#alright shower time
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i really dont wanna go tomorrow, but ik i should
im trying hard to keep my energy but im tired a lot, idk how people manage having shit going on 5 days a week
im hopeful it'll get easier but for now im just stressed and tired wagh

#i hate being like this#i shouldnt have stayed up so late but idk#i felt motivation in the moment#added music to my blogs and drew that cute Frye#ill be okay#i can manage#i hope i get my phone delivered soon#it'd make it easier to lay in bed and rest#ik scrolling isnt good for some but its the only way i can get myself to stay down#alright shower time#and probably good night#byebye
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#this is a joke poll#but also i genuine question i asked myself in the shower today#i feel like i got an early start on the whole. horrid terrifying mental state thing#and then i was able to pull myself out of it pretty early too#(based on what other people said. i had gotten out of the worst of it by the time most people like. Start the Bad Years)#(broad generalization)#and then highschool was spent trying to move on from it. but like i didn’t Really move on i was just ignoring it#and pretending it never happened?#and now i’m like. man i didn’t plan this far#and i think i might feel this way for a long time#idk life is full of uncertainties and i think it’s ultimately useless to try and plan it all out#let’s get through this#alright deeply personal post OVER
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it's lute time again ^-^ i really love playing this song and that low F is so beautiful 🥰🥰 as always ive included the tabs if you want to read along and see exactly where it is that i fumble. have a beautiful evening everyone 💚
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i think so of y'all need to know that just because you are apart of the lgbtqia+ community doesn't give you the right to hate on another part of the community in it. Cause guess what people who hate lgbtqia+ hate all of it not just gay or trans people.
so officially we need to stop the in-hating cause if we fight that just doesn't help out cause we get like sent back 10 steps.
no more hating on asexuals, no more hate on the whole trans community, no more hating or bisexuals or pansexuals, no more hating or gay or lesbains AND anyone else.
a part of me dies every time i see in the community being like 'im gay but trans people arent vaild!' or 'im trans but asexuals arent real' and anything else like this trash. SHUT UP RIGHT NOW you are aren't any better saying stuff like this and homophobic and transphobic people won't like you just because you said. news flash you are apart of what they hate to begin with
the only time i allow this fighting is when pedophiles/MAPS were tryna be counted in the community which isnt even in-fighting cause they dont and will never count.
if you are in the community you have to support the whole community you cant just be hating on some identities for no reason or we will track you down and put you in a small room with all the most venomous plants and animals in the world
alliance together 3 2 1!!!
#neonspeaksmarts#words from a trans person#sorry chat i had to rant on this one#every time i see transfems and transmascs fight each other a part of me weeps cause we all trans vro why we acting like this?#rant post#rant#lgbtiq#lgbt issues#transgender#gay#bisexual#lesbian#pansexual#asexual#lgbtqia community#lgbtqiia+#alright time for my shower bye#please no hate guys i cant take any more
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never goibg to the club again for real this time
#so so tmi in these tags im so sorry#some guy was fully getting his hand inside of me on the dancefloor and at the start#i was like alright#ok#this is what u do i guess#VERY quickly realised i was not enjoying it#tried to pull his hand out multiple times#he would leave it a bit then start up again#i know i could have left idk why i didnt#felt pathetic to say i didn't like it#so i tried to !!!!!#didn't work#at the end he asked if he could come back with me#i apologised and said no#he asked again#i said no again (had already got his number)#asked a third time whilst i was leaving#and he followed us all the way to the chip shop#stood right behind me in there#me and 2 friends left to wait outside#he came outside#we started walking and jumped in an uber#i could have handled that better but now i feel odd#im so asexual JFNFJFJFJJF#have scrubbed every inch of myself in the shower#but there are marks on me from him#lmao#and i cant get the essence of him away from me#im soooooo#sick of this
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ok there are flop posts and its like. ok maybe it was ahead of its time. maybe my genius is untapped. but commenting a one liner on a mutuals post and u dont get a laugh? you can never come back from that. just roll me into a ditch
#AND IF U CANT DELETE IT BEFORE THEY SEE IT U HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE SHAME#i was in the shower and i suddenly remembered smth very embarassing that i commented at 3AM months ago and wanted to die#i think i deleted it. i hope to god i deleted it i dont want that burned into someones memory. i dont even want it in MY memoery#if i add a funny tag and they so happen to call me out on it thats fine i love the dopamine rush when that happens actually. bc if they jus#never see it i can die in peace alright. and i can edit the tags for my own peace of mind. ITS OPTIONAL TO INTERACT WITH#but like the confidence that comes with adding something in the comments.right out in the open where everyone can see it#its like staring the devil right in the eye and taking a fat piss waiting for him to make the next move#SAME WITH SENDING AN ASK OFF ANON#maybe its the social anxiety and/or shyness. or maybe ppl just forget to respond bc.. i do that all the time... bleg#fully aware that im saying all of this on the 'we encourage user interaction that we invented new ways of interacting' site. but still#yapping
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graaaa do i hit the gym tomorrow as usual to not break my routine + make up for skipping on monday OR skip the gym tomorrow and get in two more work hours to make up for skipping the last few hrs of the workday ughhh life is so lose lose foreverD
#i want to do both but theres not enough time#even if i go to the gym at 5 ill still only be done w shower/hair wash/breakfast by 8#which isnt really anything on the work front#and i really want to start early to get this shot approved before i go#aaaaaaaa goddamnit#i JUST got my consistency awn w this i dont want to fuck it up so soon#but. ugh. fuck me alright FINE ill make the smart and healthy choice. boo#god grant me the strength to go to the gym on monday arvo post vacay#<- def not gonna happen ehhdjdj
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i'm gonna be honest i'm doing pretty bad rn. i'll live but somethings gonna snap sooner or later
#germ and disease paranoia mixed with emetophobia mixed with the state of the world#mixed with feeling bad abt feeling bad bc EVERYONE is living thru most of this stuff and is doing fine. they've got jobs and lives and stuff#meanwhile i'm holding on by a thread here.#snapping could be as small as shaving my head or as big as running thru the streets naked screaming i'm not entirely sure#another level of fear for me. what do i do at my breaking point. i've never been there before#but i'm walking on a tightrope rn#it just feels like i get like 5 days out of every month we're everything is okay. and the rest of it is just bad and fear#and i'm expected to use those 5 days to be productive but i have to use it to recharge#and it isn't even enough days to do that#i'm just tired in my head. the last time i wasn't was 5 years ago and that's hitting really hard#and that's an example of what i'm talking about! everyone lived thru covid and they're LIVING THEIR LIVES NOW. i should be able to too#i have no room to complain so many have it so much worse than me#i can't keep having breakdowns in bed at 2 in the morning. it's been on and off for 5 years#when are things gonna be ok again. get good without something else getting worse.#is it ever gonna be that way again? can it please be that way again?#i miss being 10 i miss my old house i miss my hometown i miss when things were simple#i had all these things to do i had friends and was every teachers favorite student and everything felt like it was gonna be alright#now it feels like nothings ever just gonna be ok. i think everything gonna just be wrong forever#i'm gonna go take a shower and try to clear my head i'll be back later#sassy speaks
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Instead it was Satvria who spoke of Arachne in glowing terms: her audacity, her outspokenness, her sense of humor. All the things, Coriolanus thought as he dabbed his eyes, that were so annoying about her and had ultimately brought on her death.
Damn Coriolanus what is your damage???
#i didn’t know whether to laugh or not at this cause wtf Coriolanus#For context this is during Arachne’s funeral#Love how he was shaken up by her death and he sobbed in the shower and threw himself in his schoolwork then the next day he’s like#“Alright back to business”#His inner monologue makes me screech and smile cause it’s so ugly sometimes and I’m like “oh you are a bastard”#He’s such an inner mean girl many times it’s great#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#coriolanus snow
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Made the smarter decision of using smaller earrings for re-piercing my ears
#HATE that I can barely find the back of the hole for my right ear for some reason like STOPP#And the only reason I take them out is for showering#But not this time their small earrings so I can shower with them alright#stars messages
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(Not a ship. More of some sort of weird toxic father-son shit that my brain came up with. That has to do with some sort of weird co-dependency. Which isn't the right word but shhhh.)
Kiyotaka and Takaaki both taught themselves that they didn't need anyone other than each other. Kiyotaka had been hurt by those who he called "friends" many times. Takaaki had been used, abused, heartbroken and scarred. And it wasn't like it was a rule in the house, they decided that on their own. They both decided and kept in their mind is that, there wasn't going to be any room for anyone else. Takaaki only need his only son. And Kiyotaka only needed his father that stayed.
They both know it's unhealthy. But it's been the only way they can keep themselves from going down a dark path..
Kiyotaka had "friends", people who treated him kindly. But in the end, they only had one thing in mind. It was to bring harm to him. It hurt him. Broke his heart. It made him despise his grandfather more. (The reason why he was being hurt.) Then, he finally realized that he didn't need anyone. It was only his father, the man who truly cared for him. And that would be it.
Takaaki had many people he cared for. People he loved. People who left him. People who hurt him. His first true sort of heartbreak was from his father. He looked up to him. He thought the world of him. Then it all changed. He was corrupt. He was awful. He'd gone through a life of abuse. And he'd gone through so many people whom he loved. But...they never lasted. They either died...or left. Left him alone. So weak. So vulnerable.
From these experiences, they decided that nobody else deserved anything, their love, their time, nor efforts more than the other person they hold dear.
#They of course get better after some time and realize that “Wow! People aren't that bad!” While cuddling with their partners#They've gone through some stuff alright?#I'd like to thank my shower for giving me this thought <3#danganronpa#takaaki ishimaru#kiyotaka ishimaru#toranosuke ishimaru#<- He's mentioned ofc#mariana hernandez-ishimaru#<- she's implied too#But our main focus is how much of an asshole Toranosuke because he ruined my two loves' lives#Just me talking about my AUs#sam's talky talks
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I have successfully written the first section of tmh 😌✋ tho I must admit I had to turn on my sad bitch playlist and drink my (totally not 3rd) can of monster in order to get it how I wanted.... I however have been awake since 3am and I'm exhausted plus have a birthday party to go to tomorrow 😮💨
I will probably continue to write tomorrow after the party and hope to get the second section done 🤞
now after all of this is said and done I may or may not end up writing an epilogue. I haven't fully decided yet.
okie I am going to go rummage for some food and probably take a shower before passing out 🫠 as for my inbox I might just hold off on those until tomorrow night! meaning this is your warning, if you haven't read part two and don't want any spoilers it's in your best interest to look away!!
#◢ 𝐊𝐀𝐘'𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 ◣#jeez i word vomit too much some times#oh well#but im actually kinda sad that tmh is coming to an end#i think ill miss writing it#but im super excited#to finish it#bc i can NOT WAIT to see everyones reaction to the end#alright toodles#food. nap. shower#ill return shortly#🫡🫡#ೃ⁀➷ 𝓽𝓶𝓱.𝓾𝓹𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮#tmh
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It's a shame owl city hasn't put out anything new in like ten years. But ending on the ultraviolet ep means he at least went out on a good note. Too bad nothing came of that ep
#sorry it's apparently time for my bi-yearly modern owl city rant#the ultraviolet ep truly feels like the last thing he put his heart into#it just felt so unique and new and different. i was soooo excited for the direction he was taking#was listening to pre-2015 music of his and like. god what happened#mobile orchestra wasn't *terrible* but it felt so ... lifeless. so... burned out. like i personally wouldn't even call it a good album.#cinematic was better but still ... eh. it gave me hope at least.#coco moon imploded that hope. is he a youth pastor now??? it's fine if he is but like ... that was like veggie tales: the album#at least he sounded like he was actually enjoying himself. but god every song was the same corny structure#kelly time would've been fine if it was the only song like that!! but they all ended with the same addressing the audience#with 'so you see life is cool and you should enjoy it and the lessons it teaches' i just. adam how did we get here#well actually the closer was fine bc it was a totally normal love song to his partner. thank god it had one song that didn't do that#and the religious songs are so... on the nose now. what happened to angels... galaxies... meteor shower... kamikaze.... i still adore those#it's funny that bastille are now doing the same concept of an album but WAYYYY better. god i can't wait for the full '&' release#alright i think rant over. anyway#sorry one last thing. in my heart i knew it was joever when the one song from ultraviolet that made it to the next album#was the one Sad Inspirational life goes on we just have to accept it and learn from it. (oh my god. it was the proto-coco moon...)#he left beautiful times and wolf bite and up all night behind for the sake of this isn't the end???#it's honestly for the best that he chose it bc any of the other 3 would've really highlighted how bland the rest of mobile orchestra was#alright. NOW rant over
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Dad is like “homosexuality is a sin 🗣🏳️🌈🚫” ummm,then why do you like Frodos and Sams dynamic so much 🙋♂️❓🤨👀
#hes literally saying things like#“lets watch smth thst isnt tainted by gay propaganda”#and then turns on 12 hour long story of a two dudes one of which is constantly plagued by horrors while the other one is cradling him#and telling him its gonna be alright all the damn time#what an absence if gaydar does to a mf an#lord of the rings#lotr#lotr frodo#lotr sam#sam x frodo#shower thoughts#movie analysis
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the car seat is headresting that’s for certain
#watching bake off and in my head it’s just vague twin fantasy#‘woah that’s a nice cake’ ‘cute thing don’t be a rude thing!!!!!!!!’ rauasasaaaaaaa#man i still have so much work to do but this is more fun#i want to like. gain the power of flight i think#i want to detach all my limbs and move them about and put them back together#and i don’t mean that in an unhappy way i should clarify im doing alright this evening#but like. i want to dance as if i did not have a human body and just explode everywhere and and and#hjhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i don’t think this is only csh i think it’s also cause concerts are slightly different to what i thought they were#turns out it’s actually more convenient but it’s different so it’s the end of the world etc#man i remember one time i was at choir and someone jokingly called me a tory for not liking change :(#i do like change in some respects!!!! but the plans are not the original plans what am i meant to do now#uh i’m just saying words here now huh#i dunno there’s a lot of thoughts in my head i can’t make sense of it all#i need to do my duolingo and homework and homework and homework#they’re stressed on bake off which isn’t helping i don’t think but still quite enjoyable#i need to find music teachers as soon as possible to ask questions i must not forget to do that !!! that is very important#(need to see if i can keep the baritone in school thursday -> friday next week i really hope i can#hm hm ok that’s enough of a tumblr post i need to have a shower and i’ll try and get to bed like what before one??#no ok. half 12 half 12 that’s reasonable ok i’ll call it that#ezra’s real life rambles#ezra likes music#<- got a bit off topic but that’s the original post
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i did the whole wake myself up routine because sleep was Not going to happen + i need to fix my sleep schedule anyway so why not and it has momentarily made me feel a bit better..... probably just gonna try not to sleep for the rest of the day wish me luck beloveds
#cold shower was actually delightful... blinds open letting the sun in... music time... got my sweet iced tea... yeah alright#could ask my mom to maybe go walking round the thrift store when shes up... hm... dunno but if not then ill watch stuff or listen to music#.. maybe movie time... until my bf gets home in the evening probably and we can call and hang out for the night like we planned woo ^_^
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