#its all too expensive anyway
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#Walking in the men's section of target almost sent me into a dissociative fugue state#i never buy clothes off the rack its always thrift stores#and seeing those beautiful clothes#clean and colorful#did something to me#maybe i don't like enough to wear nice thing#clothes that fit#its all too expensive anyway#but i WANT...#vile-wizard.txt
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my atla au fanfic pet peeve is people making katara angry or reluctant at zuko joining the group. katara was the FIRST one to trust and forgive zuko. he spent >5min telling her he had a tragic backstory and she was ready to use up her one and only vial of superultramagical healing on a cosmetic problem because it would make him happy.
katara is thee Most forgiving, trusting, and generous of the lot. thats Why she could be betrayed at all. Because she trusted so easily! the fact she holds a grudge at a betrayal that got her best friend killed severely injured does not mean she is anything less than the most trusting and willing to take a chance on others of the group!
if in an alternate universe zuko wound up joining the group earlier or the betrayal never happened she would be the first to accept him, she would welcome him with open arms and fight on his behalf with the groups true skeptic ie sokka
#atla#avatar the last airbender#katara#this is not a zutara post btw#i have no dog in the ship fights#im just so tired of seeing katara be COMPLETELY mischaracterised in every damn fic#i love au's where zuko has some completely different adventure taking him on another version of the same beautiful character arc#what can i say i too am an abused autistic child of the imperial core#i wish i got to have a wacky adventure where i unlearned all the propaganda instead of. you know. high school#anyway justice for my girl katara! babygirl you dont deserve this treatment#its even worse now the zukka nation is writing to add extra conflict at the expense of any care for her at all#mlm shippers show respect for female characters challenge
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#malevolent podcast#john doe malevolent#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#mv liveblog#it's been 3000 years but i finally drew a scorpijohn. everybody clap#i really like this guy tbh he's such a critter. like to put a cup over him reblog to take him outside#ANYWAY UH obligatory rambling about design notes in the tags:#the king isn't a bugs. john is off doing his own thing. he got sent to the hell dimension that makes you a bugs#(less goofy: i really like the idea of the dark world both giving him more obvious weapons but also making him into something#that reads as vermin and is very clearly. dangerous yes. but very low on the food chain. that feels extremely apt)#like yes he's a threat but he's built to protect himself at the expense of others. not for torture for its own sake.#very visually distinct from the king who is mostly too powerful to have a need for overt self-defense like that#yes his stinger's way more flexible than a real scorpion's. that's bc it's a modified tendril and also bc i felt like it#also still never gonna give up giving him bloodstains <3 it's all arthur's btw. you get the symbolism etc#anyway. rampant abuse of frog scorpion parable imagery go
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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I bought a very nice at home printer and a very nice at home cutting machine!
Because of this, I'm opening a merch tier on my Patreon for 2024!
And, I can print out your favorite panels for you on my shop now ^^ (I can also print of any of my illustrations! I'll add more paper sizes later as I figure out how to ship them 🧡)
#self promo#shop#patreon#okay im gonna be advertising more this coming year cause....#making merch is legitimately my passion#its so fun for me to think up fun and creative items#and ive had to keep a lid on it cause it's way too expensive to test out items through companies#and there's never a way to try just one#but now there is a way!!! i can do it at home now!!?#so im very very happy with these things ive bough#ive been playing with them a lot and as someone very passionate about merch and the presentation of things...#its good quality#im spending. SO much on paper.#but the quality of it is so worth it#anyways.#I'm really excited to explore all this next year and to get to make fun new things for patrons#also lol i say im opening the merch tier cause i bought cool machines#its kinda the opposite... i bought them cause ive wanted to do this for years but it never felt possible til now!!!
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watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)
#salmon jibberish#god you horribly wipe out on your bike and injure yourself ONE TIME in middle school and suddenly youre inflicted with lifelong knee/joint a#d leg pain 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#worm lore drop 🔥🔥🔥#can you really call it lore its nothing crazy#i was riding my bike w my friend and their mom and we were on a steep hill and i got scared and braked and flew off my bike and down#the hill#i got to miss like i think a week or two of gym because the scab on my knee was so big i literally couldnt bend it#it'd melt off every time i took a shower too#<- that was probably kinda gross sorry#scabs on both my knees#one was bigger and made my knee unable to bend#and one on the palm of one of my hands that made me unable to bend my thumb#we didnt go to the doctor or anything for it i just didnt do anything for like a week lol#afterward one of my other friends said my knees look weird 💀#<- not mad abt that i just think its funny#me when i yap in the tags#sorry gang#and of course i got myself a job that requires genuinely running around all day#my legs have given out twice at work and thats what finally pushed me to get a knee brace#just one for now bcs . expensive . i just gotta guess which leg o think is gonna give me the most trouble that day#idk i just tend to deny myself help . i dont think i deserve it . i really only got pushed for this bcs i didnt want to get obliterated by a#dog at work if my knee gave out 1) while walking a dog or 2) while in the daycare in a crowd of dogs#idk i dont like making my own life easier i dont think i deserve it . i dont think im suffering enough to need help but yk#ANYWAY#good news is we have ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FIR DINNER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO#IM GONNA DRAW NOW 💥💥🔥🔥🔥
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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pocket-square sized
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 3#yakuza series#yakuza#yoshitaka mine#snap sketches#HIIIIIIIII my wrist still hurts#i WAS just gon watch nakai movies while i rested but i fear ive watched all the available ones with eng subs.. //screams//#my bro picked me up onea them neat wrist support gloves tho so the pain is significantly gone and i can move my fingers better now#ill still let it rest for another couple days but recovery times lookin optimistic :]#as for this doodle.... i tolds you i MUST draw despite the injury... its my duty...#also i finished a comm today and since i had some practice drawing one handed working on that i figured id try drawin somethin small#and since it been a while since drawn mine... teehee..#def wont be doin any comics any time soon or even more detailed stuff but this is cute nuff for now#lol this is the timeline if i worked on my rgg stickers long enough to get to y3#since ive drawn mine tho ive been reminded.. i wont be able to go to animenyc this november :( too expensive for me this year#mabes ill go to animenext in like june or wait until next year to go to animenyc but </3 public dont get to see me mine cosplay </3#mabes when my wrist gets better ill wear it for fun but anyway typing like this still sucks so byee !!!!!!!
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I miss old tumblr in the sense that i could complain about board exams and worrying about not getting enough to be eligible for my medical entrance test and i'd have summoned half the indian side of tumblr to sympathize
#im in sm stress#if i dont score above 75% im not eligible for my neet exam#which im planning to take a drop year for#and its gonne be both expensive and emotionally taxing#and i have to give THIS years neet exam too#for reasons#im not in the clear until may 20#adulthood is a scam#And that is well BEFORE i even start preparing for neet#well before i even have to consider the possibility that i might not get in#im pretty much using this post to vent in tags#its like 4 am#and im stressed. scared. everything#its really difficult just existing w adhd and mental illness#much less studying#and neet is like highly competetive#the cutoff goes so high#i want to get out of this city#and be safe and actually be alive for once#a big part of me will shrivel up and die if i stay#and this is the first time i've actually wanted smth for real#tentatively and doubtfully#but wanting still#and idk if i'll make a good doctor or if i'll fuck up and have it all blow up in my fsce#overthinking basically#im worried im not. capable of doing this#anyways desi tumblrinas where are you😭😭😭😭
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just a few little bits from the past few days
#both the word count screenshots are from the same day - just different sections of the text. so that was like 4000 words in#one DAY.. huzzah!! (< making up for the fact that I did 0 words the 3 days before that lol.. so its not actually an accomplishment ghjjh)#In renpy I think you can have multiple separate texty cody whatever documents and still jump between them so long as they;re#labeled properly. Rather than like... having one extremely long 60.000 line file where in some places youre in a menu within a menu#within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu jhbhj#But that was the way I started doing it lke 5 years ago when I actually made the base of everything so I feel like it'd be too much#work to change it all that dramatically now. But that means I cant just get the word count for the whole document I just have#to jump around to the few sections I worked on and highlight them to get the word count for only that portion#.. the one tiny fraction of the whole monster text wall. Though it is of course spaced out and organized into#clearly labeled sections within that because otherwise I have trouble discerning text on a screen. still.#Resuming a project that's been basically abandoned for 4-5 ish years is just always finding weird stuff like.. why did I do this that way..#why did I write that... why did I organize that in this manner... what the hell am I referencing in this note... etc. lol#Anyway... also......................cat with plum on his head.#everyone point and laugh at mr. plum head boy..!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:3c#I've been obsessed with Calico Critters' social media presence from afar (like how I mentioned one of my possible dream jobs would#be to be the person that sets the scenes and arranges all the toy animals at a tiny little table and etc. to take the type of pictures they#post on their facebook page and stuff) and I see all their photos of them posing the rabbits as if they're in a swimming pool#or on a nature hike or etc. etc. BUT I have never really seen them in person. Recently I was at a store (in a KN95 mask and not staying#very long still of course. wastewater covid levels are still high where I live (and most of the US truly)) and it just crossed my mind#to actually go to the toy section and see if I could find any....wow.... Its like meeting a celebrity.. the Latte Cats....#Of course I didnt buy them because they're like... very expensive?? like $25 - $40 just for one little pack of a few critters like#what is shown. but.... I still got to see them................ my beloved.. I want their outfits... T o T#Oh and then lastly just a pot of purple clover looking things. I just think theyre neat lol#photo diary
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I'm about halfway to two thirds through You Feel It Just Below the Ribs, and asdjasdlkajsadjal
The reveals, the implications, I can't even - mentally I'm rolling on the floor frothing at the mouth. I want to go back and listen to season 3 and season 1 all over again, holy shiiiiit
#viv18chatter#within the wires#you feel it just below the ribs#bless my library for having such a great collection#did not expect to find a book written for an alternative history podcast in its repertoire#but have it they did! all three versions I might add - physical digital and audio#anyways point is shit is really coming out now and I am loving the fictional tea#both from the ''actual'' autobiography and the side implications of the footnotes and interludes#well in between wanting to shake the fictional authors of said footnotes and interludes lol#''edited for clarity'' edited HOW? Was the writing smudged or otherwise unclear and you made your best guess?#did you change words around that YOU thought didn't make sense?#TELL ME WHAT WAS EDITED DAMMIT#and that's not even getting into the VERY opinionated footnotes and interludes#I know it would be expensive and tricky to make#but man I would love if the authors were able to make a special edition of this book#that looked like the actual manuscript#or like ... the one that was released in-universe that was being beta'd by the publishers - so we see the handwritten pages with smudges#the faded typewriter pages#with the publishers notes etc all over it#oooh stretch goal of the internal communications while going over the manuscript would prbably be a fun aside too#sometimes I wonder if there weren't multiple people making footnotes (though only one making the interludes I think)#because sometimes they vary quite wildly in tone#that could just be situational of course#but still#interesting thoughts
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2 commission slots left!
linktr.ee/funkle420
#ah i still beed to reply to that last client's email#if ur reading this im sorry!!! i shall reply tomorrow!#had to put together my new DESK today!! and it was way too hot#anyway#rly hope i can actually fill the other 2!!! that would ve awesome#i made just enough to maybe cover all my bills#except i forgot to include phone and spotify and also i had to buy my cat more medication lol#and there's other stuff i gotta buy before classes start like textbooks#yike!#i hope the next 2 slots are filled by expensive coms that are fun for me to draw:)#someone i know said they'd com me at the end of the month for something big but i dont remember exactly what the character was#well big ish#i just checked its just a full body but still! that's p good#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustration#trans artist#queer art#commissions#my art#clip studio paint
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guess whos going to meet adrian belew and tony levin like for real in person .
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#and the other guys too. im sorry i dont know them as well#CRAZYYYYY. some of you may remember when this was an adrian belew blog once upon a time#AND TONY LEVIN IS TONY LEVIN!!!!!!!#this is insane ive only met one famous person (also a musician) in my life and that was last year (john l of tmbg fame)#what do i say. i gotta play it cool. but its good practice#these were expensive tickets 🫠 but probably not more than the entirety i spent on spars tickets last year#but thats probably bc of the way i bought hbowl tickets and then closer ones. we took a loss on that one#hm maybe a little less than all the spars tickets actually god#ogh anyway this is crazy. its gonna be fun
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breaking out into hives gnawing at my enclosure bars i Need to work on my comic again to physically see what happens next
#LUCKILY i get the whole next week off bc we're so ahead from them workin us to death all damn year SO#im gunna try my damnedest and get all the shit i got in my system drawn out nfsw and regular drawings too done this week and then Hopefully#im going to start the next comic section by next week#gunna risk it all bc theres still fucking nowhere to move out to so im gunna get one more update in b4 the end of this year#currently stuck between allegedly making too much to live here and literally every single other place too expensive to move into whadda joy#but whats new pussycat ANYWAY im so ready to start working on concepts for the next scene in wheel bitten ive been plOTTIN#getting to the stage where the visions have been actively sitting in my brain for so long its starting to drive me crazy YEEHAW
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alright this one is a bit dark but. current spin sooo . out of the following options how would you most like to be remembered & reasoning if you'd like
sentient ai of you in a big computer
tree grown out of your grave/with your body
ashes scattered (where?)
bones fossilized for display
buried regularly / mausoleum
used to grow biodegradable bricks out of mushrooms
traditional burial
other?
FOSSILISE ME CAPTAIN
#asks#ok but genuinely a lot of these are cool#sentient ai might be fun but i fear that my postmortem conciousness would be used for bad...#tree is alright!! but i would have a difficult time choosing the type of tree etc and it seems like a logistical nightmare#im actually more familiar with the process of cremation but its not really my thing...#regular burial is EXPENSIVE and also the whole thing where you have to go clean the headstones or nameplates -#is kind of inconvenient. sure i love cleaning headstones but i wouldn't wish it on anyone else#the bricks one is so interesting... mushrooms pale in comparison to museum though#and then yeah same thing for traditional burial its just too formal and boring to me#<- guy who's been to enough funerals etc#anyways MUSEUMS.#now that's a real cool thing#i have actually been to a museum near me that had people's organs and bones and even preserved muscles in there#and i was like woah hell yes. all of that is me#so yeah. scientific donation is for me.#and also if possible i would love a little plaque or note by my bones that reads like. idk something nice or thoughtful#anyways. intriguing ask thanks anon
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my sonic cds btw . i ❤️ physical media
#just posting a bunch of the random sonic stuff i have today i guess#also the crush 40 cd isnt exclusively sonic it has some of their other stuff too but . included it anyway. for obvious reasons#also also i have two copies of true colors i just only included one in the picture#the seller i got it from gave me a bonus copy for some reason#frontiers was my first full game soundtrack i really want more .. especially want unleashed but that one is usually ridiculously expensive#so . probably never getting it lmao#but id also like to have sa2 or shth eventually . those are two of my favorite soundtracks#also love that its all normal sized single disc albums and then theres the giant 6 disc monster thats the frontiers ost
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