#its very angsty rn
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i'm writing again!! this is crazy to me honestly. I dont think ive actually written anything in almost 2 years but i'm excited whether I post or not
#j talks 🦋#however if i do post it will not be proof read#that is a promise not a threat lmao#the one im writing is a spencer reid fic#spencer reid is my love#i love criminal minds#theres also kind of just like a familial thing with the rest of the team#its very angsty rn#im not sure how the fluff will be#i also don't know how i want to resolve the angst
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new goal for diaryus: have kim help kenta nest in person
#im writing the new chapter rn and its very frustrating that i cant do that yet#i cant wait to write them be soft#why did i have to choose such an angsty character i just wanna write pure fluff for once#pit babe the series#pit babe fanfic#diaryus#kenta pit babe
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if you like ibuki/miwa please consider going through my tags and read the thing i wrote for them ^_^ (I actually don't have a ship tag for them yet)
This blog is active sporadically but there's multishipping so please check it out if you're interested~ thank you~
#cfv#cardfight vanguard#miwa taishi#ibuki kouji#z#very motivated to draw them rn<3 also i did write smth for them its not that angsty its kinda funny?:pleading_face:#also rly liked divinez but g is my fav
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the way it's killing me to not come onto this blog and gush about all the AUAUs im writing, because then I'd be giving spoilers, but ahhhlksdhgfdkhgldfhl, you all, they're so fun!!!! I wanna gnaw on something!!!!! Like please, let me out of this hell of my own making so I can share all my shit!!!!!
#rrposts#like i completely acknowledge that i would not have this problem if i just posted everything right now#but then how would i torture anyone?#its not fun if i cant torture you all#so alas it must all be kept a secret for now#(omg am i buck in season one of this au? call that method writing lmao)#anyways yall are going to have a blast with these i think#i know i am#one of them is so fucking stupid and i love that#we need silly stories#but also why are some of these bitches getting angsty on me?#like colloquially known as AUAU 11 why did you do that to me?#im dying to go back and add more AUAUs to the earlier chapters#bc i kind of gained steam with these later on and i have gotten more ideas#like chapter 9 inviting them all the the birthday party or calling Eddie in the truck on the way back from the crash anyway#or chapter 13 with someone questioning his personal emergencies or chris getting dropped off#like those would all be so fun#rn im writing an oceans 9-1-1 AUAU which is very silly (hopefully)#then we'll see#might write those call back AUAUs before continuing on#bc they have been gnawing at my brainnnn
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Heads Up Seven Up
I was tagged by @that-angry-noldo to share the last seven lines I wrote in my WIP! Thank you for the summons!
From To Partake:
He had let his anger get the better of him. He realizes that now, like a cold shock to his spine, here in the dark alone. He had overreacted. That is why he is so angry. He is not angry at Elrond, not really. Ereinion is angry with himself. He does not know how he will be able to stand facing Elrond tomorrow.
And from Beneath a Boundless Sky
He meant to broach the idea to Istiel, so she could put the question to her people. To our people, Elrond fiercely reminded himself. My people. Sometimes he wondered if it had been a mistake to refuse to take on any mantle of formal leadership for the remnants of Doriath. He only had not wished to tempt them to name him king — a title Elrond neither wanted nor felt that he deserved — with his Ñoldorin braids and his Fëanorian accent and his ignorance to his own childhood customs. He knew that it was hardly his fault, but there had been plenty of others who were better qualified than he was to lead the Doriathrim. Istiel had been their second choice, and Elrond’s first.
I think most people have already played by now, but just in case I am tagging @raointean @thesolarangel and @greyjedijaneite and whomever else has not played yet but would like to!
#to partake#beneath a boundless sky#these are both so angsty haha#but i'm at that spot rn in both fics#i just think there's no getting around the fact that Elrond was basically colonized as a child and i think that's something he had to#come to terms with#and sort of get used to reclaiming his cultural heritage#celeborn helped a lot#anyway#that doesn't show up often in my work but every once in a while it does rear its ugly ass head#yay trauma!#but i do think it's pretty significant that Elrond overwhelmingly aligns himself with the Sinda in the books#when he was pretty unarguably raised Noldorin from about the age of 7 onward and then was plunged into involvement in a very Noldorin court#as a young adult#or perhaps even younger than that#i have a LOT of thoughts about Elrond's relationship with his Sinda half#which are not going to fit here in the tags
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"it takes me seven days to stop being in love with you" + puck?
Atlas | Skye | Reese
⎯
That day was sunny, so you and Puck visited the sea.
It was a little windy, but not enough to deter either of you, as you both found an isolated slice of the boardwalk and decided to walk down it for the day. Having this much free time was a rarity, and one you were determined to experience at its fullest. Puck wasn’t as busy anymore either, so the break was a breath of fresh air between the two of you. As the wind whips by, you swear you can see dark clouds out on the horizon.
“Looks like we got here just in time. Might rain.” You muse, pulling your jacket tighter to yourself. Puck hums in acknowledgment and peers skyward, catching the same view as they adjust their glasses.
“Hm. Looks likely.” Their features slowly turn mischievous, a glint in their eyes that you know well by now. You smile even before they speak. “If we have to take shelter, I’m not letting you under if there’s not enough room.”
You laugh, a surprised noise that is gutted in your throat. You elbow into their side a bit and stare at them in astonishment as they grin back at you.
“Where’d that come from? You’re already planning on abandoning me after all I did to plan today?” You chuckle, shaking your head at them dramatically as you heave out a loud sigh. “Wow. I see how it is.”
“Aw come on. You love me.” They snipe back, leaning in a little closer in just a way that makes their presence a bit overwhelming. They block most of the breeze this way, until you can really only focus on them and keeping one foot in front of the other. They don’t seem to notice your plight. Or maybe they do. Instead, they just give you a stunning smile, wrapping one arm around your middle. It’s hard to feel the contact through all the layers but you are still very aware of it. It’s warm and unbroken by your steps.
“Nah… I think I could break up with you easy, actually.” You deflect, rolling your eyes as you scoff at the quick return of their charm. Always the one to dial it up when they’re in trouble. And it’s difficult to ever really find them in trouble, so this attention is all the more appreciated. The bastard.
“Hm? Really? That easily?” They ask, straightening up a bit. You tense a bit as their arm moves away from your back a bit though they don’t remove it entirely. Puck is considering something, a look you know better than any of their others as they wrinkle their nose a bit and their head tilts just slightly enough to not be purposeful.
“It would take me seven days to stop being in love with you.”
“Huh?”
Puck looks back to you, now a bit more serious. Have they really considered this? Your chest tightens a bit before they clear it up.
“The seven stages of grief. I’d go through one each day.” They correct, giving you a slight nod. Your own mood has grown a bit more serious, a bit more solemn. They’re also very good at that. Keeping you grounded when you need to be. This seems like a strange time, though. The waves crash a little harder on the rocks to your side.
“Isn’t it five? Five stages of grief?” You add, now determined to get to the bottom of this sudden change in mood. Puck doesn’t look very plussed, instead focused on this new topic, eyes wandering somewhere out there beyond the end of the boardwalk.
“Mm… well, yes, for the most part. But the seven stages are for a more complex understanding of grief. They add in shock before everything and one for reconstruction. It allows for a more comprehensive view of things.”
You stare at them for another moment, incredulous. They continue.
“I think not allowing me those two extra days would be a disservice. Whiskey for shock. Tea for reconstruction.” They glance over to you now, smile slowly overcoming their features once again and the nerves flood out of your system. That shine that catches the edge of their glasses, the same light that reflects so perfectly in the brown pools of their eyes. You lean a bit closer unconsciously, like some sort of magnetic pull keeps you tethered to them. To the here and now. It’s the strangest and most comforting thing in the world, their gravity. It’s all-consuming, warm, and constant. You think if you ever confessed it to Puck they’d have some kind of explanation for it but you don’t want that. Some things are best left unexplained.
“That’d be concise, don’t you think?” Puck finishes. You blink at them, returning to yourself as you register their words and a familiar smile works it’s way onto your face.
“You’re such a nerd.” You chuckle, shaking your head again. You pull from them a bit but don’t let their hand fall away, instead moving to grip it. You can’t even feel the sea breeze anymore. They laugh back and it pulls at your heart until it aches. Damn. “You’re lucky I’m in love with you.”
“Oh so you won’t break up with me now?”
“Oh my god Puck.”
#prompts#s&s: puck#very slow on these last two prompts#BUT im so glad puck is getting the spotlight they deserve#pspspsps if you fall in love with them you'll get a ton of bad puns#its so much fun not angsty at all i swear#(DIRECT LIE)#not accepting more prompts rn!#cw: alcohol mention#asks
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“i’m not the bad guy you think i am”
“i got a boat that can get us off the island… we gotta get out of here, it’s better if we work together”
“they’re going to find john b and your sister” “sucks for them, that’s good for us tho”
“i told you we just had to work together”
“i can give you a ride out, drop you wherever, somewhere safe”
“i know your friends and my sister are on the island, i’m not helping them, i can’t trust them okay… i’ll give you a ride out but not them”
“i mean i always liked you kie, you’re at least half kook”
+
“i just lose control in moments like that, i’m trying to get better” kiara nodding along and her small “okay” as he explains himself
and her “oh god” and teary eyes when he starts slapping himself
HOW is this canon we were fed a full course meal 😭
okay anon you did it-- this delicious assortment of canon dialogue is the straw that broke the camel's back bc now i've got a new fic in the works directly based off of the line “i can give you a ride out, drop you wherever, somewhere safe”
or, the one where sarah was right and ward/rafe are the ones after them and rafe accidentally kidnaps kiara instead of sarah and uses her as extortion >:)
#and also the “im not the bad guy you think i am” line..... did i not have that in chap 3 of bad habit??#bc i remember writing something like that bc of the darkling and felt rafe was angsty enough to say some shit like that#feeling so happy with canon rn#living life loving life <3#anyway for the new fic (no ETA at all rn) it'd be kiara being taken back to Guadeloupe#and forced proximity (the greatest trope ever imo) where she's trying to get away but there's literally no way to and rafe is all#"???? wtf are u tryin to do ur safe here???#and kiara is very much Not for that and is always like “they're gonna come for me”#and he's an absolute dick and is very much “hm sure how sweet”#ANYWAY#it'd be a morally grey kiara which i'm gonna need to roll up my sleeves to do but the way i'm seeing it its totally possible#absolute carnage of them getting involved in some dark ass underbelly of illegal markets for the cross#i need to figure out how long it's gonna be first and work with that#reluctant allies ultimately#enemies with benefits#asks#riara
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i have a crazy fun idea for kosmos like its tying it all together!!!! i wasnt sure how/why what clive does (time travel using the spell) would bring him in other than a vague who knows! but ohohoho. there are at least 16 other ultima species ppl who survive by letting go of their physical form. what if. what if another one of the species tries a totally different method to try to survive - leaving valisthea (the world). OHOHOHO im cookin im onto somethin
#jupiter.speaks#👤.kosmos#> i have SOOO MANY IDEAS FOR THIS WOULD AFFECT STORY#> like ahahsjsbdjdn <- eating my own shoe rn#> and maybe the reason why kosmos is known to ultima is bc kosmos isnt me. its the other ultima species.#> and they have very much a hivemind / group mentality. ultima calls itself we 90% of the time until u defeat it so#> if there were an ultima species member who gained some semblance of “im not part of we” to them? itd hate them!#> call that mf kosmos and fight each other right up until the moment u both have to escape or die#> and then it assumes kos is dead bc how could they survive? well well well...enter stage left me :3#> this also gives so much angst opportunities bc 1) kos would avoid the reveal as long as possible#> 2) if barny is really into this whole. kosmos > ultima thing. and im not actually kos im just a host? oh ehehe angsty (w/happy endin ofc)#> thats the general gist of it. also i think the story is gonna be like. kill ultima 1. then 2. then 3. theres like 16 of the fuckers ok#> and i want kos to separate from my si at some point n i think itd be cool if kos' powers were golden n left like markings on him#> not to steal from gale bg design right ok!!!! but the lines comin out of his eyes? somethin like that
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i biked 12km today and walked 9k steps!!!
#this is like. the highest achievement in so long. my chronic pain has DONE ME IN the past year especially#i used to work out a lot bcos it actually helps my chronic pain in the long run but Le Dépression and stuff got in the way and my pain got#worse so i had to change my pain meds ans that#took several months like 💀 so im very VERY proud of myself!!!! i will MOST DEFINITELY be physically stuck to my bed tmrw but i will enjoy#this win tonight!!!!#i also have a very angsty oneshot in the works rn. its so sad#and royal advisor au is coming along nicely!!! got 8k words down!!#nohr.txt
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One of my new creative things to try is making character playlists and I have no clue how long these things are supposed to be or what I’m doing 👍
#the klock keeps ticking#i dont think mine will be very long cuz tbh i dont make playlists much in general cuz they get kinda off topic#but im feeling proud of the ones im making currently despite everything#im mainly working on an akane one and a ryuki one and then i have rough starts for potential date and junpei ones#the ryuki one is closest to being done it has i thiiink like 22 songs rn#my idea for it might be kinda abstract idk if i can pull it off successfully im very uh. insecure about how itll end up lol#im really excited about my akane one but its still a bit short so im gonna look for more#but hers is gonna be fun cuz its part just me going YES GIRL FUCK IT UP GET HIS ASS and the other part really sad#im just worried that with these playlists though that theyll be too focused on a small aspect of the character and not diverse enough#its kinda difficult cuz like theres a lot of banger songs about being mentally unstable but not many about being a silly guy#so its just kinda a lot of angsty stuff i hope thats acceptable 😩#i will share them when im done and hehehe. do a behind the scenes breakdown of my vision!#i just really hope i can pull it off but i mean either way the songs on the akane playlist in particular all fuck severely so yay
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STARCROSSED +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT.
logan and y/n — where you are completely in love with a man older then your father by a good 100 years.. and whose in love with another.
- content warning age gap. nsfw. sh. angst. not really happy endings! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader
spoiler: horrible yearning!
note this is my first piece of work so i hope it’s okay! i love logan sm i had to write something for him — and this is really angsty :) pls ignore if there’s any bad grammar! i’m a bit lazy rn, also with the timeline for this fic i have no idea when im going for. im saying 2000s-2010s just remember its a bit scrambled timeline wise cos i wanted my favs here!🤭 enjoy!
you hated when he was around. you couldn’t stand it anymore. your longing glances to him, the yearning looks you gave him which were never returned and only thrown back into your face when you saw how he was looking at jean the way you looked at him.. it had all been getting too much. at first you acted like it didn’t bother you and part of your school-girl crush deluded brain pretend you were just seeing things but as the weeks / months had passed you realised that was the furthest thing from the truth.
recently you couldn’t even bring yourself to glance at him because it hurt too much and that wasn’t even being dramatic, the aching feeling in your heart wasn’t worth getting a glimpse of his timeless beauty so every time he was around you bit down the urges swallowed your pride and acted as if he was nobody to you, just a good friend. a father figure, a teammate.
it felt rude at first, to you since you were the only one noticing it, how you just stopped all those little things you were doing but you couldn’t help it or stop yourself from being like that because it was too hard to deal with — loving someone so much with all your heart but you knew you couldn’t have them. you hated to admit it but it destroyed you and that little part of you right now was falling into a full blown rage as you sat on the sofa alongside logan and wade — charles, hank, scott and rogue being present in the room too.
“i just don’t get her.” scott said out, repeating the same line over again, still bitching about the fight him and jean had after they all got back from the mission — everyone could hear the screaming and scott’s harsh gaze when he entered the room just confirmed it all and the second,of course, logan asked a question after wade made a snarky comment that set off scott and he hadn’t stopped mansplaining it since.
“yea’ well certain people don’t.” logan gruffly spoke out as y/n couldn’t stop her eyes from moving over to him at his words, feeling a sense of hurt coarse through her like it usually did whenever he spoke about jean or implied her. everyone knew what logan’s comment meant and y/n could see how scott was biting his tongue, clearly pissed off like he always was around logan. for good reason.
the tension only grew worse when scott couldn’t help himself and made a comment right back at him, his eyebrows raised as he stood from his seat. charles attention turning right to scott instead of logan, “and what’s that supposed to mean, asshole?” scott spat out like his words were venom.
rogue rolling her eyes at his words as hank shared a little glance with y/n who was cursing the entire situation in her brain as she couldn’t stop herself from looking at logan — those very same feelings boiling in her body as she saw the way his mouth twitched and his jaw clenched. how protective he was getting over jean, a feeling y/n couldn’t help have been wishing for the past two years of knowing the man he would get like over her — sure in a friends way he might’ve done it before, at least that’s how she saw but it never like this.
y/n swore she could physically feel her heart aching.
“pretty sure you know what that means pal.” logan bit back harshly, his words falling to the same tone as scott’s did as scott scoffed at what he said as he bit back with full frustration as charles clearly wanted to get involved - a little grimance pictured on his face as y/n studied her fathers expression, him clearly knowing what jean meant to logan, as y/n looked away before her dad could catch her staring her eyes falling onto a pissed off scott who downed the drink he had in his hand, placing it on the table.
“she picked me.” was all scott needed to say as the weight in the room shifted heavily on logan’s end as everyone could see the way logan’s face dropped a little, that comment taking the little coy expression he had right away but y/n didn’t even bring herself to look, scott’s eyes taking her in as if he knew what she was feeling in this moment. his eyes meeting her own as y/n felt a lump form her throat — the tightness almost burning — as he tutted at how silent logan was before he walked out the room without another word.
with this the room fell silent. everyone knowing the feelings logan must’ve been harbouring right now, y/n especially, as she glanced over to him not expecting to be met with his brown eyes looking back at her as he took in her expression before he roughly got up without another word — going right over to the door.
chaeles couldn’t help himself as he spoke up firmly the second he watched logan head for the door, “logan—“
“just goin’ for a piss, wheels.” he roughly said back before the door shut right behind him.
“more like a bitchless weaping session.” wade couldn’t help say as he had left the room, hank and rogue not being able to help their little laughs from coming out as y/n bit down on the inside of her cheek limiting the feelings she was experiencing as much as she could before she stood up.
“—i’m going to shower.” y/n said out lowly, her words slipping out quickly as the others nodded or hummed in agreement, wades eyebrows furrowing as he clearly felt he knew more of the situation then the rest did but he kept that to himself.
“take some pics for me!” wade called back to her, earning a little look from charles as hank scoffed in reply.
— +ੈ✩‧₊˚
that shower was more like watching a re run of singing in the rain which y/n couldn’t help watch the entirety of for no specific reason before she eventually hoped in the shower. the faint sounds of her speakers being heard as she hummed along to the lyrics of the specific song as she felt the cold water glide down her naked body.
swallowing the pain-filled whimpers that were aching to escape her wet lips as she acted as if the water gracing against all those marks and burns on her skin wasn’t killing her inside despite her ‘little’ case of immortality. immortality sadly didn’t mean you never experienced pain and y/n was clearly the leading case proving that matter as she soon got out the shower after washing her hair and her body.
wrapping the towel around her dainty body as she took in herself in the mirror, the thoughts forming in her brain being within the ‘self loathing’ category as she exited her bathroom. her face falling once she was met with the gruff expression on logans face which turned to one of shock as his eyes scanned over y/n immediately. him swallowing his own spit as y/n hands immediately wrapped around her towel just to make sure it wouldn’t fall.
“lo— shit, i didn’t know you were here.” she quickly managed out, her face a bright shade of red as she watched as logan didn’t move his gaze off her figure.
“—wait.” not a single word escaping his lips as y/n walked over to her bed where her clothes were laid out for her.
y/n’s breath was hitched and she swore she felt all the heat rush to her face as she took in the way logan was just staring at her as she grabbed her clothes with her other hand, taking a few steps back into the bathroom before she swiftly shut the door. her mind a mess as she quickly put on her pajamas before she sprung over to the mirror to double check her appearance before she walked back out to her bedroom.
logan being in the exact same place she had left him — not a single word had left his lips and his facial expression was the exact same as y/n nervously smiled at him.
“what are you doing— uh, here?” y/n asked him swiftly, her words rushed as she swore she could hear her heartbeat in her ears as she saw logan slowly seem to come back to reality, scratching the back of his neck as his lips parted as he tried to say something.
yet it took a little for something to come out as y/n swore she felt something growing in the air as logan finally spoke, his gruff tone a little knocked back then usual, “was coming here to bitch about scott. didn’t mean to see anything i shouldn’t have.”
his words sent a little chill through y/n’s spine as she managed a little smile on her lips, no matter how fake it was she still managed it, as she looked at him. his first words being all the confirmation her heart needed in this moment as she held back her feelings as she felt her heart tense.
“it’s okay.” y/n rolled out quietly, her attention falling over to her bed as she walked over to the foot off it — sitting down on the edge of the bed as logan stayed in place, his arms crossed as he leaned against the fireplace in her room now.
“so scott, you wanna bitch?” y/n trailed off into as logan looked out the window, seemingly lost in his thoughts as he shrugged his shoulders.
“nah, not anymore.” he said, his voice low as y/n took in his hush voice — his words only adding to the building up tension that was making the air thick as y/n looked at him. her eyes taking in every inch off him and how he looked, her mind wondering how he’d feel.. how’d he’d taste.
yet her thoughts were immediately cut short.
“—you seen jean about?”
his words were like a harsh hit round the face as she felt a lump for her in throat, her mind tingling a little as she glanced over to the door. she hated this, every inch of this. she wanted to scream, punch him in the face. confess right there and there at him but she didn’t. she couldn’t.
no matter how much it killed her inside. every second without him being like a gun shot to the heart as she plainly looked back at him, a soft smile growing on her face which was so fake it was indescribable as she nodded to her bedroom door.
“her room, i guess.”
her low words were enough to make anyone know she was hurt yet of course logan didn’t, or he didn’t show he knew as he gave her a playful wink.
“thanks bub.” he said with a nod as he went to walk out the room — his hand on the door when y/n heard his muttered words.
“sleep well y/n.”
his words fell into silence as y/n watched him leave, the door closing behind him being the utmost reminder of how her feelings will probably never be acknowledged. and that harsh reality left her alone in her bedroom for the entire night and with every toss and turn her mind was on one thing and one thing only. him.
— +ੈ✩‧₊˚
#logan howlett x fem!reader#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x reader smut#logan howlett#james logan howlett#deadpool#angst#logan howlett x reader#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett x you#x men movies#x men#marvel xmen#x force#yearning hours#logan howlett imagine#deadpool 3#hugh jackman#marvel#marvel imagines
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top dean/bottom sam fics that perfectly exemplify why bottom sam is the best (the list got kind of super long because i'm just too passionate about this topic):
take the things you love by hathfrozen: i think everybody and their grandma knows this one but i had to include it, this is our gospel. literally changed my life.
mommy dearest by tradwifesam: if you don't like feminization, read this and see the vision.
Softly, as a morning sunrise by LaughableLament: one of my go-to authors for fun and short PWPs.
Noise Complaint by formalizing: a lesson on how to make a thousand words count!
Coast On Through by philalethia: this actually contains switching, but when i tell you it has some of the best samdean scenes ever...
Feel About the Same Most Every Day: pining that you can feel in your bones.
Like a Machine by ani_coolgirl: camboy!sam perfection.
Untouchable for Life by Sintari: another one for my camboy!sam enthusiasts.
Undertow by Molly: starts out angsty and ends with psychic sex vibes, what's not to love?
Birthday Boy by DickBaggins: sam's ass is dean's birthday present, need i say more?
Keeping it Clean by themegalosaurus: swesson filth <3
this thing, for which we break by orbiting_saturn: intense and intimate, as PWP as it comes.
Sweltering by WhoopsOK: brothers with benefits done right. slutty sam as a treat!
weecest:
With A Bit Of Spit And Luck by elsi: in my top 5 weecest of all time, which is saying something because the competition is crazy.
Bulletproof by road_rhythm: gunplay! incredible characterization, if you have a kink for guilty dean who's unable to stop himself, and pushy sammy, this is the one.
Heart of Worms by Ninni: very moody, and beautifully written.
Petulant by formalizing: another short read that hits all the right spots and leaves you wanting more.
and all is right in Dean's world by ladygizarme: loved dean's characterization here, he left me feeling unsettled.
for those like me who need some jokes with your p*rn:
The Koala Conundrum by De_Nugis: (mentions of switching) to this day, one of the most unique & refreshing stories i've read, an absolute masterpiece.
the one with aphrodisiac: this one managed to be hilarious and hot in equal measure, an amazing feat.
Incidentally, It Was Christmas by ani_coolgirl: one of my favorite fics of the year! ani's humor is impeccable! if you also believe in the sam-sexual dean truth, this is a must read.
Tongue-Tied by ADeedWithoutaName: cursed!dean unable to speak, and sam speaking for both of them, you know where this goes...
Dicks in a Box by fictionallemons: buried alive and how do sam and dean decide to spend their time? it ain't cuddling!
Versatile, Tender and Delicious by themegalosaurus: improper use of a zucchini. read and find out.
for my omega sam lovers:
Five Weeks & its sequel Three Weeks Too Late by rei_c: probably my favorite wincest a/b/o of all time! i could've read 100k of this universe, loved the details put into it.
A Blind Fool's Luck by hellhoundsprey: this is also a favorite! i remember the tension in this fic had me dizzy. this author has an incredible way with descriptions, vivid and unique writing style.
Phantom Pain by hellhoundsprey: weecest! love their dynamic here so much, great blending of a/b/o traits while keeping them in character.
Clover by hellhoundsprey: perfectly done late seasons getting together! with the right amount of schmoop. clearly this author is very dear to me lol
know the feeling by sammyatstanford: this is the longest work in this list, around 40k words, and so worth it! really enjoyed the worldbuilding.
now to my favorite flavor (bottom sam with a side of delicious angst):
Lesser Evils by Dyed_Red: [non-con] not for everyone, but definitely for me. if you love samdean at odds and suffering, this will push all the right buttons. life-changing fic.
Is It Tomorrow (Or Just the End of Time) by elsi: the angst here is so glorious. from beginning to end it's angst, angst, then more angst. there is no resolution to their issues, and i love that.
Collision Course by lovetincture: one of the most believable first time stories i've read, spot on characterization and raw descriptions. didn't shy away from the ugly side of incest.
You can run away with me any time you want by Trojie: sam leaving for stanford fic! oh this one hurts like a motherfucker. there's a line in here that's so beautiful, it lives in my brain.
his skin barely keeping him inside by hathfrozen: another banger by hathfrozen, i have a weak spot for first time in a long time stories.
No such thing as Forgiveness by hellhoundsprey: lawyer!sam getting his life sent off track when big brother comes back to the picture... the unhealthy dynamic here is to die for.
Blood sacrifice sex magic type of thing by Goshen: sam performing ritual sex to cure his demon brother... as he should.
Worship Not These False Idols by killabeez: ruby fucking sam while pretending to be dean. as amazing as it sounds.
Circles of Light by WhoopsOK: there is a "Magical Healing Ass" tag. enough said
end of list! i tried to only include works with less than 10k hits here, so someone might find something they haven't read before. i didn't include warnings, so definitely check out the tags first. all these fics are seriously amazing, i hope more people will read these gems <3
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Torn Between Blood and Desire
Rafe Cameron x Maybank!Reader, JJ Maybank x sister!Reader
Summary: You thought your relationship with Rafe was a well-kept secret, until your brother puts the pieces together and confronts you.
Word Count: 1500
A/N: I'm obsessed with the secret relationship trope rn. This is really angsty
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The night was thick with tension, the kind that made your chest tighten and your stomach churn. The moon hung in the sky, casting pale light over the Outer Banks, but the usual warmth of the evening air felt distant. Everything had changed in a matter of weeks.
You had been sneaking around with Rafe Cameron for a while now, trying to keep your relationship a secret from your younger brother, JJ. You knew how much he hated Rafe, and you knew how destructive it could be if he found out. You’d never planned on it lasting this long. But the moments you shared with Rafe, the way he made you feel alive in a way no one else did, made it impossible to stay away.
It wasn’t that you didn’t care about your brother—far from it. JJ was your family, your responsibility. It hurt you more than anything to keep a secret from him. Rafe wasn’t blind to the tension, of course. He hated sneaking around, hated the secrecy, but you promised him you were doing this to protect both of you. Still, every time his lips brushed against your cheek, or his hand grazed your back, you could feel the weight of the lie pressing down on you. But in moments like this, when it was just the two of you, it almost felt real. Almost.
“I hate doing this,” Rafe muttered, his voice low but full of conviction. He ran his fingers through his messy hair, glancing at you sideways. “It feels wrong. Like we’re hiding something we don’t need to.”
You hesitated for a moment, your heart thudding in your chest. “I know. God, I know, I want more than anything to tell him. But you don’t know how JJ would react, and all I can imagine is badly. I can’t lose him.”
Rafe was silent for a beat, his expression unreadable, before he exhaled sharply and nodded. “I get it. Just… it’s hard, you know?”
You reached for his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I promise. Just a little longer. I’ll tell him soon. I think he’s starting to think something’s up.” Rafe pulled you into a tight, yet comforting hug. And for a moment, the weight of the situation lifted. The only thing that mattered was the quiet intimacy between you two. The stolen moments in the shadows where the world didn’t matter.
But what you didn’t know was that JJ had seen more than enough. He’d started noticing the little things: the ghost of a smile when Rafe was around, the way you’d dart your eyes away whenever he asked about your plans, and the mysterious reason Rafe has become a regular at the restaurant you work at. He had his suspicions and prayed he was making things up in his head. His sister with Rafe Cameron? Insane. But pieces kept coming together.
And tonight, JJ had had enough.
---
You were sitting on the back porch of the house, staring across the yard to the dark sea. The gentle crash of the waves was the only sound that filled the air, a sound you used to find soothing. But tonight, it only seemed to make everything worse.
You heard the crunch of gravel beneath boots before you saw him—JJ, standing there in the doorway, his silhouette framed by the light inside. His posture was tense, his jaw clenched, eyes narrowing as he looked at you.
"Got a minute?" JJ's voice was low, dangerous in its calmness.
You swallowed hard, knowing what was coming. He’d been distant for the past few days, and you’d felt it in your gut that he was on the edge. He’s been very interested in your plans lately, much more than he ever had before. You’d tried to avoid this confrontation, but you knew it was inevitable.
“Yeah, what’s up?” you replied, forcing a casual tone.
JJ stepped forward, his gaze sharp and unyielding. “We need to talk. And don’t try to run off.”
Your heart pounded in your chest. You thought there was no way for him to know the truth, but deep down you knew where this was going. He’d found out. He had to have.
“About what?” You pretended not to know, hoping for a little more time to prepare.
He didn’t waste any more words. “About you and him,” he spat, his eyes flashing with that familiar anger. “I’m not stupid, you know.”
The weight of his words hit you like a ton of bricks. You had tried so hard to keep it from him, to hide your feelings for Rafe, but now it was out in the open.
"JJ, I—" you started, but he cut you off, his voice louder now, raw with emotion.
“Don’t lie to me,” JJ cut in, his voice full of accusation. “You’re seeing him, aren’t you? After everything he’s done?”
Your stomach dropped. “I didn’t want you to find out like this, okay? But yes, I’ve been seeing him. I care about him, JJ.”
“No, listen to me for once. You’re choosing him, aren’t you?”
“I’m not choosing anyone,” you said quickly. “I’m just—”
“Yes, you are! You’re choosing Rafe fucking Cameron over your own brother.” JJ scoffed and ran a hand through his hair.
The words stung more than you expected. You opened your mouth to explain, but nothing came out. You didn’t know what to say. The guilt in your chest was suffocating.
"Look, I get it, okay?" JJ continued, his tone bitter. "You’ve got some messed-up thing for him. Fine. But don’t think I’m just going to sit back and let you throw everything away for some guy who doesn’t give a damn about you."
You winced at the venom in his words. “JJ, it’s not like that. I—”
“No!” He stepped closer, his eyes hardening. "You’re my sister. And I’ll be damned if I let you get hurt by that piece of shit. You think I’m just supposed to pretend like it doesn’t bother me? Like I can let you be with the guy who has no respect for me, for Pogues like us?”
His words were like daggers, each one cutting deeper. You felt the weight of your choices pressing down on you, suffocating you.
"Why can’t you just leave it alone, JJ?" you whispered, your voice shaky. "Why can’t you just accept that I’m not a kid anymore? I can make my own decisions."
JJ’s face contorted with frustration, and he took a step back, shaking his head. “This is different. You’re talking about a guy who—” He stopped himself, pressing his lips into a thin line as his anger seemed to boil over. “You can’t be serious about him. Not him.”
You stood up, trying to keep your composure, but it was hard. “I am serious. And you’re not going to change that.”
JJ’s face hardened, his eyes flashing with something that almost looked like pain. “Then you have to choose,” he said, his voice low but unwavering. “It’s me or him. You can’t have both.”
Your breath caught in your throat. “JJ…”
“Choose.” His voice was raw, desperate. His eyes didn’t leave yours, waiting for an answer, as if your decision would break everything between you two forever. “You’re my sister. You’re family. And if you pick him over me, I… I don’t know if I can look at you the same way again.”
The words felt like a punch to the gut. You had never seen him like this—so vulnerable, so hurt. But in the back of your mind, you knew he was right. He couldn’t let you be with Rafe, not after everything that had happened between them.
Tears welled up in your eyes, and you took a step back, your chest tight with emotion. You wanted to say something, anything to make it better, but the truth was too hard to say. You couldn’t lose JJ, but you couldn’t lose Rafe either.
“I… I don’t know what to do, JJ,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I don’t want to hurt you. But I—”
“Then don’t do this,” he interrupted, his voice cracking with emotion. “Don’t make me watch you throw it all away for him. I’m your brother, damn it. I’m the one who’s always been there for you. You can’t just throw that away for a guy like him. He’s just gonna hurt you.”
The words stung, harder than anything he’d ever said to you before. You could see the hurt in his eyes, the raw pain of someone who had always been there for you—someone who had always been your protector.
“I can’t choose, JJ,” you whispered, tears finally slipping down your face. “I can’t pick between you and him.”
JJ’s face tightened, his fists clenching by his sides. He looked like he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, he turned away, walking toward the house, his back to you.
“Then I guess that’s it,” he muttered under his breath, his voice thick with anger and hurt. “You made your choice.”
You stood there, alone in the moonlight, as the tears streamed down your face. Your heart ached—torn between the two people who meant the most to you. And no matter how hard you tried, you knew there was no easy way out.
And so, the night ended, with the weight of an impossible decision hanging over you.
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#obx#rafe cameron x maybank!reader#jj maybank x sister!reader#rafe x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron angst#jj maybank angst#obx fic#outer banks imagin
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The Mouse and The Bear (König x Reader)
(A/N: I'm too drunk to proofread this rn, I tried to keep this GN but it might've ended up being a fem! Reader. I'll come back and fix this later lol
Warnings: Swearing, mention of death, mention of injury, slightly angsty but not really, lots of fluff)
"Don't look now, but I think someone has their eye on you." Soap says with a smirk as he walks up next to you in the kitchen. You rolled your eyes in response, knowing that meant any moment now you were going to have some annoying asshole approaching you.
"Spare me." You say under your breath, Soap just laughs in response as he finishes pouring his coffee and heads off. You picked up your lunch, going to find somewhere to sit where hopefully whoever decided you were their new love interest would leave you alone. You were met with a sight you didn't expect. Instead of the usual bombardment of unwanted flirting you caught the almost nervous gaze of KorTac's gentle giant. The second he realized you caught him looking, his eyes snapped down to the mug in front of him. You hadn't had a lot of interaction with König but the few you had he had been nothing but pleasant. A soft smile finds its way to your lips as you start heading in his direction. "Hey König." You greet him pleasantly, "is this seat taken?" He shakes his head, a look of pure disbelief in his eyes over the fact you were standing in front of him. You slide into the chair opposite him. Normally if there was someone at base checking you out you wouldn't bother indulging their infatuation but König made you curious.
"I'm sorry for staring." He admits immediately, acting like a child getting caught doing something they're not supposed to.
"König I'm not mad." You reassure him.
"It's still rude… I know how much I hate it when people stare at me." He seemed to relax slightly now that he knew you weren't upset with him. Before you could ask him why he was looking at you he answered the question on his own. "I've never seen you without your gear on… I never realized how small you are- not that it's a bad thing of course! I know you're more than capable of handling yourself-"
"König," you cut him off before his rambling got him too flustered "it's okay." You smile at him and he shifts awkwardly in his seat. This was the first time you really allowed yourself to look at him. Bright blue eyes looking anywhere besides at you, he hunched over the table in an attempt to make himself look smaller and less threatening. "Du brauchst keine Angst vor mir zu haben." (You don't need to be afraid of me.) You joke in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"You speak German?" He sounded shocked.
"A little, I used to live in Berlin when I was younger." You explain. He nods, leaning forward slightly to give you his undivided attention as you speak. You sat and talked with him for a while, you definitely couldn't complain about the company. He was very attentive, asking you questions that prompted you to keep talking. He had a loud, boisterous laugh that made your heart soar everytime you coaxed it out of him
"Mick, we got takedown training, let's go." Your time with him was cut short by Price informing you to head down to the base's gym.
"I'll be right there." You call back. You turn your attention back to König, who was fidgeting with his mug again. "This was nice, thank you for the company." You smile at him, nervous eyes moving down to the table.
"Maybe… maybe we could do this again sometime?" He asks softly.
"Are you asking me on a date?" You retort immediately. His eyes snap up to you, already trying to stammer out a response in his flustered state. You giggle, reaching out and placing one of your hands on top of his, which looked child sized compared to his. "If we ever have downtime together I would love to." He nods, giving you a quiet goodbye as you cleaned up the table and prepared to head to training. You were unable to keep the dumb grin off your face for the rest of the day.
A few days later you found yourself in the kitchen again. You groaned internally as a high pitch whistle met your ears. "You come around here often sweetheart?" You recognized him, some obnoxious Private that often got in trouble for disrespecting the chain of command. He wasn't worth the energy, you just kept going about what you were doing prior to his interruption. "Maybe you didn't hear me," he tries to sound threatening. He steps uncomfortably close to you, "I asked you a question."
"You really shouldn't be speaking to a Sergeant that way." The Private turned, ready to cuss out whoever had interrupted his terrible attempt at picking you up. You saw all the color drain from his face at the sight before him. You couldn't stop yourself from breathing out a laugh. The Private slowly starts to back up with every heavy footstep that echoed through the kitchen. König steps in front of you, blocking off your pursuer. "Are you alright?" He glances back over his shoulder at you. You nod and his attention immediately turns back to the Private. "I suggest you get out of here kotzbrocken (lump of puke) before I tell your superior officer that you were getting aggressive with a Sergeant." As if on cue his Captain entered the kitchen. König very calmly explained the situation to him, the Captain grabbing his subordinate by the collar and pulling him off.
"Do you want to fucking die? Because messing with her is a good way to get there." You hear him angrily mutter to the Private as he pulls him out of the room.
"You're sure you're alright?" He asks in a much gentler tone than he was using before.
"I'm fine König, thank you." You smile at him, turning back to what you were doing before you were interrupted. You groaned as you looked through the cabinet. "He always does this to me, he knows I can't reach that shelf." You stood on your toes, struggling to reach your favorite mug that you knew Ghost put on the top shelf on purpose. König reached over you, grabbing the mug with ease before lowering it into your hands. You turned to thank him only to be startled slightly by his close proximity. You knew he was a big man, being 6'10, there wasn't anything about him that was small. But you had never witnessed your height difference with him this close up. You stood about his stomach height, the nearly 2 foot difference causing you to have to look straight up to see his mask covered face. Seeing your flustered appearance he quickly stepped back.
"Sorry, I just figured I'd have an easier time reaching it." He says bashfully.
You swallowed thickly, the mug in your hands becoming the most interesting thing in the room at the moment. "It's alright, I appreciate the help." You start making the tea you had originally come in here for, both of you sitting in silence. You didn't have to look up at him to know that König had his eyes on you. He was leaning up against the counter a couple feet away from you, just studying your movements as you flit around the kitchen. You hear König chuckle, your eyes drifting over to him. "What's so funny?" You ask him with a smile
"Don't take this as an insult, but you remind me of a mouse. You're so small and fast." You both laugh at his joke, he wasn't wrong.
"I mean, I don't have the codename Mickey for nothing." He studies you for a moment, you could tell he was thinking about whether or not he should say something.
"Would it be okay if I called you Maus?" He asks quietly. Normally you would object to someone calling you that. But hearing it from König, his deep voice that paired so wonderfully with his accent, you loved the way it sounded coming from him.
"I wouldn't be opposed… but only you get to call me that." You see the corners of his eyes crinkle in a smile.
"Deal." You searched through the fridge, finding a container of leftovers you had cooked the other night.
"Would you like to join me for lunch?" You ask, holding up the container.
"I would love to." It became a ritual for the two of you to have lunch together. You enjoyed the fact that he was company outside of your team and the usual annoying flirts around the base. Even though you hated to admit it, you had found yourself rather smitten with the Austrian giant. König was kind, but never in a way that made you think he was only being nice to you because you were cute. He was always making you laugh, cracking small jokes and telling you stories. He loved to see you smile, it was one of his favorite parts of his day.
"Good morning Maus." You smile as you hear König enter the kitchen behind you. You pull down a secondary mug from the cabinet.
"Good morning Bärchen." You greet him softly as you pour him a cup of coffee alongside yours. You hear him chuckle as he approaches you.
"Bärchen, huh? Mouse and Bear, that seems pretty fitting." He nods his thanks as you handed him his coffee. "Ready for the debriefing today?" Price had informed you yesterday that Task Force 141 and KorTac were going to be teaming up together for a mission. You were more than happy to work alongside them, the whole team was incredible. But you were still worried.
"As ready as I'll ever be." You sigh, taking a long sip of your drink. "Just… promise me, wherever we end up tomorrow, that you'll be careful." You couldn't look at him. The fear you were feeling in your chest, it was too real of an emotion for you. You weren't going to say that you were never scared to go on a mission, that would be a lie. This however was new, you had another person besides yourself to be worried about.
König smiles down at you, carefully reaching out to tuck some stray hair behind your ear. "Maus, you have my word." The threat of tears welled up thick in your throat. "I'm not going anywhere, liebling." Someone calls from down the hall that it was time for your meeting. You feel König place a hand on your lower back, keeping you close while ushering you further. You came out of your debriefing feeling even worse than when you went in, this wasn't going to be your run of the mill mission you were used to. This was going to be dangerous for even the most skilled soldier. The second everyone had broken off to try and enjoy the rest of their day König pulled you aside. "Look at me, it's going to be okay." He could tell you were on the verge of panicking, despite knowing that would only make the situation worse.
"König do you know the statistics of how many people get hurt going on missions like these. Do you know how many people die?" You said it, the one word that was forbidden in your line of work. He drops down on one knee, gently taking your face in his hands.
"I know, and I know it's scary, but I don't want you to be thinking about that." He sighs, stroking your cheek. He wanted to make you feel better, he hated seeing you so anxious. "Let me take you on a date… it will give us something to do instead of sitting around worrying." You froze, your mind going blank. He wanted to take you on a date?
"I��I don't have anything to wear. If we're going on a date I want to look nice." You couldn't stop yourself from smiling. König was right about one thing, it would be a welcomed distraction.
"You already look beautiful Maus." You blushed at his compliment. He held out his hand to you and you took it without hesitation. His skin was warm and calloused, his hand completely engulfing your own as he let his fingers completely close around it. The two of you got permission to head into the city for the evening. König had been stationed in this area before so he knew exactly where he wanted to take you. Before you left he changed out of his sniper hood and into a cloth mask that covered the lower half of his face. You finally got a chance to get an idea of what he looked like underneath. You were shocked to find out that König had dark blonde hair that he kept relatively long compared to usual military standards. He had freckles that peaked just above where his mask. You could also more clearly make out the wrinkles by his eyes that shows how much he genuinely smiles. When the two of you headed into town you were honestly a bit surprised when you ended up at a food truck that served some local specialty. He ordered for you and paid for your meal, the entire time keeping his hand on the small of your back so he could ensure that you were still there next to him. You wandered into a park to look for a place to sit and made it just in time to catch the sunset. You let your head fall to rest on König's arm, he sat next to you completely rigid.
"Thank you for taking me out, I needed to keep my mind off of tomorrow." He glances down at you, bright blue eyes trained on your face.
"I'm hoping you'll let me take you on another date after this mission is over." You picked up on the nervousness in his voice immediately.
"König, I don't know if you've noticed, but I kind of like you a lot… of course I'll go on another date with you." The hand that was situated in his lap began to reach out for yours, slowly moving his finger over so it would bump into the side of your hand.
"I'm really happy I met you (Y/N)." He says softly.
You smile, eyes never leaving the horizon. "I am too."
The next morning everyone was on edge. You all sat silently in the back of the truck, the usual attempt to lighten the mood vacant. As you neared your destination Ghost finally spoke up. "Team A, we're going to sweep their safe house, any hostages I want brought to me directly. Team B, you're in charge of sweeping the rest of their compound. This is a capture or kill mission, our number one priority is getting us and the hostages out safely. You glanced across the isle at König. He tried to give you a reassuring nod but you could tell how nervous he was really feeling. The truck came to a rough stop, jolting your body forward in the process. Everyone piled out and began separating into their teams. A giant gloved hand came to rest on the top of your head as König gave you a gentle pat. "Be careful out there, Bärchen." You say softly, unable to look at him knowing it would probably make you cry.
"You too Maus." He runs off to join his team.
"Come on Mickey, we got a house to clean." Soap says as he approaches you. He could tell how stressed you were feeling. Even if he didn't know the extent of your relationship with König he knew how much you cared about him. "He's gonna be alright, man's a fuckin' tank, there's no stopping him." You nodded heading off with him to handle your half of the mission. Team A consisted of you, Ghost, Johnny, Gaz, and a couple of privates from the base. Team B consisted of KorTac, Price and a few other soldiers.
"Mick, I need to know you're here with me sweetheart, you're looking a little spacey." Ghost says quietly as you wait for the perfect moment to storm the safe house.
"I'm with you lieutenant, just another day at the office." You tried your best to sound confident. To give your team the Mickey they needed right now. Soap was right, König would be fine. All of this would be over in less than an hour.
"Move in." You got your cue. You looked at Soap, the two of you exchanging an affirming nod before you made your way up to the safe house. He taps your shoulder, motioning that he'll start his sweep to the right you start to your left. You found nothing but a couple low grade officers guarding the hostages, which meant everyone incredibly dangerous was either not here or in the same building as Team B. You quickly and quietly escorted the hostages outside so you could get them some medical attention "Team A has successfully completed their sweep. Team B what's your status?" Ghost's voice booms over the comms. It was silent for a while… too long.
"Ghost, we've been hit." Price's panicked voice was the only thing you could hear. "They found out we're here."
"Do you need medical? We're heading to your location now." You readied yours as fast as you possibly could.
"Ghost, I need you to listen to me. I don't know how many men I've already lost, if you come over here your whole team could be taken out." You could hear gunfire in the background. You were going to attempt to make a run for it. You needed to help them, you needed to get out who you could. The second you tried to bolt Ghost latched onto your collar, pulling you to the ground.
"Let me go, I need to help them." You say through gritted teeth, fighting back tears.
"Mick, you know that's only going to make things worse." Ghost jumps back on comms. "Price, do you have a casualty count?"
"At least four." Any drive you had to stand back up left your body. That was half of their team, just gone.
"Anyone from KorTac?" Ghost remained motionless by your side, prepared to drag you out of there if needed.
"I don't know, I lost them in the fire fight." You were shaking. Throughout all your years in the military you had never felt like this during a mission.
"We'll rendezvous back at base, I need to get these hostages medical attention." Price confirmed and the comms went silent again. Ghost hauled you to your feet, attempting to steady you by the shoulders when you almost fell over. "Hold it together Mickey, come on." His gruff voice shocks you back to reality. You felt like you were in a fog, you were going through the motions of securing the hostages but you weren't really there. The second you were back to base you made your way to the common room, sat down, and waited. Your teammates tried everything they could think of to comfort you but it wasn't any use. All you wanted was König, or at the very least to know he was okay. After about an hour of waiting, Price finally found you. You stood, hurrying over to him. He looked a little worse for wear but overall he seemed fine.
"Price, is König okay?" Ghost was the first one to speak up. You couldn't bring yourself to say it knowing that there was a very high chance he didn't make it back at all.
"He was hit, but he's okay. He actually asked if I could send you down to him." You thanked Price, telling him how happy you were that he was safe but you had to go see him. You ran down to the infirmary, ignoring the calls from the nurses that you had to check in before you could enter as you pushed through the doors. You just needed to see what state he was in. You were met with the sight of König sitting up in bed, pleasantly chatting with the doctor that was going over what he would have to do for his wound care. The top half of his body was wrapped in a bandage that showed he was shot in the shoulder, sniper hood still on. His eyes landed on you and you saw his whole body relax. You waited for the doctor to leave before you approached him.
"Maus." You saw the corners of his eyes crinkle up. It was hard to be mad with the shirtless mass of muscle in front of you. You had a whole speech planned about how worried you were how he could've been seriously hurt. But now that you saw him sitting in front of you none of that really mattered. You sat on the edge of the infirmary bed, tears pricking at your eyes.
"You said you were going to be careful." Your voice cracked as you spoke. He grabbed your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry." You felt the first year slip into your cheek and that was enough to open the floodgates. Your body wracked with sobs, König pulled you to him, wrapping an arm around you.
"I thought I lost you." He quietly hushed you, running his fingers through your hair. You stayed like that for a while, both of you remaining silent until König.
"I think after my contract's up I'm going to call it." You shot up, in pure disbelief at what you were hearing. "I got hit today because I got careless. I was trying so hard to get this over with quickly to get back to you that I let my guard down. I don't want something to happen to me out in the field or have you worried like this all the time. (Y/N), I'm in love with you, I don't want to miss the opportunity to explore what we have before it even starts." Hearing him say that made you start crying all over again. Once you had finally calmed down you sat up, wiping your eyes.
"I think this might be my final tour too." You smile at him. He grabs the top of his hood, fully pulling it off his head. You gently caress his face, "you're so handsome under there." You hiccup a laugh through your remaining tears.
"I'm glad you think so." He chuckles. He holds you close, lips gently finding yours for what was the softest first kiss you had ever had. König gently cradled you in his arms, taking his time to fully memorize every single aspect of what kissing you felt like.
"I love you Bärchen." You say softly. He gazed down at you with the most loved filled expression of adoration.
"I love you too, mein mouse." He whispers, pulling you in for one more short, sweet kiss.
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I'm obsessed with shen yuan being shen jiu's reincarnation for so many reasons
- finding out would lead to many mental breakdowns
- shen yuan being a born hater is suddenly explained
- shen yuans and shen jiu's personalities are actually very similar when you take away external factors:
Shen yuan is a hater and tends to do before thinking, especially if that's insults, so does shen jiu
Shen yuan gets oddly obsessed with things, so does shen jiu
possiveness in shen jius case would be learnt behavior from having nothing, which I can easily imagine shen yuan doing the same if he grew up with nothing (which he very much didn't experience having been second gen rich kid, which even having at the very least material things, he still shows signs of posseviness with Luo binghe at times, and again, even with his internalized homophobia!)
Being weird with relationships, im not elaborating
Trust issues brought on from ASSUMPTIONS, these motherfucks assume so much! And I can't even blame them because their assumptions make so much sense in the context they're given! But give it a bit more thought alongside action outside of just asking since they clearly love men who struggle to communicate (well done binghe for growing in that aspect) so thats just a no go
So much more tbh, and I'm not even doing this in a theory way because these two being parallels is probably (don't quote me on this coz I actually love this theory but also don't care enough to defend it in any way and them being parallels is a kinda gut wrenching shit I need lol) more canon accurate, with like everything that I'm not gonna get into rn or I'm gonna cry so sue me (don't actually, I'm broke)
But yeah I love this concept smm!! Which I find funny coz I'm a scumcum lover, sy is sj child/sibling/twin/parent/disciple/shizun/probably more, and I dunno what that says about me nor do I care 😙
Edit: also sqq(j/y) hating himself and not realising it is a different kind ironic I can't quite explain except to say its so amazingly angsty to a point is goddam hilarious
#if anyone has fic recs DROP THEM FICS PLEASE#I need more in my life 😭#shen qingqiu#svsss#cang qiong mountain sect#pidw#shen yuan#luo binghe#lord shen#yue qingyuan#shen yuan is shen jiu reincarnated#shen jiu#cucumber#rip cucumber bro#also the idea that Shen qingqiu(sj) chose the handle peerless cucumber in another life has a sort of comedic sad effect#I can but won't explain#🤭🫶😋
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danmei list that no one asked for (long post incoming)
ok so I've accumulated a pretty decent list of danmei that aren't as well known and I want to talk about them!! so here we go! these aren't in any particular order btw
Nan Chan
an aloof, listless immortal and a very hungry caterpillar fish demon go on an adventure to retrieve a runaway bell 🔔. and also they both have amnesia. CUE ANGSTY BACKSTORY REVEAL!!!! 🔪🔪🔪
I'm sure it's to no ones surprise that this is first because I'm a SLUT for nan chan. if nan chan has one fan it is ME and if there r no fans I am DEAD!! I love this novel so much it has the perfect combination of painful angst and sweet sweet lovin' !! the main couple's relationship makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside 🥺👉👈 (probably because I am a touch love language girly and these bitches be touching!!!) and I LOVE the characters sm. especially my little meow meow Jing Lin and his adorable little stone figure. I live for the interactions between Cang Ji and the stone figure! it may be a little difficult to read the first time around since the plot gets a little convoluted but it all makes sense in the end! 10/10 really recommend!!
How to Survive as a Villain
transmigration plot! rich ceo gets transported to a novel as the villain emperor and gets buddy buddy with the novel's MC so he doesn't get killed. ends up buddying too close to the sun and accidentally becomes the leading lady. drama ensues!
this is another favorite of mine!! this one is another good mix of angst and romance and the MC is so funny and likeable. there are also two cute side couples which is always fun! (one of them is f/f so it gets extra brownie points with me🤭) its also not too complicated which makes it great for casual reading ^^ p.s. this one has an official eng tl now! its being published thru rosmei (like nanchan) so it has to be ordered thru a 3rd party distributor but I think its worth reading 👀
Living to Suffer/ Till Death Do Us Part
living to suffer: ancient wuxia style prequel where the characters meet as a humble doctor and member of a demonic sect and their fate intertwines. this one has a BE
till death do us part: early to mid 1900s setting sequel. the reincarnated characters meet again as a elementary school teacher and rich playboy and face the struggles of having a relationship. this one has a bittersweet ending
THIS...... OK THESE NOVELS... let me tell you something. this made me SOB. oh my god especially the ending of TDDUP. I saw a review saying "I honestly could believe there lived a Shen Liangsheng and a Ch'in Ching, and that they fell in love..." and hard agree because something about this story felt so real?? which made it all the more intriguing and heartbreaking!! its set around the time of the japanese invasion of china and the cultural revolution so it does talk a lot about politics but it wasn't a difficult read imo. BUT BE WARNED! there is a LOT of smut. (not rly vanilla either..) and the relationship does get pretty toxic at times 😬 but it gets better by the end of the book and the toxicity actually does add to the story and character development. if u give it a try please read the prequel (living to suffer) first!
After Being Forced to Marry the Evil Star General
a deputy prime minister MC who's powerful, high-maintenance, and hated by the public is arranged to marry a laid-back general who is much loved and praised (but also rumored to be cursed!). this is an arranged marriage + enemies to lovers novel
I'm actually in the middle of rereading this one rn 👀. I think this one is also good for casual reading since it isn't very complicated. in the beginning the interactions between the main couple r rly funny because they just clash all day long lol. its also got a little angst sprinkled in 😎👍 I did see some reviews saying that the MC is not likeable since he does some kinda bad things and he's stuck up but I still liked him idk 😭 I feel like his flaws made him more interesting
Married Thrice to Salted Fish
a doctor MC who only wishes to study medicine (and poison oop) gets arranged to marry a guy whos dying. turns out that guy has been taken over by a transmigrator! transmigrator ML then proceeds to die and come back as someone else.. more than once 😭
if you love a couple that schemes together then this is the novel for you! the MC in this book kinda reminds me of the MC from the book I mentioned right above. (these titles too long man 😅) I found the repeated "reincarnation" plot to be pretty interesting. the interactions between the couple were pretty amusing as well and since the ML is from modern times he randomly uses modern slang. MC even picks some lingo up from him loll
Xiao Jiu
about a 9th prince MC whos trying to win the heart of the emperor's cold and aloof bodyguard! call him the prince of rizz because it works eventually 😎 this is an age gap romance with a smidge of angst and political drama
this a short and sweet story! the ML is described as cold a lot but he actually becomes rly sweet and warm later on so he isn't one of those stone faced characters. I don't have much else to say about this besides "its cute, I like it" 😅
Guanshan Muyu
wife-chasing crematorium story! it's about a outlaw MC who's kidnapped by the very guy who betrayed him. ML wants to win MC's heart back but issues from the past cause a bunch of misunderstandings :( but it is a happy ending!!
man.... I haven't read a wife-chasing crematorium story before this and I was not prepared for the amount of ANGST. basically everyone is miserable for the entire damn time! 😭😭😭 but that's not to say it wasn't a good story!! all the suffering made the ending feel even sweeter 🥰 if you cry easily maybe keep a pack of tissues on hand when you read this 😂
I wrote this in my notes app while reading and I feel like it summarizes the ML pretty well bahaha 👇
"qi yan: my girl is mad at me. I hope I die"
It’s Not Easy Being a Master
transmigrator becomes the villainous shizun in a novel he read and attempts to avoid a bad ending but *gasp* the novels MC (ML) has been reborn with all the past memories!! MC tries to get close to ML while ML is like wtf is going on ! seems like a typical "transmigrated as a villain" type plot until suddenly it's not... 👀👀
this one was rly fun! there's a big plot twist that I found rly interesting and unique! very fresh!! fresh produce!! 🥒🫑🥕🍅 I also like the MC a lot he had a rly silly personality hehe. I think this novel is good for people who like solving mysteries alongside the characters since a lot of hints are dropped throughout
Golden Stage/ Terrace
arranged marriage between a court dog and a general who's become phsyically disabled. everyone knows that the two HATE each other... but do they really? 👀 no, it's not an enemies to lovers, but the other characters seem to think so! 🤭
great novel!! very good!! I love the dynamic between the main couple! they love to banter so their interactions are entertaining. there's a bit of political plot but it's nothing too complicated and the angst is minimal. I also like that one of the main characters is a ambulatory wheelchair user. this one also has a official eng tl now but I'm not sure from which publishing house
Sharing Rain and Dew
MC whos staying in the palace dies a painful death but then gets reborn several months in the past. he spends his time stressing about his impending death but for some reason the Emperor has suddenly become super clingy and doting
this one is very very short, only 5 chapters + 3 extras, but it's quite funny and cute. despite being so short the story is actually pretty interesting? good for a quick, casual read
list over!! I have a few more but this is already too long of a post 😭 I hope someone can find this helpful for some reading recs!
#danmei#reading recommendations#danmei recs#i didn't proofread this so if you see errors LOOK AWAYY#nan chan#how to survive as a villain#golden stage#golden terrace#living to suffer#til death do us part#guanshan muyu#after being forced to marry the evil star general#married thrice to salted fish#xiao jiu#its not easy being a master#sharing rain and dew
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