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parfaitblogs · 5 months ago

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illicit affairs ❀ s. reid x reader

in which you want more than spencer reid can give you.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: angst (18+ for suggestive content) tags: relation(situation)ship. s7 spencer. mentions of past intimacy. unrequited feelings. spencer's not the best person ever. kinda fade to black & unhappy ending (welcome back june parfaitblogs). reader has kinda bad self-worth. word count: 2.5k a/n: soooo fucking cliche man chases the girl after she leaves. im sorry. except im not. so sorry for whatever ooc thing spencer reid does in this. except it isnt ooc. tell me he didnt have a whore phase in s7. u cant. im sorry this is soooo dialogue heavy LOL.

Fractured shards of your soul scatter this apartment.

This Godforsaken green-walled, quaint apartment, that you had spent so much of your time in. Nights, not days, because his days were spent yearning for an engaged woman. His nights, however, were reserved for you. Most of them, at least. Some of them. A few of them. Not many of them at all, actually.

It was a little embarrassing; how much of yourself you were willing to disrespect for some attention from a man who probably didn't think much about you outside of your presence inside his walls. But then he would touch you, and he would kiss you, and all self-deprecation will go out the window. For he is so gentle, and he knows every single crevice and button to press on your body like he speaks its language.

Embarrassing.

It started innocently. A night spent with him after you had been broken up with, resulting in one awful decision that led to the other. Crying in his arms, to kissing him, to having sex, which he was rebutting all up until it actually happened. Rambling about transference while still leaving open-mouthed kisses down your neck, shaking his head because you two should not be doing this.

A week later you went back to him. You were sad, in your defence, and Spencer Reid was your friend first. He was good at distracting you, you learned. You would cry, and thus, he would make you come to forget about it. Like clockwork.

At some point it changed from a coping mechanism, to an emotional necessity. You stopped thinking about your broken heart, and instead about how good Spencer was to you. Which might've been your biggest mistake.

You were not to him what he was to you anymore.

And maybe he knew that. A laughable idea, because Spencer Reid, who could be slapped in the face with a poster that said I am in love with you in big bold letters, would still be oblivious to it all. But maybe he knew.

You had to ask this time to come over. Maybe pathetic, how much of your self-worth you relied on whether or not a man you weren't even dating wanted to see you. How much of your world had crumbled around you because it had been two weeks and he hadn't spoken to you outside of discussing a case.

It was definitely pathetic how small you felt as you sat in the corner of his couch, a glass of water you didn't really want to drink encased in your palms, condensation seeping into your skin. In your defence, it didn't usually go like this. Usually, it took you all of three seconds to get insidehis apartment before he started kissing you. Why wasn't he kissing you?

You could hear the faint sound of shuffling behind you, glasses clinking together and ceramics settling on the marble countertop. The only other indicator Spencer was even there was his irregular breathing. Irregular from what, you didn't know.

Another beat of silence passed, and with it, your patience. You set the glass down on the coffee table — something he would’ve scolded you over if not for the thick layer of tension between you two.

"Did you not want me to come over?" You regret the words the second they're out of your mouth, and they uncomfortably pierce the air, only to be followed by another thick blanket of fucking silence. You had already said it — you might as well commit. "Spencer?"

You lifted your gaze from its fixated position on your lap to find him standing still in the kitchen, a bowl in his hands, still damp from its time in the dishwasher.

"You know you're always welcome here," he replied when you had locked gazes.

"That's not what I asked," you said, readjusting your body, chest pressed up against the back of the couch, chin resting atop its ledge. You watched as he dried the bowl and put it away, his shoulders deflating, before he turned back to face you.

"I do want you here," he said, but even with the finality in his voice, you were sceptical.

"Are you sure?" you despised the insecurity that seeped into your tone.

He stilled again, and even with the distance between you two, you could see gears turning behind his eyes, coming up with a response that wouldn't break your heart, probably. Because he knew.

He could lie. Say that yes, he is sure, and he does want you in his apartment right now, and he wasn't simply entertaining your own desires. Desires that he seemingly had grown tired of. But you would figure him out immediately, and maybe he knew that as well. Stupidly smart Spencer Reid thinking ahead, frustratingly so.

Instead, he said your name, in an awfully cautious tone. Maybe lying would've hurt less. He took a step around the kitchen counter, ever so slowly closing the distance between you two.

"It's okay if you don't want me here," you tell him, forcing a reassuring smile and stopping him in his tracks. "You're not forced to amuse me."

"Do you think that's what I'm doing?"

"Yes. You've hardly said a word to me, and I've been here twenty minutes," you rebutted.

"I told you on the phone that I had some maintenance chores to do." Okay, true. "Once they're done, I'm all yours."

You shouldn't say anything. You knew that. The words on the tip of your tongue would cause an argument, and he had just technically promised to do what you both knew you had come to do, and after two weeks of hearing nothing, any attention from him was good attention. You shouldn't.

But you did. "Are you really?"

His eyes closed and a harsher breath of air expelled through his nose, his hands flexing by his side as he took a moment to respond. "What does that mean?"

"Are you really all mine?" you cringed even as you asked the question. And, you already knew the answer.

"What do you want my answer to be?"

You could scream. "That isn't fair, Spencer."

"Do you want it to be yes?"

You didn't want to answer that honestly, too afraid of the rejection that was sure to follow. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, this is a relationship, and relationships need communication—"

"—A relationship?" you repeated back to him, incredulously. "You think this is a relationship?"

Fingers dug into his eyes, and his shoulders sagged further. "What is it, then?"

"Convenient." The word stung even you, despite being the one to have said it.

Or maybe it didn't hurt him. For he responded, in an achingly calm tone, "Explain that to me."

"Don't use profiling techniques on me," you countered, and he watched as your walls shot up around you.

"Asking you to explain something to me isn't a profiling technique," he said, taking another step towards your residence on the couch.

"No, but the tone of voice you're using is."

"Would you rather I yell at you?"

"No—Spencer," you stammered so frustratingly in an attempt to come up with a response, emotions taking authority of your brain functions. "I come here when I'm sad, we fuck, I go home. That's all this is. That isn't a relationship."

"I could argue what a relationship legitimately is."

"Please don't."

"Okay," he agreed with a short nod. "Do you want more out of this arrangement, then?"

"Can you give me more if I do?"

His silence was answer enough, and so slowly but surely, you were untangling your limbs from themselves on the couch, and planting your feet on the floor.

"Where are you going?" he asked as you stood up.

"Home," you replied, curtly, and he watched in a still silence as you left.

The slam of his apartment door was loud, and it echoed throughout the hall. Feet pattered against the stairs as you descended them, quickly, because your tears were forming fast and you were attempting to beat exposure to the outside world before they started to fall down your face.

But the universe had other plans for you, and your named reverberated throughout the final staircase you had to descend. Your lips pulled into a line in an attempt to neutralise your expression, and you turned at the base of the stairs.

"You want more with me," he said, admittedly a little breathless from chasing you the way he did.

"Glad you could deduce that one, Doctor."

A frustrated huff left his lips. "Stop shutting me out."

"I'm not doing this here," you replied, taking another step back — that he matched, stepping down a step. "Spencer."

"No, we are. If you are going to walk out of my apartment, then we're having this conversation here."

"I don't even want to have this conversation," you argued.

"Yes you do."

"You don't know me."

"Yes I do." When you opened your mouth to argue again, he was quick to cut you off. "You want more with me, but you're too scared of me rejecting you, so you're brushing it off as something unimportant, in hopes that I'll forget about it so things can go back to what they were before."

"God forbid."

His lips pursed. "Can you be an adult about this?"

Your heart stuttered uncomfortably in your chest, and he stared expectingly at you for minutes. Minutes that you let pass, your breaths shallow as you stared up at him, boring holes into his own eyes. Then, "Are you going to reject me?"

"Yes, but—"

Oh.

Somewhere your name was said once, then twice, but it all sounded far too distant, submerged underwater, maybe. Your brain muddling with every single thought it had ever conjured up in all your years of living, to the point where you couldn't even figure out if the tears burning your eyes were actually there, communications in your brain on lockdown.

You were detached from your own body as a hand was placed on your shoulder, your eyes flickering over to Spencer's face, which was an alarming amount closer than before. It was his hand, you figured, which meant he was watching you have this breakdown, and suddenly the thought of being like this in front of him was far worse than anything he could've said to you.

"Okay," you said, almost breathlessly, stumbling back a few steps, nodding your head, and blinking away the tears all at once. "Which is fine, by the way. Because this isn't a relationship. And we agreed on casual sex, so really, you're not doing anything surprising, and I should've expected this. Yeah."

"Can you please look at me?" You hadn't even realised your gaze was flitting around the place until he said it, and you forced your eyes to rest on his face again. "Yeah, there you go. Hi. Deep breath."

You took in the gulp of air, despite it still being shallow from your onslaught of emotions, matching your rhythm with his own. He repeated the act a few more times, until you had settled into less violent gasps, and he was sure you were grounded with him again.

"You back with me?" he asked just in case, his voice horrifically gentle, and you wordlessly nodded your head. "Can we talk about this, now?"

"In your stairwell?"

"I don't think you want to walk all the way up to my apartment again," he said, and he was correct; you didn't. "I would reject you. That's true."

"Which you're allowed to do," you answered, quietly.

"I am," he agreed with a nod. "If that isn't okay with you, then tell me. We can call this off right now."

"And what?" you asked, ugly emotions clawing their way up your throat again. "Go back to how things were before?"

"Well, yes—"

"—No, Spencer!" you snapped, and he seemingly hadn't expected it. At all. "I can't go back to normal with you, not after this. Sex is fucking intimate, and it is scary, and you have seen me at my absolute worst and still slept with me these last few months. You have seen parts of me I refuse to share with anyone, because I trusted you."

"I didn't force you to do that," he countered. "You showed me every single side of you on your own accord. So do not paint me to be a villain."

"I'm not trying to," your voice was desperate, and if you weren't so busy using your hands to talk animatedly, you might be tearing out your hair by now. "I just—I don't get it. How was it so casual for you? How can you go back to what we had before all of this like it's nothing?"

"All of this was never anything serious. We agreed on that."

"No. No, don't explain what this was to me. I know what it was. Answer the question."

How was he so calm? His eyes searching your own now tear-filled ones, but the crease in his brows was the only indicator of any emotion, for his body was alarmingly relaxed.

He exhaled, "I don't know what to tell you. What do you want to hear?"

"The truth."

"I don't have feelings for you," he said, voice so curt you wondered if it was the way he said it, or what he said, that shattered your barely mended heart. Again.

"Which is fine," you repeated the phrase, because maybe if you said it enough, you'll start to believe it.

"So, do you want to call this off?"

"We should."

He only nodded in agreement; a violent reminder that you weren't imagining the things he was saying to you. This wasn't a bad dream, and he was actually telling you the relationship you had built up in your head wasn't real.

"I don't want to," you murmured, voice pathetically small, shrinking in your shoes beneath him. "I really like you, Spencer."

"Which is why we should call this off," he reasoned, and you wanted to scream.

"Are you going to be even a little sad if we do?" He parted his lips, and a beat of silence passed. And then you were stepping back, puffing out a strained breath of air, nodding your head in understanding. "I should go."

"You won't talk to me if we call it off," he said before you could get too far from him. When you turned to look at him again, he added, "Will you?"

"No."

"Then yes. I'll be sad."

"Because I won't talk to you?"

"Yes."

You stared at him for a beat longer. "Not because you won't have a fuck buddy anymore?"

"You were never just a fuck buddy," he said, exasperated, the phrase sounding foreign on his tongue. Sorry for exasperating you.

"No. But I'm not enough to like, right?"

He said your name, and stepped off the staircase he had been residing on, lowering the height difference between you two. "You are enough to like."

"Not to you!" "I am not the only man in the world."

The bottomless pit in your stomach grew larger, only because to you he was. To you, he was everything. And you felt things far too big, and the realisation that he had never and will never see you that way was a world-shattering discovery.

You sighed, lowering your gaze to the floor. "We never should have started this."

"I agree."

"I'm gonna go."

He opened his mouth, then closed it, seemingly deciding against arguing with you any more. He merely nodded his head, and forced a smile. "Yeah."

"Bye, Spencer."

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡

#lia’s fics ♡#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer x reader #spencer x self insert #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid angst

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lubrumalis · 7 months ago

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ghost character analysis

tw: spoilers from ghost mw2 comics, nsfw, dead dove do not eat, mature content.

this is pretty much a part 2 to ghost headcanons except with more lore and analysis (im still not sure if reboot ghost has the same backstory as the og ghost).

ghost is not a cold, calculated, ruthless man. maybe in a separate au or something, but theres a huge difference between ghost and simon riley. in fact, we need to understand that the reason he even chose ghost as a new name for himself is because of all that's happened to him. his family got killed, he got tortured by roba, and had to eliminate many men on his own. before that he was simon, not ghost. in the comic he literally calls the child hostages he was saving ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’. hes not that mean and cold yall

we know that PTSD does shit to it's victims, ghost lost his entire family and had no one. think of it as a coping mechanism to have a new name to be known as.

ghost is a ruthless killer. simon is just some guy.

ghost sets himself to an incredibly high standard of discipline. i think it's intuitive that military boys will need to be punctual and organized to some degree, but ghost takes this to a whole other level. considering his father's abusive behavior (explained by his disturbing statements said to simon, is a drug addict, and beats simons mom) his home life was likely chaotic as a child.

in the mw2: ghost comic (issue #3) it specifically stated the following: "discipline, precision, control. these are what riley built his whole life on. break those down and the dark stuff begins to ooze out..." again, this is probably a form of trauma response to his childhood.

so what does this lead to? well firstly, this probably means his room is incredibly tidy and organized (monotone design i know :,c).

would never in his life touch drugs. this is a promise he made to himself.

also kinda proves that ghost aint a reckless guy. he thinks things through before doing it.

ghost isn’t that hypersexual. theres no way of knowing his history with women, but i like to think ghost is not that horny 24/7 and needs a fuckbuddy. in the mw2 comic, he was on a mission and was in an area full of prostitutes (wasn’t actively on duty, but on his way) when they tried to hit on him he politely rejects one of them, and later tells them to fuck off😀 so yea contrary to popular belief i dont think he really enjoys one night stands or the idea of being entertained by random women. in fact, i hc he might actually be a virgin or just have a really low body count.

ghost is a feminist!😁 (misandrist too). ok let me reword that, ghost doesnt like men and respects women. one of the reasons why he doesn’t want to be around prostitutes and do one night stands (his father killed a hooker in front of him, very traumatic) is because he thinks the concept of quick, casual sex is not good for society and dilutes the value of meaningful relationships. but also, remember the discipline, precision, control thing? its apart of his principle. but also, in the comic, sparks (soldier he worked with) knocked out and attempted to rape a woman, ghosts literally looked disgusted and called the police (also why he’d never do that himself, i dont get the hcs that say he does). ghosts seen how his dad treated his mom and absolutely hates abusers. anyways onto misandry—i think ghost internally thinks men are violent and disgusting (ghosts would choose the bear over the man, even though hes a man) mainly because throughout his military career majority of the bad stuff hes seen was done by men, so hes much more relaxed in a room of women vs man. ghost thinks his dad is the epitome of pure evil (canon! he said this to his therapist). this doesn’t mean hes scared or hates all men tho!

ghost isn’t close with tf141… including soap. now before you attack me let me explain. sure, he trusts them to some degree, but i dont think they naturally just hangout when they’re not deployed. in the end we need to understand they are SAS soldiers, they are working a real job that mainly consists of them shooting and dismantling others. considering ghosts betrayal in the past (in the comic, a few soldiers ghost previously worked with killed his entire family 😢) he isn’t gonna just trust his teammates because theyre his teammates. im also pretty sure they all live in different cities while not deployed. tf141 probably all want to separate their job from their personal lives, which includes each other. but onto soap, i dont think him and ghost have a deep brotherly relationship. but i think they care about each other, but exchanging some dad jokes and bantering doesn’t mean they’re suddenly soulmates or brothers. think about it… you and you’re co worker joke around sometimes, never hangout outside of work, and now people are shipping you and calling the two of you besties. makes no sense.

ghost is extremely patriotic. in the comic (i reference this way too much but theres SOOO MUCH LORE i recommend reading it) ghost tells his teammates the reason for joining the military: queen and country, right after 9/11. he also said “the world has changed”. interestingly enough army enlistment did actually skyrocketed after 9/11 attacks, ghost was among them. he probably thought ww3 was about to happen, or that ‘theres no more peace’ or whatever. i hc being obsessed with soccer too lmao and getting mad if english teams dont win. also his playful banter with johnny “get us a tea?”. probably very proud of his british heritage.

ghost doesn’t have much friends. hes a really, reallyyyyy lonely guy. i hc him as an introvert in the first place, but trust issues make this worse. in the comic, he was literally in the newspaper for killing his family and then killing himself (he didnt, he was framed that way tho) so its likely most of his formers friends probably think hes dead. ghost likely got some sort of amnesty or exemption from the military after knowing he didn’t actually kill his family, but whats in the news stays true to the public. even if he does have friends he probably doesn’t share feelings with them or form a long term bond.

ghost is extremely cynical. this is obvious tbh, but i think ghost believes hes going to die in the middle of a battlefield, shot or stabbed, a painful death, body left to rot for weeks, and no one to remember him. just like that. and he accepts that fact too.

ghost isn’t a picky eater. growing up in an abusive household where his parents couldn’t hold a stable job, he had to eat what there was. some days he settles for cheap beans and toast and when people call him out for it, he tells em to fuck off😀

ghost is emotionally fucked up, probably kind of depressed. i mean this guys been through hell: got sa’d, buried alive, had to dig through underground dirt and worms with a jawbone, tortured in horrible ways, had his entire family killed, abusive dad, and the weight of his grey morales because he killed lots of people as a soldier. wow! would you look at that list, itd be more strange if he wasn’t emotionally fucked up after was has happened😅. even when tortured, seeing his family dead, ghost was never shown to have cried in the comic. i hc hes emotionally numb. however, i do think hes emotionally MATURE and able to communicate his emotions, but hes still emotionally fucked. for example a scene where he was talking about his experience with roba (guy who tortured ghost) and ghosts father to a therapist. i think ghosts may be traumatized, but this doesn’t stop him from attempting to get help and communicating how he feels and thinks about this world.

ghost wears a mask... not because hes insecure and traumatized it's to separate ghost from simon riley. first of all he learned the consequences of revealing your identity during deployment, in the comic, he reveals his face in missions before his family got killed. i think he wears a mask because 1) its practical, no one knows who he is, 2) an analogy for himself to remind him simon riley, his original identity, was dead the moment his family was murdered, this SAS soldier with a skull mask is GHOST (yes this is canon, ghost references in the comic!).

in issue #1 while some kids were being held hostage, he starts telling his life story to them to calm them down/distract them from the bad situation. this is his explanation to why he wears a skull mask, word by word: "I bet you're wondering why I wear these bones on my face. It's a tribute to an old friend of mine. He's dead now, but man if he wasn't the baddest motherfucker on the planet."

in issue #6, when ghost was trekking through a jungle in the middle of nowhere attempting to kill roba (a drug lord that started this all, brainwashed soldiers to kill ghosts family), he was never caught. ghost himself, the narrator, says that "even for a single man to get through the jungle, the patrols, the wall, the security... well that man would have to be a ghost."

however, im still a little confused whether or not reboot ghost and 2009 have the same backstories. reboot ghosts mask is more realistic and his look is much more intimidating, his reason for wearing that kind of mask is probably psychological warfare (getting milena the financier to speak up about makarov). i think 2009 ghosts reason to wearing a mask is more personal compared to reboot.

BUT WHAT ABOUT AN S/O???

i think ghost is the guy to not have one in the first place. obviously. but i lowkey think if he had one and really liked them, he would commit. in fact i find it hard to imagine hes a player or isn’t serious about relationships. when his brother tommy got addicted to drugs and fucked up his life, simon quit the military until tommy got 100% better and married. yup. he stayed to help him recover, for years. thats how loving and committed this man is🥹🥹.

ghost would not cheat on his s/o. i can't stress how important this hc is, because it's so out of character for him to do so. sure, guys in the military statistically have higher divorce rates, incidences of infidelity, and much more red flag stuff, but knowing what happened to him, he would never do that. doesn't matter how stressed, lonely, sexually frustrated this man is; he would not cheat on his partner. this guy has been through far more stressful situations and got through it, you think hes gonna cheat because hes stressed because of work?

its not sunshine and rainbows or absolute toxicity being with him. it's not really a mix of both either. ghost isn't that princess treatment, super squishy and cuddly, sweet guy who likes fluffy stuff. he definitely isn't the toxic guy who leaves you with mixed signals either.

hes quite the gentleman when it comes to approaching relationships, hes seen how his dad treated his mom, and ghost wants to do the exact opposite. i believe ghost likes to use the traditional courting methods when dating someone: gifting flowers, paying for dates, holding the door open (ladies first typa guy!!), the old fashioned stuff. idk if i should point it out again but this guy DOES NOT FW modern dating practices, he wouldn't download dating apps, or start 'talking stages'. i dont think he would write love letters just because hes not very good at writing poetry or expressing his feelings in the first place.

theres still downsides to being with him. the long distance, the time being apart (months and months). but i dont think he'd go as far as being emotionally avoidant.

also something really random ive noticed is that 2009 and reboot ghost are very different, personality wise. i like to think that 2009 ghost represents simon riley much better, but the reboot ghost actually gives the essence and character of what a 'ghost' in the military is.

more random headcanons:

simon prefers dogs over cats because dogs are loyal and stay with you until the end (stereotypically)

hates snakes and spiders

probably wouldn’t do 50/50 on dates, he pays!

avoids saying manchester slang when deployed

drinks and smokes. not always. he’s disciplined but he still does that stuff.. hes a british guy in his 30s whos kinda depressed, grew up with adults around him smoking 24/7, whatd you think😀😀 (its canon that most of tf141 smoke anyway)

listens to 80’s rock music. its canon that his mom enjoys the band siouxsie and the banshees :)), he probs does too

shaves his beard

is actually confident hes not bad looking. dude, hes 6’2, in shape with a jawline🙄

i don't enjoy hcs of ghost being the scariest out of tf141 (appearance wise yes). but soap seems much more scary imo, he was the youngest guy to pass SAS selections in the history of the UK military, and was nicknamed soap because of fast and good he is at cleaning up 'messes' (basically killing people).

id arguably say ghost is the most compassionate out of 141, if we're talking about the OG 2009 one.

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lapdogchase · 1 month ago

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fascinated and distressed by chase's disordered relationship with sexuality + his emotions abt his own trauma & abuse

thru the beginning of the show he doesn't even realize he's hot despite being objectively attractive. when he finds out he's hot he then realizes people pretend to be interested in him as a person in order to have sex with him and gets super upset about it

he starts having a bunch of meaningless sex as a coping mechanism when cameron leaves him. and also a lot of other times. whenever something bad happens, basically, he starts going out with a bunch of women, just to feel something, presumably

^to the extent where hes known within the hospital as a slut. and has had sex with an insane amount of nurses. as well as presumably women who are not at his place of work.

he says doing this made him hate himself so he stopped. it's the b-plot for an episode and then he's back having meaningless sex again by the end of the episode

even his coworkers know this about him. and have called it out, masters even says she thinks he doesn't respect women bc, in her words, he's with a different one every few days or maybe he finds comfort in meaningless relationships

goes back to having meaningless sex within weeks of getting stabbed. which is really bad for wound healing reasons too. genuinely it seems like such compulsive behavior for him considering he keeps doing it even when its objectively not only a bad idea but actively dangerous

house even directly says he's "a serial slut" because he's "terrified of intimacy." incredibly accurate assessment

his relationship with his sexuality reads so heavily as someone who thinks they're not good for anything else

see also: dr. fawn response

general passive willingness to go along with anything- when cameron says they should have sex in s3 he's surprised and then he just kinda goes along with it. not bc he didn't want to bc he obviously did, but he's just generally very much someone who does whatever other people want him to do. i feel like he and cameron both tend to seek validation thru sex in an unhealthy way that i'm still gnawing on like a dog with a bone i have to go rewatch s3 to really articulate it though

he has a sort of desperation for praise and approval especially from anyone he views as an authority figure. he does whatever authority figures tell him out of this idea that it'll bring him approval and therefore safety

like no matter what house does or says to him he doesn't argue or retaliate or anything. even when house punches him he collapses on the ground in pain and then just keeps talking about the patient like nothing happened.

the scene in 3.10 after house punches him where he's in the ddx room and house walks in and throws the file at him and chase is startled and tries to pretend he's not. and he looks up with this huge fuck ass bruise on his jaw swallows heavily and pretends not to be upset. and house asks if he got that looked at as if he wasn't the one to give it to him and chase just swallows and says he's fine. dr fawn response :(

#text #i still have a few episodes left Worried im gonna post this and immediately soemthing else will Happen that is relevant here #avian i stole the phrase 'dr fawn response' from u its really good its been bouncing around my head for several days #chase #robert chase #house md #Implication here being i think he was sexually abused at some point. idk if the Writers intended that #but i'm looking at him with my eyes and thinking about him in my brain and it's very clear to me #house spoilers #analysis

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brujamala-aka-gigi · 3 months ago

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tarot tea spill session ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 　.. 　 ˚　.　　

₊ ˚. ⋆☾⁺ 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 ༘ ೀ

{discussing the "you can't love others if you can't love yourself" argument... and reading tarots about it.}

As someone who has struggled with self-esteem, I was kinda took back by statements like that. "You need to love yourself first to love others", like what do you even mean I hate myself yet I still can love!!! And then I thought about it and realized that maybe the wording is not the best, but the idea of the message is right. A healthy sense of self love is pretty hard to get, you can lack it and still be able to feel love, receive love and nurture affective relationships. I think that the main problem about low self-esteem and relationships, is that having an unhealthy relationship with ourselves, can lead to having unhealthy relationships with others. Not because we are bad people or defective for having insecurities, it's not about being incapable to have nice relationships, its about the things our insecurities could fuck up about said relationships or the toxic dynamics we are willing to engage in due to insecurity. I won't go around pretending like healing your perceptions of yourself is a quick easy process that can be solved just by feeling hot and empowered, things that actually kinda help if your mind is in the right place, but my intention here is to share what tarots have to say about how we can make sure we are seeking love because we want to and not because we need to.

{dividers by: @anitalenia & @cafekitsune}{images from pinterest}

this reading is not conceptualized in an hetero-centric way, it is for the femme aligned people or people who are somehow in tune with their feminine energy.

pile one pile two pile three

.‧͙˚ *༓ scroll down for the readings ⋆ִ ‧͙⁺˚

✧˖°. pile number one 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹

𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎

You might be expecting love to behave in a way that you consider coherent, almost as if there had to be some kind of logic behind affection, care, and feelings. This might be due to the fact that you keep yourself “under control” by rationalizing your own feelings, yet you are mindful of showing a comfortable amount of emotion with others, but not too much to the point where it makes you feel overly vulnerable or out of control. You might be slightly weirded out by people who seem to express emotion in a way that's explosive or feels disorderly. Although this might be a coping mechanism to maintain the structure and stability that keeps your impulses in check, I see that at some point you will begin to embrace a more genuine way of communicating your romantic needs and emotions. It might feel to you as if you are always expected to act and talk about love in a way that’s very mindful, very demure, instead of being honest about a more passionate nature you keep hiding away. I don’t think you are exactly an overly romantic lovesick person, but I do think that you actually enjoy romantic relationships, and you actually have the will and the tools to create a bond where vulnerability and honest communication allow for both parts of the relationship to be comfortable with being as intense about it as you need to. Also, you deserve the same care you give to others, but they won’t be able to provide it to you if you are not willing to communicate that need. You are not going to go off the rails for having noticeable emotional reactions or for being open about your struggles. There’s people and places where you might feel uncomfortable being emotional, but you are wise enough to know who is willing to put the effort into comforting you and allowing you to further explore that side of yourself.

✧˖°. pile number two 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚗 ✧ 𝚜𝚒𝚡 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚞𝚙𝚜 ✧ 𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜

It seems as if you are still mourning what to you is a loss of your sense of self. And let me tell you, you did not lose yourself, you might have temporarily lost the ability to radiate your energy in a way that you felt was attracting the right things in your life. I think you are definitely being too hard on yourself about a perceived missed opportunity, nostalgia about romanticized parts of the past are messing with your sense of identity, and your sense of hope. At this time you are not capable of thinking outside idealized memories, you are blinded by feeling fragile and incapable of further change. These feelings clearly are not something that comes from your inner self, they have been internalized due to being imposed on you. Being so stagnated in the past makes you unable to focus on the actual opportunities that will come to you in the future, you know there’s a lot of positive things, people, and experiences that can come into your life, but you are unable to see them or accept that possibility as something that you deserve, as something that you inherently are capable of attracting. You need to trust yourself, and trust that centering your life around the brightest parts of yourself, your virtues, your abilities, your personal power, is the way to go. You are someone who is actually capable of radiating the sort of energy that brings emotional, spiritual and material abundance, but you are focusing on the wrong ideals, and not allowing yourself to take the protagonist role in your own life. The fact you bring a lot of value to others, doesn’t mean your own value depends on it. The beauty and the joy you have experienced before, is a direct result of your own capabilities and your own effort, make sure nobody makes you channel that energy in places where it’s not worth it.

✧˖°. pile number three 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹

𝚜𝚒𝚡 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚏𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜

Although you might feel more comfortable if you could prove people wrong, it's more necessary that you are able to move forwards from the situations that make you question your self worth. You don’t need to “conquer” your fears, your anxiety or your insecurities, you need to move away from them if they are a product of imposed ideas or learn to navigate the ones that come from yourself, in a way that allows you to grow without the need for intrapersonal or interpersonal conflict. At times it might seem as if you are incapable of deciding how things happen or how they go, chaos is actually quite difficult to walk through, but I see that you are highly capable of expanding your perceptions beyond what is deemed conventionally functional. At the moment, there’s not enough resources available for you to properly express yourself or to align with your higher self, but there’s subtle opportunities to thrive in harsh environments if you are capable of acting according to your own ideals instead of what your ego demands. I think you will find the peace of mind, and the appreciation you deserve when you understand that sometimes it’s not necessary to fight for the things you want. There’s nothing wrong with willing to work hard and to sacrifice, but it can become unhealthy to you if you’re always put in situations where joy comes only if there’s struggle. There’s a lot of meaning and value in things that come easy and naturally to you, don’t let others question it or take them away just because you are not “putting effort” to get where you deserve to be. Everyone deserves praise and admiration when they are as naturally preserving and nourishing as you are. Your excellence might make others uncomfortable and overly questioning of your success, don’t let their own self doubt become yours, and don’t engage in needing validation from sources that are not actually positive for your own self development.

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jasperxkuromi · 8 months ago

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Regressors that are (bodily) older, please interact!

Later 20s, 30s, maybe even older? I would love to hear from you and maybe even your stories if you don't mind sharing!

I want to meet more people like me and also show others that age regression doesn't just suddenly "stop" at a certain age

Some of us:

Didn't discover regressing/didn't understand their involuntary regression until they were older

Wasn't in a safe space mentally and/or physically to be able to regress the way we want to

Didnt "grow out" of regressing. I think a lot of people outside the community assume we will all grow out of wanting to regress at some point. Maybe some of us will, but some of us won't. Regressing can be a safe and healthy coping mechanism, no matter your bodily age!

And probably many other reasons I can't think of at the moment lol

I would love to get to talk to older regressors, or if there are any groups/discords, I would like to know those too :3

I'm gonna talk about my story a little under the cut, but I don't exactly recommend reading it if you are little right now! I am going to be talking about s3xualization of agere and children's media unfortunately.

I started age dreamer/involuntarily regressing when I was in high school without really knowing what it was. I was really into MLP FiM during its height popularity. I watched the show, collected and played with the toys, did coloring books, took my MLP blanket to school ever day. You get the idea.

I discovered regression here in Tumblr, but this was yeeeeaaars ago, like back when nsfw was still allowed. The line between ddlg and agere wasn't as solid as it is now. Or maybe it was just because I was a kid and couldn't understand better? Either way ... i ended up getting wrong ideas of what agere had to be and ended up scaring myself off. I also had adult roleplayers leaving really inappropriate comments on my posts that made me feel icky. I thought agere had to be s3xual and scared myself off.

We also unfortunately probably know the uhhh .. types of fan art that was popular of MLP. And it just ended up making me lose interest in the series. The stuff was everywhere and it was hard to avoid even if you were vigilant.

I never got a real chance to understand what healthy, voluntary regression was. I still was an age dreamer, but most times when I involuntarily regress it is out of extreme stress and it isn't fun or pretty.

I had a lot of bad things that happened to me last year and in turn I am having more health issues. Chronic conditions I already had getting worse, and new ones popping up. My mom (the one who birthed me) has been helping me a bit, but it has still been a lot of playing adult. Making phone calls back and forth, filling out paperwork, figuring out disability leave, paying bills, etc etc. I started age dreaming more and more often to cope with the stress. Like I randomly one day bought a DVD player and sets of Winnie the Pooh and Scooby Doo DVDs lmfao.

I also never stopped collecting stuffed animals and came back to collecting dolls again last year. It helps that I have friends IRL who I don't think are regressors, but still enjoy collecting with me. (my friends don't know yet, but I think they would be accepting if I told them, or they might already assume I regress tbh)

I have kinda had age regression on the back of my mind for several months, but was scared to look back into it. I was scared of going through the same thing I did back in high school. But also denying I am a regressor and that I still need to heal my childhood wounds was getting heavier and heavier on me. I am sooooo thankful I finally felt safe to begin exploring regression again ♥️😁

Side note: while I absolutely don't care if people do ddlg and similar stuff as a kink/fetish, I am thankful that the distinction between that and agere is more distinct now. It is important we protect minors and other vulnerable people from having the same sorts of things that happened to me (or worse) from happening to them.

#age regression #age regressor #agere #sfw agere #sfw little community #sfw littlespace #sfw regression #agere blog #agere community #age dreamer #age dreaming #autistic agere

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gatorbites-imagines · 4 days ago

Note

Since you’re still doing thruples and polycules

Can you do more Dick x Reader x Wally please?

And if its not too much trouble can you make the reader a Thanagarian too? i.e:Hawgirl and Hawkman

Thanagarians are so cool and dont get enough attention

-thanks and lots of love as always

Dick Grayson x Wally West x Thanagarian male reader

Headcanons

Hi guys, how’s everyone doing? I haven’t been this tired in a while, and I feel myself spiraling almost daily when I get home from my internship, but I’m trying to cope. How’s everyone else’s week been? This also means I’m so tired I’ve been struggling to do anything but sleep when I get home, but I wanted to try writing again.

Sorry if this is a bit messy, im very tired.

In this story we are going with the hawkpeople we know, coming from space. Since that’s the origin I know, and I don’t know a whole lot about the whole ancient Egypt storyline.

There could be many different ways you came to earth and when, but lets assume its some time after Dick becomes Nightwing and Wally The Flash, since Thanagarians live for longer than humans.

Maybe you work alongside the titans, or with the justice league like Carter and Shayera, maybe you even work by yourself.

Perhaps you’re somewhat of a revel amongst your people, which is why you left. You figured out how to make wings and armor like others, and wanting to be yourself and make your own decisions, you left.

This would lead to you working alongside different heroes, but in this scenario, mostly Dick and Wally.

Dick and Wally would both already be dating when you show up, but they can’t deny you are pretty damn handsome, even if it takes months for them to see you without your helmet. It’s similar enough to Hawkman and Hawkwoman that your origin is obvious, but you stand out in your own ways.

I also see Wally sighing sadly when they learn the wings aren’t natural, and that they’re mechanical, since he wanted to help you preen your feathers for bonding reasons.

It takes a while for you to learn to trust them, and for them to trust you in return. But it happens, and with that comes feelings. I have a feeling Dick would start feeling attracted to you first, or rather hes the first to realize since hes so used to looking into himself and his feelings.

It would take Wally a while, and even longer to accept that what hes feeling for you is the same thing he feels for Dick.

Dick knows that his heart is big enough to love multiple people, hes just never acted on it. Wally on the other hand fears somehow hurting Dick, and that he will become a cheater or monster for these feelings.

As Dick and Wally spend way too long accepting their feelings and talking about them, you just kinda hang out. Maybe you’ve set up your own base in your own city, with your own gaggle of villains and allies.

You would have started feeling drawn to the two heroes as well, but its so clear that they’re dating that you take a step back, not wanting to step on anyone’s toes.

Being a hero of your own city with your own villains and allies, also means you will start having your own romance. Maybe its not an exact romance, but it could develop into one. Think like Bruce and Selina, or Clark and Lois.

Hearing you mention this budding romance during on of your hangouts makes Dick and Wally finally jump into gear, since they know the chance of wooing you and confessing is dwindling.

Cue the two putting their heads together as well as they can to somehow woo their winged wonder without scaring you away.

Insert Dick using the batcomputer and bat-archive to look up everything the bats know about thanagarians, wanting to see if theres anything specific in your culture they can do to woo you. If it gets really bad, Wally might even just end up asking hawkwoman and hawkman about it, getting the info right from the source.

Shayera and Carter think it’s cute, so they help where they can, acting as the perfect wingmen, pun intended.

You tolerate them most of the time, since you guys are the closest to family you have, you do get suspicious when they start helping around your city so you can spend more time with Wally and/or Dick.

In the end they woo you the earth way, since you express regularly how much you love earth and its people, and how creative they are. Being given flowers was strange to you. You hadn’t expected it, since you were a big tough warrior and all, but the flowers left you flustered.

After that success, the two kept going when they had time outside of patrol and their daily civilian lives, even if that involved just texting you every day. Wally had a much easier time visiting you almost daily with his speed, where Dick had to take not being able to see you always.

At some point the two finally muster up the courage to confess, probably after some dramatic situation or patrol, the good ol “we cant lose you because we love you” scenario.

First you think you have misheard them, until they both take the step and kiss you, one at a time. Your eyes just widen almost comically, your helmet askew and wings quivering.

Part of you wanted to fly away to curl up under your blankets to give yourself time to blush and sputter about this, as well as give time to think about your own feelings, but the two are just so bright and intense that you cant help but buckle.

The small romance you had budding with someone else in your city never mattered much, it was just a situation that developed into more, so you don’t feel guilt about starting to date them.

It was strange to date two guys at once. Part of you feared that you would be set aside or forgotten since Dick and Wally had dated for much longer, and had a much longer history before you even showed up.

Your boyfriends of course never allowed you to think that, both of them being very affectionate in their own ways, which was different compared to you, who could be colder and have a harder time expressing your feelings.

In the end, Wally doesn’t get to preen your wings like he had hoped, but he gets to polish them. He catches you doing that yourself one day, and he immediately jumps in, asking if he can do it instead.

Its also a bonus that you are shirtless when he has to do this, allowing your speedster time to gawk at your back for however long he wanted.

Dick does it too sometimes, but mostly leaves it to Wally since you guys know it brings him a lot of joy and satisfaction. Instead, Dick will polish your helmet and weapon if he’s feeling frisky. Its kinda like foreplay sometimes. And sometimes it’s just because he’s being nice.

And of course you take them out flying on the regular. Like yeah, they could fly in so many ways, but being carried in your arms is the best.

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scribe-of-hael · 8 months ago

Text

I think with the new Skybound comics and ES2 I am just tired of Starscream just being evil.

"Well he's always been evil!"

Debatable , but even if he was you have NEW universes where different shit happens, different events and butterfly effects. Do, somthing, eles. It is repetitive, it is tiring, you CAN do somthing different. Marvel does it , DC does does it. This is a series built of the concepts of multiverse.

Tfa is arguably one of the more different world considering the Autobots "won" , the Decpeticon forces are scattered and functionalism is VERY present. It was wildly popular! Optimus and Megatron didn't even KNOW each other, hell Megatron never even bothered to remember his name !

Armada acutally tried to give Starscream some sort of conflict, even CARING about the children even if a little.

Skybound is a just a psychopath and its just honestly for shock value and a way to make the squeaky seeker more "menacing" and honestly I roll my eyes. I'm tired of gore p*rn tbh.

Anything to do with a character that be worth wild, to go beyond the constant characterization after so many years is just tossed aside. I'd even argue they tried to tackle it in IDW. But nothing in video media.

It is the most devastating thing to present a character, a FAN favorite and hint at change but then whom ever is calling the shots just doesn't follow through.

Starscream can still stumble and fall , he can still struggle to be a good person. And I honestly WANTED to see that for him in es2. He can fall back into his habits, his unhelpful coping mechanisms. It's apart of untangling the trauma one has to go through to grow as a person and that's NOT a bad thing!

That is a very REAL thing people have to go through. Learning to be better is not an over night thing and I honestly wish we did see him stumble, regret it and try to do the right thing.

Instead they just in a kinda fucked up way JUSTIFIED what Megatron did to him. "He was crazy somtimes so I had to beat him up" like that shit wasn't funny then, and it's not now.

#I'm just so frustrated #starscream #transformers #maccadam #transformers earthspark #earthspark spoilers #season 2 spoilers

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changbinsboobs · 3 months ago

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Can you do skz as husbands next ??

Skz as Husbands series : Chan

Ohhhh boy...ya'll are not going to like this. Idk if i myself am shocked or not surprised...but literary ALL of the cards are BAD, and i kept on drawing and drawing more hoping at least one good will come out but...🥲 sadly all of them are pretty weird.

That being said i am reading current energy not current energy, and im not getting AT ALL vibes from chan for wanting to get settled down anytime soon. All of his focus is on his career and goals and ambitions etc and theres just no place left for a family.

So i guess it makes sense that all of the cards are really negative as it's just not his time now. I do feel potential in him tho (after some therapy and probably retirement).

Im just gonna go ahead and start with the 9oS which tells me that being a husband and the head of the family will put IMMENSE pressure on him with which he cannot deal with. I think he makes it much bigger in his mind and lets doubts, paranoia, stress etc get the best of him and im seeing him actually having pretty hesitant thoughts on marriage for that time being just for that same reason. I think he's a guy that sees this as a very serious job (can imagine him picking that up from his dad) and its nothing to be taken lightly and as i said it gets very twisted and exaggerated in his head and takes the best of him. If he were to get married right now, he would change very quickly from what his s/o has seen from him and take a huge turn for the worse and put forward his shadow side. Im seeing lots of toxic coping mechanisms too which very conveniently leads me to the next card.

The 3oC usually a nice card but not in this case, especially because of the heavy display of alcohol - im seeing him wanting to escape the crushing weight of his responsibilities and looking for that escape in the face of alcohol & shady friends that may be just too immature and bachelory-mindseted and have a bad influence on him. I can see him missing for nights on end, which also relates to the 5oP as well and him giving...no having to be forced to give the bare minimum, and him even struggling to do that, and twisting it all to look like the victim. But more on that card at the end. So as i was saying im seeing him being very absent a lot of the time, not only because of work but because he's out and about with his friends. Im not really getting cheating from the cards - but im getting heavy vibes of a similar setting where temptation is just around the corner and him just living as if he had no family back at home waiting for him. This - once again very conveniently ties to the next card😂

Which is the 5oW. Im seeing lots of fight, probably initially starting because of his prolonged missing and eventually moving on to different things. Im seeing fights escalating very quickly, starting very quickly, being very exhausting and very damaging. To the relationship, to both their mental health and to some random objects nearby👀

With The Fool im seeing him being way too immature for something like this at this current point and it shows pretty well on the card - he's just not in the right state of mind for this chapter of his life and if it were to happen it will bring out his unreadiness and immaturity forth even more - to show where he has to work on to be ready for that next stage.

And back to the 5oP again, aside from him having to be forced to give the bare minimum and him even failing at that - he very skillfuly turns it out to look as if he's the attacked one, as if he's the bullied one, as if his wife's the one who's starving him and making him out to be the bad guy and he just feels really bullied by the whole situation and behaves that way and expresses himself that way so i would say - a huge victim complex.

Overall i would say this reading was more of a "chans toxic defence and cooing mechanisms if he were put into the corner" reading, which is kinda sad cuz that doesn't really give much insight as to what he would be like as a husband cuz what we just saw wasn't really chan but his "alter ego" that protects him in a way. Yk we all have that one side of us that takes over as if on autopilot when we feel threatened in any way. I think that would be the same for chan, and if he were to feel comfortable with the idea of marriage and feel ready for that, the reading would be way way different. But i find future readings to not be much of my thing cuz thats way to unreliable cuz energy can change in so many ways, theres so many different outcomes... but we'll see how the other readings turn out and if all the guys have weird current energies that don't really answer what they'll be like as proper husband i may try a future reading.

#skz #stray kids #tarot reading #kpop #bang chan #skz tarot #kpop tarot #stray kids tarot #bang chan tarot #headcanons #reaction #future spouse

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boyswillbebuggsorsomething · 12 days ago

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If I Saw Him, I’d Still Kiss Him - Pt. 2

Spencer Reid x M!Reader

Summary: After you and Spencer reunited, you started becoming close again, however a bad night out led to you getting closer much faster than you thought.

Warnings: Vaguely inspired by If I Saw Him, I’d Still Kiss Him by McCafferty but specifically the last verse, cursing, drinking/alcohol consumption, R needs healthier coping mechanisms, R is drunk, drunk person written by someone who does not drink and only has experience with angry drunks and people who turn into a bad folk band while drunk, allusions to casual sex/hooking up, mentions of fighting/violence and subsequent injuries, no physical descriptions for R other than having hair and having had previously broken his nose, R & Spencer’s past is somewhat inspired by Trees & Trees II by McCafferty (but that isn’t really expanded upon in this, it will be later though), probably ooc, so many commas, NOT PROOFREAD OR EDITED

A/N: Y’all, R is kind of just bordering on being a functioning alcoholic at this point, he really needs better coping mechanisms, however it will be explained why he is the way he is soon, and he will get better. Also, I’m sorry if this was inconsistent, it was written over the span of multiple days with very little re-reading as I have been busy with art stuff and finals. Thank you so much for all the support you gave me on the first part, I’m glad y’all liked it! The ending kinda sucks but most of it I like, I'm sorry it took so long to release. Thank you all so much for reading!

Word Count: 6093

.......

Mornings with Spencer had become by far your favourite thing in recent weeks.

Ever since you two had reunited, you had started seeing each other more and more. It started as just coffee once to catch up, simple really. You told him about all the places you’ve lived in since he left Nevada, pointedly excluding the exact reason behind why you moved around so much. You’d tell him soon. You told him about what brought you to Virginia, a job offer writing as a proper journalist, the best paying job you’d had in a long time. He told you about the years leading up to his position at the BAU, the years spent at school, the academy, all that good stuff. He also told you about his team, the ones you saw only briefly that night at the bar, his second family. You learned quite a lot about them, and despite having never met them, you had already started picking favourites, but you wouldn’t admit that to him.

One coffee became two. Two became three became five, until every day that he wasn’t on a case you got coffee at the little shop that was the perfect distance between his apartment and his office, even though it was a little out of the way for you. He always got his coffee with too much sugar, sweeter than you’d ever seen anyone else take it, and you got tea. You never could get into coffee the way everyone else did, you always thought it tasted burnt.

Sometimes, when Spencer wasn’t paying attention, you’d study his features in greater detail. The way his almond hair would curl just a bit at the ends, showing its natural texture the slightest amount. It would forever confuse you why he chose to straighten his hair when you knew exactly how lovely it would look natural. The way his mouth flattened out when he smiled, and his eyes twinkled with the most gorgeous spark you had ever gotten the chance to see. The way he spoke with his hands, and fidgeted with them endlessly. You had especially grown to love the way his face grew pink when you complimented him. You hadn’t intended to fluster him so much when you told him how pretty was, but he hadn’t experienced your affinity for compliments in a decade, so as a result you got the most beautiful smile and a lovely, bashful “Really? Thank you.” in response. After that, you’d taken to complimenting him more often, just to see that glimmer in his eyes, like a puppy who’d been called a good boy for the first time. He still wrinkled his nose when he smelled cigarettes on you, despite his best efforts to hide it, and it was so pitiful at times that you would let him lecture you on the hazards of smoking. You liked listening to him talk anyways, even if it was a mind numbing monologue about how you were killing yourself. Usually it wasn’t though. Usually it was about a case or a book or a documentary or Dr. Who, which he still hadn’t convinced you to watch yet.

Today was no different. You were sat across from each other at the same table you always sat at, you and Spencer had both sworn off all unnecessary change in this routine. His large hands were wrapped around the mug, steam emanating from it and filling the air with the sweet scent of his coffee. You had an herbal tea clasped in your hands, hoping desperately its calming benefits would help you with the stress of the past week.

“Are you alright?” Spencer asked after you had yawned for the third time during the conversation you were having about Sherlock Holmes, as you had recently picked up a full collection of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s works, much to his elation.

“Yeah, sorry. Work’s just been a lot lately, y’know?” You chuckled slightly, a bit self pityingly, and you mentally kicked yourself for it. Spencer, as much as you had grown to love him all over again, was still a profiler, and had this horrible habit of profiling you without realising, and he had plenty to say about the way you laughed at yourself anytime you felt anything at all.

“I understand, I’m sorry,” his brows furrowed the slightest bit and there was genuine concern behind the statement.

“Nah, you don’t need to feel bad or anything. I knew what I was getting into, and honestly it’s not that bad. I mean, you hunt down serial killers for fuck’s sake, writing an annoying article is nothing. Just exhausting.”

“Exhaustion, especially exhaustion caused by work induced stress actually has a lot of adverse health effects, like migraines, worsening social abilities, and can even affect other aspects of your life, including productivity, so actually your work being stressful and exhausting can be making your work significantly harder which in turn makes it more stressful and exhausting, which really just gets you stuck in a loop of burn out that is incredibly hard to get out of.”

“Thanks, Spencer. You really do know everything, huh?” You smiled, shaking your head in response to his encyclopedic knowledge you know for a fact he was simplifying for you.

“Thank you?” He tilted his head slightly, and you couldn’t help but laugh. He really was like a puppy sometimes. It was sweet though. And you were glad he learned to take your teasing as compliments again. The first few times you had gone to the coffee shop, he had been horribly apologetic about whatever you ended up teasing him for and it made you feel utterly horrendous to have made him feel bad over something so sweet.

You opened your mouth to respond before the shrill ring of his phone began, interrupting your lovely conversation.

“Hotch?” You asked as he picked up the call, earning a sympathetic, tight lipped smile and a nod in response.

And with that, your daily meet up was ended. Spencer gathered his things, apologising profusely for having to leave despite your constant assurances that you didn’t care, his job was more important than coffee.

Sometimes you wished you were a better liar.

…………………

On most cases in recent weeks, you’d call or text Spencer daily, making sure he was okay and providing levity to the grim situations. However, the night he’d gotten back, he hadn’t gotten a single message from you, let alone the usual call where you demanded he told you exactly what happened to him so you could ensure he wasn’t injured or dead. You’d only been in contact now for a couple months, eight weeks or so, he couldn’t expect you to constantly be in contact with him, but routine was important to you both, always had been, and it felt strange that you wouldn’t at least text him when he landed. Something felt wrong and he was getting worried.

Morgan noticed first, as Spencer’s brow furrowed and he drummed his finger against his thigh. He rested his large hand, warm and comforting on Spencer’s shoulder.

“Hey, pretty boy, you okay?” The warm tones of Morgan’s voice jolted him out of his thoughts.

“I am. Just worried about a friend. I think something might’ve happened? I don’t know though. He usually calls or texts when the cases are over, and I haven’t heard from him since yesterday morning.”

“I’m sure your friend is fine. He’s a grown man, he can take care of himself, Reid.”

Spencer nodded, trying to believe Morgan, but something was eating away at the back of his mind.

Could you really?

He’d met you for the first time in a decade when you were trying to get drunk enough you couldn’t think. You seemingly had no other friends in the state other than him, save for coworkers you never put in the effort to see unless you had to. You smoked until you were wheezing daily, and refused to even try to quit. In all the time he’s seen you, he hadn’t seen you drink water once, just tea, alcohol, and the occasional energy drink. You really weren’t the greatest at self preservation. Never had been. He doubted you ever would be.

Just as he was getting stuck in his head, his phone rang, and much to his delight it was your number. His face must have lit up, because Morgan grinned at him.

“See, kid? Probably just got wrapped up with his own job or something. You worry too much.”

Spencer agreed, until he actually picked up the phone, “Hello?”

“Hey, Spence,” you slurred on the other line.

Something was clearly wrong. He was vaguely aware of Morgan’s face dropping, his brow creasing, but his focus was on your call.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’, nothin’, don’t worry. I’m okay. ‘M okay. Sorry for callin’ you like this” you laughed slightly, but it was bitter and hollow.

“You’re not okay, you’re slurring your words, and you sound completely out of it. Have you been drinking?” Spencer’s voice was stern, there was kindness beneath it, but his worry and annoyance was equally clear.

“Jus’ a li’l bit, Spence. Not- I’m okay.”

“Stop,” he interrupted, voice softening, “Please.”

You simply hummed in response.

“Where are you?”

“Bar.”

“Obviously. What bar?”

“Uh, the one I saw you at. Tha’ one.”

“O’Keefe’s?”

“Mhm. Can you pick me up?”

God, you sounded pitiful. He regretted having taken the subway when he had gone to work, before the flight. You’d mentioned offhandedly once that the subway made you sick sometimes, and he really did not want to risk that with your inebriated state.

“I don’t have my car with me,” Spencer murmured somewhat apologetically, even though he had no hand in your poor choices to get this drunk.

“Oh.”

At that horrible, broken tone your voice possessed, he looked to Morgan, holding the phone away from his ear for a moment.

“What is it, kid?”

“Would you be able to pick my friend up from O’Keefe’s? I don’t- I don’t know why he’s there or why he’s so drunk, but I know he can’t stay there. He’s really bad at not getting himself in bad situations. Or even just bring me to find him? It’s alright if you can’t, I understand it’s weird to pick up a drunk guy you've never met-”

“Hey,” Morgan cut him off, smiling reassuringly, “I can definitely do that, where am I bringing him?”

“I don’t know his address, just bring us both to my apartment?”

“Of course,” He smiled before continuing, “Hey, and I get to meet the mystery man that’s somehow gotten Spencer Reid to willingly use technology everyday, who wouldn’t want that?”

Spencer offered him a small, tight lipped smile, quietly telling you he was coming to get you and hanging up before they made their way to the elevator and subsequently to Morgan’s car. The drive was mostly silent, Spencer’s mind running a mile a minute as he tried to figure out why the hell you would do this when you couldn’t even guarantee you’d have a way back home. His hands moved in tandem with his mind. Wringing and tapping. He wished he could somehow drive to you while also being up and moving.

When they pulled up outside of O’Keefe’s, Spencer practically jumped out of the car to go to you. You were crouched in the spot you had stood next to him that first night, your head in your hands and clearly worse for wear. He jogged over to you, crouching down and placing his hands on your shoulders, jolting you enough that you looked up at him. Your eyes were glassy and half lidded as you looked up at him, a drunken haze softening your expression. Most jarringly, however, your lower lip was split and a trail of dried blood was smudged across your upper lip. You smiled up at him, sighing slightly.

“Hey, Spencer, you came.”

“Of course I did, Wha- what happened?”

“Got in a little fight, ‘m okay,” You slurred in response, blinking up at him.

“C’mon,” He muttered, hoisting you up, making you slump against him a bit, “I’m not going to make you explain all this right now, not when you’re this drunk, but we are going to get you home, and cleaned up.”

You hummed in response, stumbling slightly along with him over to Morgan’s car. He helped you in, resulting in a copious amount of thanks from your end, which made Spencer flush slightly in embarrassment. He then slid into the seat beside you in the back, rather than in the passenger seat where he had sat on the way over, watching you through the corner of his eye.

“What the hell happened to him, kid?” Morgan looked bewildered, concern etched into every groove of his face.

“I don’t.. Know. He said it was a fight, I don’t want to interrogate him while he’s drunk,” Spencer groaned, scrubbing his hand over his face, watching your slumped form in the other seat.

“Well, he seems great already,” The somewhat concerned sarcasm was practically dripping from Morgan's words as he adjusted his hands on the wheel and began to drive off.

“He’s usually not like this, I think- I don’t know why he is tonight,” Spencer’s eyes were trained on you, a slender hand resting on your knee comfortingly.

“Y’know, I can hear you,” You murmured in a sing-song voice, glancing up at Spencer and laughing that same hollow laugh.

“Sorry-”

“What’s your friend's name? You didn’ tell me. I wanna thank him.”

“His name is Derek Morgan, he’s one of the members of my team. I told you about him before,” Spencer explained calmly.

“Derek’s a stupid fuckin’ name,” You muttered quietly, earning a bemused scoff from Morgan, continuing in a louder voice, “Thank you for driving me home, Morgan. I ain’t calling you Derek.”

“No problem,” He laughed, nodding when you introduced yourself, slurring your words as you did so.

The conversation lulled, and your eyes drooped closed, your head resting against the window. Despite your drunken state, you found your thoughts surprisingly clear, muddled, but clear enough to make sense of. Decidedly, this was the worse outcome than not being able to make sense of anything at all. You didn’t like this in between state. The one where your thoughts were jumbled and loud and screaming for attention and not one could do anything to make you feel better. You wanted to cry and laugh and scream and break something all at once, but you wouldn’t. You had enough of your wits about you to not trash a stranger's car, or fight with your only actual friend, or pull any of that shit no matter how appealing it seemed in the moment. You were different now, better.

Eventually Morgan pulled up in front of Spencer’s apartment, earning a slew of thanks from both Spencer and yourself as he helped you out of the car. You leaned heavily against Spencer as he guided you into his building, the lanky man keeping you as steady as he could while you were seemingly dead set on just falling face first on the ground.

“C’mon,” he murmured calmly, “we’re almost there. You cannot just lay in the middle of a hallway.”

“You are not the man I thought I’d be spending my night with,” you hummed, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips, “Not mad though.”

“What?”

His confusion earned a small laugh from you as he continued to drag you through the halls of the building until stopping in front of his door. You stepped away briefly, leaning against the wall so he could unlock the door.

“Thank you, Spencer,” you hummed in a sing-song voice as he guided you into his apartment.

“Of course,” he sighed, “I’m gonna get you some water and then a first aid kit, okay?”

“You don’t need to, ‘m okay,” you grumbled, kicking off your shoes.

“You’re injured, for one, and it’s actually very important to drink water after getting this drunk, it helps prevent any dehydration and helps your body rid itself of toxins. Both of which are beneficial to your health and can lessen your hangover symptoms tomorrow,” Spencer explained as he sat you down on his couch and stepped into his kitchen.

“You’re too nice to me. I’m just fine,” you sighed deeply, slumping against his couch.

“Getting drunk and fighting someone while drunk with no way home is very different from being fine,” he stated sternly, a touch of confusion colouring his tone at your insistence, as he filled a glass with water and brought it over to you.

“I did have a way home at first,” you took the water, not wanting to fight him on this when his eyes were so wide with worry.

“What do you mean ‘at first’?”

“He was drinking just as much as me, I wasn’t gonna get in a car with a drunk driver. I might not be a genius, but I ain’t that stupid,” you explained, drinking down the water steadily, “You’ve got good water,” you added absentmindedly.

“Thank you?” He couldn't quite tell what the appropriate reaction to the complement(?) was, so he just went back to the kitchen to grab his first aid kit out from under the sink, bringing it back over “But who were you going to go home with, I thought you didn’t know anyone here? Not well, at least,” Spencer sat beside you, tilting his head in that puppy-like way.

“Mm-mm. Didn’t know him.”

He took a second to understand, momentarily confused at why anyone would be going around with someone they barely know, the amount of cases that started that way-

Then it clicked.

“Oh.”

You nodded, sipping at the water more gingerly now.

“I’m very glad you called me then. A random guy is definitely not worth a major car accident- Actually, I doubt any guy is worth getting in a car with a drunk driver with the mortality rates and amount of crashes caused by them,” Spencer smiled reassuringly, setting his hand on your knee comfortingly before he opened up the first aid kit to clean up your split lip and wipe away all the dried blood.

He took out one of those alcohol swabs and asked you gently to turn your head towards him so he could access your face better. Spencer took his time as he cleaned away the blood and grime from your face, holding your jaw softly in a way that made your breath hitch ever so slightly. His touch had this wonderful, calming quality that was so distinctly Spencer that you could recognise it in any situation at any time in any place. As he finished, he offered you a sweet little smile you felt obligated to return, regardless of your state.

“Thanks for getting me,” You murmured softly as he packed up the kit and set it aside.

“You’ve already thanked me enough times, you’re my friend, I wasn’t going to let you stay in a dangerous situation like that for any reason at all.”

“Too nice to me,” you decided, setting the glass down and shifting to lean against him, “You’re warm.”

“Thank you? You confuse me sometimes.”

“Good.”

He smiled warmly and hesitantly moved his hand to rest on your shoulder, holding you gently to his side. You reacted well, curling up against him, resting against him how you did years ago on days where you just couldn’t bring yourself to sleep the night before. It was a comfort you hadn’t realised you missed so much in your time apart. You sat there for a bit, your eyelids heavy as he gently rubbed your arm. Your brain had quieted down in Spencer’s hold, his own mind running a mile a minute as he tried to come up with a reason for you to be this drunk on a random day of the week, other than your complete lack of care for yourself and your safety. His apartment had an environment that felt foreign to you, a warm blanket enveloping your whole being and permeating your soul. The walls were lined with books, additional texts stacked on every surface imaginable and strewn around regardless of where they were, as though he had placed them down without thinking as soon as they were finished and moved on to another book. Even the air itself had an electricity that made everything seem warmer, not really temperature wise, but warm like the feeling in your chest when you were with someone you loved, that kind of fuzzy warmth. You liked his apartment, it felt like a proper home.

“You should get some sleep,” Spencer murmured softly, shifting a bit to let you lay down.

You frowned slightly, hesitating before mumbling, “You should stay out here with me. I don’t like sleeping by myself. And I’m really comfortable on you.”

Spencer paused only briefly before relaxing again, “Okay, but you need to let me get up so I can change out of my work clothes.” And to move you to not the couch.

You groaned dramatically before sitting back up and letting him go to his room to change. When he exited the room, rather than sitting down with you again, he grabbed your hand and brought you with him to his room, letting you sit down on his bed.

“As much as you seemed to like the couch, I think my bed is probably a lot more comfortable and you won’t have to deal with any discomfort from sleeping on a couch when you wake up tomorrow,” he explained, his lips pulling into that kind, tight lipped smile that he tended to get when he was in some way nervous about what he’s said or done.

You hummed, flopping over onto his bed and yawning slightly, “Thank you.”

As he slipped into the bed beside you, you relaxed against him once more. If it was anyone else, you would have felt a strange sleeping in their bed entirely platonically, but with Spencer you simply felt like you did as a child, back when you’d fall asleep against his shoulder during class or recess. Had you been any less inebriated, or even put more than two seconds of thought into it, you also would have realised that Spencer, the most germ averse person you’d ever met, was letting you sleep in his bed in the clothes you had been sitting on the street in after drinking your mind away, and letting you touch him while doing it. But in the moment, you were only focused on the comfort of his slender hands holding you, the soft sheets he had draped over you both, and the enveloping darkness surrounding you once the light was clicked off.

…

Spencer held you as you slept for a long time, reminded vividly of your shared past as he did so. It was all so painfully familiar he almost didn’t care about the stench of alcohol and cigarettes that clung to your hair and clothes.

Almost.

But he could hardly care, not when you looked so peaceful with him, not when you had asked him so sweetly to stay with you. So instead he simply observed you as though if he didn’t memorise each detail of your sleeping face it would be gone from his mind as soon as he looked away. Logically he knew that couldn’t happen, not with an eidetic memory like his, but he still wanted to keep all the ways your face had changed and all the little ways it stayed the same ingrained in his brain. He gently traced the slope of your nose, which, while similar, was a bit out of place as though it had once been broken. His pale fingers moved over your cheekbones which sat the same, if not more defined with age. Spencer continued to deftly trace each and every feature, lingering where he noticed small differences he wanted to commit to memory, like the lines beneath your eyes that had been exacerbated by years of poor sleep, or the small valley between your brows where your eyebrows spent so much time furrowed together.

For once though, in the time you’ve been together, you looked peaceful. Truly peaceful. Your features softened with sleep and the comfort you had so clearly been denied. In all your efforts to lie and seem put together, you could never fool him. Not even because he was a profiler, though that did play a part, he just remembered your tells from your youth, all the little behaviours he knew like he knew his own mind. It was clear the years had not been kind to you, even if your self destructive habits hadn’t already tipped that off to him. There was a level of hurt behind your eyes that couldn’t be kept back with the walls you so carefully built up, and Spencer knew you’d need to confront it before you broke. He just needed to know how.

However, that was for another night. Now, all he was to do was hold you close and keep you safe.

…………………

Unsurprisingly, you woke up feeling like absolute shit. Your head felt like it was being split in two, and the obnoxious city sounds and the incredibly strong scent of coffee did very little to help with that. As you reluctantly opened your eyes to the morning light, you noticed the glass of water and aspirin set aside for you on the cluttered bedside table. It took a moment, but as you glanced around the cozy, organized chaos of the room, you became vaguely aware that Spencer had taken you home from the bar. Sitting up with a groan of discontent, you took the aspirin and water and swallowed it down quickly before standing up from the bed. You ignored the swirling way your head spun as you made your way out of the bedroom with the grace of a drugged rhino. Which then alerted Spencer to the fact you were no longer passed out in his bed.

“Oh!” He exclaimed with far too much energy so early, as he noticed you emerging from the room, “You’re up.”

“Mhm,” you grumbled, voice hoarse with sleep and lingering discomfort, “Thanks for the aspirin. And the water. And the bed. Y’know what? Just- Thank you, Spencer.”

“You’re welcome, of course, I definitely didn’t want you just dealing with a hangover the way you seem to deal with most things. Y’know, without any help or much of any support at all really,” He explained, the pace of his words a bit too quick as he gestured vaguely with his hands.

You scoffed a bit before scrubbing your hand over your face and offering him a small smile, which he returned, albeit a bit awkwardly.

“I can get going now, if you want. I don’t really know what time it is, but you probably have work and I feel like kind of a dick invading like this and making you do all this shit for me. Besides, it’s probably smart for me to get back home, I need to water my plants and probably work on- I dunno, something, I probably have work to do that I can’t think of right now,” You huffed a small, self deprecating laugh.

“Well, if you want to go home, you can definitely leave, I won’t stop you, but I was actually wanting to talk to you about what happened last night, if you would be willing to?” He stammered, that endearing nervousness radiating off him in waves.

For a moment, you debated just up and leaving. You most definitely weren’t looking to delve into why you were getting drunk off your ass on a random night. Or getting into fights. Or going home with random guys just to not be alone. None of that seemed appealing, not while in full tip-top health, and definitely not while hungover. However, Spencer looked so hopeful and so genuinely worried that it tugged at your heartstrings just enough to keep you there. Besides, maybe it would be nice to be vulnerable with someone, and if it had to be anyone, Spencer was the person for that. He was the only person you really had right now. And you really weren’t looking to push him away again.

So you nodded instead, earning a hopeful smile from Spencer.

“I made you some tea,” He offered you a mug, “It’s the closest to what you get at the coffee shop, but I didn’t have the exact same kind of tea.”

“Thank you,” You told him genuinely as you took the mug, the comforting warmth enveloping your hands.

Grabbing his own coffee, Spencer brought you to his couch, setting out coasters for when and if you sat your mug down. Settling into the spot you sat mere hours before, you stared across at his kind brown eyes as he studied you intently. He had on a front of calm, however it was very clearly a front, as his fingers tapped at his mug incessantly.

“Why were you at O’Keefe’s last night?: He asked, trying desperately to not sound like he was interrogating you.

“Getting drunk, I think we went over that last night?”

“Well, yes, obviously,” He chuckled nervously, “But I meant why? I mean, when we first saw each other again you were also getting drunk but that was due to stress from your job, which you told me twice after the fact. So why were you drinking last night?”

“I was, uh, trying to forget some shit.” You sipped your tea gingerly, allowing the hot liquid to calm your nerves and soothe the ache in your head.

“But what? You don’t really seem like the type to drink daily, not that you can always tell, but you don’t show the signs of someone who gets blackout drunk constantly,” Spencer explained.

“I don’t. I just-” You sigh, hesitant to explain, “When I do drink, which is like, once every month or maybe every three or four weeks, I get really drunk. I save it to cash it all out on one night, y’know?”

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Look,” You started after a deep gulp of tea, trying to lay things out as concisely and vaguely as possible, “Yesterday was the anniversary of when I officially left Vegas, and Nevada as a whole, and I haven’t been back since. It doesn’t bring back great memories that I do not want to get into, so I wanted to drink and have a good night with someone and not fall asleep alone and cold because I just really fucking hate that. So I drank, and I was gonna go home with a guy until he started drinking a lot and I was like, hell no, and didn’t.”

Spencer nodded kindly, the most understanding look in his eyes despite the furrow in his brow.

“Why did you get into a fight?”

“Fuck, is this an interrogation?” You muttered without thinking, sipping the tea in an attempt to chase away the hangover migraine that the constant questions were only aggravating.

“What? No, no, of course not, I just want to understand, I don’t want you getting yourself into dangerous situations that you don’t need to be in. And a lot of cases can start a lot like someone young and alone who is inebriated who gets approached by someone charismatic and appealing, and I would very much prefer if you stayed safe and did not end up as a photo in an investigation,” Spencer explained in one breath, setting down his coffee as to not jostle it as his hands moved, “You don’t need to keep telling me, I’m sorry if I was prying too much, it was just extremely worrying for you to call me like that and then to see you drunk and bloody without explanation.”

You sighed, nodding in understanding. Spencer would never intentionally try to piss you off or hurt you in any way, he just worried and wasn’t great at expressing his emotions. He always had been like this.

“No, no, I’m sorry. Shouldn’t’ve snapped. You’ve been way too nice already, I’m sorry,” Your voice was little more than a grumble, but you were genuine as you possibly could be, “I barely remember what started the fight, it started verbally, y’know? And when I wanna be mean I can be a fucking dickhead, so I was yelling at some guy for probably no good reason, I dunno, so he punched me. I hit back, and y’know, fight ensues,” you shrugged, sipping your tea, your fingers itching to grab a cigarette, but no matter how nice it could be, you would never smoke around Spencer when you knew how much he hated it.

“Nothing hurts, right? Or, well, more than it should? I know a split lip can’t be pleasant while talking, but other than that, you’re not in pain?” He asked tentatively, setting his hand between you with seemingly little thought.

You set your hand atop his gently, managing a tight lipped smile as a full one would most definitely make the split lip sting terribly, “I’m okay Spencer, thank you for helping. Just hungover as hell and suffering the consequences of my actions,” You chuckled self deprecatingly, setting down your mostly empty mug.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. The water and aspirin helped a lot, so did the tea. I think my best choice is probably to just sleep it off as best I can in a dark room with no other input, y’know?”

Spencer practically beamed at your thanks, and your assurance you were feeling alright, “I understand,” He nodded, “As long as you stay properly hydrated, oh and eat, that’s probably smart,” He added, “It will help a lot.”

“Yeah, this definitely ain’t my first rodeo. You’re sweet, though.”

“I took the day off so you can stay as long as you like. You don’t need to, but getting punched in the face and repeatedly hit cannot have positive effects while paired with a hangover, and I think it might benefit you to not get onto a crowded subway or walk around in a busy street when all of that stimuli will just seem so much worse.”

“I don’t wanna overstep or stay too long. I’m not great at telling when I’m not wanted around,” You explained tensely.

“Then it’s great that I’m too blunt for my own good. If you get to be too much for whatever reason, I’ll let you know,” He smiled, and damn him because that smile was just bordering on teasing to the point that you caught it and understood his schemes to be able to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed or hurt or whatever the hell if you left.

And so you stayed.

…

The day was peaceful and soft and caring and all the good things you wouldn’t accept on most occasions. Spencer let you stay in his room with the curtains pulled and the lights turned out as he kept the rest of the house silent, save for the occasional sounds of pages flipping or footsteps as he went about his day reading and checking in on you. As suspected, you slept most of the day away, only waking when Spencer brought you water, which he was correct that you didn’t drink enough of, and it helped greatly. It was domestic bliss with a man you had known in what felt like an entirely separate life, and yet it felt natural as breathing in practice.

When night fell, he inevitably returned you home, leaving you with a tight but hesitant hug and a promise that you would see each other again soon. As soon as you set foot in your dreary apartment, life only represented by the succulents and plants you forced yourself to care for, you regretted leaving the cozy domesticity of Spencer’s apartment. Where yours was cold, decorated only with necessities and plants, his books and posters and weird art made his home truly feel like a home, rather than a living space.

As you laid in bed, finally having showered and changed into fresh clothes, you found yourself staring at the polaroids hung beside your bed, tracing the details of your younger self’s face with your eyes, and craving desperately the comforting touch of the boy who accompanied you in those photos, who had cared for you for the past few days.

#criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x m!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x male reader #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fic #spencer reid x you #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction

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cutielights · 1 year ago

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ITS HERE!!!

I think exactly one person voted ‘No’ on The Poll :p <3

100+ followers rottmnt fluff alphabet!

Leo

Activities- what do they like to do with their s/o?

He loves going swimming with you, beach, pool, waterparks? They’re all game in his eyes

Beauty- what physical attributes do they like the most about their s/o?

He loves your hands, cuddling and absentmindedly playing with your fingers

Comfort- how would they comfort their s/o through a bad day or a panic attack?

“Hey, hey I’m here, breathe, it’s me, Leo, remember?” He’s practiced in these things. Guides you through the 5 4 3 2 1 method

Dreams- how do they picture their future with their s/o?

When it crosses his mind, he pictures it with kids, training them to be ninjas. But that’s in the future, he’s in the now

Equal- are they the dominant one in the relationship or are they passive?

You guys take turns, kind of looks like a competition to the outside eye

Fight- how easy is it for them to forgive? How do they fight?

The thing he does most is sulk for a few days, silent treatment. Depending on who he thinks was truly in the wrong, he’ll confront you or apologise himself.

Gratitude- how grateful are they? Are they aware of how much their s/o does?

He is so insecure about not being enough for you. He is so grateful you put up with him, please comfort him, he needs to know you actually love him and don’t hate him, super aware of everything you do

Honesty- do they keep secrets from their s/o, or do they share everything?

The secrets he keeps are more of, ptsd related things. Doesn’t want you to worry about his nightmares. Can be coaxed into telling the truth, usually with cuddles after said nightmares

Inspiration- has their s/o inspired them?

Inspired? He’s definitely more open with his feelings now, healthier coping mechanisms

Jealousy- how jealous are they?

Possessive Jealousy? No. Insecure Jealousy. Plays it cool on the outside, but nervousness runs rampant in this boy’s skull, what if you think that guy is better than him? What about that yokai? They’re conveniently attractive and oh god they’re making jokes and you’re laughing?! Oh no oh no oh no

Kiss- are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

It was awkward to say the least. You both knew you wanted to kiss, but didn’t know how to express it. Kinda went like; “So-“ “Are we gonna-“ “y’know…”. after some failed attempts, you finally kissed

Love confession- how did they confess?

He confessed in the middle of a Jupiter Jim marathon. It was accidental as he thought you were asleep, after panicking and saying he didn’t mean it, you returned his feelings

Marriage- what are their thoughts on marriage?

Scares him half to death. Not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just- he feels he’s not worthy of marriage

Nicknames- what do they call their s/o?

Baby, Honey, Love of my life

On cloud nine- what are they like when on cloud nine? Is it obvious?

Zones out just staring at you with simultaneously the most dorky, smug, and lovestruck smile on his face

PDA- their thoughts on PDA, do they practice it?

110% he gives you kisses in public, he is holding your hand, either piggybacking you or the other way around, it’s game

Quirk- a random ability they have that is beneficial towards the relationship

His ability to clock you feeling down the moment it happens is wonderful if not otherworldly

Romance- how romantic are they, is it cliche or creative?

He can be cliche, nights at Hueso’s, but also mixes it up a bit with nighttime strolls or Hidden City shenanigans

Support- are they helping their s/o achieve their goals, do they believe in them?

Of course he’s helping! Maybe a tad too enthusiastic at times, but he wants the best for you

Thrill- do they feel the need for new things? Or prefer a relationship with routine?

He is doing new things all the time with you, but only new things you want to to ofc, may give you a nudge outside the comfort zone every now and again, just to help things along

Understanding- are they empathetic?

He might not seem it at first glance, but he is empathetic. Helps you through nightmares, injuries and anything that may ail you

Value- how important is the relationship to them?

Holds it above his own mental sanity

Wildcard- random fluff hc!

He is an arms guy, jumping into your arms or picking you up and spinning you around in his

Xoxo- are they affectionate, do they like to kiss and cuddle?

He is kissing your cheek to get attention, on the hand when being overly dramatic or romantic, on the forehead when cuddling, so very affectionate

Yearning- how do they cope when they miss their partner?

Quite sulky, whiny about it the whole time, saying things would be so much better if you were simply in each other’s presence. As for coping? He cuddles a pillow at night until you return

Zeal- are they willing to go great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

He is ready to do anything. Stay in the prison dimension? If it means you’re safe. Steal a cake? If it makes you happy

Raph

Activities- what do they like to do with their s/o?

He loves working out with you. Buuut if that’s not your speed, he won’t complain about getting pizza

Beauty- what physical attributes do they like the most about their s/o?

He can’t pick a favourite! Perhaps your height is his favourite, he likes using you as a teddy

Comfort- how would they comfort their s/o through a bad day or a panic attack?

He’s bringing you ice cream and a shoulder to cry on after a bad day, maybe even some flowers too

Dreams- how do they picture their future with their s/o?

He gets very anxious about the future, especially the future of your relationship. Sits down to have a very serious talk about it, would you want to get married? Would you want kids? Can we afford kids? How do we acquire children? Takes it seriously and doesn’t marry himself to one particular future

Equal- are they the dominant one in the relationship or are they passive?

You both stand on the same level of equality

Fight- how easy is it for them to forgive? How do they fight?

Snaps if he’s particularly stressed about something. Apologises after taking a few deep breaths. It’s extremely rare for an argument to last more than a day

Gratitude- how grateful are they? Are they aware of how much their s/o does?

Oh my man thinks you’re way out of his league, will forever be eternally grateful for you and everything you do

Honesty- do they keep secrets from their s/o, or do they share everything?

If he has secrets, he wouldn’t be able to keep them for long, they eat away at him. Mind Raph helps him tell the truth before it does some damage to the relationship

Inspiration- has their s/o inspired them?

You’ve definitely inspired him to take more time to himself, and just relax, even just for a bit

Jealousy- how jealous are they?

He refuses to call it jealousy, he just refuses to. He knows you would never do anything with that person, that conveniently attractive person, with a great personality, and you’re laughing at their jokes?! “Haha, yeah we just need to go… somewhere else.”

Kiss- are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He’s getting better with practice. The first was at a drive in theatre, neither of you were really paying attention to the movie, something about a cafe owner going broke, he blurted out the question so quickly you didn’t even hear the sentence. You had to ask him to repeat himself twice before he had calmed down

Love confession- how did they confess?

With flowers in your favourite colour, he stood on your fire escape and poured his heart out in front of you

Marriage- what are their thoughts on marriage?

It crosses his mind often, he’s very concerned about the future, dislikes that he can’t just know what will happen. As for marriage itself? He’ll ask someday, but not now

Nicknames- what do they call their s/o?

Shortstack

On cloud nine- what are they like when on cloud nine? Is it obvious?

He’s obvious. But in denial with it, even when called out

PDA- their thoughts on PDA, do they practice it?

He’s not one for PDA, preferring cuddles in private

Quirk- a random ability they have that is beneficial towards the relationship

His pure strength and size is good for many things, including amazing cuddles

Romance- how romantic are they, is it cliche or creative?

Cliche, he knows it’s cliche, but it’s cliche for a reason right? Flowers, candles, the whole shebang. People wouldn’t keep doing it if it didn’t work!

Support- are they helping their s/o achieve their goals, do they believe in them?

He would! Would help you set realistic goals and work up to the ultimate one

Thrill- do they feel the need for new things? Or prefer a relationship with routine?

He likes his routine, throwing in a surprise here and there

Understanding- are they empathetic?

Yes! Ofc, he is. Doesn’t want you to suffer, cuddles count as therapy right?

Value- how important is the relationship to them?

Important, he is making sure you are safe 100% of the time, he knows what a pain villains are for stealing s/o’s

Wildcard- random fluff hc!

Piggybacks! Or carrying you bridal style, just imagine all the things you can see up there

Xoxo- are they affectionate, do they like to kiss and cuddle?

Yes and yes, not so much as PDA, but as general cuddles for movie nights

Yearning- how do they cope when they miss their partner?

Won’t try to outwardly express this to anyone, shows up outside your window, if that’s not possible due to some unspoken reason then he probably just messages you, staying up later than he usually does

Zeal- are they willing to go great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

Man is ready to jump off a building for you

Donnie

Activities- what do they like to do with their s/o?

Going to conventions, dancing, pure enjoyment of the other’s company

Beauty- what physical attributes do they like the most about their s/o?

Any facial markings or scars, stretch marks included

Comfort- how would they comfort their s/o through a bad day or a panic attack?

Asks before doing absolutely anything. “Can I come in?” “I’m going to come closer, is that okay?” “May I touch you?” Does his best to calm you down, if not, then he’s finding the root of the issue and eliminating it

Dreams- how do they picture their future with their s/o?

He pictures his future quite often, the vision changes from time to time, but your always next to him in it

Equal- are they the dominant one in the relationship or are they passive?

Says he’s the dominant one, but really likes when you’re the dominant

Fight- how easy is it for them to forgive? How do they fight?

Fights actually don’t happen that much with the two of you. If you do fight, he only lets it last a few minutes before cutting contact and giving you the silent treatment. Forgiveness is given in a few days and you guys are on good terms again

Gratitude- how grateful are they? Are they aware of how much their s/o does?

He can forget sometimes, but he spends a day without you and takes it all back, realising how much he relies on you

Honesty- do they keep secrets from their s/o, or do they share everything?

According to the internet, honesty is key to a healthy relationship, so he does his best although honesty is quite difficult sometimes, in general

Inspiration- has their s/o inspired them?

Inspired in the way that you give him new insights he himself hadn’t considered fully yet, set on one path, helping him see the bigger picture on things

Jealousy- how jealous are they?

It’s through the roof, although, he’s in denial about it

Kiss- are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

It didn’t happen until at least six months, awkward at first, but followed your lead after some reassurance

Love confession- how did they confess?

He had a whole plan on how to do it, like a months long plan. You got there first, catching him off guard

Marriage- what are their thoughts on marriage?

He’d get married if you really wanted to but, he doesn’t see the point exactly. That doesn’t stop him from being emotional on the day however

Nicknames- what do they call their s/o?

Darling, Significant Other

On cloud nine- what are they like when on cloud nine? Is it obvious?

Gets extremely defensive about the fact that he’s definitely not on cloud nine that he forgets to act like it

PDA- their thoughts on PDA, do they practice it?

Absolutely not, especially not in the first few months. Hand holding is acceptable, and the occasional hug

Quirk- a random ability they have that is beneficial towards the relationship

The ability to force himself to stay up all night, caffeine helps of course. You guys can just talk in the dead of night, as we all know, that is the best bonding time

Romance- how romantic are they, is it cliche or creative?

Gets creative with it, but isn’t shying away from flowers. Better yet! Mechanical flowers that bloom in the day! They never die!

Support- are they helping their s/o achieve their goals, do they believe in them?

Much like his red older brother, helps you set realistic mini-goals, and then helps achieve them. Not too hands on however, wants you to accomplish it yourself

Thrill- do they feel the need for new things? Or prefer a relationship with routine?

Routine. Routine. Routine. Cannot function without it. If there’s something new he needs to know about it at least a week in advance and that’s being lenient

Understanding- are they empathetic?

He is empathetic, just not the best at expressing it

Value- how important is the relationship to them?

This is so important to him, you would not believe

Wildcard- random fluff hc!

He pulls you onto his lap when working on something, refusing to let you leave

Xoxo- are they affectionate, do they like to kiss and cuddle?

After the initial phase he most definitely is, but only in private will you get kisses

Yearning- how do they cope when they miss their partner?

Calls and messages 24/7, if that’s unavailable? Workaholic

Zeal- are they willing to go great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

He’s ready to destroy his inventions for you. Yes- he has backups, but that’s beside the point!

Mikey

Activities- what do they like to do with their s/o?

Let’s go, come on we’re going to paint New York with graffiti. Loves cooking with you and showing you techniques he learned recently

Beauty- what physical attributes do they like the most about their s/o?

Loves your hair/fur/whatever, running hands through it

Comfort- how would they comfort their s/o through a bad day or a panic attack?

Comfort foods, but never overboard with it, too much is unhealthy. Movie nights and gentle words

Dreams- how do they picture their future with their s/o?

He honestly doesn’t think about it all that much, preferring the moment. But he does picture his future with you in it

Equal- are they the dominant one in the relationship or are they passive?

Passive, prefers standing on equal ground with people

Fight- how easy is it for them to forgive? How do they fight?

Dr feelings isn’t letting fights go unresolved, preferring to talk it out and get to the bottom of the issue

Gratitude- how grateful are they? Are they aware of how much their s/o does?

He’s super grateful! Does occasionally let it slip, but just tell him and he’ll remember himself

Honesty- do they keep secrets from their s/o, or do they share everything?

He wouldn’t keep secrets on purpose, likely the only reason he hasn’t told you anything is because it hadn’t come up in conversations yet, or he’s self conscious about it, not wanting to be a bother, but never out of malice

Inspiration- has their s/o inspired them?

Inspiration in the sense that you’re his favourite muse? Yes! Inspiration in the sense that he’s changed? Probably not

Jealousy- how jealous are they?

He tries his best to not get jealous, but sometimes he just can’t hold it back, Dr delicate touch tells the person you’re taken

Kiss- are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Rooftop rambles at night are a must in this relationship, it happened under the moonlight, you could taste the pizza on his breath

Love confession- how did they confess?

He tried making it romantic, he really did, but one disaster after another passed through. He was about to just leave and take it as a sign you guys weren’t supposed to be together until you confessed instead

Marriage- what are their thoughts on marriage?

He’s up for it if you’re up for it, but only after a while, when you’re both adults, just to be safe

Nicknames- what do they call their s/o?

Baby, Honey, CutiePie, Angel, Wonder

On cloud nine- what are they like when on cloud nine? Is it obvious?

He physically has heart eyes, most obvious in his cloud-nine shenanigans, zoned out whilst staring at you once and added way too much baking soda it was a disaster

PDA- their thoughts on PDA, do they practice it?

PDA all day, as long as you’re okay with it ofc, mostly just hand holding and an arm around your shoulder

Quirk- a random ability they have that is beneficial towards the relationship

His ability to completely clock whenever you’re down avoids most complications

Romance- how romantic are they, is it cliche or creative?

He gets creative with it, thinks the traditional things are nice, sure, but overdone

Support- are they helping their s/o achieve their goals, do they believe in them?

Oh absolutely he believes in you! Supports your goals and helps out with what you may need

Thrill- do they feel the need for new things? Or prefer a relationship with routine?

New things. Hidden city dates all the time because it’s the most unpredictable, carefully avoiding the law enforcements.

Understanding- are they empathetic?

Absolutely! Have you met this boy? Sureee Dr Delicate touch isn’t empathetic, but that’s not a problem with you guys, he hasn’t met you yet.

Value- how important is the relationship to them?

You’re pinned in his contacts, he adores baking or cooking anything for you, overall one of the most important people in his life

Wildcard- random fluff hc!

Has one of those jars that have the lolly sticks with things to do with a s/o written on them, you made it together! Orange stick for an indoor date, green for outdoor, white for something that can be done anywhere

Xoxo- are they affectionate, do they like to kiss and cuddle?

Affection levels at 110% he’s giving you all the attention you deserve and could ever want

Yearning- how do they cope when they miss their partner?

He spams messages for a while, but if you’re not responding for some reason, listens to music in order to zone out. Takes his mind off of things ya know?

Zeal- are they willing to go great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

He would go to the greatest lengths. This man would have taken Leo’s place in the prison dimension if it meant you were safe and alive

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