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j-a-nuary · 2 years ago

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Date Roulette: Seunghyun

Saturday

Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Daesung Week Start Taeyang Week Start Previous Next

I woke up to unfamiliar sheets, pale gold sunlight, and a view of the city center.

And not Seunghyun.

Typically that would not have been a concern, except that I had fallen asleep to television background sound, sofa upholstery, and warm hands on my back.

Sitting up, I immediately reached under my shirt to fix my bra. I was glad that Seunghyun seemed to maintain respect for certain boundaries, but the metal digging into my side momentarily made me wish he hadn't.

After settling my clothing to be at least bearable, I got up and started sneaking around. If my own headache was anything to judge by, I felt that I could safely assume that Seunghyun was also hungover.

As silently as I could, I slipped into the common area. I was on a hunt, a stealthy predator, slinking unseen so…

"Finally awake?"

I jumped so hard that I fell.

"You are like a fucking cat," I complained, slowly clawing my way up from between the loveseat and sofa, "if you're trying to kill me, just say so."

Seunghyun smiled, obviously amused by my misfortune. He walked towards me, pausing to place a mug down on the table, and held a hand out to help me up.

As if I'd give him the satisfaction of accepting his help first thing in the morning.

Ignoring his hand, I pushed myself up using the armrests of the furniture instead.

"Your tea is in the kitchen," he blithely informed me. He took a seat on the sofa, pulling out his phone.

It rankled me, his completely on brand composure. Unbothered, hydrated, reading emails or whatever on his phone.

"Hyun?"

His eyes lifted to me. He hummed in a questioning tone, lifting his mug to his lips.

I flopped onto the loveseat, letting my legs dangle over the armrest. I hooked my neck over the opposite armrest, looking at him at an angle. I tried my best to look cute.

"Can you go get it for me?"

His eyebrow twitched, hinting at his impulse to quip, but he reigned it in. He breathed a small laugh then, shaking his head as he placed his mug onto the coffee table. Standing, he pocketed his phone and let a hand brush over my hair as he stepped past me.

"Of course, baby."

-----

After finishing my tea, I took a quick shower. It was less of a shower and more of a rinsing off the thin layer of sweat that had accumulated in my sleep. I was planning on taking a full, longer than absolutely necessary, bath when we got back to Seoul.

A chill slid down my spine when I thought of that. Despite being an entire adult, an old sense of apprehensive guilt settled over me. It was the sort of feeling I hadn't felt since I had gotten in trouble for finishing fights in high school.

We had disappeared. We had responsibilities, of a sort, that we had severely neglected. Even Taeyang and I had stayed on camera for the full week, and we had literally planned out how to fake enough roll for the show. Seunghyun and I had simply left.

Then again, what was the worst that could happen? They kick me off the show? That actually sounded like a relief.

Still, old habits die hard, and I was the all time champion of beating myself up.

—---

"Did I do something wrong?"

We were about an hour out from Seoul when Seunghyun broke the sleepy silence of the car.

"Hmm?" I blinked slowly, trying to pull myself out of the semi-sleep I had fallen into.

I had reclined my seat and tugged his spare jacket over myself in place of a blanket. The air in the car was warm enough that my head was firmly planted in the clouds of sleep.

Seunghyun hummed, and I could hear the leathery squeak of his hands gripping the steering wheel tighter.

"Earlier," he started, "when I wanted to touch you…"

His words petered out, but he didn't have to finish the sentence.

About five minutes into the drive home, he had casually tried to loop his hand through my arm. It wasn't a bad thing, and was actually endearing in a way. But I had shrugged him off and asked him to please not touch me.

"Ah," I slowly returned the seat to an upright position, "sorry. I should have explained."

"You don't have to," he rushed to reassure me, "I just want to make sure I didn't do something without realizing."

I allowed myself a moment to sweep my eyes over him before answering. Once again, I found myself caught off guard by this little show of kindness. Twisting in my seat, I faced him a little more directly, letting my head tilt to rest against the headrest.

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

He gave me a brief glance. Somehow even that was endearing. It was such a short look. Clearly he didn't want to take his eyes off the road for too long, but he still wanted to keep the conversational connection. It was sweet.

What the hell am I thinking?

"You don't need to apologize," he mumbled to me, but towards his steering wheel.

"I should have explained though," I protested, "sometimes, for no reason, I just don't want to be touched."

I could see him relax.

"Oh," the faintest hint of a blush settled across what I could see of his cheeks, "I get it. I do the same thing sometimes."

-----

"I'll be back soon," Seunghyun squeezed my hand.

"How much trouble are we in?" I asked, holding on tightly.

"Not we," he lifted my hand and pressed his lips to it, "I said I'd take responsibility. Don't worry about it."

"Hyun…"

"No," he shook his head. He released my hand and nodded towards the house, "just wait for me. Everything's going to be fine."

I sighed, but could see that there wasn't much point in arguing. Steeling myself, I pushed the door of the car open and headed up the front walk.

—---

I had expected to be set upon by Daesung as soon as I entered the house, but I was instead greeted by silence. Straining my ears, I was fairly certain the house was empty. There was no electric screech of televisions or monitors. There was no hum of fans, computers, or ventilation. There was… nothing.

It creeped me out a little bit. The house felt abandoned.

"I'm home," I called out.

I was greeted by silence. It was exactly what I wanted, and dreaded.

Despite knowing that I was alone, I tried to be as quiet as possible as I moved through the house. The tension of feeling like I had done something wrong still clung onto my shoulders, tugging the muscles tight.

As soon as I was safely in my room, I dropped my backpack onto my bed and started shedding clothing. As I had planned this morning, I was now on a mission to sink into the oversized bathtub and try to turn off my brain.

I paused, designer shorts - a new gift from Seunghyun - halfway down my legs. How was I going to turn off my brain?

If the house had been a bit closer to where the crater formerly known as my apartment was, I would simply put off the bath until I could go to Minsheng's studio and force some student or other to spar until I was exhausted. But we weren't, and the train and bus ride would sorely cut into my time. I slowly stood up, resecuring the shorts around my waist. It appeared I would have to take a less healthy route.

I looked at the shirt I had unceremoniously dropped onto the ground. Sure, it was a little wrinkled now, as linen was so inclined to do, but the economical part of my brain demanded I put them back on. There was no point in putting on a clean shirt before the bath. That would just be me creating more laundry for myself, and I would only be wearing it for another half hour or so.

Shirt on, wallet dug out of the backpack, and a Pokémon covered bucket hat later, I was back outside. The sun was bright, but not glaring, shining high above a few puffy white clouds. It lent the day a feeling of being inside a child's drawing.

As if conjured by the very thought, an orange cat poked its head out from an alleyway.

"Hi baby," I called out. I slowly bent my knees, crouching to get closer to the cat's level. Digging deep, I tried to summon every ounce of Disney Princess vibes that I could manage.

Apparently it was an adequate amount.

"Hello hello," I babbled as the cat approached me, "aren't you just a sweet baby?"

The cat chirped at me, slinking under my shins and winding between my feet. In an attempt to get the cat used to me, I let one hand hang loosely near my ankles.

Within five minutes, I had the cat crouching on my shoulder as I continued my way towards the corner store. I had no idea what my plan was once I got to the store, but for now I had a cat and that was all that really mattered.

The cat made a curious mrrp in my ear as we walked.

"Just a bit further," I explained, "do you want anything from the store?"

I was rewarded for my conversation with a half purring snuffling directly into my ear.

"Of course," I continued, "chicken or fish?"

-----

Even though I didn't hold onto too much hope that the ginger tabby would actually wait for me outside the store, I picked out two little bags of treats. Chicken and fish. Only the best to fuel my Disney Princess animal companion daydreams.

Treats tucked safely into a little plastic shopping basket, I stared at the variety of drinks that were available.

I thought about trying to be picky, but the very idea made me feel even more drained than I already was. Spotting chamisul fresh, I grabbed two bottles and headed to the cashier. We barely exchanged looks as I was rung up. For a second, I could pretend the last month hadn't happened.

The cat was gone when I stepped back outside.

-----

Back in the house, back in my room, back in the too-big tub, I sprawled out in water that was maybe just a little bit too hot. Steam floated across the surface of the water, whirling and sliding as I disturbed it by bringing the rim of one of the bottles to my lips. It was a potent combination, alcohol and hot water, but that's why I had chosen it.

Now glad for the silence of the house, I hooked the back of my head against the lip of the tub. Humming out a relaxed groan, I tried to let my shoulders loosen. Once they felt like nothing, I worked my way down my body - mentally checking my muscles for tension and trying to release them. The words of an ex, a massage therapist, came to me.

"You hold a lot of your anxiety in your ass and thighs."

There was probably a joke in there somewhere, since he had been an ass that was obsessed with my thighs, but it had been true as well. Kneading the heel of my palms into the sides of my legs, I struggled to relax.

-----

Done with the bath, head still swimming from the heat and alcohol, I pulled out my phone. Opening my messages, I hesitated. The fuzz in my brain put me in a wanting sort of mood, but I wasn't feeling quite bold enough. Settling onto the seat by the vanity, I decided to take the scenic route instead.

To: Zico I want to message Mino.

From: Zico Then why are you messaging me? ㅋㅋㅋ

To: Zico Because I'm unsure of my feelings. And if I message Mino I might be leading him on.

Just like messaging Daesung the night before, I watched typing bubbles pop up and disappear for a moment. I sighed, traipsing into the kitchen to grab one glass full of ice, and another full of water. My phone finally dinged with a new message while I was walking back to my room.

From: Zico I'm in a tough spot now. Should I tell him that you're not sure?

From: Zico I think he already knows the reality of your position.

I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a bubbler. Carefully setting aside the water glass, I filled the ice glass with the rest of the soju. I considered the message, mentally processing my response before letting my fingers touch the screen again.

To: Zico I care about him enough to not want to hurt him.

To: Zico But the reality is that, right now anyway, I may end up dating one of the BigBang members.

To: Zico Of course, it could be that everything happening on the show is even more fake than I know.

A message popped up from Zico, but I was on a roll and kept typing anyway. I may not be a bubbler, but I was definitely a multi-texter.

From: Zico Who do you think you would date?

To: Zico Maybe the show will end and I'll never hear from any of the members again.

To: Zico Maybe I'll never hear from you and Mino again too.

To: Zico Maybe my life will reset to factory settings.

To: Zico I'm scared of being forgotten.

Having finished my ramble, I answered his interrupting question.

To: Zico It's not Jiyong, if that makes you feel any better ㅋㅋㅋ

From: Zico I don't think you'll be forgotten. Not by Mino.

From: Zico And I like having you distract me sometimes too ㅋㅋㅋ

From: Zico Ah, your taste has gotten better then.

From: Zico Seriously, who is it?

Sipping the iced alcohol, I thought about being honest. No. That wouldn't help anything.

To: Zico Wouldn't that be a spoiler? What if you sell our messages to Dispatch?

From: Zico If I wanted Dispatch's money, I'd sell Mino's texts about you ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

From: Zico If you message him, he'll send me one like "Ah! Hyung! She messaged me~~~"

From: Zico Does that answer your question? He'd be happy to hear from you.

From: Zico Just be honest with him.

To: Zico Okay okay.

To: Zico Thank you Zico-yah~♡

From: Zico 🤢🤢🤢

From: Zico Save it for Mino

I snorted to myself and switched to my chat with Mino.

To: Hugeboy Mino

To: Hugeboy Mino mino miiiiii~

Perhaps predictably, his answer was fairly quick.

From: Hugeboy Noonang~♡

From: Hugeboy What have I done to deserve such a cute greeting? \(★ω★)/

To: Hugeboy I was just talking to Zico about you

From: Hugeboy (｡ㅜ ω ㅜ｡)

From: Hugeboy You should just message me

From: Hugeboy Hyung is weird

To: Hugeboy Are you jealous~~? I just wanted his advice

From: Hugeboy I can give you advice too ʕ •̀ ω •́ ʔ

Briefly, I thought back to high school flirtations. Me and my partner-to-be saying things like "so, there's this person I like… kind of reminds me of you…"

Since I had already opened with something cute and a little childish, why not continue?

To: Hugeboy Okay okay

To: Hugeboy I'll ask you too

To: Hugeboy I want to message this guy that I've been flirting with but I'm having a difficult time figuring out my exact feelings

To: Hugeboy I'm in this situation where I'm supposed to be dating these other guys, and the one I want to message is kind of forbidden

From: Hugeboy I don't know if I can be impartial

I snorted at that. At least he was honest.

To: Hugeboy I trust you to do your best for me ♡

To: Hugeboy Sometimes I don't know what I feel about any of them

To: Hugeboy I think I like more than one person and that feels like I'm cheating even though I'm not exclusively seeing any of them

From: Hugeboy |･ω･ʔ

From: Hugeboy Well…….. if I were one of those guys……

I breathed a sigh of relief that he was at the very least indulging my technique of addressing by avoiding.

From: Hugeboy I'd be a little hurt that you have feelings for someone else at the same time

From: Hugeboy But I also know that you can't control that

From: Hugeboy I think it just means that I have to try harder to prove myself

From: Hugeboy …… if I was one of those guys……

How pragmatic. I wondered what hidden stores of maturity were hidden under Mino's emoticon covered exterior.

To: Hugeboy But wouldn't you get mad? Or feel like I was playing with you?

From: Hugeboy Noona

From: Hugeboy No jokes okay?

From: Hugeboy I know about the show

From: Hugeboy I know the whole point of the show

From: Hugeboy It would be more surprising if you didn't feel anything for any of them

From: Hugeboy Do I like it? No

From: Hugeboy But without the show I would never have met you

From: Hugeboy So I'll take the bad because the good is worth it

From: Hugeboy And if you do end up marrying Seunghyun

I snorted again. I had been planning on letting him finish his entire monologue but I couldn't leave that alone.

To: Hugeboy Omg

From: Hugeboy I'll go to the wedding and be happy for you

To: Hugeboy I'm not going to marry Seunghyun

From: Hugeboy Okay but my point is the same

I bit my lip, considering what he was saying.

To: Hugeboy Are you alone? Can I video-call you?

Rather than a typed response, I got an incoming video request. Accepting it, I discarded pleasantries.

"Are you being serious or are you just saying what you think I want to hear?"

Mino's laughter crackled through my phone speakers as his smile swayed in and out of frame.

"Ah, noonaaa…"

"I'm being serious," I exaggerated a pout towards the camera. "Tell me the selfish thing that you think I shouldn't hear."

"Okay, okay," he let out a small grunt as he flopped onto what I vaguely recognized as his sofa.

"The most selfish thing I think about the situation? Hmm…"

He ran his fingers through his hair, then shook his head to fix his bangs.

"Just tell me," I whined.

"I want you to quit the show," Mino chuckled, "is that selfish enough?"

-----

An indeterminate amount of time after Mino had to leave the call for some appointment or other, I was lazily lounging about in the stolen hotel robe. The unmistakable sounds of three to five adult men arriving at once started creeping through the house. Groaning, I rolled onto my stomach, stretching and mentally preparing myself for whatever was about to come.

I heard the familiar shuffle of Taeyang pass by my bedroom door, followed by the creak and click of his own door.

My eyes were drooping dangerously near to napping when a soft knock landed on my door. Three knocks.

Not Seunghyun then.

"Come in," I called out.

As expected, Daesung poked his head into my room.

"Can I come in?"

Rolling onto my side, I couldn't help but laugh at his asking a question I had essentially already answered.

"I just said come in," I smiled up at him.

"Yeah," he took a hesitant step into the room, "but you could have just meant the doorway."

I squinted at him for a second. He looked… shy? Nervous? It was hard to place the exact emotion.

He cleared his throat, dropping his eyes after meeting mine very briefly.

Ah, pitiful and guilty.

"I'm not mad at you," I sat up, tucking the robe a little tighter around myself, "if that's what you're worried about."

"I didn't think you were," he muttered. He stepped into the room properly, closing the door behind him. He sagged against the door, still obviously feeling a bit… something.

"But I've been wrong before," he clarified, "I just…"

I shuffled to the edge of the bed, leaning forward slightly to look up at him.

"You just…?"

His shoulders fell, relaxing slightly before he lifted his arms towards me.

"I missed you."

I grinned, allowing my mouth to fully indulge in a smile from a time before self-consciousness. Resting my elbows on my knees, I tilted my head as I looked up at him.

"You really are spoiled," I said in a hum.

"I'm sorry," he sighed heavily, "about everything."

"It's okay," I shrugged. "You promise you didn't know?"

He licked his lips, a nervous tic.

"It's not so much that I didn't know as it is that I didn't think of it."

I considered his words, leaning back on my palms now.

"I think that's sort of the same thing," I was basically just thinking out loud, "at least neither one is done with malice."

"Pet," Daesung finally, firmly, met my eye, "I would never. I swear. I… hmm…"

I watched him curiously, waiting for an explanation of why he had cut himself off. He wasn't being terribly forthcoming though.

"Go on," I prodded.

"I was just going to say," I could see a blush creeping up his face, "I would never record anything like that…"

He blinked a few times, then shook his head. His hair was loose, not particularly styled. The motion of his head made his bangs fall into his eyes, offering him a sort of barrier while he finished his sentiment.

"Unless it was something that we both agreed to."

"Dae!"

"I'm just saying!" He was trying to sound exasperated, but a self-effacing sort of smile was creeping across his face.

"There's a time and a place," he explained, "and a conversation, for things like that."

"I bet you wanted to listen to it," I bounced my eyebrows at him in a mockery of suggestiveness. "Chul said it sounded pretty good."

"I was there," he shrugged, cheeks deepening in hue, "you definitely sounded good."

I laughed, flattening myself down onto the mattress. After a few seconds, I let out a big sigh.

"I admit that I kind of freaked out."

"Mm," he hummed, "Seunghyun told me."

I popped my head upwards, shooting him a skeptical look.

"He did?"

"Yeah," Daesung grimaced, "he told me I was stupid for not thinking of it, and that I could have caused a major scandal."

"If Chul wasn't so very," I shrugged, letting my head drop back down, "Chul, then yeah."

I shut my eyes, tired of seeing, "that could have been a massive issue."

"So we're okay?"

Lifting one hand, I blindly waved for him to come closer.

A slow shuffling sound later, I felt the slight thump of his legs hitting the side of the mattress.

I waved my hand more insistently.

I heard him let out an amused puff of air, then felt the mattress dip next to me. Keeping my eyes closed, I wormed my hand around until I found his. Looping my fingers through his, I tugged on it slightly.

My reward was feeling him lay next to me. I reached across my body to pull him closer.

He laughed again as he arranged himself. Head on my shoulder, arm around my waist, one leg resting slightly on my own.

I bent the arm he was resting on to run my fingers through his hair.

"I think we're okay."

"Good," Daesung mumbled into my neck. There was a pause, and then…

"Permission to flirt?"

I laughed.

"Granted."

My allowance was rewarded by his hand slipping under my robe and just… laying there. It wasn't so much a flirtation as it seemed to be a self-soothing cuddle move.

"That was somewhat more tame than I expected," I pointed out.

"I'm tired," I felt his arm shift, most likely from a shrug, "I was worried about you for the last few nights."

I didn't laugh so much as I let out a brief puff of air.

"You said Seunghyun is safe though."

"Yeah but what if something had happened?" He squirmed next to me, eventually propping his elbow against the mattress. Resting his head on his hand, he looked down at me with a look that made me soften, but feel incredibly nervous at the same time.

I resisted the urge to push him away, knowing that it was a trauma response and that I wasn't actually in danger.

He explained his anxiety.

"What if you got in a car crash?"

Another puff escaped me.

"A car crash involving any of you boys would be national news immediately."

"Okay," he nodded, "what if some crazy fan tricked you or took you?"

"Tricked me?" I questioned.

"Yeah," Daesung's eyebrows curled down his face, "are you telling me that if," he shrugged again, "I don't know. If someone told you that they needed help, would you not go with them?"

Looking up at his worried face, I felt my impulse to flee lessen. Craning my neck upwards, I missed his lips but still managed to kiss his chin.

"The only people who would ask a foreigner for help would be another foreigner or a cult member trying to recruit. I would probably reach out to the police or something."

He leaned down to press his lips against mine, before leaning away and frowning deeper.

"Don't try to distract me."

I grinned. Distracting him seemed like a fine idea. Rolling onto my side slightly, I tried to weave my way to lay my lips against his neck.

He forged ahead regardless.

"What if they said 'oh my child is in danger, come quick'? You…" he faltered when my teeth scraped against his skin.

"Yo… you try to seem cool a-and tough but I know you wouldn't be ah… ah fuck… able to walk away."

I hummed, deciding to push against him with my hand.

His body resisted for a second before he laid back flat.

Shuffling onto my knees, I followed his motion. I was able to keep my mouth approximately on his neck, as I swung one leg over his body.

"P-ehh…" His use of the nickname morphed into a stifled moan as I bit down a little harder on his shoulder.

I sat up and just took him in.

A few twisted strands of hair splayed across his forehead. His lips were parted as he scrunched his eyes shut, and I was hit by a fleeting moment of jealousy. In a similar position, my own somewhat bucked teeth would be showing, but his mouth revealed nothing but a flash of sweet salmon pink when his tongue flicked forward to wet his lips.

"Pet," he half-hummed the word out, "I just told you not to distract me."

"Mm-hmm," I bent down and briefly tapped my lips against his, "and before that you asked for permission to flirt."

I laid another quick kiss, this time against his cheek.

"I'm kind of getting mixed signals, Dae."

He drew a deep breath and let it out through his nose before opening his eyes and responding.

"Did you miss me?"

He raised a hand as he spoke, pushing back the hair in my face. As if it was the most natural conclusion in the world for the motion, his fingers swooped down and brushed against my cheekbone, eventually landing on my lower lip.

I parted my lips, teasing by biting the tip of my tongue between my teeth without truly interacting with his hand.

"Was I supposed to miss you?"

Daesung groaned, dropping his hand to the mattress and pouting up at me.

"Now who's sending mixed signals, pet?"

I smiled at him, gripping the belt of my robe and making a point to be obvious while playing with it.

"Dae," I started.

"Hmm?"

"Now, be honest with me, okay?"

His hands slid, half flirtatious, half reassuring, up my thighs.

"Of course, pet."

"And I won't be mad if you say no…"

He smiled up at me, squeezing my legs slightly.

"Just ask me, pet. You can ask me anything."

I nodded, putting on what I hoped was a playful pout.

"How would you feel about having your hands tied to the bedpost while I rode you?"

There was a beat of silence. Then his hands tightened on my legs and he used his legs to push his body somewhat diagonal across the mattress. Once he was satisfied with his position, he dropped his hands from my legs and slid them above his head, gripping one of the corner posts.

"How could I ever deny you, my pet?"

I shot him a bright smile.

"Good to know."

I climbed off of him, undoing the knot that kept the robe secured around my body. Turning away, I spoke again.

"Now I should probably get dressed," I walked into the giant closet, "I'm really being pretty lazy today."

I heard a strained groan behind me, but Daesung didn't complain.

I was in a skirt and bra by the time he joined me in the closet. Internally, a battle raged between my desire to continue teasing him and the urge to simply bend over the accessory case in the middle of the closet.

"Pet?"

I glanced at him. His eyes seemed to be tracing over the lines of ink that littered my body. The urge to bend over got the upper hand for a moment.

"Yes?" I smiled at him, but turned my attention back to my shirt selection. My heart wasn't in the search though.

"I know I have permission to flirt," he stepped closer, slowly crowding into my space, "but permission to touch?"

He was close enough that I was able to lean back against him. Doing so, I reached up and slid my fingers into his hair.

"Granted."

While Daesung cleaned himself up in the oversized bathroom, I finally finished getting dressed. Or re-dressed. Technically.

The skirt was abandoned, having already played its part for the…

I checked my phone. 16:42. The skirt had played its part for the late afternoon.

Sitting on the stool by the vanity, I checked my phone.

There was one message from Zico. A screenshot of his chat with Mino, accompanied with the caption "I told you".

The image showed a series of excited emoticons from Mino, followed by two screenshots of my own messages to him.

From: ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡ Mino Mino miiiiii~

and

From: ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡�� I trust you to do your best for me ♡

were visible, followed by Mino saying "im so fucked" and several more, now heart filled, emoticons.

I couldn't help but laugh at Zico's response to him at the bottom of the image.

"A little respect for your very single hyung please"

Moving on from that, I opened a message from Seunghyun.

From: Seunghyun Dinner?

I heard the bathroom door open behind me. Typing out a reply, I listened as Daesung approached me from behind.

To: Seunghyun What time?

I felt his hand ruffle my hair.

From: Seunghyun I can be ready in ten. Do you need more time?

"Hmm," Daesung's hand fell to my shoulder, squeezing slightly, "leaving me for your fiance so soon?"

"Shut up," I tried to imbue my words with the power of my eye roll.

To: Seunghyun I'm all set, as long as it's casual. Half an hour?

"Ah, pet," Daesung whined, "and here I was convinced I was special."

From: Seunghyun Okay.

"Dae," I laid my phone on the vanity and turned in my seat, "you know I'm not g-"

I was cut off by his lips descending onto mine.

Again.

"I'm teasing you," he mumbled against my mouth, "I don't mind, pet."

I hummed, just letting myself enjoy the feel of his kiss. After a moment, I couldn’t help but poke a little fun at him. Pulling back, resisting the slight pull of his hand at the back of my neck, I smiled up at him.

“You only don’t mind because of your fantasy of being the other man.”

Daesung laughed, standing up straight and raising his hand to his face in an embarrassed gesture.

“Aha, you know me too well, pet.”

“You two are like a coin,” I stood from my seat, reaching up to ruffle my fingers through his hair lightly.

His eyebrows flicked together for a moment, and he tilted his head.

“What do you mean?”

I shrugged, somewhat distracted by the smooth feeling of his hair against my fingers.

“You like being the other man, and he claims he doesn’t mind sharing.” I frowned, still focusing on the silky sensation in my hand, “though, I have no idea if he exactly likes it, you know? The same way you do.”

Daesung was quiet for a moment. Then a moment longer than that. I dropped my eyes from his hair to meet his gaze.

His eyelids were fluttering softly, and there was a blush spreading across his cheeks.

"Does it feel good?" I didn't bother holding back my smile.

A small hum and a nod were the only answers I received. After a moment he shook his head and pulled away from my hands.

"Wait…" he shook his head again, "what did Seunghyun say?"

"How about katsu?" Seunghyun suggested.

We had decided to go for a walk and figure out dinner along the way.

"Honestly, and I don't even know if this is a thing here," I started, turning to walk backwards as I spoke, "but for some reason all I can think of is a salad bar."

He reached out to take my arm, directing me around another pedestrian.

"A salad bar?"

It was a little hard to tell if his tone was one of confusion at the concept or at my having a salad craving.

"Yeah," I nodded, "you go and there's bowls of different salad mixes," I made circles with my hands as I spoke, "and then all the different toppings," I made a sprinkling motion with my left hand over my right's flat palm, "and you make your own salad."

Seunghyun’s entire head rocked back as he laughed.

"I know what a salad bar is," he said, "I just figured you haven't really eaten all day. I thought you'd want something more substantial."

I nodded, spinning again to face forward.

"You might have a point. But I haven't had a chance to work out lately, so I'm trying to be mindful."

He made a sound of understanding from behind me.

I felt his hand slip into mine.

"Also I just like salad," I shrugged, "as long as it's interesting."

"Okay," he agreed. He tugged on my hand to get me to stop for a moment.

Turning to face him again, I saw his phone in his other hand.

"Let me search for salads nearby."

After dinner and walking back to the house, Seunghyun sat on the floor of my room. He leaned back against the side of the bed while I tried to remember why I had even bought charcoal in the first place.

"You okay?"

I wasn't sure if Seunghyun was asking about me, the singular entity, or about me as pertaining to… literally everything about my life at that moment.

"I'm okay," it was true enough regardless of the unspoken details of his question.

He nodded slowly, careful not to disturb his pose too much.

My sketchbook wasn't supposed to be full of anything that meant anything. Poses weren't really the point. Still, I appreciated the gesture.

"How much trouble did you get into?" I asked, half out of curiosity and half just to fill the silence of the room.

"Not much," he shrugged, "I just told a version of the truth."

"Which version?"

"I told them that I had wanted to come clean with you about my past scandals," he smiled softly.

"I see…" the smile was small - self contained enough that it didn't deform the rest of his face. I could have easily capture it with some brief strokes, if the inconsistent black stick in my hand didn't tend to smudge so much.

"And of course I didn't want to do that on camera," he explained, "that would pressure you into accepting me. I wanted you to be able to be honest in your reaction."

"Ah," I nodded, working on copying the crease of his shirt now, "so you lied."

Seunghyun adopted a humorously offended expression.

"Where's the lie? I told you about my scandal," he dropped his pose and started moving. "I wanted you to be comfortable without cameras," on his knees now, he shuffled towards me. Once close enough, he took the sketchpad out of my hand. Path clear, he rested his head against my knee, sideways, staring at nothing, "and I always want your honest reaction."

"Hyun," my fingers fell naturally into his hair, "how can you talk about honesty when you know it didn't happen that way?"

He hummed, closing his eyes as my fingers worked over his scalp.

"Mmm… that's why it's a version of the truth."

We stayed there for a while, just soaking up the soft skinship.

"Baby…"

"Yes, Hyun?"

He shook his head from my hand, turning his head to look up at me.

"Will you kiss me?"

His tone was… off, somehow. Like he wasn't making a request, he was asking a question.

"What?" I probed for more information.

"I mean," he made a grumbling hum sound before continuing.

"I think I'm always the one kissing you. I always start it."

He shifted his head, turning so that his chin rested on my knee now. Looking up at me, he huffed.

"That's fine, if that's what you prefer. But I feel like maybe I've been pressuring you too much."

"I mean," I shrugged, brushing his bangs from his face, "you do propose to me at least once a day."

He pouted. Honest to god pouted. Like a scolded child.

"Baby, that's because I want to marry you."

I let my hand sweep down to cradle his face. Tucking a fingertip or two under his jawline, I gently pulled. He followed my unspoken command willingly, fumbling slightly as he rose to securely kneel before my seat.

I wanted to say something quippy. Something playful, and maybe a little bit mean. Nothing came to mind though.

Instead, I leaned forward and down. Holding his chin in my palm, I pressed my lips to his.

A sighing moan escaped his throat. He sagged slightly in my grip, seeming to melt into the kiss.

Pulling back, I swiped my thumb over his lips. His eyes stayed closed as his mouth fell open at the sensation.

"Are you satisfied now, Hyun?"

His eyebrows drew together in a frown, but he nodded.

I kept my hand on his chin and lifted the other to trace a finger over his brows.

"You don't seem satisfied."

His eyes slowly flicked open, a small pout forming on his lips.

"Marry me."

"Hyun…" I knew I didn't need to finish the thought.

"I know, I know."

That pout still rested on his face, luring me in.

I pulled his chin towards me again. This time, I pressed a bit harder against his mouth. The sound he made was somewhat strangled, stuck in his throat with surprise.

It did something to me. I tugged at his lower lip with my teeth.

That managed to pull a surprisingly high pitched noise from his throat. Less of a moan and more of a whimper.

I felt him tug back, and against my instinct I let him go.

"Baby, I-"

Nope. I recognized the tone of his voice. That overthinking tone. The self-denial tone. The tone he used the night of the fire.

"Shush, Hyun," I pressed my lips to his again, just briefly this time, "I thought you wanted me to kiss you."

"I do," he whined, "but y-"

I quieted him again, using another kiss to derail his train of thought.

My own train of thought was a heated argument. Thoughts of what Daesung and I had done in the closet earlier served as fodder for both the argument for continuing, and the argument for stopping. My… situationship with Mino also flit through my mind.

But again I reminded myself that I was not truly bound to anyone. I am single. I haven't said anything to anyone that might make them believe otherwise. I have been explicitly honest with ev…

Seunghyun whimpered again, breaking me out of my mini crisis.

I pulled back slightly, looking down at him.

"You okay?"

He nodded before tilting backwards, out of my reach. Landing somewhat in a sitting position on the floor, his chest heaved dramatically.

"I'm fine," he reassured me. He swallowed hard before continuing.

"I should go."

He didn't move.

"Why's that?" I leaned forward as I asked.

"Because…" he faltered as I kept moving closer to him, "well…"

I slid off the chair, knees landing on either side of his tangled legs.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked as I crawled closer to him.

He shook his head, eyes trained on mine as I invaded his space.

Finally near enough, I sat myself in his lap and again placed two fingers under his chin. Dipping forward, I paused before kissing him again.

"I think you might like me."

I didn't give him a chance to respond, pressing my lips to his and listening to him whine again.

For a second, I thought he was going to pull away again. But his hands anchored themselves against me, one on the back of my neck, the other on my back, as he moved. Tugging slightly, he pulled me down along with him as he laid flat on the floor.

Probably about twenty minutes later, there was enough of a break for me to sit up again.

"Hyun…"

I resisted the urge to slip my fingers under his shirt.

His hands ran up and down my forearms, nails lightly scratching my skin.

"Yes baby?"

"You should probably get going."

His hands paused, then resumed their action.

"You'll have to get up first," he smiled as he said it. A joke of some kind.

I nodded and stood up. Leaning forward, I offered him my hand to help him up.

He gripped it easily enough, and was soon standing next to me. He turned and looked at me, mouth parted as if he was going to speak.

He didn't say anything.

Somehow, despite all of our talks and touches and everything else lately, the air grew rigid with awkwardness between us.

"Was that…" I started, faltering under the pressure of the building tension, "was that okay?"

"Ah," Seunghyun nodded, slipping into one of his many personal, "I guess that's why you won't marry me."

I tilted my head, waiting for him to continue.

"That's okay," he smiled at me, teasing, "the awkwardness will fade."

He leaned forward, our roles well and truly reversed now.

"I think you should kiss me more often," he grinned, "baby."

"Oh my god," I groaned, pushing his shoulder, "go away."

He caught my hand, wrapping his other arm around my waist.

"Yes," he softly nodded, "that was fine, baby."

Seunghyun pressed his lips against my cheek before speaking again.

"I'm sorry for joking."

"It's okay," I mumbled, wishing I wasn't blushing.

"I still want you to marry me," he tilted his head, trying to meet my downturned gaze, "no jokes."

“Shut up.”

“No.”

#Date Roulette #DR:BB #DR:SH #T.O.P #Seunghyun #Choi Seunghyun #Mino #Song Mino #D-Lite #Daesung #Kang Daesung

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