#its good im glad im grateful
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this is not ship hate but ill muse a lil abt l@wlu whom i dont ship so if you do, you probably won't like this (also talking abt law and SH's)
saw art that i didnt hate cuz they both felt IC to how i see them and law looked so calm and casual it made me think how their rship is canonically like YEA law is absolutely indebted to luffy and YEA he grew to respect him a lot beyond initial interest he had in luffys potential.
and ofc i LOVE when ppl fall in love with luffy when they spend time with him they are fond of him but law keeping reserved because yea sure they are some type of comrades BUT it makes me sooooo 😊😊😊 that law doesnt go beyond that
and its not a ohh but hes bad at making friends ohhh he doesnt know how. naw.
fucking bomb decision by oda to allow law to keep his distance despite him spending a lot of time with mugiwaras (and i know some fans disagree but i wont go into all the opinions i dont vibe with or ill be here til morning) because YEAH he HAS a crew he has a family - and what im trying to say here is that SURE meaningful bonds can be built in a short period of time SURE, no denying that
HOWEVER
while it would be SO easy to write him getting attached to strawhats and emphasizing those strong bonds - he did that with vivi didnt he, he did that with many characters mugiwaras save -> but! but but but but but - Heart Pirates WIN so much in value when Law is clearly acting like
"Naw man i got my family, you guys are chill and all, and im grateful to you strawhat, but id like to be back right now immediately.i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot. "
like THAT is sooooo precious to me and im so glad that oda made the conscious choice of characterizing law as somebody who keeps to himself, not jumping the shark on making him grow super close to strawhats
and it is not for any sad and shut in reason, it is not a flaw but a feature - in fact it keeps and builds up further on feeling of law as a complete character and not a luffy accessory number god knows what.
ofc i bitched plenty in my time that law shouldn't have been in wano for that reason that it's none of his business BUT it was to indirectly help mink nation so im turning it into an otp moment (plus theres lawbepo and just excellent bepo moments even if they dont go anywhere im still enjoying being serviced as a fan so im not hating on wano existing as much as before)
ps: still wont read PH/dressrosa - bepoless ass law, who needs him. even law doesnt need bepoless law - i dont think this opinion in particular would change in any way if i have read them since im stressing how important laws family - his crew is to him - and that was showcased post that arc.
#whole lotta words#i dont have a tag for text posts#celebrating good decisions of the fish head man#add: ofc vivi comparison is not the most correct because circumstances and length of time are all different#but those are also things under writers control so its still a decision made by him to not make it as important for law#as it was for vivi who had agency issues and powerlessness and working alone undercover all that shit#law staying so chadly in his scheming role he gets to walk away with a handshake and a thanks#its good im glad im grateful
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the big and long miss yucky restoration post, part 1:
early february, i got a very damaged (what i thought was) ddh-10 (dollfie dream head, model 10) head from yahoo japan auctions. i had never seen a doll with such damage EVER and even though i hoped someone else may buy her (i did not want to pay the shipping fees), i ended up buying her. for your viewing pleasure, images of miss yucky at the start of this with explanations of what exactly is the damage (or what i thought the damage was at the time)
[ID: Four images of a severely damaged doll head.
The first image is of the head facing straight forward. Her face is very unevenly colored. She has small patches of a darker and more yellow vinyl tone showing on her face, from the paler paint cracking away. Her face is very simple, with big eyes that have cartoonish eyelashes and a small smiling mouth. Noteably, her nose is barely there. She has many spots of dirt on her forehead. Her eyes are dark blue and round, with unsmoothed white clay above the iris.
The second image is inside the doll's head, showing the eyes being held in with hot glue, gray clay, and blue sticky putty. Her headcap is set to the side and the true more yellow vinyl color is visible on the rim of the head that is open.
The third image is her head at an angle that better shows the eyes. The eyes themselves have a weird bumpy texture on them and her face looks very shiny from this angle.
The fourth image is her head in profile, showing that her nose has been almost completely removed. The discoloration is more visible in this photo than the first, with patches of bright white along the head seam right beside dark patches where the paint appears to have been scratched away. In this picture, it is most clear where the headcap has been replaced from the original, as there is a lower seam running around her head, with the headcap being much smaller than it should be. /end ID]
Hopefully her nickname makes more sense now lol. More elaboration on the issues and her process to looking a lot better under the cut, because it is long :)
As for the issues, I assumed it was either a sealant issue or just something mysteriously wrong that was causing the sheen (once I got her in the mail, I began to assume that it was all the plasticizer leaking out of her head, leaving it rock hard). Plasticizer is what keeps vinyl (which is what her head is made of) squishy, and when it leaks out, it leaves a sticky residue on the vinyl, a lot of sheen to it, and most importantly, when it is all leaked out, it leaves the head hard. Her head was as hard of a rock (or as hard as my resin dolls) and that was the only thing that made sense. It couldn't be age, as at the time, I believed she was a DDH-10, which had only begun production around 2016 (and most of the heads that had hardened over age were at least 5-10 years older than that).
Her eyes were stuck in in some mysterious way. The white on the top being not smooth threw me off, as I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be clay or just something to stick the eyes in. I hadn't really seen white sticky putty used on eyes super often but it is something that was used. The other obvious issue is the modding. At the time, I fully believed she was a DDH-10, so was shocked at all the modding that had been done to her. Her eyes had been widened, nose completely sanded away, chin seemingly sanded a bit, and her head cap was from (what i thought was) a different company. We will return to the true ID of miss yucky shortly.
Once I got her, I became aware of a few more issues:
She was INCREDIBLY sticky when I touched her face. This is not normal with vinyl dolls, and I could really only pray it was a sealant issue (as the most popular sealant in the BJD hobby, MSC, can seal glossy if it's used improperly (I've had the same issue when spraying it too close to the face or in too cold of weather)). The shininess was far worse in person as well.
The aforementioned head as hard as a rock. For people unfamiliar with vinyl heads, this specific type of doll has a headcap (which is the thing that you can kind of see is ill fitting in the original photos) that you are supposed to be able to squeeze the head to remove. These kinds of heads are VERY squishy. For example, my other vinyl doll, Beatrix, has a head so soft that I can easily remove the headcap with little effort (it's about the squishy levels of a Monster High head if that helps). At this point, I was very worried I would be completely unable to remove her headcap. But since the listing photos had had it removed, I was moderately hopeful
Her eyes were in odder shape than I thought. Prior to getting her, i had assumed her eyes were the ones you see in an average stuffed animal, just simple ones you sew in. With her modded eyes, it was pretty clear that she would need some kind of custom eyes, so this had made sense to me, that someone would have gotten those eyes and popped some clay around them. But upon getting her, I saw that they were custom eyes that were usually made for these kind of anime BJDs (term used loosely but most vinyl bjds like this have stylings closer to anime artstyles rather than the realistic ones that resin bjds have) and had some weird residue on them.
Her eyewells (the bit of vinyl between her eye and eyeball, where your waterline would be if she was a human) were much deeper than expected, which was why her eyes looked so deep and far back. Most of my resin dolls have similar issues due to that being how the company sculpts them so I wasn't too worried about that as much as I probably should have been lol
[ID: Two pictures of the same doll head.
The first picture is from an upwards angle and shows that she has a somewhat thick line of vinyl between her bottom eyelashes and her eyeball itself. She is being held by a pale hand and the photo is under harsh lighting.
The second picture is facing from the front and is being held by a pale hand. She is noteably very shiny and is about the size of the person's palm. /end ID]
You can see here the way the vinyl is thicker under the eye than it should have been in this case. The second picture is there because she was MUCH bigger than I anticipated, about the same size as Beatrix's head. Quick explanation on why this is odd: The DDH-10 sculpt is meant for 1/4 or MDD scale bodies (BJDs have different scales, all compared to the human body. 1/4 scale dolls are less than 2 ft tall, or on average, 45 cm tall. MDD is the type of body that the company that produces the DDH-10 that is made for the 1/4 scale), but the DDH-03 (the head model Beatrix has) is meant for 1/3 scale (on average around 60 cm or around 2 ft). Everywhere online had said that 10 head model was smaller but I didn't think much of it at the time.
The day that she had arrived, I had made a post on a big BJD forum, as a sort of project journal as I worked on her. The members were IMMENSELY helpful and the hunt for her true identity had begun. A few members were convinced she wasn't a DDH-10, but to me, I really was convinced she was, as she had been listed as such, had arrived in a box for that head type, and the way that she could have been modified made a lot of sense to me with that sculpt. This was not the case, as she ended up getting id'd as an Obitsu 60 cm girl head. I'm including this for a reason (and not just because I wanted to do a big post writing up the specifics of my journey fixing her)
[ID: A blank doll head. It has the same smile and nose of the doll head shown in the photos prior, but noteably does not have any eyeholes carved in. Her vinyl color is much warmer and closer to a typical peachy tone than the very pale paint covering the prior shown doll head. /end ID]
This photo is taken from an old Mandarake listing, as one of the forum members had linked me to it. The most noteable thing here, is that unlike the head I have, the eyes are meant to be painted on (much like a Monster High head). Which means the customizer before me had hand carved these eyes (and somehow got them as even as they did). Other good news with this- the body I wanted to put her on was an Obitsu body, so somehow, they matched perfectly (each vinyl BJD company has different skintones, so I was not expecting that much of luck).
Her ID aside, let's dive into the restoration! I had to give a bit of backstory before we got into the good stuff lol
First step was getting her headcap off, as I wanted to remove her eyes before cleaning her face, just to not cause more damage to them than what had already happened to them (at this point, I did not know why the eyes looked like that). Thankfully, a hair dryer was able to heat the headcap and get it loose enough that I could pop the headcap off and get my first look inside her head.
[ID: A closeup of the inside of the doll head. There are thick globs of hot glue holding the gray clay in, a mysterious clear shape that is the back of the eye, and blue sticky tack holding it all up. /end ID]
Getting a better look at it, I just decided to dive in and start prying the hot glue off. Once I did that, it revealed that the gray clay was in fact Apoxie Sculpt (which dries VERY hard when its cured all the way. This was the worst case scenario, as I did not want to deal with removing that) and that one of the eyes came out all the way.
[ID: A closeup of the doll eye out of the head. It is surrounded by white clay on the top, with some of the Apoxie sculpt on the top. Above the doll eye, there is a piece of Apoxie sculpt that has browned and has some of the blue sticky tack on top. Two pieces of the hot glue are below the eye and the head is off to the side. /end ID]
I was SO relieved to see it was coming out, but the other eye did not come out as easily sadly. There was still a big chunk of clay that was presumably used to hold the eye in. I have no idea why the eye mechanism was like this at all to be honest. That clay was NOT coming out at all, so I moved to get her cleaned up.
At this point, I had noticed some black spots inside of the head. I was praying it was not mold because that would be nigh impossible to get cleaned up (given I could not just do what you do with MLP and heat the vinyl up and squish the mold out with using Oxi-Clean. Her head was too hard for me to do that). I had also been hit with an overwhelming "new vinyl" smell, which was another sign of the plasticizer being completely gone/leaking slightly, so I was pretty sure that was the case.
I cleaned her up with warm soapy water, but it didn't really get anything off. My next step was to remove the faceup with acetone, which is a little stronger than what most people use to remove faceups but I am very careful with it so please do not try using it unless you are cautious as well. I needed something strong to really get the layers of paint off. With how many dolls I've removed full body/full head paint off of, I have the method down pretty well (a short list of painted dolls I have had to deal with: my own Cordula head, as her head is bright white and needed to match her yellowed body; the body I have for my big guy (which was just a LOT of blue paint); Clarimonde's body (which was painted mostly to hide the top surgery scars from the modification but I wanted to remove the paint)). It came off pretty smoothly, and was revealing a gorgeously yellowed vinyl underneath. Quick clarification here, most people do NOT like their dolls yellowed. I do because it's easier to blush and work on because it is not stark white and I feel it makes the skin look a bit better for the most part (most of my dolls are yellowed but maybe 2 of them). She had some minor staining around her eyes and mouth but nothing compared to what I expected.
[ID: The aforementioned doll head, now much closer in tone to the listing photo. Her face is all cleaned up and her headcap is resting besides her. There are some faint stains by the eyes left from the eyelashes but she is otherwise completely cleaned and is blank. /end ID]
The difference was stark, as she looked much better with all the discolored paint removed. What I had worried was mold was just paint from the faceup and came off completely with no worries (I am convinced I kept lucking out with her because she was thankful to be cleaned up and taken care of).
I had, weirdly enough, been very worried that she would lose all of her charm and cuteness with no faceup, but she did not. Now that I had cleaned her up, I could return to the to do list. With no faceup, it was clear her eyes were slightly uneven, and the modding had left some scratches inside of the head that i wanted to clean up (namely because I felt bad for her for having to have those inside her head). Her nose was something that I definitely wanted to resculpt (which was partially why I wanted to get this doll, she was a big project and an excuse to learn skills that I had been too scared to learn prior to this, sculpting being one of them), but the shape was something I was super uncertain of. She would need custom eyes that were made to fit only her eye shape (her eyes are carved very low on her face in comparison to the original, so normal round BJD eyes would not fit properly) and I would want to make her a wig. I also needed to get her on the body in a specific way modification wise, which will be something we will cover in a later post (as I have not done it yet lol).
Starting with the eyes, I started to work on getting the chunk of clay out of the head. I was immensely glad I had gotten a dremel to help restore my big boy (if you remember me posting images of getting the clay on a chest piece sanded down, that is the same doll) as I had to pretty much sand away at the clay for about an hour or more. Eventually I just gave up and pried it out of the head with a small sanding tool (as sanding it down was just not working too well and it was kind of my last resort). I sanded the inside of her head and outside of it, but neither of these differences show up a lot on camera, so I won't be including images. I sanded the outside of her head to get a few of the areas that were stained a bit to be a tiny bit less stained, as well as wanting a fully clean and sanded surface before I started sculpting.
[ID: Two pictures showing the inside of the dolls head. The first one has a large chunk of white clay visible under the right eye and the second shows the same spot with no clay, as it has been removed. /end ID]
You can see how big of a hunk of clay it was! It was BAD lol. I got through maybe 3 long youtube videos while getting this thing out.
The eyeballs themselves turned out to be made of resin, and thanks to one of the members suggestion on the forum, I cleaned them with acetone. They believed it was just sealant sprayed while the eyes were still in, and the acetone cleaned them up beautifully. They were still not the right fit for miss yucky, but I was very relieved to see that they cleaned up okay.
This photo was before cleaning them up, as I was so confused what could have even been going on here and needed to get advice.
[ID: The eye close up. There is an almost foggy texture over it that obscures the colors a bit. They are a dark blue. The surface is very bumpy and there are some remnants of the white clay that surrounded them still attached. /end ID]
And this photo shows them cleaned up! The left one has been cleaned and the right has not.
[ID: The two eyes laying flat on a gray countertop. The left one is still moderately foggy but is much much clearer than the one to the right. There is a slight gradient in the iris and a small light blue highlight towards the bottom. The right eye is much foggier and is still very bumpy. /end ID]
As for the nose, I was originally planning on doing a larger nose (at least for an anime doll. Closer to what a Dollfie Dream Alna looks like versus the typical very skinny pointed nose) but the more I looked at her, the more I felt she resembled Pinoko from Black Jack. The eye shape, nose shape, and mouth shape (as well as how the eyelashes were painted) felt near identical, so I took inspiration from how Tezuka drew her nose when I was sculpting. I wanted it to flow into the rest of the profile naturally (that does not make much sense but it will once I show the pictures, or so I hope). I didn't want to do a super big difference with her nose, and stick to the original aesthetic as much as I could (which was my goal for most of this project, stick to the original but make it look a bit less "haunted doll" (as one forum member described her)).
[ID: Pinoko from Black Jack. She looks surprised or startled in the photo. She is a pale young girl with a orange-brown bob with bangs, wide brown eyes, a small round nose and a round face. She is wearing a blue shirt. /end ID] (This photo is from the All of Black Jack artbook if anyone is curious)
^Pinoko for reference. I hope the similarities are clear to see! I took some "pre-op" photos of miss yucky (she still does not have a name) and then got to work with some superfine white milliput.
[ID: Images of the blank head from the front and both sides. The first three photos show what the head looked like before the nose, and the second three photos show what she looks like with the nose. The nose is a very stark white compared to the rest of the head and is fairly small. It is upturned and has a slightly rounded tip. It flows into the rest of the profile smoothly, causing it to look very natural from the side. /end ID]
I was not perfectly happy with the nose but it was pretty close to what I had wanted, and I hoped that painting would just fix my issues. It is hard to see here but her eyeholes are also more evened out, although it is a VERY small difference.
The next step was a faceup, which was admittedly very scary. I got nail brushes to help get the fine lines a bit better than what I could do with my usual brushes (my hands are IMMENSELY shaky and have not wanted to cooperate at all during this project, thus the faceup has taken forever because I want to get it right) and wanted to pretty much just redo the previous faceup but with eyebrows and not the scariest skintone situation known to man.
For some context here - normally with faceups, you start with using chalk pastels to shade the head, then go in with watercolor pencils to get the lines, and then do acrylic paint last before doing the final sealing and glossing areas that need to be glossed. I normally follow this to a T, you can see that in my past faceups, I do most of the blushing and the eyeshadow colors first, then go through the rest of the steps.
This was not the case with this head, as I started off with trying to sketch her eyelashes with a watercolor pencil (this did NOT want to cooperate with her head texture/sealant texture) and then eventually just gave up and went in with watercolor paints on a brush. This was ALSO a pain (she wanted to be so so evil to me during this step I think lol) so I just went in with acrylics before doing anything else on the head. Her faceup was going to be mostly acrylics (minus the blushing on the cheeks) as I wanted to keep a similar look to how Tezuka paints Pinoko (he was a very big inspiration during this project, and is why I am doing certain steps, such as the nose and eyes (when I get there) the way I am) and keep the head's cartoonish and cute appearance. The eyelashes were the worst part of it, as I wanted to keep them symmetrical or as much as I could, but it was very hard. I got through the faceup immensely slowly, but to be fair, I was working on another faceup as I did hers (as I wanted to redo both of my anime style heads).
The eyebrows were OBJECTIVELY the worst part of this faceup though, as even in the mockup, I really struggled to paint ones that I felt suited her. At this point, I was really empathizing with the previous faceup artist as with her eyeshape, good eyebrows were hard to do. My other struggle was matching the nose to the vinyl. I am normally somewhat decent with color matching (again, doing Cordula's faceup around 3 times and having to color match the head to the body with paint each time helped here), but this was just very rough, as even with sanding, I felt the nose didn't blend into the face the way I wanted it to. The color was off and I couldn't figure out exactly HOW which was a very big pain. Admittedly, in lower lighting, the nose mod looks GREAT but up close with harsh lighting (which is how I do my faceups), it looked pretty rough. I'm not done with the faceup just yet, so I'm really including a few WIP pics, as I will be tossing the finished faceup pics in when I make the part 2 of this post :)
First off, the nose painted pics:
[ID: The head, now with the sculpted nose that is painted over, on a messy desk. The first image is in harsh lighting and the line where the nose mod begins and the vinyl head is more apparent. The second image is in darker and warmer lighting, and the mod looks more natural. The third image is under the same harsh lighting and shows the head tilted on its back, showing the side view of the nose that is painted. This angle makes it look better than in the first image. The paint is nearly perfect color matched but is slightly off. /end ID]
For my very first attempt doing a mod like this, I was very pleased with how it looked. Milliput is NOT as bad to work with as I anticipated and with the paint, the nose looked pretty natural. It definitely encouraged me to want to work with it more in the future, which is good (as I need to go back and fix Aca's top surgery a bit lol, as I was too scared to do the sculpting at first for him, but now I feel moderately confident about it). It was pretty fun to sculpt it but the painting was a bit of a pain since it was just off in a way that I couldn't put my finger on.
Next up, the most recent WIP
[ID: A closeup of the head, with the same cartoonish lashes painted on in black that she had before. The lashes are incomplete, with the left eye being painted partially with dark brown paint and the right in black paint. Both eyes have the bottom lashes fully painted in black and faint brown pencil marks serve as guides to place the lashes. The right eye has the first two eyelashes painted in black, whereas the left only has the pencil marks. She is very faintly blushed with a light pink on her cheeks. Another doll head in the process of being painted is in the background of the photo, mostly out of shot. /end ID]
I did dark brown paint first, in hopes that I could just outline it first and then do the blushing I needed to, but the stupid paint was NOT going on solid. So i had to jump right into the black paint and pray for the best. The best thing about acrylic paint is you can wipe it off with water easily. The faceup has been taking days, not just because of my chronic pain flaring up and making it hard to move my hands in a way that would work to make these eyelashes right, but because I am doing one lash at a time. This makes sure that my prior work isn't erased if I need to redo a lash but it makes it take a lot more time. I did this for both the heads I was working on, as they both are very fine motor skill required and I needed to get them perfect. The nose mod is also a bit more visible here, it really looks good in certain lighting and bad in others which makes it frustrating lol.
That's all for this VERY long post, ty if you have made it this far! The next post will hopefully be including progress on:
The faceup (hopefully done lol)
Eye making (this will be a VERY miserable time for me I fear)
The way I'm working with my personal modifications to the body to get the head to fit on there
Wig making/styling a wig I have to be her temp wig
And as a little bonus treat, her with Beatrix before I got her cleaned up :)
[ID: A pale vinyl BJD with an orange wig holding the project head. The doll holding the head has green eyes, and a very orange toned faceup. She is sitting on a white shelf and is wearing a white turtlenck and a striped yellow and white skirt. Their heads are around the same size. The project head has had no work done on her in this photo, so the contrast between the heads appearances in this photo is quite stark. /end ID]
#twist rambles#bjd posting#this is LONG long. so that is why it is under a cut lmao#and i need to make a post showing bea's faceup progress i think... but i gotta work on their heads a bit more now.#its insane how well its gone. i rly think shes happy to be home and grateful im helping her look a bit better :)#and in unrelated news good god im so glad i redid bea's faceup bc mannn it looks so much better now lmao. even if she was crazy stained#from the past faceup lol.#anyways. back to work. but this is what ive been working on for like a week but didnt wanna derail from the strike bc of how long of a post#ik it would be. like. as u can see i can talk abt dolls for forever. but this is not like... even all of the stuff i could talk about but i#wanted to kind of take ppl on the journey i was on#i think this is prob the longest doll post ive ever made good godddd... so sorry lol
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Art vs Artist 2023!! 💥 I didn't expect the year to be so colourful... but there is a Severe lack of purples. Anyway, it was a literal struggle trying not to add Pavitr art because he keeps infiltrating every month T-T
Happy to say I'm proud of the art evolution! Thank you Spider-Verse for pushing me outside the box and really embracing the fun and whimsical style of Mumbattan. Who knew mimicking old timey comics would be so much fun?
high quality versions of the above images under the cut!!
i fuckin love this clip i want it tattooed on my soul
#i'm so very grateful for spiderverse giving me such a boost in terms of art style#atsv came along and i tried to cement myself as “you're that guy who draws pavitr all the time” and like. mission accomplished?#been up to my eyeballs with so many things in my real life and feeling pretty low all the time. but im glad i still had the energy-#-to pump things out every now and then. the art and its evolution is more or less a sign im still doing stuff#in fact i think a big reason for the departure from my old style was simply because the new one encouraged me to have fun#like “it don't need to be perfect. messy lines are a part of the charm. bleeding colours and imperfect inks are what makes art cool”#so in a way i think changing art styles made ME feel a lot a better about myself and what i do to some extent#but yeah. other than that... if you told me to name anything interesting that happened to me this year i couldn't tell you#it's just not that kind of year for me#i got chalice of the gods for my birthday tho! so that was a real blast to the past#might post some doodles i've made of some scenes pretty soon#happy 2023 yall!! manifesting that next year is a good one#art vs artist#artoftheagni#art vs artists 2023
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can you believe they just. they just filmed it and then kept it a secret for four years. do you think they have more. do they have more plans
#I KNOW THIS SHORT WAS MEANT TO BE LIKE. ONE-OF-A-KIND THING LIKE IT WAS MOSTLY JUST AN ACCIDENT#THAT THEY COULD FILM IT AND SUCJ#LIKE THEY COULDN'T BRING IN OTHER ACTORS BUT UM UH#they just cannot they CAN NOT leave graceland like that its TOO good to just be left like that#like someone please give aaron the budget and the crew and the equipment and all the stuff and let him do the graceland revival#i know he can do it#and we know he also hasnt forgotten about graceland HE STILL CARES ABOUT IT DEARLY SO UM#idk its just so crazy to get these news AND IT JUST FEELS SO SO SO HUGE LIKE THEY EVEN CAME UP WITH THIS SHORTS OWN TITLE#NEXTLAND!!!!!!!! THEY COULD'VE JUST GONE WITH LIKE “GRACELAND: 21 MONTHS LATER” BUT NOOOOO#im so so so grateful to them for doing and releasing it and i dont know but like. it feels like it wont end just here#maybe eventually we will get another short#and then one day the actual revival#im sorry im being Emotional. i just love graceland so much and i care about it deeply and i love these people i love this cast and i miss#them with all my heart. im so actually glad for this short im literally going to think about it for the next few months#anyway yeah WE'RE SO BACK
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I now know the context for the 'Doctor... you're huge' line
#prince's gaming tag#hi can i ramble for a bit? bc im losing my mind and i didnt screenshot that scene bc i was too focused on what was happening#so like i got to control both characters in this pic for a bit mainly aventurine and he was summoned by Sunday for a negotiation#or so we thought but Sunday wanted to know what his plans were and casted Harmony on him#and then asked him some questions where if he lied there would be dire consequences#and that whole fucking scene had me TENSE like holy shit#and then it was revealed aventurine was lying and it turns out Sunday knew this bc Ratio ratted him out!!!#so it wasnt an negotiation or an interrogation but an execution like aventurine said#so now unless he does what sunday wants hes gonna die in 17 system hours#and like. holy fucking shit. holy shit!!!!#like ok im still kinda confused about the lore of the game and what actually the aeons are and the factions and all that#like theyll say some unfamiliar word and therell be a word above it like its explaining what that word means#but its just another in universe word so im still confused#but with this interrogation scene i got enough of what was going on to get the high stakes#and im just like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA rn in my head bc what the fuuuuuuuuck#now i wonder if this is gonna be why he becomes a boss fight for us#oh also i was right. when aventurine is serious his voice isnt as grating to me so its only when he's forcing his facade that i cant take i#but this interrogation scene was really fucking good#anyway i finished aventurine's pov and im back to trailblazer's pov. I get to see Topaz!!#who i havent met before but apparently the crew has. i guess i didnt do the mission where she was introduced oops#but i hadnt heard her voice before so i thought it was higher pitched and was very glad to hear it wasnt#oh and i gotta pull for aventurine when he comes back bc i need someone who can cast shield on everyone and hes the man for it#the only preservation character i have is march and caelus if i choose that path but i need him on another one rn so march is the main one#but she can only put up one shield at a time which is not enough as the fights get harder
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like 60% percent of the feedback i get from my professors on my art for critique is just like "keep doing what ur doing" WHAT does this mean
#i dont know what im doing. but thank you i think? i guess i will.#maybe its like that tumblr post where the dog serenely makes a beautiful modernist ceramic out of a baby on a pottery wheel.#'lets see where the dog is going with this' type deal#im glad i think though. maybe i know what im doing. did i ever mention like a few months ago i was staring at the upper year art#while doing some cleaning for a part time job i had (a work+study program in my faculty) and like#that day was the day they announce student awards in the faculty and i basically never go to the lil ceremony because im usually busy BUT#today i was in the building. but still not at the ceremony LOL but i was staring at the upper year art like spiraling into madness or#whatever like oh god. oh god i need to drop out. oh god. and like two minutes later my supervisor (part of faculty) texted me like#you should go to the award ceremony NOW and i was like oh do they need help cleaning up or setting something up?#still in job mode LOL and i walked in and it turned out i won an award. which im still reeling from. ive never actually won anything like#that before. certificate..... my art is being hung somewhere.... i got a lil cash prize... doesnt feel real still#i walked in and stanced like caveman spongebob because people were clapping and i was so confused.....#whiplash of like. 'oh god i'll never be good enough' to 'oh time to do job' to 'WHY ARE PEOPLE CLAPPING'#it was a crazy experience. funny though im glad it was memorable to the audience HFKJDSFKDS#BUT like yeah i dunno i have no clue how my art is perceived sometimes <3 im grateful though. i think?
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Dresses that are nice but they're only made to fit you if you're 5'5 T____T
#tried on THE CUTEST dress in a medium but the waist was too high up and the skirt wasnt long enough#tried a large then and the waist was too big and the skirt STILL wasnt long enough!!#its the kind of style of dress that's supposed to cover like half your knees. and it didnt. blah#always the cutest dresses that are like long flowy and psychedelic that i like are like that#i did get a nice little green velvet victorian/swingin sixties jacket oh it was SUCH a success tho#i always have good luck with tops but dresses. ugh#i can only wear MINI dresses. bc a mini skirt is supposed to be short on you no matter what#medium-length dresses i have the worst luck with. im not even that tall im 5'7.#tales from diana#there's something weird about the black jeans from old navy#i bought two pairs of jeans at old navy in march of last year. the flare jeans are a size 4 and fit amazing#theyre like stretchy but not cheap and extremely comfy. theyre a typical denim blue#then i also got a straight-leg pair of black jeans. the black jean material is just not right anymore. it's extremely stiff#i know old navy mustve changed their sizes bc i have pants from them that are 5-10 years old (since i stopped growing)#and theyre all different sizes. like. i have old navy pants that are a snug 12 or a loose 4. but it was at least consistent at the time#i was trying on black flare jeans and i had to get an 8. i went in wearing THE SAME jeans i bought back in march#same CUT and everything. and even tho im tall the pants are still longer than what im used to#(im also used to my jeans being somewhat short on me) (so i dont mind it) (its more like they just cover the top of my foot)#the waist. bc i got two sizes up (old navy doesnt do odd number sizes for some reason). it like goes WAY up my waist#tho i dont mind that. im glad we're living in a high-waisted bootcut era. GRATEFUL#but still yeah.#the black jean fabric is just so stiff it's harder to squeeze yourself into even if it fits in the other color denim. u needa size up.#i went shopping w my friend (and kaily) (and our mom) (and then we went out to lunch after) bc i wanted to get her some pants#she's like 5'2 and all the pants were too long on her i felt bad. i bought her some sweaters and shoes#the sweaters were clearance only $6 i was like oh i have no problem getting those for u#still i felt bad bc they didnt have petite sizes in that store. like when she asked they were like 'no only if someone returns'#some other time we'll go to marshall's or tjmaxx >:F
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One of my older fics has suddenly spiked in comments and bookmarks and i cant help but wonder if its on someone's fic rec list somewhere
like yeah i know there are people who see my current stuff and go through my profile to my other fics (WHICH MAKES ME VERY HAPPY EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS) but its this one fic in particular that has gotten 2 new comments and 3 new bookmarks in the last 24 hours. which. HI?? HOW DID YOU GET HERE???
#i am very grateful#just confused#but im happy people like it#even if i look at it now and think “i can do so much better”#im glad people still manage to find joy in it#it is one of my two most read AND kudo's fics#(which makes sense since it was the second BSD fic ive posted)#(so its been around for a few years lmao)#i just wish i knew if its just coincidence OR if it is on a fic rec list somewhere#so i can personally thank whoever decided my fic was good enough to put on a rec list <3
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#gonna get kinda heavy in the tags since im stuck on mobile and cant drop a read more but i need to vent fam squad#god I want to come back but i just don't know how to talk#like i feel like i cant just spring back into conversation like everything is okay and fine#because its not and i dont know how to get over the mental barrier of talking about normal things#it's a really weird feeling and i know im isolating myself but i just dont know what else to do#like i can talk to my family that were there for it. i can talk to people that have been through it#idk i just feel really disconnected#my friends try to talk to me about things and i just cant relate anymore#and they dont get it either. none of my friends have lost their parents and especially havent seen someone die#and they dont know how to talk about it so now its like none of us bother#theres things that happened that i cant say and tbh im pretty haunted#to them its been ages since mum died but to me its only two weeks and still feels like yesterday#i think im pulling away just so i dont have to deal with the hurt of being dropped first#im glad that i have some good close friends that i CAN talk to about things and im so grateful for them#but hoooo boy everything hits different now#tiejfkeie boy am i glad i get to see my therapist tomorrow dkfjskfndk#;; ooc.#death tw#parent death tw#negative tw#;; tbd.
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everytime im posting in the group chat i wonder if im annoying and everybody is just too polite to tell me to shut up
and yea ofc i know im annoying, everybody can be annoying, and i def realize when i have been particularly annoying, and i try very hard to not be too annoying, but im always afraid that i didnt notice it and that i did actually took it too far and i know its not realistic but i wish there was a socially acceptable way of telling smbdy they are a tad annoying and also that humans would be able to accept hearing that gracefully too.
its like.... its like, im not completely sure if my sound quality is fine with my headset when im on a voice call. nobody has ever said anything, but i have been on voice calls with people when the quality was horrible, or the connection was bad, but i def havent ever said anything. has anybody else? do they know? i wish people would tell me, but i dont tell anybody. argh.
#i know i take some shit too far a lot of times#and i feel like i manage to control myself better nowadays#but maybe its not enough???? i dont know aaaah#and like#my friend group is def ok with calling out shitty behaviour#cuz theyve def done that#and im grateful!#they def called me out on shitty stuff#and even if it made me mad in the moment#im thankfully at a fun where i can take the L and shut up and retreat & do some introspection#and i was glad for that cuz i could learn from it#but they def only do that in like extreme cases#what if im skirting the line between slightly annoying and too much#sjakdajkdhklh#ughhhhhhhhh#just#ugh#dont tell me im a good boy#tell me im annoying please sob#i wont be mad i swear#ive done so much growth i can absolutely take it
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I am literally so fucking thankful for my parents and friends rn they are truly the only thing keeping me afloat rn
Also thankful for Twin Peaks because watching it on 24+ hours of no sleep is like actually comforting but also probably a torture method
#thoughts#i literally feel so alone despite being surrounded by love and support from people who actually care about me and idk how to express#how grateful i am rn#like the love my friends and parents have given me alone the last few hours is just so great but i just feel so empty#but i appreciate them so much like they are genuinely all i have right now and it fucking sucks#but i know that its good i know that they care and it just sucks because a relationship i thought was going to be long term just died#i wish i could physically be with them but were all states away from eachother and truly thats why im glad my parents are here#my mom olding my hands and my dad rubbing my back while i just lost ot this morning was the most loving gesture
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You probably don't want to talk about Ebina anymore butttttt as someone who absolutely ADORES Aoki and Sawashiro, I also felt very strongly about this shit. Like of all of the people to have be Ebina's father, Arakawa was the worst fucking person for it because it also doesn't make sense for the timing either. Like you're telling me Mr "massacres an entire clan for his woman" slept with another woman other than Akane around the same time??? Like I get he was young but like that shit is never explained? Just here ya go, here is someone related to Ichi because?
Honestly I feel like RGG felt like they fucked up in killing off Masato but wanted that dramatic parallel for no reason at the end of 7. It honestly would have been so easy to let Masato live since he technically died off screen anyway. During 8 I would just open up the character screen to look at Aoki or Sawashiro like look at what we had my dude.
I really enjoyed 8 in a lot of ways but others made me want to throw shit. Like I got way too excited seeing Sawashiro and then he fucked off for most of the game and then when he comes back, we don't even get much closure with him anyway? Just tortured and shit after he tried to redeem himself.
I dunno, sorry for dumping this here, I'm just an old lady yelling at the clouds cuz they fucked up with my boys
NO PLEASE YOURE TOTALLY VALID MY FRIEND LMAO i thought arakawa being the father- even if sensical from a quick glance- just made me agitated
like this is quite literally the same game we watch arakawa slaughter an entire clan and his patriarch because he loved this woman so much. i get that arakawa implied himself to be promiscuous over the years, but when he was with akane ? i also get that his patriarch could have REALLY been on his ass to be with his daughter, but arakawa made it clear he did all he could to turn her away (i.e. in his words, 'doing everything he could to avoid courting her'). clearly not enough if you ended up havin a kid with her By Accident lmao
it does conjure up a funny mental image of just. arakawa going home to akane like 'babe i had to fuck my boss's daughter today it was terrible :((((' but being tbh about it its just so jarring from what we knew
im a broken record in saying making ebina related to arakawa was literally for nothing but it was literally For Nothing. i dont think aoki could have had a significant plot point in 8 if he lived but it would have been preferable to just have him sit in jail if it meant we didnt get ebina LOL
#iw spoilers#spoilers#snap chats#anon dont worry im quite literally writing an essay about ebina in another tab youre good LMAO#im very grateful to hear people also have grievances with ebina but i guess ill get into that when i post that essay later#crying at you opening the character screen tho like a mourning wife at sea ... when will your sailor husband return from war ...#except the sailor husband is aoki and he got shanked and died in the dumbest way possible#like im glad ebina is my new source of ire because that shit STILL pisses me off but its nice having a distraction#until i realize aoki getting stabbed was a pipeline to ebina and now im pissed again ANYWYA IM EATING LUNCH NOW
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You are all SUCH an amazing community to be a part of!! I hope all of you know how much I appreciate being surrounded by you every day
#personal#not to be a big sap but im so glad my life has become so good#i have great friends who love me and im part of fantastic communities that look out for each other!!#also my mum is fucking awesome i love her sm#im surrounded by kindness and love an acceptance and patience and idk how to describe it but its just amazing#back in high school i never thought id have a life like this#but i do!!#and you are all a part of that and i cannot describe how grateful i am to have you
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having a moment about comics again. love those silly little things
#citrine speaks#like!!!!!#yes obviously comics have. so many issues. esp big 2 comics yknow.#but god as a medium????#so insanely cool????#i love them so much and i always forget HOW much until i sit down and read them and am just. heart shaped about it#and i have a local shop now!! finally got over The Fears™️ last year and have been THRIVING there#its a cozy lil place and they know me now and it makes me :)#the main cashier guy walked up w/ my preorder without even asking my name today HJKSDFHJKDFS#i was like oh ok cool im known. people are aware of me. odd but ok. (<- delighted by the concept of being known by others)#and!!!!! and and and#for me Personally. i've got this walmart version of aphantasia goin on which For Me means my mind's eye is uhhhh glitchy. so#Reading reading can be soooo very tiring. anything to do with visualizing people or places or things is exhausting#so having my silly little picture books!!!!!! love that for me#soooo glad to be alive and im grateful to be alive in time to experience Comics.#anyway. shutting up now. hope yall are good. mwah.
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reed :(
#welp it was nice while it lasted tbh#not much on twitch anyways these days anyways..#at least not to put attention 24/7 cuz uni has me by the balls but#it was a good ride tbh glad i came across it while i was just starting uni#it will always be a good memory and like i dunno ill be always grateful with the nopixel community even if rp isnt like it was#im sure there still are some peeps with amazing stories to tell#but i think its time to finally move on#n0pixel#???.txt
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Fun facts for those of you that follow my peachy chronicles (not that I update abt my life recently but lmao): But I went from being upset i wasn't being treated well/right by people to now putting down my foot and stating my needs/wants clearly without room to misunderstand me.
And I think that's super important progress! The problem is is that now I'm seeing p clearly how and where people treat me and it's not very fun! I'm v good at compromises and am super patient! And I'm realizing people take that hella for granted and it's like. Dude.
Im just happy I'm figuring it out! Being autistic and people being my special interest is,,,hard bc I know where ppl perceive me and how ppl can use that and it's just,,,
Gosh idk! I think it's great progress but strange.
#princess talks#Knowing ppl perceive me as childish doesn't hurt my feelinfs bc sure hey i am! i love dolls i love plushies i love pink and cute junk#i get excited at the smallest things! etc! thats okay!#its the infantilizing and almost fetishizing thats hurtful#like im not a child and im also Not your manic pixie dream girl uwu hypersexual dream#but im now able to CATCH and SEE it and can make myself clear#but im also noting i always Have and Had made myself clear and open to clarifying further and it was taken advantage of to confuse me#hurtful! but now that i can see it i can really put my foot down#even in my romantic life! but thankfully Sprite is such a good listener and gotten so much better at communicating#its startling in a good way! that someone loves me that much theyre going to figure out how to work with me#and my beloved friends that understand my communication style can be odd! aivaiva i know i ask SO many questions#i just learn ppl better that way! and im so grateful to my buds that understanding that im like a lil interviewer#and im so glad i have friends that also let me know if smth is uncomfortable right away! clear communication!#bc ive been going through this hardcore ive been going through rough mental gymnastics but now im inching back intk hang outs#and im SO excited to hang out wiyh friends again! let it be known i am so grateful to yhe ppl aroujd me that dont make fun of me#i really appreciate it!!#anyeay thats all lmao
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