#ive been at this all day and its maybe 50% done

[lambhouse]

rule 63 vegaspete

[samwisefamgee]

the 20 dollar pair of throwaways I got for my sister's wedding were perfect for the like 7 hours I got them for but are really not perfect for like anything else ever

[itsalwaysdark]

so close to being done with one step in the larger step in the larger step of the spreadsheet.

i ran out of space in the tags so im continuing them under the cut bc i wasnt finished... and if you let me finish i would of finshed my santance

anyways i have some countries like. the borders r pretty close to irl countries and i have them in my notes as x country but other ones i split them into like. just smaller subregions of the continent based on irl like. regions. like i split africa into . Madagascar + East Africa + Central Africa + Southern Africa + Western Africa + Northern Africa and its referenced off of maps where those r like. the recognized regions (well. madagascar is usually just counted as either east or southern africa but yk). but idk... im worried its a shitty thing 2 do i just dont know what else 2 do with it. maybe i should just use an actual world map instead since im going more realistic with like. the time periods and stuff. IDK i just rly wanna avoid the shit the sims does so much where it lumps a bunch of cultures together like. the chinese world in ts3 world adventures having a torii gate for the icon. -_- yk. the map was kinda superfluous anyway and more judt a way to visualize where the worlds we have were distributed + also was mostly influenced by that one ts4 mod which takes that more simplistic approach but maybe i can just step away from that and just go more realism based Its just hard bc i dont wanna like. lose the more like. silly isnt quite the word (itis kind of but not fully) ig i mean i dont wanna lose the abstraction kind of thing the sims has. but like. I am auite literally making a spreadsheet to get rid of some of the abstraction the sims has so what am i on about. IDK i just have been thinking abt it a lot basically... like sims im already making shit up and locking the sims to like real world history stuff it only makes sense to like. do the same thing with The world and not have it be abstracted. so yes that was a lot of words to say i think im just gonna move to thinking of the sims as living on Basically earth. In my personal the sims palace that ive made up. this is not to say i personally think of the sims as tkaing place on earth or anything ive just decided to do like. Bc this whole thing is basically an au im making anyway like. taking ts3 sims and making them be from the 1950s thats already Not what the game is like. so ill just make it a Realworld sims au. ok yay 👍 thats all sorry for talking sm abt something so pointless and also for not using a SINGLE paragraph break im basically just writing in this like i write in the tags (stream of consciousness) but the tags have the benefit of being naturally split up so yes i dont think anybody is reading this far. when i was little and playing skyward sword for the first time roughly 7-8 years old i got to the like trial on skyloft and i got so scared i smashed the cd so that i wouldnt have to do it . and then i blamed my dog for it. and i did this even tho lamp had JUST started a skyward sword playthru which idk if i knew at the time but i do feel rly guilty abt it. but i was rly scared. ok thats all

[phagodyke]

this assay is so fucking fake......

[darkestwings-hellishsoul]

Love finding out who at my job is a closet racist

(so i can be rude to them of course)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i keep having sex with my friends dad? nsfw warning

i (20s cismale) got invited by my friend (20s nonbinary) to try out some new edibles they made last thursday. this isnt too weird because both of us are unemployed (they get disability, i get money from unemployment, and we both live with our parents) and usually during the day their dad (50s cismale) is at work so we get the house to ourselves. well last thursday was different because i came over late in the night when their dad was home, and he offered to make me some dinner too. i get the munchies really bad so i was immediately like yes please and thank you while i fucked off to my friends room. we played some smash bros while we waited for the cookies to kick in, and when it started to hit his dad called us both out for dinner. dinner was great, and his dad is super chill — so he let us raid his alcohol cabinet. i dont think he knew either of us were stoned for the record (im naturally really quiet/dont make eye contact, my friend sounds high 24/7 naturally) so i dont think he was like trying to get anyone drunk or anything. my tolerance is pretty good but my friends is shit so it didnt take long until they were like blackout drunk and passing out on the couch, while their dad and i were both drunk too (not blackout but pretty drunk, and i was still high) and sitting on the opposite side of the couch next to eachother

important fact about me - i crossdress like femboys or whatever theyre called. i like looking really feminine and cute and confusing people. im not trans or anything like that gender is just a game and i am winning it. but i do tend to dress up in very egirl/goth gf clothes if you know what i mean, and i look pretty convincing ive been told (friend tells me i would pass for ciswoman with the makeup on). i think their dad maybe forgot that i was me (he usually sees me in boy clothes) and he started hitting on me? i didnt think i was gay or bi either until he started doing it and i got really flustered but i didnt stop him? again i was fucked up so the attention felt really nice despite it being my friends dad. but anyways he kept getting closer until he kissed me, and it felt nice so i let it keep going? which was probably super fucked up in retrospect. but anyways stuff gets hot and steamy, their dad doesnt bother lifting up my skirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. he definitely noticed im not a girl during that (its pretty hard to miss lol) but he didnt stop so we kept going for a while

after we were done he and i passed out on the couch in a kind of awkward position, we both woke up in the morning and i think thats when he realized im me, but he didnt seem to freak out even though hes straight?? or at least i thought he was straight. but we had sex again in the morning and then when my friend woke up we all had breakfast and i went back to my friends room and we hung out more and got high again. while we were though i accidentally spilled the beans to my friend, and they FREAKED out on me and said that i was so gross for doing that, and they cant believe that it happened, stuff like that. they kicked me out of their room and their dad had to drive me home because i was shaking bad from it. but while their dad drove me home i was super pissed and mad and not thinking straight (haha) and so i tried to convince their dad to take a detour so we could fuck again. and he was like, okay sure, so we did?? but now i feel horrible for doing it knowing that it grossed my friend out so much, but i really like their dad and he seems to like me too, and i want to keep banging him :(

What are these acronyms?

[thornswoggled]

on chises family, “a storm brewing in the east,” and future arcs

[ive written this post before, but its due for a refresh. now that jasper has been introduced, the whole last half of that post is moot, and i have additional thoughts on chika as well as more context on my thoughts on yori.]

now that fumiki is back in the picture, id like to theorize that yuuki hatori will soon follow. [see post: yori is fumiki and heres why.] more attention being paid to chises life in japan [ch 50, 75], chise wondering why her father “abandoned his role" [ch 57], and elias expressing curiosity over the circumstances that led her to meet seth [ch 74] are all hints towards yuukis story coming to light

one thing TAMB does that i love is how tertiary characters are facsimiles meant to help us understand our main characters. for example, all the dysfunctional pairs we see in the first arc that we are meant to compare and contrast elias and chise to, all in various ways that help us understand the ways their relationship might evolve. these minor characters may seem unimportant, but are preparing us to accept developments in the main cast. i believe there are two characters in the college arc that are prepping us for yuuki hatoris story - seth noel and adam sargent

lets first address fumiki, who ill just call yori. yori seems to have mastery over his eyes, which “have the power to bind [fae]” according to gabriella [ch 51]. this is a power both he and yuuki have, which protects chise and chika for a time. however, chika implies that he didnt always have this ability, or perhaps didnt have the sight at all until he became involved with her. which is strange, considering yori has a “family business” important enough to require he study abroad to train for:

[sources: ch 19, ch 98]

(id like to note that this line about training is almost certainly a result of his "reeducation" in italy, as we already know that his true purpose was to audit and replace simon. but i think theres at least a kernel of truth to it)

lets run with the idea that yuuki started off with weak or nonexistent powers. have any other men in this series been booted from their families because they lacked the skill?

[source: ch 63]

its possible that this “family business,” assuming it exists in truth and is not a fabrication of yoris brainwashing (which i dont think it is, considering he seems specialized in exorcism), eventually learned that yuuki acquired his binding powers, as well as a child with the same ability. again, are there are other men who are forcibly dragged back to their family, to the detriment of their young daughters?

[source: ch 83]

theres a few reasons why i think such care and time was put into the backstory of philomelas family. chise has done much of the character growth thats possible for her at this time, and attempts to “fix” philomela as a way of fixing herself. she projects on her, and for good reason too, since we are meant to compare them almost 1:1. i believe that the amount of time sunk into adam sargents story is meant to warm us up to understanding yuukis situation, regardless of whether we are meant to forgive him for his abandonment. seths story, too, introduces us to the idea of magical families booting their unworthy kin. which leads us to:

[source: ch 42]

going back to the screencap for the beginning, lets give yuuki the benefit of the doubt and assume hes being truthful when he promises hell be back one day. this phrasing is really interesting, and i feel like it implies yuuki knows the place hes going is dangerous. if hes returning to his family, or to some sort of organization (which i say because yori is part of the church), perhaps hes afraid that theyll be taken advantage of. or… maybe he was just lying! there is very little we understand about the church, so there are all manner of reasons why yuuki and yori may have ended up involved with them

regardless of reason, i dont believe that yuuki left because he wanted to. rather, i think he was being summoned. lets look at this little fae that appears twice, just pages apart:

[source: ch 42]

this weasel-like creature appears as soon as yuuki gets home in the first instance, and appears again immediately before yuuki packs up to leave. it looks distinctly different from the abstract, blight-like monsters that trail this family day to day, and id like to theorize that it is specifically keeping tabs on yuuki. in my theory post about yori, i wrote that the fox yori keeps in a tube [ch 51] is a kuda-kitsune, a sort of familiar kept by soothsayers. another word for this type of creature is 飯綱, or izuna, which is read in modern japanese as... the least weasel! yamazaki has solidified her reputation as someone who doesnt shirk on research, and i think this linguistic connection is enough to suppose whether the weasel that summons yuuki home came from the same source as yoris familiar

now, to discuss something i neglected to mention in the first version of this post. the ways in which we can compare philomelas and chises families doesnt end with yuuki. not only is alcyone a sort of elias, but iris is a sort of chika. id like to start with noting that iris' backstory of having been sold by her parents is a reflection of the original backstory yamazaki wrote for chise in the first drafts of TAMB. the dregs of chises old backstory finally gets used when iris' story is revealed:

[sources: merkmal, ch 83]

iris and chika are two mothers who deeply love their children, but are doubtful that they will be able to protect them when it counts:

[sources: ch 83, ch 42]

this next part might be a little controversial, but id like to take a look at the scene when chika snaps. specifically, the way her inner voice is framed:

[source: ch 42]

the black mist that we see in the apartment is similar to other depictions of malevolent magical energy weve seen before, such as the blight elias creates just one chapter before in ch 41 when he languishes over chise leaving him. it also seems to be pouring in from the same window where we've seen the weasel hanging out. the way chikas intrusive thoughts are depicted as a separate, shadowy figure is also remarkably similar to chises inner voice that tells her to kill the nucke-lavee:

[source: ch 61]

its possible that the voice that urges chika to kill chise is coming from somebody else entirely. like how chises curse[s] urge her to violence, i think theres a chance that someone wanted chise and chika to die, but didnt want to get their hands dirty. after all, if the family yuuki left behind died, he would stop trying to leave to reunite with them or retrieve them. being able to frame their deaths as a result of his abandonment would also be great manipulation fodder if he was summoned to wherever he went against his will

to be a naysayer of my own theory, i think it would cheapen chikas death if it turned out that she was not wholly responsible for her own actions. it would also make chises refusal to forgive her less impactful if it... literally wasnt her fault. but the way her attempt to kill chise is visually depicted makes me think theres a nonzero chance she truly didnt want to do it

lets take a look at the way iris' and chikas deaths are depicted:

[sources: ch 83, ch 42]

the visual of billowing curtains was often used in early chapters when it wasnt yet clear what happened to chises mother, and it gets used again when iris dies. and just as chika throws herself off the balcony, alcyone leaps through the window with philomela. im also stuck on the line of "we messed up and let his daughter escape." i dont mean to imply that i think we should hold up philomela and chises respective backstories as 100% 1:1, but they are remarkably similar in terms of broad plot points. if the same force that compelled yuuki to leave also compelled chika to get rid of the remains of yuukis old life, i wonder why it is that no one ever directly tried to kill chise again. did they lose track of her when she began moving from home to home?

speaking of... do we know whether chika took yuukis surname when they married, or the other way around? japanese law requires spouses to have the same last name, but husbands will sometimes take their wifes name. as far as i know, theres no explicit confirmation that the hatori family chise stays with in the OVA are related to yuuki or chika. just as seth changed his name when he was driven from the webster family, it could be that yuuki distanced himself from his past by taking chikas name. after all, if the hatoris who care for chise are truly so fed up with her, why would they not attempt to track down yuuki and "return" her if hes their relative?

(by the way, what yuuki did in taking fumiki was legal. japan is only just now going to start allowing joint custody in 2026, "parental child abduction" was not illegal at the time we're to suppose TAMB takes place, and yuukis disappearance can be considered an instance of jōhatsu. i just think its important for cultural context, because as a western reader i know i tripped up on "wait, WHY was yuuki allowed to do that without consequence?")

do i think that yuuki will ever physically appear in the story again now that fumiki has? i would love him to, but i dont know that chise will ever be allowed the closure of seeing his point of view:

[source: ch 42]

theres such a sense of finality to this line. just as philomela was only able to speak to her father in the form of a curse taking his shape, i dont know that chise will have the luxury of meeting yuuki again. theres a strong possibility that hes already dead, especially if he persisted in attempting to reunite with the rest of his family. frankly, i always thought he looked unhappy with his life in the scenes from ch 42, but his instinct in wanting to bring chise with him makes me believe that only death would ensure he never tried to see or support her again. though, if this is a safe space for me to express a little self-indulgence:

[source: ch 51]

we still dont know who sent yori to audit simon. the church is such a large organization ("a loose collection of private armies," as gabriella puts it in this same chapter) that yori being taken to be reeducated by another branch of the same organization that sent him to audit simon in the first place is not unusual or contradictory. let me first state that i dont think yori has ever been aware that he has a sister, or that he knows chise is in any way related to him (again, this post supposes that yori is fumiki). but in my heart of hearts, in my very soul, i do think it would be just so wonderfully dramatic for yuuki - or any member of his family, for that matter - to send yori off to ensure that elias, and chise by association, are under the watchful eye of someone they can more reliably control. if chise was not worth anything to them when chika died, perhaps their interest in her is piqued now that shes a mage-in-training under the apprenticeship of a vastly powerful creature. even if its not yuuki trying to figure out what the deal is with the mage who bought his daughter, perhaps his family is interested in how she can contribute to them

again, to be a naysayer to my own theories before someone else can be, i doubt that yoris reeducation and months-long stay with simon would be overlooked if a member of yuukis family sent him for the initial auditing. though theres a chance alonza had a hand in making sure his stay with simon continues. we just have to wait and see

under what context might we meet the rest of chises family? i have some ideas, but this soon into the arc everything is too subject to change. im also not convinced any of this will be addressed in the fiendbane arc. after all, yori was first introduced at the beginning of the college arc, and is only now becoming relevant. so all of this may only be laying the groundwork for yuuki to return in another arc, if not this one, which already has a lot cooking with the dragon, the new mage, etc. but then again, we get oberons little prophecy:

[source: ch 99]

it doesnt seem that oberons phrasing in the JP text matches what the great wall of china is called in japanese, but i dont think we are meant to interpret "a distant land" in any way other than japan. yamazaki has a quirky tendency to refer to japan in her works as a faraway land in the east, which extends to spinoffs like wizards blue

with the growing interest elias has expressed in chises life before she met him, and with the appearance of yori, perhaps we will learn more about yuukis story and circumstances when the brewing storm finally breaks. her family may even have something to do with it! but i doubt that any of this will come to fruition during the current arc. so until we get the next arc several years from now... ill leave you with this theory!

[aroacedm]

AITL (am I the loser) for killing a mass murderer and a would-be mass murderer and lying about it? :(

So, I was teaching this kid because he reminded me of myself and I didn’t want him to go down the same road I did, which is filled with stab wounds. But that’s not relevant :D !!!

Oh some maybe relevant information is that this kid is the prince of the kingdom that massacred mine… :\  But that was like 500 years ago its not relevant anymore :)

There is a noble boy (we can call him al) who is the last mortal descendant of my family, and he is friends with the prince (we can call him L). L really values Al’s friend ship :)

There are some survivors from my old country, and most live in this new one in a specific district and face lots of discrimination :( but the prince wants to end that because he believes if he can be friends with someone from the old land, everyone can! (he is very idealistic but has amazing morals :D )  the surviving nobles from the old country are not very happy, but haven’t caused any trouble.

No one else knows I am the old prince from the old country, they don’t know anything about me. I am very cold and strict when teaching :[. I got the job because I saved L’s life when he was young by attacking kidnappers with a stick. L’s parents saw how skilled I was (not trying to brag :( but I have trained with swords for hundreds of years) and hired me to teach L.

It is L’s 18th birthday and his family is holding a feast. I chose not to go because I became immortal on my 17thand after I was banished (oh yeah ive been banished from heaven twice they don’t really like me but that’s fine :D) the year I would have turned 18 if I aged, I was stabbed 100 times within around an hour, my only two friends ever left me (it was my fault F and M if you are reading this) and my parents committed suicide. I was struggling with my experiences so I chose not to go to not make everyone else feel bad because of my behaviour. :(

I heard a commotion after a while so I rushed over to try and help, but I saw Al in a bloodstained room stabbing the king, L’s dad. L was no where in sight. Al ran, and I went to the king to try and help him. He told me Al did this, and everyone from the old kingdom will die for his actions. He was done for, there was no chance he would survive the day, but I still couldn’t let this happen. I stabbed him to prevent a genocide. L came in and thought I did everything. I didn’t correct him because I knew I deserved it. He ran off probably to alert others and I went to confront Al. I revealed who I actually was, and he attempted to get me to help him kill all of the people living in the country, including L. I used a method on him to make his organs dissolve and no mark to be left on him and I knew he would die shortly. 

I decided to let L fight me, but made it extremely easy for him to win. I let him believe I was dead, and he buried me in a 3 layer coffin with a stake through my heart (overkill :\) I waited for about 50 years so he wouldn’t be checking if I was dead. I knew I could easily push the stone away but apparently 50 years of no sun or movement makes you really weak. I was in there for about 100 years total but managed to escape eventually :)

You may be asking why this is relevant anymore, and that’s because L confronted me after realising I was his teacher (I’ve ascended again and this was in front of most gods). I said I did it in front of the emperor of heaven and he confined me to house arrest (idk why I wasn’t banished I asked to be) then my very close friend came and broke in to rescue me :D.

Lots of stuff happened but now everyone knows I didn’t actually kill everyone, and is angry that I falsely confessed. Some people are mad that I killed anyone, even if it was to prevent genocide. Am I in the wrong here? It was a split second decision to stop a racially targeted war, but I still feel guilty as the king was trying to improve relations between the people before the feast.

TLDR: My selfishly putting my bad memories over celebration caused me to not be able to stop a massacre. So I killed a guy to stop genocide and the person who did it who was planning to do it again. Then I lied and said I’d done all of it.

[beesmygod]

yesterday was webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 4: the art

this part i feel like gets done semi-easy once the rest of the shit is dealt with. yesterday, my knuckles continued to swell and feel like rotten wood so i had to cut it short. this shit happens more frequently than i would prefer. today i need to run to the store and also pick myself up a lil treat (an eighth). for right now tho i have some cbd rich stuff that should help. maybe. while the index finger still hurts, only the middle knuckle is swollen anymore. let's see.

i started with panels 2 and 3 bc they seemed the least immediately labor intensive. ill be copy/pasting the line/flats for panel 3 to edit from there. t...there's going to be a lot of copy/paste this page. its not usually like that. but i usually only copy/paste the lines and flats. i will re-shade things so that they look different

unlike the sketch, the lineart has more "weight" to it. wait thats not how the pillow would deform. hold on.

ok that's better. did people even notice that before i changed it. probably not. but it matters to me!!!!! these little things add up and add weight to your world!!!! ive been trying new things with line as as of [looks at watch] last week. so it looks bad right now. like someones vague idea of what good lineart is supposed to look like. practice makes perfect tho....or breeds familiarity or something.

some parts of this look weird. dont worry. we will cover up that shit with speech bubbles. thank you comics for your ways of obfuscating bad art.

flats are easy. select everything that isnt your line art, invert the selection, and dump a base layer. then color that base layer with a mask

this page will, blessedly, not have any complex backgrounds. i already established the scene previously and can skate on doing my textured backgrounds. the background gradients in the direction the light in the room is being cast, usually.

first, a multiply layer at 50%. since she's facing away from the light source, she'll be mostly in shadow. then a white overlay layer at 50%; this is to make the first shadow layer pop and keep from getting too muddy. then a second multiply layer at 50% for the next layer of shadows.

added some sweat beads to make her look more haggard and some shine to her hair, since she's so close to the light. i've started bothering doing this bc it unfortunately looks good. finally i add one more multiply layer at 40% over her eyes to make her look more over this entire thing. and then added the red glow in another overlay layer (100%) where it would land if being cast from above.

completely servicable and theres room for like. a speech bubble later. usually i do text first, but in this case its so secondary to the actions being performed, i want to prioritize one over the other.

looking at it, im not going to be able to copy/paste this after all. she's going to settle in more and her body will rotate too much in the process. i can use this as a base to trace over, though, which will get me started.

but pain is occurring so im going to eat breakfast. what a bitch!

[someonexsomeone]

Death is Easy, Afterlife is Harder

Title: Death is Easy, Afterlife is Harder, Chapter 1: Esme's New House is Haunted

Author: SomeonexSomeone

Word Count: 4.5k

Pairing: Edward Cullen x Ghost!OC

Summary: Edward was starting to give up on the idea of love. Well, maybe not the idea itself, since he was surrounded by it all the time, but maybe more the idea that it would ever happen to him. He was still working through some complicated vampire feelings, his family was trying to get things back in order after a vampire mishap, not to mention they had to start all over in a new town again. So, when Esme rounds up the family to try and renovate a new house over the summer, what could he do other than go along with it? It was better than rotting away in his sea of lonely thoughts.

But, when his seemingly boring summer gets turned on his head, and he has the closest thing he can have to a human heart attack while meeting this strange new woman, he starts to realize maybe the world isn't as black and white as he thought.

Or; who better for a vampire to fall in love with than an undying ghost?

Warnings: Discussion of depression + death + legacy, downplaying murder

Authors Note: hello hello!! i'm sorry ive been away for so long, but I've actually been uploading this story over on AO3 for the past couple months and totally forgot to post it here. i'm really debating whether ill post all chapters here, since as far as ive planned this will be 50-60 chapters, so we'll see! otherwise you can always find it on AO3 or FF.NET. thank you for reading!

It was a privilege to live a whole life, Edward mused, gently folding another starch-stiff shirt, the cloth miraculously clean despite its many years being hidden away in this dusty attic. 

To be born, to grow, to run freely, to be burdened, to fall in love, to die. It was a privilege to have and lose and find and long and all things that make the soul feel like a tangible thing rather than a concept, some far-off idea that has been written and studied for years but has no real definition. It’s something that’s easy to forget. Those integral parts of life that make it worth living, or even just existing, blend into the everyday. To have a body and be in the world and struggle to understand it; those are what constitute a life.

Some humans believe that their life is composed of the various parts that make up the whole, parts that feel so vastly different that it’s almost like they were a completely different person. And who says they weren’t? A parent was once a child, a worker once carefree, a body once a cell. All are composed as a whole, but unique on their own. The thoughts that once consumed your entire life suddenly mean nothing at all. A person, once your entire life, becomes nothing but a memory. A decision made 10 years apart is filled with the knowledge and wisdom collected in between that didn’t exist before, so the outcome will always be different. 

To a vampire, one moment changed everything. Unlike the common human experience, the change blends so seamlessly into every single moment, every day, every year, every decision that it goes unnoticed until one trigger that causes a moment of reflection. To a vampire, that change is a blip in its life, but the difference is night and day. To go from one day being so afraid of death it drives you every decision, to all at once becoming death itself…

It feels unexplainable, no matter how many words you learn.

That struggle of how many different lives a human leads, those multiple that make up the whole, suddenly takes on new meaning. You were not what you once were, and yet, you will always be the same. To live so many years, to know that eternity is waiting, to not have the innate fear of living that most people do. What is the point of working to get better at something if there is no pressure to get it done? What is the point of surviving if the days endlessly bleed into each other until it feels like one never-ending film, an onlooker to your own life that should fill you with all of those wonderful mishmash emotions that somehow make meaning that only end up feeling forced or faked? Life is a constant existence of opposition.

At least, that was the only way Edward was able to think about it,

It was easy to fill those endless days at the beginning. At first, it was learning to control his most basic instincts, feeling more animal than human by knowing nothing but hunger and how to satiate it. While difficult, it was easier with the help of a devoted Father, something he only remembers vaguely craving in his past life, but Carlisle was a kind and patient teacher. It took many years, but slowly he was able to trade his nightly forest walks for afternoon city strolls, basking in the pockets of silence between crowds. An introduction of Mother returned him to his early years, craving her endless attention and spending as much time with her as possible, practically glued to her hip. Both son and teacher, Edward remembers fondly the first time they were able to sit at the park, hiding under the shade of the tree to lounge like the normal families around them. Esme had never looked happier. 

A “teenage crisis”, as his Mother calls it, a dark period of his life, that changed the course of his existence into a neverending spiral of self-loathing. It was easy to ride the wave of dulled distance that his vampire life brought him, to hide behind those emotions to justify his own actions, despite their now glaringly obvious atrocities. Sometimes he wishes he had those feelings again, just for a little while, just to break up the new dull that replaced the old.

 Anything, he sometimes thought, anything was better than apathy. 

It was now in that aftermath that he lived his timeless life. Try as he might to fill his life with something other than dullness, it never lasted long. 

He had to admit to loving the opportunities presented to him with these new hours. He was able to go back to school, relearn the things that slowly disappeared from his memory, and feel the joy of learning something new. He was able to rejoin Carlisle at the hospital again, just like old times, and actually do something to help people. He got to learn new skills and try new hobbies. He even got to lay in the sun for a whole day and not worry about dehydrating or starving or having to get up to use the bathroom to distract from the quiet serenity of nature. 

He loved the new family that found him. Esme and Carlisle guided him with a gentle hand and endless love. Two new women in his life, opposite in every way, Alice and Rosalie were like the sisters he never had, always keeping him on his toes, and annoyed him to no end. His newest brother, Jasper, grounded him while Emmett, his not-so-newest brother, pulled the rug out from under his feet, and both laughed when he made a fool out of himself. He loved them more than life itself. They gave him those precious fleeting moments of happiness, of distraction that kept him out of his own mind. Jasper placed a book in his hand, one selected from Carlisle’s suggestion, while Esme sat beside him, Alice humming quietly across the room as she worked, Emmett obnoxiously whittling next to her, while Rosalie indulged him in a boisterous argument about the newest passage he read. The family he didn’t feel he deserved, so he held onto it with all his might. 

He would do anything for his family. Anything.

Which, unfortunately, led him to help Esme with her latest project, the only one to really be doing any work at the moment. 

She was a kind Mother, probably kinder than she ought to be, what with 5 inhuman young adults running around the house. She let them have minimal chores during the school year so they could focus on school despite everyone’s insistence that they didn’t need the extra time, in exchange for every couple summers being asked to help sort out the house she was working on. It was surprising that she was keeping the tradition going, what with the abrupt change they had to do earlier this year that brought them back to a place they had stayed in less than 100 years ago. Not completely out of the ordinary, but Emmett needed time to heal, and the house was the closest that was ready to live in.

“We need some normality,” Esme mused as she planned the trip. “Well, as normal as a family like ours can. And this place was too beautiful to pass up!”

This year’s project was the furthest from their settlement yet, all the way in this sleepy town on the East Coast. Despite their return to Forks for the school year on the year prior, and the trend they’ve had for staying on the West Coast, there was something about this house that called out to Esme, so here they all were for the next week. The downstairs needed the most work, with crumbling walls and ivy growing out of every nook and cranny. Originally, there was no indicator that there was an attic, not until Emmett got a little too rough and accidentally uncovered the furniture-covered door. Straight out of an old novel, the wardrobe would have been too heavy for any normal human to move without help. The door was completely hidden behind the massive wooden case, not a hint that it was there, with a dented doorknob that suggested whoever placed the wardrobe all those years ago couldn’t care less about the state of the place. 

Esme had stepped out to grab some more spackle from the store, Alice accompanying her (claiming it was so that Esme would know exactly what brand would yield the best results even though this wasn’t the first home Esme restored and she already had a list of products she trusted). Rosalie had respectfully declined this trip, instead going to the vintage car show with Carlisle for their yearly father-daughter trip. That only left the three boys to make decisions while the usual leaders of the house were gone. 

It was moments like these that Edward really got to muse about the hilarity of his family's hierarchy. The three looked at each other, each gesturing for the other to walk up first, to make the first decision in a place none of them felt comfortable in. People? Leave that to Edward. Planning? Leave that to Jasper. Attacking? All Emmett. But knowing whether to go up a dilapidated flight of stairs into a very old-smelling attic in a home that was being restored? Well, that was out of any of their depths. 

“Are you getting any feelings?” Emmet whispered conspiratorily, his burnt orange eyes wide with the closest a vampire could have to fear. Jasper and Edward gave him a funny look. “What?! It’s a justified question.”

“I’m an empath, not an Anthropomorphist.” Emmet furrowed his brows.

“A what-?”

“It’s someone who attributes human traits, emotions, or intentions to non-human entities,” Edward replied.

“Okay, Mr.Dictionary.” Edward rolled his eyes and Emmet turned back to the blonde. “We’re vampires. You have powers. Can’t you get a feeling if it’s dangerous or not?”

“That’s just instincts. You have those.” Emmet sighed at his brother’s response.

“Not what I meant and you know it. This is a secret door, behind an old wardrobe, in an abandoned house.” He gestured wildly up the dark steps. “Use your freaky feelings tingle and tell me if it’s haunted up there or not.” Jasper and Edward shared a glance, exchanging a small smile. Edward was happy to see his brother was feeling a bit better, enough to have some of that ridiculous superstition return to his regular vocabulary. He was sure Jasper was going to include this little conversation in his text to Rosalie later, one of the many update texts she asked him to send as she spent time away from her husband when he was still recovering.

Jasper was the first to move, carefully positioning himself in front of the other two to walk up first. He bickered quietly with Emmet that there was no way for him to tell if a house was haunted on ‘feelings alone’, and that if he could he would have felt it long ago. A simple platitude, if nothing else. There was no doubt in any of their minds that there was no person upstairs, they would have heard or smelt them long ago, but even Edward could admit there was something off about this attic. Caution was always better than carelessness. Edward had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at Emmett’s internal monologue about ghosts and ghouls that resided in old houses, stepping behind Jasper, readying himself should anything strange occur, just in case.

Once upstairs, it was easy enough to see the real price of hiding away from the outside world. The downstairs was filled with evidence of squatters over the years, rotting food, and left-over knick-knacks here and there that didn’t match the time period of the peeling wallpaper, but up here, despite the heavy layer of dust, everything looked frozen in time. Mannequins with dresses still draped with pins, a rack of winter coats that were drooping on their rusted hangers, an opulent mirror with a hairline fracture in it, hidden behind a lace sheet. There were chests and boxes filled to the brim with jewelry, decor, and housewares. Furniture, both big and small, were stacked neatly on the far wall, plush chairs that had sunk into one another after being stacked for so long. There was only one window high up on the wall, no doubt the one Edward saw as he approached the house earlier that day, too far to do much more than cast colorful shapes on the floor from the stained glass. There was a familiarity in the items around the room, clothing pieces he vaguely remembered as a human, though only the oldest women in his social group still wore them. 

“You lived through this era, little bro!” Emmett cried, immediately blowing past both people in front of him to beeline to the rack of clothes. Edward wasn’t allowed a correction before Emmett’s newly returned childlike control grabbed a corset by its hook, snapping the fragile bonning of the piece into brittle sections. His sheepish look made the other two roll their eyes, though Edward did notice the wince on Jasper’s face from destroying precious history. “Uh…oops?”

“It’s like a time capsule,” Jasper commented, mimicking Emmett’s movements, though with much more care, and gently pulling a dress from the rack. The lace and beading made it look far too heavy to do any dancing in, though Edward knew from the bodice that a young woman, probably around his age, would have worn it for a ball or social gathering to impress the gentlemen in the room. Jasper’s thoughts mimicked the look of familiarity in his thoughts. “How long do you think this had been hidden away?”

“I think we’re the first creatures up here in decades,” Edward replied, following their lead to carefully open one of the many chests to reveal a stack of papers. “Take a look at this.”

The papers, though nearly crumbling apart at the edges from age, were legible enough to read. Letters, most of them, all addressed to the same man, one Mr. Dorsey Carnall. The top of the pile all seem to be from the same woman, one Mrs. Theodora Whitney, who frequently wrote about the elder man’s will, the last one being dated 1887. Both Edward and Jasper exchanged glances at the crass way the woman spoke about the man’s diseased family, demanding his will all be given to her and not some other gentleman, no other identifier other than his name, ‘Tommy’. The more they moved into the pile, the more the letters mixed with other lost names, most wondering about the man’s health and lamenting the loss of his direct family. 

“Letters that catalog this man’s last years alive, and they’re all about his sadness and his money. What a lonely life.” Jasper patted Edward’s shoulder comfortingly. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the barrage of their thoughts from entering his mind, both equally concerned that his mood dropped so quickly.

“You know better than anyone that this box wasn’t everything.” He lived a whole life outside of these letters.

“Yeah!” Emmett, as always, was just a touch too loud for the enclosed space, echoing words around them. Come on, Eddy, don’t depress yourself. “Maybe whoever cleaned after he died just chucked everything into a box. I bet if you look around some more, you’ll find this guy lived a sweet life up until his death. No need to get all depressed for a guy you haven’t met.” Edward ignored the heavy elbow Jasper dug into his brother’s side at the comment, choosing to glare despite the relief he felt at Emmett’s continuous ability to say whatever he was thinking out loud. Makes it much easier on Edward, who spends most of his time trying to differentiate the difference between thoughts and spoken words.

“Emmett.” You’re an idiot. Edward didn’t need his mindreading to know the unspoken language of Jasper’s tone. “Didn’t Esme want you to take apart those cabinets downstairs? What are you still doing here?”

“Oh sh-” Emmett turned, nearly crashing into the door in his haste to get back downstairs. Although Esme was always a saint of patience, Emmett had already filled his quota of mess-ups for the day. If Esme returned before he managed to clear the kitchen, he knew there would be her patient little sigh of disapproval, and that hurt more to him than getting his arm ripped off. It was silent only for a moment before the two heard a crash downstairs.

“I’ll go check on him,” Jasper sighed, returning the dress carefully back onto the rack. “Are you coming?”

“If it’s alright with you, I might stay up here. These things’ll have to get organized eventually.” Edward barely spared him a glance. “Don’t think that. I’ll be fine. You’ll know before I do if things get too intense for me.” Jasper gave him a once over, asking one more time in his mind if he would truly be okay alone, before heading downstairs.

It took some effort, but Edward dislodged himself from the letters, conceding that if he continued to read them it would only hinder his mood even more. He instead moved to the other side of the room, boxes seemingly filled with more household items that lost their purpose over the years. He sorted things quietly for several hours, wrapping the precious pieces that could be donated, and setting anything else aside to be thrown away later. Esme checked in on him as soon as she returned, marveling at the pile of things that surrounded him, before leaving him to his own devices (not without a little prodding). Alice also popped by to say hello, but, as a girl who only valued old things as long as Jasper enjoyed them, she didn’t care much for the goblets Edward was sorting through and returned downstairs to help Esme finish peeling up the old wooden floor to reveal the original tile below it. 

He was both relieved and lonely. There was something peaceful in the work he was doing, taking several extra seconds to gently clean an old vase or reminisce fondly on the ceramic ashtray, but he was also starting to feel extremely isolated from the others the longer he was up there. Edward could hear the pairs as they worked, two doing genuine work while the other two changed from genuine demolition work to a game of karate chopping wall debris. 

It took a long time to get adjusted to the playful side that Emmett brought out in Jasper, but Edward always indulged them when it happened. He noticed the way he became comfier with the Cullens, noticed the way he allowed his gift to guide him more than before. No surprise he liked being around Alice the most, her infectious happy attitude must be a nice change for him, but more often than not Jasper let his leading emotion seek out the others in the house that matched him. Almost a reassurance of his own feelings, Edward mused, a confirmation that what he was feeling was correct. Emmett was open and inviting, even when he didn’t want to be, so it was easy for Jasper to get overtaken by his emotions, which, more often than not, was some form of goofiness. The life that Jasper led, both human and vampire, made plenty of patience for some tomfoolery, a chance to act like the stupid 19-year-old he should have been. And, with the guilt that has been eating Emmett up recently, it was nice to have a break, to feel a little normal, as normal as he could, at least for a little while. 

He let the thoughts of the two on the floor below him play like a song in his head, broken up only by the childlike giggle they would let out when a piece of debris exploded into fine dust. He knew Esme wouldn’t be too upset if he joined them, in fact, she would probably be overjoyed just like she always was when her kids got along. There was so little she asked for, after all. 

But he was far too comfortable to move now, and there was something…therapeutic about sorting the old pieces of jewelry, carefully tucking them into spare pieces of fabric or their appropriate boxes. This one was too rusted, barely hanging together, so he dumped it into the trash, but the one next to it only needed a good wash before it was as good as new. This one had a beautiful gem, so he ripped it out of the crumbling metal to deposit it into a small box he found, before carefully wrapping the intricate necklace that was hidden underneath. The methodic movements had him in a nice rhythm, similar to the trance he entered when he organized his music back at the house or the books in his Father’s library. Pick up, examine, wrap, toss, pack, repeat.

He moved slowly, or as slowly as a vampire did when no one was looking, tracing his hand over each piece with sharp eyes, using the little he knew about history and its many ages to see if anything was worth salvaging. He knew Jasper would throttle him if there was any historical value in any of the pieces that he tossed, so he paid extra attention to those that looked well-loved or unworn. Every new item in his hand gave him a little more space for mindless thinking, a perk of being a vampire if he was being honest, trying hard to ignore the stray thought here and there of the sadness of the old owner’s last few years. 

He stood, reaching for another jewelry box that was shoved just as carelessly as the other things, this one half hanging off an armoire. This box was similar to the others, covered in dust that swept away to reveal the complicated gold flower design. The dark blue outside still held a brilliant shine, the gold siding still looking good despite the time it’s been hiding. The inside was velvet lined, sparse save for a few earrings and a necklace that miraculously looked in good condition despite the relatively cheap material it was made out of. Silver, he knew, would have tarnished left in this musty attic for as long as the other items up there, but this was perfectly new, the pendant in an intricate frame surrounding the painting of a Victorian couple that almost looked freshly done. Edward’s finger hesitated over it, tracing the air around it. For some reason, this piece in particular caused him pause, some strange feeling surrounding it, almost like it was thrumming with life. The design was similar to something he recalled seeing only a moment ago…

His eyes raised sharply, suddenly, scanning across the room towards the painting propped up on the far wall. Though draped with a piece of velvet, a curtain of some kind, it was tossed haphazardly enough that he could make out the bottom half of a portrait. A woman, though he couldn’t tell the age from there, poised and delicate in her stiff posture. Her dress was beautiful, no doubt even more so in real life, deep blue and covered in layers of ruffles and lace. The large sleeves hung low on her shoulders, exposing her collar bones and the beautiful, ornate necklace hung around her neck. Near identical to the one that he had in his hand, but this painted woman wore it attached to a velvet collar, glimmering gold instead of the dull silver in his hand. 

A replica? He thought to himself. But why make a replica out of different materials?

His eyes slowly drifted back over to the stack of letters across the room. Though he didn’t have a single letter from the man himself, no doubt lost to time and recycled a hundred times into modern things, there were very clear indicators of the life he led, both in the words of others and the items around him. A loving wife, though not a hint of her things despite the portrait and a replica necklace, a daughter he adored more than life itself, an accident or accidents that took them both away from him. The countless different acquaintances and friends that wrote to him in his time of grief and well after. Edward tried to wrack his mind for notable events of the time, things that maybe could be the reason for those who obviously loved the man to be so far away in his time of need, and felt the hole in his being ache in sympathy. 

All alone for the last years of his life without anyone to mourn with him, to take care of him. No one to take care of his things after he passed, beyond shoving all of his possessions into the attic, never to be seen again.

He couldn’t help his eyes from focusing, eyeing the writing on pile of papers he barely made halfway through, his keen vision drifted over the words he could see. 

“Condolences…our hearts…happier place…” he murmured to himself, feeling both annoyed and emotional. He knew logically that the people in the letter were just trying to offer some comfort, a scrap of empathy for a man who presumably lost everything dear to him, but just as he felt, the words read as nothing short of empty. He knew from experience that human families were greedy (so far he had been very lucky in his second existence that his family wasn’t), he’s faux inherited to himself more than once with complications from long-distance relatives trying to get a scrap of the fortune he possessed, so the flutter of kinship deep within him wasn’t surprising to feel. He barely registered the brush of cool metal under his hand as he thought through the various ways he could organize the delicate letters to unravel the man’s life. A week they had been there, a week pulling apart the floorboards of a place this man may have been born and died in with no regard at all for who he was. And now, presented with the opportunity to learn, how could he pass that up? It was the closest thing to getting to know the man outside of a supernatural force, and as far as he was aware, there was no such thing as-

“--despite the many chances you’ve had, you continue to drift away! How is your hand close and yet so far from its surface? Lower your finger a touch and…”

There was so little that could startle a creature like him. 

Children of the Moon? Sure. Shapeshifters? Probably, but he’d never openly admit it. He hadn’t had any experiences with witches or spellcasters, though Carlisle insists they’re out there somewhere. Honestly, it was hard for even another vampire to surprise them, let alone anything remotely close to human. But here he was, startled in a way he had never experienced before, the closest he could fathom a human heart attack would feel like.

With a yelp, he stumbled back from the voice. If he were any less a creature, he would have been on the floor in shock, tripping over the mess under him in a humiliating manner.

“Oh!” His head whipped up at the delicate voice. And, there, before him, was a ghost.

______________________________________________________________

read more chapters on ao3! l masterlist  l twilight one shots

[thumpersdae]

I Am once again asking for season 3 Dndads to be about adults <PLEASE>

specifically my adults here that i have already made!

WELCOME, Folks!!! to my Cyber Punk Nursing home Dndads Pitch!!!

DNDADS PRIDE

(pride is a brand of a motorized wheel chair)

[straps activate on you chair you are stuck here you must read!]

So the idea is that Grandkid's (Scary, Link, Normal, Taylor) Grandkids (shown above) are the playable characters, but there are all seniors who have been placed in a Long Term Care Facility (a better name for "nursing homes" btw). But the world has progressed enough that things are cyberpunk!

maybe all of the PCs loved one's all stop showing up on the same visit day. The PCs combine their efforts to try to find out why, and then they run into a big mystery or conspiracy through that.

themes that could be in season 3 just because we set it in a care facility and have senior Characters.

Normalizing a variety of disabilities and dreaming of how accessibility devices can advance

humanizing people over 50, [Please please please, we've done it to the middle aged, we sexualized the heck outta those dads. ive seen what people have done with Omega Daddies in certain circles (my circles) we have the Power to let retired people be more than a punchline. i want something to look forward to in my older years! let them be silly complex sexual full people PLEASE!!!]

community building!!! alot of care facilities in my area Have social and communal activities they do because their residents get together and demand/them. groups -just like the one ive drawn- get together, out of boredom and loneliness (often people who have better mobility and memory) and then make it their job to work with staff and people who have a harder time advocating for them selves. to make sure social needs and wants are being fulfilled. and now that we have (what i perceive to be) a younger audience. it would be great to show them how that sort of work is done and how it can make a big change to quality of life. [the 3rd character (who i designed for Will) seemed like the type to start one of these groups. just look at her with that big purse and cool jacket. thats a move maker folks!]

the way that older/disabled people are often overlooked, and therefore people often forget to keep secrets away from them. [the second character (i designed for Matt) i wanted him to look as unassuming as possible, for this exact reason]

Interesting Villains and Problems that aren't often shown because people font write about older folks.

an exploration on how technology can help people (and how corporations will make people have to pay for medically necessary things)

the way nurses and care staff can be very helpful and empathetic. and how others are assholes who are at best just here for a paycheck, and at worse actively hurting people for amusement.

Elderly abuse, not just actively hitting people. there are countless examples of people taking advantage of people who are disenfranchised (like an older people or people with disabilities). often we see and talk about financial abuse. [my idea of the first character (hopefully played by Freddie), was someone who seemed oblivious to a deadbeat family member using them for money maybe because of a memory issue. (potentially there could be a twist about the PC knowing the whole time, and deciding to go along because they think its funny that their kid has to sit threw a marathon of daytime television to get 50$ a week instead of just outright asking for a lump sum)]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?

hi anon,

I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.

in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.

to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.

you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!

listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.

feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!

it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.

also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!

also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.

[coconox]

honestly been going back and forth w myself on a lot of things lately attaching a read more for the sake of ik i'll be rambling like theres no tmr

a part of me wants to drop pnc but i havent really gotten everyone i wanted yet + im broke so i need to build my stash up *looks at clotho and eos* oddly enough pnc has been a game ive been pretty happy on playing still hate how i missed a login day tho tbf ive rarely borderline never interacted w the fandom so me just being in the dark w what goes on there has kinda been a blessing and a curse in a sense that i can enjoy the game in peace but it feels like im alone doing so

pgr im really REALLY tempted on dropping my glb acc, once nocti comes around which will prob be around the end of the school yr for me thats where i'd be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ welp ig im done and drop that acc after playing around w nocti and whatev. tw im still not too sure abt?? prob when i get around to lvling up my main teams i can be like ok im done and drop that at any time since im just there to experience content ahead of time without being in cn directly

before dropping pgr entirely i do wanna complete a few stuff i had in mind tho

countdown for hyperreal which will prob happen bambi patch

still need to finish that nocti countdown for tw ive barely had any motivation completing that

nocti's bday countdown (similar to how lee's went)

glb nocti's countdown

draw every char up to latest one in cn

a few noctiskk comics thats been in the back of my head for MONTHS now

basically LOTS of countdowns and nocti stuff before i drop everything entirely

will i still draw pgr stuff after all that? mayyybeee???? itll moreso be towards kye's lore building rather than it being a standalone thing. i'll still collect merch and build up my shrines and make cosplay for chars but aside from that i'm pretty much gonna be moving on to other things

ive always had 50/50 feelings w being in the pgr fandom, tho being introduced to it on disc and then going to twt may have affected my views on this whole thing. esp when the side of the fandom i was first introduced to is like the lowest of the low, i dont want to go back to a place where a bunch of dudebro incels made fun of me for being afab and liking lee and me thinking that was a norm when it clearly isnt. its been 2 goddamn yrs and theyre still poking fun at that?? like my god grow up im so sick and tired of it.

if by a slim chance i still want to participate in being in the pgr fandom i'll just go back to lurking like ive always done in prev fandoms, if i really wanna be active in talking abt the game i'll talk abt it in servers or dms, but publicly i felt that i could never really comfortably talk abt how i feel abt it aside from here cause this site >>>>>> bc i felt like my opinions arent valid, tho that really applies to anything i do so 💀💀

pgr has been a really nice game for me to destress and detach myself from reality for a bit, tho now i wanna move on to other games and focus more on my ocs like i did back in the day. once i properly set up everyone's lore doc maybe in the future i'll make a game around them, nothing too big since i'll pretty much be making most of it, but i kinda wanna fulfill my childhood dream that was just recently unlocked

theres also that small part of me that wants to be known for my oc stuff rather than pgr stuff, but bc im not tagging w popular art tags im kinda just existing, and thats fine by me. hitting 500+ follows on twt was like peak realization of me going like "oh shit, 😨 maybe this big of a following aint for me" and it truly isnt lol

[aveimperatcr]

SOME HEADCANONS AND THOUGHTS.

with how much emps is gonna technically be canon-divergent,, HOOOH MAMA

ill admit i dont have access to the books or codexes, but i've been trying to research a ton about this shitlord and its a bit hard when hes meant to be a big mysterious character, not to mention how shit and convoluted Games Workshop makes things, so i want to at least get some thoughts down!

TW FOR SU//I/CIDE MENTION, WAR, DEATH, MENTAL ILLNESS ETC.

note: there is a headcanon about DID/Dissociative Identity Disorder-- if there are things perceived as wrong or inaccurate, please let me know! i want to portray it as respectfully as possible!!! i have been trying to do research so far!

my brother in christ hes actually up and about!!!!! - a verse i will very often play emps in is him freshly returning from the Golden Throne. somehow, there is a power source-- perhaps from the Emperor's sheer strength or with the assistance of the best of the best from the Priesthood of Mars-- that can properly protect the Webway portal from the Ruinous Powers. finally, having regained some of his strength, the emperor deems it best to actually descend from the Throne to fix what his Imperium has become-- and while there are no doubts that the Emperor himself is horribly flawed, he is determined to at least make things right enough alongside what is left of his sons

emps in my interpretation isn't a COMPLETE cunt - hes still done wildass things. not dismissing that, but some shit seems so arrogant or insane that i want to sort of just. fix shit up a bit

not the WORST dad.... - certainly not the best, either-- emps has all his own issues that are batshit nuts considering he's a psychic superbeing made of like 10 ancient shaman psykers from the beginnings of mankind, but... - i imagine he tries to actually sort of make shit work and actually do things, but with certain situations he might have not realized how he'd HARDCORE change shit like with angron being 'ported away (not knowing angron bonded so much with the other slaves/gladiators) or other shit

malcador? more like malcawhore - i'm probably gonna get executed for this shit but things ive read up about malcador just make me screech-- hes not a good person (neither is emps, believe me)-- to the point bro literally has a half-eldar servant named Ael Wyntor that he tells all his war crimes to, to the point it makes Ael want to turn in their living license personally, and malcador keeps fucking reviving him. - not to mention malcador himself having secret plans of his own for the imperium when confronted by... i believe a wordbearer? (given i BELIEVE the wordbearer was possessed but shits kinda sus if hes got stuff even the EMPEROR doesnt know about) - and fucking choking horus out when horus is concerned about the two missing primarchs, on the day of HIS FUCKING CEREMONY - obviously if people ever do RP malcador we can literally just make our own weird mini canon of the weird friendship (or not-friendship) of malcador and emps, this is just my personal thoughts - i just think that MAYBE things weren't so 'haha!! they're friends amazing cool!!!' behind the scenes

being like 59389124098 psykers in a coat is kinda tough - i imagine while its needed for emps to have psykers be sacrificed to him to make him more powerful, that shit just adds to all his weird sort of incarnations and personalities since theyre being sacrificed to him to give him more power - while it helps him continue to protect Holy Terra, keep up the Astronomican and all sorts of shit... doesnt help mental state very much - literally feels like getting 50 billion people getting crammed into his brain

what are some other things hes got going on with him? - mainly, a headcanon of mine is that for the Emperor, he's got DID (dissociative identity disorder) that would be caused by a traumatic event - this traumatic event specifically is about him first meeting the enemies of Mankind, which would fuel a lot of the Imperium's intolerance (OBVIOUSLY THIS DOES NOT JUSTIFY ANYTHING AND I THE MUN DONT CONDONE) of things mainly not human, but still would allow those that wished to forsake their deities and leaders to join the Imperium of Man. he would never speak about this incident with anyone besides his closest confidants such as Constantin Valdor or Malcador - there is himself as the host, then three other alters - these alters consist of The Anathema, whom was formed after meeting the enemies of Mankind and is portrayed as a large older fellow that is as tall as the Emperor wearing Custodian armor. then, The Navigator, who specifically comes forth in moments where he requires immense charisma or IMMENSE focus on anything relating to the Warp or Warpspace, taking the form of an abhuman called a 'Navigator' with a third eye upon the forehead and gills, pale skin and elongated fingers, wearing deep-colored robes and wielding a staff to guide the Emperor's mind through the nonstop battle against the Ruinous Powers. then, there is the Star Child, a young boy resembling the Emperor that could be considered Mankind's innocence incarnate. - his headspace in his mind forms as a grand voidship, with himself at the helm and surrounded by many of his past lives, the ten shamans, and the many psykers that continue to be sacrificed in his name. the alters always stay at their posts-- the Anathema as something akin to a Seneschal, the Navigator in the Navigator's Chair, and the Star Child at the Emperor's side. - while it may not be very apparent to most that do not know the Emperor, he has specific tics that show when he will switch alters-- usually consisting of a sudden clenching of the fists and his head slightly tilting back - whoever fronts has a different glowing eye color due to the Emperor's psyker abilities and how he portrays himself - the Anathema has the fully golden glow of his eyes, brightly glowing, where the Navigator has a softer white glow to the point it almost looks blue, and the Star Child does not have the glow but instead gentle brown irises. the Emperor's own eyes are a golden iris, but not an engulfing glow - usually when switching alters, the Emperor's alters will have some knowledge on what happened before fronting and often co-con, but sometimes-- that will not always be the case, and often it will be the Anathema who will front if the Emperor himself cannot.

practically an eldritch horror god - even if emps doesnt WANT to be a god, he. he kinda is one - literally because of how a LOT of the Imperium if not all of it worships him as the God-Emperor, the Immaterium has made it fucking real that he is indeed a god and thus he also takes power from it - he can't influence things very well from his throne but if you were in the Warp or in the Immaterium somehow, bro is helping you - he can mainly influence things in terms of dreams, assisting people in some ways like making Living Saints, and using the special tarot cards with pieces of his essence in the Emperor's Tarot for Divination Psykers to use in order to figure out the future - he cannot exactly TALK to people very well... if someone were to somehow approach the Golden Throne or was permitted to, they would deal with an experience much like Guilliman and (i believe Mortarion as he was forced into a memory of Guilliman's?) practically hear billions of voices talking over one another, trying to talk and come forward, unable to ever really come together as the Emperor fractures more and more, but sometimes, sometimes... there will be one voice in the far back of the head who will speak up, and that is the Emperor himself, coming forth

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

So this is an ongoing argument with my roommate. I (22nb) am autistic, and T (55f) has ADHD.

Now to get this out of the way, i do say thank you. I was always taught to wait a moment after receiving something, take a bite or appreciate what you were given for a breath, before thanking someone so that you could add something more to it. My roommate and I both agree that i do say thank you the vast majority of the time, but the problem for her is that i do not say it fast enough.

T often gives me a "tHaNk yOu" while the item in question is still being passed. This seems ridiculous to me as i haven't even been fully given it yet.

In addition, i have the dishes as my household chore, and i do them daily, despite almost never making any dishes myself. I do this to both support T and her diet, as well as contribute to the household that i live in.

T thanks me near daily for doing the dishes. This always seems weird and unnecessary to me, as it is my responsibility. I have told her this. I dont expect to be thanked for doing my own laundry, after all. In return, T gets upset that i dont notice and thank her for taking out the garbage/recycling/compost, to which she is the main contributor to and is under her responsibilities.

As for please: i do say this much more rarely. I think it feels overly preformative and fake, and i typical choose more "would you mind closing my door for me" "if its not too much of a hassle, could you toss me my waterbottle" "id appreciate it if you could preheat the oven while you're in the kitchen"

I think that these work perfectly fine as a replacement. Please just has always felt wrong and fake. No one else in my entire life has ever commented on this before.

Thirdly; T has been upset that i don't respond to her apologies appropriately. After she is snappy at me (due to her emotional disregulation from ADHD) (last time it was because i asked if she was using the oven instead of asking if i could use the oven myself, for reference) there is a 50/50 shot that she will come and apologize.

I dont often accept apologies. Apologies are for the person saying them to get it off their chests, or to make you put it behind them. Usually, ill say something like "it was just one of those days, y'know?" Or "its alright, water under the bridge"

Because i was always taught that apologies came with a promise of change, and T can't (or won't) change how she re-directs her frustration at unrelated things to things ive done "wrong". When she told me the correct response was "i forgive you", i decided to not engage instead of telling her directly that i didnt forgive her (because i am certain she will do it again). (I usually dont engage with her when shes irritated: she never notices and just wants to say her piece so im not being rude here)

She said that i was being disrespectful, "like always", and when i suggested it may be more difficult for me due to my autism, she said that we made plenty of accommodations for me (which i think is false), and that i just needed to do this for her comfort. That please/thank yous were something she needed to feel appreciated and i should be making more accommodations for her.

To me, i feel like she is getting really caught up on semantics and is being a little controlling about it. But maybe its just a boundary? I dont know if i could commit to changing my language for her though, i feel like i will just start forgetting after awhile because it feels so fake. Shouldn't it be better for me to say things genuinely than just for her approval?

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

[magnoliamyrrh]

Can you drop the face wrinkle exercies routine? You said it did wonders to your face

sure! I know i wrote this on here before cuz someone asked me but i cant find it so here we go again lol

ive started using some new skincare products bc of the rash thing ive gotten on my face and those help too ive come to see. ive been using azelaic acid cream 10% morning sometimes night too, it helps increse skin overturn (like retinol does) and increse the collagen in the skin, but has been pretty gentle on my skin, and made it more smooth than it has been in yrs. it also dries out the face tho and i have a naturally very oily face without the acid, so ive been using A+D ointment (vaseline + lanolin (sheep grease)) which has been working great (vaseline cant clog up pores). having moisturized skin rly helps! also, ive v rarely used sunscreen throughout my life, and i know ppl say this helps prevent as well

other stuff, sometimes when i wake up i will take a icecube and rub it on my face. great way to wake up lol, but it also tightens the skin and helps reduce inflation. everyonce in awhile i will freeze an eggwhite and use this instead. also, being well hydrated helps, and Maybe taking collagen supplements or eating a diet heavy in collagen (soups w bones, bone marrow, skin, chicken feet etc, taking gelatin or collagen supplements) may help (i do this anyway bc of my lack of collagen bc genetic disorder).

as for the exercises, i follow the ones of this lady. you can also find her on tiktok where she has more content

the one at 2:38 (first link) is the one i do most often and i feel like its rly helped! it rly is a big difference compared to how it used to b before i started all this (and i can also tell a difference bc ive stopped doing it regularly for some weeks and its still better than it used to b, but not as good). i feel like i look less like a chronic smoker 30 year old exhausted mom lol, like i rly look moreso my age, most times i dont even have actual wrinkle dents in my laugh lines anymore where before there used to be!

this is for laugh line wrinkles tho, she has many others too for other parts of the face: ive done her eye exercises before and her forehead massage exercises and feel like those helped too! ive also done her exercises for jowels, and felt like they were sagging less. make sure your face is moisturized before you do this tho! ,,, ive also been at times doing a version of the lymph notes face massages you see online (but w my hands, not that stone thing), cant tell you if they help w anything but it does feel nice and help release tension in the face (tension being one of the things which leads to wrinkles)

i really did notice a difference after awhile of doing these every day! how much i did a day varied, sometimes just 10 min sometimes more as i was sitting around doing other things. i know at some point my cheeks hurt the day after, like i had muscle fatigue like when you exercise other muscles lol. i also noticed that after a few days it became a lot easier to do the movements and my face muscles were definetely getting stronger. be consistent and have patience and i really do think you will see some results!!! ive also seen a scientific study on this sort of exercises done on elderly women (50/60+) where they did 30 min of exercises every day for months, showing before and after photos, and i was rly shocked by the results; its why i decided to try to do this! best of luck :)