#and i fight every fucking day bc the evidence is comically present everywhere
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Very happy I'm going back to therapy next week
#im so fucking tired of this bullshit#i cried for myself abt all the pain and abuse i went through today on the drive home and i realized that i keep trying to pretend like ive#healed but i havent and im still very wounded from the whole experience#his family apologizing didnt help that aspect of the complicated feelings at all#like ill never ger an actual apology from him. never#and BECAUSE OF HIM im fucking terrified to emotionally open up to people in the way i desperately need to bc of how much i was gaslit and#fucking manipulated and emotionally tormented and blamed for it. i want to be able to actually process my heavy emotions and talk it through#with someone so i dont have to go through it all alone#and im scared. im terrified of it#i have been irreversibly scared and it hurts#i keep pretending like my abuse is something ive healed from and even now i doubt if it actually ever was#and i fight every fucking day bc the evidence is comically present everywhere#im#im just tired#i want to cry and be held afterwards#havent i at least earned that much?#cant i please just be held?
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