#billy russo imgine

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here - Epilogue

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 6437

Rating: M (language and violence, talk of murder and death)

Parts 1-24 + the interludes and NSFW alphabet can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)

Summary: Billy’s awake, but what are the next steps... and are you ready to take them? 

Author’s Note: I want to get emotional about this because it’s the last chapter, and this story has been a labor of love from the moment I started it until now. But if you know me, you know how much this story means to me. You know how much work I’ve put into it, and you know that I refused to compromise on it. @its-my-little-dumpster-fire has been there with me day one, and was the ONLY one that knew how it was going to end for a while. I thank her endlessly for her support, for her agreeing that it made sense to do what I did with it, and for encouraging me throughout the writing of this.  Thank you for all of your comments and messages. Thank you for reading. Thank you for taking the time to fall for this Billy with Reader. Thank you for not abandoning this story even though it’s taken a million years to tell it. Good things come to those who wait, and I’m positive that this isn’t the ending you expect - but it’s the one that Billy deserves. 

Banner by @the-blind-assassin-12

You were curled up in your favorite armchair, knees drawn up to your chest as one hand toyed with the thin chain around your neck, fingers closing around Billy’s dog tag as it had plenty of times over the previous months. Matt was sitting on the couch, Foggy at the dining room table, fingers wrapped around his phone. “They’re here.” The blonde man  tucked his phone back into his pocket, breaking the silence. “Karen just -“ I don’t want to do this. 

 “Hey.” Matt moved, leaning forward and placing a hand on your knee. “It’s going to be alright.” You turned your head toward him, eyes moving over his face - glasses and all. So weird how he just knows. He tightened his fingers on your knee, clearing his throat. “You’ve gotta calm down, though, this isn’t going to help anyone.” You took a deep breath, nodding even though you knew he couldn’t see it. “I’m right here, he won’t -“ 

 “I’m not afraid of Frank Castle.” You sat up straight, letting your feet fall back to the floor. “I have no reason to be.” But I do. “I…” You trailed off, thinking. You’d seen what Frank had done to Billy - what he’d done to Rawlins and Schoonover and even Wolf. You knew what lengths he’d go to to avenge his family, and yet you weren’t afraid of him, not in the slightest. He’ll understand. He has to. A knock at the door startled you, and you watched Foggy move to answer it, heart rate quickening again. Here we go. 

 ---

 After the day that Billy had woken up, Matt or Foggy or Karen had visited with him every day, working with him. While Billy didn’t remember much of anything from the previous deployment or the time after he’d come home, all three of them told you that he remembered basics - his name, his upbringing, his struggles. He remembered Frank and the Castles, remembered being in the Marines… but when it came to you, Billy was tight-lipped. He said he didn’t remember any lasting relationships, didn’t remember anyone aside from Frank and Curtis and the Castles that had been constants in his life. Things stayed that way for weeks, and though you were told that Billy was getting stronger - could see his face filling out as he returned to solid foods, had heard his physical therapist talking as he’d left the room on multiple days - you knew that he still had a long way to go. 

 “He’s asking for Frank.” Karen was sitting on your couch, holding a coffee mug between her hands. “We’ve been telling him that he’s out of the city, that he can’t come see him yet, and Billy’s so… frustrated with himself that he’s not questioning it.” You frowned, and even though you still went to the hospital often, Billy would keep his face turned away from the window once he’d seen you standing there, often asking Matt or Karen or Foggy to close the blinds with a vague wave of his hand, which hurt you. “He just wants to remember, but he can’t remember everything, and his doctors still day that we can’t… we can’t just bombard him with the memories we have, with the things that we know all at once.” 

 “Even if it will help him?” She nodded. “That seems counterproductive, Karen.” She shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head. 

 “I’m a lot of things, but a doctor isn’t one of them.” You laughed. “And he’s making progress, so I guess I can’t really question it, but Dr. Dumont says -” You wrinkled your nose at the mention of the woman’s name - and you knew that Karen caught it, but she continued. “She says that for a lot of people with a TBI, either nothing will come back or things will come back all at once.” Karen stared at you. “We want to make sure that when Billy knows what happened to him, when he remembers, that it’s not … too much.” Probably a good idea. “She’s working on memories with him, a little more each day, but he doesn’t trust her yet, and he needs to before he can really… remember.” 

 “Why?” The woman had rubbed you the wrong way when you’d met her for the first time, and you wanted to know what Karen’s take on her was. “He needs to trust someone. Do you think that…”

 “Look.” Karen set the mug down, leaning in. “She’s… Billy…” Karen chewed on her thumbnail, blinking. “Before you, Billy didn’t really trust anyone except for Frank, right?” You nodded. “So, he’s confused right now, and because he feels like everyone’s keeping things from him - which we are, he’s going to question any help that he’s offered, even if it comes from someone like her, that’s just doing her job. Sure. “I think that Billy knows that she knows what happened with him, who did this to him, and even though that can’t be the focus right away, he wants it to be, so he feels like she’s…”

 “She’s steering him in the wrong direction.” Karen nodded. “She asked me so many questions when we talked, I just got this… feeling from her, like that fake smile is just…” Karen nodded, rolling her eyes. “I had to fill in so much for her without contradicting what Madani is saying, what the police think, what the reports say… without telling her what we know…  it was like she was looking for the weak spots in what Billy and I had, like she thought I was making it all up, just to…

 “You’re not. And you know you’re not, so… don’t let it bother you.” You nodded. “We need her. She might be able to help Billy organize the memories, which he needs.” You went silent, thinking of the way that the dark haired woman had stared at you, the look in her eyes a mix between contempt and pity. She gets to be in there with him, and… and I… “He’ll figure it out. It might take him a while, but… he’ll figure it out.” Karen cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something, something that Matt and I…” You tilted your head to the side, waiting. “We… we want to bring Frank back here, to New York.” What? “He’s going to need to know what’s going on, and I’m sure Madani’s already told him Billy’s awake, but I think… I think that memory coming back will…” She pressed her lips together. “I think it will bring a lot of other things back, too.” 

 ---

 Keeping your eyes on the floor in front of you, you waited until the door opened and you heard new voices - first Karen’s and then Frank’s - to look up. Karen stepped into the room after Frank did, her hair loose around her shoulders and a light colored sleeveless dress floating around her legs, which was a stark contrast to the almost all black  outfit Frank wore, ball cap pulled low over his brow. “Why am I here?” His gravelly voice loud but even, Frank finally made eye contact with you. “Why are we all here?” 

 “Frank, we need you to…” Karen reached out, touching Frank’s shoulder gently, the man looking back at her. “You’ll understand soon.” 

 “What’s Red doin’ here?” You watched Frank step toward Matt, the second man smiling easily as he stood, extending a hand. “Thought you’d be-“

 “Hello, Frank.” Matt gestured to the couch, still smiling. “Sit down for a minute, please.” Frowning, Frank did as he was asked, Karen taking a seat next to him - and, you noticed, angling herself so that their knees were touching. Good. “We’ve been trying to get ahold of you for weeks, Frank.” Matt moved to stand behind the chair you were in, his hands resting on the back. “We needed you here t-“

 “Only reason you’d need me here is somethin’ to do with Bill, and Madani says-“ 

 “Madani doesn’t know shit, Frank.” Karen spoke first, shaking her head. “She’s so concerned with her own narrative that the truth doesn’t seem to matter much.” 

 “Truth?” Frank turned his head to look at the woman next to him, eyes glinting. “Truth is that piece of shit is still breathing when he shouldn’t be, and is pretending not to remember anything about what he did and why he’s-“ Matt sighed. 

 “He really doesn’t remember, Frank.” You looked up, watching as Matt’s jaw clenched for a moment. “I didn’t quite believe it at first either, but when I talked to him? You can fool someone with body language and expressions, Frank. But not… not the things inside, the things I can… Billy’s telling the truth when it comes to losing his memory. He remembers flashes, small things, little details.” Me. He remembers me. The room was silent for a minute, giving you time to think, to watch Frank. 

 “Why are you talkin’ to Bill? He’s in the hospital, still doin’ therapy, they’re tryin’ to get him ready to go on trial.” She didn’t tell him, Madani didn’t...

 “They’re Billy’s lawyers, Frank.” Karen’s quiet voice filled the room, her attention entirely on the man beside her. “He’s going to go to trial, but it’s not what you think.” She reached out, taking his hand in hers, and despite the tension in the room, you felt yourself smiling at the way he unconsciously curled his fingers against the back of her hand, eyes darting to her fingers and then her face. “That’s why you’re here, Frank, because…” 

 “Because we need you. Because… Billy needs you.” You finally spoke, and though you’d played the moment over in your mind countless times, your words came out shaky. “Billy needs you to help him prove that-“

 “I’m not doin’ shit for Bill, except maybe finishin’ what I started last year.” Frank was staring at you, eyes full of pain and anger. “That son of a bitch needs to remember what he did, and if he doesn’t, then he shouldn’t get to live.” No. You waited a moment to speak, thinking of Billy’s face through the bandages in the first few weeks, the bruises on his body, the lines across his face after the gauze had been removed, the way his eyes had still lit up in recognition - even slightly - the first time he’d been awake to see you, the way he’d tried to talk to you without letting anyone else know it the day he’d asked for you. No, Frank. He gets to live. “Now will you fuckin’ tell me why I’m here?” 

 “Frank.” You spoke again, voice stronger. “You’re not going to kill Billy. You’re not going to hurt him again.” 

 “He left you.” Frank leaned forward, shaking his head and licking his lips. “He left you for money and power and other women.” He did. “He killed my family, and you’re telling me that I’m not going to hurt him again? He deserves it. Every bit of pain and confusion and-”

 “No, Frank.” You squared your shoulders. “You’re wrong.” Frank laughed out loud, an incredulous smile on his face. “You’re laughing, but you won’t be after you see what we have to show you.” He shook his head again. 

 “Show me? What are you going to show me? Let’s go, Karen. This is bullshit, and I don’t know why you brought me here.” Frank stood, looking down at the woman, who simply stared up at him, shaking her head. “What?” 

 “You need to sit, Frank.” She tugged on his hand. “I’m serious. This isn’t just about you and your family, Frank. It’s…” She wet her lips. “It’s more than that, and I didn’t believe it at first either, but there’s too much proof, Frank. Too much for it to be coincidence, too much… Matt and Foggy, we ...” Frank sat again, looking between the four of you. Good. He’s sitting. But then Frank spoke again, quietly.

 “Matt, eh? He’s Matt again, Karen? And he’s workin’ as Bill’s lawyer? That what you did, Karen? Soon as I was outta here, you ran back to -” Frank’s voice was angry, but you also heard the hurt in his words, felt the betrayal that he assumed of Karen. It’s not like that, Frank. Come on.

 “Frank.” Matt’s voice was low, tinged with anger. “You don’t know… That isn’t what��” But Frank shook his head, lips curled up in a snarl. 

 “This another thing like when you decided to represent me, Murdock? When you wanted to see the good in me, make people believe that I wasn’t a bad guy?” Frank’s lip curled. “Well I was. And I am. And so’s Bill. He’s the worst kind of guy there is, doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself or…” Frank trailed off, shaking his head. “You aren’t gonna get him off for this, Red. He deserves to be right where I put him, right where Madani put him - right where he put himself.” You don’t know, Frank, you don’t… 

 Karen said your name, drawing your attention back to her and ignoring Frank’s tirade. “Where’s the laptop?” Foggy moved first, carrying the computer into the living room and setting it down in front of Frank wordlessly. 

 No one moved until you felt Matt nudge you on the shoulder. Here goes nothing. “Frank.” You sighed, feeling tears in your eyes. “Billy did all of the things… most of the things you say he did.” Swallowing, you met Frank’s eyes, “The drugs and the dirty money, yeah. But they preyed on him - on his desperation, on his… need for success. Cerberus - “

 “How do you know that name?” Frank leaned forward, lip curling again. “There are only four people alive ‘sides me that should know that name, and you’re not one of ‘em.” 

 “I know it because Billy told me, Frank.” You tapped the computer. “He told me everything.” You swallowed again, staring directly into Frank’s eyes. “He knew… things couldn’t last forever, and wanted there to be a… record, I guess?” Frank looked confused, but you continued. “Billy didn’t… Billy didn’t just betray you and your family for money, Frank. That was part of it, sure, because he needed it to start Anvil, and he was desperate and already in too deep, but he…” Matt’s hand moved from the back of the chair to your shoulder, anchoring you. “He did it to save my life.” 

 --- 

 Frank watched the first video silently, eyes on the screen, on Billy’s tear streaked face. He watched as Billy admitted what he’d chosen, what Rawlins had demanded of him. He’s paying attention. The video filmed the day that the Castles had been murdered got a vocal response from Frank, a loud groan followed by a long, low whine that left the man’s throat unconsciously. I get it, Frank. The video had been painful for you to watch, because in it, Billy wasn’t only distraught, he was angry too. He apologized countless times - to you, to Maria and the kids, to Frank… each time, the sincerity in his voice became more and more apparent, the look in his eyes less and less like Billy and more like the man you’d watched on the news and in the papers in the year following the tragedy. The video started with Billy’s eyes full of tears, the liquid leaking out of the corners of them and down his face, but it ended with him seething in anger, vowing to get back at Rawlins, to make him pay for taking away the only family Billy had ever had - some of the only people he’d ever truly loved.

 The videos - there were more than a dozen of them, recorded over the course of that year - were of varied lengths. Some were only a few seconds long, Billy reciting a password or explaining a document or a picture, but others were minutes long, where he poured out the stress and frustration of his days, not knowing whether or not anyone would ever hear the words. 

 You skipped over the video that Billy had recorded after New Year’s Eve, telling Frank that that one was personal, moving ahead and letting him go through the others, clicking open the documents that he’d also saved onto the laptop. “Everything’s here, Frank.” Foggy spoke quietly, a thick file held in his hands. “We’ve got enough information to prove that Billy was a pawn, and that the story that got concocted afterward is a load of crap. Yeah, he did a lot of bad things, and he made some really terrible choices, but once he was mixed up in Cerberus, he had no other option. Schoonover and Rawlins made it that way… and it would have been the same for you if they hadn’t -”

 “I’d never kill a woman or children like he did.” Frank’s voice was angry. “Never.” He looked at Karen. “You believe this shit? You know Bill, you know it’s all lies, and -”

 “It’s not, Frank. We’ve looked into it. The information he left us has merit.” Karen shook her head, hair moving over her shoulders. “The discharge papers that Billy has aren’t the ones that were released, or that the prosecution will be using. The money transfers aren’t the same. They don’t line up. Nothing does - this story that Madani and Marion James and Rafi Hernandez are telling about Billy and Lewis Wilson? It’s paper thin. Billy used the money they gave him to open Anvil, but once that was done, he did nearly everything except the drugs by the book - until the last couple of months, Frank. He did things under the table too, but that was because he had to. We followed the money. It checks out. Anvil itself was a legitimate business except for the… he just needed to get there.” He muttered the words ‘it doesn’t matter’ under his breath, but Karen continued. “It does matter, Frank. Because Billy -”

 “Billy did what he had to do to survive, Frank. Same as you.” You finally spoke again, feeling the anger coursing through your veins. “He got in over his head and couldn’t get out because he had no one after you chose not to transfer with him.” You leaned in, narrowing your eyes. “He couldn’t let them kill someone innocent because of what the two of you did for Rawlins, and so he decided…”

 “Why did you get to live?” Frank’s eyes were on you, but his voice was ice cold. “You get to live and my little girl didn’t? My wife is in the ground, and you’re still here, walkin’ around and defending the piece of shit that put her there?” Frank pushed to his feet, towering over you. “Why do you get to fuckin’ live and they didn’t? My family didn’t? And you tell me that I need to understand why he did it, understand where he was coming from? A couple of goddamn videos are supposed to...” Unblinking, you stared up at him for a moment before you stood, too. No. 

 “I got to live, Frank, because Billy loved me.” Loves me? Maybe? Still? You felt yourself getting ready to cry again, but you stood your ground, even though you could feel Frank’s breath on your face. “He didn’t know about the kids. He didn’t know that they’d… you heard him, Frank. He thought they were just going after you, and if that was the case, you’d have a chance, even if you were caught off guard. You know that’s true, Frank.” You took a breath. “You got your revenge on him. You hurt him. You almost killed him. But he was sorry before that even happened - he never wanted anything to happen to you … to any of you.” You gestured to the computer that was sitting on your coffee table. “You saw it. You heard it. There’s more to see, more to go though, more to… I’m not asking you to forgive him, not right away.” You shook your head, eyes still on Frank’s face. “But he needs you, Frank. He can’t remember without… you here. He just remembers the skull, remembers the fight, remembers…” You were crying, the tears silently rolling down your face. “He’s stuck back in that period before you went to Afghanistan. He remembers how he felt about you and your family right then, but…everything else is scrambled.” 

 “You want me to help him? Want me to tell him that I fuckin’ destroyed his face because he killed my family, but it’s fine because I want to help him and make sure the right people pay?” Frank shook his head. “You think he’ll be good with that? Think he’ll accept that he was like my brother and he killed my family so I almost killed him like I killed everyone else that had anything to do with this? I took away his looks and his power and his reputation?” Frank’s head moved again. “No.” You felt your heart drop, and Frank leaned in. “Not gonna happen. Not now, not ever. I’m gonna tell Madani -”

 “No, you’re not.” Matt’s voice filled the room, quiet but sure. “You can’t tell her anything, Frank. We need to build his case, and it’s dependant on her not having any access to him anymore, her not knowing what we’re doing with him. She and the prosecutor can’t… they can’t know. Not yet” Frank’s eyes darted over your shoulder to Matt, nostrils flaring. “There’s enough information here to prove that Billy’s not innocent, but that he acted on orders to begin with, and that… well, there’s enough to totally expose Rawlins and Wolf and now Madani and James and to make it so that -”

 “You think you can win this? You think that you can come out on top?” Frank pointed toward the door, head shaking back and forth. “We tried. We tried to get out, tried to fuckin’ end it. We couldn’t say no to Rawlins or to Schoonover. We couldn’t get anything past them. They owned us.” Frank sniffed, closing his eyes for a moment. “You think they didn’t cover their asses when they made this story up about Lewis and Billy? Madani’s untouchable. The CIA is -”

 “Not untouchable, Frank. Not with all of this information.” Foggy lifted a finger. “Which we all obtained legally, I might add. Billy was very thorough with records and -”

 “It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference, because I’m not helping you.” Frank looked at you again, sadness replacing the anger in his eyes for a split second. “You think I’m gonna help you so that you can get your happily ever after with Bill Russo? You don't get that.” There’s no happily ever after, Frank. Not now. “My wife didn’t get to live. My kids had no future. Why? Because Bill fuckin’ Russo let them die!” The last three words came out in a roar, and Frank lunged toward you, reaching for your arm. You dodged him, but Matt was faster, using his surprising strength to push Frank away from you. “He shouldn’t be alive. I should have killed him last year. How can you even look at me right now, how can you say their names, or ask me to help you or help him, or -” 

 You spoke again, the tears still falling as you stepped toward the two men; Matt with his feet planted, arms locked around Frank’s waist. “Frank, I… you have no idea how hard it is for me to… to know that I’m the reason…” You shook your head, using one hand to wipe the tears away. “That he didn’t come to you and warn you because of me.” It was the first time you’d said it out loud since you’d told Karen, and the weight of the admission made your knees weak. They died because of me. “They’re your family, Frank. Billy was your family. And he picked…” You shook your head, still moving closer, one hand on Matt’s back. “It’s alright, Matt. He won’t hurt me.” But part of me wants him to. Frank hitting you or crushing your arm in his grip wouldn’t help, but it would feel a little like making amends - like you were finally paying for your part in the whole situation. Matt stepped away from Frank, warning him in a low tone to keep his hands to himself, and Frank nodded once, head lowered. “Maria and Frank Jr. and Lisa should still be here. And they would be if he’d come to you like he should have.” You swallowed, reaching for one of Frank’s hands. “He said he loved me, Frank. But I never thought he’d choose me over you guys. I’m sorry he did. I’m sorry about it every day, because it shouldn’t have...” 

 “Well he did, and I’m sorry about that too.” Frank let you take his hand, and you watched him duck his head further, eyes on the ground. “Bill saved your life and destroyed mine.” He did. “Who would… I can’t believe that the first time Russo decides he loves someone more than he loves himself, this is what happens.” You laughed weakly, still crying, and waited until Frank’s gaze met yours. “You really believe this shit… believe… him?” You nodded - just once - lips pressed together. 

 “He made it a point to get this stuff to me, Frank. He thought… you were going to kill him, or he was going to kill you, or you’d both... but he wanted me to know, even though it probably wouldn’t matter.” You stepped closer, squeezing Frank’s hand. “But he’s alive, and you’re alive, and it does matter.” You swallowed. “Madani might be untouchable. There’s still a lot to consider… but he’s alive, Frank. And we can help him. You can help him. He didn’t do any of this because he wanted to, and now he doesn’t remember… but he will. The more information he has - the more confirmation… it can help the memories come back.” It can bring Billy back to me. “It won’t bring them back, Frank. But… if this goes how we hope it will, it might stop things like this from happening to other families, and give you...” Peace of mind? 

 Frank didn’t move or speak, but he watched you intently. Swallowing, Frank looked around the room, jaw working beneath the thin layer of stubble. “It’s not your fault.” You felt your breath leave your body in a single exhale, crumpling into Frank’s chest as his arms went around you, forehead dropping to your shoulder. “You didn’t ask for any of this, it’s not on you.” You started crying again, feeling his grip change, and moved to hug him tightly, feeling him take deep breaths. This is good. When you pulled apart, Frank’s mouth was set in a thin line, his eyes on Karen. “We need to get in touch with David.” 

 Glancing over your shoulder, you watched the woman nod. “We didn’t know if you’d want us to, Frank. Not before you came back, so…” She shrugged. 

 “I want him to look at all of this. He’ll be able to tell if it’s real and when it’s from and…” Karen nodded, Frank looking back at you. “What do I need to do?” You opened your mouth, but Matt spoke first. 

 “We haven’t shown Billy any of this yet, or told him that we’ve got it. We just took over his case from the shitty public defender they assigned him, since as far as they know, he’s got no money.” Matt gestured toward you. “She’s footing the bill, but they don’t need to know that, not yet.  We wanted to wait until we knew if you’d help or not before we decided exactly what we were going to do, what our strategy would be… but the first thing is going to be getting you into the hospital to see him.” Frank nodded, jaw still clenched. “Foggy and I will be with you, of course, but…” He trailed off. “The next thing is going to be getting her in there.” Frank’s eyes widened. 

 “You haven’t seen him yet?” You lowered your head, whispering the word “no”. “You want me to do this and you haven’t even talked -”

 “He won’t let me, Frank.” You swallowed. “I saw him once with Madani, right after you came to tell me where he was. He didn’t even know I was there.” You sighed. “And he asked for me by name once, too, after he woke up, and so they let me in, but it wasn’t… Matt was in the room, and so was his therapist, and when Billy saw me…” You closed your eyes at the memory. “He acted like he didn’t know me aside from my name. Told me to leave, told me to…” You took a deep breath. “But he knew who I was, he just didn’t want to…” You were sure of this; his phrasing and movements had been too precise, too specific to mean anything else. 

 --- 

 “He asked for you by name.” You were sitting in a small office with Matt and Dr. Dumont, the dark haired woman across the desk from you, her hands folded on the surface of it. “We were doing our session today, and William said that he remembered something.” She studied you, brow furrowed. “He said your name - first and last - and asked if you were the one that was waiting out in the hallway.” She waited for your reaction and because you were stunned, you gave her one, your eyes going wide and a hand going up to your mouth. “I’d like to have you in the room with me the next time I go in. I didn’t confirm anything for him, but since he asked…” She smiled, the expression not reaching her eyes. “I want to do whatever I can to help him.” Sure you do. 

 But you’d agreed, the three of you walking down the hallway from her office to Billy’s room, past Madani, who was pacing in the hallway. Dumont warned you that Billy got agitated easily, that he often lashed out at her - at the doctors and even at the lawyers, something that Matt confirmed with a quiet chuckle. “From what I know of Billy from before, there’s still a lot of him in there, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.” 

 It gave you hope, and as Krista pushed the door open, you took a deep breath, wishing that you’d had time to go home from work and change. It doesn’t matter. Billy was restrained in the bed, arms and legs strapped down, and you frowned as you saw that he was wearing a mask over his face, the smooth white surface obscuring his features totally - except for his eyes. “I brought you a visitor today, William.” Krista stepped next to him on the bed and you hung back, feeling Matt’s hand at your elbow. 

 “His heart rate changed when you walked in.” Matt leaned forward to whisper into your ear. “It’s racing.” You swallowed, staring at Billy, and then your eyes moved to the doctor, hearing that the woman was speaking but not listening to the words before they fell back on Billy’s form, laying flat on his back in the bed. I loved you too much. 

 “Billy?” Your voice quiet, you stepped forward, and at the sound of it, Billy looked away from Dr. Dumont, focusing his gaze on you. “It’s good to see your eyes open, the last time I was in here, they were…” You smiled at him - a real one - and continued. “You weren’t awake.” He blinked, and you saw his fingers flex. Krista had stopped talking and you glanced over at her, noting the frustrated look on her face. “I know… you’re confused about a lot right now, Billy.” You moved from the foot of the bed up toward the head of it, his eyes following you as you stood opposite of the doctor, never looking away from him. “But she said that you asked for someone by name earlier, and…” You paused, biting your lip and thinking. “Do you know who I am?” 

 He was silent for long seconds, though he kept staring at you, the look in his eyes unreadable. You hadn’t heard his voice in person in months, so when he spoke, words muffled by the mask, you fought back a gasp. The first words he said were your first and last name, and even as you felt relief flood through your body, you were nodding, taking a half step closer to the bed. “I know your name.” Good, that’s good. “I recognize your face.” You nodded again, finally closing your eyes for a second and taking in the sound of his voice. Still him, still in there, still… “But I don’t know how I know you.” It hit you hard, and you opened your eyes back up, finding Billy’s again. “I should know how I know you, right? We -” Unsure of what to say, you watched as Billy shifted on the bed, the straps on his legs and arms pulling tight. Should you? Did I… 

 “Billy, I…” He let out a breath, head shaking back and forth, and your eyes moved up to Krista and then back to Matt, though you didn’t know what he’d do. “Hey, stop. It’s alright, Billy.” You leaned over the bed, unafraid of the movement of the man, and said his name quietly. “I’ll go, Billy, I don’t want this to…” You gritted your teeth. “Billy.” He stopped moving, once again looking at you. “It’s OK if you don’t remember.” Fighting back tears, you nodded down at him, noticing the slightly wild look in his eyes and the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He’s scared. “I wanted to be here sooner, and I’m not going a-”

 “I think it’s best if you go, and let me calm William down now.” Krista’s voice interrupted your staredown with Billy, and you could have sworn you saw a flash of annoyance in the deep brown. “We can try this again later, after he’s had some time to -”

 “I… I miss the Crown.” Billy was staring at you, eyes refocused. “You know? Page outta your book?” Billy. You opened your mouth to respond, but Krista beat you to it. 

 “Sometimes he says a lot of things that he doesn’t…” But you tuned her out, still staring down at Billy, watching as his eyes moved over your face, recognition in them along with a careful curiosity. You noticed for the first time that he was turned completely away from Krista, one cheek pressed against the pillow. She can’t see the look in them, she… “William, if -”

 “Go. I want you to leave. I need you to leave” His tone was harsh but the look in his eyes didn’t change. He moved his hand, and though you didn’t want to look away from his face, you glanced down, watching as he held his hand up, fingers shaking slightly as he spread them out. Oh, holy shit. You felt Matt step closer to you from behind, his hand again closing around your elbow and his voice low in your ear, telling you it was time to go. Yeah, it is. 

 “I understand, Billy. You need to… just you.” 

 --- 

 “So they told me not to come back after that, and Dr. Dumont says that until he remembers other things, me being there won’t help. But he needs to know… he needs to feel like we’re there for him...” 

 You thought of the way that the woman’s dark eyes had looked you over while you were walking down the long hallway away from Billy’s room, the way her voice had filled your ears - sickeningly sweet as she spoke to Billy before, turning colder when addressing you and telling you how much you’d upset him. “But me bein’ there will?” You nodded, bringing yourself out of the memory. “How?”

 “You’re his best friend, Frank. Even if that’s not how you feel right now, it’s the truth. It’s what he remembers.” Karen spoke up from her place on the couch before taking her lower lip between her teeth. “We’re going to have to take it slow, probably include the doctor in some of our … she’ll need to try to work with him on the memories, on how to unlock them without us feeding him everything,  but we just need to…” She shrugged. “Play it by ear, I guess. We’ll make it work.” 

 “He remembered her, Frank.” Matt spoke up, his voice sure. “His heart rate changed, he was speaking deliberately, controlling the way he…” Matt stepped forward again. “Him saying that he didn’t know how he knew her before, telling her that he wanted her to leave when she was in there? The only thing he’s ever lied about - that I’ve heard - are about her.” Matt paused. “He knows more about her then he’s letting on, from different times, and is trying to protect her.  We’re going to have to talk about that with him, but there hasn’t been a good time.” 

 The room went silent again, you turning to stand next to Frank and look at the others, waiting. Can this work? There was a lot of information on the computer, but there were also things that Billy and Frank would need to fill in in order to truly make a case. It won’t be easy. Your eyes fell on Matt and Foggy - two of the hardest working and smartest lawyers in the city, people that you knew wouldn't be intimidated by going up against powerful people. They then moved to Karen, the woman strong enough to believe in Frank when no one else did, willing to love him despite his flaws, also unbothered by a challenge, no matter what it was. 

 They finally moved back to the man standing next to you, his chest rising and falling as he thought. Frank, you knew, was Billy’s best chance at remembering (apart from you) because Frank had been with Billy not only in Kandahar, but also in the days leading up to the fight at the carousel, had learned things that no one else knew - could fill in blanks in ways that no one else could. We need you, Frank. Billy needs you. “Yeah. OK.” Frank nodded once, and for the first time since you’d watched Frank’s frame retreat toward the elevator after telling you he’d put Billy in the hospital but let him live, you felt a real spark of hope flicker in your chest. “Tell me what we’re gonna do.” We’re going to help you, Billy, bring you back here where you belong.

---

. . . To be continued . . . 

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