#its so happy always I want to cry
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sir sparklepuff my beloved
whenever I explain to my friends (who haven't seen tdp) sir sparklepuff they're so confused and I love it bc the conversation is this, every time.
me: I mean if you say it like that, yes, this is a bug turned homunculus created by dark magic, born into this world for evil and its only purpose is to guide messed-up people to the worst being on the planet, and then just die, and yes, some of its first comprehensible words were "blood of child," but ITS SO PRECIOUS AND SCRUNKLY AND I LOVE IT ASGHDJAGDSDFSDF DONT YOU WANNA JUST GIVE HIM A HUG-
friend:
w h a t t h e e v e r i o v i n g h e l l
sir sparklepuff <3
#tdp#the dragon prince#sir sparklepuff#scrunkly#the scrunkly#aww little guy#scrimbo#creature#little guy#hes so silly#smol#its so happy always I want to cry
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i want to know everything that makes you happy! 💫🪐🎇
#the caption is aioi lyrics but posting the same thing with the same caption on 3 different socmed is embarasisng. saki save me#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#saki tenma#leo/need#i have more chibis Soon just theyre for halloween so u have to wait a few days. sniles so wide#AIOI IS SUCH A GOOD SONG AND NOBODY FUCKING TALKS ABOUT IT IDGAF. ITS SO GOOD. START CRYING WITH ME#like obviously the mv is gorgeous and stunning andni love the event and cards but im talking sbout the song. Its so good#So is purpose and nobody talks about it either wtf guys HAPPY PURPOSE TUESDAY!!!!!!#pjsk radio in 6 hours who else is about to#explode MEEE MEEEE I AMMMMM machico save me#nene focus ohantom of Theopera PLEASE PLEAS EPLEASEPLEASE HOW MUST I MANIFEST.#i always mean to draw the songs i want wxs to cover ever since i only did 2 of them Half a fucking year ago but i keep forgetting#and then other groups cover the songs and im like Wlel i cant draw it now .. (i can) (i will still draw emukasa cat food)#mmjs cover is SO GOOD i love mmj all of their covers r so good. wasnt crazy abt their early game ones but All of them for the last 2 years#have been Bonkers. amen. minoshizu duet come back to us please god.#soo glad wxs got reincarnation apple and got all the parts i envisioned for them EMU IMLOVE YOUUUU#ok i gotta go i need to hot glue more fabric onto my cosplay boots before work tomorrow. love and peaches
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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Happy 10th birthday to Cercerion!
OUGHHH UR RIGHT CERCIE IS 10 YEARS OLD NOW !!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY BELOVEDEST DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HIS WHOLE LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ALSO IM RLY HAPPY HIS OLD DESIGN IS NOW MUCH OLDER THAN HIS FIRST DESIGN WOAH!!!!!!#since i drew the old one SO MUCH back in 2014 i remembered it as being so super prevalent. that when i changed his head shape a couple year#it took a while to get used to the not boxy head but god it was so much more fun to draw the beak. and now its the standard#and it makes me rly happy fr fr. i actually thought i changed his design like only 2 years ago but it was SIX YEARS WHAT!! HOW TIME FLIES..#ask#cercerion#SORRY I JJST WANTED TO REPOST ALL OF THESE#omg dude this also means u and i have known each other for 10 years thats CRAZY#this photoset is so funny its like he went from being :D to being >:U over the years but i assure you now hes more chill than before#HIS COLORS HAVE NOT CHANGED FOR EIGHT YEARS ALSO WHATTTTT i just chose the perfect hues forever#sobbing and crying i love this guy so much#i dont show him online a lot or at least i didnt as muhc until recently but hes always in my brain#cercerion may as well be a part of my soul at this point#HAPPYU TENTH BIRTHDAY CERCIE I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLOWING KISSES INTO A HURRICANE FOR U#windyart#sure ill put it in my tag. this is literally my art
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i change my mind abt wanting the sticklers involved in any lore relevant schemes can they just login together and have a fun even one singular time time . no war or betrayal just running around the tunnels full invis or skmething :')
#lifesteal#the sticklers#all i want in life is a happy jumperwho roshambo and rekrap2#keep the bfb and spawn war away from them 🙅♂️🙅♂️🙅♂️🙅♂️#i have regrets#rewatching ros s4 and vis last vid has me likd#shaking crying sobbing#betrayal and friendship and loneliness is a common theme for jumper and ro. huh.#rek please fix them#keep their asses AWAY from the lore#its like 4 am and i will be very sad if the sticklers are ever seperated#come as a set. who have only been seen together AS a set one singular timd#regardless of this please dont seperate them :(#that reminds me i need to yap abt how what happened w vi is most definitely a big part of jumpers loyalty this season#why she insists she will NEVER betray them no matter what happens. why she is so deeply attached to rek and ro.#why she continues to always ALWAYS consider ro and to do whatever she can to ensure he has everything he needs#and that hes taken care of as her and reks teammate regardless of how IA he is. bc he is still HER teammate. rek and ro are /HER/ people.#i might do that now if i dont mimimii#LOL#roshambogames#jumperwho#rekrap2#actyally no i lied i can see how jumbled my typing is#ill yap later maybe probablu hopefully#after sleeping
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I have a new dnd character and I’ve been drawing her so much for the past week uuuuuuhhhhhh anyway here’s sister Frenelle I named her after a type of light fixture
(Congratulations! You have clicked on the Read More and you have unlocked her long ass backstory. Enjoy this thing I sent to my dm, which I can only assume that she must have liked because she gave me a free legendary magic item lmfao. Don’t worry if you’re not up to snuff on Eberron specific lore, I catch you up on the important bits.)
The secret child of an elven nobleman and a human scholar, Frenelle Albright was born in the isolated island nation of Aerenal.
Aerenal was not a kind place to anyone who was not a full-blooded elf, and with very few flesh and blood friends to talk to, her mother's wide collection of books became her dearest companions. From an early age, the doctor saw great intelligence and curiosity in her daughter; the tomes she pulled from her mother’s shelves were leagues above her expected reading level, and by the age of eight, she could even hold entire conversations about complex historical topics.
Humans cannot wander freely across Aerenal with no reason, but it was a vital place when it came to Dr. Albright’s research. The goal of the books she was writing was to help the rest of the world gain a greater understanding of Aereni society, and to hopefully encourage them be less afraid of their open practice of necromancy. But sadly, while it was a fantastic place for a researcher, there were also very few opportunities for her bright young daughter to truly flourish and learn at her own pace. So one day, she had a difficult conversation with her daughter: For the next several years, she would stay on the island, while Frenelle would be moving across the sea to attend a boarding school in Fairhaven on her father’s coin.
Frenelle was terrified at first of being alone. She was already a terribly shy girl by nature, and the new city and climate were overwhelming. For the first month, she hardly spoke to anyone at all, not even to her teachers. However, over the next few months as she properly settled into Fairhaven, she was taken aback by how welcoming the new environment was, especially compared to the coldness of her hometown. People actually wanted to talk to her, and they remembered her name. She had peers that she could talk to about all of the math and magic and history that were bottled up for so long, and when she excelled at a topic, she was rewarded instead of scolded.
The most exciting thing about the academy was that she wasn't even the only half-elf there. Or rather, Khoravar as they called themselves, and as they called her too. The main group of khoravar who took her under their wing were a group of rambunctious kids from House Lyrandar, and it was here that she met her best friend, a boy named Leeko.
Leeko was outgoing, kind, and a bit of a hothead, but he was also passionate and smart in the same way she was. He loved all of the flying machines and massive airships that his family was building, and he talked intensely about how excited he was to pilot them one day, proudly showing off the Dragonmark of the Storm on his right hand. Despite them seeming like total opposites at a glance, the two couldn't have been closer. Every time they met up to try and study for classes, they'd end up talking for hours on end about everything from old magic to new technology. For the first time in her life, Frenelle wasn't alone.
Each year, she would return home to her mother for a couple of weeks, but as she continued to thrive in Fairview, she began to notice that the doctor was growing more isolated and depressed each year back on the island of the dead. Eventually, she was able to convince her mother to leave behind her studies, coming home with her daughter, never to return.
Frenelle quickly rose to become one of the top students in her class, graduating from her boarding school with honours and moving on to study divination magic and history at the University of Wynarn. By then, Leeko had left for the island of Stormhome to train as a pilot, but the two continued to write long, cascading letters to one another every single week.
Her unconventional background gave her a unique perspective when it came to her studies at Wynarn. This was all well and good, until it led to her constantly interrupting professors during lectures to question their biases. This was especially true when it came to the taboo field of necromancy, which she had grown up seeing as a very normal thing in her culture. Eventually, however, she quickly grew wise to the fact that if she wanted to succeed as an academic, she would need to suck up to her less worldly professors every now and again. After all, if she wanted to make her point of view known, she should attempt to hear them out as well.
While working on one of her Master's degrees, Frenelle's work ethic and passion managed to attract the attention of a temple of Aureon in Arcanix, where she was offered a position as a novice. She was hesitant to quit her studies at first, but at the urging of Leeko, who just had gotten a job as an air shuttle pilot at the floating towers, she dropped everything and accepted the massive opportunity.
In fact, the chance to see Leeko again may have been her biggest reason for moving to Arcanix, because it turns out, she had started to develop romantic feelings for him. And, as she would later come to find, he felt the exact same way. She would even learn that he had planned on marrying her, which was no small deal of course. After all, Leeko wasn’t simply just her best friend, he was an heir to House Lyrandar, the Half-Elven dynasty who controlled the rapidly growing industry of air travel across the civilized world, using the Dragonmark of the Storm that ran in their blood.
A proper, pure Dragonmark gives a person tremendous power. Most importantly to those in the twelve Dragonmarked houses, it is a predictable power. However, the same cannot be said of the unpredictable power that results when people from two different houses produce a child. Unpredictability is volatility, and volatility is danger. For the sake and the preservation of society, all marriages and sexual relations between those with different Dragonmarks are strictly prohibited.
Frenelle didn't actually notice her mark for the first few days. She had figured it was some benign skin condition, a small rash around her eye. When it didn't go away, she went to see one of the healers at the temple, who laughed when she said she had no idea what it was. When he realized she was being serious, he explained that she was a foundling, a Dragonmarked person with no previous ties to a house.
He explained that her Dragonmark of Detection was an incredible thing.
With the power of her newly manifested mark, Frenelle became an obvious standout among the rest of the clergy in ways she hadn't even thought were possible. She could look into people's thoughts, see entirely new creatures from beyond the material world. She could protect people from danger.
The royal family of Aundair was in search of a governess for their children, but not just any regular teacher would do. They needed a cleric, a person who could embody the very will of Aureon, the god of magic, knowledge, and the law itself. Their job wouldn't be just to teach, but to physically protect the future of the kingdom. And, who in the world could possibly be better for that than the gifted foundling who just landed on the steps of Arcanix?
Frenelle walked past the cockpit as she boarded the air shuttle. The pilot smiled as he called her name and waved with a childlike excitement. She lowered her head. Words that he’d never get to speak reverberated through her skull. She felt his heart sink like a rock through her own chest. He wanted to marry her.
Vows of celibacy aren't necessarily a requirement for becoming a cleric. However, many choose to take them on in an effort to avoid mortal matters clouding their judgment. It's not as though she had much of a choice in the matter. After all, when the queen who funded your schools and the god who bestowed you these powers give you a call to action, to uphold and protect the law, you listen.
So, as a cleric with a high stakes mission, Frenelle simply chose to take that mission very seriously. And you see, it's actually fine. She's fine. They're fine. It’s fine. He’s fine. They’re fine. They're all fine. She's fine. It’s fine.
#dnd#eberron#oc: frenelle#I’m so happy with her design dude I’ve always wanted to make a cleric that had the classic nun vibes#cause you know I’m gay and was raised catholic#and I think the aesthetic fits quite well into ebberon with its more industrialized setting#she’ll be taking over for my current character and learning that the gang has rescued the young aundarian princess from an airship wreck#and learning that the party has also been just the worst influence on this kid!#hot tip: her humongo backstory is in the read more and I’m low key pretty proud of it LOL#I can’t believe it all started with ‘wouldn’t it be funny if I had a cleric who swore an oath of celibacy who brought it up constantly’#and then I came across the aberrant dragonmark thing and that one throwaway line about them not being allowed to marry#and now I am crying!#it’s gonna be so good tho#dnd charcter art#dnd cleric#half elf#dnd ocs#dnd art#yes Leeko is also named after a type of light fixture can you tell I’m a theatre electrician#cubey’s art#cubey’s words
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let's go my love, we don't belong here anymore...
#THIS HURTTTTTTTT#when i say i wanna cry...#why internet why?#im feeling very miserable rn#after i counted both twitter and tumblr votes i wanted to punch myself for giving u this option#pls dont make the same mistake and dont listen to sad music#its just a bad dream because they are still happy and alive in jackson#its one of joels nightmares#tess always comforts him afterwards#she hugs him so close joel's not sure if he's still breathing#he tells her about the nightmare so tess lets him listen to their hearts steadily beating in their chests as a proof that they are alright#because they are#and it was just a bad dream#tess servopoulos#joel miller#joel x tess#tessjoel#tess tlou#joel tlou#tess lives
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HEY GUYS!!! HOW ARE YOU ALL??? I MIGHT JUST BE BACK!!!
I wanted to incorporate a more 2000s anime looking style into my art style, {a mash up of the two} and this little portrait was exactly that! This made me so happy I literally almost teared up!!!
Anyway, for those following my rant blog I am going to make fanart of Takuru, just you wait 😤
IM SO HAPPY O M G
#Hey GUYS HRUUUUU????#ITS BEEN A BIT BUT I THINK IM FINALLY READY TO START DRAWING AGAIN#drawing what I wanted here is what made my day#I seriously haven’t felt like this in a bit#I am so sorry it’s not as close to my other art style#I value consistency and so it always scares me when my art changes 😅#Anyway I AM SO HAPPY WITH THIS IM ABOUT TO CRY#okay Void we get it can you stop screaming#art#final fantasy 7#ff7 rebirth#cloud strife#voids art#void’s new art style???
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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everytime i actually open up sdv to play i get flashbanged with sebastian's white ass sprites because i always forget not everyone sees him as wasian💔 my current hc for him is half chinese (liable to change... but ik for sure he's half asian) but he is Not bilingual he can't rly speak or write the other language he can only understand it when listening but even then he's not very fluent LOL this is just turning into a sebastian hc post might as well go full out. to me sebastian Does have relationship experience but has been thru shitty ones in the past which is part of the reason why he's so pessimistic & brooding </3 and he'd hook up with ppl in zuzu city for a night for a while but it just made him feel shittier so he's stopped since ☝️ also people make him out to be way cooler than he actually is like yea sure he's kinda cool but he's also a Massive Loser especially when he tells you how he hates "seasonal fads" like pumpkin spice and that one line about the potluck soup where he's like "Why ruin the potluck? Hmm... I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird.” WHO ASKED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his ass also can NOT cook he can make spaghetti but it's mid. he probably has low ass stamina and yeah he's tall and lanky (rn i see him as around 5'9-5'10) but you could snap him in half over your knee. when he's in an actually healthy relationship he gets really flustered over certain romantic gestures cuz he's not used to feeling valued or being considered someone's #1. he picks up on little things and does acts of service but i also think he can be really callous and insensitive at times because while he can be pretty perceptive he is also Very Emotionally Stunted. he unlearns lots of unhealthy behaviors & mindsets with the help of his partner & family & friends ^__^
#i almost popped a vein trying not to mention rowan in all of this so this post is more. consumable i guess#but rowan to me is soooooo perfect for him to me because rowan's whole thing is empathy and warmth#where it's a strength but also a weakness for him because he's also a chronic people pleaser and a doormat#out of the need he feels to make people feel valued which is a good thing but not when its to the point of self negligence#rowan gives rly good advice but overburdens himself cuz he feels responsible for ppl&doesnt give himself the same treatment he gives others#when he's with sebastian he helps him feel valued and sebastian learns to trust people more and not to immediately assume the worst of ppl#and seb is sooooooo perfect for rowan bc seb is vocal about what he dislikes and when hes not happy w something/one#and is good at setting boundaries whereas rowan is Not. he helps rowan learn how to say no to ppl and be more assertive#& think abt his own feelings more! they both help e/o vocalize their feelings#for rowan its vocalizing his opinions more and valuing himself more & for seb its vocalizing more for the sake of better communication#w other ppl so he can establish better trust & relations w ppl. and stop being so closed off/unapproachable LOL#their differences match up well but it also leads to arguments/tension cuz seb doesnt communicate and resorts to avoidance#and rowan is too pliant sometimes to the point where it hurts not just himself but the ppl around him including seb#also fun fact rowan is the type to cry when he gets really angry/upset & when seb resorts to avoidance instead of reassurance#(which is what rowan wants) rowan sometimes ends up catastrophizing & also bottles up his emotions similarly to seb#they always reconcile in the end tho even if it takes a while </3 they r both learning ok!!!!!!!!#not perfect to the point where they dont argue bc thats Impossible but they suit each other well. they r good for each other qwq#eon babbles#stardew valley#farmer rowan#<- i talk about him in tags. hehehe
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How I imagine myself (aka want to be)
Vent in the tags (sorry in advance)
#Honestly almost cried while sketching this#I feel so stupid#Like why did I agree to wait until i'm 25 to transition#Oh wait I know#Because I love my parents to much and they only really support me if I a) am 25 or b) my mental health is really really bad#Also it's that part of my mind that's doubting everything. That it's just a phase. That i'm not actually transmasc#Also the psychologist I used to go to supported the idea to wait till 25 and was talking about some whos she knew#And how that girl wanted to be a boy but she got a boyfriend and she didn't want to anymore#Or that boy who wanted to be a girl but later found his identity and was secure in his agab#And she kept saying/asking; “Would you be able to accept to be just a manly woman??” And similar questions#And I know it's stupid but because of it I just keep questioning myself over and over#Because now i'm especially scared it's something I grow out off#But I just want to look in a mirror and be happy#And while I do like my clothing. I want other stuff but I feel goddam dysphoric in that#Only things I can change about me is piercings and my hair but even that is something my parents aren't really keen of#Atleast the length is something they are okay with but if it's kinda more a “”man's style“” and I hear only “oh my god it's so manly"#Honestly I just hate that i'm to scared to do anything about it#All the while I suffer#cause I just cant get out of the house without a binder. Always checking how my profile looks like. Crying when its not how I want it to be#Or almost crying when my mom says “that size is better for a girl like you because other wise it looks boyish” even when I confided in her#transmasc#transgender#trans artwork#Trans#Artists on tumbr#Lgbt#my art <3#my own post
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-☆-
#i laughed today and laughed laughed laughed#to the point people were asking me if i was okay#and it was like believe it or not this is more of the me i have always been#just the smallest things setting me of laughing anf crying from it#it felt good and idk what it was or what happened to make it come out today#but its missed bc things most of the time anymore always feel so heavy you know like we're all going through it#but i was thinking a bit ago why i have this energy thats like playful aggression and i recognize it as that like come on come on of#dragging friends on adventures or being so stupidly silly anything to get your friends to laugh#like that optimistic happiness ?#and surely its fleeting and i just want to hold it on my hands for as long as i can bc i really have missed that joy#anyway bring on that parking lot iv fighting i always talk about bc bet its going to be a fake throw of a punch and into a hug#i want to squeeze the number men so hard until little stars are dancing around their heads#anyway i love them and all of you#thanks for being here with me
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genuinely, how do you learn to cope with the idea you'll have mental health issues for the rest of your life? how to you learn to find peace with the fact that rock bottom is always going to be just around the corner and theres nothing you can really do to stop it?
#i guess this is rhetorical but also if you have genuine tips i probably do want to hear them#im trying to adopt a 'be happy now because youll be sad later' attitude but some days its so hard to deal with the idea ill never be fully#in control. ill never be fullt stable. something will always set me off. ill always downswing#im at peace with the idea that whatevers wrong in my head is for life i just need to figure out how to be content knowing itll always be#bad again.#id like it to be easier#nyxtalks#idk stupid shit sent me panicking and the lingering effects have me catastophising and near crying about things that literally dont exist#its just in my head. i am seeing something that isnt there and i must remind myself that#and this is by no means a bad day in the scheme of things for me either#i just had a few awful thoughts#but it reminds me of how bad i get#idk its not that serious its fine#im gonna. maybe try and find something positive in the world now and stop thinking things that arent even true
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live
#even if you dont want to. at least do it because you have to#please just keep going because as tough as it may be i promise youre tougher.#there are things you will enjoy. people you will love. youll laugh and cry and seethe with rage and shake in fear.#you may not always be happy but thats why its so great when you are.#bad days only exist so that good ones arent meaningless.#whatever you do. live.
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Every time I write a comment on ao3, every single time I always start the comment off by saying "I wish I could write a longer comment but-" and then I always have to go back and delete it because I end up writing like at least 3 paragraphs....
#its like: ah i dont have the words to describe- ah nevermind yes i do#i get self conscious abt it but then i realize that whenever someone wants to talk to me abt my work +#or leaves a lot of tags. i get so fucking excited or happy#and rvery time i post smth internally im like:#if you liked this could yoh please leave an MLA formatted 500 word minimum comment thank you#not because i think my stuff deserves to be praised that much im not that egotistical lol#but like yknow i always wanna talk about it deeply and exhaustively so yeah!!#so i should not feel weird aboht ir bcs id probably cry if someone did the same to me so :)#catie.rambling.txt
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