po ba kayo?" I harshly wipe my tears and stifle my sob.

"I will just sleep. Don't enter my room until I say so. Do you understand?" Takot ngunit may pag aalala itong tumango sakin.

Mabilis akong umakyat patungo sa kwarto ko at kinuha ang mga hinandang kagamitan para sa pinaplano ko.

The last two attempts of me killing myself were still fresh in my mind. I plead for help. I prayed constantly for forgiveness but this time all I could think was how peaceful it is to end everything here.

Maybe I don't care where I'm going to go after this.

Maybe I just don't care anymore.

I suddenly saw the black knitted blanket that I received 2 years ago from an unknown person. I ran my fingers to the knitted gold initials on it.

"L.P"

"I'm sorry.." I told the blanket as if it were a person. I slumped my body on the floor. I held it tightly and buried it in my chest.

I cried quietly as I remember that someone Jackson was pertaining to that night.

If ever there's really someone for me out there, that someone will be very sad to know that the person that is meant for him/her is weak, that she chose to just end it all. That she chose to just give up.

"I can't wait for you anymore. Don't worry, I will guide you as well and will give you someone you deserve." I don't know what really occurred to me as I just speak to the blanket.

Siguro nga ay nababaliw na ako.

I heaved a sigh and stood up from the floor and wipe my tears away. I put the blanket on my lips to kiss it, imagining that it is the one who's waiting for me, who's meant for me.

I then placed the blanket neatly on top of my bed and look up at my ceiling. I walk slowly and stop as my knees touched the cold yet soft cushion.

I step up to the chair and I slowly stretch my hands to reach the rope.

This time I am not going to ask for help. This time it will be the end of my misery.

"Goodbye.."

End.

[robronfic]

Could you make a post of all the Big Bang fics so far please?

round one / 2017:

sure as the world keeps the moon in the sky by @aarobron 

“thank you,” aaron whispers, and his words sound as thick as the air he’s pushing them into. “i had a great night, honestly. just… thank you.” then he’s leaning up on his tiptoes; stretching, body lean and long and sharp, and robert risks settling a hand onto his waist. it shocks aaron for moment, but then he just grins: some great, dazzling, blinding smile that robert has to close his eyes against, and before he knows it, there are lips on his cheek. they settle, for one moment, two, three, and he’s holding his breath, fingers tightening around the curve of aaron’s hip. or, an au where aaron and robert are neighbours - neighbours in love. 30k.

rumours by @beautifulhigh 

robert is a vivinus, or a “div” if you’re feeling particularly cruel. people who are functionally immortal: they can die through severe accidents or illnesses, or something immediate. people with the ability to heal, to understand a person better than they know themselves, and who are rumoured to love so deeply that they will literally love you forever.

robert hasn’t told anyone who he is, only telling aaron after the car crash and their engagement, giving him the choice about whether he wants to live his life with a man who won’t ever grow old, who isn’t anything close to normal and secure. not all the rumours are good ones though, and for every high there’s a low. 105k. 

maneuver one into place by @robertjacobsugdens

robert helped lawrence build a legitimate business empire from the ashes of his criminal enterprises. that is, until robert made one tiny, irrelevant mistake and the Whites kicked him to the curb. planning his revenge, robert went in the only place where he could assemble a team to get back what was rightfully his. he wasn’t expecting old feelings and wounds to resurface quite so strongly. especially not when it came to his master thief, aaron dingle. 57k.

love never fails by @nooneelsecomesclose17

it’s 1914, the war looming. aaron is the new chauffeur at home farm, and robert is newly returned from london after years away. aaron wants a new start, with liv, while robert wants to reconnect with his family. bad memories haunt them both making their relationship a challenge. with the war comes tragedy and then aaron goes missing. 70k.

we’ll meet again by @littlelooneyluna

in the year of 1939, war strikes and leaves best friends turned almost lovers aaron dingle and robert sugden in a state of shock, despite their resistance against the ever present reality of war it soon becomes apparent that there is no escape and it doesn't take long for their world to be ripped away from them as they continuously fight to keep close despite the lengths taken to keep them apart for good. 81k.

fool’s gold by @strongboyfriends

he knew, in the back of his mind, that it was their connection that was sending sparks rushing through him, numbing every sense until all he knew was aaron, but the realist in him – the one that grew up never believing that fate could bring two strangers together and bond them. Tte one that believed it could never happen to someone you knew, that it was meant for those with more poetic souls that lived life as if love was all there was – believed he would have felt this way about aaron regardless.

or, aaron and robert don’t exactly have the meet-cute worth writing home about, but fate has other ideas in mind. 38k. 

the country squire by @misswhimsy

after katie’s death, robert handed himself into the police and has spent the last two years in prison for manslaughter. aaron has moved on with his life, dealing with the death of his father and reconnecting with his little sister, attending counselling to help him cope with the things he’s not willing or able to share with his family. luckily it has provided him with an interesting new way to manage his feelings and he has discovered a talent and passion for writing that he never expected. now, robert is out of prison, alone and unsure of his future; will he ever be able to find the happiness that aaron has already found? 22k.

separation never suited us by @wellyfullofale

robert’s been away from emmerdale for almost a year, but vic has persuaded him to return for his 40th birthday party. he hasn’t seen or spoken to his husband since he left the village after convincing himself that aaron had moved on following an argument that they were both too stubborn to move past. he returns with hope that aaron might still love him the same way that he still loves aaron, but when he finds his husband is seeing someone new, is all hope now lost after a year apart? or will they find that, actually, a kind of love like theirs isn’t ever over? 33k. 

find someone (like you) by @kayceecruz

robert sugden walks into emmerdale after nine years bringing with him little of the boy who left. aaron dingle's life has been stuck in the same place for years. they meet and everything changes... 25k. 

a tail of two worlds by @geena-rae

aaron’s an immortal being, trapped in the sea for thousands of years now by himself. he’s been lonely for so long, his only solace watching the humans who walk along on the land. then he meets a sea witch who makes him an offer, she’ll turn him human for one month and if he finds love in that month she’ll keep him human, if not, aaron has to give her his immortality. 20k. 

front page news by @realityisonlythebeginning

robert sugden is a small time reporter aching for a proper job in the world of crime reporting. he thinks he's found it when a young man named aaron dingle is wrongfully jailed for something he didn't do. what he finds however is so much more. 22k.

the insubstantial shadow by @sapphicsugden

“the terms.” robert stares ahead, at the darkness currently shrouding hell from his view. 

“i keep walking,” robert starts, unable to focus on anything but the thud of his heart in his chest. it’s like you’re talking about a contract, he thinks. this is just a deal that you need to fucking win. except the stakes - and the payoff - were so much more than robert could handle. “i keep walking until i get to the lake where there’ll be a boat waiting to take me back."

hades nods, leaning casually against a pillar. “i don’t look back,” robert continues, words sticking in his throat. “he’ll be behind me, following me out of hell, but the instant i look back, he’ll vanish and he’ll-“ ae trails off, unable to make himself say it.

“he’ll be mine,” hades supplies. “his life for your inability to put his needs above your own.” 15k. 

midnight in paris by @capseycartwright

the end of a relationship is supposed to be the hardest part, but the last night aaron sees robert, it’s the first promise of a happy ending he gets from the other man. a year, to sort their problems, and they’ll meet back in paris, and give their love the chance it deserves, after the whirlwind of a year they'd spent together, in paris, falling more in love than either of them had been before.

what could possibly go wrong in a year? 34k. 

forged in fire by @escapingreality51

on his way to work one morning, a runner catches robert's eye. he starts seeing the man around everywhere, growing more intrigued with each sighting and almost interaction. when he finally meets him properly in the elevator of his building, a spark ignites and the two embark on an intense relationship, but when robert is reminded of a past trauma he gets scared. will Robert be able to let go of his past or will he be consumed by it? 31k.

asking the moon to stay by @josephtate

all his life prince robert had known that one day he would have to follow in his father's footsteps and become king of emmerdale. what he never expected was that he would have a secret love affair with the court's mechanic aaron dingle. 32k. 

all in by @godamnarmsrace

when robert and aaron meet there's an instant attraction, no doubt about it, but nothing can happen, it just wouldn't be appropriate. robert feels for the lad, who's been on the streets and struggling to take care of his young sister, so he does the decent thing and opens his home to him – gives him a break. feelings grow, aaron wants robert, in more ways than one, in every way really, but robert is fighting it, he fears becoming one of the monsters he hunts. it’s only when things get dangerous, pursuing gordon has some scary consequences, he begins to realise that you really only get one life; aaron and liv are his. 31k. 

---

round two / 2018:

cause we’re lovers, and that is a fact by @prettyboysugden

the 1980's- a time of music, love and pride. robert and aaron have to hide their relationship, but will something tear them apart? 17k.

and might had fallen to sands and fire by @matan4il

aaron is a hebrew gladiator whose daily routine of training and fighting is changed by the arrival of a unit of roman soldiers. 44k.

the fundamental things apply by @nooneelsecomesclose17

after losing jackson over a year ago, liv is worried about her brother and wants him to find a new boyfriend. that’s how aaron ends up on local radio on christmas eve. robert’s a successful reporter with his local paper, and he’s getting married. he’s on his way to meet his fiance’s family for christmas when he hears a voice on the radio. 

can his destiny really be someone he’s never met? can he be the one to catch aaron’s attention and get him to meet in london on valentine’s day? 26k. 

among the many by @littlelooneyluna

1984 au: robert finds aaron in a dystopian world where love is forbidden. 63k. 

from the moment we touched by @snarfettelove

needing to let off some steam after a stressful day at work, robert (a ruthless businessman) picks up a prostitute on his way back to his penthouse apartment. but one night with aaron isn’t enough and robert’s got a hell of a week coming up; he offers aaron the opportunity of a lifetime - stay (and get paid) for the whole week. aaron can’t resist, and robert’s pretty fit after all, so he agrees to the deal. they just aren’t supposed to let feelings get in the way of their ‘arrangement’. 42k. 

is it too late? by @robron-til-the-end

aaron never found robert at the scrapyard, the day after seb was born. he never talked robert into staying. robert left the village that day, and ten years later is the first time he's returned to emmerdale, and the first time he's bumped into aaron since it all went wrong so spectacularly.can he and aaron make it work the second time around? or has too much time passed to ever make it work? 18k. 

we’ll always have the moon. by @notforonesecond

while working through his deployment for the british army, aaron dingle unsuspectingly meets the love of his life at a bar one night in the form of robert sugden.

navigating through war, love, heartbreak, and tears they build their relationship, communicating through handwritten letters. but after they've built a life and a family together, is aaron willing to sacrifice it all for his country? 87k.

ticket to anywhere by @strongboyfriends

sixteen years old is dull in ways that movies and television never want to admit, and every minute felt like a countdown until he could escape. but life didn’t work like that. at least, not for robert. aaron couldn’t possibly be the one to change that. could he? 43k. 

cartography through silence by @sapphicsugden

“it’s called aphasia,” the doctor tells them, clinical and detached.

aaron wants to punch her in the mouth. robert’s keeping a death grip on aaron’s hand, nails digging into the skin of aaron’s palm. it’s grounding, a familiar pain that aaron will carry for eternity if it helps robert. “what does that mean?” 11k.

so at ease in the midnight sky by @aarobron

aaron finds the dingle's travelling circus at 16, just after he runs away from gordon, and spends his days helping out with odd jobs. what he doesn't expect to find is a best friend in the shape of vic's older brother, robert. they grow closer, as a double act on the trapeze and as friends, but he keeps his feelings quiet until gordon shows up and flips everything they know upside down. 58k. 

and that’s just the way it is by reformedcharacter

after meeting on the phones at work, robert and aaron quickly grow closer. being two hundred miles away from each other won’t stop them from falling in love. now, all there is left to do is meet. 28k.

… or does he? by @eloquentmydear

when lawrence tries to seduce robert in the hotel, robert’s phone doesn’t start ringing. he battles with himself over a long-denied desire for lawrence, the pain of losing the last man he loved, and his broken self-esteem. 15k. 

two night stand by @robertisbisexual

aaron’s been single for months and, after a bad night out, is convinced by his friends that a no strings one night stand is exactly what he needs. only casual sex is a lot harder than aaron remembers - especially when your date is a prick - and when forces conspire against him aaron finds himself trapped with robert a second night. 26k. 

escaping the past by @kripkegirl

robert returns to the village, looking to rebuild bridges and to finally put his past behind him. 26k. 

white blank page by @rustandruin

aaron’s a semi-closeted music journalist for a regional newspaper. robert is the newly hired out-and-proud sex and relationship columnist he hates. but when they’re forced to work together, aaron realises that irritation quickly turns into attraction. can he overcome his past and find the strength to choose his future? 125k. 

exile by @escapingreality51

aaron is a member of cain’s crew on the akadia transport ship when cain agrees to transport a different type of cargo than usual - a prisoner. robert sugden, the most notorious scientist-turned-murderer in the solar system arrives on the ship in manacles, and aaron dingle has to spend eight and a half months guarding robert sugden in a cell while they transport him from earth to his trial on mars. somewhere along the way aaron starts to discover that the man in manacles may not be as evil as he has been made out to be. 25k.

sweet dreams (are made of this) by @kayceecruz

after a tragic accident, robert’s left in a coma. while his loved ones fight to keep him alive, robert sinks into a world of dreams. when he wakes up, he is confused about what life is real and all he wants is to have his husband by his side. 24k.

[obtusemedia]

The best songs of the 2010s: #25-1

#25: “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott feat. Drake (2018)

When music historians look at hip-hop’s late-’10s dominance, I have no doubt that “SICKO MODE” will be viewed as the pinnacle of the era.

Let’s just go through a checklist of what makes “SICKO MODE” an instant classic: The weirdo multi-part structure. Travis Scott’s nearly two-minute long verse with quotable lines galore. Drake somehow managing to make falling asleep on an airplane sound cool. That spooky two-word Swae Lee refrain. Multiple Jamba Juice name-drops (inspiring a hilarious meme video). An iconic, striking music video with whacked-out imagery galore. 

But most importantly, it’s a stone-cold banger that will get any dance floor moving. What more could you want? 

#24: “Dance Yrself Clean” by LCD Soundsystem (2010)

You might have noticed that one of the decade’s biggest musical trends — EDM — hasn’t shown up much on this list. That’s because a majority of it has already aged badly, even just a few years later. Songs like “Don’t You Worry Child” or “Wake Me Up!” certainly have their charms, but unlike the more enjoyable, trashy electropop that preceded it, most EDM hits were plodding and self-serious. And its best artist, Calvin Harris, made his best work when he drifted away from the subgenre’s rigid structure and just made pure pop music.

But my passiveness towards EDM doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a great drop. There’s been plenty of songs on the list with incredible drops up to this point, and there’s still a couple more to come. Hell, I even halfway considered putting some Skrillex on the list just because some of his early stuff still can get your pulse pounding (even if these songs REEK of the early 10s). But there will never be a drop more bonkers than “Dance Yrself Clean.”

Indie legends LCD Soundsystem kicked off the decade with a bang with this song — but they made you wait for that bang. More than three minutes, to be exact. But those who were patient enough to sit through the quiet, drawn-out opening were treated to frontman James Murphy wailing like a madman over a shuffling beat, bouncy bass and a cascading, randomized symphony of analog synthesizers. Although I’m sure Murphy calculated every second of “Dance Yrself Clean,” it sounds like absolute anarchy. And in the moments when his screaming vocals go hoarse over the slamming synths, it’s unreal.

#23: “Born To Die” by Lana Del Rey (2011)

This was the first Lana Del Rey song I heard, back in my junior year of high school. I was immediately floored. The vocals, the cinematic orchestral sweep, the spaghetti western guitars, the tragically beautiful lyrics  — it was an instant masterpiece. There was no way Lana wouldn’t be the world’s biggest popstar within a year.

A couple months later, Lana infamously bombed on Saturday Night Live, which some thought would derail her career entirely. Even after her career has survived and she’s become a critical darling with a cult fanbase, her debut album, Born To Die, and its title track still have a bit of the stink from that SNL performance. Well, no more.

“Born To Die” is a haunting gothic-pop masterpiece that’s aged much better than much early-’10s pop (although I love the corny club stuff from that era, don’t get me wrong). Lana’s smoky voice is unparalleled, the trip-hop production is untouchable.

And although her pinnacle wouldn’t come until 2014 with her sophomore album Ultraviolence, “Born To Die” is still Lana’s most perfect single to date.

#22: “Green Light” by Lorde (2017)

In 2013, Lorde completely upended the pop universe with “Royals,” a minimalist tune chastising radio hits for their un-relatable opulence. By 2017, the culture had fully gravitated towards Lorde’s moodier sound, with greyscale acts like Post Malone and Alessia Cara writing monster hits about being angsty and sad (and not in the artsy, brilliant way that worked for Kurt Cobain or Kanye). It was a far cry from the neon, bubbly world of Katy Perry and Carly Rae Jepsen from a few years prior.

The New Zealand prodigy could’ve cashed in on being ahead of the curve and continued down her minimalist moody path. But she did the opposite with the defiant and proudly energized “Green Light.” Yes, it’s a breakup anthem, but Lorde doesn’t wallow in her sadness here (she saves that for other Melodrama cuts). Instead, she wailed away into the night, playing off of the thundering drums and bouncing pianos of Jack Antonoff’s production (his best-ever). 

With “Green Light,” Lorde let her ex, and the world, know that she isn’t going anywhere. She might not ever reach the commercial heights of “Royals” again, but she’ll be an icon as long as there’s heartbreak that needs overcoming.

#21: “If You Know You Know” by Pusha-T (2018)

Pusha-T’s magnum opus, “If You Know You Know,” is a masterclass in cocaine rap with its effortless wordplay, sinister-yet-charismatic flow and blaring Kanye West beat. It deserved to be the song of the summer in 2018, but the masses chose a C-tier Drake single instead (despite Push absolutely ENDING Drake that summer).

But that doesn’t diminish the achievement Push made with this song. It’s quite a feat to record your best-ever track 17 years after your breakout. It’s even more of an accomplishment when that track kicks as much ass as “If You Know You Know.”

#20: “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry (2010)

Teenage Dream-era Katy Perry is one of pop’s all-time juggernauts. The five consecutive #1 hit singles that album racked up is a feat matched only by Michael Jackson. Of those five singles, one stands out as the clear masterpiece of the group: the album’s title track (although “T.G.I.F” is also incredible).

I remember feeling a little underwhelmed by “Teenage Dream” when I first heard it in 2010. Her last single was a goofy, bombastic summer jam complete with a ridiculous video. “Teenage Dream” is a much more conventional, timeless pop jam. The chord structure is shockingly simple and the lyrics are lovestruck notes from a ‘50s ballad.

But that simplicity is what makes the song work. “Teenage Dream” has aged well because sometimes, all you need is three chords, a monster hook and yearning lyrics. This song will be Perry’s biggest legacy.

#19: “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” by Car Seat Headrest (2016)

“Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” has to be the only uplifting, U2/Nirvana-style power ballad about DUIs.

Landing smack in the middle of Car Seat Headrest’s indie rock concept album/instant-classic Teens of Denial, “Drunk Drivers” is about the main character taking stock of his entire life and emotional instability. And yes, it all centers around driving drunk — or in this case, refusing that temptation as an impetus to change one’s life.

Naturally, in the very next song on the album, it’s revealed that the narrator drove drunk and got arrested anyways. But for a cathartic six minutes, “Drunk Drivers” provides a fleeting escape from the constant loop of self-hate and depression. Not to mention that it’s a grinding ‘90s alt-rock throwback that probably makes Billy Corgan jealous.

#18: “Harmony Hall” by Vampire Weekend (2019)

I’d never guess that Vampire Weekend’s second-best song (after “Oxford Comma,” of course) would be a hippie-friendly tune combining the Grateful Dead and Screamadelica. But here we are. And awkward combination or no, Ezra Koenig knew exactly what he was doing.

In a very dark, uncertain year, Koenig decided to write a song that doubled both as a blissed-out reprieve and a nervous warning. The music is utopian, but the lyrics detail the anger, confusion and constant obstacles of life in the late ‘10s. Koenig takes a lyric from one of his previous songs — “I don’t want to live like this/but I don’t want to die” — and makes it a rallying cry for anxious Millennials around the world, paranoid that the world might not stick around much longer.

It’s a heavy topic, but the gorgeous instrumentals, breakbeat drums, lilting guitars and bouncy pianos certainly ease the stress. “Harmony Hall” is a late-career masterpiece for the ages.

#17: “Marvins Room” by Drake (2011)

Never before has a booty call sounded so sad.

Way before he ruled the pop universe, Drake was just hip-hop’s resident mope. And “Marvins Room” is peak sadboi Drake. Using a real voicemail message in the hook (that he was later sued for using), “Marvins Room” is a six-minute phone conversation in which Drake drunkenly begs his ex to come back.

On the surface, what Drake discusses are what most rappers brag about — sex, money, wealth. But in “Marvins Room,” Drake seems to view them as obstacles to his ex, who he clearly still isn’t over. When he said he had sex four times this week, he sounds disgusted with himself, not proud.

Drake doesn’t look remotely good in this song; it’s more than a little pathetic. But it feels real and raw and revealing in a way that few R&B ballads are willing to get.

#16: “Pedestrian At Best” by Courtney Barnett (2015)

Courtney Barnett’s grungy masterpiece, “Pedestrian At Best,” is appropriately angsty given its crunchy guitars and yell-y vocals. But the Melbourne singer-songwriter touches on a different kind of angst here than Pearl Jam usually tapped into: the pressure of living up to sky-high expectations.

In the early/mid ‘10s, Barnett was earning lots of hype after witty (and excellent!) early singles like “Avant Gardener” and “History Eraser.” She clearly assumed she’d screw up her debut album following up those breakout songs, as she declares herself “a fake” and “a phony” in “Pedestrian At Best.” 

Arguably her generation’s best lyricist, Barnett nails her expectation to squander the public’s expectations: “Put me on a pedestal and I’ll only disappoint you/Tell me I’m exceptional, I promise to exploit you.” The ironic thing is, she did the opposite. “Pedestrian At Best” is one of the most successful songs about failing.

#15: “Ni**as in Paris” by Jay-Z and Kanye West (2011)

There was some close competition, but I don’t think there was a more quotable rap song this decade than Jay-Z and Kanye West’s crowning achievement from Watch The Throne, “Ni**as in Paris.”

The classic lines don’t stop coming throughout the minimalist banger. Jay’s verse is smooth braggadocio perfected: “I’m liable to go Michael, take your pick: Jackson, Tyson, Jordan, Game 6.” Then Kanye comes crashing in with some truly bizarre bars that are both the dumbest and greatest thing you’ve ever heard. After hearing the song, I never felt the same way about fish filets ever again.

And then, the piece de resistance — Kanye’s inspired Will Ferrell sample from Blades Of Glory. It’s one of the most left-field and iconic moments in hip-hop history, and perfectly described the song itself. “NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS. BUT IT’S PROVOCATIVE. IT GETS THE PEOPLE GOING.” Amen.

#14: “Run Away With Me” by Carly Rae Jepsen (2015)

Carly Rae Jepsen deserved to be one of the biggest popstars of all time. She should be selling out the same arenas that Taylor Swift and Beyoncé fill. But, in what is a true tragedy, the British Columbia native is only remembered as being that singer with that one earth-shattering hit and a feverish cult following.

But despite how adorable and fun “Call Me Maybe” is, Jepsen’s true magnum opus is her 2015 album, EMOTION, and its bombastic opening track, “Run Away With Me.” 

The single is a masterclass in blending ‘80s flourishes with modern production. On the thunderous chorus, the EDM synths and roaring saxophone riff work in harmony with Jepsen’s passionate vocals to create pure pop bliss. Combined with the intimate verses, the single perfectly encapsulates that butterfly-feeling of a relationship’s honeymoon stage.

“Run Away With Me” is only one of many, many Jepsen singles that would’ve been #1 smashes in a perfect world. But the lack of chart success for this one especially hurt.

#13: “Formation” by Beyoncé (2016)

Where were you when “Formation” dropped? I bet you probably remember (I was writing an essay in my college’s library).

Sure, Beyoncé’s self-titled 2013 album is the surprise drop that gets all the attention. But “Formation” came out of nowhere too a few years later, and let’s be honest — it was much better. (side note: 4 is also much better than the self-titled)

Mike Will Made It’s beat for “Formation” incorporated some Texas twang into his trap-pop production — a fitting match for a Houston legend like Beyoncé. And Bey takes heat-check shot after heat-check shot here: declaring herself the next Bill Gates; casually dropping a “swag” ad lib and magically not sounding corny as hell; making a trip to a mediocre chain seafood restaurant sound like a cool post-sex reward.

It all works. And that’s because on “Formation,” Beyoncé was as untouchable and fearless as her cutthroat stans had always proclaimed her to be. The fact that it was the triumphant coda to one of the decade’s best pop albums just cements its legend.

#12: “Old Town Road (Remix)” by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus (2019)

It’s the longest-running #1 hit in U.S. history. An unstoppable juggernaut that held titans like Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran and Drake from the top of the charts. And, oh yeah — it’s perfect.

There are probably a few party poopers out there who hate “Old Town Road.” I am not one of them. By 2019, pop’s grayscale, Post Malone-fueled gloom had gotten out of hand. Then out of nowhere, this teenage Nicki Minaj Twitter stan writes a goofy novelty song that’s both a parody of country clichés and a sincere celebration of the cowboy lifestyle. (It’s also the greatest country song ever written, and the entire city of Nashville can fight me on that.)

Lil Nas X has a pure charisma other artists would kill for, from his warbly, infectious chorus to his endlessly quotable verse (WRANGLER ON MY BOOTY!!). And pulling Billy Ray Cyrus away from Hannah Montana-funded retirement to drop a shockingly fire verse about living the luxury lifestyle in Beverly Hills? There’s no way this wouldn’t be one of my all-time favorites.

Sometimes, when it comes to predicting future classics, you’ve just got to trust the screaming elementary schoolers.

#11: “Midnight City” by M83 (2011)

“Midnight City” sounds like what Space Mountain feels like.

The decade’s best electronic song is so perfect as to be almost alien, yet also remarkably warm and human. And just when you thought the song couldn’t get better, the second-greatest sax solo of all time (only behind “Jungleland”) bursts out of the neon layers of synth.

M83 has a catalogue stuffed with stunning retro synthpop bangers. The fact that “Midnight City” towers above them all is a testament to the song’s sheer majesty.

#10: “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift (2012)

Yes, I’m aware that this is the obvious Taylor Swift pick for this list. But Swift’s literary masterwork, “All Too Well,” hits me too hard to deny it.

“All Too Well” is so packed with vivid details and intense emotional swings that it feels like more like a short story backed by arena-rock instrumentation more than a pop song. From her an abandoned scarf tucked in a drawer, to her ex’s mother embarrassing him with his dorky child photos, to the phone-call breakup that was “casually cruel in the name of being honest,” Swift didn’t leave anything out.

Coupled with her songwriting, Swift’s vocals also make “All Too Well” her pinnacle. She reaches into her upper register so rarely that it sends shivers whenever she does, like on the emphatic climax here. 

If it catches me in the right mood, Swift’s performance, the lilting guitars and cutting lyrics in “All Too Well” brings a few tears to my eyes. (Yes, really.) It’s only fitting that one of the greatest breakup anthems of all time is sung by a master of the artform.

#9: “Ivy” by Frank Ocean (2016)

I was very tempted to put Frank Ocean’s 10-minute synthpop epic “Pyramids” on the list instead. Make no mistake — if it wasn’t for my self-imposed one-song-per-artist rule, both it and “Ivy” would’ve placed highly.

But “Ivy” is a heart-stopper. It’s a fairly simple song, with just Ocean’s raw vocals playing off the languid guitars. To pull a song like this off, you have to be a double-threat, a genius lyrically and a stunning singer. Ocean fits that bill. 

“Ivy” is the decade’s greatest R&B song, a heartbreaking ode to a slowly crumbling relationship.

#8: “The Edge Of Glory” by Lady Gaga (2011)

Lady Gaga’s best songs hit you like a brick to the face. Gaga — the greatest pop star of the 21st century, don’t @ me — has plenty of pop bangers that do this, particularly on the wildly underrated Artpop (shoutout to the insane and insanely fun “G.U.Y.”). But arguably none of her singles provide as much maximalist pleasures as “The Edge Of Glory.”

The track reeks of trying too hard in the best way possible. Gaga reaches into her upper vocal register frequently, scratching her upper limits every time she reaches the chorus. The production is a messy-but-beautiful jumble of slamming synths and drum machines. And that Clarence Clemons sax solo — one of the last musical contributions he made before his death that same year — is just the icing on top of the gloriously sugary cake.

Gaga’s over-the-top synthpop from her early years isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But for someone like me, who wants pop to feel as massive and inescapable as humanly possible, “The Edge Of Glory” is still a towering high-water mark.

#7: “Pay No Mind” by Beach House (2018)

This spot could’ve been taken by any number of Beach House songs, the modern masters of dream-pop. “Space Song,” “Myth,” “Take Care” — the Baltimore duo honed in on a specific musical style and perfected it.

To me, “Pay No Mind” is the culmination of those years of Beach House subtly tinkering with their hazy, nocturnal sound. It’s like a gothic wedding slow-dance song: the right rhythm and with a romantic feel, but maybe a bit too gloomy for your grandparents. But regardless, “Pay No Mind” is breathtakingly beautiful, like seeing neon lights through the fog.

#6: “m.A.A.d. city” by Kendrick Lamar feat. MC Eiht (2012)

If you haven’t tried to memorize the nearly two-minute uninterrupted opening verse of “m.A.A.d. city,” were you even alive in the early ‘10s?

Kendrick Lamar has written many hip-hop epics in his career so far, but so far none have topped the semi-title track from his major label debut, good kid, m.A.A.d. city. In that concept album about Lamar’s teen years growing up amidst the gang warfare in Compton, “m.A.A.d city” marks the point where the gangsta dream shifts into a horrifying nightmare. 

The song is a blur of murder, violence and police sirens. Lamar sounds positively terrified on the track, his voice cracking while he confesses. And bringing on old-school rapper MC Eiht to play a veteran gang member snapping Lamar out of his haze was a brilliant move. “m.A.A.d city” is an exhilarating tour-de-force that proved how much raw talent, in both flow and storytelling, Lamar had.

#5: “Somebody Else” by The 1975 (2016)

If Vampire Weekend is the most important band of the early ‘10s, then The 1975 is the most important band of the rest of the decade. Their transformation from (really good!) simple pop-rock to tacking incredibly dark subject matter while successfully taste-testing their way through nearly every musical genre was unexpected. And brilliant, seeing as they pulled it off.

But The 1975′s best track is much less capital-I important than most of their epics about Trump or suicide or heroin — it’s a synthpop song about complicated post-breakup emotions. But “Somebody Else” earns its keep as the band’s pinnacle through sheer relatability. It nails that complicated feeling of being over someone...but not really. Or as lead singer Matty Healy puts it bluntly: “I don’t want your body/but I’m picturing your body with somebody else.”

The shuffling drum machine groove and icy synths complete a perfect song for wandering aimlessly at night, longing for a lost love. And although The 1975 might switch sounds endlessly in their career, their sweet spot will always be this moody ‘80s update.

#4: “TiK ToK” by Ke$ha (2010)

“TiK ToK” is still easily the peak of the 2009-12 pop golden age. It has a bit of everything you’d want in a single from that era: Gloriously grimy synths! An uber-catchy chorus with plenty of demands to party! And of course, a charismatic and unforgettable star who can deliver the song. I don’t think anyone would argue Ke$ha fit that role to a T.

When “TiK ToK” first arrived around the turn of the decade, I couldn’t stand it. I thought it was too sleazy. Nearly 10 years later, Ke$ha’s performative sleaziness is exactly what makes this song so fun. Yeah, the hook is bulletproof and the production is buzzy. But Ke$ha’s slurred, drunken delivery and ridiculous lines are what have kept “TiK ToK” in the public consciousness. She single-handedly made P. Diddy and especially Mick Jagger relevant again. She made brushing your teeth with Jack Daniels seem cool (and not insanely nasty, like it actually is). Every single ridiculous line, sung through Ke$ha’s fake valley girl accent, is a gem.

I can understand how someone wouldn’t like the unfiltered debauchery and greasiness of “TiK ToK.” But to me, that’s the entire charm of it, and what makes it stand out amongst a sea of similarly-minded club jams from its era.

#3: “Runaway” by Kanye West feat. Pusha-T (2010)

I was going to ask all of you to forget about Kanye West’s recent stumbles, be it his association with Donald Trump or his insistence that slavery was a choice. But the power of “Runaway” is that it is a semi-apology from a man who knows he’s deeply flawed. Every one of Kanye’s gaffes and terrible decisions makes “Runaway” even more relevant today.

But “Runaway” was originally a response to Kanye’s infamous “Imma let you finish” rant at the 2009 VMAs, where he interrupted Taylor Swift. The song basically operates as a semi-apology to the world for being, as he puts it, a douchebag. An asshole. A scumbag. A jerkoff. He’s somewhat bragging about his misdeeds, while sheepishly asking for forgiveness.

And yet, it’s an extremely vulnerable song. The bridge — “I guess that you’re at an advantage/Cause you can blame me for everything/And I don’t know how Imma manage/If one day you just up and leave” — initially feels like something Kanye is saying to a lover. But really, he’s saying it to all of us. And it’s arguably the most moving moment in his whole career.

#2: “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk feat. Pharrell and Nile Rodgers (2013)

Don’t think about it too hard, folks. 

Considering that Daft Punk are the greatest dance-music artists of all time, it only makes sense that they’d dip their toes into disco and absolutely KILL it. And that’s all “Get Lucky” is. Two French masters making their grand comeback by recruiting one of funk’s finest guitarists and one of the 2000s’ most charismatic vocal presences. 

“Get Lucky” will be a wedding dance staple until the sun explodes. And it deserves that status. It’s a flawless dance track. Just embrace the groove.

#1: “Archie, Marry Me” by Alvvays (2014)

My favorite song of the 2010s wasn’t a part of some major trend. It wasn’t particularly influential. It doesn’t have any profound meaning, and it didn’t try to tackle a major event. “Archie, Marry Me” just happens to be the greatest indie pop song ever written.

Every little aspect of Toronto band Alvvays’ debut single works, from the surf-y guitars to lead singer Molly Rankin’s monotone-yet-yearning vocals. With its lo-fi ramshackle charm and monster hook, “Archie, Marry Me” is all you could want in a dream-pop single. It even has the nice touch of echoing a Neil Young classic in the chorus.

The whole intention of this list — as it is with any of my year-end lists — is simply to measure which songs made me the happiest; which songs never wore out on me. And no single this decade puts a bigger smile on my face than “Archie, Marry Me.” It’s simple, achingly romantic (in a Wes Anderson-esque half-ironic way, but still), and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

[rgr-pop]

I need an ENTIRE afternoon wall of noise. 4/3 music library on shuffle until I hit a killdozer song.

the thermals - “god and country” reset - "double cross" nirvana - "polly" (1986-88 home recording) nirvana - "radio friendly unit shifter" (2013 mix) peterbuilt - "sateliteyes" the dickies - "got it at the store" apocalypse hoboken - "box of pills" fiona apple - "slow like honey" tex & the horseheads - "big boss man" everclear - "the drama king" anti-flag - "america got it right" neil young - "tonight's the night, pt. ii" everclear - "brown-eyed girl" noooooooooo oh my god no please millencolin - “israelites" listen you know that i'm p tolerant when it comes to this subject but why specifically did you boys do this. specifically you useless id - "note" never accuse me of pop punk nationalism again! that's three of global pop punk the selecter - "selling out your future" built to spill - "some things last a long time" holidays - "proof" let's wrestle - "bad mammaries" radhos - "one breath" ween - "boing" bracket - "g-vibe" local h - "'cha!' said the kitty" sublime - "40oz to freedom" failure - "saturday saviour" blink-182 - "don't leave me" (tmtts live take) why did they make this live album, they were so bad live shrimp boat - "melon song" interpol - "not even jail" the ataris - "angry nerd rock" 50 million - "superhero" skankin pickle - "violent love" the breeders - "put on a side" all - "honey peeps" the commandos (suicide commandos) - "weekend warrior" suicide machines - "friends are hard to find" the eclectics - "laura" good ska block! love this band pansy division - "jack u off" rocket from the tombs - "ain't it fun" dynamite boy - "devoted" young pioneers - "downtown tragedy" the breeders - "so sad about us" fenix tx - "jean claude trans am" fuck i love this song nofx - "bob" hickey - "happily ever after" bob dylan - "tangled up in blue" (bootlegs vol. 2) gas huffer - "king of hubcaps" tullycraft - "crush this town" atom and his package - "goalie" faith no more - "the real thing" carly rae jepsen - "tell me" bis - "listen up" one direction - "still the one" mtx - "she's no rocket scientist" eugene chadbourne - "roger miller medley" grouvie ghoulies - "carly simon" white town - "thursday at the blue note" gas huffer - "moon mission" rx bandits - "sleepy tyme" everclear - "rocket for the girl" failure - "kindred" blood on the saddle - "johnny's at the fair" the distillers - "red carpet and rebellion" cruiserweight - "dearest drew" stp - "plush" everclear - "wonderful" (live, from the closure ep) (don't hate it) new found glory - "sonny" everclear - "otis redding" (impure white evil demo) (BEST song) stp - "adhesive" incubus - "have you ever" cub - "tell me now" everclear - "short blonde hair" i simply do not hate it letters to cleo - "happy ever after" amazing transparent man - “the ocean is a fuck of a long way to swim” nerf herder - “(stand by your) manatee” kitty kitty - “ab tokeless” osker - “the mistakes you made” perfume genius - “hood” radhos - “shut up & deal” (welcome to the jungle take) osker - “the body”  gas huffer - “the sin of sloth” the fall - “bombast” excuse 17 - “code red” mad season - “lifeless dead” unwritten law - “differences” hanson - “two tears” the eyeliners - “anywhere but here” moby grape - “lazy me” brian wilson - “wonderful” 88 fingers louie - “something i don’t know” sicko - “wisdom tooth weekend” the replacements - “love you till friday” suicide machines - “green world” midtown - “another boy” hickey - “cool kids attacked by flying monkeys” the roman invasion suite - “carnations” the beat - “tears of a clown” local h - “24 hour break up session” okay i’m awake i want to end this now toots & the maytals - “funky kingston” local h - “strict-9″ his name is alive - “her eyes were huge things” nirvana - “frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle” slapstick - “almost punk enough” urge overkill - “bionic revolution” janet jackson - “you want this” piebald - “long nights” small brown bike - “now i’m a shadow” the story so far - “left unsaid” crj - “more than a memory” tracy + the plastics - “my friends end parties” liz phair - “6′1″“ fastbacks - “555, pt. 1″ this mix is feminist now swindle - “one track” shockabilly - “burma shave” temple of the dog - “say hello to heaven” amazing transparent man - “shove” cool soul asylum cover from dekalb illinois :)) the vindictives “eating me alive” midwests only!! the judys - “radiation squirm” gulfs only!! frogpond - “sleep” flipp - “rock-n-roll star” throwing muses - “red shoes” everclear - “santa monica” throwing muses on summerland??? mekons - “atone & forsaken” holidays - “take me home country roads” this is a good tone to lead up to killdozer... true believers - “all mixed up again” prince - “adore” beulah - “queen of the populists” eveclear - “rocky mountain high” (99x live acoustic--I don’t have a date for this actually) of montreal - “dustin hoffman thinks about eating the soap” heatmiser - “stray” rickie lee jones - “woody and dutch on the slow train to peking” tar - “viaduct removal” common rider - “carry on” the frogs - “u bastards” mudhoney - “this gift” hammerbox - “outside” fuck my mom would have loved this song if it had gotten the airplay it deserved in 1993... hammerbox on summerland!!!! letters to cleo - “little rosa” kay hanley on summerland!! nine pound hammer “wrongside of the road” hanson - “with you in your dreams” (3cg demo) hamson on summerland!!! fastbacks - “555, pt. 1″ again... fastbacks on summerland!!! face to face - “sensible” soul asylum - “happy” soul asylum on summerland!!!! television - “see no evil” pinq - “careful not to mention the obvious” the dickies - “nights in white satin” tar - “mel’s” truly - “chlorine” babes in toyland - “deep song” hole - “berry” hellbender - “half driven” hammerhead  - “new york? ...alone?” everclear - “malevolent” guzzard - “last”  archers of loaf - “tatyana” hum - “stars” hum on summerland die kreuzen - “don’t say please” this is not fair joanna newsom - “sadie” down by law - “peace, love and understanding” nirvana - “aneurysm” (1990 demo) hovercraft - “endoradiosonde” modest mouse - “cowboy dan” rage against the machine - “born of a broken man” skatalites - “scandal ska” pylon - “driving school” the vindictives - “babysitter” jimmy eat world - “ten” the get up kids - “lowercase west thomas” oh we’re doing this now? hot rod circuit - “knees” fine triple fast action - “the rescue” FINE  full disclosure i do skip emo diaries tracks at my discretion the amps - “bragging party” everclear - “am radio” this is not fair mxpx - “middlename” MXPX ON SUMMERLAND chokebore - “your let down” bob dylan - “you’re a big girl now” helmet - “primitive” pond - “filterless” blink-182 - “all the small things” local h - “ralph” tar - “over and out” pearl jam - “black” the gits - “sniveling little rat faced git” local h - “eddie vedder” >:) tar - “flow plow” i always misremember this as a subpop single so i’m like “i’m not amphetamine reptile biased?” but it was an a/r release, lol. brad wood produced it. lake michigan as hell  unicorns - “jellybones” this song makes me sad ever since i didn’t get to adopt the jellybones cat oblivion - “clark” desmond dekker - “jeserene” veruca salt - “one last time” veruca salt on summerland!!!! dead moon - “dead moon night” extremely dead moon on summerland fishbone - “i like to hide behind my glasses” dead moon - “on my own” paw - “sleeping bag” tar - “goethe” doc dart - “casket with flowers” smashing pumpkins - “zero” i don’t want billy corgan on summerland and i am sorry for that kicking giant - “&” kicking giant on summerland lmao shockabilly - “pile up all architecture” ween - “sorry charlie” sublime - “april 29, 1992 (miami)” heatmiser - “blackout” the clash - “pressure drop” hellbender - “pissant’s retrospective” the queers - “i won’t be” the vindictives - “circles” the beat farmers - “selfish heart” screaming trees - “end of the universe” 7 year bitch - “second hand” bourgeois filth - “above” nirvana - “scoff” the breeders - “cannonball” saturday looks good to me - “save my life” cara beth satalino - “good ones” communique - “dagger version” soul asylum - “sometime to return” sublime - “jailhouse” tullycraft - “twee” nuns - “wild” beyonce - “countdown” the replacements - “sixteen blue” living colour - “what’s your favorite color” britney - “why should i be sad” mdc - “church and state” alice in chains - “junkhead” rage against the machine - “mic check” everclear - “nervous and weird” soundgarden - “fresh tendrils” helmet - “army of me” the gits - “it all dies anyway” pansy division - “smells like queer spirit” mtx - “i’d do anything for you” 5 year sentence - “just a punk” pennywise - “nothing” mudhoney - “thirteenth floor opening” yesterday’s kids - “eighteen” mxpx - “punk rawk show” small brown bike - “zerosum” incubus - “trouble in 421″ hanson - “speechless” incubus - “circles” dead moon - “my time has come” (!!!!) first of all is this killdozer blink-182 - “here’s your letter” everclear - “electra made me blind” (nervous & weird take) saves the day - “through being cool” groovie ghoulies - “don’t go out into the rain (you’re gonna melt)” babes in toyland - “never” husker du - “target” guzzard - “biro” fairweather - “next day flight” mcr - “house of wolves” broadcast - “until then” liz phair - “never said” the dicks - “rich daddy” quasi - “the iron worm” mustard plug - “not again” janitor joe - “boyfriend” snapcase - “new academy” neil young - “someday” blindsided - “spaceman” placebo - “without you i’m nothing” the creeps - “lakeside cabin” solomon grundy - “time is not your own” the clash - “the card cheat” silversun pickups - “common reactor” lagwagon - “leave the light on” denali - “where i landed” system of a down - “highway song” sprinkler - “personality doll” the vindictives - “structure and function” unplugged” the queers - “ursula finally has tits” we’re entering no repeats territory  buffalo springfield - “expecting to fly” hit squad - “pictures of matchstick men” cows - “almost a god” hop along - “young and happy” pixies - “i’ve been tired” the fall - “spoilt victorian child” camper van chadbourne - “knock on the door” queens of the stone age - “tension head” choking victim - “war story” cool that we have gotten to drop by the greatest song ever recorded :) guttermount - “happy loving couples” audio karate - “nintendo 89″ tad - “pork chop” the kelley deal 6000 - “where did the home team go” colorfinger - “hateful” :} man or astroman - “evil plans of planet spectra” pere ubu - “arabian nights” accepting repeats for  new found glory - “my friends over you” cool moving on american steel - “optimist” tom petty & the heartbreakers - “even the losers” meat puppets - “another moon” black cat music - “wine in a box” wallside - “ready” crucifucks - “pig in a blanket” the bananas - “my charmed life”

KILLDOZER - “EARL SCHEIB,” UNCOMPROMISING WAR ON ART UNDER THE DICTATORSHIP OF THE PROLETARIAT, 1994. KILLDOZER ON SUMMERLAND

[l000ey]

why? → r.d

✧ pairing; yukimura anzu x rae dara (ft. rae dongyul, rae donghyuk, rae dai & rae dahye and mentions of yang hyunsuk)

✧ summary; red’s mother doesn’t want her to be idol being so young, but red is already in love with the idea of ​​being an idol

✧ warnings; anzu being a strict mom, angst, sad (?

✧ note; dāri means honey in japanese

2001

Her brown hair flew with every movement she made, her feet almost tangled and her hands moved strangely but she was happy, she was feeling the song and she was not going to stop, however ridiculous she might seem.

The voice of Michael Jackson sounded through her room, Smooth Criminal was one of her favorite songs. She loved the aura that transmitted that song and every time she listened to it she had to dance, it was a rule that she followed very strictly. She turned around, her eyes were closed as she danced around her room, so when she saw her father leaning against the door frame she jumped in her place before bringing her right hand to her heart.

"Dad, you scared me." Her father smiled for a few seconds before he stretched his arm out into the hallway. Little Dara frowned when she saw her father so serious "What's wrong?"

"Your mother wants to talk to you, come down."

That phrase made her step back automatically, she shook hands with her father "I haven’t done anything".

"I know you have not done anything" The man wanted to laugh at the attitude of his daughter but he knew he shouldn’t do it, not with what his wife was going to say. He scratched his nape with discomfort. "She just wants to tell you something."

Frowning, the oldest daughter of the Rae came down the stairs with her father behind, both walked to the kitchen, where her mother was cooking. Dara sat on a chair and looked at her mother with questioning eyes while Dongyul watched them from the other side of the kitchen.

"Dārin " Anzu smiled sweetly at her daughter before crouching in front of her.

The two yearold baby Dahye gave a small laugh from her place when she saw her older sister, Dongyul approached her. The younger green eyed gaze fell on a package that rested on the countertop, her eyes shone with excitement and her heart began to beat strongly.

"Is it the contract?" She pointed before jumping out of the chair and running to pick up the package in her hands. It was heavy and thick, you could tell it had many leaves.

The couple looked between them.

A few days ago a former idol and owner of an idols company had visited their restaurant for dinner and happened to hear Dara sing and offered her a contract as future idol in his company, YG Entertainment.

Since then, Dara was happier than usual, her dream of being a singer was closer than expected, she could fulfill it!

But her parents ...

Her parents were not so convinced about letting their ten-year-old daughter become a superstar, they wanted her to be a normal girl and to live normal experiences and not follow the stereotypes that just because she was pretty, the only thing she could dedicate is to be famous.

"Mom, can we read it and sign it?!" She started jumping into place, squeezing the contract against her chest.

"Dārin, I need to tell you something" She took her to the same chair where she had sat a few seconds ago. She knelt down again. "Look, being an idol is very hard. Do you understand that? "

"Yes" She answered without hesitation.

"Then you will know that for us, your parents, it is hard for you to be idol at a young age. It's not a good idea, dārin. I'm so sorry. "The silence fell between the four of them, even little Dahye was silent. Dara frowned before letting go of her mother's hand.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Dārin, I'm very sorry but I can’t let you be an idol. At least not now! She gave her a sad smile, taking her hand again." You get it, right? "

The girl blinked a couple of times, trying to assimilate the situation.

They weren’t going to let her be an idol.

The only thing she wanted in this life. The only thing she fought for, the thing for which they made fun of her in school, the thing for which she had almost no friends. She had the opportunity and her parents were denying her, the people she trusted the most and the ones she loved most were denying her the opportunity to be happy.

Really happy.

Her small heart broke into a thousand pieces causing tears to accumulate in her eyes. She let go of her mother's hand almost with disgust and looked at her with pure rage.

"Why?" Her voice shivered.

Anzu didn’t respond. Dara looked at her father but he avoided her gaze. Dara didn’t understand, her father always supported her about being a singer, always showed her proud to his clients and sometimes told her to sing for him when his head hurt.

Her best friend had disappointed her.

The truth was that Anzu didn’t want her daughter to be an idol because she didn’t like it, it was not something she expected for her second child. She wanted her to be a great doctor or something for which she had to go to college and have a nobel but no, fate had other plans for her and Anzu can’t do anything against it.

"Because no" She answered before getting up and turning around, ready to continue cooking dinner.

"But why not?" Her voice came out louder this time, her tone rising unintentionally.

“Because no".

"But why?".

The older green-eyed turned around, feeling stressed and somewhat angry at her daughter's rebellion "Because no!" She exclaimed making her daughter jump in her place "I don’t want you to be an idol, Dara!" She approached her and tried to take away the contract that the girl was pressing against her chest tightly. Dara writhed, preventing her mother from snatching it, but she succeeded.

"Mom, mom, give me the contract!" She begged but her mother ignored her before approaching the window and throwing the pile of papers out the window.

Dara's lower lip trembled. Her feet hit the ground before a sob came from her throat.

"No!" She ran to the window to try to catch the leaves but some flew out. She tightened her grip on the window frame.

"You'll thank me later, dārin” The woman tried to stroke her back but she pulled away before she could.

"I hate you!" She exclaimed before another sob came out, the tears began to run down her cheeks "Someday I will be the best idol of all Asia and the only way you can see me will be on television."

Running out of there to go to her room, not caring her mother's surprised gasp at the expression she had used towards her or the sudden cry of her little sister.

On the way to her room she met Donghyuk and Dai, the older frowned when he saw her crying and her face red.

"Noona, do you want to play with hyung and i?" The high-pitched voice of the five-year-old Dai didn’t stop her, normally she would have accepted very happy because Dara worshiped each of her three siblings but at that moment all she wanted was to lock herself in her bed and sleep. She closed the door, leaving Dai somewhat confused "Noona?"

Donghyuk pressed his lips in a thin line before pulling the little Rae "Come on, Daidai."

"But noona..."

"Noona wants to be alone, Daidai."

On the other hand, Dara cried in her bed. She cried non-stop, wondering what she had done wrong so that her mother denied that opportunity. She helped at home, did homework, got good grades, didn’t do bad things at school and was good with her siblings. What had she done wrong?

"I hate you so much” She whispered between sobs before shrinking more between the sheets.

She felt so bad. She hated her mother, she was a good person who only expressed her love for her family but today she had shown that not everything was pure love and happiness on her part.

How could a mother destroy the dreams of her children?

For hours she stayed in the same position, crying non-stop, listening to the happy screams of her brothers as they played, the television with some stupid drawing to entertain Dahye and finally the door of her room opening. She cringed more looking at the wall of her room, the fetal position helped her a lot.

She felt a weight sink the mattress. And suddenly silence. It was already early morning, her siblings and the woman she had wanted to call mother until a few hours ago were already sleeping so she knew perfectly well that it was her father.

"I'm sorry for what your mother has done but you know I couldn’t do much." Her father's voice was soft and somewhat disgusted. Her heart tightened and the desire to cry filled her again. Why did you do this to me dad? "I went to take out the trash and I found this" Her father's hand slipped into her field of vision and from it hung a lot of pages, they were somewhat dirty and broken but you could clearly see that it was the contract.

The brunette opened her eyes in surprise and after snatching it she sat on the bed, analyzing the contract to make sure that this was the reality and not a dream that had caused today's disgust. She looked at her father, meeting him looking at her with a small smile on his face.

"It's signed," She whispered when she saw her father's signature. Dongyul smiled.

"You deserve to do everything you want in this life and if you want to be a singer, be a singer because I know you have talent for it and that your mother is wrong because you are strong and no matter how hard the life of the idol is, I know that you'll be able to do that and much more” He gave her a last smile, got up and kissed heer forehead before starting his way to the door.

"Appa" She called when he was about to close the door, he stopped and looked at her. Dara looked at him with tearful eyes and a big smile on her lips "Thank you very much. I love you".

“I love you too, little star” Dongyul just smiled at him and closed the door.

[immortalcockroach]

Hi sweetheart! What about a modern Zaven fic where Raven is a young mother of a beautiful son & she's dating Zeke but he lied to her about going back to war and they have an argument about it because she truly care about him and be lighted up her world after Finn left her and she's scared to lose him? Bonus, it is set on the beach with a gorgeous sunset, to contrast the pain from their concersation. Haha, I love pain but they are the babes.

Hey, Anon! This was a very specific request and I hope I did it justice. The first part is the backstory so it’s a little bit slow, but the actual conversation absolutely breaks my heart.

 WE’RE ALL SURVIVING THE BEST WAY WE CAN

summary: Raven finds out that Zeke is going back to the Air Force and she can’t bear the thought of him leaving, too - not after he’s become to her everything her child’s father, Finn, couldn’t be.

pairing: Raven x Zeke

words: 2,522

read on AO3

When Raven met Zeke, she was at a very bad place in her life. At twenty-four, she had a two-year-old to look after and a job at a car repair shop downtown where she worked with sexist pigs, and an ex-fiancee who knocked her up and bolted into the arms of another woman.

Miles met him first. She lost him at the park and Zeke was the one who found him and brought it back to her, and took them for an ice-cream and lunch.

Miles adored him and Raven couldn’t say otherwise. He smiled brightly at them, tugged at Miles’s curls playfully, and he didn’t seem to have any ill intentions toward either of them.

Sometimes, Raven is surprised at the number of men who get off on young mothers with children, and she’s become wary of them over time.

There was nothing about Zeke that wasn’t genuine. When he offered them to get lunch again sometime, she accepted almost immediately.

Miles hugged him when they were leaving, and Zeke smiled, and when he looked at her, she could tell he was really hoping she’d call. That he’d see her again.

And really, she trusted Miles’s judgment. And was really lonely, and sad, and miserable, and longed to be able to have someone in her life who’d help her out because after Finn, her life consisted of work and Miles and having to take too many jobs to be able to pay the bills, and her social life was nonexistent.

Besides, Zeke didn’t seem to mind the fact she was a mother. If anything, he seemed to like that the two came in a package, and it wasn’t long before they were dating and he became more of a father to Miles than Finn ever was.

They moved in with him few months later, because Raven loved him and he loved her and even though they were young and probably rushing into things, she trusted him more than she ever trusted Finn and that was all she needed.

He knew her story. Only child, doesn’t know her father, raised herself because of a deadbeat mother, and didn’t go to college because her grades weren’t good enough since she spent most of her time working three jobs to pay for the bills and her mother’s debts. At eighteen, she started dating her childhood best friend and at twenty he proposed and at twenty-one she got pregnant with Miles, and he had to go to California for several months, and when she gave him a surprise visit, she found another woman in his bed.

She knew his story. Born and raised in Brooklyn, studied programming at MIT before deciding to be a pilot in the Air Force. Big, beautiful family of all intelligent and loving people, with a mother who died few days before they met, of breast cancer. One long-term girlfriend, but he didn’t want to continue the relationship while serving the country, and he came back from Afghanistan two months before they met.

After a year of living together, Raven feels like she can finally breathe again. She’s twenty-six with a four-year-old who treats the man he lives with as his dad, and Zeke treats Miles as a son. Miles has taken after Raven’s Hispanic complexion and has her curls, so when his old friends see him with Miles, nobody thinks he isn’t his.

In addition to that, Raven left her job at the mechanic and is studying part-time for a degree in the mechanics, even though she’s better than all her peers. She got a job at a prestigious car company and she’s met Monty there, who introduced her to Harper and Jasper and Miller and Jackson, all the people who are now a part of her and Zeke’s friendship group.

For the first time since she found out she was pregnant with Miles—or maybe first time ever, really—she’s truly, infinitely happy.

That’s why it hurts so much to confront him about the letter from the military.

And that’s why she confronts him about it while Miles is at Harper and Monty’s kid’s birthday sleepover, and she and Zeke have some time to themselves. They took a Harley to Brighton Beach and when Zeke left to get them ice-cream, Raven sat on the sand.

Right now, she feels heavy. It’s not the kind of sadness she’s used to, because she isn’t particularly sad. She lost the capacity to be sad when Finn ruined her and she promised herself she’d become stronger, never let anyone do that to her again.

It feels like walking for a long time, when your feet hurt and you know that walking doesn’t ease the pain, but you have a place you need to go to and sometimes your feet hurt.

Sometimes you ache, with a blank stare, trying to figure out the whirlpool of emotions inside you. To figure out where you are at this moment, at this place, with this person, and who you are in midst of all that. Sometimes, it’s acceptance that hurts more than the realization of impending loss.

Maybe it takes Zeke a long time to get the ice-cream, maybe every moment she spends agonizing over the future lasts a short eternity.

Raven runs her fingers through the sand. It’s brittle and warm, and she feels the dying sun on her face and can’t help but feel a different kind of heaviness weighing her down.

She doesn’t feel like crying. It feels too deep to be so shallow, it feels like a house ripped away from her and her roots snatched from the ground and she’s floating, and her body aches, and she feels it too deep to be able to cry.

Zeke planned it as a romantic getaway. Something they haven’t had in a long time, and as much as they love spending time with Miles, it’s beautiful to have moments like these.

Just the two of them.

And a letter from the military.

When Zeke comes, she can’t even bring herself to smile, or look at him. He tells her about the line he had to stand in, and stupid kids, and she hears the adoration in his voice he has every time he talks about kids. She knows he wants one of his own, one to be a brother or a sister to Miles.

He notices, almost right away.

“What’s wrong?”

‘Nothing,’ Raven wants to say, but it’s a lie too heavy. Her eyes are burning and so is her throat, but there are no tears threatening to fall.

She stares at the sun that’s turning orange. There’s people around them, kids playing, some even swimming, but it feels like they’re somewhere else. She can barely perceive what’s happening to her.

“I love you,” she says.

It’s not the first time she says it and it’s not unusual, but she’s certain he notices the way her voice cracks at the end of the statement. How she doesn’t look at him, how gravely her voice is. Maybe he even notices her fingers shaking, even if they’re buried in the sand or holding the cone.

“I love you, too.” He moves some hair out of her face. “What is going on, Raven?”

“I found your letter,” she says. “From the Air Force.”

She looks at him. He holds her gaze, for a second or two, before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and focusing on something behind her, anything but her.

“I was going to tell you.”

“When? You’re leaving in two weeks.”

Zeke opens his mouth, parts his lips in a way he does before he gives an excuse, but gives up and looks at the ocean instead.

There are still no tears threatening to fall, but Raven feels as if someone’s choking her.

She should’ve known when McCreary came over, and Zeke couldn’t fall asleep that night. When he was grumpy—and Zeke is never grumpy, not with her or Miles—and when he was quiet, and it was months ago.

She should’ve known he would want back in.

There are many reasons why Raven loves him and his hero-complex that he so vehemently denies is larger than most of them.

“You want to be the hero,” she states.

He doesn’t deny it this time.

She smiles, still. “You already are one. You’re Miles’s hero.”

“I know. And it’s more than I deserve. Sometimes it’s too much to bear, to know that this little, beautiful kid sees me as his hero when there’s so many better people than me out there.” Before Raven can protest, he continues, “It’s easier when you’re fighting a war for someone else, when you’re a hero without a name. Just a number.”

“You’re not just a number.”

“I am, Rae.” He brings a finger to her lips and brushes over them, glancing at her as if in fear of what happens next. “But McCreary and Diyoza and my team, they need me.”

“I need you.”

“You don’t,” he says. “You’re perfectly capable of living your life on your own.”

“I was giving up when I met you.”

“You were never going to give up. Finn fucked you up and ruined your self-confidence and shit, but you’re a great mother and a woman because you had to raise Miles on your own and he’s the best kid I’ve ever known.”

“He says that because he’s yours.”

Zeke smiles. “I wish he was, but he isn’t. But if I ever have kids, God, I want them to be raised by you. I want them to be kind and sassy and confident and stubborn just like Miles. Just like you.”

“Then why leave?”

This time, he doesn’t answer right away. He drops his hand from her face and puts it on his lap, and Raven resists the urge to hold it. To ask him to promise that everything’s going to be okay, that he won’t leave.

She knows better. She knows he can’t promise her that, because his team is as much family to him as she is.

Instead, she watches the sun. It’s closer to the ocean and it’ll start to set soon, and she wishes she could embrace the sight as much as she should. Without knowing he’s going to leave, too.

“Is there something wrong with me?” Her voice is quiet, almost inaudible, and she can’t look at him when she asks it. “Is that why everyone leaves? I become too much? Do I say stupid shit? Is there something I—”

She doesn’t realize she’s crying or that Zeke is holding her until she runs out of breath and she’s shaking in his arms, barely even feeling the warmth of his body. He smells like the garage, like his Harley, like the mint that’s planted all around their apartment because Miles loves it. He smells like home.

Raven doesn’t want to imagine a home without him.

His hands pull her closer when she starts sobbing, and she’s in his lap and he runs hands through her hair. She doesn’t even have the energy to hug him back, to wrap her hands around him and never let him go.

She doesn’t want him to go.

She doesn’t want to be left alone again.

She doesn’t want this.

He kisses the top of her head and she feels tears in her hair, too.

“You are perfect,” he whispers. His voice is hoarse and he’s about to break down, struggling to get the words out, but does it anyway. “You are kind and brave and intelligent and you don’t deserve any of the shit you’ve been through. You deserve to be treated right and I feel like I can’t do that, not yet. You’re a woman who knows what she wants and I feel like I’m not mature enough to be with you. Like I don’t deserve you.”

Raven parts her lips and tries to say something, but can’t. There’s nothing she can say that could convey the weight of the emotion she’s feeling right now.

Zeke pulls her even closer.

“This is my last time, but I need this. I need to sort my head through. It’s just six months, and then I’m done with it. But I want to figure out who I am before I can be the man you deserve.”

“I already deserve you,” she whispers.

“No,” he says. “Raven, you and Miles are the best thing that’s happened to me. And I want to have kids with you, more than we can handle. And I want to take you to my stupidly big family celebrations, and I want to let Miles take my name, and I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“But you’re leaving.”

“Yes. But I’m leaving so I could come back a better man.”

“War doesn’t make heroes,” she says. “It ruins them.”

Zeke pulls her back, cupping both her cheeks, and makes her look at him. She hates the sight – he looks just as broken as she feels. Red eyes, skin swollen underneath them, and trembling lips, blushing cheeks. He looks like a mess, but it’s the mess she loves and can’t bear to lose.

“Listen,” he says. “I owe my team this much. And I’m not leaving. I’ll never leave you. I’ll write to you, I’ll call when I’ll be able to, and I’m not going to be another person who left you on your own because I’d rather die.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m serious.”

She can’t bear the thought of him dying. “Please, don’t say that.”

“Look at me. Rae, please. I love you, okay? You may not understand, but this is something I need to do. And when I come back, I’ll marry you.”

“What if I say no?”

“You’ll be too happy to see me to say no,” he says. He looks at her for a moment and realizes it was an attempt to make a joke, and his lips spread into the tiniest of smiles – but genuine. “I’m serious. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“But you didn’t tell me about this.”

“I’m sorry. It was shitty of me, but I didn’t know how to. I was going to do it today, and explain everything.”

“And propose to me?”

“No,” he admits, “that wasn’t a part of the plan. But I’ve been meaning to do it since the moment I realized you were Miles’s mother, because he was the best kid I’ve ever met and I thought he must have the best mother ever, and when I saw you looking stunning even though you looked like you were about to fall apart, I knew I was going to marry you someday.”

She smiles. Barely.

He’s leaving, but he’s not leaving. And he’s making a promise that he’ll come back.

“When you come back,” she says, “I promise I’ll say yes.”

When he kisses her, lips wet and salty with tears of goodbye, she knows she means what she said.

He’s not her dad, or her mom, or Finn.

He’s Zeke. And he’s never going to leave her.

[morrisondauthor]

“Rules of the Game” – Part 2

           I couldn’t lose focus of my principles. That was something I kept in mind as I headed to Kenton’s hotel to pick him up. How we met was still unbelievable to me; especially since I met him on my one-year anniversary of becoming celibate. From what I could tell on our first so-called date, he was a good guy. He could hold a meaningful conversation and he seemed interested in me beyond sex. As excited as I was, I couldn’t let down my guard. I had to remember the rules.

           “The beach?” he asked me as I parked my car. “This is where you wanted to bring me, first?”

           “We’re both already dressed for it,” I told him. “Besides, everyone knows Miami has the best beaches.”

           “What, are we gonna rent some bloody surfboards or something?” He laughed as he climbed out of the car with me.

           “No, but I do want to get in the water. You do know how to swim, right?”

           “Yeah, I can swim.”

           I took my shirt off and tossed onto my seat before saying to him, “Then let’s go get wet.”

           He smiled as he chased me onto the beach and out into the beautiful water. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking at his sexy shirtless body as we played together in the water. He was easily the sexiest guy out there that day. His smile and that damn accent had me hornier than ever. And after a year of celibacy, I was definitely getting horny at the sight of this beautiful man. However, I was in control of my horniness. I controlled my hormones and urges.

           “So, when you say you’re celibate,” he said to me as we exited the water, “does that mean you don’t even masturbate?”

           I giggled and with a fake accent replied, “No, I’m not a bloody wanker!”

                                            Me (Julian Baxter)

           He burst out laughing and put his arm around my waist as we walked alongside the water. He then asked me, “How do you do it? I can’t go two days without at least a little morning masturbation.”

           “I just focus on other things. I put all of my energy into other things. I meditate. I read. I laugh. I do think about sex and I look forward to having sex again, but it’s just not everything to me. Going a year without it has shown me that it’s not everything.”

           “You’re brave.”

           I giggled and told him, “Stop. I’m not brave for being celibate.”

           “Yes, you are. It takes a lot of dedication to do something like that for as long as you have. You have me ready to give it a try.”

           “Seriously?”

           “Yes. Especially if it means I get to keep seeing you.”

           “Ken, we’re just talking and hanging out. You have a life back in London.”

           “I have family and friends back in London. I can have a life anywhere I choose.”

           “Well, all I know is…”

           “Hey, excuse me,” called out this woman as her and a guy she was with approached us. “Hi, can you guys watch me and my fiancé’s stuff while we go swim? You seem like decent guys and you’re obviously together. We’d really appreciate it.”

           “Sure,” Kenton told her. “We’ll sit here and watch your stuff for you.”

           “Thanks, guys,” the guy said as he shook Kenton’s hand and then mine.

           After watching the man and woman go out into the water, I looked at Kenton and informed him, “Don’t make it a habit to help out Americans. People in this country have no shame about taking advantage of people who help them.”

           “I didn’t do it just to help them out,” he explained with a smile. “I want to sit on the beach with you and now we have beach chairs to sit on.” He sat down on one of the beach chairs and I sat beside him.

                                              Kenton Clarke

           “So, what’s life like in London?”

           “It’s not much different than here. It’s a lot rainier there than here. But I love rainy nights back home.”

           “Wow, I love rainy nights, too.”

           “Hmm, I wonder what else we have in common. What’s your favorite TV show?”

           “Game of Thrones.”

           His eyes lit up as he said, “Get outta here, bruv. Are you serious?”

           “Yes. I’ve seen every single episode and I’m a member of a few online forums.”

           “I’m in some of the forums, too. This is wild.”

           “What kind of music do you like the most?”

           “Soul and neo-soul. I like artists like Maxwell, India.Arie, Floetry, Musiq Soulchild, Corinne Bailey Rae, and I love everything that Jill Scott has ever made.”

           “Okay, this is starting to get weird. My iPhone is full of soul and neo-soul music. Wow. The only thing that would make this weirder is if you were a loyal Janet Jackson stan like me.”

           His eyes lit up as he told me, “I worship Janet. I keep a pic of her from the All for You era in my wallet for good luck.”

           “I have a poster size version of her ‘Someone to Call My Lover’ cover photo on my wall!”

           “That’s the pic I have in my wallet! That’s one of my favorite songs by her.”

           “Mine, too.”

           “This is incredible. I literally have no friends who are Janet fans.”

           “Me either. Wow, Ken. We’re more compatible than I thought.”

           He stared into my eyes and agreed, “Yeah, we are.”

           We sat out there on the beach and talked until the couple came out of the water and thanked us for watching their stuff. Kenton and I continued to get to know each other as we resumed our walk along the beach. After a short while, we headed back to my car and I drove him to one of my favorite places to eat. It was this food truck that sold the best tacos, burritos, quesadillas and enchiladas in Miami. We got some food and then sat down at one of the few tables that were available.

           “This is hands down the best taco I’ve ever eaten,” he told me with his mouth full of food.

           “I told you,” I said back with a smile. “Me and my friends come here all the time.”

           He finished chewing and took a sip from his beer before asking me, “Are you going to introduce me to your friends?”

           “Oh, I don’t know about that. They’re not exactly as easygoing as I am. Some of them are picky and others are brutally honest.”

           “Their behavior hasn’t fallen on you obviously. You’re like the nicest person I’ve ran into since coming here.”

           “I have my moments.”

           “I bet you’re so sexy when you’re mad.” He quickly stopped himself from going further and told me, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

           “Ken, it’s okay for you to give me compliments. I think you’re sexy, too.”

           “You do?”

           “Yes, I do.”

           “I just don’t wanna disrespect you. I’ve never really spent time around someone who is celibate.”

           I stared into his eyes as I admitted, “I haven’t been this tempted to end my celibacy before. But I have rules and I’m going to stick by them.”

           “What are those rules?”

           “They alternate in level of importance depending on my mood, but the main one is that I will not have sex if an attempt at a serious relationship is not guaranteed. I refuse to be with someone who will not respect my mind, my body and my choices. Absolutely no downlow men, and no one with a crazy stalker ex or a complicated situation that could lead to me getting into some drama. And my potential partner must have goals that he wants to reach in his life. That’s one of the most important rules to me. Do you wanna know why?”

           “Yes, I do.”

           “Well, because I have my very own goals that I want to reach and if the right guy for me comes into my life at the right moment, then we can help each other reach those goals.”

           He smiled as he looked down at the table for a quick second. He then looked back into my eyes and told me, “Those are decent rules. The rules are meant to be broken saying doesn’t apply to your rules, Julian. I wouldn’t want you to break any of those.”

           After we finished eating, I took him around to a few more of my favorite spots before bringing him back to my place. No, I wasn’t going to have sex with him but I did want to have a more intimate conversation with him without any distractions. When we got to my little townhouse, I led him inside. I needed to get a little buzz going for myself so I fixed us some drinks. I put on my favorite Janet Jackson playlist and turned the speakers up a little before sitting down beside him on my living room sofa.

           “I’ve never had a Tequila Sunrise that tastes this good before,” he told me after taking a sip from his drink.

           “That’s because it’s not a Tequila Sunrise,” I told him with a laugh. “It’s a Rum Sunset.”

           “I better go easy on this. It doesn’t take much rum to have me jumping off the bloody walls.” He took another sip before sitting his glass down and asking me, “How did you learn to perfectly mix drinks? I can’t make a tasty mixed drink even if my life depended on it.”

           “It’s all about balance.” I sat my glass down and asked him, “Do you prefer to be with men more or women?”

           “Men, definitely. I have been with only two or three women who knew what they were doing in bed. Every man I’ve been with has either met or gone beyond my expectations. I usually like to go off of body language and most women rarely know what their bodies want.”

           “Hmm, interesting. Was your first sexual experience with a man or a woman?”

           “Woman. Well, a young woman. We were fourteen and she got me riled up after my soccer practice. That actually came close to messing up my opportunities.”

           “How so?”

           “She wasn’t on any contraceptives and I didn’t put on a condom. She got pregnant and had to get an abortion.”

           “Whoa. I bet you were afraid, huh?”

           “I was scared silly.” He chuckled before telling me, “I learned from that mistake though. I’ve been wearing a condom every time I have sex ever since then. What about you? Were you always open with your sexuality or did you have to fool around with some girls?”

           “I’ve been out for a good while now and no, I’ve never done anything with a woman except share skincare tips and paint her toenails.”

           “I bet you held on to your virginity longer than I did.”

           “You said you were fourteen, right?”

           “Yeah.”

           “I was seventeen when I lost mine. My first time was with a basketball player at my high school. His name was Isaiah Hudson and I still hate him to this day.”

           “Why?”

           “Because we would talk and hang out all the time before I gave him my virginity. Right after the sex, he started ignoring me. He did hit me up one more time but it was for more sex and when I told him no, he cussed me out. Ken, I felt so used. I hate that feeling.”

           “I’m sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that kinda treatment.” He moved closer to me and gently rubbed my back. “I wouldn’t do anything like that to you, bruv. I admit, I do my share of hooking up but when I meet someone I really like, I do like doing the boyfriend thing.”

           I giggled and asked, “Boyfriend thing?”

           “You know, going out on dates and spending time with each other. Wearing matching clothes.”

           “Matching clothes? You’ve done that before?”

          ��“Yeah. Julian, I’ve been someone’s boyfriend before. I know what to do in a relationship. Hell, all of my relationships have ended on good terms and the breakups were over scheduling conflicts or me not having enough time. I am dedicated to finding someone special and devoting my time to him.”

           “Don’t you mean him or her?”

           He moved even closer to me and said, “No, I mean him.”

           Before I could even take in a single breath, his lips were on mine. Surprising myself, I reacted by kissing him back. The kiss only lasted a few seconds but it was enough to make butterflies flutter in my stomach. He smiled the cutest smile and just stared into my eyes for the longest without saying anything. I smiled and finally broke the silence by asking, “Why did you kiss me?”

           “Because I really like you. Why did you kiss me back?”

           “I don’t know. I guess because…I really like you, too.”

           “What are we gonna do about that? I’m going to be here for a few more days. I have an important decision to make and now it’s more complicated because I have a good feeling about you.”

           “I’ve had a good feeling about you since we met yesterday. This is definitely a unique situation.”

           He reached back to the table and picked up his drink. He took some sips from it and then asked me, “What are your plans for tomorrow?”

           “I’m not sure yet. Why?”

           “Because I want to spend as much time as I can with you, Julian.”

           “Even though you know we’re most likely not going to have sex?”

           “I don’t care about that. I don’t need to have sex with you to know that I wanna spend more time with you.”

           “But aren’t you worried that we’re moving way too fast?”

           “There’s no such thing as moving too fast when it comes to stuff like this. If I know what I want and you know what you want, what’s the problem with acknowledging it and doing something about it? I know you’ve been with some shitty blokes but that’s not who I am. And I’m going to prove it to you. I’ll spend my last few days in America—for the time being—proving that to you.”

           “And what happens if you decide you don’t want to play for the Miami soccer team? You’re just going to go back to London and pretend as if you never met me?”

           “I’m a man of my word, Julian. I’m dedicated to seeing where this goes with you.”

           “I am, too. Okay, I’m in. We have a few days to see where this could go. If by the time you’re ready to leave and we’re both not convinced this is worth it, then we can walk away from it without any hard feelings.” I extended my hand to him and asked, “Deal?”

           He shook my hand and replied, “Deal.”

           After drinking and talking and listening to Janet Jackson music for nearly two hours, he got an Uber to come pick him up and take him back to his hotel. I wasn’t sure how the next few days were going to go, but I did notice how much I was opening up to him. I felt like I could trust him. While in bed later that night, I texted back and forth with him. All I could do was hope that I was doing the right thing and that he wasn’t playing me.

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

© D.A. Morrison 2017

[emmerdalebigbang]

Emmerdale Big Bang Teasers

Since it’s less than a month until the posting for the Big Bang starts, here are teasers for the 17 fics to come! 

we’ll meet again by @littlelooneyluna

Theme: AU, Angst, Violence, World War Two, Death, Homophobia, Love through the ages

Summary: in the year of 1939, war strikes and leaves best friends turned almost lovers aaron and robert in a state of shock, despite their resistance against the ever present reality of war it soon becomes apparent that there is no escape and it doesn’t take long for their world to be ripped apart as they continuously fight to keep each other close despite the lengths taken to keep them apart for good

Sample Scene

maneuver one into place by @robertjacobsugdens

Theme: Alternative universe - Crime, Heist, Angst, Humor, Enemies to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers.

Summary: Robert helped Lawrence build a legitimate business empire from the ashes of his criminal enterprises. That is, until Robert made one tiny, irrelevant mistake and the Whites kicked him to the curb. Now planning his revenge, Robert went in the only place where he could assemble a team to get back what was rightfully his. He wasn’t expecting old feelings and wounds to resurface quite this strongly. Especially not when it comes to his master thief, Aaron Dingle.

Sample Scene

Fanfiction Number 3 by @nooneelsecomesclose17

Theme: AU, World War One, Angst, Romance, Minor character death

Summary: It’s 1914, the war looming. Aaron is the new chauffeur at Home Farm, and Robert is newly returned from London after years away. Aaron wants a new start, with Liv, while Robert wants to reconnect with his family. Bad memories haunt them both making their relationship a challenge. With the war comes tragedy and then Aaron goes missing.

Sample Scene

Fanfiction Number 4 by @misswhimsy

Theme: AU-Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Humour

Summary: After Katie’s death, Robert handed himself in to the police and has spent the last two years in prison for manslaughter. Aaron has moved on with his life, dealing with the death of his father and reconnecting with his little sister, attending counselling to help him cope with the things he’s not willing or able to share with his family. Luckily it has provided him with an interesting new way to manage his feelings and he has discovered a talent and passion for writing that he never expected. Now, Robert is out of prison, alone and unsure of his future; will he ever be able to find the happiness that Aaron has already found?

Sample Scene: 

Rumours by @beautifulhigh

Theme: Fantasy AU

Summary: Robert is a Divinus, or a “Div” if you’re feeling particularly cruel.  People who are functionally immortal: they can die through severe accidents or illnesses, or something immediate.  People with the ability to heal, to understand a person better than they know themselves, and who are rumoured to love so deeply that they will literally love you forever.

Robert hasn’t told anyone who he is, only telling Aaron after the car crash and their engagement, giving him the choice about whether he wants to live his life with a man who won’t ever grow old, who isn’t anything close to normal and secure.  Not all the rumours are good ones though, and for every high there’s a low.

Sample Scene

Separation Never Suited Us by @wellyfullofale

Theme: Reunion fic, Angst, Married but separated, Eventual Fluff

Summary: It’s nine years down the line and they’ve been separated for just under a year (no cheating! it was a stubborn communication breakdown, that’s all. They’re still very much in love but too stubborn to admit it to one another.). Robert left the village thinking Aaron didn’t want him and wanting Aaron to be able to live his life. Robert returns to the village for his 40th Birthday party after Vic and Chas conspire to get them back together. Aaron has a new boyfriend (ish) but they can’t deny they’re still in love when they see each other again for the first time in almost a year. Over the week that Robert is back in the village they find their way back to one another, and this time they’ll never look back.

Sample Scene

A Tale of Two Worlds by @geena-rae

Theme: Merman AU. Fantasy, Angst and fluff, Sexual content, Mild violence, Aaron has trouble understanding humans, Suicide attempt

Summary: Aaron’s an immortal being, trapped in the sea for thousands of years now by himself. He’s been lonely for so long, his only solace watching the humans who walk along on the the land. Then he meets a sea witch who makes him an offer, she’ll turn him human for two weeks and if he finds love in those weeks​ she’ll keep him human, if not, Aaron has to give her his immortality.

Sample Scene

Fool’s Gold by @strongboyfriends

Theme: Fake Dating!AU, Soulmate!AU

Summary: When Robert and Aaron meet, it’s not exactly the meet-cute people dream about, but soon enough they find themselves both needing favors – namely, favors in the form of dates. While Aaron attends a suit-and-tie gala for Robert, Robert must then face a Dingle Do. But while they are both adamant that they are not dating, fate decides to pull the strings, connecting their souls through their dreams. Robert and Aaron learn that, while their lives are just fine without each other, life is so much more when they balance each other out.

Sample Scene

Fanfiction Number 9 @escapingreality51

Theme: Firefighter AU, Meet cute, Fluff, Some angst, Mentions of past trauma, Fire, firefighter!Aaron, lawyer!Robert

Summary: Robert notices a really fit man several times, running in the park next to where Robert lives. He sees him a few times and wants to talk to him but can’t make himself do it, so he gives up, until one day he meets the man in his elevator. They embark on a very physical and emotionally connected relationship, but when Robert realises what Aaron’s job is, he gets scared and pushes Aaron away. Robert misses him and convinces himself to call Aaron when he hears Aaron was injured in a fire. They reunite and Robert tells him how his Mum died in a fire, and how he was scared of the same thing happening to Aaron.

Sample Scene

All In by @godamnarmsrace

Theme: AU: Detective Robert and teenage Aaron, References to childhood rape, Angst, Hurt/comfort, Drama/action, Homeless Aaron

Summary: When Robert and Aaron meet there’s an instant attraction, no doubt about it, but nothing can happen, it just wouldn’t be appropriate. Robert feels for the lad, who’s been on the streets and taking care of his young sister, so he does the decent thing and opens his home to him – gives him a break. Feelings grow, Aaron wants Robert, in more ways than one, in every way really, but Robert is fighting it, he fears becoming one of the monsters he hunts. It’s only when things get dangerous, pursuing Gordon has some scary consequences, he begins to realise that you really only get one life; Aaron and Liv are his.

Sample Scene

Fanfiction Number 11 by @realityisonlythebeginning

Theme: 1930s Reporter AU, Angst and fluff, Prisoner!Aaron, Reporter!Robert, Happy Ending,

Summary: Robert Sugden is a small time reporter aching for a proper job in the world of crime reporting. He thinks he’s found it when a young man named Aaron dingle is wronglfully jailed for something he didn’t do. What he finds however is so much more,

Sample Scene

Fanfiction Number 12 by @thisissirius

Theme: Greek mythology au, Angsty as hell, but a whole lotta love and robert sugden suffering

Summary: set slightly in the future; aaron’s soul is in the balance and robert’s given the opportunity to save it in an orpheus and eurydice-esque way. having to face up to things in his past he’s not proud of as he walks through tartarus/hell, robert’s accompanied by loved ones he’s lost. the obstacles are plenty, but the final test looms larger than any other. a barn on fire right by the boat that will take him back to the land of the living. all the time robert has to focus on not looking back, has to trust that aaron’s following him, will always follow him. but there’s one thing robert can be sure of; not to trust in the powers that brought him to hell.

Sample Scene

Fanfiction Number 13 by @halethesourestwolf

Theme: Magical AU, Angst and Fluff

Summary: Free from the secrets of his past, Aaron Dingle returns home to pick up the pieces of his life in order to figure out who he is, where he belongs, and how to be the kind of druid he longs to be while taking Liv under his wing. But discovering a werewolf who needs help only he can offer and falling for Robert Sugden who is complex at best and disastrous at worst, Aaron finds himself with a death sentence hanging over him as he upsets the natural balance he’s supposed to maintain whilst getting in over his head with their problems, especially when he learns both are connected to the Whites, a hunting family with endless resources, dark secrets, and a single-minded determination to wipe out all were-creatures, which includes those who stand in their way, even if it means breaking every last law of the natural and supernatural worlds to do it.

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Fanfiction Number 14 by @capseycartwright

Theme: angst, romance, infidelity, non-linear storytelling, implied/referenced child abuse

Summary: the end of a relationship is supposed to be the hardest part, but the last night aaron sees robert, it’s the first promise of a happy ending he gets from the other man. a year, to sort their problems, and they’ll meet back in paris, and give their love the chance it deserves. what could possibly go wrong in a year?

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Fanfiction Number 15 by @kayceecruz

Theme: canon-divergent AU, angst, pining, so much pining, fluff/smut, falling in love, NC-17

Summary: Begins 2014 with Robert’s return except he is alone and out to himself. Aaron is with Jackson who is still a paraplegic but did not die. Their relationship is strained and Jackson breaks up temporarily with Aaron (they agree on 9 months while Jackson is away) so that he can get more experience/sexual fulfillment and recruits Robert to guide Aaron into it. Robert is Aaron’s sexual reawakening. They start dating knowing theirs a time limit and fall in love. Then Jackson returns… a story with lots of pining, Bob and Bernice as Rob’s squad, fluff, smut, a confused but happy Chas, Cain Dingle being scary, Paddy being everyone’s dad, the village being nosies, a hopeless Robert, a frustrated Aaron and lots and lots of kissing.

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Fanfiction Number 16 by @aarobron 

Theme: Neighbours AU, Fluff, Angst, Smut

Summary: Robert is down on his luck when he moves into a new flat, but meeting Aaron changes everything - it brings back his family, gains him a promotion and he falls desperately in love. But it’s not all roses when Aaron’s terrified of committing to someone after his ex-boyfriend and now he’s lost the love of his life. Can Robert find it in himself to forgive him?

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Asking The Moon To Stay by @softrobertsugden  

Theme: Modern Royalty AU, Fluff, A little Angst,

Summary: Jack Sugden is the king of Emmerdale and has been for quite a while now. When he survives a heart attack, he realises he needs to make sure his kingdom is secured before he dies. His son, crown prince Robert, needs to marry and produce an heir and he need to do it fast. What Jack doesn’t know is that Robert’s heart is already sold to someone else.

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[newyorktheater]

  Therapists were busy reassuring theatergoers after seeing Dame Judi Dench in the trailer for the movie CATS. (See below.)

Meanwhile, three shows opened Off-Broadway last week about real-life world traumas – “the way she spoke,” about the murdered and missing women of Juarez, Mexico; “The Rolling Stone,” about anti-gay hysteria in Uganda, and ‘Mojada,’ which adapts “Medea” to tell the story of an undocumented immigrant family from Mexico.   This prompted a question, which was close to a dilemma, for me: When (if ever) is a play’s subject so urgent and important that its quality as a work of theater feels irrelevant?

The Week in New York Theater Reviews and Previews

Mojada

“Mojada” is sometimes clever in the ways in which it transposes the specifics of Euripides’ story and characters; sometimes the contemporary parallels feel forced.   But the main strength of “Mojada” is in presenting the details of the experience of the 21stcentury Latinx exile in scrupulous and credible detail — often harrowing, sometimes amusing.  By telling this story as an adaptation of an Ancient Greek tragedy, the everyday and oft-ignored traumas of the undocumented are invested with the aura of significance that they deserve.

Moscow Moscow Moscow Moscow Moscow Moscow

Halley Feiffer’s loud, broad, hip, hyperactive, foul-mouthed, unconventionally cast, aggressively playful and generally off-beat adaptation of Chekhov’s “Three Sisters”… the bells and whistles of the production make it a challenge to engage in the hopes and fears of the characters.

The Bacchae

What would Euripides say about the liberties being taken with his tragedies in New York? Medea,one of his last and most-produced plays, has been turned into the harrowing tale of an undocumented immigrant to Corona, Queens at the Public Theater. The Bacchae, one of his first tragedies, never performed during his lifetime, has become an entertaining pop, rock and hip-hop spectacular in an outdoor amphitheater in Harlem.

The Classic Theatre of Harlem has mounted The Bacchae free to the public at the Richard Rodgers Amphitheater in Marcus Garvey Park, in a version by Bryan Doerries. It would be hard to argue that it brings home the full force or horror that is the usual province of Ancient Greek tragedy. But what is a better tribute to the play’s principal character Dionysus, the god of ecstasy, wine…and theater, than a theatrical production with such intoxicating singing, dancing and design.

The Rolling Stone

“These people recruit, rape and spread disease,” Mama says about homosexuals, not realizing she’s talking to one, in Chris Urch’s play, which takes place in Uganda in 2010.  That was the year that a group of college students led by Giles Muhame launched a newspaper in Kampala called The Rolling Stone that ran photographs of gay Ugandans, with their names and addresses, under the headline “Hang Them.”  One of those named, David Kato, was murdered…. The plays uses these true events of homophobic hysteria only as a backdrop to a fictionalized story that focuses on an 18-year-old gay Ugandan named Dembe. And that counts as a missed opportunity….

The way she spoke

“There is no better place to kill a girl than in Juárez,” says Kate del Castillo in the way she spoke, currently running at Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre. The well-known Mexican actress is making her English-speaking stage debut in Isaac Gomez’s solo drama about the epidemic of violence against women in the Mexican city. Under Jo Bonney’s direction, she plays some 15 characters, including the mothers of las desaparecidas, missing young women presumed murdered in Ciudad Juárez; a man accused of killing eight of them and even the Virgin Mary.

“This is the biggest challenge in my career for sure,” says del Castillo…. “It is physically, mentally and emotionally demanding to live these people every day.”

The Week in New York Theater News

Beautiful: the Carole King Musical. will close October 27, 2019 after 60 previews and 2,428 performances.

And it’s too late, baby now, it’s too late Though we really did try to make it Somethin’ inside has died, and I can’t hide And I just can’t fake it, oh, no, no

Waitress will close on Broadway Jan 5, 2020 after 33 previews and 1544 performances. This is a shame. The score is sweet in all the right ways. Why not keep going via Chicago-like stunt casting w/ a twist: Every major star who was ever a waitress. Bad Idea?

Five years after All the Way brought President Lyndon Baines Johnson to Broadway, he is back with Robert Schenkkan’s 2014 follow-up play “The Great Society,” starring Brian Cox as LBJ, Grantham Coleman as MLK Jr, and Richard Thomas as Hubert Humphrey. It begins Sept 6, 2019 for a 12-week run at Vivian Beaumont

At 77,  Paul McCartney is writing his first musical — a stage adaptation of Frank Capra’s 1946 movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” with book writer and co-lyricist Lee Hall (Tony winner for Billy Elliot, screenwriter of Rocketman)

The Beatles on Broadway….from John Lennon at age 28…to Paul McCartney at 78?

  Oscar Isaac and Greta Gerwig will star in Chekhov’s Three Sisters directed by Sam Gold at New York Theater Workshop in Spring, 2020.

  Christian Borle

Jonathan Groff, Tammy Blanchard and Christian Borle will star in an Off-Broadway revival of Little Shop of Horrors, opening October 17, at The Westside Theater.

2019 #KennedyCenterHonors will go to @sesamestreet, actress @sally_field, singer Linda Ronstadt, R&B band @EarthWindFire and conductor @mtilsonthomas pic.twitter.com/E1L6RbBDU7

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) July 18, 2019

Nick Robinson, the cuddly star of the coming-out-of-age movie “Love, Simon,”, will succeed Will Pullen in portrayingJem Finch, Atticus’s kid, in To Kill A Mockingbird,starting Nov 5th. Oddly, he made his stage debut at age 12 as….Jem Finch (in a different production)

CATS the movie trailer

7.8 million views in three days; 83, 000 thumbs up; 203, 000 thumbs down.

seeing reports that cats are filing a class action suit against tom hooper

— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) July 18, 2019

why do the cats in the new Cats movie look like bad Medieval cat paintings lmao pic.twitter.com/mIHbJbrIhi

— rae paoletta (in 🇨🇱) (@PAYOLETTER) July 18, 2019

” Is this what late-stage capitalism looks like? I just don’t get it.” reaction to “Cats” by Michael R. Jackson, usher of The Lion King for four years (which he hated) and playwright of “A Strange Loop.” Jackson on the new Lion King movie: “I don’t understand these live-action remakes just on an artistic level. That’s just me. I’m a little curmudgeonly that way.”

Rest in Peace

Hugh Southern, 87, a creator of the TKTS booth

CATS Attacks. Trauma on Stage. Beautiful, Waitress Closing. LBJ back on Broadway. #Stageworthy News of the Week Therapists were busy reassuring theatergoers after seeing Dame Judi Dench in the trailer for the movie CATS.

[kartiavelino]

Regina Hall isn’t fazed by the nasty dudes in ‘Black Monday’

Black Monday | Sunday, 9 p.m., Showtime Mo Monroe (Don Cheadle) is a renegade Wall Street broker at the Jammer Group who’s intent on shaking up the status quo at the New York Stock Exchange. He has assembled a merry band of misfits to help him sell bad stocks quickly. Among the motley crew are Blair Pfaff (Andrew Rannells), an innocent taking his first job in the financial jungle, and Dawn Darcy (Regina Hall), an ambitious woman trying to hold her own in a sewer of toxic masculinity. As the only female in a bro-heavy office, Hall, 48, who recently won the Best Actress award from the New York Film Critics Circle for her performance in “Support the Girls,” spoke to The Post about Dawn’s history with her boss, the survival skills that helped her work on a show with all these dudes and what it’s like to be confused with the other Regina — King, that is. How would you describe Dawn’s relationship with Mo?They dated and they had a relationship for years. Dawn is married now. Although he does love Dawn, I think Mo’s arrested development makes him struggle to see how valuable she is to him, professionally and personally. That’s why they are no longer together. Why is he so stingy about giving her a promotion when she deserves one?Mo doesn’t like to give anyone anything. As the season rolls on you’ll see, when he asks her, ‘Did you see me give anybody anything? You have to take it.’ But the thing that makes you amazing can also cause your demise. He has to be careful. he has to walk that fine line. ‘I grew up with three brothers and no sisters, so a lot of things they said on the show were not shocking.’ Dawn is the only woman in a room full of very rude men. As a woman, how did you react to that?Lucky for me, I grew up with three brothers and no sisters, so a lot of things they said on the show were not shocking. It’s kind of scary to think [the 1980s] were not that long ago. In the movie “Support the Girls,” you play Lisa, the manager of a Hooters-style sports bar. Who has the harder job, Lisa or Dawn?Oh my goodness. The only reason I’m going to say Lisa is because Dawn makes a lot of money. Lisa doesn’t have all the perks. Or the financial comforts with a small salary and that’s tough. Some people confuse you with Regina King. Are you running into each other a lot during the current awards season?We have. I just saw her at the New York Film Critics where she won best supporting actress for “Beale Street.” Regina’s having such an incredible year and she deserves it. We’re the same age, but she’s been acting for so long. It’s incredibly inspirational. After filming “Black Monday,” did you invest in the stock market or did you take your money out?[Laughs.] Well, I know I wouldn’t be investing at Jammer Group. If I had to, Dawn would be the one I would invest with. She feels like the safest bet there. What’s your next project?“Little” with Marsai Martin and Issa Rae comes out in April and the [remake of] “Shaft” comes in June with Samuel L. Jackson, Richard Roundtree and Jessie T. Usher. [embedded content] And here’s what else to watch this week: True Detective | Sunday, 9 p.m., HBO Ten years after the Purcell crimes, new evidence gives Hays (Mahershala Ali) a second chance to vindicate himself and the investigation. With Stephen Dorff. Riverdale | Wednesday, 8 p.m., The CW With the SATs approaching, Alice (Madchen Amick) and FP (Skeet Ulrich) urge Jughead (Cole Sprouse) to start focusing on the test. Betty comes face-to-face with someone from her past. Very unpleasant. Co-starring Camila Mendes as Veronica. Camila Mendes co-stars as Veronica in “Riverdale.”Shane Harvey/The CW The Good Doctor | Monday, 10 p.m., ABC In the aftermath of the quarantine, the staff of San Jose St. Bonaventure Hospital tries to return to their normal routines while awaiting a Board of Health inspection. Meanwhile, as Dr. Audrey Lim (Christina Chang) recovers from a dreadful virus, she and Dr. Neil Melendez (Nicholas Gonzalez) navigate their new personal and working relationship, The Many Sides of Jane | Tuesday, 10 p.m., A&E Series premiere. What is life like for Jane a woman living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder? The cameras that follow Jane’s day-to-day existence detail how she handles motherhood to two young boys and how she deals with her mother. Jane is the subject of a new series on A&E.Emily Berl The Rookie | Tuesday, 10 p.m., ABC A visit by the US vice president puts the station on high alert. The Secret Service tasks Officer Nolan (Nathan Fillion) with checking out a possible threat while the rest of the officers try to keep the streets clear and safe for his visit. Conversations With Ted Bundy | Thursday, Netflix Series premiere. Thirty years have passed since Ted Bundy was executed for killing 36 women between the years 1974 and 1978. A new documentary takes us inside his disturbed mind. [embedded content] Big Brother: Celebrity Edition | 8 p.m., CBS Season premiere. What a cast! Most notable: Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci. We also have Dina Lohan and OJ Simpson guest-house resident Kato Kaelin. Kinda scary. Share this: https://nypost.com/2019/01/18/regina-hall-isnt-fazed-by-the-nasty-dudes-in-black-monday/ The post Regina Hall isn’t fazed by the nasty dudes in ‘Black Monday’ appeared first on My style by Kartia. https://www.kartiavelino.com/2019/01/regina-hall-isnt-fazed-by-the-nasty-dudes-in-black-monday.html

[solenishelping-blog]

////////Film Review////////

Synopsis

Warning: may contain minor explicit content. 

In 1960’s Mississippi, aspiring writer Eugenia “Skeeter” Phelan kick-starts her career by working for the Jackson Journal, the local newspaper, filling in for a cleaning advice columnist “Miss Myrna”. Unfortunately, Skeeter didn’t have a single clue about cleaning so she turns to Aibileen Clark, her friend Elizabeth’s black maid, for help.

Skeeter had always been the odd one out in her group of southern privileged, prejudiced girlfriends. She was the only one unmarried, the only one with a job, and unlike them, she had an utmost respect for the colored help. She treated them as equals; didn’t discriminate or look down on them at all as she was raised by one herself - Constantine, their elderly black help who she loved dearly.

By helping her with the Miss Myrna column, Skeeter forms a friendship with Aibileen. While she was over at Elizabeth Leefolt’s asking cleaning advice from Aibileen, they overheard the couple arguing about Elizabeth installing a separate colored’s bathroom outside for their maid, her husband angrily commented “Mae Mobley can go to college in that damn bathroom.” To which Elizabeth defends herself by stating that her best friend, Hilly Holbrook, said that it’d add value to their home and that every penny he spends on a colored’s bathroom he’ll get back in spades when they sell. Hilly is so against the idea of them sharing bathrooms with the help, she claims: “It’s just plain dangerous. They carry different diseases than we do.”

She even goes as far as to draft an initiative named the Home Health Sanitation Initiative, “a disease preventative bill that requires every white home to have a separate bathroom for the colored help.”

Because of this, Skeeter had the idea to write about what it was like to be a colored help in the highly bigoted town of Jackson, Mississippi. Elaine Stein, a literary agent in New York, gives her the green light and and off our little heroine goes.

Aibileen was unsurprisingly hesitant when she was first asked about it since it would put everyone she loved at risk, however, she gives in eventually and helps skeeter with her writing. Skeeter knew what she was getting herself and Aibileen into; she was fully aware that by going through with it she would be going against the law, her family, and her friends but she was ready to shine a light on the racism, discrimination, and mistreatment that’s been going on for ages in their small town.

In the beginning it was only her and Aibileen, until they talked Minny Jackson, Hilly’s headstong maid, into helping them. Soon enough they had at least a dozen colored maids helping them with the book. Sharing stories about the families they were serving, secrets they’ve kept, things they’ve done, things done to them, some were unspeakably gross *cough* Minny *cough* and some were just plain rude.

They weren’t all that bad though, there’s Dr. Dixon, a man who bought 2 acres of land for twice its worth from a racist farmer who threatened to shoot his maid if she stepped foot on his land again, Miss Walters, Hilly’s eccentric mother, and Miss Celia Rae Foote, who is just a “rae” of sunshine. See what I did there? I’m sorry I’ll stop.

The Characters

I thought the characters in this movie were so well thought out. Their names, backstories, the clothes that they wear, their hair, the way they speak, every single one of them had their own distinct personality that made the movie realistic, compelling, and overall work.

It’s funny because Emma stone (Skeeter) and Bryce Dallas Howard (Hilly) both starred in this film as rivals and as you may or may not know, they both starred in the Spider-man films as Gwen Stacy

It is literally the battle of the Gwen Stacys

I gotta say, I applaud Bryce Dallas Howard in this film. It takes a really good actor, or in this case actress, to play a role so well and so convincing that you actually want to kick them in the shin. Her role as Hilly Holbrook is the perfect villain; evil and controlling, she’s especially rude to the maids, even to her own poor mother. I mean, I never thought I’d hate any character as much as Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones up until now. She’s one of those villains you love to hate, you know, the kind that have absolutely no redeeming qualities and you feel no remorse towards when they get what they deserve. and little Miss Hilly? Oh, she gets the pie.

Speaking of Hilly Holbrook, can we just take a minute to appreciate her mother, Miss Walters? Miss Walters (played by Sissy Spacek), was one of my favorite characters in the movie. She was sarcastic and funny. Boy, does she know how to have a good laugh. Whenever she brings up the pie prank and rubs it all up on her daughter’s face, the whole room goes completely nuts. We like anybody who socks it to Hilly.

Now Minny Jackson (played by Octavia Spencer), she was a force to be reckoned with. She was a strong woman and she knew it; didn’t take crap from anybody. Not even Hilly Holbrook. I absolutely loved Octavia Spencer as Minny, she nailed every punchline and she had the most iconic line and scene from the entire movie in my opinion, if you’ve seen the movie, then you know exactly what I’m talking about, but if you haven’t, you’ll just have to go see for yourself and find out. *hint: it’s the pie scene*

Another character that I absolutely adored is Celia Foote (played by Jessica Chastain), the delightful woman from sugar ditch. She’s a breath of fresh air. With the whole movie feeling so heavy and disheartening, watching her was like watching the sunrise, seeing the first rays of sunlight rise up slowly from the darkness to shine and give light to everything and everyone. It was so refreshing to see a white woman like herself treat Minny, a colored help, like a friend. Makes you think that all is not lost, it surely restores your faith in humanity. A big round of applause for her husband too, Johnny Foote, for being such a stand up guy.

Of course Viola Davis’ (Aibileen Clark) performance was nothing short of outstanding. Her relationship with little Mae Mobley Leefolt will surely make you go “awww” it’s the cutest yet most tragic thing. It’ll play with your heartstrings and it will most likely put even the strongest grown man named Bob shed a tear. Emma Stone absolutely nailed her role as Skeeter, I love how her accent sounds so natural, it really goes with her voice and her personality as a whole. 

Its Importance 

I cannot stress enough the importance of movies like The Help, as it shines a light on a very serious subject. People tend to forget that this is not just a work of fiction, slavery was very much real and rampant back in the 1950s, even way back in the 1870s and unfortunately, in some places in world, it still is to this day. Just because it’s 2018 doesn’t mean we just forget about what happened. Yes it’s good to let bygones be bygones, but it’s still better to learn and educate ourselves with what actually happened in the past because that’s what some of our ancestors lived through, that was our reality.

No person should require any white female to nurse in wards or rooms in which negro men are placed.

Books shall not be interchangeable between white and colored schools or shall continue to be used by the race first using it. 

No colored barber should serve as a barber to white women or girls. 

Any person printing, publishing, or circulating  written matter urging for public acceptance of social equality between whites and negros is subject to imprisontment. 

Those were the Jim Crow Laws, can you imagine how life must’ve been like during those times? It gives me the shivers just thinking about it. The only thing that scares me even more than Jim Crow, is it happening again. That is why we need movies like these to remind us of how awful slavery was and to be appreciative of the way we live now. 

Overall Thoughts

I thought this movie was absolutely fantastic. It had all the elements that would make up a great movie: its was realistic; not at all exaggerated, it was honest; showed the whole truth, and it was engaging. Not once in those 2 hrs and 26 mins. did I get bored or uninterested. I was always on the edge of my seat, watching in anticipation for what’s next to come, my eyes were practically glued to the screen for the entirety of the movie. I was instantly gripped by the riveting story line and the diversity of the characters. I’d rate it a 4.5/5 stars, yes it’s not perfect, it does have its fair share of flaws but then again what movie doesn’t? If you haven’t seen The Help, I highly recommend that you do, it’s 2 and a half hrs of your life you won’t be able to take back, but they’re surely hours you wont regret.

And remember:

You is kind.

You is smart.

You is important.

- s o u l e n e o u t