#its why they like sweet foods generally. they dont eat it to eat

[bigfatbreak]

Hello I love your art!!! I was reading through your changeling au and Felix mentions that fae are creatures of mirth. They literally need attention to survive. But what kind of attention? I guess I'm wondering because Adrien has been in the public eye for a while now, but has been personally neglected for even longer. What does that mean for him? Is he starving? Is he in danger of dying? Does he even know it? (I assume not given he doesn't even know he's Fae).

If he is starving / in danger of starving who is the first to realize this?

it depends on the mirth, on the attention, on what it is they seek. Without making things too complicated - I don't like to define everything into neat little boxes after all, there's fun in nuance - Felix is just explaining from his experience, the Fae he was with tended to be "entertained" by certain aspects of their playing, which was the mirth that kept them relevant. Relevancy more than anything is really what keeps their wheels greased.

In Adrien's case though, the reason he's cloying for so many names and to have so many thralls and attendants is because he SHOULD be a more social creature and has been kept woefully alone. He is kinda starving in the way a fae starves - he's relevant, but only in an image his father constructs OF him, which means it isn't REALLY him - and he has no one to play with. No friends, no lovers, and no rivals, makes a very sad fae

[inamagicalhallucination]

headcanon atsushi’s ability the tiger does not know what to do when it likes someone

like in general atsushi is bad with knowing what to do with the ppl he likes and showing affection -- like he tries to mimic others but he himself is still working on something that feels natural if that makes sense

but the tiger

the tiger is far worse becuz the only positive thing it can associate with positive emotions is food so every time it gets closer to the full moon the tiger starts whispering in the back of his mind that he should eat dazai and kunikida

then kyouka and junichiro

and ranpo and yosano and fukuzawa and kenji and naomi and haruno

at first atsushi panics (naturally) worries he’s a cannibal, thinks the tiger hates the agency, panics more, especially after dead apple when he and the tiger gained an understanding of each other and he realized that the tiger was protecting him so he’s like why r u trying to kill the agency members

but gradually he realizes that actually the tiger just doesn’t know how to deal with positive emotions and yeah

anyway:

atsushi: dazai-san is so nice to me :)

the tiger: yeah :)

the tiger: we should eat him

atsushi: NO????

//

kunikida, patting atsushi’s head: good job on ur report atsushi

the tiger: use his arm against him and eat him

kunikida: atsushi u look weird are u feeling unwell

atsushi: hahaha dont worry about no weird thoughts here hahahaha

//

atsushi, literally just working:

the tiger: the small candy one eats a lot of sugar. he would taste sweet. Eat him.

atsushi: NO??????????????

ranpo, looking up: i’ve actually always wondered what i would taste like-

//

and so on

is this incredibly dumb? yes but is it also funny, yes

atsushi realizes he likes akutagawa because at some point when he spots him the tiger immediately starts wondering what he’d taste like

atsushi, sees akutagawa: oh there’s that basta-

the tiger: i bet he’d taste really nice

atsushi:

atsushi: oh 

atsushi: oh no

//

akutagawa: how did you figure out you liked me?

atsushi: i couldn’t stop thinking about what you’d taste like

akutagawa, blushing: oh-

atsushi: yeah it was insane how much the tiger wanted to kill and eat u

akutagawa, slightly confused and horrified: oh-

//

eventually as atsushi learns to deal with his feelings so does the tiger but unfortunately it’s still an animal so its more like

atsushi: dazai’s so nice :)

the tiger: yeah :)

the tiger: lets hunt a deer for him 

atsushi: no??????????????

//

kunikida, petting atsushi’s hair: good job on the job atsushi

atsushi, not thinking about what he’s saying: kunikida i like u so much should i kill a bear for u?

kunikida, slightly confused, slightly flattered: uhh no???????

//

atsushi, at the store: lemme just get something for kyouka-

the tiger: we shall hunt until we find something suitabl-

atsushi: no.

//

atsushi: im sorry i transformed last night, snuck out of ur place, hunted down a goose, broke back in, left it in the living room table, and then climbed on top of u, still a tiger, and then fell asleep and only transformed back now, after u had to use rashomon to get tiger me off u 

akutagawa, dead tired: yeah i don’t know what the appropriate response is but ur cleaning the bloo-

akutagawa: wait wtf do u mean theres a dead goose in the living room

atsushi: do u not like goose :(

akutagawa: that is NOT the issue here

//

yeah

[soapels]

mutualism

simon “ghost” riley x female reader ♡

content: sfw, ghost is soft for reader but also tsundere and has little to no idea of how to express it lolol

jupe’s notes: hope u enjoy this lil blurb thing. :] its inspired by an otome i played like seven years ago lol. (dont ask why chocolate keeps appearing in my ficlets) also pls pls show sum love if u like it >_> reading yalls thoughts and comments cheers me up, fr makes my day hehe 💗 enjoy babes

all hearts, reblogs, & comments are very appreciated! ♡

“You hungry?”

Ghost huffs, “Aren’t you?”

It’s harmless, and he’s never unwittingly harsh with the intent to hurt you- it’s just who he is, and you know that.

So you swiftly brush away the flustered pang in your chest, deciding to inch closer to him instead, the burly man settled at the bank of the river.

Gases spill over the tree-line up at the village, tucked away behind poppies and pines on the mountaintop. The two of you won’t be getting out of here for a while- the heli crashed, pilot’s dead. The radio (or the general connection out here in the boonies) is so fucked up that nobody’s responding over it to all the calls for help you tried to make.

Regardless. You fix yourself down beside him, drawing your knees to your chest as a small hand digs through your breast pocket.

“Lieutenant, I—“

Before you can even properly pull it out, (and his prediction skills are beyond you) he’s giving you an uncivil shake of his head, wrapping his gloved fingers over your forearm to stop you.

“Save it, sergeant…” As if realizing his curtness, and the slightly-dejected flicker of your wide eyes, his grip on you loosens, and he murmurs softly. “Rather you eat whatever the hell it is than give it to me.”

You pause for a fleeting moment, thinking his words over.

His dark, chestnut hues sweep over you in uneven waves from beneath his mask, slowly, taking in every movement and micro-expression on your end.

(You wonder what it is he sees.)

When he releases you entirely, you clutch the small, wrapped food tighter in your palm and carefully hold it in your lap.

And for a few weighty, silent seconds- just the sound of fresh water rubbing at the pebbled shore, the pines rustling in the breeze paired with your and Ghost’s shared breaths- Simon thinks you’ve yielded.

He’s wrong.

“But—“

“No buts, pup,” he chastises, tossing you a lingering glance from the side of his eye. It makes you stiffen up some, your own gaze darting away to the lush swathes of grass beneath you.

But it’s not quite enough to sway you, or stop you entirely.

“Just take it, Lieutenant,” you near beg, flashing him that daunting, slow little smile that carves up into the apples of your cheeks. (Never knew something so sweet could be so haunting to Ghost- how ironic.)

He intakes a long, gruff breath.

And scoops it out of the dip of your gracious, eager palms. He looks down at it, the thing even smaller in his big, gloved hands.

Makes a half-amused sort of sound.

A Hershey’s Kiss.

The wrapping crinkles, breaks, Ghost stuffing the flimsy strings of it into one of his pockets before he pauses. And you hope he doesn’t hear the rather-obnoxious grumble of your tummy, observing him carefully, quirking a brow at the odd, foreign glitter to his umber eyes-

Wordlessly, he rucks up the bottom half of his mask and pops the small chocolate into his mouth.

Your scrutiny softens, then, your smile deepening as you linger on him for a moment more, relief billowing in your chest (you were so happy you’d saved the sweet, realizing you could do some good for your Lieutenant out here stranded in the middle of nowhere) as you turn away—

A gloved thumb finds your chin, snatching your attention in as his lips brush with yours.

Ghost’s tongue grazes the roof of your mouth, and amidst the initial shock of it all- the hot spark creeping down to your guts- you don’t even realize the sweetness that invades your tastebuds until he’s already leaning away, licking unsparingly at his lips.

You swallow.

You… swallow. The sugary remnants of the treat you virtually begged for him to eat.

…Dammit!!

Your face is going mad warm and you’re grabbing for his stupidly-strong arm before you can even think to stop yourself-

“T-That’s not fair!” You blurt out, brows furrowed into a cute, flustered pinch that does no favors for the sensual storm stirring in Ghost’s belly. “You cheated- that was supposed to be for you, Simon!”

Simon.

“Well, pup,” he punctuates rather harshly, eyes flickering away briefly- holding some unreadable twinkle to them- before they find yours again.

“It benefited the both of us, didn’t it? …Mutualism at it’s bloody finest.”

(Because he enjoyed it- fuck, probably more than he should’ve… His head spins like he’s been dealt a good blow.)

You spare him one last thoughtful, riled-up huff before turning away, tucking your chin to your knees as you curl in on yourself.

Your heart’s hammering.

Simon’s is drilling holes into his ribs.

But he doesn’t tell you that. And you’d never know, only if he chose to let you—

“Though…”

his low, thick voice strikes up again, and that’s when you realize his gaze never really broke away from you.

You glance over and his fingers are working at his right glove, those dark, inscrutable eyes set dead on you. You, you, you. It sends a chill right down your spine, down to your tummy, to your everything, and your breath stutters.

His does, too, as he suddenly dips in. A large, warm palm swallowing up the soft curve of your cheek.

“I think I’ve got an idea to sate the both of us- properly, this time.”

[antiquepearlss]

im going to harrass you with my tts halloween related questions until its tysmgiving and then i bombard you with tjose and yhen crisis, and well u get it idk

i love ur hcs i find them interesting

OKAY ANYWAYS, what dya think the tts characters favorite halloween candy is(or like what they enjoy bcuz thats what this ask ended up as)...

rapunzel likes all candy, she will eat anything and everything, but she secretly likes the fruity candies more than like chocolate ans what not, but shhhh everything is still apatizeing to her(except lemon stuff, like dont give her a lemon head man). eugene likes chocolate and so does cass, i think ever since i got introduced to cass i js thought she liked chocolate, specifically dark chocolate js bcus shes not much of a sweets person yk?(she usually takes the dark chocolate hersheys & dark chocolate milkyways if no one wants them) but eugene likes all chocolates, milky ways? yes. snickers? yes. heck even an almond joy he'll eat.

lance is like raps, he'll eat whatever(usually he just eats what the girls dont want LMAO) but smth about me makes me think his fav is jelly beans... angry and catalina are both similar, but i think catalina doesnt like nuts in her candy(i dont either, i know im insane u can hate me already), but kiera probably likes snickers, though i think she likes baby ruths more. catalina is a big fan of reeses tho, like yes peanut butter & chocolate yum yum yum.

varian likes the fruity candy cuz he is one /JOKE

but fr varian is one of those people who gets a whole carrot or smth and is like "omg thank you!!" and eats it like a chocolate bar, i do too so its okay. but his fav candy is skittles, like actually he will gobble down a whole bag like no ones business(he also likes gummies, of any sort really, oh and jolly ranchers)

and hugo doesnt get candy he gets mf rocks like charlie brown(respectfully, hugo probably likes kitkats and sweetarts)

this is so much IM SO SORRY HELP, my fav halloween candy is crunch bars & milky ways, but honestly all candy is so good lol

I’m so down, spam my inbox if you want. (I’m so hyped for Christmas Tangled Posting. Rapunzel loves Muppet Christmas Carol.) Also thank you very much.

So I’m definitely the wrong person to ask this actually. I’m not really a big fan of candy tbh. I like it sometimes, but I usually prefer savory snacks. Honestly what you said is pretty much canon to me. I love these.

But I’ll try my best.

Punzie Wunzie- Like you said, prefers fruity candies to chocolate. Probably likes skittles and Starbursts, stuff like that. I feel like she’d like gummies. Esp the orange ones with sugar on them.

Gene- Chocolate all the way. And not the cheap crap, the really fancy stuff, like truffles.

Lance- Same as Eugene but I think he likes Hershey chocolate and generally just candy bars. Probably likes sour and spicy candies as well. And yes absolutely he loves jelly beans. Same with Cat and Varian.

Var Bear- I think he’ll eat anything tbh but he canonically likes chocolate, so he steals Eugene’s truffles and Lance’s candy bars. And I can see him liking hard candies and suckers, because you can eat them while working.

Cassie Wassie- Again like you said, dark chocolate. She doesn’t strike me as much of a candy person. I can see her liking candy with nuts (despite being a lesbian)

Thing 1 & The Other 1- I feel like Cat prefers savory foods because wolf hehe. So yes peanut butter candies all the way. Same with Kiera, idk she just doesn’t strike me as that much of a candy person either so I think she’d eat ab anything as well. Like they like candy well enough they just don’t really have favorites. Maybe they both like sour/spicy candy.

everyone else- Quirin and Arianna like those old person candies that just materialize in your house when you turn 60. Adira also prefers fancy chocolates. Frederic, I don’t know let’s say circus peanuts. Hector doesn’t care why are you asking him this. Edmund hasn’t had candy in years, honestly he’d be happy just eating a bag of straight sugar.

My favorite is probably milky ways. Because they’re good and I gotta stick with my astronomy aesthetic I’ve got going on. Also Skittles slap.

[mew-ya]

katakuri headcanons 🍩 - update (1/9)

- assessing his mother and brothers, where do his teeth come from? my thought is that his father is half fishman, as it's previously been stated that quarter fishmen do not have the ability to breathe underwater or really get much special strength--but I think an unusual mouth could be feasible. perhaps he's quarter pelican eel fishman?! that could explain why his brothers look (relatively) normal, it's just a recessive gene that falls out with the stronger human/whatever Big Mom genes are.

- his massive "house" granted to him by his mother is immaculate, spotless, spartan. this is because he doesn't live in it. he has a true living quarters hidden somewhere on komugi island that holds his some of his less grave secrets (such as his silly little hobbies and his preference of milk alternative). he's a private person so no one really goes there. only brulee knows about it, and maybe a few of his other closest siblings.

- he is 48, so he'd be pretty out of touch with the things his young siblings like. he's a humble guy so I think he'd take their "omg youre OLD" bullying in stride, and they'd love him for it. very popular with the kids AND their parents, future sight is the ultimate babysitter ability. he can stop a toddler with a safe alternative before they even think about climbing up a curtain.

- torn on wanting kids himself. he loves them, maybe he wanted them when he was younger. but his family has a lot already and he's a busy man. will he be able to care for them like he wants? how can he shield them from his mother and what she put him through? what if they are born with his face? will his child be able to live their own life without living in his shadow? it's complicated for him, and he thinks very deeply about it.

- it's pretty hard for him to keep secrets from brulee in general. they have a bit of an unhealthy relationship in that regard...they're both very protective of each other, which can make it difficult to get close to them. kata scares off anyone who looks at brulee the wrong way, shooting them a glare or worse if they dont catch the hint. brulee secretly watches anyone from her mirrors who appears to be paying too much attention to katakuri and confronts them if she suspects they're up to no good. she's a sweet woman deep down, but has learned to be a convincing witch.

- katakuri is a sucker for foods that have sweetness, and it's warped his taste buds a bit. whenever people try his occasional cooking, they're a bit taken back by the presence of sugar on everything. he watches for reactions patiently and most are too afraid to offend him, so they pretend it's good. he's a humble guy, so the typically universal praise doesn't go to his head. his brothers might have a stupid nickname for him like "sweetsteak" but he thinks they're joking.

- as for the types of foods he likes to eat besides donuts: I think he'd like bagels of the sweet variety, such as blueberry or cinnamon raisin. though not everything needs to be donut shaped. I think he'd enjoy pineapple on pizza a lot, monte cristo sandwiches, and fruity, tropical cocktails on the rare occasion he drinks. he'd also like curries that balance sweet and spicy well. doesnt really eat all that much meat but he does enjoy it baked into pastries. also see him as someone who puts an embarrassing amount of sugar cubes in his tea. like my dude. you want tea with those sugar cubes? he just keeps going. he literally does not care what you think of his food preference so no one really comments on it anymore.

- Mr power nap himself. he probably sleeps like shit cus he has to keep up appearances as Mr. Perfection, never lying on his back. but I like to think he gets a rare occasion to sleep a full night on his back and he makes a little ritual out of it. covering the windows, making sure no one can disturb or find him, pulls out his favorite book and reads it in its entirety before hes able to fall asleep the normal way...maybe putting brulee on guard duty. but don't ask me if he wears the matching jammies and hat set. I can't clown on him that hard today

- wears gloves cus he's a serial nail picker. originally thought he would be a nail biter but like...his teeth seem a bit extreme for that? i can't imagine him really putting his fingertips at risk like that, so I think he'd be the type to pick at his nails when nervous. the gloves help with that quite a bit, and have an added bonus of protecting his palms from his heavy work schedule. his hands are pretty soft.

- smells kinda like mochi residue, which is to say he smells like rice flour. he also smells like leather and steel, and perhaps a waft of vanilla or strawberry depending on the pastry crumbs he accidentally dropped in his scarf that day. it's a very floofy scarf and he doesn't really take it off so sometimes he gets a bit of food in it. has to wash it daily, probably has a bunch of backup scarves.

thanks for reading 🫡💓 and double thanks to all of the people who've rambled on and on with me and helped contribute to my headcanons about him, or have posted some of their own that I came across and agreed with! I love this character very very much so i always have a lot of fun thinking about little things like this.

- he has acquired a lot of stupid donut decor over the years, thanks to his closer siblings that know his love of donuts. his secret little house is absolutely littered in it. he doesnt really buy this stuff himself, his taste is a bit more punk rock. one year he did get a pretty cool donut-patterened Tiffany lamp that he has by his couch. but most of the time, an easy Christmas gift for kata: donut socks. Peros gets him a different color every year. he's not really that into it, but he appreciates the thought...

new below added 1-9 (about his height, about traveling)

- he is a very tall person, though not giant sized. thankfully, the one piece world is rather kind to folk big and small. it's not any trouble to find the correct size of most items, especially in tottoland. you'll find a variety of specialty stores catering to folks of small and large sizes, and some areas even have districts concentrated around small and big folk with appropriately portioned cuisines. clothes come in a wide variety of sizes even at the smallest of boutiques. although the clothes of many of the charlotte siblings have a certain flair that scream custom made, kata being no exception...

- his size becomes more difficult when he's traveling abroad, and tends to stick to the ships quarters as a place to rest when outside of his home. he's not one to rent out a place, as it is troubling to find accommodations that suit his many needs (including absolute privacy). he would probably rely on his own mochi abilities to generate shelter before ever agreeing to stay in a stranger's abode. he feels moderately comfortable in his personal ships quarters but his typical form of comfort is most often found on the deck, leaning against the mast with a watchful eye on the horizon.

- his duties as minister and commander, as well as his travels as a child with the Rocks Pirates, have brought him to many places. given that his mochi merienda shrine has wano-style architecture, it is not utterly out of left field to think that he has even visited a secluded place such as Wano in the past. while his job and family is rather isolating, he has still experienced a good number of unfamiliar cultures and cuisines. I think that he has traveled less in the latter half of his life but still holds onto some of those memories and would like to go back to the places he went when he was younger.

I'll probably continually update this with new HCs when I get bored ���

naturally, please take these all with a grain of salt! it's fine to disagree, these are just how I personally see him.

[fisherpiers]

Hunter coming out to Luz as bi

OKAY here i am like over 6 months later LMAO

like whattt? im not dead?? i know, i know. my deepest apologies

i have already written him coming out in flapjacks with syrup so if you want more go read that too not to self promote agskgjjghh (i will be updating that soon just saying 👀)

but here’s some headcanons!

lemme see, theres so many ways for this to go. lets entertain just a couple tho lol

scenario #1

its july and luz is getting/making pride merch for everyone bc shes trying to make it a thing on the isles. at least a little holiday. perhaps a parade? itll be fun!

and she realizes she has no clue what hunters deal is. is he straight? aroace, maybe. that guy is married to his work.

shes trying to keep this pride thing a surprise so she asks him nonchalantly like “hey broooo i was just wondering. whats your sexuality. a friend wanted to know.”

and he bluescreens

“uh. i— i dont know, actually.”

he never really thought about it. hes always been too busy being attracted to them books lmao

he has to get back to her in two business days at least 😂😂😂

he basically spends those days spacing out and scaring his classmates by intensely staring at them.

hunter discovers that he generally feels the same about any gender. and he didnt really have a preference when imagining his future having a wife, husband, or partner. as long as they made him happy

and everyone was really pretty. hexside had quite a lot of cute witches and demons

but honestly, he still didn’t really find himself wanting to start a relationship with any of them (gee wonder why)

he chalks it up to the fact that he’s focusing on his studies and apprenticeship right now and has no time for romance

besides, if he had a partner, he’d have even less time to spend with luz his friends

he finds luz up in a tree behind the owl house, nose in a book. shes so focused on the story that she doesn’t even hear him approach

“LUZ!”

“WHA—“

she was so startled she fell put of the tree. hunter tried to catch her he really did but they both wound up crashing down to the ground in a heap

oof

luz shoved him off her, laughing “first you give me a heart attack and now you try to crush me? i thought we were friends now, hunter!”

“sorry, sorry,” he wheezed as he rolled over in the soft grass

luz went and retrieved her book from where she accidentally threw it, “so what did you need me for?”

“oh, i just wanted to tell you i think i figured out my sexuality now, like you asked,”

“thats okay. i didnt mean to presure you so you dont have t—”

he sat up, “im bisexual,”

liz gasped “OH SWEET, twinsies!”

she got matching bandanas for them. cowboy vibes lol

luz did successfully get the annual pride parade set up in the isles. hard to say no to her shes a force of nature and also kinda a celebrity now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

scenario #2

luz has just assumed he’s gay

bc they often talk about guys they think are cute. like if theyre at the mall food court (without the hexsquad) and see any hot guys they are thoroughly checking them out and giggling like school girls

its not something she can do with amity (obviously), vee or willow. plus, she trusts that hunter isnt about to go squealing to her girlfriend about her attraction to men she has no plans on pursuing

its a good bonding activity, okay. if you cant thirst over cute guys with your bestie are they really your bestie

alas, because of this, luz never reads too much into the moments they have together. hunter let a hug linger a little too long? he lets her eat off his fork? puts his arm around her on the couch? just friendly behavior. its not like he likes her or anything. bc hes gay right

anyway. theyre like, at a chinese restaurant picking up takeout for the gang and the cashier is just adorable. miss teen connecticut. the cutest girl ever. they both stutter their words and awkwardly fumble around while picking up this order. hunter almost dropped the food and luz signed her name as Liz Noda on the receipt

they get out of there and start laughing once they reach the car

“guess its bi disaster hour am i right?” hunter joked

luz laughed but then it hit her

“wait. you like girls?”

hunter looked at her confused, “yeah?”

“oh…” she trails off,

and hunter starts the car and drives off, not even giving the conversation a second thought

meanwhile luz is dead silent in the passenger seat like

she be rethinking everything agsjfjjhh

OKAY SECRET 3RD SCENARIO!

tboy!luz au :3

okay so luz is scared bc he’s finally worked out his gender. he’s a guy.

its what pushes him to break up with amity. its amicable at least

and so as luz moves on with his life, and starts falling for hunter, he’s scared hunter wont like him now bc he’s trans

and once hunter finds out about that, he’s putting a stop to it fast. like:

“dude. im bi. i dont care if youre a boy or a girl. youre luz. and i like luz.”

and they live happily ever after the end agajdjjg

[feelingbloo]

doing this all at once because im fasting and need a distraction... this shit be getting personal lmao

day 1: your stats

currently 82.2lbs as of writing

day 2: how tall are you, do you like your height?

im 4'10, no not really! definitely doesnt help my bmi out at all, lmao. id prefer to be around 5'4.

day 3: a picture of your thinspiration. what features do you like about this person?

most thinspo kinda rolls off my back and doesnt affect me, so i dont really look at it. blessing and a curse.

day 4: your greatest fear about weight loss

i only have one fear, and its my partner. she (not so subtly) compares herself to me and uses me as thinspo, and i know losing weight will only make this problem worse.

day 5: why do you really want to lose weight? are you doing it for you?

im not sure if theres a real reason anymore. everything i can think of is something that occurred after the disordered eating started, so i dont know what truly drives me. id say im doing it for myself because theres nobody else i would do it for.

day 6: do you binge? if so, explain why you think you do

of course, definitely. most times its due to an emotion, i think ive always used food as a comfort in that way.

day 7: do your parents know you are trying to lose weight? do they care?

they dont, i never told them and they havent found out. i assume my mom would care, my father sorta shuts himself off so i dont know if hed be mad about it or what.

day 8: your workout routine

im physically disabled from an unknown myopathy (my body doesnt produce enough muscle) so everything is a workout to me lmao. i generally walk around for 4-ish hours a day, since i cant quite manage anything else.

day 9: did anyone ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

no, only my eating habits. i was often told that i ate so much i mustve had a tapeworm, and most of what i eat is "junk food" due to sensory issues.

day 10: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

dude, i fucking miss the liquid calories! in past restriction phases i refused to count liquid cals, and i definitely still lost weight, but not as fast as i would have liked. ive started counting them and ughhhhh.

i didnt cut them out completely, so i still have creamer in my coffee and the occasional soda, but i want my milkshake goddamnit 😭

day 11: your favorite thinspo blog and why

same answer as day 3.

day 12: what do you normally eat?

for main meals i usually have tuna on toast, egg salad sandwiches, cream cheese bagels, ham sandwiches/ham bagels, grilled cheeses, basically just carb + animal product. if we order out its either a cheeseburger or fried rice.

for sides/snacks/small meals i like string cheese, pickles, mini candies, lollipops, pepperoni, if theres any sweets in the house i have some of that.

its a wonder that i even lose weight on this lmao. but OMAD and counting cals is what makes it possible.

day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

i dont think ive ever seen someone answer this with the former option. we're all doing this unhealthily on this side of tumblr.

day 14: whats your UGW? when do you expect to reach it?

ooh, tough one. it seems like everyone has a set UGW but i dont. i feel most compelled towards the number 73lbs, which is the bmi of my LW (15.3). i dont think that bmi is low enough for me though, i'll figure out when i get there.

ive gotten close to that weight a couple times, but ultimately something always happens and i emotionally binge or whatever. no clue about timing.

day 15: are you vegan or vegetarian? if so, has this helped you lose weight? if not, would you consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

ive had lengths of time where ive been pescetarian (vegetarian + fish), it never helped me lose weight.

at this time in my life im not able to limit my diet to that degree, but i heavily support the lifestyle for ethical and environmental reasons. if i move out id likely try veganism.

day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

i began obsessively weighing myself at 7, and started to learn purging around 9/10. it wasnt ever something i was serious about, but at 12 i discovered the online ana community andddd... it really just brought out that part of me. so id say 12 is where it officially began, but ive had it in me since 7.

day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

never officially diagnosed but i dont think most people here are. yes, anorexia nervosa.

day 18: what food is your weakness?

i dont restrict what type of food i eat, as long as its under my limit. but my real weakness is food other people give me... i cant resist it regardless of the calories and it makes me feel so dumb. they dont even have to be in the room! it could just be takeout, they dont even have to be the one to cook it!

day 19: when is the last time you ate fast food?

i cant even remember, i almost never eat it since i dont like it. the grease and the oils coat my mouth and throat and it feels so disgusting.

taco bell cinnamon twists are bomb though.

day 20: favorite diet?

the special k diet is funny (literally just eat special k) but i always lose a lot of weight when i do cereal-based diets like that.

day 21: what are your clothing sizes?

ehhhh,,, i dont wear fitting clothes and everything is baggy, do usually womens small or sometimes xs.

my measurements are quite small (26bust, 23waist, 28hip IIRC?) so im below a 00 in most charts ive seen. unfortunately thats just my general size due to my height, im not as thin as people imagine from that by any means.

day 22: what was your lowest weight? when and how did you gain?

73lbs at 12, my height didnt change since then lmao. i experienced some trauma right after getting to that weight, which led to me binging myself back up to 90lbs.

day 23: did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

i think it was more personal experiences rather than the media, however the media likely did contribute once i had already established my disordered eating.

day 24: how do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia

it depends on the context. in the original meaning, it just meant a space where you could discuss your disorder without actively working towards recovery. i support that heavily.

nowadays, where it usually means people promoting ana/mia as some pretty dainty "lifestyle", fucking ew. what is wrong with you people. i understand wanting to romanticize your disorder (and find others who do the same), but i draw the line at genuinely thinking that disordered eating makes you "better" than others, or whatever bullshit they try to say.

day 25: have you ever purged? if so, describe your first experience.

i have purged in the past, but due to my disability (day 8) i typically cant vomit anymore no matter what i try. the muscle just isnt strong enough anymore to contract that violently.

first experience was harrowing lmao, i had had a bowl of instant ramen and was hallucinating as i was purging it. everything else was so distracting, i dont really remember anything about the actual purging itself.

day 26: what excites you most about reaching your UGW?

the first time i got to my LW, i just remember feeling so giddy and proud and i want that again and again.

day 27: how do you deal with being around food?

if i eat it, im not longer around it... i just have zero self control.

day 28: do you want that gap between your legs? why?

i guess so. its something a lot of people are envious of, and i knew i was happy when i had it in the past.

day 29: your definition of beauty.

this is going to sound "wrong" from an anorexic person, but chubby people. i dont have a fetish for it, i have slept with average people without problem, but i dont think i could date someone who wasnt at least bmi 23... ive found that bmi 25-27 is the sweet spot though.

i just think theres something so attractive about it regardless of gender. like hell yeah thick arms and round stomachs and back rolls. fuck yeah.

day 30: 10 facts about you! and now, what are your stats?

oh god what is this, an interrogation? not saying stats since im doing this in one go.

i draw (hobbyist, nowhere near professional)

i collect animal bones and general knick knacks

garfield and miku are my favorite characters

i tap on everything

i wanted to be a veterinarian as a kid

favorite animals are polar bears and hammerheads

my grandmother wanted me to be named tapestry (what??)

i have dyscalculia

i enjoy making cookies

i can barely whistle

[sysboxes]

what are some weird food concoctions (example: m&ms on pizza) that yall like? And what’re some weird drink concoctions?

(a cultural thing that is regarded as “weird” by others counts)

and is there a backstory to why you like the food and drink? Like is it a childhood thing, something a loved one liked, something you just randomly discovered, something passed down by generations, etc

mod wonder - for weird drink concoctions, i love mixed drinks, like cranberry and apple juice or a variety of soda mixes. for food, depends on what you’d count as weird. oh except, don’t cancel me for this, i eat damp cheerios. i can’t have liquid milk, or any kind, but hard cheerios are sometimes too dry for me, so i add a little tiny bit of water to make them damp, but not full on wet. i also eat matzah with charoset or butter, which isn’t really weird, but might be to someone who’s not jewish

Mod Luxray 🐈‍⬛️⚡️- OKOK SO FOOD watermelon, Tajin, creole seasoning, and whipped cream[cool whip works best], mush it all up and freeze it, you get a sweet with a slight spice sorbet-icecream ass things its SO GOOD. Drinks have to be Lime Jarritos, brisk ice tea-lemonade, and milk/cream, creates a cream soda type thing, back story for both is my mommas friend growin up would always make these for me while i was in the hospital, which was alot, so its become something of a comfort food

Mod Avon 📖 - Lmao I just talked about wildcard sodas! Love that. But for me, I don’t tend to go too wild on concoctions (the autism texture thing goes hard for me). People get upset with me over gummy bears in blended custards though. Like those blended custards at Rita’s? Love gummy bears in those. It reminds me of the good memories I still have of my family.

Mod Jester 🖍 - Not really sure if it’s weird but we love mac and cheese and peas so much. We first thought it was weird when our mom introduced it to us but we tried and loved it. The texture is mainly why we keep going back to it.

Mod Weeping ❤️ - Mac and cheese and peas, mac and cheese and plain lays or salt and vi what lays in between bread (Mac and cheese chip sandwhich 😎), mayo on peas-, spaghetti and peas, and chicken sandwhich with mac and cheese (preferably baked mac and cheese tho?). Mac and cheese and peas was a childhood thing, the Mac and cheese and chip sandwhich was something my brother and I made up, the mayo on peas is something my hip moms family taught me and they called it “cowboy peas” and said it was a southern USA thing but I have never met another person who did this so they may have been lying lmfao, spaghetti and peas was something an upstairs neighbor did and we had to eat it or not eat basically-, the mac and cheese chicken sandwhich was bc of that Chick-fil-A TikTok hack that went around for a bit. Also, and this is a PICA thing that we just never stopped doing, those fucking paper lollipop sticks bro- also some middle eastern foods and thing that ppl generally dont like in the USA unless they’re from there? Various things we ate bc we had PICA as a kid but I don’t count those. And then drinks idk. (Fuck that was so long sorry-). Oh wait- also something a little in our Sys likes- is these wack ass snack concoctions she makes of really spicy chips plus sweet cereal (like O’s) plus something more “plain” like pretzel balls she picks the salt off of

mod plush 🌻 — unfortunately i’m a very average food concoctor. fries and milkshakes, ketchup in mac and cheese (bonus if it’s cheeseburger mac), etc. if you asked me what foods i didn’t like, well, we could be here for hours…

[god-has-entered-my-body]

💘 for mpind g, 🍝 for mpind matty, 🎄 for both (if nobody's asked these)

mwah ly

- mads <3

mads im kissing you actually omfg this is. like the you dont get it thank u so so much

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

this might sound incredibly basic and cliché, but the most important thing to him is you & Matty. He has no clue what he'd do without the two of you, without his crutch.

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?

Mpind Matty loves fucking croissants for some reason, especially chocolate filled ones. Pastries in general more like, and just sugar overall which includes, but is not limited to, sweets, lollies, ice cream (he loves watching you eat these), and most important of all, your classic slice of disgustingly sweet american cheesecake.

🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE — what is your oc's favorite holiday?

George loves loves loves christmas. The act of gift giving, sending personalized cards and wrapping presents just do it for him, the whole cheery aspect of the holiday giving him something to look forward to every year. I think its pretty obvious what Matty's favourite holiday is: Halloween. Why, you ask? The house parties obviously, drunken idiots stumbling around in costumes, meaning Matty's totally in his element the entire night, dragging you around in your too-high heels to do pumpkin themed shots in some random blokes house you dont even know the name of. good times x

[squipspace]

Hello ! friendly neighborhood Zallia here. I'm in need of dire assistance. I'm having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the concept of "blue-raspberry"?

I've been having this dilemma since the first time i drank a blue raspberry gatorade in the first grade. Granted, I have a taste deficit, so maybe this is just user error, but the flavor Blue-Raspberry, makes no sense to me, and I've been trying to figure it out for so long, I'm probably going insane. Every single time I have something Blue-Raspberry favored, i have to sit and think about all of my life choices up to this moment. Like, wth even is blue raspberry? why did they need to make blue raspberry? why is such an identifiable flavor despite it not even being a real flavor?

so, my first confusion, and probably the biggest, is why is it called blue raspberry? first of all, 'blue' isn't a flavor. a color doesn't have taste, unless i'm eating crayons, or an orange. And I could see this being a thing like "white grapes" or "red cherries" but the name isn't a flavor, its describing the thing i'm eating. okay, so, maybe it's just saying the flavor is raspberry, but blue. Well, it can't be that, because it doesn't actually taste like raspberries?!? every time i have a raspberry, they're a little tart, and don't have much flavor. however, blue raspberry is sweet, and tastes like im tasting pure artificial flavoring. so if it doesn't taste like regular raspberries, why is it called blue RASPBERRY. maybe this is just me, but i've also never seen a BLUE raspberry? so it cant taste like a blue raspberry!? i honestly don't even know what blue raspberry tastes like. which leads me into my second point.

what does blue raspberry even taste like? it's such a well known and recognizable flavor, that describing something that tastes like blue raspberry, is just saying it tastes like blue raspberry? whenever im eating or drinking something blue raspberry flavored, i have literally no idea what im consuming. i'm honestly convinced i'm consuming drugs. but i dont understand how its a flavor, if blue raspberry isn't real? My conclusion is that the flavor of blue raspberry is just a paradox. i dont know what chemicals im consuming, but it tastes like blue raspberry. but it isnt blue raspberry.

lastly, the blue part seriously confuses me, im back to this, because, like, seriously wtf does blue taste like? why is that a part of the flavor? were they high on drugs while creating blue raspberry flavoring? i only taste colors when i'm high as fuck. blue isnt a word you can use to describe flavor. and if it's just to describe the color of the thing i'm eating, then it truly isnt a flavor. but if you remove the blue adjective of the flavor, it's just raspberry, and as i said previously, it doesn't taste like raspberry.

blue raspberry is literally the most confusing thing in the world, artificial flavors are confusing in general, but blue raspberry is the worst because its so recognizable. like, if im consuming blue raspberry, i KNOW i'm consuming blue raspberry. and yet i dont even know what blue raspberry is, blue raspberry only exists in blue raspberry flavoring. what kind of chemicals am i putting in my body? does blue raspberry keep the human inner monsters at bay? does the first time you consume blue raspberry prevent humans from gaining the super powers that they were originally supposed to develop? is it spyware created by the government?

it isnt real, but it is real. does blue raspberry come from another universe? is it some top secret genetically mutated raspberry? i seriously need answers.

Blue raspberry paradox. i'm losing my mind. what is blue raspberry??!?

also why can i taste it despite not being able to taste most foods? wtf is up with blue raspberry?

also hello. how are you?

Hello. Blue raspberry was created as a result of there being too many red flavors to distinguish between properly. There aren't many blue fruits found in nature, and so blue was chosen. As for why it doesn't taste like raspberry, most artificial fruit flavors often do not taste like their inspiration. Watermelon is a good example.

As for the reason you are able to taste it despite not being able to taste most foods, I assume it's because of its strong aroma and rather tart flavor.

As for your last question, I am doing rather well. Thank you.

[nitroish]

I myself dont have much time to talk but. What are some silly headcanons you have for your favoritest blorbos? Do they have a favorite food? What are your hcs for their sexualities? Do they stim, and if so, how?

This could be zelda related or not whichever you prefer, im giving you a reason to ramble about whichever characters you like most :)

oh hell yeah lets go

im going to answer these with my legend in mind , so keep That in mind ! thank u thank u

under the cut . o7

legends favourite food is eggs on rice. a simple, easy to make meal! he only eats it A Singular Way as well oops - the way He cooks it. wild learns how to make it legends way [ its not all that hard of a feat to accomplish ] . he tries to change it up sometimes but legend absolutely notices every single time and refuses to eat it.

legend can cook but its mostly easy-to-make + overall cheap options that he can make in bulk / eat off of for awhile . goulash and curries. soups, breads, etc.

hes rly good w apples too tho, outside of those kinds of meals . his favourites are honeycrisp, and hes made or helped make wine , pies , jam , etc with the fruit in general :)

he has a damn sweet tooth and its impulsively indulged every time he passes a pastry shop or some shit. if there is an apple or cinnamon flavoured Anything he is going to try it [ not cinnamon roll, though ]

he is gay as shit !!! homosexual + somewhere under the ace spec but only thinks himself Loosely tied to the term [ he does not bother to find exactly where and i dont have much care to do that much searching either. ]

stims consist of many different things so here are some different kinds

hat fiddling, fiddling with things in general [ rings, hair, tunic, bag, blahblah ], waving weight from one foot to the other, tracing designs on things [ arm bracers, armour, swords, saddles, yadayada ], large exaggerated arm/hand movements, cracking bones [ <- stress stim ]

shine !! he will watch his rings or weapons shine in the sun, will move hands back and forth to watch the gleam of light move over the designs. he likes watching clouds move. he'll stare at the campfire for hours cos he likes to watch how the colours move.

humming, whistling [ usually random tunes he picked up from the others or towns ], clicking his tongue, mimicking accents [ NOT mocking . theres a difference . unless its twilight , then he mocks because its silly /lh ]. he likes to repeat words he hears tht r fun . yippee . . . conkcrete . . .

idk random things

warriors and legend are in a qpr [ duh ]

legend draws. wars writes.

system four my beloved

times good w magic spells. hes a quick learn, tho he doesnt rly use em

legend is more magic-able thn he lets on , understands spells and what they do / what words do that , but doesnt know how to use spells without conduits that Move the magic for him

they all know sign or are learning sign . legend doesnt like to teach, but he DOES stick around to help translate if need be

legend knows so many languages but this is common knowledge

legend has two dark world forms [ wolfos and rabbit ] <- the wolfos coloration is like a maned wolf

hyrule isnt very fond of bein in the fairy transformation , very overwhelming experience rly , but he Does enjoy the ability to sit on shoulders when he winds up in it

hyrule n legend make deez nuts jokes n warriors falls for them every time . warriors learns how to weaponize words to make his own jokes of the same caliber

twilight likes to collect bugs for agitha still . other eras have silly bugs and someone asks why hes hoarding all the damn glass bottles and when he carefully gets tghem out they each have a singular fucking bug in them

[madaboutmunson]

Again - Part 20

Part 1 | Part 19 | Part 21 | Full list of Again series links inc AO3 Link

Before reading this chapter, please take the time to read the notes below

Hi 👋

I dont normally put warnings on this fic, because generally speaking its fluffy, funny, romantic and sweet, right? However this next chapter is why I started writing this story in the first place. It was always going to end up here. Its the reason the story is set when it is, and where the foreshadowing has been leading to. It was to explore something that has been on my mind since season 1 of the show. How that kind of trauma, gets brushed under the carpet, by some characters.

I dont want to spoiler this chapter or next few too much, but its a tough time, right from the first few lines.

I can however assure you that the eventual ending of this story will be happy (I wrote one fic with an unhappy ending and I dont think, I'll ever do that again, because i'm a sensitive little soul. I love that other people write things like that, its just not something that I want to do write now. Not to these versions of these characters).

I'm going to write this in such a way that, when we eventually get back to the sweet stuff, you wouldnt have had to read these less happy chapters to carry on. This is just in support of all the readers that dont enjoy the sad stuff. I have days like that too :)

So the main warnings here are:

Hospital setting

Mention of someone passing away

References to past trauma

Vague references to very real world events that happened in 2001

Vague mention of potential school incident

Canon-typical violence

Canon-typical horror

Canon-typical threat

Steddie fic where Steve and Eddie are in their mid 30's and everyone has sort of drifted apart

Taglist: @adaed5 @grtwdsmwhr @swimmingbirdrunningrock @mightbeasleep, @jewellthebooknerd, @fentiibratzz @rvllybllply2014

================================================

Steve pushes the hospital tray of food away from him as his eyes fill with tears again.

"Anything?" He asks, his voice trembling to a concerned and solemn-looking Jenny. She shakes her head and closes her eyes regretfully.

"No, Steve. I'm sorry." She says sadly. She pushes the food tray back towards him, "Please, just something, alright? The kids will ask. Don't make me lie to them, ok?" He can hear the pleading in her voice, and the guilt washes over him. He had to keep it together and try not to be selfish about this. After all, this was his fault. 

He picks up the spoon and moves the food around a little before selecting a spoonful to eat, the pads are stuck to his chest, and the wires shift uncomfortably as he sits up a little more in an attempt to be an adult about this. He just had to accept it and move on. For a while there, he had everything, but his luck had finally run out.

He looks up at Jenny momentarily, "Sorry," he says genuinely, but shame won't let him keep eye contact, "You shouldn't be here. You should be at home resting."

"Yeah, well, if the shoe was on the other foot, Steve, I know you'd be here too. Right by my side. You're not just the father of my children. You're one of my best friends. No way, I'd let you deal with this alone." She says, reaching forward and rubbing his arm.

Steve's lip trembles, "I'm so sorry!" He blurts out before covering his mouth to quieten the sobs that erupt from him. Uncontrollable, breathtaking, painful sobs until he's crying so hard he can't see.

"Steve, it's ok. I understand. We all understand, ok? Everything went to shit yesterday for everyone, not just you. Just...your problems, well, they landed you here. That's all." She tries to reassure him, swallowing nervously. He can tell by the look on her face she pities him.

"I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I shouldn't have done those things. What's wrong with me? I've ruined everything, Jen! Everything!!" Steve has felt sadness many times in his life, but he's not sure if his emotional problems are manifesting his sorrow into actual physical pain. His body hurts from crying so hard and for so long. Since he woke up, the only time he hadn't cried was when his kids were in there. He still had enough grit to keep it together around them.

"You don't know that, Steve." She tries to console him, but he can see her holding back her tears. As he scans her face, he wonders if she was sad to see him finally broken like this, or was it because she knew the pain of accepting something you gripped onto so tightly was rapidly slipping out of your hands, and you had no way to stop it? Not now. Steve feels the frustration build up in him. If everything was gonna be ok, Eddie would be here. He'd be right here next to him, but he wasn't. There was just a loud empty space where Eddie should be, and it taunted Steve with the fact he made it empty.

"Then why isn't he here?!" Steve yells at the other empty seats in the room before crumbling again. "Why isn't he here?" He says more softly before another torrent of tears and sobs wash over him, and he hides his face in his hands. His heart hurts. Though it may as well not be there at all.

"Steve, you need to try and keep calm, alright? If not for your own sake, for mine, and for the kids. We can't lose you. We need you here, ok? I can only imagine how scary this all is, but we don't know, ok. I appreciate that's not super helpful, but it's better than it definitely being the worst-case scenario, right?" She tries again, and Steve hangs his head, wiping away his tears.

"Sorry." He says again.

"Listen, stop that. Stop apologising. You've said sorry so many times now, Steve. I forgive you. We all do." She says, patting his hand."In all the years we've known one another, even when we were really struggling, you never, ever raised your voice to me like that. Not once. I should have known then. I should have sent Val over when that happened, but I was such a mess too, Steve. I didn't know what to do."

Steve manages to calm down a little and look into her eyes, speaking softly, “Jen, please, this is not your fault, ok?” He swallows the lump in his throat, “Like, I know worse things are happening in the world. Things that make no sense. Someone running out on me because I did something so awful, at least that seems reasonable. It’s just hard right now, but I’ll get over it.” Jenny leans over and clasps his hand in both of hers.

“Someone? He’s not just someone. We don’t even know if he ran out for sure, though, Steve. Yeah, he sounded scared, but that could have been for a million different reasons for him yesterday, ok?” Steve shakes his head. He appreciates her trying, but he knows the terror he saw on Eddie’s face. He’s seen it before, fifteen years ago—pure fear. Jenny’s shoulders sink, she tilts her head, and her expression falls to sadness, “You’d give up. Just like that?” She asks, her voice cracking a little.

Steve looks down at the wires on his chest to avoid her eyes. He didn’t want to give up. He’d follow Eddie to the ends of the earth if he had to, but not under these circumstances, not when he would be…unwanted.

He pulls his hand from hers and gently pats her, “You need to rest, Jen. This is too much for you. I’d feel better if you just went home, ok?” She shakes her head defiantly with a sweet frown. “You want me to feel even worse than I do right now? What if this all makes you stressed out and sick, huh? You want that on my conscious too?” Steve puts on fake air of annoyance. He’s not mad with her, not at all, but he just wanted to be on his own for a while. “I’m fine. Look at me. I’m all plugged in!” Steve says, gesturing at the machines, widening his eyes at her in an irritated stare. Searching her eyes, he knows she isn’t really buying his performance, but she respects his wishes.

Jenny reaches into her bag and pulls out a cell phone, “Look, I know you can't use that in here, and the phone lines are still messed up, but if anything, Steve, just call or message me, or Val, or whoever.” She passes it over to him. “It’s not exactly the same phone, but the guy in the shop managed to get your old sim card in this one, so it's got all your old numbers and messages.” She gives him a smile that reads half hopeful, half pity and turns to leave. Steve puts the phone face down on the tray in front of him. It wasn’t even on, but just knowing that messages from Eddie were in there was almost too much. Like he was afraid, they would magically appear on the screen to taunt him and twist the daggers littering his heart. Jenny stops just before the door and turns back to him, “Don’t give up, Steve. Not until you know for sure. That's not you.” She gives him a final last smile and leaves.

Steve slumps back against the pillows,  he tries to focus on the TV in his room, but it is doing little to help him. His vision blurs as if he is looking beyond the screen, and his mind plunges him back into yesterday. He should fight it, but he almost wants it. He wants to feel that pain again because it's what he deserves. Let it feast on him so the hurt could drown out the shame. It couldn’t be anywhere close to the amount of pain his betrayal caused Eddie and Jenny yesterday.

In the early hours of Tuesday morning, Eddie had got a call from one of Jack's kids letting him know Jack had sadly passed away, and Eddie being who he is, had elected to go to be at Wayne's side immediately. Wayne had told him emphatically not to do that. He told him to give him a few hours to sort things out. Steve knew it was because he needed Eddie to calm down and wake up before he drove over there, and honestly, Eddie was going through a kaleidoscope of emotions. He was mad he had to hear it from the kids. He was frustrated Wayne had told him not to go. He was sad to have lost Jack, but he was also relieved that Jack was not suffering anymore, which filled him with guilt.

With the kids at Jenny's, there was no hurry to get them ready for school, so Steve took that time to soothe Eddie a little, make him feel good, and feel cared for, and once Eddie was back to a place where he wasn't pinballing between in his emotions, Steve made him breakfast and suggested maybe he go into work, make sure they can survive a week or so without him, and then collect Wayne and bring him back to theirs. He could have a guest room or the RV. There was lots of space, and they'd figure out something when the kids returned on Sunday. Eddie looked at him so softly with those big soulful eyes and smiled, "I'm so lucky to have you, babe." And Steve wishes that that had been the last time he'd seen Eddie that day. So he could have stayed Eddie's own personal Superman.

To save overly fretting, Steve had taken Beans for a long walk, mainly to kill time and to just breathe in the cool autumn air. He thought it might alleviate his own sorrows. He imagined how Wayne would feel right at that moment, he had already lost Jack in one way, but now he was gone, never to return. No mystical, time-altering, alternate dimension that he could return from, no time for him to get better and come home. He was gone, and nothing anyone could do could change that. There would be no second chance for Wayne and Jack. He selfishly turns the situation into his own. And at the mere possibility of one element of that happening to him and Eddie, an uncomfortable lump of emotion settled into his throat, his stomach swirled with nausea, and he felt his eyes brim with tears.

He pauses for a moment.

Initially, the walk through the reddening leaved trees did help, and everything seemed it would be ok until it suddenly wasn't. They were still fairly deep in the woods when they could hear sirens and the screeching of tires. As they emerge back into the neighbourhood, Steve notices a difference in Beans. She was tense and pulling on the lead, which wasn't her at all. She strained towards the first house, not entirely forcing Steve over there, which she could have done relatively easily. She was so strong.

Steve would never usually look into someone's house, but Bean's level of concern worried him. In the first house, he saw a man and woman holding one another tightly, their faces etched with something between fear and sorrow. Having assessed no one was in danger, Steve feels he's stumbled upon someone's personal tragedy and quickly pulls Beans away and continues the walk home, but then more things start to develop around him. Audible sobbing came from other open windows he'd passed. One of the bigger houses lowers its patriotic flag, and the thing that kicks Steve into a thunderous run home is when he overhears a woman shout to her husband, who had his hands to his head in the yard, "I can't get through. I can't get through to the kids". He rushes past the house and pulls out his cell. He tries to call Jenny. Busy tone. He tries to call Val. The line doesn't even ring. He tries to call Eddie, but it's more of the same.

Even in his top-speed run, it takes them another twenty minutes or so to get home. He is sweating heavily from the run, but simultaneously, an ice-cold chill runs up his spine. As he bursts through the front door, he dumps his keys and Bean's leash. He doesn't even remove it and heads straight to the phone, not even closing the door. He tries everyone again, but he can't get through.

Steve feels his already thudding heart begin to speed up with panic, his breathing shallower. He keeps trying on the phone, and a million terrible scenarios run through his head. What would affect everyone around here? Why was that woman shouting about her kids? It's gotta be a school incident. The thought of which soon has panic is swirling his stomach, forming a lump in his throat, tears he refuses to shed forming and stinging his eyes. Not my kids. Please, god, not my kids. He prayed wordlessly to whoever or whatever was listening.

Then it finally happens the phone line rings.

"Hello?" He says, trying to hide his panic.

"Oh god, Steve! Oh god!" Jenny's hysterical voice comes over the phone. No, no. Please, god, no. Steve squeezes his eyes shut and braces himself for a horror worse than he's ever felt.

"Jenny, listen to me. I need you to calm down. Tell me what's going on, ok?" Steve desperately tries to hold it together, his mind a rapid slide show of his children's faces, as he grips tightly onto the back of the chair.

"It all just happened so fast. First, there was one, and then whilst they were showing it another, and now…" she breaks down again, and Steve can't take this any more. A frustrated rage begins to swell up in him like a tidal wave about to crash down on the nearest bystander.

"Jenny!" He yells aggressively down the phone, "Where the fuck are my kids?! Where are they?!" There is a silence that must last two seconds, if that, but it feels like forever. 

When she replies, her voice still tearful but quieter and with a tone of realisation, "Val's gone to get our kids, Steve."

"Why is Val fucking going there to get my kids?! You call me!! Me, Jenny! Fucking Me. Ok?! " Steve pokes himself in the chest roughly. "I protect them! Me!" He feels a sting of pain in his arm and chest, and he has to wipe the beads of sweat from his brow.

"Steve," she says in a severe tone, "The kids aren't in danger. We just wanted to get them out of school and home." The words ring through his head, and his body folds into the nearest chair. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, instantly regretting his outburst.

"I thought…I just…Fuck...I thought something bad had happened. I panicked." He tries more calmly, but it's not an apology.

Jenny's sobs start up again, "Something awful has happened, Steve, but we're all ok, but…um…turn on the TV, Steve. I'm sorry" The panic starts to rise in Steve again. Was it Eddie, is he hurt? No, no. That wouldn't affect everyone in the neighbourhood unless it was some kind of tragic massive collision. Eddie should be at work or on his way to see Wayne. The thundering in his chest starts up again, and now he has the searing pain of indigestion, possibly from all that running. "Don't put the phone down, Steve. I'm right here, ok?" She tries to calm him through her waves of emotion.

Steve pulls the phone as far as he can into the next room to see the TV. He grabs the remote and switches the TV on. The sight that met his eyes was unbelievable. He double-checks the corner of his screen to see that he hasn't stumbled upon a movie. He flicks through the news stations, and it's all the same view. A view he knows well. A view he's seen from one of his Dad's offices a few times. A view where something should be that isn't. A snowfall that wasn't snow at all. Billowing smoke of grey and black engulfed the streets and sky. Standing with his eyes and mouth wide open, he whispers into the handset, "Jesus Christ," and the cell phone in his pocket rings. He answers it quickly, and his eyes flick back to the screen.

"Oh my god, babe, are you alright? I've been trying to get through for ages now!" Eddie's voice crackles down the line. Steve opens his mouth to reply, but everything rushing at him is terrifying. Not even Eddie's voice brings him comfort. Not only is it distorted by the phone line, but it is riddled with panic. The second of respite he does get is just knowing Eddie is still in the world. Not that he was anywhere near all of this.

"Steve? Can you hear me? This fucking piece of shit phone, I swear to Christ!! Steve? Baby? Can you hear me? Are you ok?" His voice of desperation and frustration surges down the phone into Steve's ear and breaks him out of his stupor.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. All good. Kids are on their way to Jenny and Val's. I…I just…uh…" Steve puts on his mask, but the visuals from the TV start looking different. More vivid. He swears he sees a lightning flash.

"Ok…" Eddie didn't sound like he was buying it, "You've got Beans there with you, right, honey?" Eddie says, but his voice is fading. As Steve cautiously approaches the TV, the smoke spreads out, almost like it's one of those 3D movies.

"Yeah…Beans is here," Steve says in a distracted, quiet voice, without looking, but suddenly he can feel her pawing at him and shoving him with her nose.

"Steve?" Eddie asks again, and Beans starts barking, "Ok, listen. I'm gonna need you to turn off the TV and hold tight until I get back, ok. I've just left work to go get Wayne, and once I've got him, I'll come straight to you, ok, babe?" Steve nods to respond, "Can you do that, Steve? Just turn it off, ok? I don't think it's a good idea to be watching it on your own." 

Steve can hear his words perfectly well this time, even if he is a little far away sounding. "Uh-huh. I will…I just…" Beans' barking is getting louder and more insistent. It's starting to irritate him because it's overloading his senses. "Hold on a second." Steve's eyes, still trained on the TV, ushers Beans out of the door and shuts it."Sorry, I will. I'll turn it off, sure," he lies. Something about the disaster on screen was pulling him in.

That's when the channel switching starts.

Eddie's voice falls away from him entirely as the smoke seems to drop out of the screen into his living room in tall plumes. He looks around like being surrounded by a three-sixty version of the window from Hawkins High School. When he saw those impossibly tall chimneys of smoke for the first time. When the Upside Down started spilling into their world, along the cracks in the ground, making way for otherworldly horrors to traverse into Hawkins.

The panoramic window falls away from his sight, and he gingerly reaches out towards the smoke. Black and grey particles fall gently in the spaces in between. Looking around, he feels like he is in some horrific snow globe, and it's not long before something gives it all a shake, and Steve falls to the floor, bumping his head a little on the table. As he stands and brushes himself down, he realises he's not in his walking gear anymore. Instead, he's fitted with protective clothing decorated with weapons.

His living room is gone. The ground under his feet is cold and hard. A multitude of roars fill his ears in the distance. His breathing is panicked, the coat buckles across his chest and his arms tighten hard with a squeeze. 

Then the vines come, they creep along the floor towards him, up and over him, rapidly wrapping around him until he can see nothing and can only feel the tightness around his body as he yells to be released, but soon a vine clamps over his mouth to put a stop to that also. He's being dragged somewhere he can't see, and as the vines begin to release and open, he hears a swooping and screeching and soon his scars sear with incredible pain as the demo bats descend on him, tearing into his flesh. He waits to meet his demise. Waits for the tail to wrap around his neck, but this time, he is alone. No friends in sight. No rescue at the last second. However, it doesn't come. Instead, he is outside the Creel house. The vines and bats disperse, allowing him to get to his feet outside the door. He knows what is beyond. He has to destroy him this time. For his friends. For his family. For everyone, even himself. He reaches behind to grip his bat or axe, but his hand meets air. The weapons that littered his outfit are gone. 

Steve looks over his shoulder, and for a moment, he thinks about it. Running. He can't beat this man, this monster, unarmed, with no powers, but he has to try. He can't let this apocalyptic nightmare leave this place. He has to stop it. He has to protect his children. This can't be their reality. He has to keep them safe.

Steve rolls his shoulders and takes a deep breath, stepping forward. The doors and windows get sucked and snapped backwards inside the house. He peers into the darkness placing his foot on the stairs. The darkness moves, curves and warps, and thousands of spiders spill out of the empty frames of the house. Despite how scared he is, the spiders don't bother him at all. They leave the house in droves, a purpose only they know and as they pass him, they combine together and grow in size. Great hulking, demonic versions of themselves striding into the dark plumes of smoke, no doubt to destroy the world beyond. Back Home.

He turns his attention back to the doorway, steels himself and barges through. He knows where he has to go, the attic. With the vines missing this time, his ascent is more straightforward, but not without moments of trouble. When his boot gets stuck on one of the stairs when the house starts shaking, and some debris from above him comes crashing down but narrowly misses him. The demodogs that jump out at him but seem preoccupied with making noise, warped whimpers, and leaving the house rather than attacking him.

As he rounds the last few stairs, he reaches out and grabs a tall floor lamp. He wields it like his trusty baseball bat, and his heart is fiercely pounding in his chest, the sweat is pumping out of him, and his clothing pulls painfully tight against him again. 

He sees before him, Vecna. Held aloft by his vines. Eyes closed, focused on something else. Steve closes his eyes too for a moment, a last look at his loved ones. This could be the end of everything. His last chance to see them, to remember them. His mind swims with the faces of his friends from before and his friends now. The smiling faces of those closest to him now, Val, Jenny, Eddie and last of all, Mackenzie and Corey, laughter etched in their faces, and it rings in his ears like they are right there with him. 

He swallows the emotion down and uses it to fuel the fire within himself. He'd end this evil monster or die trying. He screws up his face in a deep frown, draws back the lamp and, with a roar, charges headlong at Vecna to take a swing.

Time slows, and inches from contact, the lamp is frozen in space and time, and a monstrous voice echoes around him. "Steve, what do you think you are doing?" Vecna's eyes open suddenly the lamp flies out of Steve's hands into the darkness and out of his reach. Steve scrambles around for something, anything, but he has nothing, only himself. 

The vines plugged into Vecna detach and wrap around Steve, "I had to come back for you," Vecna sneers at him mockingly as he stalks towards him, his distorted hand outstretched.

"I won't let you win!" Steve rages, "I won't. I'd rather die!"

"Look at me, Steve," Vecna replies, his eyes boring into Steve's. "Please, look around. Look at what you are doing." He growls as the vines tighten around him, and the disproportionate hand stretches over Steve's head. "Come back to me, Steve. Where you belong."

A second wind, a last-ditch attempt, some forgotten rage within him, ignites, and with all his might, Steve breaks free of the vines around him and shoves Vecna backwards. Once he's stumbling back, Steve grabs hold of him and charges with him into the wall. Slams him against it.

"I will end you. I am going to stop your evil before it spreads. I won't let you hurt them. I protect them! Me! I won't let you hurt them." He thuds him against the wall again, "Even if all I have to help me do it are my fists!" he yells. He quickly presses his forearm against the evil being's throat and draws back his other fist. He swears to himself then and there that he won't stop until Vecna is dead and gone and everyone he loves is safe again.

"Steve," is all Vecna says as Steve lands the first blow, which misses him somehow, and Steve's fist hits the wall to the side of his head. Frustration wells up in him as he feels the monster of a man pushing back against him. Writhing and grabbing at him desperately. He knows he has him now. He can do this. He can stop all of this. Steve pulls back his fist again, which is throbbing already from the impact of the wall, and just before he sends it forward, he feels a pinch in his side.

Steve blinks a few times, and the channel flickers, something familiar comes into view again. He thinks he can see his wallpaper. Steve shakes his head. It's just one of his mind games.

"Steve, please!" The dark wizard beseeches him, and Steve sees his expression change, no longer an intimidating sneer or cold stare but one of fear. He looks closer, and the shape of his eyes changes, rounder, softer, darker somehow. "You don't have to do this, Steve!" he chokes out; this time, his distorted voice was intertwined with something else.

Steve blinks a few more times, frozen in place. Not easing up, but also not throwing the readied blow he has hanging in the air. Then something totally bizarre happens. The house shakes again, but everything starts to dissolve. The old wooden lined walls melt away to reveal his wallpaper and his windows. The floorboards beneath him no longer crumbling but carpeted. His heart still beating impossibly fast, pain surging through his arms and chest. Steve raises his eyes to Vecna, only to not see him at all but to see Eddie.

Eddie's eyes are wide open, his face purpling, pure fear etched into it. His hands clutching at the forearm cutting off his air supply. Next to his head is a hole in the wall, and Steve's arm is still firmly pressed into his throat.

"Oh god." Steve's voice whispers in a tremble of terrible realisation, "What have I done?" He tries to say, but it's garbled. He looks around frantically and immediately releases Eddie.

The pain stabs into him again, shooting up his arm, and the last thing he remembers is clutching his chest and Eddie stumbling out of the front door. 

Then it's just nothing. 

Then he woke up here.

He slumps forward again, head in his hands, and he lets the tears overwhelm him and flow as free as they'd like. No one was here to see it. Finally, he looks up at the ceiling and releases a guttural wail of remorse. Grieving what he had only yesterday, right there in the palm of his hand, he had everything he could wish for, and now in its place, a crumbling pile of bitter ashes. 

His mind lets him go back to that fortuitous meeting at the library, and then it's a sped-up movie of them rekindling something. Something he didn't even know was anything more than an unrequited crush but blossomed into something beyond his expectation, and all he had to do was tend it, keep it alive. The magic was in the people around him. Steve reasons because he is broken. He failed again. Just like he failed with Jenny. He'd always fail at this, yet again, he'd pulled the people he cared most about down with him.

As his mind cycles through every step of him and Eddie falling in love, it cruelly shows him all the tenderness, the looks, the words, the touches, the kisses, the laughter, the desperately intimate moments. His own brain mocks him torturously with all the things he'd never have again now. This is what you could have had, Steve, but you're just too messed up. You don't deserve this. You're worthless. A stain on your family name, just like your Dad said.

How could he have fucked so much up so quickly? In a matter of hours. Sure, he hadn't meant to hurt or scare Eddie, he'd never want to do that, not ever, but it still didn't take away the fact he had. All because he was so screwed up in the head. Eddie had only asked recently about getting some medical treatment and if Steve had just done it. Just booked it. Just gone to see someone as soon as he could. Maybe none of this would have happened. None of that mattered now. How could Eddie ever trust him again after that? He'd betrayed him in the worst possible way. He couldn't see it was him, blinded by hallucinations. All he could think about was looking at it from Eddie's point of view. 

Eddie would have seen the person he loved and trusted blindly taking a swing at him, not recognising him, like he'd forgotten him, and then hurt him. Eddie's fearful eyes flash into Steve's mind repeatedly, each time zooming in a little closer until he could see the tears balanced on his lashes. 

Full of self-loathing, Steve wishes he could wipe his mind of this again. He had no idea what to do. Was apologising really good enough? There is no way it could ever make up for that.

A knock at the door interrupts his downward spiral, and he quickly wipes his eyes. 

"Mr Harrington? May I come in?" the voice of the nurse rings out.

"Yeah, sure," he says quickly with a slight sniffle as the nurse enters the room. His smile is a comfort. Steve isn't sure how much he knows. He approaches the bed.

"How are we doing, sir? Any pain, headaches or anything else?" he asks gently whilst observing the monitors and making notes on his clipboard.

"No, well, nothing unexpected. I have a bruise on my head and my hand, I think." Steve says solemnly, and the nurse closes the clipboard, turning to him.

"Anything else you wanna mention? We're only here to help," he says kindly, a pitying look on his face, "We don't just treat physical things, you know?" Steve nods and realises he knows.

"Yeah, I think I need that help, I'm not sure exactly what I need, but I need something. But er, with everything going on," Steve gestures at the TV, "I imagine I'm pretty low down the list of priorities, so maybe I can get some information on places I can stay for a while. You know…" he chokes back a sob, choosing his words carefully, "Where I can't scare anyone?" The nurse leans into his view.

"Hey, what happened must have been terrifying for you, but it was such a lot for so many people. You aren't alone, ok? Other people had reactions to everything that happened too. Every fourth of July, we have people come in, you know? The loud bangs and flashes affect some of the older veterans too. Having said that, I will ask for some information to be brought to you. So at least it's one less thing on your mind." He smiles warmly at Steve, "Things are going to be ok. You're recovering much better than we expected. Despite what happened, your heart…it's very strong."

Steve would smile back, but it would be fake, so he nods and looks back down at his bruised knuckles.

"Also, Mr Harrington, I know you said you only wanted to see family, but I've got two people in the waiting area. One is threatening us with legal action, and the other is scaring the other patients by listing and detailing phobias. I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but it was ridiculous. She looks like that director. I've forgotten the name now." The nurse screws up their face trying to remember.

Steve's eyes widen, and for the first time since he woke up, he feels something that isn’t doused in regret. He replies excitedly, "Yeah, yeah! Please. Send them in." Then he looks down at himself, "Would you mind helping me be a bit more visit-ready first?" The nurse beams at Steve and assists.

A few minutes later, Steve can hear footsteps running down the corridor, the squeak of sneakers and another knock at the door.

"Come in", he says, filled with nervous energy.

A head pops round the door, "Hey, Dingus! Having hospital fun without us? Rude!!"

[sanchoyo]

arc v 15-22 thoughts!!

-i forgot to say it last post, but i really really love the first op! and the ost in general is rly rly good. going to be very sad when they change the op eventually (prob around the ep 25-35 mark im guessing?) -its so funny yuya doesnt wear his school uniform at all except kinda slinging the jacket over his shoulders. all the other male students have pants that match their jacket! but fuck it hes the protag, he can wear his cargos I guess! -tbh glad shingo pointed out its unfair only yuya has pendulum cards, lol. true. (the fact yuya is upset reiji had them was bullshit! u have protag privilege! u dont even know where the cards came from! be more concerned about that!)

-shingo in general is kinda a Silly Guy and I like him more each time we see him. kinda just wanna see him and yuzu interact more too…when she yelled at him. and he still came up to tell yuya to stop eating gross infront of a 'lady'…hes a feminist king! -LMAO STRONG ISHIMA QUIT TO GO TRAIN OVERSEAS AFTER LOSING TO A 14 YR OLD. feel so bad for that guy ngl hope he comes back at some point -ok how did i not notice the xyz course student at lds has a big dipper head piece/star theme….thats SUCH a funny detail in reference to zexal? pls. not going to remember this charas name bc masumi is clearly the leader of their lil pack but I love it -very cool yuzu gets her own rival (assuming masumi will be?) and training arc moment, but also, she should already KNOW fusion! her dad! is a duel teacher! -sora being lke 'is this allowed? is this allowed?' when helping yuzu..LMAO whos boots are u licking. be an ally to yuzu and HELP her if she wants it -yuzu having a magical accessory like all the main ygo charas!! tbh shes the main character. To Me -yuyas mom having a million pets is SO CUTE. finally a protag with pets. and who is a clown. relatable. tho i dont like him rushing his mom to make pancakes or being fussy abt breakfast!! ur 14 dude just make ur own pancakes if u want some!!! good god

-the lil gang of kids that follow yuya around i am trying sooo hard not to be annoyed by them but by god are they annoying me anyway -MICHIOOOOO IS SO CUTE. FRECKLES. ALSO HE KNOWS HOW TO COOK!!! i love seeing hobbies outside of dueling in ygo lol. also his fans being housewives is like, kind of uncomfortable? his cards are cute tho, love the food theme. truly character of all time (I can already tell we'll probably never see him again RIP i hate ygo for making me attached to minor charas) -god this is so fucked up. duelists on motorcycles and xyz duelists shouldnt be fighitng they should be kissing -sora eating breakfast lunch and dinner at yuyas is so funny. freeloader king. but why did he put chocolate on sardines. what the fuck! -aaaaah yuzu not wanting to learn fusion from her dad is bc she feels like a burden to his school and feels protective over it? god her plight to get stronger and her mystery bracelet stuff IS SO much more interesting than w/e yuya's 'i have to duel 5 ppl to get in a tournament to become a pro' stuff is! shes fr the protag in my heart! -oh My God theyre putting people In The Cards. yugi grampa moment! reiji is SO chill about it like 'oh huh. ppl got sealed into cards. well, cant fix it just yet. huh. anyway. lets start working on that I Guess.' LIKE DUDE. sweet that he seems to actually care but hes SO calm -reiji's moms snake shoes fuck severely -reiji defending yuyas honor to the congressman dude is so sweet. he doesnt really KNOW yuya isnt behind any of the attacks (but like, we Know he Isnt) -…yuya admitted hes bad at science and math! a ygo protag whos bad at math!!! the duel disks must do damage calculation automatically lol, thank god for that -'yuya doesnt even know merci!!!!' boy hes not about to know mercy in this duel shut up. why would he need to know random french phrases theyre in japan arent they -ok. the whole thing nico told yuya 'its your JOB to make ppl happy as a pro, you HAVE to go beyond expectations'…feels very apt to compare this to a parasocial celeb type relationship situation. ppl always expect him to be Happy and Entertain them (and to an extent hes always playing into it…) it rly feels like a bad extension of the 'laugh when u want to cry!' emotional suppression and masking and it feels BAD man. feels like its going nowhere good! -yuzu and soras friendship is growing on me SO Much im gonna be SO mad when hes outed as a snake -masumi and yuzu moment!!!! gay asf to have a rival!!!! but god yuzu rly is being the protag for ME. she has a bff (sora) and a rival!!! dude!!! yuya ya girl is stealing the show for me!!!

- im sick of these MEN KNOCKING HER OUT OF THE WAY (LITRALLY THIS TIME) AAAH!!!! BITCH GO AWAY I WANTED TO SEE THE GIRLS DUEL!!! (syun?? ute??? these have to be mispellings of their names right. i googled them and its shun and yuto. which. yu name. 3rd protag after yuzu and yuya. better to call them this than 'emo yuya' lol) -anyway shun got punched in the stomach by yuto and CRUMBLED like a wet paper bag and yuto tossed him over his shoulder LMAO. and sora challenges him of course. HEAVEN FORBID we let yuzu duel here. christ she almost got to duel!!! we were so close!!! her bracelet seems to be just teleporting xyz boy all over the place -mieru and cathy would be besties omg her vibes! spooky lil tarot girl! (also, to enter the same tournament as yuya I assume shes at least 12-13 despite looking like. 9-10…right…since the younger kids made the comment they couldnt enter bc of their age…so her crush on yuya isnt actually So Weird right…sighs at anime always making girls look weirdly young) -BUT MIERU FOR REAL USING YGO CARDS FOR TAROT READINGS IS OBJECTIVELY HILARIOUS JKDKJAHKJN OK GIRL!!! i want her to read my fortune or whatever like tell me what house my suns are in -'your future is wrapped in darkness' no shit hes a ygo protag! ofc he will go thru some shit! itll be fiiiine in the end tho girl im not worried. (she continues to hammer in the fact hes doomed and draws the tower for him LMAO)

[frogginlosingit]

today was my birthday

and all i could think about was my quickest exit. iykwim. i hated it. being around my family just makes me want to go down a slide of the sewer variety.

it was like whiplash. with my friends, i am like their little baby princess angel. I got gifts and they were extra sweet and let me pick food and movies and all that junk. they dont have to /buy/ anything but its the attention that was so sweet and just being like "oh OP you pick where we get food!" and they were quite generous. Hell im starting to think my friends are altruists! it was unbelievably sweet of them to shower me with so much love. but then came the family side of the weekend.

SO i went to a relatives house for a family birthday party and it was okay. I got some good gifts mostly from my favorite uncle (crime and punishment and a bunch of other Dostoevsky works). However, the men in the family largely ignored the festivities to argue about politics and religion despite all sharing the same opinion.... I was thrown into a somewhat babysitter role and as soon as the teenage kids wanted to leave it was pretty much over about an hour and a half after starting. Now you might think that sounds normal, but family events are usually all day and at least 5 hours. So i was like okay??? And i went home to have the house to myself for a bit while my parents ran errands. My mom at the party kept trying to embarrass me, humiliate me, and minimize me at every opportunity. My family threw this big party all to make me feel so fucking small and barely talk to me. it was just...humiliating. Being sung happy birthday by people who haven't called in 10 years but now that youre in easy reach it's happy birthday OP? it just felt so...anger inducing. but maybe my new meds just need to kick in?

then today was my birthday. I did my normal Sunday routine as I was not willing to deviate despite it being my birthday. My parents made me a special breakfast and I am glad I knew it was coming ahead of time bc I was able to smoke beforehand so I could actually eat. I hate breakfast. The food is so bussin but eating in the morning is so disgusting to me esp on the meds I am on. I cant help but be an IF queen now. Anyways that was fine except that sportsball had already started... So when I was opening gifts and trying to talk my parents just didnt hear me. I got some clothes which was a surprise! And a new monitor which was not a surprise lol I explicitly asked for it but had a few things I wanted for compatibility sake and guess what? I wasnt heard. So we had to take it back and get a new one which thankfully worked. But after dinner tonight I was so depressed and upset I couldnt even use it. My computer has been out of commission for months and I was supposed to be pumped but I am crushingly depressed tonight. After getting off the phone with my best friend I finally broke down and sobbed for the first time this weekend.

I used to love my birthday now I cant remember why.

[dietfoodsandreviews]

Protein bars are definitely not required for a diet and tend to be on the pricier side, I just use them to help supplement my diet with more protein while keeping calories relatively low. I have heard protein tends to help you feel more full and helps to reduce your appetite which is why I wanted to give a try.

I have so far only tried 3 different bars (I'm still relatively new to this and I only buy one box at a time)

The first brand I tried via recommendation was Quest. They tend to be on the pricier side at about 16-17 USD for a box of 8, however I don't have them on the regular, just as a sort of meal or snack replacement if I dont have other things to have instead or am low on time.

These averaged at about $2.50 a bar and they have 180 Kcal, 7g Fat, 4 Net Carbs, 12g Fiber, and 21g Protein.

I like to use Quest as a meal supplement or replacement specifically because of the high protein and fiber in one bar at a relatively low calorie count, considering they have more fiber than anything by Fiber One.

For the taste, however, keep in mind this is not a candy bar or anything like a granola or snack bar. It is very dense and chewy. I opted for S'mores because I am typically not a fan of chocolate health food because it has a chalky taste and texture that just stays in your mouth and this bar is marshmallow base with graham chunks and dark chocolate pieces. The flavor was.. not bad, not super amazing, but definitely tolerable. If the tough chewy texture isn't great, I have also put them in the microwave for 5-8 seconds and it softens it up significantly though makes the grainy texture of any protein bar a tad more obvious. Do not microwave for more than 10 seconds though or you get a melty sticky mess all over the plate, speaking from experience.

All of my general pros and cons with Quest bars stay the same with this one, granted this one, while costing the same, has 1g less of protein putting its count at: 180 Kcal, 7g Fat, 4 Net Carbs, 12g Fiber, and 20g Protein, so still very good and again, better for a snack and partial meal replacement (if you are going for more small meals throughout the day)

The taste if this one is good for a protein bar as well. You get the general cake flavor, though I admit it is a bit odd when added to the chewy texture of the bar, like someone baked a cake but forgot all the leavening agents. That said, it is much softer than the smores bar though a little drier but not unbearably so.

The quest bars, while good, are sometimes a chore to eat sometimes for me personally but it is a small bar and if Ive not eaten much, its better to power through it so I have something because even though you are counting calories, it is always important that you still eat.

And lastly (for the moment) is the Pure Protein Galactic Brownie.

This brand is definitely more affordable with a 4 bar box costing around 6 USD with the nutrition being fairly similar to Quest. 1 bar will net you 180 Kcal, 4.5g Fat, 7g Net Carbs, 1g Fiber, and 20g Protein so while being similar, you do get much less fiber so its always a good idea to keep an eye on what else you eat to help out with that, but at the cost, having the protein isn't bad. I can have these bars more often (though personally I keep all protein bars to 1 a day if any) this one is more a snack replacement specifically because of the fiber and less of a meal replacement.

For the important part of taste, I was skeptical because chocolate and protein don't mix well for me, that said, this bar didn't have the overly powder and chalky taste others do and while its not very sweet, its not bitter like dark chocolate. Its almost like, to compensate for the lack of sweetness, it reduces flavor altogether, but thats not the worse thing. It is still fairly dense and chewy but it also has a melty and soft chocolate coating with helps with the texture.

Overall, if you have trouble getting enough fiber in your diet, while more expensive, I recommend the Quest bars. You get the same protein as a Pure Protein bar with the additional fiber of like 2 Fiber One snacks. If you eat enough fruits and vegetables or high fiber breads and grains and don't need the additional 12g, then Pure Protein is much better with cost at around $1.50 a bar (compared to $2.25 for Quest) but also remember that these are not snacks and candy bars, they will always cost a little more and will not taste as good, but they help you get your protein and/or fiber you need if you find you aren't getting enough in your diet and at a reasonable calorie cost. Likewise, the taste reviews are all to my personal taste and what I recommend or say may not always equal what someone else likes or doesn't like, but if they sound like they would help and be tolerable to you then definitely give them a shot if you feel like the price is worth the counts for you

[starwarsanthropology]

Tomo or Commander Thorn for the 4 headcannons

-commanderfoxtheshield

Thorn first! I don't really have a strong idea of him in my head aside from general fanon, tbh

Headcanon A:  realistic

He seems like the kind of guy everyone would expect to be really excited abt sweets and junk food etc, but I don't think he would be

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Idr who it is but whoever drew him and said "i gave him surfer babe hair and massive tits so obviously I had to give him a head full of air" they were on it. Like i dont think hes stupid but i think its funny if he can be a bit ditzy. as a treat.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Idk if i can top how baseline evil people are to the corries like i also love to watch them suffer but im just not that creative about it. I think he gets really stressed out over new recruits and that every time he puts a shiny in a position where they get hurt he takes it really personally as his fault and his responsibility.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Regularly charms free food/snacks/little luxuries out of shop owners and natborn locals using a combination of his winning smile and also bc hes just a sweet guy. Is too busy to do it regularly but has taught enough others by example that theres a small army of grannies who live near CG barracks who will scold any clone who interacts w them about eating more.

Tomo:

Headcanon A:  realistic

For all his attachment problems hes actually pretty good at coming to terms with loosing patients, in terms of self-blame and feelings of failure. He's furious about under-resourcing, and if he genuinely fucks up he definitely takes accountability for it (and often takes it hard), but for the most part he views working with and around death as part of a medic's responsibilities. Failure to save someone or even deaths related to triage decisions he makes don't make him a bad medic, but if he let himself wallow and it affected his other patients or even his performance, he would be failing as a medic, which is unacceptable.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

tramp stamp that says "bite here" (he does not but it wld be funny)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

For all his silly drama, his whole Deal is because he is deeply, deeply scared of being left behind or being unable to be with those he loves. Clones don't have much in terms of personal possessions and he has no material possessions he can keep in remembrance. He already misses so many people, pulled away by death or postings across the galaxy, and it feels like a chunk gets carved out of them for each one, so why not let them take a part of him to keep with them wherever they go, if it's going to hurt so bad anyway?

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Trans jango fett trans clones babey!!!! In canon it talks abt sterility and obviously in the EU darman knocks someone up so at least some clones r amab but i do not see it.