#its the warping of light
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Jimmy killing himself because he knows he is incapable of living an life without Curly and knows that in the miracle chance they were found and saved they would not let him have contact with Curly and he hates the idea he'd actually have to take responsibility.
Even if he lied, its only a matter of time before Curly is capable of showing or telling what a monster he really is, no matter what delusions tell Jimmy Curly would never do that to him.
He understands that he was the monster in everyone's worse moments but refused to accept that at the end. So he made sure that he died without the possibility of it being actualized as he's the only one that saw death as an escape rather than a release. Jimmy truly didn't believe Curly had anything to escape from even after everything and let him have what he perceived as glory as the sole survivor and thus Captain of the Tulpar.
#like he goes from knowing the the system in place ergo Curly will protect him from consequence even if unitentionally at first which#motivates him to take the measures he does but when that system also loses the ability to effectively stop him he drags the corpse around#like a memento of what he's achieved that slowly warps into a worship as he realizes how much it actually did and that even he struggles#without it cause i believe in light of the crash that the thought of losing Curly's unwavering support because he'd eventually protect Anya#over him when Curly's head was yanked from the clouds at either the baby's birth or just the way he was slowly putting things together as#the big picture became less appealing to look at like Curly was slowly realizing it and i think he knew at the crash scene but it was too#late if he stopped Jimmy or the crash their relationship would've forever been changed by the revalation and part of me wants like a dlc#spin off that deals with some psychological metaphorical horror dealing with that but also like I need jimmy dead.#then again none of this is new or even unique ive seen this explained but i also dont think its addressed that Jimmy's refusal to take#responsibility with Anya avoiding it A N D his envious codependency of Curly made him crash the Tulpar as there was not a way he could fix#the what he did to Anya in his mind without getting rid of her and or the pregnancy in a way that Curly wouldn't leave him and thats so#important like he only viewed Anya through his relationship with Curly and hed rather die than acknowledge her as a person and his assult#on her as something that could realistically get in the way of their relationship and taking advantage of it.#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing#i hate talking about this dick fuck but he also is like being fascinated by a venomous spider like stay away but i will study you
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rly liked the art this ch 🤭
#ive grown to rly like his style^__^ crazy how much its changed over the last few yrs#love how often he breaks borders#especially w .. whats her name ..#URO!!!that panel of her warping the sky or whatever the hell her ct is . ty 2 diana for showing me the light w that one#jjk#jjk 245#jjk spoilers#jjk manga#higuruma#sukuna#kusakabe#hakari#uraume
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The Dark Wyrm
Here is my gift to MillionLights on ao3, as part of the Vaderkin creative exchange 2024 organised by @vaderkin-is-a-lightning-rod
Once I’ve read your prompt, the picture wouldn’t leave my head, so here it is!
#i made the wyrm to represent the anxiety swirling in his heart#but its open to interpretations#may be a real wyrm~#whispering in his ear#my art#sinvulkt art#Vaderkin creative exchange 2024#even stars burn out#star wars#anakin skywalker#darth vader#vaderkin#sw#star wars fanart#star wars art#star wars au#fanart#dragon#wyrm#can you see the shadow above anakin’s head?#reaching out towards him but never entering the picture#no help will come#*evil cackle*#(i headcanon it’s obi wan’s shadow but once again it’s open to interpretations :3)#also yes i know the lighting is weird but listen i did my best XD#let’s say the Force warped it#this is near the room of thousand fountains
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Tbh, nothing has made me sympathize more with Kipperlilly Copperkettle than her anger issues.
Cause anger is an emotion we feel when we're missing something. When we need something and can't get it. It's a balm to make us feel better when things don't go our way.
When things aren't fair.
#d20#dimension 20#d20 fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20 spoilers#fhjy#fantasy high spoilers#of course just cause you feel like things are unfair doesnt mean they actually are#and the reason why its an anger issue is cause the anger has befome detrimental#its warped from being somethjng to comfort you when you feel powerless to a tool you use against others when you fedl slighted#part of why anger issues are so hard to overcome is cause of how good it feels in the moment#even if you feel terrible guilt afterwards#the catharsis of releasing anger can be such a relief#that you dont even realise youve started looking for reasons to be angry#youre listing things that are terrible with the world just so you can feel better by getting angry at them#things like capitalism and people who bullied you and how your boss is a terrible racist#things that everyone can get angry over#until they get more personal and warps your judgment#“my boss called a group of immigrant a bunch of racial slurs” “his secretary was there too she can back me up”#“when i brought it up with her she says she wasnt payjng attention or something” “shes peobably racist too and thats why he hired her”#it becomes easier to make jumps like that instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt#easier to justify your anger with the smallest slights#until youre yelling at a pedestrian whe. you almost ran them over#“sure it was a red light but they shouldve paid attention and seen me coming too”#anyways this is all to say kipperlilly probably has some issues to deal with#idk if shes actually behind this plot or if shes being manipulated#doesmt stop her from being a total dick tho#but it does make me a little more sympathetic to her
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Trying to get back into doing art again after a very busy term, heres a very quick and very messy 12 i painted!
#Please be nice!!#Its in my very cheap sketchbook too so the pages are warped#I just had a photo reference and started painting didnt really plan it out so even though theres a lot id like to fix#I still think it looks cool!!#Reference was from the pilot btw and twelves skin is not grey its the lighting#twelfth doctor#12th doctor#Twelve#doctor who#peter capaldi#dw#robyn rambles
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filler doodles about how i comedically whitewashed myself as a child (despite also being the darkest i had and still have ever been in my entire life) because i cannot wrap my head around it
#filler art#my art#i was also short haired at the time so its odd i drew myself as having very long hair but is it any more weird than me whitwashing myself no#i remember i also imagined myself to grow up as a white girl like#HUH??? like i was so convinced i was going to look like all the white main character girls on television ... i had to look like one#all of this was probably because of the lack of representation in tv i could find at the time tbh#BECAUSE THIS WASNT AN ISSUE OF MY DAY TO DAY LIFE NOOOOOO#in here being... moreno?!?! . brown?!?!! EVEN IF LIGHT IS MILES MORE COMMON THAN BEING WHITE#AND ITS SO MUCH MROE SILLIER BECAUSE I WAS MCUH MORE DARK THAN I CURRENTLY AM BACK THEN#as of now im more so lightskinned . nowhere near white but im not very dark either because i dont see rhe sun often ww so im pale#BACK THEN I GOT BURNT ON THE SUN AS A HOBBY im serious i sat on the hot rock floor with burning sun climate bevause it was nice#NOT EVEN THE CURLS COULD BE SAVED I HAD TO PORTRAY MYSELF AS STRAIGHT HAIRED FOR WHATEVER REASON#like on my defense i did straighten my hair out a lot as a young child but THAT LASTED LIKE 2 DAYS EVERY TIME#so 90% i was curls so its funny#ALSO WHY DID WE CALL THE CREAM COLOR “THE SKIN COLOR” WHAT#like. it wasnt just me . whole elementary school knew if you asked for rhe skin color you talkin about thay#any tone of brown simply did not work I DONT KNOW WHY WE WERE ALL LIKE THIS???#thankfully at the age of 10 i realized i infact had melanin but .. i coudlnt accept i had black hair still💀💀#so my skin and hqir color were always the same in portrayals ITS SO FUNNY IM SORRY#I FIDN THIS INSANELY FUNNY IM SO SORRY#dont feel too concerned i wasnt ashamed of my skin color or anything but i had the warped idea i would look white soon#not if you keep cooking youself in the sun you wont /j#i dont know what to say about how i draw myself now a days i dont draw myself as myself but i know i aint white now its okay 🩷 (/hj)
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They're accusing sam of being homophobic against cass over there yikes my man is just insecure and possessive of dean he gets jealous sooo easily from the tiniest things even though he knows he's dean's no.1 but that's just how he is
#he was insecure over amara does that make him heterophobic- it does#explain benny?? explain his MOM?? trust me he doesn't even notice the object he's feeling threatened by as dean's top priority#nd he's often unreasonable about it like neither cass nor amara was ever anywhere near to replace sam's place for dean and dean told him so#its just funny that they see sam evidently display normal human emotions (in this case jeslousy) and their 1st RESPONSE is to#jump and do mental gymnastics and acrobatics to bend it down warp it on itself just to paint sam in the worst bad light possible#it's like using morose code to decipher out the ulterior meaning behind someone blurting “took a fat shito”
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had a vision and u guys arent ready for it (rayni x flori)
#maybe im yuri brainwashed but i think theres a fascinating dynamic there#someone who tries to be gentle and sees the worth in all nature#and someone who has been told that shes worthless by society and thrown aside by her own exiled parents#rayni also puts a lot of value in the truth and flori seems very. honest.#theres also the bodyguard aspect. i will protect you. because i love you. not because of some warped deal like gisela did.#also light and nature in general.. plants need light to grow#and maybe something about rayni influencing flori to be more proactive? if that makes sense#shes sophies bodyguard but she doesnt really. do anything. its like shes hanging back under callas shadow.#theres also just the interesting dynamics between an elf and a gnome to consider.#what would a relationship between them look like?#who knows!!!#kotlc#rayni aria#flori#florni#<-new ship name lmao
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Alpha 5 shaded like how Lethal Company procedurally generates its game shaders!!!
#so how Lethal Company generates its shaders*: 860x520 game res*> realistic shaded layer>dupe of that layer w/ posterisation>light layer>#dupe layer w/ posterisation(bloom w/ lowish opacity)>edge detection to outline objects and folds at close range(5-7ft radius?)>#low opacity fog layer(?)>radial fog layer>weather effects>model layer*>colour correction>game res correction to 1920x1080#*1 this is all from memory from a video Acerola made on the graphics(go check it out pleaase)#*2 this is how the game looks so low quality; it is low quality#*2a its not faked w/ a filter; adds warp to the screen which adds to the vibe somehow#*3 the camera view is actually in the helmet so thats how that works. thats how the cracks on the glass have shading when you move#I love alpha 5#heart emoji#best boy ever#my baby boy#he is so cute look at him#his little head tilts are always going to make me giggle#i love him#pixelart#pixelartist#alpha 5#power rangers#fanart#show fanart#bustshot#shaded#experimental shading style#lethal company mention#consciousexeart
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this week's project is: Being Nice To Paul. I will be SUPPORTIVE and SINCERE and I will NOT make fun of him for ANY of his coping mechanisms (you see my fingernails digging into my thighs and visibly drawing blood) not even the GHOSTS
#I mean it#I'm holding myself to it 7 days of regular human empathy and not the psychologically warped labyrinthine kind#I need to practice before december some of these drafts cannot see the light of day#my brain feels like a cat that's just watched its owner bring out the carrier#no!!! why would you do this!! you have betrayed me!!!
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i have spent my entire 29 years of life not understanding how bad it sucks to adjust to glasses for the first time, and now that the taxman cometh i am a little bit in mourning for the days when i did not feel kinda nauseous all the time. life-long glasses-wearers are powerful heroes to me.
#i did not fully appreciate what i had (visual freedom) until it was gone.#my options now are a) endure vague nausea and vertigo from viewing the world through a piece of warped plastic#or b) have a low-grade headache literally all the time from my eye muscles being stuck in permanent accommodative spasm (my prior state)#they both suck! but also i haven't gotten any headache at all (including a migraine) since i started using these#which is a miracle i didn't think i'd see in my lifetime and it's kinda pissing me off that no one thought to bring me to an eye doc sooner#child who gets screaming light-sensitive migraines like once a week? well she can see fine so nothing to do with her eyes i guess.#SURPRISE its latent hyperopia (that was probably way worse when i was a kid)
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Yeah. Man. I'm just sitting here remembering I've been doing this my entire life. I feel like there was a patch I wasn't, part of the teen years, and that's either I've forgotten because trauma orrrr something else but
No wonder I've never felt anchored on this plane. But it doesn't matter, well, no, it matters a lot, but this life is just constantly isolating in how it works so I will keep the talk of not fitting in here and what being weirdly one got in one foot out has done to talking to myself lmfao but... I remember. I remember being in the garden as a really young child and I'm not a young child. I'm this chimaeric fairy-type thing of swirling and bulging colours like a psychedelic faceted-insect-eye's led trip, four or more wings of different types that are again, so ungrounded, so psychedelic, vivid. Not uncertain. Not half-formed. Fully formed, the starbeing in me just barely contained in the shape of the human-pretending-to-be-a-fae it's pretending to be
I remember so much, actually, and it's. it's just weirdly melancholic....? Maybe not melancholic, but it's so sad and I don't know why. Actually. I mean I've been trying to piece it together for like twenty minutes now but... People get a little irritated at me for being very "you don't understand and no one sees me" but like. I have lived an entire life walkinv streets where no one sees me. It's very complicated, there's. mental health stuff in there because of course I've come across a lot of spirits but I have bad issues seeing people as real but like. Man yeah no I am a snail and one part of me can be physically seen but the other has always been on the other side
#There's a lot to this that I just don't want to get into because it's no ones business irt mental health issues influencing#isolation and then trauma and stuff. It's not a matter of ''I was involved in astral stuff and no one else in the world Ever has been''#lmfao like it's just that. Astral self is still me and man. Idk. Realising these past few years constantly the Trauma(tm)#And it makes so many physical events now make sense where like I felt like I could (do astral stuff) and#Man. It's just. There's so much melancholic distance in these astral memories kept behing the Mask Face expression#it really is like. you ever have to leave someone at a bus stop or airport and you're not sure you'll ever see them again#It's this weird heavy and distinct feeling looking at myself like this astral body is a family dog I've just left in#à forest at night and I'm driving away from them and they just know. It's not like Tears Flowing sad it's this. the entire form#just swallows existence. It just is eternally falling away from the world and swallowing it as it goes#It's not a dog left at the roadside its the goddamn ghost of one left years ago. You see it and you aren't sad about leaving your#dog you're like wow. That dogs still here. I don't know what to do. It's image is burned into my retina. It's looking at me#I can see it getting further away in the rear view mirror and no one would ever believe me I'm seeing a ghost so this moment#is etched into my mind now. Except. The memory fades anyway when you look away. It's so like....... It's not even sad#It's just a ghost. I was worried about connecting astral and physical bodies and starting this journey to projection#fully consciously because I knew there'd be a lot of Trauma but this isn't even trauma it's just... My god. I've existed my#entire life as a ghost. like. /ghost/ ghost. Ghost. haunting my own existence. And it's again not just sad it's this weird...#I feel like I've only ever been able to exist off this plane. I exist in this liminal state I exist most freely when unwanted#Not because I need to be unwanted but because what I am freaks people out#Yeah that. vision. that vision of my astral form in this weird obscure unplaceable large animal with a blurred#mask like face in the headlights or tail lights of a car - it's hard to know because it warps reality. I don't know what direction#I'm travelling. I don't know what this thing is. but it's on this forest-flanked road in these lights and it's looking and#there's no one around that can elucdiate the situation and............. Yeah. Man. Yeah.#ramblings //#Astral body //#Astral diary //
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After you....
#dirty little spontaneous sketch of my terrifying scrunglo#not quite how i imagine michael but. eh close enough#its fun warping proportions like that and just not caring for light physics and stuff#my art#michael the distortion#michael tma#tma#tma fanart#the magnus archives
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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.
#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up#but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones#i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda#positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic#and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even#removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy#but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic#bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this#also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes#just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine#annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol#unrelated
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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funnily enough thinking thru the mcytblr bracket some characters are getting knocked out bc they're too well-developed like. sorry you need to be shallower actually. this is an eye-candy and fucked up abt it zone only.
#heres how mr. cicle can still win against cwilbur or cquackity#cicle is vague enough you can Make shit up but w enough THERE you can ring it for depth if you want without contradicting canon#the other two have too much depth and development its too complicated to get the massive fanbase bc ppl can do it Wrong#(which doesnt PREVENT sexymanification just see sans BUT STILL)#ironically its also what gives a good chunk of hermits a one-up. bc they're light rp and not Heavy In Character Trauma 'Custom Afterline'#it leaves it a bit more surface level and easy to play with. its like being handed clay vs the fired sculpture#some sculptures are already VERY sexymen shaped but you cant warp the fired ones to your preference like the clay ones#og post#personal
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