#its just not real like this just cant be real

[wifes-xxx]

There have been moments, especially when we open our hearts to a husband , where you have felt a distance between you. I know It's as if the door to your heart opens just halfway, holding back parts of you out of fear, caution, or maybe something you now can't quite understand. It struck you deeply like a slap, and you couldn't help but fee this realisation, it sounds like you are being self centred "I can't believe you would be someone so selfish. That you cant give yourself over completely to your relationship. What a dried up and broken woman you have become"

The beauty of exploring love languages and embracing our vulnerabilities lies in their reflection of real-life relationships. These concepts encourage us to examine our own connections, fostering a deeper understanding and appreciation for the complexities of love. It's an invitation to reflect on how we communicate affection and how we can better align with our loved ones, paving the way for more fulfilling relationships

Have you noticed sometimes when you do want it from a your guy , it almost feels like you’re invisible to him?

Are you nodding along?

Has this happened to you?

You already know you’re smitten. With your husband, only…you’re not bold and slutty, so you don’t feel comfortable just walking over and dropping to your knees and unzipping his pants and pulling it out, or telling him that you’re horny and need fucking… now!

So what can you do because you know it’s insulting to him for you to be a boring prude?

It’s fairly easy to get attention, but that doesn’t in any way guarantee that he will want to fuck you. Just something to be aware of. Once you have his attention, you’ll want to really notice what his reaction to you is. Does he smile while listening to every word, or is he busier checking his phone than talking to you? The sharper your observation skills, the less time you waste on knowing how to please him.

Grow up…you’re acting like you’re in middle school. You’re not. There are better, high-value ways to get his attention. Be his wife, his woman and his lover. Show him what you have and let him enjoy you.

Never be boring or distant.

Instead make yourself interesting and be interested in him and his desires. Learn what makes him hard.

Think of each moment like the dating game, you may be insecure about flirting or expressing your interest. It will take practice, but you’ve got this! Show some sexual aggression and really let him know what you have in mind. Use your brain. Or play open docile and ditzy. If it makes him hard and your feeling horny and wet, know in your heart its working for you. Remember that.

Be his good girl a figure out what turns him on and makes him hard, and interested. Usually, within a few minutes of conversation and , you can deduce this. Obviously, look for a bulge, but also keep an eye out for signs of breast gaze and lip gazing what part of your body is he focused upon! Display yourself with abandon like the women these men look at on Tumblr. They are interested atvtmhem for a reason. Forgot you self and think about why men masturbate to these kind of women pictures.

Let it change you prudish self.

Keep the conversation going once you have his attention, and make it clear that you’re not just being normal friendly (you’re being flirty friendly!). Use your language in and out of the bedroom to keep him engaged.

“You make me so wet”

“Never Stop”

“That feels amazing”

“Does that feel good?”

“I can feel your dick throbbing”

“I want you here right now”

“I want You so bad”

“I was thinking about you today”

“ oh fuck me, Just Like That”

“You make me want to scream”

“Fill me up”

” I'm curious honey what porn makes you. Hard“

“Fuck me like you mean it”

“Harder”

“I feel tiny in your arms”

“I love you”

“I love your dick”

“I want your cum”

“Kiss Me”

“Make me cum baby”

“Seeing you right after a workout”

“Taste Me”

“Your cock is stretching me out”

“I'm not wearing my panties today“

Feel free to share you favourites with me.

Oh God, this felt amazingly good to write. I am sooo ready for him.

S_XXX

[ribread03]

Our Song I

m.sturniolo

Summery: When you receive a DM from nick asking you about doing a collaboration with them you cant help but say yes!

THIS IS MY WORK AND MY IDEA! PLEASE DONT USE THIS AS “INSPIRATION” OR TAKE IT WITHOUT GETTING MY PERMISSION FIRST! thank you :)

AN: this is part one of the series “our song” if you would like to know more about “y/n” you can use the mood board! Enjoy :)

Y/N POV

You’re sitting at your desk editing the newest YouTube video you plan to put out. Music is playing in the background as you zone out into your computer. Your phone dings, pulling you out your computer to see who might have messaged you.

Your heart skips a beat when you see “nicolassturniolo sent you a message” in your notification stack. You’ve been a fan of the sturniolo triplet since what felt like forever, and now Nick is messaging you on instagram. You’re in such a state of shock as you open the message, hands trembling as you read what it says;

“Hello, Me, Matt and Chris have come across your YouTube channel and we’re wondering if you want to collab with us sometime in the future….”

Flash Back Two Weeks Ago…

You had just finished editing a YouTube video to post, hitting the post button you close your computer and lay down to take a nap. Expecting the usual few hundred comments and likes when you wake up in a few hours.

Boy were you wrong… A few hours go by and you wake up and see that your video has blown up, thousands of views, thousands of comments, and thousands of new subscribers. Your eyes scan your phone “congratulations on 1 MILLION subscribers” was in your email.

“OH! MY! GOD!” You screamed out, alerting your parents who happened to be downstairs, to hear you. Jumping up and out of bed, starting to exit your room, stepping over piles of books and clothes.

“Y/N? Are you okay!?” You can hear your mother frantically call up to you while walking up the stairs.

“I HIT A MILLION SUBSCRIBERS!” You say excitedly while meeting her in the hallway…

Back to the present…

“Oh. my. god…” you say quietly, fingers hovering over your screen, scared that if you hit anything this will all be a figment of your imagination. Clicking on the notification you hold your breath as your phone unlocks and opens instagram… this is no figment of your imagination. This is real life and the triplets really want to collaborate with you.

You let out a few more silent “omgs” before heading downstairs to talk to your mom about all of this. You exit your room and walk down the stairs, “Momma?” You say softly as you round the corner into the kitchen.

“Yeah sweetie?” Your mom says as she’s washing the dishes. You sit on a small stool on the floor before you talk again, petting your cat, nugget, that was by your feet.

“I got a message from Nick Sturniolo, asking if I wanted to collaborate with them,” you can hear the excitement in your voice as you tell your mom. Your mom also knows that you’ve been a fan, and practically obsessed, with these three boys since high school and have always wanted to meet them one day.

“You did? That’s great honey, what did you say?” She asks turning the sink off and turning to face you.

“I didn’t answer yet.. I'm honestly scared because what if they change their minds?” You explain to your mom with a nervous chuckle. Your cat had now made its way up onto your lap, purring loudly.

“I think you should do whatever you want, just know that a flight out to LA might be expensive.” You took your mom’s words to heart and gave her a small nod.

“I want to go out and meet them, a collaboration would help me so much.. maybe if I get a little more information then I’ll be able to see if I can afford it or not,” you explained back to your mom, pulling your phone out to DM Nick back.

“I would love to collab with you guys one day! That has been an absolute dream of mine forever. I would love to share some more information about when and where if possible.” You hit send with slightly shaky fingers before talking to your mom again, “I just messaged him back, I asked him for some more details on when and where we would collab”

“Okay sweetie,” your mom says softly before returning to whatever she was doing in the kitchen, before you came out there to talk to her. You give your cat a few more pets before standing and going back into your room, waiting for Nick to message you back with more details surrounding this possible future collaboration…

Matts POV

“Did you ask her yet?” Matt was sitting next to Nick looking over at his phone. Matt had seen your YouTube video and thought you were the most beautiful, funny, and relatable person on the internet, and he knew right then and there he needed to meet you.

He had asked Nick and Chris what they thought of some of your YouTube videos, hinting at the idea of a collaboration with you. Saying and pointing out things that would hopefully catch his brother's attention and make them also want to meet you, just maybe not for the same reason.

Matt would find himself scrolling through your instagram when he was bored, careful not to like any of your posts, wanting to keep you out of his fans stalking obsessions before he could even properly meet you. Thumbs carefully scrolling on TikTok as he watches every video you’ve made on there, watching how every video is a little different.

“Yes Matt, I did ask her,” Nick says with a slight eye roll, becoming tired of his brother’s constant asking. Nick's phone dings lightly, alerting that someone messaged him, the someone being you. Nick opens instagram and the messages that the two of you have sent back and forth. Matt's eyes scan the screen quickly, not caring that he might be invading some privacy of his brothers.

Matt's eyes land on the words, “I would love to collab with you guys one day! That has been an absolute dream of mine forever…” and he immediately becomes happier, his smile widening and eyes seem to sparkle and little more.

Nick sends you a quick DM back, asking if regular texting would be easier to send information through and that the collab would be sometime within the next two months. “I can’t believe she said yes!” Matt explains to Nick, his excitement evident in his tone.

“I didn’t think she would say no,” Nick says calmly, typing out his phone number to send to you…

AN: i hope you enjoyed this first part! If you would like to be on the tag list for this series comment on this post! Just asking to be added and i will do so :) feed back and thoughts are always welcome!

All boarders are from @issysh3ll

[opiumvampire]

i dunno guys if this was just a straight up and down album tour i’d be kinda mad but I really think this is the lead up to new material. Like I really do think they have something ready for us now and we will get it soon. It feels more real than ever before now so I cant even really be mad that its “just a tour.”

[icarusredwings]

FINE ill review it DAMN

Review of hellraiser heartbreaker

Playlist:

Murder on the Dancefloor - Sophie Ellis Bextor

Tommy Gun - Royal Republic

Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys

Tell Me The Truth - Two Feet

Undisclosed Desires - Muse

Jolene - Beyonce

I Wanna Be Yours - Foxy Shazam

Chapter 1.

Yoo lmao young wolvie is like "whats wrong with this guy?" And wades SOOO excited to be beat the shit out of.

"Let my babt boy go >:( you big meanies" ahh wade you silly thing.

Sokay baby boy dawww

Flirty kitty it is

Remeber kiddos introducing two wolverines in a very small area is NOT advised. Young wolvie is like a kitten, his hair going up and growling because hes scared and Logan growling to admit dominance and maturity over him. Jeez lousie.

"Ahahah behave" wade honey I bet logan loves when you defend his place in your life.

Chapter 2.

Oooh what a good start I love how hes sitting here staring at wade because he knows him and logan is NOT having it. He knows what young pups try to do, they try to steal your mate and hes not about to let that happen.

Pfft logan really said "ah hell nah id fuck anything back then im coming too"

THEY FUCKING VAN GOUGHED ME HAS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST LINES EVER

“This is why you’re my favorite.”

Logan tried hard not to smirk at that. He failed.

That right there confirms that wade KNOWS logan is jealous already and is lowkey trying hard not to entice younger wolverine too much because he knows he's gonna kill him.

I should thank Wade then. I should thank him very thoroughly .”

Oh so youve chosen death little one?

"Gotcha you pointy little bitch!" Me at my splinters.

Aww man wade is being so careful with both of them, hes just less careful with you logan cause your younger has a collar on right now thats all.

Did you forget your wade is one of the top mercs there is? He never has NOT gotten a job done, which means handling wolvie with care you stupid old man.

Chapter 3.

Yo he already said no once. Leave it.

He finna kill you, you better start acting right.

“I said no.” There was no hint of playfulness or friendliness there. Just finality. It was enough to make Wolverine back down.

See? I told you. God you little degenerate. You need trained that no means no sheesh.

Yeah those hips are quick but they aint for you

Awwww logan got him rabbits like a good hound dog. Bro really said "man I need to impress my mate lemme go kill some innocent rabbits to eat"

Finding food and showing how reliable he could be to Wade.

“Oh Logan,” that was a new tone from Wade. Affectionate. Directed at Logan. Not at him.

Yes exactly.

Wade brought me home

He sure as fuck did. He might as well collar you with his name on it too. Big strong boy. All jealous of a little inexperienced wolvie. Psshh lets be so for real.

“I don't see a ring, asshole.”

“Don't. Fucking. Touch. Him.”

ALEXA!! PLAY SINGLE LADIES FOR THE EPIC FIGHT THATS ABOUTA HAPPENA

Suddenly, the tip of a katana pushed against Logan’s cheek.

“What did I say about fighting?” Wade panted, his white eyes glaring. There was that seriousness in his voice again. Logan rolled his eyes at him. The katana pushed into Logan’s cheek until a trail of blood came out.

tHIS IS WHAT I KEEP SAYING!! wade does NOT fuck around when it comes to jobs! He was taught and trained to ALWAYS finish the job. Hes terrifying bro I would literally kill myself if I knew this man was after me because id be afraid hed play with me and not kill me fast enough.

Both of you need to settle your shit. I can’t have you guys fucking my mission up

Exhibit B. Do NOT come between an adhd man and his dopamine and his dopamine is finishing missions and getting cash.

Ooh my poor baby though. Like seriously you need a shock collar and maybe neutered bc holy hell no is non existent to you but you just miss your own. Its a shame yours always dies. Its really not fair. But you cant just go stealing other peoples wades either. Hes limited edition baby. If him and his poolcule dont invite you you cant touchy.

Got inspired by PrettyPonyRideToHell’s fic Hellraiser, Heartbreaker

Never knew I needed Worst Wolvie having to deal with his little shit, younger self and with Wade ofc caught in the middle 😌✨

[b-lossm]

•+*Forevers a long time*+•

Vi (arcane) x reader [angst-> comfort kinda..]

synopsis: Vi visits your new home before her big mission..

SEASON 2 SPOILERS KINDA!!!!

This is hard; fathoming the possibility that this may be the last time she sees you, its hard.

Vi tries her best to put up her brave walls again but when she hears your breath getting caught in your throat she realizes that its pointless "H-Hey this isn't goodbye" she says while haphazardly wiping your tears, trying to wipe her own as well, she knows that she might be lying, but for your sake she cant believe that too.

"B--But--" you start "No, I will come back, not in a box, okay?" she tries to reassure you through her shaky words wrapping her arms around you to bring you down "Vi d--don't even say that don't say that I wasn't trying to bring it up but--" hic "You cant leave, no, not right now, everything was going good before the explosion, you cant" you ramble on about how you two where finally gonna have a good life together, how her impatient self waited so long to get out of Stillwater to have a good life with you and now this? She quickly shuts you up with a soft kiss to bring you down.

"Hey--Hey Y/n breathe, breath Lovebug" she attempts to calm you down by tracing shapes into your side and kissing your cheeks, something that always works "I know, I don't like waiting for anything and we finally got here, but to make sure we keep everything we worked for I have to go, its only gonna be for a week ok and the---" you cut her off "Yeah a week where you might die!" she sighs, your right, your almost always right "Yeah, I know" she starts, pausing her motion for a split second, contemplating her life "Lovebug, you gotta understand that even if I do die, its for the greater cause, plus you know Cait, she doesn't miss, and you know me! I don't miss.. well most of the time" she chuckles while planting kisses all over your face and hairline.

When she finally gets you too stop crying she holds your hand "Tell you what.." she starts "When I come back, I'll get you that pretty promise ring you always wanted hm?" your mouth runs dry "Really Vi..?" you ask while your face flushes red "mhm' really, then I'll be yours forever, well until I really propose" she looks into your eyes, the color soothes her, it always does. You shake your head while smiling sadly "Well m' gonna hold it to you Vi, forever's a long time and I need you for that so you better come back" you say bittersweetly, still coping with the idea that your girlfriend might not come back.

"I want you to pinky promise that you'll come back Violet" 'Oh shit', she thinks you used her real name, She smiles and holds up her pinky “If I don't come back I want you too cut my pinky off for the funeral" she jokes as you interlock your fingers and lock it in with your thumbs "M' serious Vi, I need you here.. a lot of us do" you smile shyly "yeah I know" she says with a cocky smirk

Afterwards you two headed to bed and had hot and sad sesbian lex

———————————————————————————

The day after you where a mess.

You got dressed and got her ready to go "Go get her Vi, I'm sorry that its her that you have to get.." you say sadly, reminiscing on the times you and Vi hung out with powder, the times that you wanted the small girl to cherish. "She's gone Y/n, m' sorry but she is, I think I'll be ok." she takes a deep breath, realizing that in a way she's become something she never wanted to be "I know, just, be careful.." You say while admiring your tall girlfriend in the mirror thinking its weird how she's wearing the enforcer uniform, then you hear Caitlyn's knock at the door.

"I guess this is it then.." she starts but you quickly shut her down "No, we where sad yesterday, today your gonna go be the only cool ass enforcer and your gonna get her. Then your gonna come back to me like you promised" You say, determined to lighten the mood, She quickly pulls you into a deep kiss, its a goodbye kiss you know it is, but it doesn't matter to you anymore.

"Bye--Bye Vi, I'll hold up the fort while your gone"

"Bye Lovebug, I'll see you in a week"

you watch them as they leave, Vi looking back too see if you where still looking as many times as she can to make sure she can remember your face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/n

Season 2 brings me so much sorrow I made a playlist :(

This was supposed to be like Japanese Denim by Daniel Ceaser but it didnt really come through, I'll def make a fic based off of it more in the future though.

also why is there a Vi fanfic drought????, someone pls send me some, not alot of smut tho because there is so much.

[ivysprophecy]

slim pickins

warnings; bad date? mentions of sex, cursing underage drinking and yes i meant for it to be written poorly i was trying to keep the humor of the album in the writing

no pressure tags; @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

word count; 1911

summary; youre tired of not finding a decent guy who will treat you right and lay you right. at least not one you've known since you were kids. however you just cant help yourself. besides its slim pickins out here you take what you can get.

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

i wanna make one thing clear, when i say there are no good guys left i do not wanna hear about you and your boyfriend of three years that can cook and loves your mom.

thats exactly what im talking about maddie!!! i dont give two fucks that he took you to barnes and noble and bought you every book you wanted.

they are all taken. its plain and simple.

which is why even with a full roster, im stuck taking fucking zander, yes with a z, to my friends' kegger.

i mean yea hes cute. hes tall, built but not that gross kind of muscly. but if were being real i shouldve known better when he was joking about being a male stripper when hes a ginger.

and i can tell kie is judging me, rightfully so. her side eye is lethal. when i introduced him to everyone she asked him about his greta van fleet tee and he said he didn't even know it was a band.

needless to say pope had to drag her away.

after that incident i decided it was best if we tried to talk away from the rest of the group. boy was i wrong.

"so what do you like to drink? ill go grab us something," i offer trying to start the conversation, also avoiding the usual problem with taking a drink from men.

"im good with whatever"

i like to think im not a violent person, but im about to be.

"does a beer sound okay?" i ask him grabbing a twisted tea for me from the cooler.

"sure thing." god why is he acting like such a bitch? i should ask him if he's on his period.

i hand him the can, our fingers brush and its my final clue for the night that i am definitely not going home with him. no spark at all. hes done just about everything else to piss me off.

he did the thing where he licks his lips exaggeratingly looking me up and down, making a point to make sure i saw.

he walks so slow for being 6'3.

and finally he tried to mansplain my career to me. i'd had just enough when he opens his mouth again

"ew, you like twisted tea? who likes sweet tea?" his face contorted in disgust, it was about to contort from my fist breaking his goddamn nose if he keeps talking to me like this.

"we literally live in the south dude." my face could not make it any clearer i am so done with this guy.

"still, sweet tea is disgusting. im not kissing anyone that drinks that nasty shit."

"who said i wanted to kiss your nasty fucking mou-" i was interrupted by the sound of a very familiar giggle behind me as his arm wrapped around my shoulder, the smell of his deodorant and sea salt that cover his skin start to put you at ease.

jj was always there when you needed him, sometimes even when you didnt but right now you couldn't be more grateful. "im glad you found those mama i got em just for you. remembered theyre your favorite. right?"

and you wanna know the best part? zander is shaking already pissed off that jj is at my side. territorial i guess.

"you mind?" he asks him nodding his head at me like im not even there.

jj cant help but laugh at him "yea bud i do mind. she's hanging out with me tonight. have fun with your ipa dick." and with that he steers us off to where the rest of the pogues are.

but not before i can look over my shoulder and give the ginger an innocent smile and a shrug as if i had no control over the situation, when really id pick jj over anyone else.

"you owe me a big fat kiss mama," jj whispers in my ear walking us over to where our friends are standing, drinks in their hands laughing and chatting up a storm.

"in your dreams honey."

"every night all night," he quips back before i shove him off me.

now before you give me shit, jj and i have had our fair share of fun, but unfortunately im starting to look for something more serious.

watching john b and sarah be disgusting together is getting to my head. popes got something going on with cleo and im starting to recognize the pattern. and before i know it everyone will be in love if i don't start making an effort in that department.

random casual hook ups aren't doing it anymore, especially considering they aren't even that good.

unless theyre with jj.

but hes not an option, theres too much drama. too much history. too much too much too much. im not what he needs and i know for a fact he doesn't want me in that sense.

is that a bit dramatic? probably.

i mean hes a great lay, he's hilarious, he's got that blue collar kind of muscle, and he genuinely cares about me.

so of course im not going to date him, why would i?

what do you mean make good decisions? id rather do things in the most difficult way possible!

"y/n youve gotta stop giving those guys a chance, im starting to feel bad for you."

"you try finding a decent guy in a ten mile radius." i glare at him, obviously not wanting to joke about this right now.

he sticks his hand out in front of me, "fine i will. let me see your phone."

curious to see what he will do i hand it too him unlocked, he swipes and taps for a few moments, smiling down at the phone before handing it back to you.

when you look back down at the screen all you see is your instagram open with his stupid fucking smiley face on the screen.

he took a picture of himself and posted to my story. written on the screen in bubble letters in my favorite colored heart 'my favorite guy <3'

"i think he's your best bet." that same smile facing back at me now, cockier than ever. so smug i wanna kiss it off his face

i cant help but roll my eyes. "jj im serious! at this rate im going to die alone. every decent guy is taken or unavailable. all i want is someone funny, kind, and attractive is that too much to ask for?"

"im right in front of you mama you dont gotta look far."

"jj we both know we're not the serious kind of relationship im talking about."

"you can think what you want too but ill be here waiting for that kiss you owe me."

"i think all that tequila youve been sipping has gone to your head maybank."

he stands in front of me, taking his signature red cap off his head and putting it on mine smiling down at me, "what do they say in those books you read? you wear the hat you ride the cowboy?"

"this no ten gallon hat and you are no cowboy."

we laugh at each other, its always been easier to do that then actually talk about our feelings. so i put his hat back on his head, backwards the way he i likes it.

"cmon y/n/n, have a few more drinks, relax and hang out and ill make you feel all better later yea? its what im best at, you know."

"its gonna take more than a few more teas to convince me jj"

"what about that thing you like that i do with my tongue, huh mama? doesnt that sound pretty good right now? i think it does."

"i give you one fucking compliment and it goes straight to your head."

"technically its about my head so that makes perfect sense," he hands me another can with that stupid signature smirk of his and his stupid sexy hat backwards. i hate to admit it's working on me.

just like it does every other time.

i squint my eyes at him taking the can, rolling the idea around in my head. "fuck it. its not like anyone else is offering," i take a big sip of my drink.

jj pumps his fist in the air like a victorious idiot giving a few woots and hollars before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder despite my wishes.

"jb!!" he shouts turning around to face him, "we're headed out!"

john b looks at the two of us shaking his head at how im kicking my feet to wiggle out of jjs oddly strong grip. "make sure you change the sheets when youre done!"

oh my god he did not just say that. "fuck both of you!"

jj just laughs carrying you back to the chateau like a kid who's excited to use a brand new birthday present.

"what happened to letting me have a few more drinks before we left??"

"youre just too irresistable mama, gotta have you now,' he gives my ass a light slap for good measure causing me to roll my eyes for the 600th time tonight.

"are you gonna put me down now?"

he pretends to look like hes thinking about it, "i guess. only so i can watch you walk away," he does as he says helping me get my feet on the ground.

"youre a pervert."

"no im flirtatious, and you love it, you know it makes you blush i see it. now go on and give me a lil walk yea?"

oh im gonna kill him...

oh wait! im gonna kill him!

"okay... fine. but no touching until we get home," i smile walking away exactly like he asked, but i know behind me he is a puddle of mud. standing still, about to start begging me to let him.

he finally catches up after a few seconds "mama please- cmon thats not fair. you look too good in those shorts you know i cant wait that long. just wanna feel you."

i cant help but giggle at his words, its honestly adorable how mopey he gets. like i just kicked his puppy or something.

"hands of jj i mean it... not until that door shuts behind us."

it didn't really matter that i can see the chateau or that ill be there in literally a minute.

its actually painful for jj to not be able to touch me as he pleases.

i turn around to face him with a cheeky smile. "you want me maybank?"

and of course he nods so hard it looks like his head is going to fall right off.

"come and get me," running towards the house, i can see the moment when his reflexes kick in, his boots thudding against the ground as he gains on me.

just before i can make it to the poarch jj wraps his arms around me, lifting me a few inches off the ground and spinning me around in a fit of laughter.

"okay! okay okay okay you win- you got me."

"oh ive got you mama, and im havin you for the rest of the fucking night," he presses a kiss to my neck hauling me inside, the screen door slamming shut after us.

am i gonna regret this tomorrow? most likely.

but what can i say? its slim pickins in this part of town.

[lulushults]

as a nalu stan through and through its really starting to piss me off now that literally every single couple is getting development BUT nalu.

every single ship is getting constant scenes to show they either are already together, gajevy, and how theyre thriving. or how other ships, jerza and gruvia, are starting to realise their feelings and are slowly becoming more than friends.

nalu has for sure been the ship the fandom has been obsessed with the longest, and on top of that its also one of if not the most desired ship in the entire show, so why is it that we’re living off of small looks between eachother or one saying the others name or vise versa. i understand natsu and lucy are the two characters that are the most dense with their feelings and love in general. but like…cmon.

surely its about time the two of them start to understand how they feel. even just slightly. we havent had any real nalu moments since what? like the beginning of the 100 yrs quest with the hug after natsu loses control.

one of the main reasons i love ft so much is FOR nalu and their relationship. my patience is really starting to grow thinner and thinner every time a new chapter is released or a new arc is finished and every other couple has development while nalu has none.

its clear hiro wants nalu to be his final send off, but can he atleast not begin their development sooner than later. i cant express how disappointed me and half of the nalu fandom will be if they both dont come together until the final chapter EVER of the series while every other couple has moments upon moments under their belt to celebrate once the show is done. while we nalu fans have countless of moments from the main show, and about? 3? from the spin off.

idk i hope im not the only one starting to get really fed up, im happy for jerza, gruvia and even gajevy shippers for seeing their couples finally come together. im a hard gajevy and gruvia shipper myself, it just sucks that atm im having to pretty much survive on only gajevy and gruvia and have to p much act like nalu doesnt exist because..theres literally nothing to give us hope anymore.

not to mention the nalu fandom is DYING out because of this, theres less fanfic, less fanart, less headcannons, less everything because theres nothing for us to hope about anymore. trust me i’ll be heartbroken if nalu doesnt end up becoming real. but its hard to believe it is when hiro is giving little to no attention to them anymore.

i hope im not the only one thinking like this because it realllly sucks🤷‍♀️

[soheeunderthesun]

SINS WE CANT UNDO

~𐙚⋆° — ONE SHOT

You adore her. You really do. She's the best person you've ever met. Kind, loyal, smart, everything you wanted to be. So why, why can't you stop thinking about her ex? Scratch that. What the hell are you doing alone in the bathroom with him at a party, knowing she’s downstairs drowning her sorrows in cheap liquor at the thought of her ex? 

You should be down there with her, comforting her, protecting her. Instead, here you are at the last place you should be.

You adore your best friend. You know what she deserves and what you're doing right now... is the last thing she deserves.

wc - 8.3k

~~𐙚⋆° pairing — best friend's ex!eunseok x female reader

~~~𐙚⋆° features — Shotaro and Seunghan of RIIZE, Aeri of aespa and Kazuha of le sserafim.

~~~~𐙚⋆° genre — college au and forbidden love

~~~~~𐙚⋆° warning — cursing, smut (MDNI), moral ambiguity, and toxic behaviour by both main characters.

!AUTHORS NOTE! — My FIRST fic say whaaat? Okay idk if I even made this angsty enough.. I feel like it’s not.. 😭😭 yn is a really trying to blame everything on eunseok, a lot of accusing.. poor guy. Its like Elena Gilbert (The vampire diaries) in a different font. wait am I spoiling my own story? oops.. well just be prepared for the frustration youll feel.

This work is a work of fiction and is NOT intended to reflect the real-life personalities or actions of the individuals portrayed. This is for entertainment purposes only!

Tiny chipped remnants of pink nail polish scatter across your lap. The color is a faded pink but now reduced to smudged irregular dots that cling stubbornly to the fabric of the black dress you are wearing. The edges of the polish is uneven, a sign of your restless scratching, hoping that the motion somehow could peel away the war inside your head. 

"Should I go for black or brown eyeliner?" Kazuha asks you.

Her voice is light as she sits a few meters away at her makeup table, the soft hum of the fan interrupted only by the subtle click of her makeup brushes. She applies her concealer and dabs it onto the high points of her face where she wants to brighten her already perfect complexion. She dabs on her cheekbones, the bridge of her nose and under her eyes. You simply just watch her for a moment. Her gaze focused on the mirror while she works on her face, blending the product in with smooth and precise strokes.

You shoot your eyes around her room and immediately notice the almost ethereal aesthetic she’s made. Her bed is queen-sized with a beige colored duvet and layers of baby blue throw pillows, it’s neatly made, like it always is when you come over. There is a faint scent of lavender in the air, her signature smell. Kazuha has always liked the smell of the fresh flowers, so she’ll make sure to have a vase on her windowsill. Fairy lights are strung up around the edges of her ceiling, casting a warm and soft glow across the room. Her bookshelf against the wall is stacked high with mangas, and even some of the books are thoroughly used, due to the spine being creased. 

Your gaze then drifts to the walls as you scan the several photos that are framed, many familiar moments you've shared together. One of them being a picture from after her dance performance, a picture where she was practically glowing with excitement in her shimmering ballerina costume, her face was flushed with the rush of adrenaline and pride. She had been so eager and so alive in that moment as her eyes sparkled with pure joy. You remember how she couldn’t wait to take a picture with you and Aeri, her voice trembling slightly with excitement as she tugged you both closer to her. There are other photos scattered across the wall as well, some of them are her alone, with other friends and a couple more of you and Aeri. You glance down and your attention falls on the small bin. It’s overflowing with crumpled paper and what looks like a stack of discarded photos. Immediately there is a picture that stands out, a shot of her and Eunseok. A picture of her kissing his cheek.

A sudden memory flashes through your mind and with that comes a rush of guilt and a tight knot forms in your chest. It tightens with every passing second, pulling the breath from your lungs and suddenly the room feels small. You stare at your best friend trying to focus on the way she applies her makeup but all you can see now is in front of you is her trusting eyes and the thought of what you’ve done, what you’ve taken from her.

"Uhmm.. I think brown makes you look more soft" a forced smile appear on your face as you keep your gaze steady on her even though your mind is racing.

"Whereas black... black makes you look hot and uhm. Bold.. more bold "

The pulse of your heart thuds too loud in your ear drums. You didn't know your heart could race this fast. You hope she doesn’t notice your behavior and see how distracted you really are. The memory of last week resurfaces, how his touch still linger from the way his hands held your body, as if it burned your skin leaving it with invisible marks. It wasn’t supposed to happen of course. You weren’t supposed to cross that line. 

Kazuha doesn’t know.. she doesn't know anything.. how could she?

"Well then black it is” Kazuha's voice is calm “I need to show Eunseok what he lost"

Her eyes flicker to her reflection in the mirror as she applies the black eyeliner. The words hang in the air and for a moment everything feels suspended, like if time froze long enough just for you to fully absorb what she said.

What he lost

You stay silent as you watch her fingers delicaetly trace the outline of her eyes. It’s so easy for her to say those words but you know the truth behind them, it's like she’s trying to convince herself and even convince you that she’s moved on, that she’s over Eunseok. But you know she’s not and worse than that, you know she might never be.

Your gaze then drifts back to your own hands and without thinking, you return to scraping the chipped remnants of the nail polish off your nails. The motion is automatic like a mindless distraction but it feels almost comforting in its repetition, as if it’s the only thing you can control in a moment that suddenly feels completely out of your hands.

"Okay spill. Is there something wrong?" Classic Kazuha, she always knew when there was something off with you.

"You've been quiet ever since you showed up" She sits back and takes a moment to admire her work in the mirror but then she turns to you and her expression softens. "You usually tell me anything yn.. especially when it troubles your cute little head"

You usually tell me anything

you really do

she is your best friend for fucks sake!

oh you such are a horrible person yn

You force a smile as Kazuha is waiting for you to say something, but if you speak and admit to what you've done you will ruin everything.

You’ll ruin her

"No.. I’m okay" you say "Just a little tired. Maybe some tequila can revive me back"

You try to make it sound casual but the words come out a bit too fast and a little too eager than you wanted, making her study you for a beat longer than you’re comfortable with. The concern in her gaze deepens but she doesn’t push you yet. Instead she leans back slightly as her fingers brush through her iron-curled hair.

"You sure?"

“Mhm”

"Or if you don’t feel like partying, Aeri can just drop you home on the way to the party"

oh

an escape route

For a moment the temptation to take that route and to walk away and let the world pretend like nothing ever happened feels like the better option.

You can’t. Not now yn

Instead you shake your head quickly and hope she doesn’t notice the way your fingers tremble, as you brush another few chips of polish off your nails.

"No I’m fine I swear! let’s just go. I'm ready whenever you are"

FLASHBACK

You've known Kazuha for years now, years of being friends means you’ve seen her at her worst and at her most vulnerable moments. But this version of her? This side of her that’s sitting in front of you, with a tear-streaked face and barely holding it together has never appeared on the face of the earth until now. It’s a stark contrast to the girl you’ve always known, the confident self-assured Kazuha who was always the first to speak up for you or for anyone in general, because she could not bare the thought of someone being hurt or unfairly treated, even if it comes to herself. Seeing her like this in front of you feels almost ironic. Your best friend who once held the world in her hands looks so small now. 

Small and fragile.

Maybe it’s shows in the the way her brown eyes doesn’t meet your own, or the way her voice cracks when she speaks thick with snot, the hurt in her voice cutting through your body like a knife. You have seen Kazuha in love of course, brief ones, fleeting ones, but with Eunseok it was another story. Everyone thought it was something so pure and real what they had, and something they could hold onto forever. 

Now she’s silent as her lips tremble with her hands twisting together on her lap.

“..he doesn’t love me anymore” You could barely hear her voice.

 "I thought..." .. “I thought... we were… going to last” .. “and now I’m just.." She chokes on her words and buries her face in her hands.

You want to touch her and fix all of the pieces of her heart back together, say to her that it'll be alright. But you stop yourself, because you know that there are no easy words for this kind of pain she feels, no distractions and no jokes will make the heartbreak quicker to fade away. 

You feel it. Her hopelessness. You don't understand it though. You dont understand Eunseok. Eunseok for all his charm and sweetness didn't even have the decency to explain himself. Not a single explanation. Why? it doesn't look like Eunseok at all.

The Eunseok who has people wrapped around his finger by the second you meet him. Eunseok stood like he was the sun, the center of it all and you were desperate for a touch of the warmth he gave. He wasn’t just another handsome face in a crowd, it wasn’t only his appearance that left an impression, no there was something charming about him, in his own way. He wasn't big on romantic gestures or being overly kind, he simply treats people fairly and attentivly and it made you wonder how someone so gentle could’ve ended up as Kazuhas ex.

Sure, he was her ex, but you couldn’t help noticing how he’d have a big smile on his face when you´d talk with him, how he likes to tease and invite little jokes to your conversations. He’d remember to always ask you if you’ve eaten or slept well, always cared if you were doing okay, so naturally it made you enjoy his company. He wasn't just Kazuha's boyfriend around you, he was a Eunseok. Eunseok who made your heart flutter and beat a little quicker.

“I need you to go to his place” You blink, unsure if you’ve heard her right. She looks at you, eyes so tired and so lost, flickering with desperation or more like defeat. 

“I need you to pick up my things... Please yn" Her voice cracks when mentioning your name, but she doesn’t look away.

This is what she wants. This is what she needs yn

“Yeah.. I’ll do it”

 "I need everything, pick up all of my things"

You stand up and reach for your bag. “I’ll go get them Kazuha. I’ll bring everything back, I promise” She doesn’t look at you as you turn to leave and you wonder if she even notices you walk out her bedroom door.

-

You have already knocked twice and you feel how your hands slightly tremble when you reach out to knock for the third time.

Maybe he isn't home

you should just leave yn

you can get her stuff another day

But then the door swings open before you could take a step towards the stairs to your right, and in front of you stands Eunseok. His dark hair is tousled and the familiar warm brown eyes appears in front of you. He looks… fine? normal? as if he didn't just break it off with his girlfriend two weeks ago. You see that he doesn’t immediately step aside, he just stands there in the doorway while his hand rests on the doorframe. You shift uncomfortably.

“Hey” You’re not even sure if you’re addressing him or just making up for the silence around you.

“Hey yn”

“Kazuha asked me to come get some of her stuff”

You wait for his response and it feels like forever and you can't help but think if Kazuha wrote to him telling him that you were coming. But you doubt it, she has probably already deleted all kinds of contact with him.

“Oh sure yeah, come in” 

You follow him into the room and your eyes fall on the couch where Kazuha’s belongings are. You see her soft grey hoodie being slightly crumpled and nearby lays a collection of skincare products, you notice the high-end serums and creams and how the sleek glass bottles catch the light from the lamp. You don’t turn around to face Eunseok. You feel like he is waiting for you to talk about the situation, maybe he wants you to ask him how he’s been doing or if he’s okay or if there’s any part of him that’s struggling like Kazuha is. But you dont wanna do that, instead you walk towards the couch to retrieve her belongings.

“How’s uhm Kazuha?.. How’s she's doing?”

You pause your actions as were about to grab her hoodie. The question doesnt surprise you, so you find yourself responding.

“she’s hurting...”

“Yeah.. I can imagine” .. “Im sorry.. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore, couldnt be with her anymore”

You’re still standing there, still havent picked up her hoodie yet. You dont really know how to respond to him.

Couldn’t do it anymore? what the fuck does that even mean?

It feels like he’s asking for more than just an answer, like he's waiting for you to say something or maybe understand something. The silence is loud between you, loud with all the things neither of you are saying right now. Kind of like a strange feeling of vulnerability hanging in the air, like he’s offering you a chance to step into something, something that neither of you have talked about before.

“I don’t regret it you know” .. “I dont regret breaking up with her. I just wish things could’ve been different”

You turn to look at him. Eunseok steps closer standing tall with his lean athletic build just a few inches from you. His eyes flicker over you, it scares you how you feel a flutter of something in your chest, something that’s so wrong. It's something you’ve never allowed yourself to feel.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” He looks at you like he’s waiting for an answer, as if your opinion might make a difference to the whole situation.

Is he asking me for reassurance? or is he..

You shake the thought away you shouldnt even entertain it. You try to ignore it and try to focus on Kazuha and her things but Eunseok’s presence right now and his gaze… it’s fucking with your head.

“Maybe” you finally answer him “but she’ll need time”

You think the conversation is over, but then he decides to stand closer to you.

“I hope she forgives me” Eunseok says “Cause I don’t want to lose you too yn”

The space between now feels intimate and all you can focus on is the heat that’s rising in your skin, its burning. You try to look at anything but his eyes. There’s a war in your head, your emotions fighting against each other. You’re confused, you’re heartbroken, hell you are even angry at him. For putting you in this situation and for bringing this up now. You open your mouth to say something.

“Why did you say that?”

He hesistates for a moment “..Because I can’t let you stand there and watch us pretend like there’s nothing between us”

Eunseok steps closer and this time you don’t wanna run away. His breath is warm against your skin as he reaches out, his hand brushing against yours a light touch that feels almost like electricity going through your veins.

“You don’t have to say anything” … “I know it’s complicated. I know you’re hurting for her" his hand is now gently cupping your burning cheek. “I need you to know how much I..” He stops, his lips hovering just above your own.

Now would be a good time to pull away. You should be driving back to Kazuha and hand her the things you came here for. You should be thinking about the trust that you’re about to shatter. But In that split second you are thinking about that, Eunseok leans his body down to you making your heart thunder loud and furious against your ribcage. You don’t know why. You don’t know how. All you know is that his lips are on you now. So soft and so tender.

There’s no force in the kiss, no recklessness in your movements. It’s slow and searching when his lips move against yours. You feel the guilt start to fade into the void as you let yourself feel the heat that rushes through your body. You let him pull you closer, your arms grabbing around the back of his neck and you forget that you’re kissing the man who just broke Kazuha’s heart. His hand then slides to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. you respond by opening your mouth to let his tongue slide in you, with a hunger that hasn’t been fed. The room feels like it’s spinning but Eunseok makes you feel steady. Just the pressure and slight teasing of his tongue against yours, his fingers going through your hair and the warmth of his body, It’s intoxicating.

You let him drag you to his room not too far away from where you just were, the hoodie and skincare long forgotten as he lays you down gently on his bed. He leans down to kiss you again, this time with more eagerness. You know he is desperate to keep you close, you feel it in the way he holds your waist firmly as if you’d vanish into thin air if he lets go. The hand on your jaw moves down towards the hem of your pants.

“Are you okay with this?” You open your eyes to look at him.

You nod your head, you know that if you spoke, no sound will come out and you were certain to not let this moment slip away from you. You wanted Eunseok you have longed for him and you had him now right in front of you. You know its selfish, but the selfishness of it all doesn't taste bitter on your tongue anymore, it doesn’t stop you from threading your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. His soft hands roam around your body, as his fingers slide underneath your shirt to squeeze and massage your breast, making you gasp softly from how good it feels.

You try to button up your pants, but fail due to how he grins against your clothed core. Oh he is so big and so hard. It feels too good and you haven't even taken your clothes off. "fuck" .. "I need you" he slurred as he grins against you harder, letting his lips trail down your neck, his hot breath on your skin.

His movements comes to a halt as he takes his hands down to help you unbutton your pants, letting Eunseok throw them some place on the floor followed by your underwear. He then tilt your chin to make you look at him as he the seals your lips together again, his teeth tugging at your bottom lip to let him inside your mouth, you oblige as the slickness of his tongue mix with your own.

His hand travels down to where your thighs were and you open them further to reveal your exposed pussy, his hands greedy on your soft inner thighs , deeply massaging into the flesh which pulls out a whimper from you.

“Fuck Eunseok”

You could feel his fingers travel up towards your aching folds, so wet and ready for him. A second later he pushes two fingers inside, making you arch your back, his fingers are long, reaching deep. He moves in an agonizing slow pace.

"Eunseok.. please.." you whine. you want him to move faster, you grow eager as you take the wrist of his hand, and you start thrusting his fingers in you faster, you cant help but meet the thrust halfway. He chuckles against your lips as he lets you take control of his fingers inside you for a while before he finally gives into your desperation.

"nngh- more please" you plead.

He adds a third finger inside you and starts tormenting your hole curling them to hit the sweet spot inside you.

"fuck you are so tight.. even just by my fingers" he says, now adding pressure on your clit, rubbing it in circles as it makes your body go into overdrive, every sense of yours heightened. He nibs at your earlobe as he feels your walls contract around his fingers. His thrust becoming even more faster and harder, the sensation from his deep fingers inside you, the rubbing on your clit and him now sucking down your throat makes your body arch and shake for a release.

"fuck ngh! Eunseok dont stop" your eyebrows furrow as you plead him to keep his pace. Eunseok could hear how your low whines become louder. "Keep going, im close" you say as your eyes try to look down and focus on how his fingers slide in and out of you. Eunseok is captivated by the flush of your cheeks and the heaving of your chest. It made his dick throb painfully in his pants. "cum for me yn" thats all it takes for you to reach your high, as you moan into the room, though it gets muffled as he claims your mouth with his own, you keep kissing until Eunseok slides his fingers out of you to lick his fingers clean of your cum. Cherished every lick as if he doens´t want to ever lose the taste of you. He wanted to remember this. Wanted to remember how you laid in front of him.

He reached down and tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants, letting the fabric slide easily down his hips as he pulled them off. You focus on how his hands dissappear under his boxers as he pumps himself ready, fuck he looks so sexy the sight makes you clench around nothing, and your pussy throb for his cock.

You help him take his boxers briefs off. Eunseok is huge, never have you seen such a pretty cock before as it makes your mouth fall open at the sight of him, some drool gathering in your mouth as you reel him closer to you. The tip of his cock runs along your fold, teasing you, torturing you.

"please Eunseok, I need you in me"

Thats all he wanted you to say before he pushes his fat cock into your waiting hole. You hiss at his size "breathe for me yn. you can take it". he says as you slowly let him push more of him inside you, feeling every vein of his cock stretching you out. You can feel how your walls around him grip tightly around his cock, it stings you as if you are being split in half trying to let his cock find its way inside you.

"such a good girl, feel so good around me baby, as if you were made for me yeah" he kisses along your left cheek and down to your mouth as he fills you up completely. You sobbed out as he fully sunk into you, never in your life have you felt this full.

"doing so good for me, got you right here where I wanted you" his voice wavers as he fights to keep control, and not just rammer into you with full force.

Your eyes fall shut as he starts to move, thrusting deep, snapping his hips against yours. "ngh.. yes" you moan "Fuck you're so big" dragging him down to kiss him. He massages your breast again and squeezes your nipple between his fingers, you open your eyes to meet his, softly moaning his name.

"fuck" he groans, while picking up his rhythm as he pounds into you deeper. You struggle to breathe, his thrust harder, reaching deep inside you making your body tremble, with the stimulation from both his cock and fingers. "fuck baby... feel so good around me yn" his intense eyes watching you succumb to pleasure, pressing his forehead against yours, as he gives his all to find both of your releases. You had no idea how much Eunseok has been dreaming about this, dreaming about fucking you in his bed.

Eunseok isn't oblivious to the fact that what he's doing right now is messed up. He knows that taking you here in his bed is so fucked up of him. He is being selfish right now. He didn’t care about the damage that'll happen to you and Kazuha's relationship. It didn't matter. All that mattered was keeping you close, keeping you to himself. No matter who he had to hurt in the process.

"look at you right now so wet" you are soaked, dripping down his sheets, you see how his cock glistens at your slickness. "Ill give you what you want, what you need baby" he takes the fingers that were teasing your nipples, and began rubbing your clit for the second time. "ngh yes please yes Eunseok!" you moan gripping the sheets underneath, your eyes rolling back. You cry as he rubs your clit faster while he was fucking into you, only the sound of your arousal and the slapping of skin filling the room.

You can feel your orgasm approaching, as his thick cock and long fingers sending waves of pleasure to you "cant ngh.. cant hold back any longer yn" the pace feels like ecstasy, you legs shaking, as he hits your g-spot making you reach the peak of you climax, sending jolts of electricity through your body, your hole clenching and gushing on his cock as he continues to fuck you.

"please Eunseok fill me up" with one last thrust he empties himself inside you, groaning as he buries his head on your heaving chest. His warm cum filling you up, cock twicthing, as he keeps on cumming. You feel him pull you tighter against him wanting to feel you soft skin as he fill you to the brim. You then pepper kisses on his face, while you mindlessly play with his hair, he smiles at you, and kisses you one last time before pulling out.

Eunseok cups your face gently, his fingers brushing along your skin as though he was memorizing every inch of where he has touched you. He kissed you softly, his lips lingering, trying to communicate something he couldn’t quite put into words. "Stay" .. "I don’t want you to leave. Not tonight"

END OF FLASHBACK

Aeri´s hands are steady on the black steering wheel of her brother’s car. The night air is cool as it flows through the open windows, the rhythmic sound of the tires against the pavement fills the space like white noise sharing the air with the songs from the radio. Aeri sings along to the songs but keeps her eyes focused on the road.

“I’m telling you this party is going to be insane!” she says with a grin as her fingers tap on the steering wheel.

“We’re going to have so much fun! I just know it. I even heard Beomgyu is coming!”

You catch a glimpse of Kazuha´s profile in the rearview mirror. She is sitting in the front passenger seat staring out the window and she looks like she is lost in thought, for a second you wonder if she’s thinking about Eunseok, about what she said earlier

Showing him what he lost.

Aeri’s playlist shuffles through upbeat pop songs. You can feel the vibrations in the seat beneath you as it feels like they travel up your spine. For a few minutes the beats fill the air drowning out everything else. The noise swallows your thoughts whole, its enough to make you forget everything. You close your eyes for a second and let the rhythm wash over you. its like a perfect escape like a barrier between you and everything that’s been gnawing at your insides. You’re not thinking about the lies you’ve been holding inside, not thinking about Kazuha, or Eunseok, or the mess you’ve created. For once everything is just the sound and melody that don’t usually mean anything to you but now it feels like your lifeline. 

Just as you begin to settle into the rhythm you hear Aeri twisting the volume knob followed by the music being turned down. You blink, eyes still closed as the quiet rushes in. Your heart sinks due to the absence of noise now amplifying the feelings you just got rid off.

“So, Kazuha” Aeri starts 

“How do you feel about Eunseok being at the party tonight?”

Kazuha doesn’t react immediately. She’s still looking out of the window her profile barely visible in the dim light, but you can see the way her jaw tightens ever so slightly. She’s trying to act unbothered as if the question doesn’t even matter to her. 

"I don’t really care"

She shrugs “I mean, he’s... he’s moved on right? so It's whatever”

“its whatever?” You notice how Kazuha’s fingers tighten around the edge of her seat but she doesn’t let her gaze flicker to Aeri. 

“He didn’t love me anymore” she says her words flat. “I cant make him feel something he doesn’t, can’t force him to love me”

“I’m over it,” oh Kazuha..

 “We’re both fine. No big deal.” Kazuha adds quickly

Aeri watches her for a moment longer, there is a silent understanding across her face but she knows not to press any further.

"Okay.. well, if you're fine, then I guess we’re all good, right?"

 “Hey yn you okay back there?” Aeri asks, glancing at you briefly in the rearview mirror. 

You nod quickly, forcing another smile “Yeah, just... just a little tired still. You know, like always” She raises an eyebrow at you

“Alright, but if you need to bail early, just say it. There is no shame in wanting a good night's sleep”

She then turns her attention back to the road, humming along to the song she turned on again playing on the radio.

-

The deep bass shake the walls and the vibrations go through your bones. Lights flash in time with the music and people crowd the space as their voices rise above the thrum of the speakers. You can feel the air is thick with the mix of body heat and alcohol. You step into the living room as the familiar smell of drinks and faint smoke lingers in the air. The party is already in full swing, you see people pressed together on the dance floor, hands on each others bodies or up in the air.

Kazuha moves ahead of you, her steps confident and her back is straight. Aeri on the other hand is already sitting down laughing with a group of people by the couch, she is clearly unaffected by the crowd around her, her energy radiating as she grabs a drink from Beomgyu’s hand and hands it to you with a grin. 

“You look like you need this” she says

You take the drink from her.

You haven’t had a drink in a while but tonight, you think you can let yourself go. You take a sip and then you feel it. The electric charge of the tequila sunrise, It burns down your throat just as if everyone collectively holds their breath for just a beat. Then you see him. Eunseok. His back is to you, but you know it’s him. You see him standing by the edge of the dance floor laughing with a few friends, which makes your heart skip a beat. It’s been a week since you’ve seen him. Since everything happened and seeing him again so effortlessly at ease makes you suddenly aware of the glass in your hand, turned into a drink you don’t want anymore. You glance at Kazuha who sat next to Aeri now, She’s frozen in place. Her eyes wide and dark, she’s already seen him. She doesn’t move nor speak however you can see it in the way her breath catches. It’s brief but you know her well enough. Aeri notices too, her smile fading as she follows your gaze.

“If you’re not ready for this, we can leave. It’s no big deal.” Aeri says but Kazuha doesn’t budge.

She straightens her back again, the tightness in her jaw telling you everything you need to know. She’s not going anywhere.

She’s going to pretend she’s fine

And Eunseok? He’s just standing there laughing with Seunghan and Shotaro.

-

You see the wooden bathroom door just ahead of you. Someone’s leaning against the wall next to the door, texting frantically on their phone and they don’t move when you approach. It makes you sidestep, feeling a slight wave of irritation since they didnt care about the space they were hogging in the narrow area. You’re not sure if Aeri and Kazuha notices you slip away but you don’t really care either. The bathroom will be a safe space for now, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

You swing the door open and the cool dimly lit room greets you as you lock the door behind you. You need this moment alone. You lean against the sink as your hands grip the cold white marble, you look up to stare at your reflection. Your makeup is still intact, even your hair is still perfectly styled, but your eyes look... Empty. You inhale deeply as the silence in the bathroom is only broken by the sound of your own shallow breathing.

Then a soft knock appears. “its occupied!” you say, not in the mood to deal with a drunk person pestering you. 

There’s a pause on the other side of the door. The person coughs.

that voice

Even with just a simple cough you couldn’t fail to recognize something you found too familiar. 

Eunseok

Standing here right now, only a piece of wood dividing the both of you, so close yet so far.

How long has he been standing there? Did he see you slip away from the party? 

 "Hey" Eunseok’s voice floats through the door smooth and quiet.

"yn you okay in there?"

Another knock, it’s even firmer this time. it makes you close your eyes and wish for him tojust fuck off hoping it would be that simple. You take a long breath, then another, you know there is no way out now.

“I’m good” you finally say.

he’s right there

just on the other side of the door

waiting..

His response feels like forever, the only thing you hear is how his footsteps shifts due to the slight creak of the floorboards outside the bathroom. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt” His tone is soft like how he usually talks to you, but this time it’s like he is almost trying to draw you out.

“I just... I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about you. about us..” .. “hah it feels a bit weird saying this to a door though” you hear him awkwardly chuckle.

You grip the edge of the sink. You don’t want to hear this and you most definitely don’t want him to be anywhere near you right now. You wont respond, you can’t. Your mind is racing and all of your thoughts swirl back to the week prior and how good he made you feel. The way he took care of your body like no other and how he.. no.

“I know we haven’t exactly... talked. You know since everything happened” Eunseok continues “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay” he pauses. 

Please shut up Eunseok.

“I know things got complicated. I... I don’t know, I’m not sure how to fix any of it. I just.. yn I’m here if you need me"

You close your eyes tightly and bite down on your lower lip, so hard you are scared itll bleed. You want to tell him to leave and to fuck back to the party, but the words stick in your throat.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Eunseok asks again.

“I can wait out here, if you need some time”

Before you know what you are doing your fingers fumble with the lock as your heart race. The sound of the click echoes in the otherwise silent bathroom. Obviously It wasn’t your intention to give in to Eunseok like this, but something about the way he’s standing out there, his voice low and so gentle like it pulled at you. So you figured that now is the time to take control of this moment. You open the door just a crack, enough to see him standing on the other side, his eyes slightly wide. He is dressed casually, a black t-shirt and jeans, its so effortless but in his presence and in his proximity it feels suffocating. You can’t deny he looks handsome.

“Hey yn” Eunseok says again. He’s standing a few inches away now, his hands resting in his pockets. It’s almost too normal. Too casual for this situation. 

Without thinking the door swings wider and before either of you can say another word you reach out grab the front of his shirt and pull him inside. The door locks shut behind him, and you’re standing there in the space of the small bathroom. His eyes meet yours but there’s no time for him to process, and no time for him to ask why you pulled him into this tiny intimate space, away from the eyes of the party. The pulse is thundering in your ears as your body feels like it's shaking but you can’t let go. You can’t step back now.

“I..” You start, but your voice betrays you. You swallow hard, trying to steady your breath.

what are you supposed to say yn?

Eunseok’s hand moves instinctively, he reaching out to steady you as his fingers brush against your arm. The contact makes your stomach flip. Eunseok´s touch is so familiar but it feels all wrong like it's bringing everything you’ve been trying to avoid hitting down on you.

“I’m sorry" Eunseok murmurs “I should have said something earlier, but you know…” he continues. “The thing is… I never stopped thinking about you” you blink a few times, you then take a step back as you try to process what he’s just said.

“Eunseok… no.. not this right now. Not here, not no-”

“Then how am I supposed to talk to you when you keep avoiding me yn?”

You pause, hearing a tint of frustration in his voice.“fuck, this isn’t something we can just talk about as if it’s normal! You don’t get to say that, not after what we did Eunseok”

You kept going now, growing frustrated by his eagerness. If he wants to talk. Then fuck it, talk you shall. “Like… How could we even do that to her?.. and how could you lead her on like that knowing.. knowing you felt something for me?”

Eunsuk flinches “I get it alright?" his tone is defensive now as if trying to brace himself against the words of what’s just been said. “You think I’m some kind of dick, that I’m the one who’s messed everything up, for not saying anything to her. I get that. But don’t act like you regret what we did yn” He takes a step closer not quite within your personal space, but close enough that you can feel the heat of his presence. His jaw clenches and for the first time tonight you see the frustration that has been simmering underneath his calm facade.

“Yeah, I lied to her. But don’t try to tell me you didn’t want this too" his words feels sharper now, the reality of what’s been happening between you two, getting more serious "If you didn’t feel the same way, if you didn’t want me as much as I wanted you, you wouldn’t have slept with me." He saw right through you, he always did. You tell him you don't want him near yourself, and yet… his lips looks so inviting. It’s so obvious now.

“It’s like you are playing some sick game with me yn, trying to convince yourself that you are not the kind of person who would do this, who would sleep with your best friend’s ex, news flash you already did” he nears you.

“No no no stop” You repeat while shaking your head.

You wanna blame him for everything. You wanna scream and shout that he manipulated you into this mess and that he is some kind of twisted guy who does this for entertainment.

“You are the one who lied to Kazuha and kept stringing her along, knowing full well that you felt something for me Eunseok” … “You made your choices as you kept pretending, kept making her believe everything was fine! and now I’m ruled into this mess!”

For a brief second, his eyes flash with something, anger? frustration? guilt? or perhaps all of the above.

"Don’t lie to me, alright?" his voice is low now.

“You didn’t have to sleep with me, you didn’t have to let me kiss you or touch you the way I did.” he pauses before he continues “but the thing is you didn’t stop me! You could’ve easily pushed me away at any time in that room. So don’t stand there acting all holy and shit like you didn’t want this too. Don’t act like you didn’t have any fucking part in it”

The truth is, it’s so much easier to pretend you are not the kind of person who would do this, because deep down, both Eunseok and you know that you are trying to find a way out of this mess that doesn’t make you look like the selfish, confused, fucked-up person you are.

you are selfish, so selfish yn

You don’t care about anyone else feelings except your own

“I was already going on dates with her before I found out how I truly felt” His brown eyes looks at yours, and you can see they plead for you to listen to him, to hear him out “and now I don’t know how to stop thinking about you.."

He grabs your hand in his, taking it down to his crotch to let you feel his bulge underneath his pants. You feel yourself getting wet, by the thought of him getting hard because of you.

"come closer.. look what you are doing to me"

You’ve already done the damage, already crossed the line. All those times you’ve felt the slight jealousy of him and Kazuha together, or when you’d listen carefully when she mentions their silly fights, in hopes of one of them having enough and break it off. Now as soon as they did, you hopped straight into your chances, it was just all to your luck that Eunseok felt the same. But it didn’t make you any less of a bad friend, any less evil.

He is right,

you don’t regret sleeping with him yn

You only regret that there’s a chance Kazuha might find out

Your morals are nonexistent as you close the distance between you two. The kiss is heated, hot and breathy. You don’t know if it’s the desire or the pent-up emotions that travels around your body but right now you couldn’t care less.

You kiss him without a worry in the world. It’s addictive how his tongue swirls with yours, and how good he is a making you want more. "Fuuck im so happy you are wearing this dress, so sexy for me yeah" he growls into your mouth while sliding his hands underneath the black fabric to pull down your thong, feeling how your wetness try to cling on to it as he pulls it down. "already wet for me, tsk you probably wanted me to come find you here didn't you?" he smirks. "wanted me to fuck you while Kazuha is down stairs" you roll your eyes. "fuck you" your comment makes him laugh. "oh baby, you will"

He flips you around, making you face the mirror, his jeans already down to his ankles as he grabs his cock, dragging it up and down your folds to lube his shaft, he positions himself by your entrance. "look at yourself while I fuck you" he doesn't give you a minute to spare before he slides in his cock. You moan loudly due to his size, still havent adjusted to how big he is as it makes you claw after the marble sink, gripping it tightly. He goes deeper, keep on pushing into you making you feel so full of him. You sink your head down due to the feeling of him stretching you out, but he quickly grabs your jaw pulling it back up. "I said look at yourself while I fuck you yeah?" he says, staying still now, fully settled inside.

"yes" you exhale. "such a good girl" he praises you and slams into you, feeling your muscles contract. He shoves his cock deeper into you, making sure to bruise your hole every time he pushes into you, making you moan out loud. "fuck such a slut for me yn" He starts thrusting in you roughly this time he isn't holding back. He retracts one of the hands on your waist and grabs one of your hair to steady your head, forcing you to watch him fuck you. You can see how your own brows scrunch together as the pleasure from his cock is driving you insane. Nails digging into the hard marble, while moans slip out of your mouth. You also like the way his other hand dig harshly on your waist, the pain mixing well with the pleasure.

A whine escapes from your throat as he starts hitting a particular spot inside you. Eunseok´s eyes focused on how your eyes seem to look hazier and hazier in the mirror, your mouth gone slack as he hits your g-spot. "fuck yn, you look so good taking my cock like that" he huffs. His eyes glued to your face now. He contiunes jamming into you feeling himself approach his climax with the way you clench around him. "oh fuck please Eunseok!" the rhytimic pace against your g-spot grows your nearer, feeling the coil in your stomach warm. "oh Eunseok!, oh my god" "cmon baby, let go" you tighten around his shaft, while he fucks you through your orgasm. His thrust then becomes erratic as he feels himself nearing the edge. "fuck baby, im gonna cum" he growls as he drives his cock a few more times into you, before coming inside you. "Love how you feel yn" with shallow thrusts he spills every last drop inside you.

The mirror is fogged up now due to the increased humidity and moisture in the air. You notice how Eunseok is now peppering kisses on your jaw while still snug inside you. “mmmh Eunseok.. we- we need to go back down” he doesn’t stop but is now moving his lips up your cheek. “hmm wanna stay here, wanna be inside you foreve-“

You stiffened as both of your gazes turn onto the door, listening to the sound coming from the other side “Yn? are you in there?” Your stomach dropped, panic flooding your veins. Aeri…

"fuck" you quietly curse.

She cant see you in here

Not with Eunseok

You quietly pull him away from you, Eunseok hissing at the lost contact of your walls around him. You then yank up your thong feeling his cum slowly drip out as you feel the heat of embarrassment rush over you. The sweat starts to bead on your forehead, the panic creeping in as you realize how close you are to getting caught. You take a deep breath to steady your nerves before answering her, . "Uh, yeah, I'm in here! What's up? Everything okay?"

"no.. Kazuha started crying downstairs.. so I took her to the car to sit in peace. I think it´s for the best we leave.."

"wait what? okay ill quickly be there!… uhm you can get the engine started!"

"okay be quick!" you hear her voice, followed by the sound of footsteps fading as she walks away from the bathroom door until all that’s left is the hollow silence in the room.

"Fuck!" you say out loud, knowing Aeri cant hear you anymore. You swallow hard and shift your attention to Eunseok, who is already looking at you with worried eyes.

"she needs me.. I have to go Eunseok.." His face falters and a deep sigh escapes him. He doesn’t reach for you, doesn’t stop you from leaving, what he does is taking a small step back to create some space for you to walk towards the door.

-

In the car it's quiet. None of you speak a word. No radio to fill the space, no open windows to bring in the sounds of the outside world. Just pure silence.

Aeri pulls into Kazuha´s driveway. The engine shuts off and the silence once again swallowing the space among you. Neither of you moves right away to unbuckle the seatbelt, as you all sit there for a long moment. You know things aren’t going to be easy from here on out. All you can do is sit in the silence and wait for it to blow over.. knowing this is just the start of it all.

Hope you guys enjoyed this fic! (Although it’s an open ending..) feel free to leave a comment on what you think about it! It’s always nice to hear you guy’s reaction!!

Have a great day! I love you! 😘

[mackmp3]

☕how the writers delt with river song

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.

like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life

a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being

even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS

also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.

like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo

also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)

[faithinmovies]

sometimes 911 does such lazy bad episodes and then it just hits you with a masterclass on how to write a character. you may know everything about them, every little detail around them: what they want, who they want, why they are the way they are, the huge list of characteristics you chose. but you need to let it go, trust you know them, find a specific phrase with a story to go with it that somehow includes it all > eddie searches what joy means to him. and then a insane scene is born. him shaving, dancing, letting go and letting buck in like always but this time, different. being together, in a couch, quietly. he doesnt know he is in love, he cant. it will take more to accept the full joy. but there it is, lingering between them. like what the fuck was that. how do you write eddie so well. how did i get this lucky. its magic for real

[rxttenfish]

as wwdits rounds out its final season, i cant help but think about how the movie ended. as in, the first movie, the one that started this, before the tv show, the one that put forth the idea to have a tv show for it.

which is, if you know how wwdits the movie ends, you know it ends disappointingly. viago reunites with his lover, yes, and transforms her into a vampire, but this is also the only real closure or straightforward happiness we get. vladislav got back together with his ex in a relationship that was unrewarding and harmful to both of them, the ex-familiar immediately makes her husband her new familiar, petyr is dead for good, and what we see of the werewolves is still tense, still clearly not the best situation nor what stu wanted, who went through something traumatic without a lot of closure. its a point being made about cycles repeating, about the disappointment of eternal life and being unable to escape all the same problems that you had as a human, about vampires never changing.

and i kind of worry, because i feel like this kind of disappointing "let down" ending is the kind of thing that would also be appropriate for wwdits the show. the vampires dont change. they try, and they attempt to break the cycle that theyve been following ever since they were made vampires, but they just cant. in essence, they all feel deeply depressed in a way that they cant actually name and refuse to acknowledge, and everything weve seen suggests that vampires will do everything they can to REFUSE to acknowledge that.

but its also the ending that i think people will hate. i think people want them to be happy and they want nandermo to be happy and a couple, they want everything to work out, but i dont think it will. and i dont think the show is any worse if it doesnt work out, if it doesnt end happily, if it continues the cycle of dissatisfaction, if it feels like theyre all just treading the same water. it doesnt make it any less impactful queer media, it doesnt undo the pride parade episode, it doesnt make what its done go away, it doesnt take away anything it already has.

i dont know. i worry a lot about people feeling like they are owed happy endings in media thats fundamentally disinterested in there being a happy ending.

[revscarecrow]

hi rev i just wanted to come here and rant for a second because i feel like you'll understand. i hope you dont mind.

i'm really, REALLY frustrated that a lot of the current culture around artists complaining about ai is people being like "ugh artists are so sensitive, this use case isnt even that bad, its just funny, its just a meme, etc etc"

as an artist myself i feel like i cant even complain about it in my current online social circles because i will be met with people being like "its not that serious when its used to make memes"

i fucking hate seeing ai. period. it doesnt matter if its google gemini, or chat gpt, or some rancid ai meme, or an ai voice. i hate ALL of it because it reminds me that the ONE THING i thought couldn't be taken from me by robots (my ability to make art/video) is being taken from me in front of my eyes.

even my other artist friends partake in this culture. i seriously dont understand it. it is DEEPLY upsetting and makes me feel so hopeless and powerless.

maybe it's an "if i dont laugh, i'll cry" situation. i dont know. i want to hear your thoughts on it. much love

I talk about AI "art" on my art youtube channel. Suffice to say that generative AI and neural nets can be used for good things like mapping the human brain to help better understand the systems at work and how to help with dementia (this is a real thing that's being done and it's rad btw). While this tech does a lot of energy I think it's worth it to learn how to cure horrible diseases. The tasks that this can do helps solve problems that are either too complex or time intensive for humans to do. Art is about expression to some degree. Some people are just about the aesthics but for me personally I think that the process of coming to and finishing the idea is the art and the canvas is the record of the process happening. As such the spirit behind the creation of an object is core to the aesthic of the piece. If I make a painting out of shit or blood it's going to have a very different vibe than one done with paint. Why was that choice made? Artists make these choices at every step. Some just pick things as a default but that is in itself a choice. I use acrylic when I paint canvases because of the drying time and because I fear my cats will attempt to eat the sugary smelling liquin medium used with oil. The nature of my work area I have means the canvases I paint are smaller. These are choices that change how my work looks but also speak to who I am as a person. AI art does not consider this because how could it? It does not think. It's a disgusting similacrum of the human experience. Memes still gross me out I'll be honest.

[ganondoodle]

i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)

i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-

and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)

by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)

its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )

i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that

what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode

[armandcock]

In love with the idea of OldDaniel feeling firstly ashamed by the seeming age gap (firstly, he'll eventually make it his brand let's be real) between him and Armand, and Armand just being so so excited cause this (their weird problematic dynamic) just got so much worse (better)

This especially makes me think of a fic I read a while ago that really stuck with me where D and A finally reunite in one of Daniel's book premieres and Armand makes his appearance as Daniel's very young student/college, reads everybody's mind on how inappropriate their relationship must be and says to Daniel how he'll apply to college, get a job as a barista and start saying he doesn't even have his driver's license just to make their whole thing seemingly worse. and of course he says it in front of one of Daniel's daughters. Anyways, the point is their voyeuristic style can never be reached

WOHOOOO BABY ‼️‼️‼️ armand daniel age gap so funny to me because of course its the other way around but the faux scandal. like the taboo of it all. & they think theyre so fucking funny. daniel is like hes older than he looks i swear & then armand is like mr molloy can you help me with my ap calc homework. & daniel is a pervert so as much as i think he'll make a big show out of being like ugh i cant do this what will Thr World Think he'll give up on that in about three seconds. bless.

anyway can you send me the fic i think ive read it before but im not sure. yeah they are fucking crazy. also armand people who dont have a drivers license yet rep rise ✊😔

[hecksupremechips]

Also also I like to imagine the little messages like “there is still time” and “you are dying” are Tara on the other side trying to communicate with Owen/Isabel via the psychic plane. She probably tried so hard to be okay going back without Isabel but just couldn’t do it and stayed there waiting, trying and begging that Isabel will hear her and save herself

Fuckin. The reason Owen has asthma is literally because his real self is buried alive suffocating and his mom is the one who reminds him to bring his inhaler when he’s a kid and next time we see her she’s sick and then she’s dead and when Owen watches the finale he’s wheezing and projectile vomiting and his dad springs into action to drown him further and when it’s the final act his lips are severely chapped from overuse of the inhaler and he keeps trying to inhale from it but it’s not working and he just keeps wheezing loudly keeps trying to make this all work he knows why it isn’t he’s dying she’s DYING he ends the movie apologizing to everyone and still wheezing

[reallife6anoufriev6boy6]

ah ah ah... im not hiding behind anonymity... im speaking my TRUTH!

i would absolutely love a dylric agere stimboard with cg!eric and agere!dylan 🥲🥲 maybe even with headcanons sprinkled in... as a treat!

tyty moot.. ah ah ah...!

caregiver!eric + little!dylan stimboard

YOURE SUCH A REAL ONE!!!!

i love the yn stuff but i LOVELOVELOVE when its my boys together and i TOTALLY see this

this is a very obvious thing, but i wanna say it anyway, they both definitely keep this sort of thing VERY private between each other and are both embarrassed about it.

eric likes taking care of dylan and dylan likes being taken care of by eric so they both get over it.

i think dylan would definitely draw/doodle random shit in their journals (i know this was a thing already of course but i mean more normal things) and eric would let him draw on his stuff as well.

when they sit together i think dylan would fidget with erics watch. like. hed have his arm laid out in front of him while he messes with it. hed also probably trace over whatever marks he has on his arms.

dylan definitely would watch eric play doom or whatever while he sits next to him - sometimes playing himself, not being particularly good when hes in that headspace, but eric would still tell him hes doing good either way.

a really small thing, but i also like to think about eric ruffling dylans hair and just really like his hair in general.

they also totally fall asleep in bed together and dylan would have his head on erics chest while eric has his arms over him. its a little awkward because of their height difference but they make it work.

the dog theme is bcuz i see dylan as a big dog hehe

cant wait for the haters to come for this one