#its not that distressing so. ITS NOT MY PROBLEM
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hii there!! this is my first request ever— so sorry if its bad and u dont need to do if id you’re uncomfortable ofc :)) ive had to leave people whom i thought were good friends many times, or ive been abandoned by them and its happened again recently—
so may i ask that you write something with either aventurine or dan heng (u can pick one or both) seeing the reader in their room in the aftermath of having to leave another friend or group of friends? the scenario i have imagined is that the reader is also feeling alot worse than usual since they are starting to feel that they might be the problem. theyre crying about it in their room where the other hears them and comes to check the reader out of worry. the reader talks to them about it and the other comforts them and promises that they wont have to worry about having to leave or being abandoned by them.
so sorry if thats an odd, specific request 🥹🥹 i adore ur writing and i thought it would be cool to ask!! feel free to change anything as you see fit :)
“You Are Not the Storm”
Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Dan Heng x Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support, Angst with a Happy Ending, Found Family, Reassurance, can be read as platonic or romantic.
Warnings: Mentions of loneliness and self-doubt, Emotional distress and crying, Themes of abandonment and self-blame.
A/N: I'm so sorry to hear that, anon 😕 i totally get where you're coming from, I had to leave a friend too because of personal reasons and this has happened to me throughout my life, so I totally understand you. I'll be your friend if you'd like. Hope you like this!
The room was quiet save for the muffled sound of sobs. The soft light of the moon filtered through the blinds, casting silvery streaks across the floor. You sat on the edge of your bed, head buried in your hands, your shoulders shaking. The hurt was raw, cutting deeper this time. The thought repeated in your mind like a cruel mantra: Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem.
A quiet knock came at the door. You barely registered it, lost in your spiral. Then the door opened gently, and a familiar voice called your name.
“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Aventurine’s voice was soft but carried an undercurrent of concern. His eyes were filled with worry. He leaned casually against the doorframe, trying not to overwhelm you with his presence. “You’ve been awfully quiet tonight. That’s unlike you.”
You sniffled, quickly wiping at your face. “I’m fine,” you lied, though your broken voice betrayed you.
Aventurine tilted his head, his hair catching the moonlight. “You don’t look fine, darling. And I don’t like hearing you cry.” He stepped into the room, crossing the space between you in a few strides before kneeling in front of you. He reached out, but his touch was tentative, giving you space.
You hesitated but eventually let the words spill out. “I had to leave again. Another friend, another group… It keeps happening. And I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why am I always the one who ends up alone?”
Your voice cracked, and tears welled up again. Aventurine reached out, this time cupping your hands in his gloved ones. His expression softened, his usual flamboyant charm replaced with a rare sincerity.
“Hey,” he said gently. “Listen to me. This—what you’re feeling—it’s not because you’re flawed. People come and go in life for a thousand reasons. Sometimes, it’s not about you at all. And sometimes… people just don’t see the brilliance that’s right in front of them.”
You shook your head, your doubts still gnawing at you. “But what if it is me? What if I’m too much? Or not enough?”
Aventurine gave a small, sad smile and squeezed your hands. “You’re enough. And anyone who makes you feel otherwise doesn’t deserve you in their life.” His eyes gleamed, his usual playful confidence creeping back in. “Besides, have you considered that maybe you’re just too fabulous for them to handle?”
Despite yourself, a faint chuckle escaped your lips, and Aventurine’s smile widened. “There we go. That’s better. Now,” he said, sitting beside you and throwing a casual arm over your shoulder, “let me make one thing clear. I’m not going anywhere. I’m stubborn like that. You’re stuck with me, darling.”
You leaned against him, letting his warmth and words sink in. For the first time that night, the weight on your chest eased, just a little.
Dan Heng stood outside your room on the Astral Express. He’d been walking by when he heard the faint sound of crying. At first, he thought it best to give you space, but his worry won out. Quietly, he knocked on the door.
“Come in.” you said, your voice weak.
Dan Heng stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room before landing on you. You sat curled up on your bed, clutching a blanket tightly.
“I heard you,” he said simply, standing a short distance away. “Are you… okay?”
You shook your head, and Dan Heng took a cautious step closer. “Do you want to talk about it?”
You hesitated before nodding, your voice trembling as you spoke. “I’ve had to leave my friends again. I feel like I ruin everything. Like I’m the problem.”
Dan Heng was silent for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then he sat on the edge of the bed, his posture calm and unthreatening. “I don’t believe that. You care deeply about others—that much is clear to anyone who knows you. Losing people hurts, but it doesn’t mean you’re to blame.”
Tears streamed down your face. “But it keeps happening. How can it not be my fault?”
Dan Heng looked at you with quiet intensity. “Because sometimes, people grow apart. Or circumstances force things to change. It’s painful, but it’s not always within your control.” His voice softened. “You don’t have to carry all that blame alone. And you don’t have to worry about me leaving. I’ll stay by your side, no matter what.”
His words settled over you like a soothing balm, and you felt yourself relax slightly. Dan Heng reached out, his hand hovering before gently resting it on yours. “Take your time,” he said. “I’m here.”
And you believed him.
#x reader#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#hsr aventurine#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine x reader#aventurine x you#dan heng honkai star rail#dan heng x reader#dan heng#hsr dan heng#dan heng x you#hurt/comfort#emotional support#angst with a happy ending#found family#reassurance#mentions of loneliness and self-doubt#Emotional distress and crying#themes of abandonment and self-blame#can be read as platonic or romantic
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"shoutout to e for being patient zero" no probs matt! any day pal! 😁😁 (help me can somebody hear me please hel
crying screaming throwing up
#hey grabs you in my fist HI#wordgirl#steven boxleitner#amazo guy#word girl#dr two brains#dr. two brains#amazing cheese#'I NEED THEM TO BE HAPPY' 😀😀OH??OH THEN UM IDK??STOP DOING WHAT YOU. JUST DID.??#STOPSTOPSTOP GRABBING MY HEAD HIDING MY FACE CURLING INTO MY LEGS AAAAAAAAAAA#this will haunt me this will haunt me get away from meWHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM#WHAT BUSINESS DO YOU HAVE OVER HERE IN ANGSTLAND GTFO WHO INVITED THIS GUY??#SCRAM YOURE MEANT TO BE MY SOURCE OF FLUFF‼️‼️#AAAAAAAeheheh omg hiii hey amazo hii HOW AM I MEANT TO HATE THIS WHEN ITS TO YUMMY TOO AAJRGHGHRGR#man i need to get back on tumblr this is fun asf#FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ZOOMING IN ON EACH DETAIL guys theyre holding hands guys theres air coming out behind stevenGUYS AAAA ANALYZING AAAA#PERCEVING PERCEIVING PERCEIVING PERCEIVE#help me HOW do you draw amazos hair. stealing it. woops#THE LINES FIT THEM SO WELL I. AAAAAAAAA#i cant convery my distress properly through only text i cant do thisWATCH OUT#AHAHtread carefully.#ok im tired of pretending im EATING THIS UPP AAAAAAAGRHRHGHHAHGHGRHGRAAFGGR#man it sure would suck if you. thought about this concept some more ahahhaaaa#IDK WHAT IT IS I ALWAYS STARE AT STEVENS SHIRT WHEN YOU DRAW IT??#aaaaahhfejefq im gonna find you im gonna get you#hey wait did you forget to color stevens glove--💥UFO CRASH#HOW DO YOU. SHADE AND THEN NOT SHADE AT THE SAME TIME I CAN FEEL THE ART EXPRIENCE EMMINATING IT LOOKS SO AAASDDFJ#and you did this in like a few hours im gonna pack my bags never lifting my finger again chat i peaked already#watch outWATCH OUT IM EATING THIS UP#okay i thihk im running out of space uh watch out im pulling up im EATING THIS UP and off to stare at this for another week
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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I take the position on salt that I always have: if watching a children's TV show brings you so much anger and you feel compelled to spread that anger to others, you need to stop watching that children's TV show.
#im sorry but its just. so dumb#i don't care. i just don't care.#if it is so distressing to you that you need to make it MY problem then you need to remove yourself from the situation#don't force me to remove myself#grumbles#ml fandom salt
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Joel did not put his whole pussy into being an insane housewife and compete to be the #1 Ethogirl and wear Ethos face on his shirt all season for you guys to say his relationship/allyship with Etho was forced just because it was a soulbond
#boat boys#smalletho#I GET trying to make the bad boys extra important to him I GET IT#but this just. is a misreading thats so popular rn its driving me crazy#HE was SO enthusiastic abt allying with Etho even when Etho was jokingly distressed#in general people have a problem with discrediting Joels relationships and Im like. beating all your doors down to tell you Scar and Grian#were important to him in LL. he wasnt alone in LL.#I would say this is partially my fault for people misunderstanding the focus of my alliance metapost#but that has like under 200 notes so its really Not on me tho#prisspeaks#no hate or hard feelings to the people who have been saying this. I Get why you are I really do#its just smth thats been driving me crazy lately. how quickly we forget…#discourse
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remember when delirium was worried about destruction being gone and it was rooted in her loneliness and genuine love for her siblings and the other endless wanted to ignore her sudden upset over this because she's delirium and she gets this way sometimes, don't worry about it, she'll forget soon enough so it really doesn't matter at all. I should get to bludgeon all of them with a bat for that.
#no i am not sparing dream he was nodding along with them. eat wood you little cunts.#the value and intensity of emotions are never qualified by their duration. if someone feels something at a point especially over a#long standing subject then it is most likely that this is not new nor temporary sentiment but simply a flareup of existing emotions that#have become too large and intense to reasonably handle for any variety of reasons. just because shes only saying it now doesnt mean its not#always there but just that she now feels it umanageable enough to seek outside help which SHOULD be provided by an emotional safety net#COUGH COUGH HER FUCKING SIBLINGS.#their dismissal only exacerbated the problem and her inability to clearly articulate her distress only confirmed in their minds the wisdom#of the very action thats causing the fucking problem. which isnt her fault but theirs for assuming that because she wasnt performing what#they needed to see that it did not deserve to be seen at all.#the fact that this is the pervasive attitude of the endless explains so goddamned much about dream and desire while making their#mutual toxicity and self loathing all the more insipid and potent.#it lays bare a massive ill-functioning mechanic of their family unit and makes reference to real world issues in families with disabilities#so long story short i should get to beat their faces in with my therapy bat. called such because it is therapeutic. to me.#delirium of the endless#the endless#the sandman
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one of my controversial opinions is i won't stop using the word narcissist in a way its been used my whole life because of a psychiatric label/diagnosis that shouldn't be called that in the first place
#like feel free to disagree but everytime people get mad at a usage of that word in a way - as far as i know - far older than#the INSULTING psychiatric diagnosis i lose my mind a little#the damn personality disorder's name is the problem here#i remember a friend from group therapy calling me just like sooo upset and distressed bc the therapists put that in her diagnosis papers#and like she didnt even know what exactly that was supposed to mean but its a hurtful label to be Diagnosed With#like can we fucking. criticize that and psychiatry sometimes instead of being like#omg dont call people self centered assholes :/ look up self centered asshole disorder you ignorant bitch#anyways im half asleep so this might be incoherent#i just keep seeing that post thats like abt how people misuse terms like love bombing and trauma bonding etc#and im like YEAH! GOOD#and then the damn narcissist part kicks in
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god this fucking sucks.
#thinking that things were ok and safe COVID wise and then having the rug pulled out from under me I mean.#when I say I wish I never stopped masking I mean it for practical reasons too but a huge factor for me has also just been the psychological#distress of thinking things were safe and having that freedom followed by the gut punch of how abysmal the reality of COVID is!!!#we were never safe the freedom was false and now I'm trying to protect myself and others and nobody in my life will do the same for me#and I know I've had 1-2 infections and the compounding damage is high risk for me and the brain damage makes me so upset#bc my brain is already really bad and terrible and frustrating to live with and I cant handle it getting worse I cant#I just want to live and be a person and not have to worry about this and compromise my bodily safety bc I dont have anywhere to go where#the ppl I would cohabitate with would even CONSIDER being covid conscious and masking up like even a little bit#and I cant get too upset bc weve been lied to and traumatized and its really really hard to counteract that. bc im doing it rn and it#fucking SUCKS and i want to feel safe again so bad but I know that would be a lie#the absolute kindest and most understanding ppl around me are still treating this like its my personal problem. like ok when YOU feel safe#this is not a live and let live situation fuck!!! fuck you!!!!!#ok. gonna cry and try to sleep#it speaks
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#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just#feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives#function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty#god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student#so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self#destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure#rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done#but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry#and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen#ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i#didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there#i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a#wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo.#idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues?#i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell#unrelated
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#text#and even after that . the money the time the Everything#but also like . ot is becoming hard to function#i think the problem is there is a little kid in my brain who is always at some level of distress often full breakdown mode#and i have no clue what to do about that.but its hard to function like this#but if i talk about it in therapy. thats such a big bag of worms and i dont feel sfe talking abt it in my house#and i csnt drive so i cant do therapy in person#and rven igf i could it would still effect. everything. abt interacting with my family especially if i srarted uncovering memories#i dont know i just . idk how to keep doing this on my own but i dont have any other option#whatever though. dont even care#neg
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i have ocd and i have arcane preferences to do with numbers but the two things are not related
#to explain. it doesnt cause me any actual distress if my number preferences are not fulfilled#i dont feel any fear or anguish about it#(my job involves doing a billion tiny tasks a day so its never a problem to end on even numbers if i want to)
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last week has just been me getting sick after another, gastric is FOUL
#and thats on me finishing up my snacks supply after two days 😭#also like#gastric seems to have similar symptoms to appendicitis and it is not cool ma'am#i even thought i had an uti (KNOCK WOOD)#so u can imagine i was in a very distressed state#even considered to go to the clinic at 8pm 🥴#(no clinics nearby are available </3)#anyhow#took panadol and it somehow solved all of my problems#teehee <3#and now its exam week !!!#i havent finished reading bio notes#clau.txt
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me crying because its so hard to get people to just listen to me
#@ my brother and my dad :(((:;:(:(((((::(((((((#their voices are so loud and they love to talk over me#and it really does make me feel a special kind of insignificant#it is also overwhelming to be trying to raise my voice snd then theyre raising their voices so they can talk over me and offer their solutio#solutions to my problems (solutions which are entirely irrelevent because they interrupted me b4 i could finish)#and i try to explain and say no no i didnt finish#and they still dont listen or even take everything as a joke or just misunderstand literally every point i was trying to make#i literally feel so silly that i am so upset but im just like. physically overwhelmed bc their voices are loud#and i went to counseling today and was telling her about how happy i am to find out that you can be your own person#its like ive woken up from a lonnnng nap that i laid down for when i turned 9 years old#and then boom i go to dinner with my brother and father and i try to advocate for myslef and then i rember!!!#suddenly.. i rember why i stopped talking#i tried so hard to hold my ground but its impossible when they are so dismissive and loud#and i even TOLD THEM that this is a new discovery for me. that im trying to understand how to be my own person#and even when i was explaining that they talked over me! and compared this season of mine to all pf my siblings’!#instead of hearing what i was trying to tell them: IM TRYING SO HARD TO BE MY OWN PERSON AND STABD MY GROUND!! AND YOU ARE NOT#LISTENING TO ME!!! AND NOW IM UPSET AND OVERWHELMED BECAUSE BEING MISUNDERSTOOD IS SO AWFULLY DISTRESSING!!!!!!#:(((((( im sorry.. tag rant#froegis meep tag#rant#tag rant
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Been feeling lonely :(
#like. been feeling a lot actually#its gotten better but my problems havent really disappeared or anything#i think i would feel better if i had a partner. maybe i wouldnt but who knows#i feel like everyone i have in my life right now arent people i’ll ever be comfortable leaning on.#my online friends are all so nice but theres a level of attachment that really cant be achieved online and it doesnt help that i have this#constant fear of being perceived as creepy or annoying which in and of itself is hard to admit without worrying that THAT makes me that#my family is no help. it hurts to think that other people can rely on their family when theyre distressed#wake up in the morning to the sound of birds chirping and yelling at eachother.#i want someone to lean on. i want someone to hold me and i want someone who wont judge me for who i am. someone i can be comfortable around#i want someone i can fall asleep on and call late at night and text all day. someone to go do mundane things with#im also really rejection sensitive and currently very attached to someone and they ignored something silly i did idk… now im upset about it
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#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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My oldest cat Echo has her favourite toy (one of the first toys I gave her as a kitten, lost it for a while and just recently found it) and when she picks it up she gets so excited she does the I Am Very Distressed And Need Your Help Right Now meow and it freaks me out so fucking much, why is she like this, stop that
#why THAT meow#i know shes not distressed i run to check on her every time she does it and shes just holding her toy in her mouth#the problem is that i cant just ignore those meows#for one theyre purposefully at the same frequency as a baby human's cry which we're biologically forced to respond to#and secondly its a boy who cried wolf situation if she actually needs my help at some point what then? i cant take that risk#all three of the girls have used that meow for me at some point and genuinely needed my help#its important#so i guess i just have to keep checking on her while she plays with what is basically a panic button#if it gets bad enough i might have to take the toy away#but it makes her so happy so i guess i'll put up with those meows happening a few times a day#echo is turning 5 this year you'd think she'd know what meow to use when playing but NOPE
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