#ive never wanted a creature more
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everyone please look at lowry the painted dog
#ive never wanted a creature more#HES SO POLITE!!!! LOOK AT HIS BOW. HIS LITTLE SMILE. IM CRYING#plush#painted dog#african wild dog
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nostalgia slapped me upside the head a little while ago so i had to draw my favorite dudes ft. the gecko effect
#wild kratts#chris kratt#martin kratt#okay the tokay :)#all my rat#i was gonna do more but i got distracted with another project (fish) so this one's going up by itself.. i wanna draw some cps soon tho#i was obsessed with wk as a kid#i reeeaaallllyyy wanted a creature power suit i even wished for one for christmas one year#this shit was the original formative media for me#it was the source of all of my concentrated righteous indignation about animals that i kinda never grew out of#anyways wild kratts is like really good#realistic (not sensationalized!!!!) depictions of animals‚ fun characters and plots‚ great animation‚ banging music‚ like it's STACKED#ive been rewatching it recently because why not and i keep getting excited when i see animals i really like#you know there's a cannon FLOUNDER power suit???!! that's a fucking dream come true for me i love that so much#daphnia keep making cameos in a lot of the ocean episodes and every time i point at the screen and go DAPHNIA like a 5 year old#i'm just happy my favorite microorganism is getting some screentime
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THE ELECTRONIC YET PALEOLITHIC GARDEN OF EDEN BEARING FRUIT UNTOUCHED BY OVERGROWN MEGAFAUNA OF FUTURES PAST
#i havent posted this though ive had it for like two months#ive been forming some kind of world thats similar to the planet of the apes in a way where the meegafauna never got killed off#and they kept developing into more intelligent creatures#until their society reaches a standstill one day when the garden of eden is recreated i think#initial idea was like electronic paleolithic megafauna#im still plagued by images of animatronicc wooly mammoth thats being annasumingly harvested for flesh but instead of meat found#its only wires#and the line between animatronic and electronic and living breathing flesh and fauna becomes blurred#because i guess animals as intelligent creatures would have a different approach to creating a society#i really just want to draw sabre tooth tigers and more neanderthals#well this one isnt a sabre tooth tiger but i didnt think of that yet#i would imagine the animals would evolve alongside the tech actually unlike humans#theres a word for where humans are evolutionary wise where we no longer evolve#anyway ive been wanting to make more art about being trans soo idk but ill keep twirling the idea round my head i think#as well as the water tower knight#art#traditional art#charcoal#mixed media#furry#sci fi#oc#oc art
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looking at my piles of writing scraps like some of this is good but not good enough to post. or its good but posting it would require me to add a lot more to it that i dont want to. what if we play a game where i post a snag of something anytime someone asks
#null havoc damage#i have mad astras possession fully written out i just never posted it because i wanted to add more. but i never did#and also im not certain i fully like how i portrayed The Creature in it but also whenever i look at it i cant think of any other behavior#ive been calling it Aletheia in my head because one of its inspirations was the alethiometer in his dark materials#but its so sinister in this scene. and its not sinister in my mind. but also trying to change it makes it feel wrong#and because of this i never wrote any more of it . god bless
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Honestly i Get It now i do get why people build things constantly
#i built my first two furniture pieces with my bf and im still really giddy about it. the previously empty room thag i used as a study is my#fave room now. my new shelf is full of things i love and things ive made and things my bf made and its got sm space left to keep filling it#my new table is a godsend and im genuinely so happy with it. its so lovely making things on it#and building this lil model plane plus the new one I've been working on today is so so so relaxing and nice#i love doing manual things I've really wanted to do more of this for a long time and now i have and its so good#i built another thing this morning too that i was gifted a while ago.. a little 3D puzzle of a weird creature#hadnt had the chance to build it yet bc i never had anywhere to put it but now i have#thunderclap#honestly im really sorry if it takes me 60 million years to get back to my regular art and ocs but this is really nice in the meantime
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okay ive decided to try actually making a monster-sona thing (again). i like how this is coming along
#oc art#demon#sona#i guess?? i drew this on a whim while watching an art stream#i mostly did this because i want to stretch my creature design muscles. idk how much im actually gonna use it to represent myself#but it was a fun little experiment regardless!#ive had ideas for a little art demon sona thing since like high school but i could never settle on a design#i'll probably iterate on this one more too. at some point#....next time i should probably give it visible thumbs#ALSO whoops i accidentally made it lefty. curse my brain that's bad with transformations#we'll say this version of me is ambidextrous. no reason it couldn't be
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thinking again
#feel like i have become too complacent with watering myself down into an easily digestible identify for society#partially bc of my career is very conservative.. so#no piercings or tattoos. cut my long hair off to a mens hairstyle. i pass exclusively as a cis straight man as much as i can#especially around the old head bosses i meat#stopped learning japanese even though im mixed so i could learn French because its more useful where i live#i dont want to be useful and i dont want to be seen as some creature mimicking human anatomy like a robot i just want 2 be myself#but ive been doing this so long idk who myself would even be anymore#sometimes i get into old interests i had as a kid and i feel that spark like that 12 yr old didnt die on the inside but then its gone again#i wish a version of myself thats not palatable to my peers could exist#i want to relearn japanese and i want to ride motorcycles and i want to get into certain types of music or clothes#but it also feels like none of it really matters anymore at the same time#if i could be anything i would be a funeral director in nagoya but thats something that can never happen#i shove everything i like down so deep you have to reach to find it#this whole blog is an amalgamation of who i was and who i wished i could be#but being human we r just cursed with bodies that dont feel like our own and having to cut and shape them in a way#that u feel better but not enough so that the people around you are frightened#this is mostly the fact i have avoidant personality disorder and i know i can never be what normal is for most people#i want 2 be myself but myself died somewhere in a past life i think#i am not even human on the inside. half the time i joke w people that im an rpg slime or the human version of those sponge slimes#hence my nickname irl literally being gelo / jello / jelly#and if not that then black German shepherd dogs r also literally just me#but alas i am stuck in a human body#one thats too fat too hairy too sick too broken and i have to deal with it and rebuild myself everyday so people aren't uncomfortable#ANYWAY!!! maybe ill add onto this later ...idk.#to be born again.. sighs.
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SORRY TO SAY BUT YOURE GONNA HAVE FRIENDS FOREVER AND THEY WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU DEARLY WHETHER YOU KNOW FOR SURE OR NOT. YOU CANT ESCAPE BEING LOVED AND I HOPE ITS SO GENTLE AND KEEPS THE DAYS GOING.
#sucktacular sucks#ily and i know it doesnt make all the horrible feelings go away but you are never truly alone in this world#i hope you get to be surrounded by friends in person and i hope their love fills you entirely#side note yesterday i went to a festival eith a friend and their friends and their friends friends and#i sat on artificial turf while surrounded by so many people and watched some live preformances with great music#and i had a moment of 'im happy. i wish i could have this more often.'#and just thinking about how ive been trapped inside by my own neurotic horrors since march 2020#and i sigh and get teary eyed thinking about it... we are social creatures and we have communities and despite so much horror#a lot of us just want to be friends and liked and gentle and be treated nicely#and just sigh. maybe i dont need to be so terrified all the time. maybe happiness is stored#in the socializing we do and the friends we keep#and maybe thats okay. maybe thats more than enough. :(#edit:#note to self
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I wish my cat loved me more.
#shes been ignoring me lately#and choosing to sleep not with me#ive never felt more unloved rn#what is the purpose of my life now#the one creature that i give my soul to doent want cuddles anymore#im so lonely without her#suffering major withdrawls tonight keep me in your thoughts#nemos thoughts
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the vitriolic hatred most people have for things that look weird is so upsetting to me sometimes :(
#update in my search for bristleworm names i came across a newscast from a few years ago where#some fisherman pulled up a big bearded firewormnin their net and shared a video of it#and the whole newscast was ppl being like 'ewww what is that thing' 'if i pulled that up in my net id kill it'#'im never going in the water again ew ew'#like. guyes. its a fucking worm#and its. not even that big. AND its not even native to texas one just got washed thru currents from the Mediterranean (supposedly)#like. shut upppppppppp its just a worm#i see that SO much w ocean stuff specifically snd its like.... its not actually that scary. come onnnn.#its sooo much more fascinating than anything else. and lo and behold the ONE (1) scientist they talked to#was immediately like wow thats incredible and started asking questions. like. aaughrhrghh idk.#its only 8am ive been up for like 3 hours im rlly tired i dont have words yet.#but can we stop immediately wanting to kill every sea creature that gets pulled onto land by mistake. can we stop. youre so annoying.#youre not cute for going ewwwww gross youre just. ignorant and frustrating. head in hands. theyre not some alien monster.#its literally a worm#its a worm! thats all it is! its a worm with unique adaptations to help it survive in a harsh environment#and just because you think it looks weird doesnt mean it deserves to die#ARUGHGHGHHH ppl that dont listen to scientists make me insane. ppl that blatantly ignore science make me SO isnane.#go read a book. go look at a picture of a worm.#GO TO A FUCKIGNGG AQUARIUM FOR CHRISTS SAKE. do u KNOW how many of these bitches ive pulled out of tanks??? theyre everywhere.#and yes we killed them but like. not bc theyre ugly and gross but because too many of them become a pest species#and will literally kill all ur fish. its a balance. like literally everything else in nature. we kept a lot of them!#becasue when a fish dies theyre one of the most efficient decomposers and theyre an incredible help wirh water quality.#we had a tang die in a place that was completely inaccessible to us without breaking a huge coral colony so we couldnt get to it.#letting a dead fish sit in a tank is a death sentence for that tank usually. but we had enough bridtle worms to eat it#thay thing was gone in like a day. with only a minor spike in ammonia. it was insane.#anyway. sorry. got heated abt worms.
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probably not going to try and lean into any sort of like weird fiction/lovecraftian/eldritch whatever horror-specific aspects with the new bellum x linebeck fic inspirations asides mostly bc i dont actually find that stuff interesting as horror
#salty talks#i remember a few months or smth ago i was watching this yt vid abt some weird little#horror game while putting an assignment together and at some point while discussing theories aht the game the guy#brought up some lovecraftian or w/e entity and started explaining the lore and whatnot abt it and i zoned out HARD#im not too familiar with this set of genres but waht i have seen is very like. ok?#like i think obsession is interesting and so is pursuing knowledge but once you get to 'ooooohhh creatures beyond human comprehension'#is when it loses me bc like. idk i dont give a shit man i dont really think its too interesting on its own#like it always comes off as some slightly pretentious creature feature half of the time and it rlly only gets some zest#imo when it starts including different types of horror like. idk psychological horror body horror whatever#i find it more interesting as a jumping off point or smth but a lot of the time if the lovecraftian stuff Is The Horror then i stop caring#theres a good chance that some horror stuff ive likes and found scary was eldritch horror stuff but most of the time. man idc#like i dont think the king in yellow is scary. like i dont think the character is scary i dont think its creepy or anything how its used#im much more interested in how the human characters somehow react to the play but even then its like. man idk its not very scary#eh for all i know ive completely lost the plot on this and am just saying shit and misunderstanding this genre of horror#i picked up the king in yellow for signalis reasons. ive never been too particularly interested in this horror subgenre anyways#im going more into the idea of obsession but thats kinda it. obsession and a guy wanting to fuck the horrors#never been interested w/ doing horror stuff w/e bellum probably bc i have so little interest in th subgenre most easily applied to him#like ive had horror ideas w/ him that probably leaned into eldritch ideas but i dont have interest in deliberately dipping my toes in it#tldr theres going to be like no deliberate horror in this fic bc i dont gaf abt making it horror in the same vein as my inspirations
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"Viva la revolucion!" Yells leftist gringo that finds guns too "scawwy 😢" and thinks just being annoying and loud wins them anything other than apathy and annoyance.
#personal#politics#us politics#idgaf who you losers vote for cos you never have voted or have done something for anyone#thats why i no longer bother and stick with people who do vote#have helped them register and check their registration#etc#people need to stop giving these 3rd party or no vote pendejos any freaking time#i bet they're not even registered and weren't planning to vote anyways#they just want to get attention but genuinely don't care about the people they claim to care about#online activists are annoying af#and they also make it harder for more people to help#ive met people so irritated they've blacklisted palestine due to “leftists” harassing them for who they vote fo and how they spend their $#ive seen them telling people to off themselves#leftists are putting people off even donating which ticks me off cos ive been donating for months & people are giving up on donating#cos “leftist” assholes make people not want to touch their posts#like y'all the worst thing that happen to palestinians i swear#rant in tags#im sorry for ranting but i saw dumbassery again#i did get some friends on the fence to donate cos they do wanna help despite y'all being freaking unhinged morons#also i don't find guns “scawwy” since i own them and will arm up if im needed to protect and defend vulnerable people#also i have the right to vote to fight more peacefully by picking my own enemy that can be reasoned with unlike a cloutless russian sucker#and an orange creature who mumbles incoherently every time he opens his butthole lips#vote kamala harris#protests are meant to inspire positive change not annoying people into walking away
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roommate's partially blind(?) female turtle keeps doing this today to elevate her basking game
#it's possible it's a mating thing but they're both very young and again she's female so. less likely to me than#that she was like 'oh sweet more rock im gonna be so tall' but im also not a turtle expert#note: this turns into a rant about these turtles' conditions like 4 tags in#ive never seen her do this before#also don't blame me for the tub setup roomie straight up Does Not Know what she's doing at all#im trying to nudge her into like. proper care and stuff right. and trying to make sure they don't die#and with some things it's more an issue of being able to get the proper supplies rather than not knowing#but i told her to get a bulb that. yk. actually gives off heat (again) and gave her an approximate wattage yesterday#and i found out today that she was planning on getting a regular light bulb witt that wattage#i had to explain to her that heat bulbs exist and you shouldn't like. pick a bulb not designed for heating To Heat just bc it has the same#wattage. head in my hands i want to keep this lighthearted but it's kind of extremely distressing to me tbqh#did she not research at all before getting them?? she's had them for at least a year how has she not wondered why her turtle's eyes don't#open??? etc???? and she just lets them chill in an open tupperware and though she chastises rascal for swatting at them#she's gone like 18 hours of the day so it's not like she's there to stop him#guhh my point is if she had these time/financial restraints beforehand it was really irresponsible to get all these pets#and then not fucking take care of them!!! if you can't get them incredibly basic necessities then hold off on taking on the responsibility#of another creature's life!!!!!!! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!#ugh i know firsthand how depression can fuck with pet care in some ugly ways but she Keeps getting pets#this was a three time mistake not a one time mistake and she seems so unbotherwd#and she's fine with dealing with the problems she just Does Not Notice Them because (afaict) she's just not paying attention or wondering#but i don't know?!!! i don't know. very conflicted feelings about my roommate to be honest#i was terrified to learn that she would be my roommate and im very Not Cool with the animal neglect thing#nor the fact that she's apparently cheating on her bf (she blames him ofc) but idek what to do or say about that#but she's also very friendly? it's a really weird dynamic. we're on good terms but i wouldn't call her a good person#arghhhh whatever. whatever. i have since moved top turtle (😐) off since i dunno if she could get down on her own#+ i dont want bottom turtle (😐😐) to shake her off. shell or not im not risking it
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Oh baby I am getting way to ambitious with my current oni run for someone who's laptop starts screaming anytime it opens steam
#rat rambles#oni posting#Ive started expanding my base area not for the sake of providing more living space or whatver but so I can build a museum#Im going to have an artifact section an art section and ideally a critter section if I can decide how I would go abt that#Im also going to have a sporechid exhibit since Ive never actually tried to use them before#its going to be right above the biobot room since thats going to be the entrance of the museum#I may also further expand downwards at some point to build a mega relaxation section with as many rec buildings as I can affort to maintain#more focus on variety that pure numbers tho I just wanna use the stuff I usually never use#and lemme tell you my dupes will use none of them since theyre too obsessed with their damn phones but its ok I forgive them#now one thing thats going to be annoying abt this project is that for the critter section Im going to need a Lot of glass#the goal is to keep one wild creature in each containment room and to have each be fairly healthy for the critter#now I definitely wont be doing every critter as quite franky I dont have space for that#currently my only real plan is for an oakshell exhibit but I wanna do more of them#maybe a cuddle pip one would work? Id also like a shine bug one but idk how exactly to go abt it#mainly because ideally Id want one of the fancier shine bugs but I am firm on keeping these guys wild#and itd probably take a lot of work to get a wild radiant bug or smth#well more like a lot of time#I could just try to get a more middle of the pack shine bug and just call that good enough#Im pretty sure shine bug morph rates only change when they eat so in theory I could get away with taht#although technically speaking the morph odds can always just happen anyways so maybe I just leave it and hope for the best#like I have the food to spare I could very easily breed fancy shinebugs if I wanted to again I just wanna keep them wild#but yeah other critter options probably include dreckos and maybe a long haired slickster if I feel like putting in the effort#a drecko exhibit would be pretty simple tho Id just have to decide which morph#Im unsure if I wanna do a hatch exhibit or not simply because I dont have ideas to make it look cool#like I feel like for a hatch Id want it to be a stone or smooth hatch but again the breeding problem arises#now one thing I should definitely do at some point is go grab a gassy moo for the museum but thats a maybe project#mostly because I still have trauma from the last time I did a gassy moo trip lol#speaking off I still need to build a rocket that can actually be used to explore new planets#so far all my rocketry has been for data banks and artifacts#although I did just today get my first drillcone rocket up and running
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i was soft and bright and nice and bit and struck and spit on for it
#the me before me before me was a softer airier creature#even more so than now#and. i dunno why ive- no i do. i do know.#but this week ive just. been Thinking about how he was so mean. and in turn wanted me to be to#and i never wanted to till i was repeatedly kennelled away and ignored#and now i fear my own tongue and hands sometimes#i will never forget that he told me i scared him like both of our fathers#obscurus.txt
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i still havent done a truly monstrous all evil choices playthrough by the way. like i joke a lot about playing evil characters but even elaris & amaris have redeeming qualities
#ive never let shadowheart kill aylin. ever#bg3 spoilers#but maybe thats what ill do with the default durge. make them more brutal and cruel than el ever was#el leaned into the urges but ultimately he wanted the best for his friends (even if he was a little a lot misguided about it)#i want to create a creature that is one poorly structured sentence away from killing their conversation partner
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