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☎️ - dougie <3
Send ☎️ And I Will Tell You:
What My Muse Has For Your Muse’s Contact Info: Better half<3 he definitely didn't change it because he was probably in denial for the LONGEST time. Like he probably went months she'll come back and they can talk. (until 2 years passed but still). and the longer he went without hearing from her, he just forgot to change it because he's not really one to mess around with contact names. But I don't think he would even if he wanted to. Maybe he would get to the part where he changes it but cancels it without saving it. It's too hard.
What Their Ringtone Is: Heart by Sleeping At Last. Because the lyrics are sweet and he's in his feels. He doesn't really bother with ring tones tbh but for a select few like Laurel, he would :) and he couldn't bring himself to change it after she left because there was a part of him hoping she would call, that he would hear that ringtone and he would be so so willing to have her back. But of course, that didn't happen. So he never felt the need to change it because it wasn't like she was going to call him out of the blue after 2 years!
The Last Text They Sent Your Muse: There...were a few to say the least. 'Last' doesn't really cut it to here we go: Hii my love, just checking in because you said you'd be back for dinner but you're not here? Is everything okay? <3 Love you :) xxxxxx // Just checking you're still aliveee! Don't worry about dinner, if you got waylaid we can do dinner another time :) please let me know you're okay? Please? x // Laurel, it's been a few days and I'm worried. I've left you a bunch of voicemails and your inbox isn't full yet so I know you must be listening to them so at least you're alive. Did I do something wrong? I love you, please come over so we can talk. Doug x // i've been going over every conversation we had, trying to think where i went wrong. if i've said something to upset you i'm so so sorry. please, laurel, talk to me. i don't want to lose you. please let me fix it or at least let me try. // lol its been 3 months and here i am still holding hope that you'll come back to me. pathetic isn't it lol (most likely sent when he was definitely drunk tbh) // i'll stop bothering you now. i'm sorry. hope you have a nice life. you'll always be in my heart. love always, dougie. x
What Image My Muse Has For Your Muse In Their Phone: The first one is just!!! She looks so so pretty (she always does in Doug's eyes okay which is absolutely not wrong! She's too pretty it's unfair) and it's probably just a normal day and maybe they went out to get coffee (well, Dougie drinks tea but same difference) & breakfast and he was just like :) GOTTA TAKE A PHOTO. and then omg the second one! The Second One. Two of his favourite things: doggos and Laurel. <3 Maybe he stayed back at work one night to check in on some pets that needed overnight observation and Doug would rather just stay there and monitor them himself because he's a darling like that. So maybe Laurel stopped by to hang out so he's not on his lonesome and anyway a doggo took a shine to her (Which, of course, Dougie can relate) so he had to get a photo and it's simply adorbs!!! :') He's a dorky goofball so he totally has a little photo of that picture that he carries around in his wallet :( and he definitely still has it, even if it was kept behind some cards maybe. But it is definitely still there <3
Accepting | @overnightheartbeats
#overnightheartbeats#its crying over them hours#dougie x laurel#muse ;; douglas blackwood#douglas blackwood ;; memes#overnightheartbeats ;; laurel
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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I could be having a good day and then I’ll suddenly remember that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian never really made up and never got to tell each other how much they cared about each other and how they both loved each other and how the thing they wanted the most was them going back to how they used to be and restore the past and suddenly nothing is good anymore
#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#its crying over the yunmeng bros hours#How do I get over them???#😭😭😭😭#mxtx#mdzs#yunmeng bros
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the baby seagulls living on our rooftops are starting to leave the nest!! I’ve seen multiple from both sides of the buildings windows who are getting lessons from their parents how to walk and fly AS I TYPE THIS !!!!!!!!!
#my binoculars are OUT aND I AM WATCHING#will post vids/pics later if possible! I have to charge my phone first tho!#lil man I’m watching rn tried a few little wing exercises with its parent just now#and then got tuckered out and flipped over on the safe end of the roof !!!#mom/dad/theyther has been watching over them for half an hour now#lil mans is just flopping to and fro looking sleepy#he tried so hard#I’m crying a little dude#birdposting
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baby's first polymer clay creation
her name is Annette
#birds#chickens#art#sculpture#sculpey#miniature art#polymer clay#clay#crafts#homemade#i have no idea the tags i'm just stealing them from other peoplw dfbghjdhfsbg#she makes me want to CRy#artists on tumblr#a bird blog i follow rbed a bunch of tiny birds someone made. i wanted to try making a tiny bird#i bought clay over a year ago because i wanted to make harpy women with some old doll faces from the 80s#that my mom still had from her crafting days. but that was a really intimidating first project so i Didn't#a chickem i s easy :) (it took like 3 hours Just to sculpt.)#its 4am i want to cry its so fucking small oh my godd#the thir dimage sends me into hysterics#please look at this chicken im begging you
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While I completely agree that any form of physical intimacy between show kanej will seem wrong and ooc and highly disrespectful to both their traumas. And that any of it being a dream sequence will be the best way to portray it.
But I also want this fandom to remember that Kaz Brekker and Inej Ghafa are two characters which are all about hope and facing their fears head on and trying to best their adversities against all odds. That both of them have always explicitly expressed in their pov chapters about how much they want each other, how much they desire to attain that physical as well as sexual intimacy.
And who knows!? Someday, they might be able to best their fears and share those beautiful moments ♡
So i hope we stop policing anyone wanting such things. And hopefully also stop seeing those fans who cry and scream at the prospect of any physical intimacy between Kanej.
Because not only does that feel like perverse infantilization of the characters but is also extremely disrespectful to what they've always clearly expressed.
#its crying over kanej hours#kanej#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#six of crows#i'm so tired of the weird obsession with not wanting kanej to kiss#like they want to kiss so bad#so fucking let fans talk about it instead of jumping everyone over it#its what kanej have always expressed and wanted#someone writing or drawing an ideal scenario of them touching or doing more will not ruin the ship#only elevate it further#shadow and bone#grishaverse#crooked kingdom#freddy carter#amita suman
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Oh lord…the things these pictures are doing to me is actually insane. WHY IS HE POSED LIKE HE WANTS ME TO FUCK HIM ?!! God I cannot take this. So many thoughts rn. Fucking him right there he’d look so pretty all ruined omg
#he looks like a slutty brat dh(£DJ dh?£%^#he looks so rideable in the second pic#HE WANTS ME TO RUIN HIM ?!!#he took these photos for me guys omg#THE HAND OVER HIS CROTCH ? LORD#ALSO HE JUST LOOKS SO GOOD OMG THEY UNHID HIS MOLE AND ITS SO BEAUTIFUL I WAS CRYING#AND HIS HAIR LOOKS SO AMAZING STYLED LIKE THAT OMFG#LOSING IT RN#all of them looked so good taehyun ?!! KAI ?!!;!£#beomgyu smut#beomgyu hard hours
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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🌈🩷🌈🩷🌈
#;windy’s edit#gonkillu#hxh#hunter x hunter#gon#killua#gon x killua#WAHHHHHHHHHH#GONKI#FRIEND SENT ME CARDCAPTOR SAKURA SCREENSHOT AND IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT#GONKI WRITTEN ALL OVER IT#SO I GRABBED MY OLD IPAD WITH MY WORKING PHOTOSHOP MIX AND GOT A FREE TRIAL FOR PIC ARTS CUZ I TOO POOR RN AND I NEED THAT BLEMISH FEATURE#AND BAM#I AM SO HAPPPY OMG#THEY ARE SO CUTE AHHHHHHH#KI IS SO CUTE MOST PRECIOUS BABEY#HE IS SO CUTE AHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH#KI CLINGING TO GON OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG#KI IS SO CUTE AND SHY HHHHHHHHH#I JUST WAHHHH LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND#AHHHHHHHHHHH GONS BLUSHING CUZ KI SO CUTE AND KI CLINGING TO HIM AND#KIS SO CUTE AND HIM HIM CLINGING TO GON IS ALL I NEED#OOOOMMMM NOM NOM#IM SO HAPPY I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW#MY STUPID BITCH ASS WAS GONNA MAYBE QUIT EDITS HAH#NOPE THEY MAKE ME TOO HAPPY 😤😤😤😤🤧🤧😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲 EVEN THO THEY MAY TAKE HOURS AND I MAY ONLY GET ONE NOTE WELL I LOVE THEM#THE JOY I FEEL RN IS INCOMPARABLE I AM JUST SO HAPPY#LOOOOOK ITS THEM#LOOK AT KI I JUST WANNA AHHHH CRY#THEY ARE SO CUTE AND KIS SO CUTE SLAMS HANDS DOWN
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Speaking of said dad, he went on a lil mini 10 day holiday across the country to Perth to sight see nature and go on a boat ride to see some Orcas (he's retired, it's his way of getting out the house and not turning into an old man potato, and comes back with hundreds of photos of landscapes, plants and flowers and points of historical interests to show my Mum and I, with cool facts and stories in a slideshow~)
Unfortunately i was still sick at the time and didn't get the chance to join my mum in dropping him off at the airport, let alone the chance to give him a big 'ol hug before he left- so I drew him this 💖
You can't escape the 'Ken hugs.
#fun fact I actually have mild OCD when it comes to hugs especially with family members#sometimes they have to deal with me hugging them many times over until its right#and if I don't hug them before they leave I get anxious as hell#it used to be to the point of panic attacks- my brain would tell me because I didn't hug them they will die before I see them again#and they would never know how much I love them#Family gatherings are a hug fest- my family and their partners know the moment I bust through the door I must run the circuit#everyone gets hugged and neither of us have a choice in the matter#at least it's hugs and not something else like turning on and off the lights a number or times or closing and opening doors or some such#sure hug OCD sounds nice but when it's been like 5 minutes and 15 hugs it's not fun for either party-it's better these days but it took wor#or running out the door to your sisters car because the hug wasn't right and they're about to drive off and if I don't catch them in time-#-I'd cry for hours feeling dread and anxiety down to my bones until i end up sick and in bed- that's not so nice#the brains a bitch
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.
#man i know its gonna be a good day when i spend the first hour im awake crying.#im tired of being mad at my mom#but she really doesntake it easy to be happy with her#im tired of being broke and in debt and being unable to do anything about it#im tired of constantly worrying about food#im tired of going hungry just to make the food i have last longer#im tired of not going anywhere or doing anything cause it costs foo much#im tired of feeling like a mooch#my friends are so kind to me#but i really wish they didnt have to drive me anywhere or buy me the necessities#i wish my parents would actually help me with no strings attached#i wish i felt safe asking them for help#i wish i could take care of myself#im tired of feeling like my life is over before its even started#im not even asking to feel happy at this point#i just want to feel safe#l3o vents
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers 💜💜
was not expecting this sweet of a surprise in my inbox lol
*conveniently forgets everything that gives me serotonin* ;-;
I. my identity. unusual choice i know, but the building blocks that make me me give me peace, warmth and joy. they provide comfort, promise me betterment, prove to me time and time again that there is so much beauty to life, if only we have the eyes to see it and the heart to embrace it. they also occasionally give me grief but such is life XD
things like being a muslim alhamdulillah first and foremost, a hijabi, proud jordanian, quasi-polymath, socially anxious (coffee) bean...
II. knowledge and its pursuit. for as far as i can remember ive always been drawn to the known and unknown of anything and everything. libraries are my safe spaces, books are my friends, and scholarliness is my goal. truly the fastest way to my heart is by infodumping while i sip my tea and watch your face light up with every word <3
III. the basic necessities of life like food, sleep, and existing. doing literally nothing (and occasionally dissociating in the process lol) is one of the best things one can do. simply be. that and eating my feelings and sleeping to unholy hours. #medstudent #godimsotired
IV. as much as people terrify me sometimes, there is something unmistakable about the innate desire and longing for human connection. meaningful and deep relationships with friends and family mean the world to me, and their happiness is equally, if not more so, mine :') (yall keep me sane thank you for your service xxx)
V. im leaving the last one slightly ambiguous ish, becasue i can never tell when and where my (temporary) new found infatuations with quite literally anything take me. as of this week, im sliding back to my hades & persephone rabbit hole of the beauty of life and death as seperate entities, and then intertwined as one. *sob*
a while back i was absolutely enamoured with botany and traditional chinese medicine (i blame maomao) and before that embroidery, psycholinguistics, medieval torture devices and execution methods and japanese mythology. fun times :)
#theres so many tangents i want to go on and elaborate further#i had several dozen things i wanted to add in the tags#but i didnt want this to get too too long#and also i forgot them so youll have to make do lol#i have an exam in 4 days my braincells are trying ok#anywho#it aint much but its honest work#asks#no i didnt nearly cry when i got stuck for an hour after no. 2#*the books on my shelf collecting the dust glaring at me after gushing over how much i love to learn* so that was a fuckin lie#watch me regain all memory of things that bring me whole and undescribable joy shortly after posting this :')#i proof-skim-read this if you see errors no u didnt#:P
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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so-called doomerists when "If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends. And if you want to imagine the future, imagine a boot... no, imagine a sneaker, laces trailing, kicking a pebble; imagine a stick, to poke at interesting things, and throw for a dog that may or may not decide to retrieve it; imagine a tuneless whistle, pounding some luckless popular song into insensibility; imagine a figure, half angel, half devil, all human... Slouching hopefully towards Tadfield. ...for ever."
#good omens#CRYING!!!! finished my second reread since s1 came out#this book genuinely never gets old huh. i can read it over and over. can't say that about many books.#i did love the ending shots of s1 BUT i will never forgive them for not putting this narration in.#the way the last line references 'what rough beast its hour come round at last slouches toward bethlehem to be born'#the last line from the poem the second coming#talking about the antichrist there too!#but this antichrist is just a boy. just a boy. half angel. half devil. all. human.#the last scene of the book where he eats an apple and gets in trouble for it#but 'there never was an apple- in adam's opinion- that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it.'#it was all worth it!! crowley tempting eve and teaching humans that they could be evil was worth it!!!#god. this book looks at a fucked up world with so so many problems#and encourages you to focus on the good in it when all hope seems lost.#and if you want to imagine the future? imagine a happy one#and make it happen. what else can you do...?
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I think the take-away from my near death experience is that I am simply unkillable
#its either laugh or cry and i choose laugh#i have become extremely cautious since then#in case this post is concerning#i honestly never felt i was in that much danger#i wasnt able to check my skin at the time even though i knew i had hives#only once i had been admitted and set up in the ER did it start to feel severe#esp after i saw my vitals#and looking at it from the ERs point of view#patient walks in after driving three hours in anaphylaxis for two of them#epipen a foot away and unused#HR 144 BP 150/100 and PMH of uncontrolled severe asthma#and also reporting difficulty swallowing and asthma#yeah okay i get it#there was a moment i decided between going into my home after a long drive or restarting the car and driving five min to the ER#thats a crossroads#i had no clue i had a life threatening allergy disorder#i thought i had a nearly gone childhood peanut allergy#good call i suppose#i did get scolded for the epipen tho#heres the mystery to me tho: where did the hypertension come from?#im normally hypotensive#bp technique wasnt ideal but not enough to cause that kind of distortion#anaphylactic shock is supposed to cause hypotension#maybe one of the many medications im on#or a unique feature of mcas#ramble over#although I'll never be done treating my medical records like an interesting puzzle#disability#chronic illness#salt baby talks
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