musecraft

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HE COULD BE A HALLUCINATION, a trick of the light, izzy simply seeing what he wants to see instead of what's in front of him. it wouldn't be the first time. when frenchie had been on stage, singing at the open mic as his hands moved gracefully over the neck of a worn guitar, izzy couldn't be certain. but as he approaches the alleged apparition, there are undeniable signs of substance.

the thin, subtle lines at the edges of frenchie's eyes, for example, are proof of lost time that izzy's delusions would never include. & then there's the simple fact that frenchie draws closer to him, opens his arms & pulls izzy into his chest, folding them neatly together. in all his dreams he has where frenchie returns to him, he always disappears before they can touch. so the only explanation is that this is not some spectre that izzy had conjured up out of pure loneliness ; this is real.

& izzy lets out a breath that feels like it's been held in for years, softening instantly at the contact. he allows himself to wrap his arms against the taller man's torso & cling to him tightly. & it feels different than it had before — frenchie's ribs aren't as narrow as the last time izzy had held him, & his skin smells cleaner than it ever did in the wilderness — but also the very same. the way that he fits right under frenchie's chin so that he can lean his head against izzy's is exactly the same; the way his voice sounds when he speaks is exactly the same.

❝ wouldn't be the strangest thing that's happened to us, ❞ he replies flatly, going for a wry attempt at humor. & he gives frenchie one tight squeeze before leaning back — just enough just to see his familiar eyes. ❝ what are you doing here ? i thought you were . . . ❞ he trails off, unsure of how to finish the sentence. the truth was that he had no idea where frenchie had been, or what he had been doing all this time. no one had heard from him since their rescue from the woods, & that had been decades ago. izzy hadn't even known for sure that frenchie was alive, & he certainly hadn't thought he would ever see him again. ❝ i didn't think you'd ever come back here, ❞ he says, settling for a close-enough approximation of what he really wanted to say.

"Am I dreaming or is that really you?" - @musecraft

THE FAMILIARITY of the voice gave him pause, momentarily leaving his guitar case half closed as he righted himself. The odds of- it couldn't be. He of all people wouldn't have been caught dead in a place like this. And yet the voice was too distinct to be anyone else.

Izzy often spoke in a low, hushed tone as if he were hoping not to be heard- ironic given how prone he was to yelling. But he didn't have to yell this time, or even raise his voice. The pub was quiet with all but the most devoted drunks remaining. A grin broke out across his face as he turned around, his free hand outstretched, beckoning him in for a hug.

He was older now- they both were but Izzy wore his like a chewed up dog toy. Had he not said something Frenchie likely wouldn't have recognized him.

The look of uncertainty was all too familiar, as if he thought Frenchie would yell "psyche" and push him to the ground like a schoolyard bully. It was only after Frenchie took another step toward him that Izzy accepted the invitation. He leaned down and, ever a creature of habit Izzy, nestled into the crook of his neck as he had hundreds of times before.

He rested his cheek against the side of Izzy's head. The smell of stale cigarettes and cheap whiskey clung to Izzy almost as strongly as the pomade. Same brand he used in high school, if Frenchie had to wager. Were there not decades between them he may have kissed Izzy right there. But it had been far too long for that. "It'd be weird having the same dream, wouldn't it?"

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INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 2x06 | Like the Light by Which God Made the World Before He Made Light Cos once she starts, you can't stop her.

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btw, i'll definitely be writing an au verse where madeleine & claudia survive & get to be happy, because they deserve it, but just know that i'll be shaking my head the whole time so everyone knows that i understand & accept the important role their death played in the main narrative.

[musecraft]

hi, i'm gonna talk about madeleine & why she is the perfect vampire, the thematic antithesis of louis, & (as she herself says) exactly what claudia needs to survive.

fair warning: i'm going to talk in some depth about her experiences as a mortal, including sleeping with a n*zi soldier during the german occupation of france during wwii, so just be aware & please take care of yourself !

madeleine eparvier was the perfect vampire. if louis is the reticent vampire who rejects his nature due to his shame, then she is the natural vampire who rejects shame & embraces herself exactly as she is. i've talked about louis & his overwhelming sense of shame a little bit already, & i think it's relevant here because despite being louis' fledgling, madeleine has none of that shame. so, why ?

there is a theory in the rice-peyer universe that the emotional state that a person is in when they are turned will be their baseline emotional state throughout their immortal life. so this is why louis, being turned at a moment where he was at his lowest point, hating himself deeply & considering su*cide, will tend towards depression & struggle with his sense of self forever. & yes, louis consented to being turned, which means to me that there is hope for him to improve if he does the work to accept himself. but madeleine didn't just consent to being turned — she chose it. she made the decision not in a moment of violence, but in a moment of love, when she was feeling truly seen, protected, even hopeful for the first time in of her life. when she was certain that what she was giving up would be nothing compared to what she would gain. & she absolutely carries that quiet self-assurance with her into her immortal life.

but the truth is that this kind of self confidence that madeleine displays as a vampire is not just a result of meeting claudia & feeling confident in their relationship; it is a direct continuation of the themes that have shaped her mortal life.

when she was still fairly young, madeleine's entire family, including both parents & her sister, were killed by tuberculosis. she was left an orphan. & while her family had left behind enough money for her to survive on, she was forced through loss to grow up to be entirely reliant on herself & herself alone. then, the war. we know that during the german occupation, there was death & violence & fear everywhere. louis & claudia say that you can taste it in the blood. madeleine recalls watching her neighbor literally starve to death in her home. & in this time, madeleine starts sleeping with a german soldier.

now, madeleine says to claudia that the soldier gave her food, but she also freely admits that wasn't the real reason she slept with him — rather, it was for a sense of companionship. she wanted the sensation of another warm living human body against hers to help stave off the despair & horror of war. & to be honest, i think that's a very human impulse a much more compelling reason than simple hunger. the world around her had become nothing but death & violence & pain, & she wasn't certain any of them would survive it, & she wanted something — anything — that would make her feel alive, even for a moment. & all the french men were killed or taken away, so she slept with a timid young boy who was also far from home & seeking some form of comfort.

& i do want to say here that fucking a n*zi soldier is objectively morally wrong — obviously. & while it is very possible that he was simply a young boy who was coerced into fighting abroad as a way to get food sent back home to his own family, there is still no way to morally excuse the act of being a n*zi soldier, or for sleeping with a n*zi soldier. i understand madeleine's reasoning entirely, but it was also unambiguously a morally bad thing. she did & you know who i think agrees with me ? madeleine herself.

as mentioned, madeleine watched her neighbors starve to death. she, meanwhile, got food via her relationship with a member of the occupying army. that alone is Bad, morally speaking. & doing an objectively immoral action (that maybe also feels really good btw) to take for yourself what could be the difference between life & death to your neighbor ? it's almost... vampiric. do you see where i'm going with this ? lmao.

when armand warns her that she will be a monster if she is turned, madeleine says "if you turn me into a monster, you'll only be making me into what i already am." & what she means by this is that in a very real way, madeleine is already something sub-human. she has been exiled from human society due to her actions. after the end of the war, she endures a trial by mob & is publicly shamed for years, ostracized from her society, & ultimately violently attacked in her own home while multiple neighbors stand on & watch. so it's clear that she is no longer considered "one of them" long before she is ever turned.

madeleine knows that what she did was immoral, was wrong, but that she also doesn't necessarily apologize for it. she was publicly shamed, but she did not come to internalize that shame. she did something wrong, but she also understands that war is a living nightmare, & she grasped whatever specks of life she could find in the midst of all the death. & she's honestly not really sorry for that. she says to armand that she "found the love she needed to survive," & i think that resonates really beautifully with claudia's search for companionship & belonging throughout the show.

so, all of this is to say that madeleine has already come to terms with the cost meeting her own survival needs, even before she is turned. which means that upon becoming a vampire, madeleine would absolutely excel at vampirism in a way louis never could. she will kill & eat humans. is that morally wrong ? yes. will she do it anyway ? absolutely. because she knows, just as she has always known, what she needs to survive. & she refuses to hate herself for what she needs — even if the world at large condemns her for it.

& let's remember that claudia does morally wrong things all the time, too. she kills people, & she loves it. & so too does basically every other vampire in the show. & that's... kind of the point, right ? to return back to where we started, some vampires (like madeleine) can live with that moral ambiguity of needing to take life from others to survive, & others (like louis) can't, & internalize it, & struggle, & suffer until they are able to come to terms with it, or they go into the fire.

but you know who else can live with moral ambiguity of vampirism ? claudia. now, sometimes, loving yourself isn't enough on it's own, as claudia shows us. sometimes, you also need a companion who can see you in all your moral complexity, & love you even when you don't love yourself. & i sincerely think that staying with louis, whose shame is so all-consuming that it often draws those around him into it, would probably ultimately end in her implosion.

but a companion like madeleine ? one who accepts the darkness & violence in claudia even before she knows that she is a vampire, who hears her fears about exploding & encourages her to embrace them (referring to the "then go bang!" conversation here), who assures her that she will be ok even if she does explode ? that might allow them both to live without shame, without fear, without feeling like they have to suppress a part of themselves. & that really might have been enough to save claudia, to let her live with herself & have someone who loves her in all her beautiful moral complexity.

& so to finally wrap up, i'm thinking about lestat's 'be all the beautiful things you are, & be them without shame' line he says just before he turns louis. i really love that line, it's one of my favorites in the show, & i think that a profound tragedy of the first two seasons is that louis has not (yet) been able to live up to that line, has never been able to accept himself without holding onto the deep shame he feels at who he is & what he needs. but madeleine ? madeleine has been so deeply shamed by the outside world that in order to survive, she has learned how to not hold onto & internalize shame, how to feel it without succumbing to it, & how to accept herself, good & bad, in her entirety. & because of that, she's capable of doing the same for claudia.

[musecraft]

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS ⇢ Nadja + Season five wardrobe appreciation

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&. 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

( dialogue  prompts  taken  from the script of  everything  everywhere  all  at  once  (2022),  directed  by  daniel  kwan  and  daniel  scheinert.  feel  free  to  edit  and  change  as  you  seem  fit. )

❛ you look really pretty right now. ❜

❛ stop changing the subject. ❜

❛ every day i fight, i fight for all of us. ❜

❛ what are you doing? what is wrong? ❜

❛ if i have to think about one more thing today, my head will explode. ❜

❛ you may be in grave danger. there is no time to explain.❜

❛ we can make our own way. please, come with me. ❜

❛ don't even talk to me about this because i won't remember.❜

❛ i am not your husband. at least not the one you know. i am another version of him from another life path, another universe. ❜

❛ i’m here because we need your help.❜

❛ sorry, very busy today. no time to help you– ❜

❛ all those years of searching have brought me here. to this universe. to you. ❜

❛ i’m here to tell you every rejection, every disappointment has led you here. to this moment. ❜

❛ i'm not ready to fight yet. ❜

❛ maybe we don't have a choice. ❜

❛ now, you can either come with me and live up to your ultimate potential, or lie here and live with the consequences. ❜

❛ i... want to lie here. ❜

❛ how often do people literally die laughing? ❜

❛ my husband won't even kill a spider. how are you the same person? ❜

❛ we are talking about infinity. if you can imagine it, somewhere out there, it exists. ❜

❛ how did i die? ❜

❛ i've seen you die a thousand ways. in a thousand worlds. in every single one, you were murdered. ❜

❛ what!? who wants me dead? ❜

❛ you’ve been feeling it too, haven’t you? something is off. your clothes never wear as well the next day, your hair never falls in quite the same way, even your coffee tastes... wrong. ❜

❛ maybe we would have been better off if we had never gotten married. ❜

❛ i never said that. ❜

❛ you didn’t have to. it’s the way you look at me. ❜

❛ can’t you see it? how wonderful it would be if you came with me? ❜

❛ i saw my life without you. i wish you could have seen it. it was beautiful. ❜

❛ shhh, you're not thinking straight. ❜

❛ what is worse than death? ❜

❛ i saw your face on a billboard and — this is silly — i wondered if you remembered me... ❜

❛ is it that i can’t be here, or that i’m not allowed to be here? ❜

❛ there is no good, there is no evil. there is only “goovil”. ❜

❛ if you can imagine it, you have fucked it. ❜

❛ do not be so closed minded that you blind yourself from the truth! ❜

❛ don’t make me fight you. i am really really good. ❜

❛ you're capable of anything because you're so bad at everything. ❜

❛ you can't remember anything because your bodies were under the control of other universes. ❜

❛ you were like puppets. and you could do things you normally can't do. you were like, what's that movie... raccaccoonie? ❜

❛ how can you defeat her in every universe, if you can't even kill her in one? ❜

❛ the sacrifices necessary to win this war... i know all too well. ❜

❛ i cannot lose another loved one to the darkness. ❜

❛ i know you have feelings. feelings that make you so sad. that make you just want to give up. that is not your fault. ❜

❛ i'll see you again soon, somewhere out there in all that noise. ❜

❛ just think happy thoughts. ❜

❛ you okay? caught you staring off into space again. ❜

❛ i'm the one you've been looking for. ❜

❛ i’m the one who will defeat you. ❜

❛ you’re finally free, like me. ❜

❛ you don't have to choose anymore. between loving me or hating me. you can do both at the same time. ❜

❛ before, you were asking about "our daughter". it's crazy, but it really got me thinking. what if you had come with me all of those years ago? ❜

❛ all of this time, i wasn't looking for someone who could defeat me. i was looking for someone who could see what i see, feel what i feel... ❜

❛ oh, good, you're here too. ❜

❛ i'm sorry about ruining everything, i– ❜

❛ we're all stupid. small stupid little humans. it's like our whole deal. ❜

❛ everything is going to be okay. ❜

❛ you think i’m weak don’t you? ❜

❛ when we first fell in love all of those years ago, your father would say i was too sweet for my own good. maybe he was right. ❜

❛ please! can we just stop fighting! ❜

❛ you tell me that it's a cruel world and we're all just running around in circles. i know that. i've been on this earth just as many days as you. ❜

❛ the only thing i do know is we have to be kind. be kind. especially, when we don't know what's going on. ❜

❛ i know you go through life with your fists held tight. you see yourself as a fighter. well, i see myself as one too. this is how i fight. ❜

❛ in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you. ❜

❛ you know what i say? cold, hysterical, unlovable bitches like us make the world go round. ❜

❛ you aren’t unlovable. there is always something to love. ❜

❛ even in a stupid, stupid universe where we have hot dogs for fingers, we’d all be very good with our feet! ❜

❛ in a universe where we both agree that no one could love you, if we look hard enough, something will prove us wrong. ❜

❛ we are all useless alone. so its good you're not alone. ❜

❛ maybe you win in this universe. but in another, i beat you. or we tie. or we eat crepes. ❜

❛ i don't want to hurt anymore. and for some reason when i'm with you, it hurts both of us. ❜

❛ out of all of the places i could be, why would i want to be here with you? ❜

❛ i still want to be here with you. i will always want to be here with you. ❜

❛ i will cherish these few specks of time. ❜

[musecraft]

🪐 — BLACK SAILS : @sunscess for asha ▶ ❝ you're exactly what i hoped you'd be. ❞

THE SUN IS RELENTLESS, & asha can feel sweat rising on her skin, her linen tunic clinging & darkening where it touches her. her face is flushed red when she turns to face the approaching princess, & she works to catch her breath as she straightens, standing victorious above a fallen knight. if she is so warm even in such light garb, she can hardly imagine fighting in dark leathen armor, as he is — or worse, mail as she is used to. but of course, the dornish would be accustomed to the heat. in fact, while the man looks rather irritated to have lost a friendly sparring match to a foreigner in his own courtyard, it also seems he has scarcely broken a sweat in the process. perhaps he had underestimated her ; he certainly would not have been the first.

❝ it was no easy victory ; your man fought well, ❞ asha replies, feigning modesty even as she inclines her head with genuine respect. & she returns her axe to her belt before extending a hand to the knight, helping him back to his feet. ❝ thank you for the match, ❞ she says — more to arianne than to him — her focus entirely returned to the princess as she draws near. there is something about her that holds asha's attention. & it was not mere beauty — though arianne certainly had that in abundance. no, it was the air of intelligence & poise, the quiet confidence that suggested unseen sharp edges lie beneath a silken exterior that intrigues the ironborn, that held her rapt. ❝ you've been a wonderful host to us, & your kingdom is a place of undeniable beauty, ❞ she says. & asha smiles, her eyes to dropping briefly to move appreciatively over arianne's alluring shape. ❝ if our two great houses are indeed to become friends, then i would happily act as envoy if it meant that i could return here for more frequent visits. ❞

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YELLOWJACKETS 1.09 | "Doomcoming" 2.02 | "Edible Complex"

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🪐 — BLACK SAILS : @azmenka for asha ▶ ❝ The thought of losing you… ❞

❝ DON'T. ❞ she cuts maron off before he can complete the thought, giving a sharp shake of her head. ❝ don't even think of it. i'm fine. i told you, it's barely a scratch. ❞ but the dark splotch on her tunic undercuts her reassurances, a hand-sized patch of drying blood betraying the wound beneath. still, asha knows without looking that it's nothing she can't heal from. she can still breathe in, stand, bend, & turn, all without agony, so she's confident that nothing critical was pierced by the lucky greenlander's spear — it's likely more of a scrape than anything.

maron still looks worried, his face white as he reaches for her as if to check for himself. but asha swats his hand away. his concern is touching, but unwarranted. & besides, their men are still watching — any sign of weakness must be saved for later, when they are alone. ❝ do you remember the time back when we were children doing the finger dance & you nearly took my head off ? ❞ & she smirks, tossing her loose hair back so that he can see the scar on the side of her throat before nudging him affectionately with her elbow. ❝ you came closer to killing me than any greenlander ever has. ❞

[musecraft]

RHEA RIPLEY WWE Fastlane, October 7th, 2023

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in some fantasy verses with fantasy species (like d&d/bg/etc), birdie is half fae. her mother was a unique subtype of fae that have massive feathered wings, & her father was a human. birdie herself never met her mother, & appeared like any other human child when she was born. but at around age 13, her own wings began to come in.

unlike her mothers', birdie's wings are fairly small, with her wingspan even shorter than her armspan. they are made of pale white-blonde feathers, & while she can fly for short bursts in an emergency situation, they are really not strong enough to carry her long distances.

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🪐 — OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH : @baldursgoons ( aurora ) for birdie ▶ ❝ we’re friends. friends tell each other these kind of things. ❞

IT'S BEEN AWHILE since birdie has had a real friend, & she pauses in her work at mending a heavy winter cloak to look up at aurora in surprise. ❝ oh. they do ? ❞ of course, birdie considers almost everyone to be her friend, even those she hasn't met yet. but it's hard to keep friends when you don't stay in one place for very long, & birdie tends to wander on her own more often than not. so to hear the assertion being directed at her brings a broad smile to her face, her pale feathered wings giving a giddy flutter. ❝ i didn't know. i guess i've never had one stick around for long enough to ask. ❞

she hesitates, but aurora seems genuinely curious. & though birdie hasn't had anyone ask for awhile, the story hasn't faded from her memory. her eyes drop to her stitching as she begins. ❝ my father was a mortal — i never met my mother, but he thought her an angel when they first met, on account of her wings. he said they were so great they could almost touch the ground. when she left him, she left me, too. i didn't have my wings when i was a baby, so i guess she thought i was a mortal, & that i should be with my own kind. but when they came in ... ❞ she pauses, glancing back up to catch aurora's eyes, her wings settling close against her back. ❝ my father didn't enjoy having the reminder of her. so i left. i've been on my own ever since. ❞ & birdie smiles then, shrugging. it isn't a sad story ; not to her. after all, it ends with her being set free.

❝ & you ? what of your family ? ❞

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Melanie Lynskey/Sophie Nélisse as Shauna Shipman in S01 of YELLOWJACKETS 

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EVEN THE WAY HE MOVES seems strange somehow. the lestat that stands before him is entirely different than the one in louis' memories, the one that had followed him through the streets of paris & lingered around the penthouse in dubai. this version is smaller, paler — but no less beautiful. after breaking from their long embrace, lestat takes an unsteady step backwards, then another, his touch falling from louis' waist to link their hands instead. & for the first time, louis lets himself follow the pull of the unseen tether between them without any resistance.

the inner room where the coffin sits is just as neglected & ruined as the rest of the house, though at least here boards have reinforced the broken windows to keep the day out. the coffin itself matches its surroundings perfectly, its frame cracked & the velvet within ragged & covered in dark stains. lestat trips as he steps inside, clumsy in a way he never was in louis' memories.

& now, nearly a hundred years after waking to his new life, louis murmurs a soft word of thanks & steps carefully into the coffin beside his maker again, just as he had on that first night. ❝ why didn't you get yourself a new one ? this one must let the sun in with all these cracks. ❞ he asks as he settles, lying back into lestat's arms. but he already knows the answer. he could remember at one point flinging this very coffin over the balcony railing in his anger. but lestat was sentimental & quite attached to it, so they'd had it repaired in lieu of buying a new one. louis had thought it silly, at the time. but now he wonders if it's not too late for the same to be done for the two of them. & he cannot pull his eyes away from his maker's face, a hand softly tucking a fallen lock of golden hair behind lestat's ear before coming to rest against his cheek. perhaps in the past louis would have held his tongue, but this time he allows himself to give voice to what forms in his mind when he looks at him. ❝ i missed you. ❞

'NOT TODAY.' Those two words, so innocently thrown out, stuck him like a knife. Tomorrow, then? Or perhaps the night after that. Regardless, Louis planned to leave him once more, and, loath as he was to do so, Lestat would let him just as he had 77 years earlier. He nodded and managed a half-smile. "Good. Good. Far too dangerous for that... good." The fact that there time together would be short only meant that he must memorize every detail so it may be feasted upon for years to come.

The thrashing of the wind and rain was mere background noise against the resonance of Louis' voice. "Of course, mon cher. Always." He took an unsteady step back as if he intended to backwalk his former companion into the adjoining room. It was only after another step was clumsily taken that Lestat allowed his hands to fall from Louis' waist to his hands. He held the hand of his former companion as if it were made of porcelain and carefully led him into a small room, with boarded windows, and empty save for the coffin placed in its center.

Although, it had braved several cross-continental trips and was nearly half a century old the coffin maintained its regal appearance. The wood remained unblemished, with a polished sheen that reflected even in the worst lighting. It's ornate decoration wrapped around the top as sharp and finely finished as the day it was carved. He opened it with a flourish, revealing that even the fabric had neither aged nor stained.

Lestat carefully stepped in, his grip on Louis' hand tightening as his foot hit against the coffins side causing him to lurch forward. He gave an airy laugh, the excitement of it all having him lightheaded. Once settled he reached out for Louis hand once more, "still wish to be on top, beautiful one?"

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🪐 — BLACK SAILS : @anquenin for louis ▶ ❝ am I crazy? tell me. i’m asking. ❞

IT'S A RIDICULOUS QUESTION, & the absurdity of it almost makes louis laugh. almost, but not quite. instead there's only a slight twitch of his brow as they wander like mortals through the city, a slight curve of his lips as he stops to look at the other vampire in the orange streetlight glow. ❝ you're asking me ? ❞ his voice is tight, uncertain of everything — including his own sanity.

but astarion seems to want a real answer, looking to him as if for some kind of reassurance that louis doesn't know if he can provide. palpable tension rolls off of astarion, his thoughts a bleakly fatalistic mirror of louis' own. but after a moment, he shrugs, brushing away the other's concern. ❝ look, man, we're all crazy. all of us. it's our way, our kind. we all lose our minds eventually. ❞ & if astarion hadn't figured that out yet, then he should be prepared for it to happen soon. the price of immortality was insanity; louis had seen the truth of that firsthand. & yet, somehow, he felt as if his mind was sharper, more lucid while walking with a relative stranger than it was with his companion of these last 30-some years. louis found himself in no hurry to return to the suite he shared with armand. & knowing what he did of astarion's maker, it seemed the strange pale vampire felt the same. ❝ but i think keeping the right company helps. at least a little. ❞

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so anyway i'm thinking about this interview where jacob says of louis dpdl :

"My feeling about Louis is that he is the most vampire of all of them. He has the highest drive and jonesing for blood, I think he really wants blood, I think he hates human beings. I think everything he says he is, I think he is the opposite. […] I think that's he feels the need to overcompensate for a really deep blood lust, like he really wants to be a vampire. […] He's the reticent vampire because he is reticent to embrace what he is."

& i think that this is really on base, & says a lot about... well, everything tbh. louis tries so hard to be empathetic because he is afraid that he's actually not. &... he's not. this could be a whole other post, but he pretty much never actually acts to help other people. even the act of saving claudia was admittedly more about his own sense of redemption than helping her. & he is a vampire, he does kill. & sometimes he does kill violently, 'theatrically.' & sometimes often, he does enjoy it. he represses those instincts because they are so strong, & because he fears that he cannot separate himself from them any more, & because he has come to believe that they are bad & inherently wrong.

& i'm thinking about how louis, a Black queer creole man living in pre-civil-rights-act era louisiana, was well practiced at suppressing his rage & hatred for other humans, even when he was human. & i think that because he spent his human life trying to advance in his unjust society, & he tried so hard to be "one of the good ones" ( thinking here about his 'exceptional negro' speech in 1.02 ) who would be allowed to live in their world only if he suppressed his true feelings ( his "true nature" if you will ) hard enough. & how this narrative also ties to & compounds with his queerness, & his shame over & suppression of his desires for other men.

& of course, vampirism can be seen as a direct continuation of these themes, & we can see louis modeling the exact same behaviors of repression & self-loathing as it relates to his vampiric nature. he has convinced himself that what he is is inherently wrong & shameful. & i genuinely believe that the only way forward for louis is complete & total acceptance of himself. he is a queer man. he is a Black man — yes, even one who is often ( rightly! ) angry. & he is a vampire who needs to ( & likes to ) feed on humans. these things are all inherent to what & who he is, core elements of his identity that shape how he moves through this world. & he has to learn to be ok with those things... or he will ( continue to ) go insane.

[musecraft]

You overpaid, with crumpled bills and some earrings with blood on them, like they were ripped from the lobes. You had a body about to bloom and the mind of a sophisticate. You didn't smile.