#its not just projection
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i might write an actual deep dive into jason from the lens of avoidant personality disorder because i think its tragic and makes sense plus itll be interesting as most dont know anything about avpd
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NEURAL PATTERNS OF SELF-HATE || comic
#toxic yaori ♥️♥️#actually its more about v2#this comic can be considered vent#im just projecting onto her heavily#ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#ultrakill v2#ultrakill v1#v2 ultrakill#v4v
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if we could stay connected, just like this
#ok last orbit niigo post im emubrained again and also i miss leoneed#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki5 spoilers#proseka#mizuki akiyama#mizu5#nightcord at 25:00#hurray !#meltdown released an amazing translation of the event so i read it and had my final cathartic transgender cry about it#and now i have ~4 assignments due on friday so i have to stop drawing mizuki. sad.#i recommend everyone watch meltdown's translation#please. its very good and better than the mtls floating around#i Get why people wanted to see it translated asap like i Get it i didnt understand half of the wordplay or kanji but like . wah#its so crazy how this event breached containment n how many people are rooting for mizuki even tho they dont play the game so i just#think its a shame that the translation everyones reading isnt really accurate/lacks the nuances.. Ok sorrynits a good event.#ive just been thinking abiut that for a few days and i love talking in tags. Adios#real Orbit heads will know this is an Heartorbit reference (that tarot card sketch i did almost 2 years ago and said i would finish)#(i havent finished shit)
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remember to straighten your backs artists
#project sekai#prosekai#prjsk#prsk#ena shinonome#akito shinonome#my art#or if your just sitting down#i used to be good and remembering to keep my posture straight but as of latelyyyyy#i have nottt#and i get reminded every now and then#its so over for my spine bro
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IT SPINS! Handmade electric motor! Entirely out of wire! They said it couldn't be done, but I have proven -- it merely shouldn't be done!
Photos don't really capture how ridiculously complicated this thing was to build, so I managed to film myself assembling the components too! Very proud of that.
In total, I've been working on this project on and off for roughly two years. This motor is my third version, though I went through something like seven designs of the commutator section (not counting how many failures it took to build a working example of a given design). I'm very proud of getting this to work at all.
Some close-up photos of all the components:
Six-way commutator. As the motor spins, this delivers electricity to only the correct pair of magnets at a time, leaving the other four off.
Magnet coils. I wound these by hand from very thin insulated wire. The center is a spiral of thicker insulated wire (darker orange) that protects the thin stands from the steel core and then wraps around the outside to hold everything in place.
Spring-loaded arms. These deliver electricity from the stationary frame into the rotating axle. They also have to hinge up out of the way or else there's no room to fit the rotor in place during assembly.
All the components laid out together before assembly.
And the full motor in all its glory!
#wire#crafting#electric motor project#steampunk I guess#IT FINALLY SPINS#and it's made entirely of wire#no permanent magnets just metal and electricity#even just making the video was a decent-sized project on its own#so proud of this
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team fortress 2 finally getting rid of the bots after 5 years
work on the team fortress 2 comic continuing after 7+ years
half life 3 development looking more likely than ever with legitimate code, file, and voicework leaks referencing a new non-VR single-player game from valve featuring a HEV suit wearing protagonist and Xen creatures and concepts
shoutout to the valve fan that found the genie lamp. you a real one
#liz blogs#valve#team fortress 2#tf2#half life#half life 3#what did i say. what did i fucking say.#once again the impossible becomes commonplace#valve exists as a company to walk into the gaming industry. slap their dicks on the table. and yell THIS IS HOW ITS DONE#and the gaming industry has never been in a more sorry state than it is now. maybe second only to the 80s i think. something something ET#in b4 its called Half Life Xen as all the files reference ''hlx''. hl3 fakeout. but its another half life game.#half life 3 has been ''made'' multiple times in various states but its never been up to standards. whatever this project is though sounds l#like its very far in development. maybe they didnt give up this time#ive never been closer in my life to actually saying half life 3 confirmed. its not confirmed but its looking really good for once#crazy year to be a valve fan i'll tell you what#its only the actual objective most anticipated game of all time. no biggie#edit - added a link for the comic news for those who dont know. and the bot bans havent been announced in one place anywhere#but you can literally just look it up on youtube or twitter. valve has been mass-banning bots for the last month. fixtf2 worked
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this sad wet cat has bewitched me mind and soul
#canto 7 spoilers#canto vii spoilers#limbus spoilers#limbus company#project moon#don quixote lcb#sancho lcb#bari lcb#i . am gonna actually draw smthn i swear. probably. but part 3 decimated me so its just doodles for now JHDBJHDG
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Erik, his husband and his husband's cat
#this is the beginning of my “charles adopted a cat before Erik moved back” propaganda for my own au#i just think he would really benefit from the companionship of a pet!! okay!!!#and its DEFINITELY not a projection of how much i miss my cat#... yes it is I MISS MY CAT MY BABBYYY#i even miss his stupid little boney paws when he jumps up WAAAAHHHH#art#fanart#myart#xmen#keylime xau#erik lehnsherr#magneto#charles xavier#cherik
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I do really appreciate bg3 having neutral pronouns/the ability to use whatever pronouns regardless of appearance but it's really amusing to me when enemies or npcs I never met gender my tav correctly it feels like this
#like shadowheart right at the start of the game referring to my tav as them#i think its bc irl im so used to ppl just. referring to me as my presenting gender#i guess for the companions it kind of makes sense maybe the tadpole mentally protects ur pronouns to them#projects*#bg3
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pathologic 3 announcement made me return to the classic game and finally play it properly! i think my favorite part of the bachelor's route is when he talks to maria kaina (or whoever's in her body at the time) and they explain that their planned Utopia isn’t even supposed to be a 'perfect' place but instead 'the mystical manifestation of a world inscrutable and inaccessible to men' going back to the original meaning of the word irl and instead of despairing Daniil fervently agrees that this kind of unimaginable leap is worth it, no matter where it actually leads
#pathologic#the bachelor#daniil dankovsky#andrey stamatin#peter stamatin#maria kaina#nina kaina#recent interview with dybowski made me kind of apprehensive#because i love the idea of an emotional state as a fundamental game mechanic for the bachelor but#he was very focused on the idea of following the 'teacher' in Simon and in the process learning everything he was meant to learn#despite never really 'catching' the dead guy in his time loops#i feel that the head of the studio is just projecting again#and in a way that old version of the bachelor made back when he was a student in his twenties#could end up seeming more compelling in the end#but we'll SEE#i am still wildly hopeful and hype#my artwork#ALSO anybody who likes the bachelor and reads those rambling tags#you should totally check out blank monk by chekhov#its short
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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he loves those dumb twins sm, the found family aspect of this show makes me go crazy!!!!!!!
(1st pic is referencing this post lol)
#venture bros#brock samson#hank venture#dean venture#doc venture#bloodtw#so........... i just watched this show for the first time! caught it on yt when it was airing live and. the rest is herstory#it's the camp. its the humor. it's the animation. its the passion the creators have for their own project. its the CHARACTERS!!#sad about them getting cancelled but they stuck around for a LONG time for adult swim and the movie was fun!#UGH THE ANIMATION. this show has my heart for so many reasons idk how ive never watched it before#*edited the swears out cause tumblr is a good Christian app that likes to hide my stuff from the tags
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huge fan of Ran. she's my favourite fox lady of all time for sure
#touhou#touhou project#ran yakumo#touhou ran yakumo#touhou fanart#artists on tumblr#my art#art#anime art#yes touhou isnt anime its just the style#digital art
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happy halloween! 🎃🐈⬛👻🐇
#i just wanted to draw emu as a jiangshi .#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#polysho#enjoy halloween everynyan unfortunately i have to go work a shift. i thought abt dressing up for fun when i get back#but 1 im lazy 2 i dont live alone and its my luck that somebody ends up knocking when im in the middle of being dressed like a clown#so i would rather not risk it. idk how people get into cosplay just for photoshoots/videos i dont have that conviction .#but halloween con was lots of fun and i got to see friends and trade candy so i enjoyed my celebration already. ^_^#also STOP BEATING THE SHITNOUT OF ME IDEK IF I CAN BOOO BACK FROM A SIDE BLOG. YOURE KILLUNG ME#once again some random guy will be hittimg you back. boo#to end my tags i am going to be pissed off because i cannot draw well rn and its KILLING MEEEEEE#im art blocked as hell and mad about it. my zines....#its so annoying like with my personal art its whatever but people spend Money on zines i need to get good.#its been like over a week so i thought inwould be free. sigh#i often draw emu fiending off of tsukasa. the way things should be. amen#also inthink rui would love to go all out for costumes but he got busy modding a tshirt launcher to shoot candy and forgot abt his costume#so hes a tuxedo cat. he thinks hes so funny
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a kamiyama mystery is afoot...
#project sekai#prosekai#prjsk#prsk#an shiraishi#akito shinonome#rui kamishiro#tsukasa tenma#mizuki akiyama#ena shinonome#toya aoyagi#nene kusanagi#my art#i dont show it but i love this set#alsoooooo yeahhh perhaps ive snuck in phantom thief x artist mzen in here a bitttttt#it was originally gonna just be the detective set but then i realised i wanted to fit all of the kamiyama students in it#so its a mini au ig
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i wrote a big long essay talking about tlt and how it engages with describing the skintones of brown characters its under a read more bc it is so long.
I already left a long comment about this on someone else post but I wish I could study tazmuirs odd little habit of dancing around the fact that Gideon and Harrow are women of color when she describes them, and how this kind of extends to other brown characters
We get a million descriptions for how sickly pale ianthe Silas and cytherea are, what a lovely golden tan corona has, the odd tannish yellow hue of colum, all imagined by her, in her own words, to be white. Then when it comes to Marta and Judith they're called dark like Once in the text. I don't think it's even mentioned for Jeannemary and magnus in the entirety of gtn though I will gladly stand corrected if I missed something. It's such a non factor for them, which normally I would overlook if it wasn't for the aforementioned specificity of how white characters are described on Top of one of the major themes of the book being how John, a Maori man, resurrected a largely Polynesian population and then proceed to rule them using the exact same methods that actively colonized new zealand. Like I just think it's really interesting that in many ways, the story is about two young Maori women completely stripped of cultural heritage, they can't even speak te reo maori they cannot even conceptualize the scale of that kind of loss. Theyve been to earth once and during her brief time there Gideon literally died on it's soil it feels so poignant
Back to them specifically being Not Pale, this is not me saying they would be "less" maori if they were light-skinned that's total bullshit and the entire paradigm exists as a product of European bullshit. My fascination is more with the fact that tamsyn has clearly thought of them as midtoned to dark skinned. I'm going to be really generous and disregard the Tommy Arnold covers- he is a talented artist but he's not the author and Taz stated in an interview that she didn't envision Gideon with an undercut either so he clearly has little liberties he can take and I'm fine with that get your coin dude. For these two I'm going to have to focus on Nona the Ninth, bc for the entirety of gtn, harrow is described as grey, and while I understand that's bc she's constantly under a mountain of white and black facepaint, we basically never get an objective description for either of them. Gideon stand out features are her build, hair and eyes, like a lot of characters, but it could have been pretty easy to throw in a line about how she seems less desaturated than what one might expect from a ninth cavalier, like a rich warm brown, possibly hinting to other characters that she isn't a ninth native
Htn also gives very little to work with, again harrows primary colors are the blacks whites and greys of facepaint and her hair and the reds of constantly sweating blood. The character who's darker skintone is Most remarked upon (also one of the few ever constantly headcanoned) as black, is g1deon. I've actually spoken to a few people about this and there seems to be some actual Mandela effect shit going on where people remember Taz saying he's black despite me never once finding evidence for this. However, this is not a case where I'd be overjoyed to be proven wrong, because g1deon being the one black guy in this entire cast, the one who's dark skintone is commented on the most, being the guy who barely speaks, tries killing harrow with a spear 14 times and then dies offscreen. Not good. Bad, actually
Finally onto ntn, in the beginning chapters Nona remarks her (harrows) skintone is the color of an egg carton. I assume she means the light tan, desaturated brown of the cardboard used in certain cartons, which is fitting for harrow, girls lived in an ice cave for 17 years. This is basically the only word we get on it. I believe a few times the text will say something about pyrrha's (g1deon's) brown Everything; brown skin, russet brown hair, rich brown eyes. that character gets to be viewed and constantly affirmed as a brown character in teh way gideon and harrow arent, it kind of others pyrrha. to contrast camillas hands are called tanned way at the beginning while recording nona's dream, then at the way end it says, "Her face still looked grey beneath its nice normal olive," olive being used to describe her once before in gtn as far as i can see. pyrrha's (g1deon's) skintone is one of her most notable features, its brought up to a noticeable agree the text wants you to keep it in your mind when you think of the saint of duty; "Most of Pyrrha was the colours of the building site: deep dried-out browns, dusty hunks of clay, rusted metal." "Pyrrha wouldn’t burn any colour other than her deep cool brown." "Nona took the water from Pyrrha’s brown, work-chapped hand and even sipped it" "Pyrrha had carried Camilla to bed in her big brown arms like Cam weighed nothing" "Pyrrha said, “Thanks, Nums,” and drained the whole thing. Nona,fascinated, watched the brown column of her throat move as she swallowed." its just notable to me when alternatively with nona you'll get a line like "Camilla didn’t say anything to that either, only rubbed her wrists where the tape had been. Nona’s skin was already back to its nice normal colour." like just the vagueness in nice normal color, we get one line about what shes supposed to look like in the beginning and thats it
towards the end during the broadcast, nona gets her first clear look at kiriona, described as: "warm-coloured skin that should have been a similar brown hue to Nona’s, except that there was something wrong with it." break out the champagne its official
Obviously, dying takes some color from you. If anything, gideons desaturation should make them More comparable given the egg carton comment and harrows general state of constant anemia. Has Nona gotten darker during her time on new rho? Was Gideon lighter than the cover led us to believe? We don't know. We well never know, which is odd, bc these books fucking love purple prose about people's appearances. We have like seven different synonyms for the shade of ianthes hair. New words for black have to be invented in order to convey harrows eyes which are Black, not the dark muddy brown of someone like ortus. It's less that I'm bothered by the text not hyperfocusing on their skin and more it picking and choosing when it will laser focus on a detail like that, and how often it's skipped over to the point that I like, constantly see people draw harrow as incredibly pale, which is very different from being light-skinned
Finally, I know people can dismiss this as like an audience interpretation thing. I know I actively draw harrow darker than Gideon which I know isn't canon. But this is less about Fandom response to the text and more the text itself and how it's like. Afraid to say brown. near the end of ntn i found One instance of it referring to gideons "slim brown hand" on nonas cheek and that is direct as it gets. even her other like, strongly non european traits are sort of danced around. her nose is "a nose that was the complete opposite of Nona’s nose, one that put her in mind of those big poison desert cats Born in the Morning was crazy about." a very fanciful description, you have to infer that nona means that its probably flat and wide, also giving us the information that harrows is most likely narrow and straight, possibly downturned. im not opposed to this, especially given the character talking about her is nona, but then you get the following paragraph:
"Her skin was very much dead-person skin, ashen and tinted the wrong colour around the nostrils and the mouth. But even if she hadn’t been dead, Nona was critical. Her eyelashes were very dark, but short and curly, whereas Nona thought all eyelashes should be long and straight (her own eyelashes were long and straight). The corpse had too much mouth and a dimple (nobody in her home had a dimple). You could not, at least, see the veins in her eyelids, which were heavy and cold and deep-set. But Nona thought it was going to be a shame to go from being so lovely as she was to being so—redheaded."
its a very frank description. dimple, curly lashes, red head, dead skin, probably a wide mouth. her nose is contrasted against nonas nose, which is also never directly described, and then compared to a fantasy animal we have never heard of until right now
kicks rocks. there isnt a point to this. the series is almost over, there is zero reason to like, knock on taz's door and ask why she did this or that. it doesnt stop me from loving the series, and the insinuation that noticing this means i must dislike the series is frankly insane (real thing that happened). if someone got the impression that harrow was white given how shes described i wouldnt blame them honestly, its most apparent she isnt in the third book (with the cover art being incredibly ambiguous) and a single blog post from taz mentioning shes maori, immediately followed by an "oh i dont care how you see the characters" addendum, which i think is like. an odd thing to tack on bc them descended from kiwis is like, very integral to the story, and gideon being the daughter of the maori man who took everything from her she didnt even know she could have and the (presumably, given her name and a very brief description) maori woman fighting to get that world back its like. damn. it feels a little important. that the audience knows theyre maori. like a little. it feels intertwined with the whole thing about john using european standards of imperialism and general aesthetics to hurt his own kid. actually.
#tlt meta#hi im black but not maori or kiwi so thats where im coming from with all this#i am fully aware some fans of color will disagree with me thats chill this is just where im at#i have never been a fan of being cagey with how a character looks#it feels like. idk kind of leaning into the fact that the audience wants a blank slate to project onto#and with her being So specific about it like this guy is nz chinese these two are tongan these two are mixed maori this guy is pasifika#it just kind of intrigues me like do you have reasons why as to each one specifically or did they jsut kind of. happen upon you#spring up fully formed#this isnt like a 'tlt is bad' 'you should feel bad if you thought this character was white or black' thing#its strictly about how the text communicates certain ideas and how the audience reacts to them#were kind of primed for . a waifish snobby pale aristocrat. ianthe is Right There harrow being white or pale feels like a natural assumptio#but it is. directly contradicted by the text. and done in a way that can be easily ignored
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