#its actually worse than i remember in full oh god | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shewolfofvilnius · 5 months ago

Text

Wild Magic: Chapter 1

(oh my gods I actually WROTE SOMETHING)

Read on AO3 Part 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 Notes: Genre: Romantic Comedy, Magical Adventure, Self-discovery Words: 5100 Pairings: Gale x Lia (main, developing), Rolan x Tav (background, established) Tav is a secondary character, a female tiefling bard. Chapter 1 is mostly PG-13 (w some slight comedic nudity at the end) but will eventually become Mature

Synopsis:

"Rolan always said I put the 'can't' in 'cantrip."

Gale has time off before returning to Blackstaff Academy and has been tasked by Rolan to find the cause of a worsening series of magical oddities and maladies affecting Ramazith's Tower. Mishaps that have only increased by several orders of magnitude after Lia attempted to use a scroll to light a room only to have the scroll backfire (a rare occurrence all its' own).

In the process, it's discovered the cause of the tower's unstable and increasingly...wild...magic is far closer than it appears. In the process, Lia gains both a new dimension in the sibling rivalry with her brother Rolan, a new level of annoyance at puzzles, and yet another new wizard to both frustrate and fascinate her endlessly. She might even (gasp) learn a thing or two about magic along the way. Gale, Rolan, Cal, and Tav certainly hope she will, anyway, for all their sakes.

Full 1st chapter below the break:

A snowy breeze drifted across the Lower City district of Baldur’s Gate. A red-hued tiefling woman stood in contrast against the snowdrifts swirling about her. The cold hadn’t been a surprise, however, the snow had come on suddenly as she had been picking up some supplies she had had delivered to the Elfsong. Certain couriers were…apprehensive…about delivering to the tower, but the Elfsong? No worries.

“There wasn’t a cloud in the sky at sunset – I wasn’t in there that long. Where is all this coming from”. Lia shivered under her cloak. “Only a few more blocks to go. The nerve of Rolan and Tav to just LEAVE for WEEKS like that. What do Cal and I know about running an entire magical store? I can barely cast Dancing Lights even with a scroll AND that arsehole’s notes – damnable backfires - and Cal’s even worse. I swear if it wasn’t for Tolna the tower would have burned to the ground two tendays ago.”

Lia, rather cross but using her desire to enact revenge against her elder brother and his lover, the so called Hero of Baldur’s Gate, provided extra warmth against the snow and cold. To an outside observer, the gusts of wind even appeared to be in sync to whatever the woman walking by was muttering to herself.

They said they’d be gone a tenday. Two tops. Why has it been a month?! They were just going to visit that little lakeside near that stupid grove!

Finally arriving at the recently repaired Sorcerous Sundries – and the looming tower overhead that she and her family called home. She’d never admit it, even after a potion or under duress, but she was beginning to…ugh…miss Rolan and Tav.

Fortunately, no such admission would need to be made. Nearing home, she noticed a flurry of lights and sound coming from the nearby emporium. Half of her suddenly became hopeful that Rolan and Tav had returned; the other half apprehensive at what the activity could be if it’s NOT them. The things they’d all been through since The Descent had made her permanently apprehensive.

Rounding the corner, she could start to feel heat against the presence of the cold and snow. Further investigation, however, came to a half when Lia carefully rounded the corner, and came face to face…with a mind flayer.

Taking an instinctive step back and reaching for the dagger she’d just obtained from Dammon, Lia assumed a defensive posture.

“Lia. I remember you. Please, wait” projected the mind flayer, almost with a hint of…familiarity?!

“Prepare to die, Illithid scum!”

A hint of what could almost be called fear, if mind flayers felt fear, appeared to cross the creature’s face for a moment, before a shout rang across the shop foyer.”

“Lia! STOP! WAIT!”

Making their way through a small but raucous gathering were two all-too-familiar tieflings. Her insufferable brother, Rolan – and Tav.

Lia’s concern was immediate. “Do you MIND telling me what that thing is doing here, you two? Last time I saw a mind flayer, they were sweeping up corpses and using water scrolls across half the lower city! I can still occasionally see specks of silver in the cracks of tile.” Lia was NOT allowing THAT thing to harm any of her friends, her family.

“Bloody hells, Lia, that’s Karlach. Giant tiefling barbarian? One horn? Persistently on fire? Tav TOLD US the sacrifice she made to save the city. Put that weapon DOWN.”

Fear and the worst case momentarily crossed her mind. Could they have been enthralled? She’d once heard Tav speak of the suggestive power mind flayers, of their ally known as “The Emperor”. Tav HAD said that Karlach had become a mind flayer…”

Sheathing her dagger but keeping a defensive staff, Lia looked towards the mind flayer before her. Her gaze slowly softened, and she exhaled. “It’s good to see you, soldier. Sorry about the cold welcome.”

“It is fine, soldier. You are not the first person I have encountered who has had that reaction. It is not ideal, but eventually, you learn to adapt. I am so glad that Tav found you all after our fight against the Elder Brain.”

As Lia looked over the mind flayer before her, a voice boomed across the room. “Apologies for the confusion, dear sister” perked up Rolan. Rolan, for a moment, considered teasing his sister about the weather, but decided that such levity could wait until tomorrow.

“Several of them all arrived together at the Emerald Grove, where I’ve been deep in consultation with the druids there for the past few days. I must say they seemed far more amenable to my presence this time. The new Archdruid, Francesca, has made a stark difference towards climate of the grove.”

“Oh of course now that you’re the bleedin’ Archmage of Baldur’s Gate suddenly they have time for a tiefling” spat back a still embittered Lia, remembering many of those same druids had been all too keen to cast her, her family, and their friends and traveling companions out to face sudden death just months earlier. Lia sighed; this was an argument for another time.

“Speaking of climate, dear sister, I don’t recall there being any forecasts from the seers indicating snow. Curious, we didn’t even encounter any prior to arriving in the city.”

Glancing towards the window, Lia looked at intently at the flakes against the glass. “Beats me. Went to go pick up some things I had shipped to the Elfsong, and the flurries started almost as soon as I walked out the door.”

The elder tiefling, seizing the opportunity to tease his sister, could not resist. A smug grin crept across his face. “Clearly, Baldur’s Gate is merely responding to your chilly disposition, sister.”

Letting out a glare and a low growl, Lia growled towards her brother, before snapping back. “If it was your personality out there, Baldur’s Gate would be a desert in a tenday.”

A chuckle escaped the tiefling wizard’s face. “I missed you too, sister.”

The warm moment was broken up by a shout from a younger tiefling in a silvery flowing robe. “Tav!”

Lia ran towards her future sister-in-law with a warm embrace. The tiefling bard had become family in recent months, though she still questioned Tav’s taste in gentlemen. Her brother? Seriously? Did she suffer head trauma while fighting The Absolute?”

“I still wish the three of you had been able to come to the party” shouted back Tav. The conversation crossed back to Lia - “From the looks of it, you brought the party back to us!”

The two women looked around the room. High Harper Jaheira! The legendary ranger, Minsc! Grand Duke Wyll Ravengard! She’d already come face to…face? with the now-Illithid Karlach. She could swear she also saw a cat she didn’t recognize skulking off in the corner, although she would swear it had…wings? Did she have too much sherry earlier that evening?

“Lia? Lia? Anyone home?” Tav looked at Lia with concern.

“It’s good to see so many of these faces again. Wouldn’t have anything we have without you and your friends. I’m just a little overwhelmed, wasn’t expecting a party. I’ll be back. Just gonna drop these off in the kitchen! Missed you!”

Making a hasty exit towards the top of the storefront, she stepped into the rightmost portal at the top of the stairs. One of Rolan’s first actions had been to reconfigure the four portals in the storefront for tower access – and to ward against unauthorized entry by the use of small keystones attached to a pendant. To access the privacy of the tower, one would either need to be granted access, or be a skilled enough mage to essentially function as a magical locksmith.

The tower’s magic had been…on edge? Lately? The keystones had largely kept the portal system stable, but without Rolan present to maintain the magic, several weird issues had arrived. Randomly locked doors. Rooms that would extinguish all their lights when she walked in. Two days after Rolan and Tav had left, Lia recalled, she had tried to use a scroll to illuminate a room. While she didn’t trust Rolan’s assessment of the ease of using it, even Cal had noted the simplicity by which the scrolls worked.

Except instead she’d nearly been electrocuted by the damnable thing. The lights in the room lit up, sure, but so did she. She spent the better part of an hour physically illuminated, as though her own skin were a light source. Glitches had been growing more and more common since then, although Cal SWORE that they only seemed to occur when Lia was there. Except the locks, which seemed to have a mind of their own.

Rolan had also been quick to note that no, the ‘Knock’ spell she’d seen him use to unlock the storefront once shortly after they’d moved in – after they’d been locked out – would not open the portals. Knowing that no one save her brothers and Tav held keystones, Lia figured she could retreat to the kitchen, regain her composure with a few moments of privacy.

As the warm glow of the kitchen portal enveloped her, a few minutes away to regroup would be perf—

Hopes of a moment or two of solitude were quickly dashed. A tall human man clad in the most ornate purple mage’s robes she ever seen sat seated at a table, glass of wine and some sort of book before him. She remembered – this was another of Tav’s friends. Gale, that was his name. Ugh, not another wizard.

“Oh, a thousand pardons. I wasn’t aware anyone would be venturing up here. Hello! I’m Gale Dekarios, Professor of Illusory Magic at Blackstaff Academy”

The man stood to greet Lia, extending a hand outward.

“Friend of Tav’s, right? Considering this is my home, this is our kitchen, and my brother indicated that the portals were locked, I’d REALLY love an explanation as to why you’re in here.” She was clearly unimpressed at the wizard stood before her, annoyance and contempt gradually simmering warmer.

“A thousand pardons, my dear…Lia, I believe. Rolan’s sister!”

The sound of a clawed hand tapping the countertop impatiently echoed around the room. “Yes, I know who I am. Why are you up here? And don’t call me ‘my dear’”

“Apologies again, I meant no ill will or intent” hastily sputtered the wizard. “Your brother had indicated an issue with the tower’s lock mechanisms and asked if I might be so keen as to take a look. That’s primarily abjuration, however…. you don’t share your brother’s inclination towards the arcane, do you?” asked Gale.

“Can’t say I do. Tried, a couple of times. Rolan said I put the ‘can’t’ in ‘cantrip’.”

Resisting the majority of a hearty laugh at the wordplay, Gale still couldn’t help a small chuckle.”

“I know we’ve been having issues with locks malfunctioning, traps going off, ever since we moved in. It’s why the portals are tied to these things”, noted Lia, showing the pendant that normally allowed them access.

“It’s a clever mechanism, but long term the root cause needs addressing.”

“Okay, but, why the wine and the book?”

“When I entered this room 20 minutes ago, that door -” Gale pointed towards the larder entry

“The larder locked itself AGAIN!?”

“A simple ‘Knock’ spell was easily dispelled, so right now I’m observing. And for me, I’ve found a good glass of wine and some quality literature helps pass the time. Say, now that you’ve entered the room, I wonder…” The wizard’s voice trailed off, as he raised his hand to begin manipulating the Weave, quietly muttering several things Lia couldn’t quite understand under her breath.

The door to the larder swung open.

“Aha. You’re entering via the portal appears to have triggered the next sequence in which doors are locked.”

“But why would the portal from the shop to the kitchen – OH!” Lia’s face lit up. “I saw something like this once! It was…”

“Please, do continue, anything could be of import or significance” responded Gale, with kindness.

Looking the wizard directly in the eyes – and after shaking loose a stray thought – Lia continued. “There was this game thing that I saw once in Elturel when we were kids. You’d push a button, but when you did all the buttons around it flipped over. You had to be real careful and try to set them off in a specific order, and flip them around a few times, but eventually if you did it right, you’d get them all pushed in!”

“The wards on the doors are tied to the same magic as the portals. The portals are forced open with the keystones, but whenever you use them, it’s flipping over other locks.” Lia’s face sunk. She might not have been a magic user, but she’d spent hours playing that game in frustration. “It means we’re going to have to set off all the locks, we’re gonna have to see which ones cause other ones to change, and it’s going to be a long night.”

“Indeed, long month more like. Fortunately, we’ve just hit a break period at Blackstaff and I’m CERTAIN that this magical lock system would be of great note to researchers, it truly IS a marvel.”

“If you say so.”. Lia’s frustration was palpable. The locks had been malfunctioning for weeks, and now it turns out the only way to solve it was going to involve diligence, studious observation, and the services of another wizard.

“Apologies if this is a sensitive topic, but as I’ve been tasked to help, there IS a matter I’d like to go back to. Neither you nor your younger brother…. Cal, I believe…have any magical aptitude whatsoever? It’s quite unusual for a family to have a spellcaster as talented as your brother while…”

Lia exhaled. She knew where this was going, might as well get it out of the way.

“Rolan’s adopted. We do not EVER make a thing out of it in this house, Rolan is our brother, but he was adopted. Hence why he’s ‘Master’ of an entire wizard’s tower, and Cal and I…run the shop, and mostly try to not get ourselves blown up.”

“Ah. I see. Well…” The wizard’s voiced trailed off. The conversation had stretched on now for some time, and Lia had nearly resigned herself to wanting to rejoin the party (whatever the risk to the damnable locks) when Gale’s thought finally made its’ way to his mouth. “Has Rolan ever, you know, shown any interest in teaching the two of you?”

“He’s managed to get Cal to a point where he can use a scroll without it backfiring or causing us to need to evacuate the shop. Whenever he tries with me, it ends…explosively. I tried to use a scroll for LIGHT and managed to set an entire bookshelf ON FIRE”.

It was an unpleasant memory. She’d found her brother an insufferably smug teacher. It’d all always come so easily to Rolan. Lia’d rather just have her wits and a good sharp blade.”

“When I first met Tav, if she attempted to use her instrument as a focus, she could perform minor spells, but on her own had zero capacity to cast – in fact, it would frequently result in a backfire of wild magic not unlike what you’ve just described with the bookcases. From what I recall, you generally prefer a bow or blade to magic, however, if you’d at least like to be able to use a scroll, I believe I can help. It may even make dealing with the locks simpler.”

“Learn magic? From you? Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t. Seriously, I have tried. Hells, I have actually, proper tried. Rolan tries to be supportive, but…he looks so angry when I try, and it backfires like that. It wastes scrolls, and knowing his sister is SO magically inept, I just…I don’t need more proof that I can’t do this stuff.”

Lia turned towards the portals

“Tell you what – I’m not above a friendly bit of wagering, and truly, I believe this will help all parties involve. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be at the door of the shop an hour before you’re posted to open. This is zero risk, all reward. You don’t even have to step out into the cold. Since you’ve said that even scrolls cause backfires, let’s start there. If I can get you to cast one scroll – something relatively harmless like Dancing Lights – without a backfire, then you get rewarded. I, uh, I know things. About Tav. And your brother. You could tease them both mercilessly. “

“Tempting, Wizard. But how do you know things I don’t about Rolan?”

“Wizards are notorious gossips, and your brother has rapidly developed quite the reputation. Mostly positive, I hasten to add. But replete with a story or two that could certainly cause him minor embarrassment.”

“So, wait, I get to figure out this magic thing enough not to blow up the tower with a single scroll, I get juicy gossip about those two, and I don’t even have to leave the house…. really, wizard, what ARE you getting from this.”

Looking directly into the woman’s black and orange eyes, Gale simply grinned. “My dear, there is no greater joy than to be able to show someone who believed that they are incapable of something that they indeed possess the capability. So many in this world would be capable of so much more if they were only of the belief that they could. I believe you can do this.”

Lia let out a small, toothy grin. He believed in her? Even over six months after that brain had nearly destroyed the city, Tav’s friends were continually a surprise.

“Also, I MUST admit…”

Oh, there’s always a ‘but’ or an ‘also’, Lia thought to herself.

“In all my years, I have only rarely known the use of scrolls to produce the kind of wild magic surges and backfires that you’ve described. If something IS impairing your ability to manipulate the weave in any manner, including a common scroll, that’s something worth investigating.”

Her defensiveness rose once more. She was no one’s laboratory experiment or object of pity.

“Look. I have a theory – and I RUSH to emphasize, it is only a theory – I think whatever is going on with the locks and the wards and your ”backfires” as it were are somehow related. Why and how? That is what I’d like to get to the bottom of. If I can help a charming young lady gain some skill in the arcane arts along the way? I would consider that a win-win situation.”

Sorry, charming? Was he? Damnation, he was at least ten years older than her. And a wizard. No, no, work past it Lia. Okay, say something, this is getting awkward.

“Fine, one hour before opening. Wait – where are the rest of you staying tonight? In the tower?”

“We were able to send ahead and rent out our old suite in the Elfsong. There’s fewer of us now, and it’s only a few streets away.”.

Alfira and Lakrissa had mentioned this suite. Absolutely palatial. Alan Alyth had offered them the entire upper floor suite of the tavern during their battles against the brain.

“Snow’s piling up. If you don’t head back soon, you might be stuck the rest of the night.”

“Ah yes. Still, I could certainly picture worse environs to be trapped in for a night.”.

A slightly uncomfortable quiet began to hang over the room, broken only by occasional howls of wind and snow pelting the windows.

“Party’s downstairs. If you’re through ‘observing the locks’, let’s rejoin everyone else. And you, I’ll see you promptly at six.”

Gale rose and began to head towards the portal with Lia. Once more, the warm glow began to envelop them, then, suddenly, a loud POP and a chilly breeze.

Snow? Wait, they were outside? Why did she have a headache?

“Lia, I must admit, I did not anticipate this particular development.”

Looking around, the situation quickly became clear.

“We’re on the bleedin’ balcony of the tower!?!” let out a shocked Lia. The pair had at least landed on firm ground, but near the uppermost floor of Ramazith’s tower, and most importantly, outdoors.

“Right, let’s look for a door or window.”

The pair searched around, and eventually Lia found an opening to a window to the library inside. Escaping the frigid gusts of the outdoors, Gale raised his hand, planning to illuminate the lighting inside the library.

“In for a penny, in for a pound. Lia, do me a favor, watch me, carefully repeat every motion I make, and repeat every sound I make. Clear?”

Doing an imitation of Gale, the tiefling retorted back “Watch me, carefully repeat every motion I make, and repeat every sound I make. Clear?”

Letting loose a louder laugh this time, Gale began the process of casting Light. Lia, relaxed in spite of their situation after the joke, following along closely. Word for word, motion for motion, she had proven a fantastic mimic for the wizard from Waterdeep.

At least in terms of her attempts to copy Gale. The results…diverged. Gale’s attempt effortlessly resulted in the illumination of a nearby brazier. As did Lia’s. “Gale! Oh, my gods, I….” Before she could complete the thought, an itch began to spread through every cell of her being. An itch that became a tickle. Laughing, Lia suddenly found herself as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.”

“Uh, Lia…”

The levity of the moment was replaced by a different form of levity as Lia found herself nearly a meter off the ground – and rising. Leaping, Gale managed to grab her by the hand and pull her towards him.

Equally parts amused and concerned, Lia fleetingly found herself noting the wizard’s surprisingly firm grip. For a bookworm, he has surprisingly strong hands here.

With her attention firmly focused on Gale, she noticed his casting once more. A glow rapidly enveloped them both – and she found herself beginning to return to the ground, slowly and gently.

Suddenly, a feeling of static and a pop of light. Gravity took hold once more, and the tiefling woman came crashing down upon the human wizard, landing atop him on the ground.

Realizing she had Gale pinned to the ground, she allowed her brain a moment, then rolled off, a sly grin mixed with intense confusion.

“WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS WAS THAT?! Gale, not that I dont appreciate the soft landing but what happened? I did your little magic thing, it even looked like it worked, then suddenly I’m airborne. What’s going on?”

Gale attempted to regain his composure, his mind lingering perhaps just a moment too long at having just had Lia atop him.

“Lia, excluding Rolan, does your family have ANY history of magic use whatsoever?”.

“Honestly, a lot of our folks died when we were young. Why? I already told you, I’m not a mage. Rolan and I aren’t even related.”

“I’m aware that Rolan isn’t strictly your biological sibling. However, what I just witnessed is crystal clear, Lia. Would you like the good news, the bad news, the worst news, or what’s behind door #4?”

“Out with it, wizard!” glared Lia, albeit slightly playfully.

“What do you know of magic users known as ‘sorcerers’?”

“I’ve heard Rolan say things. Honestly, I think he was a little jealous. They’re the ones that are just born with magic, right? No studying or…. wait, what are you saying?” Lia’s confused statement, however, was betrayed by a knowing look upon her face.

“There exists a category of sorcerers known as ‘Wild Magic’ sorcerers. The source of their magic tends to be the most unpredictable. Sometimes it’s by pure happenstance of birth. Others it’s by unintentional magic exposure. Some have gained their talents by interactions with demons, or with the fey. Still others went to their deaths believing that their powers had simply been a trick of the Gods.”

“Out with it.”

“Lia, what I’ve witnessed now twice in just the last half hour with you is indisputable. Those are the tell-tale wild magic surges of a sorcerer. Why it started with scrolls, I’m not sure – perhaps it’s particularly volatile magic, perhaps there was some sort of ward on one of the scrolls that you tried to use that caused its’ magic to backflow into you. But ONLY a wild magic sorcerer could have caused what you just experienced when you attempted to light that brazier. You’re a sorcerer, Lia.”

The intense emotion of the situation brought forth a familiar tingle. Her eyes shot open with alarm.

“Control it, Lia. With study, you can learn to master these – “

Gale’s words were all too late. Another flash and crackle of electricity filled the room, along with a light layer of smoke.

“Lia, answer me please, are you okay?”

As the smoke cleared, the first things visible were a pile of clothes of the ground.

Eyes opening wide, Gale could only let out a shocked “Uh oh.” as he prepared a sending spell and tried to think of what counterspell would be proper for this.

---

Downstairs, the magical lights of the shop flickered for a third time. Grand Duke Wyll was the first person to notice “Look, everyone, the snow’s stopped.”

“Finally. The weather seers hadn’t said anything about snow” noted Rolan, interrupted by the large man (and mighty hamster) near him. “Clearly, they did not seer this coming” chuckled Minsc.

“Hey, has anyone seen Lia? She took a bundle to the kitchen an hour ago, and she’s not back yet. Kitchen portal’s not working either!” shouted Cal across the room.

“The magic in this tower HAS been rather…eccentric, dating back to even before we’d left. I had asked Gale to look at it.” Rolan looked concerned towards Tav.

Suddenly, Tav heard a familiar ping near the back of her head. A sending spell? From Gale.

“Tav. Come quickly to the library. Bring Rolan. It’s Lia. Portals acting weird. Wild magic”

The hero of Baldur’s Gate wasted no time, grabbing her betrothed and heading towards the library portal. “It’s Gale, he’s with Lia. They’re in the library, and it sounds like trouble.”

“Why would my sister be in the library? Why would she be in the library with Gale? He’d only gone to the kit- “

Remembering that Lia had taken the now non-functional kitchen portal herself, they exchanged a confused glance.

“Gale said something else. Said that the portals are weird and indicated “wild magic.”.

“That is most certainly bizarre, my love. How would the wild magic of a sorcerer affect the portal system? What does it have to do with Gale and Lia?”

“No clue. Wyll, Jaheira,“ Tav yelled across the room, “Rolan and I are going to the library. Something’s not right. If we’re not back or you don’t get a sending spell from me in fifteen minutes, get Cal’s keystone and come directly to the library. Portals are acting weird, though, so be prepared for anything. Keystone works for up to two people.”

Wyll nodded, almost eager at the chance for some semblance of actual adventure. Minsc appeared slightly saddened to not be invited to whatever was about to go to down town. The others continued to focus amongst themselves?

“Ready, my love?” asked Rolan to Tav

“Ready”

The glow of the portal engulfed them quickly. Aside from a slight draft, and a marginally smoky smell, moments later, they found themselves in the library. Gale’s hand was aglow and raised over his head. In front of Gale stood a pile of clothes and a medium sized sheep, bleating in a vague panic.

“Gale what is-“

“QUIET. NOW.” shot back the wizard, grateful at their presence but annoyed at the interruption.

A curious pairing of scents, lilies and root vegetables, began to waft over the room. Rolan quickly found himself wondering Why in all the nine hells is Gale reversing a poly…OH. OH NO

A bright flash and more smoke engulfed the room. Before Gale – and at a distance Tav and Rolan – once more stood Lia, now in the unfortunately compromised position of being “on all fours” and, embarrassingly, naked as the day she was born.

“Oh, oh thank the Gods, thank you Gale. That was…I am getting rid of ALL of the wool in my wardrobe tomorrow.” Gale rapidly averted his gaze as a passing thought tried to remain in his mind. Rolan looked ready to fire a spell of Blight in his direction.

As Tav went over towards Lia in order to help her future sister-in-law with her outfit and to offer comfort, Rolan angrily grabbed Gale, pulling him towards an alcove on the site.

“Gale Dekarios. Explain, now! WHY WAS MY SISTER A SHEEP? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?”

“Rolan, I promise, you and Tav will get a full recap in the morning. What we both need now is to find someplace to rest, and safely. Lia is safe, Rolan, she – “ “SHEEP. GALE, WHY WAS MY SISTER A SHEEP. WHY WAS MY SISTER NUDE AND IN THE LIBRARY WITH YOU?”

“Brother I’m fine.” Yelled Lia across the room.

“I just don’t understand WHAT IS…”

What had been an anger and confusion filled stream of consciousness set of reactions slowly gave way to Rolan’s more analytical nature.

Sheep. Magical backfires. The angry sending spell I got from Tolna.

Rolan’s jaw started to hang open as his pupils opened so wide his eyes began to form an eclipse.

“You can’t possibly…no…she’s nor.”

With an almost giggle, a now re-clothed Lia make her way over towards her brother and Gale. “Looks like you’re not the only mage in the family now, brother”

“Oh gods, she’s not.”

“Rolan, as senior instructor of Illusion at Blackstaff Academy, it is my solemn duty to inform you that your sister, Lia, is in fact a sorcerer. Potentially one of some moderate degree of power, if albeit near-zero control without the proper tutelage”.

“Rolan, this is great. ANOTHER mage in the family!” noted Tav, excitedly. Her music had provided Tav herself with a conduit to the Weave, while Rolan’s skills as a wizard were known. Now, here was Lia – and she was manifesting magic?! The possibilities for taunting Rolan are delightful now.

Sharing a glance at each other then towards Rolan and Gale, Lia and Tav began to laugh.

“Damnation.” grimaced Rolan. “Still, if you can learn some measure of control”, began Rolan with a mix of pride and hesitation, “If you can learn some manner of control, perhaps you may yet accomplish great things.”

“I had offered your sister a magic lesson in the morning. I would actually still like to follow through with that, if it’s alright with you Lia?”

“You know what?” Lia glanced at the two wizards with a mix of curiosity, playfulness, and perhaps just a pinch of spite? “I’d like that. I think I could learn a lot from you, Gale Dekarios.”

This time the glances were shared between Rolan and Tav. Uh oh.

26 notes · View notes

ttaibhse · 29 days ago

Text

i need to start up running again i haven't been in ages and i feel shitty about it but i still just don't really want to. especially now it's getting colder lol i like running in cool weather but when it's actually cold not as much. i was getting so bored of it idrk why i guess because i was running out of new routes to do... i hate running along the road and the thought of adding more distance which basically would mean adding more time on the road or just mindless loops of the parks wasn't really motivating lol. and i felt like i stopped making progress. and then i got sick and the pain in my back/hips came back for a while. and to be honest i was/am just disappointed that i wasn't losing any weight at least not perceptibly and obviously i was lying when i said the goal of it wasn't to lose weight lol. like not the only goal i did/do also want to just be a fitter and more active person and not let my bones crumble into dust by middle age whatever but ultimately i want to lose weight and it just wasn't happening. even though i wasn't intentionally eating much more to make up for the extra activity but i probably was doing it without meaning to. like admittedly there were definitely times i would be like oh i can have a bit more i did a big run today. not all the time but enough i guess. i feel like shit i hate being this size & shape i miss being skinny and the more time passes with me not being skinny it gets harder to remember the negatives that came with it. like i look back now and i know i was always cold and exhausted and obsessed with food and my whole life revolved around it like i know all that but i looked so much better -_- my clothes looked nicer. if someone took a photo of me i only had to worry about hating my face not my body as well. or not as much at least lol i always hated it i guess. but omfg my face even looks worse now because its just doughy. i cant stand it. i cant believe how fucked up i look lol

i hate writing posts like this i sound so cookie cutter stereotypical ED girl. it's so so embarrassing i can't stop feeling like this at nearly 28. im 28 in like 10 days and the first time i remember consciously deciding to stop eating to lose weight i was 10 or 11. my mum still seems to have genuinely blocked out the memories of it like any of it even though we talked about it at several different points in time when i was a teenager and i said to her what was going on and she was so angry with me like furious with me. and then again when i was an adult and just said outright because i knew i had put on weight over lockdown and i knew she thought i had just lost control of myself because she said so to my sister

so i said to her like look i was only really thin in uni because i was in like a 1.5k calorie deficit every single day. there were days i would stand up at the end of a lecture and almost black out lol so i said all that maybe 3 or 4 years ago was the last time i brought it up icr but still if the topic of eating disorders or similar comes up she will say things like "i hope youve never felt that way" LMFAO like full sincerity i swear to fucking god i dont understand. but anyway its not a great feeling knowing she thinks im fat because i just dont take care of myself. even though it is true i suppose. and every time i see my granny she comments on my weight. so anyway all that to say that's how i know it's true and it's not just in my head

like i can acknowledge that back in the day when i was something like 55kg and still thought i was huge that was some kind of dysmorphia involved. but not any more and it's just kind of a blow because i had finally started accepting this idea that i wasn't as big as i thought and now i am it's like i don't know like going backwards. like a nightmare come true or something it's literally all the bad thoughts i would have about myself are true now. i am that fat or even worse because i think i've been deluding myself i think i'm actually now bigger than i think i am. and i am lazy and eat badly and it still feels like my options are total lack of control or the tightest rein possible. theres no good middle ground i dont know how people find a middle ground. how do you eat normally lol. ive only ever been thin when i was barely eating + walking miles and miles every day AND on testosterone. i tried to do eating normally and now im so huge and i dont know what to do like logically i know there are people out there who have got it right so why cant i get it right

#edcw #sorry no one needs to read this but i needed to try and let it out lol #logging off logging of f logging off i prommy

15 notes · View notes

finchesslingshott · 5 months ago

Text

AH YES THE LONG-AWAITED GREAT GATSBY CAST ALBUM NOTES FROM FINCH READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

roarin’ on - 10/10

this song has literally been on loop since it first came out

has zero right to be this much of a banger

lives in my head rent free

oh nick carraway the man you are

“tonight lets misbehaaaaaave” scratches my brain in just the right way

WHERES THE PARTY AND CAN YOU TAKE ME THERE ANDDD WHEN THE PARTYS OVER CAN YOU FIND ANOTHER PARTY SOMEWHEREEEE

harmonies my beloved

“turns out: manhattan is expensive!” nick carraway laugh line era is so good

“with his arms spread to the SKYYYYYYYYY” oh i love tenors so much

nick’s speaking voice is so silly i love it he’s just a little guy

the ensembles little “oh oh oh oh”s make me so happy

ORCHESTRA MARRY ME

NICKS TENOR RANGE GOOD GRAVY IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME

absolute rose - 7.5/10

the ukulele goes crazy

jordan’s dialogue is so silly what a woman

DAISYS LITTLE GIGGLE IM GONNA DIE

ew tom i visibly frowned

ORCHESTRA I LOVE YOU

tom no one likes you shut your face

oh daisy’s voice what a woman

new money - 8.7/10

OK GET IT THIS BEAT IS SO GOOD WHAT THE HECK

samantha pauly i love you

AAA CHROMATIC SCALE MY EYES ACTUALLY WIDENED

its almost like 80s core as well as having that 20s swing and i love it

WOLFSHEIM!!!! HEY POOKS (my favorite minor character he doesnt get talked about enough)

“who’s the teahcer?” “thats nick carraway”

the rumors section oh my goodness i literally cant ensemble i literally love you

“do you believe thay about mr gatsby?” “WHAAT?”

oh jordan your speaking voice dear

JORDANNNN

for her - 9.5/10

ITS OUR BOY LADS OH MY GOSH

oh orchestra oh lyrics oh jeremy

“daisyyyy” IM CRYING

the smooth switches between falsetto and full chest voice just adds to the emotion

ORCHESTRAAAAAA

OH ITS THE PART FROM TIKTOK

ok enunciation and emotion get it jeremy

LITERALLY IN ACTUAL TEARS OH MY WORD JEREMY

oh strings you and your tremolo are killing me over here

“now she has TOOOOO KNOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW ITS ALLLL FOR HERRRRRRRRRRRRRR”

valley of ashes - 7.5/10

this beat is so cool oh my gosh

who is this singing??? i cant tell???

OHHHH ITS THAT GUY HEY WILSON

talking to the billboard of the doctors eyes is actually a detail i had headcanoned when i originally read the book and this is actually making me so happy

oh wilson and his wife (whos name i forgot)

“youve got the eyes of God / if God needed glasses”

that was actually so cool what

way too short

second-hand suit - 8.7/10

im loving the ukulele content in this musical 100/10

this role is so clarisse la rue from the lightning thief and i love it

the mood and beat change when she starts talking about tom is insane

the drum beat is so cool what

i cant remember her name for the life of me what is wrong with me

I LOVE THIS OMW NEW DREAM ROLE

for better or worse - 9.5/10

oh no oboe (?) solo i know im gonna start crying

“and to learn that my soldier has returned / its both a blessing and a curse / is it for better or for worse?”

literally just texted my voice teacher demanding (/j) to work on this song

“and not to thinkkk about the PAAAAAAST”

oh my gosh wow hold on crying what the flip

somehow “once upon a december” coded

OH OH OH OH NO OH NO

i think my soul just left my body

the met - 8.5/10

AWESOME BASS LINE I’M ALREADY SOLD

MYRTLE THATS HER NAME DEAR GOODNESS I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE MIRIAM OR MARY OR SMTH

woah mr mckees voice makes him more creepy than he alr was in the book

“i need a dose of culture / and i need a cigarette”

“in the bedroom lighting i’m an eight” is literally insane

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THIS SONG

myrtle’s sister ranking different people is literally so crazy calling gatsby a 5 when he’s literally JEREMY FLIPPING JORDAN

katherine’s myrtle’s sister’s name right???? i’m not crazy???

oh nick carraway you and your internal monologue

myrtle and tom’s fight is literally crazy “dAisY dAIsY dAisY” (SMACK)

nick straight up calling tom an asshole is so crazy i love him for it tbh

OH FUNKY BASS LINE MARRY ME

“yes… please connect me with mr. j. gatsby.” BUHM

this was one of my fav scenes in the book and they portrayed it beautifully i’m literally in love

only tea - 9/10

i love a good jeremy jordan meltdown song

“i am not okay.” me too jeremy its ok pookie

“old sport” HE SAID IT HE SAID THE THING I’M GONNA START CRYING

ok the beat yes oh my gosh the goofy little trumpet slides and ukulele my beloved

“i’m gonna walk into the ocean” jay gatsby stop making me kin you

ok ensemble vocals get it

the voice crack on “cASUal” im in love

his voice cracks in general what a man

poor nick man

i think jeremy’s playing jay to be bipolar and i’m here for it /hj

green light - 10/10

hoooooo boy ok here we go

this is one of the ones i still havent listened to even though it was released early

the falsetto jeremy you’re killing me here

calling her “daisy faye” instead of “daisy buchanan” is so symbolic of him like seeing her as his instead of legally tom’s

oh eva noblezada what a woman you are

the mood/orchestral change when daisy started singing i’m dead

OH THEYRE SINGING TOGETHER IM GONNA DIE

oh theyre definitely kissing why else would they have this random orchestral break thats somehow so similar to “something to believe in” from newsies

the emotion in their voices urhgjgdjdjdjfjfdjdksoaoeokgkf

the harmoniesss

ooh bet theyre kissing again

THE FINAL NOTE OH MY GOSH

the next “something to believe in” i fear

shady - 7.5/10

UH OH IM EXCITED

MORE WOLFSHEIM CONTENT???

his voice is so cool

he’s so tevye coded i cant even explain how or why but he is

AAAAAAAAA DOUBLE BASS I COULD CRY

this instrumental is killing me goodness gravy

“everybodys a little bit shady / the world keeps spinning if you grease the wheel” goes hard

ensemble vocals go harddddd

better hold tight - 8.7/10

more standup bass i could die

“i think i see the stars aligning / or my standards are my declining”

NICK AND HIS VIBRATO I’M SCREAMING

“what you did might be taboo / but i like that look on you”

i need my next (if any) boyfriend to be a tenor so he can sing this with me

SCREAMING I LOVE THEM

past catching up to me - 9.5/10

oh jerjor your precious little voice can you marry me yet

“she kissed me and swore she’d never stray / then the world got in the way”

this is the new tenor song along with santa fe and great expectations

GET IT DRUMS WOO GO ORCHESTRA

THE KEY CHANGE. OH MY GOSH.

HAD NO RIGHT HITTING ME WITH A C5 (?) JEREMY POOKIE WHAT

ENSEMBLE VOCALS JUST ADD TO IT ALDKGKFKSKSKRKFKDSA

la dee dah with you - 8.5/10

ok just from the orchestral stuff its alr a banger

this is the big tap number right????

whos singing??? this isnt jordan??? is this just an nyc girl from annie type situation?

i’m confused but its a banger so i dont care

oh im so sure the choreo is so impossibly good

YES THE TAPS LETS FLIPPING GO AKDKFLFLSLERLGLDLSKA

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

yep this is it this is what i wanna do with my life

the ensemble hootin and hollerin just adds to it

TOO SHORT.

go - 8.7/10

YAY ANOTHER MENTAL BREAKDOWN SONG!

somehow violet beaudelaire x quigley quagmire core if you know what i mean

“if we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives” core

them <333333333

ew tom spoke i hate him

“i love you lets go / before i change my mind”

these harmonies ugh

ORCHESTRA ILY

too short again

made to last - 9/10

is this tom?? i cant tell?????

OH IT IS LETS GO

OH MY GOSH ITS THE GATSBY TOM FIGHT LETS FLIPPING GO

i really wanna see how this is staged…

OK SMOOTH KEY CHANGE

the conflicting vocal parts in the argument im gonna actually die

tom desperately trying to win me over with his vocal parts

oh its so “nonstop” coded im gonna actually die

for better or worse (reprise) - 7.5/10

its my pookies oml

oh samantha pauly your voice

they better kiss

TOO SHORT

one-way road - 9/10

MYRTLE??? OH MY GOSH???

“WATCH THE ROAD ASSHOLE”

“wait what if i become her?”

the callbacks to second hand suit make me happy

yeah no this is my role i’ve claimed it now

i swear the amount of mental breakdown songs in this music i live for it

YES MYRTLE POP OFF

God sees everything - 8.7/10

lets go george pop off king

TOO SHORT WHAT THE FLIP

for her (reprise) - 8/10

YES CELLO YEA STRINGS AAAAAAAAAAAA

can someone love me like jay gatsby loves daisy buchanan

new money (reprise) - 8.3/10

ugh this beat kills me every time i cant even

DSGLAFJKLDSKLD ENSEMBLE I LOVE YOU

my fav reprise by far oh my GOSH

dying dead

TOO SHORT WTFFFF

beautiful little fool - 9/10

prepared to cry alr oh gosh

the whispery quality of her voice rn i’m gonna die eva pls

“It’s a girl the nurse said / and i broke, and i broke”

the piano instrumental killing me jeeeeeeez

“the best thing a girl can be in this world is a beautiful little fool” line taken STRAIGHT from the book and it KILLS me every single time i read it sdjadljksdljafdshlsdfjakdshdfask

oh eva noblezada your VOICE

OHHH THE CALLBACK TO ABSOLUTE ROSE I’M DEAD

ORCHESTRA MARRY ME HODSJGKSLAFKDGLJFADKSGLFAKDHGSLJFADHGS

texting my voice teacher rn

finale: roaring on - 9.5/10

YAY NICK HEY POOKS YOU EAT UP THAT MONOLOGUE KING

this is partially taken from the book uihsialfdjsghkfljdg i’m gonna cry

“I can still see gatsby / standing in silhouette” ok homo /pos

YES TENOR NOTE MY BELOVED

“with infinite hope / that made him fool enough to try / that light across the water was always out of reach / so why do we (x3) keep reaching”

OOOO BEAT CHANGE KILLING ME

YAY ROARING ON ODGJSHOAPLSFJDKGSHDLJFADHSGJJLFAD

DIRECT QUOTES FROM THE BOOK HOLY CRAPPPPPPP

WHERES THE PARTY AND CAN YOU TAKE ME THERRREEEEE-

genuinely in tears oh my GOSH

IN CONCLUSION

SURPRISINGLY cohesive to the book which made me so happy - the direct quotes had me SCREAMINGGGGG

phenomenal cast literally would die to breathe the same air as any of them

dream role is myrtle she sounds like a soprano belter sorry i don’t make the rules

JEREMY. FREAKING. JORDAN.

ORCHESTRA. ENSEMBLE. I LOVE YOU.

#the great gatsby #the great gatsby musical #i'm gonna cry #save finch 2024 #finch the yapper

16 notes · View notes

jaywhere · 4 months ago

Text

moom, dad and dad are fighting over which of them is the most fucked up again :(

poolverine wip extend, ~7k. i have been confined to my tablet with a bluetooth keyboard so she is no doubt extremely messy and i am also too lazy to post in parts so we will all have to deal with that! skip to *** for the new stuff, follow-up to HER

The doorframe rattles when Logan slams it shut.

With a sigh, he shrugs off his jacket. He makes a half-hearted attempt at hanging it on one of the hooks off to the right before giving up and allowing it to slump onto the floor. His feet drag, toes catching clumsily against the transitional swell between his living room’s wood paneling and the kitchenette’s linoleum.

The world is already tolerably fuzzy as he slams open the cabinet door. Logan closes his eyes against the sound of one of his neighbors showering and crickets chirping in the distance. He pulls out a half-empty bottle of whiskey, pops out the cork, and tilts his head back to take a few slow glugs. The alcohol slides down his throat, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. The thunk of glass against the lacquered countertop echoes.

Today had not been a good day. The last few days hadn’t been good, really — although Logan’s not sure he’s ever had a good day. But the last few had been worse than usual. The kind of days that suck you dry, leave you nothing but a husk of a man at the end of ‘em. Logan glancces down at the bottle in his hand, wondering if he should down the whole thing now.

He squints. It looks significantly more full than he remembers.

It isn’t until the bathroom door swings open to release a cavalcade of barefoot footfalls and a cloud of hot steam, that Logan realizes it hadn’t been one of his neighbors showering.

“Logan Wolverine,” Wade Wilson announces, leveling an accusatory loofah brush towards him, “it’s time to resume our eternal battle.”

Drunk, Logan stares. The cloud of steam clears to reveal an expanse of marred skin interrupted only by the bright red kevlar of the Deadpool mask. A long beat passes wherein Logan stares directly at Wade’s bare cock dangling goofily between his legs before he jerks his head to the side.

“God damn, man, put some clothes on!” Logan turns, back to Wade. “And what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Not like it’s anything you haven’t seen before, lover.” The only warning Logan gets before a hot, wet body is pressed against his back is the damp slap of wet feet on linoleum. By reflex, he turns and shoves three ragged claws directly into Wade’s stomach. “Oh, should’ve expected that. Gonna take a second to get over that one.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Logan stares down at him, spread-eagled in the kitchenette with thin streams of blood puddling on the floor. “You are wet and naked. Get the fuck out of my house.”

“Well,” Wade responds. Completely shameless, he doesn’t even make an attempt to cover himself. Logan grinds his teeth and turns his back once again. “Considering that you just stabbed me. No! And besides, I have a job for you. Since you’re obviously done with your last one.”

Logan tips back the bottle of whiskey into his mouth. A few drops escape from the corner of his lips, which he doesn’t bother to wipe away. “What?”

“It’s something silly. A B-plot. Hijinks, if you will. The type suitable for some sort of one-shot. Maybe a two-shot if we get frisky.”

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Logan stares out the window above the sink. The foggy, smudged surface prevents him from seeing much other than the glaring approach of oncoming cars down the highway.

“I’m talking about an adventure! Work for the good of the universe! The two amigos at it again to save the world — or at least a very specific suburb of Milwaukee — “

“Yeah, I don’t actually do that anymore.” He takes another swig. Bottle’s halfway empty.

“Okay. Well, if I am being honest, I did accept a payment for this one. About a milli, but if you play nice, I would be willing to split it between the two of us.”

Another drink. A car roars down the highway, lights blazing. A fly buzzes above, imprisoned against the glare of the LEDs.

“No.”

“Okay, fine.” Wade’s exasperated tone shatters the melancholy mood. Logan wishes he would give up and leave already. Wishful thinking, he supposes. Not even educated. “It was two milli.”

“No.”

Logan slides the whiskey back into the cabinet. Wade mutters something he doesn’t bother to listen to. Rather, Logan steps over Wade’s naked, wet, healing body, opens the fridge, and pulls out a mostly-intact six pack. With a sigh, he walks into the living room, collapses onto the couch, and turns of the TV.

“Fine!” Wade shouts from the floor of the kitchenette. “It was five milli, but if you’re actually going to take half of that, I expect a blowjob for my finder’s fee, mister!”

Logan doesn’t respond. Nothing good on at 3 AM. He should be asleep. No way he’s going to do so with Wade Wilson loose in his place. He’s too tired, drunk, and miserable to do anything meaningful about him right now. He pops open one of the beers. On screen, a lion eviscerates a zebra while the narrator drones calmly on.

Damp footfalls on carpet. Wade stands just inside of Logan’s line of sight. He isn’t bleeding any more. “Oh no, I’m bleeding all over your carpet! Whatever are you going to do!”

Logan ignores him. The lion is rooting through the zebra’s guts now.

“Come on, I know you can’t be that busy. You’ve been gone for four whole days.”

Logan’s brow furrows. His head snaps in Wade’s direction. “You’ve been in my house for four days.”

“This, Logan, is an apartment. And yeah, where do you think all those dirty dishes came from?” Wade gestures vaguely towards the kitchen. Logan hadn’t even noticed. “Also, you probably want to change your sheets. And don’t look in your second dresser drawer, please, unless you’re like, way more into me than I think.”

“Okay.” Logan sets down his beer, looking Wade dead in the eye. Very intentionally, he does not glance down to where Wade’s cock is still flopping pathetically about between his legs. “I’m being serious. I need you to get out now.”

“Ooh, it’s serious time, alright.” He bends his knees, turns to the side, and arches his back so his ass sticks out. “And what happens if I don’t?”

Logan stands up. He can’t fucking deal with this right now. He grabs his coat, stumbling over to the door. He squints against a blast of cold air.

“Come on, Logan.” Wade attempts to dramatically slam the door shut. Logan rips it right back open and steps outside. “I can’t be so repugnant you don’t want to work with me even just a tiny little bit — “

“No, you are,” Logan says, just before slamming the door in Wade’s face.

There are a few blessed moments of silence as Logan walks up the half-set of stairs leading to the parking lot. His shoulders tense when he hears his door creak open again.

“Even though I’m offering you two and a half million? This place is dingy as fuck, the X-men cannot be paying you that much.”

The door slams closed behind Wade. Logan keeps his gaze fixed ahead. He doesn’t speak until he senses Wade right behind him. “Pretty sure the X-Men don’t get paid, bub.”

“What the fuck, good ol’ Chuck — who is definitely alive by the way, don’t you even worry your sweet little heads about it — doesn’t even pay you.” Logan keeps walking forward, desperately hoping that the crunch of gravel beneath his boots will eventually drown Wade out. “That’s inhumane. Even the Avengers get paid. What the hell else is he doing with that seemingly infinite pool of money? Also, what do you mean you’re pretty sure? You are working with the X-Men, aren’t you.”

Logan takes a deep breath. Without a word, he continues walking forward.

Wade gasps. They cross into the street now, beginning to walk down the empty road. Logan’s car isn’t even here. He'd left it at the bar.

“Oh my god, you’re not. What the hell have you been doing for the last year then, man?”

“Didn’t I very specifically say that we would not be seeing each other around?”

“Yes, but then you waddled that cute little ass directly into my apartment, and held my dog, and made friends with my friends and your not-daughter, all strongly implying to the audience that we were going to live happily ever after in homoerotic bliss!”

The sound of skin smacking against skin echoes from behind Logan. Perhaps Wade smacking himself in the face. “I thought you were the reason they rejected me again, good ‘ol Logan wants nothing to do with Wade anymore for completely inscrutable reasons, but — “

Logan’s brow furrows. “They rejected you — ?”

The sentence dies a swift death to a cocktail of rage and embarrassment as he turns and realizes that Wade is still buck naked.

“ — sunuvabitch, put some damn clothes on!”

The emotionless white pits of the Deadpool mask stare back at Logan. “I will if you come back to your sad wolf boy apartment with me.”

Logan scowls. “No.”

Wade crosses his arms and waggles his hips. “I’m the one wearing the mask here. I have nothing to lose. You live here. And you have neighbors you care about. Apparently.”

Logan turns his head, gritting his teeth against the feeling of complete mortification. With a grunt, he clips Wade’s shoulder as he passes him on the way back to his apartment.

“There’s my peanut, always happy to see me!”

Logan throws his jacket onto the floor as soon as he re-enters his apartment. Wilson is such a fucking nut-case.

—

“Are you sure you don’t want to get down nasty style? If it’s just about the carpet, we can lay down a tarp or something. Or we can do it in the bathroom. Always keeps the ugly bumping tidy no matter the bodily fluids involved — I highly recommend it.”

Exhausted, Logan blinks very slowly as he stares at the TV. He sucks down another half a beer before responding. “Don’t you have a girl?”

“If by a girl,” Wade calls out from the bedroom, “you mean my fabulous new therapist Lisa, then yes. She is so dumb. Knows nothing about the horrific depths of the human spirit. Never been tortured, Logan, can you believe that? Not even once. She’s incredible. She has me using this new morality app — “

Logan shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes. “I mean a girlfriend, wife situation.”

“Not anymore!”

Wade arrives in Logan’s field of vision wearing a pair of jeans which come to an abrupt end at his mid-shin. A white t-shirt is tucked into Wade’s belt, dangling pouches failing to disguise how comically large the waistband is on him. Strips of discolored skin are visible on his arms and legs. He’s still wearing the mask. He makes jazz hands.

“You look stupid.”

“You, too!” Wade points an accusatory finger at Logan. “Oh, who am I kidding? You pull it off. Why was I cursed with this glorious, mutilated twink body?”

With a huff, Wade collapses onto the couch. He places a hand on Logan’s thigh, which Logan quickly removes.

“Sorry about your girl.” Wade’s hand continues to sit placidly on the couch. Logan takes another swig of his beer.

“It’s fine.”

On screen, a family of gerbils scurry out of their burrow in the middle of a flood. The narrator dully reports that, in these conditions, the little beasts make easy prey for opportunistic predators.

“Actually, it’s not fine. You know, the really fucked-up thing is that — according to her, at least — it wasn’t the loser-era stuff, or the putting her in constant danger, or the severe mental health problems. Sometimes, things just don’t work out.” Wade turns away from Logan and stares into the middle distance. “And that, dear, readers, is a weak plotline, but it’s also real life. We all know you just want to see his one-eyed snake disappear into my wet cave and you’ll take any excuse you can get. Fuck!”

Wade throws his head onto the back of the couch.

“It may also just have been the severe mental health problems,” he admits. “She was really nice. Probably wouldn’t have said that if it were true.”

Logan drink again. One of the gerbils gets snapped up by a hawk in slow motion. “She would have,” he says. “She would’ve just said it nice.”

Wade sighs. “Yeah.”

Wordlessly, Logan hands him a beer.

“You know, I’m not supposed to drink on my medication. But this is probably enough of a special occasion.” Logan’s not sure whether it’s a joke. He’d never known Wade — any iteration — to be particularly stable. In fairness, Logan has never been either.

When Wade takes the bottle, Logan pops the top off with one partially extended claw. Wade scoffs and takes a sad, quiet drink. Out of juice. Silence encroaches.

“So,” Logan starts. “You’re back on your merc shit, huh?”

“Kinda.” Wade slouches into the crevices of the couch. For a moment, he looks pathetically small. “I’m trying to incorporate my burgeoning moral compass into my work now. Man’s gotta eat.”

“Five million dollars ain’t grocery money.”

When Wade sits up, it’s like a switch flips on in his brain. “In this economy? You’d be lucky to get a loaf of bread for 50K!”

Logan ignores him. He finishes off his beer, then sets the empty bottle on the coffee table.

“So does this mean you’re gonna help me? Or fuck me? I was hoping for both but at this point I’d take either.” He leans closer, staring out at Logan from behind his mask.

Logan sighs. “I said I’m not doing that shit.”

“Logan.” Wade’s voice is deadly serious. “My bowels are clear. But if you’re really that worried about it, I can give myself an enema first.”

Logan reaches over and takes the beer back. Wade doesn’t flinch.

“Hey, come on. You literally save the multiverse, heroically switch timelines, sidestep the life-ruining consequences of your actions. You get to live in a world where you’re a hero, and not one where all of your friends are dead. That is literally once-in-thousands-of-lifetimes kind of luck. And you’re gonna use that ridiculous stroke of luck to sit on the couch all day?”

Shouldn’t be surprising. Logan was already familiar with Wade’s personal definition of heroism. With jaw tight, Logan keeps his gaze fixed forward. His grip tightens around Wade’s beer. Fingers twitching, he downs a third of it.

“I’m honestly shocked the TVA didn’t make you go home off-screen, just for continuity’s sake. I guess they want you to be in more — “

“In case you didn’t catch that,” Logan says, glaring at Wade out of the corner of his eye, “that was an invitation to leave.”

“But you did give me the beer. Invitation extended. And I bet if I ignore your grumpy mug and stay a little bit longer, I can get you to do it again!”

Logan doesn’t respond. He’s lost track of how much he’s had to drink. The whiskey from before is just now starting to hit him, thoughts growing sluggish, warmth crawling through his limbs. He downs the rest of Wade’s beer and cracks open another.

“For real, man.” Wade leans closer, squinting. “Why are you not chilling with the X-Men. They’re all alive here. Or, like, mostly. Probably.” His head turns, glancing around the room chaotically. “Those timelines were always really hard to follow. And our whole thing just didn’t make any sense at all, so it’s probably way easier to just show up and find out who’s alive, but like, it’s definitely most of them. I saw Kurt last week. Blue. Tail. All that fun stuff. You two are supposed to be buds.”

A black hole opens up in the pit of Logan’s stomach.

“You like reality TV, right? That seems like your kind of trash.” Logan flips through the channels. The warmth that radiates off of Wade as he leans in closer is probably Logan’s imagination.

“Logan.” Wade whispers. “Answer the question.”

Teeth grit, Logan hisses, “Or else what?”

“Or else.” Logan rolls his eyes when he feels the cool barrel of a gun press against his temple. He continues flipping through the channels. “We will have to continue our eternal — oh, Love Island, I love this shit.” Logan resists the urge to roll his eyes. “You know, the US version is so bland in comparison to the UK one — wait a second, you’re trying to distract me!”

With a sigh, Logan leans his head back on the couch. His thoughts are becoming delightfully fuzzy, now. He plays the game. “You ever get that ADHD testing done?”

Wade narrows his eyes. “No.”

If Wade had come here to commiserate — to play games — Logan can be fine with that. A few hours ago he’d lifted his cheek off of the bar with red in his mind’s eye. Her hair, her fire, her blood. The last few months had been lonely.

An unnatural silence fills the room when Logan closes his eyes. Wade moves, silent and fast. Thighs bracketing Logan’s, erratically-textured palms cradling his cheeks. Chest tight like he’d been strangled. Logan’s knuckles are pressed to Wade’s ribs, all reflex.

“Get off me.” The vision of his blades slicing through Wade’s soft stomach is clear in his mind’s eye.

“Logan.” Wade’s fingers on his cheek are patronizing. “My bro. My good boy. My homie. My personal hero. That would ruin your couch.”

Wade’s body going slack in Logan’s arms. Manic twinkles of laughter in his ear. Spilled blood sucked up by denim and upholstery. Logan grits his teeth. Silence ticks on.

“Which you care about, because you’re broke, because you’re not fucking around with Chuck — who definitely pays people, by the way.” Wade’s voice is loud and annoying. “So come help me, Obi Wan. You’re my only hope.”

The sharp snikt of Logan’s claws slicing through his own skin occurs not half a second after Wade rolls off of him.

“For the last fucking time,” Logan growls. He can feel his own throat rumble, his self-control slipping as the alcohol suffuses his cells. “No.”

Wade crouches in the middle of Logan’s living room, ready to pounce. The upturned corners of his lips are visible even beneath the mask. “It’s not even a hit job. More of a rescue, really. And it’s delightfully silly. And afterwards we can do a little horizontal — “

Logan scowls. “Stop.”

His muscles are heavy, drawing him further back into the couch. He shouldn’t have had so much to drink. Wilson is a clown, but he’s not incompetent. Logan’s heart races against an impending sense of danger.

All at once, Wade collapses onto his ass. He pulls out his phone, gaze fixed on the screen. Logan couldn’t relax if he wanted to.

“Okay, I hear that you’re setting a boundary. Lisa’s been telling me a lot about those. So I’m willing to stop talking about sex. If you come with me.”

“And yet you apparently didn’t hear me when I told you to leave.”

Logan leans forward. Moonlight stretches down the length of his claws in reflection.

“Come on, Logan, we all know you weren’t being serious then.” Wade flaps his wrist dismissively. He’d probably still be cracking jokes if Logan were to snap it. “Which is definitely how it works. And you can’t say otherwise because you don’t even go to therapy.”

Logan says nothing. Wade stares at him, as if waiting for a response.

“If you did, your therapist would definitely tell you that you should come with me. And also that you should probably go hit up your good ol’ bubs the — “

“No.”

Logan stands. His patience is running out. He’s wobbly, unsteady. Wade’s fast. A bloodthirsty cacophony clamors in the back of his mind. Two kicks would leave Wade’s brains splattered across a broken television screen, a left hook could snap his neck on the edge of the coffee table, triplet blades rending flesh from his heart down to his gut leaving him flopping like a fish out of water on the carpet —

“Fine.” Wade sighs. He stares down at his phone. Logan itches for violence. “I didn’t want to resort to this, but you leave me no choice.”

The sound of dice rolling fills the apartment. Wade gasps, turning his phone screen to display a mischievous-looking emoji with an angel halo. A beat passes with Logan’s head tilted in utter confusion.

“Chaotic heroic. I love this one. Always so weird.”

Swiftly, he pops open the velcro of one of his pouches. Logan’s eyes go wide as he pulls out a grenade.

“Wade,” Logan says. His voice is tense, pulse thundering in his ears. Wade’s attitude had felt strange — stranger — but he hadn’t anticipated this. “Put that down. This is an apartment building. There are innocent people here.”

With a giggle, Wade stands. He loops one finger through the pull ring, swinging it casually around his finger. “Oh, I know.”

Logan lunges at him. Wade sidesteps easily, laughing as Logan sprawls inelegantly across the floor. His limbs are heavy, the air baring down on him as he pushes himself up.

“I don’t know what kinda psycho fuckin’ meltdown you’re having because your girl dumped you, Wilson, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you — “

A hand held over his heart. “Wow. Last-named. The hurt. How would you feel if I called you — wait, what is your last name?”

“I’m not gonna let you kill a bunch of people for no goddamn reason.”

A swipe, dodged. Wade’s pressed flat against his front door. Logan throws his fist, embedding his claws in the wood instead of Wade’s skull. He screams as he yanks them out.

“Wow, Logan. It’s only been six months and you’ve gotten so slow! Or is it the alcohol?”

One last shot. Logan goes for his gut, but Wade’s too fast. He’s across the room before Logan’s halfway through the swing.

There’s no fanfare when he decided to stop playing games.

“Relax,” he calls from across the room. Logan watches in horror as he pulls the pin, tossing the grenade live across the living room. “This’ll only take a second.”

***

“Wakey-wakey, peanut.”

A finger taps his nose. Logan’s head throbs. His eyelids scrape like sandpaper. The sun is rising at the end of a long, thin stretch of highway.

Logan surges, movement stopped by the seatbelt.

Wade clicks his tongue in the driver’s seat. “I told you I didn’t wanna do this, Logan.”

“Sunuvabitch,” Logan mutters. His hands are bolted behind his back, ankles tied together. A thick chain secures the thick cuffs above his knees to a metal rod beneath the seat. “What the fuck — “

“Now, Logan.” Wade’s voice is chastizing, like he’s talking to a child. Logan seethes. “Before you extend those pretty little claws of yours — “

The upholstery of the passenger’s seat tears. Logan struggles only to find he doesn’t have enough leverage to slice through the metal holding the seat together. The seatbelt stretching across his chest locks his back flat against the back of the seat.

“That was literally what I just — “ Wade groans, smacking himself in he forehead. “This is why I can’t have nice things. You know I got this car from Spiderman, tricked the whole thing out, gave it a roof, and you just come in here with your little honey badger shit and just — “

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Logan screams.

“Calm down,” Wade says. “You’d think a little nap would make you less cranky. And before you ask, everyone is fine. It was just a little gas. I can’t believe you thought I would actually blow up an apartment building for fun.”

“I,” Logan rasps, “am going to fucking kill you.”

“Easier said than done,” Wade chirps. “Believe me, I’ve tried. Also, I’m driving this car on an incredibly busy highway so anything you do to me is likely to result in some random bystanders dying in a fiery car crash.”

Logan turns to look out the window. In the span of a few seconds, Wade blasts pasts one, two, three other cars on the right.

“How fucking fast are you — “

“Uh…” The car twists into the right lane, then back into the left. “110. Thereabouts.”

Logan grits his teeth. He doesn’t know what else he expected.

“You know I’m just going to kill you whenever I have the chance.”

“And in the meantime, we have the opportunity to get in some quality time together while I convince you that — “

“Kidnapping me is not starting off on a good foot.”

“We weren’t on a good foot in the first place, Logan. And you know whose fault that was?” Logan curses under his breath as the right side wheels of the car lift from the pavement as Wade rounds a curve in the highway. “You. And you know, it didn’t have to be this way. We had a good thing going for awhile, me and you. And you had that wholesome daddy-daughter dynamic going on with X-whatever — “

“Her name is Laura.”

“ — not to say that we don’t also have a daddy-daughter dynamic of a different flavor going on.”

“You’re a disgusting son of a bitch, you know that?” Anger coils in the pit of Logan’s stomach as Wade dodges around another car. The violent honking fades out quickly.

“Very aware, thank you! But you just had to do the same shit you always do — “

“You don’t know shit about me, bub.”

“ — and leave. And being me, I was going to go look for you, but Vanessa, she’s all he has his reasons and he has to go on his own journey to figure out who he is and you need to leave people alone if they want to be left alone — “

“So your girl dumped you again and that’s my problem, somehow?”

“Something like that!” He’s wearing his suit again, leather-gloved fingers strangling the steering wheel. “So the job is outside of Milwaukee, not too far from here actually, really low-level stuff but I tried to take ‘em out last week and it was somewhat of a comical failure.”

The car jerks from side to side as Wade weaves through traffic. The back of Logan’s head throbs with a hangover — from the bottle of whiskey or from whatever Wade had dosed him with, he’s not sure. He holds in a growl and resists the urge to scream. The desire to completely lose control bubbles up in the pit of his stomach. He struggles to come up with a good justification not to.

“And I know what you’re thinking, Logan - wow, can’t believe this guy is skipping right over the emotional trauma of losing his girlfriend for the third or fourth time, depending on how you count it, and he’s totally emotionally dodging all of the important feelings that he’s feeling right now.”

Logan closes his eyes, breathing in and out through his nose. Wade Wilson is a fucking shitstain of a human being. This isn’t new information to him.

“And you would be totally right — “ The image of Wade in blue, scrambling from rooftop to rooftop flashes across Logan’s mind. Bells jingling, laughter echoing, blood dripping from the sack thrown over his shoulder as he lobs a severed arm directly at Logan’s face. The car lurches as he skids around a little white sedan on the right, barely managing to avoid scraping the barrier on the right that stands between the car and the ditch below. “But that’s not even the point right now, because we have to break into a top-secret bse to stage a rescue mission for our comrade-in-arms — “

“Pull over.”

Logan’s head is pounding. Wade finally shuts up. The stench of his sweat is tangy in Logan’s nostrils.

“What?”

“Pull the fucking car over and untie me. I’ll help you.”

The seatbelt cuts into Logan’s chest when Wade slams on the breaks.

It’s a little scenic overlook. A car races past them, honking. Wade turns to stare at him for an unsettlingly silent moment.

“Damn, okay.”

The door slams behind him. He swings his hips exaggeratedly as he rounds the hood. Logan is overcome with the urge to rip out his throat.

“Not to look a gift horse in the mouth,” Wade starts as he opens the passenger-side door, “but why, exactly, would you agree to help me?”

Logan clenches his jaw. Wade unties his ankles first, then unlocks the cuffs around his thighs before he glances up expectantly. Logan tries to mask the seething violence raging just underneath his skin. Given the way that Wade winks flirtatiously at him, he suspects that he’s failed.

“I’m already here, aren’t I?” Logan speaks through gritted teeth.

Wade shrugs. He unbuckles Logan’s seatbelt. “Fair enou—”

Logan’s shoulder smacks into Wade’s nose with as much force as he can muster. Wade’s body sprawls back. His head thunks loudly against first the metal barrier, then the asphalt. The tip of Logan’s boot seeks out Wade’s windpipe and bears down just hard enough to cut off his air. Wade’s eyelids flutter.

“Oh, how I hate to lose,” Wade mutters. Logan crouches to pick up the key from the ground, quickly unlocking his own wrists. “But how I love to lose.”

“Don’t make any goddamn sense, bub.” He rolls Wade over with the toe of his boot, forehead scraping against the barrier once again. Wade is dazed, groaning. Logan scoffs when he feels Wade lift his own arms for Logan to lock them behind his back.

Logan doesn’t have time for this. Or at least not the damn energy. He fully intends to get back in the driver’s seat, book it back to his dingy little apartment just long enough to grab the few important items he has. Losing the damn car should really be the least of Wade’s problems.

But when Logan stares down at him, face-down in the gravel, moaning just a little too loudly as he writhes around on the ground — he feels bad. There have been more times than Logan can count that he’s looked far more pathetic than Wade has right now. Tried to pull himself up by his bootstraps every time, completely failed more often than not.

Logan sighs. He flips Wade back over, hauls him up by the nape of his suit, and tosses him into the passenger’s seat.

He’s about to slam the door shut when he thinks to unbuckle Wade’s belt. He tosses it — pouches, holsters, guns and all — into the back seat.

“Wow, daddy,” Wade mutters. “I didn’t know you were into bondage.”

Logan scowls at him. “Don’t make me regret not leavin’ you on the side of the road, Wilson.”

“Daddy, if you wanted to play rough, all you had to do was — “

Logan slams the door in his face.

“Ask.” Wade finishes his sentence as soon as Logan re-enters on the driver’s side.

“Tired of watchin’ you drive like a fuckin’ maniac.” Logan pulls the seat up, then adjusts the mirrors. Wade keeps his mouth shut about the difference in height — smart. “Gonna fucking kill someone.”

“Fair, but you didn’t need to tie me up. We should at least pull up Google Maps so we know where we’re going — “

Logan pulls back onto the highway as soon as he sees a break in traffic, then turns to shoot Wade an incredulous look.

“I’m no goin’ to help you. I’m goin’ home.” He pulls into a parking lot on the left and hangs a right. The dashboard flashes 6:33 AM at him. The bags under his eyes tug at his eyelids. He wishes he was drunk.

“Wow,” Wade says. “I cannot believe the X-Man, Wolverine, is a liar.”

“I can’t believe that known asshole, Deadpool, would kidnap a guy — oh, wait. I can believe that.”

Wade ignores him. “I come all the way out to bumfuck nowhere to magnanimously kidnap you to get you out of your sad wolf boy depressive slump, just as you once did for me — well, I also kidnapped you then, didn’t I?” Logan rubs at his face, trying to tune Wade out. He accelerates up to the speed limit. “And that totally got me out of a depressive slump. Ultimate message: kidnapping works.”

For a beat, Wade pauses as if waiting for a response. Logan ignores him.

“And at the end of the day, after everything I’ve done for you, you repay me by going directly back to where you came from?”

“Yes.”

Wade leans forward. Probably trying to break out of those handcuffs — ain’t subtle. Logan hadn’t bothered to actually restrain him in any meaningful way. As annoying and insistent as Wade is, Logan can’t imagine he has much steam left for this ridiculous charade.

“You won’t even come with me to help me on an actually magnanimous quest?”

“No.”

The silence stretches out. Wade sighs.

“Come on, man. You gotta be real with me for a second. What gives? We had a good thing going for a couple of months. Little team-up here, over at my place for dinner every once in a while, making friends with my friends. And I know the drinking was getting pretty bad — which like, if I’m saying that, you know that’s real because I have literally a full pound of cocaine stashed away in my apartment — “

He doesn’t. Logan would’ve been able to smell it.

“And you had this whole ridiculous self-hating thing about how you’re not allowed to just cheat and be an X-man in this universe. But things were good. I thought that we were building something good together. And we were going to get past it.”

Logan feels the steering wheel creak under the force of his grip.

“Oh, buddy. There it is. Come on, hit me, baby. Let is all out.”

“You wanna know why I left, Wade?” Logan snaps.

“Yes. Very clearly. That’s why I asked.”

“Because wrecking your entire world, resulting in the deaths of thousands of people, is not the kind of shit you get to just brush off and pretend didn’t happen so you can go play house with alternate versions of the people that you got fucking killed.”

He’s panting. For a moment, Logan’s eyes go unfocused. Particles of his own spit have splattered across the windshield.

“Oh, boo-hoo. So Wolvie has to punish himself for being the big evil bad guy, as if saving literally every life in the multiverse didn’t absolve him.”

There’s a note of cruelty in his tone that makes Logan want to throw him out the window.

“Doing something good doesn’t make the bad shit you’ve done in the past okay.”

“Mm, pretty sure it does, actually.”

There’s sarcasm dripping from Wade’s tone. Mean, self-absorbed. Logan aches for Kurt — would’ve told him that sin is in the nature of being human, that he’d already more than proven himself worthy of his continued existence, then make a joke that was actually funny.

Unfortunately, that version of Kurt is long dead.

“You see all these cars around us?” Wade gestures at the vehicles zipping by. “I’m the reason they’re all alive. They all owe me. Which means it doesn’t matter if I kill that guy, or those people, or that old lady, or — “

“You’re worse than the last time I saw you.”

There was a spark in that little rant that reminds logan of Wade — the other one. He had still been alive when this Wade had kidnapped him, at least as far as Logan is aware. Guys like the two of them are hard to kill. The way Logan had heard it, he’d gotten cut to pieces a few months after shit started to really hit the fan. Took him five or six years to come back. Logan had always figured it was the pain that had sent him off the deep end. Now Logan wonders if it was the realization of just how alone he was.

“Yeah,” Wade agrees. “I wonder if that has something to do with the fact that my people keep leaving me.”

Logan breathes in. He waits for Wade to continue, for sarcastic comments. Nothing comes.

“You know this doesn’t have anything to do with you, right?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s not you, it’s me. Oldest trick in the book.”

Logan can’t hide his incredulous reaction. “We’re not dating. You know that, right?”

Wade squints. “Tell that to the Honda Odyssey. And Madonna. And my asshole.”

It occurs to Logan that crashing the car might not be an entirely undesirable experience.

“You have a girlfriend.”

“Had. Past-tense. She left, too.”

“You know you’re just gonna get right back together after you’ve gotten over whatever kind of breakdown this is, right? And your gal’s a pretty straight shooter. Just figure out whatever it is that she wants you to figure out — “

“Not this time. All-in-all, pretty good confirmation that I am actually worth dogshit despite my magnanimous multiverse-saving tendencies. And I’m not having a breakdown.”

Logan wonders if this is what it’s like talking to him.

“You understand that these two situations we’re talking about have literally nothing in common.” Wade kicks his feet. It feels like talking to a child.

“I don’t know, feels just about a gut-stabby from my perspective.”

“We are not dating. We’re — “ Logan hesitates over the word friend. “We don’t have a thing.”

“Oh, how the mind loves to rewrite history. We definitely have a thing, peanut. Or at least we did.”

Logan scoffs. At the end of his rope, he snaps, “You are such a fuckin’ narcissist.”

“Acknowledging that we had a good thing going which was then ruined by you leaving has nothing to do with my narcissism.” He thinks he’s so fuckin’ funny.

“No, thinking that me leaving is some reflection on you is narcissistic.”

Wade leans in over the center console, eyes narrowed. “‘Bout to throw you a curveball, peanut: thinking that I wouldn’t see you leaving as a reflection on my own self-worth is narcissistic. We are just the same, you and I. Two bloodthirsty little peas in a pod — “

Logan pushes Wade away, palm spanning most of the area of his face. “You think this is how you’re going to get me to help you out? Being an annoying fuckin’ asshole?”

“No.” Logan can hear the smirk in his voice. “I think that being an annoying asshole is how I’m going to get you to fuck me. Hold on.”

To Logan’s complete and utter exhaustion, Wade takes his hands out from behind his back. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, pulling up that stupid fucking app again. He glances up at Logan, muttering, “Pretend you’re not seeing this, it made me pop a l’il half-chub when you tied me up. That shit was hot.”

The words, you know there’s a reason people keep leaving you, right? sit heavy on Logan’s tongue. He wants to punch Wade in the side of the head, drag him out of the car, slice and hack and cut until he finally shuts the fuck up. Shame immediately follows the thought. A hundred sets of lips curl around the word bloodthirsty in his mind’s eye.

Wade taps away at his phone, swearing. Logan watches him re-roll multiple times. He had really tried to tear Wade down in the Honda whatever. Wade had pissed him off, and Logan wanted to tear him down. Force him to end whatever stupid little delusion he had in his head about saving the world.

Wade hadn’t klet him. A fucked-up kind of stubborn that Logan can’t help but admire when he thinks about it. Logan wishes he had that same level of dedication.

“Okay, fuck yes. True neutral. Nice.”

Logan sighs. Can’t believe he’s developing a soft spot for Wade Wilson, of all people.

That soft spot melts away as soon as Wade sprawls across the front seat to set his head in Logan’s lap.

His leg jerks. Wade’s head bounces but remains firmly on Logan’s thigh. “What the fuck are you doin’, you want us to get in an accident?”

“No, I rolled true neutral. So obviously, I’m introducing you to the idea that I could give you road head. But I’m not pushing you strongly either way.”

Logan grits his teeth.

With barely-contained force, he shoves Wade’s head off of his lap and pulls the car off to the side of the road. Pines as far as the eye can see. He pulls the keys out of the ignition.

“Get outta the car.”

Wade pouts. “But daddy, I can’t. You tied me up.”

Logan watches as he tries to slide the handcuffs back onto himself. He grabs Wade by the front of his costume and spits in his face.

“You,” Logan hisses, “are bein’ fuckin’ ridiculous. Over here actin’ like this is a fuckin’ porno every chance you get cause you think that’s gonna make you feel better about your girl fuckin’ leaving. I am not your personal fuckin’ attention fountain, or your daddy, or whatever the fuck you think this is. Get out of the car.”

He throws Wade into the passenger’s side door.

Logan shoves the keys into his pockets as he walks away. He doesn’t look back. A few moments later, he hears the crunch of Wade’s boots against the pine needles. Without a word, he follows Logan.

“Oh,” Wade pipes up after they’ve walked a few hundred feet in silence. “This is like a game. We’re going to roleplay Twilight: New Moon? You know, in this universe there’s this weird tangential link between 9/11 and — “

“Shut up.”

Wade does. Logan takes a deep breath before he turns around.

There had been a lot of people in Logan’s life that he’d wanted to help only to completely and utterly fail. He remembers how proud he’d felt when he’d first heard Wade mention his ten people, that’s it. Logan had mattered. He had changed something for the better.

Wade stands in front of him, this ball of self-destruction, compulsively pushing and pulling the people around him with his stupid jokes, and Logan can’t help but feel as if he’s failed yet again.

“If I need to beat the fucking horny out of you before you can have a conversation like an adult, fine.”

Wade tilts his head. “Who’s saying I won’t beat the horny out of you first?”

“I’m not fuckin’ horny, Wade.”

The tension escalates. Logan swallows.

“That half-chub I sniffed earlier begs to differ.” Logan says nothing, jaw clenched. “How about this: winner gets to do whatever the fuck they want to the loser.”

Logan snorts. “Okay, bub.”

Wade taps his finger on his chin. He arches his back, teasing. “Just no teeth when I shove my cock in your mouth, okay? That’s no way to win a fight.”

He wags a chastising finger at Logan. It looks ridiculous. Logan desperately wishes he wasn’t into it.

“Don’t feel like that really even needed to be said.” Logan’s eyes flicker down to Wade’s belt. No idea when he had retrieved it from the back seat. “No guns.”

Wade throws his hands up dramatically. “What the fuck, come on!”

“This ain’t bumfuck nowhere. Unless you want the fuckin’ cops called, no guns.” Logan smirks. “As if they’re gonna do you any goddamn good.”

“Fine.” Wade squints. He pulls each gun out of its holster, releases the magazines onto the ground with a dull little thud, and tosses them off to the side. “No guns.”

Logan’s claws extend with a satisfying snikt.

“And my mask doesn’t come off.”

Quietly, Logan scoffs. “Whatever.”

#still no guro sorry #next scene #i like it when logan has trauma!#poolverine #deadclaws #i think that is the other ship tag #which i accept but i am putting it on the record that those are both horrendous #my general concept for this rn is that we are going to have a series of increasingly fucked-up sex scenes #eventually followed by extremely normal sex #will see how it pans out idk am mostly just having a good time playing with the these fucked up guys

12 notes · View notes

hereforthefunnyguys · 9 months ago

Note

Hey bro, if you don't mind me asking... What's the worst Yu-Gi-Oh take you've ever seen? I like seeing you rant.

God... I'm blanking right now but there are a Lot. There are just so many </3.

Later addendum: This went... all over the place. I have no clue what happened here but I stand by my opinions.

I realize I rant about Marik problems a lot (tis the tism) but I think the ones that actually tend to genuinely anger me the most in like a "oh, you genuinely did not read the same series as me" are the ones that attempt to villainize Atem over the whole series or make it seem like he only really cared about Yugi. That is just like. Blatantly incorrect.

First of all, I realize everyone really likes s0 "ooooOOO eDgY yAmI", but early manga Yami Yugi was only terribly violent for a few chapters. After that, he pretty firmly chillaxes, especially post-Death-T and definitely post-Monster World. And we are given a... pretty good reason for why he was like that originally! I would also be a little mad if I woke with no memories after being tormented in a labyrinth full of shadow demons for so long i literally could not remember being born and my first sight was someone trying to beat the shit out of the guy who was kind enough to release me from my Gay and Stupid Maze!

Literally guys, he's like a recently adopted stray kitten. He's just lashing out because he's scared. He's not evil you idiot he's 15 and incredibly incredibly confused and freaked out. Yes he still committed murder no I don't care we've excused other people for worse (take note of how these will often be the same people that uwuify marik or yb (but marik especially -> about to have a sub-rant its related i promise.))

ps. i don't get the marik thing he may be pretty but he is not a sniffling little kitten like people write him as (especially in comparison to his Big Bad Evil Personality and dangerous-bad-boy Yami Bakura who certainly never admitted to himself considering Marik slimy and weird and a dangerous asshole in canon no sir never). The man literally tried to drown Joey and (admittedly accidentally) got his own big brother fried like a fork in a toaster engineered by Elon Musk (and, I want to mention, he didn't seem to consider Rishid a genuine brother until much later after the psychological equivalent of multiple slaps upside the head). I think people just don't know how to write mental illness and/or emotions other than Horny or Sad and morals more complex than black and white.

This is actually part of I think a larger problem in the fandom with not tending to remember the whole storyline/point of yugioh was proving that people are not naturally evil and in fact often prove to be quite noble when they get taken out of a bad situation and worked on a little. Ppl don't quite get this outside of redeeming their favorite evil pretty boy so he can date around, so they either make everyone a sad little angel thats never done anything wrong in their life or a terrible demon whose surprisingly abusive qualities are only matched by his shockingly canon-inaccurate height and muscle mass increase. This is, imo, why people tend to do That to Atem. Either they interpret him as a perfect Good King that can do no wrong or, sadly more commonly, an evil serial killer that only cares about [EXPLETIVE REMOVED]ing Yugi and then pretty much nothing else.

Also, he was like... not a bad Pharoah from the exactly (checks notes) 72 hours he got to be one before dying a horrible torturous undeath. For the good of his kingdom, I want to mention. That was something he willingly undertook for the sake of his people. As far as autocratic dictators went, he was by all accounts a pretty nice one! Didn't even torture anyone to death! In fact he was so against the idea of torturing people to death we had to Specifically keep the bit where we were actually doing that secret from him!

also section B of this take then usually comes around to trying to prove he never cared about his friends other than yugi. And if I may be so spicy in the chat tonight. This is usually ooc puzzleshipping brain rot influencing critical thinking. Yes yes I get that your yami yugi 20k yandere fanfic (with a yugi that cries all the time for some reason and apparently refuses to just Take The Damn Thing Off) is hot but brother of mine that is not what Atem was like in canon. Like. At all.

First of all, even before Memory World he showed off caring about his friends. There was the whole "deadly yo yos" incident with Joey and then there was the not one but two Anzu hostage situations that he dealt with, one of which when there was literally no benefit to him or yugi to go and rescue her! In fact it put them in Active Danger to do so! And from what I remember, that was before even Death-T! So he has very much cared about his friends from the very beginning, individual of his aspect as an extension of Yugi's survival instinct.

Also. The whole point of Yu-Gi-Oh is the whole friendship is magic stuff. That absolutely applies to Atem as well. In fact it probably applies to him more so. The guy really depends on all of his friends for his sanity in a way that not even Yugi does. He likes Joey and he likes Anzu and he likes Honda (even with as little time as he got to shine RIP spiky haired king) and he likes Ryou! In fact one of the original conflicts in Battle City was that he cared about Ryou so much he wouldn't get rid of his age old archenemy because it would have hurt Ryou! But anyways. Anyways.

It feels like part of that can be blamed on the Orichalchos arc in the anime (which was certainly. An Arc. Not good not bad but a secret 3rd thing.) where they had him get incredibly depressed and ever so slightly unstable when Yugi went away. Which makes sense for him, but then people tend to overstate it to "Atem is inconsolable when Yugi isn't there to make it all better for him" and not "Atem feels incredibly guilty for falling under the spell of a literal magically evil-inducing rock and would likely feel similar if he lost really any of his friends in a similar manner."

"But steve. how are those last two things at all related to each other" WELL. YOU SEE. It always feels like people tend to make Atem evil and hate everyone else in order to justify a fantasy scenario where "Yugi" (read: writer's self-insert) gets to come along and redeem him and he gets to be their loyal attack dog. And you know what? I'm fine with that as a fanfic scenario! Let people have fun! Is probably very hot to people who are not stickily uptight bastards like me! But it annoys me like Hell when people try to canonize that particular bit of oocness.

Atem isn't evil. The poor boy is having his own problems. He's hanging out. He's doing his best. Leave him alone. He literally is just a teenage boy that likes to play games. Let him chill. Let him chill.

#I am AGAINST the evil atem agenda he’s my little man #yami yugi #atem #asks #ygo #ye.#hope this wasn't too... rambling.

13 notes · View notes

turnipstewdios · 1 year ago

Text

Half-Lives, chapter 13

For all its flaws, and there were many, many flaws, Gotham actually had decent road maintenance.

Oh there were plenty of areas of the city where the roads were shit. The areas where the rich people lived were always given first priority, and nobody in city planning really gave a fuck about Crime alley or the Bowery, but large sections of the city road network were reasonably well maintained. Bludhaven’s were not. So Jason always had to be careful when he brought his bike over this way, lest he ram into one of the bottomless potholes that littered the cracked pavement. It was even worse with a passenger, and he didn’t want to rattle Danny around too much. The actual road to the Zoo itself was halfway decent, mainly because it was on the outskirts of Gotham rather than in Bludhaven proper. But the side trip he had planned for later would be rough.

Still, he managed to get to the Zoo’s parking lot without rattling himself or his passenger halfway back to death, and found a decent parking spot that wasn’t too far from the entrance. It was also close enough to the toll-booth that no one should be tempted to try stealing it. Not that they could, his baby’s security was way too good for that. “So, where should we head first?” Jason asked as they walked towards the entrance.

“Eh, I don’t have a preference. I would like to tour the walk-in aviary at some point though.” Danny replied. “That’s about halfway through the main loop. Let’s just pick a direction and walk.”

“Sounds good.”

Jason paid for admittance as they went through the check-in. Almost immediately, something seemed to catch Danny’s eye. There was a big, open enclosure full of flamingos near the entry, and Jason saw Danny perk up when he noticed them. Looked like they’d be going that way to start. “You like birds, huh?” “Eh, sort of? I haven't gotten the chance to see many of the ones the pamphlet says they have here.” He leaned on the railing, and watched as a pair of the enormous birds wandered by. “Amity actually did have a zoo, but they had a lot of temporary exhibits. For some reason they never had many birds.” “I thought Amity was a smallish town? How’d they get a zoo?” Danny chuckled. “I, uh, think that might have been Sam’s fault.” “Your friend? How does that work?” “Sam’s parent’s were kinda rich, and Sam was big into conservation and endangered species. I think her parents funded the place.” He scoffed. “Not that she really liked it. She wasn’t a fan of keeping animals in captivity, and kept complaining about their living conditions.” “Huh.” Jason watched as a flamingo wandered close to Danny, eyeing him over the top of the fence. Jason had stayed a healthy distance back from the enclosure.

Animals didn’t tend to like him much. He’d wondered briefly on the way here if that was because of the ghost thing, but Danny seemed to be doing fine. It was probably because of the pits. “Wait a minute.” Jason thought back to something he’d heard from Babs the other day. “Wasn’t there something about Amity Park and endangered Gorillas?” To his surprise, Danny… groaned. Loudly. “God, don’t remind me.” He rubbed a hand down his face, seeming to forget about the bird for a moment as it wandered off. “Why? What’s the matter?” “Uhg. Bad memories. Amity hosted one of the two Purple-backed gorillas that was alive at the time for a bit. There was… a thing. That happened.” Oh, Oh yeah, Jason was remembering more of the conversation now. “Don’t you have your name on a research paper about them? It was like the only bit of scientific literature the family could find.” Danny’s head thumped into the wooden rail on the fence. “Yeah, yeah. Figures that would make it out.” “Hmm.” Jason wondered if he should have picked another destination for the day. “I think there’s currently a Purple-back gorilla exhibit here, at this zoo. Should we avoid that?” He asked. “You're kidding.” Danny looked flatly at Jason out of the corner of his eye. “Oh, you’re not kidding. Damn.” He sighed. “It’s fine. We may as well go see them, and we just got here, I’m not about to leave now.” He began to walk down the path towards the next exhibit. “Just so long as I don’t end up spending the whole night watching them, or getting attacked by a ghost who wants to skin me.” Jason stood staring after him for a second, trying to process that. “Skin you? Danny? Danny?! What?” He chased after him, determined to get an explanation for that. Read the rest on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48120073/chapters/123852799

#danny phantom #batman #danny fenton #dead on main #dp x dc #jason todd #dc x dp #danny fenton x jason todd #dc xdp #Half-lives #fic #fanfiction

42 notes · View notes

causenessus · 3 months ago

Note

HELLO!! okay lowkey i feel like we talk more through your inbox than we do in dms so im just gonna start ALWAYS talking here 🙂‍↕️ idk tumblr dms just don't work or something so GOOD AFTERNOON!! I HOPE YOURE GETTING A TON OF REST NESS bc tomorrow... we have to go back... sigh. and i have picture day tomorrow so i probably need to make myself look presentable ykwim?? 😞

but like about that friend i yapped about HIGHKEY SHE IS NOT IT YOURE RIGHT!!!! i think what makes it worse is whenever she thinks theres an issue between her and me and she goes to literally everyone but me about it to try to get other people to validate her?? FUNNIEST THING EVER because usually people side w me too pls 💔 like they'll defend me, and the people usually tell me when she starts yapping about it to them so like... just wondering why she feels the need to tell everyone in the world about what i apparently did wrong ⁉️ live laugh love i suppose... AND IF YOU EVER WANNA HEAR ABOUT STUFF THAT SHES DONE TO ME I LITERALLY HAVE STORIES FOR DAYS

ALSO!!!! IM SO EXCITED IM FINALLY GONNA GET MY DRIVER'S PERMIT AND START DRIVERS ED AAAA like ive been waiting for ages!!!! i had to like save up and stuff so it took a bit CAUSE WHY IS IT LIKE 400 DOLLARS IF YOU DONT TAKE IT THROUGH THE SCHOOL LIKE PLEASE 💔

its been days and the try again playlist is literally the only thing pulling me through... ness im forever grateful for the existence of this playlist‼️try again isnt even finished but like NESS i would marry it if i could i think i think about it even more than love notes omf 😭 i need yn as my therapist NOWWW!!! AND ADDING ONTO THAT, TONICS LOOKS SO AMAZING SO FAR OH MY GOD?? LIKE ALL THE DETAILS AND THE GRAPHIC DESIGN FOR ARTIST PROFILES AND EVERYTHING UGHH IM SO EXCITED

okay another thing, i think i told you about a phone vault before cause like my school was really talking it up... it was the stupid pocket thing on the wall. they're out there calling it a phone vault GOODBYE 😭 anyway ive given up on paying full attention in class and have reverted back to wearing and airpod in class so i can listen to music (the SOLE reason why i have airpods is bc they were a christmas gift i dont have enough money to buy those on my own 🫡)

ANYWAY I HOPE YOURE HAVING AN AMAZING DAY LOVE!! MAKE SURE YOU EAT, DRINK WATER, AND TAKE YOUR MEDS LATER!! <33 ILY

HELLO SAV!! AND PLEASE TALK WHEREVER U WANT!! I WILL RESPOND WHEREVER <3 and omg good luck with picture day!! 😭 literally those pics never turn out good like they PURPOSELY WANT ME TO LOOK BAD they're always like "no no!! push your hair out of your face behind your shoulder so we can really see how much of an egg you look like!!" but i'm wishing you the best of luck and that your picture turns out well 😔

and also HELLO??? I'M SO GLAD EVERYONE TAKES YOUR SIDE BC LIKE,, THAT'S JUST EMBARASSING FOR HER 😭 I HOPE SHE TAKES IT AS A SIGN AND REALIZES LIKE...maybe she's in the wrong...or maybe she should go to you and sort it out with you!! instead of just complaining about it to others!!

AND AA YAY GOOD FOR YOU!! it's def expensive but so so worth it in the end 😭😭 i remember for me (idk if every state does this!!) but i actually did my lessons when i was like 16 1/2 (for many reasons we won't get into 😔) but anyway!! in my state or at least at the drivers ed school i went to if you were that age they'd allow you to do this thing where basically they just threw all the information you'd learn over the course of the week (or however long all the drivers ed courses are) in one night crash course style!! and then u take the permit test at the end of it and then u get ur permit!! and although i felt a little behind everyone else bc i didn't start drivers ed immediately yk i was kind of glad i got it all done in one night!! and like you learn all the info and then IMMEDIATELY take a test on it so it was kind of easy!! but best of luck to u!! i hope it all goes well <3

AND AA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVE THE TRY AGAIN PLAYLIST!! i always listen to it in the morning when i'm still waking up and then will switch to the tonics playlist when i'm more awake LMAOO BUT YES!! DW i think now that i've gotten tonics intros out of the way i'm gonna work on try again while trying to outline tonics!!

BUT HELLO THE "PHONE VAULT" BUT BEING THE SHOE HANGER THING?? MAN THAT IS NOT A VAULT 😭 THE WAY SCHOOLS ARE OUT HERE COMING OUT WITH THE CRAZIEST NAMES EVER JUST SO THAT IT LIKE FITS THE AESTHETIC OF THEIR SCHOOL OR WHATEVER IS CRAZY but yes!! i think my wireless earbuds were also a christmas gift or something and then during this one play during high school that was literally the bane of my existence (and also simultaneously the best play i ever did) i NOT ONLY lost my earbuds but i ALSO bit my phone on accident and then broke the screen so like...i sacrificed blood sweat and tears for that play frfr (i also bled all over the set after cutting my finger on accident so i mean it...) so i had to buy myself another pair after that bc my mom was sick of me 😭😭 but they were like an off brand pair and tbh they're better than like samsung buds!! (what i have to use bc i'm not an apple user </3) so honestly it worked out in the end!!

BUT I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AS WELL!! THANK YOU SO MUCH SAV <3 HAVE A LOVELY DAY AND REST LOTS AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!

#answers <3 #i heart sav <3

3 notes · View notes

disco-elysium-via-polls · 9 months ago

Text

4. "He smells good. Why on earth does he smell so good?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "He *smells* good..." The lieutenant squints his eyes, trying to hold back laughter.

"That's weird, right?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "He smells good and that's weird."

"..."

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - He's barely holding it together. It's all he can do to keep from bursting out in laughter.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Come on, detective. Let's go -- we've got a potential witness to interview -- his 'Sunday friend', remember?" He nods at the apartment door before you.

Our Thought Cabinet is full. I'm electing to replace Rigorous Self-Critique, since I realized that it only heals you when you fail a red check, and that doesn't happen often enough to be worth keeping.

"Governmental issues take me all over Revachol, as you can see."

A quarterly business magazine.

"If *stabilité* is ensured, progress will naturally follow.

An old photo of the same apartment, dated year '01.

Expensive men's perfume lingers in the air.

"*Transparence* has always been our highest priority."

Buckets of paint on a layer of old newspapers.

An exquisite canopy bed made of metal.

Dishes soaked up in a pot.

"I don't z'ink conclusions should be rushed at z'is point."

An empty ashtray.

Flyers for underground parties.

Dates for open lectures at a local university.

SAMARAN CONICAL HAT

+1 Logic: Super logical for a cop to wear this -1 Suggestion: Insensitive bachelor party vibes

This tawny cone-shaped hat looks like a beacon of Samaran wisdom, its straws sticking up like antennas. Thank god you can't really see people's reactions when they see you strolling around in this incredibly insensitive headpiece.

Statswise, this isn't better or worse than the Auditor glasses.

PARTY DRAGON'S SILK ROBE

+1 Drama: Become the dragon +1 Electrochemistry: Become an addict... in a strange bathing robe

This sleazy-silky bathing robe in vibrant blues features a roaring dragon on its front, ready to take off into the night. A red belt has been provided for fastening. It's culturally insensitive, but only for people who are not from Seol. The real Seolites probably don't care.

Well, that's a straight increase to our stats, so...

SUNDAY FRIEND - "You have acquired the robe." The man assesses the situation. "Keep it, officer, it looks good on you."

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - You shouldn't be seeing him in an intimate setting. For some reason you feel this man is your... *superior*.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Trivial: Success] - Superior? But he's not in the command chain...

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - His hands are clean and well-manicured. This is a man who knows the importance of appearances.

SUNDAY FRIEND - "My name is Charles Villedrouin and I'm an official with the Coalition Government. I work for the Institute of Price Stabilité, on assignment from Sur-la-Clef."

"I heard you talking to my friend outside… Very good. Super. I am here to assist you in any way possible. Ask me about the hanging."

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - No, first ask an innocuous personal question to get the interview off on the right foot.

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - Yes. Make it clear you're the one setting the terms here...

(Point at the bed.) "Before we go on, I absolutely *have* to inquire about this wonderful canopy."

(Point to the silk robe.) "Before we get to that, tell me where you got this *beautiful* silk robe from?"

(Show him the Samaran hat.) "We'll get to that. Right after you tell me the story behind the black Samaran hat."

(Get down to business.) "Hello, Mr. Villedrouin. Let's get started."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Oh, we got it from an atelier in the East Delta Commerce Centre. Personally I think it's a little culturally insensitive, but the material is great. Sadly the shop is now out of business..."

"That's really all I can tell you about it." He forms a little rooftop with his fingers. Cold air sweeps in from the balcony.

AUTHORITY - That didn't work at all.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant takes out his notebook and nods to you to proceed.

"You actually *witnessed* the lynching?"

"What's an official like you doing in Martinaise?"

"Can you tell me about your friend?"

"Thanks, I've got all I need." [Leave.]

SUNDAY FRIEND - "I'm sorry to say I did, officer." The man gives a solemn nod.

(Turn to the lieutenant.) "This is just the break we've been looking for!"

"Is it because you did it, Mr. Villedrouin?"

"Start from the beginning, if you don't mind."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Easy, detective. No need to jump to conclusions." He eyes the spectacled man near the window, who smiles and spreads his hands.

2. "Is it because you did it, Mr. Villedrouin?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Because I *did it*?" the man scoffs.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - He's clearly not a man accustomed to being spoken to in that manner, let alone to being accused of *murder*.

"My apologies, I misspoke. I mean, what did you see?"

"Don't jerk my chain, paper-jockey. You did it, didn't you?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Officer, it's very difficult to describe what I saw that night. It was so surreal to me, like in a play."

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - He holds out his hands and blossoms his fingers, like a drama teacher setting the scene.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is already scribbling down notes. "What do you mean, 'like in a play'?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "It was just so strange. I could barely comprehend what was happening..."

"I was on the balcony when it happened, getting some fresh air. I remember that first they came in, carrying what looked like a body, and then I saw all the surrounding windows go dead one-by-one…"

"That's when I understood -- I should not be seeing this."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Sounds like the victim *was* unconscious. Or at least incapacitated. Interesting."

"Who were 'they'? Can you describe them?"

"How many of them were there?"

"What happened next?" (Proceed.)

SUNDAY FRIEND - "I couldn't see their faces well, and there were quite a few of them. But they were very loud and very... Martinaise..." He pauses, looking for the right wording.

"Let's just say that the labouring classes can get rather expressive with their profanities."

2. "How many of them were there?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "I couldn't tell you exactly. Less than ten. Maybe eight?"

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant sends you a sharp look at the mention of that number.

"Were any of them the Giant of Koko Nur?"

"What happened next?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "No, there were no *mythological giants*, I'm afraid. They were all *quite* human, so far as I could tell."

"What happened next?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "I went back inside."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Were you able to see anything from inside?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Officer, the yard was pitch black. There was nothing to see. But I could still hear their voices. They were threatening to kill that poor man."

"Were they men, women?"

"What ethnicity were they?"

"What happened next?" (Proceed.)

SUNDAY FRIEND - "All men, I presume. But again, I couldn't see very clearly."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Hmmm. But we're fairly certain the lady driver was present..." The lieutenant flips through his notes.

"Are you sure at least *one* of them wasn't a woman?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "It's possible, officer, but I cannot say with certainty. It was very dark, you must remember."

2. "What ethnicity were they?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "I believe they were mostly white, though I believe I saw two Areopagites among them. And I am quite certain that one spoke with a Mesque accent."

3. "What happened next?" (Proceed.)

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Well, that's the strangest part, officer. *Nothing* happened. It was oddly quiet for a public lynching."

"What do you mean 'nothing happened'? They lynched a guy!"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Eventually their shouts died down, and that was all. There were no gunshots, no celebratory shouts, no anything."

"Why didn't you call the RCM?"

"You're right, that does seem strange."

SUNDAY FRIEND - The man wipes his glasses. "You're right, of course. That is what one is supposed to do in such circumstances. I was simply in shock..."

"I'm afraid I don't have anything else to add."

KIM KITSURAGI - "About what time was all this happening, approximately?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "All I can say is that it was late."

"So let me get this straight. You didn't actually witness the hanging itself, did you?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "No, I didn't see the corpse until the following day."

KIM KITSURAGI - "It seems this wasn't the 'break' you were hoping for..."

"I think we have everything we need," the lieutenant says, closing his notebook. "Thank you for talking to us, Mr. Villedrouin."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Of course, anything I can do to assist the RCM."

Task complete: Interview the Sunday friend

+10 XP

2. "What's an official like you doing in Martinaise?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "The Coalition is only looking out for *ze price stabilité*." He raises an index finger. "Inflation is a killer, like a heart disease blocking the normal circulation of the economy -- It must be controlled..."

"The economy impacts the entire *international community*, which is why it requires international oversight."

"Okay, but what are you doing *here* in this apartment?"

"So you're some kind of bureaucrat?"

"What is this *international community*?"

"What is *ze price stabilité*?"

"Enough business, let's talk about something else."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Ah, well, I'm renovating it. It is an interesting project. The building used to be a twelve-story skyscraper before the cannons took the top four stories off. This of course happened when the Coalition forces landed here..."

He smiles. "You could say I'm undoing some of the *material* damage the international community caused when we arrived here."

2. "So you're some kind of bureaucrat?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Yes. As I said before, I'm a commissioner from Sur-la-Clef working for the Institute of Price Stabilité." He glances at his watch. "This is one of the main projects of the Moralintern."

3. "What is this *international community*?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "La communauté internationale is what Revacholians colloquially call *the Coalition*. In other words, the nations that stopped the disaster of the Revolution."

And our employers, technically.

4. "What is *ze price stabilité*?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "It is ze most important thing."

"That doesn't tell me anything."

"Ah, that clears everything up."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "It's the central goal of any sound monetary policy. Maintaining ze price stabilité is essential to maintaining high levels of economic activity, which is essential for maintaining high levels of employment..."

"Which is essential for maintaining *ze social stabilité*…"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Basically it makes sure the price of bread doesn't change."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "*Précisément*! Too much inflation, bread becomes too expensive; too much deflation, it becomes too cheap for bakers to produce..."

"That's why the Institute of Price Stabilité works to keep inflation just below 2%..."

"Below 2% of what?"

"This is *fascinating*, but I wanted to ask you something else."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "But not *too* far below, no. Too below is also bad -- below, *but close to* 2%."

"You're not answering my questions at all."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "The Coalition believes in the importance of informing the public about the benefits of ze price stabilité. Transparency is one of our principles. Would you like an informational pamphlet?"

"No, I'm good."

"Okay, sure, give me a leaflet."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "A sound monetary policy is *essential* for addressing *uncertainty*. Stability is the *raison d'être* of the Moralintern. It's the reason why I identify as a moralist."

He pats his pockets. "But, oh! I don't have my leaflets on me today. That's too bad. You can always call our information line. Making information available is part of the Moralintern's commitment to transparency."

5. "I've heard about this Moralintern before, but I want to know more."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "It's the international organization for moralists. Hence 'Moralist International.' The Institute of Price Stability is just one of its many *mind babies* -- as is the Coalition."

(Turn to Kim.) "So when I said I was a lackey of capital, what I should have said is that I'm a Moralintern bitch?"

"Oooh…" (Turn to Kim.) "So we're actually working for the Moralintern? That doesn't seem so bad."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Doing one's job doesn't automatically make one anyone's *bitch*. Besides, there are more nefarious powers to work for than the Moralintern."

Are there?

(Turn back to Sunday Friend.) "Are you a moralist?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "But of course!"

"But why?"

"Am *I* a moralist?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Because moralists believe in a normal, stable world governed by democratic values."

(Turn to Kim.) "Lieutenant, are *you* a moralist?"

"But what is a normal, stable world?"

"Martinaise doesn't seem very normal, or stable, to me."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Hmm, me? I... uh..."

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - You've managed to catch the lieutenant off guard, but only for a moment. He quickly recomposes himself.

KIM KITSURAGI - "I'm a lieutenant of the RCM, dedicated to maintaining law and order in Revachol."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "A very moralist answer," the man nods.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - The lieutenant is practised in the art of putting on a show for one's superiors.

"But what is a normal, stable world?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "The Occident is part of the normal world. Oranje, Sur-la-Clef..."

"Martinaise doesn't seem very normal, or stable, to me."

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Martinaise? No, Martinaise is... something else."

"What about the rest of Revachol? Is it part of the normal world?"

SUNDAY FRIEND - "Revachol is generally... difficult. It's led by an interim government, which means it hasn't yet achieved *full* democracy..."

"But they are working towards it! You're all doing very well here, relatively speaking." He gives you an approving nod.

#disco elysium #kim kitsuragi #smoker on the balcony #charles villedrouin

12 notes · View notes