#its just not real like this just cant be real

[norrisainz33]

new beginning || ln4

☆ summary: y/n is in the cursed second red bull seat but finds the opportunity to thrive in indy car

☆ pairing: ln4 x racingdriver!reader

☆ fc & warnings: none and hate comments

☆ requested: yes!! thank you for the request 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

redbullracing has made a post

liked by user1, user2, user3, mclarenf1, yourbff, user4, user5, and 765,249 others

redbullracing: a dominate race from max here in qatar! only one race to go in the 2024 season

view all 873 comments

user1: glad to see max back on top

user2: y/n has the worst luck i feel so bad for her

user6: y/n has so much more potential than this

user8: being max’s teammate is not easy

user3: get y/n off this team

user5: we are losing the wcc bc of y/n

user2: oh don’t be so dramatic

user4: super max back again

ynuser has posted a story

view all story replies

patriciooward: ohhhh you two are getting real cozy over there

ynuser: maybeeee mr nosey

patriciooward: just looking out for mi amiga is all - be careful with him

ynuser: gracias mi amigo. lando is a good guy

patriciooward: he is and i know that. i just love you like my dear sister

ynuser: and i love you patito

user5: maybe instead of spending so much time with lando you could be learning how to drive

landonorris: diva DOWN

ynuser: this diva is up not down

landonorris: yeah you right. i am on a high after seeing you

ynuser: 🥹 smooth

landonorris: trying

user6: oh he’s a cutie

maxverstappen1: tea

ynuser: subtle but yes

josefnewgarden: 👀

ynuser: 🫣

user7: are yall together or

f1 has made a post

liked by user1, user2, user3, user8, user4, user5, and 453,139 others

f1: BREAKING 🚨 y/n y/l/n and red bull have reached an agreement to part ways for 2024. this comes after a tough season for y/n who has had her fair share of struggles. we can also confirm that y/n has signed to drive for Arrow McLaren for the 2024 indy car season. we wish her the best of luck in her next endeavor!

view all 423 comments

user5: it’s about time!

user2: she’s gonna thrive in indy car i just know it

patriciooward: to new beginnings with my best friend as my teammate 🧡

user33: i love this friendship so much

redbullracing: thank you ynuser

user2: that’s really all you have to say?

user3: good riddance

arrowmclaren: welcome home ynuser

user12: wishing y/n nothing but the best. everyone should watch indy car it’s going to be so much fun with her this season!!!

ynuser has made a post

liked by patriciooward, landonorris, arrowmclaren, maxverstappen1, georgerussell63, and 634,984 other

ynuser: its been a while. back to remind you that the indy car season starts this weekend in st. pete 🤍

view all 325 comments

user2: she’s back!! i missed you y/n

patriciooward: let’s go teammate

ynuser: my teammate and mi hermano 🧡

maxverstappen1: can’t wait to watch you this weekend

ynuser: i miss you so dearly. can’t wait to see you

user21: omg is max going to st pete?????

user11: cant wait to get into indy car this season

landonorris: where are my pic creds

ynuser: thanks for the ocean pics!

landonorris: 🙄🙄 you’re welcome

user7: they’re together!?? he took the pic in the second slide???? omg

elbaoward: my babieeeessssssss

ynuser: my lovey 😘

arrowmclaren: our favorite papaya girly 🧡

ynuser: 🤍🧡🤍🧡

user13: y/n crumbs!!! i’ve been waiting for this

arrowmclaren has made a post

liked by ynuser, landonorris, maxverstappen1, yourbff, elbaoward, lance_stroll, and 438,120 others

arrowmclaren: an incredible first weekend back in st. petersburg! p1 for our girl y/n with a great result from pato and nolan.

view all 416 comments

elbaoward: i am so proud

patriciooward: me too

ynuser: don’t make me cry more 🥹

user19: my favorite sibling (not really) trio

user2: i’ve never cried so much watching a race in my life. i am so proud of y/n

ynuser: an incredible weekend. thank you for believing in me 🧡

arrowmclaren: we are so proud of you y/n

user44: see this is how you treat your drivers redbullracing

landonorris: incredible work ynuser

ynuser: thank you my muppet 🤍

user18: this season is going to be the best season for us i just know it

maxverstappen1: that’s my girl

ynuser: my bestie 🥹🥹

user22: i’m so glad y/n is here in indy car

user43: y/n and mclaren championships incoming

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user1, user2, user3, user4, user5, user6, and 12,967 others

f1gossip: lando norris and max verstappen have been spotted at the st. petersburg indy car grand prix to show their support of ex-f1 driver, y/n y/l/n, as she makes her debut. it’s been rumored for months that lando and y/n are more than just friends and after y/n’s p1 finish it’s all but confirmed. following the race, y/n got out of her car and ran directly into lando’s arms giving him a rather passionate kiss

view all 198 comments

user2: best news i’ve seen all day

user20: them flying out to florida to be there for y/n days before they have to be in australia is so dear to me

user33: they are two of the best friends anyone could ask for

user32: indy car is the perfect home for y/n

user67: the love those two have for y/n speaks volumes about her as a person

user21: i’m so proud of her 🥹😭

ynuser has made a post

liked by landonorris, patriciooward, maxverstappen1, arrowmclaren, oscarpiastri, and 765,928 others

ynuser: i can’t describe how incredible these first few races with arrow mclaren have been. in these first 5 races, i haven’t placed outside of the podium and i can’t even begin to explain how proud i am of myself and of this incredible team. thank you to everyone who has cheered me on through the ups and downs - i love you all. next up, the indy 500. (p.s. yes that is lando)

view all 529 comments

user2: she found her home 🧡

maxverstappen1: you are a superstar ynuser

ynuser: that’s you max

user89: the most impressive career turn around i’ve ever seen

landonorris: proud of you my love

ynuser: thank you 2025 wdc

landonorris: don’t jinx me

ynuser: i wouldn’t dare

user2: she can say these things now that she’s not on rbr lfg

patriciooward: you’re making me look bad (jk i adore you and want nothing but success for you)

ynuser: impossible to make you look bad when you’re one of the most talented drivers out there 🤍

user99: landoy/n supremacy! him making time to see her race is everything!!!

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thank you for reading!! likes and reblogs appreciated 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[funnier-as-a-system]

imo "normal" and "commonality" dont really mean much for stuff like this; plurality is a wholly Brain Thing, not a Chemical Thing, and therefore is entirely reliant on personal experience. kind of like the idea that everyone sees color differently and thats why we have different favorites, and we wouldnt be able to know bc we cant just trade our visual processing, yknow? i think any information on how systems work should be taken as more of a base structure or a skill tree or something than a set in stone ruleset, if that makes sense.

theres no right way for your brain to throw stuff at a wall and see what sticks. your brain is just kind of making stuff up till its real. its not really possible to clearly define that in a way that fits for everybody

I agree! I see a lot of folks worrying over what is normal or common, but really, what matters most is whether it's happening to you. Are you experiencing something as a system? Yes? Then that thing is real* and is something that systems can experience. That's what matters, not the frequency of that experience across the community. You don't need to look to your peers or compare yourself to the average to be a real system with real experiences. This isn't a school clique; you're not expected to fall into one specific, strict box. You can just be yourself/ves.

I am different from you and you are different from me and all this completely fine and good. Huzzah, we are all unique weirdos! It can feel great to find others who are like you and who you can connect with, but you don't have to stress about whether your experiences are "normal" or "common". Even the rarest, most abnormal experiences deserve to be heard. You're all just fine, no matter how much of a rare, abnormal weirdo you are.

* in whatever way that means to you. I say this since "real" can be defined in different ways; something may not be "real" as in "physically there" or "happened in this life/world", but it can still be "real" as in "affects you". The latter is more important when it comes to this sort of thing, in my opinion.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Pomni, Gangle, Jax, and Ragatha x Confident/Clueless Reader who both wanders off from the group during adventures, and during any type of conflict like a boss fight they just run into battle like the Leeroy Jenkins meme

Various TADC characters x confident and clueless!reader

I miss old fandom energy sighs. Everyone's way too serious now... I think we'd all heal a little if we drew our faves with the leeroy Jenkins meme

Characters: ragatha, pomni, gangle, jax

Notes: reader is gn, short post, reader is not very bright but they love you anyway

CWs: none

RAGATHA

calls after you, and will run after you the first few times before deciding to stay behind until you learn your lesson of "dont run into weird settings or to the baddies!" but you never really learn... or maybe you think that this time will be different and you can deck the evil wizard threatening to turn you into beans or whatever the hell caines cooked up that specific day

will gently correct you if you attempt to say that you won- you in fact did not win... internally shes kind of just... hmm... but you make up for the stress in normal day to day life that she cant stay mad at you for long

at least she tends to your momentarily bruised ego when the adventure is over... after scolding you

GANGLE

has tried to grab and stop you but because shes so light she gets dragged across the ground as you keep running into danger.... never again- never tries to physically hinder you like that again

cannot bring herself to watch you get hurt like that, will cover her eyes and look away until the thrashing and chaos stops, and even then shes not sure she has the courage to come to your side out of fear that the threat isnt actually over

and when its not a villain npc posing a threat? youve jumped out of moving vehicles before or jumped into ominous voids without giving it much thought

cannot handle the constant anxiety, but shes too soft spoken and pushover-y to speak up about it :(

POMNI

please... dont... shes already trying to get used to the circus and what to expect, and she knows that youll make it through the other side thanks to your digital body... but thats not going to stop her from wincing when the big bad grabs you by the leg and starts flinging you around

your confidence greatly drowns out her lack of it- shes cautious and tries to take things slower to avoid danger, and then theres... you... and you sometimes accidentally drag her along with you... and sometimes not

youre simply trying to help her put herself out there...! even if the outcome isnt the best for the two of you all the time...

will run after you when you bolt into danger, though...

JAX

honestly he thinks its really funny- and he will be encouraging you to go run into every sign of danger in every adventure that has it- cue your belongings and other assorted items rolling and flinging across the screen while youre getting your ass beat

hes... almost impressed with how ballsy you are sometimes, you are the walking definition of fuck around and find out- whether it be for better or worse

will make bets and dares with you to see how far youre willing to go just to go try to get something done.... someone may need to step in to put a stop it to. oddly enough theres no real malice to it, at least after you guys get closer... its mostly morbid curiosity and the confidence of "well you cant die or get hurt in the digital world" talking

[iinterstellaarr]

happy late holidays!!

being under the mistle toe with satoru is certainly an experience.

satoru has always been… dramatic, maybe with a hint of corny, and being under the mistle toe was not about to change that about him.

he had invited everyone over to his house after work for a “holiday party” although the turn out was only you, him, nanami, shoko, and a few of his other colleagues who may or may not have pitied him.

all in all, the music filled the awkward gaps of silence and it was going well. there was a small bundle of mistle toe that hung above the door to his kitchen that everyone was avoiding like the plauge. even when two people were stuck under it, they’d nod curtly at each other or quickly shuffle away.

satoru, on the other hand, was stood under it and staring at you like a hawk. almost like he was waiting for the second you wanted another drink because lord knew you’d need another one if you wanted to deal with satoru.

“are you gonna guard the kitchen all night or is this like a password situation?” you half joked as satoru watched you from the doorway

“oh please, don’t let me stop you!” he pointed into the kitchen and you sighed, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. you try to shuffle past him, only to be stopping in your tracks with satorus long legs blocking you from going further

“oh no! well would you look at that!” he smiled widely and you scoffed playfully as he acted like this wasn’t completely set up.

you crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow at him. “you really think im gonna fall for this?”

satoru grin only widened, “oh, come on. its tradition. cant leave the mistletoe unappreciated!” he said, as if he were the star of some holiday romcom. he leaned a little closer, as if the space between you wasnt already small enough“you know what they say about traditions.”

“yeah, i think they also say only if you want to,” you teased. but as soon as you spoke, you realized how close he was. and how much he wasn’t backing down.

satoru tilted his head slightly, pretending to consider your words, but his playful smirk never faltered. satorus eyes were so intense on you. you were under the mistletoe, and there was something about the way he was looking at you now. like a dare you just couldn’t quite refuse.

“just one.” he added, the words a challenge as much as an invitation.

“this is ridiculous.” you playfully scoffed

“maybe,” he said, his grin softening just a little, “but you like it.” he leaned in just enough for you to feel his breath, and the rest of the party felt like it was miles away when his piercing blue eyes fell on your lips for just a second

you took a deep breath. it was the holidays. why not?

“fine… only one,” you said, finally relenting, and stepped closer.

he leaned in, his lips brushing yours lightly. a soft, teasing touch that left the air between you charged. tt was quick, but there was something undeniably real about it.

satoru pulled back, his smile turning a little smug. “see? nothing to it.”

you shook your head, a mix of exasperation and something else more electric bubbling up. “im going to get you for this, just wait.”

he chuckled, stepping aside as if he hadn’t just completely shattered your ability to think clearly.

“i’m sure you will.”

you knew it was just a tradition, but satorus perseverance and playful smirk had you looking forward to when everyone else cleared out and it was just you, and his azure eyes that always took your breath away.

[pampygirl]

momo and okarun playing stardew valley and not telling each other who they married in game

momo would pick harvey i know my girl

okarun to play it safe picks maru because he heard momo say she likes her

okarun: this is a respectable woman ayase-san would approve of since we're FRIENDS.

--

momo: who did he marry in stardew valley, i cant let him know i married harvey because he reminded me of him 😳 that's way tooo embarrassing

momo finding out its maru: you didnt pick like....... leah or hailey?

okarun: you liked maru ....

momo: so you picked someone based on how i felt about them

okarun: is that weird

momo: do you like me

MOMO IF SHE GREW HER THIRD EYE. shes teasing him but okaruns like CRAP SHE FOUND OUT

canonically momo would be like a little jealous shes like "so what do you and maru talk about?"

and okaruns like "you know shes not real"

--

okarun: who did you pick anyway? alex?

momo, turning bright red: uh............. linus

okarun: you cant marry linus in game?!!

momo: i havent gotten that far!! I DONT HAVE THE NECKLACE TO PROPOSE

okarun: why are you dodging my question

--

okarun: YOU JUST TOLD ME YESTERDAY YOU SAW THE MARINER

momo: did i say that

--

momos farm is a hot mess and okaruns looks straight out of pinterest with how organized it is.

momo: let me see

okarun showing his gorgeous farm mansion and organized farm: i spent a lot of hours on it.... haha

momo, screaming internally: HE DEFINITELY CANT SEE MINE IT LOOKS LIKE A CHILD DID IT

[softness-and-shattering]

For a long time I had an image saved in my phone, it was one of those written-over memes from The Wizard of Oz, "but are you a good witch or a bad witch?" except witch was swapped out with Jew.

"Are you one of the Good Jews (virulently anti-zionist) or one of the Bad Jews (bathing in Palestinian baby blood)?". Its never a valid question no matter what you put in the brackets and we won't play. We shouldnt need to announce our presence/guarantee our safety with a fifty page manifesto detailing the crimes of the Israeli government denouncing every single one in detail, plus pointing out and debunking a slew of popular antisemitic conspiracy theories like, say, shadow cabals and lizard people.

Neither should we have to open a discussion about how we can continue to belong to our faith AND culture AND history - because Judaism is an ethnoreligion not just a belief system- while being queer, and beg for understanding and acceptance to be who we are. To be in queer spaces devoted to celebrating our unique identities and to feel like its not safe to be all of yourself is real shitty.

And its also ridiculous that we cant ever talk about Zionism because you all have decided that it means at it core absolute hatred of Palestinians. No. At its core its an absolute love of Eretz Yisroel and Am Yisroel, and a grief of two thousands years of colonisation and exile by Rome. It has nothing to do with Palestinians at all, which did become conflict for obvious geographical reasons but its not ideologically insurmountable at all. Its not grounded in hate. And Im rethinking if I should even say this or not because I think its important, and because I know a lot of you who at best arent examining your biases and at medium-worst are just looking for people you can get away with bullying, could take this as a hair trigger to send me hate.

And I usually dont talk about this stuff for this exact reason. And I dislike it. There are so many good meaningful conversations to be had if we're stuck in our thinking about what the acceptable party lines are and what we have to say exactly to get by. And to be clear, if I say something bigoted or shitty, tell me. As a general rule. Dont come raging into my inbox, have some basic decency and Ill afford you the same, and a reply within my ability and capacity. I never want to be an asshole. I will always engage critical thinking about my own beliefs and ideas. I think this is enough caveat-ing for now. If you want to be a good and thoughtful person you always need to engage in self-reflection. If this post makes you angry, I suggest taking a break and thinking about it rather than immediately responding. Its not life and death, this is tumblr.

Jewish queer people deserve to be safe in queer spaces.

[watarfallar]

Last desert duo incorrect quotes dump of the year! (Unless I post another later)

Grian, standing amidst the destroyed kitchen: How? How were you able to summon me?! Scar, flipping through a cookbook as fast as they can: I don’t know!! You were supposed to be chicken soup!

Grian: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!? Scar: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.

Grian: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi?? Scar: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

Scar: School appropriate questions. Grian: What was the lowest point in your life?

Grian: I think I need a hug… Scar: Good thing I'm hug shaped! 45 minutes later Grian: You… you can let go now. Scar: No, I absolutely cannot.

Scar, skipping rocks on a lake with Grian: It’s such a beautiful evening. Grian: Yeah, it is. Grian: whispering Take that you fucking lake.

Scar, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Grian: But how- Scar, ignoring them: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Grian: I've connected the two dots. Scar: You didn't connect shit. Grian: I've connected them.

Scar: Start talking! Grian: Well, I- Scar: Shut up!

Scar: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group. Grian: Well, you always have a smile on your face. Scar: Thank you. Grian: Grian: What drugs do you take?

Grian, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Scar: …What does that even mean?!

Grian: I’m gonna kill you. Scar: Get in line!

Grian: Are you listening to me? Scar: nods Grian: What did I just say? Scar: nods Grian: …

Scar: Grian, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight? Grian: Raise the dead. Scar: And what did you do? Grian: Raise the dead.

Scar: Oh, fiddlesticks. Grian: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

Grian: Do you know a turtles only weakness? Scar: No… well, their slowness. Grian: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs. Grian: Now I have a plan. Grian: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

Scar: And if you have any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box. Grian: That’s a trash can.

Scar: Hey, Grian! Did you know your my BFFLWYLION? Grian: What the hell is that supposed to mean? Scar: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not. Grian: Grian: That’s one way to say it, I guess…

Grian: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other? Scar: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.

Scar: Guess what I'm about to get! Grian: On my nerves.

Scar: Grian! I thought you were dead! Grian: No, just in deep cover. Scar: …But it was an open casket. Grian: It was very deep.

Scar: Its hard to resist, I'm really sorry- I mean, considering your approach so far, you had us tied here for- what? Hours? And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are! Grian: What are you then? Scar: I'm a Virgo!

Scar: I need some help with my homework, Grian. Grian: What’s the assignment? Scar: I’m supposed to write a paper that presents both sides of an issue and then defends one of the arguments. Grian: What’s your issue? Scar: That’s the problem. I can’t think of anything to argue. Grian: That’s hard to believe. Scar: I’m always right and everybody else is always wrong! What’s to argue about?!

[bloodandthebreakingofmyheart]

I have an addition to your theory- Krosis was likely not his priest name.

"Krosis" means "sorrow" or "apologies" in dovahzul. It's possible (and indeed likely) that his name was changed at some point because of something bad that happened... like the dragon he served rebelling. Think of all the other priests- they have names like Morokei, or Otar. Most aren't names immediately translatable from dovahzul, and those with dovahzul names make more sense in their meaning ("Nahkriin" meaning "revenge" or "Miraak" being one letter removed from "miiraak" meaning "portal", for example).

So why is the only dragon priest without a temple named "sorrow"? Going with your theory, it would make sense that the dragon Krosis served was marked as a traitor, and after that, Krosis had his name changed and his temple taken.

Whether it was changed by him, though, is unclear (or maybe it's not and I just don't care enough about the timeline to know when he would've died in relation to Parth's rebellion). Personally, I like the idea that he had his crypt removed and name changed AFTER his death- kind of like how the ancient Egyptians would scratch the names off the tombs of traitors.

listen i know bethesda never stated this but just by the clues it’s 99% possible that krosis was the priest of bleak falls barrow, and it was once paarthurnax’s temple. after paarthurnax’s betrayal and overthrowing the cults power, krosis’ crypt was dumped at shearpoint. dragon priests were hailed as kings and buried in the temples, you don’t dump a figure of that power on top of a mountain for no reason. this also explains why bleak falls barrow is without a named dragon priest despite it being one of the larger ruins in skyrim. 

and i like things that add up. bleak falls barrow is a fairly large ruin, like labyrinthian and skuldafn. so why would there be no named dragon priest? and of course there’s no confirmation that it was paarth’s temple or not, but he was second in command to alduin and that kind of power doesn’t amount to a tiny temple.

[gutziez]

so. this is something I've wanted to say for months

im not really who i am for fucks sake half the time I don't know who I am its become way too blurred and I'm gonna share my past here and everything I've done so I have many points but one has been clawing at my from the inside like its trying to rip my throat to pieces from the inside of my esophagus Cassie and Ruby aren't dead they were never even real Cassie and Ruby are a projection of who I wish I knew who I wish I had for a friend but I got bored of them and killed them off in my mind and socially I'm very sorry faye but Cassie wasn't real she was a character she was someone I wanted to relate to I have no one but the people online even then I left Ares and Tame because I thought they'd judge me over fucking fictional characters and I was bored I wanted something to happen so I killed them I faked Ruby overdosing I faked Cassie stabbing herself its fake they aren't real they cant be dead because they never existed I'm sorry Faye I didn't want to make YOU hurt but you were just so close to me and its a sick form of entertainment at this point. Im too into the idea of human emotion and action and I hurt you with it. now for the other piece of this I'm sorry to literally everyone I've come into contact with I'm a lot of drama because I seek drama I just want some fucking emotion in my life and I create lies and more lies but those lies start to feel true I don't even know which parts of my life are real did he actually rape me did I actually get groomed for sex trafficking did he actually tell me I'd never be his son I don't know what's going on I'm losing memory and sense of self I cant do this shit ive gone through blog and blog and blog delete the old account and go to a new one I've gone by so many names Ace Star Azalea Ollie Oliver Aspen I don't even know if I can count them all I'm thinking about changing it again for fucks sake but I cant because he'll judge me and refuse to call me by my chosen name because of how fluid I feel about myself is I don't even know if Nyx or Evelyn exist anymore I cant and no please just please don't forgive me call me a piece of shit degrade me for what I've done for all of the people I've hurt by clicking the fucking delete button by lying by being a piece of living trash please Faye just call me the worse thing you can think of and move on from me I don't see a point in my life anymore and if you forgive me I'll end up hurting you more just let yourself leave. I would say I love you but I'm a fucking monster I'm horrible why would I fake someones existence and then make them die just to feel something I'm not okay not to mention the amount of other people I've put through stuff just for the sake of attention and drama

im a stupid fucking attention whore

im sorry Aster too I think I ended up faking my death or I just left silently I think I went by Ace or Ollie I don't remember it was like a year ago maybe less I'm sorry for that I wish you the best don't forgive me please I shouldn't be forgiven

i love everyone but I'm also a piece of shit Ill leave my account up for a little while so everyone can get their "kill yourself"s out I will be listening to the messages tell me to relapse and die

@f4y3w00d5 @amethyst-aster @lils-ki @tameable50

i don't remember the others ive hurt the most but you could at least show others so they can point and laugh

[definetelynotavampire]

// linguistics, maths and porn

why am i suddenly obsessed with linguistic devices??? I just read a jayvik fanfic and now i want to analyze texts???

I cant find what its called but its my favorite... like having a real and a metaphoric part in one scentence sort of like complex numbers z = a + b*i

like you can wash away sweat and cum (a) but you only wash away the shame metaphorically (b*i)

BUT ITS STILL ONE SCENTECE! GENIUS!!

pls someone tell me what it's called...

[bloodsadx]

i have like 3 problems in my life i keep wanting to google solutions to but theres no solution to these problems on google because they are extremely specific to my life and probably do not have solutions or resolutions and probably i just have to stop caring. like i keep actually almost trying which is maybe funny to someone else reading this but is definitely funny to me even though its real and not a joke. like as if there was a meta game to life problems. the main thing that has dawned on me in my adult life is that i am an extremely obsessive person in ways i did not understand that word definitionally applied to or how it meant it was affecting my life. maybe im the first person who ever lived to have ever thought this, but: the fact that there is no definite solution to anything, there's not usually an absolutely definitive "resolution" to anything, u cant try multiple solutions to the same problem (without occupying consequently different states of being with different levels of knowledge), and there's no definitive confirmation after a problem has been "solved" that it was the "best" or "worst" "solution" to "the problem", well, This is all part of a series on things which suck, on Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia; and, me, personally, i think they should really fix all that

[icarusredwings]

Wade being torn between wanting to keep logan as a little human pet because he loves him so much vs KNOWING his juicy ass is gonna taste amazing is an internal struggle he has daily

Meanwhile Logan cant fucking swim and is worried that wades a siren and is gonna try to kill him and it would be a real shame if he had to kill such a beautiful creature.

At this point I can so see Wade letting Logan touch him and pet him, mess with his spines just to get his trust but in reality is falling so damn hard cause Ugh fuck hes never actually let anyone touch him let alone caress him so gently.

And heres Logan smirking a bit cause he KNOWS What wade is doing, he aint dumb, but its so cute to watch him preen and prick up when he to touches him. The spines are incredibly delicate he thinks so he only barley touches them and for some reason it makes Wade all blushy and just... cling to the side and keep his chin on it as if trying to resist biting his arm and dragging him under just so he can fuck him real quick (and then maybe eat him cause thatll be a waste if not)

Anyway. Hope you like my brain. Bye

More merwade au because @cupcakemyducktape fueled me with doodles

You can trust him he’s soooo trustworthy you will Not be dragged down and drowned/eaten in whatever order

[riverofjazzsims]

Total Drama Season 3 Entry for @jonquilyst

Espresso Bean Teen Aspiration: Admired Icon Traits: Adventurous, Dance Machine, Outgoing, Cheerful

Ok. Look guys Coffee is fine, I promise, she calmed down. **mumbles** After not talking to me for 2 days and making me twin swear on the blood of grimms to not ever, ever, ever ever scare her like that again. I mean, be honest, do we really see the Beanie Baby back on TDS. That would be a big fat NOPE ! But me, Ohmagosh **dancing in circles** I. CANT. WAIT. I mean, new faces and possibility of new friends, AND travel. Plus I just have an adventurous spirit and as my mom always tells me "Esse you're like the morning jolt of coffee to the system that no one ever has to drink"

So a little bit about me I am the oldest between Beanie and I. There are 4 of us bean babies , and in case you are wondering I am THE MOST fun, just saying! Anyway where was I? oh so Ive got the sib situation and a twinster, I may or may not be a touch hyper, I like to talk ALOT. seriously Beanie has actually said that its amazing I haven't dehydrated myself from over talking. Like the Beanster, I like am big on school, shocking I know, but, uhm yeah I maybe a rainbow in a skirt but I love absorbing new info and learning. low key like being outdoors doing stuff, thanks Dad. I am dancer, mostly I do hip hop, I actually was in a local kids show when i was smaller as one of their dancers.

I should also mention, I dance ALOT, almost as much as I talk I dance doing almost everything, It centers me, just in case my hyperactivity didn't jump out and scream look at me to y'all yet dancing is my happy space and its one of those things that me and my family can connect and no words are needed. Anyway I am suuuuuper excited about the show and how far I can push myself with this new experience. Look I need to pack and that takes me FOREVER to accomplish because, you know I am also part squirrel. Lord did I even tell y'all about my sock collection, I love colorful socks the more socks the better and well **talking to self** Esse you're forgetting something. Any way. See ya soon TDS Oh did I tell ya, y'all can totes call me Esse! Ok. I'm out for real now Byeeeeeeeeeee

*Watcher here * She is an unmedicated joy and I hope my girl does well. Poor sweetness completely forgot to tell the producers, She has no experience in the Romance Department but my girl is a lover of people and the vibe and spirit they exude so its safe to say at this point in time she would be open to either sex, and if she finds a teen first crush/love let my baby explore as it would not be in her nature to not see what's down the rabbit hole, heaven help us. And I'll pray for her roomies that she doesnt dance her way onto their last bad nerve.

PRIVATE DOWNLOAD

[hecksupremechips]

Feeling just every single kind of horrific now I’m literally living my nightmare and have no where to run anymore

[oshamirs]

Osha & Qimir + HANDS

[just-some-random-blogger]

im having so much fun

Oh hell no I'm walking out

HAHHAHAHAAHHA CRYINGGGGGGGGGGGGG

sHUT UP DONT TALK TO ME IS SO REAL HAHAHAH. the maester was trying to be glass half full lol. your reactions to Daemon's scenes in the stepstones HAHAHH IT GIVES ME LIFE, this especially

His crash out is about to be insane

and you being offended by gwayne's response to his twin HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH TRUEEEEEE but also, unfortunately gwayne is a level headed voice of reason *disappointed grumbling noises*

Im so happy that you react to the small scenes i always kind of worry no one will take notice of. ITS ALL SO IMPORTANT TO ME FR, like Arryk and yn's interaction that you quoted, UGHHHH

It's insane how he says this but then ignores all his children after. I think he had or has good intentions but still man

nah fr. viserys is that fuck ass rat. like what do you mean you had visions of a son AND NEGLECT AEGON AND THE REST OF YOUR KIDS WITH YOUR WHOLE CHEST 😀😀😀😀 LEAVE IT TO A MAN FR. i'd literally also go to war for baby Aegon ): my poor boy

i was a bit worried about writing the miscarriage, as i HATE it when women's sufferings are framed like porn, far too graphic, detailed, and exhibitionist. but i also didn't want to just say annnnd her babies are dead. i wanted her to have her moment. i wanted to focus on, horrible to say, the 'beauty' of it, like dont get me wrong its tragic its horrendous but that's the only time she'll ever have with Alaeric and Alyrie, and i wanted her to have it, her solemn moment.

i'm happy you like the cargyll's relationship because 😁😁😁😁

Daemon is back and shit's about to go down.

You sure know how to write angst cause OH MY GOD?? I could barely see by the time I finished it cause there were so many tears running down my face and neck.

this is all i ever want when i write angst 💗💗💗 like idk you'd believe me if i said i love angst because its a struggle to write it??? HAHHAAHHA like when i was in high school (which is such a strange sentence wtf do you mean im not a high schooler fucking hell) i would read my friends angst and be like ??? why cant i do that?? it does not come easy to me. i was a fluff queen !!! still am!! i was a bit scared i lost it cos of this fic, like i wrote a weasley twins fluff fic and i was like DAMN I SUCK AT WRITING FLUFF NOW TOO, but i got the hang of it again.

FAM I FORGOT HOW FUN IT CAN BE TO WRITE FLUFF KLASHFKLAHSKFLHAFHLASFKHAF

anyway i'm super happy you like my writing even if it hurt. i love you 🪓 use a fucking keep reading damnit. SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!!

Tormented Spirit | 12

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."

Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 6k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, DD:DNE, pregnancy, miscarriage, panic/anxiety attacks, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: i would just like to bring everyone's attention to the fact this fic is called tormented spirit. BTW some of yall might wanna read my weasely twins fluff cuz 😀 yeah you should read some fluff! leave comments/reblogs ok!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS | cross posted on ao3

@arabellasleopardcoat @prettybiching @myllovellybones

Since your sister's wedding, there were two things you no longer did: speak to your sister and go to your father. Everyday, instead of having the Lord Hand accompany you to your maester, you were accompanied by one of your wards.

At first, you were apprehensive with the change. After all, they were your knights, but neither of them were the father to your babe, and even fathers were rarely involved with prenatal care. Though, the patience they extended is not unusual, you were surprised that Erryk and Arryk took time asking the maester additional information concerning things that might need their attention in the future.

Today, you walk to the maester's ward, one hand on your belly the other on Erryk's bicep. As he opens the door, you freeze when you hear the voices in the room.

"Daughter." "Sister."

These words are spoken at the same time. You clench your teeth and turn to Erryk, whose jaw is set. You take a breath and decide to simply come back later.

Alicent stands the cot she sat upon and raises a hand, "please! I'm finished. You can come now."

Finished? Why is she being examined by the maester?

Otto is angered by your persistence to ignore them. He scowls and glares at Erryk, "you remind your princess to practice some humility," he points a finger, "her actions are affecting the queen, who is now carrying an heir."

Your face drops as you turn to her.

She is already staring at you. You watch her pick her nails. You catch the redness of her cuticles.

Erryk is equally shocked. He stutters before nodding in regard, "congratulations, my queen."

Alicent shakes her head, forcing a smile, "t-thank you, ser."

Your father's eyes remain on you. He waits for you to offer the same sentiment, but his anger only intensifies at your continued silence. He scoffs, "will you not even congratulate your sister?"

You clutch your pronounced belly and turn to your maester, "may we please do the examination? I cannot bear to stand for long."

Otto and Alicent watch you move past them. The latter is resigned to your commitment of not speaking to her, the former seethes and laughs dryly. He offers his arm to the queen, "come, daughter. Let us pray that your sister's impertinence is merely as side effect of childbearing."

Your sister spares you a glassy glance before taking Otto's arm and leaving with him. You watch as they leave, feeling yourself grow hard of breathing.

The maester asks you to sit, but before you do, you snatch his arm, "is she truly with child?"

He looks at your teary face. He feels the tremble of your hand as he places his own atop of it. He carefully speaks "it is joyous news, is it not?"

You release a shaky breath as he helps you sit.

"Princess," the maester warily says, "breathe for me. We cannot proceed if you overcome by your affliction."

You place both your hands on your belly and take a couple deep breaths. You close your eyes and resist the sob that threatens to come. A couple of tears wet your cheeks, but you manage to remain intact. You wipe your face and mutter to yourself, "it's barely been a moon since they've wed."

Your maester hears it though and offers, "your sister is blessed with a fertile womb."

You wish he had not tried to comfort you with such an idea.

You try not to think of Alicent as you do your daily examination, but she is all you think of. You think of how frightened she must be. You think of how your father surely told her about your daily visits to the maester. You wonder if he would force her to do the same, just to get you to talk to her. She wouldn't need daily examinations like you; she is perfectly healthy, stronger than you, as she said herself.

You are so deep in thought, you don't even realize the maester was finished with you, up until he says something that demands your full attention.

"What?" you knit your brows at him.

"We will be more certain of it as the moons wax and wane, but considering you are a twin yourself, and, again, because of the rather rapid growth of your belly, chances are my deduction is correct."

He helps you up and Erryk is quick to take your arm. You mutter through a shaky breath, "I'm carrying twins?"

Your maester nods, "highly likely."

You turn to Erryk, who offers you a reassuring smile, "I... congratulate you, my princess."

You stare at him for a moment and blink rapidly.

"You might give birth to a boy and girl who will have the same devotion you and your brother have," Erryk says in an attempt to take away some of the fear written across your face.

It does actually. You recall your visit to Oldtown and find yourself nodding, "I... I must write a letter at once."

Many moons come and go, but across the sea, the sun shines. Daemon's day has just started. His mood is nothing but sour, as it always is. He is loathe to start his day, but he does, and with a grunt, and leaves his tent to break his fast.

We eats with the Velaryons, Corlys, Vaemond, and Laenor, and though he did not hold any particular fondness for them, there was something in the way they all spoke in nothing but High Valyrian that made mornings not completely unbearable.

"My prince," Corlys greets him in their mother tongue. He hands Daemon a plate, "duck."

Daemon raises his brow at it, "with salt?"

"And pepper," Leanor says with a half-amused expression.

"My," Daemon sits down with them, "I am spoiled."

Corlys waits for Daemon to have a few bites before continuing conversation. He clears his throat, "before the day passes, allow me, my brother, and my son-" he looks between the said people, earning furrowed brows from Laenor, "-to greet you, both on behalf of House Velaryon, and as your comrade in battle for you—"

"Oh, yes!" Leanor interjects once he remembers, "congratulations, my prince!"

This earns him a look from his father, and his uncle. Laenor, who had been grinning, slowly raises his brows, "a-... apologies for interrupting, father."

Corlys sighs, "as I was-"

"And have we won the war overnight?" the prince says, rather uninterested, both in small talk and in his duck.

Corlys is confused by this, "I... no." He slowly tilts his head, "does your lady wife not write to you?"

Daemon is immediately on edge at the mention of you, "and what of her?"

Corlys narrows his eyes. He puts him to the test, "... you are aware your brother, the king, has remarried?"

Daemon whips his head his direction.

"And that also he expects an heir to be delivered come spring?"

"Remarried?!" Daemon repeats in offence, "and which scheming cunt managed to tricked him into marriage?"

Corlys turns to Vaemond, who turns to Leanor, who turns back to Corlys. The latter clears his throat, "your bride's sister, my prince."

His eyes widen. He looks between the Velaryons, then scoffs dryly. He begins to laugh, "that roach of a Hand has Viserys's bollocks shoved down his fucking throat."

Their faces contort at the foul language. Vaemond, in particular, is so offended that he cannot help but ask, "doesn't the princess write to you every day?"

Daemon clenches his plate

"And she never mentioned thi—"

"WHAT USE HAVE I TO READ THE WEEPY WRITING OF MY WIFE?!" the prince snaps, coming to a stand as he chucks his plate to the ground.

Corlys understands then Daemon's initial shock. However, he is still confused, "have you not read any letters from your wife?"

"Would you rather I be distracted, Corlys?" he snaps again, hands now clenched into fists.

Corlys is not intimidated by Daemon's anger, but he is also unincited by the idea a fight. He raises his hands in surrender, "most men gladly welcome distractions in the heat of war."

Daemon chuckles dryly, "I am not most men," then storms all the way back to his tent.

"Jiōragon hen ñuha ñuhoso!" he snaps in High Valyrian still, shoving the unwitting soldier aside. Get out of my way!

He returns to his tent. Another unwitting victim is there. "My prince," he bows, "a letter from Lady H-" Daemon snags the letter from him and shoves him away with exceeding anger and force.

He enters his tent and immediately chucks the letter to the floor, as if it was a vase he intended to shatter into a million pieces. It doesn't, of course; the paper remains intact, along with its seal. He crushes it beneath his heel then grabs the sack containing all your unread letters. He empties it on the floor and violently begins to stomp all over them.

You were his. You were meant to be his! Yet here you were, a pawn in someone else's game. His lust and infatuation has blinded him from this truth. You and your sister were mere tools of your cunt father to manipulate the throne.

He continues to trample your letters until they are brown with the dirt. He catches a lone letter that managed to evade his violence. He picks the unscathed object and only now does he realize its red waxen seal had an imprint of a dragon with a long neck that resembled Caraxes. Daemon scoffs, even his dragon you covet.

He breaks the seal. The letter was sent nearly a moon ago.

𝔇𝔞𝔢𝔪𝔬𝔫, ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥𝔶 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔴𝔢𝔩𝔩. ℑ𝔱 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 𝔡𝔞𝔶𝔰 𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔪𝔶 𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔞𝔩 𝔱𝔬 𝔒𝔩𝔡𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 ℑ 𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔩 𝔰𝔬 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔫𝔬𝔴. ℑ 𝔫𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔪𝔶 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔰 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔞𝔰 ℑ 𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔰𝔱 𝔦𝔫 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤'𝔰 𝔏𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤. ℑ𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢; ℑ 𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔦𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔦𝔱 𝔞𝔰 𝔞 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡. ℑ 𝔟𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔳𝔢 𝔦𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔞 𝔤𝔬𝔬𝔡 𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔰𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔫. ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢, 𝔲𝔭𝔬𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫, 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔬𝔴 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔱 𝔒𝔩𝔡𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔬𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔫, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 ℑ 𝔭𝔯𝔞𝔶 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔢𝔳𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔬𝔬𝔫. 𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢, 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔴𝔦𝔣𝔢

A good place to raise children?! He scoffs and crumples the paper away. You fantasize of bearing his seed now? He laughs at the idea, chucking the paper across his tent. His amusement goes dry when he realizes it must be your father's ploy.

He's read enough.

Back in the Keep, you too receive a letter. It is from Gwayne, whose weekly response has finally arrived. You do not mind that he does not write to you daily as you did; you are grateful to receive a response at all.

You were set on reading his response, but as is was, you were experiencing terrible nausea and found yourself unable to sit or lie still. For some reason, the only thing that could combat this was walking around. You instead had your ward read your brother's words aloud for you.

Arryk's eyes trail back and forth you and your letter. He comes to your side when you gag, "princess."

You place a hand on your mouth, walking away from him. He watches as you circle your bed, "perhaps, I-"

"Please," you sigh, "do not make me beg you to read it."

Arryk stiffens and shakes his head, "my apologies, your grace." He turns to the parchment, "my twin."

" Louder," you grunt as you momentarily lean on your bed.

"My twin," Arryk repeats slightly louder, "I pray that your health is good, that you have been eating and sleeping as goodly as you did in the days of your visit here."

You take a deep breath and walk towards nothing in particular.

"While I confess a certain light has been lost in the halls of our Oldtown home since your leave, I..." your ward knits his brows, "disagree with your sentiments to return."

"What?" you gasp softly, turning to Arryk.

He looks at you and hesitates, "I... will not honey my words: you disappoint me with your coldness towards our youngest."

You clench your teeth as you feel another gag coming up, "fucking, Gwayne."

"She has written to me more than once to lament your severed relations since she's wed."

Your scoff makes Arryk pause. You look at him as you walk over, "do not stop."

He looks at you as you walk past him. He clears his throat, "I did not speak of it until now, for I believed you to be wiser than your betrayal."

"Ha!" you scoff, eyes immediately watering, "incorrigible pest," you grunt and rub your belly. You pace faster, "unyielding. Unfeeling."

Arryk watches you pace and takes a few steps back and forth so to remain arms reach of you.

"Continue!"

He stiffens, "I—," he turns back to your brother's words, "you've written you believe it will be better for you both that you away, lest your childbearing interlope with hers. I disagree. Consider me a fool-"

"He is," you scratch your eyes.

"-a man who knows nothing of childbirth, which I am, but I know my sisters— I know you at the very least." Arryk watches you as he says the next words, "leaving Alicent will haunt you, your satisfaction short-lived."

You stop in your tracks. You feel your dress tighten around you.

"Lay down your pride and allow yourself to reach for your sister who understands your struggle unlike anyone in the Seven Realms now more than ever."

You feel sick, sicker.

"Upon doing so, see then if you still wish to come to home."

You heave as you continue walking around.

"I offer many prayers to the Mother for both you and our sister. We are truly grown from the same womb, for I too share in your hope that you give birth to a twin boy and girl."

You rub your belly, as the thought softens you a fraction.

"Mostly, I speak thanks and praise for I am to be doubly an uncle. I pray your births come timely and smoothly, and I pray the Lord Hand has extended nothing but gentleness to you both," he folds the paper, "Your Twin."

"See now," you turn to Arryk, "even my twin betrays me, abandons me," you feel tears run down your cheek.

He slowly walks towards you, "that is not what he's done, my princess."

"Then what?!" you shake your hands, "am I not allowed even my anger now?!"

He is taken off guard when you shove him back.

"Even you are against me!"

Arryk steps back, though you barely mustered enough force for him to need to. You quickly pace around again. He feels the flesh beneath his steel you touched begin to push. His lips part "do not accuse me so harshly."

You whip your head back, glaring at him with red eyes, "SHE COULD HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A LORD IN THE RIVERLANDS! OR HIGHGARDEN!" You throw your hand out, "ANYWHERE BUT HERE, BUT HERE SHE IS!"

His face falls when your rage makes you crumble. He gasp your name out as he catches you just before you fall.

"And for what?!" you wheeze as you are dragged to your bed. You rip at your collar as your chest tightens and tightens and tightens, "for me?"

"Princess," the knight's voice breaks with worry as he sits you down, "I beg you, ple-"

"Undress me," you mutter as you strugggle for air, "unlace my dress, I-"

He does not wait. He is quick to undo your bodice. He is so frantic, he nearly cuts your ties.

You moan as you feel a pressure leave you. You rip your dress off you, thinking of nothing else but catching your breath. Arryk helps you undress and you find it slightly easier to breath once you are left in nothing but your chemise.

Your ward struggles with himself; he does not wish to take advantage of this moment to ogle you, but he also cannot avert his gaze completely, lest you need his assistance. He clenches his jaw and lowers his gaze to his lap, muttering your name softly.

"Never mind my inadequacies, Arryk," you sigh in between deep breaths, "never mind that I will forever be second best to my father, who even wed me to his greatest enemy... who I am to make grandsire to not one but two Targaryen babes."

"Princess," he shakes his head, "I do not wish to-"

"I am used to his insistence of my dimness," you rub your chest, "of my capacity only for tears and succumbing to my own pain," your lips wobble, "but my sister—"

He stiffens and turns to you as lean into him. Your breath is too short and your head too heavy for you to keep yourself upright. Arryk calls our your name as he shifts, bringing his arm around to pull you upright.

"No," you wince, feeling a sharp pain in your belly, "hold me please."

He is immediately alarmed by how you clutch your side, "princess, are you-"

"Please," you rest your head on his armor, "hold me, even if you do not want to."

His hand twitches before, placing it your bare arm. He leans close, close enough to press his lips on your head, but he does not dare. He rubs your skin and whispers, "I want for nothing else."

You are too distracted by yourself that you do not hear him. Uncomfortable as the feel of his armor was, he lulls you into calmness.

When you feel well enough to realize how compromising it would be if someone were to witness you both, you pull away.

He says nothing, does nothing. He simply sit besides you, taking in your sad face.

You a tear drip from the tip of your nose. You rub it away before mumbling, "I had well-made plans for her... plans to shield her, to prosper her."

His eyes fall. He looks at the hand you had on your lap and dares to take it. It is cold and clammy, which is why he rubs it, eager to spread warmth.

The gesture makes goosebumps form on your arms. It makes your breath hitch, but not in a painful way. His gentleness encourages you to continue, "I once thought she looked up to me," you sniffle, "but when she said she was stronger than I," you lower your head.

He frowns.

"I knew then," you look back at him, "she sees only my weakness, along with the rest of the world."

He cannot help himself. He reaches for your cheek and wipes your tears.

You lean into his touch, "I can be strong, Arryk," you both his hands and squeeze them to prove a point, "can you not feel it?"

The gesture makes his heart break. He squeezes your hands in return, "you need not prove such a thing to me," he rubs your skin with his thumbs, "perhaps she does not want you to be strong... not for her."

You huff, "I am her older si-"

"But for your babe."

You are frozen by his words. You open your mouth but find nothing to say.

"Your brother," he gives you a solemn expression, "he says he prays the Lord Hand extends his gentleness to you, but I wonder if all that remained of his gentleness manifested into his daughters' beings."

The thought brings a tear from your eye, "Arryk."

"My princess."

"Should I speak to my sister come the morrow?"

He squeezes your hand again before slowly nodding.

The next day, you do everything in your power to do just that. You found Alicent breaking her fast, but you did not want to inadvertently ruin her appetite with your sudden appearance, for you knew how fickle it was in these times. Later, you found her in her chambers napping, but you didn't wish to interrupt her then either.

The rest of the day, you started feeling unwell, and you could not find it in you to leave your own chambers. When you finally did, the sun had set and Alicent was nowhere to be found. As a last resort, you ventured to the king's chambers.

Erryk announces you once you reach Viserys's door. You look at your knight with apprehension but he only returns a reassuring nod. There is a rather... sickly smell that assaults your senses when the door opens. The king himself answers, brows quirked in surprise.

"My king," you barely manage a curtsy. Erryk nods, "your grace."

Viserys regards you both then asks, "what brings you to my chambers at this hour?"

"I wanted to know if my sister was here," you absentmindedly rub your belly, "I wish to speak to her."

The king catches your belly, "oh, yes." He places a hand on your shoulder, "you are also with child," he chuckles, "I keep forgetting to congratulate you face to face."

You are taken aback by the half-hug he pulls you into.

Viserys chuckles as he pulls away, "well done, my dear. You have made the realm, and more importantly my brother, all the more richer for this."

You are rigid as he beckons you inside. Viserys motions to Erryk dismissively, and he nods. You wards gives you a silent look, and you know he'll wait for you outside.

Once you enter, you are assaulted by a scent that has clearly been attempted to be masked by fragrances. It makes you gag slightly, but it is not so bad that you cannot comport yourself.

You had expected to be lead to your sister, but instead, the king leads you to a massive diorama of what you could tell to be King's Landing.

"I am unsure where my wife is presently-"

His regard to your sister makes you clench your jaw.

"-but she visits me oft at this time of hour. Might as well show you my miniature figurines whilst waiting," he grins as he motions to the said object.

You feel an uncomfortable twinge in your stomach as you walk over to him.

Viserys immediately beams over his creation, recounting the trouble he had carving out the tower, exclaiming how much he enjoyed shaping the bridge. You have never seen him in such a light and it makes you wonder if this was his true self. Did he regard your husband this way? What were they like as children?

As he handed you two separate failed attempts of carving his fallen dragon, Balerion, you listen to him muse how the beast's skull was preserved in the basement bellow, and how he would gladly bring you there if you wanted to see. You groan and slightly lurch when another painful sensation ripples within you.

Viserys notices this. He quickly takes the figurines from you, "oh, where are my manners," he pulls a chair to your side, "sit, sit."

You gratefully take a seat and take a couple deep breathes as the king continues to drone about his diorama.

"You know, I used to make toy soldiers for Daemon growing up. I was aghast when he came back to me with severed heads."

You chuckle at his words, but instantly regret it when it adds to your pain.

"I still made him new ones, but this time, I put less effort and detail," Viserys speaks before noticing your reaction, "are you alright?"

"Mmm," you shake your head, "I think my babes are moving."

His brows quirk, "ah. That's right. You are expecting twins, are you not?"

You release a sigh when the uncomfortable sensations finally wane. You take a breath and offering a smile, "so says my maester. I hope it to be a boy and girl, like me and Gwayne."

He smiles, "it is quite fortunate that you and your sister are to have children at the same time," he looks over his miniature castle, "don't you think?"

"I think..." you turn to your belly, another groan leaving your lips, "Alicent is not ready to have children."

Viserys turns to you.

You look up at him and purse your lips, "nor am I."

He chuckles softly, "none of us are," he places a hand on your shoulder, "but I assure you, you learn as you go."

You find no comfort in his words.

"You know who has been ready though," he raises a finger, "Daemon."

The thought nearly makes you flinch.

He chuckles, "do not look so averted. There is gentleness in him," he turns back to his diorama, "do you not perceive it?"

You begin to feel sick.

"I tell you, when Rhaenyra was born, his face shone."

Your brows tighten at the smile the king offers you.

"I could tell as he held my child, he thought her the most precious thing in the worlds," Viserys face softens, "I could tell he wanted to have something precious to hold as his own," he absentmindedly examines a chisel, "the gods bless me with a wife who is going to birth me something precious," he turns to you, "and a good-sister who is going to birth my brother something doubly precious."

His words make your heart tinge. You are blindsided by how genuine, how vulnerable your conversation is. You wonder if Alicent saw this amidst the cruelty of the world and decided to settle for it rather than the uncertainty from another man. As he falls deeper into another fond tale of his brother, you feel a dull pain spread across your hips.

"That reminds me," he claps his hands, "do you have any names picked out yet?"

You shift uncomfortably in your chair, "well... I've-" you huff, "gone through some books that held Valyrian names," you inhale, "and found a few names for boys, namely Vaerus,—"

"Ah, Vaerus," Viserys repeats, "meaning genuine."

"Eadan—"

He grins and points, "little fire."

"—and Alaeric," you huff.

"Hmm," he turns to the ceiling in thought, "no, I don't know that one."

You are restless because of your pain. You groan as you stand, "I- mmm- prefer the last one the most because it is similar to my mother's name, and I should like to name my boy and girl after her."

He chuckles, "you seem quite set on a boy and a girl."

"Mmm," you hum uncomfortably, "I- I hope for it." You rub your belly, "I hope they have fondness for each other like me and mine own twin."

He knits his brows at your demeanor, "a son and a daughter would suit you well," he smiles fondly, "what was the name of your late mother again?"

"A-" you groan, "Alyrie."

Viserys finally reaches for you, "are you quite certain you're alright?"

You hum as you take the king's bicep, squeezing him tightly, "mmm, I should like to lie down now."

"Yes, of course," he shakes his head, leading you to the door.

Just before you can reach the entrance, a great pain forces you to lurch forward and yelp. You grip onto Viserys's arm for dear life and he grips you with hands. He thinks to grab the chair he pulled for you again, but as he looks back , his eyes widen at the trail of blood that leads to it. "GUARD! GUARD!"

You are in too much pain to react to the king's screams. You can only screw your eyes shut.

Erryk bursts through the doors, face white, heart racing.

"CALL THE MAESTER AT ONCE! SHE'S BLEEDING!"

Your eyes widen at the word, "bleeding?" You momentarily manage to gather enough wits to see what Viserys was speaking of.

Erryk does not linger in his horror. He bolts out and sprints down the halls, screaming for a maester as if his life depended on it because yours did.

The sight of your blood is mortifying. You lift your skirt as pain continues to seizes and a horrified noise leaves you when you find the red that pools by your foot.

It all happens at once after. An ache so great forces you to the floor. You are burning hot yet shivers run down your spine. You do not know if Viserys is speaking as you slowly crumple your knees but you do know that you are screaming loud.

Then it passes. Serenity ebbs and flows. You manage to sit on your but, but then it's back with a vengeance. You resist the squeal that morphs into to a shriek and then— you gasp, "no."

Viserys watches, the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms watches as you rip your skirt up and tear your ruined undergarments down, powerless.

Your scream makes his stomach curdle.

Your hands tremble as you reach for the two small bodies between your thighs. You bring them into your chest, uncaring of all else, how wet they are, how red stains you, how Viserys speaks your name. Your babes are are small; they are both far, far too small.

Anguish draws more noises from your throat. It doesn't take long until your voice is hoarse. You cannot keep your peace as you take in their tiny faces. You wipe them with your skirt, finding the silver of their brows and lashes. You also find the gods gave you a girl and a boy. You choke on a sob as you wipe the red away from their thin, white locks, "please wake for your mummy."

The words arrest Viserys. He recalls holding Baelon as life left him. He cherishes now more than ever that at least his boy gazed upon him once. He shares in your misery, yet does not know if how he should approach you; he does not know if he should. He does anyway, no matter how haunting the sound of your wails are.

You quiet momentarily as the man crouches beside you. Your lips wobble, "p-perhaps they'll wake up if you speak High Valyrian."

The thought is gutting.

You gently pull at one babe's eyelid, finding a violet eye looking back at you. Except it isn't looking at you at all and the thought makes you squall. You clutch your children tightly into your chest, rocking them back and forth, "forgive me, my loves. Forgive me for birthing you too soon."

Erryk finally arrives with the maesters. He is stunned in his spot whereas the maesters run to your side. He falls to his knees as lift your children up. They do not touch them, but instead look at each other before muttering something that makes you pull your twins back into your chest.

Your ward is ashamed to face you. He has failed you. Erryk comes to a stand and dares to come near you. You do not notice him. You do not care for anything or anyone else in this moment.

Crimson grief trails behind you as you make your way to the maester's ward. Erryk meant to carry you, but you refused, knowing the walk there would be the last time you'd ever get to hold your children. He silently walks beside you, eyeing your every move.

You freeze when you see your sister by the door. Erryk looks between the two of you, ready to give you space.

Alicent is distraught. Her eyes are nearly as red as yours and you can how her hands tremble even as she picks at them, "sister, I-"

"I wanted to talk to you earlier today."

Her face falls and she immediately runs up to you. She reaches for you but stops herself.

You frown at it, thinking it was because you had been cruel to her, "forgive me, sister."

She rapidly shakes her head, "do not even mention it."

A tear fog your vision, "very well," you sniffle as you lower your gaze, "would... would you like to see them?

She wordlessly agrees.

You step closer to her, "this is Alaeric... and Alyrie."

A hand comes to her mouth, "sister."

"They're perfect, are they not?"

She nods rapidly, "yes—" she shudders, "they are."

You sob with her as she brings her arms around you. Erryk cannot bare the sight. Hot tears run into his armor. Both him and Alicent stay with you as the maester's see to your health. They let you hold Alaeric and Alyrie until your examination commences, and then you confess that if they do not take them now, you will never let them be taken from you ever again.

You were exhausted as you lie in bed. Your body yearned for repose, but you could do nothing of the sort. You groggily stand and walk to your door.

Erryk starts. You caught him in the middle of scratching tears away from his eyes. You frown, "forgive me."

"No, princess," he shakes his head and turns to you, "how might I serve."

You bite your lip, hating yourself for what you were about to request, "I know it is terrible..." you sigh deeply, "I know it is inappropriate, and wrong, and an abuse of my power over you," you tremble, "but please you sleep with me."

"My princess, I-"

"Please," you raise a hand, "if it is too horrible, per- perhaps-" you hiccup, "you can drag the set— the settee beside my bed-"

He silences you by taking your raised hand. You continue to sob as he shakes his head, "I would do anything you ask of me."

You sob and throw your arms around him. Erryk embraces you back, though he was afraid his hard uniform might hurt you.

Otto sees this exchange from across the hall. He had not been moved to tears until this moment. He scratches his eyes before they fall and steels himself away as he walks off. He mentally takes note to observe the Cargyll brothers and to sternly remind them of their vows.

Erryk follows you to your bed. You crawl into your bed as he drags the settee from across the room beside you. You offer him a pillow and he gratefully take it. You knit your brows when he lies down. You sniffle, "will you not take your armor off?"

"I..." he start, about to explain it is inappropriate.

"Is it hard to remove by yourself?" you sit up, "I can help."

"I-" but his words go dry when you begin to undo his steel uniform with much ease.

All your years assisting Gwayne in and out of his armor has made the act come easy for you. You think nothing of it, but Erryk's heart races as you undo his chest plate. He sucks in a sharp breath as you put the metal down, then refuses your help, resigning to undo the rest himself.

You sink into your sheets as you watch your knight lay his armor down. It occurs to you in this moment that this was the first time you'd ever seen him without it. Even through his loose dress shirt, you can see his defined arms and torso. You even see a sliver of a scar from where his shirt opened on his chest and it makes you avert your gaze, knowing you've looked where you should not have.

Your lips begin to wobble as you think of Daemon and the scars he had on his skin. You feel pathetic as you begin to sob again.

Erryk hates the sound. He sits down on the settee and sniffles, "would you like me to sing for you?"

You wipe the snot on your philtrum as you look at him.

"I do not think I inherited her voice, but my mother used to sing to my brother and I when we were younger."

The word mother makes you feel sick, but you do not tell him that, and simply nod.

He clears his throat and takes a breath, "the fishes swim in seas of blue, and dragons breath fire so red. All the birds sing sweetly for you, so come rest ye darling wee head."

A chuckle is drawn amidst your tears as Erryk continues to sing.

"The apples grow up the trees, and flowers rise up from the ground. All the stars shine brightly for you, so come rest ye all safe and sound."

You ask him to repeat this song over and over and he humors you each time.

The day breaks and Arryk comes to your door for his shift. He holds a basket of flowers and a frown. He knocks on your door and announces himself. He is surprised when he hears footsteps approaching. His eyes widen when Erryk opens the door for him. His mouth falls at the messiness of his hair, then it clicks. Arryk nearly drops his basket as he grabs his twin by the collar, "what in seven hells have you done, you fool?"

Erryk is stoic as he responds, "my duty."

"Your-" he looks over his shoulder and pushes his brother into the room, closing the door behind him. Arryk makes sure to keep the silence and spares you a quick glance. The sight of your sleeping form makes him slightly soften, but he still manages to glare at his brother, "did you sleep here?"

Erryk turns to you, "she asked-"

"Did you sleep with her?" Arryk snaps.

The twins glare at each other. Erryk's face contorts in disgust, "I slept on the settee, brother. What do you take me fo-"

"I take you for a fool!" Arryk quips under his breath as he points an accusing finger.

Erryk scoffs, clenching his fist, "and you would have left?"

"I would have waited for her to sleep and resumed my post outsi-"

"Please."

The twins turn, finding you sitting on your bed, rubbing your puffy face. They both instinctively step forward and speak in unison, "princess."

"Please," you repeat, "I asked him to stay."

Arryk turns to Erryk.

"I do not want you to argue because-" you cannot continue because you begin to cry.

Both their faces fall, but Erryk wastes no time in coming to you. He kneels beside your bed and takes your hand, repeating the song he sang to you last night.

Arryk immediately recognizes the tune. His heart tightens as he watches the display. He mutters under his breath, "what have you done?" He walks over to him and watches the way you squeeze his brother's hand. He thinks of how you did the same for him just yesterday and clenches the basket's handle tightly. He begins to sing with his twin.

"The fishes swim in seas of blue, and dragons breath fire so red. All the birds sing sweetly for you, so come rest ye darling wee head.

The apples grow up the trees, and flowers rise up from the ground. All the stars shine brightly for you, so come rest ye all safe and sound."

These are the very words you sing to your sister's son.

Alicent was with child again, and you were giving her a much needed reprieve from her energetic boy who was now nearing his second name day. Aegon happily reached for flowers as you carried him through the gardens. He laughs with not a care in the world. It is strange how deeply happy and deeply sad the boy makes you feel.

Through it all, you smile as you sing. You bounce him in your hip once you finish, "right, shall we go back now?"

Aegon blissfully ignores you when his hand brushes against a flower. You pull him away before he can grab it, and push his hand down, "no, my love, we do not pick roses so carelessly."

Aegon cares little for your words and raises his hand again, "flower!"

You push his hand down and look at him, "you want the rose?" You adjust him in your arm, "you want to pick the rose for mummy?"

"Mummy?" Aegon repeats, turning to you to reach for your brown curls.

You chuckle when he tries to eat it and pull your hair away before he manages to, "silly boy. Shall we ask Ser Arryk to pick the flower for us?"

"Flower for mummy!" he bounces in your arms.

You bounce him back, making him giggle as you repeat, "flower for mummy!" You flip your hair back, "Ser Arryk, could you-"

Your mouth goes dry when you see Daemon staring back at you.