#its the situation of. i have a project im trying to work on that i need to work on. however my mom keeps interrupting me every fucking 10
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I thought today was a good one..
#just some vent art idk#vent#vent art#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#the initial start was unclear#i got ready for my class like usual and my dad's mood was entirely unreadable#usually in these situations i have an internal debate thats goes something like#“is he in a good mood? is he in a bad one? is his eye irritated again? maybe he's still waking up?”#its a 50/50 kinda deal#sometimes he's emotionless until right when im dropped off and he says “have a good day! love you!” in his nice way#today there was nothing#i just got out of the truck and just as i was closing the door i barely heard a “love you” in a monotone voice#i thought nothing of it bc i did some work before class and my mood lightened#afterwards i went to the lounge and they were doing another event thing that offered free food if you did it#the food was greek food so i figured it wouldnt hurt. i got the food#it was awesome ngl and it really made my day better#then dad picked me up....#he was still unreadable but i could tell his patience was low just by the way he was driving#its crazy and kinda sad that i can immediately tell what mood he's in even through the most mundane change#but about 5 minutes into the ride my mind was a racing mess. i kept asking questions#trying to gauge what mood he's in. he wasn't projecting or groaning like he usually does so o figured maybe he's just wanting to get home#to my surprise we didn't immediately gi home: we went to his old work (family owned business)#when we got there I can't describe the relief i felt to be with other people. especially my grandmother#i did some refund stuff while we were there. dad also seemed to lighten up and things seemed fine#but when we got back in the truck it was back to being tense. we still didn't go home- we went to the bank so he could cash a check#but otw there he mentioned his birthday is this Saturday. i said i knew and that I'd be happy to spend the day with him if he had something#planned. bc id loke to spend time with him on his bday instead of my Granny's Halloween party (which i still enjoy but yknow.. dad)#there's an awkward silence and then he just goes “i guess based off your silence you're not interested in what i have planned for my birth-#day?“ perplexed i said ”i am- im just waiting for you to tell me“
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hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .
#just blahs#not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3#just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone#and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that#without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended#bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself#gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me#and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok#this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself#aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong#and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week#jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person#and i know that they know i didnt mean it#and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of#and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person#i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok#its fine .#anyways .#also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw
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Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?
#like i dont even mean the actual textual stuff like the two gods loving each other i mean like#while the narrator himself does say that he is not the protagonist at all the voices do in fact count him as one of them and#both the narrator and the voices are described as shattered glass pieces on the floor#and im saying that just to contextualise what im about to say because i feel like the narrator is an echo of someone who was in#a relationship with another person and is trying to 'slay' the memory of this person and defeat death not only literally but#on a metaphorical level (as in the death of a relationship). if you do slay her you destroy her memory and in that way you do not know her#at all nor do you care to#and the routes would be the perspectives held by different parts of you. shes literally a being that changes based on who perceives her#but metaphorically thats just how people work isnt it? relationships are complicated and there is a part of you who sees someone as a razor#and there is a part of you who sees them as a damsel and another who sees them as a god etc etc#its like youre a person who is trying to make sense of the situation and; which is why the construct of the princess is made up of#several vessels called perspectives. you understand the whole of what you think only when you take apart all your perspectives;#and theres a you who isnt you anymore who doesnt want to do this. hes telling you to just destroy it. it was wholly wretched and wholly bad#and it changed which is a crime in itself. theres an echo of you. and theres you; built by this echo because thats how the self works#we are each our own god and we build ourselves. the different voices are like different parts of you#much like the vessels are the equivalent of the voices. theyre the finite confined perspectives; aspects of a whole person#and slaying her in this context would obviously mean literally just destroying the memory and deciding that change and all it brings#is an awful thing. though im not yet sure what the difference between leaving with the whole and between separating yourself#and leaving with just an aspect would be.#thats probably like the only thing thats kinda ruining this interpretation lol#oh and obviously a lot of the routes have like very strong relationship symbolism. specifically a lot of them feel like#scenes from a relationship that is falling apart. for example in the adversary and then the fury when you run away the dialogue#basically mimics a partner running away from a conflict and the other one destroying themselves because of it#witch and the thorn are both heavily Esop-coded and the text itself says that its about two people hurting each other even though they love#each other but both are afraid of the other one and of being vulnerable. thorn is about finding forgiveness in one another#and deciding to be better and love each other despite the hurt youve caused each other due to your problems#etc etc#like am i insane am i mental am i projecting?
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i just need to like. make everything explode forever. <3
#its the situation of. i have a project im trying to work on that i need to work on. however my mom keeps interrupting me every fucking 10#minutes for related-yet-unrelated stuff. and like it takes me so long to actually be able to focus and get into what im doing#so its literally just that i cant fucking get anything done. i feel like im going to cry out of frustration or that i need to hit something#or both. i don't know. its just driving me fucking insane like i have not been able to get NEARLY as much of this done as i should have#because of the constant interruptions. and my mom just doesn't Get that when she interrupts me its not just for that 5 minutes she#needs something from me. because it interrupts my whole fucking workflow. not to mention after effects is just a tempermental#beast to begin with so adding extra frustration on top of that is a recipe for Sam Exploding#grandpa max is god? i go to church now
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if i think bout ichi going to jiro kasuga's grave and arakawa accompanying him Maybe At Least Once i just might explode
#snap chats#hi everyone. coping with my reality. plus it is fathers day tomorrow#ill save all THAT rambling after The Real Meat alright lemme get that juice out the way#anyway no i was just having an idle thought with fathers day coming up#an i just thought of like. Just-Got-Here ichi wantin to see his Relatively-Recently-Deceased's dad's grave#maybe arakawa wanted to ask ichi to do somethin on X day and ichi visibly is just 😬#obvi he tries to brush it off like Oh Its Nothing Sir Haha :) but arakawa's A Dad.#and grew up with a troubled childhood alright he knows when someones hiding something so he encourages ichi to tell him the truth#such comes The Bean Spillin an ichi's just 'remember how i said my dad died yeah i wanted to visit him that day 👉👈 '#followed up by the obligatory backpedaling But Its Fine I Can Do Another Day ! No Worries ! etc etc#so pleaaasse cut to arakawa making a 'deal' with ichi in that he can go that day but only if he could tag along#ichi's a great kid it's worth visiting the guy who raised him right#im gonna throw up if arakawa just gets a Funny Feeling during their visit yk what i mean#he just feels Especially grateful for jiro and what he did for ichi- doesnt exactly know why maybe ichi really is just that good of a kiddo#im gona make myself throw UP oh my GOD. crying dying etc etc#if you see me write or draw anything after this no you dont#speaking of though Personal Ramble Time i knew i shouldnt have eaten until later this is my karma <- thats not how karma works#i try not to eat in the evening and the time i do unprompted BOOM mother's home. screaming crying yelling#i still had things i wanted to do upstairs too gdi now i gotta wait til monday or like. 2AM ☠️☠️☠️#ok thats all byyyyye im gonna cope with my cringe family situation with projection 👋
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#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i#shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and#i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but#like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i#should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i#do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18#days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno#how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do#something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do#i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its#like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be#miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can#tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st#roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can#never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated#unrelated
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fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new
#do i think klck is correct? no#do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya#like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~#and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺#i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????)#pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy#the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo#personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not#we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb#i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her#(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort)#and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them#and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories#it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control#so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness)#this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to#but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do'#and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive#noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda#i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better)#she got quiet and awkward#its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next?#and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~#🙄#anyway.#awfully convenient. isn't it.#this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu#goodnight everyone (its noon)#not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally
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#im going to fist fight my boss on Tuesday#she is my practicum supervisor for a licensure class i am taking#and shes been going thru some personal stuff and then the holidays#but i need her to do 1 fucking assignment#ive been trying to do it for 3 weeks now#i have all my other assignments done#i emailed my teacher and explained the situation and she's chill#but like i wanted to be good for part 2#i had trouble with procrastinating part 1 assignments#its not even a time consuming project i need maybe a half hour of her time during work#she pulled me aside and thanked me for stepping up and filling in her role while she goes thru this#thank me by doing my assignment!!!!#but shes administration so she gets holidays and gets to enjoy 4 day weekends which is why i have to wait till tues
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RP:
Log 219
FTL: FTLR-3 has started moving around. I can confirm that it behaves similarly to a lizard, though nothing especially like a cyan lizard specifically. It's been moving about the chamber, but it hasn't yet made any attempts to break out. It knows that it won't work.
FTL: This type of learning is not something that lizards usually do. They keep going and going, even if it's to their own peril. Though they have learned of typical signs of threat - but that's through cycles of experience and reinforcement. They have also been recorded as able to be tamed, which once again, is heavily reliant on external reinforcement. Learning within a single cycle that attempting to escape is futile without any sort of external source providing reinforcement showcases a level of learning capacity above that of any other sort of Rot - and above that of any other lizard.
FTL: As curious as I am about FTLR-3, I am completely aware of the fact that this makes it highly dangerous - moreso than most other Rots. I would continue to research it, ignoring the danger, but I don't believe that that's possible right now. Unfortunately. I may not value my own life, but interacting with it is not a good idea. Mostly due to the fact that LIFEGIVER's shipment has arrived. FTLR-3 will be eradicated soon. I... I will not interfere.
FTL: I'm highly disappointed in myself that I didn't manage to get more research done, but I do not think there was much research that could be done. My interest in the project has long since faded, and while rationale dictates that that does not matter and I should have continued my study, that would have been fruitless. There were no interesting behaviours from it, and there wasn't much I could have done.
FTL: As for the corrosive substance I was attempting to develop, well. I've succeeded. It would not be effective against Rot though. Or well, against anything at all. The liquid is corrosive, but barely so. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not cut out for chemistry. Thankfully so, as it is dreadfully boring. And now I do not have to continue in my attempts, due to LIFEGIVER's cure being here, as previously mentioned.
FTL: The organisms carrying the chemical have made their way into my structure, which was slightly unpleasant. The feeling of creature crawling around on me is not one I enjoy. I just wish that the creatures get to FTLR-3 as soon as possible, and let me grieve the loss of high potential for research.
FTL: I never did figure out what FTLR-3 truly was. A Rot, of course, but the fact that it doesn't fit into any of the three sub-groups bothers me heavily. I'll leave it as an outlier for now, but a new group shall be created if another Rot similar to FTLR-3 is ever created. Which is highly unlikely.
FTL: That does lead me to remember a train of thought I had earlier on in the cycle. Will FTLR-3 escape the confines of the Great Cycle as other Rots do? I believe that some iota of intelligence is needed in order to be part of the Great Cycle, alongside being mostly organic. That first requirement is what bars all Rots (and while us Iterators definitely do fit the first requirement, the second one is the reason why we are excluded. We may be organic in part, but we still are majority mechanical.), would it do the same for FTLR-3?
FTL: ...Let's hope it does. But the more I think about it, the more I doubt it. While I am unsure about the level of intelligence necessary, I do know that lizards possess it. As established before, FTLR-3 goes beyond that. Well. If this worst-case scenario does happen, then I will know. I'll be on the lookout, just in case it wakes up where it was first created, though I think it's more likely that it would do so in the containment chamber where it's been for the past several cycles.
FTL: What will- ....should I do if that does happen though? I cannot keep relying on LIFEGIVER to continue eradicating it over and over, completely pointlessly. And while I do relish the opportunity to potentially research it more, and with time to do so. It... I cannot release FTLR-3 as I do with my other experiments I no longer need. That would permanently wreck my regions. Nor can I allow it to continue inhabiting that room. As I've stated before, it will find a way out.
FTL: I do not know what to do. If it gets trapped in the Great Cycle, does that mean that it has Karma? If so, is it possible for it to ascend via Void sea? Either way, I have no options. I have no way to ascend it or remove it from the Great Cycle somehow. It'd just have to remain in the containment chamber, growing more and more dangerous by the cycle. I do not want that.
FTL: I do believe that I have no proper way out of this situation if FTLR-3 does happen to be trapped in the Great Cycle alongside most lifeforms. If that is the case - which I am now almost fully convinced it is - then I am most likely doomed to die via Rot. A very volatile one that can and will spread out easily.
FTL: I... I am not going to record the other things I was going to talk about in this log. Apologies to future me (...if you even exist) but I have no time.
FTL: I need to think.
#ftl is trying to rationalise to venself abt why ve got distracted and didnt research ftlr-3 Ɛ\>#bestie you have adhd just accept it#accept that youre autistic as well while youre at it#but nope he wont#because those disorders dont rly exist in iterators#its the projection ✨#right imma get back to writing the log#ALSO IM SRY ABT LOG 218 I FORGOT THAT FTL DOESNT CARE ABT HIS OWN LIFE FUUUUCK#NVM LOG 218 WAS STILL IN CHARACTER ALL IS GOOD AAA#MAN I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA#uhhh so maybe well see ftlr-3 again after its gone (:#AND THERE GOES LIFEGIVERS HARD WORK#L#im waiting for ftl to realise that ea has mentioned that she traps modified creatures 'in a point of constant agony' (paraphrased)#cause sorry for using you as a major plot element eternal anomaly#but uh#its the only way i can think of to get out of this situation rn LMAO#BOOM#THAT TOOK A FUCKING HOUR TO WRITE#I WAS PLAYING FLIGHT RISING \:#THEN I HAD TO WRITE THIS LOG#AND I IMPULSIVELY CAME UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT#YEAH UH#FUN#also sidenote: par 2 is somewhat bullshit dont question it sry#i forgot that lizards DO learn#bcs ftlr-3 does actually get negative reinforcement via there being no results to its attempts but uh. IGNORE THAT PLS#rp#ftl logs#finely-tuned line
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Sorry for failing to post more than once every 3 am anyways more stalien icons 👍
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#ocs#now sprinkles is the only one left icon wise and ref wise Ive finished aris mase and the snake triplets#oh and then icons for the human kids all need to be made but thats a future me problem#Im probably gonna go for dodie or sier next for new ref#although idk when thatll be since Ive been once again burnt out as hell#but yeah I've been thinking abt the eg cast again I love them all sm#idk maybe I should make them lil summary pages so I can better introduce them all#I dont want to go too deep into actual plot stuff tho as while I dont have issues with spoiling things pre actually making the comic just#due to the fact that things are still prone to change I also would rather not basically live script out the story to summarize one scene#its the eternal problem with talking abt eternal gales its the kind of story where you really arent meant to know more than the characters#and as such while the worldbuilding is important to understanding the plot from an overarching perspective thats not rly how the story is#meant to be told as quite frankly I dont think that is or should be the appeal of this story#eternal gales is pretty much set to be an aquired taste of a story since the core of it is less abt watching characters in a plot and more#abt watching said characters having a plot happen at them while they try to navigate the situation and their relationships with eachother#basically it's hard to summarize cause while there is a plot thats not really how Id advertise it as a story#theres a reason Im not jumping straight into this project rn even tho I do wanna make it real some day and its how damn ambitious it is#Ill get there some day but itll likely still be several years at least until I go for it#mostly because Im gonna need to learn some programming skills or get someone who has them already to help#I also ideally wanna finish spiraling upwards first which will also likely be a several year project#tbf thats mostly because Im just being slow as hell to work on that one#but it's a warriors fan comic so Im trying not to put too much pressure on myself
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becoming more and more apparent to me that i am well and truly fucked so. that's cool. doing great
#i cannot catch up on schoolwork lmao i cannot make myself work any faster than my admittedly slow pace#so like. i cannot catch up. im going to fucking fail out of this program lmao#maybe its for the best idk maybe it'll lower everyones expectations of me and they can see how fucking useless i actually am#i cant even keep up with this shitty course that shouldn't be this difficult#im just so incredibly stupid and useless. im tired. im too tired!!#i hate that i isolated myself away from a good portion of my social group too bc i was scared I'd have a blowup in there#i dont want to freak ppl out fhfkdl and i dont trust me or the others in this head#im trying to just get my shit together before i go slinking back but my shit is not coming together fjfkld its only falling apart more#idk what to do anymore dhdksl i am behind on literally everything rn#schoolwork and cleaning and dishes and keeping myself fed and letting myself rest and DMs and creative projects#the only thing im keeping up with somehow is my medication refills which i NEVER keep up with so idk what's up with that fhdksl#anyways self pity post lmao wah wah my life is so hard and i want to kill myself like always boohoo sorry for doing this every fucking day#i am just so... idk. no words for how much i loathe myself and my situation rn#i dont know how much longer i can keep doing all this shit fhfkdl im so constantly distressed#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide mention
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crawls into the room haggard and covered in blood. you can make anything you want with vocal synthesizers.
you can make anything you want with vocal synthesizers.
midi by Maelstrom!
#self reblog#so originally i was using the midi by that one youtuber but i was having trouble dealing with the bpm at one point i restarted and just use#synthvs built in audio-to-midi function to make a 80bpm base to work with#IM ALMOST DONE the growing wings ver. just to double check my work and maybe fix a couple timing or phoneme situations#but then i got distracted and started on a tsukiru version. this one is so much harder LOL MOSTLY because its mixed with much heavier#distortion and effects so its hard to tell when one note ends and an echo begins orz BUT IM WORKING ON IT i havent finished inputting the#lyrics yet and i havent even begun to think about the fucked up timing (and i think theres a few wrong notes and typos) so its#very much the wipest of all wips but i used frimomens lite because i used rikka for the eng ver and it made me laugh HFKJDFSFJD#hes fighting for his life out here. im not pitching it down bitch you just have to live like this now#actually his falsetto is very nice. frimomen you freak you have a beautiful voice.#anyway. this is a fun learning experience im doing rn. teaching me a lot. why did i choose such an echoey blurred song as my first#try at making a vocal synth project file myself. why did i do this. very fun! and a hell of my own creation#but im glad im figuring out some things. who knows maybe someday i'll actually be ear trained KJDJHKDSa this is why im using so much like#midis and sheet music and audio transcription stuff for help im like shockingly bad at ear training. always have beeeeen <3#vocal synth is a hobby that will force you to learn how to be mediocre at every skill at once. pray for me
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hello hello hello !! it's me again, aqua girl !
another req ( yes, bc my mind never runs out of ideas ) hiihihihih.
imagine the trope " she fell first but he fell harder " with rin. + literal highschool love?? THAT'S LIKE, SOMETHING I COULD NEVER HAVE :((
ik you haven't done my previous req but im just dumping this on your ask notif :)) i hope you don't mind thoo, please take your time and get some rest ! thank you thank you !!
project love!
the start of yours and rin’s love story (with a science project)
itoshi rin x reader: fluff, you fell first & rin falls harder ofc<3, not proofread + likes and reblogs r appreciated <3
a love at first sight - you’ve seen it happen in those mangas you’ve read since forever, where both characters’ eyes practically light up when they see each other for the first time, where their heart beat a little too loud characterised by the loud beating rhythm beside the character written in in black ink, where they practically see each other in their millions of lifetime lived before this one. of course, you’ve long given up on such dreams depicted in fantasy dreams, opting to relieve them through reading such mangas or hearing about it from friends that are viewing everything through rose-tinted glasses whilst laying on your bed with that playlist that the hopeless romantic in you when you were younger made right on valentine day to manifest. you think youre all grown up now compared to the much more childish and kiddish version of you when you were just a little younger, smiling without a care in the world with your hands wrapped around friends, hands holding that bag that’s a little out of place compared to your now plain and boring one bought simply to fit in. and perhaps, its foreshadowing when you fall asleep that night dreaming of another romantic fantasy plot that you practically ripped right off that show you grew up on.
and right now, you think youre practically those same manga characters as you sit right beside itoshi rin. its stupid - the way his hair perfectly frames his pretty face that is even more elevated with the sun reflected on it that you have to stare through the reflection of the phone youre awkwardly fiddling with, the way his eyes is practically angelic as it stares right underneath the desk onto a football notebook-esque thing that you cannot make head or tails of, and of course the way his voice practically make you flush and make your heart beat as though you’re riding a rollercoaster as you (try to) nonchalantly wave to introduce yourself to your new seat partner. you’ve read countless of mangas to know how this is supposed to go - you’ll be assigned a group project and he’ll somehow fall in love with you mid discussion and confess to you at the very first place you meet. except: you don’t even think you can carry this group project with the way your attention naturally draws to him so focused and determined as he slowly flips through the books as though hes studying for an exam, you don’t think you can even hear the teacher with the way your ears only capture that heart beat that even beats against your head with the background noise of his breaths that sends little electric shocks to your spine, you don’t even think you can get any work done with him beside you with you being barely being able to send a text to your friends about him. and of course after a few weeks of just looking at him through your phone that you pretend to type away at every science lesson, you are undoubted assigned said assignment - one that neither of you listened about during class and now turn to look at each other dumbfounded without a single clue of anything that has occured in this class.
if anything, you think you blame this unfortunate situation of you and him on wasting your luck on your lucky draws and arcade games during the holidays - both of you in the library having to write about a famous scientist and their creation that none of you have any interest in, scratching your heads as you two look at your laptop that has an embrassingly large crack on its screen. if anything, you think not even the lack of distance between the two of you can aid you in this graded assignment as you two scramble to find any citation and information just a day before the graded assignment is due. well, technically you think it wouldn’t have to be this way if he was actually awake on the day the assignment was announced and not awake out of shock of having his name called, jolting up within a few seconds as though practiced, or if you had the guts to ask him when he was free until the very last minute (that he thankfully apparently didn’t have practice) and with the time ticking, you don’t think you have time to be regretting on things better left unsaid, as you zoom in whilst letting rin take down the key point from the article and writing the page in the article section, slightly cursing as his hands accidentally smudges a little ink whilst writing. you think without the stress, you would practically be red in the face having being so near him, his hands touching yours a little as he lean in so close to the screen that you think he might just need glasses right next to your face to read the words as his eyes squint a little to make sense before pulling back to write hurriedly onto the large piece of paper that slowly gets filled.
and itoshi rin thinks hes absolutely lovesick and unlike himself. ironically, outside the field, he isn��t focused on much outside of things he finds a little fun in - horror movies and mangas he has downloaded on his phone to that he sometimes watches on the long bus ride home from his training centre, english classes that he gets to write stories that draws inspiration from said horror films, collecting his favourite soccer magazines from that convenience store down the street whose owner still recognises him by heart. and he sure isn’t focused in that science class that’s simply compulsory - he’ll do well enough to pass as per always, studying hard at home by making notes and doing the assignments and opting to take advantage of sitting at the back at the corner by reading soccer magazine bought an hour ago on the way to school beside his partner that he knows for sure isn’t focusing on whatever’s in front either. there’s nothing much for him to notice, all he really cares is doing decently in school to promote to the next year, using his football club to practice a little before heading to the pathways to his dream at that training facility that’s a little too far for him on days that is what truly matters to him.
perhaps its fate way of messing with him as he skips his one day of training, sitting beside you, right in the library cramming god-knows what project that he gets reminded the day before of the dateline. he didn’t think his heart ever pumped this heart against his chest outside of the field as he sits so closely to you that his head gets a little dizzy which only getting worse as he has to lean in to read the shaky words on the screen right beside your face that he thinks he makes contact with his own face, his hands brushing against yours that sends electricity run through his body as he attempts to write as fast as he can as his sweaty palm slows his usually fast writing down, his eyes that seems to naturally focus on you rather than the bolded letters on the screen that is practically his exam grade. hes never felt this way about someone else, his mind focused solely on his dreams and passion that everything else had always seem like background noise to him, but you seem to stand out strangely as though you’ve placed a spell on him that has him hooked. and when hes all done, walking with you under the moonlight, he thinks you look like an actual angel with the way the moonlight reflects on your face as it crinkles as you grin, laughing at some stupid joke he strangely says that is so unlike him he had to take a double take on what he said himself. and he thinks you might be a gift given from whatever deity he should start believing in - with the way you so smoothly enter his orbit that he swears he built layers of walls up from just a few years ago, as though you had the key to his heart and simply unlocked it and attached yourself onto him like you two were meant to be. and he thinks you really might be some sort of deity next when you wave goodbye to him at your apartment that seemed so natural, as you infiltrate his mind even on his walk home where he skipped his own bus stop for the sake of staying with you just a little longer, abandoning his own routine and throwing it away completely for you.
and he knows hes definitely lovesick - when he thinks back of all those stupid games his friends do at that training facility, calculating yours and his name on some random website to find the love percentage between you and him whilst biting his lip at two in the morning after finding himself unable to sleep with thoughts of you keeping his brain awake, taking out a flower from the living room at two in the morning to do the ‘do they like me not” in his own room with his palm sweating each round, and checking your contact he found from the class group chat looking at your profile picture and feeling his cheeks and heart grow warm at the bright smile you sported. and he thinks hes definitely screwed when you and him pass the project to the teacher, and all he can pray for now is for another project for you and him to do so he can get to have another excuse to be so close with you, to be in your orbit once more, to be someone a little more in your bright world.
and its weeks later at the same library, this time simply a study date as you focused on your work and he fiddles around with his pen, unable to keep his eyes and heart off you who he thinks looks adorable with your scrunched face and lip bit as you attempted to find the solution to god knows what, where he suddenly blurts out like an idiot he thinks:
“i think i really like you” which he thinks is an understatement to the growing feelings that claws at his heart. he thinks if you asked, he would do anything - from wearing those cringe matching t-shirts that he cant help but do a double take on whenever he goes out and pass by clothing store to daydream of you and him in those, from performing in front of a whole crowd some cringe love song to profess his love to the whole wide world like the mangas he sees you read underneath the table during science class, from even attempting to giving you the whole wide world. and he thinks he might have just given you just that as he looks at your stunned appearance, your eyes widening completely as you shifted your focus from your boring homework to his with just a turn of a head.
“.. i think i like you too, rin.” and you think ironically that you just might be living in those mangas that you used to read of and still do, as he looks at you as though youre his whole world, as your hand linger and finally holds his, fitting in his like two matching puzzle pieces meant to be, as you lean a little closer to his face, practically hearing both yours and his shaky breath and fast heartbeat as he nervously merge your lips together for a few seconds before immediately pulling away.
#itoshi rin x reader#rin itoshi x reader#rin x reader#itoshi rin fluff#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#bllk fluff#rin.<3
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Shadow High series 3 my new beloved
I didnt even like most of em until i saw them in person, but the knowledge that they'll probably never be in the show has my brain in a "well its free realestate" kinda mood
Random list of information cuz ive been plotting out friend dynamics and background lore
-i like to pretend Rainbow High/Shadow High are actually Rainbow University/Shadow University cuz im in art college Right Now and i think it makes more sense with the whole dorm room situation. And also major makes more sense than focus IMO
-I changed Pinkie's major from film to just undeclared. I think she eventually does land on Film. She just has a lot of interests! Her dream has always been to one day direct films, and I think she comes to love them even more while developing ideas her with the group as she winds up in a Director/Producer position for most of them. BUT also every time she takes a class in a different program she cant help but fall in love with that way of making art too. So she has a hard time picking for a while and changed her major a couple times before landing on Film.
-Pinkie and Berrie bond a lot over a shared interest in vocal synths (tho Berrie knows more about them than her).
-The two made Pinkie's vtuber model together!
-the fandom wiki says PJ is from germany?? Idk how canon that is tbh but ive decided to embrace it i guess
-Rooney's canon name is Scarlet Rose, but i thought it was kinda lame especially when Rosie Redwood is also in this line sooo I renamed her! Stuck to the color name puns tho. Mar Rooney. Maroon. Haha
-Speaking on her though i love that shes from texas and likes writing scifi mystery type stuff and that being said i just Know deep in my bones that she was a Voltron Legendary Defender fan and Keith was/is 100% her favorite. She has a continued fondness for mothman specifically cuz of this.
-PJ and Rooney actually talk about fandom and shows/movies ALL the time. They dont have a ton of overlapping interests, but where they do? The two literally never shut up.
-Rosie is such a random character, like outside of her design she feels very poorly considered. So I scrapped the cosmetology thing and made her an illustrator instead! I think it works better with her love of making art in nature. I can see her being really into illustrated guide books. I think shes a bit snooty when it comes to art too. It takes being friends with other artists to become more open minded.
-I like the idea that Rosie is mainly friends with Rooney and Berrie ontop of that. The three of them often tag team storylines and how theyd interpret them into different mediums. Rosie will draw up a bunch of concept stuff while Rooney writes up a pitch bible and Berrie will start making shit move and throwing in her own ideas on camera angles and character designs.
-as an animation major Berrie was required to take a sound design class early on, which is where she met Oliver! Hes very laid back, and likes to go with the flow, but functions a little like the "mom" of the group. Often reminding the girls to take breaks, drink water, stop looking at their screens lest they get eye strain etc. He's multi-talented tbh but Music is his one true passion and he likes how the girls are always giving him collaboration opportunities.
-Oliver and Rosie like to talk sports a lot, both having played a bunch when they were younger and throughout high school.
-Lavender Lynn is Oliver's number one "person who needs constant reminders to settle down" she is in a constant buzz of trying to get the best shots and is utterly obsessed with the process of artistic documentation. Everything must be documented.
-the whole school loves her for this actually, she has a whole side gig where other students hire her to help photograph their projects. She saves everything she earns from this for her future dream plans to visit paris. She has it set really, many of the artists who she helps photograph now will remain steadfast clients of hers forever onward.
-PJ and Lynn actually took a print media class together at one point. Which didnt at the time spark an everlasting friendship. But it did give PJ an easier in to ask for Lynn's help documenting a project the group was working on. One of Lynn's first times photographing them work happened to fall on a day where Rosie had planned to trick everyone into going on a nature walk sans devices... Lynn wound up really appreciating this outing and decided to continue hanging around the group even after that project had ended.
#shadow high#rainbow high#my art#fanart#i had to write down all my ideas just to get them outta my head#now im free
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The bookmark tag was #holder until i think of a tag for these asks but To Be Real even I forgot what it was...
BUT YEAH thanks so much for reading and I'm glad it's :] Intelligible At Least :] obviously I would be up for reading anything that came to mind after putting you and your followers through All That but understandable... A lot of people I've shown the checklist items or pointed out specific behaviors to have actually said similar [i.e. I'm In This Picture And I Don't Like It], so I totally get what you mean, too!
I think a lot of my picks wound up being generalized trauma responses/aftereffects of abuse or neglect [hence I meandered off into just talking about Jo's father half the time], so I guess it's to be expected a lot of them don't read as being CSA-specific or are broadly relatable; it's not like he's supposed to be read that way, after all. I just wasn't able to zero in on many of the more specific ones because I've Never Seen Jo In This Situation Chief I Don't Know What He Thinks About His Name Or His Body Or Mirrors Or Sex Or Affection I Don't Know How Well Or Poorly He Sleeps [Presumably Poorly Though He Has The Second-Reddest Eyes In The Whole Game]
I don't really think I'll have anything to add though unless Infinite Wealth goes off the rails or I actually continue reading the book... so that will have to do... I originally was just riffing on RGGJo's attachment issues, self-destructiveness, and specific entwinement of sexuality/aggression/romance, and his portrayal in my fic lined up pretty closely, so I thought it'd be interesting to apply the same lens to Y7Jo...
But Yeah x2 thank you for the opportunity to talk about it and I'm Glad It's Intelligible At Least x2
THANK YOU i really should change that tag to something better... <- i will immediately forget to do so like a jackass
BUT YA OF COURSE OF COURSE i was truthful when i said it was a real good read (but once again. i have -5 speech skills so i can't properly word SHIT) and was a thorough examination of jo's trauma and how it manifests in him and how it's exhibited through his actions. ALWAYS a big fan of that :)
#snap chats#IN REGARDS TO Jo In Situations that is. VAGUELY my specialty#ive at least thought of jo's attitudes towards affection/relationships#and i Do Not Think he sleeps AS adequately as he should whether it's due to just. Overworking or#If I May Dare To Think he might be prone to night terrors#the Danger Zone of me thinking of Jo In Situations that dont have a lot of background is that i end up projecting a LOT of my issues LMAO#i dont know what it says about me when a lot of those issues seem to fit him#i do try my best NOT to over project of course i try to keep everyone relatively in the bounds of believability to their charas#which is why its funny when i do end up doin a lil projection it works out. Apparently#not sure i could do the same when it comes to jo's POV on his name and body tho. i hate those things bout myself for uh#VERY different reasons LMAOO tho i could imagine jo harboring some feelings of. hm. whats the word.#not Total Disgust But Some and Some Agitation whenever he has to acknowledge he exists outside of being a tool. To Put It Bluntly#cause we know he sees himself as a tool in some aspects- a bullet more specifically. so i can imagine instances where he has to Be A Human#its just. Ew Whats That LMAO YK WHAT I MEAN i do. i know what i mean. mirrors are evil#SORRY IM RAMBLING i shouldnt be.. i got gameritis <- i fucked up my wrists playing sonic riders somehow and it hurts to move#point is i very much enjoy thinking of jo and i enjoy looking at him through a multitude of lenses so AGAIN#thank you much for writing in :] im sorry i have three jewel beetles and a cicada shell for a brain#i am always interested in reading what you have to say tho... cant stress that enough..#truly curious for how jo will be in infinite wealth now that he Doesnt have to be a bullet anymore. what are you like my guy.. lemme see..#now pardon me while i fuck up my wrists more. i do not want to do my job today (i will soon im just delaying the inevitable. as a treat)
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⚠️SHSL Detective ! Kazuichi Souda 🕵️♂️
I'm hoping to make a small series of fun lil sprite edits with my talentswap AU that scrambles the talents of Class 77 and Class 78, and has its own weird lil story to go with it
(someday I'll think of a cool shorthand title. maybe. perhaps. as a treat. i would also like to write this story someday... we will see, since evidently im allergic to projects)
Headcanons? Headcanons for Detective Souda?
(also a lil comparison between this one and normal Kazu, and some AU info)
For this AU, characters' original body types, general interests/inclinations, and much of their personality is intact - the only parts of their personality that change are things influenced by their line of work alone. A lot of who we are and who we become tends to be influenced by our interests, which in turn is influenced by our upbringing, which also influences who we are... but I intend to keep the characters as close to how they are outside of their original talents as possible.
This AU also swaps the end twists between the 1st and 2nd games, and in some way keeps original relationships (like Makoto and Kyoko's partnership, and Souda's inclination towards Sonia). Some personality aspects are allowed to bloom or forced into hiding, depending on the upbringing I imagine would have been needed to allow these talents to shine within them and rise to Ultimate status.
ok Souda Headcanon Time:
The teeth are actually natural - he has a disorder which effects a number of things but especially effects his teeth, which are sharp as a result (something that evidently exists?? tho i forget the name, and it's not as perfect as drawn here ofc but.)
I think og-Souda would have a great skincare routine, one that Detective Souda lacks, since he never gained the motivation nor inspiration to care more about his appearance in front of others. So, he has some zits.
When he was very young, he was living with his father in their bike shop, but his dad went too far one night. A worried neighbor called authorities on them after witnessing his dad's aggression. At some point, the situation tips over, and Kazu's removed from his father's custody.
The detective investigating his father's abuse took care of him, and eventually adopted him after his dad was incarcerated. New Dad was not physically abusive, and genuinely cared for his new son, but due to his line of work he wound up kind of a sad sack of a person, so he's still a pretty cringefail/wetkitten father figure.
Kazuichi would accidentally stumble across his files around the house, and witnessed far more corpses than he likely should have as a child. Terrified at first, he eventually suppressed his fears in favor of trying to become a stronger person, and insisted on applying himself to learn his caretaker's line of work... inadvertently witnessing even more death and dying than he should have, from a young age.
As a young teen, he took interest in therapy and self care, and came to realize his trauma regarding his father and his guardian / upbringing. New Dad has his full love and respect and he tries to change for his son. This kind of expands Kazu's self-respect a little, while adding new depths to his hatred/fear of violence and conflict.
Due to his new caretaker, he never went to the same schools, and lost his original friends as a result - so he doesn't suffer from the same trust issues as OG-Souda, and as a result, easily clings to the people around him and allows himself to get lost in his head a tad more often than OG.
He specializes in forensic investigative work, because his brain is still wired better for calculations, spatial reasoning, and mathematical speculation.
He also still loves learning about how things work, and now, he's especially interested in how things have happened / come to be - finding satisfaction in analyzing evidence, instead of reverse-engineering parts/machines.
He even still has a mild interest in mechanics! But he is firmly convinced that being handy and technical is nothing to boast about.
He is also now convinced that he wouldn't make a good repairman/mechanic/engineer, anything of the sort. Part of this apprehension is due to his hatred of his father.
He is still pretty timid, and jumps easily at any sudden or loud noise, is afraid of the paranormal, gets upset easily when socializing, and feels terrified when there is any perceived threat.
However, death and dead bodies are some of the things that no longer frighten him. Upset, sure, but nothing like OG-Souda. He sees dead bodies as objects to investigate and solve, as opposed to feeling the horror of seeing a deceased fellow human, or feeling too overwhelmed if it's someone he knew. Because of this, it's easy for him to get lost in his work and feel totally disconnected while investigating.
#sdr2#danganronpa#super danganronpa 2#spoiler free#kazuichi souda#souda kazuichi#sprite edit#danganronpa sprite edit#talentswap#cyanidas#2024
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