#come to terms with
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Heads Up Seven Up
I was tagged by @that-angry-noldo to share the last seven lines I wrote in my WIP! Thank you for the summons!
From To Partake:
He had let his anger get the better of him. He realizes that now, like a cold shock to his spine, here in the dark alone. He had overreacted. That is why he is so angry. He is not angry at Elrond, not really. Ereinion is angry with himself. He does not know how he will be able to stand facing Elrond tomorrow.
And from Beneath a Boundless Sky
He meant to broach the idea to Istiel, so she could put the question to her people. To our people, Elrond fiercely reminded himself. My people. Sometimes he wondered if it had been a mistake to refuse to take on any mantle of formal leadership for the remnants of Doriath. He only had not wished to tempt them to name him king — a title Elrond neither wanted nor felt that he deserved — with his Ñoldorin braids and his Fëanorian accent and his ignorance to his own childhood customs. He knew that it was hardly his fault, but there had been plenty of others who were better qualified than he was to lead the Doriathrim. Istiel had been their second choice, and Elrond’s first.
I think most people have already played by now, but just in case I am tagging @raointean @thesolarangel and @greyjedijaneite and whomever else has not played yet but would like to!
#to partake#beneath a boundless sky#these are both so angsty haha#but i'm at that spot rn in both fics#i just think there's no getting around the fact that Elrond was basically colonized as a child and i think that's something he had to#come to terms with#and sort of get used to reclaiming his cultural heritage#celeborn helped a lot#anyway#that doesn't show up often in my work but every once in a while it does rear its ugly ass head#yay trauma!#but i do think it's pretty significant that Elrond overwhelmingly aligns himself with the Sinda in the books#when he was pretty unarguably raised Noldorin from about the age of 7 onward and then was plunged into involvement in a very Noldorin court#as a young adult#or perhaps even younger than that#i have a LOT of thoughts about Elrond's relationship with his Sinda half#which are not going to fit here in the tags
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I love how Gerald was trying to keep Shadow from spoiling anything about the future meanwhile literally everything Shadow says and does around Maria is the biggest death flag ever
#in fairness i’m sure both past robotniks just assumed her illness would be what killed her h a#sxsg#sxsg spoilers#sonic x shadow generations#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#ark siblings#sonic#comic#my art#doodles#so this was pretty much entirely done 24 hours ago#but ironically was distracted from posting earlier by playing sxsg#and then watching snapcube play it cause her delight is addicting#i’m missing 2 chests and 2 bolts and I wanna see if I can pull it off without a guide haha#anyways now I’m thinking about the fact that maria and gerald probably went back to their time assuming maria would die of her sickness#and how that would change their respective behaviors#i bet gerald would be holding out that maria would still live a bit longer#just cause shadow inadvertently revealed he’s from at least 50 years in the future due to having met black doom before#(which rewatching cutscenes to remember this quote he Did try to play off a little bit with some sort of#‘oh what do you think the alien squid meant by ’this time i’ll beat you’ that’s so crazy’ comment)#so hey maybe it wasn’t a perfect cure but she managed to live another 10-20 years at least?#all the more reason to press harder surely!#meanwhile maria is coming to terms with her mortality at age 14 or whatever she is#frankly I bet she came to terms with it long ago the way she seems to be written#okay back to snapcube
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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William Afton lost two baddies in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#william afton#henry emily#mrs afton#clara afton#fnaf 4#afton family#William really lost the two people he considered somewhat equal to him#that must of been a blow to his ego#for Mrs Afton I assume his depression over losing her doesn’t set in till later#cause he gotta come to terms with he did actually love her#which is uncharacteristic of him least what he thinks#while Henry leaving was an immediate blow to his psyche#his parentership meant a lot cause I could see#Henry is one of the only people he thought was even worth talking to#that actually saw his visions#dude must of been a wreck after this lmao
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you know what boils my blood.
over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."
i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.
but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.
today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.
the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.
so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.
#zee rambles#this isn't to guilt trip anyone#but im so so tired of people coming in and just refusing testing because they want to see grandma or whatever#and on top of that people are avoiding vaccinations and all that too??#we all lived through the pandemic - everyone saw how many people unfortunately passed away from it#now because of vaccinations and some amount of herd immunity we're finding milder cases in healthy people#but that doesn't mean its gone#that doesn't mean it doesn't have long-term repercussions even in healthy people and that doesn't mean people aren't still dying from it#honestly i just needed a lil rant#and if this helps at least one person??? im all for it#also i can't sleep so here we are spilling thoughts into the voidddd
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i need 7+ seasons of dead boy detectives specifically to see the long-term payoff of charles putting a jar of bees in his bag
#one day years from now he’s gonna pull it out and use it to solve a case or save somebody’s life#i need to see that payoff#and i need it to be long term#i need it to be so far in the future that everyone will have forgotten about that random little detail from the pilot#until it finally comes full circle#this show makes me insane#i want more of it so bad#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dbda#charles rowland
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Happy Ace Week to my fellow (aro)aces💗
#realizing I was ace was such a weight off my shoulders#I haven't entirely come to terms with the aromanticism but we're getting there#ace attorney#the great ace attorney#dgs#tgaa#miles edgeworth#ema skye#athena cykes#herlock sholmes#maya fey#ace week#ace week 2024
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It would be so jarring dating Soap because he will so casually say shit like "spit in my mouth would ye bonnie?" with full sincerity at the pub. "The new nails are well braw... naw had a finger up my arse in a while hen so time tae break them in" when you are at a bloody wedding. "Dinnae take it personal LT, she's on the rag and I havnae given her head in over an hour so that's why she's bitchin'. Open up bonnie, let me make it better" as he is bullying his head between your thighs when you're supposed to be having a nice dinner at his Lieutenants house and you snap at Ghost.
Johnny just does not have an off switch nor do you think he understands the concept of public decency. But fuck he's so damn good to you and is so incredibly obsessed with making you cum that you just learn to live with the embarassment he puts you through.
#mhairidrabbles#Ghost would just carry on the conversation like you aren't getting sloppy head right in front of him#and Soap doesn’t give a shit about what you use in terms of period products#he thinks he looks like a right warrior coming up for air covered in blood and slick
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TANGO NO TURN AROUND!! TANGO NOOO THEY ARE GONNA MAKE YOU BALD NOOOOO BALDGOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!11
og design from the DDVAU by @kitsuneisi and @xmaruu11
#tango of the tek variety#or the bald variety i should say#ddvau fanart#sol art#sadly i did not come up myself with the term baldgo
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Part four of old GF sketches
The twin thing, Stan and Ford edition
#fanart#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#i saw a lot of posts pushing the big/little sibling titles on these two when I was drawing this#i won't say it's irrelevant to their characters#(though it comes up way less with Dipper and Mabel)#but as someone with a twin and other siblings very close in age#I've only used 'big/little' instead of 'older/younger' as a joke#other families definitely care more than us#so my opinion is that Ford cares very much about being the 'older' sibling that sets the example and has a respectable title#and Stan has never thought about Ford in these terms in his life#being in their late fifties/sixties just makes it worse for him
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dad villain au: did emilie just. not consider at all that adrien was literally dying at the time. wow
she's in the habit of deciding when Adrien's suffering is acceptable, and if it is, she'll just fix it later.
#my art#adrien agreste#emelie agreste#gabriel agreste#dad villain au#mayura#as emelie faces zero consequences using the peacock she's more likely to utilize it in a way she didn't in the last timeline#last timeline she faced real problems. had to come to terms with her own eventual death. got to see action and reaction in process#in this timeline there was no consequences. so why shouldn't she make this as 'perfect' as possible?#before gabriel got his memories of the last timeline back he was actually pretty against her being weird abt adrien but eventually just#let her do whatever lmao. he was like. alright fine if it makes you happy dear#sure you can rearrange his genome so he cant catch chicken pox again whatver#as a result when things dont fit her delusions she gets upset moody or aggressive
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Women have every right to label this a misogyny issue without having to put several asterisks on it
#this is both about the election and abortion#inb4 anyone comes at me: i’m not saying that it’s ONLY a misogyny issue#i’m not saying that people who aren’t women shouldn’t say that this is an issue that affects them in the variety of ways it does#i’m not saying that we should never talk about how it affects people in other ways#no—i believe all of that should happen as well as women should be able to clearly identify this as misogyny#i’m saying that this is a very deeply misogynistic issue and we need to be able to express that in clear terms#misogyny#election 2024#abortion#100plustxt#500plustxt#1kplustxt
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apple season
#my art#tloz#a link to the past#someone close to my school has a rly big apple tree they invite ppl to come in and pick from and I'm already making grabby hands#link#zelda#I was trying to work on my consistency in terms of designs and stuff way back when but like I can't see those csp files rn so rip#they get to have new outfits that's just whatever I thought was fun to draw at the moment thumbs up emoji#I have not actually read the manga but I am taking the orchard I want it too#with a couple way big trees it's what happens when ur out travelling I guess idk idk I'm a cringe city person#Blabbering in tags is So back
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So, just curious how many writers and creators will have to be forcibly outed by relentless harassment before we acknowledge that "This queer characters was written by a cishet person and that's why they're bad" is not good criticism.
#yes i'm just going to come out and say it i'm talking about sera#not exclusively but i am talking about her#'but her writer actually iS A--' you don't know that! it doesn't matter! and i don't care!#just say that you do not like the character.#people will reblog posts about the latest actor or YA author or whatever getting forced out of the closet and be like#'wow. :( that's terrible.'#and then GO RIGHT BACK TO DOING IT#when are we going to learn#when are we going to stop doing this BEFORE somebody is forcibly outed#because in practical terms#that means you have to be okay with queer characters being written by straight people.#you have to stop weaponizing that against writers you don't like.#you have to be willing to critique the writing on its own merits#without using the writer's (assumed) identity to prop up your arguments#that's how it works#but who wants to actually change the way they talk about media#when tearing apart people's identities for clout is far more entertaining.#gwaren exports#fandom problems#fandom critical
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sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad
#bonnie my beloved perceptive no filter bonnie my fucking beloved#divorce ass fucking ship dynamic. you are upsetting the fucking children.#isat spoilers#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time fanart#in stars and time spoilers#in stars and time#isat bonnie#isat siffrin#isat loop#siffrin#lucabyteart#sifloop#YES THIS GOES IN THE SHIP TAG. DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE#anyway i have a lot of thoughts on loop and bonnie as im sure does everyone. both before and after they learn who they are#i think a lot about how loop has several lines gently reassuring siffrin that bonnie never actually hated them. they've had time to reflect#and while theyve not healthily come to terms with much... they seem to actually have come to understand that one... and yet...#they aren't siffrin anymore now are they?#anyway im off on my travels for the next 2 weeks ! my wips shall stay that way for a while! yes this is a fucked one to leave u with!!!#byeeeee !!! ill be back !!!!#sorry to the claude wip for being stuck in purgatory for like over a month im usually not like this <3#abuse tw#as requested
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very slowly compiling my sketchbook pages for the 2023 pdf... this isnt even half of the observational drawing section lol idk why i did so much last year. i feel like these pages in particular really expose just how much time i spend on. the bus.
#observational#sketchbook#meruzart#almost a decade out of highschool i think im finally coming to terms with the fact that im not james jean and i never will be
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