#ive been trying to find one for over an hour | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stupidlyunhinged · 4 months ago

Text

i stg if i cant find any of these hyper specific fics tomorrow im going to write one myself

#im giving up atm cuz im tired n have found literally NOTHING #i will find one or die writing it #i stg yall #i just need it #i cannot explain why #i was going to put this in my drafts but idgaf so #ive been trying to find one for over an hour

4 notes · View notes

puppyeared · 4 months ago

Text

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION #listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc #time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our #own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that #and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt #wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal #whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it #i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in #the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time #but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every #day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more #of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts #i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head #than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well #being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own #like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it #and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo #and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience #the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes #no offense krobus #yapping #stardew #stardew valley #puppy plays sdv #sdv #this game has me by the ankles man

137 notes · View notes

tianhai03 · 2 years ago

Text

an accidental detour: part 1

a short little comic where dante gets sent back in time to a familiar place.

#i had a thought in shower just a couple hours ago #this idea has definitely been done before but... its something ive wanted to draw for many years now. im gonna try and finish it #i did plan to do all the pages in one night but it took longer than i expected lmao... so you're gonna have to wait for part 2 #its not gonna be too terribly long i think. we'll just have to see #devil may cry #dante(dmc)#eva(dmc)#allyart #comic: an accidental detour #gonna use this tag so i can find it easier in the future #anyway. it's 1am. im gonna go sleep and feel depressed over this for the rest of the night #hope everyone else has a good day <333

290 notes · View notes

jrueships · 3 months ago

Text

guess whos not going in at all this week, actually

#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN #she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today #(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed #bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with #she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC #basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets #one is called NAVIGATING DOC #im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings #NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM #and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT #but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK #WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER #she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete #mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING #but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert #abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS #idk man #i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor #it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro #yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site #n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it #so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by #but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM #bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification #if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now #instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON #ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE

10 notes · View notes

faaun · 3 months ago

Text

ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

16 notes · View notes

vampiremourning · 10 months ago

Text

anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.

#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj #yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish #& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh #instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living #(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr #i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things #okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk #that nail gun is MINE #she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that #excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things #give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time #maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it #as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny #shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too #scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually #anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs #have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty

8 notes · View notes

pumaskulls · 3 months ago

Text

having the everything happen to you at once is not fun, can confirm

#my art #doodles #my persona #it me #vent post #i dont think im gonna get anymore attacks done this year 😭#family drama w/ my cousin and his fiancée that stresses me out despite not being involved #bc i love them both dearly and theyre Going Thru It #having to mourn a friendship thats apparently been over for a year w/o my knowledge #and feeling like utter shit bc i considered them one of my best friends #and work barely giving me hours so stressing about all my medical expenses if this keeps up #AND to top it off. starting yet another new medication tomorrow #so who knows how thats gonna interact w all my other ones #im just tired. and sad. and feeling utterly worthless #trying to stay positive despite it all tho so Maybe i WILL get an art done before this years fight is over #cant discount the possibility of suddenly having all my motivation to be productive return #sometime in the next 24 hours #or maybe i'll just draw stuff for myself to cheer myself up! who knows!#i will not let this consume me. even tho ive let it consume me for several days. im fighting!#im gonna find a way to be positive thru this even if it kills me

4 notes · View notes

spacejammie-eimmajecaps · 1 year ago

Text

Immovable object (my chronic fatigue) vs unstoppable force (my desire to do literally anything other than lie in bed)

#was cooking nonstop for an hour yesterday #then did a bunch of dishes and some cleaning #my body did not appreciate that #i could tell when i was going to bed last night that i overdid it #but today was worse than i thought it would be #btw ive been trying to process my grief or whatever over losing so much of my ability to function over the past year #its not going well #thought a therapist might help but the ones i found and liked dont take my insurance #my last therapist specialized in trauma (was good at helping me process that) but isnt a good listener lol so i need someone else #im not thay motivated to find a new one though tbh #its a hassle and im too exhausted to deal with it #maybe ill save up all these feelings and put it into a fic someday #i talked to a fandom friend once about writing a story about a disabled character so maybe ill actually do that #someday #after i finish sgb #which will be a long time from now #a long long long time #at this rate #its so frustrating to be incapable of doing the things i want to do #especially when those things were within my capabilities not that long ago #i have to chill out about it though because emotions use energy and i have so very little of that to spare #ha ha #ha ha ha ha ha #its all good #we press on

8 notes · View notes

pepprs · 2 years ago

Text

STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

#purrs #also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so #FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished #their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask #for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and #annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t #matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so #many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and #imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh #delete later #(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff)#also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info #on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im #doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when #i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the #ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be #reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that #(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them #bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them #out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol)#* and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol

10 notes · View notes

rominasaintofthebud · 1 year ago

Text

i have the willpower to be a shiny hunter but the thing im lacking is the commitment to actually counting my encounters lol..... i only Vaguely keep an eye on how many total hours something takes me or how many phases i go through etc. i need to pick up swsh again because i want that shiny morpeko still.

#over 100 hours and 5-6 phases? iirc? (phases refers to how many other shinies you find while trying to hunt a particular one btw)#lemon squeezy.txt #i also have a list Somewhere of other shinies i wanted to hunt for in swsh #ive done various hunts before over the years but have def been the most committed to doing them in swsh so ive got quite a few shinies in i

2 notes · View notes

phagodyke · 11 days ago

Text

.

#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel #bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea #but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little #better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not #not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me #feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like #im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense #but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it #and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express #anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or #another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me #feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even #that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever #and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a #rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but #if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way #ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now #for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a #stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to #i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this #they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode #actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to #deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im #usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help #and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now #ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok #ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking #about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well #.vent #tw self harm

0 notes

controlled-haterade · 3 months ago

Text

i want to have a meltdown about being overwhelmed and im tired of seeing socially awkward people blame their every action on "autism" when none of them have ever interacted with an actually autistic person who has physical outbursts and limited vocabulary and watering down what the meaning of autism is and im tired of people talking about gay sex because nobody except them is talking about gay sex when we could be talking about anything else and i can't handle physical touch anymore and my stomach has been hurting for 2 days and im TIRED

#i hate my job my credit card is maxed ive been trying to move for 2 months #i cant drink anymore and nobody is selling my vape juice and the only way i feel peace is if im stoned off my nuts #i dont know how to communicate my emotions without freaking out and my blankets are constantly tangled #my neck is killing me but like only in a specific spot that's making me feel like i have a throbbing headache #i feel too perceived and not enough no matter how much i say “please don't look over my shoulder when im using tech #because it makes me incredibly self conscious and like i have to defend my every action #but my mother yells at me every time i even start to say “in my defense” and i feel like a fucking child again #i havent cooked a proper meal in over a year and i lost 5 months of the year last year because i was trapped in the basement #by an abusive dickhead who wouldn't move out of my house #and now his truck is taking up my entire driveway and ive spent over $500 on getting my car fixed so i can register it because #im a year fucking late doing it and all canadian tire is doing is fucking me around #i cant afford a vacation and my body fucking hurts and my job wont give me any more hours and it took me #8 months to find one fucking job because nobody is hiring and my FUCKING SQUISHMALLOW ADDICTION IS TAKING OVER MY BED AND I CANT FUCKING #STOP #fuck all i want is to stop

0 notes

flamestar126 · 11 months ago

Text

Dentist/teeth venting lol