#ive tried going thru my old stuff

[ableedingpromise]

More than anything else I need a fun distraction

[puppppppppy]

u know when youre bored of everything and it feels like theres a hole that youre trying to close but it just keeps sucking everything up

[kanenites]

hey here's some resources if you want to stop paying for music streaming on ur computer

an mp3 converter that runs locally (can do whole playlists and albums at once too!)

old winamp because its not available on the winamp site anymore

this winamp plugin that displays lyrics of ur songs (some might not have them, others will have them but need syncing) theres a lot of lyrics plugins but this one is my favorite that ive tried, and its servers are still up!!!

this entire website actually has a lot of fun stuff for winamp in general, browse thru and see if u find smth u like tht still works!

and thats it. go little ones!!!! enjoy your music again!!!!!

[penpenpenchant]

The Sunday Ramble

Hello. I'm pen, and today im going to ramble about Sunday. If you dislike him, please get off my page. I cannot stress this enough.

So, why do I like Sunday?

short answer: he tickles my brain.

Long Answer:

As a character, he's super compelling to me because of 3 things: his design, his backstory, and his personality.

I enjoy both of his designs for a lot of reasons.

Old Design rant:

I think the eyes hidden throughout his design is such a neat detail because you don't see it a lot, and because I like to think that he had like a bunch of them that could kinda see (eventually ill do a redesign with the eyes). I also just think it looks really nice to wear. Like. I'd be cozy asf. Also, i do think he looks dashing.

New design rant:

Along his waist and legs there are these like thorns, yk? i think its kinda two things - jesus parallel, but also to kinda like. maybe symbolize the fact that he tried to trap everyone in ena's dream, and now hes the one trapped, kinda? also, maybe its because its like. a new cage, so to speak, cuz like wherever hes going is still not going to be enough - the night is still to short, after all- he is decked out in blues and whites and yellows and purples - white is typically associated with purity and priests, which make sense, but something about white also tends to symbolize youthfulness and naive/naivety and if i was designing a character like sunday, i would put him in so much white too so...yellow is like. most associated with like. happiness and hope, but also caution and im not going to say too much but i do hope if they are doing color symbolizism its the like. hope angle b/c i dont want to go thru another wanderer patch monent - blues can be either like. calm and reassurances but it can also be depression so. yk. - purples r like. spirituality which makes sense- also their the color of the nonbinary pride flag so im gonna die happy- also, note the like. chord (the lil like bars i think) design around his neck, which is kinda a call back to robin and yes i am going to be crying of this for DAYS.- also his pose 1 .) HPLY FUCK HIS WAIST??? 😋 DUCKING YUMMY sorry 2.) hes like reaching up to the fether but hes still unsure and hes still hesitant about like a lot of it and i wonder if he isnt like. super hesitant about like. what his path will take him on b/c like. his "path" was severed by the trailblazer, his ideals and hopes where kinda like a convo like "yes we uunderstand you want to protect the weak, but your equality isnt fair and jt isnt good to force onto others" and now he needs to walk a new path and idk what other people feel when they have to go thru big life changes but thats scary!! and ur unsure of urself the whole tome!! b/c like!! its TERRIFYING and yes maybe i need to get disgnosed but ive known that for a while and maybe its me wanting toproject but i think that he can be scared too

(i would also like to mention that i am no like. analyst, so if these are wrong they wrong. i just like him)

His backstory:

Holy. Lord. I could not stop CRYING. Maybe it's because he was just a kid when stuff started happening that never should have happened, maybe it's because every star rail update has made me cry, but holy. I was a mess, yall. Just a mess.

Secondly, I think his philosophy is Interesting too: It's kind of like a mix between order and harmony and idk man i just fuck with it. Do i think he went a little extreme? Yes. FUCK YES. Do i completely understand his character? no. But do i find his entire philosophy (which side note, halfway remind me of the beatitudes (the meek shall inherit the earth, yadda yadda) conpelling? YEAH.

Also, fuck gopher wood. All my homies hate him.

Personality!!

First, because i thibk ill forget to mention it: i am a "Sunday has OCD" truther. I forget if its canon...

Do i think he goes a lil too hard with everything? yes. However, i think you can tell through his conversation with Aventurine that he needs this or else his life will fall apart.

(Secondly, i do want to make clear that i dont support his actions. I think i may come off that way. Also, i hope that if they do ever meet again, Sunday will apologize for that stuff(/gen) he did and then they can kiss about it(/j)

I also just like his personality, i donr have the words to explain it.

HEADCANON TIME

Eyes: I think he has a fuck ton of them, and they can kinda partially see but its all like shadowy. I think he also literally had eyes in the back of his head.

Wings: I studided birds for him. I think that he does also gave waist wings.

i am so convinced that this man should be a stellaron hunter. I need him to meet blade. lord bless sunren (or avenday... or argenday..... or sunheng.... im insane ik)

Art!!

This is my art. i am not an artist.

yes i did trace the base.

okay love yalls

[d1gnan]

here's a little deep dive on the fight club necklace / my process in general hehe

i put like way too much thought into all my jewelry and this is about to be the most in depth ive actually ever gone about my process so sorry in advance 4 how long winded i am

(and if ur new to my jewelry i get everything secondhand and i upcycle so i source from places like estate sales/thrift stores/antique malls/ebay/shop frum peoples personal collections etc )

i think the necklace and the original paper street bracelet i made speak the same visual language as the paper street house pretty well because i sourced most of it from some of my oldest and most visually ornate jewelry finds.

a lot of the beads from this one are actually from this really dope older lady i knows collection/more specifically from a costuming warehouse in nyc and the jewelry is just so ornate and crazy and out of style, i imagine they were once worn by the kind of people that wouldve gotten their soup peed in so its kind of fun to reclaim them for something like this

when i went to go look thru my stash i was specifically thinking of chipping wallpaper and pulling anything that evoked that to me-kind of corny for a second, but i love beat up old houses visually and theres something so cool about the juxtaposition of ornate/destroyed. layerS and layers of beautiful print made sad and irrelevant by its surroundings. these (the houses and the jewelry) were luxurious and cool and trendy at one point and now theyre completely obsolete and funny. i honestly think the whole thing screams tyler durdens philosophy also

( a beautiful thing destroyed, the performance of put-togetherness+ wealth, putting stake in material goods+trends only for them to be completely stripped away by time )

but anyway yeah when u put these glamorous old things together with stuff like keys and charms that don't match and mix gold/silver, you get this really lived in and sick junk drawer effect, and when you pair pale whites with pale greens it can kind of give a souring/moldy/aged look

little more specific callouts tho for references (left to right)

golf club charms r pretty obvious

the green engraved stone i grabbed immediately because it gives the old wallpaper feeling i was going for

theres this golden charm that's kinda like a kitschy grandma charm, it says "1 minute/1 hour/1day/1week/1year/1leapyear/1century" and i put that as a reference to "this is your life and its ending one minute at a time"/"i am jacks wasted life" and i also think it works on another level/kindamatches with fight clubs irony since its like supposed to be a cutie love commitment idk at least 2 me hahaha

the little step ladder charm and the key i added so that it would read as yeah a dirty old unfinished house/kinda a visual junk drawer..the key i got at an estate sale (i got a bunch and had to make key soup to clean them all)it opens something somewhere

the dog vaccination tag is there both as a reference to the guy that they threaten but then also slightly as a nod to the narrators wacked self esteem the whole like puppy dog obsession aspect IDK

theres a little P and S charm for paper street

the freshwater pearl at the end and the plastic bone shaped bead are kind of supposed to give teeth/bones like subconsciously, i tried a kind of similar thing when i made jewelry based off of pearl from X and tried to make like a rotting looking necklace

theres a little coke bottle cracker jack toy on there too, if ur trying to condense fight club into symbols, glass bottles pop up in my brain so i wanted to find something like that and i got lucky. theres also a little green telescope cracker jack toy thats kind of rusty and i picked it up for how well it matched what i was going for visually but i feel like it could also be a space monkeys thing

any way thanks for looking at this, like i said this is the deepest ive ever gone into depth about my process, but this is why im so drawn to creating jewelry it feels like taking a picture or finishing a puzzle i just do it in a really specific way and it always feels fresh and new when i start a new project, (i definitely dont always have this much to say i promise) but any way hope this was cool

[night-dark-woods]

ID. photo of a whiteboard with bullet points written on it, titled "Stocking Reminders."

Top stock goes in the same 4' section as the stock.

Each SKU's overstock should be all in one spot. (below this point there is a diagram of a shelf with colorcoded boxes, one mixed up and one with the colors together)

Don't overfill hooks/shelves. There should be one straight line of product! If it won't hang nicely that is too much.

End ID.

end of my fucking rope tuesday. this won't stop my coworkers because they can't read but the amount of topstock i found in fucking random aisles today was truly absurd. like we've graduated from putting it in the same aisle 16ft away on the opposite side (annoying but at least line of sight) to putting it in topstock in its unlabeled cardboard shipping box, three aisles away, in a different department.

other highlights of today:

i asked this kid to downstock One Aisle and he spent 3(?) hours standing over there doing, as far as i can tell, nothing. which dgmw i can respect. minimum wage => minimum effort but my man that wasn't even CLOSE to the minimum and you are actively making everyone else's lives more difficult!!!

hardware mgr tried to have someone else (the aforementioned kid who can't even put stock in the right spot!!!) do counts on stock, BEHIND MY BACK, AGAIN. so i started off the day with an argument with him. bc if im not shooting outs regularly enough for you fucking TALK TO ME. and i will tell you what i need, which is you to do your fucking JOB and MANAGE YOUR PEOPLE. and get on their asses to actually maintain their sections!!! i could do the whole fucking store in an hour if literally anyone else did their jobs!!!

got a new rope assortment in from a new vendor, hardware mgr packed up the old stuff for buyback but ALSO managed to pack up a bunch of the NEW stuff with it despite the packaging being a completely different color AND saying the new brand name, so i had to go digging in 15 different taped-shut boxes to find it back.

just some truly atrocious and annoying customers. girl if youre in a hurry that is YOUR problem for not planning. i cant read your mind and i cant give you an answer if you cant explain your problem to me.

got called "ladies" collectively about 8 times today by my coworker who a) does ABA as his other job b) asked me if ozzy was my "real name" and c) said he used to be a liberal but he thinks there are more important things than peoples' identities. we're mostly copacetic now though bc he sees how much work i do and also we've commiserated about the state of the educational system & when he was talking about how "boys and girls learn differently" i very lightly floated the "well, i don't think that's inherent necessarily, you know, like we're raised and taught certain ways to be from SUCH a young age, and kids pick up on stuff pretty fast," and he was like huh ive never thought about that. ill have to think about that. so not unsalvageable! just a particular Kind Of Guy.

they're doing work on the roof and they fucking broke the ancient drainpipe that runs through our upstairs backstock area, so theres like three totes worth of roof-water-soaked merchandise that i have to take out of inventory tomorrow. and everything else in that backstock area has a fine coating of rust flakes from the disintegrating ceiling. and i was paged up there to help sort thru the stock and like. there are THREE PEOPLE here today who actually have a manager title, which I DONT!!! so why cant the three of you take care of it!!! and i KNOW its bc im good at problem-solving and don't really say no and would do it faster than anyone else but god. come on. its putting wet stock in totes.

also in the last 30 min of my shift (in the hardware dept!!! doing inventory counts!!!) my coworker walkied Me, Specifically, even though i knowww they were fully staffed in cashiers and housewares today, to pick up a call from a specific problem customer ABOUT A HOUSEWARES PRODUCT. bro i know FULL WELL you are doing fucking nothing but online shopping on the work computer, you fucking handle it!!! im on a DIFFERENT FLOOR and im busy doing other shit!!!

and its only tuesday!!! yippee!!!

[stardustinmyhands]

Trigger warning

Miscarriage talk

•••••

5/21/24

I’ve been productive today. I swept, mopped (well used the swiffer, I can’t find our mop bucket). Emptied the dishwasher and filled it back up. Now all I have to do is wash the dishes that don’t fit in the washer. I took a 2nd dose of adderall (20 mg) and so wanted to fall asleep, but I stayed up and it kicked in and I got stuff done.

Tomorrow is my IVIG infusion at the new location. My autism and adhd are like what’s it gonna be like, will I like the nurses, will it be comfortable? I have to be there at 9 am. Which at my old facility they let me come at 11 am. They said it’s cause my infusion is gonna be 3 hrs long. I’ve been getting infusions since 2018 and now I have Tony my port, no more iv’s for me.

I journal almost everyday, in my journal I think of my son Ezra Malachi. I lost him on 11/11/1999 as I was walking home from a job interview. I left a trail of blood and bleed for 3 weeks afterwards. It was the only time I have been pregnant. He was not planned, I was 18 on birth control. But was on antibiotics for an ear infection. How I found out I was pregnant is I had a dream a gave birth to a red haired son. Me and his father picked the name before I was even pregnant. I loved the name Ezra since 7th grade, I read it in a book. The father picked the middle name Malachi. I wasn’t to keen on that name, but it flowed with Ezra so I agreed.

I almost married Ezra’s father. One night we took a road trip and he said let’s go to Vegas and married. I said no, I can’t get married without my mom. Also I wanted my mom to make my dress. I’m glad I didn’t. I’ve seen so many of my friends go through horrible divorces that took almost 2 years. Now one who is a single mom of 3, didn’t get child support last month. Now that I’m older I’m ok with never getting married. I’m also polyamorous, I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend right now. A marriage is a piece of paper it’s more important what you say and how you act instead of saying vows and signing a piece of paper. I don’t believe in till death do us part, would say as long as the love shall last. I would do a hand fasting with that “vow” in there, but no death do us part. 

I woke up to the black screen of death today on my IPhone it’s working fine now, so I don’t know what happened.

Yesterday I was in so discomfort almost pain. Ok pain. Today I’m ok and haven’t even taken tramadol. Ok body, whatever.

I washed my face and put lotion with 30 spf on. My skin doctor told me to use 50 spf or higher, but my window is covered and I didn’t go outside tomorrow. Tomorrow I will use the 50 spf cause I’m leaving the house. She gave me some samples, I think I had an allergic reaction to the first one I tried. Red itchy face, and it was hot to the touch. So I tried the Neutrogena brand and it was fine I put it in my Amazon cart.

I’m autistic and adhd, I saw TikTok yesterday that neurotypical people don’t think stuff thru they just get up and do it. I sent it to my gf and she said she doesn’t think stuff thru, she just does. I’m like I have to think EVERYTHING thru. And she said that explains a lot about you. Yesterday I was already planning what I’m gonna wear Thursday for infusion, what time I will leave, what kind of coffee and breakfast I will get.

[7rashstar]

i didn’t rly sleep last night yap sesh below the cut

missed mayday festivities because i am debilitatingly socially anxious but then went camping for a friends bday and felt refreshed by being able to see soooo many stars and be outside…(and go on the most extreme hike of my life dude omfg)

while we were camping my digi cam fell out of my pocket when i laid on the ground to look at the sky and stars and it stormed that night and my camera got destroyed. hoping the sd card is salvageable..

creepy had hella ticks on him (including one thats head got stuck in his uhh..wiener lol) went to the vet got em removed in total there were 8 (!!) that we found. he has so much fur man idk there could be some more on him but at least they’d be dead atp because i ALSO finally got a flea tick preventative that he can take monthly. it’s been impossible to get a vet appointment anywhere, especially at the clinic i’ve been taking him to since he was a bb. praying he didn’t contract anything from the ticks…we’ll get a blood test sometime in september-december

bestie soup told me u could see the northern lights in the city last night + they sent me some pics but i pulled a leg muscle skating n it hurt too bad to waddle over to the overpass (plus there’s been several shootings in my neighborhood the past couple weeks outside my building so i don’t rly like going out at night rn anyway)

yesterday oomf texted the gc n said a friend of a friend asked him where to listen to my music online bc they loved my set :’)) the last time i played a show was the beginning of march!!!! that made me feel rly good so now i have more incentive to finally upload things to soundcloud again. might work on that later today…like. might,…finally post something

he said he sent them a link to my old bandcamp and i forgot i never deleted my music there i only scrubbed my sc so i went over n listened to what i posted. it was kinda cute. in 2020 i started using ableton for the first time consistently and actually tried to figure out how to make stuff w it so everything f from that time is like. ahh. i’d do that so different now!! but at the time i was so proud of myself and that makes me feel kinda fuzzy (in a good way) like noticeable artistic growth yanno? n also knowing that version of myself who was constantly suffering and seeking an End still felt excited abt what i was making. it’s cute. my old self is someone ive made peace w and hold close to my heart in the ‘it’s different now and it’s Awesome’ way like fuck yea lil buddy you got clean and made it out alive. that’s sick

some of my old music goes hard asf too tho. a lot of unreleased stuff on my google drive i dug thru after listening to my bandcamp i don’t even rly remember making but i was like :0 !!

i was up until 5:30am working on a flyer !! i wanna make more flyers!! i miss making flyers. i’m outta practice and using procreate bc i don’t have photoshop anymore so still a newbie on the program front but i think. i did a good job and it looks cool so that’s nice

i rly wanna skate but my leg hurts i feel like that spongebob guy

[kafus]

oh hey ive been meaning to ask is there an easy or preferred way to get into kamitsubaki lore esp for vwp. ive tried to skim the website like 3 separate times & only picked up the very very basics

ok so the problem with kamitsubaki lore is that literally like Most of it that is direct and not just implied thru music videos/twitter posts happened in a fuckign ARG that is... kind of lost media kind of not. the kamitsubaki city ARG took place on a website where players were given new... riddles and tasks called Qs every day for the month of october in 2021 and that website is now inaccessible but people i know archived and translated all the content they could so it's still viewable in some fashion. a couple of my friends practically singlehandedly edit the kamitsubaki fandom wiki and you can find all the "story fragments" (cutscenes from the ARG with direct story) translated here (oh and there's also lost media from before the ARG from kaf's old fanbox page that is now inactive/lost media... i have all of the images from that but they aren't all typeset yet so i'd have to get back to you on that one. it's dubious whether all that stuff is still canon anyways, a lot of it seemed conceptual before kamicity was properly outlined. one day i'll compile all this shit somewhere for everyone to have easy access since the wiki is kinda eh for it)

when you said "skim the website" i assume you're talking about the website for the narrative TTRPG stuff? perhaps? sorry kamitsubaki has websites all over the place it's kind of a disaster. i can't give too much information on this one honestly, my japanese isn't good enough and i'm a little bit behind, but afaik other than the tutorial after you sign up which walks you through a scenario with one of the girls as TTRPG practice, the rest is just... TTRPG stuff. like you making up stories with other players within the setting and whatnot. you'd have to browse through it. (eventually there's going to be some sort of small video game related to all of this. exciting. who knows when that'll happen)

there is also some stuff to do with the cr/ypto project that's loosely correlated with kamitsubaki city i guess but not really you can ignore that. and i would ignore it. i do

otherwise it's kind of like vocaloid song series where the VWP music videos contain hints to lore/metaphorically show what's happening. occasionally art is posted to the hashtag # STORY_VWP on twitter too which contains art correlated with the actual story of kamicity.

if you want my basic breakdown and understanding, tldr the girls r summoned from elsewhere by a mysterious organization called the Restoration Foundation to use magic singing powers to restore life to a city, but the city is doomed to end in apocalypse from fishlike creatures called Tessaracters every single time and they're like. in a time loop with varying amounts of memory retrieval trying to save kamitsubaki city and go home. there seems to be a lot of significance with what clothes the girls are wearing in different media and etc etc

Sorry i'm sleepy and this is probably too long and also a mess. the reason it's a mess though is because VWP lore is a mess and that's part of the fun for me. if you have more specific questions about specific parts i probably can help with an answer though! i'm not as into it as some other people but the lore is still fun to theorize on and i like seeing symbolism in the music videos.

this isn't even touching on like. how there's the kaf membership manga canon which is just an official comic where vwp is in high school together. or otogibanashi which was a series of... spoken skits? that kaf put on at her concerts for a while and has yet to be concluded and is a completely different universe from the rest of the vwp lore. Truly an enigma

by the way look at this video of one of my fandom friends posting a shitpost gif we made into the japanese kamicity ARG discord chat during a livestream. we made kaf laugh. the joke is that parrot was so annoying you don't want to know. i am so proud of this communityjsfdksdf

[matoitech]

HELLO for the one character design ask thing: glance, motion, canvas, bling, and favorite for elle!! ALSO not exactly one of the asks but for your ocs in bands: how do they dress onstage vs day-to-day?? :0

HI YIPPEE ELLE QUESTIONS! also that band one is rly interesting.. lemme do elle first

glance: At first glance, what stands out most about your OC's appearance? What's their distinguishing feature?

good question.. maybe her thick facial stripes? she has very fluffy cheeks and i like her hair too so maybe that. she has a kind of sleepy looking face

motion: How does your OC move? How does their clothing help or hinder their range of motion? Are they flexible, coordinated, clumsy?

she tends to 'stroll' would be the best way to describe her slower gait i think, or 'stride' and move with purpose! she leads with her shoulders and has heavy footing i think. not particularly coordinated but not super clumsy, her only flexibility comes from doing stretches pre workout and her arms/fingers/wrists move easily from being a musician playing bass. i dont know if her clothes rly help or hinder her range of motion she just wears like normal person clothes. they might seem kind of constricting to blue if he tried something like a button-up (he hates buttons) but their styles dont rly match up theyre both masculine in different ways

canvas: Does your OC have any scars, piercings, tattoos, or other markings? Do they display or cover them up at all?

she probably does have scars here and there just from living life but i wouldnt specify them on a ref sheet or really add them in drawings i think, but she doesnt have tats or piercings atm. she likes the look of them she just isnt really interested in them for herself. i think if she did get tattoos she wouldnt care about displaying or covering them she's just walking around

bling: What jewelry does your OC wear? Does it have any meaning?

she doesnt usually wear jewelry she'd probably just motion to her hearing aids and say they count. she may wear rings sometimes but likely not anything else. sometimes she might borrow or wear blue's dog tags (that can signal MANY different things in their relationship or lack thereof at the time)

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

shes probably got cool work boots she likes that she wears constantly! she also wears cowboy hats sometimes so shes probably got some favorites she got in texas she keeps with her. i dont think she wears them a lot though

---

now for the other question, how my ocs in bands dress onstage vs day-to-day.. its a good question i think it rly just depends! ill go thru them tho.. its mostly blues band with a couple other ocs tossed in there, not all my musicians but not all of them perform on stage and also quite a few of them r newer characters or r going thru design changes so it might not stick if i did include them anyway

blue: it does depend on the show but typically i do think he dresses up more on stage but its mostly in like leather harnesses and spiked wristbands and stuff, maybe more of his piercings in and necklaces, tail bands and stuff. underneath maybe shirtless or in a tank top/black t (that he'll probably throw off at some point) with leather pants maybe, shoes that r comfortable to run around on stage for a few hours in. at home hes just in like a tank top and sweatpants lol. he is not dressing up at home. archetypal masc fits

elle [blues band]: she dresses slightly punkier (wristbands or jewelry maybe) or leans into her country roots more on stage than just day-to-day where she probably wears button ups or something. i could see her dressing kind of like an old southern man ngl lol

dakota [blues band]: ive been struggling w their clothing style at ALL tbh at first i thought i wanted smth more feminine for them then i leaned more masc at the moment im thinking maybe like goth-y punk-y emo androgynous SPECIFICALLY the kind of androgynous associated with that scene. on stage probably lots of black and layers, spiked collar and maybe a leash, etc. dakotas fur color palette is pretty grayscale so i think they lean into that with a lot of black outfits, maybe with splashes of electric blue like their eyes. probably that teal harness sometimes i drew them in on their th

malani [blues band]: shes goth as fuck and she loves skulls i honestly dont think her style changes that much i think she dresses up in her full goth getup to go to the grocery store. shes probably careful about her jewelry on stage tho bcuz shes the drummer and doesnt want her shit to go flying off or tangling with anything when she gets into it

kaisa [blues band]: kaisa probably leans punkier during shows than she does in her general life but not too hard, she likes green too much to commit to an all black ensemble and their music also doesnt like, require that anyway lol. she might wear camo or something on stage more than in her daily life. she likes layering her clothes but doesnt as much during shows cuzit gets WAY too hot

cain: he leans a lot more 'hardcore' in his shows than he does inhis daily life hes giving like hard fem black spikes tall boots but i have no idea what he wears in his daily life his whole thing is being a mystery. he IS fem in his daily life too but he leans into it strongly and in a VERY specific way with how he comes off to the public and how hes decided to take control of being perceived

griff: honestly probably dresses wilder in his daily life than he can at shows but i know his ass is going crazy at his shows too. he is all about the performance and his stage name should probably be icarus. maybei should change it.. it would be on the nose but i dont think it would be the way he'd view himself or name himself at all so

damn those were the only ones.. i always think i have so many musician ocs that perform but i guess i DO have an excuse to make more.. -> doesnt look at the characters that just need design changes n stuff

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

hiiiiiiii we havent sent you any asks for some time. mostly because kanra didnt front much

[idk if you can recognize us after all the url changes]

ereyesterday our their of pissed suggested getting into an outpatient psychward and told us to think about it. and silver[headmate] made a post on the tumbler saying that this could be a bad idea because somewhat recently i made a hole in a wall and less than a week ago Lyra messed up a cupboard. as if we're the only ones who on occasion damage stuff when angered. this is literally so mean for no reason.

also. a few months ago shinra had an accident with a knife. and we got a fun new 1 inch long scar and possibly a little bit of nerve damage or something. and we were supposed to get some reminder tetanus shot around a month after that since i had no idea when was my previous tetanus shot. and i uhhhhhhh didn't get it since i'm scared of doctors, and it would probably seem quite weird if i went to a doctor about this now

also im sorta balding but. scared of doctors so cant do anything about that

last sunday i was in some social studies class or some other shit. and the teacher said something about how lgbt people were never oppressed in this country. which is a very bold thing to say as someone living in a country in which like a quarter of the area declared itself a "lgbt free zone" and only calmed down a little when the european onion told them that that's probably illegal. and i decided to argue with the teacher a bit. one of the things she said was that sometimes there's dudes in pup masks on pride parades, which invokes disgust and thus should be banned, and. idk why but i kinda expected teachers to have a bit more common sense than 14 year old twitter users. also i came to school wearing a spiked dog collar on a regular basis. [for reasons unrelated to kink.]

well. good thing i'm failing every single one of my classes lmao. at least i won't be invoking disgust in fragile old ladies

also. i just met a doggy and he was very niceys. very soft and friendly. and polite also.

- toby

HOW COULD I NOT RECOGNIZE U MY BESTIE IN CHRIST <3 u changed ur url a binch of times but ur icon remained the same sdlfndnfkjsnsdf so i was able to keep track!

i however do not understand a single word of that first paragraph. if u want my advice, DO NOT. FUCKING GO. TO A PSYCH WARD!!!!! idfc Who it helped, it hurts a lot more than it helps, theres NO WAY to tell which psych wards are good and which are shit. no really let me go thru them all rn:

REFERRALS: most professionals that work in different offices do not know each other on a personal level and may never hear of their bad stories. a doctor that was the chillest coolest doctor id ever met referred me to a psychiatrist that sucked fucking ass shit. there is no way to know for sure

GOOGLE REVIEWS: im gonna b real i dont trust some of those mfs. you seen the guys that go into psych wards? a lot of mentally ill people r internalizers and just accept whatever happens to them, and even if they arent, society looks down on the mentally ill SO MUCH that they could b told "you deserve this bc ur crazy" and due to all this societal gaslighting, theyd agree

REVIEWS ON OTHER WEBSITES: same thing lol

why is this so important? because you cannot Fucking leave a psych ward. an outpatient ward yeah you can leave, but ive been to both in and outpatient and they excert the same level of bullshit control over their patients. in outpatient, one of the therapist told me "you are not mentally ill" and made me cry lol. she MEANT to mean it in a "you're not mentally ill, you're ~suffering from a mental illness~ uwu dont let ur disorder define you" kinda way, but that concept was introduced in therapy..... two days after she told me this. like hello? and then she tried to spin it as like, it was a problem with Me i.e. My PTSD Was Triggered and not She Is Dog Shit At Timing The Explaining Of Concepts.

this place also invited my abuser into group therapy even after me incessantly telling them "this is my abuser, she will use all this against me" and yeah guess what she did immidiatley after lol

dont go to wards.

WRT THE KNIFE: damn :0 thats insane dude, hopefully the nerve damage will heal but from experience its gonna take like, a few years at minimum lmao. i had a Knife Incident involving my pinky and the nerve damage was so bad that i couldnt hold scissors w my pinky in the scissor loop thing but evenchually it got better but it took like 4 years. if the knife was clean and not rusty ur risk of tetanus is pretty low i THINK, do not quote me on this. if ur scared of doctors, look into if ur pharmacy offers tetanus shots! some pharmacies have vaccinations other than flu and covid (which i need 2 get lol rip) so u might be able to get one THERE and not see A Doctor about it!

u dont need a doctor for the balding. minoxidil my dear boy, its at walmart, its the stuff thats in rogaine. you want "minoxidil 5%" thats whats in rogaine, theres "minoxidil 3%" thats For Girls but idk ive never heard of anyone having a problem w it. IT IS TOXIC TO CATS THOUGH IT IS VERY VERY TOXIC TO CATS IF YOU HAVE A CAT DO NOT LET THEM FUCKING TOUCH YOU OR RUB ON YOU UNTIL IT DRIES ok? :) id google more if i were u but boom. problem solved. i am the doctor now

"dog masks invoke disgust and should be banned" babygirl disgust is subjective and like, someone could use that logic to ban whatever YOU like, or Are. maybe someone is really disgusted by lil old ladies bc the wrinkles look gross as fuck to them. should we quarrantine the grandmas?

also lol at the dig against 14 year old internet puritans and then surprise surprise guess what happened on This Very Blog while this ask was sitting n collecting dust!! i gotta b on my best behavior bc theres a nonzero chance that The Feds will be looking at this blog (did u know u dont report cybercrime to local police and instead theres a form on the fbi's website? Well Now You Know!) and that goes 4 all of u too. bart please be good..... for the love of GOD please be good....... please tell me yall know that simpsons scene

also also yay doggy!! was it a regular dog or a dude in a pup mask? either way very fun n cool!!!

[wrishwrosh]

8, 10, 22, 25! (also would love to know more about the reading journal, I am wanting to start one next year but need a bit of inspiration)

thank u!

8. did you meet any of your reading goals?

i dont usually set reading goals other than “read!!:)” however my project this year was to replace 8-14 Hours Of Phone Per Day at least partially with reading a book. middling success as phone is very strong.

10. what was your favorite new release of this year?

ok going thru i…..dont think i actually read any new releases? i read a handful of 2022 books and the rest were old. newEST release that i loved was earthlings by sayaka murata (book so viscerally unsettling it genuinely almost made me throw up on the train. in a good way!) every other newish release i tried this year i did not end up liking, on a scale from boredom to blood feud with the author

22. what’s the longest book you read?

either barkskins by annie proulx or the name of the rose by umberto eco. i love a giant historical fiction Tome!!

25. what reading goals do you have for next year?

read!!:) tho actually i would like to make a stronger effort to chip away at the pile of random used classics ive collected. im staring down the $2 nabokov paperbacks i bought in a fit of inspiration after finishing lolita and im feeling guilty.

also thank you for asking about my book journal!! my pride and joy, my own child who i love to brag about, probably genuinely the one thing i would try to rescue if my apartment was on fire. it’s a pretty simple setup: blank sketchbook with a page for each book i read in chronological order and a section at the beginning of the year for a list of nonfiction books/rereads (dont get their own pages)

for each book, I write down title, author, month finished, and a summary. then for subjective stuff i include a star rating, a couple of adjectives that convey the tone or feeling of the book as i read, and some bullet points of any thoughts i had about the book (not all GOOD thoughts or cogent analysis, also lots of dumb jokes.) then any left over space is for stickers or thematic collage :)) it’s kind of a bitch to keep up with but i find it a very rewarding way to reflect on what i liked or disliked in a book and kind of hone that critical eye privately. also i now have a complete snapshot of my thoughts on every book ive read since i was 19 which, obviously, i treasure. anyway here are some sample pages from last years section

[redactedtrip6]

📷 my screens are just forests rn, but my desktop has a cool animated one with space stuff :3

🧀 i pick cheese, big swiss fan. also this one reminds me of “cheese chocolate” from TAWOG

✨ i do!! my preferred name is Lilith but Lily is the shorter version most people call me

🎶 sons & daughters by The Decemberists

✏️ ive tried!!! but never gotten far

😏 i am on discord unfortunately :/ (jk i love discord)

💛 i have a septum right now but i need to redo my old ones (2 in each earlobe and my snake bites)

🐰 probably the way they treat other people, especially in a restaurant environment. ive ended dates because of it

🍪 i would be a molasses cookie i think

🐶 i dont know if im one way or the other but ill go with dog since i really want one, but i do have a cat rn

🎧 headphones are my preferred but i typically have earbuds since theyre cheaper

🌼 something to the effect of “bye mom! have fun”

🙃 too many, i cant even think of one

🦉night owl, but i can be a morning person under the right circumstances

🧸 anywhere thats a little cold with some rain or thunder in the back ground. or on someones lap

🏳️‍🌈 i am such a faggot

🦋 true to myself :3

👖 both are comfy but im going with jeans cause they look cooler

🥤 i dont like starbucks :/ but i usually get tea or hot cocoa from coffee shops

🧡 i like them all!!! but if i had to pick one it would be blue

💎 probably my legos or maybe my childhood blanket

☕️ tea or hot cocoa, i hate coffee >:/

🦖 BRACHIOSAURUS BABEY

🌙 maybe a few years? i’ve experienced a lot of tumblr second hand thru other sites like reddit or ifunny before i started using it frequently

🌴 some form of music to listen too

🐸 id go with like indie/grunge/folk vibes

🔮 i would love to write or make art for a living, something creative

💙 i am unfortunately single but idk how i feel about it

🌿 its an ankle length skirt and whatever top, i guess i just like the skirt lol

🎤 so many!!! ill go with “ill be your girl” by the Decembrists just to pick one

🤎 like a medium brown, its a little red when the light hits it

💌 i talk to myself way too much, i might need to get it looked at

💄 sometimes!!! i think i look fine without it so i dont really wear it that much

🌸 my buddy said i was creative the other day and that made me happi :3

💕 i dont think i could pick one confidently

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

 💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

[superdeluxeaverage]

blah blah central

still feel weird n funny abt running into my ex friend well more so her running into me like i wanna talk abt it but i rly shouldnt make anything of it unless we actualy do talk again at first i tried to play it off like act detached when ringing her up but then whe she asked abt my music n stuff i kinda actually acted friendly. idk she rly just asked me abt my music the fact she asked for me to write down my acct for youtube so she could see it was nice n she asked how long ive been working there n i asked what kinda work she was doing so yeas but i rly am like ok i hope we can reconnect n not even like be regular friends or anything like that like not even be back in her life majorly or anything but atleast meet up once and catch up n establish good will or something. but the balls just in her court now cause i messaged her on insta which she said she hardly uses anymore so its just up to her when ever she opens it n sees my message n follow request but idk she was being kind n it was strange n kind her asking abt my music n where to listen to it i kinda hope i can have things be on a good term while still respecting myself n not just letting someone walk all over me n treat me badly. its weird like its so easy to revert into ur old self when u run into someone from years ago. like more than two years ago idk its rly making me run thru all our memories together n thinking like how good it would be if i could well keep those memories cause i felt like the past two years ive been trying hard to forget them after the way things ended so idk it rlyy came to me as a shock for them to act friendly like that EVEN if it was ultimately prolly out of some convenience but idk ive spent the past years writing off the good times we did have together as just her being idk a shitty person like we rly were friends in a way that was more than just convenience n anything so my brainn is happily replaying it all thinking it doesnt have to feel like a bad memory or A Lesson im hoping she does reach out n we get some conversation going like even back wheni saw her at the store tht one time i had that feeling in my gut that i would want to reconcile if possible like the first time she came to the store when i JUST started working there i felt scared n nervous n weak but also angry to see her then the second time rly just angry n embarrassed at her but also started to remember n miss what we had as friends going so idk i feel like my feelings are def a work in progress but like its gonna be hard for me not to think of it n wait for a response but i should just try to forget it n move on w/ my life normal style like b4 id overthink in my room til i went insane but i kinda just wanna get my feelings abt it out or organized then not think abt it unless anything happens but if nothing happens then not rly make anything of it n continue my life. but when smthn u initially leave in the past comes back u wanna atleast if u have to make it a positive thing in the future and not have to "recover" from it again ET CETERA

[fahgawt]

had a dream where my bfs family lived in my childhood house and that his sister caused more problems again and when i asked what did she say she beat my ass and nobody came to help me until his younger sister came over and then it was his brother n mom freaking out that got my bf to notice and then we where all supposed to have a hangout with his younger sister n her bf which r hella normie / baddies that u see on them k1ck streams etc and i was having a horrible time and it seemed like he wasnt listening ir noticing like i was wearing a shirt hoodie jeans n nornal shoes because his older sister ruined what i was supposed to wear in the snow plus this hoodie was wet and yet i still had to prepare meat and food for them and i did with no help and then we where gonna be late because we couldnt find him and i was getting upset because with all this time we couldve changed me so im prepped for being out in the snow etc but it turned out he was staring at hoes in their “yoga sesh” they randomly started after he lied that hes a personal trainer (he has a sex fantasy for gym or spa sex so i think it came from that) and i just got even more upset like ive gone thru so much shit for u to do this so i crashed out ruining this persons house and trying to beat him but i was so weak so i just started using everything around me to beat him up and physically show how much he hurt me and betrayed me and screaming at him you would hate me if i even did half of this and he was abt to say what did i do and i was like so youd want me fuckin on all those fine ass men that are hotter than u and i stole his wallet and ordered hella shit and took his car went back to my childhood home got all my shit while watching the k1ck streamers talk so much shit abt me etc and he was nowhere to be seen or found on it so i just somehow moved all of my stuff into my own 1 bedroom apartment i still had his car and i used it to buy more shit for my place and then i abandoned it in a ditch after writing good luck driving those bitches around with ur bum ass car and i got my dream car n was juss selling weed going to the gym going out w people i like having fun etc

all this happened in my dream all because ive been getting the ick from him thinking that hes ignoring me and hes slow and he doesnt have sex w me or doesnt stare or touch me lustfully like how he does those bitches in the dream bc im so fat and ugly and he would kinda touch me okay before when i was skinnier and was going to the gym and he would tell me how hot it would be if i was a certain body type and now we only have sex like twice a month he swears hes so pure and thats why hes not like that but i go and stalk his old messages and yet there he is being vile and disgusting with everything but he probably wouldnt say anything like what he did to his friends about random girls or anime girls to his friends about me plus im getting the ick from how he tries to be a dom he growls and slaps my butt so awkwardly and badly it actually turns me off and makes me not wanna do anything with him

[furry-jackson]

have to know how daftpina and the smosh play button are connected /gen

FHASDFHASDH OKAY LET'S GO

wrote. way too much. tl;dr daft made an ass out of himself by trying to say that "mistreating" a youtube play button was a sign of arrogance

so i have to admit that my exposure to daftpina is exclusively thru quinn curio's video on storytime animator criticism...that means that 1) my judgement of daftpina's stuff is very limited in scope and also biased from whatever quinn's analysis of it is and 2) just generally im not out here trying to make sweeping statements about dovendraw (dafptina's new social media name) as a person in any way bc ive never directly interacted w/him. when i say something is "fucking stupid" im referring to the video as a piece of media rather than its author. litany against parasocial behavior fr

that being said: doven's old videos are so insanely wrong i have within me the pavlovian need to dunk on them, i feel like they deserve to age poorly as everyone grows out of being a dumbass.

bro was doing internet pop psychology 7 years ago. he tried to diagnose a stranger through nothing more than what she had public (by which i mean scripted animated videos and presumably whatever else she had on socials, idk what was happening) with bipolar disorder, DID, APD, and BPD. which, wow, daftpina, that's so cool, i didn't know you were a practicing psychiatrist. it's just the worst combination of him acting like disorders are "easy to spot" and using stigmatized disorders to try to discredit someone he doesn't like.

one of the many stupid fucking things he's said is that jaiden animations placing her youtube play button on the floor is a sign of disrespect, somehow? because, and i paraphrase, "[she's putting on the floor] the thing, y'know people work their whole lives to get?" like what the fuck does that even mean? is he trying to imply that jaiden, but not putting a paper towel on the floor before placing it down or by not opening the box on a table, is symbolically communicating that she doesn't respect the work other people put into gaining youtube fame? is he using this action as evidence that she hasn't worked hard for her success because someone who "deserves" the button would treat it with more reverence?? what is he even saying??? quinn curio described it as "pure anti-fan thetan rage." he's just saying shit and microanalyzing every setting and action in someone's video to create a point with no substance.

anyways, im indulging in my little fantasy where smosh, massively successful youtube channel and credited for being a cornerstone to at least a youtube style that was present before, gives no shits about the state of its play button. that thing is sitting in storage. it is smudged. it is being used as a prop. eat your heart out, daftpina. it literally does not matter and your point was stupid. i wish alpharad did actually just sell it for charity.