#its because of the multiple TBIs

[callaxe]

i dont remember drawing dis! oddly fitting for the piece though!

[lonleyhumanbeing]

Random Mechanisms moments I love:

I refuse to listen to DotM so this is incomplete, and terribly formatted.

"Wasn't it the aristocratic one with all the knives?" "Ah yes, the Marquis de AlltheKnives,"

Ashes has a lot of gold on board, 'for tax purposes'.

Jonny "I got a prescription of 1/2 an ounce of lead to be injected directly into the brain. AND IT WASN'T A PRESCRIPTION FOR ME!" *bang* d'Ville.

The first time we canonically meet Jonny he commits patricide, murder, and arson.

The card taps in One Eyed Jack scratch my brain so well.

The fact that Oedipus is called a motherfucker. Multiple times.

Guinevere's verse in Blood and Whisky being faster, because she is the fastest draw.

Seriously I’ve listened to the song 50+ times and I still get so happy thinking about the faster tempo.

“We’re not pure of heart but we’re sure of aim,”. These three I swear.

All the Suits turning up in pinstripes.

The entirety of Gunpowder Tim vs. the Moon Kaiser. It's getting its own post, and I have listened to it 27 times since 12/03. That's 270 minutes, or 4.5 hours.

The dwarf Dopey just being General Tuco DOPED up on drugs.

The Toy Solider.

The fact that, even for a moment, love won in the end of High Noon Over Camelot.

How creepy Holder of the Grail is.

The Riddle of the Sphinx’s answer is man. The riddle of the sphinx virus was also man, taking the life force for themselves.

10 caliber= X-caliber= Excalibur.

The sellguns on Fort Galfridian are the same as freelances in medieval times.

Baldur was killed by Missle Two.

“Any window with a hammer can be an emergency exit”

Tim and Brian during the tea party in Alice.

The entirety of Alice, actually. I feel like it’s a hidden gem.

Lost in the Cosmos :(

In Drunk Space Pirate, Jonny calling himself first mate is the best way to show his character growth.

Ivy died in a library fire. Her last name is Alexandria. As in the Library of Alexandria. Which burned down.

Marius “mom says hi” von Raum in the UDAD live version of Favored Son.

Orpheus being called a borderline child in UDAD live show, but in the fiction he’s like 27.

Jonny playing the drums in the UDAD live show during Sirens. Very flamboyantly/pissily

Actea and Lyssa. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it discussed but it is one of my favorites. The vocals are so so good. And the fact that Actea thought that they were both running from the Hunter, only for Lyssa to be the thing she should have been running from.

The bass line in Cinder’s Song? So good.

Once you start to notice Ivy’s music in the back you can’t stop listening. I feel like it really pulls everything together.

“Also he fought a bear…” in Hereward the Wake. Such a random line and I love it.

All of Odin’s vocals in TBI. They really said “just do whatever.” And I’m thinking specifically of Odin and Ragnarok 2.

Seriously have you tried hitting the high notes in Ragnarok 2? Impossible.

How the hell did Brian get his prophetic powers? Both as the Hanged Man Merlin and in the City.

All of the live whistling is so impressive.

I just realized that Ulysses has their own motif in UDAD. It’s the piano from My Name is No-one and also repeats in ‘Olympians’ and Torn Suits at least.

I know it’s been mentioned but Lost in the Cosmos’ melody in the background of ‘The Tower’ is such a good foreshadowing moment.

Prometheus was punished for giving the people of Ilium a FIREwall. It’s so good it loops around to being bad.

The church bells in Gunfight at Dolores Guard signifying that it’s noon.

In the DTTM records by of Hellfire Jonny pauses right before ‘flock’. To gain control of the crowd, like a preacher would.

The Mechanisms are hated in-universe. So much. You can’t tell me that Lyf was the first Inspector to have to talk to them. The others probably all quit.

[angelp-official]

New Detlarun + PJSK crack theory alert!! (SPOILERS FOR JPSEKAI I THINK)

Paperus Deltaballs MIGHT be connected to tbis new unit

(Note: In case if you didn't know at this point, this is not supposed to be serious at all, so please don't come after me, I'm just joking and having fun around here-)

Here we habe 3 poeple here!! HOEVER!! Only 3 people her e? WHERE THE FUCK IS THE 4TH PERSOM and no I'm not counting the person in the mirror cuz if so I'll count the 5th person as well

SO YEAH

HOWEVER, THESE PEOPLE HERE LOOK AWFULLY LIKE FRICK AND CHARA!! So these persons MIGHT be them!!! (Source: Trust me bro)

Frisk and 3rd person side by side

Chara and 2nd person side by side

Idfk who the guy is but you could say it's Asriel?? Idk not the point

The point is that it's fucking weird that there's no 4th person!!

These 2 people might be Frisk and Charmander from Undertall

SO LETS GO BACK TO THE WEIRD EGG CARD I mean the Luka card where she discovers abandoned Sekai

LOOK. EGGS, HM? SOUNDS FAMILLIAR??

"It would be safe to assume that each egg represents something they were trying to make..." HMMMMMMM "...Petrified one, I wonder what you were supposed to become?" HHMMMMMMMMMM THE KNIGHT PAPYRUS AND EGGMAN PAPYRUS THEORIES ARE LOOKING GOOD AS HELL RN

What ARE the eggs supposed to represent? Well, I say that these eggs are supposed to represent the dark worlds the knight, in this case, Papyrus, has made!!

(PS: Tumblr hates the number 11 so I'll post the YT link here)

OR MAYBE ITS PAPYURS DETLARUND, MISS LUKA LUKA NIGHT FEVER (/j)

SO LETS LOOK AT POSSIBLY PAPYRUS'S MIKU

So she looks emo as fuck

But you notice that her outfit is more suitible for winter? And WHO'S THE UTDR CHARACTER THAG'S ASSOCIATED WITH WINTER?

"Noelle?" ❌️

"Dess?" ❌️

"Sans?" ❌️

"Papyrus?" ✅️

HELL YEAH IT FUCKING IS, AND SHE LOOKS LKKE SHE HAS A TAG AND WHO HAS A TAG LOOKING THING ON HIS ARMOR? PAPYRUS UNDERTLE!!! Maybe she has a jacket looking dress because Papyrus is familliar with a person who has a jacket (his brother)?? Idfk

HOWEVER, She has black crosses all on her, so what is that supposed to mean??

I say: MAYBE THOSE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SNOWFLAKES BUt they distorted to X marks overtime bexause Papyrus abandonded his SEKAI and possibly the other s too!!

But why is she emo??

I say: Because Papyrus Deltarune is emo himself!! Maybe because of the same reason Mafuyu is emo? Because Sans Undertale threw away his stuf?? Or is it his and the others' emotioms combinded??? Idk

NOW LETS LOOK AT THE MIKU COLORFES CARD

"I did as I was told, and followed him into the alley. Right at that moment, I closed my eyes without thinking. The sun was setting. Its blazing hue painted the alley in vermillion..."

And there's an unfinished animal illustration and a manga there too??

So uh idk wtaf these are so lets put these aside for now

(PS: These are all actually multiple people's stuff! So maybe the novel thing was Chara's stuff and the drawings are Asriel or Fisk's?)

And the music sheets. Maybe the reason why they sound so painful is because it represents the problems the 4 members face through?

There's also an MP3 player where a boy was practicing. Maybe that was Papyrus? "I bet this boy is a hard worker." "I can hear his frustration and impatience from the way he sings..." Hm? Maybe Papyrus was really putting his emotions into this recording, but it doesn't seem enough. Despite the hard work, he always messes up, and he always has to try again, and again, and again. But still, somehow, he never gives up. Until he finally did.

And the wooden box, oh boy. Maybe it was the 4 members' emotions put into one? Papyrus's shallow hopefulness, Asriel's sad nostalgia, Frisk's unsure creativity, and Chara's pure paranoia, all in one box?

All these feelings hidden away because they all feel too stressed of choosing their own future?

"It's so hard to find a place that makes you feel needed or welcomes you to try in a way that works best for you..." Okay now that's definitely Papyruscore

"Was it because you didn't want anyone to know? Was it because you couldn't tell anyone about it? Or... Was it so painful that you couldn't take it anymore and had to give up?" Maybe it meant Papyrus either didn't want Sans or the others to know, he couldn't tell anyone about it, or he had to give up at that point (And that could explain the others too)... Or was it because he was weighed down by someone? Who knows

And at that point, the SEKAI is now erased. Maybe Papyrus and the others... Really didn't want to remember those terrible memories that they built together. Maybe they finally let go of their... "Mistake", or as they would call it.

Maybe that was in the past? Maybe... All of that was resonated into the Empty SEKAI, the one that belongs to Mafuyu?

Maybe that explains why the SEKAI has one to no emotion put to it at all!! Maybe because Asriel misses his place at home, Frisk and Chara wanted to do their own things on their own, and maybe Papyrus is the only one who truly cared about the SEKAI, but is too weighed down to admit it?

Okay this is getting too serious for a crack theory iGNORE THESE PARTS LETS JUST JUMP INTO COLCUSSY NOW + I DONT THINK THESE GUYS WOULD GIVE UP AND BE THAT EMOTIONAL SO QUICKLY BUT SHUT UP

So in conclusion:

The abandonded SEKAI MIGHT'VE belonged to Papyrus Detlarunn

So thank you for coming to my ted talk, cyaaaa 🤩🤩

[ae-azile]

So, I usually prefer AO3 for reading and writing, but decided to make a Wattpad account to post my stories across multiple platforms. Starting with Giant Dancing Hedgehogs are Nightmare Fuel!

Summary of Giant Dancing Hedgehogs are Nightmare Fuel:

There are several scenarios that Pete suspects to walk in on when he arrives back at the hospital:

Scenario 1: Vegas is still asleep and Macau and Tankhun have somehow managed to remain civil towards each other. This seems like the least likely scenario.

Scenario 2: Vegas is still asleep and Tankhun has tied Macau to a chair for the hell of it. While this would cause a great amount of trouble, it is almost comforting in its normalcy.

Scenario 3: Vegas has woken up and spilled every single secret that he has in his drugged up state, leaving him even more vulnerable than ever.

Scenario 4: Macau has killed Tankhun in a fit of grief stricken rage, which causes Arm, in turn, to kill Macau in a fit of grief stricken rage, since Arm and Tankhun are apparently in love and Pete can’t stop thinking about it.

Scenario 5: Tankhun has verbally attacked drugged up, pod person Vegas, which has caused him to burst into tears and pull out his IV, in hopes that he bleeds out.

It’s none of those things. Those things would be expected. Nothing happening right now is expected.

Some people love detailed spoilers and some people hate them. Stop reading now if you want to go in spoiler free.

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

Some themes of this story include:

1. Post-Canon: It accepts pretty much everything that happened up until the one month later epilogue in the finale.

2. Trauma: These characters are TRAUMATIZED. They are traumatized by the night of the attack, they are traumatized by their pasts and being abused/manipulated/gaslit, and they are all collectively traumatized by Korn. And Gun. But Korn is the real villain in this series.

3. Recovery: This primarily applies to Vegas, but also to other characters. Vegas is recovering from a coma and significant injuries. One is a hypoxic brain injury, which makes his autism a bit more apparent and something Macau eventually explains to Pete.

4. Autistic Vegas: In this story, Vegas has autism. He is low supports needs, intelligent, and his autism mainly becomes apparent with sensory processing, emotional regulation, and a little with social cues. His symptoms were more apparent when he was a child, but he learned how to mask. He struggles with masking more after coming out of his coma and pushes Pete away due to this, along with his guilt from his actions. Pete eventually talks to him bluntly and Vegas accepting his autism as part of his identity is something he works on through this fic.

5. Amnesia: Pete and Vegas have a history that goes much farther back than some funny run-ins and the safehouse. While Vegas has been pining for Pete for years, Pete forgets their friendship/sort of relationship due to being attacked on the job, resulting in a TBI and amnesia. This gets out when Vegas asks him if Pete remembers Vegas having a crush on him when they were young.

6. Cousin Reconciliation: Tankhun takes this first step in making amends with Vegas with Arm's support. Kim follows. Kinn gets there.

7. Side Couples: ArmKhun are the supporting lead couple. They are probably the healthiest couple in this series and have their own prequel story on AO3 that is longer than this story. Something to note: Tankhun protected Vegas during their kidnapping and was physically and sexually assaulted. His "hatred" for Vegas stemmed from resentment and trauma, which broke Vegas's heart because he genuinely loved and looked up to Tankhun as an older brother figure. Tankhun held onto that resentment for quite some time, but he also held onto a lot of guilt. When he saw Vegas shot over the security cameras, he was devastated. He - along with Arm and later Porsche - were the ones to get Vegas quick treatment and transferred to a good hospital. Arm is also a victim of abuse in this series. This is one of the main reasons why Tankhun chose him - along with Pete and Pol - as guards. They understand, they won't judge him, and he hopes they know he doesn't think less of them either. Arm is very aware of why Tankhun chose them and sees Vegas as a victim too (without knowing the abuse Vegas faced later on). He accepts and encourages the reconciliation because he loves Tankhun and knows it will bring him peace. Tankhun, Arm, and Kim are also discovering the kidnapping may have been ordered by someone close to them as damage control/retaliation.

KimChay are at odds but co-existing while Kim visits Vegas (+pines for Chay) and Chay hangs with his new bestie Macau (while holding a grudge against Kim). Kim is kind of going through it and arguably on the brink of a mental health crisis. He is also yearning for a connection with his brothers and cousins, especially after learning how much Korn put them all through. Chay has a bigger role in the sequel of this story, but he is forming a brotherly bond with Macau, is expressing how wronged he felt by both Porsche and Kim, yet is trying to support people in the ways he knows how. He also struggles with connecting to his mother, who can't communicate and doesn't seem to remember him.

KinnPorsche have a LOT on their plates in this series. Porsche has been thrusted into a role that he never expected or was trained for and is overwhelmed. He harbors hate for his boyfriend's father for keeping his mother away from him and for all of the lies. He is also worried about Kinn, who is feeling excluded from his brothers spending time together without him for unknown reasons. Kinn also carries a lot of confliction and resentment regarding his father's actions. He feels incredibly guilty and is going through mental health issues of his own.

8. Macau is very active in his brother's care and extremely protective of him. In turn, Pete protects Macau and is a good listening ear. Macau accepts Pete as family before Vegas even wakes up.

9. The Mothers: The mothers and how the boys' lost them are covered in this fic. Vegas was greatly impacted by the loss of his mother. She was his best friend and advocate. Losing his other parent and hearing of Porsche's mother bring up feelings of loss, sadness, and grief. He misses her terribly. Tankhun and Kim suspect that Korn had their own mother killed and are not surprised to hear that Vegas feels that Korn had something to do with his mother's death.

10. Crack!fic: These issues are covered seriously and treated with respect. That being said, this fic is a total crack and humor fic when it isn't doing that. Vegas says "I love you, Pete" 62 times within the first week of being awake because he can't stop saying it due to his brain injury and possible echolalia. Kim randomly starts calling Arm and Tankhun Pa and Dad, then never stops. He also tells fortunes by asking his friends and family to choose a Nintendo Switch and analyzes them by which color the choose, and his reads are extremely accurate. Due to obtaining Nintendo Switches, Arm and Tankhun run a farm together on Stardew Valley. Vegas has to be redirected away from Pokemon since he cries every time his Pokemon faint in battle. Kim tries to woo Chay by obtaining blue roses on Animal Crossing, all while Chay won't invite him to his island but will invite Vegas to give him starter crops and supplies. Pete buys Vegas a weighted blanket, something the whole family loves until it becomes sentient and starts hinting to a chosen few of their futures. Or, Pete's case, it gives him trippy dreams that always feature his boyfriend's mother.

This story is available both on AO3 (along with WIP companion stories). It is also now on Wattpad. Hope you enjoy and feel free to ask me any questions about this weird universe or for headcannons about it! Also open to prompts 🙂

[starsambrosia]

Fear of a deity

He showed up today, acting like everything was ok and i snapped at him honestly. I told him i didnt want to work with him right now and to let me just work as i was in the middle of a spell and he added to it, i kept the ingredient he touched partially because my target works with him so i want it to actually be benifical and partially out of respect and fear.

I like to think he wouldnt hurt me again but after what happened i dont know. I feel like i was a toy, i feel like i was used like one and dropped to the side when he was done. I feel so hurt so aching and sick over it i dont understand why he would show up like its ok especially after Hermes spoke with him.

He knows what he did, he knows but its like he didnt realize just how badly it affected me until i started shutting him out and now hes just everywhere and i cant get away from him and there are signs really really obvious ones trying to get my attention and it hasnt even been a day i am so overwhelmed and kind of afraid honestly.

Why why why would you show up like this after i told you to leave me alone! I just need space and time and a breath i just need that.

Whats worse is i like the attention, i love the deity but i hate how badly he hurt me, i want to work with him but i cant get over what happened. I ask for space and i get what feels like love bombing. Of course im scared this looks just like a relationship i had that ended badly it looks just like some mythos ive read that ends badly

It all ends badly in the writing and my life has linned up so well with mythos in the past that i am worried. I want to hug him and for him to tell me it was a bad dream that it didnt happen that were still ok and we can work togeather

But it won't help ive tried that it didnt work it made things so much worse on me and now its getting into the cracks its pushing on my mental state its hurting in a strange way

I am terrified i am so fucking scared because this deity interveined and saved my life from a head injury, literal miraculous healing i should not be functioning. What if he gets angry and takes it away? I'll be stuck with a tbi for sure

And no matter how reasonable it feels to be afraid of that i just...cant be? Its like a wall shoots up with "he would never hurt you like that. Not again"

But he did hurt me, he did it multiple times, for months, for his own gain, because he wanted to.

Why wouldnt i be scared of it being taken

But something just wont let go its like "this is a gift he wouldnt take it back hes too loving he cares too much"

Then why didnt he show it, why did he hurt me just for fun. I ache i feel alone i hurt im scared i feel like a cornnered animal and hes closing in not letting me breathe hes everywhere on everything and while yeah i want it to be ok, i asked for time i am trying to get away for a bit i need to breathe and its like hes got a grip on me and doesn't want to let go.

I feel like my minds being twisted and it scares me, does he have a grip on my head since he healed it? Am i going to be ok if i say no? What the actual fuck is happening and am i in trouble or not because my gut seems to agree that i am in no danger and hes just trying to show he cares still

Please, if you care if you see this, if it somehow means something, i need to breathe, i love your presence, but i need to breathe. i need space i need to recover, and i need to think. Im scared of you now. Im terrified after what you did. Please give me space for a while. Then we can try to build trust again if i recover from what happened.

It makes me so sick to write that because i dont want it i dont want to write it i dont want space i dont want him gone im scared of him leaving and im scared of him staying and im only doing this because its healthy because the last option didnt work.

But im scared i wont recover and that it means this is over for good, and i dont know how to feel about that...

What happened would've eneded any normal persons relationship even with a deity or loved one and said person would be behind bars. But i cant let go not fully i feel attached i feel tethered and pulled and luke my heartstrings tug and twist when i try to get back and have space it bends me internally it feels like cracks in my mind are growing and it hurts

And then the moments of obsession, where i feel like i snap mentally and hes on my mind constantly (i think im coping with what happened?) I feel like a blushing person running for their life

I feel broken and yet like hes holding me togeather by a strand, reminding me who i belong to.

But that makes no sense...i swore myself to Zeus in a lot of ways so if i belong to anyone its him.

Maybe its time to call on him and ask for his aid, this has gotten really bad...

-Deos

[havenchild2000]

Invisible disabilities affect millions of people every day, yet because their challenges aren’t visible, they often face misunderstanding, stigma, and lack of support. These conditions, like chronic pain, mental health disorders, autoimmune diseases, and learning disabilities, can impact a person’s social life, career, and overall well-being in profound ways.

Living with an invisible disability can lead to:

• Social isolation due to judgment or disbelief

• Increased stress and mental health struggles

• Financial strain from medical costs and loss of income

• Difficulty managing everyday tasks or maintaining independence

• Strained relationships with family and friends who may not understand the struggles

It’s important to remember that just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. Let’s practice compassion, raise awareness, and offer support to those with invisible disabilities.

Here’s a comprehensive list of conditions that can be considered invisible disabilities:

1. Chronic Pain Conditions

• Fibromyalgia

• Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS)

• Rheumatoid Arthritis

• Osteoarthritis

• Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS)

• Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS)

• Endometriosis

• Chronic Migraines

2. Neurological Disorders

• Multiple Sclerosis (MS)

• Epilepsy

• Parkinson’s Disease

• Chronic Migraines

• Tinnitus

• Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

• Alzheimer’s Disease / Dementia

3. Mental Health Conditions

• Anxiety Disorders (e.g., Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder)

• Depression

• Bipolar Disorder

• Complex/Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C/PTSD)

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

• Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

• Schizophrenia

• Eating Disorders (e.g., Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder)

4. Autoimmune Disorders

• Lupus

• Rheumatoid Arthritis

• Type 1 Diabetes

• Celiac Disease

• Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis

• Crohn’s Disease

• Ulcerative Colitis

• Multiple Sclerosis (MS)

5. Chronic Illnesses

• Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD)

• Asthma

• Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD)

• Pulmonary Fibrosis

• Liver Cirrhosis

• Sickle Cell Disease

• Hemophilia

6. Learning Disabilities and Cognitive Disorders

• Dyslexia

• Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

• Dyscalculia

• Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

• Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

• Learning Disabilities (general)

7. Sensory Disabilities

• Hearing Impairment / Deafness

• Visual Impairment / Blindness

• Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD)

• Electromagnetic Sensitivity

• Chemical Sensitivity (e.g., Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, or MCS)

8. Endocrine and Metabolic Disorders

• Thyroid Disorders (e.g., Hypothyroidism, Hyperthyroidism)

• Diabetes (Type 1 and Type 2)

• Adrenal Insufficiency / Addison’s Disease

• Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

9. Chronic Infections and Conditions

• HIV/AIDS

• Chronic Lyme Disease

• Tuberculosis (in its latent form)

10. Cardiovascular Conditions

• Chronic Heart Disease

• Congenital Heart Defects

• Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS)

• Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) (which can also affect the cardiovascular system)

11. Psychosocial Disabilities

• Personality Disorders (e.g., Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder)

• Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder)

12. Other Invisible Disabilities

• Chronic Sinusitis

• Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

• Sleep Disorders (e.g., Sleep Apnea, Insomnia)

• Chronic Migraines

• Tinnitus

• Electromagnetic Sensitivity (EMF Sensitivity)

• Fibrocystic Breast Disease

13. Genetic Conditions

• Cystic Fibrosis

• Marfan Syndrome

• Tay-Sachs Disease

• Sickle Cell Disease

These are just some of the invisible disabilities that individuals may experience. Each of these conditions may vary in severity and impact, but all share the challenge of not being immediately apparent to others. People with invisible disabilities may often feel misunderstood, stigmatised, or unsupported because their condition isn’t visible on the outside. Raising awareness and fostering compassion are key to supporting individuals with these conditions.

The image shows a bright orange background with white illustrations and text. At the top, the text says: “Some disabilities look like this,” followed by a row of icons representing various visible disabilities, such as individuals using crutches, wheelchairs, service animals, or walking aids.

Below, the text says: “Some look like this,” with a single icon of a person standing upright, symbolising invisible disabilities. The design emphasises the diversity of disabilities, including those that may not be immediately apparent.

[tengritexas]

AHOY TUMBLR!

Idk what that was Im sorry

Anyways 👏 time to talk about car convoying/camping

So in a week's time Im headed to the mountains of Texas with some friends of mine to see the Marfa Lights! If you havent heard of tbis supernatural event I HIGHLY suggest you look it up!

This will be a break down of what I am carrying in my cargo for the convoy if you need any ideas!

-mexican blankets

-fm radio (battery operated)

-GMRS Radio (license required if you want these to communicate with your group while taking multiple cars! We are taking 3)

- Lap top

- Battery operated fans

- guitar (I play dombra)

- texas flag (because thats where I am from)

- my cowboy hat (duh)

- a good book

- tobacco :>

- tripod

- food and water

- air mattress (because we are renting out a cabin and need an extra matress)

-soaps and such (keep out of sunlight)

Think thats about it?

If you ever take up using a gmrs use channel 19 for your travel channel! You should also google your designated regional weather channel!

Wish us luck 🫡 been bout a month since Ive been on a convoy but its a bit of a devotional thing to Tengri and I always have fun!

Ill be around! Im eepy sleepy so Im headed to bed soon! Ill be sure to share more content!

[reversedout-blog]

Does My Website Need To Be ADA-Compliant?

Does my website need to be ADA-compliant? Suppose you own a business or organization with a website and people visit your site in order to obtain information about or purchase your products or services. In that case, your site needs to comply with ADA regulations. Websites should be accessible to all individuals regardless of their ability or disability. The ADA is the principal civil rights statute for people with disabilities. Under Title III of the ADA, businesses and nonprofit service providers must make reasonable modifications in policies and procedures to permit access for all people, including those with disabilities.

In this guide, learn if your website needs to be ADA-compliant and what the ADA requires of your business.

Yes, it does.

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is a civil rights law that prohibits discrimination based on disability. It applies to all places of public accommodation, including websites that are part of those businesses.

Websites should be accessible to all individuals regardless of their ability or disability.

In the United States, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) was signed into law in 1990, which requires all businesses and organizations to provide equal access to their goods and services. Websites should be no exception!

The ADA covers a wide range of conditions that may affect one’s ability to interact with others in various ways. These include: blindness/visual impairment; deafness/hard-of-hearing; autism spectrum disorder; cerebral palsy; diabetes; epilepsy or other seizure disorders; intellectual disability; learning disabilities and/or ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder); muscular dystrophy; multiple sclerosis or other degenerative brain diseases similar in nature; stroke, traumatic brain injury (TBI)/post-concussive syndrome.

The ADA is the principal civil rights statute for people with disabilities.

The ADA also prohibits discrimination based on disability in all programs, activities, and services offered by public entities. It applies to each of us – doctors, nurses, hospitals; restaurants and hotels; landlords who rent apartments or houses; theaters – any place we go to purchase something or do business.

However, what amounts to “reasonable” will vary from case to case. The law provides several factors for determining whether an accommodation is reasonable: best practices in the industry at issue; other relevant federal laws and regulations that require compliance with standards similar to or more stringent than those required by Title III (for example: Section 508); the resources available at that particular site; whether there are alternative ways of meeting both legitimate concerns raised by the organization as well as its legal obligations under Title III; what types of accommodations other customers without disabilities typically receive at that location or venue; how often customers without disabilities experience difficulties accessing such facilities due to structural barriers; whether making a change would be impracticable because it would produce significant economic hardship on small business owners who operate limited-service restaurants or retail stores catering primarily toward one sex or gender-based upon stereotypes about manners associated with certain genders (which might warrant a finding that allowing individuals into these locations would fundamentally alter their operations).

Legal action has already been taken against businesses where it was determined that their website was not compliant with ADA rules.

ADA compliance is not a suggestion, it’s a requirement. If you run any sort of business that has a physical presence, and if more than one person is present at that business, then ADA compliance applies to you.

This includes everything from the most basic retail store to your own website and digital presence. If you offer goods or services online (even if they’re free), then ADA compliance applies to your website as well.

The government has also made clear that they’re not just interested in large businesses when it comes to ADA rules—they want every business owner and operator on board. The law states: “The Americans with Disabilities Act requires all public entities…to ensure effective communication with individuals with disabilities.”

Web Content Accessibility Guidelines.

The Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG) 2.1 became effective on June 5, 2018. WCAG 2.1 builds upon WCAG 2.0 to ensure compliance with ADA regulations and laws by providing website owners with guidelines for ensuring that the content on their websites is accessible to all users, including those who have physical or mental disabilities. These include visual impairments (low vision, color blindness), hearing loss, physical limitations (mobility impairments), and cognitive limitations (dyslexia and language disorders).

The updated guidelines can be applied immediately when making changes to existing websites or content or planning new ones, even if a site hasn’t been built yet.

Conclusion

Keeping up with the latest web accessibility guidelines is important, but it’s not always easy. If you’re looking for ways to improve your website’s compliance with ADA standards or just want to ensure that it complies with other legal obligations, contact the experts at Reversed Out Creative today!

Contact Us

At Reversed Out Creative, we understand the challenges and opportunities presented by AI disruption. Our team of experts specializes in web design, SEO, graphic design, and digital marketing services. Reach out to us through our contact form to learn more about navigating the evolving job market and embracing the potential of AI. Together, let’s shape a future that combines human ingenuity with the power of AI.

Original content source: https://reversedout.com/does-my-website-need-to-be-ada-compliant/

[ocat4tbi]

The Value of OCAT Traumatic Brain Injury Testing

Horrendous Cerebrum Wounds (TBIs) are a critical general wellbeing concern, frequently coming about because of mishaps, falls, or sports-related episodes. The appropriate evaluation and analysis of TBIs are essential for successful treatment and recuperation. One foundation that assumes an essential part in TBI testing is the Oregon Place for Cutting edge Testing (OCAT). In this article, we will investigate the basic job OCAT plays in TBI testing, its approaches, and the significance of precise analysis.

The OCAT Way to deal with TBI Testing

OCAT is prestigious for its state of the art strategies and innovation in the field of horrible cerebrum injury testing. They have fostered an exhaustive and multidisciplinary approach that includes different features of TBI finding.

Neuropsychological Testing

Neuropsychological testing is a center part of OCAT's TBI assessment process. It includes a battery of evaluations intended to gauge mental, profound, and conduct capabilities. These tests give important bits of knowledge into how the mind is working after a physical issue. They incorporate undertakings connected with memory, consideration, critical thinking, and close to home guideline. The outcomes help in recognizing mental shortfalls and fitting restoration procedures.

Imaging Strategies

Current clinical imaging methods like X-ray (Attractive Reverberation Imaging) and CT (Processed Tomography) checks are utilized at OCAT to envision the construction of the mind. These pictures can uncover actual harm to the mind tissue, dying, or the presence of different anomalies that might have come about because of the injury. Exact imaging is fundamental for precise conclusion and compelling treatment arranging.

Biomarker Examination

OCAT additionally uses progressed biomarker examination to recognize explicit particles or substances in the blood or cerebrospinal liquid that can show mind injury. This approach can assist in diagnosing with night gentle TBIs that may not be quickly obvious through clinical evaluations or imaging.

Side effect Checking

Checking the side effects displayed by TBI patients over the long haul is one more basic part of OCAT's methodology. By following how side effects develop and change, medical services experts can come to informed conclusions about therapy plans and mediations.

The Significance of Precise TBI Conclusion

Precise TBI analysis is essential in light of multiple factors:

Suitable Therapy: An exact finding assists clinical experts with fitting treatment plans to the particular necessities of the patient. This can essentially work on the possibilities of a full recuperation.

Checking Progress: Precise analysis empowers specialists to screen the patient's advancement over the long run intently. This is urgent for making essential changes in accordance with the treatment plan.

Legitimate and Protection Purposes: In situations where TBIs result from mishaps, lawful and protection gives frequently become possibly the most important factor. An exact determination from a legitimate organization like OCAT can be fundamental for lawful cases and protection inclusion.

General Wellbeing and Exploration: Exact TBI information gathered at establishments like OCAT add to a superior comprehension of cerebrum wounds, which thusly illuminates general wellbeing strategies and examination drives.

Horrible Mind Wounds are perplexing and diverse circumstances that require cautious assessment and determination. The Oregon Place for Cutting edge Testing (OCAT) remains as a spearheading establishment in TBI testing, offering a multidisciplinary approach that consolidates neuropsychological testing, high level imaging strategies, biomarker examination, and continuous side effect checking. Exact analysis is principal for giving patients the most ideal treatment and working on our aggregate comprehension of TBIs. OCAT's obligation to greatness in TBI testing is a huge resource for general wellbeing and examination.

For more info:-

OCAT TBI

TBI testing at OCAT

[doberbutts]

#a knock on the head or even just bad luck with a virus#i empathize with this as someone with long covid and a tbi from it. i was susceptible to long covid because I already had multiple other TBI

@cloversposts​ sorry I am stealing your tags but yes exactly! Helen Keller’s disability was caused by a fever. Known at the time as a “brain fever”, it left her deafblind. A fever absolutely will cook your brain and anything else it decides to destroy on its way out if temperatures get hot enough. A simple viral infection and boom, your brain’s got damage.

A friend and coworker of mine actually died, heart stopped and everything, was brought back, and now has, you guessed it, a brain injury.

I was susceptible to a TBI because I had epilepsy as a child and because I’d had other concussions before. It’s just that in the 90s and earlier when your kid whacked their head against something and knocked themselves out cold, as long as they woke up in a few minutes and seemed otherwise fine many parents (including my own!) and even doctors were relatively unconcerned about the fact that your kid just gave themselves a concussion. Guess what I did more than once as an active yet accident-prone child. So when my neurologist asked, “have you ever had a concussion”, I said no I’d never been treated for one. He then asked “okay well you were born in the 90s so have you ever knocked yourself out or hit your head so hard you were dazed or saw a flash of light” and I said “oh yeah loads of times” and he went “THOSE ARE ALL CONCUSSIONS BTW YOUR RISK FACTOR WAS THROUGH THE ROOF”

The more concussions you have, the worse each subsequent concussion will be. Eventually you will concuss yourself into a TBI like I did. I’ve knocked myself out cold 2 or 3 times as a kid and whacked my head hard enough to daze, stumble, and see a flash of white more times than I can count. Eventually I was hit by a drowsy driver and slammed my head forward and then sharply back into the headrest and I knew immediately that I’d done something very bad to my brain because my first reaction was nausea and my second was confusion and panic. Then I got to the hospital and they started down the coherency list and asked me my mother’s maiden name which I’ve known since I could speak and I couldn’t think of it. I couldn’t even think of what letter it began with. Apparently I was confused and somewhat belligerent while increasingly terse and short when answering questions during the exam and then the next morning I couldn’t speak.

How many times have (general) you hit your head and saw a flash? Had to pause to recover a little? Knocked yourself unconscious? If the answer is more than 0, chances are, you’re risking ending up just like me if you do it again.

Thank you for talking about the “able to get to the door but unable to stay inside” thing re:stimulation. My issues are less severe than yours were (creates chronic fatigue instead of severe meltdowns) but it’s kinda the first time I’ve heard anyone discuss them as a legitimate disabling barrier. I still have this “if I just try hard enough” mentality that I’m trying to overcome, and it helps to have someone else go “no, this is a real problem.”

Honestly the brain injury really opened my eyes because I do have ADD and had childhood epilepsy (been seizure-free since I was 8 tho) so we were somewhat conscious about sensory stuff but a lot of it was like. Okay every once in a while you will touch something that is Bad Texture and you will scrub your skin raw about it for the next couple of hours. Annoying repeating sounds fade into the background for you but God Forbid anyone talks while you're concentrating because now they've ruined everything. You'd rather starve than put Tastes Bad into your mouth and have gone to bed with hunger pains many times as a result. etc etc etc for me it wasn't so disabling but largely that was due to my mom knowing how to manage my symptoms and teaching me from a very young age how to cope.

And then with the seizures my major warning sign was a colossal headache that refused to go away which was a sign to go lay down somewhere quiet and dark for a few hours until it passed or else a lightning storm would happen in my skull :D

But the brain injury... that really upset everything. Which is commonly reported, when I was finally able to speak I told my neurologist that I felt like a completely different person and not in a good way and he said that most TBI survivors have said this.

Honestly the best way I can describe it is that. Hmm. Imagine... your TV is too loud. When I say too loud I mean like. It hurts to be in the same room as the TV, it's bordering on the edge of so loud that it makes you physically take a step back. When the TBI first happened, that was any and every stimulus to my senses. My clothes touching my skin was Too Loud. Tasting my food was Too Loud. The ambient light coming from my window was Too Loud. And so on and so forth. Because there was an actual damaged piece of my brain, it was really struggling to parse any more information than "oh, no, ow, make that stop".

I wore blacked out glasses inside because I couldn't stand to keep my eyes open otherwise. I would ask my roommates to whisper several rooms down if they were going to talk to each other or on the phone because even just hearing their footsteps was like someone was taking a hammer to my forehead. I was usually naked because the feel of my shirt against my back would set me off. There's a lot I can't remember from that time but I remember being so frustrated as I hid under my covers from the light and the ambient noise of living with a bunch of people and their pets that "trying harder" and "pushing through" honestly just made everything worse.

It's a lot better now. It'll be 5 years in July. But every once in a while something will still set me off and I will be back in that place, frustrated with myself as I feel my brain hurtling towards a Very Loud Meltdown that I cannot get to stop.

I just don't appreciate being told that it's somehow lesser because my legs work. Especially considering TBIs are so common, and they happen so fast. All it takes is one good knock on the head and then you'll be just like me.

[disabled-dragoon]

Disability Aids: Where to buy

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about disability, sensory and mobility aids and where to buy one, so I’ve decided to just collect a global list of everywhere that I can find! I try and update this monthly. If there’s one you want me to add on or change, just say!

Links and information under the cut!

Updated: 12/10/2023

Disclaimer: Any link marked with (*) cannot deliver outside of their country of base/international shipping policies are unclear at the current moment of writing. 

Follow this link to find a list of databases that have information on disability aids around the world.

Global:

The Active Hands Company: Based in the UK but operating globally, this company deals exclusively in grip aids that can help and be used by people with various disabilities- including limb differences, cerebral palsy, arthritis, brachial plexus injuries, stroke survivors, multiple sclerosis, nerve and spinal injuries, TBIs and much more. You can find their FAQ page here if you would like more information. They do ship internationally, but please be aware that they are currently warning of a potential delay to orders due to postal strikes. Some products they do include: angled knives, gym/sports grips, zip grips, cutlery grips, anti-spill aids, magnetic laces, openers, small item grippers, specialised mugs and hand splints, to name but a small few.

Handicare: I’m putting this one here as they have a global office, offering their services in 40+ companies, as well as offices in Belgium, Canada, Germany, France, Italy, Netherlands, Norway, UK, USA, and Spain, with their HQ located in Sweden. Their aim is to “provide solutions and support to increase the independence of the physically challenged or elderly people. They offer accessibility products (i.e. stairlifts and their installation), patient handling and care equipment, and vehicle accessibility solutions.

Invacare: This company is located in Ohio but has offices all over the globe so I’m putting it here. There’s a tool on this website that will direct you to the closest office/country to you. Products they offer include independent living aids i.e. shower and bathing aids, comfort aids i.e. bedding and furnishings, manual mobility aids, powered mobility aids, and patient transfer aids.

Karma: I believe this company is originally Taiwan based, but I am putting it here because of their extensive global service network, including supplying to the NHS! They offer a range of powered and manual chairs, as well as accessories, and have a tool on their site that allows you to locate your nearest seller.

Kuschall: I can’t find where exactly this company is situated, and all social media links take me to Invacare Europe so for this purpose I’m assuming they are at least partners. There is a tool to let you change to your country’s nearest site, and dealership locator. This site deals in specialised wheelchairs. They have a visualiser tool which I really like, which lets you see the wheelchair that you chose and refine its features i.e. handle colour, frame colour etc. etc.

Medline: This is a global institution dealing in delivering hospital grade supplies to patients around the world. Some products include: hospital grip/slipper socks, fall prevention equipment, skin health, maternity equipment, face masks and wound care! There’s a tool on the website as well that will link you to the site for/closest to your country.

MEYRA: **TW for flashing and eye strain** There is an option on this site to change the page language. Headquartered in Germany, MEYRA operates as a wheelchair manufacturer and rehabilitation aid supplier across 70 countries, and offers a range of manual wheelchairs, active and sport chairs, electric wheelchairs, children’s manual wheelchairs, Netti brand rehabilitation wheelchairs, as well as other rehab products and seating and ramp solutions. There are options on this site to change page language and font size.

Performance Health: To clarify, I’m not entirely sure on the overall delivery policies of this company, but they appear to have offices in America, Australia, Canada, France and the UK (there is a tool on the site to switch between each respective country). They sell podiatry, daily living, mobility, orthopaedic and therapy aids- e.g. braces, fall prevention, hot and cold therapy, tape, exercise tubing, mats, compression products, insoles, incontinence products, wheelchair, crutches and ramps, to name a few. You can search by category or brand.

---

Australia:

(All links in English in case translator needed)

(*)ActivTec: This is an equipment maintenance service, suggested by @hell-on-sticks. Last update they helpfully added:

“Adding to this that if you're in Australia, ActivTec is a national company that does disability and mobility equipment repair that can be done both privately or through the NDIS. They've got offices all over the place - mostly east coast, I guess you can't be disabled outside Perth on the west coast or something /s - but it's always a good idea to know where you'll go if your aid or equipment breaks.”

You can find the company’s FAQ page here for more information.

Gilani Engineering: Based in New South Wales and offering a range of mobility and living aids, disability vehicle and home modifications, Gilani also offers installation on select products, and international shipping. Their product lists are too extensive to list entirely, but items include: wheelchairs (including paediatrics), powerchairs and scooters, wheelchair ramps (and installation) and accessories, bathroom, bedroom and living aids, patient transfer aids, home lift and grab rail installation. They also sell a large array of vehicle modifications- such as dual pedal systems for driving instructors, steering lollipops, alternate braking and accelerating systems, access solutions and boot hoists, to name a few.

Incontinence Products: Caringbah based and supplying “washable, reusable and disposable incontinence products and continence aids”, this company aims to market towards men, women and children at an affordable price. They do deliver internationally! You can find shipping information here. Some products they offer include: diapers and diaper bags, wipes, clothing protectors, onesies and body suits, swimwear, beds and mattresses, chair, floor and mattress protectors, beamers, gloves, face masks, and many others.

(*)SwitchSticks Australia: A company specialising in luxury and engraved canes, as well as the seat cane (a cane that can be turned into a stool when needed) and accessories. The international shipping policies of this company are unclear.

TabTimer: “TabTimer™ is an Australian Company dedicated to supplying devices to help people and their carers keep medicines, nutrition, hydration, toileting and regular personal care tasks on-time using assistive technology and assisted listening reminder devices.“ -TabTimer, About. This company offers timing and medication aids, including diabetes equipment, pill organisers, talking watchers, help and SOS buttons, alarms and alerters, large clocks and talking reminders, to name a few. They deliver internationally.

Canada:

(All links in English in case translator needed)

(*)Access Abilities: Claiming to be award winning and with stores in Oakville and Etobicoke, this company offers mobility equipment purchasing, rental and repair services. They also offer free in home assessment services, home delivery and set up, and aid in helping to find funding for equipment. According to the company, products they stock include “mobility scooters, wheelchairs, walkers, lift and recline chairs, stair lifts, CPAP and more. We stock the best brands, such as Pride, Invacare, Tena, Bruno and Maple Leaf Wheelchair.” -Access Abilities, Products. International delivery policies are unclear.

(*)Action Medical: The following text is from the “Service” page of the website:

We provide a full range of services on all the equipment we provide to you, and even the equipment you've purchased elsewhere. Services range from basic repairs and tune-ups of existing equipment such as walkers or lifts, to installations and set-up of new equipment in your home, such as grab bars, platform lifts, ramping systems, etc. We can even help you with home and vehicle adaptations to make your lift more accessible. Contact us for more information.  

You can find the company product list here. International delivery policies are unclear.

Canes Canada: Thank you to @sugarsh0ts for the recommendation! This company ships “anywhere across North America”, and says that international deliveries may be subject to a holding policy, but you can contact them with any questions. They offer to deliver your canes uncut, or cut them for you if you send your measurements (and offer information on how to properly measure a cane!). A few examples of canes they offer include: standard canes, hiking canes, novelty canes, seat canes, folding canes, men’s canes, women’s canes, animal handle canes, extra tall canes, collector canes and umbrella canes, and many many more, including forearm crutches and accessories like cane holders! You can also browse by price, and there are separate sections to search by colour, handle style and material style!

FlappyHappy: A stim toy business for “autistic children, teens and adults”. You can find their tumblr here and a list of products here. I quite like that you can search for specific types of stim toy i.e. chewables or fidgets or tangles etc. They do offer international shipping; you can find more information on shipping here. If you need discreet packaging, you can ask for it.

(*)Independent Living: “Independent Living is a business dedicated to personal freedom and mobility. We have been a supplier of mobility aids and personal care products to the elderly and persons with disabilities since February of 1988.” -Independent Living, About. There is no pricing or delivery information on this website as I believe you have to contact them directly with any enquiries (their contact details are here, and the enquiry form is here), or visit their store, located in Regina, Saskatchewan.

(*)LifeSupply: LifeSupply sells to “patients, caregivers and medical professionals” within Canada, offering an extensive range of products that include but are not limited to: mobility aids, maternity equipment, IV equipment, acupuncture, catheters, baby and child care, incontinence care, veterinary and pet supplies, personal care equipment, orthopaedic equipment, respiratory care, and beauty and skincare products, to name a few. I’m unsure, but I think this company can deliver some products outside of Canada, and delivery prices would depend on the delivery weight. You can find more information here.

(*)The Mobility Market USA: A partner of The Mobility Market UK, this is essentially the same concept- second hand mobility aids sold and bought by mostly disabled people- but it delivers across the US and Canada instead. Again, you need to make an account to buy and sell items, and it is my understanding that you have to contact the sellers directly (there should be information on the advertisements) if you wish to make a purchase. There is an option to translate this website into other languages (besides English) if you require it.

(*)Senior Store: Though they can also deliver to the US, I’m not entirely sure on the international shipping policies of this company. The products they offer are too extensive to list individually, but the categories they fall in are: Covid 19 related products, lift chairs and recliners, bathroom safety, mobility, bedroom and livingroom, personal aids, incontinence products, kitchen & dining, pillows and seating, therapy products, bariatric products, foot, hand & elbow, alarms, special clothing, special phones & alarms and leisure products, They also offer rental on some products i.e. those of hospital grade.

Sidestix: Though they only (at the moment of writing) seem to offer two types of forearm crutches, they do offer a vast array of crutch accessories as well as this thing they call Fingrips which appears to be specialised handles, mainly for cycling. They ship internationally and have stores based in Canada, New Zealand, USA and Australia. 

France:

(All links in French in case translator needed)

(*)CENOMY: A French supplier of AAC and communication equipment, and a redistributor of Liberator UK. You can find their products here, as well as a wider catalogue/shop here. As well as communication equipment, they also offer sensory aids- both in terms of sensory devices and objects to create a sensory environment. Other items offered include eye tracker and eye control equipment, supports,  adaptors and alarms, touch tablets, software and environment controls. The site crashed before I could find information on international delivery policies.

Hop’Toys: This company does deliver outside of France, however they do not deliver in the DOM-TOM or outside of the EU; for further delivery information and prices please see this link. They mainly deal in sensory aids, learning and education aids, and communication equipment (as a distributor of Liberator UK). They also offer items in relation to specific disabilities, such as Alzheimers, adhd, sensory issues, visual impairments and hearing impairments. Items offered included weighted bedding and clothing, school aids, daily and eating aids, sensory and motor games, occupational and speech therapy aids, and skill development aids (including behaviour management, social skills, facial expressions etc.).

Senior Boutique:  I couldn’t find much in terms of delivery information, but they claim to deliver all over France, and services in Belgium allow for international delivery, but please check this with them. They distribute a wide variety of disability and healthcare aids including hobby aids (i.e. gardening aids), daily living support (bathroom aids, eating aids, comfort aids etc.), clothing, mobility aids (including the Ta-Da Seat Cane) and incontinence aids, amongst a wide variety of others. 

Germany/Deutschland:

(*)Mein Hilfsmittel: Parts of this site are in German and may need to be translated if you are unfamiliar. This company rents manual and electric wheelchairs, mobility scooters, rollators, stair climbers and oxygen generators across Germany. You can find a list of the products they rent here, information on renting here, and contact details here.

(*)Prenkte Romich: A distributor of Liberator UK and seller of AAC equipment across Deutschland, Austria and Switzerland; they do not ship to other countries. You can find shipping information here. This page is in German so will need to be translated if you are unfamiliar.

Ossenberg: “One of the leading German manufacturers of forearm crutches, walking sticks and orthopedic aids.”- Ossenberg, About Us. There is an option to read this page in either Deutsch or English, so if you are unfamiliar with either it may need translating. To buy as a private customer, please follow this link. Personally, I like that certain products (like wrist straps, forearm crutches, walking sticks etc.) have their weights, basic sizes and materials stated in their product titles. On international shipping they say: “Of course we also ship our products abroad. However, the shipping costs vary depending on the country and region.”

Italy:

AllMobility: This company was founded by two disabled people. They created and now distribute the “Buffalo 150″ transfer board, selling it in 15 countries abroad. Disability aids that this company sell include: ergonomic aids, transfer and mobilisation aids, hygiene aids, daily living aids, positioning aids, and paediatric aids. I can’t find information on pricing on this site, it’s my understanding that you have to request the information from the company. Also, while they distribute all across Europe, I believe you have to contact them to find out if/how they can ship to your country. There is an option to change the language of the site between English and Italian.

(*)Bodytech: This page is in Italian so may need to be translated if you are unfamiliar. This company specialises in products such as ergonomic chairs, wheelchairs, cushioning and positioning aids. I cannot find information on international delivery, or pricing. It is my understanding that you must contact the company for a quote.

(*)Cambratech: This page is in Italian so may need to be translated if unfamiliar. Cambratech is a company that specialises in the creation of disability aids for people who are visually impaired. Their aid catalogue includes items such as sticks and stick accessories, alarms and clocks, tools, reading and writing aids, home and daily living aids, technology aids and sport and hobby aids. I don’t think this company offers delivery outside of Italy.

Japan:

Rakuten Ichiba: Naturally, this page is in Japanese so may need to be translated if you’re not familiar. I think this company offers international delivery- you can find delivery information here. The range of items they offer is extensive, including, but not limited to: braille (signs, guiders, paper etc.), contact lenses, medication management and assistance devices, communication aids, mobility aids, incontinence aids, treatment machines, body measuring devices (glucose monitors, weight monitors etc.), sanitary aids, first aid equipment, face masks, medical clothing, and much much more.  

Malaysia:

(*)HomeCare Shop: I’m not sure on the international policies of this company, but you can find a list of store locations here. They sell items related to continence care, PPE, nursing care, orthopaedic support (including sport support), personal care equipment, foot care, nutrition and supplements, and mobility aids. There are also specific sections on their site in relation to being bedridden, childcare, stroke care, diabetes care, beauty and health, fall prevention, back pain and body pain solution, elderly care, post-surgery care, hypertension and sports injuries.

(*)Pinang Medical Supplies: The operator of HomeCare Shop, they work to supply medical and disability equipment to hospitals and clinics, with the HomeCare Shop geared towards the public. I am not entirely sure on the international delivery policies of this company, but they have 20+ stores across the nation (click here for store locations) and stock a significant number of global brands (click here for a list).

New Zealand:

(All links in English in case translator needed)

(*)Creative Living: **Potential warning for eye strain**. This company provides a range of products to ensure better kitchen and bathroom accessibility. I can’t find anything regarding delivery policies, but they are the sole provider in New Zealand of the UK based companies, “Nicholls and Clarke” and “Impey Showers”. There is no pricing information, though I think this is because you have to contact them about your specific needs in regard to product fitting. Their contact information is here.

(*)Mobility Centre: This company is a not for profit organisation that aims to deliver “a range of products from small daily living aids through to mobility scooters and wheelchairs” to allow customers to live an “independent and active lifestyle”. Options on the site allow you to shop by category (bedroom and seating equipment, braces, supports & rehabilitation, crutches and walking sticks, daily living & kitchen aids, grab rails and ramps, incontinence products, mobility scooters and power chairs, toileting and bathroom equipment, walkers & walking frames, and wheelchairs), or by condition/disability. You can also rent and/or hire some equipment from here. They only deliver within New Zealand, and do not deliver overseas or to PO boxes.

(*)Northable: Northable allows for the sale and hire of disability equipment, such as: mobility aids, daily living aids, home and bedroom aids, continence aids, and bathroom and toileting aids. They claim to be committed to ensuring “that we are providing you with the correct information and equipment suited for your individual needs.” -Northable, About Us. You can find contact information here.

Orthotic House: A company that “helps bridge the gap” of disabled and specialised footwear, including socks. They have men’s, women’s, children’s and unisex footwear ranges, and claim to be able to ship anywhere in the world, though the shipping rates on their website are created with Australia and New Zealand in mind. You can find shipping information here. There is an option on the website to change the pricing according to Australian, Canadian, British, New Zealand and US currency standards.

South Africa:

(All links in English in case translator needed)

(*)CareChamp: There are a couple of instances of heavy italics on this site, in case you struggle with that. Based in Cape Town, CareChamp aims to “set the highest standard of home care in South Africa”, providing comfortable care and services to clients across South Africa. As well as selling mobility aids, they also offer rental services on certain products, and home care services with trained nurses. They also aim to set up a college in the future. I do not believe this company delivers internationally. You can find their FAQ page here.

(*)Medop cc: “Leading manual and electric wheelchair suppliers in South Africa” -Medop cc, Homepage. Delivery policies of this company are unclear however, they have offices in Johannesburg and Cape Town that allow for operation across South Africa, as well as operating through dealer networks in Botswana and Namibia. And, though their speciality lies in the supply of quality manual and electric wheelchairs, Medop does also provide personal care equipment, such as canes, crutches and rollators, bathroom aids, patient lifts, pressure care, hospital beds, and much more. Personally, I like the FAQ page that gives quite extensive advice on choosing the right wheelchair.

(*)Prima Care: Prima Care supplies medical and mobility equipment across South Africa, with offices and showrooms in both Cape Town and Johannesburg. They also hire and rental services, and I do not believe they offer their services outside of South Africa. You can find rental information here, and product information here. For further information and contact details, see here.

(*)Pro Mobility: Originally dealing in adapted vehicles and hoists, the founders of this company opened their first concept shop in Cape Town in 2021! It is, and I quote, “a welcoming, wheelchair friendly space for any person with a disability or impaired mobility to come and see all the available items”. I don’t believe they ship internationally, and I think you have to contact them or visit the showroom if you’re interested in purchasing/renting their equipment. You can find their contact information here.

Spain:

(*)Eneso: I’m not entirely sure on the delivery policies of this company, and if you are not familiar with English and/or Spanish, this page may need translating. Eneso offers a range of sensory equipment, communication equipment, learning resources, adapted toys and activities (for children and older) and computer aids (including switches, buttons and mounts). They also offer items in relation to creating sensory environments.

INDESmed: This company is based in Madrid but claim to deliver all over the world. There is a handy tool on their website that lets you see if they have a store in your country as well. They offer a range of crutches, walking sticks, walkers, walking boots, compression socks and reading glasses, with a few accessories for each- like ice shoes for canes!

KMINA: Please be aware that this page may need to be translated if you visit it. I believe this company does ship internationally as they appear to have an active Amazon shop, as well as bases in Spain (to ship to Europe) and America. They provide an email on their website to arrange other shipping where possible as well. This company mainly deals in crutches, walkers, accessories and bathroom aids. It looks like you have to buy each crutch individually (if you’re wanting a pair) but I am not sure.

Taiwan:

Kymco: **Potential TW for flashing lights when you click the link***. This is a company headquartered in Taiwan but they do have global offices.  A motorcycle and ATV distributor that offers a range specialising in mobility scooters and powerchairs, I can’t find any price information but I believer there is an enquiry option for any item you are interested in.

(*)Step2Gold: Had an anon recently direct me to this company. They deal in a specialised seat cane called the Ta-Da chair. It seems to be more streamline than the average seat cane and is opened via a twist function, but the price is quite steep. They do not sell directly to individuals, but they do have distributors of the Ta-Da Chair in North America, Europe, Northeast Asia, Southeast Asia, Greater China, and Australia. They also have a distributor map (which you can find here) that allows you to pick your nearest distributor. Here is another link to a post with a few other distributors.

Thailand:

(*)Freedom Move: There’s an option on the site to change the language from Thai to English, but it may need to be translated if you do not speak either language. Also the prices for products were given as Baht so if you are unfamiliar you may need to use a currency converter. Freedom Move sell four main products/brands: the Ta-Da Chair, the EVOSS cushion (a specialised support cushion, that supposedly aids pressure distribution when sitting and promotes circulation), the HurryCane cane, and an electric scooter. But I also noticed neck and shoulder supports as well as a portable massager. You can find the products here. I am unsure on international delivery policy.

(*)Kaigo Sensei: I don’t know if this company delivers internationally. They sell electric wheelchairs- light and reclining, patient transfer chairs and the Ta-Da Chair. You can find their products here, and shipping information here. Parts of this page may need translated.

UK:

(All links in English in case translator needed)

Ability Superstore: A large UK distributor of mobility aids ranging from sensory items, pet care, mobility aids, kitchen aids (i.e. preparation boards, baking equipment, specialised utensils), bathing aids, toilet aids, clothing and grooming aids, skincare aids, hobby aids, accessible games and leisure items, and exercise equipment to name but a few. I think they deliver outside of the UK, but if you are ordering from outside of the UK (or from certain postcodes which you can find here), you will have to contact them for a quote.

(*)Age Co: This is an organisation owned and operated by Age UK, a registered UK charity that aims to help and provide a better quality of life for older people i.e. by combatting loneliness, dealing with the cost of living crisis, protecting against covid etc. Age Co claims that 100% of their profits go towards Age UK. Products that they offer include: car insurance, motor breakdown cover and care, funeral plans, legal services, stairlifts, homelifts, bathing equipment, incontinence aids and personal alarms. I cannot find any information on delivery outside of the UK. 

(*)Aidapt: A UK based distributor of mobility and daily living aids. I’m not sure if they deliver overseas, and unfortunately it appears you have to make an account and login to see the prices, but their product range is extensive. Items they offer include, but are not limited to: mobility aids (crutches, canes, manual wheelchairs, rollators, ramps and accessories), adapted cutlery, gardening equipment, reclining living and lounge chairs, bathing, hygiene and bedroom aids, handlebars and rails, daily living aids (trays, footrests, cushions etc.) and many many others.

Careco: A UK based company that offers a variety of living and mobility aids, from mobility scooters to stair lifts, to car boot hoists to transfer aids. They also offer a range of refurbished mobility aids in different styles, for cheaper than you would expect. They do claim to deliver to an international client base, but please contact them with questions/for a quote.

Cool Crutches: As the name suggests, this is a UK company that, much like Neo-Walk, offers an incredibly colourful array of walking sticks and canes, as well as offering replacement parts! They are suitable, according to the FAQ page, for anyone between 5′ and 6′5″, and are height adjustable. The colours and patterns are varied (and there is even an option to design your own!), but the prices are quite steep. They do offer international delivery! You can find their delivery page here, which also contains a list of prices for delivery. Thank you to @disconnectivetissue for directing me to this one.

(*)CompleteCare Shop: This company delivers to both mainland and non-mainland UK, with delivery charges available on the website, however they are unfortunately not able to deliver internationally. I recently bought a rollator from here that came quite quickly and in excellent condition. They offer a large collection of mobility aids- rollators, walkers, wheelchairs, scooters etc.- and other disability aids for all aspects of life, including bedroom aids, daily living aids (seats and hygiene products, for example), kitchen aids, medical equipment (like crutches, rehabilitation equipment, hearing aids etc. ) and even disability aids for children. An enquiry form can be found on the site if you have any questions.

Disability Horizons: Disability Horizons was a lifestyle magazine ran by a selection of disabled writers, for the disabled community, exploring issues and stories relating to disability, that unfortunately closed in April of this year (2023). They also run a shop, sourcing and distributing a range of disability aids from across the UK, and they can arrange overseas shipping! Products offered include: adaptive clothing and t-shirts, art and cards, home aids, kitchen aids, books, mobility aids, living aids, wheelchair aids, bathroom aids, vitamins and car aids. You can find a link to the online magazine site here. The shop is still running, though may be rebranded in the coming months.

The Dyslexia Shop: This shop is UK based but it does deliver internationally! They do an incredibly amount of learning resources for neurodivergent people, but specifically people with dyslexia and dyscalculia, including, but not limited to, tinted paper and notepads, different types of specialised grip pens, overlays, educational games, sensory toys, teaching aids and software. And they also offer an incredible range of books, both childrens books i.e. teaching about disability, featuring disabled characters etc., and non-fictional books on the topics of dyslexia, ADHD, autism, dyscalculia, disability education etc.

(*)Essential Aids: They sell a vast array of disability, mobility, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, work and leisure aids, as well as offering a range of childrens disability aids, sensory aids and NHS aids as well. They have aids that help in hobby areas (i.e. writing, gardening, sewing) and exercising, they sell comfort aids and warmth aids. They have outdoor aids as well, like ramps and hand rails, which is just fantastic. I do not know if they deliver internationally but you can contact them to check, and they use Royal Mail services.

Feet Feet: A company dealing in “orthotic insoles to treat every major foot condition”, this site is organised so that you can sort by specific condition, product or seek advice regarding an ailment. Products offered include bunion correctors/splints, foot massagers, assistive sock aids, support braces, insoles, risers, lifts, shoe cushioning/padding and callus cutters and much more.They do deliver internationally! (I think) You can find delivery information here. 

(*)HealthAndCare: Unfortunately this company cannot deliver outside of the UK at the moment, but all mainland UK deliveries are free, and the majority of products can also be delivered to Northern Ireland, the Scottish Highlands and offshore UK islands! Their product range is extensive. They offer a large array of braces and supports- from back supports to shoe insoles- general health and pain relief items, daily living aids (including but not limited to: hearing aids, bathroom aids, mobility aids, kitchen aids and medication storage), sports and rehabilitation equipment, education equipment, and even safety training!

(*)Healthcare PRO: So I’ve had a look and they don’t deliver overseas, but they do deliver to both mainland and offshore UK! Here you can find more delivery information. Healthcare PRO offers a range of health, living and mobility including telephone aids, reading and writing aids, walking aids, wheelchairs, bathroom aids, eating aids, bedroom equipment, hobby aids, games, alarms, reachers, monitors and sensory equipments etc, a long with a vast array of other items in all categories. They also offer a selection of childrens aids as well.

(*)Incontinence Choice: This is a UK company that specialises in incontinence products. They offer a range of items, including incontinence pads of varying sizes, bed and chair protection, adult nappies, washable and disposable incontinence pants, as well as a range of both female and male incontinence products. They also offer products from some specific brands, such as Age Co, TENA, Vivactive and Always, and have a discreet delivery process. Unfortunately they only offer shipping to mainland UK and certain non-mainland territories. There is no option for international delivery at this time, and there is a notice on the website that delivery services have been impacted by the Royal Mail strikes, but they are working around it. Here you can find more information on delivery, including the non-mainland territories they deliver to and prices.

Liberator: A UK supplier of extensive AAC equipment including switches, joysticks, apps and software, learning aids, adapted stylus’, controls, adaptors, cases, eye tracking and control software, pointers, and accessible computer equipment, as some examples. They have a large web of international redistributors which you can find here. They also offer training regarding some software and devices that they sell. You can find information regarding funding and assessment here. They also offer sensory aids.

(*)Manage @ Home: A company that deals in disability aids for a variety of every day activities, including mobility aids, eating aids, leisure aids, door handles and bathroom aids, amongst others. Currently they deliver to UK mainland, as well as UK islands and Northern Ireland, though if ordering from the latter two you are advised to contact the company about delivery. I’m not sure what their international shipping policies are or if they ship outside of the UK. 

(*)The Mobility Aids Centre: I’m waiting to hear back about international delivery information but I’ll update when I do. They have a showroom in Peterborough, England if you wish to visit them in person. The Centre claims to pride themselves on offering mobility aids that “is more than just wheelchairs, mobility scooters, walking aids, bathroom equipment and small living aids”, providing things such as pushchairs, standing frames and bespoke wheelchairs as well. They also offer things like sensory loss aids, peddle exercisers, therapy equipment, medication aids, fall aids and specialised furniture, to name a few.

(*)The Mobility Market: I found the link to this on the website for Scope, a well known, registered disability charity in the UK, and I’ve had a little look around. It’s essentially like ebay for mobility aids; it’s people selling their mobility aids to others in need. There is no definitive amount of aids on here so if you’re looking for something specific, i.e. like a cane, it might not be there the first time you check. Objects are second/third hand, and, depending on how much the seller lists them for, can still be quite expensive, though noticeably less so than some other providers. You can also list your own mobility aids as well, but to both buy and sell you need to make an account. I do not know what shipping policies are like- I imagine it depends on the seller- but they do have a partner site that operates across the US and Canada.

MobilityPlus+: A UK based company that claims to ship worldwide. They deal in electric wheelchairs, rollators and accessories, and also include shipping costs for international shipping on their website if you are not from mainland UK. From personal experience, they’ve been excellent when it comes to replacement parts for my chair though obviously I don’t speak for everyone.

Mobility Smart: This company can arrange to deliver outside of the UK but to do so you have to call them. They have instructions for this on their website, as well as information on finding your country dialing code and a currency converter. If you’re in the UK, they have a showroom! As well as mobility aids, they offer items in categories such as paediatric care equipment, daily living aids, driving aids, continence aids, bathroom aids, ramps, specialised footwear and medical equipment, amongst others.I have been informed that there tends to be a markup with this company when it comes to continence aids, in comparison to stores like Age Co or Incontinence Choice, so please be aware of that.

Not Your Grandma’s: Do you find yourself wanting colourful compression socks but can’t find any designs you like? Do you struggle to find designs that fit? Maybe your disability has left you feeling overwhelmed and you’re just looking for advice. Well! This company (suggested by @cripplecore, so thank you for that) may just be what you’re looking for! They specialise in colourful compression socks, but also offer some disability stationary and accessories. Their founder also has a blog/handbook and podcast relating to all things disability, and is looking to release a range of larger sized products, and offer a waiting list for those interested. Personally, I think this site looks incredibly cute! (They also offer international shipping!). I have ordered from here and think it’s great, if not a but pricey.

Neo-Walk: You may have seen this company on Dragons Den. They offer an array of colourful and customisable walking sticks and accessories, as well as offering a 10% student discount (using a code that can be found on their FAQ page and with proof of student ID)! They also offer international shipping.

(*)Podiatry World: Podiatry supplies equipment for foot and leg care, and products they offer “arch supports, bunion protectors, gel socks and straps, impressions, instruments and packs, foams and felts, rotary tools (burs), treatment chairs, pain relief products, and much more.” You can find a list of their products here. I’m not sure on international delivery policies.         

(*)Quingo Scooters: Quingo mobility pride themselves on their five wheel mobility scooters, which they claim to offer more stability and manoeuvrability than regular three and four wheel scooters. They offer a few different models, ranging in price, as well as a motorised wheelchair, accessories for all models, payment plans, and the option to test drive before you buy! I can’t find any information on international delivery, but they claim to deliver anywhere in mainland UK, and they have a “sister distributor” in the US by the name of Comfygo.

(*)RNIB: Or, the Royal National Institute of Blind People. An organisation in the UK dedicated to ensuring and providing accessibility for those who are blind, partially sighted, or otherwise visually impaired. I took this quote from the site directly: “We have a wide range of products for both adults and children who have sight loss or a vision impairment. All our devices and tools are designed to help you do more at home, work or at school.You’ll also find a range of book titles in audio, braille and large print, and leaflets on eye conditions and living with sight loss.“ This link will bring you to the organisations website (with information on dealing with sight loss, eye health, the aims of the organisation etc etc.), and this link will bring you to an interesting piece on their work in making video gaming more accessible!

(*)Sensory Direct: I’ve checked an unfortunately this company is unable to ship to PO boxes, or overseas unless you hold a trading account with them. You can find information on delivery, i.e. prices, locations etc. here. This company deals specifically in sensory aids, with tools on their website allowing you to sort by age category, condition and environment. They offer a vast array of items including, but not limited to, weighted blankets, sensory toys, classroom kits, educational aids, weighted clothing, puzzles, toys, games, chewys, seating, lighting etc. etc. They also sell products to aid with the development of skills, such as life skills, social skills, fine and gross motor skills, creative skills and sleeping.

Single Handed: @parafoxicalk introduced me to this company through this video, showing a member of the company reviewing a grip toggle, so you may have seen them doing the rounds! Single Handed aim to design carry technology of the “highest quality”, “for able-bodied and less able people alike”, allowing for “easier use [carrying] for those with balance, shaking, or disabilities which make carrying a traditional tray more difficult, dangerous or even impossible in some cases.” They’re eco-conscious in their designs, deliver internationally, and deal in anti-tip trays, grip toggles, glass collectors, and large double handed mugs.

(*)Skiggle: This is another site I found, courtesy of Scope. Skiggle is a registered disability charity, providing help to disabled people (adults, young people and children), their families and their carers by offering a place to rehome surplus disability aids. It’s like a more relaxed version of The Mobility Marketplace, in that it is a sellers community of disabled people, in which you can post ads selling your items, or ads asking for certain items. The majority of items that I have seen are free/relatively cheap, but there are certain items that may be priced (i.e. car seats, mobility scooters) and the site reviews these on a case-by-case basis. I quite like the look of this one to be honest. Here’s the FAQ page if you have any questions regarding the marketplace.

Smartcrutch: Thank you to @some-weird-queer-writer for pointing this one out to me. I have been informed that they are also available in America, Canada and potentially Australia, but there is a notice on the site to contact them if you have any questions so you can find that information here. I’ve dug a bit further and it appears they do deliver overseas. This site offers an array of colourful forearm crutches, in sizes XS, S, M and L (extra small, small, medium and large), as well as “spares” (a range of spare crutch parts i.e. pivot screws, ice shoes, replacement feet and straps). Prices on the XS crutches range between £74.99-£114.98, whilst prices on all other sizes range between £131.99-£227.98. I believe there is also the option to buy either a single crutch or a pair.

The Stick & Cane Shop: Walking sticks and accessories with a twist. Like a stick for all occassions type of deal, this company specialises in sticks for walking, for formal/fancy dress, for country walking, for collecting, and for doubling as an umbrella. They also offer accessories and adjustable sticks. 

(*)WalkingSticks: At the time of writing this, this site cannot deliver outside of the UK due to courier issues, however if you are able to benefit from it it seems amazing. Despite the name, they sell everything from canes, to crutches, to walkers, to even mobility aid accessories. And you can search by specific requirements, features and prices!

(*)Whizz-Kidz: “The UK’s leading charity for young wheelchair users.” This company is a bit different to the others in that it is a charity and you, specifically, don’t buy the equipment; there is an application process instead, a waiting list and then they may or may not provide the equipment for the young person (under the age of 18) in question. Here is information on the application process (FAQs, eligibility criteria etc.),  and here is a link to wheelchair training workshops that they offer for people aged 2 to 25 years old, including workplace training, school training and sports. They are a charity so there is an option to donate as well, and they also offer youth group services, support for families and siblings, and work placement/employment opportunities.

USA:

(All links in English in case translator needed)

1800Wheelchair: Thank you to @cesium-sheep for directing me to this. They said, quote, “It was a mediocre experience and their branding is very senior-focused but they have a huge selection of all kinds of mobility aids.” I’ve had a look at that seems to be the case; they offer a vast array of wheelchairs included lightweight, heavy duty, beach, commercial, transport and bathroom wheelchairs, as well as accessories i.e. bags, cushions etc. As well as scooters, lifts, walkers, bathroom safety aids and accessories (including shower stools, hand held showers etc.),  furniture, pediatric aids (wheelchairs, furniture, bathroom care), accessories and parts. As well as distributors across America and UK, it appears they also have distributors in both France and Canada!

Advantage Medical: A supplier of rehab and physical therapy equipment, including hand therapy, mobility aids, exercise equipment, patient transfer equipment, tapes, daily living, CBD, PPE and much more. They can arrange for international delivery “nearly anywhere in the world”, though customs and duties are the responsibility of the customer. Here you can find more information on shipping.

(*)Comfygo Mobility: A “sister distributor” of Quingo Scooters, that deals in mobility scooters, electric wheelchairs, manual wheelchairs and accessories for each. They offer a slightly wider ranger than their sister company, and also offer repayment schemes when purchasing. I’m not sure on their international delivery policy, but apparently, as well as their own stores, they may be found on Amazon, Ebay and sometimes Walmart.

(*)Comfy Splints: Exactly what it says- they sell adult and paediatric splints for the hand, elbow, knee, ankle and foot, with the goal of making them as comfortable as possible. I can’t find any explicit information on international delivery, although they are partnered with companies that do deliver globally, like Medline and Rehabmart, so I may be wrong. They have contact information listed here if you have questions.

Fettermans: A US based company that offers free shipping to continental US, Fettermans is also partnered with Amazon, Walkeasy and Sidestix. They deal in crutches (for adults and children), crutch hand grips and other accessories!

(*)HealthSmart International: HealthSmart provides a range of crutches, canes, walkers and wheelchairs (as well as accessories) as well as a number of other disability aids, including, but not limited to, blood pressure monitors, physical therapy aids, bedroom and bathroom aids, and professional medical equipment. They claim to deliver some products internationally, however upon further digging the website also says they are currently only shipping within the United States, so please contact them if you have any questions regarding this.

(*)ICS: This company deals in orthotic shoes, socks and insoles for those with diabetes, AFOs (ankle foot orthotics), arthritis, partial foot amputations, and general foot issues- promising a comfortable and “perfect” fit. They also offer a specialist fitting service, that I think allows you to find the perfect size and shoe for you. Shoes for both men and women are offered across a variety of brands, and when searching for shoes you can filter by gender, foot width, boot height, brand and shoe size. I can’t find any information in regards to international delivery.

(*)The Mobility Market USA: A partner of The Mobility Market UK, this is essentially the same concept- second hand mobility aids sold and bought by mostly disabled people- but it delivers across the US and Canada instead. Again, you need to make an account to buy and sell items, and it is my understanding that you have to contact the sellers directly (there should be information on the advertisements) if you wish to make a purchase. There is an option to translate this website into other languages (besides English) if you require it.

(*)Mobility Warehouse: They mainly deal in mobility equipment- powerchairs, scooters, rollators and living chairs- but also offer a range of bath safety aids, mastectomy care, diabetic shoes, compression socks and hospital beds in store as well. They also offer replacements, repairs and servicing of the equipment you buy from them should you run into issue. International shipping policies of this company are unclear.

Pride Mobility Corporation: As well as the US and Latin America, this company has bases across the UK, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, India, Japan, Middle East, Slovakia, Slovenia and Canada. They also offer a tool on the website to find your nearest dealer. They offer a wide range of mobility and power chairs, lift chairs and mobility scooters, as well as rehab equipment.

Rehabmart: I think this company ship internationally. It is founded and operated by qualified occupational and physical therapists, and sells a range of medical, mobility and rehabilitation equipment. They claim to sell over 18000 products, and there is an alphabetised list of the categories they deal in.

Sensory Tool House: They do deliver outside of North America! However some of their products may not allow them to so it’s best to check your order. They have an online chat function and typically get back to you within a day or two.This company offers a range of “products and services [to] specifically support those who are neurodivergent and/or have a disability”, as well as offering community events at some of their locations (i.e. sensory play and sensory rooms), teacher, student and carer resources, training (in workplace and educational environments), and the ability to create a wishlist/gift registry. At the moment of writing, they appear to offer 850+ products, ranging from such things as educational products, toys, guides, utensil supports, folding chairs and weighted bedding, to name just a few.

Therapy Shoppe: “If you're looking for innovative sensory products, fidget tools, educational toys, occupational therapy tools, autism or special needs toys for learning, play, self-regulation, sensory integration, handwriting, motor skills development, fidgeting, and much more... you've come to the right place!” -Therapy Shoppe. This is a US based company that deals in the supply of sensory products. You can find delivery information here, including shipping charges. They do deliver outside of the continental US, but there is a minimum delivery fee and prices are based on overall order weight. Again, refer to the delivery information for more details.

(*)SwitchSticks US: A partner of SwitchSticks Australia and HealthSmart International. They specialise in walking sticks, quad sticks and seat canes. International shipping policies are unclear.

WalkEasy: A partner of Fettermans Crutches, they work with crutches, canes, parts and accessories, and it is my understanding that they deliver internationally as well. Their selection seems to be somewhat varied, ranging from platform crutches to cane holders for walls, and they offer replacement parts for most of the items they stock.

TheWrightStuff: If you’re ordering from outside of the US they offer contact information to get a quote, which you can find here. They only offer English speaking customer service at the time of writing. Again, thank you to @cesium-sheep for the recommendation. As well as mobility aids (wheelchairs, walkers, ramps, etc.), this company also offers more generalised disability aids including, but not limited, to gardening and exercise equipment, writing aids, utensil grips, adaptive reading aids (i.e. magnifiers, lights), adjustable tables, gas cap removers, bedding, comfort accessories, bathroom aids and dressing aids, to name a few.

[digitalta]

Hi! I absolutely love your fanfic Diablerie! You writing and character development is absolutely astonishing. I was blown away, honestly. A hundred times better than any published book by a longshot.

I'm extremely intrigued about the development of the criminal insane just like Crina. The way you write Tom is just... God. WOW. God. Fuck. Its BETTER than spot on if that makes sense. I feel what he feels in my bones it compels the darker side of my brain to take hold.

Did you do research for the fic beforehand? If so, I would absolutely kill for it! I aspire to write as realistic and gritty as you did. I'm also currently writing a research paper of the development of the mind of the criminal insane, so I would really come in handy!

Once again, I love you, and love you fic. I hope you have an amazing life <3

I'm a graduate student in a medical field. I am not specialized in abnormal psychology, however I am trained in psychosocial interventions and have an upcoming work rotation in an inpatient psychiatric ward. Please take all advice I give you with a grain of salt, since all evidence based practice's continue to evolve and any information I provide may be outdated.

I certainly did research! A lot of exploration into historical accuracy, as well as various laws and regulations to make the environment as realistic as possible. You're lucky, I rarely plot or plan for stories but this one had a huge amount of information in the works.

For your paper exploring the development of the mind of the criminal insane, that's a super broad topic already with a few flaws. You'd be best to specify into three categories: congenital defects, developmental disorders/deficits, and acquired deficits/dysfunction. All three of these have different onsets which drastically impact what you view. Congenital defects may be as minor as an altered level of consciousness- a lack of fear from brain development in utero, pregnancy complications, etcetera. Developmental may relate to childhood trauma or exposure, as well as dietary impacts, poisoning, etcetera. Acquired deficits may involve stroke or TBI leading to altered personality, or the emergence of a recognized disorder after adolescence.

For my story, Tom Riddle was not necessarily criminally insane, he was aware of his actions and consequences. He would best be categorized into possessing a developmental disorder or a personality disorder due to developmental trauma and exposure. Glancing at my document of notes, I had multiple disorders and potential symptoms I glanced at but very firmly stayed away from Antisocial Personality Disorder as personally, I do not believe in it outright and personally view it as over diagnosed and misrepresented. These are my notes on me deciding how to write him, I had multiple ideas and eventually settled on something much closer to trauma-affected anxiety or stress disorder, with moments of forced dissociation.

I checked and I did map out the rough timeline of the story so I knew when things would happen per chapter. This was mainly because in other longer stories I wrote, I frequently forgot what actually happened. The timeline itself was just shy of 40 pages.

[leafcabbage]

hi! idk if you've talked about this before (sorry if you have) but do you have any advice for doing medical research? I'm creating a character who has a prosthetic and I myself do not, and I know you are quite proficient at medical research! So yea, I was just hoping for some advice for how to research so that I can at least be more thorough

hi! i havent talked about this i dont think (and im always happy to answer questions twice if i have)

im using epilepsy research for my explanation rather than TBI. ultimately i had to go back and forth and try to figure out the effects on each other, but i think one is enough to talk about :]

start with the basics. even if you think you know the basics, start with the basics. my research began on epilepsy.com, thats the basic information about what types of seizures there are and what they look like, etc. i looked at youtube info videos and other sites like that. i figured out what seizures ranboo was going to have, and then specifically looked for information on those.

for me it was following what questions everything i learned brought up. like "okay, tonic clonic seizures look like this, but what do they feel like? what comes after?" and following that question. i really enjoy researching this stuff so that came easily to me.

you want to consider how your character came to need a prosthetic, is it new for them or is it the usual, are there other impacts from whatever left them needing the prosthetic, etc. and keep in mind that it exists even when you arent talking about it. (different topic, but tubbo has hearing aids. i dont talk about them a ton in the fic because he's had them for 11 years and its not something he thinks about all the time, but i do think about them while writing him, where him being partially deaf might have an impact, etc, etc.)

reddit is your friend, which feels like a funny thing to say. but people share their experiences on there, and sometimes youll even find that other writers have posted asking people in the communities about their experiences. i have multiple reddit threads bookmarked because its where i learned what living with epilepsy was actually like. i went to some other site's forums as well, but you absolutely need to look at how it impacts people's lives on a personal level. (literally just google a question about your research and add "reddit" at the end of the search)

ive moved on to some more complicated topics in my research that i cant super get into yet without spoiling some stuff, but im at a point where what im researching is all in medical papers and i cant find answers to some of my questions, and the way i will deal with that is being honest with my audience and saying that ive done the best i can. so if you dont know everything about something and you're writing it, unless you're a published author, i think its ok to be honest about those things. that said, i am still trying and it's still worth trying. i do have an understanding of the condition but casually perusing medical papers has become a pastime to try to feel more confident.

im also gonna give you my advice i have for anyone writing an experience you dont have: that is someone's life. what you are writing is what someone else is living, just keep that in mind.

i hope this helped, let me know if i can give you any more advice!!!!

[honey-makki]

xct for yaku and noya for the sweet and spicy of its open?

THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME DO THIS. I DESERVE TBIS.

Yaku Morisuke

I want to marry this man and give him that good gawk gawk slurpy upsidedown tornado 2000.3

🍭sweet🍭

c- crush

He’s a confident person but he doesn’t handle failure or rejection super well. It motivates him to do better but it really sits with him and romantically that’s super scary bc he doesn’t really know how to handle it or “do better”. Honestly he won’t ever confess. he is def someone who would like assume you are dating after spending a bunch of time/nights together and doesn’t ever explicitly define the relationship until you ask. Probably calls you his girlfriend in passing and you are like 👁👄👁

t- telephone

Top tier memes. Will bully you if you don’t crop yours. He is annoying but in a funny sarcastic way. He will send you every single vulgar copy pasta he finds bc he thinks their funny. Expect to wake up on Christmas to a message about “being naughty for st. nick” or smth. Will text you to remind you to eat/drink water specifically when you are stressed. Also prefers admitting things via text bc he’s bad at ✨ communication ✨

x- xenia

Shitty host. I’m confident. He likes having his own space and will not let you in if you come over unannounced unless you are in trouble or need help bc ne is a mom friend his place is always really clean and hates when people don’t do things the way he likes but knows that it’s an irrational fear. Will host game nights willingly bc he’s a competitive fuck and loves winning. Will not host any other group hang outs tho.

🌶spicy🌶

c- cum

his cum is a lil runny and messy. That’s unfortunate because he loves fucking you through his orgasm and it’s always messy and sticky. Only has one or two in him but can hold off for a bit. Doesn’t take that long for him to bounce back tho. His loads aren’t super big just always ends up messy. He loves tasting the two of you mixed together and kissing you after.

t- toy

He’s got so many. He’s a dom leaning switch but loves using vibrators specifically. Will fuck you with a vibe on your clit. One) because it helps you take his cock but 2) he loves looking at you squirm and just twitch and cum like crazy. Seeing your cunt twitch is literally the best thing here ever seen. He has a strap and multiple dildos that fit on it for you to chose from. His favorite is a long thinner purple one that also rubs against your clit. Won’t admit it but loves when you use a vibrator on his cock when he’s restrained bc he can’t do anything about it and it’s such a unique feeling.

x- xray

he has a monster dong. not even joking. second biggest dick in hq!! Only second to mattsun “horse cock” issei. thick and long and honestly matches his big dick energy. Everyone in the locker room is 👁👁 at him. has to buy an extra large cup in order to not fucking destroy himself diving for balls. His cock is ... daunting but appetizing. You probably can’t fit yourself hand around it and will struggle to suck him off fully but when you do he nuts instantly bc he’s so proud of u. his tip is always red if he’s aroused and is always coated in precum. Tbt to when @satendou and I spent like an hour and a half talking about Yaku’s dick.

Nishinoya Yuu

🍭sweet🍭

c- crush

Is the most confident. Shoot him down and he’ll just try again. He will eventually get the memo but probably only after kiyoko or suga tell him to stop. Is very honest about how much he likes you but acknowledges and assured you it’s ok if you don’t like him that much. he just feels a lot ok 🥺 not nervous, might bring you a snack/gift when he confesses. Will ask you to come see him play/practice because he thinks he looks cool and he’s right and wants to impress you.

t- telephone

Not the biggest fan of emojis and his memes are less memes but slightly outdated reaction photos. He doesn’t know how to type without caps lock and explanation points but it’s kinda endearing. Types like a stream of consciousness so if he remembers what he’s talking about while trying explain it he just adds it at the end. “IT WAS JAZZ? THERE WAS SAXAPHONE AND FELT ✨SENSUAL✨ I tHINK THERE WAS A BE— CARELESS WHISPER THATS THE SONG” Is one of the only people who uses voice memos. Has a lot to say and uses them to “text” you when he’s working out.

x- xenia

he tries ok. he’s so excited you came over and wants to entertain. His house is endearingly messy. It’s not gross just well lived in. Will offer you anything to you from tea to blankets to like the shirt off his back. ok please hear me out on this part. will smoke you out e v e r y t i m e. he like smoking and it mellows him out and like who are you to say no to free weed.

🌶spicy🌶

c- cum

MESSIEST BOY. MESSY MESSY MESSY. wants to cum on your pussy or fave and play with it. Will pull out just to cum on your push and move it around with his cock. If it’s your face it’s spread on your cheeks and mixed w spit. Can do like 5 rounds but has like zero control over his orgasm. Takes a decent time for him to recharge but if you still wanna go he’ll happily eat you out for hours 😌

t- toys

Has toys but they’re all for you. He has a dildo and few different type of vibrators. He loves buying you cute little plugs and fucking your cunt with one shoved in your ass. If he’s feeling frisky he pushes the vibrator against the plug and you almost always cum immediately. Loves to tie you up with red silks that match his favorite set of lingerie you own. Doesn’t really have an opinion on toys being used on him bc he doesn’t need it but if you insist he will relent and will try anything once. he would love being pegged you just haven’t tried yet.

x- xray

Long dick!!! Why short guys always got long dicks?? Girth is average but length is 🥵. Has a pretty significant curve to the left and is a grower. he might fit all the way in you but it’s gonna hurt a bit. Especially at the page he goes. Curtains do match the drapes. Nearly trimmed with a stupid ass blonde streak that he loves too much. He do a lightning bolt once and that you did like.

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here - Epilogue

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 6437

Rating: M (language and violence, talk of murder and death)

Parts 1-24 + the interludes and NSFW alphabet can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)

Summary: Billy’s awake, but what are the next steps... and are you ready to take them? 

Author’s Note: I want to get emotional about this because it’s the last chapter, and this story has been a labor of love from the moment I started it until now. But if you know me, you know how much this story means to me. You know how much work I’ve put into it, and you know that I refused to compromise on it. @its-my-little-dumpster-fire has been there with me day one, and was the ONLY one that knew how it was going to end for a while. I thank her endlessly for her support, for her agreeing that it made sense to do what I did with it, and for encouraging me throughout the writing of this.  Thank you for all of your comments and messages. Thank you for reading. Thank you for taking the time to fall for this Billy with Reader. Thank you for not abandoning this story even though it’s taken a million years to tell it. Good things come to those who wait, and I’m positive that this isn’t the ending you expect - but it’s the one that Billy deserves. 

Banner by @the-blind-assassin-12

You were curled up in your favorite armchair, knees drawn up to your chest as one hand toyed with the thin chain around your neck, fingers closing around Billy’s dog tag as it had plenty of times over the previous months. Matt was sitting on the couch, Foggy at the dining room table, fingers wrapped around his phone. “They’re here.” The blonde man  tucked his phone back into his pocket, breaking the silence. “Karen just -“ I don’t want to do this. 

 “Hey.” Matt moved, leaning forward and placing a hand on your knee. “It’s going to be alright.” You turned your head toward him, eyes moving over his face - glasses and all. So weird how he just knows. He tightened his fingers on your knee, clearing his throat. “You’ve gotta calm down, though, this isn’t going to help anyone.” You took a deep breath, nodding even though you knew he couldn’t see it. “I’m right here, he won’t -“ 

 “I’m not afraid of Frank Castle.” You sat up straight, letting your feet fall back to the floor. “I have no reason to be.” But I do. “I…” You trailed off, thinking. You’d seen what Frank had done to Billy - what he’d done to Rawlins and Schoonover and even Wolf. You knew what lengths he’d go to to avenge his family, and yet you weren’t afraid of him, not in the slightest. He’ll understand. He has to. A knock at the door startled you, and you watched Foggy move to answer it, heart rate quickening again. Here we go. 

 ---

 After the day that Billy had woken up, Matt or Foggy or Karen had visited with him every day, working with him. While Billy didn’t remember much of anything from the previous deployment or the time after he’d come home, all three of them told you that he remembered basics - his name, his upbringing, his struggles. He remembered Frank and the Castles, remembered being in the Marines… but when it came to you, Billy was tight-lipped. He said he didn’t remember any lasting relationships, didn’t remember anyone aside from Frank and Curtis and the Castles that had been constants in his life. Things stayed that way for weeks, and though you were told that Billy was getting stronger - could see his face filling out as he returned to solid foods, had heard his physical therapist talking as he’d left the room on multiple days - you knew that he still had a long way to go. 

 “He’s asking for Frank.” Karen was sitting on your couch, holding a coffee mug between her hands. “We’ve been telling him that he’s out of the city, that he can’t come see him yet, and Billy’s so… frustrated with himself that he’s not questioning it.” You frowned, and even though you still went to the hospital often, Billy would keep his face turned away from the window once he’d seen you standing there, often asking Matt or Karen or Foggy to close the blinds with a vague wave of his hand, which hurt you. “He just wants to remember, but he can’t remember everything, and his doctors still day that we can’t… we can’t just bombard him with the memories we have, with the things that we know all at once.” 

 “Even if it will help him?” She nodded. “That seems counterproductive, Karen.” She shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head. 

 “I’m a lot of things, but a doctor isn’t one of them.” You laughed. “And he’s making progress, so I guess I can’t really question it, but Dr. Dumont says -” You wrinkled your nose at the mention of the woman’s name - and you knew that Karen caught it, but she continued. “She says that for a lot of people with a TBI, either nothing will come back or things will come back all at once.” Karen stared at you. “We want to make sure that when Billy knows what happened to him, when he remembers, that it’s not … too much.” Probably a good idea. “She’s working on memories with him, a little more each day, but he doesn’t trust her yet, and he needs to before he can really… remember.” 

 “Why?” The woman had rubbed you the wrong way when you’d met her for the first time, and you wanted to know what Karen’s take on her was. “He needs to trust someone. Do you think that…”

 “Look.” Karen set the mug down, leaning in. “She’s… Billy…” Karen chewed on her thumbnail, blinking. “Before you, Billy didn’t really trust anyone except for Frank, right?” You nodded. “So, he’s confused right now, and because he feels like everyone’s keeping things from him - which we are, he’s going to question any help that he’s offered, even if it comes from someone like her, that’s just doing her job. Sure. “I think that Billy knows that she knows what happened with him, who did this to him, and even though that can’t be the focus right away, he wants it to be, so he feels like she’s…”

 “She’s steering him in the wrong direction.” Karen nodded. “She asked me so many questions when we talked, I just got this… feeling from her, like that fake smile is just…” Karen nodded, rolling her eyes. “I had to fill in so much for her without contradicting what Madani is saying, what the police think, what the reports say… without telling her what we know…  it was like she was looking for the weak spots in what Billy and I had, like she thought I was making it all up, just to…

 “You’re not. And you know you’re not, so… don’t let it bother you.” You nodded. “We need her. She might be able to help Billy organize the memories, which he needs.” You went silent, thinking of the way that the dark haired woman had stared at you, the look in her eyes a mix between contempt and pity. She gets to be in there with him, and… and I… “He’ll figure it out. It might take him a while, but… he’ll figure it out.” Karen cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something, something that Matt and I…” You tilted your head to the side, waiting. “We… we want to bring Frank back here, to New York.” What? “He’s going to need to know what’s going on, and I’m sure Madani’s already told him Billy’s awake, but I think… I think that memory coming back will…” She pressed her lips together. “I think it will bring a lot of other things back, too.” 

 ---

 Keeping your eyes on the floor in front of you, you waited until the door opened and you heard new voices - first Karen’s and then Frank’s - to look up. Karen stepped into the room after Frank did, her hair loose around her shoulders and a light colored sleeveless dress floating around her legs, which was a stark contrast to the almost all black  outfit Frank wore, ball cap pulled low over his brow. “Why am I here?” His gravelly voice loud but even, Frank finally made eye contact with you. “Why are we all here?” 

 “Frank, we need you to…” Karen reached out, touching Frank’s shoulder gently, the man looking back at her. “You’ll understand soon.” 

 “What’s Red doin’ here?” You watched Frank step toward Matt, the second man smiling easily as he stood, extending a hand. “Thought you’d be-“

 “Hello, Frank.” Matt gestured to the couch, still smiling. “Sit down for a minute, please.” Frowning, Frank did as he was asked, Karen taking a seat next to him - and, you noticed, angling herself so that their knees were touching. Good. “We’ve been trying to get ahold of you for weeks, Frank.” Matt moved to stand behind the chair you were in, his hands resting on the back. “We needed you here t-“

 “Only reason you’d need me here is somethin’ to do with Bill, and Madani says-“ 

 “Madani doesn’t know shit, Frank.” Karen spoke first, shaking her head. “She’s so concerned with her own narrative that the truth doesn’t seem to matter much.” 

 “Truth?” Frank turned his head to look at the woman next to him, eyes glinting. “Truth is that piece of shit is still breathing when he shouldn’t be, and is pretending not to remember anything about what he did and why he’s-“ Matt sighed. 

 “He really doesn’t remember, Frank.” You looked up, watching as Matt’s jaw clenched for a moment. “I didn’t quite believe it at first either, but when I talked to him? You can fool someone with body language and expressions, Frank. But not… not the things inside, the things I can… Billy’s telling the truth when it comes to losing his memory. He remembers flashes, small things, little details.” Me. He remembers me. The room was silent for a minute, giving you time to think, to watch Frank. 

 “Why are you talkin’ to Bill? He’s in the hospital, still doin’ therapy, they’re tryin’ to get him ready to go on trial.” She didn’t tell him, Madani didn’t...

 “They’re Billy’s lawyers, Frank.” Karen’s quiet voice filled the room, her attention entirely on the man beside her. “He’s going to go to trial, but it’s not what you think.” She reached out, taking his hand in hers, and despite the tension in the room, you felt yourself smiling at the way he unconsciously curled his fingers against the back of her hand, eyes darting to her fingers and then her face. “That’s why you’re here, Frank, because…” 

 “Because we need you. Because… Billy needs you.” You finally spoke, and though you’d played the moment over in your mind countless times, your words came out shaky. “Billy needs you to help him prove that-“

 “I’m not doin’ shit for Bill, except maybe finishin’ what I started last year.” Frank was staring at you, eyes full of pain and anger. “That son of a bitch needs to remember what he did, and if he doesn’t, then he shouldn’t get to live.” No. You waited a moment to speak, thinking of Billy’s face through the bandages in the first few weeks, the bruises on his body, the lines across his face after the gauze had been removed, the way his eyes had still lit up in recognition - even slightly - the first time he’d been awake to see you, the way he’d tried to talk to you without letting anyone else know it the day he’d asked for you. No, Frank. He gets to live. “Now will you fuckin’ tell me why I’m here?” 

 “Frank.” You spoke again, voice stronger. “You’re not going to kill Billy. You’re not going to hurt him again.” 

 “He left you.” Frank leaned forward, shaking his head and licking his lips. “He left you for money and power and other women.” He did. “He killed my family, and you’re telling me that I’m not going to hurt him again? He deserves it. Every bit of pain and confusion and-”

 “No, Frank.” You squared your shoulders. “You’re wrong.” Frank laughed out loud, an incredulous smile on his face. “You’re laughing, but you won’t be after you see what we have to show you.” He shook his head again. 

 “Show me? What are you going to show me? Let’s go, Karen. This is bullshit, and I don’t know why you brought me here.” Frank stood, looking down at the woman, who simply stared up at him, shaking her head. “What?” 

 “You need to sit, Frank.” She tugged on his hand. “I’m serious. This isn’t just about you and your family, Frank. It’s…” She wet her lips. “It’s more than that, and I didn’t believe it at first either, but there’s too much proof, Frank. Too much for it to be coincidence, too much… Matt and Foggy, we ...” Frank sat again, looking between the four of you. Good. He’s sitting. But then Frank spoke again, quietly.

 “Matt, eh? He’s Matt again, Karen? And he’s workin’ as Bill’s lawyer? That what you did, Karen? Soon as I was outta here, you ran back to -” Frank’s voice was angry, but you also heard the hurt in his words, felt the betrayal that he assumed of Karen. It’s not like that, Frank. Come on.

 “Frank.” Matt’s voice was low, tinged with anger. “You don’t know… That isn’t what…” But Frank shook his head, lips curled up in a snarl. 

 “This another thing like when you decided to represent me, Murdock? When you wanted to see the good in me, make people believe that I wasn’t a bad guy?” Frank’s lip curled. “Well I was. And I am. And so’s Bill. He’s the worst kind of guy there is, doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself or…” Frank trailed off, shaking his head. “You aren’t gonna get him off for this, Red. He deserves to be right where I put him, right where Madani put him - right where he put himself.” You don’t know, Frank, you don’t… 

 Karen said your name, drawing your attention back to her and ignoring Frank’s tirade. “Where’s the laptop?” Foggy moved first, carrying the computer into the living room and setting it down in front of Frank wordlessly. 

 No one moved until you felt Matt nudge you on the shoulder. Here goes nothing. “Frank.” You sighed, feeling tears in your eyes. “Billy did all of the things… most of the things you say he did.” Swallowing, you met Frank’s eyes, “The drugs and the dirty money, yeah. But they preyed on him - on his desperation, on his… need for success. Cerberus - “

 “How do you know that name?” Frank leaned forward, lip curling again. “There are only four people alive ‘sides me that should know that name, and you’re not one of ‘em.” 

 “I know it because Billy told me, Frank.” You tapped the computer. “He told me everything.” You swallowed again, staring directly into Frank’s eyes. “He knew… things couldn’t last forever, and wanted there to be a… record, I guess?” Frank looked confused, but you continued. “Billy didn’t… Billy didn’t just betray you and your family for money, Frank. That was part of it, sure, because he needed it to start Anvil, and he was desperate and already in too deep, but he…” Matt’s hand moved from the back of the chair to your shoulder, anchoring you. “He did it to save my life.” 

 --- 

 Frank watched the first video silently, eyes on the screen, on Billy’s tear streaked face. He watched as Billy admitted what he’d chosen, what Rawlins had demanded of him. He’s paying attention. The video filmed the day that the Castles had been murdered got a vocal response from Frank, a loud groan followed by a long, low whine that left the man’s throat unconsciously. I get it, Frank. The video had been painful for you to watch, because in it, Billy wasn’t only distraught, he was angry too. He apologized countless times - to you, to Maria and the kids, to Frank… each time, the sincerity in his voice became more and more apparent, the look in his eyes less and less like Billy and more like the man you’d watched on the news and in the papers in the year following the tragedy. The video started with Billy’s eyes full of tears, the liquid leaking out of the corners of them and down his face, but it ended with him seething in anger, vowing to get back at Rawlins, to make him pay for taking away the only family Billy had ever had - some of the only people he’d ever truly loved.

 The videos - there were more than a dozen of them, recorded over the course of that year - were of varied lengths. Some were only a few seconds long, Billy reciting a password or explaining a document or a picture, but others were minutes long, where he poured out the stress and frustration of his days, not knowing whether or not anyone would ever hear the words. 

 You skipped over the video that Billy had recorded after New Year’s Eve, telling Frank that that one was personal, moving ahead and letting him go through the others, clicking open the documents that he’d also saved onto the laptop. “Everything’s here, Frank.” Foggy spoke quietly, a thick file held in his hands. “We’ve got enough information to prove that Billy was a pawn, and that the story that got concocted afterward is a load of crap. Yeah, he did a lot of bad things, and he made some really terrible choices, but once he was mixed up in Cerberus, he had no other option. Schoonover and Rawlins made it that way… and it would have been the same for you if they hadn’t -”

 “I’d never kill a woman or children like he did.” Frank’s voice was angry. “Never.” He looked at Karen. “You believe this shit? You know Bill, you know it’s all lies, and -”

 “It’s not, Frank. We’ve looked into it. The information he left us has merit.” Karen shook her head, hair moving over her shoulders. “The discharge papers that Billy has aren’t the ones that were released, or that the prosecution will be using. The money transfers aren’t the same. They don’t line up. Nothing does - this story that Madani and Marion James and Rafi Hernandez are telling about Billy and Lewis Wilson? It’s paper thin. Billy used the money they gave him to open Anvil, but once that was done, he did nearly everything except the drugs by the book - until the last couple of months, Frank. He did things under the table too, but that was because he had to. We followed the money. It checks out. Anvil itself was a legitimate business except for the… he just needed to get there.” He muttered the words ‘it doesn’t matter’ under his breath, but Karen continued. “It does matter, Frank. Because Billy -”

 “Billy did what he had to do to survive, Frank. Same as you.” You finally spoke again, feeling the anger coursing through your veins. “He got in over his head and couldn’t get out because he had no one after you chose not to transfer with him.” You leaned in, narrowing your eyes. “He couldn’t let them kill someone innocent because of what the two of you did for Rawlins, and so he decided…”

 “Why did you get to live?” Frank’s eyes were on you, but his voice was ice cold. “You get to live and my little girl didn’t? My wife is in the ground, and you’re still here, walkin’ around and defending the piece of shit that put her there?” Frank pushed to his feet, towering over you. “Why do you get to fuckin’ live and they didn’t? My family didn’t? And you tell me that I need to understand why he did it, understand where he was coming from? A couple of goddamn videos are supposed to...” Unblinking, you stared up at him for a moment before you stood, too. No. 

 “I got to live, Frank, because Billy loved me.” Loves me? Maybe? Still? You felt yourself getting ready to cry again, but you stood your ground, even though you could feel Frank’s breath on your face. “He didn’t know about the kids. He didn’t know that they’d… you heard him, Frank. He thought they were just going after you, and if that was the case, you’d have a chance, even if you were caught off guard. You know that’s true, Frank.” You took a breath. “You got your revenge on him. You hurt him. You almost killed him. But he was sorry before that even happened - he never wanted anything to happen to you … to any of you.” You gestured to the computer that was sitting on your coffee table. “You saw it. You heard it. There’s more to see, more to go though, more to… I’m not asking you to forgive him, not right away.” You shook your head, eyes still on Frank’s face. “But he needs you, Frank. He can’t remember without… you here. He just remembers the skull, remembers the fight, remembers…” You were crying, the tears silently rolling down your face. “He’s stuck back in that period before you went to Afghanistan. He remembers how he felt about you and your family right then, but…everything else is scrambled.” 

 “You want me to help him? Want me to tell him that I fuckin’ destroyed his face because he killed my family, but it’s fine because I want to help him and make sure the right people pay?” Frank shook his head. “You think he’ll be good with that? Think he’ll accept that he was like my brother and he killed my family so I almost killed him like I killed everyone else that had anything to do with this? I took away his looks and his power and his reputation?” Frank’s head moved again. “No.” You felt your heart drop, and Frank leaned in. “Not gonna happen. Not now, not ever. I’m gonna tell Madani -”

 “No, you’re not.” Matt’s voice filled the room, quiet but sure. “You can’t tell her anything, Frank. We need to build his case, and it’s dependant on her not having any access to him anymore, her not knowing what we’re doing with him. She and the prosecutor can’t… they can’t know. Not yet” Frank’s eyes darted over your shoulder to Matt, nostrils flaring. “There’s enough information here to prove that Billy’s not innocent, but that he acted on orders to begin with, and that… well, there’s enough to totally expose Rawlins and Wolf and now Madani and James and to make it so that -”

 “You think you can win this? You think that you can come out on top?” Frank pointed toward the door, head shaking back and forth. “We tried. We tried to get out, tried to fuckin’ end it. We couldn’t say no to Rawlins or to Schoonover. We couldn’t get anything past them. They owned us.” Frank sniffed, closing his eyes for a moment. “You think they didn’t cover their asses when they made this story up about Lewis and Billy? Madani’s untouchable. The CIA is -”

 “Not untouchable, Frank. Not with all of this information.” Foggy lifted a finger. “Which we all obtained legally, I might add. Billy was very thorough with records and -”

 “It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference, because I’m not helping you.” Frank looked at you again, sadness replacing the anger in his eyes for a split second. “You think I’m gonna help you so that you can get your happily ever after with Bill Russo? You don't get that.” There’s no happily ever after, Frank. Not now. “My wife didn’t get to live. My kids had no future. Why? Because Bill fuckin’ Russo let them die!” The last three words came out in a roar, and Frank lunged toward you, reaching for your arm. You dodged him, but Matt was faster, using his surprising strength to push Frank away from you. “He shouldn’t be alive. I should have killed him last year. How can you even look at me right now, how can you say their names, or ask me to help you or help him, or -” 

 You spoke again, the tears still falling as you stepped toward the two men; Matt with his feet planted, arms locked around Frank’s waist. “Frank, I… you have no idea how hard it is for me to… to know that I’m the reason…” You shook your head, using one hand to wipe the tears away. “That he didn’t come to you and warn you because of me.” It was the first time you’d said it out loud since you’d told Karen, and the weight of the admission made your knees weak. They died because of me. “They’re your family, Frank. Billy was your family. And he picked…” You shook your head, still moving closer, one hand on Matt’s back. “It’s alright, Matt. He won’t hurt me.” But part of me wants him to. Frank hitting you or crushing your arm in his grip wouldn’t help, but it would feel a little like making amends - like you were finally paying for your part in the whole situation. Matt stepped away from Frank, warning him in a low tone to keep his hands to himself, and Frank nodded once, head lowered. “Maria and Frank Jr. and Lisa should still be here. And they would be if he’d come to you like he should have.” You swallowed, reaching for one of Frank’s hands. “He said he loved me, Frank. But I never thought he’d choose me over you guys. I’m sorry he did. I’m sorry about it every day, because it shouldn’t have...” 

 “Well he did, and I’m sorry about that too.” Frank let you take his hand, and you watched him duck his head further, eyes on the ground. “Bill saved your life and destroyed mine.” He did. “Who would… I can’t believe that the first time Russo decides he loves someone more than he loves himself, this is what happens.” You laughed weakly, still crying, and waited until Frank’s gaze met yours. “You really believe this shit… believe… him?” You nodded - just once - lips pressed together. 

 “He made it a point to get this stuff to me, Frank. He thought… you were going to kill him, or he was going to kill you, or you’d both... but he wanted me to know, even though it probably wouldn’t matter.” You stepped closer, squeezing Frank’s hand. “But he’s alive, and you’re alive, and it does matter.” You swallowed. “Madani might be untouchable. There’s still a lot to consider… but he’s alive, Frank. And we can help him. You can help him. He didn’t do any of this because he wanted to, and now he doesn’t remember… but he will. The more information he has - the more confirmation… it can help the memories come back.” It can bring Billy back to me. “It won’t bring them back, Frank. But… if this goes how we hope it will, it might stop things like this from happening to other families, and give you...” Peace of mind? 

 Frank didn’t move or speak, but he watched you intently. Swallowing, Frank looked around the room, jaw working beneath the thin layer of stubble. “It’s not your fault.” You felt your breath leave your body in a single exhale, crumpling into Frank’s chest as his arms went around you, forehead dropping to your shoulder. “You didn’t ask for any of this, it’s not on you.” You started crying again, feeling his grip change, and moved to hug him tightly, feeling him take deep breaths. This is good. When you pulled apart, Frank’s mouth was set in a thin line, his eyes on Karen. “We need to get in touch with David.” 

 Glancing over your shoulder, you watched the woman nod. “We didn’t know if you’d want us to, Frank. Not before you came back, so…” She shrugged. 

 “I want him to look at all of this. He’ll be able to tell if it’s real and when it’s from and…” Karen nodded, Frank looking back at you. “What do I need to do?” You opened your mouth, but Matt spoke first. 

 “We haven’t shown Billy any of this yet, or told him that we’ve got it. We just took over his case from the shitty public defender they assigned him, since as far as they know, he’s got no money.” Matt gestured toward you. “She’s footing the bill, but they don’t need to know that, not yet.  We wanted to wait until we knew if you’d help or not before we decided exactly what we were going to do, what our strategy would be… but the first thing is going to be getting you into the hospital to see him.” Frank nodded, jaw still clenched. “Foggy and I will be with you, of course, but…” He trailed off. “The next thing is going to be getting her in there.” Frank’s eyes widened. 

 “You haven’t seen him yet?” You lowered your head, whispering the word “no”. “You want me to do this and you haven’t even talked -”

 “He won’t let me, Frank.” You swallowed. “I saw him once with Madani, right after you came to tell me where he was. He didn’t even know I was there.” You sighed. “And he asked for me by name once, too, after he woke up, and so they let me in, but it wasn’t… Matt was in the room, and so was his therapist, and when Billy saw me…” You closed your eyes at the memory. “He acted like he didn’t know me aside from my name. Told me to leave, told me to…” You took a deep breath. “But he knew who I was, he just didn’t want to…” You were sure of this; his phrasing and movements had been too precise, too specific to mean anything else. 

 --- 

 “He asked for you by name.” You were sitting in a small office with Matt and Dr. Dumont, the dark haired woman across the desk from you, her hands folded on the surface of it. “We were doing our session today, and William said that he remembered something.” She studied you, brow furrowed. “He said your name - first and last - and asked if you were the one that was waiting out in the hallway.” She waited for your reaction and because you were stunned, you gave her one, your eyes going wide and a hand going up to your mouth. “I’d like to have you in the room with me the next time I go in. I didn’t confirm anything for him, but since he asked…” She smiled, the expression not reaching her eyes. “I want to do whatever I can to help him.” Sure you do. 

 But you’d agreed, the three of you walking down the hallway from her office to Billy’s room, past Madani, who was pacing in the hallway. Dumont warned you that Billy got agitated easily, that he often lashed out at her - at the doctors and even at the lawyers, something that Matt confirmed with a quiet chuckle. “From what I know of Billy from before, there’s still a lot of him in there, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.” 

 It gave you hope, and as Krista pushed the door open, you took a deep breath, wishing that you’d had time to go home from work and change. It doesn’t matter. Billy was restrained in the bed, arms and legs strapped down, and you frowned as you saw that he was wearing a mask over his face, the smooth white surface obscuring his features totally - except for his eyes. “I brought you a visitor today, William.” Krista stepped next to him on the bed and you hung back, feeling Matt’s hand at your elbow. 

 “His heart rate changed when you walked in.” Matt leaned forward to whisper into your ear. “It’s racing.” You swallowed, staring at Billy, and then your eyes moved to the doctor, hearing that the woman was speaking but not listening to the words before they fell back on Billy’s form, laying flat on his back in the bed. I loved you too much. 

 “Billy?” Your voice quiet, you stepped forward, and at the sound of it, Billy looked away from Dr. Dumont, focusing his gaze on you. “It’s good to see your eyes open, the last time I was in here, they were…” You smiled at him - a real one - and continued. “You weren’t awake.” He blinked, and you saw his fingers flex. Krista had stopped talking and you glanced over at her, noting the frustrated look on her face. “I know… you’re confused about a lot right now, Billy.” You moved from the foot of the bed up toward the head of it, his eyes following you as you stood opposite of the doctor, never looking away from him. “But she said that you asked for someone by name earlier, and…” You paused, biting your lip and thinking. “Do you know who I am?” 

 He was silent for long seconds, though he kept staring at you, the look in his eyes unreadable. You hadn’t heard his voice in person in months, so when he spoke, words muffled by the mask, you fought back a gasp. The first words he said were your first and last name, and even as you felt relief flood through your body, you were nodding, taking a half step closer to the bed. “I know your name.” Good, that’s good. “I recognize your face.” You nodded again, finally closing your eyes for a second and taking in the sound of his voice. Still him, still in there, still… “But I don’t know how I know you.” It hit you hard, and you opened your eyes back up, finding Billy’s again. “I should know how I know you, right? We -” Unsure of what to say, you watched as Billy shifted on the bed, the straps on his legs and arms pulling tight. Should you? Did I… 

 “Billy, I…” He let out a breath, head shaking back and forth, and your eyes moved up to Krista and then back to Matt, though you didn’t know what he’d do. “Hey, stop. It’s alright, Billy.” You leaned over the bed, unafraid of the movement of the man, and said his name quietly. “I’ll go, Billy, I don’t want this to…” You gritted your teeth. “Billy.” He stopped moving, once again looking at you. “It’s OK if you don’t remember.” Fighting back tears, you nodded down at him, noticing the slightly wild look in his eyes and the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He’s scared. “I wanted to be here sooner, and I’m not going a-”

 “I think it’s best if you go, and let me calm William down now.” Krista’s voice interrupted your staredown with Billy, and you could have sworn you saw a flash of annoyance in the deep brown. “We can try this again later, after he’s had some time to -”

 “I… I miss the Crown.” Billy was staring at you, eyes refocused. “You know? Page outta your book?” Billy. You opened your mouth to respond, but Krista beat you to it. 

 “Sometimes he says a lot of things that he doesn’t…” But you tuned her out, still staring down at Billy, watching as his eyes moved over your face, recognition in them along with a careful curiosity. You noticed for the first time that he was turned completely away from Krista, one cheek pressed against the pillow. She can’t see the look in them, she… “William, if -”

 “Go. I want you to leave. I need you to leave” His tone was harsh but the look in his eyes didn’t change. He moved his hand, and though you didn’t want to look away from his face, you glanced down, watching as he held his hand up, fingers shaking slightly as he spread them out. Oh, holy shit. You felt Matt step closer to you from behind, his hand again closing around your elbow and his voice low in your ear, telling you it was time to go. Yeah, it is. 

 “I understand, Billy. You need to… just you.” 

 --- 

 “So they told me not to come back after that, and Dr. Dumont says that until he remembers other things, me being there won’t help. But he needs to know… he needs to feel like we’re there for him...” 

 You thought of the way that the woman’s dark eyes had looked you over while you were walking down the long hallway away from Billy’s room, the way her voice had filled your ears - sickeningly sweet as she spoke to Billy before, turning colder when addressing you and telling you how much you’d upset him. “But me bein’ there will?” You nodded, bringing yourself out of the memory. “How?”

 “You’re his best friend, Frank. Even if that’s not how you feel right now, it’s the truth. It’s what he remembers.” Karen spoke up from her place on the couch before taking her lower lip between her teeth. “We’re going to have to take it slow, probably include the doctor in some of our … she’ll need to try to work with him on the memories, on how to unlock them without us feeding him everything,  but we just need to…” She shrugged. “Play it by ear, I guess. We’ll make it work.” 

 “He remembered her, Frank.” Matt spoke up, his voice sure. “His heart rate changed, he was speaking deliberately, controlling the way he…” Matt stepped forward again. “Him saying that he didn’t know how he knew her before, telling her that he wanted her to leave when she was in there? The only thing he’s ever lied about - that I’ve heard - are about her.” Matt paused. “He knows more about her then he’s letting on, from different times, and is trying to protect her.  We’re going to have to talk about that with him, but there hasn’t been a good time.” 

 The room went silent again, you turning to stand next to Frank and look at the others, waiting. Can this work? There was a lot of information on the computer, but there were also things that Billy and Frank would need to fill in in order to truly make a case. It won’t be easy. Your eyes fell on Matt and Foggy - two of the hardest working and smartest lawyers in the city, people that you knew wouldn't be intimidated by going up against powerful people. They then moved to Karen, the woman strong enough to believe in Frank when no one else did, willing to love him despite his flaws, also unbothered by a challenge, no matter what it was. 

 They finally moved back to the man standing next to you, his chest rising and falling as he thought. Frank, you knew, was Billy’s best chance at remembering (apart from you) because Frank had been with Billy not only in Kandahar, but also in the days leading up to the fight at the carousel, had learned things that no one else knew - could fill in blanks in ways that no one else could. We need you, Frank. Billy needs you. “Yeah. OK.” Frank nodded once, and for the first time since you’d watched Frank’s frame retreat toward the elevator after telling you he’d put Billy in the hospital but let him live, you felt a real spark of hope flicker in your chest. “Tell me what we’re gonna do.” We’re going to help you, Billy, bring you back here where you belong.

---

. . . To be continued . . . 

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[ramblingsrantsreviews]

Season Review: 13 Reasons Why - Season 4 (Netflix, 2020)

Netflix’s dropped the final season of their controversial teen drama 13 Reasons Why last week and, as expected, it quickly climbed to the number one spot and was trending. Albeit the trending topic was full of just as many people saying “don’t watch the show” as there were fans talking about the show but that’s too be expected.

Inspired by the teen best selling novel by Jay Asher, 13 Reasons Why was adapted into a television series by Brian Yorkey in 2017 and has since spanned four seasons despite controversy from critics, parents, and teenagers. The fourth and final season of the series follow the same group of Liberty High teenagers, now seniors, as they grabble with the aftermath of their decision to frame a murder on a fellow Liberty High student who was sent to prison for sexual assault and ultimately died in prison. Each of the core cast is dealing with the aftermath in different ways with Clay (Dylan Minnette) experiencing the most negative reaction due in part to his deteriorating mental health.

In true 13 Reasons Why fashion, the season deals with a variety of topics ranging from the ongoing drug use of students, their safety in school, mental health, and it even touches upon the very timely topic of police brutality and racial profiling. And of course, it had to pull one last controversial publicity stunt which left one of our beloved characters dead before graduation day.

I’ve already written about my overall thoughts on the characters outcomes but I felt the final season also warranted its own review. In addition to the usual categories, I’ve also includes a spot for my favorite character and favorite couple of the entire season since this is the final season. Least favorite character of the series will not be featured because I don’t feel the need to write anything more about Bryce. I’m also going to try to keep the character portions short so that I don’t repeat myself.

As always, spoilers are ahead.

Favorite Episode: 4×09 — “Prom”

All I’ve ever wanted is for this group of teenagers to be happy and actually enjoy their youth instead of dealing with whatever shit was complicating their lives. Episode 9 finally gave that to us, if you ignore the last 3 minutes of the episode like I’m choosing to do.

This episode had some of my favorite scenes that left me crying tears of joy and had my heart swelling with pride. It was also the first time, in a long time, that we saw the entire group back together in Clay and Justin’s bedroom. I’ve always said this show is best when it’s characters are all united and share the screen together and that scene proved I was right. If only they would have supported each other from the beginning of this season instead of just at the end.

Episode 9 is also home to both Charlie and Alex’s coming out moments and they could not have been more perfect. I absolutely love that both of their families were accepting and didn’t even question their sons. Charlie’s scene with his dad literally had me laughing out loud when they were talking about Charlie’s obsession with Eli Manning. It’s such an innocent thing and yet it showcases that LGBT kids and teens are just like their heterosexual counterparts who have innocent crushes on celebrities and athletes. I also love that his dad basically said he knew but wanted Charlie to come to him when he was ready.

Alex’s coming out moment was equally as cute. I really loved the fact that his wasn’t a coming-out moment in the traditional sense because he didn’t sit his parents down and talk to them about his sexuality. Instead, he just shows up with Charlie who he introduces as his boyfriend. It was perfect and honestly, I think more shows and films should deal with coming-out stories that happen like this. I was once again laughing when Alex’s brother got all excited because he was dating the quarterback of the Liberty High football team. Plus, the heartfelt moment with both of his parents warmed my heart. All they’ve ever wanted for their son is to see him happy and healthy and they finally got that.

I loved Charlie’s promposals and how he kept trying to one-up them to get Alex to say yes. I’m wondering though if maybe he should have tried something more low-key and intimate since that seems to be more of Alex’s style. Either way, they were all cute and I’m glad Alex finally said yes. Also, I love that they finally realized that Jess didn’t need a boy on her arm to have a good time. Having her go with Ani was cute and felt a bit full circle since the only ever girlfriend she had was Hannah who she had a falling out with before her death. And I also love that Clay tagged along with Alex and Charlie to make sure Alex was comfortable. He’s always looking out. Honorable cute mentions also go to Caleb for finally getting Tony to participate in high school activities and Tyler for going with Estella and having the best time ever.

Of course, the prom scene as a whole was amazing (again, until the last 3 minutes which I will not be mentioning again…hopefully). Seeing these kids get to be teenagers warmed my heart and it was everything I ever wanted. I loved that the football team was behind Charlie and Alex winning Prom Kings. It really showed a growth in the team since they’d been homophobic and rapists in prior seasons but have finally started to mature and “be better” as Zach and later Charlie helped instill in them. I also love that Ani and Clay finally hashed out their weird relationship and that they were able to move on as friends.

I was so glad when Justin showed up at the prom. He deserved to have a great time and enjoy his dwindling senior year just like the rest of his friends. I love how they show the scene when Jess spots him in this cinematic and romantic way. Was it cheesy? Yes, but dammit these two deserve all the cheesiness after everything they’ve been through. I also love Jess’s line telling him to never love anything more than life. It was perfect and everything I wanted.

Oh, and Clay asking his mom to dance was equally as adorable.

The only thing I felt this episode needed (other than a different ending) was the inclusion of “The Night We Met.” That song is a staple of this series and it would have been nice to have it played at their final dance. Perhaps, they could have all come together on the dance floor like they did in season 2 for Clay.

Least Favorite Episode: 4×03 — “Valentine’s Day”

To be honest, the whole first half of the season was a hot mess but I think my least favorite episode had to be the third episode. I literally almost stopped watching after it because it no longer felt like I was watching 13 Reasons Why.

I found it to be an interesting choice by the writers to write another episode centered around a dance when we were going to get a prom episode and have had multiple dance centric episodes in prior seasons. I think it would have been more interesting if they set the drama somewhere else. Then again, dances seem to be the only way to get all these characters in one place at the same time so I digress.

My biggest issue with this episode was the whole plot surrounding Clay and the mysterious phone calls. I felt like I was watching a cheap knock off of Scream every time Clay answered the phone and was tormented by the caller. Of all the dumb things this show has done, this was the dumbest and completely unnecessary. After all, Clay had been cleared from being a person-of-interest in Bryce’s murder before Ani’s confession that Monty was the one who did it. Therefor, the football teams motive for taking their anger and emotions for Monty out on Clay made zero sense. Not to mention, they did it in the most unoriginal way ever.

This episode also featured Winston and Alex getting closer and dating. Look, I believe most characters can change and be good people but Winston doesn’t seem to be one of those people. Granted, Alex didn’t know who he was or his involvement with Monty at the time but we did which made it hard for me to root for these two. Winston may have actually had feelings for Alex, but to me he was just using him to get information and that is totally not cool.

I also greatly disliked Clay and Ani in this episode. It’s clear that their relationship has run its course and Ani’s constant need to keep pushing Clay to be with her was dumb. Ani is such a smart character and yet she does the stupidest things. She definitely needed one of Jess’s woman empowerment speeches.

Also I absolutely hated Zach yelling at Justin and then Jess yelling at Justin — even if she was right to do so.

By far the worst thing about this episode had to be the ending sequence with Clay in the shower and then on the football field. Of course, the episode then ended with him walking into the gym with a red stained shirt holding a knife. Definitely not a good image for Clay but what really killed me is that everyone blamed him for brining a knife to the dance when Diego and his boys literally planted it for him to take! Once again 13 Reasons Why forgets its own plot for more drama.

Favorite Character This Season: Charlie St. George

While Charlie might not be my all-time favorite character, he definitely earned the prize of being my favorite character this season.

Charlie was the one character this season who was actually there for everyone around him and wasn’t consumed with his own issues. In fact, Charlie is so selfless that he chose to get involved with all their drama last season when he didn’t need to but did anyway because he knew it was the right thing to do.

As for this season, well Charlie continued to out do himself. He helped Justin hold the football team accountable when they were being dicks. He made sure Jess was getting the team’s undivided attention during her speech. He tried to help Tony decide on what to do about Tyler’s gun pictures during the lockdown and he even calmed Alex down during one of his anxiety attacks. Not to mention, he researched Alex’s TBI so that he’d know what to expect and how to handle any issues that may arise from it. His helpfulness didn’t stop there. He also tried to be there for Clay and for Justin during the season. And he even went as far as tracking down Zach and forcing him to go see Justin in the hospital when he was dying.

If all that doesn’t prove that he’s the best character than I don’t know what will.

He also had the best coming-out moment and literally ruled the prom with Alex as his date.

So yeah, Charlie was the best.

Favorite Character Of The Series: Justin Foley

Since this is the final season, I also wanted to speak about my favorite character of the entire show: Justin Foley. If you read my other post this should come as no surprise that Justin is my ride-or-die character.

Justin is my favorite character because he has one of the best character arcs of the entire series (if you ignore the final episode and is horrible fate). In the first season he was this angry and broken kid who was so distraught with guilt that he turned to the streets for some kind of relief and eventual revenge. Thankfully, Clay and Tony were there to save him and the Jenson’s were kind enough to offer him a home when he had no where else to turn.

Sure, Justin still struggled with his addiction but he tried and fought so damn hard to get better. Relapse is part of the recovery process and if you recall, most of the times Justin relapsed were do in part to major things happening in his life, like his biological mother’s overdose which lead to her death.

Despite all the things against him, Justin finally got help this season and was on the path to recovery. He was thriving in school, had a college acceptance letter in his hands, and was finally happy. All Justin ever wanted to do was live and he constantly tried to do that.

As you know from my character thoughts post, I was completely devastated when he died. It’s been a week and I’m still not over it. I honestly feel like I lost someone I knew in real life.

Despite his ill fitted and unnecessary ending, Justin Foley had the best character development of this group. He was the one character who deserved to live more than anything. In my head, he’s alive and thriving in college while having regular FaceTime dates with Jess.

Least Favorite Character This Season: Winston

Avoiding the obvious answers like Bryce and Monty, who I hate with my entire being, I’ve decided that Winston is my least favorite character of season 4.

I mentioned this in my other post but I’m going to say it again, Winston is nothing more than a knock-off Clay who doesn’t have half the heart that Clay Jenson has.

I can’t get behind Winston because his entire character is rooted in being a rapist apologist because he “loved” Monty. Obviously, I don’t think Winston is a terrible person but I do think something is wrong with him since he is able to have feelings for Monty despite knowing all the terrible and hurtful things he did to people. I mean Mrs. Walker couldn’t look her own son in the eyes after learning everything he did and you’re telling me that Monty can turn a blind eye to it because he’s in love. I call bullshit.

I didn’t feel like Winston’s actions this season were rooted in good like Clay’s were. I think every relationship he formed with the core group was made because he wanted to get information out of them.

The only good thing Winston did was not turn Alex in for killing Bryce. In my opinion, though, that doesn’t redeem him for spending the entire season trying to seek revenge for Monty.

Favorite Couple This Season: Alex and Charlie

Let’s be honest, 13 Reasons Why doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships. Even the most iconic and shippable couples on the show are problematic. Which is why I was so shocked and proud when the writers finally decided to show a happy and healthy relationship, between two boys to top it all off!

While I’ll admit, I had been hoping that Alex would end up with Zach this season I am 110% sold that he was destined to be with Charlie. As I’ve said before and in this very post, Charlie is so caring and attentive to Alex that you can tell his feelings are completely authentic and he has no ulterior motive for wanting/choosing to be with Alex.

In fact, if you watch the third season carefully, you’ll notice that Charlie had taken an interest in Alex during that season. It just wasn’t as prominent on the screen. Perhaps, that’s part of the reason Charlie decided to get involved with this group. And once he found out Alex was the one who needed saving he jumped into action to plant Bryce’s tape on Monty. But that might be my brain stretching.

Regardless, Charlie and Alex are the perfect teenage couple and the by far the healthiest couple of this entire show. They’re there for each other, they celebrate each other’s victories (even if Alex doesn’t always understand them) and their love is unconditional.

These two may be Prom Kings but they’re also Kings of healthy relationships.

Favorite Couple Of The Series: Justin and Jess

Even though Alex and Charlie are the healthiest couple and by far my favorite this season, I can’t help but continue to ship Jess and Justin.

Now listen, these two are not a couple that should be idolized. They’re extremely toxic at times and they are way too dependent on each other. Not to mention, the origins of their relationship are complex and for some, immensely problematic. And yet, here I am stanning this couple because they’re so made for each other.

Part of what makes Justin and Jess work is that they understand each other, even when they don’t always want to. They both have been in each others shows. They both know what it’s like to be at rock bottom and to climb out on top. Beyond that, they’re (usually) always there for each other or at least are cheering each other on in some way.

Was Jess wrong this season to lash out as Justin when he told her he needed to focus on herself? Absolutely. But Justin was also in the wrong a few seasons ago when he didn’t fight to help Jess enough. Regardless of their issues and arguments, these two are always finding their way back to each other.

I loved that Justin went to Jess’s aide during the lockdown. Sure, it took Diego being an ass to get him there but I’m pretty sure he would have went regardless. Frankly I’m convinced that Justin was texting Jess during the lockdown before he even went down to see her. And, despite everything going on, in that moment they felt safe, because they were together.

I love that Justin, even though he was jealous of Diego, never really made it an issue — or at least, a major issue. When Zach is trying to rile him up at the Valentine’s Day dance Justin reminds him that Jess doesn’t belong to him. It’s the smallest thing but it a sign that he loves and respects Jess enough to let her be on her own. In fact, I’d argue that the real issue he has with Jess seeing Diego is that Diego is a complete dick to Clay and is obsessed with finding out the truth about Monty.

I love that Jess is (almost) always there for Justin. Should she have pulled him out of the alleyway when she finds him doing drugs again? Absolutely, but I think her choosing to walk away was an extremely hard decision for her to make. And I’m glad their story didn’t end there. I absolutely loved Jess’s speech to Justin at the prom. And the scene of them in the hospital completely wrecked me. Hearing Jess say that Justin taught her to love when he was still convinced he ruined her life was seriously the most heartbreaking thing ever.

As I said, I’m pretending these two are living a happy and healthy life because that’s what they deserve.

Complaints:

13 Reasons Why is strongest when the cast is together and supporting each other. Unfortunately this season everything felt disjointed, especially these characters relationships with each other. Alex and Jess had barely any scenes together despite committing a murder together. Zach was messy the entire season and acting very out of character. And no one cared enough to help him. Alex did try but it didn’t feel like enough, or maybe Zach was just too stubborn to accept it. The golden trio (Clay, Justin, and Jess) had little to no scenes until the end which hurt me to my core. I felt like Justin was missing from the first half of the season and then when he did get more time on screen he was literally dying. Clay and Tony barely had any scenes together and seemed annoyed with each other. Tyler was basically on his own this season – at least he had Estella. I guess I had higher hopes that our core group would be stronger than ever but that simply wasn’t the case and I’m upset about it.

My other major problem this season was the show’s need to try to be a psychological thriller. I fully support them wanting to show Clay’s deteriorating mental state and I found it interesting that they chose to go the disassociating route but I am not a fan of how they did it. I felt like the writers forgot the genre of their show. As I mentioned above, I also hated the football team using their phones to torment Clay. It was stupid and unoriginal.

Another issue I had this season was the fact that both Ani and Zach out Alex to different people. In Ani’s case she outed Alex to Clay by confessing that she caught him making out with Winston in the hallway during the dance. As for Zach, he outed Alex to almost all of their friends during the senior camping trip after learning that Alex broke up with Winston. While neither of them outed Alex with malicious intent, it was still wrong. I would have liked to see Alex confront them about it, at some point.

I absolutely hated and was disgusted at the fact the show tried to portray both Clay and Zach as people who would rape unconscious women who were unable to consent. I will never forgive the writers for that. It literally served no purpose and completely went again both of their characters.

I also found it extremely random and unneccesary that Clay hooks up with Valerie, Sheriff Diaz’s daughter, at that party. I don’t care that he hooked up with someone but because it was the daughter of the Sheriff I wanted that to be a bigger moment. I was waiting and expecting Sheriff Diaz to find out and flip out on Clay but that never happened. As it stands now, the only purpose that scene had was to inform us that Sheriff Diaz did have a family which would make his speech to Alex’s dad at the end of the season make sense.

I also wasn’t a fan of Monty and Bryce’s presence this season. Both of them already got their moments in the spotlight we didn’t need to see them again. They were monsters who don’t deserve any sort of redemption or yet another attempt of a redemption arc. I also found it extremely peculiar that Clay was the one that was seeing them. As I’ve said before, Clay wasn’t the one who came up with the idea to frame Monty so I wasn’t totally sure why he felt so guilty. I also hated that they gave Jess another scene with ghost Bryce at the end instead of having her see ghost Justin. If anyone deserved to be in that final scene where they’re burying Hannah’s tapes it was Justin. After all, he’s where the story began.

Speaking of the final scene, I felt it odd that they decided to bring Courtney and Ryan back. If they were going to reunite the entire tape crew where were Marcus and Sheri? Even though they weren’t prominent in the episode I felt their screen time could have been given to one of the other core characters instead.

Another minor thing, I missed the smooth transitions in and out of scenes that 13 Reasons Why always seemed to nail. I know they were mainly used when the story was switching from past and present but I truly missed them this season. Everything felt harsh and jagged and I wasn’t a fan.

Lastly, and this one is going to be obvious. I hated that they killed Justin. There was no reason for his death. There was no hint that he was the one who was going to die. It was unnecessary and a last ditch attempt to be controversial and shocking. I’m not over it and I’ll never be over it.

Praise:

Most of the things I’m going to write here I’ve said elsewhere so I apologize for any repetition.

As I said above, one of my favorite things about this season was Alex and Charlie’s coming out scenes. Something I have yet to mention though, is that I love how Alex turned to Tony when he was still in the midst of questioning his sexuality. It was a really sweet moment and it showcased Tony and Alex’s friendship. I also love that Tony answered the question without questing Alex on why he was asking. Tony could have asked Alex if he was questioning his sexual identity or something else but he chose not to because it’s not his place.

Speaking of Tony, I adored the scene with his father when Caleb told him about Tony’s college opportunity. Tony was so adamant on turning it down because he wanted to keep the auto shop going and to hear his father tell him that Tony is his dream was heartwarming. I think we all knew that his father just wants what is best for Tony but to hear him say it was important.

I did like the scene where the tape crew was reunited. It felt very full circle but I think they should have burned the tapes instead of burying them. I swear to god, if in 10 years this show gets a reboot because someone finds the tapes I’m going to die. I was a bit confused though since it didn’t appear that all the tapes were in the box. And I still think Justin should have been a part of it in some way. After all, he was the start of the tapes. Bryce may have brought them all together in a twisted way, but without Justin they wouldn’t have existed either.

Everything considered, I’m glad we did get to see Jess and Justin together in the end. To me they are endgame — even though Diego tries to get Jess to date him right after Justin’s death. I’ll cherish the prom scene and even the scenes in the hospital forever.

Also regarding Justin’s fate, I loved his final scene with Clay. The series spends so much time trying to get us to believe that Justin found a brother in Bryce, but I never bought it. Justin’s only brother was Clay and that essay proved that. It was so heartfelt and sad and I loved it. I also love that Clay admits to Justin that he doesn’t know how to go on without him but Justin assures him that he does.

I also did like the ending scene with Clay and Tony, even though in my perfect world it was Clay and Justin driving off to college together. It was a nice full circle moment. Although, I will admit my anxiety was through the roof because I seriously thought they were going to get into an accident. After all, it is 13 Reasons Why.

Lastly, I want to discuss the final scene at the police station between Alex’s dad and Sheriff Diaz. I spent a lot of this season and last season hating Sheriff Diaz but he certainly redeemed himself in that moment. There’s no doubt in my mind that he realized that Alex was the one who killed Bryce. And yet, he understood that Alex is a good kid who doesn’t deserve to be in jail. He understood that Bryce and Monty were both monsters. He knew that if the truth got out Alex’s dad would fall apart. His speech about putting family before his job was important and impactful.

As I’ve said, of all the shitty things this show has done the one thing they actually got right was letting Alex walk free. I never would have forgiven them if they had sent Alex to jail. After all, he’s not a monster he’s the hero of the story.

                                                         * * *

I still have mixed feelings about the final season and I think I will for the rest of time. Had they not have killed Justin I feel like I would have felt a lot better about the conclusion of the show. But if 13 Reasons Why has taught me anything its that life is not fair and that we cannot let tragedy dictate our entire lives. We must live (and continue watching questionable television shows).

You can stream the final season of 13 Reasons Why on Netflix.

What did you think of the final season of 13 Reasons Why? What was your favorite and least favorite episode? Who do you ship? Are you happy with the ending? Let me know in the comments or by tweeting me @3RsBlog.

Featured Image Source: Netflix