#its always been about getting to a point where *im* comfortable in my own body yknow??

[aidenwaites]

I've kinda made my peace with being non-op/non-medical when it comes to my transition?? And at the same rate made my peace with the fact that I'm like.. never going to be someone who passes day-to-day as male or even as gnc. To most people I'm going to be a She and in most environments I'm still going to be called Raven and it's just kinda whatever. I've never been big on the idea of officially Coming Out, it's just something that makes me too anxious and being totally out both personally and professionally is never going to be feasible, so at least in the near future I'm probably not going to Come Out in any meaningful way. At this point all of my public social media reads with both Raven and Quentin as my name and features he/she/they pronouns where optional (even though She is more of a compromise) and if people want to actually acknowledge that I'm not going to stop them. And if they don't then that's not something they need to be a part of anyway

It's just like!! I'm not hiding it anymore but I just don't care enough to worry about making anyone else care either

[honeytonedhottie]

hotties habits⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍰💕

this is a post about habits that i've adopted that u can also adopt to elevate ur mind, body, confidence and spirit…💬🎀

SERVE COMPLIMENTS ;

start getting comfortable with complimenting yourself often, so much so to the point where compliments from others isn’t that big of a deal because YOU compliment u so much. this builds self esteem and self image. knowing that u don’t have to rely on the compliments of others only means that ur more confident.

and not only giving urself compliments but also complimenting others is an amazing way to boost self esteem and confidence while doing the same for someone else.

CULTIVATE CREATIVITY ;

something that has helped to elevate not only my mind but my femininity has been cultivating my creativity. i started to do this through my blog and through my pinterest account.

like thinking of new content to make and learning how i express myself has been so amazing for not only my confidence but for my creativity and i feel so much more feminine when im creating. starting my blog has helped me with self expression, helped me to learn new things and meet new people, and ultimately share and document my growth etc.

STAYING IN MY GIRLY BUBBLE ;

i dont like to over consume media and especially media that gives of negative energy or just toxicity. such as those balloon popping romance videos like im NOT with that. being more careful and conscious of what i choose to consume has helped my health so i just usually stay on my pinterest and a few other social media apps but just, keep urself protected and be careful of what u watch.

WEARING LOTS OF PINK ;

lastly, this is totally personal and its simply because its my favorite color and i look SO pretty in it. its just such a feminine color and its the best color (i dont make the rules). but in all seriousness having a specific element about my fashion that im consistent with is helpful for lots of reasons.

for example 99% of the things that i own are pink including my school supplies. i go to a school where we wear uniforms but i always make sure to accessories and highlight PINK. therefore everyone associates me with the color pink and things that are girly.

you can take this and do whatever u want with it. it doesnt have to be a color, it can be a specific style of dress or something that u like to wear often just have something distinct about you thats your SIGNATURE.

[vynlqwv]

Could you do denji and itadori with a reader who is insecure about their body? Fem or gn please

a/n : Hello! thank you so much for requesting! I will be trying to answer/ make more fics but it might take awhile since its almost exam week D;

DENJI & ITADORI w/ an insecure genderneutral! reader

HEADCANONS + ONESHOT

warning(s) : nothing!

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡.• Itadori Yuuji

so basically, you and yuuji are dating he loves you so much! he praises you everyday and makes sure you are healthy!

he loves to cuddle you and tell you that everything is alright and you guys just fall asleep together

yuuji always hypes you up when you try out a new clothing style that you have been wanting to try out!

yuuji is defo the type of guy thats "my s/o can wear whatever they want, i can fight" type of guy

It was a sunday morning, you and yuuji had decided to go shopping for clothes to an upcoming christmas party that gojo had set up. You had been thinking to try out a new style in awhile since you have been seeing it in social media and you wanted to add more clothing variety to your closet. "hey yuuji, can we go and try out some clothes on this store? i have been wanting to try out something new but i think i won't look good in it.." you tugged on the hem of his shirt and turned you head to look at him. "of course we can! but honestly, i think you have a great sense of fashion and you'll look good in anything so don't worry too much!" he kissed your forehead and assured you to not worry too much which has made you feel relieved and confident to try out the new style that you have wanting to try out. You and yuuji had walked in to the store and they staff had assisted the both of you. You started to go to the fitting room and try out the clothes that you had picked out and you looked at your own reflection at the mirror. You looked at your own reflection and you can't wait to see yuuji's reaction to your new style that you've tried out. You went out of the dressing room and yuuji literally ran up to you and hugged you and started praising you. "babe you look so good! i knew that you would style it perfectly!" you giggled at his antics and you guys proceeded to check out while holding eachothers hands.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡.• denji hayawaka

you're probably denji's first actual serious relationship and he loves you so much to the point that whenever he wakes up in the morning that you're the person he always tries to find in the morning

when you tell him about your insecurities, i just kind of gets confused because 'why?' he dosen't get why you're insecure of your body cuz he literally loves everything about you but he dosen't question it

he will become your personal hype man and tell how amazing you look

if you're insecure about gaining weight, he will give you your favorite snacks where the nutritional facts are crossed out and there would be a little note that says "hi babe! take a lil break ok? i love you" attached to it, you laugh at the messy handwriting to it but also appreciate his actions

overall, denji would do anything to make you happy and distract you from the thoughts of feeling insecure

You and denji were just chilling on a friday night, you guys just finished eating dinner and you both were cuddling by the couch while watching whatever gameshow thats playing on the tv, the silence was comforting and you guys enjoyed each others embrace. "you know i really love you right?" denji said randomly while turning his head to look at you. "yes denji, i'm aware" you placed a kiss on his cheeks while playing with his hair. "honestly, i think i don't get to say how much i appreciate you cause i think im not that good at words but i just wanna say that i love every part of you." he kissed you by the lips. The both of you just stayed quiet the whole night and you feel appreciated and happy. The both of you cuddled and fell asleep and woke up by the morning.

[hannieehaee]

i dont know if u accept smut reqs but if u don’t please ignore my ask and i’m so sorry for overstepping!!

but could i please req a hard dom!seungkwan who teaches u a lesson at home after u couldn’t stop whining and begging for him at dinner with ur friends?

18+ / mdi

content: dom!seungkwan, afab reader, teasing, smut, oral (m receiving), letc.

wc: 1399

a/n: im so sorry i took so long to finish this!!! ive been trying to make time for all reqs so its taking a while to get them all out T-T anyways thank u for requesting and i hope u enjoy!!

masterlist

it was common for seungkwan to bring you along whenever he had dinner with the members. it had kind of become a tradition to have dinner together at least once a month, with the members' respective significant others tagging along.

you had been part of the crew for a while, having been dating seungkwan for an extended period of time by now. you were practically just another friend to the members at this point, making all of you quite comfortable with one another.

maybe too comfortable.

seungkwan always thought of you as a well-behaved girl. not even in a dirty way or anything. he just knew you were never the type to act out in public or to purposely become a nuance to him. yes, you would banter with him sometimes, but it was always in good faith and never really went anywhere. sure, you'd often tease him in the bedroom and take advantage of your effect on him time after time, but this always remained behind closed doors.

which was why seungkwan was quite shocked at the way in which you had suddenly decided to behave.

you weren't being too obvious about it, keeping your brattiness between you and himself. it started with a few touches far too high on his thigh, followed by raunchy comments hidden behind a cough. then it evolved into lustful eyes staring down on his own whenever no one was looking.

it even manifested itself into you cornering him on your way to the bathroom as he came back from a bathroom break himself.

you'd planted a steamy kiss on his lips and felt him up in a very unseemly way before letting him know you 'wanted his cock so fucking bad' and making your merry way to the bathroom as he walked back to the table completely flustered. it then (unsurprisingly) proceeded into a text message received by seungkwan a few moments later, a message containing your bare breasts and a look in your eye that he only ever saw between the sheets. except you weren't between his sheets. you were at the restaurant's bathroom, making a fool of him with a mere picture.

that was more or less where seungkwan felt it'd be appropriate to put his foot down. he was never good at resisting you, and he knew that adding the extra layer of being surrounded by his members would only make him break sooner or later. so he decided to throw you a curveball and storm after you in the bathroom, coughing out an excuse of 'forgot my wallet in the restroom' to the other guys before sneaking his way into the hallway leading to the restroom. that's where he found you making your way back to the table before wordlessly dragging you to one of the spacious gender neutral stalls and locking the door.

immediately pushing you up against the wall, he practically growled out his next words.

"you wanted me to embarrass myself out there, huh? knowing i dont know how to act any time you tease me," he assessed, knowing he was right by your shocked expression.

you clearly were expecting him to crumble and make up some weak excuse in order to take you home as you smirked next to him, giving the members clear indication of who begged for who in the relationship. but he decided to turn things on you and give you a taste of your own medicine, maybe show you what it was like to get on your knees for your beloved.

"no, i-"

"did i say you could speak? good girls stay quiet til i tell them do speak. do you understand?", his hands went to run up and down your body, making a game plan of how he was going to take you.

"y-yes."

"good girl. now ..."

his eyed drifted down to your cleavage, reminding him of the dirty picture you had sent him earlier.

without a second thought, his hands grabbed onto your cleavage and forcefully pulled it down, ripping a bit at the arms of your dress before diving right to your tits, mouth open and willing.

"k-kwannie, what are you-"

he ignored your gasp, simply adding more force to the suckling of your breasts, using his arms to push up your hips against his own as he began to grind against you. his groans and your gasps were the only thing that could be heard in the empty restroom.

after getting his fill of your tits in his mouth, he became too frustrated by the mere friction he felt at the grinding of your hips, opting instead to guide you into a kneeling position in front of him.

"you're gonna be a good girl and take care of the problem you caused, right, baby?", he looked down at you with indescribable lust in his gaze.

"yes, kwannie ... want it in my mouth so bad," you begged, licking at him through his pants while you gave him the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen.

in any other occasion, this would've had him on his knees, begging for your mouth around his dick and crying as he felt the barest touch, but today he had to prove a point.

"stop messing around and get my cock out. don't make me repeat myself," he didn't recognize himself as he ordered you around, but he liked the shudder he saw go through you at his demanding tone.

without complaint, you hurriedly undid his pants and brought his boxers down, immediately getting to work as you licked and kissed at his tip.

he threw his head back at your teasing, unable to reprimand you for it. it just felt so fucking good.

luckily for both you and him, this didn't last long. before even realizing it, you were already gagging on as much of his cock as you could get into your mouth, looking up at him with furrowed brows as you wordlessly begged him. he was confused as to what you were begging for at first, only realizing what you meant when you brought his hands behind your head, slightly making him push your head forward and- oh.

was this what you wanted? was this what you'd been after all along?

you wanted him to take control and use you for his pleasure. fuck.

he almost came at the realization, until realizing that he'd much rather cum after fucking your mouth until you cried.

he began pistoling his hips against your mouth, moaning as you let yourself become his pretty fleshlight while he groaned at both the sight and feeling. maybe you weren't a bad behaved girl after all. maybe all you wanted was him to take his frustrations out on you and use you like the pretty doll you were.

or at least he hoped this was the case, because he was already addicted.

"pretty thing ... oh, fuck. such a pretty thing for me to use, aren't you? gonna cum in your mouth, okay? gonna fill you up and you're gonna swallow it all for me, yeah?", he mumbled between moans, knowing his end would come faster than expected.

and he was right. his orgasm took over just moments later, with his hands dragging your head up and down his cock while his hips thrust into your awaiting mouth. he completely lost himself as his orgasm washed over him, making him lose all sense of his surroundings and almost disregard your gagging as he filled your mouth.

he pulled away moments after, crying out in painful pleasure when you still managed to suckle on his sensitive tip as he pulled himself out of your mouth.

he let himself fall down against the wall, now sitting at your level as he tried to catch his breath.

"i hate you," he groaned between breaths.

"yeah. i believe that. you just fucked my mouth like you wanted me dead," you chuckled as you also attempted to regulate your breathing.

"wasn't that what you wanted?", he quirked an eyebrow at you.

"maybe."

"you menace," he chuckled despite his words.

"you like it," you got close enough to him to land a sweet peck on his lips.

"i wont when we have to go out there and explain what we were doing this whole time."

"i got my fill of cock, nothing else matters."

he'd been completely wrong. you were absolutely not a well-behaved girl.

[stevie-petey]

not sure if this has been sent before but rewatching season 3 and the scene where the group are together visiting ms driscol and el and max are reading comics, maybe a blurb about bug introducing them to comics in the summer before it all went wrong again? like her and steve are hanging out and they burst in declaring they are having a girls day/sleepover and wanted comics to read

i LOVE doing some max/el content with big <33

enjoy !

"you dont have to be here, you know."

"i know, but the one day im free from robin, youre stuck at work." steve shrugs, hopping up onto the counter so he can sit. he plucks a discarded pen and tosses it between his hands. "had to enjoy my day somehow, right?"

you stack a book onto the shelf and roll your eyes at him. "because everyone agrees that a dying bookstore is loads of fun to be in for hours on end."

"hey, i thought we agreed not to use the 'd' word?" steve clicks the pen a few times, eyes following you as you tidy around the store.

"my bad," clearing your throat, you look pointedly at him. "what i meant to say is that Bookstrordinary is as lively as a graveyard now due to stupid Starcourt."

"you know that i only have a job because of the mall, right?"

"youre terrible at comforting me."

its steves turn to roll his eyes, only his is done with fondness rather than annoyance. your hair is tied up to keep out of your eyes and youre wearing a denim dress to combat the junes unexpected heat. steve had grown so used to your usual wardrobe of sweaters and flannels that the sight of you showing so much skin leaves him breathless still.

deciding that you look too good today (youre always beautiful to him), steve gets down from the counter and follows after you. his body aches to be close to yours, his hands itch to trace the exposed skin. but he cant. you arent his, steve still hasnt managed to say the three words that sit inside his chest.

"im sorry, angel. how must i comfort you?" he asks, taking a few books from you instinctively. steve could work an entire shift at bookstrordinary at this point with his eyes closed.

you turn to him, eyes shining. "well, if youre really feeling sympathetic, id happily accept your fathers money for some ice cream-"

"you get free ice cream from me every day."

"with your employee discount. but richard harringtons money? i need it, steve."

"okay, im feeling really used right now-"

the store bell rings and a storm of red hair and giggles interrupt your conversation with steve. the laughter is familiar, the sound a welcomed surprise. immediately you leave steve behind as you rush to the front to greet the girls.

"max! el!" before they can argue, you pull them in for a hug. their skin is damp from sweat, but you dont care. you hardly see the girls these days, theyre always off with the boys or together on their own. while youre happy theyre finally friends, you cant help but miss them.

"hi, y/n." el greets you enthusiastically. her hair is a mess, shes wearing one of hoppers old shirts.

max stands next to her, hair a wild mess of red strands from the humidity. "we got bored," she tells you, eyes already roaming around the store. "you got anything good in here?"

"it depends on what you guys are looking for." you inform her. youve come to learn what everyone in the party enjoys reading. for el, she loves fairy tales, mike and dustin enjoy science fiction, lucas and max prefer more thriller and horror, while will loves fantasy.

steve grabs a handful of books for the girls, hes also come to learn what genre the kids read, and places them on the table. "heres my selection of fine reading."

"and by 'fine reading', he means books i already set aside for you guys." you nudge steve playfully, which the girls giggle at.

"same thing."

el carefully looks through the books, her finger pokes through the titles. while shes still learning how to read, shes slowly able to piece together the names and authors before her. she carefully reads through every title, eyes searching for something. when she doesnt find what shes looking for, she frows. "where is the man insect?"

"man insect?" steve looks at you, confused.

"the one with the webs."

neither max nor steve understand what el is asking, but you realize with excitement what shes referring to. "oh!" ducking down, you grab your personal stash of comics from the counters shelf and place them in front of the girls. "spider-man! here he is."

"that is the one!" el says happily, grabbing the first comic she can reach. "he is an insect."

"yes he is," you nod proudly at her. "ive taught you well."

max flicks through one of the comics with slight interest, shes curious, you can see it. "youve read spider-man with el?"

"yup, we used to read them all the time at the cabin. figured it was easy enough to understand while learning how to read. plus, spidey is the best."

"spider-man is very cool." el agrees.

steve practically melts when he hears this. eyes softening, he leans against you. "thats sickeningly adorable."

"ew, dude." max glares at him, disgusted. "we're right here, you know. go be pathetic somewhere else."

"i... i was here first." steve mumbles, slightly intimidated by the girl.

you laugh at him and place a gentle hand on his arm. "why dont you go write up some shipments for me while i introduce max to the man im going to marry someday?"

"you know peter parker isnt real, right?"

"i know, and it haunts me every day."

max shoves steve away from you, taking his place. "we're having a girls day, get lost."

"what-?"

"sorry, honey." you kiss steves cheek quickly before allowing max and el to tug you away. halfway across the store you shout behind you, "i'll make it up to you later!"

steve is left alone the rest of the day, basically taking over your shift for you. luckily with so few customers coming in these days, it isnt so bad. he mostly spends the day admiring you as you read spider-man to el and max. your eyes are lit up with raw adoration for the storylines and the girls lean into your every word. theyre wrapped around your finger, wound so tightly that theyve become one. while steve resents that peter parker has ruined your day together, he cant help but warm at the idea that the comics have brought the girls to you and have given you a rare, sunny day together.

hes willing to share you with the party if it means the soft, genuine smile that you get only when youre with them never leaves your face.

[shewreckz]

Hey your art is pretty whimsical and radical my gender non specific broseph, per chance would thou be able to enlighten us on how you draw such bodacious fine art? Like how you draw bodies and fave and what have thee. (Fr tho your art really cool and I'd like to see how you make it)

okay i have whipped up a quick little visual of my thought process while drawing!! it might not be the best cause im not the greatest at teaching but if anyones curious ^_^

first lets start with how i draw bodies

a lot of people like to do the "skeleton" method which is where you draw lines and circles to plan out where the limbs should be. honestly i really dislike doing that because i like to always have volume and shape in mind when drawing bodies, but if it works for you thats great.

instead i separate the body into different pieces, kinda like an articulated doll. i think it helps visualize all the moving parts in a 3d space and makes posing and perspective a lot easier. i can also always add the detailed anatomy on top of this basic model like you see on the left. its always important to work from simple -> complex. drawing a pose while being too worried on anatomy will really hinder your drawing process.

to improve doing this it really just takes practice and observation. i could be here all day talking about proportions, and how many heads high a person is, and each specific muscle group, but i reccomend you go and watch videos and study professional artists on your own. as someone who has been drawing and studying these things for so long, i barely think about how many heads high a person is when im drawing a body. its kind of like learning how to play and instrument or driving a car. it becomes second nature eventually, but you have to apply those skills and work through that period of time where youre still trying to program it into your brain.

after you get a hang of the basics you can take this basic model and draw all types of body shapes with it. i say its always important to play around with making your body types diverse. its not only fun to do but helps make all the characters you draw unique and recognizable. (dont be like vivziepop).

dynamic posing can be the hardest thing to master for a lot of people. the best way to learn how to pose is to not think about it too much and just doing it. for example in my figure drawing class we had to sketch out gesture drawings from a picture in 15 seconds. excercises like that help a ton in making you feel more comfortable when drawing from a reference. you should definitely reference a LOT when it comes to poses, it helps build this visual database so that eventually you can get to the point where you can just draw accurate and dynamic poses from memory. after getting to this point eventually you kind of start thinking of your canvas as this tangible 3d space and considering your characters in 3d space helps make the poses feel a lot more realistic and interesting.

ok now a quick little tour into how i draw different faces yaaaayy!!!1!1!1

main thing with my art is that i LOVEEE drawing dynamic face shapes i think its so important to avoid drawing the same slim faces over and over. shape language plays a big role into this. like for example the face on the middle is more square, the one on the left is more oval and the one on the right is more circle. shape language helps communicate so much about your character without even saying a word about them and just helps differentiate people from a glance.

facial features also play a huge role into making your faces different. these are all drawn from the same exact face shape but look like entirely different characters by adding variety in the features. different noses, eye shapes, lips, etc. can make such a huge difference

i think before any of that its important to learn the anatomy of the face though. again im not gonna go into how many eyes wide a face it or how far the nose is from the mouth but like its always important to learn the fundamentals before stylizing stuff. again the face is a 3d space and if you dont consider your face a 3d plane the features will kind of just look like theyre floating on your characters face like soup...theres a lot of great resources and tutorials online take advantage of those!!! and reference from artists you like too it helps a ton.

and then you mix that all together and Boom you have cool and interesting faces. you will best that same face syndrome in no time if you take my advice Trust...

anyways yeah thats the soda design philosophy hit that like button if you liked it or douse me with tomatoes and kick me off the stage if you think i give bad advice ill leave the decision up to you

[coldlovehotblood]

SNOW-KISSED SERENADE

izzy makes up for missed time by making christmas unforgettable

w/c: 3,264

warnings: izzy is disgustingly cute

a/n: this is an early christmas gift for my bff violet @rocknrolldecadence ! sorry for taking so long queen… IM ONLY AN HOUR LATE ITS FINE ITS FINE *sweats* anyway i hope you all enjoy some more izzy fluff. merry christmas! <333

divider by @/strangergraphics

You had been suspicious for quite some time.

Usually, your boyfriend wouldn't care if you were in the room while he worked. In fact, he often invited you to join him, insisting you sit beside him either in the studio or on the sofa of your apartment as he tested different chords and scribbled down a line or two. You didn’t have to talk to him or be quiet or help, all he asked was that you sat with him. The few times you questioned why he requested such a thing, he replied with a shrug, saying ‘I just like you close.’

But as your relationship progressed, he slowly asked for you to come to the studio less, instead asking for privacy. Of course, you respected this. Really, his music-making process was none of your business, and it wasn't like you fully paid attention to what he was doing every time you accompanied him. With this in mind, it didn’t bother you. However, when the conversation steered towards songwriting or what he was currently working on, he changed the subject. That was strange for your normally very communicative Izzy who freely blabbed about anything that was on his mind around you.

Again, you respected the boundary he placed, but that didnt mean you kept a cap on your curiosity. Holding your tongue was easier than holding back wandering thoughts. It hurt to be shown that he did not feel comfortable sharing his art anymore, but you said nothing. There was no point prying, as over the years you learnt that was the quickest way to put him off talking about or admitting anything.

It got to a point where if you walked into the room and his lyric notebook was lying open in front of him, guitar sitting neatly in his lap, he’d lurch forward from where he sat, no matter how comfy he seemed, and snapped the book closed, body rigid, eyes a little frantic. Maybe even panicked.

After a couple of months of this, you decided one December that you'd get to the bottom of it.

Christmas had been drawing closer and closer, and you still didnt have any idea what you were going to gift Izzy. You had tried to subtly bring it up in conversations for a week or two, but he caught you every time, fondly kissing your cheek and telling you he didnt need anything. You would never turn down one of his kisses, but they were very unhelpful with your search.

Eventually, you settled on getting him some essentials and a custom engraved dog tag necklace. Peel back the layers of rockstar and he was a simple man. You knew that, no matter what you got him, he’d give you a big, glowing, toothy smile and a hug.

It was Christmas eve when you picked the necklace up from the shop, his name crisply engraved into the shiny silver tag, and he had come to your apartment to share a takeout dinner. He hadn't seen you for a couple of days and had begged previously over the phone to stay the night, promising to pay for the food in a childish, whiney voice. You couldn't deny him. You just had to pray he wouldn't find the hidden, snowflake decorated gift bag you had hidden.

A knock sounded from the door as you stood wiping down the last bit of your kitchen counters. You had decided to tidy up before he came to stay, as you knew he would rope you into evenings spent lounging around, on and off napping and staying firmly within each other's hold. No complaints, but this usually meant that, with each day he spent with you, your apartment became more and more messy. Not a big deal, but it was easier to clean when the disarray was built from a clean slate, not the beginnings of your own messes.

You almost skipped to the door with how excited you were. It was always fun when he came to stay. You had missed him. He’d spent a couple of days holed up with the band in some recording studio, working hard on their next big project. He often became fully absorbed by whatever he was doing so contact with you would become sparse. You knew him well enough to not panic when radio silence came. It was hard to complain about it when the fruit of his labour tasted so sweet. Guns n’ Roses, as a unit, were so hard working and it showed in the quality of their music. Izzy was simply dedicated to his craft. It was one of the things you found most endearing about him. You admired his passion.

He was looking at his boots when you opened the door, head coming up instantly when you said hello. He was carrying a guitar case on his back and wearing less than sensible clothing, black button up shirt open halfway, partially exposing his chest. This, paired with ripped jeans and only a beaten up leather jacket to fend off the nip in the air, you decided he was one of the stupidest people you had ever met.

“Do you have a death wish?” you asked as he leaned down to kiss you. He just laughed against your lips and moved the two of you further into the apartment, one of his cold hands finding the side of your face, the other resting easily on your hip.

“Damn, miss me that much?”

“I'm talking about your outfit. Izzy, it's leaning towards minus numbers out there and you're dressed in ripped jeans with your chest bared to the wind? Are you looking to get sick?”

“I’m so hot, the cold doesn't get to me. I think I recall us having this conversation–”

“Shut up, weirdo,” you rolled your eyes and kissed his cheek before pulling away.

He muttered something about your apartment being cosy and you repeated with playful anger that he was stupid. He argued that it was worth it because he looked good. To be fair, he did. In fact, he looked amazing. He always had in your eyes. So naturally handsome he sometimes took your breath away just by standing there. But however well put together his outfit looked, it was ridiculous considering the weather, every slight breeze whispering with the promise of thick frost and snow. That view of his chest was gorgeous but tempted the low temperatures to pierce right through him. You couldn't have him getting sick.

“What do you wanna eat?” you asked as he shrugged the guitar case off of his back, letting it lean against the side of your sofa.

“I don’t mind. Just name somewhere and I’ll give you the money.”

“You know, I was joking when I said you have to pay for it. We can split like normal.”

“No, I feel bad for being away for so long. Let me treat you. And anyway, it's Christmas tomorrow. Consider this one of my gifts to you.”

You argued for a short while and ended up chasing him with cash in your hand, insisting he take it. He just shouted a quick ‘Love you!’ before running out your door, slamming it closed to make sure you couldn't grab him by one of his sleeves. You huffed in defeat.

Damn him and his long legs.

He came back maybe twenty minutes later, two pizza boxes in hand, and you ended up eating sat in front of the TV, a thick blanket thrown over your tangled legs. It was so nice to have him back and beside you where you could feel the mass of his body against your side. Sure, hearing from him on the phone and talking was great, but being able to actually touch him, wrap an arm around his and put your head on his shoulder, was so much better.

You thought it was your imagination, but as time went on and the two of you got closer to finishing your food, the movie playing drawing to a close, Izzy started to tense up. If he was uncomfortable, he was masking it well on his face, but from how you leaned against him, you were able to feel how his shoulders were tightening and you saw his fingers curl into fists over the blanket.

Eventually, the credits began and the two of you got up to dispose of your empty pizza boxes. You were in a fantastic mood and couldn't wipe the pleased smile off of your face. You didn’t want to. This was an ideal Christmas.

“Should I give you your gifts now? Or should we wait for the morning? You don't have to open them now, but I'd rather just have them out before I wake up too groggy to remember where they're hidden.”

You saw the way his Adam's apple bobbed and eyes widened at the mention of gifts.

“Now?

“Yeah. Do you want to wait? I don't mind…” you trailed off when you saw him bite his lip and look down slightly, realising what was happening.

Was he nervous?

He didn’t reply to you so you said his name softly, startling him out of whatever daze his head brought him into.

“Um, actually, before you do, can we go sit again?”

“Whats wrong? Did you not get me anything?” you laughed nudging him.

“Well,” he took a small breath, “Yes and no?”

You tilted your head, not understanding. He ran a hand through his hair, still nibbling on his lower lip.

“Just come sit and I’ll explain.”

You started to suspect he forgot to get you something. You wouldn't have been angry– he'd been busy for the past week for goodness sake! Was he afraid you would blow up at him for it? No, you didn’t want him thinking like that. His presence meant everything, and even that alone was enough of a gift for you that Christmas. You opened your mouth to reassure him of this, but he simply held gentle fingers over your mouth before guiding you to sit on the floor with him, the two of you leaning against the front of your sofa.

He was still biting his lip, and the skin was turning to an irritated red, so you reached forward and carefully eased it from between his teeth

“You'll hurt yourself, love.”

His eyes widened again and he looked at you with an expression you couldn't decipher.

“You know, I won't be mad if you haven’t bought anything. That’s not what I’m looking for at Christmas. If that’s what this is, there's no need to worry.”

“No, it's not that, it's just…” he took a second, and you let him have it, “I have a gift, but its not something physical, if that makes any sense.”

You nodded your head and observed him as he sat there, no longer looking at you but rather keeping his gaze carefully on the floor. He took one more deep breath before reaching for his guitar case and placing it in front of the two of you.

For some reason, this felt like a moment– a movement for him and your relationship. Nothing was moving out of place, per se, but rather, moving in and adding to the solid connection between the two of you. The air was vulnerable as you sat there, watching him take in very intentional breaths. You could tell that, for some reason, he was incredibly nervous, and how you reacted to whatever happened next mattered. So, you didn’t move an inch and let him take his time, keeping your face carefully neutral but encouraging.

You could be patient for however long he needed.

“As you know, I've been working on a lot of music lately, and I’ve spent the majority of my time in a studio. I’m sorry for not being with you as much as I should be.”

You shook your head.

“No need to apologise. I honestly don’t mind. I know how much music means to you, Izzy. I would never take you away from your passion. Hell, it's your job.”

His eyes met yours again for a split second before he returned his gaze to the floor. His hands had begun to fiddle with the end of the blanket the two of you had abandoned previously.

“Thank you. I honestly don't deserve you. I’ve been more caught up in making music because I've been… more inspired in the last few months than I have in years.”

You smiled. That was genuinely great to hear. It pleased you to know he was doing well. His happiness rubbed off on you.

“And,” he continued, now looking up,” I suppose I have you to thank for that.”

“Huh?”

“Remember when I used to ask you to sit with me in the studio?”

You nodded.

“It’s because you inspire me. I found that writing became easy with you there because you've been the root of all of my ideas. Ever since we met actually, you've inspired so many different things.”

His ears started to redden and your heart skipped with pure molten love and excitement. You could've genuinely leapt to your feet and sprung comically high like a cartoon, screaming with joy. That was so special. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You kept the same gentle and relaxed demeanour as before, but it was useless to try and hold back the giddy smile that took over your whole face.

“Is this why you’ve been so protective over your work?”

“Um, yeah. I didn’t mean to be so secretive, it’s just kind of… Kind of,” he looked away, that same beet red that grew on his ears now starting to come to his neck and cheeks.

“Kind of..?” you encouraged.

He took a peek at you before sighing, exasperated from having to be so honest.

“It’s embarrassing, okay? You probably think I’m fucking weird or something now.”

“No, Izzy. Actually, its quite the opposite. I think thats so sweet. I’m seriously so honoured to be an inspiration. You know how much I admire your work.”

He seemed surprised by your reaction.

“R-really?”

“Yes!”

He visibly became more relaxed, slumping a bit further against the sofa behind him.

“Oh thank God,” he breathed.

“Don’t tell me this is what you were so nervous about.”

“It is. I was going to buy you some clothes or something originally, but I thought, instead, I could show what I wrote for you. I burned a CD with a few of them on it for you too.”

Your mouth fell open. A few of them? Did you hear that right? He reached to open his case now and handed you a CD before taking the instrument out. You took it and looked at the front of the case. There was a paper slipped in the back of the plastic, on it, your name was written in neat cursive with a heart on the end. You genuinely could not believe what you were looking at.

He strummed experimentally, seeing if each string was in tune. You set it down and looked at him, eyes soft.

You were filled with so much love you could almost feel it coming up your throat. He didn’t realise just how much all of this meant to you, and you could tell. He was more at ease now, knowing that you were more than pleased with all of this. But you knew with the way the corner of his mouth raised once happy with the tuning of his guitar that he was unaware of just how incredible what he had done was.

You felt special. You felt loved.

“I was going to do this tomorrow, but now feels better. I’ll play you my favourite one, okay?”

You could only nod.

He began, and you were instantly enchanted. You paid careful attention to every chord, every word, every syllable. It was impossible not to. Everything about him demanded you look. He drew you in like that. The way his voice was filling the space made you want to lean in closer and maybe lean your head against his chest, but again, you didn’t dare move. The last thing you wanted to do was throw him off and scare him from ever doing something like this again.

He had been so brave and honest. You could tell that it took a lot of courage for him to tell you about this little secret. Izzy could be sappy every now and again, but playfully so. He was rarely so open. He was being open and vulnerable. Sincere. He had even flushed the sweetest red for you.

It was futile trying to stop the tears from forming in your lash line.

He finished with a final strum and his gaze returned to you once again, that unsure expression returning.

“What do you think?”

You sniffed before swaying forward and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He quickly put his guitar aside and made space for you, tilting his head to let your own fall to the crook of his neck. He put a cheek against your crown and laughed gently as you kissed all the skin you could from where you were tucked away, salty streams wetting your face as you cried. They weren’t just happy tears, but the result of being so stuffed with true, unwavering love you didn’t know where to put it, so it flooded out of you.

“I'm assuming those are positive tears,” Izzy spoke. You didn’t need to see his face to know he was smirking. You could hear it in his words.

You pressed closer, seeking the vibrations that his voice brought.

“You are so dumb for thinking I'd call you weird,” you said, muffled by how you were positioned.

“How was I supposed to know how you’d react? There’s no way to casually say ‘Hey! You’ve been my muse since our first meeting and you’re the first thing that comes to mind when it’s quiet!’ I sound insane,” he huffed dryly.

You gave a scoff as your tears started slowing.

“I love you for you. This was really thoughtful and I’m a mess because of it. Are these tears not proof enough of my appreciation?” you joked, pulling away from his neck to look at him. “Should I run around like a headless chicken and explode into flames to show how this makes me feel?”

He let out a full laugh at that, making you smile once again. You noticed from the corner of your eye through the glass of the window that there were white flakes dancing in the breeze and you gasped, turning and pointing.

“Izzy, it’s snowing!”

“So it is.”

You took a moment to watch it fall like feathers against the black drape of night, contrasting colours striking. Beautiful.

The living room settled into true syrupy peace as you melted against your boyfriend's chest once again, eyes still steady on the sight outside. With the warm tangerine glow of display lights you’d wrapped around the TV stand, you felt a memory slip itself into place inside your mind.

You knew you would never forget that moment.

Izzy pressed a soft kiss to your hairline.

“Love you, sweetheart. Merry Christmas.”

“Love you too, idiot.”

“Hey!”

Silence came again, and you didn’t realise your eyelids were drooping. It was just so comfortable on his lap, his body heat bleeding into your skin so easily.

You had finally figured out what it was he was hiding.

‘Case closed’ you snorted internally, before drifting off, head blissfully empty.

[divineintervention-comics]

When did you first read the myth of Ganymede? And why did you chose to make a comic for this myth?

its a long and convoluted story but im happy to share. in 2015, i was in middle school, i made horror character designs based on the zodiac signs and those later became OCs (i have never read homestuck, everything i know about it was forced upon me by my friends in school). i used the myths as backstories for the characters when they are living constellations. i wanted to make a RPG and they were stars that fell to earth when the gods got too caught up in their bullshit and neglected humanity and the earth and now they have to save the world.

i was immediately attached to Aquarius (who is now Ganymede), he was always an androgynous perpetually dissociated character even before i knew the backstory. i was a teenager myself at this point when i really got into it, and i found the Zeus and Ganymede myth to be disturbing since i was his age. it stuck with me, to the point where i struggled to find the other constellations myths less compelling.

i dont know how to code and didnt know how to make games, i already felt like i was losing it bc its been in production hell since i was 12 and i was 17 at the time. i felt like before i make the game, i should make backstory comics for ALL 12 CHARACTERS (how i thought i would be able to do that when i only cared about 2-3 of the characters in the series who knows). i couldnt stop thinking about Ganymede, i couldnt stop thinking about a story where he is a character and not just an object in the narrative.

in 2020-2021, i made my first draft beta version, it wasnt called "Cupbearers", it was "Divine Intervention: Cupbearer". i just found the myth so compelling in a "i need to make a horror story out of this" way, i needed to cope with my own fears of kidnapping, sexual abuse, human trafficking, loss of bodily autonomy, transformations, immortality, and being stuck through this myth inspired comic.

Ganymede, even as Aquarius, has always been a cathartic character for me, both as a 12 year old and now as a 21 year old. i grow up but he is cursed with immortality, cursed with eternal youth, the world keeps moving on and he will never be able to catch up. stuck in the same spot, never moving forward, never moving backwards, just stuck working for the man who stole his life until the end of time, eternal punishment viewed as a gift by those who bestowed it upon him. how could you be so ungrateful? we gave you a gift. we took you away from everything you've ever known, we've taken away ownership of your body, we've turned you into a beast like us, being tortured by me is a gift, it is a privilege that i chose you, you ungrateful meat-thing.

but he is just a kid, i want to protect him, i want to draw him having fun, i want to draw him enjoying a good meal, i want to see him find any comfort in the horror that is immortality. he's only a kid. just a baby, barely even though puberty, his brain isnt done developing, he had a future, he could have grown up and chose his own life. i think about that a lot.

i just generally have a lot of thoughts, everything i write and draw for this project has a point, it has a purpose, its not just needless suffering i dont write despair. (some zeus x ganymede shipper vagueposted about cupbearers being needless wallowing without purpose bc i dont write fluff fics between a grown man and his child slave)

i really appreciate this ask!!! thanks for asking me about my thought process, i have so much going on in my head and i need to get it out somehow

[satoverse]

▪︎Summary: Y/n sure likes to keep a lot of secrets to her friends but to the day has finally come and her secrets are exposed will they abandon her or will they stay.

WARNING: mafia!au, non-jujutsu sorcerers!au, modern day!au, angst, mentions of sexual conversations here and there, smut(at some point), TW!mentions of alcohol, fighting, blood, knives, guns, mentions of violence, brainwashed reader(at some point)

PART 1

Vengeance...Blood...Kill..

And with those three words all i could think of was the blood gushing out of their bodies, watching them die mercily...

__________________________

Having to hide such a huge secret is not the easiest thing a human being can achieve to do. Sure, it is easy to hide the fact that you kissed or had sex with your toxic ex to your friends, or hiding the fact that having a massive crush on them is easy again. You see these are all easy secret to hide it from them, but being the boss to one of the most dangerous mafias that has ever existed sure is easy..right?

"Stop sleeping and get up you lazy ass." she says as she flicks my forehead, slowly opening my eyes to look over to my side only to see Nobara looking down at me with her hands crossed. "First of ouch..secondly why should I? I barely got sleep last night." I turn my back at her covering myself from head to toe with the blanke trying to fall back asleep, only to feel the cold air hit my body "Oh shut up it is not my fault you stayed with that damned phone all night plus we promised Shoko and Utahime that we would help them painting their house."

I groan in annoyance as i kick my feet to the mattress "Cant you just go alone and tell 'em that i got sick or something? Noba...I really dont wanna go i feel really tired." and with that guilt washed all over me seeing her looking at me with those disappointed eyes. Turning around to leave my room she stops at the doorstep "You know... oh forget it its not even worth saying you'll always make up excuses again." and with that i watch her leave my room only after a couple of seconds to hear the front door forcefully getting shut. I sigh as i get up from my bed sitting down and looking at the floor 'if only i could tell..if only...'

Truth is I was up all night trying to find the location of Ryomen Sukuna. An infamous mafia leader that has been wanted for years, searching for him is not that easy since...well lets just say he has his own old ways. I get up once again walking towards the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my little sincare morning routine and apply some light make up. I walk back to my room going towards my closet to grab a plain white crop top, some old sweatpants and a jacket. I grab my hat and sunglasses looking at myself once again in the mirror in my living room and then i head out.

___________________________________________

...Ring....Ring...Ring...

'Meet me at _____ in 20 minutes'

I look down to my watch only to see more than 20 minutes have passed "Where the hell is he? Whats taking him so long?". As im about to pull out the flip phone to call him he appears, only to see him breathing heavily with sweat dripping down his forehead to his neck. "Jesus fucking Christ were the hell where you that you had to run." I watch him sit down on of the empty chairs in the room as he waves at me away with his hand, only for me to chuckle at his action. "You literally called a last minute meeting in the middle of fucking NOWHERE and on top of THAT ITS ON THE 50TH FUCKING FLOOR and MIND YOU the elevator does NOT work." I laugh at his sudden tantrum as at the same time I make myself comfortable on the chair that is on the opposite direction of him "Damn it sure is pleasing to see a quiet person throw a whole tantrum about some stairs." He shot at me a death glare as i simply chuckle it away... "Now let's begin shall we..."

After 'bout an hour or so we both grunt to the feeling of disappointment. "This is just so frustrating I FUCKING HATE HIM!" and within seconds the chair has ended up on the other side of the room. He just looks at me unamused as he slightly rolls his eyes "Calm down." thats the only sentence that comes out of his mouth 'damn he went quiet again..' i thought to myself. I go over where the chair is grabing it and bring it close to the table and sit on it. "You know this is just hell for me we will never going to find him or the last remaining antique."

I place my head on the table as i sigh deeply, only to feel big hands on my shoulders to slowly massage them.He looks down at my exposed neck, leaning down to it close to my ear only to whisper.. "Calm down." ...again. He softly pecks the back of my neck as I lean in on his touch of his softly lips, I sigh once again and lean back up to push him away slowly. "Let's just call it a day its already 2pm I need to get back." He crosses his arms as he looks down at me with a raised eyebrow "something happened?". I turn around to look at him with a slight pouty face "Nobara got mad at me again because i bailed on our plans...again and Shoko and Utahime are also probably mad at me too." He just stares at me for a couple of seconds and just shakes his head, "Go ill take care of everything."

My face lits up and i go over to him on tip toes to give him a big hug "You are the best, this is why you are my right hand man." and with that i quickly get out of the room and make my way towards Shoko's house.

...Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...

'The number you have called is not available at th-'

'sigh...what have i done'

As im walking down the street i notice a bakery, thinking to myself 'since i made them mad i might as well make it up to them'.I go into the shop and look around only to leave the shop with a bunch of sweets in my hands, "Damn they sure will love this..specially Satoru." i chuckle to myself and make my way again towards the house. Walking in narrow alleys sure its a bit scary when you're alone but its even scarier when someone is following, and by someone meaning an enemy.

I cut out routes passing through old buildings, in order for him not to follow me to my friends house I quickly make my way towards and old looking house getting and setting the bags down. I hide behind a wall waiting for him to get lured by my trap and once they are in i quietly and quickly headlock him placing a hand over their mouth. He grabs me by the hands and rolls me over to the ground taking a knife out he tries to knife me in the heart but i quickly roll over, get up and forcefully kick the knife out of his hand with my leg. I grab it and place it over his neck, slowly walking forward for him only to walk backwards, "Who are you and who sent you?" getting amuzed by his scared face, pale face and cold sweat dripping down his forehead.."P-please s-spare m-" ..i give him a smile and with that i slice his neck.

I watch him fall down, gagging trying to get some air only for him to fail as he stops breathing after a couple of minutes. I crouch down at him and grab his shirt to clean the knife. "This is what happens when you dont answer the correct questions that you are being told..now shall we send your boss a quick message?". I cut his shirt off with the knife and i start carving on his body.

'I'll find you'

I clean the knife once again and place it in my pocket making sure to dispose it later. I grab the bags and making my way towards the house once and for good.

After twenty minutes or so i finally arrive at Shoko's house, anxiety slowly building up on my stomach prepared to be yelled at, well...mostly from Utahime. I knock on the door tree time making a quick pause then knocking again two times. The door opens only to be revealed by-

"Utaa...heyy nice to see you" she gave me a glare that sent shiver down my spine "WHERE THE HELL WHERE YOU Y/N I THOUGHT WE PLANED TO-" "i bought sweets" I tell her as i shove the boxes to her face making her to hold them. I get in the house closing the door behind me as I look around taking a big sniff to smell the freshly painted living room. I take my shoes off as i make myself comfortable around "This is a nice apartment i love it" "Thanks took a while to find a nice place like this" Shoko say and as per usual her cigarette never leaving her mouth. I sit down to the floor as the rest of them follow my lead sitting down making a circle.

Utahime places the opened boxes of sweets in the middle so anyone can take as much as they want. "Never thought you'd drop by, your always so "busy" for us and you never stay even if you do its for a short period of time" Nobara says to me while she its a cookie. I drop my head low smiling knowing that those words dont only hurt me but her and the rest of group. "Well-.." "Well what? You always cancel on us saying your vusy yet you never tell us with what, you're always so "mysterious and all that" you weren't like that" Geto says as he cut me off not letting me say a single word. My heart feels shattered I've been so focused of finding Sukuna that i forgot that i also gad a normal life to live and friends that actually do wanna be in my life.

I bring my head up high and give a soft smile "Im sorry I truly am I've been busy with work so much, that I've forgotten about reality, I've working double shifts and I've also work late night shifts so its-" "Don't even worry about that" Gojo says to me while wrapping a hand around my shoulder, looking down at me while giving me a soft smile "We just want you to be happy and healthy nothing else if you need us we will always be by your side" I smile at his kind words as i shove him away while giving him a slap on the shoulder "You corny bitch dont talk to me all lovely like that you just saying that because i got sweets" they all chuckle and giggle at the remark as they all agree with me.

It is nice being like this with everyone I feel like Im finally free like there is nothing stopping me for being with my loved ones...

___________________________________________

Looking down at the the body he laughs hysterical as he takes a picture. "I'll find you huh...adorable." He places his phone back into his pocket and calls out his man telling them to dispose the body. He gets in the backseats of the car telling the drive to drive off. Pulling his phone out he looks at the picture once again chuckling to himself.. "Boss will be entertained with this"

[jake-g-lockley]

I'm back :D

OKAY so I have TWO prompts you can feel free to pick from whichever you want!! if one has already been written/requests then thats okay (its mainly why i picked two jUST IN CASE!!!!!)

How aboutttttt the cutie pie moon boys with either prompt #15 or #21?! I DONT MIND EITHER WHICHEVER WORKS BETTER FOR YOU (im so indecisive and they're both so cute?!?)

THANK YOU LOVELY!!!

Poison Tree (Moon Knight x reader)

Masterlist | Spotify Playlist | Wanna be Tagged?

Prompt: the spider-man meme where they're all pointing at each other but it's a conversation like *i said i didn't like you like that because you said you didn't like me" "but i said i didn't like you because you were literally in love with someone else" then "i only said i was in love with them because you didn't want me!

A/N: Heya lovelyyy!! Thank you so much for the ask, I switched it up a tiny bit but I hope you like it ehhehe.

Warnings: everyone here is an idiot istg, a touch of angst, them not being able to say what they need to say, seriously; they have three people in their head and they’re that dumb? AHAHAH, light allusions to smut.

Word Count: 2.1 k 

☾ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Buying things was something that plagued you like a weird disease that never went away. You didn’t have this type of luxury when you were younger, your mother always forced you to save whatever money you made and scared you into thinking that you would not have a single cent on you when you truly needed it. Funnily enough, when you started earning your own money, you gave in and started to spend on things that your mother would frown upon.

You stared up at the shelf of books before you, sighing frustratedly as you gazed at the beautiful new covers. You cursed yourself for walking into the new luxury bookstore that opened in the mall, your mother’s voice echoing loudly in your head. You screwed your eyes tightly and tried to imagine something that would pull you away from both the thought of buying the book and the sound of your mother’s grating voice.

You were laying down on the couch, your body aching deliciously from the weight of something covering you. Your hands were preoccupied, carding through soft curls as large hands squeezed your sides. You were smiling down at the person who was cuddling you close and the person looked up at you, big brown, doe like eyes meeting yours.

“You know I have those books in my flat?” a voice pulled you out of your little daydream making you gasp as you whirled around and your eyes met the same brown eyes you were imagining. 

Steven Grant was smiling at you, his lopsided grin matching his curls that flopped to his forehead. Steven always looked comfortable and you always had the inevitable urge to squeeze him. Oh, how you yearned to press your nose into his chest as you hugged him close. You faked a scowl and Steven’s grin got wider as his hand shot out and gripped your wrist.

“If you behave, I’ll let you borrow them someday.” his voice twisted your insides as he pulled you away from the shelf.

Your heart swooned whenever you were around Steven. He and the other two were your poison tree, the bunch you had intended to stay far away from but couldn’t get enough of. He gently pulled your book bag off your shoulder and slung it on his own as the both of you walked to the cafe that the both of you hung out at on a weekly basis. You’d mark your student’s exercise books while Steven did his research on the ancient artifact he was writing about.

At times, you’d feel his eyes on you and you knew it wasn’t exactly Steven looking at you anymore

“Hi, Marc.” you said, without looking up from what you were marking.

“I still don’t get how you do that.” The deep Chicago accent makes you shiver slightly.

“Your posture changes, dummy.” you said, earning a chuckle from him.

“How are the kids doing this week?” he asked, leaning forward to take a look at what you were marking. 

“Pretty good actually, their grammar is getting better and I think they enjoy my classes.”

“I’m sure they do, princesa.” came the beautiful spanish drawl. 

“Now, what did I say about switching mid conversation.” 

A long pause greeted you and you finally looked up from the book you were marking to see Jake staring at you with a satisfied smile.

“That it’s rude?”

“Mhmm.”

“I made you look though.” he winked at you and your insides turned into pure mush.

Outside, you rolled your eyes and casted your eyes back down onto the exercise book, holding back a grin of your own. 

“So, how is Mr. Daniels?” 

Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked back at Marc who was now leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed in front of him. You didn’t get why he would always ask you about the math teacher, you only called Mr. Daniels cute once in your life. 

“He’s good, I guess.” you took a sip of your coffee and bowed your head, not letting Marc see what was clearly written all over your face.

For months, you have been trying to get rid of the feelings you felt for the three men. They were absolutely beautiful and had personalities that fired up your very being, but an unfortunate incident stood between you and them.

Flashback

You and him were a little too close, you could see all of the little details of his face. You and him had demolished a bag of doritos and the empty wine glasses made the both of you giggle incredulously. You didn’t know who you were looking at, the alcohol muddling your brain as your eyes zeroed on the doritos dust at the side of his mouth. 

“You know I was thinking of asking Dylan out, the tour guide at the museum.” Steven’s voice burned a hole through your heart and you smiled, hiding the pain that coursed through you.

“You should.” you whispered, trying your hardest not to let your heart betray you.

“Jake suggested for me to take her out to that steak shop.” he leaned back into the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. 

“And what are you gonna eat there, silly.” you stifled a giggle.

“I dunno, bread, salad?” 

You tried to laugh the best you could despite the achy feeling at the pit of your stomach. 

End of flashback

“How’s Dylan?” you asked. 

“She’s alright.” Steven said softly. 

“Hmm.”

Your eyes caught a couple behind Steven and you smiled gently as one of them kissed the other one’s knuckles.

Jake noticed and turned around too, turning back to you with a grin and plucking the red pen out of your hand before suddenly taking your hand in his. Your heart blazed when you felt his lips on your knuckles and your breathing stopped for a second, his eyes shining with mischief. You quickly snatched your hand away from him and you could note the change in the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Hey, you know I was just joking, it didn’t mean anything.” he said quickly. 

It didn’t mean anything.

“Yea, I know, Jake , you don’t like me like that.” you said before you could stop yourself.

Jake’s thoughts raced as Marc and Steven panicked inside his head. They weren’t supposed to like you like that but they do and they wanted to stand on top of the table that you both were at and scream that fact at the top of their lungs.

You couldn’t mark anything anymore, with the way he kept reminding you of your failed love life. Your failed, unrequited love for them. You snatched the pen back from him and tapped the book in front of you, thinking of your next move. You quickly grab your phone and text one of your friends, Sam. Code red, the code you always used to get out of situations you didn’t like and you were feeling really uncomfortable with the energy you had created. 

A few minutes later, to your pure relief, your friend called you.

“Oh, umm, I have to go, Sam is stuck in a … situation.” you say as you frantically shove your stuff into your bag.

“Right, let me help you with that.” Steven said, standing up, a worried look on his face.

“It's okay, I got it.” you gave him a reassuring smile and tucked a five pound bill under the coffee.

“I’ll see you.”

“Yeah.” Steven rubbed the back of his neck, wondering if he had said anything out of the way, his heart pounding as he watched you walk out of the cafe.

☾ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You woke up hours later to a knock at your door. Your face was wet and you checked your phone for any messages, absolutely shocked to see about 14 missed calls from the boys, another five from your best friend and dozens of messages. You flung yourself out of bed and ran to the front door

You opened it to see a frantic Jake standing outside, his hair a mess. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close, mumbling something into your hair in spanish.

“Shit, I thought something happened when you didn’t answer your calls. I called Sam and she couldn’t get a hold of you.” Jake’s voice was bubbling with tears and you looked up at him in shock. 

“Jake, I-” suddenly, his lips were on yours and you felt yourself being lifted off your feet.

The kiss was as frantic as he looked and you became putty in his arms as you tried your best to steady yourself. You pulled away and stared at the man in front of you, only to see Steven’s eyes staring back. Your hands came up to touch your lips and you couldn’t help but touch his lips too. 

“Sorry, fuck, I know you’re with-” you cut him off with another kiss and you felt all of your worries wash over you.

Your hands grip his face and you hold onto him until the both of you are out of air. 

“Fuck, what about Dy-” you pulled away and started to say, but Marc pushed you against the wall and caught your lips with his again, wordlessly asking you to jump as he gripped your hips hard. 

You jumped and wrapped your legs around his torso, your bodies sandwiched together. Your hands carded up his curls and you pulled on them for purchase, causing him to groan against your lips. 

“Wait, Marc, Jake, Steven, what’s happening.” you pull away, your confusion creeping up the satisfied feeling that you were feeling. 

You couldn’t tell who had control of the body as they pushed their forehead against yours, just holding you against the wall. 

“I don’t know,” you heard Steven’s voice whisper as he ducked his head lower.

Your hands were still in his hair and you pulled him closer.

“Put me down.” you whispered after a while and unlocked your ankles.

Their eyes were casted downward as they tried their best to not look at you. You pulled them to your dining table and busied yourself with making a cup of tea, chewing at your swollen bottom lip, wondering what had just happened. You wanted to feel it again so bad, the passion they pushed upon you was so fiery that you wanted nothing more but to have it course through your veins again. You sighed as you pushed the cup of tea in front of them.

“Whoever is fronting, could you please just explain what happened?” you calmly asked. 

When their eyes met with your’s, you could clearly see Marc’s sadness and it crushed your heart.

“We’re sorry we springed on you like that.” he whispered. “The truth is, I- we are in love with you.'' The last bit of his sentence came out like it was a harsh secret, clawing its way out of his voice box. 

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“Fuck.” was all you could say as you swallowed down your own tears. 

“But we know that you don’t feel like that for us, so you-” he continued. 

“Wait, who said that?” you cut him off, your heart thudding in your chest.

“You did.” Steven mumbled. “Just now, we only said that we didn’t like you like that because you made it clear how you felt about us.” 

“But- but I only did that because you have feelings for someone else! You know? The woman you are dating!” 

“We only said that because you said you found the math teacher at your school cute!” Marc slammed his hand down, making you jump. “We’re not dating Dylan!”

“I was joking, you dumbass! Oh my fucking god!” you slammed your hands down and stood up, pushing Marc’s chair back and straddling him without another word.

You kissed him like you meant it, putting your soul out there so that it would meet theirs. All the anger you felt was channeled back into the kiss and you wanted them to choke on their own passion with the way you pressed yourself against them. Marc sighed against your lips and melted away, letting the body switch frantically between Steven, himself and Jake. When you finally felt satisfied you pulled away and gave them a small smile.

“You boys love me huh?” you brushed their fringe away from their face and looked into the eyes that held the only three that you would hand your heart to. “Well, I love you too, cowards.”

“Hey, watch who you’re calling a coward.” Steven’s hands gripped hard at your hips as he grinned up at you, leaning in and kissing you softly. 

After a while he brought his lips next to your ear, he whispers “This coward won’t let you borrow his books until he makes you forget your own name.”

Your eyes widened and you shook your head, wondering what awaited at the top of the poison tree you managed to climb up on. 

Reblogs are appreciated ~~~

Taglist: @fandxmslxt69 @randomnessfangirl @in-between-the-cafes @bodhisattva11 @marc-spectors-wife @nyotamalfoy @steven-grants-world @jbearre85 @whatsliferightnow @excitedcurtain864 @minigirl87 @wonderfulboiledcoldpotato @alexxavicry @autismsupermusicalassassin @flordelalunas @marygraceee @lia275 @euphoricosmo @sky-robin @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @sugarpunch-princess @violet-19999 @celiaswife @swiggy-needs-mental-help @ghostheartbeat @kierramofficial @ryebreadsworld @your-voice-is-mellifluous @lil-stark @absolutelybloodyhopeless @mintpurplemnm @spookyysilverr @bubblezuku

[im-out-of-it]

part two of season two, episode four discussion post continued “day of wrath”

40. Magnus killing it in the fashion department in this episode

41. I like when they would put Magnus in more colorful attire. the black clothing is nice but Magnus is very versatile and can literally pull off anything. that’s why I think season one Magnus is super iconic because there isn’t a hairstyle or clothing that he wore that he didn’t look fantastic in. I just wish in the last two seasons, they would’ve spiced up his wardrobe and gave him different hairstyles. I like the spiked look but what about the pink hair, the different hairstyles?????

42. IM SORRY BUT SEASON ONE MAGS IS SO UNDERRATED SO CAN WE PLEASE APPRECIATE HIM??????

43. shit where was I???? oh that’s right, Simon is trying to open Camille’s little snake trapping protection box thing

44. Simon: ribs sound appetizing but not for me

45. also this is from last episode and Magnus’s facial expressions are always ON POINT

46. well good old hodge is the cell next to Jace. always fun when the person who cuts off your hand is now next to you in prison

47. ew hodge just told jace he’s the best. ADVIL PLEASE

48. I actually don’t mind the whole demons taking over shadowhunters bodies but I don’t like certain ones being blamed for the actions demons did (cough cough trying to make Alec feel guilty in a way clary)

49. Luke and Jocelyn have zero chemistry. I said what I said. I’m glad they got rid of her and put with Luke with someone else (don’t want to ruin anything for first time watchers)

50. also forgot to post this as well:

51. I love how everyone waits to be let in to Magnus’s loft and Alec just walks in as he owns the place lmao (I’m not sure if the bottom left is Alec just coming in but I wouldn’t be surprised.) Alec + Magnus’s loft = a package deal

52. to be fair, alec comes with the apartment (a little jest for season three) I just love how comfortable Alec is that he can just come in but technically, he’s been doing that before they got together. you can’t say no to Alec it’s impossible

53. BUT RAPHAEL CAN WE CRY FOR HIM YET

54. Simon is coming at the worst possible time

55. and before we get to Simon and Raphael fighting and causing Magnus a migraine, can we talk about the beautiful friendship Raphael has with Magnus? I didn’t like their friendship in the books. it was a very sarcastic but almost we aren’t that great of friends style in the books. I didn’t like it. I like how Raphael can come to Magnus in the show and not be embarrassed. I think they’re a lot closer in the show. I absolutely adore that some of the downworlders are Magnus’s children because he can’t have any children (biologically)

56. Magnus: revenge at its finest

57. and it’s so sweet to see Magnus catering to Raphael’s wounds. show Magnus will always have my heart. he’s constantly helping others even when his world is burning. literally has been through so much with Alec already and he’s been helping Alec out, Simon, and Raphael. there are no limits to Magnus and his kindness.

(helped clary try to get her memories, helped wake Jocelyn up, helped get book of the white and endured seeing Camille and magicking up a draft that sets Camille free, helps Simon face his fears, helps Raphael with his wounds, tracks Camille down knowing how difficult it’ll be, helps Alec with coming out and making sure he is comfortable, helps Luke with his wounds and this is just within 17 episodes) I’m just saying- there’s so much content they could’ve used with Magnus

58. Lydia’s back and not in the mood for raj

59. Magnus ended ya Raj so I would tread carefully lmao

60. asking Magnus to deliver Camille is a big ask because of their history. he definitely has a big choice although difficult one to make 😭 Camille hurt Magnus gravely but she also saved his life in a lot of ways. it’s not like “oh she’s my insane ex that I can’t wait to rid of” but at a time, they did have something beautiful. but when it comes to saving the downworlders vs Camille’s happiness, it sort of helps determine which choice is the best

61. Simon: how the fuck are you everywhere

62. ah just two sons of Magnus fighting

63. Magnus: children enough! if you’re going to fight, I’m going to need a drink 🍸 and we might as well make it a double

64. Raphael: this motherfucker has had Camille’s grave dirt all this time and I just find out?????? I WAS TORTURED FOR THIS? also to be fair, it’s not as though Simon went through vampire academy training 😭

65. see ya soon Camille

Simon: I portaled to freaking india and faced a cobra!!!!!! yeah Raphael, cut Simon some slack. he had to learn how to encanto while Magnus was shopping through his belongings lmao

stopping at 66 because I should remember that and will continue part three later

[lord-explosion-baku]

Idk if ur active here but I was writing a thing and you came to mind.

I dunno whether to make the fic a reader insert or an oc

On one hand it's very personalized to where it feels almost naked without the OC's name. But on the other hand in your Thorns fic i had seen a lot of your reader inserts feel very unique in their own right without making the audience feel isolated from it.

I guess the more simple and direct question i wanted to ask was, what's your technique?

Sorry if this was out the blue but I felt i should get it out the way, anyway.

tbh writing in second-person perspective comes easiest to me, so i love writing reader-inserts. at the same time, when i write something bigger than a one-shot, i do have an OC in mind, but i try not to be too descriptive when it comes to body, skin, or hair types so as to not take people away from their own self-inserts.

If i ever write divergently, i will always preface in the author’s note something like “XYZ has been used as a physical descriptor, reader’s favorite flavor is strawberry, etc.”. This hasn’t always faired well with every single audience member and sometimes people will make it known. it is a downer, but i try not to let it get to me because i gave my warnings and in the end, i wrote it because i wanted to write it a certain way.

giving the reader in second-person any sort of personality is a double-edged sword because at one point, you’re giving the reader character more depth and ultimately making your story a more compelling read. at the other point, there will always be someone saying “I’d never do this” or “reader is pissing me off”, but any character with depth will have flaws, and shouldn’t be perfect.

^^ we’ve reached a point in our society where media literacy is sort of on a downward spiral, and if any character is anything short of morally perfect, someone has something terrible to say about it. “This person did a morally not-good thing, ergo, they are not good and are irredeemable.” it is very silly.

i’m getting off-track. this is about names. A-ha.

it can be very frustrating, because god do i want to name these readers in my reader-inserts. if i wanted to give an MC a name, i could, but i would feel more comfortable doing that if i were writing in first or third person POV. At the same time, i like attention, and OC fics do not get as much traffic as reader inserts or character x character fics.

if you want my advice: if you’re writing because you have an idea in your head and you want to practice more on your writing, write in first or third person perspective and give your MC a name. make it yours and it can possibly pay off someday. just be aware it might not gain as much attention as a reader-insert fic.

if you’re writing because you have an idea in your head and you want instant gratification (attention from people on the internet), write reader-inserts or character x character stories.

im sorry if this seems negative or jaded. i genuinely love writing reader-inserts, but i do find its limitations very frustrating.

[talon-dragonbeast]

i have been feeling more enderman than dragon this past few days, and thanks to that ive been able to collect more information about my species! i want to list it somewhere because there is A Lot. ill share it under the cut :]

of course, not every enderman will feel like i do, or could even have a completely different experience from mine! (i know there arent many enderman on this site and even less that talk about it as extensively as i do, but just in case)

all of these were gathered from a combination of noemata, phantom limbs, instincts and a bit of meditation! none of these are made up, everything i list is true for my experience /gen

so, endermankin things, in no particular order!

endermen are a solitary species, but not territorial. we just ignore eachother, maybe share information and news between individuals from time to time but its not frequent

this can also vary between regions: in the End there is more sense of community, and in the Overworld seeing another enderman is so rare that encounters are appreciated and even enjoyed

in the warped forest, where im from, we are more individualistic. we care for our young communally, but when the enderman reaches maturity they are on their own. sounds cold, but we actually prefer this! we are very introverted :D

endermen have a language! it's a combination of vocalisations, chirps and what i can only describe as vwoops. we can also produce a terrifying static noise when threatened, if its strong enough it can paralyse a human being with fear. our written language is known by humans as the enchanting table language, which we all learn at some point in our lives.

endermen are nomadic! we do have areas that we like to frequent, but we dont enjoy staying in the same place. we love to wander!

as we all know endermen are able to teleport between places, but we're also able to teleport between dimensions! we like to return to our place of birth from time to time, but we love to explore the different dimensions!

im an enderman from the warped forest, that is a region in the Nether dimension. it's the only Nether biome where enderman can spawn! also its just so pretty: it has cyan nylium and red soil, there are giant cyan fungus and there is shiny shroomlight and glowstone!

endermen are very weird mammals. we are poikilothermic (or cold-blooded, in simple words), which means we dont produce body heat and cant control our temperature via sweating or shivering. our ideal environment is the End, because the temperature there always stays in a comfortable room temperature (which is a bit cold to most humans lol), but we are able to survive in the warped forests because theyre the coldest biome of the Nether. our body temperature is very low because we have very slow metabolisms.

food: obviously, endermen native to the End will only eat the chorus fruit, which is very sweet and has all the nutrients the enderman needs. but we can also eat a variety of things, depending on the dimension one stays.

in the warped forest well usually eat fungus and meat, and in the Overworld well just eat whatever! we arent able to drink water because it burns us, but we get all our hydration from food.

endermen eat their food whole, without chewing. if it fits in our mouth (even if we have to unhinge our jaws like a snake), in it goes, but if it doesn't we tear it in pieces with our mouth or claws. we can survive a few days without eating because digestion takes forever.

our skin isnt covered with fur nor scales, but is strong. we dont have many facial muscles because we dont use them for communication, so we can be pretty expressionless. in addition to this, the skin of the face is harder in some parts like the mouth, where our lips form two fangs that we use to tear food apart.

the only weakness of an enderman is eye contact and water. we don't need to be worried about being hit because well just teleport away, but eye contact will lock us in place so it feels incredibly vulnerable to an enderman (also it hurts like hell and we are not able to think properly while it is maintained so yeah. dont.). water is dangerous to us because while it just makes our skin itch at first, it WILL start to hurt if we keep touching it.

our limbs are very very long, both arms and legs. our figure is slim and kind of bony, with little body fat (low metabolism + no body heat = not a lot of need for storing up energy). we are extremely flexible.

our hands are huge and padded, and we have long fingers that end in some pretty sick claws. this is because we need to be able to pick and hold blocks for our mental wellbeing, so to do that comfortably we evolved to have big hands. and also to defend ourselves i guess (but the Blocks are more important)

more anatomy! endermen have big ears and glowing purple eyes, with oval irises and no pupil. we have pretty good hearing and sight (though we dont see the same colours that humans do), but we are very sensitive to light so thats why we dont appear during the day. we dont move our ears a lot (again, no facial muscles), only enough to locate where the sounds come from.

we have tails, these are actually very movable, almost prehensile! they are long and thin, ending with a tuft of hair. we use them for balance (being digitigrade and bipedal means it would be very difficult to not fall over without it!) and for communication! they can even be used to hold things (though its not often, as it doesnt have a huge grip strength)

humans think we dont have emotions, but thats because they arent looking at our tails. we sway them from side to side to signal we are content, a still tail or coiled around ones leg means the enderman is anxious! we like to hold our tails for comfort, and play with them when we are bored.

uhh thats all i think! i will edit the list from time to time to stay up to date with new discoveries. feel free to make questions in the comments or in asks! i love to talk about enderman biology (as you can probably tell lol) so dont be shy. for those that have stayed until the end of this gigantic post, have a chorus fruit as a reward :]

[villainessprefect]

Anonymous asked: hello!! may i request a fic with malleus x gn!reader pls? this is too specific since im having a bad day sooo my request is where reader is having a bad day since they found out their 'friends' talking sh*t behind their back and they didnt attend the whole class for the whole day and ignoring everyone esp malleus (bc reader want some alone time) so at night time, malleus found reader and just comfort them? thank you, have a good day! :)

hello! I hope this fic brings you some comfort!! don't let those types of friends get you down!

title: turn to me

summary: Your latest ‘friends’ turn out to be trash. Their words lead you down a terrible descent. At least someone is willing to reach out to you.

ship: Malleus x gn!reader

word count: 2,167

note: does this need a trigger warning for like. self-loathing?? idk

Read on AO3

You should have known from the start that it would end this way. In this hellish world, you would always be an outcast, the odd one out, the magicless one. No matter how hard you tried to fit in, no matter what you did, you were not part of this world.

But is it so wrong to hope? To think that maybe, just maybe, you could be a part of this world if only for a moment.

Perhaps you were just foolish. Naive. All you wanted was to belong somewhere. Taking a chance to break from your usual friend group had been your own undoing. You should have listened to their warnings and stayed with them. They know these people better than you do. After all, they're just like them, aren't they?

You didn't listen. You let that glimmer of hope lead you down the wrong path. All you wanted was a normal school life. With that, you could believe that you were normal.

"Aren't you tired of hanging around with that magicless Prefect yet? It's so damn boring. We can't do anything with them around!" One complained.

"Just a little longer, we can't lose our gopher just yet." Another says.

"Hey! Maybe we should start calling them our best friend. You think they'll like that?" He laughs. Loud. "I bet they'd think they're part of the group!"

"Man, not even they could be dumb enough to believe that. Although, you know what they say. No magic, no brains."

Vile gossip runs around your latest group of 'friends'. They continue to throw insults your way while unaware of your presence. At some point, you begin to tune out what they're saying. Their voices grow smaller and smaller as you make a run for it, but you can still hear their voices echoing loud and clear in your mind.

You run home, or at least to the place you're forced to call home. The door to Ramshackle is forcibly pushed open, left ajar as you head straight to your room. Your bag and books drop to the ground, supplies scattering on the floor. A part of you thinks to pick them up, another disagrees- what did it matter anyway? It's not like your friends would come over.

Finding comfort in your bed is hard. It's not the best, not the softest, it barely does its job, but its all you have. At least this old thing wouldn't betray you. Hopefully. You don't want to jinx it and have your bed turn into a futon.

You take in a shaky breath and struggle to let the darkness consume you. You're not even tired, but your body aches, your chest stinging with every heartbeat. The longer you stay awake, the more your thoughts haunt you. And the last thing you want to do is let those bastards win.

Your phone catches you off guard. In your haste to hide away from the world, you forgot to toss that aside along with your bag. All you do is dig the buzzing phone out of your pocket and turn it off, not even bothering to see who is blowing it up. Friends, new or old, you didn't want to speak to anyone. You couldn't.

With no more distractions, you lie in bed and succumb to your fate. Nasty thoughts poke at you, prodding at you and telling you how stupid you are. You wish you hadn't been so optimistic about branching out. You couldn't always rely on your usual group of friends, but at this point...it seemed like you had to.

It's impossible to reassure yourself that things are okay. They're not. You think how useless and stupid you are. And that...this is how things should have been from the start. People don't need you, you need them. You're unwanted and alone, and always will be for as long as you're in this world. And when you leave? It'll be like you were never here in the first place.

As the day draws on, you fall in and out of consciousness. You don't recall crying, but your pillow says otherwise. Your stomach craved food while feeling as if it couldn't hold down a single scrap. The only movement you willingly made was tossing back and forth for a more comfortable position.

Ramshackle is eerily quiet. The ghosts aren't hovering over you nor is Grim. The latter is probably with the others. It's fine. He's part of this world, you are not.

Something forces your body out of bed. You don't know what it is. Perhaps its an old habit that takes control of you. One that lets you meet with a dragon fae during the darker hours of the world. He doesn't always show up, and for once you pray he won't.

The cold air hits your body and you shiver. The night air that usually comforts you freezes you instead as you take a seat upon the steps of Ramshackle. The light of the moon reveals all to you. It's truly a beautiful night. One you wish you could enjoy.

A dark shadow looms over you. You don't bother lifting your gaze, merely staring down the legs that have blocked your view.

"Child of man," he starts. You don't move. "You were not at school today."

"Mhm."

"Are you feeling alright?" Malleus asks you. You can't bring yourself to speak. You don't want to have a conversation with him right now. Not with a tainted heart that's laced with the fear of betrayal. Surely he wouldn't be the same as that lot, would he?

No. Deep in your heart you know Malleus would never reach that low. He may be cheeky, but he's always been honest with you. If he wanted to end things with you, he would with the snap of his fingers. But you've always been special in his eyes. You're just...not in the mood to find that spark of hope again.

Your silence causes him to worry. The lack of acknowledgement does as well. Malleus looks forward to being beside you. Your conversations were always odd yet interesting. You never feared getting close to him, physically or otherwise. And your smile was worth waiting a whole century for. Having none of that tonight is a little upsetting. Not at you, but...for you? It's strange, difficult to put into words for him.

"Lilia once told me that silence can be hurtful and comforting, you just need to know when it's the right kind. You do not need to speak and if you wish for me to leave, simply...tell me." The last of his words comes out strained, forced. If his voice could break, you think it would have been heard then.

You take in a breath and decide his fate.

"You can stay."

You don't catch the way he lights up. How his eyes widen in surprise at your answer. His brief moment of joy doesn't last, but he finds it a blessing that you allow him to stay by your side.

Malleus takes a seat beside you. He sits closer to you compared to normal, but you don't mind. You didn't exactly pick the most spacious place to brood.

Having company after being alone all day is a little nice. His warmth helps keep some of those nasty thoughts away. Although you don't think that you really deserve this touch of kindness.

You still refuse to look at him and instead lift your gaze to the stars. You once heard that each star is a different world. With countless stars that fill the sky, that meant there were numerous worlds out there. And if a star went out, that meant the world was gone. It must have been a whimsical tale, yet now you wonder if it's true. Was your world a lost star? Is that why you're here now? Did the heavens think putting you here was better than meeting that fate?

You squeeze your body tightly.

"Malleus..." You breathe out his name, which catches him by surprise. It's unusual for you to not use the nickname you gave him. He makes no comment on it. Only watching and waiting for you to continue.

And when you face him, it hurts to see you.

Tears pricking at the corner of your eyes that are filled with nothing but pain. The sadness you bear is so heavy that he can see it. You look so lost and desperate. The friend he once knew is now broken.

"Do you ever think that...I'm worthless for not having magic?" You ask, pleading for an answer.

"No," he responds, quickly. There's a hint of anger in his eyes. He may not know who hurt you, but the question you posed gives him an idea as to how. "You are an extraordinary human in this world. If you wish to base worth off of magic, then one must do so knowing how to wield it. Even the strongest of mages can prove to be inferior to an amateur who only knows a single spell."

"But I don't know any," you respond. You hadn't meant to cut him off, but it was too late to stop now. "I'm not an amateur and I never will be. In this world, I'm not anything. Just a dumb human who thinks that there might be good in all the wrong places."

"You are not dumb." He responds and reaches out to take your hand in his. You're immediately met with his warmth. He doesn't use magic, but it feels like he cast a spell to soothe your body. "And anyone who says otherwise are the fools here. You have done plenty that others have not, without the use of magic. A hardworking and kind soul such as yourself is admirable. Your valor and resolve are truly commendable." He can't help but smirk. "Who else would dare to allow such weakness in front of me?"

You can't tell if his attempt at cheering you up is supposed to be good or not. It's fitting to come from him though. And it's just enough to make you crack a small smile.

"Only a fool would," you say with no pain in your voice. You can see the little annoyance in his eyes though, disliking at your self-loathing words. But, he allows a pass for the moment.

"Will you show your bravery by telling me what happened to you?"

You take in a breath and grip his hand. The pain from earlier is coming back, almost tenfold. It hurts the same as when you first heard those words spoken literally behind your back.

"Friends. Or I guess they're not friends anymore," you scoff. "I thought I could, you know, be a normal student with a group of friends and..." You shake your head, biting down on your lip.

"Spade and Trappola harmed you?"

"No! No! Not them!" You respond quickly. "Other, no-name, unimportant assholes," you huff out. At least that felt a little good to say, even if the insults were rather weak. "I thought I could befriend a few more people, so just in case...I won't have to be alone. But...that didn't work out."

A loud clap of thunder causes you to jump. Your hold on Malleus tightens as you instinctively huddle closer to him. You hadn't noticed the clear skies being overtaken by dark clouds, causing the night to grow darker. And after catching a flash of lightning, you feared that a storm might be coming.

"Those...not friends of yours," he spits out, as politely as he can. You can feel the anger seeping from his voice as he does his best to remain pleasant before you. "They are unwise for taking your company for granted. Your presence itself is a treasure they do not know the true value of. They are blinded by their own ignorance. If there is no one else that you can turn to, then you can always turn to me. I would never take your company for granted."

You feel a pang of guilt for your earlier thoughts. To even question that Malleus would do you harm- you'd really been a fool.

"Thanks," you whisper and let your head bump onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry for...not being in the best mood tonight. At least I know I can always count on you, Hornton," you chuckle.

Hearing that nickname brings a smile to his face. While the clouds still hover overhead, the sound of thunder and visions of lightning are no more. You release a breath that you'd been holding in and finally begin to relax.

While you know you've been keeping Malleus this whole time, you can't bear to let him go. Not yet. He shined a light upon you that you needed. And maybe, it wouldn't hurt to be a little self-indulgent.

"Can you stay a little bit longer?"

"Of course."

And just like that, the night sky is clear once more.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

(apologies for the long backstory, i swear theres a question in here) ive always struggled with poor mental health including severe anxiety and an eating disorder, which has translated into some strong mental blocks when it comes to sex and intimacy. i like sex and i consider myself someone with a pretty high libido but it is just so difficult for me to be comfortable with another person, especially when bodies are involved. when i was in my late teens/early twenties i would just try to push through those feelings which resulted in some really really bad experiences. i made the decision to back off from sex and relationships to avoid some of that dysfunction, but while it might have been a smart idea to take a break, its now been 6+ years and it feels time to try again. ive worked through a lot of things and am in an overall better mental state, but i also know that its still gonna be very hard for me! admittedly, the idea of being intimate/vulnerable with another person, or just the idea of someone looking at me for too long, still makes me want to seize up. so, which actually brings me to my question, do you have advice/tips on communicating with partners that sex and body stuff is still hard and I might need to take it easy? when i was younger, i had no idea how to communicate what i was dealing with, and i at least have the words now, but i feel just so out of practice and like i dont even know where to start. how do i explain that i run the risk of freezing or panicking or dissociating even with a good partner? im a little scared im just going to continue avoiding that conversation, and thus continue to avoid sex and dating even though it's something i genuinely want to do. any advice would be very very appreciated!

hey anon,

I have great news: you actually just did the dang thing. like, you explained the situation very well to me! you clearly know how to do it! if/when you reach a point when you've got someone you like and want to get sexually intimate with, you can literally just tell them the same things you told me. "hey, I've taken a long break from sex for my own reasons and I'm excited to get back into it with you but also a little nervous. here are some things I'm worried may happen during sex; can we talk about them and what we should do if the situation arises?"

you've already done 99% of the work right here babe you just need to like. actually say that to a potential sexual partner and you're good.

[bambidoll96]

Writing out a fantasy, it might prove embarrassing or off putting to some but inneed to at least get it out:

Im just gonna say it plainly. I want to be a pornstar... but i want to do it my way. Im not here to fuck; suck? maybe occasionally but thats not the point.

I want to do long and intimate scenes: elaborate ropings with a focus on each individual wrap or knot, as well as highlighting any banter between me and my rigger; Impact scenes that could double for toy infomercials that cary into at least the first round of aftercare and maybe more. Sensation scenes blending the tickling and overstim with soft teddybear cuddling, and as much dialogue as i can reply to in such a state; bob ross esque body art paintings; recorded hypno sessions, even if im mostly asleep and not moving much im sure there is a real appeal somewhere (Heck pull bambi out and let her do her own scenes... i am honestly curious how much interest there might be in letting my wider plurality come into play?)

everything ive actually tried with another person outside of Sex sex has been heavenly (yes even the really really dumb "coffee" date) and there is a growing desire/need to be seen (or especially to be shown off) rising within me.

Sure cut the it down for pornhub or wherever so it can make the money but also do the long cuts that actually show off the art of the scene for those who actually appreciate it.

I want to work with a variety of tops and maybe with time get comfortable acting as a top myself(maybe, not sure if ill enjoy it in the long run) i want to explore as many kinks as i can find and experience them as much as my body/mind/spirit can handle. Maybe "owned" collectively by a small group, maybe with a single main partner who ensures i always make it home in one piece. Definitely in some way in which i am truely safe and secure, and done as sanely as possibe; with partners who genuinely care about my consent and wellbeing

For now i know damn well im still inexperienced enough and uneducated enough that that level of commitment wont really be possible any time soon even if there is any slim hope that it might be in the future. I also know that building the kind of social/support network to actually get anywhere near even the city that the ballpark is in is going to be a persuit that will likely span the rest of my life.

Yes right now i am no where near stable enough to even look for a real foothold and i know the entire wall is at an acute angle (especiallyconsideringi really dont want to work the camera, editing booth, or goddess forbid the distro/business side. But i have gotten a taste and i know it really is something i think i want to seriously persue once i am able; even as so many of my existing connections tell me its just a fantasy and seem to indicate that its just not possible.

Theres just something in my soul that calls out for it, even if we dont really know how "it" might happen or how "it" might pan out in the long, long run (maybe growing into a mentor as my body becomes less able to do the scenes myself) but we genuinely do want to make an earnest attempt.