#its okay i dont think they feel pain | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ickyguts · 1 year ago

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zombie flaky for the soul

#im only like what #three days late?#XD #PLS ENJOY SOME ZOMBIE FLAKE #its been a hot minute since ive drawn them #its okay i dont think they feel pain #someone get them to a hospital #htf flaky #htf #happy tree friends #my art #halloween

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breezey-with-an-e · 26 days ago

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Being someone who read a lot of myths & fairytales & also has existed on the internet from a young age, I don't think the leaked pokemon stories are that big of a deal

If anything I'm just annoyed because all I'm going to hear about for the next 3 months is typhlosion pedophile jokes

#which sucks cuz i like that pokemon #but generally i get kinda annoyed whenever i hear a lot of people yapping about pokemon outside of like talking about the games because its #just like . it always feels like a pain because of how large the fanbase is to the point there are whole other fandoms within the greater #pokemon fandom #like im still annoyed that vaporeon got turned into a sex joke & no one online seems to think abt anything else but that copypasta #but like its the internet so whatever idk what i really expected #ig im just annoyed because i dont really care about the leaked stories and i dont want to hear people be shocked that the fake monsters that #kinda resemble yokai are doing things you might expect in old yokai myths idk.#🐛: bree rants #nd also its like. not officially publizhed stories. this could be someones fanfic so who . carss #cares * i am not typing that again #okay rant over #im sorry for everyone who likes a pokemon that was featured in those leaks

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jils-things · 7 months ago

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to love someone is to heal someone

#~ art #💚 memoryshipping #ignore tags if youre just here for the art and not me going full diary mode #anyways ... this is a little personal to me #especially with how i treat her here. i think this is a direct projection of how i'm feeling right now #today has been a little harsh on me - maybe a little painful even #i'm okay now - because i resolved it. albeit harboring some bits of anger to it but its not worth fighting about anymore #its hard to say that i'm - very optimistic so to speak because it's only one pillar i just jumped over and there will be more later #and this is me coping with it and im lucky to have mustered some energy to at least express it through drawing #i havent been drawing much for myself and it makes me sad because its my source of happiness #my time for drawing is being repurposed for other stuff right now and it still is and i dont feel entirely happy doing it unfortunately #i still have many things i want to follow up on my drawing list especially in my recent interests peaking again #but i resorted for now to making something im already used to. stevaide lol fgsjsddsjjsdjkghsdjgdjkhskjghshsgsasjhjsjksdjfhsfasgs corny ass #rest assured im at a somewhat relaxed state right now. throwing boops here and there calmed me down because theres people around me #who ig thinks im cool eajdhajhd #ahh anyway

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potatobugz · 11 months ago

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*leans against door seductively* does anyone have any tips on what to do when its hard + uncomfortable to breathe and ur heart is beating faster than normal to the point where its hard to focus on anything else

#rambles #/genuine #preferably without having to go to a hospital or anything #i dont have Money and also i dont want to go anywhere or call anyone i just wanna feel better enough to finish this drawing #and/or go to sleep please please pls #dont stress or worry abt anything btw im fine im just In Pain and its hard to ignore. ots not even the kind that hurts a lot #i just feel horrible in a physical way like im out of breath #will delete later sory if this is a scary post #at all. again donot worry i will be A OKAY #i hate when my body does scary shit like this man i just wanna draw km already constantly paranoid abt stuff like this #(shh dont tell anotne i said this but im gonan start crying like actually 😼)#i guarantee my own safety. muah. ily my beloved mutuals + followers #also ove been feeling like this since abt 2-3 pm i think if thats anything #iiirc?#it feels like its gotten a little worse but maybe kts bc im laying fown

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phagodyke · 21 days ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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elegyofthemoon · 8 months ago

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well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost

#avil plays hi3 #tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This.#yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17 #i. :(#the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :(#ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart #BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI #BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA #AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER #MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE #tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3.#kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but #now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because #'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS'#also idk i was thinking about it too #mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time #and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option #IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING)#sprawls on the ground #at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that #and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag #can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else)#idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people....#but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other #okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL #MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭#anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it #but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying

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aggghhhhh71279534 · 8 months ago

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im gonna say it BEING FAT FUCKING SUCKS!!! STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! BEING FAT IS AWFUL!!!

#and to clarify: it is Not terrible because of everyone around you #its terrible because its insanely fucking unhealthy to weigh as much as i do (300+ lbs)#and its restricting i cant excersize like i want to i cant jump without being in pain #bras always physically hurt me like they are So uncomfortable to wear #my terrible diet makes me feel worse than i already do for mental reasons #i look fucking terrible. okay? there. i said it. im ugly because im fat #i have huge rolls and a double chin and stretch marks and it looks UGLY!!!!!!!#my thighs chafe when i walk so i cant wear shorts above my knees. my underboobs sweat so much they stink #i look fucking terrible. i cannot emphasize how awful i look #and you know what? ive never known what its been like to be pretty #because ive been fat My Whole Fucking Life.#and my moms fat but its just us in our whole family! just us! everyone else is skinny #weve been trying to lose weight for years the two of us and it just doesnt fucking happen #i dont know my moms reasons but my reason is i just dont fucking care i think #like ill just give up and forget about it. i cant focus on it long enough #and frankly? counting calories makes me fucking miserable #like i already feel guilty every time i eat but when im counting cals its 100x worse #so guess what! im going to be morbidly obese my whole life and it will probably kill me.#i am going to die young and its literally my own fault #anyway my point is im happy for anyone whos fine with being fat literally good for you!!! im happy for you #but please dont force that upon me. ok? i hate being fat and thats literally my own business

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sorrowsaint · 6 months ago

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im going to bed

youtube

heres a song i like goodnight

#......................#.............................................#..............................................................................#thats probably enough of a buffer.#last night i dreamed i was in the hollow below the tree that my body was in. when i woke up in the morgue all i wanted to do was curl up #my bones remember i think. even if i dont. sometimes i feel a phantom emptiness on my chest #like the arrows. like the knives.#its scary. its so scary.#im just a kid #will i remember it forever? how long will it haunt me?#people die all the time. people die and come back. people die and come back and they remember but it doesnt haunt them #i was trapped in death and i think thats... its not gone. maybe it is magically but i still feel it.#all i had for so many months was the vague knowledge that i was dead and this overwhelming sense of sharp coldness #my body remembers. i remember. how does anyone forget things like this? i dont want this. i dont want to remember.#i like it under my bed. ive put pillows and blankets down here. the vent that blows in cold air is here too so it feels comfy #and maybe it reminds me of being under the tree. and i dont know why but thats something im actually okay with #my body was under something for so long. the soil was cursed but i loved those woods. i miss the woods. my body hurts.#my mom is missing a leg and sometimes she talks about phantom pains. like her leg realizes it isnt there and screams #can you feel that way about a hole in your chest and your neck. can you feel that way about a tree above you.#can you feel that way about death #maybe i should get angry. but alone. so so alone so i dont hurt anyone.#i cant prove him right. because he was wrong and everything he ever said was wrong and he sucks and i hate him #im not like him.#im like gertie and my parents.#im so tired. im so tired. i want to sleep in dirt for a few more months. maybe sort myself out somewhere dark and quiet.

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piplupod · 9 months ago

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mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.)#and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama''#number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that!#im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP.#i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.''#and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/''#mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!!#i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!!#i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!!#i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!!#or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

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glitterfartsprinkle · 9 months ago

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strange ventish art i made earlier because schools stress inh me out. ill explain more in tags

#uurgh okay. i realized that a lot of the people i consider my friends do not consider the same for me (irl)#and when i think im laughing with them they're actually just. laughing at me #and its strange to just now realize it. i feel so overwhelmingly embarrassed that i say the things i do #i dont even know theyre embarrassing until someone says “stop talking”#i desprately want to make it to my new schpol next year because its massive #and I'll be able to meet new people #but im alone right now. and thats the worst pain ive been in for a while. thank you if you read this #vent

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meme-loving-stuck · 1 year ago

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i remember being brought up christian like, almost concerned that i never felt a connection to any of the shit they were talkin about,

and when i was younger i was like "oh no! am i bad for not feeling connected to god?? is it bad i feel like my dead mom doesnt talk to me or watch over me?? am i horrible for pretending?????"

but turns out i just had Autism Powers that made me immune to it and i was able to completely sever myself from the idea of being Christian at the ripe old age of like 13. and it was such a HUGE comfort to see that there were all these other beliefs and spiritual sort of things that other people chose to believe in and didnt necessarily treat their beliefs as COLD HARD UNDENIABLE FACT the way christians treat the existence of god & heaven & hell

like now that i am older i know i was in fact traumatized by the culturally catholic beliefs my family held & forced on us all, but i am really immensely grateful that my child self looked at all the other aspects of christianity that would horrify most other children into behaving/conforming, and basically just went, "okay, source?"

and that was the end of that

#BLOGGING LOUDLY #okay source sounds so cringe ik but like #i really couldnt buy into any of it after a certain point #even though i almost found comfort in it! the idea of prayer was very much that for me the way it is for many ppl #i just literally could not believe something that didnt have proof i could see or touch #and when i was a bit older i did get hit with the 'well you cant SEE gravity but you believe in that'#but again immediately i was like... you can still prove gravity though. i learned it in seventh grade. LMAO #i dont know part of me is relieved i didnt feel the painful separation or conflict that so many others feel #but i am still kind of sad i couldnt just. be that way. and find a home somewhere #and that nothing else has really stood out to me except like non theistic satanism which also sounds. edgy teen boy #like it is a legitimate belief system and i feel closely aligned to it! but im still just kinda meh about using the label ... hrmm #perhaps need to look into the various kinds of satanism again #i tend to stay away from pagan stuff but its also something i found interesting #my partner seems very interested in becoming a jew despite not really... ever having been exposed to judaism or jewish cultures #but id like to learn more about it too i have many resources just kinda sitting....#idk i guess i started thinking about this bc actually studying other religions etc could be very fulfilling but i just....eh....

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roachemoji · 10 months ago

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🤹

#bo posting #vent #i was gonna posy this with a picture of croutons but that felt wrong shxjdh #uh im. scared i wont be able to draw again consistently for a while #i think im really accepting just how burnt out i am #i dont like the fear. anxiety. and envy ive been bottling up about drawing lately #like its not doing me any good to avoid everything artistic just bc i cant draw rn #but im... afraid that this will last for a long time #the last time this happened i barely drew for 2 years straight #i dont think im conveying just how painful and stressful this actually is. im not okay and im struggling to accept this #and its fucking depressing too?? i feel miserable knowing i cant do shit for my ocs and cant contribute creatively w friends #i just... feel like im... like not fun to be around rn ig? like a killjoy? a haunting presence who cant offer anything new or fun #im really debating reaching out and offering refunds to people who commed me #at least if they dont want to keep waiting #because idk when ill be able to get them done and i feel incredibly guilty #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

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pinkcasket · 2 months ago

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ik bpd akechi is popular but honestly I'm dying on my bipolar + c-ptsd + npd/narcissistic and ocd features for c-ptsd hill