#its hard enough to convince myself i 'need' the one and if i do 2 i will go through them twice as fast and it feels greedy

[geneticcatalyst]

,

[alchemiclee]

I can't stop thinking about wanting to open shop for my art prints and stickers and eventually keychains and charms and stuff. and even some of my 3d printed figures i'm working to paint. but then my brain reminds me that no one wants my stuff and it wont sell so it will be a waste of time and money 😭 ugh what do. don't want a repeat of last time where I spent a few hundred dollars to print art and stickers and ended up giving most of it away for free and throwing away the rest 😭😭😭

[death---dealer]

Cleopatra. ( Caesar x Pregnant! Human Reader, Drabble Series. POTA )

I should not listen to myself i said 5 drabbles well well here we are with like 6 and close to 7K words and most of them are smaller oneshots AH. Reblogs, likes, comments all appreciated. I am working on a similiar piece for NOAAAAA!!!!

Beginnings. ( Drabble 1. )

You felt like you couldn’t breathe - the air was sticking onto your lungs, coating them in ashen dust that was laying on the ground of the woods. You needed to move --- Okay, maybe not, grunting that inside of your mind as you attempted to shift your head just a bit to get a bearing onto your surroundings proved futile as red hit your eyes and your neck convulsed under the usual movement. Pain radiated from the back of your head, down to the base of your neck and stagnantly danced on the nerves piled there. Even shifting to press your hand against your stomach was an endeavor and even then, the blood that was on the palm of your hand… You squinted at it, fear setting in as the last drop of whatever adrenaline you had faded into obscurity.

 Was… Was that your blood? Trying to swallow was impossible, planting your face down into the mud and letting out a strangled cry as you attempted to move once again, your teeth gritting against each other but in the scape of the situation, that felt heavenly as compared to the tattering that was running through your muscles. Saliva began mixing into the already impure snow under your body having been mixed previously with mud. One foot, you tried to convince yourself. You just needed one… On… One… Looking down at your right foot as you managed to get yourself kneeling, accomplishment was short-lived as your ears rang, your center of gravity disappearing as did your vision. Falling back, your body was hard to hit the ground. 

In a fitted haze of unconsciousness, you could have sworn you were… Swooped up in one foul move by a set of arms that were much hairier than a humans. Warm, you had thought to yourself, but that could be swelling in your brain telling you that death was on the horizon. Death… Sounded nice versus the incredible tremors of your body, throwing into a it of hypothermia, a cusp of bruises and cut-marks aligning against your already frigid skin to the point where it felt you were going to shatter into shards if you were moved too quickly, to feverishly. How selfishly you wanted to open the door where the knock was coming from. But you had more to think about than just yourself now. 

Flinching at the pain of your abdomen, a pair of hands were astute enough to deduce your intensely fragile situation. 

What… is happening?

Voice of God, it had to be. It trembled in a deep setting baritone, hard and unforgiving. Yes, you wanted to cry, I am with Child but I… Can’t find it in myself… to live…

Found in woods! Nearby Human Camp--- This voice was light and airy but you were unable to process the words that came after that, your mind bending into a haze as you tried to get yourself into a state of lucidity so you could actually focus.  Brought back to Colony when saw she was still alive.

Colony? You wanted to tilt your head but in your jilted state, you were unable to move.

With Child. Not far along, but both will survive if we keep her here and heal.

This voice was a bit more soft spoken, gentle and caressing like the hands that were now placed on your head, your eyes refusing even the most basic of knowledge from your brain to get them open. It smelt like conifer, the highest tree possible, a bird sitting atop and watching the inklings of the ground below its mighty perch. Heaven? There was a lax in the air of contemplation before the baritone voice from earlier spoke. 

She will stay, do what you can to heal. 

And with that command and your mind taking itself to the darkness, even in the state of your eyelids being shut, everything went black. 

Empathetic Ape. ( Drabble 2. )

It did not take long after you finally willed yourself out of your semi-coma to realize that you… Had been taken prisoner by a Colony of Apes. In your mind, you drew the conclusion from the snippets of the conversation you got when you were first brought here in your altered state of reality that… They had found you. Half-alive and brought you back to the Colony at the bid of their King. This… Your eyes narrowed a small bit as you looked over the giant and sweeping bonfire that was built in the middle of this communal space. This Caesar. 

There was irony in the name itself, and you just had to wonder if he knew that. You had woken up nearly a month ago, fading in and out, but able to keep yourself stable enough to process that… They were being kind in healing you. They knew, you drew your arms closer to your stomach as you tightened the animal pelt around your shoulders and gave Caesar a wide stare as he looked over at you, your actions must have torn him from his conversation with the others around him. They knew you were pregnant. They must have thought they were sparing you, not telling you the detailed nature of the camp when they had found you. The--- You choked a small cry, tears pricking at the back of your eyes. The bodies. Your friends. Your family. Your--- Squeezing your eyelids shut, you couldn’t bear to think about it any longer and forced a swallow down before looking at the fire rather blandly. “Do not know… much,” That voice! You jumped on your spot, clutching the pelt even harder and causing your knuckles to go white. Your eyes scaled from the jumping flames, up the hackles of an Apes legs and rested uncomfortably in a sea of green, ablaze from the depths of the fire itself. You swallowed lightly, watching him move in petulant silence as he sat next to you, bowl in his hand. Caesar. Caesar. Your mind was wailing like an old police car.

“About human… Pregnancy.” No shit, you wanted to retort sarcastically but you held your tongue as he held out the bowl in his hand. Fruit. And… You squinted. Roasted fish? Your stomach churned at the prospect of having something other than a slurry of ground up food, something the Apes that were aiding you to heal often fed you as a means to get the food down as fast as possible. Faster, no chance of morning sickness, right? Wrong. You found yourself kneeling over and getting sick more times than you could count. “Might be similar to Ape, but do not know.” In between his choppy English, you grasped the plate carefully with one hand and brought it into your chest with the smallest ‘thank you’. It wasn’t as if the Female Apes that were healing you were awful, they weren’t cordial though. It felt they only did what they needed to to appease the Ape next to you. Strong, mighty and all encompassing Caesar. “I am…” You had begun eating, chewing mildly so as to not disturb the tone of Caesar’s voice. Waving right around the edges, or it could have been your imagination in the front of the roar of a fire, “Sorry…” Furrowing your eyebrows at that, you picked the fish with your pointer finger, suddenly not at all invested in eating as bile switched in your throat. “Lost my mate,” He continued on, your eyes dead-set and widening as you realized he was… displaying empathy. Your mind fogged for a moment. They were capable of that? “Only recently,” Gesturing to the perch you had found yourself watching him on earlier in the evening, he was making direction towards the broader chest of one of the Females that took care of you here. Squinting, you gasped quietly. They were so small, so ingrained in the fur that it was hard to tell there was a baby there, until their tiny head turned to the side and much to your surprise, you were met with a mild azure rather than the scrutiny of green you were so used to. “Blue Eyes, my Son. Mother lost after… Birth.” Not meaning to seem rude, your tried to keep your mouth from falling open dramatically, but it did partially split. “Complications from childbirth?” Surprised at the gentle nature of your voice, you felt a tear slide down your right cheek and you were quick to brush it away. Like it mattered, once one started, there was a flood soon to come. He only nodded, silent and a bit less intimidating than the times you had seen him, times you had interacted before this. “I---” you choked a bit, looking down at the bowl in your hands that Caesar was gracious enough to bless you with, “Don’t know wh-what happened to my husband… Was…” Narrowing your eyes in slight suspicion, you glanced over at him briefly when your voice tapered into nothingness but you forced yourself to speak the next question with no animosity. You needed to know the answer. “Was it Apes?” He’d know the answer, you bargained. Being a King and all. That’s what it was to be a Leader. You knew the good, and you knew the bad. And even worse than all of that, you knew the carnage. “No.” He was assured in that answer as his gaze met yours once again, this time, instead of finding yourself looking away, you drifted towards it, towards some comfort that someone else… Knew about the absolute torn away nature of your heart and how it was so empty now.

“Humans.” There was a twinge of assurance in his voice as he rose, gesturing to the bowl he had given you. “Keep strength up. Not just for yourself, but for…” His eyes flickered down to your stomach, minute in nature but he may as well have been gawking at you. “Child.”

Baby Blue. ( Drabble 3. )

A few months passed and you found yourself easing into the Colony, despite the disgruntled comments you got from a certain Bonobo who shall not be named. That was your nickname for him, and that’s how it remained as Winter fell off and Spring blossomed, the wildflowers bustled through the ground, through the snow that was still encapsulating its livelihood. All of it was going to be gone by the end of the day, you thought mildly as you looked at the Sun.

Taking a bid from Caesar himself, you were basking in the rays, sitting atop a rather comfortable tree trunk that had been rolled onto its side as a means to be sat on. He had convinced you to leave your hut earlier in the day, telling you that Sun was good for Ape pregnancy, it must be good for Humans. There was no intense argument to be made as you gave him a delicate smile, nodding in agreement and finding yourself drenched deliciously in mild-warmth, your scattered and torn paperback book sitting in your lap. 

Looking down at it… You felt a deep yearning and pressing sensation hit your chest. You were showing. Not much, you were sure that the other Apes had yet to notice any change with you, not that you could blame them. As you got adapted to living with them, you became just another part of Colony life and they paid you no heed. Unless you were late for meals. Then Luca was on you ( something you thought that Caesar was responsible for, but it turns out the Silverback was genuinely concerned for you at times ).

 In your time here, he had become your closest ally, even going as far as to call him a friend. He made gentle comments, telling you how glowing you looked today, something he must have heard through the grapevine that humans said about pregnancy, he told you how wonderful it was that your baby was developing, and that you were beginning to actually show. He had explained that with Apes, they all grew small. Small to the point where it was undetectable. You envied that, placing a soft hand against your bump and sighed deeply. Soon, no Ape here would be able to walk past you without gawking, without it looking like you had stolen a ripe melon and decided to shove it under your shirt. 

There was chittering to your side, your head wiping over to investigate. Not too quickly though, even though time had passed, your neck still felt sore if you went to fast in your movements. Blue Eyes, much like yourself, was growing. The phase of always clinging to a Female, or even better, your guilty pleasure when you wanted to see something abnormally cute, clinging to Caesar’s chest, were coming to a close and he was becoming more curious of the world around him, much like yourself.

Chuckling at the fact that you were drawing comparisons to a baby Chimp, you grunted and picked him up as he so often liked to held by you when you would read pages from your book. He had to learn speech, right? And who better to learn from than from a Human who had impeccable --- Well, you tilted your head and smiled at the baby as he crawled himself up your arm, around your shoulder and then back down the other arm, decent skills in English. 

He paused at the same time that you did, a fluttering capturing your abdomen. Was that… It happened again, this time more fervently, your mouth falling into an ‘O’ shape, and any Ape who saw you at this moment were probably assuming that you were laughing. “Did… did you feel that?” You bent your head down and gawked at Blue Eyes, who gave you a small tilt of the head as he placed his dainty hand right upon the top of your bump. Right where you had felt the sensation. The butterflies - The - The… Your baby. 

“You felt that.” Confirming that, Blue Eyes hooted in your lap as a response. You had no idea what he was saying as tears hit the back of your eyes as your face contorted. You began openly sobbing, not a care in the world if anyone saw you. 

Caesar was perched in his normal spot, having just dismissed the council. Koba lingered as he usually did, giving comments about you, about you being with child and how dangerous of a game it really was. But, the King was in no mood to listen to that and told Koba that he would need time to think about his words and they could discuss at a later time.

Blue Eyes-- He had jumped off Caesar’s shoulder mid-meeting. Probably scavenging somewhere for some berries, most likely pestering you though as that slowly became the small Prince’s favorite pastime. Not that Caesar was one to complain. It came with benefits. You were good with Blue Eyes, you were gentle and kind and it gave Caesar actual time with his own thoughts without having to dally on his child. 

He peered down the rock ledge. Spotting you was easy, your scent often gave away your where-abouts to Caesar. Green eyes hit the back of your head first, admiring the tousel of your hair on this particular day and how it appeared naturally highlighted in the sunshine.

You had been reading, Caesar’s suspicions confirmed. Blue Eyes was with you and was most likely getting a mouth full from whatever you were reading to him. Then the shaking of your shoulders. Caesar’s eyes narrowed upon seeing his Son’s small hand on your stomach. He wasn’t… No, no, Blue Eyes wasn’t hurting you, the gentle touch he had was too soft to inflict damage of any sort. Watching in contemplation of whether he wanted to go down there and see what was happening, he saw your hand come up as you lightly placed it on Blue Eyes’, holding it against the shelf of your stomach that was becoming more pronounced. Caesar stopped himself from moving and just… Surveyed. He could hear your mild words fluttering through the air like dandelion seeds. “I think it’s a boy.” Chittering from Blue Eyes. “A girl? Are you sure?”

Camp. ( Drabble 4. )

Caesar had told you that on their most recent delectation of Hunting, on top of snagging a few Elk for the Colony, they had fallen upon what appeared to be a deserted human settlement. He estimated it had been abandoned for only a year, maybe less. Some of the things were coated finely in dust from the woods, no implications that it had been there since the beginning of the Flu and it was in remarkable condition.

He didn't dig into it though, unsure of what items you were in more need of than others and had chosen to come back home and tell you of it. You were prompt to accept the offer to go with him two days from when he told you, now in the present you were teetering yourself to keep balance on the uneven floor of the woods, opting to walk when you were concerned of riding a horse while pregnant. He told you it wasn’t much farther, having left shortly after dawn and stopping a few times as you severely needed to relieve yourself behind a tree, having to tell the Ape King himself not to watch you as he was pretty concerned you could be attacked while out of his sight. Ideas flurried in your mind as you drew closer, Caesar having just stopped to take in the surroundings.

He banked right, and you were quick to follow. You thought about what pieces of clothing you had. Things were beginning to not fit, you were rounding out and getting plump. Your favorite cargo pants were hanging on by a literal hair-tie that you had been using to keep them shut by the front button, your favorite shirt… Well, the Apes, you joked in your head, must have been tired of seeing the bottom of your stomach always innately displayed. 

Some larger shirts would do the trick, nothing needed to be Maternity in a world where that was considered a privilege and luxury. To put things plainly, as you had told the Ape King, who was kind enough now to give you a helping hand right down a small embankment, his other hand coming to ghost right under your bump to keep your center of gravity, leaving you with a wild tinted blush against your cheek when you scuffled against him, chest to bump for a few seconds, beggars could not be choosers. 

Pulling away from Caesar’s grasp was never an easy thing. You wanted nothing more than to sink into him, sink into the tender moments where he had you alone, and vice versa. The late nights of restlessness you found yourself in at times, thinking of your lost family, your husband, the conversations in front of the dying fire where he had finally laid bare his feelings and emotions about the loss of his wife.

Spotting glances through the day, Caesar laid his hands on you only when he was easing to help you. He had taken note that while Cornelia was small, and Chimpanzees were known to carry small, you were quite a delicious spectacle to his eyes in all the best ways and he considered your attention something he actively sought now, though, he was unsure if he was willing to ease himself into admitting that. 

Rounding a large Red Wood, your eyes were witnessed to the camp. If you felt like running, you would surely do that but the fear of falling flat on your face stopped you as you tore away from Caesar and trekked ahead of him, only giving him a glance over your shoulder as if you were asking if it was okay to go in front of him. He did not nod, but he didn't object as you gave him a smile and quickened your pace, hand on the underside of your growing baby to keep yourself steady enough as you sauntered.

The outside was remarkably sparse, nothing to really indicate that Humans had been there, other than a firepit and a few strewn bags like they packed and left in a hurry. But, once you were able to really get your teeth sunk into the abandoned building, from the set up of an old restaurant of sorts, you were able to get a taste of things you had missed. You felt like crying as you came upon a table with a few pieces of clothing on it. Upon further inspection, they were Men’s, XL. Without hesitation, they were placed into the bag that Caesar had provided for the occasion. Three shirts, one red, one black and one white. Basic, but you were bursting at the seams. All you needed were some pants! Maybe some undergarments if there were any. It felt like you were in a retail store! So exciting---

Feet coming to a slow pause they eventually stopped moving and billow of dust remained underfoot. Your eyes wanted to blink, but you were unable to stop. Caesar must have seen you, having rounded you and obscured your vision from what you were focused on in a darkened corner. He didn't touch you, he wasn’t sure if that was allowed as tears slid down your cheeks.

One at a time before they came down in a torrential rain. You pushed past him as if he weren’t even there and trailed forward, dropping to your knees without reserve as you grasped the small teddy bear into your hands. There was a name embroidered upon it. Fingers touched the thread, pink in color. Cedar. 

Caesar drew near you carefully, the sob you let out was nothing short of shocking and he felt the hackles of his fur standing on edge as if someone were there intentionally hurting you. 

“A… baby…” You whimpered to him, holding up the bear for him to take. He saw nothing special about it as he grasped it with one hand and you shuffled on your hands and knees, baring the pain it was causing you against the tile flooring and came upon a few tangled up pieces of clothing. Small. So… So very small… “Th-They had a baby…” Crying out again, you grasped the clothing and held it in your hands before falling back onto your butt, “Do-do you think they-they’re still alive?” Caesar had no words, his eyes widened at the turmoil you were suddenly thrusted in. No explanation, perhaps those… Pregnancy hormones you had joked about from time to time, Caesar thought and narrowed his eyes on you. He didn't… know how to comfort you. You were crumbling down right in front of him.

He knew you were going to need help getting off the ground though, and he was careful to crouch next to you. Plucking the baby clothing out of your hand, he placed them lightly onto the floor, your eyes squeezing shut and without a word, you collapsed right against. Caesar was fast to react, grunting a small bit as he moved himself, and then you enough to get your body to sit in his actual arms rather than against him.

“B-B-B-...” You stuttered, the Ape hoisting you upwards to get you out of the dusty nature of the floor, you clung onto him tightly. “Do-Do you think they…” Caesar surged a bit at your implied questions, grasping you that much tighter. The side of your bump conformed against his broad chest. “I--- I am sure they got out. That they are fine.” He did not feel comfortable bluntly lying about something that he had no basis for, but as the tears fell from your eyes, as you grasped his forearm tightly, your fingers digging to the point where you were touching his skin and no longer his fur, Caesar didn't care. He’d lie his tongue off just to get you to a sense of comfort. 

Bumping Foreheads. ( Drabble 5. )

The water surging against your back felt incredible. Pressing your hands to the small of your back, right above your tailbone you grunted gently and eased back into the chill of the small waterfall you had been blessed to enjoy in the spotting Summer evenings. It was still early in the season, but it was beckoning you more and more to enjoy. You knew that Caesar was in the area - probably only meters away, and paying his eyes attention elsewhere as to not see you naked, but his hearing and his scent were always on the prowl. Three times a week he’d bring you to the secluded waterfall, letting you bathe and release the tension he knew that your body was going through. 

You were large - to the point where you had accidentally bumped into a bowl of blueberries this morning and it went tumbling down the rock face. Before you managed to cry though, Blue Eyes began eating them right off the ground and Caesar even blessed you with a mild joke of ‘they… are not completely… ruined’. That did make you feel better as you sniffled and nodded in agreement. All things were cleared away when you took in the water, letting the chill seep into your pores as you tilted your head backwards to let it drain against your face. Feeling the kick on the side of your stomach, you winced at the severity of it against your ribs as your baby had turned to start playing against the bones there to let you know they were content with the water too. Maybe a bit cold for their tastes, but they were snuggly inside of your stomach, wrapped in eternal warmth until you were ready. Until they were ready, you thought, laughing and pressing your fingers against the side of your abdomen. They reacted right away to your touch, something like a hand or foot pushing back and you took in the sight of your stomach stretching with their movements. 

You had no care in the world anymore. Hell, you thought to yourself in your bliss of the moment, you’d let Caesar see you bare in all your glory. It was the most comfortable. Clothes were restricting, especially in the heat that started to stick around in the early afternoons into the evenings. You thought about that again… You’d… Let Caesar see you either way. The vague notion left you more than amused. He must have thought it pretty grotesque what your body was doing to itself in a bid to grow another Human. 

The stretching of your skin, the wild-card emotions that you became comfortable letting loose around him, your breasts were unfortunately too big for any of your undergarments and you were unable to find one that was accommodating and you ended up going the last few weeks without one. You could have sworn you’d seen him staring at them, but that could have just been in your mind as ravishing ideas ran through you and rested rather uncomfortably between your legs when Caesar stared at you a bit too long. How you tried to push aside the feeling.

The pestering in the back of your head. Maybe, just the hormones, you tried to convince yourself over and over. You were pregnant, you were alone… It made sense, right? To… Want to be… satisfied? Your thoughts came to a slow stop as you looked down at yourself. Unable to see your feet, you still wiggled your toes like you were able to and sighed deeply. He probably found you unattractive beyond belief. 

“Are you… done?” Caesar asked, not shouting but loud enough for you to hear over the waterfall itself. He was close, as you had suspected, his deep baritone coming from the right of you. “Nearly sundown.”

“Yes. Can you toss my blanket on the shore for me to grab?” You asked, waddling yourself out of the water's way and into the open space of the small river that the water trickled into, grasping your hair and wringing it out. That was the rule. He’d throw your blanket on the ground, you’d wrap yourself up in it so he couldn’t see you naked, and you’d dry yourself, re-cloth your body and head back to the Colony, less than a click to the west. 

With your arms still in your hair and your eyes shut as you enjoyed the last feelings of water against you, you could hear Caesar moving. Figuring that the blanket had been placed previously, you thought nothing of it and thought that he was just moving out of the way again as to not see you bare. Releasing your hair with a small groan, you opened your eyes and looked at the shore. Green.

Green eyes.

Green eyes staring at you.

Green eyes staring at you while you were naked.

Caesar didn't move. It appeared he was completely frozen, blanket still in his hands and you were flashing him without reserve. If you were able to move quickly, you were sure you would but you found it difficult to do as you wadded through the water with a fast paced waddle. At least, it was fast for you, it probably looked pretty comical to the Ape. Caesar was still frozen, his eyes had drifted downwards towards your chest to linger for a moment before they finally rested right on your bump. Protruding… And not appealing, you groaned internally and clutched the blanket right out of his hand and untangled it. 

“Caesar.”

Nothing, he was still looking at your bump as you wrapped the blanket around your shoulders. “Caes--” Your hands were grasped. Actually, it was more or less your wrists and with one swoop, the blanket was pooling at your feet and you brought your knees together for a moment when he caught eyes with you before they trailed right back down your body. Supple breasts, he noted, nice, nice bump, he had only really seen a pregnant human this close to him through the screen of a TV back when he was with Will.

The rounding, dipping between your legs--- Caesar stopped himself at that and trailed his gaze back upwards to rest right on the top of your bump, looking down at it.  Being self-conscious finally hit you as you tried to hide yourself away from the judgment he was placing down on you, but Caesar just… Admired. You supposed that was the right word, you had no premonition as to what he was thinking or what he was do---

Without even asking, his hand was placed on you. Not just on you, but on the bump that encased your baby. Right on the underside of it, he drew his hand in as far in as it would go. Shuddering at the chilly nature of his already leathery skin, your eyes widened, mouth ajar as your breathing had picked up.

With your mind racing, you were frantic to look into his eyes to get any idea of what he was thinking, even if it meant you needed to tear his head open just to get a glimpse. Your bottom lip quivered at the feeling, a direct response your body was giving to the fact that you were being touched. No, no… Your knees went weak for a second, but Caesar grasped you with his free hand under your elbow to keep you steady, refusing to relent control on your stomach. You were being caressed. 

“I-I’m probably fatter than the Apes get.” You tried to get him to look at you, you tried to get him to say something other than standing defenseless. “I---” Gasping quietly, Caesar moved his hand from the undercarriage to the top where he brushed the pads of his fingers in the most feather-like way he was able to muster. It tickled, but you bit your tongue in a bid to see what he was doing. You knew, oh how you knew now, he wasn’t going to hurt you. 

“Have never seen…” He started.

“Yeah, well, we get fat.” You joked again, jolting your shoulders forward for you to cup your arms on top of your bump and shield yourself from his eyes. Before you even had a chance to do that though, Caesar's free hand that had previously been cupping your elbow moved. You had no time to react as he cupped the back of your head and brought it towards his own. Breathless, not due to the baby for once, you swallowed hard, shutting your eyes and let it happen. Caesar’s forehead lightly kissed your own.

Lightly at first, but as he tangled his thick fingers into your hair, he pulled your neck towards his own with a bit more fever, his own eyes squeezing shut at the silent admittance. The hand that was tracing your bump remained, but now was placed on the side. His entire hand spread, finger to finger, across the entire scape of your skin and you sunk into it with a small moan of satisfaction. This… you thought, letting your eyes flutter open for just one moment so you could see him this close to you. This was where you belonged.

Birth. ( Drabble 6. )

The intensity of your screams were not for the faint of heart, and you figured that was the case and shared sentiment of the Female Ape midwives that flanked your entire body, one working diligently between your legs to gauge your dilation. Caesar had known it to be hard for Humans, their babies were much larger than Ape babies and required a lot more pushing and vigor to actually induce birth. Hours, he thought to himself, his eyes tired and red around the edges, his hand, as tough as it had been for years, was nothing more than a swelled appendage from your hand grasping at it so tightly, fingernails digging into the calloused skin when another contraction set in your vision and racked your entire body of all senses. 

You were beyond sweating, you felt like you were swimming as Caesar brought his free hand up to wipe some of your wet hair away from your face. His skin felt cold against you, and for that, you leaned your head into the small wave of affection from him before another shot of pain dripped through you relentlessly. 

“I can’t do this!” You cried, your knees shaking as the midwife looked at Caesar who only nodded with a hard swallow. They were telling him in silence that you were ready. 

“You can.” He assured, but that felt fruitless as you hunched forward, bump contouring all sorts of ways in a very unnatural way that made even Caesar uncomfortable but he was steady fast and refused to leave your side. He knew this, he had been through this with Cornelia… He tried to not linger on that for too long. 

Things would be different, he tried to keep optimism alive as the midwife told you verbally that it was time to push. The extrusion on your face caused the Ape King to shut his eyes for a moment as you grunted out, attempting to push the baby from your body to greet the world. Yes… He laxed himself and reached around your entire head to hold onto you as you screamed to the highest heavens, things were going to be different. You… You could do this. You were going to preserver and you would have a new addition to the family that Caesar had already provided for you. He knew he couldn’t cry, not in front of the others, but how he just wanted to take all your pain away. It was hard not to go feral, the simple smell of your blood and sweat were eradicating his entire nose. He didn't dare look down and kept his green gaze focused on the side of your face as he was propped next to you, laying in the nest. “Ohhhh my god!” You jolted with another push, breathing rapidly and it felt like your entire chest was suddenly on fire after being cold for so long. Plunged into an ice bath and then sent to the depths of a volcano. “Caesar!” One more. The midwife signed at Caesar one handed, the other properly braced between your legs. 

“You need to give one more,” Caesar said and brought his hand through your hair once more. Swallowing, you felt a shudder run down your spine at the prospect of having to give it more despite giving it your all already. You were being torn in half, someone grasping both legs and pulling with all their might and they wanted you to give more. Strangling a cry out, Caesar brought his forehead down and planted it directly onto yours. “One more…”

As if a robot shocked back to life, Caesar still holding onto your head and moving forward as you braced yourself, you gave it one more as commanded. The sheer terror of your scream faded into the wails of a baby… A… baby… Your mind fogged. Concern swept over the Ape as he grasped the side of your face. “A girl,” He told you, breathing against your cheek and right into your ear, “A girl.” 

Repeating that seemed to bring you right back from the trenches as tears flooded down your face, mixing deliciously with the sweat that had fallen from your forehead. Even now, you felt you were unable to breathe as you tried to smile - It was a forced grin of sorts, Caesar could tell that you were still in pain, but the crying of the baby… Caesar finally allowed himself to look down as the midwife was fast to adjust them properly in their arms before drifting upwards carefully to place them against your bare chest.

They were smeared with blood but… His eyes admired their small features. Carbon copies almost of your own when you were scrunched up for sleep. You have done it. You… Grew this… You made this Human and you preserved through the endeavors of birth. You began crying alongside your baby, hands reaching up and grasping at them lightly to keep them close to your chest. 

“Girl.” You finally managed to say something, your throat dry and incredibly hoarse. “Girl?” Asking that to your mate, he nodded and brought a hand up to rest against the child's small head.

“Girl.” Caesar confirmed.

Bonus ending:

Blue Eyes… Was incredibly cautious upon hearing the wailing of a human baby to the point where he grasped at Caesar’s chest with his small frame with all his might, his gaze intent on staring down whatever was causing the noise. With a small hush, you got them to quiet down against you, now lightly wrapped in a blanket you had for this very moment. 

‘New sister.’ Caesar signed for the Prince, looking at the now newly adorned princess with a soft gaze. ‘Say hello.’ He was still hesitant, but at the urging of Caesar himself as he placed Blue Eyes on the nest by your feet, you both watched in anticipation as the small Chimp moved his way up your body, making eye contact with you in a flurry of affection and happiness that you were still here. It had been an entire day where you and Caesar were gone and he was left to hang with the other Young Apes with Maurice, and he hadn’t the slightest clue where you were until now. Until… He crawled onto your shoulder as he so often did, your eyes shutting for a moment as he played along your hair before his gaze fell to the bundle in your arms. 

It was your turn to speak, “Blue,” He looked at you, suddenly frantic at the sound of your voice like he had forgotten, “This is your baby sister… Cedar.”

Bonus Ending ( 2 ):

Three Months Later.

Caesar, in his wildest dreams, never imagined he’d be holding a human baby, let alone the one of his mate. His tender gaze rested on you as you were laying in the nest, wrapped tightly in for a nap with Blue Eyes resting beside you, as he had offered to care for the baby that afternoon when you complained of being adversely tired. He did worry upon his offering that it would be difficult to care for them alone, but he didn't realize just how much they actually slept and Cedar seemed really intent on doing that in the warmth of her Father’s arm. 

He drew his gaze down to look at her. 

So small, and so gentle… Every day, Caesar thought to himself, she looked more like you. So beautiful.

Was she… Caesar’s brows furrowed for a moment at the curling of the baby’s mouth. She was… Smiling. Right up at him. Familiar, her head tilted towards Caesar’s chest minutely but the movement was there for him as he swallowed hard at the sight. 

She smiled at him.

Bonus Ending ( 3 ):

Five Years Later.

“Cedar, you need to get down from that tree right now!” You yelled, looking at the Chimp sitting next to the human, high up off the ground. Well, not that high up. Maybe two or three meters at the most but the idea of a fall was not for the faint of heart as the two young laughed. 

‘We climb higher,’ Blue Eyes signed to his sister. ‘That way mom cannot find us.’

There wasn’t any contemplation. Cedar nodded in agreement, grabbing the bark and began her ascent. 

“CAESAR!!! OUR SON BROUGHT OUR DAUGHTER INTO A TREE AND I CAN’T GET THEM DOWN! I SWEAR THEY GET THIS UNRULY BEHAVIOR FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY!”

[cococincau]

DRDT Fic Recs

As the month winds around to an end, and as I'm doing everything in my power not to write in my fic docs (read: sarcasm and a cry for help), I wanted to do something to share the wonderful works people have made for DRDT through writing.

This will be a long post so the fics and authors are all under read more. I decided to limit myself to sharing 2 fics maximum per author, otherwise I think I would hit word limit, but know that I absolutely encourage you to check their other works out too. I'll structure this post by starting with the fic title, the author, the blurb, and round it off with what I like about the fic/author overall. NSFW fics will be clearly labelled (please do not click on them if you're not of age), but for individual warnings, please check the tags and notes in the fic themselves. That responsibility falls on the reader's shoulders.

Finally, when you finish reading them, please do leave a kudo, some comments, bookmark the fic. I assure you: it'll absolutely make their day.

carnot cycle by rulanarinrush (G, Charwhit) Charles tries to talk to Whit about Whit's tendency to bury his feelings and not deal with them. post ch2 trial au.

Officer, this author right here is the reason I had to limit myself to 2 fics maximum. As I was scrolling through, trying to decide what fics to choose, I was in a dilemma. This Xanace fic is good, but so is this Areivid, and then there's the Verohus... Point being, rulanarinrush writes very, very good DRDT fics. If you want to find a specific ship in this fandom, they've probably written it. Their entire profile is full of high quality drabbles, fit for some fast reading while you admire just how much characterisation and analysis is stuffed into the fic.

Anyway, I ended up settling on carnot cycle as one to recommend. Charwhit is one of my favourite ships while I retain the opinion that Charles is so hard to write. This fic nails it, capturing that eerie atmosphere of wanting to help a friend but not knowing how to do so. You can see their mentalities incredibly well in this. This is the flavour of Charwhit that I love.

todestrieb by rulanarinrush (G, Creator Chose Not to Use Content Warnings, Verohu) Hu attempts to convince Veronika to stop egging people on. Negotiations break down.

Warning: while not NSFW, the fic does have a character be not-explicitly stated to have a boner near the ending.

Wow. If this fic isn't everything so appealing about Verohu. The veneer of civility, the very drastic ways their philosophies differ, the theming of the self. This is very much how I can see them interacting in canon, Hu trying to maintain peace in her own way, Veronika dismissing those attempts entirely. The way that the negotiations indeed break down. Simply put, that's so hot.

Still Traces by CopperPrawn (M, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Leviace + Xander) Ace knows he needs to die, but his body keeps acting on its own. He can’t control it. He can’t control anything. So he keeps on running, until the fog closes in.

While this is a fic that this is still in progress and I know that may put certain readers off, I cannot recommend this fic enough. A Silent Hill AU isn't something that comes to mind immediately to do for DRDT, but my god, I didn't know this is something I needed so intimately in my life until I read CopperPrawn's fic. The prose is so beautifully described, the characters are perfectly written, the tension is embedded so deep into the text. And the way the POVs are played with? Chef's kiss. Please check this fic out, literal dopamine.

[NSFW] Rail Runner by CopperPrawn (E, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Leviace) Life is a racetrack. It’s a never-ending circle where Ace repeats the same mistakes over and over and over again, unable to slow down, unable to stop. But at least there’s one person standing on the sidelines — and even though he isn’t cheering, the fact that he’s there is enough.

I was already a Leviace shipper when I read this fic, but if I wasn't, I think this fic would have converted me. By god, the dynamics between Levi and Ace here, absolutely entrancing. One thing CopperPrawn does so well is capturing the character voices. Dialogue instantly stands out, it feels both realistic and charming, but again, the prose is filled with characterisation. Third-person limited POV is the usual go-to by authors for fanfiction, but this author utilises it in a way that shows off every stylistic feature while giving us a very intimate look into Ace's psyche. And when it's used for NSFW? Honestly, some of the best sex scenes I've read in a good while.

i’m something very far removed and i keep going by 140 (T, Creator Chose Not to Use Content Warnings, Areden) It’s not going to be a pretty death. But it’s going to be hers. Or: Eden gets hanahaki over a girl long gone.

This is as much an Eden character study as it is an Areden relationship study. And it is so beautiful. Fitting for a hanahaki AU, the prose is flowery, but not anywhere close to that kind of purple prose criticism. No, it's compact and filled and brimming with this spot-on characterisation. Every word matters in this. It hits you with so much wham and tragicness that it makes you remember Eden's choice to be positive. The world is cruel, nothing is ever perfect, but even living in that reality, you can make your existence your own.

Exposure Therapy | DRDT AU by Tied_Ash (T, Creator Chose Not to Use Content Warnings, Verocharles) “Who was the one who comforted you during your panic attack?” Veronika asked softly. “Y… You were,” Charles answered. “...But-” “And who’s the one with more psychological experience?” “...You are.” "That's right." ——————— AKA: Veronika found out Charles has hemophobia instead of Whit.

Now this is a pairing that I've never really thought about before. And you know what? Tied_Ash has shown me the light. I've clearly been missing out. The bad end AU we didn't know we wanted but needed, oh my god please keep enabling Veronika as she enables everyone else, including making Charles process his phobia in increasingly worse ways! Also, the way this author writes dissociation, I love it.

from way up in the rafters by finestcigar (T, Creator Chose Not to Use Content Warnings, David & Teruko) David dreams of falling again that night. (In the wake of the second trial, two survivors have a talk.)

In my humble opinion as someone who's obsessed by David Chiem the man himself (/j), finestcigar has to be The David writer on AO3. I 110% recommend their other fics too, but this particular one stands out to me in the way that the two IDGAFs actually GAF, resulting in very disastrous ways of thinking for them. The author has a gift for prose. The final line of the fic? David's not the only one being haunted, I'm being haunted by the number of times I reread this fic on end.

[NSFW] Let Me Give Your Heart a Break by Pegasus143 (E, Huvid) After their icebreaker game, Hu invites David to her room.

Waiter, more Hu and David fics please! Huvid is a ship that I think really needs more recognition. The ambiguity between lies and truth, personas and the real self, genuine emotions and manipulation... the author bridges and blurs the lines between them perfectly. This applies for both Hu and David, they're getting something out of this interaction that they're not quite saying, how someone can say something that can mean something but be seen in a very different way. Voice kinks are not something I actively seek out often in fics, but you know what, I think after this I might just go look for them now.

i feel like, um, just leaving here by sEb_AsTiAn (T, Leviace + Arturo) Levi Fontana and the morning after. Is it even the morning? How long was he unconscious, recovering from near fatal injuries? How long has it been since… since he died?

There's currently a lot of room for speculation after Chapter 2's cliffhanger, and fics are such a great way to explore what could be. And really, it's fun to point out just how wrong Ace's mentality that no one will remember him is. Look no further than this fic, as Levi and Arturo grapple with the ways Ace have changed them, trying to sort out their emotions, with Levi struggling to understand his feelings about Ace while Arturo is forced to confront the possibility (and reality) of being able to save other people for once in his life. I loved their characterisation here, and until Chapter 3 releases, this is, in my mind, what happens between them.

Painting The Roses (Red) by yermie (Not Rated, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death) “Well, wasn’t that a thrill? Another murderer punished for their crimes!” MonoTV’s screen showed a winking emote with its tongue stuck out. “Anyway, enough crying over spilt— well, spilt blood. I thought I’d get in nice and early this time with your next motive.” — As the Second Class Trial concludes, a new motive is promptly offered to the students of Hope's Peak Academy - Blood Money.

I think most people have come across this fic already. Still, I need to recommend it. It's such a good case fic with what could possibly happen in Chapter 3 following the motive parallels with DR:THH. Blood money is honestly such an interesting concept and a creative execution of the motive, the entire fic had my eyes peeled for what would happen next. Given when it was written, I have to applaud the author for being able to discern characterisation so well that it still reads possible even after knowing what we do now after hiatus.

oscillating like the grandfather clock by Anonymous (T, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Whit & Eden + many other relationships) Time has a way of losing its meaning while retaining significance. Inspired by art from @/shira_ceres.

So, the timeloop theory. Love it or hate it, it's still such an intriguing possibility. This fic takes the concept, incorporates it in such a playful and enjoyable way through formatting and POVs and non-linear narratives, and absolutely hits the nail on the head of what's so appealing about it. Whit's and Eden's characterisation here paints so well the journey of how they got here from their past and into the killing game, and as you're watching splices of their life in progress, you feel so well the inherent tragedy of their lives. I am so endeared to Mastermind!Eden and Traitor!Whit now, it just fits so well.

What it means to be a good person by Anonymous (Not Rated, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Areivid) In this world, Eden is the one who takes the fall. Arei is left behind to figure out how to live without her only friend in the killing game.

I wouldn't be me if I didn't include at least one Areivid fic in here. My biases in ships and characters are very much showing throughout this entire list, but I tried my best to limit my Areivids because it would just be this ship otherwise. But, if I had to choose just one singular Areivid fic, it has to go to this one. Anonymous, whoever you are, I love this fic as much as I would my child. It's such a perfect exploration of what would happen if Eden was the one killed instead of Arei, how the world would move if the latter was still alive. The way she so keenly impacts the people around her, how she herself develops from this. It's a tragedy how Arei was killed little moments after she decided to change, it's a tragedy how Eden, so nice and soft and dedicated to seeing the good in the world around her, was snuffed out so easily. Life's a series of tragedies, and it's up to us to decide how we go on from there. This author's writing is so beautiful, I am drawn into the universe that they create.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not enabling my friends eating disorder?

tw for eating disorders and misuse of medications for weight loss ⬇️

so recently my friend K has been really irritable and snappy with me lately. it's probably because she hasn't been eating a lot and has been losing a lot of weight really fast. i'm not here to blame or belittle her for her ed as i have also had an anorexia problem in the past but she's being a huge bitch and has terminated our entire friendship over ozempic. fucking OZEMPIC

for some background we are both in high school and live with our parents and my mom is a type 2 diabetic who just started taking ozempic. because of this my mom started losing a lot of weight on account of the decrease in appetite and this really inspired K.

so one day she had the gall to ask me to STEAL MY MOMS OZEMPIC just so she could lose a few pounds. this completely threw me over the edge because it was hard enough actually getting my mom the ozempic because of PEOPLE LIKE HER who only want to use it for weight loss are buying it all up and making it harder for people who actually need it to get ahold of it.

she tried to convince me and even bribe me to get it for her. i obviously said no because my mom needs it to LIVE and it escalated into a huge argument. she even had the gall to bring up the fact that she helped me through my ed and that wasn't willing to help her through hers. which is two entirely different things?? I was just starving myself and therefore not hurting anyone but my self and not trying to bribe someone to get me their fucking diabetes medication that they need to live.

(i'm also like 99% sure that K didn't do any research as to what ozempic is bc she is someone whos terrified of needles and wont come near one you and need to inject ozempic into your body. and secondly there is no way in any universe in which I steal the pen for her and its not obvious that i took it since theres only one pen per box and is only enough for one month of injections. theres no way my mom wouldnt notice)

anyway we haven't spoken in weeks and I miss my best friend. I wish we could talk again but K was being a huge asshat and I need to know if this was worth losing our friendship over. so aita here?

What are these acronyms?

[cyberbabyangell]

₊˚⊹☆ persistence (shifting/manifest)

hi its soren writing this from the innerspace (⸝⸝ ˊᗜˋ⸝⸝ ) (i swear ill explain what it is one day)

so, as i've stated before i'm very new at this mindset of "I have everything, just need to remind myself. The 3d will follow through" so of course I had a thousand questions. And I assume there's a lot of people that do too. So I'll answer myself in hopes it'll help some of u guys!

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

"What am I supposed to persist on, as people say, if I'm on the mindset I have everything?"

I was very confused when I was told to persist, and I believe "reminding" would be a better term for me! Persisting in my eyes means constantly repeating something to get what I want. But persistence in manifestation is reminding yourself that you have what u want!

"But how do I persist?"

Depends what you like to do! Yesterday, I saw someone say they would not put effort into shifting anymore since they know that they are in their DR, and they would only keep trying if they thought they weren't. I understand their POV and support them, but I personally love SATS and robotic affirmations! Everyday I put on subs and repeat the same 2 phrases over and over for 10 minutes. Some people do it for HOURS which is so cool (⸝⸝ ˊᗜˋ⸝⸝ ) Some people continue their methods like before, just in a different mindset.

"How do I ignore my 3D?"

I stubbornly tell myself all the time "i dont care if i dont see it, it is here anyway". In the beginning there was this tiny voice in my head being like "..i dont see it which makes me doubt a lil." But I kept through and I'm starting to be able to ignore these thoughts or push them aside. If you find yourself doubting, just convince yourself. Its like in meditation, if you find yourself getting sidetracked, acknowledge it and move forward!

"How long will it take?"

However long you want it. After reading many success stories, some people take a month, some a couple weeks, some days, some hours, some seconds to have their desires! So that made me confidently believe, "Well, then, I can get whatever I want right now because I said so." It can take longer if you're looking for validation in the 3D. If I had to write a step by step it'd be,

1. Choose what you want

2. Acknowledge you have it

3. Let it go

4. If you doubt, remind yourself you have it 🎀

Which is why some people shift by being like "Damn, I'm in my UA dorm right now." And falling asleep!

"Will affirming be enough?"

What you deem to be enough will be enough! You're the boss, if you think visualisation is enough, then it is! If you believe a single sentence and a couple seconds a day is enough, then it is!

"What if I get demotivated?"

Please, never ever give up. Keep trying, keep reminding yourself you have it all. Please stop looking at the 3D ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡ It's hard right now, but what is a couple years/months/weeks/days of trying against eternal freedom? Remind yourself why you started this, take a break! Do what you like but it's sooo important you don't give up.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

Lastly, as you persist, you'll find your way of thinking actually changing. It won't be too long before you won't have to force your beliefs into yourself, if you persist, you'll believe! Your mind isn't stupid, it learns, if you spoon feed it a fact everytime it doubts it then at some point, it'll be like, "Oh right, I have everything! So shifting is like another desire!" And BAM! 💥

[desperateknot]

Queequeg's lack of autonomy: features or bugs?

You know, I wanted this to be a proper analysis, but the stressed, sleep-deprived, busy self can only do a semi-ramble, semi analysis.

So I said how Queequeg's lack of autonomy and individuality is not a bug, but a feature.

Just so we are on the same page, I will prove how Queequeg is very obviously lacking in autonomy:

Queequeg: Must be nice. Queequeg: Knowing what you want. Knowing what you desire.

Canto V's dungeon: Floor 2

No… You devoured the crew whole. You painted over their wills, just like the Whales— no! Just like the Pallid Whale! Molding them and shaping them to fit your wants and needs.

Canto V's dungeon: Floor 3

Queequeg: Too late to think. About what is right and what is wrong. To think for myself. Too late.

Canto V's dungeon: Floor 3

The whole dungeon, she was obeying Ahab's orders, getting dragged around and around. Utterly lacking in agency is her main characteristic in her Pequod time, but there is a case to say it wasn't so during her Middle-arc. After all, she did say:

Queequeg: So I killed. And killed. And killed. Not because of orders. Killed with my own hands. Because I wanted to. Because I wanted respect as Big Sister.

I don't doubt her words. However, tribalistic as the Middle is, I think we can speculate on how much of Queequeg's actions stemmed from her own desire, and how much was her complying to its culture without even knowing it.

Either way, even if you disagree that Middle Queequeg was lacking in agency, it's hard to argue that she wasn't in her Pequod times, so we can assume that is a major trait of hers.

Let's go back to The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen for a sec. I will assume that you are convinced that one of Limbus Queequeg's inspiration is The Little Mermaid. If you are confused with that statement, please read:

The Little Mermaid wants to seek an immortal soul by getting the prince to marry her. I think it is a misconception that she did all (abandoning her family, enduring pain with every of her steps, sacrificing her voice) for love. No, she wants more than that: she wants an immortal soul. There could be a religious reading here, but it is neither relevant to my point nor am I qualify to state it, so I'll leave it. However, one could see how the arrangement of a woman having to win the love of a man and devoting her entire self to him to attain her spiritual fulfillment is very unfair, misogynistic, even. (Unfortunately, I can't explore that theme in Limbus Queequeg's story because sexism apparently doesn't exist in the City and also there are no prominent men in her story either?)

Here, I can go on about traditional heroines and how they are mostly quite lacking in agency too, but I haven't done researches for that. And more, importantly, this trope was intentionally subverted in The Little Mermaid. Hans Christian Andersen is much smarter than me, because he wrote it.

The Little Mermaid isn't just a damsel waiting for someone to save her. Her two displays of her agency are 1. finding the Sea Witch to get a pair of legs and 2. not killing the prince. She has a goal (attaining an immortal soul) and a principle (her love for the prince?) that she holds steadfast. Unfortunately, the one thing that she has been after, the prince's love, is not something that she can control. She can try to seduce him, sure, but his affection is his own. And, without it, she can't get an immortal soul...

But that isn't true, is it? The Mermaid didn't just die and turn into sea foam, fated to never get her immortal soul. She became a daughter of Air. And, with enough good deeds, can gain her own soul. Fortunately for her, this time, the task of getting her soul depends much, much more on herself.

This writing choice is quite intentionally, I believe. I wanted to read more about it, I really do, but the link they cited on Wikipedia led to an Internet Archive article that has been downed (RIP). Anyways, the gist of it is Andersen took inspiration for The Little Mermaid from Undine, in which a water spirit indeed got her immortal soul by marrying a human knight. Anyways, this is what Andersen allegedly wrote to a friend about it.

I have not, like de la Motte Fouqué in Undine, allowed the mermaid's acquiring of an immortal soul to depend upon an alien creature, upon the love of a human being. I'm sure that's wrong! It would depend rather much on chance, wouldn't it? I won't accept that sort of thing in this world. I have permitted my mermaid to follow a more natural, more divine path.

The point, I think, is that the Mermaid doesn't really need the prince's love to gain an immortal soul. That is something she can obtain herself, what she deserves after so much sacrifices, the rewards for her virtues. After the Mermaid was at the mercy of the prince for half of the story, she was given a chance to do good by herself. The opportunity of attaining an immortal soul returned to her.

I just argued above that Queequeg doesn't have autonomy, maybe even from her time in the Middle, but I lied (again). Queequeg also has two acts of agencies her own 1. running away from the Middle and 2:

Queequeg: Dante. Something I wish. Queequeg: I want… Ishmael to… Queequeg: … find her way.

Canto V's Dungeon: Floor 2, and

Woah, those two acts perfectly match the Mermaid's too, wonder how did that happened.

That was Queequeg's only wish, and that was just a bit after she said she was jealous of the Abnormalities for having wishes too :D

Queequeg also got her immortal soul, but...

This is when I think the story falls flat, if you hyperfocus on her. And you...shouldn't have. She is an NPC, who is dead. Only weird nerds like me would analyse the story in her perspective. This is not really a criticism for Canto V or PM's writings (although I do have a problem with it sometimes). I think they did the best they could to flesh out and gave Queequeg a proper ending with the little screen time she got (unlike that one other dead NPC from another franchise that I used to hyperfocus on).

However, what did The Little Mermaid have to do to get her immortal souls? She has to do 300 years worth of good deeds. Even though we didn't get to see it, we can assume that she struggled and grew even more to attain her goal.

What did Queequeg do to get her immortal soul? Um...uh...

Queequeg didn't really grow in the quest. When reunited with Ishmael, "her broken heart" got "unearthed". She nurtured a wish for herself: for Ishmael to find her own path. But, ultimately, she was still...following Ahab's orders. We still have to fight her twice (and thrice if you count her EGO phase).

Queequeg had character developments during her time on Pequod (mostly with the influence of Ishmael). She learned to look forward and to have hope. That got rolled back.

So, essentially, Queequeg got rewarded for...nothing?

Her story has ended. She couldn't do anything to actually gain her immortal soul, her atonement anymore. She is still quite lacking in autonomy. And I think that is a real shame, a bug, even.

That is one of the reasons why I made that swap Ishqueg AU.

______________________________________________________________

I know characters lacking in agencies are often seen as bad written, and a lot of times, they are. However, there is a certain charms to characters who have been deliberately written to have next to 0 agency. This actually reminds me of Iwakura Michihiro from Genshin Impact, an actually pretty prominent NPC in Inazuma's lore, whose only 2 acts of agencies in the lore were 1. leaving home to live in the woods (this one is debatable because he was abused and perhaps driven from home would be a more correct term) and 2. naming his sword. Anything else he did were instructions from his bully/mentor/friend/crush/saviour. And also Carter Scherbius, another NPC from Genshin Impact, who was terminally ill and then turned into goop in an effort to save him and later reincarnated for an experiment.

There is something quite heartbreaking and even beautiful about seeing a characters being dragged and beaten by the narrative. It's relatable. Real people, we, don't usually have control of our lives most of the times. We are dragged around and the beaten by forces we can't understand. We are usually helpless against our fate.

And, what kinds of people who would usually feel helpless against the sheer incomprehensibleness and the cruelty of our vast world? Sailors.

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[13as07]

Birthright #2

(Itachi Uchiha Smut)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to Anashin]

Requested by: Trauma

Word Count: 4,075

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Incest (Brother/Sister)

Misogyny

Name Calling: Princess, Good Girl, Onii-Chan, Spoiled

Emotional Manipulation

Fingering

Titty Play

Masturbation/Jerking Off

Pantie Shot (?)

Dubcon/Improper Use of Sharingan

Hair Pulling

Finger Face Fucking

Threats of Violence

Exhibitionism

Fugaku still being a shitty dad

You cannot convince me Fugaku was a good father and don't bring up the whole "he let Itachi kill him" shit. He let the child he used as a weapon kill him. It was a fitting end to his life.

———————————————————————

     Itachi's hand wraps around my wrist before I can exit the Clan Hall, pulling me back so I'm pressed to his chest. "We're not going outside," he grumbles, glancing around before quickly pecking a kiss on my wrist.

     "Speak for yourself," Sasuke mutters, pressing his head against mine and lightly squeezing my shoulders in a goodbye.

     "Where are you going?" Onii-Chan asks, pulling me away from our younger brother.

     "To hunt down Sakura as Dad recommended," he answers, sliding out the door before he can be stopped.

     Itachi grumbles, tugging me down a hallway as he complains about Sasuke's disobedience. "What are we doing?" I ask, stumbling along as I'm pulled around by my older brother.

     "Going to the bathroom," he shortly answers, pushing one of the bathroom doors open before dragging me in.

     I'm finally let go, just long enough for him to snap the lock on the door. "I can wait outside," I mutter, glancing around the blue and white colored room.

     "I'm not using the bathroom," Itachi sighs, fingers digging into my wrist again.

     I'm yanked on, situated between him and the door before I'm pressed against it. "What are you doing then?" I ask, shivers swirling around my body as he busy himself with pushing my overcoat off.

     "I have twenty-five minutes to play with you. It's a lot, but not really," he mutters in response, quickly shoving my shirt up and over my head before adding it to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. "Be quiet so no one hears you whining."

     I nod my head in obedience, the chill off the bathroom quickly working its way over me and through my bra. Itachi's hands are quickly on my skin, the warmth of them trying to fight off the chill I've gained. "You're a pretty girl. My pretty girl," he coos, his lips sliding down my neck as a hand slides up my sides. "What are you, Princess?"

     "Your property," I whisper, a different kind of shiver racing through my body when his hand cups my breast, squeezing it and the material of my bra. "Your birthright."

     "Good girl," he hums, his slim fingers dropping down to poke under the wire. As Itachi's hand inches its way across my boob, his knee pushes mine apart, spreading my legs. The hand not pawing at my breast drops to my thigh, hiking my skirt up. "I'm sorry our time by the lake got cut short," he whispers against my throat, dotting it between words with soft sucks.

     "It's fine," I breathe out, the usual buzzing he makes me feel trickling between my legs, making it hard to focus on anything except the tension building.

     "No, it's not, Princess. Onii-Chan doesn't want to be selfish like Dad. I want to make sure you feel good too," Itachi mutters, shoving his body between my legs.

     He falls quiet, leaving nothing but his actions and the sensation of him to focus on. Itachi presses his groin against me, the front of his pants are hard, painting the memories of our times alone in my head. Over the last few years, I've felt his dick pressed against me often, felt him grind and rub it against different parts of myself.

     Itachi is a good Onii-Chan, always divining and not asking for much, unless he wants me to help him take care of his needs. How am I not supposed to help when it's my fault he gets horny?

So, I don't mind him rubbing his pants against my underwear, his hands always toying with my chest, or even when he asked me to put my mouth around his dick. It scared me, sucking on him, but he was sweet, so patient as he was teaching me how to do it right. I like it when he rubs against me more though. It always makes me tingle. Sucking on him didn't make me tingle.

Itachi pushes his hips against me, sliding himself up and down, new waves shooting through me, pulling out a noise I stifle every time he pushes against my clit. His fingers dig into my flesh, clinging to the meat of my thigh as the cushioning of my chest melts through his fingers.

"Kisses," he hisses, tugging his lips off my neck to hover them over mine. I eagerly do as I'm told, plopping a kiss against his lips. "Real kisses. Onii-Chan wants real kisses," Itachi grumbles, his breath picking up as his hips move faster. I lean to kiss him again, my lips parted this time. "Good girl," he praises before kissing me, his tongue shoving its way into my mouth. It dances over my tongue, sliding against it, tangling with it.

That only excited him more, his hips jerking against me rougher. Itachi squeezes my boob, his thumb finding my nipple to roll over. "Good girl," he huffs the praise out again, pulling apart our kiss, leaving my mouth empty because of the distance. "Do you feel good? Is Onii-Chan making you feel good?" He rambles, his hand finally leaving my chest to slide toward my back.

"You're making me tingle," I whisper, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. I don't know why I'm embarrassed, Itachi always says the tingles are good, that he's happy he can make me tingle, that I make him tingle. On the deck, he said my mouth made him tingle better than he's ever felt. This is a good feeling.

"Let me make you feel more good things, okay? I'll help you feel better, help the feeling go away," he murmurs, releasing my thigh before his fingertips slide across it, wiggling their way between our hips.

     "You're not supposed to touch me there," I whisper, squeezing his hand between my thighs in hopes of stopping him, the chilled metal around his wrist eating at some of the heat of my skin. Squeezing my legs shut doesn't help the feeling that's expanding from Itachi's hand fluttering over my panties. "Daddy said. He said you're not allowed to touch me there until - "

     "I'm just trying to be a good big brother," he cuts me off, his fingertips pressing against the spot that always ignites new sparks. "Do you want me to be a bad brother? Do you think Dad wants me to be a bad brother? If that's the case then I'll stop. I'm sure he won't be too mad at me for not taking care of you - "

     "No," I yelp, my hand shooting down to cling to his wrist, my fingertips rolling over the smooth material of his watch. "I... I want you to be a good brother. I don't want... I don't want Daddy mad at you again."

     The glowing red of the sharingan melts into Itachi's eyes, a grin gingerly sliding onto his lips. "There's a good Princess. Such a good girl for me," he murmurs, his fingers sliding down to loop around the crotch of my underwear.

     "Onii-Chan," I whimper, my hands jumping up to cling to his shoulders, balling up the material of his robes. "I'm scared."

     "You're okay, I promise," he hushes me, tipping his head to knock his nose against mine. "I'm going to make you feel good like you make me feel good. There's no reason to feel scared," Itachi continues to purr, catching my eyes in his dojutsu. "Calm yourself," he coos, peace instantly starting to wave through my chest.

     His movements stall, eyes locked on me for a few moments. "I'm going to make us feel good now, okay? We're going to feel good," Onii-Chan mutters, eyes still on me as he starts tugging my panties down. My eyes flicker, watching him rest the cloth around my knees, giving him room to slide his hand around.

     The hand on my back rubs across my shoulders for a moment, mocking the circles Itachi is rubbing further and further up my thigh. His finger slid down, unclasping my bra. "Onii - "

     "You're okay," he coos, rubbing over the strip of skin the band of my bra was covering. Slowly, he works my bra off of me, ripping my hands off his robes to unloop the material from my arms. "Onii-Chan loves you," he mutters, letting my hands settle on his shoulder again. "Onii-Chan loves you so much," he repeats, peppering a few light kisses on my lips.

     Itachi's eyes jump down, glancing at my chest before they settle on me again. I slowly exhale, counting the tomoes placed around his irises. He loves me, he's taking care of me, I'm okay. "You're doing so good," he whispers, pecking my lips once more before his kisses start trailing across my jaw, beelining for my neck. "Just keep breathing, Princess."

     "Okay," I exhale, letting my eyes snap closed. My voice is quickly replaced with a hissy breath pulled out of me by Itachi's fingertips sliding through my pussy. "Onii-Chan?"

     "You're okay," he repeats, his lips brushing over the top of my breast. His kisses move slowly, trailing down my boob as his finger brush back and forth through me. "Deep breath, Princess," Itachi orders before wrapping his mouth around me. He sucks on my flesh, his tongue curling around my nipple for a second before sliding across it.

     I obey him, whizzing in as much oxygen as I can, my body feeling like it's trembling because of the sensations mixing from between my legs and my chest. As I start exhaling, Onii-Chan dips two of his fingertips into me, anxiety exploding in my chest from the small touch, and whines of distress spilling from me as well. "You're fine. You're okay. I love you," he rambles on repeat, letting my tit fall out of his mouth so he can whisper in my ear.

     "Onii-Chan?"

     "You're okay, you're doing great," he keeps whispering, inching his fingers deeper and deeper until he can't reach any further. "That's great, Princess. You're being such a good girl," Itachi coos, keeping his fingers deep, slowly flexing them in me. His lips brush against my temple, coating me with more affection.

"I don't want to do this," I whisper, my eyes snapping open, watching the way my knuckles have gone white from clinging to his shirt and the way my hands shake from my nerves.

"Yes, you do," he answers, all the softness gone from his voice. Itachi's head shifts, his eyes back locked with mine. I watch the way his tomoes swirl, melting into his mangekyo. "You, Princess, want to stay right here. You want to keep making those little squeaks and moans of yours. You want Onii-Chan to make you feel good, to make you cum. Do you understand?"

"I understand," I mutter, Itachi's order echoing in my head, helping the tension in my body seep away again.

"Good girl," he sighs, the pointed edges of his mangekyo melting back to the three simple tomoes that circle his irises. "Onii-Chan doesn't like having to do that to you. Why can't you just listen, Princess?"

"I'm sorry," I mutter, mind foggy with the feeling of his fingers being tugged out of me and his commands still swirling in my head.

"It's okay, Onii-Chan forgives you," he coos, the softness quickly returning to his voice. "Just stay still and feel good, okay?"

"Okay."

Itachi's head falls back to my chest, lips latching around my breast again so he can enjoy himself. His tongue laps at me, trailing back and forth over my nipple as his fingers repeatedly thrust in and out of me, curling against the walls of my pussy every time they're dipped as deep as possible.

Soon, his thumb swirls around too, rubbing against my clit to send waves through me. "Onii-Chan," I whimper, tightening my hands around the dark cloth of his robes. He hums in response, flicking his eyes up at me. "I think... I think I need to pee," I murmur, the lower part of my stomach tightening the longer he keeps toying with me.

"No, you don't," Itachi mutters, tugging his mouth off of me just to start inching toward my neglected breast. "You're just going to cum, Princess. That's what we want," he explains, his tongue sliding over my nipple before he latches on again. He starts the routine over, sucking as his mouth gently tugs on my titty.

"No, no, I need to pee," I ramble, shaky hands letting go of his robes to wrap around the loose half of his hair. "'Tachi, please?"

     He ignores my pleas, moving his fingers faster as his free hand jumps up to my stomach, pushing on my bladder. "If you need to pee, pee, but you don't have to. I know you don't have to." My cheeks flush at what he's implying. I'm embarrassed enough, I'm not going to pee on his fingers too. "That's what I thought," he grumbles, his hand falling away from my belly.

     My eyes follow his hand that dips into his pants, watching as he pulls out his dick. "Onii-Chan," I yelp, my anxieties building up again, courtesy of the growing tension in my body and how close his cock is to me.

     He gently shushes me, tugging his fingers out of my pussy. Some of the tension breaks in my groin both helping me relax and making me a bit upset. I like the feeling of Itachi's fingers touching me like that, I don't like the possibility of tinkling on him though. "Don't look so sad, Princess," he coos, wrapping the fingers that were just buried in me around himself.

     I try lightening my face, showing him I'm fine, but it just makes the grin on his face grow. "Don't worry, Onii-Chan isn't done making you feel good," he lulls, dipping his other hand into me, fingers back to stretching me out this time.

Itachi shifts closer to me, his dick aimed down so the tip of it is pressed against the center of my panties. "Onii-Chan?" I murmur, my legs stiffening the longer my stomach tightens. "Onii-Chan?" I babble again, the heat of his penis waving off of him, mixing with the heat of my genitals.

"Princess?" He grumbles, his voice a bit airy because of his hand rubbing up and down his dick.

"I need you to stop," I whine, wiggling my hips to try and get away from him. It doesn't help. If anything, it strengthens the tension hovering just above my pussy, his fingertips rubbing against new parts of me because of my movements.

"Princess," he hisses, eyes locked on me, burning with a mix of anger and something I can't quite put my finger on. It reminds me of the eyes of a panther before it devours its prey, adding a new kind of fear into the mix of emotions. "You are going to stay right here until I flood your panties with my cum. You are not going to move until my property, your cunt is dripping cum onto my dick, am I understood?"

"Yes, Onii-Chan," I murmur, jerking my eyes away from his face. He's scary right now, but it feels so good, making the knot tighten even more. "I'm sorry," I race out, the tightness loosening before liquid starts to drip out of me.

"Dear Lord," Itachi gasps, his fingers staying in me, focused on curling instead of pumping. "Beautiful, Princess," he purrs, letting his head fall to my shoulder. "You look so beautiful cumming on my fingertips."

My hands tighten around his hair, trying to calm my breathing and emotions. My mind is foggy, euphoria soaked into every inch of my skin. Onii-Chan wasn't kidding when he said he'd make me feel good. I want to feel good again. I rock my hips, trying to get his fingers to move against me.

Itachi lets out an airy laugh, the sound of his hand moving mixing with the sound. It sounds sloppy now, his fingers gripping and rubbing against his cock. "Alright, Princess, you can have more," he coos, the thrusts of his fingers being slow, a lot slower than I'd like.

"Onii-Chan," I whine, gripping his hair before I yank on it.

His head tips up, a toothy grin on his lips as his eyes jump around my face. "Don't whine. Princesses don't whine." Despite the lecturing, I get what I want, his fingers moving in and out of me faster. Itachi's lips brush against my neck again, careful not to nick or suck too hard. Daddy would kill him if he marked me so openly. "Your pussy is soaked, Princess. Dripping your warm cum all over Onii-Chan's aching cock. Onii-Chan wants you to feel that warm too, okay? You're going to feel it too," he rambles, his breath echoing in my ear, proving to me how eager he is to cum too.

The tension in my stomach has started again, the knot tightening faster than before. Words won't form in my mouth, so all I can do is whimper and pull on his hair. "Damn it, Princess," he groans, his fingers stopping halfway out of me.

"No," I shriek voice chipped high as I rip at his hair. "Onii-Chan, keep going. Please? Move your fingers," I whine, continuing to tug on his locks, rocking my hips against his fingertips. "Please, please, please, please," I wail, tugging hard enough to snap his head backward this time.

"Princess," he hisses, shooting me a pointed look before his eyes soften again. "Give Onii-Chan a second, okay? I just need a second." A sob spills from my throat, my head throwing back as I continue throwing my hissy fit. "You're fine. Knock off your tantrum," he mutters, peppering kisses across my jaw.

Itachi lets go of his dick, the weight of it resting against my panties and pulling the material tighter against my legs. "Look at me, Princess." Another long whine fills the bathroom, but I do lift my head, looking at him like he asked. "Open."

My mouth falls open, eyes locked on him as he presses his fingers against my tongue. My taste buds explode with a mix of tangy and salty flavoring. I recognize the salty flavor, the same salty flavor of Itachi's sperm he shot down my throat on the dock. The tangy taste must be what I taste like.

I suck on his fingers, swirling my tongue around his digits like he taught me to do to his dick. Onii-Chan's breathing starts to go jagged again, his jaw tightening as his eyes twitch just a tad.

When he starts pulling away his fingers - both from my mouth and my pussy - I chase after them, trying to keep sucking and trying to keep my cunt filled. "Princess," he exhales, shallow attempts to even his breath filling the space between us. Itachi's eyes flicker to the watch around his wrist, his jaw tightening even more as he reads the time. "We have to get going. We're going to be late."

"So?" I whine, my hand darting down to do it myself.

Onii-Chan's hand races down too, snatching my hand before I can touch myself. "Don't do that," he growls, his glare back on his face, back to shooting it at me. "Your dripping cunt is mine. It's been mine since the second you were born. It's my birthright, it's my property, it belongs to me. You don't get to touch it unless I tell you so. Take care of your tingles by yourself and I'll beat your ass until it bleeds, am I understood?"

Itachi's claim on me and the threat of being spanked makes the knot in my groin tighten again. I don't care about the meeting. I don't even care about Daddy being mad if we're late or miss it. I just want him to touch me again, to make me cum again. "Am. I. Under. Stood?" He repeats, each word comes out drowned in anger.

"Yes, Onii-Chan."

————————————

My fingers are wrapped around Itachi's wrist, my nails digging into his skin. He doesn't seem to notice or care, his expression as stone as ever. If I had to tack an emotion to his face it would be boredom.

I'm trying hard to look the same way, but it's not working so well. My chest is pumping like crazy, trying to keep my breath steady and my mewing silent. My cheeks feel warm and I'm sure they're pink. My eyes flicker down for the hundredth time, checking to see if my legs are shaking. They feel like they are, but luckily they're not.

My sights catch on Onii-Chan's arm, caught on his wrist where my fingers are wrapped around, where my skirt starts to hide the remainder of his hand. "'Tach," I whisper, trying but failing to keep the whine out of my voice.

He doesn't stir, doesn't even bother to glance at me, most of his attention is on the current farmer rambling about this month's barley crop, or maybe he's talking about the wheat crop. I don't know, I can't focus on anything besides Itachi's fingers pressed against me, shoving the cum soaked material of my panties into me.

The past hour and a half of teasing has been unbearable. It's not fair, the cloth between his fingertips and me, the barely present pressure he's adding. "Itachi," I whine again, my fingers flexing against his wrist. I want him to touch me more, to touch me better, to let me touch myself if he's not going to.

Daddy's eyes flicker toward us, reminding me of the situation. Reminding me I'm in a room packed to the brim with our people. Reminding me how mad he'd get at Itachi if he knew what he's doing, what we did during the break. Concern flickers across his face, quickly replaced by anger when his eyes slide over to my older brother.

He leans over, whispering into Onii-Chan's ear for a second. Daddy's voice is soft enough that I can't make out what he's saying, but the twitch of Itachi's mouth lets me know it's nothing good. "She just needs to eat on the next break. She's fine." Daddy grumbles, voice still low enough that I can't hear it, but I can make out the pissy tone he has.

"Onii-Chan," I whimper again, releasing his wrist so I can ball his hair in my hands again.

"You're acting spoiled," he whispers, the hand not buried under my skirt wrapping in his hair too, trying to untangle my fingers from it.

"Itachi," Daddy growls, keeping his voice low so it doesn't spread too far but loud enough that I can hear it. "This is inappropriate behavior."

     "I know, Dad."

     "You should be entertaining her enough to keep her happy and preoccupied."

     "I know, Dad."

     "She should only be second to the clan."

     "I know, Dad," Onii-Chan sighs, carefully working his hair loose.

     "Your sister is your property which makes her your responsibility. You should be taking care of her. What kind of man takes poor care of what's his? What kind of man keeps his property bored and hungry? A pathetic man. You are a pathetic man, not fit for the rights your birth has gifted you," Daddy hisses, sending Itachi another glare before he focuses on the speaker again.

     "I know, Dad," he repeats yet again, rolling his eyes once he's sure Daddy isn't looking. His eyes fall on me, unreadable as they stick to my face. Itachi leans over, lips pressed to my ear as he whispers, soft enough that I almost don't hear him. "Way to go. Your drippy little cunt got me yelled at. Do you feel proud of yourself?"

"I'm sorry," I utter, dropping my hands from his hair.

"No, you're not. Spoiled Princesses like you get off on getting in trouble," he grumbles under his breath, his fingertips tugging my panties to the side. Itachi settles back in his seat, settles back to barely paying me any attention.

Despite his lack of interest, his fingers dip into my pussy, fingertips rimming my entrance. "Please?" I whine, both hands wrapped around his arm, trying desperately to pull his touch closer.

Itachi rolls his eyes at me, an almost silent annoyed sigh spilling past his lips. "Spoiled Princess," he grunts, pushing his fingers into me. My teeth sink into my tongue, trapping my whimper behind my teeth. "Be a good girl and thank your Onii-Chan."

"Thank you, Onii-Chan."

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[silveryclear]

STNAF Coraline AU ch.3

MDNI ALL CONTENT REGARDING STNAF IS 18+ AND SO IS THIS BLOG

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 3

You walk down the rest of the the stairs of the porch, looking in the direction that the shape headed for. You walk to your right and see the distinct figure of a cat in the near distance. You chuckle. One of Other Friend’s cats must’ve escaped his watch, you better bring it back to him before it runs any farther.

You approach the cat slowly, making your presence known in order not to spook it. You notice, however, this cat has one eye in the middle of its face. Chucking it up to it being just a dream, you don’t expect your subconscious to keep track of every plot hole it creates.

The cat turns to look at you, it’s eye seemingly piercing into your soul.

“Hey there… what’s your name?” You coo softly as you kneel down to its level.

The cat stares at you, it’s gaze unwavering. “You are the first human to ask for my name instead of naming me yourself. This pleases me.” A smooth, potent voice slips from the cat’s tongue.

Your eyes widen and fall on your butt. “Y-You can talk??”

It licks its paw and rubs it along its ear, expressing no reaction to your bewilderment. “It appears so.”

You continue staring at the cat in disbelief.

It sighs. “My name is Scrim. Why do you seem so surprised, human?”

“I guess I wasn’t expecting you to talk…” You admit as you pick yourself up and pat away the dirt from your clothes. “I don’t recall Other Friend’s cats speaking…” You narrow your eyes softly, observing. “And you… don’t have buttons for eyes like Other Friend’s cats have…”

“Indeed I do not. That’s because I am not one of his creations. I am myself.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “One of his… creations?”

Scrim only stares at you and you start to feel that same unsettling feeling from the first dream you had, come back.

“What do you think this is, human?”

“A dream, obviously.” You roll your eyes at the obvious.

“Hmm. Of course.” Scrim chuckles in amusement before waking towards the house, you following quickly behind. He jumps on the railing and is eye to eyes with you. “Do you wish to keep dreaming this dream?”

“I was hoping this would be my last.” You chuckle nervously, finding the question to be odd. After confessing to Friend, you hope your mind wouldn’t have to cope this way anymore.

“Very well.” Scrim gazes at you with mirth and you fail to comprehend what your dream is trying to communicate. “If you ever find yourself needing my assistance, I am one whisper away.” Scrim says before climbing up the roof of the porch. It turns back to look at you. “He approaches.” Scrim whispers. “Be smart, and stay safe, human.” Those are the last words it utters before scampering away.

Just then, the entrance to the manor opens and Other Friend looks good outside in concern until he finds you by the steps of the porch. He smiles in relief. “Hey sweetheart. You’ve been outside for a while and I thought I heard some noise. Is everything okay?” His tone suddenly turns colder. “Were you talking to someone?”

You gulp and smile softly at Other Friend, hoping you’re convincing enough this time. “Everything is fine! I was just talking to myself. It really helps me process things rather than just keeping it all in my head.”

Other Friend smiles brightly at that. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. How about we eat some dinner together and then we get ready for bed?”

“Sounds good.” You feel slightly anxious at the thought of entering the house again. For some reason, Scrim’s words kept repeating in your head and you decided to keep his talk with you a secret until you understood what it meant.

You enter the house while Other Friend gazes lovingly at you from behind as he remains by the entrance. He then turns and gazes outside of the manor one last time, his button eyes cold and suspicious as he senses for any movement out of place. He grips the doorknob hard enough to make a slight dent, releasing some of his murderous aura before turning around with a bright smile and closing the door behind him. “Sweetheart~! How does pancakes for dinner sound~?”

“I’m gonna finish cleaning down here. Feel free to get ready for bed, I’ll be there soon.” Other Friend says with a sweet smile.

Wordlessly, you nod and walk up the stairs, feeling his piercing gaze follow you with every step. While walking down the hallway, you recall the events of the dinner.

You were sure Other Friend could sense that something was different, and he made sure to keep himself at a distance from you while you feasted on his delicious pancakes— something you appreciated greatly. You had a nice conversation with him, finding it so easy to talk about anything and everything with him. He’s so sweet and gentle just like your red-headed best friend. But he was really attentive to your needs and that only made you even more confused about your feelings.

He gives you a concerned look. “Are you sure you’re alright, sweetheart?

You can’t tell him how you really feel. How can you tell him that you wish it was your Other Other best friend that made you pancakes and you had a fashion show with?

You sigh. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed this…” You murmur softly, staring at your almost completely eaten plate of pancakes.

He furrows his eyebrows and his button eyes gaze at you with what you can asume is sympathy. He places is large hand on yours.

“Hey… you know you can tell me anything, right? I’m your best friend.”

You swallow the lump in your throat as he says the same words that Friend had uttered this morning. You brace yourself for that inevitable phone call that usually follows this conversation…

Yet, it never arrives.

Instead, Other Friend gazes you expectantly, waiting patiently for you to vent your troubles to him.

And you felt your heart skip a beat. You ignore the pangs of guilt that wrack your stomach and decide to indulge in this desire to be closer to Friend— no matter how ephemeral it may be.

Because, fuck… you miss this too much.

You smile brightly at him, placing your other hand on his. He raises his eyebrows softly in surprise. “I’m actually feeling much better. Thanks Friend… I really appreciate everything you did for me today.”

Friend grabs your hands and brings them towards his lips, kissing them gently as he gazed at you with affection. You couldn't help but blush at his gesture. "Always~" He smiles softly. "I'd do anything for you. Anything." He whispers with so much conviction that you find almost... frightening. As if he'd do anything for you, no matter the cost.

Consumed by your conflicting thoughts and feelings, you hadn't noticed you've walked past your room and now stand in front of a door at the farthest end of the hall. Curious, you attempt to open the door only to find it locked. You find this strange. You try to recall ever seeing this door outside of this dream during your exploration, however, nothing came up. You hear the voice of Scrim echoing in your mind once again as an unsettling feeling overtakes your body.

You were just about to turn around and head back to the bedroom when you scream as you come face to face with Other Friend standing uncomfortably close. You clutch your chest and try to steady your ragged breathing as Other Friend attempts to soothe you.

"I'm so sorry for scaring you, sweetheart..." He coos and rubs your back gently. "I was so worried when I couldn't find you in your room."

Other Friend gently walks you back to your room and tucks you in with the little bunny rabbit plushie. Other Friend places a kiss on your forehead and strokes your hair. However, you can't stop thinking about everything weird that keeps transpiring.

Right before he can wish you good night and walks out the door, you speak up. "Wait. Why was that door locked?"

His smile tightens as he stands eerily still. His expression quickly softens, speaking to you with the same affectionate tone. "Oh! It's a secret~" He giggles. "Don't worry, it won't be like that for long. I'm just preparing something really special for you~"

"I see..." You chuckle at this, thinking that this is something both Friends love to do. "Can't wait to see what you have in store." You lay down and clutch the sheets and the plushie closer to you. You sigh and close your eyes. "Even if this is a dream..." You murmur as you slowly doze off.

Other Friend stands by the doorway, his face lighting up in amusement from the last words you uttered.

"Of course... a dream..."

Oh you're too cute. So smart, yet so naive... How he yearned to be the plushie that got to sleep in your embrace; yet in a way, he was.

He chuckles softly, making sure not to wake you up. "It certainly feels like a dream come true for me~" He whispers to himself. He turns off the light and looks back one last time. "And I have a feeling it'll be one you'll never want to wake up from~”

The door shuts behind him with a soft thud. From where he is standing, Other Friend turns his head, eyes landing on the same door at the end of the hallway. The air around him suddenly turns colder as he grins sinisterly.

Everything is falling into place.

Already approaching the climax of the story, hope you guys are ready for what comes next~

Chapter 4

[tom-is-online]

PJSK X SONIC SONGS

I got very bored soooooooooo I gave each character a sonic song to rep them cuz bus rides home are boring and i need mental stimulation

LEO / NEED

GROUP THEME : Reach for The Stars - Sonic Colors

ICHIKA HOSHINO : With Me - Sonic and the Black Knight

She would fuck up the guitar so fuckin hard with his shit shed go so hard its unreal Ichika With me cover when

SAKI TENMA : End of Summer - Sonic Runners

Criminally underated sonic ost and the PIANO its just her. If you put this in the bg of one of her events NOBODY would question it.

HONAMI MOCHIZUKI : Windy Hill Zone 1 - Sonic Lost World

She'd have a blasty playing the drums to this I think, she can include the whole band on there theyd love it

SHIHO HINOMORI : Ocean View: Lap Music - Team Sonic Racing

Tell me Shiho wouldnt love this, Shiho has TSR on her switch and plays it with everyone else after practice. Also its a remix of you can do anything and i think Shiho would know this info and sing along. also the bass in some of the areas goes v hard

MORE MORE JUMP

GROUP THEME : Follow me - Theme of Team Rose - Sonic Heroes

MINORI HANASATO : Believe in Myself - Sonic Adventure 2

Minori Hanasato would love Tails the Fox they would be best friends and they would fly so far and so high and they would talk about their fav blue ppl and be best friends.

HARUKA KIRITANI : Quartz Quadrant - "G" MIX - Sonic CD

It's just a very nice song i think she'd like it a lot :) and sometimes thats reason enough

AIRI MOMOI : Tropical Resort Act 2 - Sonic Colors

You could also convince me this is BGM music for the actual game if i didnt know better lmaoo

SHIZUKU HINOMORI : Apotos - Night - Sonic Unleashed

One of the chillest sonic songs and the best chill sonic song and i am going to learn it on my guitar if it kills me. Oh yea also Shizuku would like it i think :p

VIVID BAD SQUAD

GROUP THEME : Escape from the City - Sonic Adventure 2

KOHANE AZASAWA : Look-a-Like - Sonic the Hedgehog OVA

This might not be from the games but I think she'd love this shit, esp this cover of it cuz I say so also the cover just fucks lmao ALT : A New Day - Sonic Rush (she'd like it :]. and VBS would also just love sonic rush in general I think A new day would replace escape from the city if that just wasnt a funny thing for it to be for their theme.)

AN SHIRAISHI : Radical City : Living in The City - Sonic R

I should not have to explain this to you, its radical city what more do you want from me? money? well you cant have it.

AKITO SHINONOME : Find Your Flame - Sonic Fronteirs

Ok so. IDK if this is a hear me out or not but like, read the lyrics and look me in the eyes thats not just him. You can't I will not accept that. ALT - SPEED HIGHWAY CASH CASH REMIX - Sonic Generations

TOYA AOYAGI : RIVAL BATTLE : METAL SONIC - Sonic Generations

It's got Piano, its got electronic. It's like Rad Dogs with extra steps

WONDERLAND X SHOWTIME

GROUP THEME : Friends - Sonic Mania

TSUKASA TENMA : Lights, Camera, Action! - Studiopolis Zone Act 1 - Sonic Mania

Do i need to explain?

EMU OTORI : Palmtree Panic - Sonic CD

"dodododododo! WOOO! YEAHHHH!!!!!" - Emu Otori

NENE KUSANAGI : Join us 4 Happy Time... For Chao Garden - Sonic Adventure

Nene has an ungodly ammount of hours in the chao garden, you cannot convince me otherwise

RUI KAMISHIRO : Hi-Spec Robo Go! - Sonic Mania

Do i need to explain?

NIGHTCORD AT 25:00

GROUP THEME : Dreams of An Absolution - Sonic 06

KANADE YOISAKI : Area Planet Wisp - Sonic Colors

You will now come to find that Sonic X Niigo is. REALLY FUCKING HARD TO DO. LIKE seriously. I just picked some pretty songs so if anyone wants to rb and pick some better ones be my guest lmaoo

MAFUYU ASAHINA : Aquatic Base (Level 1) - Sonic the Hedgehog

Oooooo mystery oooooooo scaryyyy, idk why i picked it it just feels right to me

ENA SHINONOME : Sea Bottom Segue - Sonic Lost World

The vibes are there? do you get the vision?

MIZUKI AKIYAMA : Fly in the Freedom - Sonic Adventure 2

I have no fucking reason for this I just think they would like it a lot and I have no better ideas besides like. Twinkle park??

[wheredoesonegetnameideas]

MHA X SHADOWS HOUSE

Living Doll!Oboro and Shadow!Kurogiri because i said so

(Why is oboros hair so light 😔(also ignore the lack of shoes ok)

This is kinda weird since i feel like these 2 fandoms have literally never met but i did it anyway!!

I didnt really change much in terms of design for kurogiris shadows look, just tried to make it look more fancy and European-ish, i wanted to add a tailcoat but i'd already finished the whole thing so i gave it up.

Kurogiri in this au doesnt have his whole misty body thing, but his soot would make him look similar to canon. His soot is very fine and speards outwards in all directions, getting finer amd lighter at the edges (like mist haha). Other than making him look bigger and being hard to breath next to him, it makes cleaning a hassle for Oboro, especially since it never stops spreading. And while his soot is voluminous, it's quantity is only a bit higher than average when condensed.

I almost forget about soot powers woops, obviously portals and teleportation wouldnt be possible in this AU, so Kurogiri's soot power wouls be the equivalent to Canon!Oboro's quirk, in that he is able to produce soot "clouds" that are good for blocking vision, making hard to breath, and storing things in them depending on the size and density of the "cloud". It wouldnt be the first time he and Oboro used it for silly pranks and hiding things from the star bearers.

I also feel like as much as Oboro is outgoing, shadow!kurogiri would inherit his more subdued qualities. He would be kind, compassionate and definitely have mom friend tendencies. He also likes taking care of others (group leader of shadow!LOV maybe?), and sulks when oboro comes in everyday because he wants to help with chores. (Oboro does encourage this eventually because he is a lazy bumTM and wants less work)

While different, they are essentially reflections of each other (and thats the nice way of putting it), so they get along very well! I also think they would be friends even with the brainwashing undone. (Also i headcanon that animals HATE shadows with every fiber of their being and run away if they're in a 5m radius, and even though there is no way Grandfather(AFO?) allows them on his property, they still still get to pet (and stare at) a cute (badly colored) ginger cat :D )

And in this AU, Oboro's nose bandage would be more important than it (supposedly) is in canon, because it hides a scar along the bridge of his nose that he got on a rainy day. Its not an actual bandage tho because that is gross. It just looks like the one Kurogiri first gave him after he was treated. The scar isnt huge like Barbie's, and really the two arent important enough (or annoying enough to Edward) that Oboro would be sabotaged, but it definitely set him back from being nominated for the Unification.

Speaking of the Unification, if i were to make this AU resemble canon as much as possible, then Kurogiri and Oboro would have successfully Unified (iykyk). But thats up to you really.

As of writing this i'm really considering making the rest of the LOV as shadows (especially Toga if only to put her in the girliest dress i can find and also because her quirk would make a perfect soot power)

More details under the cut:

OMG I JUST SAW HIS EYES OOPSIE ANYWAYS

Oboro does feel guilty for ruining Kurogiri's "face", even if it was an accident. Kurogiri on the other hand doesnt resent him for it and was just relieved he wasn't disposed of. (Strangely enough, Kurogiri didn't dispel any soot that day)

The way i struggled with this part is unbelievable. It looks horrible TOT

The cat is perfect tho

You cannot convince me Oboro would clean up if it wasn't his "purpose". I cant imagine myself in that situation, i would simply pass before the Debut even happens.

Do shadows need to breath? I think they do. Does that mean Shadow!Kurogiri essentially suffocates himself the more he's upset? Wow talk abt hyperventilating

[sdwolfpup]

Rules: Pick any ten of your fics, scroll roughly to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag ten people.

Tagged by @mattatouile. I sorted by longest to shortest because I thought that would be most fun, and only picked from completed fics so lets see what we've got.

Heart Full of Gasoline (Jaime/Brienne, Game of Thrones/ASOIAF) - He saluted her with his prosthetic hand and she saw his face go soft and yearning even as he turned away. She was certain it was a mirror of her own as she watched him walk onto the ferry back to King's Landing, carrying her dreams and her heart with him.

Baby I Will (Jaime/Brienne, Game of Thrones/ASOIAF) - In the reflection of the mirror behind the bar, their faces are visible over the unevenly arranged bottles. Brienne's hair is a mess, her eyes hazy with lust. Her lips are so kiss-swollen it’s obscene. Jaime is wild and unfettered behind her, already losing control with every driving movement. One hand is clenched at her shoulder, the other gripping her hip hard enough to bruise. She hopes it does; she wants to press her fingers to her body later and feel the memory of him.

2 Hot 2 Horny (Jaime/Brienne, Game of Thrones/ASOIAF) - “You wanted a real answer,” he said, and he hesitantly met her eyes, not sure what he'd find there. He should've known she'd simply look concerned, an empathy that made him weak, and at the same time gave him the strength to say, “That's mine, I suppose: my biggest fear is being myself.”

There Will Come A Time (Thom Rainier/female Adaar, Dragon Age: Inquisition) - “What did he say to you?” she asked him quietly. The fire popped and crackled, casting light over the dark shadows on his face. Smoke wafted past them. After a long minute, hands curled tightly around his carving, Thom said: “that I was who I knew myself to be.”

I miss it when your heart's not around (please slow down) (Warren/Murphy, Z Nation) - She needed all her focus on the talkers and the anti-talkers this week. And after that there would be some other crisis, some other special apocalypse problem that she would have to focus on next. There would be no time for the confusing turmoil Murphy's desire – or her own – caused her. No time to figure out why the emptiness inside always disappeared when she was with him.

Working 9 to 5 (for service and devotion) (Jaime/Brienne, GoT/ASOIAF) - “Let's take a look at manufacturing numbers,” Kevan says. Jaime dips his hand below the waistband of her pants and she gasps when his fingers brush the top of her underwear. “This isn't very relaxing,” she says, checking - again - that they're muted. Jaime leans into her, until his lips are brushing her cheek as he whispers, “You'll be relaxed at the end of it.”

I need your sway (Jaime/Brienne, Jaime/Brienne/Cersei, GoT) - “It's good to see you,” he said in that same gentle voice that knocked at her heart, trying to find its way in.

Go On (Jaime/Brienne, GoT/ASOIAF) - My cell: My brother has a fish question. Do you have a minute? Brienne WTF: You run into a surprising amount of fish questions. My cell: Good thing I know a fish expert now. That's what my life was missing. Jaime winced when he re-read it. Why did everything look so much more dramatic in text?

I need your heart (Cersei/Margaery Tyrell, Jaime/Brienne, GoT) - Olenna tsked. “Still such a dreamy child. You think Cersei Lannister cares about romance? That woman knows what it takes to make a life. You work hard, you marry a decent enough oaf if you can, you bring up your children to carry on the name and money, and you taste the sweet success of outliving your husband.” Olenna cackled gleefully and Margaery sighed.

To be in your arms again (Jaime/Brienne, GoT) - Jaime heard the door open and close. “What's wrong with him?” Tyrion asked. “He's a fucking coward,” Bronn said blandly. “I am not,” Jaime protested, lifting his head to glare at the other men. But he was, he knew he was. How could he face her? What would he do if he couldn't convince her not to hate him? “Oh gods I am,” he muttered, covering his face with his hand.

I have no idea who to tag here so please do this, I'm enjoying reading these.

[darkanddirtyknb]

Important Notice

I want to give a warm hello to all of my beautiful like-minded freaks, creeps, and horny little toads. We have had quite the journey together. It's hard to believe I started my blog and Patreon so long ago. Sometimes it's painful to reflect on because I was in a much better place when I started my blog. But we learn to live with the hand we receive in life, and that's what I'm doing. Which brings me to the reason I'm posting this today. This has been a long time coming, and I suppose I've been putting it off because I haven't wanted to admit it to myself. I've been in such a period of stasis. But I kept trying to convince myself that I could return to how I used to be—putting out content like the wind, writing commissions, having deep discussions and long conversations with my supporters, and so on. But the truth is, I just can't do it anymore. My body has taken a toll on me, and my fire has burned out. My physical health (and sometimes mental) has taken its course, and this is the path I have no choice but to follow. However, despite the war I'm waging with my body, there is good news. I won my disability claim. I'm not making much, but it's enough that I can support myself monetarily. So, I will be closing my Patreon. I'll also no longer be writing commissions for the foreseeable future. I've been delaying this part of my announcement because I hate letting people down. My Patreon aside, I made a lot of promises to people that I couldn't keep. For that, I'm sorry. I never accepted any money for work I didn't start, so I owe no one anything in a monetary way. But I will be letting people down, and that truly bothers me. If you were in line for a story, I give you my sincerest apologies from the bottom of my heart. If you feel like I let you down in any way, I'm sorry for that too. That said, to be fair, I didn't know this was going to happen to me. I hold no control over the turns my health takes, and if I could change it, I would. I will still post from time to time. I'm not giving up on writing. But what once took me one to two days now takes me weeks, sometimes months to finish. I will still be around, and I will still engage with my followers. I'm not disappearing. My health may have won this round, but I won't let it take me down. I've come too far to give up what I love. I actually have a very detailed story in the works, and come hell or high water, I will finish it. I want to thank everyone who has stuck by my side. To everyone who has supported me, shared talks with me, read my works, liked my stories, and left comments—thank you. These things have helped me through some of my darkest hours. As for my Patrons, hopefully, by closing my account this month, you'll be able to have some extra money after the holidays. I want to give a special thank you to you. You kept me afloat by helping me pay for necessities like my medication, food, gas for medical appointments, and more. Without you, I truly don't know how I would have reached this point in my life. I hope there are no hard feelings. I'm doing what I need to for myself, but also, what I feel is best. If I get a second wind, I might write those stories still jotted down on my whiteboard. You never know. Lastly, I want to share another piece of good news. My parents surprised me with a new friend. I will post pictures of her below. Her name is Luna. (Not after Luna Lovegood, but our Lord and Savior, The Moon.) She has certainly kept me on my toes, and I'm not sure she's been the best thing when it comes to my disabilities, considering I can barely keep up with her. But I'm in love, and I know that ultimately, she'll be well worth the hassle—which she most definitely is right now. She's a right pain in the ass. I'm pretty sure she's a quarter Gremlin, a quarter Audrey 2, and two-quarters Piranha. I'm sending all my love to everyone. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. If you have any questions or just want to shoot me a message please don't hesitate. Please take care of yourselves. It's dangerous business out there. Much love, Kai

[circular-bircular]

hello! im currently questioning whether I am disordered or not. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your experiences if you're comfortable or maybe share some good resources about what its like being disordered because im really lost rn. this blog is great btw! take care of yourself <3

Hey there! Glad you enjoy my blog, sorry it took a bit to get to this. This is the first night in like a month that I have any free time whatsoever (and that's cause I'm putting off grades, lol...)

I hope you don't mind a bulletpointer on this one!

Disordered experiences...

Firstly, I cannot overstate how fucking everything about me is impacted by trauma. Physical health? I get sick more often because my body has fought as hard as it has to survive -- it's an actual thing that traumatized people get physically sick more often. Mental health? Shit. Depression's comorbid, anxiety is comorbid, and I've even seen discussions about the connections between autism and DID, and those two do not mix well in me. All of my everything is constantly fucked.

I cannot goddamn sleep. Sleep is a goddamn hellscape. I run from somewhere between 2 to 6 hours of sleep most nights, and have to take plenty of naps just to survive. That makes it next to impossible some days to get the energy I need, or if I did get enough nappies, to get the free-time I need.

In terms of my actual DID... Amnesia is the biggest one. I constantly have gaps. I have to write every single thing down. I have plenty of accomodations, sure! But even those fail from time to time, and then it's just a spiral. Like, today at work, I had a surprise meeting I did not write down, because I just forgot to. I forgot about the meeting until 10 minutes prior, when I got an alert in my email about it. This meant I skipped lunch, and had to try and focus without having eaten since 9am. This made my day harder, which led to...

Dissociation!!! God fuck. It's so hard to focus sometimes. I am so spaced out. Today was one of those days where I had to cling to my phone for survival and grounding. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it's better to be writing posts on tumblr during class than forgetting I'm in class at all. And none of the kids snitch on me -- just get a little pissy if I don't call on them quickly enough.

Trauma flashbacks. Ough. If I get stuck in one, goodbye ability to think for awhile. It's been happening more and more frequently at work lately, so there goes my 30 minute lunch spent in the bathroom forgetting I exist because I feel like I'm going to my parents house after school.

That ties into paranoia. I have to convince myself more often than not that, when I get home, my abusers won't be there. I'm 26 and haven't directly lived with them in 3 years, and I cut them off close to a year ago. I still wake up thinking they're breaking in.

That's about all I can think off quick, off the top of my head. Basically... owie owie my brain is a big ol bruise.

[teddykaczynski]

i really dont know what to do about a situation............ i cant figure out if ive lost interest in someone or the actual answer is that im mentally ill. or a third thing. but basically, more than a week ago im pretty sure i split on boysweetie. which is also the first time i can recall splitting on an irl romantic entanglement. other times i have, it was an online relationship. and its now become really hard for me to spend time around him. not all the time, there are times when i feel warm and fine and im enjoying myself but im much grumpier, irritable, impatient, just hard to be around and unpleasant. and i dont like how my behavior impacts him and i also dont like how it impacts myself, i hate knowing im acting this way it makes me feel so terrible that im so avoidant of that feeling that its enough for me to want to end it. but the split wasnt that long ago, so its possible ill feel less critical and harsh and more open and accepting soon. in which case it would suck to end things prematurely. but also, my grumpiness may not be bpd. every time its been really Bad it could also be blamed on being hangry or nicotine withdrawal. but but also, i do feel like the relationship wont... last.

reasons being: 1. personal differences, the fire and earth stuff. 2. i should find it and watch the interview but there was a john waters post i saw recently where he was saying in a relationship you never want to be the one that likes/loves the other person more since its the more vulnerable position and he said some other things too but thats stuck with me and i feel like ive often been the one who cared more. but im pretty sure he cares more. so on one hand thats flattering and a little exhilarating but it also makes me feel gulity and uncomfortable. uncomfortable because im like textbook anxious attachment and a whole part of my process is like... idk basically convincing the other person to love me. when theyre open and interested right away im like. well you know nothing about me so how do you know you like me. 3. he has bad breath. and i told him i think this. oops. its not a hygiene thing he brushes often but ive noticed it. and my mistake was telling him this right after i said i was thinking of canceling our sleepover and going back home. once we both calmed down he brushed his teeth again and asked if the smell was gone and it wasnt but what was i supposed to say? the truth? like. perhaps it was cowardly and wrong of me to lie but i had already really hurt his feelings. and as i was beginning to write this post in my head way before i got to this part it made me think of a seinfeld bit of like. george asking jerry whats the social etiquette for how many dates you need to go on with a woman before ending it after you insulted her appearance in a vulnerable moment. 4. hes in recovery for his weed addiction and im addicted to weed 5. i dont like being at his house because of his tim roommate 6. he straight up told me he would lose attraction to me if i began dressing feminine. so......