#havent been feeling all the way like myself
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our little secret - DANIEL RICCIARDO
pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem!reader
summary : y/n had never been one to take risks, especially those that could put any relationships on the line, but maybe daniel can convince her to take a risk while keeping it a secret, just this once (or twice)
warnings/notes : text written like this = flashback, swearing, drinking, 9 year age gap - reader is 25/26, smut, oral (both!receiving), hair pulling (?), fingering, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, thigh riding, praise kink, use of "sweetheart" and "pretty/good girl", implied unprotected sex (please use a condom guys!!!), gagging (in a sense?), finger sucking, begging, clothed sex, nipple play
word count : 9.4k
a/n : sorry if i havent been posting much, im really busy :,)
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2024 - Monday, 10:58 PM
Y/n walked into the dimly lit bar, the smell of alcohol and stale cigarette smoke filling her nostrils. She scanned the room, taking in the various patrons drowning their sorrows or celebrating the night away. As she made her way to the bar, her eyes landed on a familiar face - Daniel, her best friend's older brother.
It had been years since she last saw him, and a part of her couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement at the unexpected reunion. She approached him, a friendly smile on her face. "Daniel? Is that really you?"
He turned, his eyes widening in recognition. "Y/n! Wow, it's been ages. How have you been?" He pulled her into a warm hug, the scent of his cologne filling her senses.
She settled onto the barstool beside Daniel, signaling the bartender for a drink. "I've been good, just busy with work and life, you know how it goes. How about you? Still living in the area?"
He nodded, taking a swig of his beer. "Yep, never left. Business has been stable, bought a new house, the whole nine yards. It's been... quiet, I guess. Nothing too exciting." His eyes lingered on her face, taking in the changes time had brought.
As they caught up, the drinks flowed freely, and inhibitions began to lower. Y/n found herself leaning closer, drawn to Daniel's easy charm and the familiarity of his presence. They laughed and reminisced about old times, the alcohol loosening their tongues and emboldening their words.
Daniel's brow furrowed in confusion. "Wait, I thought you were coming into town on Thursday? My sister mentioned something about you staying over on Friday."
She blinked, momentarily taken aback by the realization. "Oh, right. I completely forgot about that. I decided to come a few days earlier, have some time to myself." She laughed, shaking her head. "I'll be in town for two weeks, actually. Just... don't want to make my presence known yet, I guess."
A mischievous glint entered Daniel's eye. "Well, since you're here now, why don't we make the most of it? We could grab dinner, catch up properly. It's been too long since we last hung out."
Y/n hesitated for a moment, the idea both thrilling and daunting. But the alcohol coursing through her veins bolstered her courage, and she found herself nodding in agreement. "Sure, why not? It'll be fun to reconnect."
Her inhibitions continued to fade. Y/n found herself laughing more easily, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling with mirth. Daniel watched her, amused and intrigued by the change in her demeanor.
"You know," Y/n said, leaning in close and lowering her voice conspiratorially, "I had the biggest crush on you in my last year of high school."
Daniel's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? I had no idea."
Y/n nodded, a dreamy look in her eyes. "Oh yeah. I used to fantasize about you all the time. You were so cool and mature, and I was just a silly little girl."
He chuckled, shaking his head. "Well, I'm flattered. I had no idea you felt that way."
She waved her hand dismissively. "It doesn't matter now. That was years ago, and we're both different people now."
Daniel leaned back, a curious expression on his face. "So why didn't you ever pursue it? I mean, if you had such a big crush on me."
Y/n let out a loud, drunken laugh, nearly spilling her drink in the process. "Come on, Daniel! It was a given rule - never go for your best friend's brother. That's like, the ultimate taboo."
Daniel raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "And yet, here we are. Both single, both adults. What's stopping us now?"
Y/n's eyes widened, a mix of shock and excitement coursing through her. She hadn't expected him to take it seriously, to actually consider the possibility. But there was something in his gaze, a heat that sent a shiver down her spine.
"I... I don't know," she stammered, her mind racing. "It just feels wrong, somehow. Like we're crossing a line."
Daniel leaned in closer, his voice low and teasing. "Wow, okay. You certainly didn't seem to mind crossing lines when I caught you and my cousin making out at that barbecue a few years back."
Y/n's eyes widened in shock, her face flushing a deep crimson. "Oh my god, I can't believe you remembered that!" She buried her face in her hands, mortified.
He chuckled, reaching out to gently tilt her chin up. "Hey, no need to be embarrassed. We were all young and stupid at one point."
She met his gaze, her heart pounding in her chest. There was a new intensity in his eyes, a hunger that made her breath catch in her throat. "I... I don't know what to say," she whispered.
Daniel's thumb brushed lightly over thumb, sending a jolt of electricity through her body. "How about we get out of here?" he suggested, his voice husky. "Go somewhere more private, where we can... talk more comfortably."
Y/n bit her lip, considering his suggestion. The alcohol had lowered her inhibitions, and the prospect of being alone with Daniel was both thrilling and terrifying. "Hm, why not?" she finally said, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. "Your place?"
Daniel nodded, a predatory gleam in his eye. "Sounds perfect." He tossed some cash on the bar and took her hand, leading her out into the cool night air.
They stumbled slightly as they made their way to his car, giggling like teenagers. Daniel opened the passenger door for her, his hand lingering on the small of her back as she slid into the seat.
As Daniel slid into the driver's seat, Y/n couldn't help but notice the way his muscles flexed beneath his shirt. She swallowed hard, trying to ignore the heat that was building in her core.
The drive to Daniel's place was long and winding, the streets deserted at this late hour. They passed by darkened houses and closed businesses, the only sound the low hum of the engine and their own breathing.
The cool night air rushed in through the open window, as Y/n felt a sudden burst of reckless energy. She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned out the window, letting the wind whip through her hair.
Daniel glanced over at her, a swirl of amusement and shock on his face. “What are you doing? You’re going to fall out!”
She laughed, the sound carried away in the wind. “I won’t! I’m just having fun!” She pushed herself further out of the window, her upper body completely exposed to elements.
He shook his head, but couldn’t help but smile at her carefree antics. Daniel pressed down on the accelerator, the car speeding up as they flew down the empty streets.
Y/n's laughter echoed through the night as the wind whipped around her, her dress billowing and hiking up her thighs. She felt alive, exhilarated by the rush of speed and the freedom of the open road.
Daniel's eyes flicked over to her, taking in the sight of her exposed legs and the way her dress clung to her curves. He swallowed hard, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as he tried to focus on the road ahead.
"You're crazy, you know that?" he called out over the roar of the wind and engine.
She just laughed harder, the sound filled with pure joy and reckless abandon. She felt invincible like nothing could touch her in this moment.
Y/n's laughter turned into a shout, her voice carried away in the wind. "I'm on top of the world!" she cried out, her arms spread wide as if embracing the night sky.
Daniel's mind flashed back to a night years ago, when he had picked up Y/n and his sister from a bar. Even then, Y/n had been reckless when she was drunk, always pushing boundaries and seeking out new thrills.
2015 - 1:36 AM
Daniel sat at his desk, hunched over his laptop as he worked late into the night. The glow of the screen illuminated his face, casting shadows across his features. Suddenly, his phone buzzed with an incoming call. He glanced at the screen and saw his sister's name flash across it.
He answered the call, putting it on speaker. "Hey, what's up?"
His sister's voice came through, slurred and giggly. "Dannyyyy, pick me and Y/n upppppp, we can't driveeee."
Daniel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Where are you?"
"The bar on Main Street. Pleeeease, I don't want to leave my car here overnight," she whined.
Daniel glanced at the clock, debating whether to go or not. But he knew he couldn't leave his sister stranded. "Fine, I'll be there in ten minutes. Don't go anywhere."
He hung up the phone and grabbed his keys, heading out into the night to rescue his drunken sister and her equally inebriated friend.
Not long after, Daniel pulled up to the bar, spotting his sister and Y/n stumbling out of the entrance. His sister was in tears, her mascara running down her face as she clung to Y/n for support.
"There you are!" she cried out as Daniel rolled down the window. "I'm so glad you're here."
Daniel sighed, getting out of the car to help them inside. "Come on, let's get you home."
As they climbed into the car, his sister immediately moved to the backseat. "I want to sit in the back," she insisted, her words slightly slurred.
Y/n, who was still giggling from the earlier excitement, plopped herself down in the front passenger seat. "I'll keep your brother company," she said with a wink, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
Daniel shook his head, amused by their antics despite the late hour. He got back into the driver's seat and started the car, ready to take them home and tuck them into bed like the responsible adult he was.
His sister's head lolled back against the seat, as the car pulled away from the sidewalk, her eyes fluttering closed as she drifted off to sleep. In the front seat, Y/n turned to face him, a coy smile on her lips.
"Thanks for coming to get us," she purred, her voice low and sultry. "I don't know what we would have done without you."
Daniel glanced over at her, taking in the way her dress had ridden up her thighs and the way her hair was tousled from the wind. He felt a stirring of desire, but quickly pushed it aside. "It's no problem. I'm just glad you're both okay."
Y/n continued to make flirty comments and innuendos, as they drove, her words becoming more brazen with each passing mile. "You know, Daniel," she said, her hand resting on his thigh, "I've always thought you were so handsome. And now that I'm older, I can really appreciate it."
Daniel shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to focus on the road ahead. "Y/n, you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."
She laughed, a throaty sound that sent shivers down his spine. "Oh, I know exactly what I'm saying. I'm saying that I want you, Daniel. I've always wanted you."
Y/n leaned in closer, her lips mere inches from his. "You want to kiss me, don't you?" she whispered, her breath hot against his skin.
Daniel's heart pounded in his chest, his resolve weakening by the second. He leaned in, his eyes fluttering closed as he prepared to capture her lips with his own.
But just as he was about to make contact, Y/n pulled away, a wicked grin on her face. "Not tonight," she giggled, unbuckling her seatbelt and climbing out of the car.
Y/n stumbled slightly as she stepped out of the car, but Daniel was there to catch her, his strong hands gripping her waist. She leaned into him for a moment, savoring the warmth of his touch.
"Do you have any wine?" she asked, her words slightly slurred.
Daniel nodded, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, I've got some. Do you want some?"
Y/n nodded enthusiastically, her eyes shining with excitement. "Yes, please. I need something to take the edge off."
Daniel led her inside, his hand resting on the small of her back. The house was dark and quiet, the only sound their footsteps on the hardwood floor.
He guided her into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of red wine. "This okay?" he asked, holding it up for her to see.
She nodded, her eyes fixed on the bottle. "Perfect."
Daniel grabbed two glasses and poured them each a generous serving. He handed one to Y/n, their fingers brushing as she took it from him.
Y/n took a few sips of the wine, savoring the rich, velvety texture on her tongue. "Mmm, that's some good red wine," she purred, her eyes half-lidded as she looked up at Daniel.
He smiled, taking a sip of his own drink. "Thank you. It was a gift from a friend of mine."
Y/n nodded, her gaze roaming over his face, taking in the strong lines of his jaw and the way his eyes sparkled in the dim light. "You have good taste," she said, her voice low and husky.
"Do you want to sit in the living room?" Daniel asked, his voice low and smooth.
She nodded, a coy smile playing on her lips. "Sure, lead the way."
He took her hand, intertwining their fingers as he led her out of the kitchen and into the living room. The space was cozy and inviting, with plush couches and soft lighting.
Daniel gestured for her to sit, and she sank down onto the couch, crossing her legs and leaning back against the cushions. He sat down beside her, close enough that their thighs were almost touching.
"Comfortable?" he asked, his eyes roaming over her face.
Y/n smiled, taking another sip of her wine. "Very. This is nice."
Daniel smiled, his hand resting on the arm of the couch, just inches from her own. "I'm glad you think so."
She took another sip of her wine, trying to ease the tension that had settled in her chest. She started making small talk, asking Daniel about his job and his life in the years since they had last seen each other.
Daniel listened intently, laughing at her jokes and responding with his own anecdotes. "You don't need to feel awkward," he said, his hand coming to rest on her knee. "We're just two old friends catching up."
Y/n nodded, but she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to this than just a friendly reunion. The way Daniel was looking at her, the way his hand felt on her skin... it was all so intense, so charged with possibility.
She took another sip of her wine, trying to calm her racing heart. "I'm glad we ran into each other tonight," she said, her voice soft. "It's been too long."
Daniel nodded, his eyes softening at her words. "I didn't realize I missed seeing you until now, honestly."
They stared at each other for a long moment, the air between them crackling with tension. Y/n's heart was pounding in her chest, her breath coming in short, shallow gasps.
Unable to resist any longer, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his in a soft, tentative kiss. She set her wine glass down on the coffee table, her hands coming up to tangle in his hair as she deepened the kiss.
Daniel responded instantly, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer. He kissed her back with a hunger that took her breath away, his tongue delving into her mouth to tangle with her own.
Y/n moaned softly, pressing herself against him, feeling the hard planes of his body against her soft curves. She had never wanted anything so badly in her life.
Daniel pulled away from the kiss, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. "God, if I had known you were such a good kisser, I would have stopped you from leaving the car to kiss you," he said, his voice rough with desire.
Y/n blinked, confusion crossing her face. "What are you talking about?"
Daniel chuckled, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. "Remember that night I picked you and my sister up from the bar? You were being all flirty and reckless, and I was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of you."
Her eyes widened as the memory came flooding back. "Holy shit, that wasn't a dream?" she exclaimed, her face flushing a deep crimson.
Y/n buried her face in Daniel's neck, mortified by the memory. "That just turned me off so bad," she mumbled, her words muffled against his skin. "That was so cringe, Danny."
Daniel laughed, his chest rumbling beneath her cheek. "I know, I know. I looked like such a nerd back then."
She pulled back slightly, her eyes meeting his. "But you were still hot," she said, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Even if you were a little too noble for your own good."
Daniel laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "Can we just stay like this instead? I mean, we don't need to have sex."
Y/n grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Sure, we can have sex in the morning," she said, her voice teasing.
"Mhm," Daniel agreed, pulling her down to lay on the couch with him.
Y/n started giggling uncontrollably, her body shaking with laughter. "Oh my god, can you imagine? Waking up and being like, 'Hey, remember that thing we said about having sex this morning? Let's do it!'"
Daniel chuckled, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "I think we'd be too hungover to actually follow through."
Y/n snorted, burying her face in his chest. "Probably. But it's a funny thought."
They lay there for a while, just holding each other and enjoying the closeness. The wine and the late hour made everything feel soft and hazy, like they were suspended in a bubble of their own making.
2024 - Tuesday, 9:21 AM
Y/n slowly blinked open her eyes, her head pounding and her mouth feeling like cotton. She groaned softly, her body slightly sore from the awkward way they had slept on the couch.
Daniel stirred beside her, his arm tightening around her waist as he mumbled something incoherent. Y/n smiled, nuzzling into his neck and breathing in his scent.
"Morning," she whispered, her voice hoarse from sleep.
Daniel's eyes fluttered open, a lazy grin spreading across his face. "Morning," he replied, his voice equally rough. "How are you feeling?"
Y/n stretched, wincing slightly as her muscles protested. "Like I got hit by a truck," she admitted. "But in a good way."
Daniel laughed, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. "I'm glad you're here," he said, his eyes soft and warm. "Even if we are both feeling like death."
She leaned into his touch, her heart fluttering in her chest. "Me too," she murmured. "Me too."
He sat up, stretching his arms above his head. "Do you want breakfast?" Daniel asked, his stomach grumbling loudly.
Y/n nodded, her own stomach rumbling in response. "Yeah, that sounds amazing."
"Okay," Daniel said, standing up and offering her a hand. "You can take a bath in my bedroom if you want. There's a shirt in the top drawer of my dresser that you can wear. I bet that dress wasn't very comfortable to sleep in."
Y/n took his hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet. "Thanks," she said, smiling up at him. "You're too good to me."
Daniel chuckled, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her forehead. "Go on, I'll start on breakfast."
She nodded and made her way up the stairs, grabbing a shirt from his dresser and heading to the bathroom. She stripped off her dress and climbed into the shower, sighing in relief as the hot water soothed her aching muscles.
As the hot water cascaded over her body, Y/n found herself staring at the various bottles of soap and shampoo lined up on the shower shelf. Her mind drifted back to the events of the previous night, replaying the moment when she had kissed Daniel over and over again.
She couldn't believe she had been so bold, so reckless. But in that moment, it had felt so right, so inevitable. The way his lips had moved against hers, the way his hands had felt on her skin... it was intoxicating.
Y/n bit her lip, a shiver running through her as she remembered the heat of his body pressed against hers. She had wanted him so badly, had ached for his touch. And now, here she was, in his bathroom, wearing his shirt.
She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She couldn't let herself get carried away, couldn't let her feelings for Daniel cloud her judgment. They were just two old friends, catching up after years apart. Nothing more, nothing less.
Y/n stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself as she padded into the bedroom. She pulled on Daniel's shirt, the fabric soft and worn from years of use. It was a bit big on her, hanging loosely off her shoulders and brushing the tops of her thighs.
She rummaged through his dresser, looking for something to wear underneath. Her eyes landed on a pair of boxer shorts, and she grinned to herself. "Hey Danny," she imagined herself saying, "I took some boxer shorts from your dresser because I'm pretty sure it's not okay to be wearing only panties in your best friend's older brother's house."
Y/n pulled on the boxers, the waistband sitting low on her hips. She looked at herself in the mirror, a mischievous glint in her eye. She couldn't wait to see the look on Daniel's face when he saw her.
Y/n made her way downstairs, her bare feet padding softly on the hardwood floors. She could hear the sound of the coffee machine gurgling in the kitchen, and the faint scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air.
She crept up behind Daniel, who was leaning against the counter, his eyes half-closed as he waited for the coffee to finish. Y/n couldn't resist the urge to tease him, and before he could react, she reached out and tickled his armpits.
Daniel yelped, jumping up and spinning around. "What the hell?" he exclaimed, his eyes wide with surprise.
Y/n dissolved into giggles, holding up her hands in mock surrender. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself," she said, still laughing. "You looked so zoned out, I thought I'd wake you up."
He shook his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You're lucky I didn't drop the coffee pot," he said, his voice gruff.
She giggled, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "I hope you don't mind," she said, "I borrowed your boxers. I didn't think it was appropriate to be wearing lace panties around my best friend's brother."
Daniel lifted the hem of his shirt slightly, his eyes roaming over the waistband of the boxers peeking out. "Ehh, I think I'd prefer seeing the lace over my boxers," he said, his voice low and teasing.
Y/n rolled her eyes, playfully swatting at his arm. "You're such a perv," she said, but there was no real heat behind her words.
Daniel just grinned, pouring two cups of coffee and handing one to her. "Breakfast is almost ready," he said, gesturing to the stove where a pan of scrambled eggs and bacon sizzled.
She hopped up onto the kitchen counter, her feet dangling off the edge as she watched Daniel finish cooking. The scent of bacon and eggs filled the air, making her stomach growl.
"Ooh, okay," she said, eyeing the plate of food hungrily.
Daniel set the plate down in the center of the island, then turned to face her. He stepped between her legs, his hands coming to rest on her thighs.
"I meant what I said, by the way," he murmured, his eyes locked on hers. "I'd prefer seeing you in lace panties."
Y/n's breath caught in her throat, her heart racing at his closeness. "Is that so?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Daniel's lips found the sensitive skin of Y/n's neck, his kisses sending shivers down her spine. "Yeah," he murmured against her skin, his hands tugging at the waistband of the boxers. "So can I take these off, sweetheart?"
Y/n's head fell back, her eyes fluttering closed as she savored the feeling of his lips on her neck. "Please," she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper.
Daniel's fingers hooked into the waistband of the boxers, slowly pulling them down her legs. Y/n lifted her hips, allowing him to slide them off completely.
"There," he said, his voice husky. "Much better."
Y/n opened her eyes, her gaze meeting his. She could see the desire burning in their depths, and it made her heart race. "Daniel," she whispered, her hand coming up to cup his cheek.
He leaned into her touch, his eyes never leaving hers. "Y/n," he breathed, his lips brushing against hers.
Y/n's breath hitched as Daniel's fingers played with her through the lace of her panties. "Please," she whimpered, her hips bucking against his hand. "I need you."
Daniel smiled, his eyes dark with desire. "Look at you, sweetheart," he murmured, his fingers pushing the lace aside to reveal her wetness. "So wet for me. You'd think I already fucked you."
Y/n moaned, her head falling back as he teased her sensitive flesh. But just as she was getting lost in the sensation, Daniel stopped, his fingers hooking into the waistband of her panties.
"Off," he commanded, pulling them down her legs and tossing them carelessly onto the floor.
Y/n whimpered at the loss of his touch, but her need was quickly replaced by pleasure as Daniel's tongue licked a hot stripe along her slit. His nose brushed against her clit, and she cried out, her fingers tangling in his hair.
"Mmm, you taste so sweet for me, sweetheart," Daniel murmured, his words vibrating against her sensitive flesh. "I could have you like this all day."
He buried his face between her thighs, his tongue delving deep into her heat as he lapped at her juices. Y/n's back arched off the counter, her fingers gripping the edge tightly as he worked her over with his mouth.
Every so often, he would pull back just enough to make eye contact with her, his gaze smoldering as his nose brushed against her clit. Y/n's breath hitched, her hips bucking against his face as he teased her mercilessly.
"Danny," she gasped, her voice high and breathy. "Don't stop, please don't stop."
Daniel just grinned, his eyes dark with lust as he dove back in, determined to make her come undone.
Y/n's body shook and trembled as her orgasm ripped through her, her legs going limp as the intense pleasure overwhelmed her. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she chanted, her voice ragged and breathless.
Daniel held her legs up, his strong hands keeping her steady as he continued to lap at her sensitive flesh, prolonging her pleasure. He could feel her inner walls fluttering around his fingers, and it made his cock twitch in his pants.
Slowly, he eased her down from her high, his tongue gentling as he licked up every last drop of her release. Y/n collapsed back against the counter, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.
Daniel stood up, his lips glistening with her juices. He leaned in, capturing her mouth in a deep, filthy kiss. Y/n could taste herself on his tongue, and it sent a fresh wave of desire coursing through her.
Y/n moaned into the kiss, her body still thrumming with need. "I want more," she breathed, her hands fisting in his shirt.
Daniel laughed, a low, sexy sound. "Really? So needy," he teased, his fingers trailing down her side. "Tell me what you want, sweetheart."
"I want to cum again," Y/n said, her voice trembling with desperation. "I don't care how, I just want to do it again."
Chuckling, Daniel took her hand and led her to the living room. He sat down on the couch, spreading his legs wide. "Suck my cock and I'll let you cum, okay?" he said, his voice rough with desire.
Y/n nodded eagerly, dropping to her knees between his legs. She reached for his belt, her fingers fumbling with the buckle in her haste to get to him.
Daniel laughed, his head falling back against the couch as Y/n's soft lips wrapped around the tip of his cock. She placed a gentle kiss there, her tongue darting out to lick a slow, teasing strip along the side.
"Fuck, that feels good," he groaned, his fingers tangling in her hair.
Y/n hummed in response, her hand still stroking his length as she licked and kissed her way down to his balls. She took one into her mouth, sucking gently as her tongue swirled around it.
Daniel's hips twitched, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps. "Y/n," he warned, his voice strained. "If you keep that up, I'm gonna cum."
She just smiled around his ball, her eyes twinkling with mischief as she released it with a soft pop. "Would that be so bad?" she asked, her voice muffled.
"A bit," Daniel admitted, his voice strained as Y/n continued to tease the tip of his cock with her tongue. "It makes me seem like a teenager fucking for the first time."
Y/n looked up at him, her eyes wide and innocent as she batted her lashes. "Fuck like that, sweetheart," she purred, her hand stroking his shaft in time with her tongue.
Daniel groaned, his hips bucking up into her touch. He took a fistful of her hair, gently gathering it into a makeshift ponytail. "I need to see my pretty girl while she sucks my cock," he said, his voice rough with desire.
Y/n smiled, her lips parting as she took him into her mouth, inch by inch. She hollowed her cheeks, sucking hard as she bobbed her head up and down his length.
Y/n kept sucking him, her head bobbing up and down his length as she took him deeper into her mouth with each pass. Her tongue swirled around the sensitive head, lapping up the pre-cum that leaked from the tip.
Daniel's grip on her hair tightened, his hips thrusting up to meet her mouth. "Fuck, just like that," he groaned, his eyes locked on the erotic sight of her lips stretched around his cock.
Y/n moaned around him, the vibrations sending shivers down his spine. She could feel him getting closer, his thrusts becoming more erratic as he chased his release.
"Y/n, I'm gonna cum," Daniel warned, his voice strained. "If you don't want it in your mouth, you better pull off."
But Y/n just doubled her efforts, sucking harder and faster, determined to make him fall apart.
Daniel's hips jerked as he came, his cock pulsing in Y/n's mouth as he filled it with his release. She moaned around him, the vibrations prolonging his orgasm as he emptied himself down her throat.
Her mouth was full of his cum, and she had a bit of a hard time swallowing it all. But she was determined to take every last drop, her throat working as she gulped it down.
"Such a good girl," Daniel praised, his voice rough with satisfaction. "Sit on my thigh, you deserve to cum."
Y/n climbed up onto the couch, straddling his thigh as she faced him. She could feel his spent cock twitching against her skin, and it made her even wetter.
"How do you want me to cum, Danny?" she asked, her voice breathy with need. "Tell me what to do."
"Hump my thigh, sweetheart," Daniel instructed, his hand coming up to cup her breast through his shirt. "I'll take care of you."
Y/n nodded, grinding her hips against his muscular thigh. She gasped as his fingers found her nipple, pinching and rolling the sensitive bud through the fabric.
"That's it, baby," he murmured, his other hand sliding down to rub her through her soaked panties. "Get yourself off for me."
She whimpered, her hips moving faster as she chased her pleasure. She could feel his cock hardening again against her thigh, and it only spurred her on.
"Danny," she moaned, her head falling back as she rode his thigh. "Feels so good."
Y/n's humping became more desperate, her hips grinding frantically against Daniel's thigh as she chased her release. Whimpers and needy little moans spilled from her lips, her fingers digging into his shoulders for support.
The wetness of her cunt began to seep, leaving a damp spot on his pants as she rode him. Daniel's hand rubbed her faster through the drenched fabric, his fingers pressing against her clit.
"You're doing so well, baby," he praised, his voice low and encouraging. "Keep going for me. Cum when you want to."
Y/n's breath came in short, sharp gasps, her body tensing as she neared the edge. "Danny," she whimpered, her hips stuttering. "I'm gonna cum."
"Do it," he growled, his fingers pushing her panties aside to stroke her directly. "Cum for me, Y/n."
Y/n's body seized up as her orgasm crashed over her, her inner walls clenching and fluttering around nothing. She cried out, her hands wrapping around Daniel's neck as she rode out the intense waves of pleasure.
Her breath came in ragged gasps, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Daniel's strong arms held her close, one hand stroking her hair gently as the other rubbed soothing circles on her lower back.
"That's it, baby," he murmured, pressing soft kisses to her temple. "You did so good. Such a good girl for me."
Y/n nuzzled into his neck, basking in the afterglow. "Mmm, Danny," she sighed, her voice content and sated. "That was amazing."
Daniel chuckled, his fingers trailing down Y/n's spine. "Really, sweetheart?" he teased, his voice low and husky. "Because I'm not done with you yet."
Y/n lifted her head, her eyes wide with feigned annoyance. "Oh god," she groaned, rolling her eyes dramatically. "You're insatiable."
But there was no real heat behind her words, a playful smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She could feel his cock hardening against her thigh once again, and it sent a fresh wave of desire coursing through her.
Y/n lay curled up beside Daniel, her head resting on his chest as she traced lazy patterns on his skin. The late afternoon sun filtered through the blinds, casting a warm glow over the rumpled sheets.
"We did it," she murmured, her voice soft and sleepy. "We actually followed through on our little bet."
Daniel chuckled, his fingers carding through her hair. "We sure did," he agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "And I'd say it was a success."
Y/n giggled, her body still tingling from their marathon "Mmm, I'd say so," she purred, nuzzling closer to him. "You wore me out, Danny."
"I'll take that as a compliment," he teased, his arm tightening around her waist. "Though I think we both could use a nap after that."
Y/n yawned, her eyes drifting closed. "Definitely," she mumbled, her breathing already evening out as she slipped into a contented slumber, safe and warm in Daniel's embrace.
Just as Y/n was about to drift off to sleep, Daniel's phone chimed with an incoming call. He glanced at the screen and smirked, seeing his sister's name.
"Hey sis," he answered, putting the call on speaker. "What's up?"
"Hey Dan," his sister replied, her voice chipper. "So I'm buying something for Y/n right now - you know, as a welcome back gift. But I can't decide between a necklace or a lipstick. Any thoughts?"
Y/n's eyes flew open at the mention of her name. She leaned in close to Daniel, whispering in his ear. "I'd prefer a necklace."
Daniel grinned, his hand sliding down to rest on Y/n's hip. "I think a necklace would be a good idea," he said, his voice low and suggestive. "Y/n loves jewelry."
His sister laughed. "Okay, necklace it is then. Thanks for the help, Dan."
"No problem," Daniel said, chuckling. "Now please end the call, I wanna go back to bed."
"Oh, of course!" his sister replied, oblivious to Y/n's presence. "Thanks for the help, Dan. Talk to you later!"
"Later, sis," Daniel said, ending the call. He turned to Y/n with a mischievous grin. "Where were we?"
Y/n laughed, playfully swatting at his chest. "Danny, no," she giggled. "Let me sleep."
Daniel pouted, but he didn't push it. Instead, he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling into her hair. "Fine, fine," he murmured. "But I'm not letting you go just yet."
Y/n sighed contentedly, snuggling into his embrace as she drifted off to sleep, safe and warm in Daniel's arms.
The next few days passed in a blur of passion and excitement for Y/n and Daniel. They spent every waking moment together, their bodies entwined as they explored each other in every way possible. The sex was endless, the feeling of happiness and adrenaline coursing through their veins as they pushed the boundaries of what they could get away with.
One particularly memorable moment came when they were in the middle of a heated session on Daniel's bed, Y/n's moans echoing off the walls, when suddenly there was a loud knock at the front door.
"Daniel? Are you home?" his sister's voice called out. "I need help with my car!"
Y/n's eyes widened in panic, her heart racing as she scrambled to gather her clothes. "Shit, shit, shit," she hissed, frantically trying to pull her panties up her legs.
Daniel quickly grabbed a shirt and threw it on, his eyes darting around the room for a place to hide Y/n. "Closet," he mouthed, pointing to the large walk-in closet. "Now!"
After a few minutes of frantic whispering and hurried explanations, Daniel managed to convince his sister that he knew just what was wrong with her car. He promised to come down and take a look, buying them some time.
As soon as he heard the front door close, Daniel rushed back up the stairs and into his bedroom. He flung open the closet door, finding Y/n curled up on the floor, giggling uncontrollably.
"I'm so sorry about that," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I had no idea she was going to show up."
Y/n just laughed, shaking her head. "It's okay," she said, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "That was actually kind of exciting."
Y/n and Daniel collapsed onto the bed, their laughter echoing off the walls as they clung to each other. The adrenaline of almost getting caught mixed with the sheer joy of their connection, leaving them breathless and giddy.
As their laughter began to subside, Daniel's eyes darkened with desire. He rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow as he looked down at Y/n. "You know," he murmured, his voice low and husky, "I never did get to finish what I started."
Y/n's breath hitched, her body already responding to the heat in his gaze. "Oh?" she asked, her voice breathy. "And what exactly did you have in mind?"
Daniel grinned, his hand sliding down her side to rest on her hip. "I think you know," he purred, leaning in close. "I'm going to make you scream my name until you forget all about my sister's unexpected visit."
Y/n shivered, her legs falling open in invitation. "Then what are you waiting for?" she challenged, her eyes glinting with mischief.
2024 - Friday, 3:26 PM
Y/n stood on the doorstep of Daniel's family home, her heart pounding with a mix of excitement and nervousness. She had been looking forward to this weekend for weeks, but now that the moment was here, she couldn't help but feel a little anxious.
She raised her hand and knocked on the door, smoothing down her dress nervously as she waited. After a moment, the door swung open, revealing Daniel's sister with a bright smile.
"Y/n!" she exclaimed, pulling her into a warm hug. "I'm so glad you could make it!"
Y/n returned the hug, feeling some of her nerves melt away. "Thank you so much for having me," she said, stepping inside. "I'm really excited to spend some time with all of you."
Daniel's sister led her into the living room, where the rest of the family was gathered. Y/n's eyes immediately sought out Daniel, who was sitting on the couch with his parents. He caught her gaze and winked, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
Daniel's sister turned to Y/n, her brow furrowed with concern. "Sorry for not being able to pick you up," she said, apologetic. "My car was acting weird, and I didn't want to risk breaking down on the way."
Y/n glanced at Daniel, pretending not to know anything about the car trouble. She offered his sister a reassuring smile. "It's alright," she said, her voice warm and sincere. "I completely understand. I'm just happy to be here with all of you."
Daniel's sister relaxed, her smile returning. "Thanks, Y/n," she said, giving her a quick hug. "I'm glad you're here. It's been too long since we've all gotten together like this."
Y/n nodded, her eyes drifting back to Daniel. He was watching her intently, a small smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. She couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, her heart skipping a beat at the intensity of his gaze.
Y/n made her way around the room, greeting Daniel's parents and other family members with warm hugs and friendly smiles. She chatted with them briefly, asking about their week and catching up on any news.
When she finally made her way to Daniel, she acted as if they were just casual acquaintances, rather than the lovers who had spent the past few days tangled in each other's arms.
"Hi Daniel," she said, offering him a polite smile. "It's good to see you."
Daniel's eyes sparkled with mischief as he stood up to greet her. "Y/n," he said, his voice low and warm. "I'm so glad you could make it."
He leaned in to hug her, his body pressing close for just a moment longer than was necessary. Y/n suppressed a shiver, remembering the feel of his skin against hers.
As they pulled apart, Daniel's mother called out from across the room. "Daniel, dear, could you help your father bring in the food from the grill? Y/n, why don't you come sit with me and catch up?"
"I'll be staying her for a couple of weeks, unless something happens at work," Y/n jokes. The older woman could only laugh, understanding how work can ruin a vacation.
Daniel's mother nodded, her eyes twinkling with approval. "That's wonderful," she said. "We're so glad you'll be here for a while. It's always a pleasure to have you around."
She leaned in closer, lowering her voice conspiratorially. "And who knows? Maybe you'll even find a nice young man to settle down with while you're here."
Y/n felt her cheeks heat up at the implication, her mind immediately flashing to her secret trysts with Daniel. "Oh, I don't know about that," she said, trying to keep her voice light and casual. "I'm not really looking for anything serious right now."
Daniel's mother waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense," she said. "You're young and beautiful, you should be out there enjoying life and meeting new people."
Y/n just smiled and nodded, not wanting to reveal the truth about her relationship with Daniel. She knew it would only complicate things, and she wasn't ready to deal with the potential fallout.
Y/n and Daniel's sister were down in the basement, the sound of the pool balls clicking and clacking filling the air. They had been catching up for hours, laughing and reminiscing about old times.
"Remember that time we snuck out to go to that concert?" Daniel's sister asked, lining up her shot. "Your parents were so mad when they found out."
Y/n giggled, taking her own shot and sinking the 8-ball. "They grounded me for a month," she said, grinning. "But it was totally worth it. That show was amazing."
His sister nodded, racking up the balls for another game. "Those were the days," she said, a wistful smile on her face. "I miss being young and carefree like that."
Daniel's sister suddenly snapped her fingers, a light bulb going off in her head. "Oh! I almost forgot," she said, rummaging through her purse. "I have a gift for you."
She pulled out a small, elegantly wrapped box and handed it to Y/n. "Here," she said, grinning. "Consider it a welcome home present."
Y/n's eyes widened as she took the box from Daniel's sister, her mind racing with the memory of that phone call. She had completely forgotten about the conversation between Daniel and his sister, and the fact that she had chosen the necklace without even realizing it.
"Oh wow," she said, carefully opening the box. Inside was a beautiful gold necklace with a delicate pendant in the shape of a butterfly. "It's gorgeous," she breathed, running her fingers over the cool metal.
Daniel's sister beamed, clearly pleased with Y/n's reaction. "I'm so glad you like it," she said. "Daniel said you'd prefer this over lipstick, so I thought it was the perfect choice."
Y/n carefully removed the necklace from the box, her fingers trembling slightly as she fastened the clasp at the back of her neck. The cool metal felt smooth against her skin.
"Thank you so much," she said, turning to face Daniel's sister with a bright smile. "It's absolutely beautiful. I love it."
Daniel's sister grinned, clearly pleased with Y/n's reaction. "I'm so glad you like it," she said, giving Y/n a quick hug. "And I have to say, it looks perfect on you."
Y/n's hand instinctively went to the pendant, her fingers tracing the delicate wings of the butterfly.
Daniel's sister yawned, stretching her arms above her head. "I think I'm going to head up to bed," she said, gathering her things. "It's been a long day."
Y/n nodded, understanding. "Of course, I'll be up in a bit," she said. "I just want to finish this game first."
Daniel's sister smiled, giving Y/n a quick hug before heading up the stairs. As soon as she was gone, Y/n turned back to the pool table, lining up her shot.
She had always been a bit competitive, and she couldn't resist the challenge of sinking all the remaining balls. She took her time, focusing on each shot, the click of the balls, and the thwack of the cue against the felt the only sounds in the basement.
As Y/n lined up her shot, ready to sink the last of the three remaining balls, she heard a clap from the top of the stairs. She turned to see Daniel standing there, a smile on his face.
"Impressive," he said, his voice low and appreciative. "I didn't know you were so good at pool."
She grinned, setting her cue down on the table. "I've been practicing," she said, walking towards him. "But I think you already knew that, didn't you?"
Daniel's eyes darkened as she approached, his gaze trailing over her body. "I knew you were good at a lot of things," he murmured, his voice husky.
Y/n's breath caught in her throat, her body responding to the heat in his gaze. She stopped just in front of him, looking up at him through her lashes. "Is that so?" she asked, her voice breathy.
Daniel closed the distance between them, his hands sliding around her waist as he lifted her up onto the pool table. Y/n gasped, her legs instinctively wrapping around his hips as he stepped between them.
He leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in a teasing kiss. "I think you know exactly what I mean," he murmured, his breath hot against her skin.
Y/n's hands slid up his chest, tangling in his hair as she pulled him closer. "Show me," she whispered, her lips hovering just inches from his.
Daniel groaned, his mouth crashing against hers in a passionate kiss. His hands roamed over her body, slipping under her shirt to caress the smooth skin of her back.
Y/n moaned into the kiss, her hips grinding against his. She could feel his hardness pressing against her, and it sent a shiver of desire coursing through her.
"Daniel," she gasped, breaking the kiss to look up at him. "We can't... not here..."
His hands slid down to cup Y/n's face, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks. "Shh," he murmured, his voice low and soothing. "It's okay. Everyone's asleep. We can..."
He trailed off, his gaze dropping to her lips. "Fuck, you're so pretty," he breathed, his eyes dark with desire.
Y/n's heart raced, her body aching with need. She knew they shouldn't be doing this, not here, not with his family just upstairs. But the way Daniel was looking at her, the way his hands felt on her skin... she couldn't resist.
"Daniel," she whispered, her voice trembling with anticipation. "Please..."
Daniel's eyes blazed with desire as he looked down at Y/n, his hands still cupping her face. "Please what, sweetheart?" he murmured, his voice low and husky. "What do you want?"
Y/n's breath hitched, her lips parting slightly as she gazed up at him. "I want you," she whispered, her voice trembling with need. "I want you to touch me, to kiss me, to make me yours."
Daniel groaned, his head dipping to nuzzle into her neck. "Fuck, Y/n," he breathed, his lips brushing against her skin. "You have no idea how badly I want that too."
His hands slid down her body, slipping under her shirt to caress the smooth skin of her stomach. Y/n shivered, her hips arching up to press against him.
"Please, Daniel," she gasped, her fingers tangling in his hair. "I need you."
His lips crashed against Y/n's in a passionate kiss, his tongue delving into her mouth to tangle with hers. Y/n moaned, her fingers tugging at his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against hers.
As they kissed, their hands roamed over each other's bodies, exploring and teasing. Y/n's fingers slipped under the waistband of Daniel's shorts, her nails raking over the sensitive skin of his lower back.
"I need you so bad," she gasped, breaking the kiss to look up at him with hooded eyes. "Please, Daniel, I can't wait anymore."
Daniel chuckled, his fingers tangling in her hair. "Patience, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice low and teasing. "Now suck."
He brought his fingers to her lips, his meaning clear. Y/n's eyes widened, but she didn't hesitate. She parted her lips, taking his fingers into her mouth and sucking them deep.
After a moment, Daniel pulled his fingers from Y/n's mouth, a low groan escaping his lips at the sensation. "Let go," he murmured, his voice husky with desire.
Y/n released his fingers, her eyes dark and needy as she watched him. Daniel's free hand moved to her shorts, his fingers deftly pushing the fabric and her panties to the side.
"Fuck, you're so wet," he breathed, his fingers brushing against her slick folds. Y/n gasped, her hips bucking up to meet his touch.
Slowly, Daniel pushed his spit-covered fingers into her tight heat, his thumb circling her clit as he did. Y/n cried out, her head falling back against the pool table as pleasure coursed through her.
Daniel's fingers pumped in and out of Y/n's wet heat, his thumb circling her clit in tight, teasing circles. "That feels good, doesn't it?" he murmured, his voice low and husky. "Just like all the times I've fucked you this week. On the couch, on the kitchen counter, in the bathtub…"
Y/n moaned, her hips rocking against his hand. "Yes," she gasped, her fingers digging into his shoulders. "God, yes. It feels so good."
Daniel grinned, his eyes dark with lust. "I love seeing you like this," he growled, his fingers curling inside her, hitting that spot that made her see stars. "I love knowing that I'm the only one who can make you feel this way."
Y/n's breath came in short, sharp gasps, her body tensing as she neared the edge. "Daniel," she whimpered, her nails raking down his back. "Please, I need more."
Y/n whined in protest as Daniel suddenly pulled his fingers from her sopping cunt, leaving her empty and aching for more. But her whine quickly turned into a gasp as she felt the head of his cock pressing against her sensitive clit.
"Daniel," she breathed, her hips bucking up to meet his touch. "Please, I need you inside me."
Daniel chuckled, his eyes dark with lust as he looked down at her. "Patience, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice low and teasing. "I'm going to take my time with you."
He rocked his hips, the tip of his cock sliding through her wet folds, teasing her entrance but not quite pushing inside. Y/n moaned, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she tried to pull him closer.
"Fuck, you're so wet for me," Daniel groaned, his hips circling, spreading her arousal around her clit. "I can't wait to feel you wrapped around my cock."
He finally pushed forward, his thick cock sliding into Y/n's tight heat in one smooth stroke. Y/n's mouth opened in a silent scream of pleasure, her eyes rolling back as he filled her completely.
Daniel covered her mouth with his hand, his fingers pressing against her lips. "Shh," he murmured, his voice low and husky. "We can't have anyone hearing you, can we?"
Y/n shook her head, her lips brushing against his fingers as she nodded. She bit down on his hand, muffling her moans as Daniel began to move, his hips rocking against hers in a steady rhythm.
"Fuck, you feel so good," he groaned, his free hand gripping her hip tightly. "So tight and wet and perfect."
Y/n's nails raked down his back, her hips lifting to meet his thrusts. The pool table creaked beneath them, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing in the basement.
Y/n rocked her hips against Daniel's, her clit rubbing against his pelvis with each thrust. The friction was delicious, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through her body.
"Oh god, Daniel," she gasped, her voice muffled against his hand. "Don't stop, please don't stop."
Daniel's grip on her hip tightened, his thrusts becoming harder, faster. "Fuck, Y/n," he groaned, his hips snapping against hers. "You're so fucking tight. I'm not going to last much longer."
Y/n could feel her orgasm building, her body tensing as she neared the edge. "Me neither," she whimpered, her nails digging into his back. "I'm so close, Daniel. Please, make me cum."
Daniel's hand slid from her mouth to her breast, his fingers pinching and rolling her nipple through the thin fabric of her shirt. "Cum for me, Y/n," he growled, his hips pounding into her. "Cum all over my cock like the good girl you are."
Daniel's thrusts became erratic, his body tensing as he neared his own release. "Fuck, Y/n," he groaned, his hips slamming into hers. "I'm going to cum."
Y/n's orgasm hit her like a freight train, her body convulsing as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over her. "Daniel!" she cried out, her voice echoing in the basement.
Daniel thrust deep one last time, his cock pulsing as he spilled his seed inside her. He rocked his hips, pushing his cum deeper, his fingers digging into her hips.
Y/n's walls fluttered around him, milking him for every last drop. She could feel his hot cum filling her, the sensation prolonging her own orgasm.
As Daniel's orgasm subsided, he began to pull out of Y/n, his softening cock slipping from her sensitive heat. But before he could fully withdraw, a voice rang out from the top of the stairs. "What the actual fuck?"
Daniel and Y/n both froze, their eyes widening as they looked up to see Daniel's sister standing at the bottom of the stairs, her mouth hanging open in shock.
taglist:
@nepobbylver @wobblymug @xoscar03 @irishmanwhore @nitiii
@lilorose25 @anamiad00msday @carlossainzapologist @widow-cevans
#sera write's#1k celebration#formula 1#f1#formula one#f1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 smut#f1 imagine#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 fluff#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fic#formula 1 smut#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#f1 x y/n#f1 x female reader#daniel ricciardo#daniel ricciardo fic#daniel ricciardo x you#daniel ricciardo x y/n#daniel ricciardo imagine#daniel ricciardo smut#daniel ricciardo fluff#daniel ricciardo fanfic#daniel ricciardo x fem!reader
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More on this I'm shaking in my boots even more than I was before LMAO. I've been feeling rather insecure about my creative stuff lately and I. Idk I'll get over it and have a good time. I am genuinely excited! But I don't want to disappoint anyone, or give something that's not as good as they deserve. Anyway ignore me
I just got assigned my person for the phandom gift exchange and IM PEEING MY PANTS THEYRE SO COOL AND TALENTED HELP IM SO SCARED
#art has been . ugh i feel like i havent improved at all in the entire time ive been doing it#and i cant stop comparing myself to the other amazing people on here/in the gift exchange#which of ik is not good#and its not like i compare the skills of these people against each other because they are all unique and cool in their own right#and it is in no way a competition#its just really hard to not feel subpar when youre surrounded by talented people#and dont even ask me about how writing is going. ughhhhh im. ANYWAY IGNORE ME#shouts to the void
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I havent been on Tumblr in a few days and that's kinda sad for my brain. I love Tumblr. But I had to do some introspection and realized that posting had stopped feeling fun and moreso an obligation.
I started my blog as a little virtual diary, and a way to just talk about hellenic polytheism because it made me happy. But at some point I noticed that all of my posts had started becoming educational and I felt stressed at the idea of not putting up long teaching posts but I'd be stressed writing them because I wanted to post other little stuff about helpol. And I kinda had to sit with myself and ask why I felt like I HAD to constantly post lessons. Because I don't. My blog is my own, I can have fun with it.
I think some of the anxiety also came from some comments people have made about me and my server. About how a lot of my members have looked to me as a sort of leader and guide and how it's a bad thing. Which I can understand. I think sometimes I get scared of being wrong, so I try to learn as much as possible, and then I share that, and I'm looked to as someone knowledgeable on stuff. And it makes me happy when I can help my friends and members! It does make me anxious, though, when it's treated like they don't have minds of their own and follow me exclusively without doing research. And then the idea of doing lesson posts fills me with dread because it feels like I'm feeding into those allegations. But then I don't want people to NOT be educated on a topic I know a lot about. But I don't want people to think the people who follow my lesson posts are mindless sheep. And I'm certainly no shepard, I'm still learning myself. So it kinda becomes this endless cycle of internal turmoil.
It was a weird sense of catharsis, making these realizations. Remembering that this was never a teaching account, but rather, one for me to gush about how happy I am in helpol and vent when I'm upset and share the things that I learn and know and hopefully inspire/teach others. That this account was started because I live in a Christian household, and I wanted a safe space to be my most authentic self.
I'll continue posting lessons, of course! I genuinely love making them, and I love how many people they help. But I'm gonna keep in mind that the main focus of this blog has always been my secret little hidey hole of emotions ♡
#does this count as shadow work?#hellenic polytheism#hellenic worship#hellenism#hellenic deities#hellenic community#helpol#witchblr
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Merry Christmas to my lovely moots!!
and almost happy birthday to me~ fufu, it's the 27th if you havent heard me yapping already! :3
So, to begin this, I want you all to know how much you really mean to me. Everyone here has been a huge part of the reason why i'm still doing art. I've been working on this and hinting at it since the start of the month!
I've been so excited to finish this project, and I hope that this will brighten up your holidays. Keep in mind, EVERYTHING IS PLATONIC!!
also, the order doesn't mean anything. it's just random! (i didnt even finish the drawings in this order, so i have actually 0 idea why it's like this lmao)
AND NO !!! I DONT HAVE FAVORITES. PLEASE DONT BE SAD IF YOUR NOTE IS SHORTER THAN OTHERS!! I JUST INTERACT MORE WITH THEM/HAVE KNOWN THEM LONGER. YOU ALL ARE SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME!! I PROMISE GUYS 😭😭😭
✦ Find your @, and read what I wrote for ya! Then, scroll all the way down for a little surprise ;3 ☆
Without further ado, LETS GET IT STARTED! 🩷🎀
@pr3tty-0n-the-inside,
where do i even begin? through my entire time in the outsiders fandom, you've been there and encouraged me throughout it. you complimented my silly crossovers, and we've overall had the best conversations. you've encouraged me throughout the entire magical girl series, and you're a big reason on why that was finished. thank you SO MUCH for being in my life. thank you for randomly messaging me when we became moots. thank you thank you, thank you. I hope you have wonderful holidays, you deserve it.
Your humor is so amazing, and I always find myself laughing whenever I talk to you. I love your roleplay account and just how you interact with people, and I love your personality.
“my fuckass computer unplugged, kill me” poetry. Words of an angel.
also, be a little nicer to yourself :3
@qqtofu,
i know we haven't talked that much, but i really do admire your art so much! you've been a huge inspiration to me, and just looking at your art gives me inspiration to draw! rin is my favorite vocaloid, and gosh, you really do her justice! i mean, how could you not? you're so super talented! and you're super sweet as well, I hope you have a great christmas/any holiday you celebrate, and i'd love to get to know ya better! <3
@charlie-bonkerz,
we've recently become moots, I know, but you still deserve to be celebrated! you have been so super supportive and I always have a smile on my face while reading your messages!
sometimes, I'll admit, I scroll back to that one compliment you gave when I'm feeling insecure about my art. (ponyboy drawing) I keep rereading it and it's been motivating me to continue doing art. Seriously, I can't stress how much those big compliments mean. I don't receive a lot of support for my art irl and your words really do have a huge impact on me.
thank you so much for being in my life, I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything. Also you're stunning.
@deim0sdread,
DALLAS!!!! thanks so so much for being in my life, you've genuinely encouraged me so much, and I couldn't be happier that I'm your friend! your oc was so fun to draw! thank you for your requests on the magical girl series, getting requests always makes my day so much better, and I get so happy whenever people show that they like my art! especially you, when I first saw how much you liked my art, I almost cried. You're the sweetest, merry Christmas / happy holidays (I'm not sure what you celebrate, but have fun with whatever it is :3) 🩷🎀
@sugarberry-beetle,
kk!! :o your oc was so cute and fun to draw! I'm so glad you randomly popped into my messages! our conversations always make me smile, and the way you type is sooo cutteeee 🩷🎀 thank you for calling my art cool, yours is 18.52% cooler than mine!!! >:333 merry Christmas/happy holidays kk!!!! :D keep creating art, id love to see it! and never give up writing! It's so adorable! DALBIT!!!!
@eepyguy1987,
youve been nothing but kind to me in messages and in my inbox! thank you so much, you make me so happy whenever i see an ask/message for you, and you're definitely a highlight of my days! thanks for being in my life!
@magefelixir,
hey there Felix! I know we don't interact much, but when we do, it's always a blast! your compliments and you expressing how much my art means to you is such a huge push for me to keep creating. If I'm going to be honest, that mesmerizer drawing was created in my head because of you! I'm so thankful for you, mwah 🩷
@cheryyy-valancce,
Cherry, you're genuinely such an amazing person and a kind soul. Your encouraging words and just compliments overall have seriously brightened up my days so much. Our endless reblogs talking about random stuff, and our conversations about vocaloid have been soooo sweet. I love interacting with you in character and out of character, because you're just so amazing to talk with!
Being your friend has been so memorable this year, and I couldn't be more grateful. I love you, cherry! I hope you have wonderful holidays!
@greasergirllll,
we haven't interacted much as of lately, but I do remember when we did, and gosh. That was so fun. You encouraged me so much to really finish off the greasers as magical girls series! Thanks so much, really. Im so grateful for our conversations, and I hope we can talk a bit more soon! 🩷🎀🌟 Happy holidays :3
@nexternalknowsthingz,
HEY THERE NEX!!! youve been such a huge inspo to me.. I don't know if you remember but I commented on a post of yours waaaayyyayay before I even started on any outsiders works.. and you responded and called my art cutee...ababahshaba
ok maybe maybe maybe I was squealing and blushing a bit and maybe I was rereading that comment
BUT!!!! gosh, youve seriously encouraged me so much. Your art is always so fun to see, and I love being moots. Thanks so so much for being my friend, and I hope you have amazing holidays! Hope to get to know you more :3
@boxxy-roxxy,
Rui, your art is sooo pretty. I love the down turned eyes and your colors, seriously, you're insanely talented! I'm so honored to be friends with such an amazing artist, and I still cherish that art trade we did. :3 the way you draw Johnny is so cute, and I LOVE seeing new art from you! I've said this before and I'll say it again. Seeing new art from you is like opening a Christmas present! Never stop, because then I'll miss ya!! (Unless you take a break, even then, I'll support you! You're awesome!!🩷🎀)
@six-eyed-samurai,
When I first saw your tokyo rev stuff, I was like, "woah!! that's cool!" and followed you. Pretty soon after were the long ass asks for the texts and such, and I was so happy when you answered them. I'm gonna be honest, I loved reading your authors notes more than I liked reading the actual texts.
Being able to call you my friend has been such a blessing, from the times you put up with my weird requests, all the way to now. Our headcanons have been so fun to make, and yes. In another universe, we're performing APT. with rindou, ran, inupi, and koko. It's been an amazing year, and I loved every second that was spent with you.
yes. you are a masochist. I don't understand WHY YOU ENJOY GRAPE FLAVORED CANDY?! ITS NOT SANE. ITS NOT AND I WILL STAND BY THE FACT THAT YOU BELONG IN AN ASYLUM. ALSO IM NOT WEIRD FOR DRINKING VINEGAR, ITS LITERALLY GOOD. YOURE CRAZY.
im so happy we can bond over Haikyuu, Tokyo rev, and bsd, and I can't wait to see how your novel develops as you keep writing it! You'll never understand how much you mean to me because I lack to vocabulary to express it. I love you so, so much sunny. I can't wait for my next Christmas with you. 🩷🎀🌟
@redfielddoesthings,
Carmim, jeez. I've been putting off your letter for so long since I just didn't know what to write. you're one of my best best friends, and I enjoy your company so much. Talking with you brightens my day in a matter of seconds. I love the way you type, I love your humor, I love your art, I love your ocs, I love your style, I love you. please never ever change.
You've told me many times that you enjoy how enthusiastic I am, even when I ask if I should calm down around you. I never showed it but you have no clue how much that means to me. I've never really had anyone before this that enjoyed how energetic I was, and to finally know what it's like is a dream come true. Your encouraging words and just overall kindness have been motivating me to continue drawing and doing what I love.
Calling you my friend is such an honor, and I'd never trade it for anything. My life was a boring ass textbook before this, but you took some silly little highlighters in a bunch of colors and scribbled all over the pages. you've lit up my life so much and I can't thank you enough. I love you carmim, /p.
also if you ever say "my art isn't all that" ever again I'm leaking our "insiders" chats. 😋😋😋 I WILL STAND FOR NOTHING BUT COMPLIMENTS FOR YOURSELF
ALRIGHT! the final message before I let you guys go on with your Christmas!
Sometimes I forget how much I'm loved, and how lucky I am to have you all in my life. Being friend with you guys makes me so grateful and helps me realize that people DO enjoy seeing my art. I mentioned this in a few messages, but I do not get much support from the people around me regarding my art. Your compliments mean SO much to me, and I couldn't be happier that I've met all of you.
going back to "forgetting how much I'm loved," I'm sure you guys do too. Keep this as a reminder of how much I care about you and how much you mean to me. You deserve everything and more, and I can't stand to know that a world exists where I don't have all of you. I don't wanna think about the fact that you guys may feel that someone doesn't care about you, because I do. I need you to know that I do care and I will always be here for you. I love you guys so much, and I could never be happier.
AND WITH THAT, WE'RE FINISHED!!!🩷🎀
time taken (for everything combined) : ~22hrs 50m
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Magenta 😟
#I've had cognitive impairment from covid before but not to where i feel intellectually dumb when i write#my college papers and my writing projects dont sound like “me” as of late#its very bare bones and doesn't have the descriptiveness or humanity i normally give#like i see the scenes or what i want to say in my head#but what i type aint matching up#and yeah i naturally get into slumps like that but this is like that slump x 9000#I'm kinda scared this round might've given me brain damage#havent been feeling all the way like myself#but i also know too that covid takes a while to heal from and of course theres long covid shit which ive dealt with before#im just frustrated guys#i feel like within the last 3 to 4 months i finally healed from my last bout of rona#and i get it again and im back to square one#i just want to write and feel okay with it and not feel so stuck just trying to come up with a basic sentence#seriously even writing basic shit is hard right now#it took me a week to get 5 pages on duality#and im used to churning out at least 10 pages on my projects at minimum every couple days to a week#man give me chronic pain anyday but don't take away my mind and the freedom that comes with that#sorry guys im feeling sad#i know i gotta give myself time but im impatient#i hate how right before i caught covid again i was gonna get my flu shot and an updated covid vax#wish i could've avoided this crud#having weird chest shit too#was a heart thing now its gerd now its potentially back to a heart thing#im tired#i need a hug#i love you 🫂💙#magenta is my vent word
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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having one of those mid-20s moments where you're like well damn. im really not a teenager anymore i dont hate myself anymore actually. like its insane
sorry i gotta ramble but this feels too silly to post anywhere else
#kk.txt#not snz#like for a while even the thought of like admitting i didn't hate myself felt like.. like i was being full of myself#idk what clicked in my brain a few years ago but it felt like i started to see myself more and like understand myself as a person#like i would a friend. and i just didn't think like that before i guess lmao#but like idk i dont talk about my personal life much but ive been recovering from post-pandemic agoraphobia#and i just went on my first big trip alone and im like. god its barely there anymore its just a little shadow in the corner of my mind#that only spreads occasionally now instead of overwhelming me#like im still terrible at a lot a lot a lot of social interaction type stuff but im like.. doing better than i thought id be able to#a few years ago. like idk im not good at.. change and especially conceptualizing myself as someone who can change and be fluid#like i really do think a majority of my person like my core morals and demeanor havent changed that much. and i like that#it makes me feel more secure to be that way#but at the same time its like my mental image isn't nearly as self hating as it used to be#like i used to picture myself as coming off basically the same way as that girl from watamote lmao like#ugly greasy awkward offputting weird#but now im like.. im just some guy... like yeah i have less experience putting effort into my appearance and i slouch and i have acne#but i am also capable of looking good occasionally. i dont need to do it all the time#ok i got off the bus and my train of thought died goodbye
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well the DA ama just reinforces my belief that all of veilguard is the equivalent of a magic fever dream after solas brought down the veil and rook + inky are still out there trying to find him
#while i havent exactly been subtle about my judgement on the game#i feel like i have tried to give the plot and lore a chance#but i just. i just can't can't seem to being myself to accept it as canon.#i cannot.#ive tried going over different takes and opinions but it all seems to come down to the same thing#it doesnt make sense.#so im going to take the bits i like - the companions and the locations - and throw away the rest#i think at this point thats going to be the only way i retain my love for thedas#datv critical#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age
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just a lil bit of a share ! i’ve been feeling really down lately about not writing that much 🥲 and keeping up with posting more frequently/updating a few of my series more regularly 🥲 but i looked at my masterlists and noticed almost 60% of my fics are actually from this year and we’re only half-way in 🥺
anyway ! the point of this is, if you’re being too hard on yourself today, i hope you’re reminded that you’re doing much better than you think 🥺
#i always feel a little disappointed in myself when it comes to my writing pace bc i rlly wish i could write faster !!#i have all these events (that i do plan on finishing and getting through! i will be true to my word!!)#and long/big fics that i had high hopes for but have not gotten to yet#and while i still hope to write faster i think i’m still pretty happy with the progress i’ve made so far 🥺#i’ve explored tons of different characters (which was really intimidating for me at the start!)#and i kind of also found my style~ 🥺 which im really happy abt!#still loads of exploration to do but yes 🥺 slowly trying to get back into the writing grind 🥺#working on collab pieces with niku and working my way through my ficsforgaza fics!#while also trying to edit and reupload my iwaizumi series 🥺#anyway this is also why i havent been on the dash much / in inboxes / or interacting as much 😭#it’s kind of how i discipline myself (?) like. when i need to focus on writing i limit scrolling as much as i can 🥲#i talked so much again
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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.
#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions#and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself#so i probably deserve it#but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant#it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it#and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad#i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain#and the worst part is it always works#realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade#i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16#my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am#and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores#it went on for months one summer#then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22#only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died#i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief#the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible#once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho#it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade#and my parents fueled so much of it#‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED#crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up#idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.
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its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao
#having my daily ''oh my god i need to change my program'' crisis#its just idk . i feel like im woefully underprepared for doing any of this kinda stuff when everyone around me already knows#what theyre doing and what they wanna get out of it. idk.#and i have a slightly better idea of what i want to do but i havent figured out how im gonna get there.#and idk.#we were talking about what we want to do with this line of study after graduating and the only thing i could think of#was that i didnt choose this specific field because of what it had to offer#i chose it because it was the easiest way to get out of the situation i was in for a LOT of fucking reasons#and now that im out i guess i can start thinking abt what i really wanna get out of all this. idk.#probably gonna need to wait till next semester anyway but thats fine. ive been waiting for this for 20 years i can wait a little longer#but idk i guess its just a little frustrating feeling so Behind everyone else.#but i guess this is what happens when u pack ur whole life into 2 suitcases to escape a high control cult. who knew!!!#its time for dinner and i crave my daily portion of chow mien. and then i will watch show 3 inches from my computer screen so i can see.#winter speaks#overall i am vibing. a little frustrated with myself but it cant be helped. i am vibing :]#personal
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so the way endings in awakening work is a bit off if you have the gay mod because it reads single people normally, but married people have the man’s ending read, and then his wife just. attached. and so that alters which ending you see for both of them. unfortunately, that means if i have f/f pairs, which most of them were, i dont get to see any because none of them were read. and at least with the second gen, i did almost entirely f/f pairs, which dont show up, or m/m pairs, which had nothing written, so. everyone please give it up for gerome and cynthia, the only second gen ending i got to see!
😭😭 good for them!!! anyways unorganized final thoughts under cut so i dont have to make a whole other post for it
awakening lunatic sucks! but project thabes makes it suck a little less. in all honesty i had a lot of fun, awakenings a good game to revisit, and finding a way to make it challenging while being able to use my favorite units (awakening second gen) ever was awesome. normally having all 13 (or 14 in this case, with both morgans) would break the game, but lunatic kept the enemies strong, so it didnt matter what my units had. i actually got overwhelmed a lot 😭 HUGE difficulty jump between hard and lunatic all i’m saying. and then the games like “hey now u have lunatic+ if that interests you” NOOOOO THANKS.
anyways. here are my top three guys according to the medal thingies at the end
im so proud of them :3 of all the kids really but yeah these three were huge standouts. virion actually got a change in the mod where one of his subclasses was swapped for myrmidon, so yarne got to inherit astra which was actually insane? it procced ALL THE TIME so. that was crazy. chrom!inigo and fred!cynthia are always good thats not new but they were really clutch in the last few chapters. i had them both hopping around classes for most of the game bc thabes redoes skill progression so. IT TOOK CYNTHIA SO LONG TO LEARN LUNA. ITS FROM WYVERN LORD. GOD. she went through a LOT of classes yall dont even know. also honorable mention to marc and morgan, the best rallybots ever, and dancer lucina, who was outserving everyone she was in a scene with. my girl.
like ok serving cunt on the back of the god youre about to kill? get it girl!
anyways so for second gen pairs i did: lucina/f!morgan, owain/m!morgan, inigo/laurent, yarne/brady, severa/kjelle, nah/noire, and cynthia/gerome and you know what. i think i have a great taste. a lot of these were born from being unable to do other pairings but thats ok. i liked how it turned out. though i was gonna do nah/noire anyways because they were actually like. an insane duo. honestly im surprised noire didnt get a medal thing bc i feel like her nostanking with nah backing her up got me out of so much shit. maybe its because i didnt see her ending… oh. oh wait thats probably it. well. anyways.
i think awakening is not a properly balanced game, nor are the maps made for a difficulty like this. towards the end game especially, the maps are just. flat. most of them anyways, and they just become really repetitive and bland and boring. and despite this being the game with the tactician character of all the time, they dont really allow you flexible strategies, because if youre not pair up stat stacking, you will die! and that sucks. mid game is alright, but the last arc is really weak and kinda dampered my whole experience. im glad i did it, but i wouldnt actually reccomend it to anyone unless you like to play like that (which is totally fine! its just not my thing). definitely requires some solid planning as well. all in all, not the worst fire emblem ive played but… well. im not doing it again. ok anyways heres inigo mouthing off at grima
#ann plays awakening#IM DONEEEEEEEEEEEEE#WOOOO#never doing lunatic again im so happy#i did have fun. i did. but god. never again#but i think this is one of the first times in a long time ive had to THINK while playing awakening#which obviously lets me view the game part of the game in a more critical manner#which i think is good#i LOVE awakening but its a VERY flawed game and its good to point that out#not that people havent been doing that for years but. you know.#i think a lot of the flack awakening gets is for its plot and characters and i just dont agree with most of it???#i feel like the most i see gameplay wise is just ‘maps boring lunatic too hard’ ok tell me why#so now i get to SEE why for myself after avoiding lunatic for all these years#if that makes sense#and oddly enough i think its made me like the game more in a weird sort of way#whatever. girls when the fire emblems get awakened or whatever
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gonna start journaling
#i was gonna like post abt stuff and how i havent been feeling well and all that shit shit#and i realized that if i posted it and it didnt get notes i would have felt stupid for feeling the way i do#so i think i need to just focus on myself a little while 😪
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no but like i'm too stubborn to live without things being right
#vagueposting#like the thing is though if i didnt think i was right and carve out a space for myself#no matter how much i had to hide everything#i wouldve burst sooner#and it wouldnt have even been as.... idk#okay? prepared? understood? as rn#because like#i know what i want and need and what i need for out#and also why i need out specifically#like its a definitive need now#like damn yeah fuck i'd really really really desparately like a responsible adult rn#who acts as a parent#but thats not happening#and i'm too old for it now#you cant go back and replace those years#but i'll try my best with what i have#and with at least semi-responsible adults#as theyre not responsible like parents#more like people who are concerned with my 'wellbeing' / doing okay in life of me#but like they cant make me make descisions or even in some ways take my responsibilities#but okay fine at least i have that#and i guess its jsut keep on keeping on and keeping myself afloat#god also i am waiting for that therapy#i feel like the bubble popped#i need to earnestly talk about and deal with all the shit i havent processed
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Very happy I'm going back to therapy next week
#im so fucking tired of this bullshit#i cried for myself abt all the pain and abuse i went through today on the drive home and i realized that i keep trying to pretend like ive#healed but i havent and im still very wounded from the whole experience#his family apologizing didnt help that aspect of the complicated feelings at all#like ill never ger an actual apology from him. never#and BECAUSE OF HIM im fucking terrified to emotionally open up to people in the way i desperately need to bc of how much i was gaslit and#fucking manipulated and emotionally tormented and blamed for it. i want to be able to actually process my heavy emotions and talk it through#with someone so i dont have to go through it all alone#and im scared. im terrified of it#i have been irreversibly scared and it hurts#i keep pretending like my abuse is something ive healed from and even now i doubt if it actually ever was#and i fight every fucking day bc the evidence is comically present everywhere#im#im just tired#i want to cry and be held afterwards#havent i at least earned that much?#cant i please just be held?
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ohhhh my god im going to fucking throw up thinking again about the scene where sawashiro almost lopping off ichi's pinky parallels the scene from earlier where arakawa's mom threatens him with scissors
#snap chats#IM GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK !!!!!!!!!#i havent mentioned it before. or if i did its been A Hot Minute but god i think of it a lot#sorry i was just having my morning Arakawa Family In Retrospect thinking and im going to throw up#AND IT WAS OVER MONEY TOO. and the topic of insufficient income was brought up.. fuuuuccckk YOOOOU#triggering myself rewatching the scenes just to validate my points and im going to be even MORE sick#its the way both ichi/arakawa glare at sawashiro/his mother and then getting reprimanded for it. via sharp implement#and the way arakawa interrupts sawashiro and ichi like how his dad had to step in between him and his mom Shut UP#jesus. arakawa wasnt even confrontational bout it like that either bro just walked in on it#his life is a flat circle And What If. I Threw Up.#i thought of translatin this concept via a comic buuuuuttttt </3 no time </3#or energy tbh#im tempted to at the very least make comparative gif sets for these scenes... its so important i point them out....#anyways wow !!!! i love the arakawa family !!!!!!! youre all fucked !!!!!! <- crying#i love the arakawa family because it's so easy to see each member as a protagonist of their own stories#which No Duh Everyones A Protagonist In A Way but it's just espsecially easy to dig into the arakawas' perspectives and feelings#theyre ALL so interesting in how they think and react and the possibility of how theyre thinking and feeling in situations#like im so invested to want to know their perspectives because there's always extra layers to them and its fascinating..#the arakawas are just so intertwined .....
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