#its all too expensive anyway
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#Walking in the men's section of target almost sent me into a dissociative fugue state#i never buy clothes off the rack its always thrift stores#and seeing those beautiful clothes#clean and colorful#did something to me#maybe i don't like enough to wear nice thing#clothes that fit#its all too expensive anyway#but i WANT...#vile-wizard.txt
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i am making my own ii human names list, but very slowly, because i am pedantic. also, i will not be counting mephone creating them as canon. ive had these ethnicity and family hcs for ages, and i will base my names on them. now, here are the two most important names.
OJ: Olivier-Jean "OJ" Jacques Silveira. my oj interpretation/gijinka is brazilian (paternal side) and ivorian (maternal side). his last name comes from his father and is brazilian portuguese. his first name and middle name were given by his mother, as many people in côte d'ivoire speak french (french colonization —> it's the official language now but there's MANY others accompanying it). a lot of people who speak french like to use "jean" in hyphenated names (trust me ive met a bajillion of them), so i included it. i think his name sounds quite classy.
oj was born and raised in america, speaking english at school and french at home. as well as some portuguese, but he never actually learned it. i think he would become quite pissy when kids at school would pronounce his name incorrectly (Olivier-Jean is... very not intuitive to english speakers. i believe they would say it like Oliver-Jeen) so they ended up using oj as shorthand. and he was fine with that, so it stuck. but at home he's Olivier and Olivier-Jean. he tells new people he meets to call him oj just because it's consistent and because he doesn't like the sound of his real name being mispronounced. coming from someone who constantly gets her real names mispronounced.
Paper: Paige Hsu (foreign name) and 许佩妍 / Xǔ Pèiyán (original name). my paper interpretation/gijinka is han taiwanese, so fully of han chinese descent. more specifically, hoklo (chosen because i hc he can speak mandarin AND hokkien). his family immigrated to taiwan from fujian (province in china with hoklo ancestry) post ww2. Xǔ is a particularly common surname in fujian, so i chose it for him. be gentle with me if i messed up with his given name LOL i know much less about chinese than french (but DO inform me if you know more about it and spot any mistakes!). Pèiyán means, in a way, beautiful garment. to wear something beautiful. to be adorned. etc. it's partially based on trying to make it seem a bit like the name "Paige", partially based on what i think his mother might name him (no real hopes or dreams for him so it's a little shallow), partially based on him as i know him (focused on presenting himself). it's also, as far as i know, a name mostly used for women. note that my interpretation of paper is usually a trans man.
now, Paige is unisex, it sounds like page, and it's a loved one of mine's favourite name for him, so i like it. i also think it makes sense for when he immigrated to canada with his mother as something they chose, and something he can still keep (being conveniently unisex). Hsu is one of the taiwanese romanizations for Xǔ. im not sure if he'd take on oj's last name. perhaps he'd hyphenate them. he's not particularly attached to his family, but Paige Hsu is quite a pretty name.
bonus: nickel is named Nikola Stević. this one was easy because my interpretation of nickel is kosovar serb. last names come from the father but the exact practice of it is a bit outdated so Stević is likely from his grandfather or great-grandfather (unless im misremembering how it works). i don't like the name Nicholas his name is Nikola. Nicholas sounds like a sweet little boy Nikola sounds like a menace. i see Nicholas everywhere start calling your nickel Nikola
#juice.txt#juice ramble#oj ii#paper ii#ii oj#ii paper#payjay#nickel ii#ii nickel#i love various cultures and naming conventions ❤️#to be clear paper immigrated from taiwan (maybe around 10 ish? 12? not sure) to canada#then moved to america for inanimate insanity (expenses covered by mephone because he just Can do that)#i have a lot of characters that are canadian btw its not just paper alone#but oj has only ever lived in america#nickel lived in kosovo as a child and im still figuring out if he had a stop in canada or not#because i wanna determine for how long he's been friends with baseball#trust me im fucking insane about these things i will go all the way#anyway if you see an error with paper's name TELL ME#i tried my best to make sure the name existed and have found people named exactly that (许佩妍)#but one can never be too sure#olivier-jean im not worried about. id totally meet a dude called olivier-jean. mind you i actually speak french though lmao#french speakers looooove hyphenating jean in their names#also oj is a lot more mixed than just ivorian and brazilian but that's the most 'known' ethnicities he has#forgot to mention this in the tags earlier but baseball is born and raised canadian its just such an ingrained hc i forget its not canon LOL#ii is set in america mephone is just crazy and sponsors everyones immigration because he can do a lot of magical insane things
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my atla au fanfic pet peeve is people making katara angry or reluctant at zuko joining the group. katara was the FIRST one to trust and forgive zuko. he spent >5min telling her he had a tragic backstory and she was ready to use up her one and only vial of superultramagical healing on a cosmetic problem because it would make him happy.
katara is thee Most forgiving, trusting, and generous of the lot. thats Why she could be betrayed at all. Because she trusted so easily! the fact she holds a grudge at a betrayal that got her best friend killed severely injured does not mean she is anything less than the most trusting and willing to take a chance on others of the group!
if in an alternate universe zuko wound up joining the group earlier or the betrayal never happened she would be the first to accept him, she would welcome him with open arms and fight on his behalf with the groups true skeptic ie sokka
#atla#avatar the last airbender#katara#this is not a zutara post btw#i have no dog in the ship fights#im just so tired of seeing katara be COMPLETELY mischaracterised in every damn fic#i love au's where zuko has some completely different adventure taking him on another version of the same beautiful character arc#what can i say i too am an abused autistic child of the imperial core#i wish i got to have a wacky adventure where i unlearned all the propaganda instead of. you know. high school#anyway justice for my girl katara! babygirl you dont deserve this treatment#its even worse now the zukka nation is writing to add extra conflict at the expense of any care for her at all#mlm shippers show respect for female characters challenge
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#malevolent podcast#john doe malevolent#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#mv liveblog#it's been 3000 years but i finally drew a scorpijohn. everybody clap#i really like this guy tbh he's such a critter. like to put a cup over him reblog to take him outside#ANYWAY UH obligatory rambling about design notes in the tags:#the king isn't a bugs. john is off doing his own thing. he got sent to the hell dimension that makes you a bugs#(less goofy: i really like the idea of the dark world both giving him more obvious weapons but also making him into something#that reads as vermin and is very clearly. dangerous yes. but very low on the food chain. that feels extremely apt)#like yes he's a threat but he's built to protect himself at the expense of others. not for torture for its own sake.#very visually distinct from the king who is mostly too powerful to have a need for overt self-defense like that#yes his stinger's way more flexible than a real scorpion's. that's bc it's a modified tendril and also bc i felt like it#also still never gonna give up giving him bloodstains <3 it's all arthur's btw. you get the symbolism etc#anyway. rampant abuse of frog scorpion parable imagery go
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winston my quant of billions
#''😒''#corned beef#winston billions#& green of all things; drew it in purpley pink & being like whoa hey is this too much deliberately breaking out this Rare Coloring#minty fresh....been funny to be rotating the villainy of; let's say; bsol & xmas & then thinking about billions' whole other world there#& its completely different take where of all things winston is like. treated as a villain in a way its sicko My God central men aren't#(who are also quite different from iconis villains but yknow with the very fundamental differences in general what else is a surprise)#axe? prince? alive & well & billions does mean to be commenting on that like yeah sure#but winston? gotta be humiliated & violated & attacked / killed (if figuratively + just by assumption Oh He's Fiiine)#as well as basically truly dead to everyone but in a Never Existed / Spontaneously Shunned way. nobody thinks about him ever again#including when non wretched central men characters are getting these silver linings Benefits from their sabotaging a central man#not winston though maybe; the writing has forgotten him / sees no worth in bringing him up unless At His Expense; not gain#didn't get background randos telling prince or the like to go fuck himself at any point. open contempt reserved for winston there#better to have Objective Entitlement to power over / access to people & then; hey what the; be an asshole about it???#than to not just Have that entitlement & not expect it & not try to use it & be friendly & minding your own business as much or more than#any other characters like good lord what a Loser. the queerness & disability of this inferiority? just some jokes (at winston's expense)#& we will be killing him like nobody even considers for central men takedowns. those are polite & we all have Some regret it came to this#better to abuse people than. be so unepic (different from Normal white cishet 50some men who love certain media)#& on that note you're never gonna guess what's Good to do to the unepic people who bring it upon themselves....yeah haha. abuse#you're never gonna guess but power difference is a given & also good if an epic person has that power. & on that note#what can they do with it but keep unepic people in their place? what other hope do we have? winston may try to say a pun. or speak at all :#anyway while there's the absolute joys of Any Good Bastard over in a wildly different oeuvre it's like well yknow#while winston is already Ruining Things as more a Wretched Sicko Evil Asshole for seeing himself as a person & others as people#instead of himself as an inferior who has to apologize for existing & initiating any interaction vs only ever doing as he's told#unlike the best heroes who know they're superior & will use others & mess with their lives however they feel is justified; you're welcome#like well if winston's such an exceptional dick(tm) around here that he has to be introduced w/discussion / explanation around this#great let him be even bitchier & more ''difficult''....& billions would never & that's why [sorry to all the characters trapped in there]#the slightest glimpses of like & The Quasirival Weirdo Duos Are Kinda Being Cunts b/w usual parallels riawin & taylip#what comes of that? oh nothing. but as ever these are at least glimpses of a little more liveliness & range for making room for this a sec#anyway imagine getting so niche that your other kinda just as niche thing is like. less niche. but not really. wheee yayyy fr lol My Whimsy
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I bought a very nice at home printer and a very nice at home cutting machine!
Because of this, I'm opening a merch tier on my Patreon for 2024!


And, I can print out your favorite panels for you on my shop now ^^ (I can also print of any of my illustrations! I'll add more paper sizes later as I figure out how to ship them 🧡)
#self promo#shop#patreon#okay im gonna be advertising more this coming year cause....#making merch is legitimately my passion#its so fun for me to think up fun and creative items#and ive had to keep a lid on it cause it's way too expensive to test out items through companies#and there's never a way to try just one#but now there is a way!!! i can do it at home now!!?#so im very very happy with these things ive bough#ive been playing with them a lot and as someone very passionate about merch and the presentation of things...#its good quality#im spending. SO much on paper.#but the quality of it is so worth it#anyways.#I'm really excited to explore all this next year and to get to make fun new things for patrons#also lol i say im opening the merch tier cause i bought cool machines#its kinda the opposite... i bought them cause ive wanted to do this for years but it never felt possible til now!!!
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I'm about halfway to two thirds through You Feel It Just Below the Ribs, and asdjasdlkajsadjal
The reveals, the implications, I can't even - mentally I'm rolling on the floor frothing at the mouth. I want to go back and listen to season 3 and season 1 all over again, holy shiiiiit
#viv18chatter#within the wires#you feel it just below the ribs#bless my library for having such a great collection#did not expect to find a book written for an alternative history podcast in its repertoire#but have it they did! all three versions I might add - physical digital and audio#anyways point is shit is really coming out now and I am loving the fictional tea#both from the ''actual'' autobiography and the side implications of the footnotes and interludes#well in between wanting to shake the fictional authors of said footnotes and interludes lol#''edited for clarity'' edited HOW? Was the writing smudged or otherwise unclear and you made your best guess?#did you change words around that YOU thought didn't make sense?#TELL ME WHAT WAS EDITED DAMMIT#and that's not even getting into the VERY opinionated footnotes and interludes#I know it would be expensive and tricky to make#but man I would love if the authors were able to make a special edition of this book#that looked like the actual manuscript#or like ... the one that was released in-universe that was being beta'd by the publishers - so we see the handwritten pages with smudges#the faded typewriter pages#with the publishers notes etc all over it#oooh stretch goal of the internal communications while going over the manuscript would prbably be a fun aside too#sometimes I wonder if there weren't multiple people making footnotes (though only one making the interludes I think)#because sometimes they vary quite wildly in tone#that could just be situational of course#but still#interesting thoughts
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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I miss old tumblr in the sense that i could complain about board exams and worrying about not getting enough to be eligible for my medical entrance test and i'd have summoned half the indian side of tumblr to sympathize
#im in sm stress#if i dont score above 75% im not eligible for my neet exam#which im planning to take a drop year for#and its gonne be both expensive and emotionally taxing#and i have to give THIS years neet exam too#for reasons#im not in the clear until may 20#adulthood is a scam#And that is well BEFORE i even start preparing for neet#well before i even have to consider the possibility that i might not get in#im pretty much using this post to vent in tags#its like 4 am#and im stressed. scared. everything#its really difficult just existing w adhd and mental illness#much less studying#and neet is like highly competetive#the cutoff goes so high#i want to get out of this city#and be safe and actually be alive for once#a big part of me will shrivel up and die if i stay#and this is the first time i've actually wanted smth for real#tentatively and doubtfully#but wanting still#and idk if i'll make a good doctor or if i'll fuck up and have it all blow up in my fsce#overthinking basically#im worried im not. capable of doing this#anyways desi tumblrinas where are you😭😭😭😭
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just a few little bits from the past few days
#both the word count screenshots are from the same day - just different sections of the text. so that was like 4000 words in#one DAY.. huzzah!! (< making up for the fact that I did 0 words the 3 days before that lol.. so its not actually an accomplishment ghjjh)#In renpy I think you can have multiple separate texty cody whatever documents and still jump between them so long as they;re#labeled properly. Rather than like... having one extremely long 60.000 line file where in some places youre in a menu within a menu#within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu jhbhj#But that was the way I started doing it lke 5 years ago when I actually made the base of everything so I feel like it'd be too much#work to change it all that dramatically now. But that means I cant just get the word count for the whole document I just have#to jump around to the few sections I worked on and highlight them to get the word count for only that portion#.. the one tiny fraction of the whole monster text wall. Though it is of course spaced out and organized into#clearly labeled sections within that because otherwise I have trouble discerning text on a screen. still.#Resuming a project that's been basically abandoned for 4-5 ish years is just always finding weird stuff like.. why did I do this that way..#why did I write that... why did I organize that in this manner... what the hell am I referencing in this note... etc. lol#Anyway... also......................cat with plum on his head.#everyone point and laugh at mr. plum head boy..!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:3c#I've been obsessed with Calico Critters' social media presence from afar (like how I mentioned one of my possible dream jobs would#be to be the person that sets the scenes and arranges all the toy animals at a tiny little table and etc. to take the type of pictures they#post on their facebook page and stuff) and I see all their photos of them posing the rabbits as if they're in a swimming pool#or on a nature hike or etc. etc. BUT I have never really seen them in person. Recently I was at a store (in a KN95 mask and not staying#very long still of course. wastewater covid levels are still high where I live (and most of the US truly)) and it just crossed my mind#to actually go to the toy section and see if I could find any....wow.... Its like meeting a celebrity.. the Latte Cats....#Of course I didnt buy them because they're like... very expensive?? like $25 - $40 just for one little pack of a few critters like#what is shown. but.... I still got to see them................ my beloved.. I want their outfits... T o T#Oh and then lastly just a pot of purple clover looking things. I just think theyre neat lol#photo diary
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im reaching new and concerning levels of understanding watanuki on a personal level
#there we go thats the post#at this point its hard to tell which traits of his i DONT understand on a personal level#cutaway gag to me watching this show in like 2011 like waow cool gay ghost show having no idea whats about to hit me#watanuki is and will always be the best metaphor i turn to in times of struggle because i guess we r the fucking same except hes hot#and has eternal life and is more selfless#other than that we r the same#I say i kin him sometimes as a joke but like i probably do feel that connection more than plenty of people who actually kin LOL like#not LITERALLY but i am very aware of it all#no such thing as coincidence. you meet the pathetic twink when you are like 12 or something and your fate has been sealed#the funny part of this is when im in love i feel a lot like doumeki actually#i carry both of their fundamental legacies like in rakugo shinju but instead of cool shit i am like actively rotting#anyway the love is still there im just. im not allowed to. do it. i guess#i dont know#i dont fucking know#i want to fast forward to the time we can laugh abt it and i can go you are my best friend in the whole world we're perfectly ok#anyways#at least i can be like. Sick xxxholic reference#whenever anything horrible happens to me#but unfortunately it isnt making anything go away yet#love is terrifying#i guess if i was in either of their positions i wouldn't close the distance either#id need the other person to show me#and id still be terrified to cross the boundary#now more than ever#its funny isnt it#now if i joke about that stuff itll be at my expense too
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2 commission slots left!
linktr.ee/funkle420
#ah i still beed to reply to that last client's email#if ur reading this im sorry!!! i shall reply tomorrow!#had to put together my new DESK today!! and it was way too hot#anyway#rly hope i can actually fill the other 2!!! that would ve awesome#i made just enough to maybe cover all my bills#except i forgot to include phone and spotify and also i had to buy my cat more medication lol#and there's other stuff i gotta buy before classes start like textbooks#yike!#i hope the next 2 slots are filled by expensive coms that are fun for me to draw:)#someone i know said they'd com me at the end of the month for something big but i dont remember exactly what the character was#well big ish#i just checked its just a full body but still! that's p good#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustration#trans artist#queer art#commissions#my art#clip studio paint
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The midseason swap might actually happen and I never thought I'd be terrified of the possibility
#theyre having such a good run. what about the constructors#im only fine with it if its not in the second garage cause everything about it as a whole is haunted by malicious spirits not just the car#perhaps the curse of mark webber#anyway#idk they'll have yuki & isack dominate the midfield for the first half of the season to compensate for lawson jumping back in#imo lawson will do well in the vcarb02 which is whyyyyy yuki has to lock the fuck in rn#and i thought this year would be peaceful for me 🤦♂️ christian horner this is all your fault and you're going to hell#btw isack outqualified yuki wtf was that#i dont mind overall. but im worried of his ego lmao. cos this is what happened with 30. all i want is a teammate that respects yuki braaahh#yes i didnt want lawson to do well. but not at the expense of literally everyone#yuki to redbulled too close to the sun#oh wlel#yuki tsunoda#f1txt
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cant think about depeche mode ebven slightly without going ''anyone here listen to the pesh mode...'' in my head for like the next hour
#OAAUUGH. get me out of hereee#im making some pins for bands i like out of hot glue since i have 0 moneys#and most of them dont have pins anyways. lebanon hanover does though.. i might have to get one when i have money#its a metal pin too.. its so pretty#im also probably gonna make a few tshirts i got blank tshirts when i was at the thrift store#speaking of i made the mistake of looking at band merch & now i want a cannibal corpse shirt so so bad...#the all over print tshirt fucks so harddddd ugh.. im a huge sucker for tshirts with stuff printed on the whole shirt#yes the ''stuff'' in this case is like. screaming corpses. but still. its so fucking cool#same with boy harsher they have a really cool long sleeve shirt with a really pretty colourful print#goddd. anyone have like 80 dollars laying around... sigh#band merch is so expensive like. 80 dollar for 2 shirts.. but i need all of ittttttt. i wish i had onje william dollars. sigh#awoo
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i managed to land a rental in a brand new multi million dollar house that was built with two entirely separate private ground floor suites for tenants? and the one we're getting is the one thats ground floor and has its own covered patio that is facing and opens up onto this MASSIVE backyard that looks like a fucking park??? they kept the old growth trees when they landscaped and holy shit. holy shit. all my years of weaselling my way into rentals with more pets than is normally reasonable were for this
#THE FAMILY WHO BUILT IT IS SUPER NICE!!! THEIR SONS A FRAMER AMD BUILT THE HOUSE HIMSELF FOR THE DAD WHO'S OVER IN INDIA FOR BUSINESS ATM#BUT WE MET THE WIFE AND SHE WAS REALLY NICE!!!!!#dude. its not like a shitty tiny 2 bedroom basement suite. both bedrooms are huge with walk in closets???#the living room is BIG too not just crammed in there with the kitchen like most places#kitchen is all new and so beautiful i could cry and same with the bathroom#theres a washer dryer in suite theres a dishwasher a big fridge a stove and OUR OWN THERMOSTAT#with central heating/AC#AND OH ITS A WALK IN SHOWER!!!!#I MISSED MY WALK IN SHOWER#just. oh my god. we nearly didnt get this place bc they were iffy on the cats#but i did my lil spiel on the expensive automatic kitty litter and etc etc pet deposit etc#and then was really nice to them when they changed the listing to keep looking#THEN THEY GOT BACK TO ME LATER THAT DAY AND WERE LIKE I TALKED TO MY DAD FOR YOU AND HE SAYS OKAY AS LONG AS THERES A PET DEPOSIT#anyways im very happy and terrified to park my shitty car in the driveway#and also so so happy i could get something so nice for my brother for his first place moving out :')#he was ecstatic when i told him that we actually got it after we thought we were denied#ALSO THE RENT IS **INCREDIBLY REASONABLE** LIKE ITS THE PRICE OF A NORMAL SHITTY SUITE????#god. holy fuck. im excited. im scared to be in such a nice place lmao i dont wanna fuck it up#oh for reference i have one huge dog and 2 cats and that is a Tough Sell for 2 bedroom suites
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alright this one is a bit dark but. current spin sooo . out of the following options how would you most like to be remembered & reasoning if you'd like
sentient ai of you in a big computer
tree grown out of your grave/with your body
ashes scattered (where?)
bones fossilized for display
buried regularly / mausoleum
used to grow biodegradable bricks out of mushrooms
traditional burial
other?
FOSSILISE ME CAPTAIN
#asks#ok but genuinely a lot of these are cool#sentient ai might be fun but i fear that my postmortem conciousness would be used for bad...#tree is alright!! but i would have a difficult time choosing the type of tree etc and it seems like a logistical nightmare#im actually more familiar with the process of cremation but its not really my thing...#regular burial is EXPENSIVE and also the whole thing where you have to go clean the headstones or nameplates -#is kind of inconvenient. sure i love cleaning headstones but i wouldn't wish it on anyone else#the bricks one is so interesting... mushrooms pale in comparison to museum though#and then yeah same thing for traditional burial its just too formal and boring to me#<- guy who's been to enough funerals etc#anyways MUSEUMS.#now that's a real cool thing#i have actually been to a museum near me that had people's organs and bones and even preserved muscles in there#and i was like woah hell yes. all of that is me#so yeah. scientific donation is for me.#and also if possible i would love a little plaque or note by my bones that reads like. idk something nice or thoughtful#anyways. intriguing ask thanks anon
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