#its sad to see how normalized this is now
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My unpopular opinion is that i dont enjoy bards Lament. At all. It is objectively good, well performed with appropriate buildup. However, I am a child with an absentee father, and i have had similar thoughts to him before, and i used to have a friend that went down his path. I have seen and experienced every point of view. And what that was isnt justice. Its not calling people out, or making them realise how they have hurt him.
Its a very broken, depressed man who finally snaps and burns down the bridges with his friends. No, VM never asked for Scanlan's mum's name because that's not something they do. If you can list me 5 times where the team ask questions about peoples backstory [before Bards Lament] BEFORE it became relevant, then you have successfully proved me wrong. Anything revealed is either probed out of them as part of recon, or willfully offered as a piece of friendship.
[E.g: Keyleth talking about her aramente, Pike's history with Grog vs Percy's backstory being revealed after they get invited to dinner with the Briarwoods and Grog talking about his pack when its revealed his uncle has the vestige.]
And he never offered any of this information. There have been several times where VM have shown concern and actively asked how hes doing just for him to lie and shrug them off. They prank him while he was asleep because they think hes a fairly centred person who will enjoy an attempt to bring things back to normal and they were drunk.
And yes, they are mean to him sometimes, because they are a group of assholes. They never disguise themselves as anything else. Vax and Percy's friendship post-briarwoods for a good while is based in distrust and self loathing, respectively. Everyone has moments where they say mean shit to Grog [except Pike] because he cant understand it.
And the "without his songs hes just a guy" comment or however it was phrased was a tactical comment. Because he would be. He doesn't have any sort of weapon beyond Mythcarver which he refuses to use, and he doesn't have anything else he can use to support or fight. The same applies to Keyleth without her nature magic, it applies to Percy without his guns, it applies to Grog when people are out of range.
And no, I don't blame him for snapping when he woke up. I doubt taking a -4 to any rolls made would translate to a Happy Peachy character in-story. And all of his internalised misery finally coalesces in his tiredness. But what happens isn't good. It isn't progress. It is showing everyone a wound that has been tearing open over months, and then promptly storming out.
And his whole "I didn't want my daughter to see me like this." Isn't some Grand Show of how much he cares, it shows him as fucking selfish. My dad being weak is what drove him away, his insecurity stopping him from getting help from my family. That line of thinking is what makes him a sad, lonely man rotting in a flat after abandoning many families like my own.
That man in real life was strong, a brilliant teacher of martial arts. A true marvel to see and train with. He had a certain charisma to him, but he had his shortcomings. And when his partner got too close to them, he'd hold them tight to his chest and scurry away, only coming back for the drunk sex and eventually leaving entirely. Having enough distrust in his heart to claim any unwanted children to be illegitimate.
Now, Scanlan is nowhere near as bad as him, but there are similarities. And enough that I feel my word has weight when I say, if I were Kaylie, I would not want to travel with him. If he truly wanted to be closer to her and do good for her, he'd get better first. And to get better, you need people. Plural. You cannot depend on one person. And that person can absolutely not be your own fucking child. I'm not saying he should've stayed with vox machina, but he should've stayed with a group. A group of adults that could support him. And honestly I feel like so far from my watching of CR, his epilogue with kaylie is the most unrealistic character development possible. I know she's supposed to be rough and hardy, but I refuse to believe that girl would not be breaking under her father's bleeding desperation for validation. And I definitely refuse to believe that she could actually help him to the point he'd gladly leave her on another continent while he talked to the people he'd snapped at.
Anyway, fuck dickhead dads who don't get actual help. Especially fuck them when they start depending on their children for them to be a good person.
For those who do not know. Scanlan's departure from the party in the stream wasn't as... friendly. It was kind of an ugly break-up. It came from Sam wanting to do some unexpected twist with Scanlan's character and it led to a very emotional moment. That he did not feel validated, that he did not feel appreciated and that he was considered a joke by the group.
And it came down to one phrase from Scanlan to the group: "What is my mother's name?" and when nobody was able to answer the question. Scanlan left.
However, interesting little tid-bit that might help understand this change. which comes from one of the Q&A. which is no longer up because... uhm... a whole other Drama I am not here to explain.
And what Sam said in that Q&A is that there WAS one way in which Scanlan would have stayed.
And it was Pike. who wasn't there at the time (technically was as an NPC, but since Ashley wasn't there, it's the same thing), but which Sam said was the only person who could change his decision.
And what has Pike done the entire season? BE that person who supported Scanlan in his darkest moment, and who deflated the situation probably without meaning to. And so he is able to leave the party in much better terms.
A shame because the emotional rollercoaster that it involved will be missed, but hey, it's cool to see what Sam meant by saying Pike was the one person who could stop Scanlan walking out of the party like he did
#the legend of vox machina#tlovm spoilers#scanlan shorthalt#scanlan shorthalt negativity#bit of a vent#cr1#im in on ep69 of CR2 btw. i know VM return in C3 but pls dont spoil anymore than that
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(yandere! bully victim x gn! bully reader) (cw: erm... yandere stuff, body horror or whatever its called idk bruh, he kinda carves his name into ur skin but its not mentioned in detail)
"how does it feel to be on the receiving end now, huh?"
you shiver, letting out a strained sound as you trash on the table.
"pluh- mn!"
"what was that? you've got to be clearer with your words, my dear. how do you expect me to understand muffles?"
the male hums, his cold hands dancing across your body. you could only shiver yet again, unable to do anything but remain binded to the table.
"oh, sorry, i forgot you couldn't speak. haha, how silly of me."
yeah, how silly of him to completely gag you so you couldn't speak. how completely silly of him to tie you to some cold table, restraining all your movements so that you couldn't fight back against him. how absolutely whimsical for him to be recording all your grunts, groans, and whines while you were completely restrained.
well, you suppose it's a bit ironic. considering that you were the one doing it to him when the both of you were younger. albeit not on this level.
you wonder if this was how he felt. vulnerable, naked, defenseless.
it happened so long ago, but the wounds you inflicted on him were still fresh. no matter how hard you try apologizing, his scars still bleed warm.
you shouldn't have been mean to him. you really shouldn't. especially when he was so much nicer back then.
"mn... you have no idea how much I've wanted to do this. it really makes me happy to see you so..."
he pauses, eyes raking over your form that was tied down to his table.
"so weak."
we've all watched the movies where the bully gets put in place and completely punished. you used to laugh at those films. i mean, how could the bully even be so stupid to get karma for their actions? couldn't they have hid better? tried making up for it? why did they have to go through the consequences of their actions? what idiots!
but now that it's happening to you, you wish you hadn't said those words.
the second you found out that your ex-victim was your boss, you couldn't even as much as utter a word. no, you felt like you were about to have a mental breakdown. especially because you were now his secretary, working for him.
"come on, what happened to that big, scary, and mean ol' bully that i knew? the one that used to pour water over my head and have their friends restrain me?"
his words have a hunt of condescension- no, they were fully condescending. he was mocking you right now. mocking you for your stupidity, mocking you for your actions. and he was absolutely taking pleasure in seeing you in such a weak and reduced state. a shell of the person you once were.
you couldn't do anything but to take it like the loser you were.
"haha, look at you. all tied down and gagged like the dog you are. why don't you bark for me? maybe I'll be nicer if you act like a stupid bitch in heat."
he laughs, hands resting on your clothed abdomen. his hair falls over his eyes, the usual up kept man looking like a mess as he continues to taunt you.
"you know, when i confessed to liking you, i never expected you to bully me. seriously. i thought you'd be like, I don't know, nice about it. if you were nice I don't think I'd have stalked you and do all this. would've courted you normally until you accepted. I'm a patient guy after all."
the words that come out of his mouth have just the tiniest bit of sadness in them. however, it's completely squashed down by the sharp look in his eyes.
"had i known you'd be such an ass about it... I'd have just taken you for myself right there and then. who cares about having a normal relationship, right? as long as you're with me, it's all that matters."
right, like what he was doing right now. ever since you started working for him he's been constantly... acting like he was your boyfriend rather than your boss. constantly giving you gifts, telling you that it was okay that you bullied him because he knows you're just shy and that he'll make things right... the worst part was when he forbid you from interacting with others.
it was fucking creepy.
things were only worsened when he found you on a night out at a bar, flirting with some random stranger. you had wanted to let loose and relieve some stress but it looks like karma loved to see you suffer.
"what are you doing? are you cheating on me?"
what the fuck?! you stare at your boss in horror, freezing in place. quickly turning back to the stranger you were flirting with, you shake your head and apologize, explaining that your boss was just a little weird. why the hell is he even here?!
"look, I'm sorry but he's a bit of a creep and-"
"my darling, i think it's time we go back home. you've had one too many drinks."
that experience was only the start of an even worser time. one that led him to declare to the whole damn world that you were now his in a fit of anger and mania. i mean, he practically has you locked in his house now. and it wasn't even illegal since you agreed to come.
he had called you to sort out some paperwork or whatever and you being his secretary... you couldn't refuse even if you wanted to. so you made your way to his house, all naive and ignorant of what was to come the second he opened those doors to that luxurious mansion of his.
you passed out and the next thing you knew, you were restrained to the table, gagged and staring at him with a half lidded look in your eyes.
god damn it, you should've known better than to believe this crazy guy's words. why would you willingly go to his place where there'd be no one but you two? ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid.
and now you could only express how terrified you were with your eyes and shivering body.
"how cute. how seriously cute. I've always wanted to see you look at me with that expression."
he coos, lips stretched into a smirk as he leans down to your face. his breath hits your skin, cold hands trailing up your chest and to your jaw before he grips hard.
"you're mine. it wasn't clear when i was just a boy but you've always been mine. since the day i let you bullied me, and even right now, I've made it clear. you're mine, and always will be mine."
he's right, you've always been his. why else would this rich and obviously powerful guy just let you bully him? he could've had you gone the second you made a move on him but instead...
"i still remember the slaps and bruises you left on me. ah... you were so cute back then. hitting me like that. should've scarred me too, maybe then I'd see your horrified face whenever i flashed it."
a sadist. you're sure that he's some sort of sadistic masochist.
"oh well, it's no matter. I've done that job for you."
he pulls away, unbuttoning his shirt to reveal his bare upper body to you. to say that you were completely terrified would be an understatement. because why the hell was your first name (and his last name btw) painfully carved into his other flawless skin? right above his heart, no less!
"isn't it beautiful? you're forever with me now."
his words send a chill down your body. what the hell, you don't want to be with him at all! and it looks like he sensed that but chose to ignore your feelings.
your boss smiles at you before pulling out a small blade from his pants.
oh hell nah.
"it's your turn, darling."
no no no, you don't like where this is going. your body trashes violently against the cold hard table he had you strapped in, pupils blown wide as adrenaline fills your veins.
"mgh! mf!"
"hey hey, quiet down. it's only fair that i get to do it to you, right? consider this my payback. you had your fun and now I'm having mine."
no! shit shit shit, what are you supposed to do?!
you try shaking your head, sweat forming on your skin as your breath grows laboured. your body continues to trash against the bindings, but it looks like the bindings were done just a little too well.
"hm... should i do it somewhere visible? or maybe... right where your heart would be?"
you shake violently, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.
"nh! mh!"
"aw, is my little darling about to cry? that's so cute. go on, cry for me. cry for me just like i cried for you."
tears fall down your cheeks as he trails the vlade over your clothes. the sharpness of the item has you shivering, cold dread creeping up your spine at the very thought of that anywhere on your skin.
"hm... since you look so scared, I'll carve my initials instead of my full name. how about that? a good offer if i say so myself."
if you could speak, you'd be cursing and begging him to stop. unfortunately that wasn't the case and your boss took your lack of words as the green light.
"don't worry, I'll kiss your pain away afterwards. it'll be over before you know it."
oh god damn it, you really should've just politely rejected him when he confessed.
#yandere#tw yandere#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere concepts#yandere bully victim#yandere bully victim x reader#yandere ceo#yandere ceo x reader#gn reader#suiana rambling#suiana brainrotting
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i just had to take this ai personality test to submit a job application (to be a bartender).
#the end of our society is upon us yall#i think it’s so funny that so much of imaging our future with technology (sci-fi) branches off into two subsection#A. technology gets so advanced that it becomes the governing (tyrannical) power#or B. technology aids humanity in developing a star trek esque utopia of convenience and luxury#but i don’t think anyone predicted this#this weird dependency on technology (especially AI and other ‘smart’ tech) thats actually just shit#like yeah tech is replacing human jobs and doing it worse and less convenient#it wasn’t that long ago when you could call up any store and a real human being would answer#like… 5-10 years ago??#do you remember when you could walk into a store and get a job application and fill it out by hand#in order to get to this ‘personality test’ stage i had to chat with an AI virtual assistant#and then make an account and (after verifying my email of course) filled out my online application (again…)#and then i had to take this personality test#all so i can continue serving ppl highballs and beer??#its sad to see how normalized this is now#anyway as frustrated as i am by the state of the world#i’m choosing to laugh at how fkn dumb this ai test is#i’m gonna post more pics in a sec
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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Screaming crying throwing up reading Tom's perspective on Alex.
Like how do you, a fourteen year old child, try to help out your best friend who has clearly been through something traumatic, but you don't know what. How do you deal with your friend disappearing for weeks on end and returning with bags under his eyes and scars all over his body. How do you deal with your friend leaving and coming back a little bit more changed each time, a little bit more scarred each time.
like
"When the two of them had finally met again, Tom had been surprised at how much his friend had changed. He had been hurt. Tom had seen some of the scars. But Alex also seemed to have got a lot older. There was something in his eyes that hadn't been there before, as if he had seen things he would never be able to forget." - Scorpia (page 86)
#reading other people's perspective on alex in general usually makes me wanna cry#because from the perspective of people who don't know him that well like his teachers or Sabina initially#hes a weirdo who keeps disappearing and maybe doing illegal shit#which is funny yet so so sad thing#because i am amused by how everyone thinks alex is some sort of delinquent but also its so heartbreaking because alex wants more than#anything to be a normal teenage boy and he can't have that because of how his reputations been changed!#and then when its the perspective of people like Jack or Ms Jones or Tom#we just see a traumatised kid#like we get to see how much alex has been affected by all the things he's been through#jack's pov at the end of skeleton key had me in tears#god#and ms jones at the end of every single book mentions that alex has clearly changes#AUHFGURHFDSJNG#god wtf i did not mean to get this emotionally invested in a childrens book series#but look at me now#alex rider#alex rider spoilers#scorpia#GOD#i am on exactly page 86 of scorpia rn#im gonna go back to reading now
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getting into ben 10 is so sad bc I binge the entire OS and am like wow cant wait for more and then every other series doesnt have the things I liked about OS and even casual fans online say that 10yo Ben's character in OS is more compelling than all the others but theres barely any of him after OS
#how did that episode in ultimate alien when it brought back 10yo ben make him 10 times more compelling#but only his 10yo self and not his current self in the show#but fr it was so sad learning that they immediately jumped straight to a 5 year timeskip after OS#plus artstule change plus recast plus major personality shift plus redesign#like looking at alien force ben next to OS ben idk who the hell that is bc thats not ben#its fine like im chill with just being neutral/uninterested in the later series and just sticking with OS#thats the power of fandom#i dislike his omniverse characterization but that doesnt mean i dont love rook#and i wont stick him into OS as a self indulgent au#theres also multiple things i like about the later series for sure tho like#1 rook like i just said but also#ben and gwens relationship. i love that they didnt play around with them in AF#and doom dimension likeee#i dont like how theyre written in AF and UA but that stuff is bomb#i think it all boils down to me wishing the show didnt feel split up in eras with different versions of the characters#and it was more linear#like instead of instant 5 year timeskip it was like. now ben and gwen are 11 or 12. maybe even 13#it shows more development that isnt just a huge jump from 0 to 100#ben getting more mature is the natural progression of his character but also#its the fact that they gave him major development in OS then changed everybody so jarringly they didnt even feel like the same characters#like theres a reason OS ben is the most compelling#it should have been more linear close together and less broken up in my opinion#pandas.txt#they just made ben look so normal and boring in most of the clips ive seen in the later series#plus not even feeling like the same guy#maybe ill try and watch the reboot#it rlly is chill tho bc im fine with just liking OS its a great show#anything i wanted to see i can just think of in my head myself and now i have a bunch of stuff to play around with#once i get more into it#bc this show is so fun and great and i love it i rlly do wanna stick with it
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i dont want to be an adult. i dont. but being a teen and a child was miserable for me too so im not sure what i actually want. maybe i just dont like my life in general under the circumstances it's in. who would've thought. whatever i can't form a single original thought
#got sad because i don't want to accept that its normal that you'll spend less time eith your friends as you grow up.#it makes sense. and i understand. but it makes me deeply sad#i dont want to spend all my entire days working and spend months not seeing people i love. i feel horrible like this already#my mom was also talking about me applying to college earlier today. and im so tired and so scared#fuckkkkk i dont want things to change. i want things to change cause i hate how they are now. but im scared of change#and so so scared things might change for the worse. cause that's happened so much in my life before#so who knows. who knows. dies
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Magenta 😟
#I've had cognitive impairment from covid before but not to where i feel intellectually dumb when i write#my college papers and my writing projects dont sound like “me” as of late#its very bare bones and doesn't have the descriptiveness or humanity i normally give#like i see the scenes or what i want to say in my head#but what i type aint matching up#and yeah i naturally get into slumps like that but this is like that slump x 9000#I'm kinda scared this round might've given me brain damage#havent been feeling all the way like myself#but i also know too that covid takes a while to heal from and of course theres long covid shit which ive dealt with before#im just frustrated guys#i feel like within the last 3 to 4 months i finally healed from my last bout of rona#and i get it again and im back to square one#i just want to write and feel okay with it and not feel so stuck just trying to come up with a basic sentence#seriously even writing basic shit is hard right now#it took me a week to get 5 pages on duality#and im used to churning out at least 10 pages on my projects at minimum every couple days to a week#man give me chronic pain anyday but don't take away my mind and the freedom that comes with that#sorry guys im feeling sad#i know i gotta give myself time but im impatient#i hate how right before i caught covid again i was gonna get my flu shot and an updated covid vax#wish i could've avoided this crud#having weird chest shit too#was a heart thing now its gerd now its potentially back to a heart thing#im tired#i need a hug#i love you 🫂💙#magenta is my vent word
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.
#personal#sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to#or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes#god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens#then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class#a class that had already ran off one teacher#but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules#last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes#i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year#its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me#sadly i can understand why their teacher left#and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me#but im just tired#its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again#but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job#one actually teaching my correct subject that i love#i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school#*it has the most substitute jobs#i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough#if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years#sorry being sad on main#if you read this#thanks
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Long distance relationships suck. I just read the most jaw dropping scene ever and I wanna YAP TO MY MAN ABOUT IT. BUT HE'S BUSY.
klbjdkfhbrjkbgerh
#ananya talks#its so sad fr#i also js love how he's used to me fangirling now#like it's js normal to see me go feral over a fiction man
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there is really something cruel and strange and fucked up about switching between thinking youre the center of the universe and thinking youre completely invisible 50 fuckin times a day. like do you have a god complex or an inferiority complex make up your mind
#the mental illness strikes again#yeah its that and like this crippling lonliness that has had me in a chokehold#pov you open the same 3 apps over and over again on repeat all day trying to see if anyone has messaged you or interacted with you at all#then you realize oh wait yeah. they all have lives and you dont. yeah that explains it#then you self loathe and pity for a bit and repeat the cycle#mad pathetic#and on top of that youre too fuckin sensitive so you take it all personal#even stupid jokes. yeah that stupid joke it hurt my feelings and for no reason at all#im not even really sad right now its just. so painfully frustrating that this has to be the normal for me#no matter how many times i seek help for it i get blown off#not to mention im *still* fucked up over not being able to go to the one person i relied on to help me when i was mentally unwell#though ive tried#but bringing up being mentally unwell gets me a sad face emoticon at best#and bringing up being physically unwell and that ive had to go to multiple doctors over the past few months is just. completely ignored#oh well#i am completely over that person but that doesnt mean getting ignored doesnt fucking hurt#anyways
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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eeneks sister having a fuck ton of scars, but later most of them being revealed as just from her childhood/from mundane accidents is so fucking funny to me for some reason.........
#like of course a lot of her scars ARE blade of marmora -related#but a significant part of em are just. eens scratches n bites & the results of mundane fuck ups#god. i hate calling her 'eeneks sister' all the time. i NEED to find a good name for her asap!!!!!!#constantly calling one of your only female characters '[someone]s sister/daughter/etc' feels wrong and this woman deserves better than that#also. ignore the scar placement. it WILL change#i am incapable of drawing scars consistently#and im still figuring out her design#my funky guys#my art#im a little bit obsessed with her. shes like a sad wet cat to me#shes so cool and cringe at the same time<333#20 something who spent her entire adult life as a marmora solider and is now trying very hard to learn how to be Normal(its not going well)#girl has issues#love that for her<3#ive been on an eenek kick lately. thinking about this fucked up family 24/7. i love them#theyre all so funny to me. this family of three has so much drama its like a fuckin soap opera in here. its ridicoulus#also#taks thinks this woman is soooo cool and badass. i mean she is but shes also a wreck.#taks takes after eenek and idolises their sister. paralells ig???#this girl sees a purple alien and asks 'is anyone gonna use this guy as their role model for the next couple of years??'#and doesnt wait for an answer
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i am currently week 7 into playing ruth's save (i have only posted up to week 2 i think??) and she has not got even 1 romantic candidate so far since her previous 2 tragedies
#cloudychats#normally i have my sim married w 2 kids by this point and tbh#im actually shocked at how little i care😭#im enjoying her single life!!!!!!#i like that i have nearly mastered her career & have her learning like as many skills as i can#its enjoyable the way im playing rn#ALSO side note i have changed my lighting mod from the uransia something to#borningbones ts3beta lighting and omg...#it's exactly what i wanted😭#my ss look so much nicer now!#im sad you wont be able to see for a few more posts☹#speaking of i think ones abt to go live soon
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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????
#text#IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS#LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big#like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem#like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my#broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting#a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it#like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess#regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it#in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially#but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again#because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee#ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d#down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting#thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense#THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist#what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth#NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
#okay ignore me sorry i dont want to bother anybody back to the classic using tumblr tags to ramble. Ok?#---------------------------------------------#iiiii hate having ptsd. I am like 14 years old and i dont know how to be bigger. Ok? I do not know why i had to go and argue with my mother#when i have to see her every day . And deal with the consequences of arguing with her. I dont know how i used to do it but now i#am just sitting here being forced to interact with other people while on the constant brink of tears.#How am i supposed to do schoolwork when i have ptsd and just want to curl up in a ball on my bed aks style. Riddle me that#I dont know its just frustrating that I have to navigate normal things like school while getting blasted with some evil ptsd moment every#other day. something something i must just be a teeth hurt kinda guy.#They should be able to wrap me in FRAGILE DO NOT TOUCH paper without any questions asked you see.#Dont give me responsibilities i am straight up a little kid forever. one bad source of information#i will be okay i know this will pass but lord.#meowing#i dont know i just need to be held like a baby no questions asked for a while badly But i cant. Sad!
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