#its the only way to motivate myself
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oh god i just had such a good fic idea
#ITS THE DEVIL TALKING I HAVE EXAMS#I NEED TO REVISE MOCKS ARE IN TWO WEEKS AND GCSES ARE IN THREE MONTHS#but leyland time travelling and meeting egbert in wwi...#it's such a good concept...#NO NO#hmmm i'll do like an hour or two of history and german and then i'll write as a reward#its the only way to motivate myself#fuuuuuuuuck#gcses are the work of the DEVIL#anyway#im done now
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Dungeon Meshi actually changed my whole relationship with food. I had already seen food as various types of nutrition (rather than “good” and “bad” food) but this story helped me realize that even stuff I dislike can be made to taste good. I used to hate onions and mushrooms, but all the good stuff about them turns into a delicious sauce when you use them in stir fry! Veggies cooked in grease aren’t robbed of their nutrition! I eat what my body craves and I’ve truly never felt better! I’ve even lost a lot of weight because of it! Many have pondered what sets humans apart from any other creature in the world and I think it’s a good meal.
One of the things that helped us evolve to where we are is indeed cooking!
Might come as a surprise that even tho I'm a Dungeon Meshi fan my nutrition wasn't really fixed by reading it (no good advice Senshis in this head of mine) I've been a picky eater for a while now cause I have texture issues but recently I started cooking more for myself, and honestly? Game changer
There's no point trying to force yourself to enjoy certain foods cause if you don't like it you wont eat it. I hate carrots cause the texture is mushy and the taste is weird and the smell is bad. Know what's not smelly mushy or weird? Carrots on fried rice
There's many ways to cook food, try out things similar to what you know you enjoy if you're someone picky like me. The important thing is to eat a variety of proper food and make it in a way you'll actually eat (Just like Senshi did for Izutsumi instead of forcing her to eat the way he wanted). A vegetable eaten with sauce is more nutritional than a vegetable you don't eat!
I'm no nutritionist but yeah, you'd be surprised at the variety of things you're actually willing to eat when cooked the right way. And congrats on feeling better!
Just adding my usual disclaimer that weight loss/gain isn't an indicator of health in itself, prioritizing eating well and acquiring healthy habits rather than focusing on a certain physical result is key in my experience. Let's all strive to feel good and care for our bodies!
#About Cyan#Im probably not the only one who didnt get a motivational senshi telling you to eat well after reading dunmeshi#sometimes you know what has to be done but its hard to take the first step#i got pushed into cooking for myself daily but honestly its fufilling#and i get way less fussy about food i made myself#cw food
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if anyone is able to help me out i'd appreciate it, im still broke as hell. this month has been really difficult for me. i worked a total of 5 days all month and my bank account is in the negatives again after paying bills and getting some living essentials. i dont know how im going to pay my rent like this. i applied to a financial relief fund from a local trans advocacy group but it's going to be a few weeks until anything comes from that. if you have literally anything to spare it would help me out a lot 😭🙏 i feel bad ive been asking for help so often and i know everyone is struggling, im working on getting my life back in order but everything fucking sucks and is difficult right now :( even just spreading this is a huge help
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 💕💕
#im looking for a new job but i dont think its gonna happen any time soon :( my current job is fucking miserable#im working on comms to the best of my ability but i can only draw so fast and i dont want to injure myself and its hard to stay motivated#when ur mental health is tanking so hard#my physical health has been tanking too like stress is getting to me so hard i fucking started a period out of nowhere#i havent menstruated in like 10 years legitimately#im so beyond stressed i have to stop myself from panicking all the time#i have a bunch of work coming up this week but its nowhere near full time#they schedule based 'on performance' when youre part time and since im only here one day a week and they put me at the station i hate--#the most its almost inevitable that theyre using this as a way to get me to not be there. i dont think my boss likes me very much.#bc then they can claim my performance isnt good BECAUSE YOU PUT ME ON THE TASK THAT IVE SAID FROM DAY ONE I DONT WANT TO DO
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so about that eclipse. huh.
#VALORANT#valorant cypher#valorant omen#valorant fanart#cypher valorant#omen valorant#cyphmen#shadowwire#cypher#omen#valorant art#cypher x omen#GOD THIS TOOK WAY TOO FUCKING LONG#the only finished work ive had in months and its fucking shadowwire fanart#what kind of hell is this#popping back in to remind myself i am in fact an artist#i made this damn account for art not silly doodles#first actual actual art and its. christ there is something wrong with me#i will promptly disappear into the shadows and never return#honestly cannot describe it but finishing this is like.#encouraging and inspiring to get back into writing#may or may not do that in the future#ive wanted to write valorant fics before but ive never had the bravery or motivation to do so yet#shadowire#my art
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ref used under cut

#hi i know ive been drawing almost exclusively from refs lately#its the only way ive been able to motivate myself lately :pensive:#anyway heres something i started a while back and didnt finish until now#can you tell im going back to my art style roots lmao#now that i can actually execute it properly#spirit albarn#soul eater#other hands are left up to interpretation ig#my art#mine
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I want to learn to draw Seb without any references, so I did some studies of his face 🤔
#why is this so hard? 😩#i have so many things i want to teach myself that i get way too overwhelmed way too quickly#ive been drawing the entire day because i feel very tired and exhausted and its the only thing i can motivate myself for#actually i should write on my fic so that there isnt a whole month between chapters again 😅#but instead i maybe will do some more studies for Seb 😅#or Lulu 🤔#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy
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*fully sweating bullets and thousand yard staring into space as the king of hearts starts to talk about losing the person you love and what you'd be willing to do to get them back* this better not be fUCKING thematic foreshadowing for what this story is meant to head towards eventually (I say, with little hope and great trepidation). we're just going to be thematically microdosing on that in the main krew right folks. no one's going to be lost forever. right??!?!
(though I must admit that the idea of some of them dying and being brough back because that is someone else's heart's desire -- because 'what would even be the point of being given anything else, if you aren't here with me' -- would render me fully incapable of being normal ever again and forever goodnight)
#I swear to GOD if I have to deal with permanent or even only semi-permanent coalecroux grieving widower arc#I will surrender myself to the ocean and float aimlessly around gazing up at the stars unblinkingly forever#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#I don't necessarily trust the king of hearts or the purity of his motivations as of now#but this seems to be a thematic underpinning nikkie is building up here#(which from what little I have gleaned is not actually that present or important in the original module? I just read the tvtropes tho lol)#this is one of the things about actual plays I'm worse at parsing -- they work differently than conventional written fiction#and my writer's brain still craves that structure and engages in the pattern recognition it would around conventional fiction haha#when of course the strength (and tbf sometimes weakness) of the medium is its unpredictability and capacity for curveballs#I am as they say. perhaps. a little bit of a control freak that way. I do not. how do you say. 'go with the flow' easily#but honestly if I trust this in the hands of anyone it's this group they've built up some really nice Themes through this thing
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dib sketch cause this separate piece im working on is driving me insane
#invader zim#dib membrane#it a background focused one so im gonna jump off a high rise when im done but its gonna look pretty so idc#also its zadf too (i put them in because thats the only way i can motivate myself)
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bad astrology by flower face
< -
#yellowjackets#jackieshauna#ITS DONE OMG ITS FINISHED#what do I do now. with my life (ranking)#also ive decided i am gonna do literary analysis. on all of em#literally i have NO idea if anyone cares. well. i do bc I care and tbh that's enough to me#<- guys look im living so healthy#anyways this was a blast#hope somebody has at least discovered flower face trhu me bc its one of my fav artists#mitos incredible life#mine art tag#also im sorry the like long scenes 3 and 4 arent on beat :/ i love that song but it has so long instrumental stuff and idk what to do there#ALSO!! i had it all planned out like at least half in my docs (like always)#and then in the middle i was like 'omg what if I only show jackie-after-the-argument and shauna-after-jackies-dead'#(excluding the argument and the flashbacks (they used to hear us thru the floor))#which was. restricting. very much#also meaning was changed (originally wanted jackie to have the line 'idc if ure not made for me' but the only scene i could think of was th#ure hungry for and that was the next scene already so.)#anyways this was originally gonna be lottienat before i started with The Shark In Your Water#bc I thiught it fit them SO well. (still do) but now I like have to get away from the jackieshauna thought and then ill do the lottienat#probably#omg also I want everyone (who has read this far. whoever would do that) to know i was running on like 25 screen#recordings and 3 jackieshauna scene packs form yt#that's why. I dknt have that many clips alright im not using like 10 scenes over n over on purpose#gotta go but im gonna make a wrap post thingy once im back slay#no actually I get like average 7 notes (<- that's a lie Idk bc I didnt count) but im proud of myself this is amazing#ive wanted to do smth similiar alr#but it was some album by alec benjamin and a different thing for every song (like a poem‚ a painting or a play)#but I lost motivation this is the first thing that i actually pulled though all the way I think#jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water
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ppl who larp about the Revolution™ almost seem to expect someone *else* to take the leading role in it all so they can sit inside on their asses and do jack shit, they know they have no meaningful skills to offer and would only slow people down, but expect to *somehow* magically radicalize most americans into doing all the work for them because awww dey're just such a weak wittle babu that needs to be pwotected and defwended awlways uwu
like. come on. get a grip. if everything went your way and someone actually stronger than you came along to take the lead, you're likely not being invited, and you'll likely be left behind... which means left to the alt right, who will no doubt come to your house to see if you're perpetuating anything "woke", and you gotta know they wont just ask, they'll barge in and look through everything even your computer.
though, you should really focus on your plan. your first step: get along with people enough to even actually convince them its a good idea, and we all know you'll never dare to try that shit. you cant even be on here w/o blocking someone like me for even suggesting you are approaching this like a child playing war and you have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
you think you want a second holocaust (which is essentially letting trump win, i mean hitler got the majority vote in germany. thats how he rose to power. didn't just materialize out of thin air), but you dont seem to grasp the gravity of what that entails, or even that you'd be thrown in the camps with everyone else, all to stick it to jewish ppl and "the libs", even if it means you and all the ones you love die along with them. you are a net negative to humanity and quite frankly should be on a fucking watch list.
#tankies#accelerationists#i dont think the power of love and friendship is gonna carry you through this one guys#you're waiting for someone to come along and save you- this revolution is nothing more than a complex fantasy of you being saved#and protected. nothing more.#i understand you're scared. i understand you've made this idea your whole life and the only thing you dream about to feel better#about living in a world where you're oppressed and constantly in pain and have no power. it makes sense. i create such fantasies for myself#sometimes. but when we come back to reality- we cant expect to take the whole fantasy with us per se#the world isnt one day going to magically go exactly your way. its just not going to happen. it'd be nice if it did- we think- but it wont#you have to be more practical in this. you can use your fantasy as a motivator. a goal. be the change you want to see etc. etc.#but YOU have to take steps making it a reality. no one is going to be the all knowing person who saves you from all the problems#and can do all the things you cant do and save the day or whatever. it's never going to happen. you have to be that person#for yourself. if you're gonna larp about a revolution you have to at the bare minimum have this understood.#after that- you need conflict resolutions skills and to know how to communicate#you'll need to learn how to get along with people you dont like at all. you'll need to learn how to communicate your ideas effectively#you'll need to learn how to argue and defend your ideas and how to have the humility to be wrong and accept it and the ability#to change your mind. you'll have to educate yourself and keep educating yourself. you'll have to learn how to actually listen to other#ppl instead of trying to find a way to manipulate them to believe what you do#and after all that social stuff is out of the way- you need to learn some mother fucking SURVIVAL SKILLS BITCH#how to FIGHT and SURVIVE in any kind of environment. how to use weapons and build fires out of nothing n shit#if you cant manage all of that? you're fucked.
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this is a representation of how I feel 99% of the time unless i'm zonked or anxious btw
#like I know the restlessness of it IS anxiety#but ughh#i cry a lot but i am so productive :D BUT if i could actually SLOW DOWN not get more motivated. i do a lot it's just chaotic#and my brain is constantly tired but it's its own fault#need new meds but no idea how to describe this to my doctor#it's an extreme frustration at my own brain's attempted pacing being either too fast or too slow to do any activity ever#my thoughts get jumbled and the only way to come to a normal human pace. normal human rhythm. is to talk to someone#occasionally i can lose myself in music or writing or woodwork#personal mental health tag#adhd#and more#relating to (redacted) but always jealous of where it becomes Actual Productivity--but if you saw me from the outside you'd say the same
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Imalways so torn up between letting myself feel negative emotions besides anger cause I never do and being like wellllllll... it IS nearly 9 so really none of these are Real emotions so what's the point?
#gamer txt.#i think im hiding from myself again#what with my endless optimism and hope#i dont think i really beat my depression i think i mighta just covered it up really well by accident#and that the winter is not fucking helping me out here#even if i do actually have my shit sorted out which i dont but if i did then i feel like i shouldn't#im way too put together for someone with my problems at this fucking age#this is the age where i can actually like. suck ass and not being Super judged for it this is the age for making mistakes for being fucking#stupid and im wasting trying to pretend ive got everything on lock#i feel like im rushing everything#yous know i only like realised ive been masking my whole life like. this year#like Thats how hard i hide from myself! i didny even fucking realise!#but like whay the hell can i do about it now i dont ever have the opportunity to be myself#its not like i have a moment before every action where i can decide what to do its already happened and i didny have the chance to think#is 1 step forward 2 steps back meant to be like motivational in any way cause i think that might be what i go for#honestly i need to let myself make mistakes and do stupid shit and remind myself im not infallible#and the worst part about all this is that im trying so hard to not go none of these are real feelings its 9pm and winter#and knowing theres a decent chance thats actually the case#i dont want it to be the case#i dont want to the perfect quiet endless sympathy for others no attention no care required kid anymore#i want to be fucking messy because i feel like a fucking mess and everyone knows im a fucking mess and they just pretend im not#and even if all these feelings are just for right now and arent really ''real'' i know damn well ill still be upset about it in the morning#if no one reads this#because i need the attention im so fucking desperate for the attention i need someone fucking anyone to see the real me#becauese no one does! not even me most of the time!#iiii might do something stupid tonight? if i do just know please that it wasnt rash or impulsive and that ive been wanting to do it for ages#i just need to be a stupid kid for once in my fucking life
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sorry if i disappear, im very bad right now
#a troll got my main source of income banned#and my week hasnt been the brightest; honestly; my entire month was bad#its hard to keep myself motivated; even now that one of my only ways to make my own money independently from my parents is gone#im sorry; i just cant do it#i just cant#i dont know what to do
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would have rebloghed this if I could find it but

(rant in the tags)
#me when my hair started falling out#and my immune system deteriorated#and the structure of my brain physically changed due to over use of the amygdala#that was actually mostly bc of a different reason but my point still stands#and the whole time you get called lazy? helpless? needy?#😛#it’s so hard explaining to people why having adhd is ass#adhd is a disability#yes. it disables you.#its not just being quirky or fidgeting too much or being talkative#it is a lack of executive functioning.#your memory. your spatial awareness. your tense of time. your motivation. your satisfaction. is all FUCKED#the only way for me to be productive is to work myself to death!!#and I can’t even explain it by saying I have adhd#because to them that just means I get bored in math class#I GET BORED DOING THE YHINGS I LOVE#I PHYSICALLY DO NOT GET SATISFACTION FROM COMPLETING TASKS#there is ZERO motivation to do any work#OF COURSE IM GOING TO NOT WANT TO DO IT#it feels like I can’t do anything#the simplest of tasks take so much of my energy#sigh#doomed to obsess over something ; loose all interest ; abandon it ; and start the process again#it’s not a super power#it’s a disability
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i really dont wanna go tomorrow, but ik i should
im trying hard to keep my energy but im tired a lot, idk how people manage having shit going on 5 days a week
im hopeful it'll get easier but for now im just stressed and tired wagh

#i hate being like this#i shouldnt have stayed up so late but idk#i felt motivation in the moment#added music to my blogs and drew that cute Frye#ill be okay#i can manage#i hope i get my phone delivered soon#it'd make it easier to lay in bed and rest#ik scrolling isnt good for some but its the only way i can get myself to stay down#alright shower time#and probably good night#byebye
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📝?
If you could make one AU canon, what would it be?
oh SO many. so many. but i think AU where clear sky was never redeemed and is the main bad guy of the series. which is impossible bc he is introduced in arc 5 but i really really want it and it makes so much sense.
they could tie it into skyclan’s exile! he could be overseeing all the dark forest stuff! if we want to lean hard into my version of the AU, eldritch clear sky who created/caused the creation of the dark forest!! it would also be thematically appropriate then for him to face off with the other founders in the great battle, a reenactment of the first battle way back in dotc. and it could be interesting with the whole “embrace what you find in the shadows, for only they can clear the sky” thing and skyclan’s return in general—their founder was EVIL, how can we just let them come back?
plus i just love dotc and i want it to have more relevance. i know why it doesn’t, but i still want.
#a little birdie asked me#warrior cats#ask game#knowyouronion#ty for the ask <3#runners up include deputy longtail and ex-loner!aroace!nightcloud#the nightcloud one changes nothing plot-wise but makes her motivation for the crowfeather thing (needs her own statement of loyalty#doesnt care much about being mates with anyone else so why not)#and i think its fun#longtail deputy actually would be such a nice conclusion to his character arc and fic some of the ableism but WHATEVER#most of my other aus that come to mind rn are either extremely universe-breaking#like ‘most of the cats die after oots’ or ‘tnp actually has lasting consequences on clan relationships’#OR they’re only cool as aus and wouldnt work as canon#like swiftpaw lives aus are only so much fun bc he died the way he did in the first place#i think#idk its after midnight and now i’m second guessing myself so i will stop talking in the tags GOODBYE
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