#because i love the idea of an emotional state as a fundamental game mechanic for the bachelor but

[tanatola]

pathologic 3 announcement made me return to the classic game and finally play it properly! i think my favorite part of the bachelor's route is when he talks to maria kaina (or whoever's in her body at the time) and they explain that their planned Utopia isn’t even supposed to be a 'perfect' place but instead 'the mystical manifestation of a world inscrutable and inaccessible to men' going back to the original meaning of the word irl and instead of despairing Daniil fervently agrees that this kind of unimaginable leap is worth it, no matter where it actually leads

[incubationformadness]

Do u believe Hayffie remains childless after the war or do you believe they have children?

I don't know if answering this counts as a spoiler so don't read this if you want to have no idea about my Hayffie trajectory:

Honestly? I think they remain childless.

I'm not opposed to fics in which they have children - I've seen a fair few good ones - but in my personal opinion it doesn't fit with what we know of both partners, Haymitch in particular.

Haymitch has deep-seated trauma relating to the deaths of his family and his girlfriend (Iris Machen, if you're reading my fic), and I imagine that would drastically affect his opinion on having children. In canon, Katniss notes that Haymitch's life is "solitary confinement". This, I think, is a defensive mechanism to avoid vulnerability, but primarily to prevent endangering other people. In my fic, this extends to his dog, Daffodil - he's at first reluctant to adopt her out of his fear that Snow will have her killed (more than a decade after the murders of his loved ones). He's vigilant about her safety, stressed by unexpected knocks on his door, and holds a private hatred towards Peacekeepers. In other words, having anyone he's responsible for puts him in a state of fight-or-flight. That doesn't easily go away.

We also know from Mockingjay that post-rebellion Haymitch relapses his alcohol abuse. Haymitch's severe alcoholism and horrific, untreated PTSD (i.e. his tendency to respond to being suddenly woken up by lunging for a knife) would not put him in the best headspace for having children. And I imagine that he holds a great deal of guilt and discomfort being around any child, due to the emotional toll of repeatedly failing to save any of his tributes before Katniss and Peeta. Haymitch is also strongly effected by a collective trauma which effects the people of District 12, but in particular the people of the Seam (due to the higher rates of poverty, death, and Seam children being reaped for the Games). There's a pervasive feeling of the children aren't safe in the Seam. Not to mention that District 12 literally gets genocided during the second rebellion - we don't get to see Haymitch's direct reaction to that in Mockingjay, but that would definitely traumatise him. No matter how long he's lived in Victor's Village, I think that he maintains a Seam identity - and that place is obliterated by fire bombs.

Effie's opinion on children would be a complicated one. Book!Effie is something of an unknown, as she's not a fleshed-out character, while fic!Effie carries many problems. Out of the two of them, she's the more nurturing, responsible one, but she also suffers from her own severe childhood trauma, albeit of a very different nature. Fic!Effie genuinely likes children, but she also carries a suppressed terror of them, because they remind her of her defencelessness when she was a child. As a Capitolite, she doesn't have the collective ethnic trauma which Haymitch does, but she is part of a transgenerational trauma chain within the Trinket family - I don't know if I'll get the opportunity to explore this in the fic, but unbeknownst to her, her father (who molested her) was also a victim of childhood sexual abuse. While Effie has none of his sexual perversions, she is nevertheless haunted by a fear that she is fundamentally corrupt - she would fear passing this down to a child.

Additionally, her career as an escort also poses a lot of problems for her - the more she tries to play a maternal role to her younger tributes, the more she becomes emotionally attached to them, the more guilt she feels. Children remind her of her tributes, which stirs up many complicated feelings - her gradual de-programming is going to be a painful reckoning of her role in the deaths of the children she reaped.

Effie also goes through a lot during the war, which would definitely effect her mental health. We know that she was imprisoned in canon after the destruction of the arena of the 75th Games, and much of the fandom headcanon that she was tortured during her captivity. When Katniss reunites with her at the end of Mockingjay, Effie appears physically unchanged, but her eyes are "empty". This, I think, suggests dissociation, which in turns suggests some severe trauma. People who have literally just been traumatised don't immediately jump into having kids. And while Effie's canon age is unknown, I wrote her as only four years younger than Haymitch, which would place her at 37 or 38 years old at the end of the war. Realistically, she doesn't have long before she is physically incapable of having biological children.

Though the post-rebellion world of the Hunger Games is a better one, it doesn't mean that those traumas simply vanish. It takes Katniss at least fifteen years to feel safe enough to have children. Katniss, while arguably being the character most like Haymitch, is still much younger and less hardened than him. And while Effie is (at least pre-war) less overtly embittered, she is still far from being as open and hopeful as Peeta. So I just can't see kids happening post-war. They've both got so much baggage as it is.

I've toyed with the idea of a Hayffie child pre-war - like, maybe they have a secret 'oops' kid - but that would be out of character as they're both fundamentally pragmatic people who would know the implications of that. Considering the amount of colonial dialogue in TBOSAS, there's probably some Capitol law against procreating with district people (sexual relations with victors are fine, but a kid would probably be considered hereditarily unfit, to use a Nazi classification).

That's my yap of the day, thank you for the question!

[ramblingguy54]

Sonic & Tails R: A Love Letter To Miles Tails Prower’s Characterization

     Warning: This will contain massive spoilers for the short radio play series of Sonic & Tails R. If you haven’t listened to the radio play yet on Youtube, I’d highly recommend any hardcore Sonic fan who hasn’t seen it check it out. It’s one Hell of a treat.

     For as far back as I can remember in my childhood, Tails’ story of trying to step outta Sonic’s shadow has been such a resonating one for myself. Even when I was a much younger kid playing my Dreamcast, during entries like Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, there was some idea lingering about why Tails just stood out more emotionally in his journey to grow beyond depending on Sonic all the time for help. Now here I am a young adult in my late twenties having such a deeper appreciation of this little two tailed genius kiddo because he’s got an important element that’s made him so beloved for good reason.

     In spite of his genius being a rival to that of Eggman’s high IQ and of course proving to surpass it plenty of times when scenarios boil down to being a high stakes battle, Miles Tails Prower beneath it all is still just like any one of us. We’re all trying to find our place in this world about what defines us for who we are as unique people. He wants to be more than just seen as someone who’s alongside Sonic The Hedgehog’s never say die attitude, but prove he’s plenty capable of standing on his own two feet to protect everything the kid holds dear to himself. Underdog stories, when they’re naturally executed very well, can reel me in so easily. They are very much my bread & butter trope I adore seeing.

     To no one’s surprise, the two Sonic Adventure’s iterations portrayal of Tails’ characterization are hands down some of my favorite writing for the two tailed fox, regarding what the 3D era has done toward him, development wise. It gave him more of an existential struggle to endure like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t around to help stop Eggman? What if I’m not strong enough to accomplish what he can?”, making Tails plight to be seen as an equal all the more endearing when stopping Eggman in his climatic battle against the Egg Walker in Station Square. This here is a great use of a timeless lesson you can apply in life that if you set you heart and mind on anything, there isn’t a thing you can’t accomplish on your own, which is why many fell in love with Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s writing for Miles Tails Prower’s journey of independence.

     As someone who comes from a large family tree of relatives, I feel the weight of my existence on my shoulders at a number of points more than I’d care to count, admittedly. Seeing Tails struggle with his sense of purpose, in contrast to observing how much Sonic has accomplished with his carefree, yet deeply compassionate attitude, means the world to me in watching another trying to comprehend their value as a whole on how much they matter, overall. This is a big part of why my fondness for SA1 & 2′s quality has never wavered over these years, besides still obviously enjoying most of their game play mechanics. People can try to debate to their heart’s content on whether the Adventure games still hold up in their own eyes, but I’ll always respect them for how they tried to develop certain characters, such as Tails, Gamma, and Shadow The Hedgehog notably, to attempt expanding upon their characters, as well as world building.

     I won’t bother going into a rant about how Sonic’s recent 3D games have butchered Tails’ personality & relatable nature, due to the current writers in charge of handling the cast of characters. More or less, I greatly empathize toward the notion many have already stated about Tails being so cowardly and God forbid, looking at Lost World, downright severely mean spirited. Rather, I’m obviously writing this lengthy post to breakdown why Sonic & Tails R succeeds, where these certain 3D games have greatly faltered in exploring Tails’ emotional dilemmas as an insecure, yet still having the courage to prove himself, talented boy full of hidden potential he doesn’t quite realize, until his back is against the wall in life threatening situations.

“That day, I realized I couldn’t depend on you forever. Not that I can’t depend on you, but like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t here?”, you know?”

     Sonic & Tails R further delves into this fundamental rule of what has defined Tails in Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s stories of events where Sonic wasn’t there to aid his best bud in taking down Eggman’s evil efforts for global domination, most importantly his fear of defending the Earth without his role model. Besides what I already stated in SA1′s events in Station where he stopped the Egg Walker, as well as the missile Eggman launched from detonating before their climatic battle, Tails watched Sonic blow up in ARK’s capsule presuming him to be dead after Sonic imparted how much faith he has in the kid’s abilities to be truly strong in the face of any foe. Sonic & Tails R manages to use fan service in a way that doesn’t feel like “pandering” for the sake of it, using this past canon material to do more of an in-depth study about Miles’ anxieties of existing without Sonic.

     Wouldn’t put it past them if EmuEmi & crew were using SA2′s Sonic death fake out scene in that space capsule to further add trauma to Tails’ psychological attachment to Sonic, as well as his insecurities of depending on him too much, to boot. While it’s never obviously outright stated in their radio play, I definitely believe they were factoring this element into adding dramatic exploration for why Tails is so self-conscious about the worst case scenario of permanently losing Sonic. Watching Sonic supposedly die put Tails into a deeper state of self-reflection, so I very much enjoyed how they went using these past events to create a thorough exploration about him learning just as it’s important to realize you need to stand up for yourself without using someone else as a crutch all the time, it’s doubly important to remember there’s nothing wrong about asking someone for help when you’re about to be down and out with little options left.

     Sonic & Tails R beautifully builds upon the foundation these two games’ stories left behind years ago, creating new damn great material to explore with the most iconic characters of this cast, Sonic & Tails brotherly dynamic. I’ve been praising Sonic & Tails R out the wazoo for how well it captured Tails underdog story of overcoming death defying odds, but it managed to remind me how simply adorable and outright wonderfully endearing their brotherly chemistry is as a whole. This is a big friendly reminder Sonic isn’t all about being cocky wise cracking character making meta jokes left and right, but he can be plenty capable of showing serious compassion to anyone he values as an ally and friend. This is no greater evident, than with him verbally lifting Tails up in his time of need when he’s self-depreciating his own significance. It can be seen in Episodes 2, 4, and 7 giving Tails motivational pieces of advice.

    Episode 2 In Adabat’s Cavern

-Sonic: Wasn’t it your radar that helped us find these Emerald shards in the first place? How could you be slowing us down when you’ve gotten us this far?

-Tails: But, I...

-Sonic: I could never make something like that. You’re the smartest person I know, Tails. One way or another, we’ll figure this out, count on it.

         Episode 4 In Holoska After Helping Silver Save The Chao

-Sonic: So, what was that back there? At the cave, in Adabat? -Tails: What do you mean? -Sonic: Frozen stiff. Confidence shot. It’s not like you. It was more than feeling like you were “slowing us down”, right?

        Episode 7 Inside The Egg Carrier 3

-Sonic: Let’s split up! I’ll distract them and you can go after the energy source. -Tails: You’re gonna take them on all by yourself!? Let me help, Sonic! -Sonic: No time for this, Tails. Stop overthinking and just go! If I can get their attention, I’ll take the heat off of you and that room you’re going to probably won’t have any security. Take this emerald and I’ll take the other one we have. It’ll lead me right to you after I beat these guys. -Tails: O-Okay... -Sonic: Hold on, Tails! Listen to me. Don’t stop moving and be careful. I’ll be fine and so will you!

     Sonic & Tails R remembers the most crucial detail of their important relationship. One isn’t better than the other and needing to always rely upon that notion for helping one outta a jam, but instead showcases how they’re equals as a team/bros. Sonic may be super fast and strong, however Tails has his intelligence to analyze situations in a different angle Sonic wouldn’t necessarily consider, per say. Which isn’t to say Tails couldn’t put up a fight either, as we’ve seen in SA1 & SA2′s stories where he faced Eggman one on one with no outside help to best him at his own game of wits & strength.

     We get see the apex of this idea through Tails facing Eggman in his super improved mecha walker. Although Tails may get thrown for a loop here at first by Eggman, it’s his villainous speech about winners and losers in their world that ironically does the exact opposite of what he intended. Eggman wanted to crush Tails’ sense of self worth before finishing him off, but all it did was reignite the very lesson Sonic told him earlier before running to distract Eggman’s robotic minions. That said lesson of he’s more than capable of facing dangerous threats

-Eggman: Poor boy. We all have to learn this lesson, sooner or later. In every game there’s no one you can depend on. You’re all alone and you’re either a winner, or a loser. And as you know, loser’s lose all of their lives. Say goodbye, fox!

-Tails: You’re wrong! I can depend Sonic! I won’t let him down! I can’t because...Because he’s depending on me! And because of that I won’t lose to you!

     This radio play strikes a good balance in utilizing the grey moral area about depending on someone vs it being an unhealthy display of attachment derived from serious insecurity. Word’s can’t begin to describe how much I loved this moment to pieces because it’s oh so important for writing Tails’ characterization. If you’re going to tackle him being super self conscious about his reliance on Sonic, then you gotta remember why they are so close to one another to begin with. Sonic & Tails have an unbreakable connection, considering they’ve brought out their best qualities in themselves from being together as individuals. For Sonic, it’s his older brother compassion to Tails to bring him outta feeling melancholy. For Tails, the kid finally understands there isn’t anything wrong with depending on Sonic when he needs it most.

     After all, that’s what a real healthy friendship is all about. Whether you’re giving someone a dose of tough love, or simply a piece of motivational advice, it defines how much you truly care about someone, period. Sonic & Tails have this very same power from their bond, which is why new emeralds form from their compassionate friendship that hasn’t been shaken after all the years they’ve been together. Another detail worth noting is it adds to the lore in an impactful manner when Tikal expresses in Episode 8 about positive connections and thoughts from users of the Chaos Emeralds having a strong will & heart. Using the ideas they had for encapsulating Sonic & Tails’ dynamic to create new emeralds from their love for each other as brothers adds an emotional weight.

“So, Sonic’s not the only one who harness the power of the Chaos Emeralds? I can too!?”

“Yes, you have a strong heart! There is a power waiting to be unlocked within you, as well.”

          I’d always daydreamed about in my childhood seeing Super Sonic & Tails take down a threatening villain, whether it was Eggman or different powerful creature such as Chaos or the Biolizard. You can imagine how fucking giddy I was beyond belief to see this artwork of Episode 9′s cover for the radio play. Tails not only got to have another one on one with Eggman, but a team up with Super Sonic in his own respective Super form? Sign me the Hell up! Talk about an all you eat buffet of good writing for Tails’ journey reaching its climax. Getting to hear this play out, alongside the amazing song of Fly With Me, made it authentically feel like something straight outta if there were an installment of Sonic Adventure 3 being brought into reality, which certainly feels like it now.

     Episode 9 has so much awesome stuff with Sonic & Tails working together in their super forms. Particularly, my favorite scene is at the beginning when Sonic teaches Tails how to navigate his newly acquired speed in his respective Super form. My heart melted hearing Sonic help Tails through it all, while he was overjoyed about how fun this new form is for himself. Wholesome Sonic & Tails content is the perfect daily serotonin for me, easily. It’s an awesome fun fact to know they used a scrapped boss from Tails Tornado segment in SA1 for Eggman’s flying dragon three headed robot in their big final battle, once again using old canon material in a very effective manner to boost the quality of their fan made story.

     It’s been a real thrill to hear Mike Pollock play a straight forward serious Eggman making my day in more ways than one, considering that’s another thing I’ve been yearning for desperately besides Tails being a competent character again. His performance in Episode 9 when Eggman gave that speech about how long he’s been at odds with Sonic & Tails stubborn will power was simply excellent. The moment he told his mechanical dragon to crush them I got serious chills. That’s the Eggman I remember and grew up with. He could be a hammy villain sure, but Eggman wasn’t a doormat that could be swiftly beaten. Robotnik can be considered a serious threat in his own right and this radio play nailed it down to the very letter with how much he predicted their actions.

“Sonic, all I ever wanted to do was be like you. You’re not scared of anyone or anything. I could never be like that. At least, so I thought. I grew from that, but then I got so caught up in trying to prove it that thought it wasn’t okay to depend upon anyone, especially you. I just didn’t want to be that scared little kid in Station Square anymore, but now I understand. It’s okay to depend on your friends. It all means is that we’re stronger together, so the next time Eggman comes back and wants to start any trouble with you, or any of my friends. Emeralds or no emeralds, he’s gonna have to get past me and he won’t!”

Sonic By Episode 1′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here we come!

Tails By Episode 10′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here I come!

Turn your thoughts into power. Be all that you can be.

     The ending legit got me choked up because what of they decided to do for wrapping up Tails journey in a poetic fashion. Having Tails go off on his own separate journey to grow more independence pulled on my heart strings perfectly. Very much so, as I’m transitioning slowly, but surely, into gaining more freedom to go out into the outside world in my own life. Concluding the story, by Sonic & Tails holding onto the two Emeralds their bond had formed from positive energy, due to their powerful friendship, was so heartwarming. This is how you write an overview of what makes Sonic & Tails chemistry work so well as it does.

     Sonic & Tails R’s ending represents while some things never change, like Sonic and Tails bond for each other, it also shows there’s very much a necessity for people to grow, hence Tails’ whole solo journey in the epilogue. People can’t stay in the same place forever and will need go about finding their own path, even if it means saying “goodbye” periodically for a notable amount of time.

     It’s for these reasons I’ve listed in great explanation above throughout this detailed post cement Sonic & Tails R high on my list of favorite Sonic fan projects. They captured the magic of what made the Adventure games so beloved. Gonna be looking back on this passion project for many years to come. Everyone involved in this year long effort of a project dating all the way back Summer of 2020 ought to be immensely proud for how much their hard efforts paid off in the long run.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts here! 

Hope you enjoyed. 

[woman-loving]

A History of US Bear Subculture

Selection from “A Concise History of Self-Identifying Bears,” by Les Wright, published in The Bear Book: Readings in the History and Evolution of a Gay Male Subculture, edited by Les Wright, 1997.

Roots In his 1991 introduction to The Bear Cult: Photography by Chris Nelson,[1] Edward Lucie-Smith attributes iconographic sources of bears to the 1950s gladiator movies starring bodybuilder Steve Reeves. Gay “physique studios” of the time reflected the predominant fashion of closely shaven faces and bodies. “Old Reliable,” a Los Angeles-based photographer of homoerotic wrestling, specialized in “natural” men, soliciting hustlers, punks, ex-cons, and other truly “rough trade” types off the streets (from the 1950s-1990s) to pose for his camera. Old Reliable’s models were street-smart scrappers, perhaps shabby, perhaps defiant, unquestionably blue-collar, or lower, class. A fat cigar in one hand and the middle finger of the other hand thrust into the camera’s face is the signature pose for Old Reliable’s models. John Rechy’s novels, especially 1963 best-seller City of the Night, serve as a record of gay male engenderment of this particular type in the urban subcultures of the late 1950s and 1960s.

Another informant, living in the Miami, Florida area during the 1970s, reports that when he first started coming out into the bar scene in his mid-twenties he encountered a cluster of “bears” that congregated in the Tool Room, a back bar area of Warehouse VIII, a “disco place.”

“[i]n the meantime, some counter-culture tabloid I read occasionally ran a cryptic personal ad for a Bears party, which would gather at a men’s bar called The Ramrod on a particular evening and time, so I bit. Not knowing the bar’s whereabouts, then learning the address and trying to find the unmarked place in the downtown darkness, I was late but not too late. A dozen of so men with beards, most of them husky, were piling out of the bar door as I was walking in. Two of them grabbed me by each arm, and one said “Great! You’re the even number!” Now I was just in the first stages of coming out, even to myself, but I let myself get swept away (with an alarmed smile on my face). I thought I was headed for my first orgy (gay or straight), but it turned out to be a real party at a home on one of the causeway islands between Miami and Miami Beach. Real men having a hell of a good time without a woman in sight. Imagine!! We watched the second half of the Dolphins game, played some cards, then sat outside under the moonlight, slowly pairing off and disappearing back indoors or off into tropical hiding places behind the patio.

I was out. I started hanging out regularly at the Ramrod, where any bearded local was greeted as “Hey, Brother Bear!” I checked out The Rack, a leather saloon, but the bear camaraderie was not present. A few Rack regulars were good-looking, beefy, bearded guys, but their bikes and image were their focus, not the bears among them. The bears continued to patronize the Ramrod and the Tool Room, or a larger bar in Fort Lauderdale called Tacky’s, but could be found in lots of neighborhood bars, too, like The Hamlet and The Everglades. Not only did we refer to ourselves as bears, but the term caught on among non-bears too.

It was too early in beardom, I guess, to have a Bears club or organization of any kind. Nobody thought of it. There were spontaneous parties arranged by word-of-mouth, picnics, beach volleyball. We even loaded three vans full of bears and invaded Key West.

You might think of Florida as an unlikely place to find bears, but bearded men were very common there in the 60s and 70s. When the disco era streamrollered fashion for straight and queer alike, it became less common. Many bears kept our beards, many left only a moustache. The Ramrod faltered and closed, 13 Buttons and The Copa flourished, as did all the big discos of the day. I became more private whit three bear affairs over five years, then finally met a cowboy in New Orleans on Mardi Gras and left Florida forever. We moved to Colorado in 1981 and had five great years together. I've been in Denver since 1986 and was later a founding member of one of the oldest bear clubs in the country, Front Range Bears.

But that’s another story.”[2]

Larry Reams has unearthed the first documented apparent uses of “bear” in the current sense. He has found among records of the Los Angeles-based Satyrs’ MC club the formation of a “bear” club mentioned in two entries from 1966.[3] Another source cites anecdotally a group of lovers of a “Papa Bear” in Dallas, Texas, as the start of the “bear community” “well before 1975.”[4] Several undocumented sources have related similar anecdotes of private circle or bar circles of self-identifying bears.

The first published description of gay “bears” appeared in a whimsical article called “Who’s Who in the Zoo: A Glossary of Gay Animals,” penned by George Mazzei in the Advocate, July 26, 1979. Larry Reams reports that he and his friend, the author,

“were standing in Griffs’, a Los Angeles leather bar, one evening discussing the types of men we were and those to whom we were attracted. We decided we were Bears and continued on to formulate what we thought constitutes a Bear. Once we had described Bears it was an easy step to look around the bar and create the rest of the article.”[5]

Because the type so strongly suggests aspects of both bear attitude and bear image, it is worth quoting in its entirety:

“Bears are usually hunky, chunky types reminiscent of railroad engineers and former football greats. They have larger chests and bellies than average, and notably muscular legs. Some Italian-American Bears, however, are leaner and smaller; it’s attitude that makes a Bear.

General Characteristics: Hair. Their tangled bears often present no discernible place to insert a comb. Laughter. Bears laugh a lot and are generally good natured. They make wonderful companions since they are prone to reach for the check, buy the next round and keep abreast of when the Trocadero is dancing this season. Their good humor can turn threatening if you attempt to cruise their trick and you will hear about if for weeks afterward. [...]”

Jack Fritscher was creating and documenting a similar impulse in San Francisco contemporaneous to this Los Angeles subculture. Those pre-AIDS years in the Castro and South-of-Market subculture are documented in the roman à clef Some Dance to Remember. Recorded in the novel is an account of Fritscher’s short-lived underground magazine called Man2Man, a direct precursor to the first incarnation of BEAR magazine. The “homomasculinity” of Fritscher’s philosophical quest was summed up in the magazine’s subtitle: “What you’re looking for is looking for you!”

First-Wave Bears of the Zeitgeist, 1986-1989

The energy that called itself “bear” appeared as one of the signs of reemerging gay communal life following the arrival of AIDS in the 1980s. After several years in a state of shock, emotional devastation, eating more, perhaps exercising less, continuing to age, and ready for a somewhat slower and more compassionate pace of gay sex and gay social life, “hibernating” clones, leathermen, and many other self-identifying types came back to gay public spheres as “bears.” AIDS led many of us to put on extra padding and to eroticize (or publicly admit to our erotic desire for) male bulk. Feminists, such as Andrea Dworkin and Mary Daly, had articulated the mechanisms of patriarchal/capitalist subjugation through the “beauty myth.” The tyranny of the “Castro (or Christopher) Street clone” had been breached.

Since the late 1970s, in counterpoint to the “endless party” spirit of gay life, increasing numbers of gay men were burning out on the alcohol and recreational drugs. Alcoholism has been, and remains, a serious problem in the gay community. The drug experimentation of the “love generation” had turned into a nightmare before AIDS arrived. Now, for the first time, many were experiencing another sense of self, a “sober self,” a discovery of self-respect, which allowed them to bring to a halt these self-destructive behaviors. Across the country sobriety became not only fashionable, but even “politically correct.” Discussion of the uses and misuses of the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous belongs elsewhere. Relevant to bears is the rise of self-esteem among gays--whether through sexual “liberation” or adoption of cultural norms of the moment.

The self-empowerment movements of the 1970s, the nurturance and “safe space” strategies of 1970s feminism, the ever greener alternative impulses of rural gays, Radical Faeries, and nongay-identifing men-loving men (as disseminated, for example, through RFD magazine), and the fundamental strategy of Stonewall politics--coming out--prepared the way. For gay men, who had come out as gay, as sober, as HIV positive, as leathermen, it would seem “natural” to come out--yet again--as a bear. On the one hand, Stonewall-era identity politics shaped the Zeitgeist. On the other hand, for many men-loving men who did not identify with any of the images of gay men in the gay press or with (usually) urban gay men they had encountered on trips to a city, their first encounter with the idea or an embodiment of a “bear” would strike pay dirt. Many have reported immediate identification, sometimes after years or decade of not “fitting in.” Twelve-stepping and two-stepping were new venues for socializing, for being in community without an explicit exhortation to sex. It gave us another chance, a utopian moment, in which to reinvent ourselves and our community.

“Bears” have been emerging as successor to the “clone” and as transmutated variant of “leatherman,” as an integration into gay mainstream social life of “girth-and-mirthers.” In many ways, it was a humanizing response to what clones had been. Martin P. Levine, in his study “The Life and Death of Gay Clones,” focuses on the urban enclave of West Village clones (Manhattan), noting that “AIDS, gay liberation, male gender roles, and the ethics of self-fulfillment, constraint, and commitment”[7] were the sociocultural shapers, creating and destroying this gay male subculture. Bears, during the 1980s, represented a break with the competitive and objectifying tendencies which had alienated so many Stonewall-era gay men. Bears continued the tradition of masculine identification, the social identity politics of gay liberation, and basic Enlightenment values of equality, self-determination, and self-fulfillment. Bears sought to ameliorate between socially isolating cliques and creating safe social spaces, comingling social and sexual spheres, merging rough, unkempt masculine iconography with the emotional nurturing lacking in the clone subculture and the caretaking many gay men felt called to as a direct result of the AIDS epidemic.

The point of titration came in 1987. The “Bear Hugs” parties, the advent of BEAR magazine, and developments in electronic communications were the catalysts that sparked the concept of the self-aware, self-identifying bear across communities. First, computer bulletin boards and then listservres and moderated mailing lists made communications instantaneous and were collectively dubbed “cybearspace.” All three significant events took place or are tracable back to San Fransisco, independent each other but with an unexpectedly synergistic effect all together. All three represented, each in its own way, a “safe space” for bears.

Play Parties A group of friends began organizing private “play parties” in Berkeley and San Francisco in 1987, as safe and warm gatherings--social and sexual for their friends and friends of friends. Private, invitation-only “jack-off circles” became popular during the AIDS sexual freeze, but these were an alternative social and sexual space for gay men who felt “left out”--out because they did not fit, or felt like they did not fit, the gay media images of “beauty”--young, tanned, smooth-skinned, blond LA surfer boy “twinks.” Their “difference” was both physical and perceptual, and was expressed through a social and sexual inclusiveness--men in their thirties, forties, and fifties, ranging from slender to stocky to chubby (though generally on the heavier side), usually with beards and perhaps body hair, and from a range of social classes. The common mold was a warm, nurturing, affectionate attitude toward each other. The intimacy of the early days changed, however, when the gatherings grew to over 100. By 1989, a larger space and a more formalized “guest list” became necessary.

This San Francisco group was the spawning ground for several later developments. Among them were Bear Fax Enterprises, a business privately owned by Ben Bruner and Bill Martin. The International Bear Expo, which ran for three years in San Francisco (1992, 1993, and 1994), the effort of dozens of local bears, was overseen by a steering committee, many of whom later founded the Bears of San Francisco and the International Bear Rendezvous. The “International Mr. Bear” competition and title were introduced at Expo ‘92; John Caldera, the first title holder, eventually acquired ownership of the tile, and the contest has been held annually ever since.

“Bear soup” became a widely adopted idea. In many places it refers specially to hot tub parties, though often with the implication of an orgy or private sexual pairings later in the evening. Sometimes “bear soup” seems to refer merely to a crowded space full of bears. The Bear Hugs group in Great Britain is a strictly social organization.

Similar groups, such as the OzBears of Sydney, Australia, and the Bear Cave parties in Manhattan, had started up for purposes of private socializing, and formed the basis of new groups that developed into bear clubs dedicated to social activities or even community work. As organized bear clubs have arisen and sex clubs started advertising a weekly “bear night,” these play parties have all but disappeared.

BEAR Magazine At about the same time, Bart Thomas began putting together a small, photocopied underground magazine he called BEAR . The magazine was, at first, local to San Francisco. It consisted of jack-off photos and personal ads. The reader could send in appropriate photos of himself or stop by the BEAR office and pose for the magazine. In some ways, BEAR may be seen as the direct successor of Jack Fritscher’s Man2Man underground magazine of nearly a decade before. Before he could actually launch the magazine, Thomas succumbed to complications form AIDS, but not before passing the torch to his friend Richard Bulger.

Bulger’s vision of a lifestyle magazine, articulating this masculinity, with a leftist sexual political slant, and embedded anthropological underpinnings, not to wax abstractly, but to act, to embody the principles through practice and a level of discourse clear to any blue-collar man. In a few years’ time the magazine expanded in size and status, and from word-of-mouth circulation to international commercial distribution, with a full line of videotapes, photo sets, and accessories.

In this 1993 study of BEAR magazine, Joe Policarpio describes the dual aspects of image and attitude stressed by publisher Richard Bulger through his choice of models and editorial content. The general profile of a “bear” includes at least some facial hair and some body hair (”usually the more the better”), a “musky animality,” a blend of traditionally masculine aggressiveness and (feminine) desire to cuddle, muscles by Nautilus or physical labor, and a tendency to be older than the models found in most other gay male porn magazines. “The most important point is these men are presented as fitting an ideological pattern the magazine espouses. This is one of freewheeling, playful and positive attitude toward sexuality between men. He is comfortable in his body and exudes a sense of self-assurance.”[8]

Because of personal ties, BEAR magazine was from the start intimately connected with the South-of-Market bar scene. The original Lone Star Saloon was the first “bear bar,” and followed the tradition of the Ambush and the Balcony, both of which had gone out of business early in the AIDS epidemic. These “sleaze bars” all developed an international reputation. They all offered a free-spirited, anarchic, anything-goes ambience, drawing in blue-collar types who disdained the middle-class pretensions of mainstream gay culture, those who sensibility combined social rough edges with the loyalty ethic of the American lower classes, and misfits, eccentrics, and other “rugged individual” types historically drawn to frontier towns and their saloons.

“Cybearspace” Direct electronic communications over the Internet developed and proliferated during the 1980s and 1990s. Word-of-mouth knowledge of bears spread very rapidly across the Internet. The preponderance of bears on-line or in computer fields is traceable back, in part, to this. One of the most often used private or personal uses of the Internet, regardless of sexual orientation, is for communications of a sexual nature. The lines of communication are numerous and diverse: live chat lines (IRC), BBS (electronic bulletin boards), unmoderated (echoed) an moderated mailing lists, websites, CU See ME (live video transmission), and e-mail. Altogether an individual can transmit or receive text, images (such as gif or jpeg), sound, and video images (nearly) instantaneously. The Internet allows for establishing and maintaining contact anonymously, for uncensored communication, for the exchange of visual images (yourself, your friends, your favorite sexual icon), and for echoed messages (broadcasting to all subscribers of a mailing list of a global mailing to everyone in your e-mail address book). Certain mediums (such as the IRC) can guarantee anonymity (no clues as to personal identity or physical appearance). The question of subverting prejudgment on the basis of appearance becomes moot, however, when we consider the proliferation of visual mediums, such as webpages, archived gif and jpegs, or CU SeeMe, which permit blatant self-advertising based on one’s appearance without revealing one’s name or location.

Early on, circa 1985-1988, there were several bear-dedicated bulletin boards, such as the PC Bear’s Lair (sysop Les Kooyman). The bearcave chat room on the IRC has been a very popular site in cybearspace for live conversation. While the option of remaining anonymous is always available (everyone uses a “handle,” or pseudonym), cyber-communities have evolved over time. This may range from sexual encounters to personal friendships to life partners.

By far the most popular cybearspace is the Bears Mailing List, or BML. Founded by Steve Dyer and Brian Gollum in 1988, it grew from a small, friendly, safe-feeling cybergathering of several dozen bears to a heavily subscribed, largely anonymous, and often fractious, moderated exchange of over 3,000 subscribers. Since 1995 Henry Mensch and Roger Klorese have been moderating the BML and introducing changes to accommodate the dramatic shift in tenor and purpose of the list. Subscribers are drawn from all fifty states and several dozen nations worldwide. English is the lingua franca although everything, including whether to have and who should determine a common language (and how), has been brought up for discussion. Bob Donahue’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek rough guide to “bear codes,” which was accessible from the BML archives, is the source of subspecies terminology within the bear community, such a cub, otter, behr, and the like. Numerous individuals have taken the code in all seriousness and this has become a source of contention, quoted by both sides in disputes over what is a “real” bear. [...]

Although not the only cybear group to do so, the BML has staged several informal, in-person gatherings of its subscribers  During Stonewall 25 in New York City, for example, some sixty to seventy BMLers gathered at Bethesda Fountain in Central Park on the day before the parade. Consensus determined the group should form a spontaneous contingent and march in the parade. And thus on Sunday, Stonewall 25 included a sizable contingent of mostly bearded, bearish-appearing gay men from all across the country and from abroad.

Second Wave: formalizing, 1989-1994

Bear Clubs As the concept of bear circulated between gay communities across the country and “news of recent developments in the gay capital” was drawing more comers to San Francisco, localized efforts to promote and organize bears appeared everywhere. The Bear Paws of Iowa, co-founded by Dave Annis and Larry Toothman in 1989, was the first bear club. By 1992, Bear Expo organizers were aware of four such clubs. Two years later, there were forty. According to the International Directory of Bear Organizations, maintained by The Tidewater Bears (Virginia), as of January 1996, there were 137 bear clubs or explicitly bear-friendly (girth-and-mirth and leather) clubs worldwide.

Bear clubs have generally followed along the lines of their older cousins, the lather motorcycle clubs. In some places this means an informal club that schedules periodic social events. In other places, this has translated into a great deal of fundraising and gay community civic activities. As the club model has gained wider acceptance, it has drawn long-standing problems endemic throughout the gay community into its sphere.

A formal club membership structures creates automatically an insider/outsider division, even if membership is “open to all” (usually defined as “bears and their admires”). Having a club also invites quibbling over definitions of who is a “real” bear. (This is borne out by regional differences, whether emphasis has been placed on body hair, on body weight, or on “attitude,” though a beard or moustache seems to be universally required). Clubs and organizers of events, such as the OctoBearFest (Denver), Orlando Bear Bust, Bear Pride (Chicago), European Big Men’s Conference, or the International Bear Rendezvous (San Francisco) have created bear contests, which engenders the very hierarchical system the earlier bear impulse had been resisting.

Finally, the disjunctive ideals of bears as working-class masculinity and bears as an increasingly distinct subculture within mainstream gay culture bring into sharp relief the larger issues of gay community. If bears began in a spirit of inclusiveness and egalitarian-mindedness, sex positive and relatively “anti-looks-ist,” then what is to be made of the increasingly conformist, consumerist, competitiveness that has take over? As the idea of bears has spread, the opportunities to travel far and wide, to purchase ever more and ever more costly bearphernalia, to update an expand one’s computer sources are generating another, unanticipated dividing line-between bear haves and bear have-nots. to what extent does having money now calculate into the formulas of who is a “real” bear?

Expanded Print Media As BEAR magazine rapidly grew in format, production values, and circulation, reception among gay mainstream media remained very lower. The first published serious essay on bears was a piece I wrote in 1989. It appeared in its entirety in Seattle Gay News, an abbreviated version in the San Francisco Sentinel, and Drummer magazine carried the “Sociology of the Urban Bear” as the first bear cover story in 1990. (It was reprinted in Classic Bear, February 1996.)

What became known as bear types had been featured, in one way or another, in RFD (rural), in Chiron Rising (”mature”), in leather/SM-oriented, and girth-and-mirth publications. Numerous niche-crossover magazines sprang up in the early 1990s--Bulk Male, The Big Ad, Husky, Daddy, Daddybear, GRUF. Bearish models began staring back at the reader from the pages of Advocate Men, Honcho, In Touch, and other gay mainstream glossies. BEAR magazine’s direct competitor American Bear, published by Tim Martin (Louisville, KY) took advantage of a lacuna left by BEAR magazine’s retreat from Bulger’s philosophical lifestyle magazine publishing. With the establishment of the bear icon in the gay community and the world of mainstream-gay print advertising, gay bears had become a local presence everywhere (not just in San Fransisco). And with interests, at least sometimes, beyond immediate sexual gratification, this translated into new niche markets. While American Bear Features a regular column on dissonant (HIV-positive/negative) couples (Bulger adamantly refused to mention AIDS in his magazine), a how-to column on accessing the Internet, and other features, none of the bear magazines have attained Playboy-calibre intellectual content.

In the early 1990s “bear war” broke out when Bulger, then owner-publisher of BEAR, sought to gain sole ownership of the word “bear” as his company’s trademark. Needless to say, this led to a lot of bad feelings and was widely followed and criticized in cybearspace. The Advocate even mentioned it in print. At the time, the Bear Hug group’s informal newsletter the Bear Fax had been expanded into a full-fledged magazine by Bill Martin. The lingering legacy of this “war” was a schism, based on a difference in basic body types typically portrayed in each magazine, between “fat bears” and “skinny bears.” Since this time, personals ads have proven far more profitable, and the bulk of the magazine currently consisted of personals ads, photo spreads, and commercial advertising.[9] The magazine was sold to Bear-Dog Hoffman in 1994 and is currently under Joseph Bean’s editorship. It is not clear which direction the magazine will go. It is clear that BEAR is the voice of authority in matters of bear community and sensibility.

Print media as gone a long way in generating a prototypical bear icon--full-bearded, fairly to very hairy, beefy to chunky GWM baby-boomer, probably of Irish, Jewish, Italian, Scandinavian, or Armenian heritage. In reality, the question of race, presence or absence of body hair, body build, social class, or outlook on life is anything but so neatly compartmentalized. BEAR magazine introduced the serious photographic work of Chris Nelson (as Brahman Studio) and Steve Sutton (who succumbed to complications from AIDS in 1994). Lynn Ludwig has established himself as the documenter of the San Francisco bear community. And, perhaps, the most gifted photographer of bears is Los Angeles-based John Rand, whose work is included in this book.

Bear Contests The bear calendar includes many regional gatherings, as mentioned above, as well as annual bear contests as the local club level. The highlight of such events is often the bear content. As Lurch, a popular bear icon, stand-up comic, TV actor, and psychiatric nurse, has put it, “I prefer to say ‘titleholder.’ ‘Winner’ implies ‘losers,’ and none of us are losers.”[10] Successful bear contest titleholders may be expected to organize or work a number of fund-raisers, go on public speaking engagements and represent their hometown or club on the road. In other places, the local bear club may be one of the few, or even the only social outlet, and merely being a known presence in the local community is the extent of the titleholder’s “duties.”

The emergence of bear contents has tended to straddle the fence between two sides--parodying traditional gay ideals of beauty while striving to establish a new, legitimate bear ideal. The International Mr. Bear contest, a component part of the San Francisco-based International Bear Expo, evolved in its first three year from poking somewhat self-conscious fun at traditional gay values to striving in an increasingly serious manner to project an image of a self-confident bear ideal, a new icon assuming its place among the archetypes of male beauty. From the beginning there has been an emphasis on personal warmth, a compassionate nature, civic-mindedness in the gay community, and spiritual playfulness. Titleholders John Caldera (IMB ‘92) and Steve Heyl (IMB ‘93) worked hard during their “reign,” and have remained genuinely and deeply committed to the bear community. Yet, in the progression of titleholders and the proliferation of bear contests in recent years, here has been an increasing tendency toward consolidating a bear image, and away from qualities intangible or at least invisible to the camera.

[balancingthewind]

boundaries/money shame

I guess I’m really doing this. With the click of a mouse I’ve initiated the chain of catalysts moving me into this new era of my life. I feel somewhat nauseous. But I know this is good.

I’m beginning this era with some fear, but mostly the light-headed surreality of having finally arrived at that distant mountain knowing the difficulty ahead as well as the excitement of the impending summit.

People commonly talk about money shame on one end of a spectrum and, while acknowledging the systemic problems causing generational poverty and the many economic recessions that have affected so many Americans, I need to speak my truth, too.

I come from a family of generational bootstrappers. The old story goes, my father’s grandmother’s family was one of “migrant” cotton-pickers (they’re white and are not immigrants, hence the quotations). My great-grandmother didn’t graduate elementary school, settled in Texas, and bore something like nine children.

Now that I think about it, I don’t know much about her husband, but I do know that their children were brilliant hellions. Many of the stories I hear of their youth involve violence, yet somehow most of them grew up to be moderately successful: chemists, professional athletes, ranchers…

My grandfather and grandmother, however, got pregnant with my father before they graduated high school. Even so, my grandfather got through college by joining the US Air Force, eventually became a dentist, my grandmother a CPA, and eventually had the highest grossing private practice in their metropolitan area.

They even managed to raise thoroughbreds and cattle, and my dad grew up to be a physician, providing a lifestyle of affluence for his young family. Even my siblings have managed to set themselves on a trajectory of extreme financial comfort through academic merit and the opportunities laid out by their efforts and my parents’.

The same cannot be said for myself. While my parents offered to pay for university (with stipulations), I graduated high school with no honors and made it through a year at a state college before I sprang like a compressed coil off into everywhere and nowhere.

Although I’ve managed to regain some semblance of stability by working a job I truly love and foresee longevity in, I still have a number of financial tethers to my parents accounts. Car insurance, phone bill, yoga teacher training… even the house I currently sit in, the lease agreement I have signed, belongs to my parents. My car I purchased from my parents and yet they’ve had to foot most mechanics bills since I’ve had it.

While these aren’t necessarily bad things, the part where it gets complicated is the one where my personal values and ideologies are in some ways fundamentally misaligned with those of my father. So, as part of keeping up the relationship, there are parts of myself that have become integral to the way I navigate the world which I cannot speak, even when the topics and subsequent somatic and emotional responses arise. And when I do, as I did last Thursday, the lid blows sky-high.

That’s what happens when you have trauma responses triggered by specific kinds of interactions, especially with specific people. With my father, stubborn as a bull and convinced of his superior vision, simply presenting your case or citing sources gets you nowhere. It’s a game of looking for loopholes and pulling at the frays of an argument rather than taking the other person’s point seriously.

If this was a legal case and anyone had something to win, I would understand, but when hours of painstaking research and personal transparency mean nothing, when respect will never be mutual, when the end game is being right rather than bringing light… I just can’t fucking do it anymore.

Especially because the argument in question revolved around social justice, particularly racial equality. My father believes he’s not racist, from what I can see, because he’s not as bad as he used to be, how my family has been for generations. Because he “has black friends”, and yet believes that the US government holds no responsibility in taking action to uplift Black communities, that affirmative action was too far of a reach and removed opportunity from deserving white people.

I’ve seen my father say and do some verifiably, outwardly racist white man shit in my life, and really I wouldn’t continue to take issue with that if he had the wherewithal to sit down and really listen to Black activists and try to actually feel something for the Black experience nor attempt to actually change or sacrifice for this cause in the way that I and most of my generation have had to. Instead, he white-knuckles his rusty, fossilized opinions until we’re slamming doors and slinging hatred at the walls.

The kind of change I need to see in him is never comfortable. It takes a critical look at one’s deepest values and an inquiry into the nature of them, whether they’re based in the advantages of a system based upon white supremacy or in the yearning for betterment of all people. It always requires remorse, resolution, and sacrifice, and I don’t know if he’ll ever be willing to take that on.

Another side of the disagreement is the thoroughbred industry itself. I’ve been turning down invitations to the race track for years, but that means nothing when the first thing I see when I turn in my parents driveway is a horse behind a fence. When the dinner table discussion revolves around brood mares and foaling season… my first instinct is to dissociate so I don’t have to hear or feel. Because presence means rage, and I know this is something I can never change about them, and the energetic toll it takes in me to fight with them is massive.

I can no longer ignore the fact that this level of cognitive dissonance is unhealthy for me to engage with. Having a blowout with my father for me means rage crying, sleep loss, and prolonged depression/dissociation, and that’s just some shit I don’t have time for.

Even before this happened I had been on a break with my partner, namely because I feel like my progress is constantly compromised by relationship complications, and I’m starting to feel like I can do better alone - like I’ve been on the verge of taking this step for myself, that of solitude, and have dodged or fumbled every time the opportunity was close for fear of my inability to support myself. I also think that this fear of financial incompetence comes from my money shame for having needed to keep asking for help from people who actively contribute to the colonial damage I wish to give my life to repairing, and from the way money was used to control my youth.

I can’t say that I’ll never speak to them again, especially since my sister’s wedding is coming up quickly, and also because I have no idea what the future will bring. There are many people in my life I swore I’d never speak to again that I now have amicable relationships with.

But my hope is that by setting this first boundary, developing my resilience as this person I am becoming, and making my way without their purse strings attached, I can someday return and see a shift in their beliefs, or at least receive the personal respect I deserve.

That probably won’t happen, that hill of ignorance looks pretty comfortable, but one can hope.

[southposting]

‘Doubling Down’ Rant.

I feel like one of the most prominent aspects of this episode was the portrayal of the characters’ psychology, the writing and the dialogue did a great job portraying how people spiral into toxic relationships on the first place, and why it is difficult for them to get away once they've fallen in.

Kyle for one, is portrayed as a caring and moral-ridden individual that although reasonable, lets his emotions get in the way of his course of action. Kyle wanted to intervene because he considered it to be the right thing to do, never once entertaining the idea of an ulterior motive with Heidi until the other girls proposed it to him. While all the other boys aknowledged Cartman’s poor treatment of Heidi, none of them were willing to get themselves involved.

This takes us to Kyle's initiative and how his and Cartman's dynamic plays out throghout the episode. Kyle has consistently been responsible for challenging Cartman’s attitude, positioning himself as ‘good’ and Cartman as 'evil’, this relationship that has ultimately served to feed both Cartman’s enthusiasm to torture him, and Kyle’s sense of selfrighteousness and tendency to see himself as a martyr, victimization is something Kyle has in common with Cartman, but to quote, 'We all wrongly see ourselves as the victim sometimes, but Cartman sees himself as the victim ALL the time’. Kyle differentiates himself in being able to aknowledge his mistakes and learn from them.

To get some insight into Kyle’s remark: 'In a way, I feel like we’re all going out with Cartman right now’ reflecting on how all of them are, at some degree, and specially Kyle, always been involved in a toxic relationship with Cartman’s mind games. Kyle has been, for a long time now, Cartman’s main sympathizer, he can’t help but look out for his personal improvement, often attempting to get him to do the right thing and aknowledge the fault in his ways, a cause that Cartman hasn't hesitated to take advantage of, tricking Kyle into commiting to a mean if he can profit from his support.

In this episode, Kyle appears to have come to the conclussion that Cartman is beyond help, and that neither he nor Heidi can do anything to change that, for the best thing they can do for him is not to feed his sociopathic needs, furthermore demonstrated by their encounter on the hallway, with Kyle continuously trying to reason with him and assure him it was all for his own good, Cartman making deaf ears to his claims, finally leaving Kyle no choice but to knock him out in self defense, who apologizes regretful.

Cartman, on the other side, is miserable with Heidi, but also without her. As I stated on my last post concerning their relationship:

'He can’t bring himself to end the relationship and thus giving Heidi freedom of choice, she’s his property and so Cartman can’t stand the idea of his belongings moving onto other people. Cartman thinks of Heidi as a tool that exists with the only purpose of being at his disposition to give him attention and validation on command, no more and no less.

Simultaneously, Cartman can’t stand Heidi, because she doesn’t Cartman’s idealized image of her. Naturally, Heidi isn’t the tool Cartman expects her to be, she is an human being with her own individual needs. Whereas Cartman seeks a relationship where he is prioritized over all, never giving anything in return, and a partner willing to follow him blindly against all the odds, without him having to worry about losing their support; Heidi looks for a functional, healthy romantic relationship, were all the parties involved contribute their part. Cartman is unwilling to fulfill this role, because doing so would position him as an equal of Heidi’s, which means, to him, degrade him from his high-entity status.’

Nearing the end we realize Cartman has found a way of manipulating Heidi into believing she’s in the relationship she's craved for, and thus avoiding any sign of resistance on her behalf. He has learned that if he wants to manipulate Heidi successfully, he needs to put a little effort on the relationship every now and then, offering her occasional reassurance when things seem grim. This way, Cartman can act selfishly while at the same time 'rewarding’ Heidi for her subservience, throwing away any doubt she might've had in him. He fools her into believing his toxic behaviour is a necessary mean that needs to exist in order to keep improving himself.

Heidi is someone who wishes to aid the needy, she cannot bring herself to refuse someone’s cries for help, which is, besides the ironic effects of peer pressure, the main reason she continues to be stuck with Cartman and allows herself to be manipulated by him. He sees in Cartman someone who takes bad decisions, but is fundamentally kindhearted. Someone who is in need for her guidance. Even when ditching Kyle after being gaslighted by Cartman, her kind nature is a definitive trait of her character. Cartman was persuasive enough to make Heidi compromise with his beliefs, he made sure his words appeared to be reasonable. He told her what she wanted to hear when she was feeling the most guilty, deflecting the blame for the failure of their relationship unto Kyle instead, but reassuring her by telling her he hadn’t been counscious of his actions. He convinced her of attributing her own supposed flaws ('being moody’) to her ethnic background, and this way implying she has no control over ever improving herself, comforting her but making her feel helpess over her situation at the same time, this serves to Cartman as a mechanism to increase her emotional dependence to him, by making her feel he’s the only one who will ever love her despite her imperfections.

Regarding Cartman’s idea of Kyle, I feel like Cartman projects all of his own corruption unto Kyle. He subcounsciously thinks of Kyle as his equal, although he cannot recognize the corruption from within. Kyle’s intentions are never pure in Cartman’s mind, he must always be plotting something against him the same way he himself does to him. To him, Kyle’s purpose in life is to get in Cartman’s way. As the series progressed, we’ve seen Cartman gradually watering down his hostility towards Kyle in latter seasons the more time they spent together, and instead replacing it with an odd sense of familiarity and trust, until this point, Cartman’s friendly demeanor towards Kyle that even manifested itself at one point earlier in the episode, takes a sudden turn the moment Cartman finds out he might have been responsible for his breakup with Heidi. Following this event, we see Cartman’s hatred towards Kyle reach its peak when he goes batshit after his trippy jewish dream sequence, spewing all his resentments against Kyle in spite of the latter’s attempts to excuse himself, Cartman feeling betrayed after letting himself 'fall into Kyle’s claws’ by allowing him the benefit of the doubt previously.

Having stated all this, I think Cartman has taken care of the problems he had with Heidi, and now that the challenge is over, the last scene leads me to believe he has shifted his interest from the pleasure he obtains from having domain over her, to the impact his behaviour towards her has on Kyle instead. He’s using his influence on the people around Kyle to make them into proxys as a mean to inflict pain onto him. Heidi is no longer the tool, his entire relationship with her is now a tool on itself.

It was also interesting to see the conection between B plot and A plot relying on the parallel of the toxic relationship between Cartman, Kyle and Heidi, and that of politicians with their supporters, instead of having each storyline intersecting with the other, though I don’t have a strong stand on the matter, since I’m for the most part ignorant concerning the USA political status.

The weakest point of the episode in my opinion was the introduction of elements that seemingly served no purpose in the narrative, and ultimately aimed for a specific purpose in order to lead the plot in a certain direction. For example, Cartman’s dialogue when making fun of Heidi for gaining weight after tricking her into introducing meat into her vegan diet, indicated he had a goal in mind by doing this, though we never get any insight on what this particular goal may be other than to reassure his dominance over her. Besides this being a dangerous move for Cartman to make just after getting Heidi’s trust back, it seemed like it didn’t serve any purpose other than to incite Kyle into intervening in the relationship. Another example would be Cartman visiting Token’s house, there wasn’t really a point for Cartman to do this besides giving him the chance to make racial remarks some more. Finding out about Kyle being responsible for his breakup with Heidi through Token’s dad seemed too coincidental, though I don’t really mind, even less after being presented with Cartman’s fantastic Kyle delirium sequence.

I really enjoyed the execution of the humor, there were some great jokes, the animation team did an amazing job and overall I think this was a fantastic episode with a rather dark thematic.

[nicoknows]

Fog of Love or, 5 Ways in Which Tabletop Gamers Don’t Like Board Games

So this one was sitting on my living room table within eyesight and I figured why not? 

Fog of Love represents the way forward in modern board gaming. Or at least a promising alternative to traditional narratives in board gaming. 

You might immediately think, “Narratives in board gaming? Whomst?” And I get where you’re coming from. But there is a story being told every time you game. In Monopoly, the story is that each player starts from the same position, and through luck, skill, and even more luck, one person will emerge as a “winner,” someone will be designated as having a good outcome, everyone else will not. It’s not a compelling narrative in comparison with any kind of literature maybe, but it is a story nonetheless.

This narrative has been complicated in recent years as innovation continues to visit contemporary tabletop gaming. The earliest known board game, Senet, is conjectured to include a “winner,” and board games followed this trend for centuries, invariably as far as I can tell. However, in 1974, the first tabletop RPG came to the market, Dungeons and Dragons, and turned the world of board gaming on its head. We were introduced through D&D to the concept of a game without a winner. What was the reason for playing a game if it was not to win? I mean, you can play board games without obnoxiously and single-mindedly caring about who wins, but at the end of the day, up until this point, if you didn’t care about the win condition of a board game in the slightest, then it was literally a pointless exercise. The point, as written, of (under the unlikely assumption that I haven’t overlooked any) every board game created until 1974 was to meet a victory condition and be declared the “winner.” Dungeons and Dragons rejected this.

No better way to tell you in a TV show who’s a nerd than by telling you they play RPGs.

D&D argues that there could be something more, or at least different, substituted in for winning as the reason for playing board games. D&D says that the experience of play is enough to justify its own existence, that through the fundamental nature of tabletop gaming (i.e. a rule set) an engrossing story can be told that changes the conventional and dominating winner/loser narrative. There is meaning and emotional depth to be had in tabletop gaming, says D&D.

Since then, the win/lose narrative has been repeatedly challenged. As far back as the 1980s (perhaps earlier), cooperative games have risen with the idea that a group of people can compete, not with each other, but against a shared challenge in games such as Scotland Yard, Arkham Horror, and Fury of Dracula. In more recent years, Pandemic has reignited this trend, proceeding to catch tabletop gaming on fire again with Pandemic Legacy Season 1, a game which tells a coherent narrative across 12-24 games and which evolves based on player decisions. Other games like Dead of Winter, Battlestar Galactica, and Shadows Over Camelot are something called a semi-cooperative game, in which most or all players work together to achieve a common goal, but one or more players may be some kind of “traitor,” whose goal is to ruin the situation for everyone by being secretly selfish while everyone else accuses random people in the room.

Which brings us to Fog of Love, a sleeper hit of 2017 by first time designer, Jacob Jaskov, and first time publisher Hush Hush Projects. Fog of Love gives two players the opportunity to role-play a romantic relationship with characters they create and make choices for based on secret traits their partner doesn’t know. The game’s rulebook starts out fairly traditionally, explaining the game thematically, explaining how to win (which is by completing your character’s “DESTINY”), and the basic mechanisms. But on page 2, the rulebook has an inset, which states:

The Right Mindset

This is a game that tells a story. The more you infuse the game with your own imagination, the more rewarding it will be. . . . 

The game is designed to support fun dialogue and immersion. . . . In the end, the game is all about creating a good story. . . . 

You are playing the story as much as you are playing the characters. Whether you fulfill your characters’ DESTINIES or not at the end is therefore less important than the story you have created together.

From the get-go, Fog of Love doesn’t want you to prioritize “winning.” Instead, it has another goal in mind. This game wants you, the player, to create a story and to learn about yourself and your partner. Its goal differs then from most other games, which is to crown a winner. And it would do Fog of Love a disservice not to take it on its terms. 

I’ve seen one person on BoardGameGeek (the largest online gathering of board gamers) comment that certain aspects of the game’s win condition do not suit the role play. When you create a character in Fog of Love, you are dealt certain traits, which encourage you to role play your character in a certain way when you are given story choices in the future, and which give you a mechanical goal to have a certain amount of points in a certain personality aspect by the end of the game in order to eke out some last minute happiness points. This person on BGG argued that once you have achieved your trait goals, what mechanical benefit is there to continue roleplaying in that way? 

I think the game speaks for itself: “The game is all about creating a good story.” Ultimately, Fog of Love baffles a lot of long-time hobbyists because it eschews what they’ve come to believe is the reason to game. Fog of Love doesn’t reject that concept in its entirety; it’s still got a win condition, tbh. But it does restructure priorities back to what I think board gaming should be: Did you have fun? 

This game is ridiculously fun. I’ve heard it described as “barely a game,” and, despite not entirely knowing what that phrase means, I tend to agree. But no one I’ve played it with talks about how the trait goal mechanic doesn’t support role play, or how the game essentially boils down to repeating the same action of choosing from a list of multiple choice actions with a partner repeatedly. What we talk about when we remember this game is that time that Jessica Anne, a conservative, Christian woman, found out her partner was bisexual and had to deal with it in a positive way. Or when Maggie cheated twice on her pregnant fiancee, Suzette, once with Suzette’s best friend and once with some random guy Suzette never found out about because Maggie got amnesia and forgot about it. I remember how shocked and elated I felt when Thomas McPhearson suddenly asked my insecure and overzealous character, Paul Newcastle, to marry him, despite Thomas’s high levels of sexuality and Paul’s relative innocence. And I remember who it was I had these experiences with and how we’ll have memories to share about those games forever. Asking how many points I got in Terraforming Mars, or what strategy I went with in Concordia is great, and I love games like those, but I’ll remember and cherish my plays of Fog of Love with my friends much more. And I think that’s the mark of a truly excellent game.

[mykingdommusic]

Decadence has a new interpreter: its name is HELFIR! 

Luca Mazzotta is the mind behind HELFIR. He explores his innermost essence and finds his personal sound in a contamination of Dark Rock melodies and Gothic Metal. “The Journey” music encourages you to fall into HELFIR’s melancholic world because the mood is either decadent and detached and you can easily get lost in the hypnotic and passionate music of this band. It will stand at the deep heart of each listener with alienating atmospheres in the best Antimatter, Katatonia, Anathema and Porcupine Tree tradition. We go to hear from his voice what is around HELFIR universe.

Hi Luca, just a few weeks and your creature HELFIR will present his new album titled "The Journey", the third album after "Still Bleeding" and "The Human Defeat". Tell me more about the efforts you had creating this new output of your career.

Hi everyone! HELFIR is a river in flood, like a stream of consciousness, so the creation of an album is a process in which I find myself in a state of ecstasy. Everything comes spontaneously; I feel a great sensation of pleasure when I experiment with sounds, music, chords substitutions and melodies. The technical difficulties are always in the recording such as the use of microphones, choice of guitar or amp, setting hardware and software instruments, but it is all solvable. These last things are fun anyway. Music must be pleasure and writing must be catharsis!

Do you think there are many differences between the previous releases and the new album "The Journey"? And what about the points of contact between them?

Still Bleeding was a dark and very sad album for me. In this first album, I brought out the most hidden and black part of Luca. The Human Defeat, on the other hand, is a beautiful album full of anger that arises from seeing what man is doing to nature and to his fellow men: destruction, violence, false Gods! It was a very technical album and very demanding. The Journey instead is the description of life. I tried to imagine my whole life and tell it like a fairy tale. Much of what I have written is autobiographical; emotions, fears, love are what I felt, what we all experience but often forget in the frenzy of everyday life.

Bands like Antimatter, Katatonia, Anathema, Tiamat could be considered as part of your influences. What do you like of these bands and in what do you think HELFIR is original?

Every person feels some vibrations of the music very close, very often they don't even know why. This is the magic of music! Music manages to get anywhere without an apparent explanation. These bands have always been my point of reference; they have a lot of restlessness, anger and darkness in their music and the lyrics they write. Their atmospheres captivate me and make me feel good in that world. HELFIR has many of these bands even if you cannot always hear them clearly. HELFIR, however, tells other stories, something that can never be the same as what Mick Moss experienced, for example. A big difference I see in HELFIR, compared to these bands, is the great variety of musical genres in The Human Defeat and The Journey for example and of which I am very proud.

You divided the album in three chapters (Chapter I: Lying On A Blue Lawn - Chapter II: Table Of Diners - Chapter III: Tree Of The Abyss). Tell me the reason of this choice and what they represent!

The chapters of life: this album is a reflection on the mechanical nature of life, summarized in these three phases. Each chapter will tell the emotions, the memories that begin to build, the loves and pains that arise and that we bury with difficulty. The Journey is the story of each person's life and in this album. I just tried to transform this wonderful journey into a story with music. I started with an image that made me dream of "Lying on a blue lawn"; this image, like a surrealist painting, gives me the feeling of innocence and lightheartedness, which is typical of children and adolescents. When we grow up, real problems arise! We are forced to free our pockets full of secrets, obsessions, and the atmosphere becomes darker and heavier as in a table where you have to face important issues. All this, however, has an end: we will find ourselves on the last path that we will walk in solitude, with anguish. We will no longer see the light, but there will be only silence. This path will lead man into the abyss of life.

Could you tell me more about the lyrics of the new songs? Is there a common concept between the songs?

The lyrics on this album were fundamental in writing the music, because each lyrics tell important moments in life associated with specific moods. The common concept is our journey, a wonderful gift but which also has many dark, sad and angry moments. We cannot imagine such a long journey without some obstacles. When we are born, it is all a game but the further we go, everything becomes much heavier. I used many images; I enjoyed building a traveler's story almost like Dante's journey (with so many differences, lol).

After "The Human Defeat" release, many things happened in your life first of all the birth of your first son. In which way this event influenced your music?

When I started writing “The Journey”, I never imagined becoming pope after a short time but this coincidence was magical. I wish him the best trip and I will give him so much strength to face it. I wanted to dedicate this album mainly to him.

With the first two albums you have toured a lot with great names (Orphaned Land, Antimatter, but also in little clubs. How did it help you to grow as musicians and what do you like that people will feel in your next show presenting your new songs?

When you play on the same stage with great bands like Antimatter, you live a daydream, it's a great emotion and I've been very tense. These experiences have made me grow as a musician because I have always been a great observer and listener and I have always learned from those who know much more than me. A musician learns from them what to do on stage, what to say, how to play and sing. Lately in my shows, I try to follow what I have learned from them, even in the details such as how to adjust the microphone or the guitar, even how to sell my merchandise! These tours have been fantastic and I am proud of what I have done.

You always give a big importance to graphic aspects and so the artwork. Once again Antonio Leo realized it for you. Tell me what is behind the lines of this new artwork?

I have been working with Antonio for almost 10 years and he is a very good artist. He knows my eyes well and knows everything I like. He listens to my music, reads the lyrics and after a few days, he comes up with many ideas and I like almost all of them. The images on the cover and in the book are fundamental, they attract a lot the attention of those interested in particular atmospheres. Antonio also has a dark soul so it is not difficult to understand the harmony that exists between us. Behind each of his images there is a very precise meaning!

One of the aspects that I appreciate most about you not as a musician is your ecological commitment. Would you like to tell me about it?

My job has been studying and defending the environment for many years now. For me, music and nature have always traveled together. I have always found inspiration from nature, when I take a walk or I see a photo of a landscape, immediately after I can write the music to associate. This way of creating makes me happy. Nature and music are my most important pillars. The beauty that we can find in nature is immense, we do not have to pay anything but we just have to look and listen to all the music that is around us.

Last words from you.

Thanks for this interview and good music to everyone!!

Enjoy the new HELFIR album at https://smarturl.it/HELFIRJ

[tatiletotesamaze]

Benedicta

Long character development QA under cut.

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Yes - Rochester is her younger twin brother, so about half an hour. She’s not emotionally close to him, though they share a Force Bond (mostly one way.) Their older brother is Geoffrey. She’s not overly fond of him.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Sylvia is something of an adversary to Benedicta. She represents an ideal to Benedicta, though one that seems unachievable to her, whilst also seeming oddly un-Sith. Not to mention, being Sylvia’s only Force sensitive child, Beni had all of those hopes and trials heaped onto her and though there was affection there, it wasn’t the sort she wanted, or needed. As an adult she still tries to prove herself to her mother and feels resentful about this, a resentment she projects onto her mother, though she’d never dream of voicing it.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Sees him as an obstacle to her family’s social position (Sylvia is from old, aristocratic blood, her husband is a merchant, from upper middle class), an oaf and a bore. She also believes him to be weak willed and a poor example of Imperial spirit and mores, because of his hunger for profit and expanding his company. She is also aware of his early plans for her future: being married off in a power play. Usually that would be expected, if she were to have been married off to a fellow Sith, not a random Force blind child of a business partner. Thankfully Sylvia and her family put an end to that before it could go any further. The disgrace would have been unfathomable.

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Her Force connection to Rochester means that she felt, in its raw emotional form, a part of the abuse he suffered during a pretty traumatic moment in his life. That itself was in its own way traumatising to her, as she wasn’t expecting it, felt the terror and the pain, and for a good while was frozen by it, unable to anything but be a mute witness to something happening star systems away. She throttled their connection on that day, hid it away and denied it. It has made her doubt her own emotions, her own thoughts, and doubt the integrity of the people around her. The threat of violence is visceral and real to her, where once it was simply existential, a possibility, not a probability. In a way it has made her almost nervous of meeting new people, interacting with others, especially those she doesn’t know or who haven’t been vouched for by someone she trusts. Also, Rochester has become a symbol of that threat of violence, and as with their mother, she projects her fear of the world onto him, in a form of disgust. But also she pities him, because she knows, deeply, what has happened to him. No one knows this though. She could never breathe a word of it, because to her it’s a weakness for the effect it has had on her mental state.

Her upcoming experiences - which I’m to write about soon, I promise - will change her attitude to power and responsibility. Her classism, her Sith ideals, her holding strength of the individual above all, will be tested for their merits when she has to lead a small group of Imperials, and decide the fate of a town on an Imperial held world. She will have to become a leader for the betterment of the Empire and she will have to learn what that means. Likely what she is at the moment will be found wanting and she will have to change.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Hair ties, handkerchief, keys.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Acceptance, home, loving, safety.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

Desolation, abandonment, failure.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

No, those are for poor people. She uses a lightsaber. Her first target was a target dummy. Her first kill was when an official duel went awry and her opponent attempted to cheat with his own lightsaber and she turned it around on him. Her use of the Force in that fight led her down the path that in-game is essentially the Assassin.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

With the death of Ziost, the Empire’s grip over its worlds is faltering. A renewed (albeit scattered and not entirely unified) offensive from the Republic has weakened supply lines and wartime rationing is starting to come into effect. Luxuries you usually only need to buy once, but a scarcity of basic necessities is entirely new to her.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

Depends on the situation, but the default is more clothing. If she’s in a sexual situation with a partner and she’s the only one wearing clothes, she’ll feel very awkward though.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

Leaving her academy to study under her Great Grandmother, Darth Theli’a, at the Old Family House. The Old Family House is a sprawling estate and the bed of Darth Theli’a’s power and is staffed with many old and distinguished Sith. It’s an intimidating mix of heritage and expectations.

Thus far that’s the most scared she’s been.

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

Any of the physical exams at her academy - duels, drills, obstacle courses. When she practiced and trained she was driven, working herself into a frenzy of anticipation. Actually doing all of those things, the stress melted for a little while, only to flood back when she was alone. This being a learned mechanism for her emotions is not good when she starts to actually go out and do.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

No, not really.

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Faces, names come later. Sometimes they come together. If it’s a famous Sith or Admiral she’ll have the name memorised but not the face.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Benedicta believes money is a thing that just happens. Unlike her brothers she doesn’t have to buy anything, she gets an allowance but not so much a wage. Managing an estate isn’t something she’s doing yet, and managing supplies is what you have workers for. Money is far more of an abstract concept to her.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Success. She believes it begets happiness.

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

She had a doll she rarely played with, as she was had a lot of private tutoring as a child, Sylvia would make her practice forms, and then when her cousins were around they would all play in the grounds. The doll sat on her shelf. The doll was modelled on some old, famous Sith beauty. She represented a lot to young Beni.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition, but she’s learning wisdom is often the more useful trait.

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Fear. It has destroyed her relationship with her twin, damaged her relationship with her mother, and made her irrevocably indifferent to her older brother and their father. Stubbornness comes in a close second.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

She compares her ability, her level of success, her connections… everything pretty much. She’s forever measuring herself against the facades others present, thinking them to be truths. It is very much a destructive act.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Deeply she will believe she deserved it, but will almost always blame another for causing the hurt.

What does your character like in other people?

Not so much obedience, as agreeability. She wants life to be easy, she doesn’t want to have the rough edges that come with actual relationships, because she’s scared of finding out people’s true natures (and in turn her own.) In a way she likes fakeness.

What does your character dislike in other people?

Everything that she is: fear, anxiety, stubbornness, abrasiveness...

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

Slow. She’s apprehensive about the idea of trust itself but wants that connection to people.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

Very quick. It makes it difficult for her to have relationships and she has never really become close to anyone. The closest person is her mother and that is still, on Beni’s side at least, strained, but not for want of trying on Sylvia’s part.

How does your character behave around children?

Baffled. She’s nervous because they are so much potential as a person, but they’re so weak objectively but can be so destructive.

How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

Escalation! Anything can be dealt with by force, even if that force is indirect or by subterfuge.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

Rather quick, as she likes to stamp out resistance swiftly, without a chance for retaliation.

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

She wanted to be a powerful, strong, influence Sith! She’s a Sith at least.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Moist warm towels that just starting to get cold and they’re a little too wet so they only look moist but when you touch them water starts to pool out.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

Practicing her lightsaber forms. Socialising at a cocktail party where no one knows her name and she’s met none of them before.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

Family dinner night.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Beni gets highly defensive in the conversation, but later takes on the criticism - of course not in a healthy way at all - and pours a lot of her energy for the next week or so into overcoming whatever the “problem” is, if it’s something she feels is applicable, such as Sith or social mores for her class. If it’s not it broods on her until the next “unfixable” issue comes along.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

Stubborn but temperamental, so she flip-flops between the two options, often giving up when perseverance would have helped and vice-versa. It’s a nightmare. And part of the reason why she’s struggling to rise to Lordship when she is her mother’s only heir.

How does your character behave around people they like?

Depends on the like. People she deeply respects and wants to impress, she’ll be unassuming and agreeable. People she wants to bed she’ll come across as rather… not strong, but straight-forward and willful. Friends? Stion’n is the closest thing she has to a long-term friend (Laertes as well), and they’re affable enough to each other, but they don’t talk about personal lives. Or at least Beni’s personal life - Stion’n is happy to air dirty laundry wherever, and for either sexual conquests are a fun, agreeable topic. When she’s chatting with Laertes it’s usually Sith stuff. Beni doesn’t much like to talk about herself.

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

If she has the information, she favours cutting personal remarks. She likes to verbally tear someone down if she can and is not above goading someone into a fight, particularly if she’s sure she’ll win. If they’re above her in status or power, she is more likely to avoid them or be surly in their presence.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Status first, honour second. Status affords a certain amount of reputation, honour does not afford status.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

Remove if it can be removed, leave if it can’t.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? No, she doesn’t tend to mess with animals. Did once see a school chum get bitten by a horse (or whatever is the GFFA equivalent). It was funny.

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

Utter indifference. Something goes wrong, address their superior. They’re so far beneath her that getting worked up over any slight on their part would be a display of contemptible weakness on her part.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

She’ll act as if she deserves it, in order to convince herself and others that that’s how the world is, but again she has a somewhat self-destructive drive of earning things. I think she’s obsessed by perfection but paralyzed by the idea she will fail to obtain it.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

No… Sylvia’s family tree is quite vast, and going into Darth Theli’a’s estate means that most of the people there are related in some way or other.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Sana is distantly related, to the point where she might well not be. The crew of the Fading Sun would also count as dependents in this case, as she is for better or worse put in charge of them.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

The words have never left her lips.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

She has no idea. She is aware of Force ghosts but the idea of being forever trapped to some place or object is horrifying, but the alternative (the Jedi idea of becoming one with the Force likely does not exist within the Empire and Sith, for it is Jedi and therefore wrong and an evil, but if she were it would be as the destruction of the self into a collective, which would be an anathema to her as bad as being a Sith ghost) is end, and that is just as bad.

[spectrumscribe]

Alright, aus upon aus, and i want more. Give us your thoughts on their classpects.

Hello friend who is enabling my age old Homestuck obsession,sorry it so long to get back to you. Trust me, I have been thinking about thisask near constantly since I got it. Ijust took my time figuring it out, bc I really wanted to get it right. (For those without HS knowledge, a Classpect is the Class and Aspect of each game player, their Class being their game role, and Aspect being their powers.)

This is a shit tonof character analysis, and by god, I enjoyed every second I put into it. I gotto break down each of their characters, character flaws, and their truestpotentials. I should do this more often. It’s a lot of fun.

I made a bit of an essay out of this ask. I’m sorry. I rambleda shit ton. Buckle down if you chose to read this, it’s a long one.

So without further due, my headcanons for the 2012 six main kids(plus Karai) and their Classpects:

Leonardo I wouldplace as a Mage of Void. Mages will uniquely experience their Aspect, bothgood and bad. As a result, they gain a unique understanding of what theirAspect is or does. Their challenge is to become open to new insight ordifferent perspectives than their own.

A Mage of Void would seemingly be suffering from ‘Nothing’,(Void pun lmao), and thus no one would suspect something would be botheringLeo. But, and this is my own personal headcanon territory, I’d say Leo has beenrepressing and avoiding hisexperiences with the Shredder for the last three seasons, ever since he endedup in that coma of his. Something that traumatic drastically changed his characterfrom someone who might’ve been a bit controlling and overbearing at times, intosomeone who needs to be in charge of nearly everything and pushes his teammatesto lengths they don’t want to be. (And Splinter passing on the mantle of leaderand sensei to Leo has not helped that complex in the least.)

To avoid feeling useless, or unneeded, or like he’s failingexpectations, Leo overcompensates and does his best to make his own personaldoubts disappear (into the void). Underneath that though, I believe hestruggles, even without realizing it, with being unnecessary or ignored. (whilehe’s made firm effort to be heard and listened to by his siblings, it hasn’tbeen a healthy coping mechanism for anyone since Leo is still just avoiding hisrepressed issues, and making life a lot harder for everyone around him. see myfiction These Days for more about this, when I get around to publishing the Leochapter.)

As a Mage, Leo would probably be able to let go of all thesenegativities if he’d just open himself up to other options, other views andideas. He needs a stern talking to about how a leader is actually meant to act,(Leading, not ordering around. Keydifference here.), and a good long self-reflection period. If he faced histrauma, and his repressed issues, he’d be able to truly lead the team as heoriginally wanted to, and just be a much happier individual all around.

Donatello I wouldput down as a Knight of Blood. Knights hide a fear of a perceived fundamentalfailure with their Aspect behind a shield of confidence and obsessive effort.Their challenge is to learn to take it down a notch and to understand that theyare skilled enough.

Blood can mean a lot of things; blood bonds, blood brothers,blood relations. Donnie’s whole role in the family is centered around hisability to provide support and stability to his brothers, through hiscontinuous and never ending work to protect and build for them all. His empathyis the strongest out of all of them, reaching out to people easily andsympathizing with their struggles. Of course, this doubles back as a negativeon occasion, since Donnie is attempting to give more than he should, and thusexhausting himself as he fights against his imagined failings.

Knights of Blood tend to feel deeply insecure or inadequaterelating to something Flesh or Blood about them. In this case, that would beDonnie’s mutantness compared to the rest of the world, and his struggles inninjutsu. While his brothers take to martial arts with vigor and enthusiasm,Donnie prefers to spend time in his head or lab, and while he is skilled asthey are, he would likely still see himself as a lesser member of his family.He’s the odd man out, both in family, and to the rest of the world. The reasonsthat set him apart are never going to change, and those are heavy things toweigh on a kid, especially one as socially isolated as Donnie.

Of course, if Donnie was given mutual effort and supportfrom his family, he’d be able to become as stable as the work he does for themall. Reassuring a Knight that they’re good enough, that their skill and workand Aspect are things that they’re able to excel at, that you do in fact lovethem for who they are, would probably be all Donnie needs. To move past theperceived failings he has (of not being enough, or not being accepted for whohe is) he needs some good old TLC and genuine appreciation from his brothersand friends. (And his dad, who never once praised him for being himself through the whole series.)

Honestly, just give the genius the credit and attention andcare he deserves, and his emotional/mental state would improve 300%. Seriously.It’s that simple.

Michelangelo I’dplace as an Heir of Breath. Heirs naturally gravitate towards their Aspector unconsciously seek it out. All Heirs so far have huge amounts of Aspectrelated strength. Their challenge is to not get stuck on one thing and to knowwhen to move on and adapt.

Mikey is air and wind and other related words in a lot ofsenses. He’s finicky and whimsical, and tends to just do whatever the hell hefeels like. When he does listen toyou, it’s because he feels like it,not because someone else wants him to. This has caused a lot of trouble incanon, Mikey going off on an adventure of his own making because he caughtsomething interesting and won’t let it go until he feels like it. His charactersums up to be either hyper focused on oneparticular thing, or be completely distracted by ten plus ideas or eventswithout really getting involved with any of them.

He coasts through happenings and fights without ever reallyletting them touch him; off in his own world rather than deal with theharshness of reality. Heirs of Breath are notorious for seeming indifferent oruncaring because of this tendency. Mikey’s go to reaction to lighten asituation, or full stop ignore it, is a fine example of how Breath players copewith traumatic events. Didn’t happen if they don’t admit it did!

It makes Mikey out to be this very callous person, since henever gives time or effort to the things other people need him to, and keeps tohis own wants instead. But he is a very caring person, being the mostemotionally open and connected person in his family. He simply never chooses touse that openness in the right situation, or actually come back down to earthto be a stable member of the team. Currently, the best way of getting him tofocus on anything is to just throwhim at the problem and let him take it apart from there. I nearly put him in aDestroyer class because of that trait in Mikey; his ability to enter any sortof situation, and tear it to pieces if he feels like it. But, in the end, histrait to avoid a situation entirely by leaving reality entirely places him better as an Heir.

To overcome this part of himself, the whimsical destructionand deliberate ignorance, Mikey would need to buckle down and actually dealwith his issues, rather than pretend they’re not there for the rest ofeternity. He needs to learn to keep his promises, fulfill his obligations, andbe there emotionally for his family. (He is sometimes, but only when it suitshim.)

Raphael is innearly every canon, a destroyer of sorts; which is why I’ve placed him as a Princeof Doom. Princes ghost theiropposite Aspects as they destroy theirs. They are violently stubbornpessimistic people that stop at nothing to reach their goals. Their challengeis to not destroy themselves along their destructive path.

Princes of Doom are reckless, full of energy, and nearunstoppable when they hit their stride. Raph is a battering ram against thingsthat get in his way, and his temper is no help in curbing his destructivetendencies. His solution to a problem is 9/10 times to just destroy itcompletely. Someone or something gets between him and his family’s goals, he’lltake them out. No ifs ands or buts about it.

This is both a bane and a boon, since destroying barriers orblocks can mean destroying enemies or metaphorical restrictions. Raph is arebel, and a loud one at that, and has never been the type to let rules orthreats stop him from doing something. Sometimes this works in everyone’sfavor, sometimes it causes a painful fallout for everyone except Raph; theresult of Raph charging ahead without hindrance or regard for others aroundhim, or pushing and shoving until he gets his way. His go to reaction is alwaysto force people into his view ofthings, even if it’s through physical violence and someone gets hurt.

Using his destructive impulses correctly, including hisanger issues, would give Raph the strength and momentum to bowl down anythingthat attempted to hurt his family. Princes are horrifically powerful at theirpeaks, and at the top of that peak a Prince of Doom would be able to doomanyone who got in their path.  Raph could be the warrior he’s hinted athaving the potential to be, dependable and fierce and strong as bedrock, and ifhe got his head out of his own emotions he’d be able to realize that potential.

But as it is, Raph still stands a chance of being swallowedby his own Doom, since in canon he has yet to really grab hold of that temperof his (we’ve had what, like five episodes or something of him trying over andover to do that? bs, I tell you) and continues to physically push his siblingsaround whenever he doesn’t like what they’re saying/doing. (Looking at you,elevator scene, all the ones like it.)

April is acharacter that has grown and changed drastically over the season, and to methis screams Page of Hope. Pagesstart with a deficit in their Aspect that they confidently overcome through obviousovercompensation. Their challenge is to keep at it, even if they fail and thejourney is slow, for they become the strongest players

April started out as the team’s weakest link; new toninjutsu, new to espionage, new to everything. And then she hit her stride (andalso got traumatized a bunch of times) and became the most powerful above all. Seriously,she’s got enough power to warp the face of the earth; she was literally designedto be the genocidal weapon that would wipe out the human race. And, her powersdepend pretty much completely on her own emotions, confidence, and mentalwillpower. (Also, she gets glowy and floaty when she uses them, especially ather peak power, which resembles super closely Hope magic.)

In the beginning of the series, April was well-meaning andsomething pretty close to naïve. She depended nearly entirely on the boys fortheir help in things, tended to hang back when things went south. Then, becauseApril O’Neil is no one’s damsel in distress for long, she started to takecontrol of her life best she could and became this furious martial artist thatdidn’t let anyone get in her way. She tended to let people’s views influence herown at first, sometimes even believing boldfaced lies, but now no one can hide shit from her. She’s thehuman lie detector, and her own opinions are the ones she follows.

While the rest of the kids here have a quest or two tocomplete, April has already finished hers. She’s her own person, in control ofher own life and beliefs, and ten times as powerful as her season 1 self. At thispoint, the only things holding her back is her A) restraints on her powers,which could be even stronger if she’d let go of the (already flimsy) morals shehas, and B) her deference to Leo as the leader. (Leo is making one bad callafter another these days; April should really just defect to the Foot clan(read as ‘Karai and Shinigami’s Murder Ladies Only Club’) and embrace the sheerdeadliness of herself.)

Pages go from the weakest player on the team to the mostpowerful, and we heard Kravaxas say it himself. April is far more powerful than her mutant friends at this point, and willonly keep getting more powerful, so long as she works for it and believes inher abilities.

Casey, because he’sa problematic little shit, ended up with the same Class as Mikey, being an Heirof Life. Once again, Heirs naturally gravitate towards their Aspect orunconsciously seek it out, etc etc etc, and their challenge is to not get stuckon one thing and to know when to move on and adapt.

An Heir of Life fits Casey perfectly, much to my annoyance aboutrepeating Classes. They’re completely unrestricted in almost every way, havingno rules, no limits and no boundaries of any kind. They’re openly dominating,reckless, and full of optimism in everything they do. They are also extremelyeffective at what they do and have no problem rejecting anything that theythink isn’t valid or not useful to them. They have no problems sacrificingothers and breaking rules in order to open up more options for themselves andmake themselves even less restricted by everything. Sounds like Casey to a T,right?

Rather than how an Heir of Breath copes with their problems,ignoring them completely, Heirs of Life charge right into things and make their problems go away. Let itnever be said that Casey jones backed down from any sort of fight; he’ll just keep going until he can’t, and thenpush through anyways. Any problem, any obstacle, any sort of block or adversaryCasey has ever faced have all been dealt with the same way: bullheadedenthusiasm and utter confidence in himself to come out the victor.

Of course, this still tends to get him into trouble, and he’syet to learn temperance to his unfaltering attitude. Casey resilience to anysituation he encounters is admirable to say the least, buuuuuut he is alsousually the one to have gotten himself into said situation. He needs to learnto not tunnel focus on an obstacle, and look before he leaps. Only then will hestop getting himself into easily avoidable situations.

(And because I have a rough plot for a fic I want to write inthe future, I’m throwing in Karai’s too.)

Karai I see as a Witchof Time. Witches are enthusiastic, confident and optimistic rebels.They break and change the physical and metaphysical “Rules” of their Aspect.Their challenge is to use their rule breaking powers in a morally consciousway.

Karai is a not so morally conscious individual, and is inmany ways a rebel. She originally followed her (shitty fake adopted) father’sword without questions, and was fiercely loyal, but once she found out thetruth… well, she’s done nothing since then but try to tear the Shredder topieces, and I don’t blame her in the least.

She manipulates and schemes and does so with utterconfidence in herself. She’s put a lot of Time and effort into seeing her falsefather’s downfall, and she did in a clever and brilliant manner. (And I fuckinghate canon for robbing her of her own arc’s conclusion, and instead shunted thewhole thing over to Leo, while Karai was written into being ‘okay’ with notgetting her very well deserved vengeance.Fuck this fucking show, god.)

While Karai’s future position as a criminal empire warlordis one I fully agree with, I do think she needs to learn to mind the fallout ofher actions a bit better. Yes she should continue to forge her path ahead withall the fighting and gore that comes with being a ninja, but she should watchout that she doesn’t hurt people she shouldn’t in the process. (See: the BrokenFoot episode, where she brought Leo on and not the other boys, encouraged thesecrecy of things from the family, and resulted in Donnie being injured badlyenough he needed magical healing.)

Also: Karai  would be fucking terrifying as a Timeplayer. She could do anything she wanted to the fabric of someone’s Time (theirpast, present, future) and no one would be able to stop her once she’d put hermind to it. I would pay good money to see this come to be, because I do love awoman with a goal and not a lot of care how she reaches it.

Aaaaaaaaaand that’s about it! If anyone wants moreClasspects by me, feel free to pop into my inbox and ask for the characterspecifically! If I take a while, its bc this does take some serious thinking, but if the ask really catches myattention rest assured I’ll answer it eventually.

I miss the years when everyone was doing these. I miss beingallowed to turn everything into a Homestuck AU. *le sigh*

[fridlyckanslove-blog]

Digital Marketing Demographics

   Digital marketing has changed so much, often the greatest path forward it is best to step back and look at the broad landscape... the demographics of digital marketing if you will. To do this, I often look at overview reports from the best in the business. Beneath I lay out some of the biggest findings from a Razorfish report I love eligible "Digital Dopamine: 2015 Global Electronic Marketing Report". According to Razorfish, "Ideas that were once dominant now face irrelevance, as new digital advancements displace them. This transformation happens rapidly, and marketers are continuously struggling to keep up. Therefore , in preparation for tomorrow, Razorfish took the deep dive into the qualitative and quantitative data of four worldwide markets (the United States, the United Kingdom, Tiongkok, Brazil) to examine the ways in which digital technology is shifting traditional brand-consumer relationships. From uncovering global business expectations to identifying the effect associated with digital on our subconscious, this research set out to expose the key trends shaping marketing. " What did Razorfish find in terms of how digital marketing and advertising was used in 2015? Here are a few of the key findings. 1 . GENERATIONAL CHASM Mobile dominates the Millennial purchasing experience. A Millennial's smartphone is definitely their key to the world. Since mobile payment technology grows, cellular is going to become an even more important section of the overall brand and retail experience. Millennials draw no practical variation between online and offline. Millennials' constantly connected smartphones mean they no more see a difference between "online" plus "offline. " Technology has become a fundamental element of their lives, and it is how they connect to and experience brands, even when within traditionally "offline" environments. They don't use media in silos. Rather, they use all of the tools at their fingertips at any given time, regardless of the device or system. Millennials are redefining privacy objectives. When compared to Gen X, Millennials may trust brands to protect their privacy-and less likely to think that mobile concentrating on is an invasion of privacy. Arrange for the Gen X / Style Y digital divide. Millennials lead the pack when it comes to the adoption of technology, outpacing their Gen X counterparts in nearly every digital activity on a daily basis. Gen X-led companies need to ensure that their brand encounters align with Millennials' tech-led life and that digital isn't simply an afterthought in the brand planning process. Target carefully and with purpose. 2 . THE DIGITAL EXPERIENCE ECONOMY: Consumers are actively avoiding advertising. Consumers in every four markets (United States, Uk, Brazil, China) report doing something they can to avoid seeing advertising, and several are utilizing tools like DVRs to assist them succeed. Advertising is most beneficial when it is part of a value swap. Consumers are now aware of how much their own attention is worth to marketers, and so they expect to be rewarded for it. They will look to be compensated with commitment programs, free content or useful tools that solve problems. Brazil still has a cultural affinity to traditional advertising. Interestingly, Brazil remains more receptive to advertising compared to any of the other markets. Fifty-seven percent of Brazilian consumers endorse TELEVISION, radio and print ads because the most influential source of advertising. Therefore , it is important to understand that adding value means different things to different cultures. Make yourself useful. Brands need to offer their customers services beyond core products and add some real value to peoples' life, if they are not already. Consumers are more prone to stick with a brand if they feel much more their lives easier. 3. SMOOTH COMMERCE Digital is the new storefront. A good e-commerce site is not just the nice-to-have; it has a major impact on your brand. The numbers speak for themselves: 84% of people in Brazil and 92% of people in China say that a poor brand website negatively impacts their own opinion of the brand. Seventy-three percent and 79% of people in the Oughout. S. and U. K., correspondingly, agree. Current e-commerce experiences flunk of expectations. Even with the enormous accomplishments made in the evolution associated with commerce, consumers are still not impressed. Current e-commerce experiences, return policies and shipping options are falling flat in cultivating satisfied customers. Consumer journeys are peppered with dead ends. Although consumers no longer view a distinction between on the web and offline brand channels, brands are not yet structured to support this perspective. This creates a tension between exactly what consumers want and what brands are providing, forcing consumers to jury-rig solutions. Empower your customer. Unbending returns policies, in particular, are a main point of friction in both the online and offline retail experiences. A good return policy is an easy way to differentiate your brand from the competitors, build loyalty and earn rely on. 4. DIGITAL CONDITIONING Consumers confess to technology dependence. Over three-quarters of consumers in all four of the marketplaces surveyed admitted to often feeling dependent on technology. Many elements are cited for the development of this reliance, including utility, connectivity and the beneficial emotions they associate with it. We've been exposed to digital classical conditioning. Since proven by Pavlov, repeatedly pairing two cues can elicit a classically conditioned response. This is equally true for many consumers who make use of smartphones-the light or sound released from the device triggers a response of immediate attention. Instant gratification is not really always preferred.   If you enjoyed this information and you would certainly like to receive additional info pertaining to http://www.nazareth-israel.com kindly go to the web page. Remarkably, consumers in most four markets reported more excitement when receiving a purchase in the email than when buying in the store. This illuminates an interesting aspect of shopping which is specific to e-commerce- the power associated with pleasurable anticipation and delayed gratification. Use "surprises and delights" to your benefit. Without turning brand communications in to a carnival of push notifications and flashing buttons, you can still generate pleasurable moments of anticipation close to routine events for a brand. Intelligent marketers will play around with game mechanics in the shopping and buying process, while ensuring it doesn't get in the way of simplicity and service. 5. GROWING MARKETS IN THE FAST LANE Customers in Brazil and China are tech-hungry early adopters. This information shows that Internet users in these markets depend on technology for every part of their life and continually look for more methods to integrate it. Consumers in countries with lower Internet penetration could be the most demanding online. There are suddenly high expectations for digital solutions and websites in countries along with lower Internet penetration. In particular, there is a very strong desire in Brazil and China for e-commerce to improve.  

[weditchthemap]

Scientists Search Externally While Yogis Search Internally for Meaning, Truth, & Purpose

A Scientist (Western Trained Mind) Searches Externally for Meaning, Truth, & Purpose

Searching for Meaning Externally is Fundamentally Flawed and Destroying the Country

Many years of travel has taught me more about life and what really matters than my entire education from pre-school up through and including engineering graduate school. The western world, largely led by the US, devotes its energies on searching for answers through the only method our culture values, through the use of external lenses. Through the use of logic and reason scientists set out to explain (or try to) the world in which we live. Some may argue and say that we also study neurotransmitters and stress reduction techniques in the office, which counts as an inward look. Do not be confused—these are still very much external reductionist explanations for our infinitely unknowable world.

Our constant external search for truth and meaning is not bad in and of itself.  However this single-mindedness has led without the tools to search inwards for these same things (e.g. truth and meaning). We unconsciously refute lifestyles and claims that draw upon inward looking tools—we do so as a self-preservation defense mechanism against the great unknown as these ideas do not rely on science. America’s credo may as well be “If it cannot be measured it doesn’t matter!” This may sound trivial but it has had profound effects on our society. We have shunned inward “unmeasurable” realities in favor of constantly pursuing material truths. This has bled over from pure scientific inquiry into our everyday lives and I believe it is a primary source of our country’s depression, stress, suicide, obesity, gun violence, racism, and so many other issues that plague our nation. Are we spending our time measuring or mattering?

We Have Created a Society Where Money is on Top of Our Value System

Money has become the ultimate external goalpost and all lenses are focused on the almighty greenback.  When we aren’t sprinting for the end zone we distract ourselves watching mindless TV, playing stupid games, and using social media so that we do not have to actually confront who we are on the inside—because most of us in America are completely empty when you scratch away at our curated façade. Cultures that value looking within to develop “inner peace” (or what some call spirituality) do not suffer from the massive amounts of depression, suicide, gun violence, mass shootings, violent crimes, etc.

We are so detached with what actually matters that many of us take a personal interest in the lives of others simply because they have money (e.g. CEO ‘A’, basketball star ‘B’, movie actress ‘C’, etc.). We idolize athletes and celebrities—Not only is it trivial but I think it demonstrates a real deficit in our current culture. A young child can throw a ball into a hoop and perform in an elementary rendition of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” but for some reason we think that people that do these thing well are worthy of praise and idolization? I’m really good at playing roller-coaster with my 3-year old niece, where are my endorsements? I understand that people enjoy various types of pastimes and that is all good and fine. As a side note: It wasn’t until very recently that athletes and actors were paid more than a lower-middle class wage. Our incessant search for all things external has led us to live a sheepish life where we value distracting entertainment above all else. Thus the money has flowed into these areas. Don’t even get me started on how individuals can make millions of dollars playing video games on YouTube.

Money Has Become Our Primary Motivator, Leaving Us Empty Inside

The people that actually matter (and I mean people trying to make the world a better place) go largely unnoticed. How many people have ever heard of Sophie Scholl, Thich Nhat Hanh, Liu Xiaobo, or W.E.B. Du Bois? Athletes and celebrities are measured in RBIs, # of Golden Globes, along with their ridiculous annual salaries. Americans actually spend their time consuming media about how these people spend their money, what diets they use, where they vacation, what they wear, and so on.

Now you can chastise me and say, “Scott, it’s a free country and we are lucky enough that people can choose how they want to spend their money”. I would counter that argument with, “Sure, and they can choose to spend it on the metal detectors at their children’s schools, pharmaceutical drugs keeping them alive, depression clinics, paying off their college debt, all while enjoying their measly 2 weeks of vacation a year”.

Consumption and Buying Brings Us Fleeting Pleasure But Happiness Comes from Within

I have worked with pharmaceutical executives with Harvard MBAs that earn a quarter million dollars a year—before their annual bonus. At the same time I have taught reading to inner city adults who have only a kindergarten reading level and who have never held a job. Would you believe me if I told you that the executives were more miserable than our adult learners? What if I told you they were more miserable than the people of Turkey, Myanmar, or Laos who earn in one year what these executives earn in a handful of hours? Well they are both true. It’s not that money is evil, it’s that if that is your aim in life you will miss EVERYTHING that actually matters!

For thousands of years we have known that happiness and purpose are found in helping others and being part of a community but we continue to ignore the wisdom of our elders—both living and long deceased—in favor of our trivial external pursuits of pleasure. 

Ask any mother who has given up a career to be a full-time mother and she’ll tell you that what really matters cannot be measured.

Pleasure vs Happiness

Let’s be clear, pleasure and happiness are not the same thing. Status, 2-Car Garage, Tesla, Omega, Apple, All-Inclusive, Business-Class, Shopping-Spree, Birthday Cake, Samsung—These are external things that bring people pleasure. None of them have ever brought a person happiness. People who constantly seek pleasure will never be happy—not only are they looking for the wrong thing but they are also using the wrong tools. External pursuits bring one pleasure, which is impermanent, never satisfying you long-term. 

America’s Propaganda Machine is Easily the Worst in the Developed World

Our culture routinely demonizes and punishes people who do not drink the proverbial “American Kool-Aid”. If one does not value the acquisition of wealth then that person will most likely go down in history as an Anti-American threat. Despite the constitution’s right to free speech our country punished countless individuals who just had a different value system. One period that comes to mind was during the 1940s and 50s—during McCarthyism several states passed laws enacting life imprisonment and the death penalty as punishments against individuals who didn’t agree that the acquisition of wealth was the most important thing in life. People spending their manicured lives looking outwards render their inner state devoid of any real substance, thus leaving their fragile psyche vulnerable to fear what they do not understand. McCarthyism was a prime example of just that. Pure fear because deep down, under their shell of external pursuits, they were uneasy, scared, and deeply empty.

The Hippie Counterculture movement of the 60s comprised of a community of individuals that valued peace, love, and equality above all else. Propaganda has led to portrayals of hippies having being lazy, unemployed, unwashed commies with long hair. Many hippies were in fact successful business owners, teachers, pilots, surgeons, chefs, nurses, and engineers. Remember history is always written by the ‘winners’. A culture that values money over inner-peace has trivialized an entire and deeply profound movement into a negative and fundamentally inaccurate stereotype.

In America Having Money is More Important Than How It Is Earned

It’s important to note that in America making money is what’s important, how you earned it is inconsequential. Thus we have created a society valuing professional basketball players more than underpaid health aides. We have a country where bright minds are encouraged to go into fields such as technology and finance while being deterred from paths leading to teaching social/public work. We have a culture where our youth idolizes uneducated thugs rapping about cars, sex, parties, and money. Our culture is very good at looking at the end game, but at what expense? We have no idea how to live in the now! This is why we kill people, have depression, ADHD, suicide, violence, etc…it’s because in real life the end game NEVER COMES. The only time we are able to live is NOW! But hey, who wants to hear about an educated performer singing about working hard, helping others, and enjoying a simple weekend helping inner-city at-risk youths learn to garden? Fuck that, Americans want cars, money, fame, mansions—because they think that is happiness. When will they learn happiness comes from how you live and not what you have/get. It makes me sad.

A Yogi (Eastern Trained Mind) Searches Internally for Truth/Purpose

“Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.”

How to Find Happiness (Stop Looking Outwards)

Science is a great tool but it is just that, a tool. It can answer very discrete and specific questions, but when one takes a purely scientific mind it forces that person to lay down so many other useful tools. A scientist is too busy trying to define emotions through quantifying neurotransmitters, various bioactivity, external stressors, etc. to develop internal searching tools.

I won’t go into depth on what searching internally means and what happiness is because honestly most people reading this are too fragile and unwilling to accept what I have say. Also, once one realizes that searching within is where one truly find contentment your journey will become fully your own. I will leave you with a few things to contemplate however.

Slow down, focus on your breath, help others, stop caring about what others value, and focus on how you feel about yourself. Stop trying to change the world (because you are probably fucking it up for someone else)—focus on trying to leave the planet no worse than when you entered it. Stop letting other people’s opinions influence your values. Question each of your values often and ask yourself “does this idea/practice make me a better person?” Lose the idea that money or education actually make you a better person—they will increase opportunities in life however. Your body is your vehicle on this ride we call life, treat it well and make it last. Be proud of the work you do. Do not idolize anybody—you should listen to their ideas and internalize the ones that speak to you. However you must test everything out yourself—though make sure you have the critical reasoning skills to do so (a nod to science). Beliefs are as steadfast and illogical as religion. Ideas on the other hand are like rivers—they won’t simply change direction but over time they can carve out new paths leading you in different directions.

Karma is Real!

Karma has been used by the west to mean all types of things, most of them being outright wrong. Karma simply means “action, work or dead” in a spiritual sense it can also represent the “principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect)”. I will give you examples of Karma in action:

In the two examples below two people, Sylvie and DonnieT, had almost the same day but live vastly different lives. See their Karma at work!

A person, we will call her Sylvie, walks into a store and greets the clerk, assists an elderly shopper, and then buys a loaf of bread for a homeless person on the way out.  She spends her free time working with sick animals and helping inner city adults learn to read. She always asks about other’s feelings and truly cares about people. Walking back from the store she finds a parking ticket on her car.

Sylvie has been calm and breathing slowly while engaging with the people around her all day. Her stress hormones are low and she feels a sense of belonging in the world. She finds joy in helping to reduce the suffering of those around her but knows her limits—she is only one person. She is happy with what she has and grateful for her friendships and community. She responds to the parking ticket by being frustrated but understands that she was at fault. She realizes the ticketing officer was just doing their job and she will try not to repeat the mistake again. She gets back in the car and tunes the radio to NPR as she looks forward to peaceful session of yoga this evening.

A person, we will call him DonnieT, walks into a store listening to his headphones while ignoring the clerk, he avoids the elderly shopper completely, and reprimands a homeless person on the way out.  He spends his free time playing golf at his exclusive resort and eating at expensive restaurants. He never asks about other’s feelings and only cares about himself. Walking back from the store he finds a parking ticket on his car.

DonnieT has been stressed and breathing shallowly and rapidly throughout the day. He has been avoiding all but essential people. His stress hormones are high and he feels a sense of superiority in the world, though always a bit on edge. He finds pleasure in indulging in luxury and ignores the suffering of those around him and fantasizes about having more power and money. He covets what he does not have and finds little value for friendships and community. He responds to the parking ticket by calling the ticketing officer a “f**king  idiot” and he refuses to accept any fault in the matter. He finds relief in that the officer is probably less educated and makes less money and DonnieT justifies this is why the officer wrote the ticket. He completely dismisses all responsibility and feels the law doesn’t apply because he doesn’t agree with the law. He gets back in the car and angrily dials his lawyer ready to fight the ticket and drives home agitated and stressed.

In this example you see how one’s Karma impacts one’s life.

A Key Walkaway:

Treat everyone (including animals) with kindness and compassion. It matters more than money!

And Ask Yourself: “Are you spending your time measuring or mattering?”

Do not forget to Pin this article and share with your friends if you liked reading it!

[uniblogpart2]

Week 1

 Game design planning

 The first lesson of game design planning went really well today, we were all very eager to get started and venture onwards into the year and start making games.

Juan will be back running the Monday program although he is leaving us for 6 weeks with the more than capable Johnathan who used to be CVG student 2 years ago and will now be taking over this section of the course of us and I have the upmost confidence he will get us to where we need to go.

I met back up with the guys and we decided that we would be working together again this year on this new project, though sadly Gary will be leaving us to join another group as he states he is “Spreading his wings”.

 The project this year is to create a 1st person game in a 3D environment within unity with the overall outlining game theme of ‘Escape’. The group and I immediately began to think of game concepts before we finalised the roles each of us would take within the project.

We started by listing random genres and ideas that could work with the games theme of escape. I came up with the idea of creating a game based upon a murder in a house to which the police have surrounded and you play the role of the murderer trying to escape the house and scene after committing the crime. I wanted to explore a different take on the whole escaping and hiding from the villain as you play as the protagonist and instead this time you are the villain or so it might some and have to hide and escape the law and as your progress through the story you unveil the truth behind what has taken place.

 Though we each brought forward ideas I think it is in the groups interest to create a north Korean themed game in which the player has to escape a north Korean prison camp, though this game will require an abundance of research to accurately portray the games surroundings and theme and get an accurate representation of North Korea as it stands.

So now we go into the roles of this semester’s project, Firstly, we have Toby who will be taking the lead on this one who I feel confident will get us through it. Then we have joe who will be helping with the programming side of things as well as research and organisation, then there’s Paddy and Brad who will be our initial artists and then myself who will be the lead programmer on this project as well as looking into level design.

 I have to admit I am slightly anxious about taking programming as my choice this year and being the lead programmer in the game design project. I am no way a great programmer at this point but I am willing to put the time and learn and make as much effort in the projects as I can, I really do love the idea of programming and I hope to adopt a real passion and drive for it. When Johnathon first came in to lesson he told us his story of when he was in our situation on this course and how he described himself is exactly the same as my situation right now, he said he came onto the course in the first year with the intention of pursuing art, just like I was and he then by the end of the first year thought he might give programming a go though he had no prior experience up until this point he still went for it and became a great programmer and so when I next see him I think I will ask him for some pointers because I will take all the help I can get. I’m really happy with the progress I have made in the past few weeks in my own time, everyday I get up at 6am and work throughout the day to try and better myself as I really do love what I do. I think I need to better my organisation skills this year on the game design project, last year was sort of hit and miss and so this year I really want to excel and make a great game with the group. I will try and implement the things I learn in my own time and work efficiently throughout the course, I’m happy with the ideas contribution I made in the first lesson and I hope I can keep up the work as I do for the group as well.

My job for the first sprint of the year is to create or start at least the 1st person player controller, because I don’t have the skill to out rightly create one from my own back I will watch many different tutorial videos to greater my knowledge and work on it as often as I can until I am confident I have a good ground knowledge and understanding of the fundamentals behind it.

 This weekend I started working on the first person player controller for the game and all in all I think its going well, it is a little tricky for me when working with code as I am still not the most adept programmer so I watched many tutorials on the many ways of going about the process and in the end I opted for a simpler approach as I intend to work on it for a few more weeks, I managed to get down the core aspects such as the movement and the attached camera to mouse look movement as well. I just attached a basic capsule object before we integrate anymore complex graphical objects.

One thing that I never managed to get working was the player jump script, I created a script for the jump but for some reason it doesn’t work with the player movement and I have yet to figure out why, I will take a closer look at it later in the week.

 In terms of things I need to work on I think I need to gather more knowledge on the basics of character construction and try to implement the jump mechanic to the movement but other than that I am very happy with the work I have completed thus far.

 Week 2

 In this lesson of Game design planning, the lecture was given by JD (Johnathan) in juans absence who gave us a further demo on the work we were doing last week, this lesson was heavy on the programming side of things, JD really is a talented programmer and really does know his stuff and I think the fact that he still acts as if he’s a student giving a lecture really does help as he goes through it step by step. During the lesson we created a pickup script so the player is able to pick up the balls we created last lesson as well as throw them away afterwards. We also created a player output text message option which we didn’t do a great deal with but I think we will in later sessions, at the end of the lesson JD gave the options for those who wanted to stay behind to work on a door open function as well as kicking the door down.

I struggled a little with following the animation creation as I lost track because JD had to speed up a little due to lack of time but I then managed to catch up but for some reason the door wouldn’t open yet I was able to kick it down, JD too had no idea what the problem was as everything I had was correct so I will look into that for next time. This week I am going to watch more daily youtube tutorials on programming as I am told that is the best way to learn, its just a case of repetition and becoming familiar with the layout and having a better understanding of reading the code.

 My sprint for this week went very well, I was tasked with completing the character controller to a playable state in which the character will be able to walk, look around and have the character move with the mouse look update and finally to have the jump function working too. Now last week I had some problems when it came to the jump not working with the player script, last time I created many different scripts for each individual function such as the look, move and jump etc.

I had many errors and I couldn’t really figure out why, I tried to research my problems but found nothing which gave me an incentive to work of my problem solving skills in the future with my programming and because I didn’t know what to do I re wrote the whole script and this time embedded the jump function within the player controller script and everything seems to be working fine. I will still say that I really do need to improve my programming skill so I can tackle problems and start to write code from my own back although I am really putting the effort in by watching as many tutorials as I can.

Seen as though I finished the jump function and cleaned up my work space for the sprint I decided to start on the sprint ability as a little bonus and I managed to get the official fast movement ability working through the use of the shift key but the problem I found is that the character speed would not resort back to the walk speed after shift was pressed as I could not figure out how to activate the shift hold key so that will be my task for this week along side whatever else I get from the sprint.

All in all I am happy with the work I accomplished this week and I am looking forward to the coming weeks of the game design program.

      Week 3

Today was a good session in game design planning, again it was taken by JD and each of the group gave a basic description in a pitch about what their game will roughly be like when it is finished. Paddy was meant to handle the powerpoint but I think he switched with toby as he wasn’t clear on what to cover and outline. When it came to the powerpoint joe, brad and paddy didn’t want to do it and so it was up to me and toby, I had a word with toby prior to this about how the game needed a good story behind it as I love working in narrative and so when it came to the pitch we asked the rest of the class if they wanted a story or not and not to my surprise they said yes, it would be good to have a character to follow with real emotion in a story and so toby subsided and agreed to having a narrative which is my work for this upcoming sprint. I had no idea what to talk about because the idea was so bare bones and the powerpoint almost useless and so five minutes before our group was up I had to quickly research some things to talk about based upon our idea and I can honestly say that I have a skill for blagging information out to a crowd, I gathered more than I thought possible in five minutes and so the pitch wasn’t completely disastrous. In terms of reflection this week I would say that I hit my points very well and I hope I continue the effort throughout the project although I feel we could all push ourselves a little further.

Week 4

This week I was tasked with the completion of a narrative concept and this is what I have,

“Our game design idea is to immerse the player into a real life state of a north Korean concentration camp in the present day so that they can explore the ins and outs of how they work, the tortures people face as well as how people managed to get out in the past.

The main purpose of the game is to set the player as an inmate in “Camp 14” a real life concentration camp made popular by the book ‘Escape from camp 14’ which contains extracts, diary notes and an overall explicit detail of the camp and how north Korean camps work from real life people who lived through them, were born in them and managed to escape and tell the tale. Due to the nature and sensitivity and overall controversy in this subject we will need to be very careful in how we approach and make clear the contents of the book and we must make sure to cover the identity with fake alias’ for the people involved.

The western media, the one in which we indulge every day of our lives negatively showcases the north Korean stereotype and leads us to believe that living there under the tyranny of the Kim Jong Un is a living hell. Or so they lead us to believe. Truth be told we will never really know what its like to live there and the media can feed is what ever information its agenda sees fit and so I believe the closest truth we will acquire is that of the real life escapees from Camp 14 and other camps in north Korea.

These diary notes and the book we will be referencing throughout our game may not be trusted either and so we will be taking great care when dealing with this information and creating our game and its content in light of the extracts and the western media.

The game will explore and showcase the books content through multiple diary extracts which are collected by the player as they progress through the game. In the few diary entries that I have read, they explain very explicitly the horrors which take place in specific rooms, for instance the many torture rooms, the cafeteria and mess halls, the sleeping chambers, toilet facilities etc.

As the player tries to escape the camp, they will be forced to go through these different rooms and scenarios and as they do progress into each of these rooms they will pick up the relevant extract written by a real survivor of the camp in regards to the room they are in. For example, if the player comes across the pigeon torture chambers, there will be an extract within the room for the player to read and just have an idea of what actually went off within those rooms so they have an idea of the realistic horror that some people have to survive through.

 The book ‘Escape from camp 14’ also includes sketches and illustrations from an artist who worked aside the victims of the camps as they told their stories.

We want to showcase the character in game to be more of the player themselves. We want to the player to take up the role, not of an inmate per say but as if it were themselves in that situation, how they would react, what would they do. This is the best way to really explore the horror and let the player live, survive and escape and north Korean concentration camp.”

 I personally really like what I have come up with for the story concept, I really like the idea of added realism as I feel it adds a greater level of immersion to the game for the player to experience. If I were to change anything I would like to simplify it down a bit and just focus on the note system a little more, making this a more prominent factor in the game experience rather than things you might just happen to come across giving a little description on the room you’re in and certain events. I would prefer if the notes and the information they contain were accessed as a memory, for instance, the player would be in his apartment building and around the building is certain rooms, there would be notes and upon the player picking them up would active a memory and drop the player into the level of that notes description, for example if the note was an extract from the book and it was based upon the torture chambers and how the person escaped them, then the player would spawn in the chamber and re live the memory of how that person actually escaped, thus reiterating the escape theme but also through real life events.

 Week 5

 My sprint this week is a lighter scale one and so I will be altering and improving the overall code and level of the game so far after I complete my task of creating a fog layer and sky box within the game world. The task itself was very simple as there is an inbuilt fog particle system within unity, though only problem is that we were wanting a flat layer of fog to sit just below the top of the buildings to make it look as though they are protruding through the cloud layer therefore accentuating how tall the building you reside in actually is, I player around with quite a few methods of doing it and I believe it worked really well, the skybox I created was very basic and didn’t take too long. After I finished everything I went through and looked over everything as well as started next weeks work and started on the pickup, inventory and UI mechanics which will take a while.

In terms of the group, I feel as though everyone is very complacent and one or two members are bad at meeting deadlines. I feel as though most of the group is just content with meeting the minimum requirements for the work and have no passion or drive, I’m trying my best to keep the passion and motivation up, hitting the deadlines weekly and always trying to exceed the work required so that we are ahead for the coming weeks and can make more progress, its hard to stay motivated when the rest of the group is so laid back about everything, I think under the circumstance, toby is doing a great job as leader and is trying to make the best out of the situation.

 Week 6

 My work load this week was a big one, having to delve deeper into the coding side of things was a challenge in itself and I had to watch many many tutorials to give me a better understanding of how I should go about completing the task.

The task was to create a UI mechanic where there would be an object (a note) which the player would pick up (using E) and it would display itself full scale on the screen.

This was a lot harder than it seems, I first had to create a basic game object and then add a default note texture which the artists will change in the future.

The next step was to create the UI image and canvas and so I had to scale things and add the texture and object as a prefab which took sometime but I got it don’t. the hardest part of this was actually creating the scripts as I needed a lot of help due to my low skill level and so I had to create an interaction mechanic as well as a pick up mechanic. The pickup mechanic simply allowed the player to add the note to a system using E and then this worked with the interaction system which then created a hand grab icon as the play hovered over the object indicating to pick it up and after the player pressed E it would display the object on screen and then freeze the game and player state allowing movement only for the mouse cursor to click on the X button placed in the corner of the note image to then return the player to the normal state.

Looking back over this week’s work id say I did the best I could in a subject I’m not too confident in just yet though I think we will be changing the way the note works by instead of clicking off of it, there is a slight delay after picking it up and it then teleports the player to a new location to re live the player within the memory of real life prisoners.

  Week 7

This week for me again was another big work load as I went over to the art side of things to give them a hand as art is my primary forte. For the week I had to create a full floor plan for an apartment building where the player will be based, there will be 4 – 5 rooms in total for the player to walk around in and locate the notes.

I have prior experience creating vector designs and I like the intricacy and preciseness that comes with the designs. I started out by sketching a standard sized room with the basic assets, an en suite bathroom, with a sink, toilet and shower etc. and then the room itself with a bed, tv, desk, table, chairs, couch and window.  I then designed a room which was twice the size of the standard room just to add a little more variety to the game world.

After I did both sketches I then went onto a digital platform using my ipad as a drawing tablet and within procreate I create the basic layout of the apartment block using precise sizes of rooms and making everything symmetrical. I create each room individually in a separate page as I wanted to change the layout of each of the rooms to mix things up a little for the player’s convenience. I also created an asset page where I create an icon for each objects within a room and copied each one after completion to all of the individual rooms as this way would mean they are all the same size making the overall design look much nicer.

After all of the individual rooms were complete I then added them all to the apartment building floor plan. After that was complete I then started to add a little colour to the rooms, I didn’t have to do this but I wanted to add more detail and depth.

 This week went very well I would say, I’m very happy with the amount of work I put in, I wish I had more time to finish the coloured version but I will just do that at my leisure.

Week 8

 For this week’s sprint I was tasked with creating layouts for the rooms that the player will visit within the memories which are activated through picking up the notes.

The rooms that I have created vectors for are a shower block, mess hall, prison cell and sleeping chambers. All of these rooms confide within the north Korean camp and in these rooms the player will re live a short memory of the people that actually had to go through with duties there and had to escape. Our biggest hope is that this will give the player a great sense if immersion into real life past events and make the player appreciate just what other people had to go through.

All of the rooms are inspired by real life photos of the Korean camps. It is very hard to gather any images as you know from north korea as they have a very strict media policy but I did the best with what I could find and I think that once the in game models of these rooms are done, the player will be able to appreciate them for what they are.

One down side to this and one thing I wish I had time to complete is a full scale vector of the camp itself. This would allow the player a more free roam approach to the game but we did decide against that as we wanted a short sweet immersion of history instead.

 One thing I will be doing in the next few days is looking over the designs and getting in touch with our artists so I can see how they are doing. I think it is key to work closely with other team members as there are valuable skills to be learnt and guidance to be had. The game is looking brilliant so far. We have got a great portion of the work completed and I am very happy with what we are doing.

  Week 9

 This week I am allowed to freelance in terms of the work load and so I think I will go over things I have already done rather than create anything new at the moment. Sorting out the code is one think I am working on. Tidying up the work spaces and just finalising any outstanding components to make our work more efficient.

I can tell that I am dwindling a little. I think my personal life is having an impact upon my work load and that is something that I don’t want to happen and so I think now the best thing to do is to take the week slow. I have spoken to the rest of my group and they say its okay. Ive given this project my absolute all and I don’t want it to go to waste now. The team is working brilliantly together and I could not ask for a better group to work with, I think we will all have a very good future in other projects as long as we stick together and continue to strive to improve.

 Week 10

 Monday –

 Today was a fantastic session and we managed to get a lot of work done and make many improvements to the game and I am very happy with the progress we made. Me and toby decided to go to media city to touch up on the game for the day, we were in for roughly 1 o clock and ended up staying until about 8:30 which I was so happy about.

We set out to make brief touch ups in the game. For instance, the code needed a quick tidy which I sorted out, the levels of the game needed box colliders added to all of the assets which did take a very long time I must say.

 The most impressive thing I believe was the extension for unity which toby found which allowed us to simultaneously edit a scene which sped up the process so much and it was fun to watch each other work. it made it feel very professional.

Whilst I was working on finalising all of the levels we had already made, toby was working on adding new levels to the game. He added two new prison scenes and another apartment scene.

The hardest thing I had to do was to transfer all of the assets from the main room of the game, the largest one and adding them to the third room of the game.

The reason it was such a difficult feat is because the unity controls can be very fiddly when it comes to moving small objects within a confined space due to the camera catching on all of the walls of the apartments exterior.

It may not sound like a lot of work but in fact it actually was due to most of the tasks being extremely tedious and drawn out but at least we have actually completed the largest portion of the game. Overall, I am very happy with the progress which we made, it feels good to get most of it out of the way but at the same time I really enjoyed it. I still feel as though I could work on the code a little more but as a whole the game design aspect was great. The next thing to do now is to work on adding a narrative structure to the game or something of that ilk in regard to the notes. Perhaps adding visual text on the screen and sketches from the book ‘camp 14’ to really impact people with the horrors that people face in the north Korean prison camp.

[afurst]

There’s Nothing You Can Do to Change the World, So Don’t Ever Stop Trying

At a retreat I was helping to lead some time ago, I made a comment during the Dharma talk that rustled a few feathers. It went something like this, “There’s nothing you can do to change the world.” At the end of the retreat one of the participants followed up for clarification. He asked with a friendly but incredulous look on his face, “Did you really mean that?”I admit, it sounds harsh. But, let me explain.

It’s Not Just a Good Idea, It’s the Law

I’ve just finished reading a fantastic book called This Explains Everything. It’s a series of essays by various prominent thinkers answering the question “What is your favorite deep, elegant, or beautiful explanation?”

The authors cover a gamut of disciplines including cognitive science, biology, economics, music, social sciences, and physics. I confess to being an avid pop physics fan. So I was drawn to the essays focused on cosmology and quantum mechanics. Three ideas that weaved through the book will help me make my point.

The first is order. The universe appears to follow a set of rules.Our formulations of these rules, for example Newton’s laws or Maxwell’s equations, are highly predictive and explain a lot about our experience. Even the bizarre probabilities of quantum mechanics demonstrate that there is a certain order to the universe.

Implicit in this observation is that the rules don’t change. This explains how we’re able to use them to predict events with some degree of probability. If the laws changed, things would be completely unpredictable, in fact life couldn’t exist.

Getting There From Here

The second concept is determinism. The probabilistic nature of quantum mechanics has shown that while the universe has order, it’s not precisely predictable. The laws of nature point to likely outcomes, but not rigid cause effect chains. This is a very important point. Ideas about determinism and free will have always been critical to defining our world view. If we misunderstand cause and effect, we’re at risk of misunderstanding everything.

The final idea is Emergence . This is the way complex systems and patterns arise out of a multiplicity of relatively simple interactions. Scientists have used emergence to develop plausible explanations for everything from the creation of stars to the evolution of life. These explanations are truly deep, elegant and beautiful.

To illustrate how cool these ideas are, I’ll give you some examples. Interesting fact; in the beginning, if the universe had a perfectly uniform density, it would have been a very different, bland place. The ever so slight differences in density throughout the fledgling universe allowed particles to congregate by way of gravity (see a recent TED talk on the confirmation of this hypothesis). Over the course of billions of years these congregations of matter formed hydrogen and helium atoms which in turn formed the first stars.

As the process of emergence unfolded, the stars exploded as super nova, resulting in the creation of larger elements like carbon, iron and so on. These ingredients formed the raw materials for new stars, planets, and ultimately life.

It’s remarkable that scientists have been able to reverse engineer the story of the cosmos. We have a decent picture of the past and a certain degree of confidence that it’s correct because it was derived from the same rules that we use to reliably predict probable future states.

Emergent Selection

The human body and its behaviors are adaptations produced by an emergent process we call evolution. We’ve evolved to respond to our environment in ways that increase the likelihood of our survival (or more specifically, to increase the likelihood we reproduce).

For example, we blink when something approaches our eye. We produce adrenalin and its associated self-preservation responses when we are in danger. These naturally selected traits allowed our ancestors to live another day by surviving one moment to the next.

Evolutionary development has allowed humanity to move beyond the survival stage into relative comfort and wealth. We even enjoy the luxury of contemplating happiness.

Emotional Rescue

Is happiness an evolutionary trait?

Norwegian biologist Bjorn Grinde proposes in his textbook, Darwinian Happiness: Evolution as a Guide for Living and Understanding Human Behavior, that it may be.

He argues that human emotions find their cause in evolution. Evolution might tend to add stronger incentives for behavior benefiting the genes in an individual with a powerful free will; as otherwise, the free will could easily result in maladaptive behavior. — Wikipedia

Recognizing emotional traits as emergent phenomenon is not hard to see. The love between a mother and child clearly serves to ensure that genes are successfully passed on. But, day to day, it’s difficult to see our emotions in this context. We don’t view our love of family in the context of the perpetuation of our DNA. It seems a little more complex than that.

Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public ― Cornel West

But Grinde is right in that free will without the incentive to self-preserve would likely result in the annihilation of life. Even with the power of evolution behind us, we don’t always act wisely. The effects of our bad decisions can be devastating. The fact that climate change is considered a man-made phenomenon, tells you how much of a mess we can make of things. But broadly speaking, our track record with free will has been net positive. The success of the human species speaks for itself.

So it seems that emergence has resulted in two natural principles. First, we are fundamentally motivated to perpetuate life — i.e. pass on our genes. Second, related to the first, is that freewill is also governed by natural selection. We’re incentivized, via emotion, to get along with each other. The latter principle I would describe as our natural inclination towards social justice.

There is Nothing You Can Do to Change the World

To steer back to my original point, we have to acknowledge that there is much in the world we cannot change. On an impersonal level, it’s fairly easy to recognize that the laws of nature are what they are. The acceleration due to gravity will be the same tomorrow as it was 300 years ago.

But getting a little more personal, there are some truths that can be harder to accept. Learning that your purpose is to perpetuate the information you carry in your genetic code can leave you a little cold. Viewing the love I have for my wife and children as simply the actions of “selfish genes” seems belittling. But no matter how I choose to view it, I am basically a DNA carrier.

Free will is a little more complicated. While our self preservation instincts tend to invoke simple mechanisms to help keep us alive long enough to reproduce, our exercise of free will doesn’t seem to be as automatic. Climate change, pollution, and addiction are all problems stemming from the misguided exercise of freewill. Why do we do these things?

These problems stem from a disconnect between our actions and their consequences. At the foundation is a faulty understanding of what is in our best interest. Why do we act in ways that are a detriment to our well-being? That’s literally insane. This is the root of suffering.

And there it is; the Buddha’s message!

The centrality of suffering and the causes of suffering in the Buddha’s teachings is very compelling to me. The journey begins with diagnosing and treating our own flavor of disconnection. If we fail in this, we’ll have little to offer the world.

Don’t Ever Stop Trying

The Buddhist teaching of the great embrace, the Mahamudra, tells us about the peculiar union of the unchanging eternal nature of the universe and it’s constantly evolving character. Both aspects of the world are observably true. The universe is what it is. Its laws are inviolable. But as these laws manifest over time, a vast diversity of matter, energy, and life unfolds before us.

This esoteric teaching is deep, elegant, and beautiful. It’s something I view as on par with the theories of evolution and quantum mechanics. It reminds us that both things are true in this quirky little universe of ours. The world is simultaneously unchanging and constantly evolving!

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has. — Margaret Mead

We have freewill. We have intentions, make choices, and those choices affect the future. There is much good we can do. It seems we’re actually wired for it. We can listen and empathize. We can speak up when we see injustice and we can be better stewards of our environment.

But we have to do the hard work of putting our own house in order before we can start changing the world for the better. We need to align our efforts so that they actually do good.

It sounds obvious, but in practice it is monumentally difficult. We need only look to history for a multitude of people who have paved the road to hell with good intentions. These would-be saviors arise out of naive ideologies and their actions tend to do more harm than good.

The 1960s and 1970s were a showcase of misguided efforts to better the world. The Symbionese Liberation Army, the Weatherman, and the Black Panthers were all founded on deeply held, but flawed premises. They spiraled out of control because they perpetuated the cycle of suffering.

We must accept the world as it is. If we don’t come to grips with the rules of life, we won’t be able to play the game. When it comes to social justice, there are a lot of dead end routes. Forcing people to adopt social change by legislation or coersion doesn’t work. These approaches don’t take seriously the fact that free will is not a group phenomenon.

The Buddha acknowledged that change comes one heart and mind at a time. It’s an act of freewill to see and acknowledge the world as it is. Its an act of freewill to discover the true path to happiness. We can only walk ourselves across that bridge.

So how do we promote social justice? By example. It may sound ineffectual, but it’s magical seeing how infectuous it can be. In the same way that smiles are contagious, enlightenment can move from one person to the next; sometimes like wildfire. Gandhi said it well:

If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do. — Mahatma Gandhi

  So get out there and change the world. Social justice doesn’t happen on its own. But do it from a firm foundation. Do the work that’s required to understand the causes of suffering and apply what you learn to reduce it. It often less about doing good for others, and more about living in a way that shows that you have found your way.

The post There’s Nothing You Can Do to Change the World, So Don’t Ever Stop Trying written by Andrew Furst appeared on Andrew Furst.

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[fridlyckanslove-blog]

Digital Marketing Demographics

   Digital marketing has changed so much, often the best path forward it is best to step back and appear at the broad landscape... the demographics of digital marketing if you can. To do this, I often look at summary reports from the best in the business.   For those who have virtually any concerns about where in addition to how to use http://www.stocklinku.com, you can contact us on the website. Beneath I lay out some of the biggest results from a Razorfish report I love entitled "Digital Dopamine: 2015 Global Digital Marketing Report". According to Razorfish, "Ideas that were once dominant now encounter irrelevance, as new digital advancements displace them. This transformation takes place rapidly, and marketers are constantly struggling to keep up. Therefore , in preparing for tomorrow, Razorfish took the deep dive into the qualitative plus quantitative data of four global markets (the United States, the United Kingdom, The far east, Brazil) to examine the ways in which digital technology is shifting traditional brand-consumer relationships. From uncovering global commerce expectations to identifying the effect of digital on our subconscious, this analysis set out to expose the key trends framing marketing. " What did Razorfish find in terms of how digital marketing and advertising was used in 2015? Here are a few of their key findings. 1 . GENERATIONAL CHASM Mobile dominates the Millennial shopping experience. A Millennial's smartphone will be their key to the world. Since mobile payment technology grows, cellular is going to become an even more important section of the overall brand and retail experience. Millennials draw no practical variation between online and offline. Millennials' constantly connected smartphones mean they no more see a difference between "online" plus "offline. " Technology has become a fundamental element of their lives, and it is how they interact with and experience brands, even when in traditionally "offline" environments. They don't use media in silos. Rather, each uses all of the tools at their fingertips at any given time, regardless of the device or platform. Millennials are redefining privacy targets. When compared to Gen X, Millennials may trust brands to protect their privacy-and less likely to think that mobile targeting is an invasion of privacy. Policy for the Gen X / Style Y digital divide. Millennials guide the pack when it comes to the usage of technology, outpacing their Gen X counterparts in nearly every digital activity on a daily basis. Gen X-led organizations need to ensure that their brand experiences align with Millennials' tech-led life and that digital isn't simply a good afterthought in the brand planning process. Target carefully and with purpose. second . THE DIGITAL EXPERIENCE ECONOMY: People are actively avoiding advertising. Consumers in all four markets (United States, Uk, Brazil, China) report doing anything at all they can to avoid seeing advertising, and many are utilizing tools like DVRs to assist them succeed. Advertising is most beneficial when it is part of a value trade. Consumers are now aware of how much their attention is worth to marketers, and they also expect to be rewarded for it. They will look to be compensated with devotion programs, free content or helpful tools that solve problems. Brazilian still has a cultural affinity to traditional advertising. Interestingly, Brazil continues to be more receptive to advertising compared to any of the other markets. Fifty-seven % of Brazilian consumers endorse TELEVISION, radio and print ads because the most influential source of advertising. Therefore , it is important to understand that adding value indicates different things to different cultures. Make yourself useful. Brands need to offer their clients services beyond core products and add some real value to peoples' life, if they are not already. Consumers are very likely to stick with a brand if they feel much more their lives easier. 3. SMOOTH COMMERCE Digital is the new storefront. A good e-commerce site is not just the nice-to-have; it has a major impact on your own brand. The numbers speak for themselves: 84% of people in Brazil and 92% of people in China say that a negative brand website negatively impacts their particular opinion of the brand. Seventy-three percent and 79% of people in the Oughout. S. and U. K., respectively, agree. Current e-commerce experiences fall short of expectations. Even with the massive accomplishments made in the evolution associated with commerce, consumers are still not amazed. Current e-commerce experiences, return procedures and shipping options are falling flat in cultivating satisfied customers. Consumer journeys are peppered with dead ends. Although consumers no more view a distinction between online and offline brand channels, brands are certainly not yet structured to support this view. This creates a tension between exactly what consumers want and what brands are usually providing, forcing consumers to jury-rig solutions. Empower your customer. Inflexible returns policies, in particular, are a main point of friction in both the internet and offline retail experiences. A good return policy is an easy method to differentiate your brand from the competitors, build loyalty and earn trust. 4. DIGITAL CONDITIONING Consumers admit to technology dependence. Over three-quarters of consumers in all four of the markets surveyed admitted to often feeling dependent on technology. Many elements are usually cited for the development of this dependence, including utility, connectivity and the beneficial emotions they associate with it. We've been exposed to digital classical conditioning. Because proven by Pavlov, repeatedly partnering two cues can elicit the classically conditioned response. This is similarly true for many consumers who make use of smartphones-the light or sound released from the device triggers a response associated with immediate attention. Instant gratification is not really always preferred. Remarkably, consumers in every four markets reported more pleasure when receiving a purchase in the mail than when buying in the store. This illuminates an interesting aspect of shopping which is specific to e-commerce- the power of pleasurable anticipation and delayed gratification. Use "surprises and delights" to your advantage. Without turning brand communications in to a carnival of push notifications and flashing buttons, you can still produce pleasurable moments of anticipation about routine events for a brand. Wise marketers will play around with video game mechanics in the shopping and purchasing process, while ensuring it doesn't interfere with simplicity and service. 5. RISING MARKETS IN THE FAST LANE Consumers in Brazil and China are usually tech-hungry early adopters. This data shows that Internet users in these markets rely on technology for every part of their lives and continually look for more ways to integrate it. Consumers in nations with lower Internet penetration could be the most demanding online. There are unexpectedly high expectations for digital providers and websites in countries with lower Internet penetration. In particular, there is a very strong desire in Brazil plus China for e-commerce to improve.