#its 5am im hungry im thinking

[ozymoron]

i really gotta stop running with the idea that spencer is some average white guy im obsessed with cause hes really not lmao. like personally my definition of some random white guy character is guy who looks pretty average like stock photo kinda guy who has the personality of a piece of white bread which spencer is not lol like he whimpers i think that at least somewhat sets him apart from the random white guy

[jestercoven]

who was gonna tell me that i just wasted 4 hours talking to this dumb ai bot or was i just supposed to find out by looking at the clock?

[miumura]

💭 — ZHANGHAO AS YOUR BOYFRIEND !

〰 how it’s like if zhanghao is your boyfriend !

*️pairing bf!zhanghao x gn!reader genre just fluff

*️warnings mentions of kisses and that’s all i think

note woo another bf zb1 headcanon finished! tysm for requesting !! i hope you enjoy this <3

— takes pictures of you ALL THE TIME. like he would honestly snap pics of you whenever he finds you cute (which is whenever you’re surprised / happy abt smth). def has you as his lock screen <3

— like you guys would end up having a competition on who wakes up earlier bc of his habit of taking pics of you when you’re practically drooling in your sleep…whoever wakes up first gets the pics , easy as that 🤗 and let’s say, you’d probably win more often…unless 🤨

— teases you whenever he gets a chance to..which is like everyday.. he just thinks its so funny seeing you being annoyed at him 😭

— despite him being a teaser, he really does love you! he’s super caring and honestly is head over heels for you. anything you do, he watches you with loving eyes. anything you want, he gets it for you.

— so he would be good at taking care of you when you need it. you’re hungry? he’s getting a meal or snack for you. you’re sick? don’t even ask, he’s already going out to buy medicine.

— not that great with / big on giving affirmations but i think he would express his love through acts of service and physical touch!!

— loves physical intimacy !! like he would be smiling when he flops onto you and stays on your chest. he’s definitely the type to unconsciously play with your hands.

— neck kisses. can you vision it. like him wrapping his arms around your waist and sneaking a few pecks on your neck…hi zhanghao one chance pls

— hao being the smartie he is, if you’re like a student, he’s honored to try to teach you anything you might not understand! he’d be a great teacher definitely. i also imagine him secretly helping you with an assignment if you’re dozing off :’) !!! i want him

— super long facetime calls when you two are apart! he’d call you at random times though…like it could be 5am for you and he’d forget…he swears he remembers your timezone though..he will remember for you

— i think zhanghao gets jealous often and quite easily. like he’d pretend everything is okay and tries to hide it…but it gets to a point where it’s pretty obv that he’s giving a side eye or glare 😭. so yes, hao would be kind of a possessive partner ??

— he’s always with you that even you can’t believe he has time for you to hang out. little did you know he tries clearing his schedule as much as possible just to see you even for a little bit <//3

💭 — hao is he so perfect … do you get it 😂 hao ? how ?! 😜 (im sorry.)

PERM ZB1 TAGLIST (OPEN) — @dwcljh @ilovewonyo @jiawji @tzyuki @kpoprhia @flamiricky @misokei @lluvjjun @zzzhoonie

[kindnessisweakness2]

11

The next morning Emily drove her truck into Teller Morrow. Clutching the warm coffee in her hand she rolled her eyes at Cara for the millionth time that morning. "Im sorry Em! We didnt mean to keep you awake." Emily nodded at her best friend as she slumped back in the seat. She was grumpy in the morning. Especially since she had no sleep last night from Juice and Cara's long goodbye, if thats what you want to call it. 5am they finally quit it. It didnt matter how many times Emily banged on the wall, screamed at them to shut up or shoved a pillow over her head. Nothing could drown out Cara's loud Moans. "Im gonna miss him so bad." Emily groaned as she faceplanted her steering wheel. "Cara i love you. But please get out and give me five minutes peace." Emily didnt lift her head but she knew from the sound of the door opening and shutting, she left. God she could just fall asleep right there.

Not even 2 minutes later a knock on the window made her jump out of her skin, almost spilling hot coffee over her lap. Looking up she saw a smiling Jax. His face pressed against the window in a funny expression, nose squished. She couldnt help but smile at him. Shaking her head she rolled down the window. His face returned to normal as he threw his arms on the roof of her car and leaned in. He only wore a white t-shirt, his leather and a pair of jeans. Her breath hitched in her throat as she watched the muscles in his arms flex and his shirt rise to show his hips. The delicious V she would love to run her lips over. "Morning Darlin'" She smiled wide at him as she leaned back taking a sip of her coffee. "I heard Juice kept you up all night. Do you want me to put a stop to him coming over?" The look on his face told her he was serious. "No! its fine, honestly. Cara would never forgive me. She really likes him. I just need to start booking a hotel so i can escape the fuck fest and actually sleep." Emily rubbed her dry eyes, she knew she looked awful. Black tracksuit bottoms, a white cropped vest and a black zip up hoodie covered her body. Her hair was down and straight and not one bit of make up covered her face. She didnt really care what she looked like when she got dressed this morning, pulling anything on. Now she kicked herself for it. Here he was looking like a God even in simple clothes and she looked like a tramp. "Nah you wont need a hotel darlin. You can always stay at mine when you wanna get away." Emily could feel herself going red, but before she could say anything Jax pulled her car door open. "Come on, moms made breakfast." Jax threw his arm around her shoulder as she got out of the car. They made their way into the clubhouse under the watchful eyes of many.

Emily couldnt wipe the smile off her face when she was greeted by the guys. Hugs from Opie and Chibs, high five from Happy and even a nod from Clay and Bobby who were deep in convosation. Jax couldnt wipe the grin off of his face either. He loved how the guys liked her already, how nice she was for them. Made him like her even more. Jax pulled out a seat for her at the table where the guys sat and disappeared into the kitchen where his mom was. Emily winked at Cara who was currently sat on one of the many sofas on Juice's lap, giggling as his hands wandered up the back of her shirt. God these next few days Cara is going to be miserable without him. Seriously good sex with Juice had her falling in love already and it had Emily worried. Cara being here was only meant to be temporary. She didnt want either of them hurt. "Here you go Pocket." Jax placed a massive plate down infront of her with a fresh cup of coffee. Sitting down next to her he stole bacon from her place and flashed her a toothy grin. "Fuck how hungry do you think i am?" Emily shook her head before stabbing at the scrambled egg with a fork. "Its for us to share. I've got a long ride ahead." Jax kissed the side of her head before sipping her coffee and handing it to her. Emily's stomach felt like it wanted to burst, releasing all the butterflies he made swirl. Fuck. He knew what he was doing to her. He had to.

20 minutes later, Clay moved to the door of the clubhouse shouting that they were to leave in 15 minutes. That cut the laughter across the clubhouse short. Emily couldnt help the smile dropping from her face. Jax squeezed her thigh trying to offer some comfort. Standing up he threw his arm around her shoulders as he always did and lead her outside to his bike. All the families started to gather outside to say goodbye to their men. "So how long are you away for?" Emily asked as Jax let her perch on the seat of his bike. He lit a cigarette leaning back against the railing behind him. Emily couldnt help but think about how attractive he looked when he was smoking. The way his perfect lips would wrap around the filter and form a perfect O to blow out the smoke. "Shouldnt be no more than 3 days." She nodded and smiled at him softly. "Nice friendly visit, yeah?" She looked at him dead in the eyes as he froze. She didnt know where she got the confidence to ask but she would be a liar if she said she wasnt worried for their safety. Emily wasnt stupid. There'd be no need for such a big club presence if they werent expecting trouble. Emily stood from the bike at the sight of Clay and Gemma walking their way. "Ready VP?" That seemed to shock Jax out of his frozen state. Nodding at Clay he threw the cigarette on the floor, crushing it beneath his pristine Nike trainers. Emily looked down the row of bikers kissing and loving their families as if it was the last time they'd see them. Her stomach dropped at the thought of something bad happening to Jax. She felt stupid, He wasnt hers to worry about. Spotting Cara's long brown hair at the bottom of the row as she hung over a smiling Juice, kissing the life out of her. She worried about Juice too. All of them even. Cara would never get over it if anything happened to Juice and she'd grown to really like the rest of the guys. Her and Happy's talks about Ink, Opie and Chibs love for her food that made her feel good, Halfsacks innocent but puppy like manner as he often put his foot in his mouth, but did as he was told. She hadn't had much interaction with Bobby, Piney and Clay, but maybe that was for the best. She had brought trouble to their door on more than one occasion because of Noah and her temper. They probably werent as forgiving as the younger members of the club.

Feeling Jax move beside her she stepped out of the way allowing him to straddle his bike. She watched him as he clipped his helmet and started his bike. The sound made her wince. There was nothing like the sound of a Harley. Leaning down so he would be able to hear her over the rumble, Emily moved her hand to cover his. "i dont know what's going down in Nevada. But what i do know is I need you to come back in one piece." Pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, Emily tried to savour the moment. Just incase something did go wrong. Which she hoped to god it wouldnt. "Ride safe, Teller" were the last words she could manage before her throat got thick and the familiar sting started in her eyes. With one last squeeze of his hand, Emily moved to stand with the rest of the women and children who were waiving their men off.

And with one last look in those baby blues, the men disappeared from the lot.

************************************************************************

Here is another part loves!

I really hope you enjoy. As always please let me know what you think and where you would like this to go!

Love all messages and comments!

[superconductivebean]

#1215: uhhhh, julia-related

just after i yapped about my hogwarts inquiries project i had self-combusted into Strong Feelz about a scene that happens after the high keep mainquest (sharp was Very Not Happy about what julia and natty did for the exactly the same reasons matilda wouldn't be)

ok so that project is pivotal to the julia's story development because what essentially im doing is drawing the timeline of the canon events. i was only able to plot until the end of october. that second trial's date falls on oct 31st isnt really important here but events prior absolutely do

so far i was able to guess aka establish to myself that the excursion to Feldcroft occurs on oct 25th, 1890. it's saturday and it was this day's evening.

after mc and sebastian were teleported back to undercoft, it would be around dinner of the oct 25th, and at the same night they had astronomy class (so the High Keep quest takes place on the oct 26th).

for whatever reason, sebastian doesn't attend the class, and so doesn't natty.

tags for the delulu gang: @myokk @espressoristretto-patronum @theladyofshalott1989 @thriftstorebabayaga @catohphm @infernalrusalka

i suspect sebastian got his arse kicked given he's absolutely useless during the loyalist fight at the ruins of isidora's home. so he decided to skip the class (to then have ominis an earful about ancient magic thus pestering him about the scriptorium i suppose; remember: sebastian thinks of ancient magic —of an innate ability— as of an archaic form of wielding magic, not as of its own thing like being a seer or talking to snakes or being able to naturally morph like tonks).

but natty also doesnt attend the class. natty was sneaking away from hogwarts to get to the falbarton castle in time.

suffice it to say, by entering the class, mc was up since the morning (and on their way to feldcroft, raced imelda! if to add to this day's events another one), perhaps had lunch on the way to feldcroft, but then was out and about until midnight and likely skipped dinner.

then, professor shah urged everyone to go stargazing outside the class, in the surrounding wilderness.

which means outings aren't prohibited at night but may be limited.*

the student's right can be revoked by the headmistress, matilda weasley, if she suspects they'd get themselves in danger. it nearly happened —or happened, i forgot ;-; — to adelaide oaks when she expressed the concern about her uncle who's gone missing lately and wanted to search for him, alone. perhaps this is why both natty and fig advise mc not to tell a soul about what they're up to. or matilda will be like, uh huh huh

after the brief and permitted and absolutely encouraged stroll with amit ends, mc hurries to the falbarton castle hungry, tired and perhaps, very sleepy.

mc doesnt get to sleep the rest of the night though, as they and natty escaped harlow and returned to hogwarts by morn. crucial thing to note here: end of october means longer nights. when mc and natty are back, it wouldn't be around 4 or 5am. it will be around 7. hence natty noted people could see them through the windows; hogwarts would have had first breakfast goers by that time i think?

then, mc has fig to visit and sebastian's beef with ominis to sort out. sleep-deprived and unhinged, mc goes into scriptorium and gets arse roasted by crucio as if they weren't hit and tired enough the previous day lmao poor mc learns magic the most agonising of ways (and gets called Learning-The-Bare-Minimum by sharp anyway LMAO but honestly that man was able to swing the troll with an one hit too so He Has The Authority in this and his sharp criticism is rather warranted and im not sorry for that pun)

anyway, thought id share

[fictionkinfessions]

my dog is making really fweird sounds in his sleep and it's making me thinkg about food and im so hungry but it's 5am! snd help! everything hurts! i' e been awake for too lomg but it is Too Late Now. i feel energized and also not, like i should be getting up and pounding the team's doors down to wake them up for the day. but they're not here and i am instead, like a puzzle piece separated from the box!

i wsh i had them here again so i could kiss them goodbye as i ran outside for silly activities! rockets and bombs and fences! ,also the last book i read i havent finished yet but its a poem book and now im thinking in my iwn poems if thag makes sense. i feel i have to poem speak to language correctly when thats not actually true. i want to write. a poem now. im gonna.

gunpower whistles and water's RED, green orange paint on the wall and archimedes in scout's chest, dog flaps for helmet straps and RED sand in our lungs! bees and spiders!

okays i cant thjnkg of anything else im done. hough. i just sdid the biggest yawnh ever amd ever.

i should send OOH. actuslly. i'll make a separate ask i have an idea. maybe simeone else had it idk but i'll send it anyway? bc i don't think so.

-Soldier #🚀🧃 (team fortress 2)

[bugunlikeanangel]

im soooo hungry cause its 5am and im still awake but even i think another instant ramen moment is pushing it

[i-simp-for-gintoki]

Teaching Sanji how to make a meal he’s never heard of

Did this for randomly for fun, idk the idea hit me as i was drinking coffee at 5am. this is completely unrevised and unedited so its probably all over the place knowing my tired self. 

Also a few of my irl friends know this acc and im suddenly im kinda hella embarrassed to post anything lmao

hrng theres always so much dialogue but im to lazy to add a background and stuff for a proper one shot aaaaa

it was a lazy day on the sunny

the next island was still quite a ways away so everyone was doing there own thing to pass the time

but you were feeling kinda hungry, so of course you call sanji over

arriving at your side in record breaking speeds he smiled as he grabbed your hand and kissed it

“how may i help you my love?”

you returned his smile and laughed

“im feelin kinda hungry, do you think you can make me something to eat?”

he seemed to glow at your request and nodded his head

“Of course i can y/n-swan! Do you have something in mind or should i just make the usual”

you tilted your head in thought as you thought of the dish

“Actually i do have an idea”

You told him the dish and expected him to immediately run off like always but instead he blinked

“Erm...can you repeat that please?”

Telling it to him once more, the blond frowned and closed his eyes in thought

“I don’t believe i’ve ever heard of this dish, do you think you can describe it?”

“Sanji, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of this dish before?!” you say, eyes wide with shock

And now he feels even more guilty than before

He knows that there are food and meals out there he’s never heard of, but now when your requesting one of them and he cant do anything about it? He feels awful

“I apologize y/n-swan. I’ll make you some--” you interrupt him by poking his chest “Nope you’re not gonna cook anything now” 

This time he’s the one whos surprised

“Bu-” “Alright Sanji, today im going to teach you one of the best meals out there” 

Grabbing his hand, you lead him to the kitchen with a smile

“Y/n-swan...you can cook??” “Of course i can! I may not be a pro like you are, but i know a couple dishes pretty well. Only reason you don’t ever see me in the kitchen is simply because im lazy. Plus i prefer your cooking more, feels like im eating food that only royalty deserves”

His heart seemed to explode at that, he quickly pulled you back into a tight hug

“Y/n-swaaaaan~! What did i do to deserve an angel like you?” you laughed and hugged him back equally as tight

Once you finally made it to the kitchen, the chef grew excited

Excited to learn a new dish, excited that you are the one teaching it to him, excited to taste his lovely s/o’s cooking for the first time

You turned to him and crossed your arms

“Alright, how do you want to do this? Do you want to do it while i explain the steps, or do you want to just watch me make it?”

He thought for a few moments. While he was tempted to do it himself, he really wanted to try your cooking 

“I’ll watch you do the cooking, but i’ll help prep if thats alright with you. Just tell me what to grab and ill get it!”

You nodded your head and begun to list the ingredients

Throughout the whole process, Sanji was much quieter than you had initially thought he would be

Much less fawning over your actions, and more determination and focus as his blue eyes watched every little thing you did

Every now and then he would ask some questions or clarification but he didn’t say much else

Though actually, i think he would randomly give compliments to you while you cooked 

Soon enough the meal was complete, and suddenly you became slightly self conscious about your cooking

“Alright Sanji, the plating is a bit messy, and the flavors are probably not up to your standards but-” “Nonsense. I’m sure it tastes amazing, after all you were the one to make it”

You sigh and place the dish in front of him

He inspects the dish for a few seconds, turning it around and smelling it, sometimes gave it a light poke or two before finally taking a bite

He closes his eyes as he chewed but they suddenly shot open

“This is really good!”

“Really? You don’t have to be nice you know, its fine if you dont like it” you say but he shakes his head

“No no, this is seriously really delicious! Amazing job y/n-swan! The seasoning is amazing and the texture is very nice, the flavor isn’t too strong or light its just right. This is a great dish that I will definitely try to make in the future”

You can’t help but get a bit flustered at the compliments

“Thats..thats very sweet of you to say thank you” 

You lean over the table and kiss his cheek

From that alone he had to fight against getting a nose bleed honestly

“Now eat up, i believe you were the hungry one after all” he says and you nod

“Sure, lemme just grab another plate and fork and we can split it” you say but he quickly stands up “Here, let me grab it for you. Its the least i can do”

Standing up, he walks towards where the dishes and silverware is but pauses

“Instead of dirtying more things, how about you let me feed you?” he asks with a cheeky smile

You roll your eyes with a smile, deciding to indulge him of his request you nod

“You know what? Sure why not”

Later on he would practice the dish and have you taste it to see if it was correct/to your liking

Unsurprisingly, It only took him a few attempts to nail it 

Another one to add his own flair to it and make it even better

And man, the proud grin he had when he served you this dish

Like many of his other dishes, he practiced it to the point where he could probably make this perfectly blind folded

He gives you a sincere thank you for teaching him a new dish

Will make it for you whenever you ask

But please make him more food, he absolutely loved your cooking and hope it wasn’t a one time thing

[ofthirtynine]

its 5am i cant sleep i miss my friends i think god is dead i want to float in the sea at dusk im hungry

[skzfairies]

🕊Hiiii!! I was wondering if I could have a ship with a little head cannon about our relationship type of thing? I’d like it with Ateez, Stray Kids and Twice. I’m a female and use she/her pronouns,5’9,brown hair, brown/green eyes, I have thicker thighs, I’m a Virgo and also an ISFJ. I’m pretty intelligent and my favourite subjects at school are English, Drama, History, Psychology and Geography. I have some mental health issues (anxiety/depression) and am also pretty sensitive to what people say so I’m not the biggest fan of teasing, I don’t mind it if you are very close to me though. I’m also pretty insecure about my appearance and mainly my personality, I also don’t really trust men so I would need someone who would help me through that. I also really love someone who is good at hugs and am low key into arms (oooooopsies), I also would like someone to be really good at comforting me when I’m sad or having a panic attack or crying (which kind of relates to the hugging). I’m more on the introverted side, but if you are close to me I will talk about anything I’m passionate about. I’m the mum friend of the group and am also the resident therapist of my friend group as I’m a good listener, I’m always taking care of others and helping them with their problems. I’m pretty loyal and if I find out someone is talking bad about someone I love deeply, it’s on site. I like music, fashion, makeup, dancing, writing, reading and any other forms of art. My favourite animals are dogs, followed closely by penguins, cone snails and elephants. Thank you!!🕊

thank you for sending this in!!!!! so first, stray kids. the first person that came to head was chan, he’s smart and he knows a lot of things, i just remember him telling us fun facts on vlive so i feel like you guys could spend nights just talking about you favorite subjects up into the late hours of the night. chan is also really thoughtful i feel like he’s playful but it’s also very light and he makes sure you know he’s joking whenever he does tease you, so i feel like that would match you very well. he gives amazing advice and he’s such a comforting person i feel like, too so that would be perfect for you :) when you had a long day you could just run up to him and he would just give you a hug and let you talk about it if you wanted and i feel like he would be so good at calling you down and making you feel safe, cuz like, his aura is so calming and comforting if that makes sense 😭😭😭 also, he has huge arms LIKE HAVE U SEEN HIM? he def gives good hugs 🤞🤞. both you and chan are really caring and look out for people a lot, and are extremely loyal so i feel like those two things go well for each other, since you both are always looking after others u need someone look are you, yk? i feel like if you two are just hanging out at the studio he would do more subtle things to make sure your okay, like ordering you coffee even if you didn’t ask, turning around and talking for you a bit so he could see how your doing, sorts of things like that. i feel like studio dates would probably happen a lot, and you guys would probably sit on the couch and work on songs together, he probably has a separate file that is just songs that you both have made together :( THATS SO CUTE and chan is also very passionate about music, writing, reading (i know he does read at least some, because some of his songs are related to books🤞) so you guys have that in common, you both could spend hours talking about that anywhere, the car, under the stars, in bed at 5am, and you wouldn’t even realize what time it was until your voices start to hurt.

now for ateez i’m kinda torn, i ship your hongjoong + san..... i’ll just write for both of them 🙄✋. so hongjoong + san, their zodiac signs go well with yours, SO ITS MEANT TO BE. you both could compare your signs together or make a chart together and just talk about the stars and the universe under the sky, wait thts actually so cute...ANYWAYS. okay so both of them are introverts, i thiught san wasnt, but anyways i feel like dating an introvert as an introvert myself it would just, work. because we would understand each other and we could have dates that are more on the quiet side and not as crowded together without draining ourselves. san is such a hyper person, you both could just talk and talk and joke around in your bedroom and you would have the time OF YOUR LIFE, like that man is so goofy and funny i feel like. hongjoong is more on the calm side, and he always knows what to say, i feel like with him your relationship will be more romantic, and san would be romantic as well but more on the goofy side? both hongjoong and san are extremely comforting, to me at least, and it’s another aura thing 😭😭but i feel like both of them would just hug you if that’s what you wanted or just sit with you and calming stroke your hair or hold your while you calm down and they would do breathing excersies if you wanted with you, and they would sit there for how ever long you needed and help you calm down, and if you wanted to talk about it they would give all their attention and give you the best advice they could think of in that moment....cries get me a hongjoong and san. san is also very very loyal, and i feel like this man would kinda be protective, like even in the little things, hongjoong too. like if you were about to run into something he would gently pull you away, if someone won’t stop texting you he would send them a message himself to tell them to stop, and if found someone hurt you, this man will not calm down until they apogized, you have to hold this man back from talking to someone that upset you himself 🙄✋. he would never do anything that you didn’t wanted, but he really just wants to know who hurt his baby, you your his baby, btw. THEY WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOUUUU, need a hug, won’t let go for hours, want to go to disney? he already bought the tickets. ANYTHINGGG, cried your relationship would be so precious

okay for twice...IM GETTING JEONGYEON VIBES OKAY IDK????? when i was reading your description (which by the way you seem like such a cool person omg woah you seem so cool and beautiful), i just thought of jeongyeon. shes very funny i feel like so she could make you laugh for hours on end, and she’s caring too. i feel like she would also care for you in subtle ways like bringing you a blanket if it’s cold or ordering extra of her food for you even when you said you weren’t hungry, holding your hand in big crowds, she would always ask if you were okay or comfortable, but through out the day i feel like she would do those actions and she would just be :(((( SO CUTE. dies i love her, i love her so much. also jeongyeon seems like she would give such good hugs oh my gosh, whenever she would hug you you could just feel safe and comforted and loved, and she always knows whenever to hug you, like you had a stressful day? she’s already running and hugging you and starting your favorite movie and letting you rant. she would be such a good listener too, like no matter how much you rant to her she would remeber the little things that you told her and would make note of it and just, do things to suit you better, yk? she always wants the best for you, and is always looking out for you. she’s also very very loyal, and she’s so truthful too. she tells you anything that happens and your guys relationship is just so healthy :(((. and whenever you talk passionately about your interest, she would sit there and listen and talk about it with you, and she just thinks your so smart (which u are!) and shes just in awe with all the knowledge that you have, like that’s her favorite thing about you. she loves how passionate you are and that you love so many things, she could just sit there for hours listening to you talk :((

i hope this answered your request! thank you for sending this in and i hope you have a great day <3333

[iwannabelovelya]

idk if i actually have an ed what i do is sleep until 2pm and then go to sleep at around 5am so starving myself or eating less isnt that hard and i can go all day with only some coffee but then at around 2-3am i ALWAYS binge and i cant control myself its a cycle every single day so idk what to do anymore ive never had an ed before it started during quarantine where i would binge until i felt so sick i HAD to myself throw up cause my stomach hurt so bad and then everything started with me only eating 1000 calories and starving myself but i can never seem to stick to my calories or not binge i dont even know whats its like to eat when im hungry anymore i cant even tell what that feels like i know taht if i just fast for a few days Ill get out of this funk and Ill be able to stick to my calories again but i cant get past this stage and i may not have an ed but all i think about is food and my weight so idk what to do can someone just please tell me if i have an ed or not? and if I do please tell me the name I've researched all of them and I still can't find anything describing something like this

[keenana10]

FOOD LOG DEC 29 2020

5am: oatmeal w 3 tbsp brown sugar + 3 cak-cupcake things- 585

I need to get my sleep schedule back on track so I can stop eatting during the night god.

I'm not planning on eatting anymore today.

God i dont know what happend but over the month of December I know i binged alot but I think i ate so much now I get the hungry feeling again.

Its been hard but im determined to get back on track.

Hopefully I can get my sleep schedule back on track so then fasting will be easier, i really wanna brake my longest fast thats 49 hours, I wanna brake that on new years so hopefully I stay determined and on track.

I wanna start the year off strong.

So i wanna fast till the 1st of January thats about 102 hour fast. I really am need to stay head strong its easy till it isn't and idk whats wrong but like so many other people can do this but I cant?! Well im going to change that. I am doing this.

Oh and one more thing im getting a bathroom scale soon so i will be able to track my weight and i have a food scale soo I can get an accurate amount of food.

[lost1nspac3]

Who Am I?

The marauders put two and two together. They knew that Remus was alone, and just needed to feel loved. So that's what they did. When they got back to where they were camping, they started up the fire again and got the story of what happened from Remus. If it wasn't for Sirius holding his hand Remus would have run away again“i came out and- and my dad was angry. He threw pictures of our family across the room, broke vases, chairs, and the coffee table. He burned all photos that had me in them.....” Remus paused. It still hurt to tell the story. But now, he was safe. He was with his friends. “he- get threatened me. Called me a disgrace, disappoint, fag, so on....... My mom wasn't happy about this. She agreed with what he said but didnt like the way he was reacting by breaking things.... She cared more about a vase than her child..... ” Remus trailed off, leaving it at that. He wasn't going to say what happened next. “he hurt you didn't he” Peter said, putting a hand over his mouth. Remus nodded • • • The 4 marauders fell alseep about 5am. They were up all night talking, and ended up all in a bundle, hugging.People say that love has to be shown in words. But Remus Lupin knows this isnt true. When Remus Lupin is around bia friends, he feels loved. Even if thy are just sitting there. He feels loved. He feels wanted. He feels cared for.Remus grew up where love was a sore topic. Love was girl and boy. Not girl and girl or boy and boy. Remus thought gays were brave. He thought they're cool. He looked up to them. He knew he was onw of them when he met Sirius Black He knew he was in love. But he didnt tell anyone. He kept it a secret. He put on a mask. He hid who he was. And he hated itRemus Lupin is the friend that waits for you when you tie youe shoe. Remus Lupin is rhe friend that listens when you need to talk. Remus Lupin is the one that's scared to be him. Remus lupin is the one that loves everyoneRemus Lupin is who we need more of in this world."THIS IS RUBISH!" Sirius yelled, running a hand through his hair. "how does this stuff even work!??" It was summer, and the sun was setting. Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter were camping in the woods, something they did every summer. Dora Potter gave James some little challenge things for them to do, and some were harder than others. The first one was to do something no one has done before. This one was easy, mainly because of Sirius' wild imagination. He came up with the idea to turn into his dog form (also known as snuffles) when on a broom with James, whilst Remus and Peter set off fireworks. It was somwthing else, and if you didn't know the marauders, it'd seem really weird. "were lucky this stuff won't be on O.W.L.s " Peter said as he syarywd handing out some snacks he bought. "bloody hell, theres O.W.L.s next year!" James said, looking up from the paper he had been staring at. "im not ready for those-" they were all sitting around the fire, which was the only source of light other than the moon and stars in the sky (and their wands, but the only one that remembered that was Remus) Remus hasn't looked up from the paper, yet was listening to everything in the conversation. He was thinking about the question on the paper that Sirius was yelling about. He didnt know what to put for it. Who are you? At first, the boys thought the answer was there name. But then, they realized the question had much more to it. Who are you? What parts are you made of? What Makes you different? James and Peter had found a few things to write down, but Remus, nor Sirius, couldn't think of anything. 'what am I?' he had said when they got to this challenge. 'a werewolf?' he finished, rubbing the back of his neck. He had almost said 'monster' but stopped himself. He knew that wouldnt go over too well..... He truly had no idea what to write. Peter had written how he wad a good listener, how he was caring and kind, and how he knew small things about his friends that not many people knew. James had written about how he was a believer. He believed in himself and his friends, and someimes even his peers. (If they weren't a Slytherin that was. He really didnt like Slytherins.) He wrote that he would never give up on his friends and trusts them with his life. Sirius was also having trouble thinking about things, because of where he came from. He wasn't loved or cared for by anyone other than the Potters or his friends.

James and Peter went to get some more snacks from the tent when Remus and Sirius stayed at the fire, Remus never looking up from the paper. "I DONT KNOW WHO I AM!" Sirius yelled, throwing his arms into the air. "I DONT KNOW!" Even though Remus wasn't showing it, he was just as frustrated as Sirius was. He was starting to get mad at James' mom for giving them these challenges. After 5 minutes James and Peter came back to the fire, holding bunches of foods and snacks. Remus didn't eat anything though, He said he wasnt hungry. After about half an hour, Sirius came up with some things, saying that he was different and indepenident. It made sense, he was the first non-Slytherin in his family. "your brave " Remus said, looking up from the paper for the first time. "your brave for going back to that place every summer" Sirius looked into Remus' eyes for a second before nodding and writing that down. A little flutter of hope had gone through him when remus had said that he was brave. Remus wished he could say that HE was brave. Yeah, he had moments when he was brave, but most of the time he was a loser. His mind flashed to a month ago, when summer had just stared. The month he wished never happened. That's when evwrything went down hill. He hadnt told anyone about what happened thought. Just kept it to himself. His friends didn't need to know he was homeless. That's when Remus wrote something on the paper for the first time. He curled the y at the end of the word aroundd the bottom of it, making the word be underlined with the y's tail. He stared down at the word and sighed. It was who he was and he couldn't change that.

The word was gay.

.

.

.

After the word gay, remus wrote a few things the other said. Brave. Smart. Kind In small print off to the side though, Remus had a wrote things he didn't want anyone to see. alone, monster, disappointment, failure, ugly.... Most of the list is what he got told when he came out. None of it was from his friends, but more of less his parents. Remus kept adding to the list, adding homophobic slurs he got called by others, and other hurtful things that he knew he was, no matter what people told him.

Its was about 2 in the morning when Sirius feel asleep, then about 2:30 when peter and Remus fell asleep. James, who was still wide awake, notices the small handwriting in the corner of Remus' parchment. He read the words. Alone. Monster. Disappointment Failure. Ugly. Faggot. Mistake. Accident. Unlovable. Unnoticed. Homeless

James bit his lip and looked over at Remus. He was hugging himself in his sleep. 'hes homeless?' james thought to himself, setting the parchment back where Remus had set it. James didn't know what to do, or what to think. So he woke Sirius up.

"whadyawantProngs" Sirius muttered. He and james were farther away from the team and fire, james didn't want anyone to heae them. (He mainly didnt want Remus to know he read the paper). "its about Remus " james said. "i didnt know who else to tell, but he wrote really bad things about himself Sirius. He isn't ok." James paused and looked at Sirius, who now looked worried. "he wrote a monster, and that he's ugly and a disappointment and an accident and a f-" James couldnt being himself tk say the word. "he said he was homeless, Sirius. Something happened. He needs help Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes. "lets talk about this tomorrow. Right now Rey is with us, and he's safe. Well ask him a out it tomorrow. Er- later today I guess James nodded and started walking back to the tent. But when they got there, the fire was out, and Remus was gone. All they found was a sobbing Peter.

---

"h-he r-ra-ran" Peter stumbled around the words, trying to stop sobbing. He couldnt believe what had happened. He could barely remember it. He had told the story to the best of his ability. At this point he was just repeating things.

Not long after James and Sirius left, Remus had woken up. He saw the paper had gotten moved and started freaking out mentally. Thats when it happened Thats when Lyall(a/n: sorry if its spelt wrong) Lupin apreared. Thats when Remus screamed, but it was muffled but his father putting his hand over his sons mouth. Peter woke at Remus' scream, and watched everything that happened under his eyelashes, not daring to open his eyes anymore. Peter heard the words Remus' dad spoke. Peter heard the quiet sobs Remus let out. Peter heard Remus call his name. Peter heard the calls for help. "Remus?" he muttered, acting like he had just woken up. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, then acted like he was just seeing the sence before him for the first time. Before Peter could say anything else, Remus' father dropped Remus and disappeared again. Peter went over to Remus. "are you ok? Should I get the oth-" Remus had fun before Peter could finish the sentence.

"shhhh Pete it wasnt your fault, calm down " James said, slightly hugging his friend. Peter nodded. It took a a few minutes, but soon he had calmed down. "we need to find him " Sirius said. He had beem staring at the paper remus had wrote on, re-reading everything on it. He was almost in tears. He couldnt believe anything that Remus had written. It hurt his heart. "i agree. Peter, did you see what direction he went in?" Peter nodded and started walking in the direction Remus went in. Sirius' hands were shaking. He had tears in his eyes that broke free when they couldnt find Remus. "we'll never find him..." he said, sitting on a rock. Thats when he heard it. Crying. "Rey?" Sirius looked around. There was no one there. "hey James? Did you bring the cloak?" James looked at Sirius. "yeah. Why do you ask?" Sirius bit his lip slightly. He knew where Remus was. "no reason " he lied, getting up. He walked between some trees that were behind the rock he had been sitting on and saw the log. "rey?" the cries stopped. Sirius sighed and sat on the log, right next to where Remus would be if he could be seen. That's when he felt him. Remus had put his head on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius could hear the cries, he could feel Remus trying to catch his breath. Thats when James came back to where Sirius and Remus were. He sat on the other side of Remus and reached out to pull the cloak off Remus. Sirius hugged Remus, the james hugged him too, waving Peter over. If there was anything Remus needed right now, it was love. And that's what the other marauders would give.

.

.

.

The marauders put two and two together. They knew that Remus was alone, and just needed to feel loved. So that's what they did. When they got back to where they were camping, they started up the fire again and got the story of what happened from Remus. If it wasn't for Sirius holding his hand Remus would have run away again

“i came out and- and my dad was angry. He threw pictures of our family across the room, broke vases, chairs, and the coffee table. He burned all photos that had me in them.....” Remus paused. It still hurt to tell the story. But now, he was safe. He was with his friends. “he- get threatened me. Called me a disgrace, disappoint, fag, so on....... My mom wasn't happy about this. She agreed with what he said but didnt like the way he was reacting by breaking things.... She cared more about a vase than her child..... ” Remus trailed off, leaving it at that. He wasn't going to say what happened next. “he hurt you didn't he” Peter said, putting a hand over his mouth. Remus nodded • • • The 4 marauders fell alseep about 5am. They were up all night talking, and ended up all in a bundle, hugging.

People say that love has to be shown in words. But Remus Lupin knows this isnt true. When Remus Lupin is around bia friends, he feels loved. Even if thy are just sitting there. He feels loved. He feels wanted. He feels cared for.

Remus grew up where love was a sore topic. Love was girl and boy. Not girl and girl or boy and boy. Remus thought gays were brave. He thought they're cool. He looked up to them. He knew he was onw of them when he met Sirius Black He knew he was in love. But he didnt tell anyone. He kept it a secret. He put on a mask. He hid who he was. And he hated it

Remus Lupin is the friend that waits for you when you tie youe shoe. Remus Lupin is rhe friend that listens when you need to talk. Remus Lupin is the one that's scared to be him. Remus lupin is the one that loves everyone

Remus Lupin is who we need more of in this world.

[tex-studmister]

Charthur for the ship asks

heyy sorry this took so long but thank you for the ask!!

i apologize now if this seems incoherent bcus im bad at writing and it is also 5am-

also sorry if the organization of this seems off I changed it to help me be able to write it better!

Charthur:

Gives nose/forehead kisses:

Both of them do both tbh, but Charles will do more forehead kisses than nose kisses and I see Arthur doing a decently equal ratio of the two.

Gets jealous the most:

I’m gonna say Charles on this one. Neither of them really get jealous per se, and it’s an extremely rare occasion if they do, but I feel Arthur would just kind of get. Sad? rather than jealous while Charles is more “hmmmMMMM” kind of? Bad explanation sjdghks 

I definitely wanna see the conversation about Charles Chateney to Charles sgjlsdjklf

Takes care of on sick days:

So I’m gonna go with AU style of Arthur has TB but like. it didn’t get the chance to get That Bad (bcus one can live with TB but arthur just got rly fucked over by guarma and R*) and so they are living on a homestead. its mainly arthur but im doing both bcus i adore sickfics and there isnt enough of charles getting sick and arthur taking care of him

so arthur is more likely to be down with something bcus charles never wants to see it worsen. Arthur is decently okay at hiding he’s sick, but once Charles is even slightly suspicious it’s all over, arthur is dragged to bed and is Not Allowed To Work 

arthur complains about the mother-henning but he secretly is flattered that charles cares enough to spend this much of his time on him, HIM of all people. He is of course embarrassed but this is a No Self-deprecation Zone, and charles assures him that he is important to him, he’d much rather be here, making sure he’s okay than doing anything else.

On the other hand, Charles is a lot better at hiding his illnesses. Arthur has gotten good at figuring out he’s sick, but Charles is particularly good at avoiding arthur if he can tell he’s Suspecting. Of course, it eventually comes to a head whether it be Charles’s condition worsening to where he can’t ignore it or Arthur finding him and returning the favor for when he was ill. 

Charles is the worst patient EVER, even worse than arthur. He’s constantly wanting to do things, get up go places, arthur feels like he has to tie him to the bed to get him to rest. If he isn’t trying to escape or go do something, that’s when arthur knows its Not Good and probably should look into finding a doctor

i adore sickfics and it shows sjdkgsldkg

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day:

I’m gonna casually change beach to lake bcus i dont see them ever going to a beach skjdglk

I’m gonna say charles bcus i can see arthur fishing (i love fishing in game dont @ me) and while charles can fish, he doesn’t prefer it so he does something else, but eventually pulls arthur into the water especially if it’s been a hot day. with permission of course, unless arthur was being cheeky earlier. Then it’s payback time sjdgds

Brings the other lunch at work:

Charles, bcus im projecting onto arthur by giving him my inability to tell when im hungry after a certain point dfjdfgjlk

Tries to start role-playing in bed:

hmmm,,,,,, i actually dont know on this one?? i think itd be a standoff on who would come out and say it to the other. I’m gonna say charles just bcus arthur may just be too embarrassed

Embarrassingly drunk dancer:

both of them they are a right Mess when they’re drunk together but they love each other and theyre just so affectionate with each other and dance and jsut,,,,have fun

arthur tried dipping charles when they were both drunk and they just both fell over HDJSLKG

Firmly believes in couples costumes:

I don’t think either of them would FIRMLY believe but I think for certain ones they may just be “heh we should do that” 

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas:

Arthur, definitely. my arthur maxed out the camp in chapter TWO you really think he’ll abide by that rule?? tbh it may be an add-up cost tho if he’s making something for charles, just needs materials or a professionals touch on certain stuff

Makes the other eat breakfast:

Charles because,,,,arthur just straight up cooked meat over a fire and ate it off the knife no spices nothing,,how,, and tbh i love the idea of arthur liking baking more than cooking

Remembers anniversaries:

They both do bcus theyre SENTIMENTAL and SOFT

Brings up having kids first:

Arthur. Eventually I image arthur told charles about Eliza and Isaac, so kids are a bit of a touchy subject for him I think? I feel like Charles would respect that and wait for arthur to say something or at least wait for him to sort his feelings out bcus arthur clearly wants a kid, but hes,,,,just not ready to say it aloud yet.

Kills the bugs:

Both of them, but Arthur won’t touch spiders. Meanwhile, centipedes/millipedes are a No for charles

First to define them as a couple:

I’m dumb and confused on this one does this mean who first calls them a couple? im gonna go with that

you bet ur ass its Dad AKA Hosea he knows his son he has EYES 

hell he knew it before arthur did tbh, ribbing him gently after the hunting trip, while arthur, who Still Doesn’t Realize is just ????? what

hosea subtly gave charles info on what arthur likes and where he is if charles is looking for him, mentions arthur may be wanting to avoid camp go take him hunting will you? 

Who hides their guilty pleasures longer:

Arthur, this dude barely talks about anything that he encounters outside of camp and barely thinks of himself first as someone who should Get Good Things 

Snorts while laughing:

Charles has the snort laugh dont @ me

arthur has the more wheezing laugh and theyre both CUTE

[heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet]

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th 

Mood/anxiety = numb. 

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick. 

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO. 

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done. 

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep. 

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator. 

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship. 

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same. 

---Emotionally it hurts the same. 

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way. 

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they  could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me  buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am. 

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation. 

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate. 

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally. 

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety -  still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested. 

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way. 

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean. 

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board. 

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum. 

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far. 

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine. 

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict. 

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed. 

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings. 

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days. 

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely. 

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness". 

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room. 

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod. 

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am. 

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes. 

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok. 

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change 

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house. 

We are having a picnic social distancing style. 

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around.  But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is 

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction) 

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives. 

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball  gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant. 

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past. 

[luxroyalty]

11 soulmate au titus/cor. I like to imagine that the drautos transformation involved alot of very painful things and because im a sucker for angst i think the niffs might have tortured titus a bit to get him to the mindset of lucis being the bad guys instead of the people who burnt his hkme down, so imagjnd cor feeljng all of this as its done. Anyway, angst

When Cor is eighteen, he starts hurting. It’s not his pain, it doesn’t feel like his pain - but his soulmate hasn’t ever had more than the usual things before. It doesn’t stop hurting for a long time.

Cor’s soulmate is so, so hungry. Like they hadn’t ate in a long time. Cor’s stomach had a hole in it already. This is when he started to seriously learn how to cook.

Eventually, the hunger, the pains, the aches started to ease off into something - less. And then Cor felt nothing. All he knew was his soulmate wasn’t dead, not yet anyway.

When Cor is twenty-one he wakes up at 3am. It hurts so much he can’t even make a noise. His body feels like it’s boiling from the inside out. He’s shaking, and when it finally ends at 5am, he collapses onto his bed. He calls in sick for the first time in a long time.

When he sees Glauca, with his armour of what looks like hardened liquid metal, he wonders.

When he faces Glauca in battle, and hits him with the blade of his sword, and his arm also aches in the same place - he wonders. Glauca retreats.

When he’s talking with his friend Titus, and the man accidentally gets hit by fire by the practicing Glaives - and his arm also hurts - he’s suspicious.

Glauca hid himself well, but not well enough. He’s soon arrested and charged.

Cor tells no one but Titus’ grave.