#its 4am and i should not be here but GUESS who is up

[pendragora]

I am so sorry for all of you who followed me because of my Alicent thingy thinking I am doing something interesting here cause

...you will get spammed alright

Like spammed spammed. Like very spammed. Spamming is how I do things here

So, my apologies in advance 😭

[liveyun]

you’re an idiot (so am i) | j.jk

pairing. jeon jungkook x fem oc/reader

rating. M

genre. enemies to 👀, university AU, neighbours AU, comedy, drama, romance, angst, slight smut

warnings. coarse language, crACK like lOTS OF IT, theyre both idiots. excessive bickering,,, gym related stuff,,, Medical school itself is a warning,, unhealthy amounts of protein mentions,, i’m Sorry if you’re a gymbro 😭🙏🏾, awkwardness, oc gets slightly injured, it gets slightly smutty 👀, unspoken feelings bc they both suck at communicating, some Cute stuff, that should be it but lmk if i missed any, its 4am

wc. 4.5k +

if this writing style flops, i’ll probably quit writing too 💀

it’s 7:04 AM

or is it really. what is the time again

unfortunately you are awake.

and it’s not by choice.

it’s because your protein 💪 PROTEIN 💪 MORE PROTEIN 🏋️ gymrat neighbour is up, doing burpees in his living room

and the walls between your apartments are criminally thin

and you’re convinced he’s trying to invent a new form of torture through burpees because the sQUEAKING OF HIS DAMN SHOES ARE JUST AS LOUD AS AN ALARM CLOCK!!

why is he even awake at this ungodly hour, you wonder for the 8293838th time since moving in

you feel like crying

for rEAL.

it was around 5:30 am when u finally had let out a sigh of relief at having finally completed your assignment

you roll out of bed, hair resembling a bird’s nest

what else is bed hair supposed to look like

“O YEA!”

here we go

again

you feel like ripping your already damaged hair bc why does he have to be so damn loud

has no occupant not filed a complaint against him yet?

so now u consider knocking on his door to complain... but you remember what happened the last time you tried

jungkook had answered the door holding two dumbbells liKe they were extensions of his arms, shirtless, smiling so brightly it could cure vitamin D deficiency

you knew you were cooked the moment smirked at you gawkinG at his physique and you felt your cheeks warming up

“oh, hey, Y/N,�� he’d said, casually flexing mid-sentence with that stupid grin on his face “need something? Or just admiring the view?”

you haven’t known peace ever since

by 8:15 AM, you’ve surrendered to fate and shuffled into the kitchen for coffee

you swEar you hear Jungkook’s blender whirring as he makes another one of his infamous protein shakes

does he even eat anything which does not have protein powder

like ok you understand the value of protein

but anything which has that stupid thing in it automatically tastes like the Biggest Piece of Dogshit

and somehow that’s what you neighbour has 24/7

last week he had accidentally left one in the communal fridge

it smelled like death and regret.

absolute L

anyway u think u need to get something in ur system too and thats when u open your fridge

and sigh

it’s empty.

except for a jar of pickles and a, uh, questionable carton of oat milk

yea. you’ll have to get brunch today. no futher questions asked

10:32 AM

ur first class of the day

and guess what

u have made the mistake of sitting near Jungkook in the lecture hall.

again! 😍

u swear that u are trying to focus on the lecture but is it really your fault that jungkook looks extra,,,...,,,

beefy

his notebook is open, but instead of notes, he’s drawing a disturbingly accurate diagram of biceps

and the shading looks pretty accurate too

he notices you staring, oof “anatomy is about more than just books, Y/N.”

you feel a muscle near your eye twitch

“i really don’t remember asking.”

ouch

that came out a bit too rude. . .

you feel like u should say sorry or something but he just flashes you that golden retriever grin

and somehow, you’re the one who feels stupid

12:10 PM

you’d think a med school lunch break would feel like a break

but no

the first thing you hear is the unmistakable pop of jungkook’s tupperware lid. it’s like pavlov’s bell, but instead of a dog, it triggers your impending irritation

of course it’s chicken, broccoli, and rice. gymrat starter pack™

does this man even know other foods exist?

atleast it doesn’t look unseasoned so maybe you can take it

you’re not the one having it anyway

“bon appétit,” he says with that smug grin, shoveling a forkful into his mouth like he’s filming a mukbang

you side-eye your sad excuse of a sandwich. “don’t you ever get bored of eating that?”

he gasps like a victorian man having seen the ankle of his wife for the first time

“bored? of gains? never.”

the chewing. oh god, the chewing. it’s so loud you’re convinced he’s doing it on purpose

crunch. chew. sip of water from the world’s largest bottle. repeat.

“do you have to eat like a vacuum?”

he pauses, fork mid-air, and looks at you with wide, innocent eyes. then he grins. “do you have to be this cute when you’re annoyed?”

wha— cough!!

did you just choke at your sandwich infront of him?

-100 aura points

your brain just blue-screens

what the hell are you supposed to do with that information

12:22 pm

you haven’t touched your chips yet. you’re saving them for after jungkook’s food massacre ends

his tupperware is licked clean but he’s already eyeing your bag of chips like a hawk

“you gonna eat those?”

“yes, jungkook, i’m gonna eat my chips”

“cool”

c r u n c h

he’s already eaten half the bag.

u are genuinely considering homicide now

the girl from the next table suddenly waves at him, all giggly and twirling her hair like she’s auditioning for a romcom

“hey, jungkook! you should totally sit with us!”

he glances at you, one brow raised. “should i?”

“why are you asking me?” you snap, already annoyed (but like, annoyed in a normal way, not jealous. definitely not jealous)

you miss the way his lips quirk in the corners

“nah, i think i’ll stay here,” he says, smirking. “you’re better company anyway”

...

why is your face heating up. why. stop it

1:00 PM

you’re walking to your next class when jungkook catches up, sipping his protein shake. the smell is somewhere between expired yogurt and pure evil

“so, lunch was fun,” he says casually, like he didn’t commit multiple crimes against your sanity earlier

“for who?” you mumble, giving him the nastiest bombastic side eye

“for both of us,” he replies, grinning. “don’t lie, y/n, you’d miss me if i wasn’t around”

“i’d miss the peace”

he laughs heartily and it’s the kind of laugh that makes you want to both strangle him and maybe... smile a little

1:12 PM

ur phone dings

dumb(bell)kook : (now) bring more chips tomorrow

or don’t. i’ll just steal them again

>:D

you stare at your screen for a second, debating whether to respond or block his number

you type back

you : (1:13PM) touch my chips again and i’ll report you to student conduct

his reply is instant.

dumb(bell)kook : (now) bet they’d let me off for good behavior 😛

2:47 pm.

group project time!

otherwise known as “watch y/n slowly lose her sanity” time

you're hunched over your notes, trying to come up with literally anything for this cursed assignment while everyone else is glued to their phones

“guys, any ideas?” you try, for the fifth time, because teamwork makes the dream work, right?

wrong. dead silence. you can practically hear your soul exiting your body

one guy mutters, "we could... idk, make a powerpoint?" and goes back to scrolling on instagram. helpful king

you’re about three seconds away from making a powerpoint on why you hate everyone here when the door swings open

in walks jungkook, twenty minutes late, balancing a protein shake in one hand and a clipboard in the other

like he’s about to announce his plan for world domination

he slides into the chair next to you, annoyingly fresh, as if he hasn’t just already benched three cows at the gym

“did i miss anything?” he asks, sipping his shake and eyeing you with those boba lookalike peepers like he’s the main character

why are his eyes so

cute

“yeah, we solved climate change and made contact with aliens. you're late.”

he smirks. smirks. “nice. guess i’ll tackle world hunger next.”

one of your lab mates looks up from her phone just to whisper, “he’s so hot..”

my ass.

“he’s useless”

you’re about to drop-kick the clipboard out of his hands when he lazily stretches and says, “so what’s the plan, y/n? you always have the best ideas”

and just like that, everyone turns to you like a pack of hyenas waiting for their next meal

you might actually murder him. right after you finish this stupid project.

>:-)

midnight.

you’re staring at your notes like they’re written in ancient alien hieroglyphics. focus? yup, that’s a myth

through the wall, you hear it. again.

jungkook’s obnoxious gym playlist thumping loud enough to summon the gods of protein.

how about you just summon the reaper to maybe reap your soul or his

you try to ignore it. you really do. but then the bass drops, and you swear the walls start vibrating

ARGH

that’s it. you’ve snapped. you slam your pen down and march out of your apartment like a woman on a mission

by the time you’re at his door, you’re already regretting this decision

but sleep-deprived y/n? she’s not known for her impulse control

you bang on the door like your life depends on it

>:-(

after a moment, jungkook opens up, looking like he just stepped out of a gym rat rom-com. damp hair, earbuds in, wearing a tank top that shows off way too much arm.

good lord, those tattoos..

“what’s up?” he asks casually, pulling out an earbud, as if you didn’t just nearly break his door down

whats up? what thE hELL DOES HE MEAN WHATS UP??

“it’s midnight!” you yell, waving a hand in the general direction of your apartment. “some of us need sleep to survive!”

he blinks at you, tilting his head like a confused golden retriever. “but you’re awake now. want to do a quick set of push-ups?

you stare at him. you need to go to the store from where he bought the audacity. “push-ups?!”

“yeah,” he says, dead serious. “it’s a good way to burn off frustration. i do them all the time when i’m annoyed.”

“maybe i should start,” you mutter, narrowing your eyes. “because i’m annoyed right now.”

jungkook grins like the demon he is. “great! i’ll grab my mat.”

before you can stop him, he’s already turned back into his apartment. you briefly consider running, but it’s too late.

this is your life now.

five minutes later, you’re on the floor of his apartment, struggling to do one (1) push-up while he effortlessly does twenty in the same time it takes you to collapse in defeat

you feel like someone has bathed you in sweat

“this is humiliating,” you groan, face smushed into the mat

maybe you should’ve just slept

“nah, you’re doing great,” he says, way too cheerfully for someone torturing you. “just three more and you’ll hit... like, five total.”

you debate throwing a dumbbell at him but decide against it

jail isn’t worth it.

yet.

five minutes later you’re on the floor of his apartment, now two (2) push-ups deep and already regretting every decision you’ve made up to this point

you try again, your arms shaking with the effort, your brain screaming for mercy, when—

crack

“ow, ow, ow!” you yelp as your shoulder protests in a way that’s probably not supposed to happen

“that’s it, i’m dOne” you wince, face red from the sheer humiliation and pain

jungkook is standing there with a weirdly sympathetic expression that’s 90% amusement and 10% concern

he’s crouching beside you now, and you can't help but notice his Bambi eyes, all big and concerned, looking at your shoulder like he's actually worried for you

fml

this is so unfair

“u good?” he asks, voice unusually soft, and you can’t help but notice that barely there scar on his left cheek pulling slightly as he frowns and looks down at you

you glare at him, wincing a little more than you’d like to admit

does it look like ur good lol

“i think i pulled something” you mutter, still holding your shoulder, and mentally kicking yourself for agreeing to do this in the first place

you knew you shouldn’t have agreed to him

“mm,” he hums thoughtfully, his gaze flicking to your face, and then down to your shoulder with that gentle focus you didn’t think he was capable of

oUuu

“you should’ve asked for help, rookie” he says with that familiar cocky grin, but you catch the slight crinkle of concern in his brow, the mole beneath his lips almost beckoning you to stare at it

why is he so dumb but also so stupidly handsome?

and then his fingers are brushing against your shoulder again, carefully massaging the area in a way that’s too intimate for someone who’s just your annoying gym-obsessed neighbor

your heart rate spikes, and suddenly the injury doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore

“i’m fine, really,” you lie, trying to brush it off, but the way his Bambi eyes are looking at you—all soft and worried—has your head spinning

oh god

“i don’t think you are” he mutters, voice low, as he places a hand gently on your waist, pulling you just a little closer

god, stop being so touchy

the fact that he smells like musk and with some citrus-y notes underneath doesn’t help either

you feel your cheeks warming and lips parting

you feel yourself leaning in despite all logic telling you to stop, and then his eyes flicker down to your lips and back to your eyes, slow and cautious, like he’s waiting for your permission

you really cannot help but feel your heart skip a beat at how beautiful he looks. no like for real, his hair is slightly overgrown, curled at the ends which fall gracefully over his face

and how soft his lips look

your brain is too far gone, and the next thing you know, you’re kissing him, hand tangled in his hair, pulling him even closer

his hair feels so silky soft

but his lips are even softer, but there’s a desperate edge to the kiss, and you don’t know if it's because of your injury or the fact that you’ve both been playing this weird tension game for far too long

you feel like u can finally die kissing him like this

his hand slides down your back, pressing you into him as if you might disappear, and you pull away, gasping for air

jungkook’s eyes are wide, his pupils blown and heavy-lidded, his chest rising and falling quickly as he looks at you with an unreadable expression

“shit, i… i didn’t think i was actually going to do that” he murmurs, his voice rough and nearly trembling if u hear closely

you stare at his lips again, the mole under them, the way he looks so dumb but also so dumb handsome

his mouth parts to say something stupid again but you shush him with your pointer on his lips

“shut up and kiss me again, you idiot” you mutter, pulling him back in without a second thought

oH WOW

Jungkook doesn’t need any more encouragement. this time, it’s all teeth and heat, a kiss that feels like it might burn the air around you both

and your shoulder? completely forgotten, left in the dust

the kiss doesn’t end in some grand, romantic crescendo like the movies promised

you both were shamelessly making out on his mat

you were perched on his lap and both of u were busy eating eachother’s mouths (it sounds gross but that’s what exactly u two were doing) when suddenly you give his hair a tug

and you hear a moan spilling from him

his hips buck up and you gasp, but it ends with him abruptly pulling away

he’s breathing like he just ran an hour on the treadmill. cheeks all flushed, lips shining with saliva and eyes wide

and your heart is hammering in your chest like it’s trying to escape

jungkook stares at you, lips slightly swollen, eyes wide and wild, and for once, the idiot looks just as lost as you feel

“i—uh—” you stammer, the words tangling in your throat because what the hell are you supposed to say after something like that

“y- yeah,” he cuts in, his voice rough and strained like he’s been punched in the gut, “same”

same? SAME?!

you glare at him, more out of panic than anger, because suddenly the room feels too small, and his scent—something annoyingly musky and Jungkook-ish—is now overwhelming you

“i, uh, should go” you blurt out, scrambling to your feet and clutching your sore shoulder like a lifeline

jungkook doesn’t stop you, just sits there on the floor, looking up at you with a furrowed brow and an expression you can’t quite place

“cool” he mutters, dragging a hand through his messy hair as his jaw clenches

you don’t say anything else, don’t even look back as you practically bolt out of his apartment and into the safety of your own, slamming the door shut behind you

breathe, you tell yourself, leaning against the door, your heart still racing, your lips still tingling from his kiss

you won’t lie, you really didn’t think it would take just a tug of hair to have Mr. Muscle moaning under you

and that kind of inflated ur ego too

>:-)

but now

as u stand behind your closed door

the warmth that had filled your chest moments ago is quickly replaced by a knot of confusion and panic

because this wasn’t supposed to happen, not with Jungkook of all people

he’s my annoying gym-rat neighbor. this is… this is stupid

or is this really?..

no matter how much you try to convince yourself, your fingers keep brushing your lips absentmindedly, and your brain replays the moment over and over again like some kind of cruel joke

the next morning, you half expect him to blast his gym playlist at full volume to piss you off like he always does

but it’s quiet

too quiet

jungkook doesn’t blast music. doesn’t clank weights around. doesn’t do anything to make his presence known, and it’s driving you insane

you don’t know why it bothers you so much, but it does

when you leave for class, you catch a glimpse of him locking his door, but he doesn’t even glance your way

just slings his backpack over his shoulder and walks off like you don’t exist

asshole

yea that hurt. a Lot. like a good amount, because you are sure that you felt that pain in the centre of your chest

but it’s not like you’re any better

you bury yourself in your textbooks, pretending the kiss never happened, even though your stupid brain refuses to let it go

your chest feels tight every time you hear his door open or his voice filter through the thin walls

and you hate how you feel disappointed every time he doesn’t acknowledge you

like you really are a stranger to him

:-(

it’s pathetic, but you can’t help it

the silence between the two of you stretches on like an invisible barrier

days pass, and the two of you become masters of the fine art of avoidance

there’s a strange art to it, like walking on eggshells in your own apartment

even if u two live in separate apartments, it just feels

weird

you are so used to him being so noisy and what not

but the silence is heavy, uncomfortable, like an unfinished sentence hanging in the air

and it’s clEar neither of you know how to handle whatever the hell this is

you can’t figure out whether it’s a relief or suffocating

and every time you pass him in the hallway or see him through your apartment window, it’s like a silent conversation you’re not having

and that, somehow, feels worse than everything else

you want him to say something. anything.

but he doesn’t

and neither do you

and it makes you sick how easy it is to fall back into the rhythm of pretending he doesn’t exist

even when he’s right there.

you go to class and he’s there

sitting three rows ahead of you like he’s deliberately trying to ignore you

and with that girl who cannot seem to have her hands off his bicep

and you’re… fine with it

totally fine

you are just hoping that your glare is enough to burn a hole in her skull

it’s just that you can’t stop staring at the back of his head

like maybe he’ll turn around and say something but nope

the entire lecture passes and he doesn’t even glance over

and you try not to overthink it but you’re pretty sure jungkook is doing the same thing to you

ignoring you

on purpose

you’re not imagining it, right?

lunch rolls around and you sit down at your usual spot

jungkook’s sitting at the table next to you with his back to you

he doesn’t even look up when you sit down

normally, he would’ve sent you a little half-smile or asked about your day or whatever. .

but now? nothing

it’s like you’re invisible

and that’s fine. you don’t care.

but deep down, you feel this weird lump in your chest

because you didn’t expect this coldness from him

even after everything that’s happened

and you’d even unconsciously brought his favourite flavour of chips he especially likes..

:(

then you see him texting on his phone

and you can’t help but peek over at his screen

jungkook is texting someone

and it’s not you

for some reason, that stings more than it should, but you swallow it down and pretend you didn’t notice

the silence between the two of you stretches out for days

it’s like the entire universe is pretending you never had that moment together

the night when everything took a wild ass turn

but jungkook’s acting like it never happened

and so are you.

and maybe, just maybe, that’s better

maybe he regrets kissing you.

maybe you even made him uncomfortable?..

and maybe this is easier

you can’t decide if it hurts or if you’re just overthinking it

either way, you stop checking his texts, stop wondering what he’s doing in his apartment

you try your best to pretend it’s okay

but deep down, you miss the stupid moments

the ones where he wasn’t so distant where it feels like something ended between you two before it could even start.

it feels like it’s been over a decade

:(

and you hate it.

but you push it aside

it’s just… the silence is way too loud now.

you’re sitting in your room, trying to convince yourself that letting go of jungkook is the right thing to do

and perhaps ur failing miserably lol

but it’s hard because every five minutes you catch yourself staring at something that reminds you of him

your notes? he doodled on them during lectures

your hoodie? yeah, it’s his. he lent it to you one day and never asked for it back

your heart? yeah. he kind of stole that too

you’re spiraling between sleep and insanity when there’s a knock on your door

no, wait—it’s not a knock

it’s banging — like someone’s fist is about to break through the wood

WHO CALLED THE COPS ON YOU ONG

you jump up, your heart pounding, and open the door

and there he is

jungkook—standing there, looking like he just ran a marathon and fought a bear at the same time

hair all messy, slight bags underneath his eyes and kinda disheveled outfit

for a split second, you freeze, your breath catching in your throat

oh

it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him, and suddenly having him standing in front of you is making your heart race like crazy

“i can’t—” he stops, breathless, hands on his knees like he’s about to collapse

you’re standing there, eyes wide, totally taken aback by the sight of him, feeling a mix of relief and something else you can’t quite place

yet

“i can’t take it anymore,” he says, looking up at you with that ridiculous face of his

you grab that meaty bicep of him, ushering him to stand up

“what are you talking about?” you ask, completely confused

“you. i’m talking about you,” he says, taking a step closer

hUH

the air around you feels like it’s being sucked out of the room

your head is spinning because after all this time, here he is, right in front of you

“i like you. i’ve always liked you. and i didn’t know how to tell you, so i…”

“i got all this gym equipment just to bother you. i’d turn the music up way too loud, and i thought that’d make you notice me. i sat next to you at lunch, even in lectures, doing everything to annoy you because i didn’t know how else to approach you, i really thought—”

“jungkook.”

you blink, processing everything in a blur, your heart still hammering in your chest

but he doesn’t quite listen to you. “i knew you liked my sketches we had during cardio lectures, so i always made sure to draw—”

“juNGKOOK!”

you cut him off, smacking his idiotic shoulders “you’re an idiot.”

jungkook stops, eyes widening a little, but there’s this look of relief on his face

like a huge weight has just been lifted off him

almost like when u get to pee after holding it in for hours

“i know,” he says softly, and for the first time, you realize how vulnerable he looks standing there

he somehow looks

small.

“then why didn’t you just talk to me like a normal person?” you ask, your voice a mix of exasperation and amusement

jungkook smiles sheepishly, his pearly whites flashing. “i guess i thought this would be easier.”

easier.

only if he knew that each moment without him felt like the earth opening up and swallowing you

AND!!! HIS FAVOURITE ONION VINEGAR FLAVORED CHIPS!! which used to be your absolutely hated flavour but somehow you’ve caught a liking to them recently

how ironic

the room feels heavy with tension as you both stand there, unsure of what to say next, but his gaze is so intense, it makes your heart skip

“say something,” he says, his voice quieter now, almost pleading. “please.”

you can feel the heat rising in your cheeks, still flustered, but there’s something about his earnestness that makes everything else fade into the background

and the way his caramel brown eyes nearly sparkle underneath your dimly lit apartment lights

you shake your head with a smile.

“you’re an idiot.”

but you're smiling like a total fool because what else are you supposed to do when the guy you’ve been in love with just confessed to you?

jungkook’s face softens, and then he smiles too

a smile which looks so adorable you feel your heart will burst

and it’s over for you

“so, uh…” he scratches the back of his neck, looking bashful. “does that mean you like me too?”

you roll your eyes, your heart racing all over again, and grab the front of his shirt to pull him inside

“kiss me already”

the door slams shut behind you.

and the rest

as they say, is history

:-)

a/n : i love them bad :’(

mlist | let me know what you think anonymously :))

[ladykissingfish]

*Kakuzu walks outside in the early morning, sees Hidan sitting on the front steps*

Kakuzu: Here you are. I woke up and you were gone. How long have you been sitting out here?

Hidan: Couple hours, I guess.

Kakuzu: *sits down beside him* So cold … *takes off his robe and slips it over Hidan’s shoulders* We talked about this, didn’t we? In your condition I expect you to take better care of yourself. Being up at 4am and sitting in the cold isn’t —

Hidan: I can’t do it, ‘Kuzu.

Kakuzu: You can’t take the time to put on a jacket?

Hidan: No, I mean … *puts his hands on his large belly* This. This kid. I can’t be its parent.

Kakuzu: What?

Hidan: You can stop with all the fucking lies already, Kakuzu. We both know I’m gonna make a shitty parent. You just said it; I can’t even take care of myself! How am I gonna take care of something that’s small and helpless and — and — *suddenly bursts into tears*

Kakuzu: *startled, but after a moment puts his arms around Hidan and holds him tightly*

Kakuzu: Shhhh, shhh, calm down, it’s okay, calm down …

Hidan, putting his face against Kakuzu’s neck: And you must be so fucking angry with me. I’ve trapped you, haven’t I? I’m about to give you a whole bunch of responsibilities and so many things you’ll need to spend money on …

Hidan: It’ll be like you have two babies to take care of, won’t it?

Kakuzu: Good.

Hidan, tearfully looking up at him: G-good? 

Kakuzu: That’s right; good. My gifts are multiplying. Instead of one precious thing, I’ll have two. And I’d die before I let any harm or unhappiness come to either of you.

Hidan: K-Kakuzu —!

Kakuzu: And you know what? I get that you’re scared. I’m scared, too. But this … *puts his hand on Hidan’s belly* is going to be the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing ever. A masterpiece; the best of you and the best of me.

Kakuzu: And you’re completely wrong, by the way, about you not making a good parent. You’re going to be superb. I feel it. And you won’t be doing it alone. Me and you, we’re a team. And pretty soon our team is going to add a new member and be stronger and better than ever. Fuck money; all that matters is the three of us. Okay?

Hidan: *starts crying again, although this time it’s happy tears* Y-you damn sappy old man —!

Kakuzu: And you know, not to be superficial or anything, but … you have never quite looked as good as you do now. Soft skin, curves, and you’re so emotional and sweet … *leans to whisper in his ear* I should have knocked you up years ago …

Hidan, blushing: Pervert. Don’t talk like that in front of the kiddo. I read they can hear voices while inside there.

Kakuzu: Interesting. *I* read that it’s the healthiest thing in the world for a child to see and hear two parents who show affection to each other. *starts kissing Hidan’s neck* Let me take you back to bed and show you what I mean …

Hidan: I’ll agree … on the condition that you make me breakfast first.

Kakuzu: *chuckles and stands up, giving his hands to Hidan and gently pulling him to his feet* Sounds fair. What do you feel like?

Hidan: Pancakes. And eggs.

Kakuzu: Alright, then I’ll —

Hidan: And bacon. And Turkey sausage links. And cereal with marshmallows in it. Chocolate and strawberry milk. Those little pastry things with the warm cream cheese inside. Apple pie with ice cream. A banana cut into slices. Some —

Hidan: *walks inside; still talking*

Kakuzu:

Kakuzu: Then again, I probably would have gone broke if he had gotten pregnant before this.

[stay-because-now-you-have-a-home]

I love you. Goodbye.

Tumblr will always be my favourite place on the internet but I think it's time for me to finally suck it up and move on. I feel a little bit silly writing this because I'm getting a little bit emotional over my assignment. This community has given me so much and I feel like haven't given nearly enough in return but unfortunately, I have nothing left to give. I'll forever be grateful for the escape this hellsite provided me with while I was struggling with my mental health because I never would have made it this far without the home I made for myself on here. The friends and memories I made here were some of the best moments in my life and I'll always miss staying up until 4am just so I could be awake with everyone else. Life caught up with me and although the stress is one of the reasons I'm no longer active it's also partly because I lost interest. AFTG was something I held really close to my heart but I've slowly drifted away from the fandom. I dont recognise most of the usernames in the tag anymore because the fandom just keeps growing even after Nora kind of sort of abandoned us and left us to our own devices. I made my fair share of contributions to the aftg tag and I hope the people to come dont let such a talented, diverse fandom die. Although I've moved on to a different fandom, I still love this one too. I found out recently that one of my comfort fics were deleted and I respect the authors reasoning and I'm not holding anything against them. Seeing them take it down because they lost interest and felt as though they needed to finish it while it was sitting there--it made me realise that I should move on too.

I'd like to thank @the-court-of-chaos for everything, I made some really good memories with y'all and I miss what we were. I'm very tired, and I think that Tumblr just isn't for me anymore but I'd like to say goodbye to everyone before I go. I'll still be alive, my discord dms are always open if anyone would like to catch up and who knows? Maybe I'll show my face around here every now and again. So thank you, I'll see you around. - ash moots under the cut?

@ashisdeadanddying @jeanmoreauslefttit @ihavebecomeaproblem

@drunk-on-inejs-laughter @wafflesandschemingfaces @fallen-from-olympus @im-someone-i-guess @aimless-twig @alonetogethermp3

@winchesterwitch07 @fierreth-who @thejostenator @renjuunsz @roseberrylight @iambecomeyourvillain @gondolin-but-not-forgottenlin @neil-puppy-josten @otsu09 @pjo-tsc-trc-otherthingstoo @theburningocean @saltyfortunes @unlabelled-tumbler-junkie @ozymandayus @nee-naw-nee-naw-beepbeep @kazzyboy @dolce-far-niente-is-a-vibe @biblophilic-psycho @fcknhomos @ddepressedbookworm @theravenkin @andrewsleftknee @thankyouforstoppingby @ezrul-00 @minyardmoon @letterstosaturn @anaestheticoatmeal @hologramsaredead @dude-its-riley @100-years-too-early @vigilantexxshit @finnchinc @that-intp-vampire @olli-olli-ox3nfr33

@woevembur @indubitably-eternally-confused @thomastaircompassrose @pinksortof

[youredreamingofroo]

a bit of a message talking about inactivity and my possible hiatus. I dont know if this counts as a cw but i talk about depression here and there at the beginning (nothing graphic) and as usual, its a rant

im gonna be straight honest rn, i'm probably not gonna be active on tumblr for these next few days, ive been super up and down depressed and im just unmotivated and too tired to do anything, im still gonna check in here and there but dont expect me to reblog or reply to many posts, if at all. This could mark the beginning of a hiatus, but with mood swings and up and down depression, i could be back, active as ever tomorrow. Ever since ive uninstalled Sims 4, i did feel a weight lift off my shoulders, but simultaneously made me depressed due to the lack of... well... doing something, i dont... really know how to put it into words, its just something in my brain that i just cant explain, i guess a good way to put it is playing sims 4 gave me the motivation to stem off into other mediums, blender for example, gave me something to do, something to learn, and while i can still use blender, i just get progressively slower and slower at doing stuff in it because of my limited resources, some scenes i want to do require specific outfits and i dont have the facilities to make those outfits... i mean i probably do but i just dont feel motivated to do all that. I still play other games, ive been playing a lot of slime rancher 2 and have been trying to branch out to other games (indie games and bigger games), I want to post gameplay but if youve seen me rant about tumblr before, one of my biggest gripes is just how fucking annoying it is to upload images, so i just get completely unmotivated to post images/gameplay especially if its just some silly post. if uh if anyone is still reading this, ill be honest, i havent even been motivated to write about WAS at all, probably havent touched the planning doc in about 2 weeks. This... 'spiral'... has been noticeable for me for the last week as my sleep schedule gets swapped around from sleeping at night and awake during the day... to sleeping during the day and awake at night, this is all my fault, but its also just something that happens rotationally for me, i go from sleeping VERY early in the evening (6PM at the earliest) and waking at VERY early times in the morning (4AM at the latest) to sleeping VERY late in the morning (6AM at the earliest) and waking up late in the evening (3PM at the latest), i dont really know what causes the shift, but it happens, and i often blame myself for it even though i dont know what causes it...

anyways sorry, this will probably mark a very iffy hiatus, like i said ill be active but not... super active, i didnt check tumblr at all yesterday/monday, so thats kind of the pattern to expect from me depending on the day. In the meantime... i might try to get back into older sims games, ive mentioned this before, but i do have sims 1 on my laptop so maybe ill post stupid little gameplay posts from there (granted i havent played in like... a month 😐). I'll probably put up a poll after this post for people to vote on which sims game i should play- i KNOW i did it once before but im probably gonna do it again cuz i cant find the post and i have over 1000 posts 😭

if you read thus far, thank you for sticking around, if your a random person who read this for no reason... thanks? if your a follower of mine and cant understand where im coming from with this lengthy post, see yourself out or deal with it 🙃 otherwise, thank you all and i will be lurking about

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #271

I ended up not cooking today. Last night, I stayed up until about 4 in the morning, worried about various things, and writing a lengthy email to the acquaintance I mentioned yesterday in response to those worries. This interaction is not going to work unless I keep my instincts sharp and my boundaries robust.

I've written things before in this Tumblr space about the importance of being kind to everyone, while also recognizing that care must be taken to assert very strong boundaries in response to certain patterns of trauma behavior. I've written before on the notion that kindness without boundaries and the willingness to enforce them and follow through with the consequences is not actually kindness, but is instead enabling as a form of conflict avoidance.

I think a lot of people mistake kindness for weakness because they try to do "kindness" in the absence of boundary skills.

Today, though I went to bed at 4am, I got a phone call from this acquaintance somewhere around 6am, for reasons I don't actually understand. I didn't answer it, because I do not answer my phone except during my normal waking hours, and my normal waking hours are not before 8am on most days. I did end up waking somewhere between 8 and 9am. But that just means I've only got about 5 hours of broken sleep, which is definitely not ideal.

…Oh well.

In between being focused on other persons who were talking to me on and off today, I did a lot of leisure writing in a way that was… long overdue, I think. Once again, it was cathartic and necessary. When it came to be about the time I intended to do dishes and make food, though, I was able to do the dishes. But I didn't have any "oomph" leftover after that to make food. Lame.

Tomorrow, for sure. After I get home from some sleep appointment that's happening at… some time tomorrow... to make sure my CPAP is still doing its job, I guess. But it's doing its job. I've no complaints. I get the final dose of the HPV vaccine sometime after the sleep appointment. So that's pretty rad; having protection against potentially cancer-causing pathogens is always pretty rad!

Ma from work was supposed to pop by; I was supposed to pick him up at around 2pm. But he had something come up at the last minute, so that didn't really pan out. But maybe it's just as well; my brain was a bit too zombied to do much of anything today, and I can't imagine that I would have been very good company.

I guess I'm a little sad about it. I wanted to do so many things today. Ma visit. Dead Cells. Epic noms. Today did not go at all as planned.

...Sometimes it happens that way, though. It's good to be flexible.

J and I did take a brief evening stroll, though, and that was pretty good. I got another picture of our moon for you:

...I've gotten pictures of the moon over the last few days. It's really filling out! Soon, it will be full, and that's pretty cool! I'm still pretty sad about the fact that I can't share the pictures in the Brother Sun book, but... I'm getting pretty good at taking my own pictures. So maybe it's not too sad after all.

...Goodness. I am legit falling asleep as I try to write this. I should probably take the hint from my body and actually go to bed.

...Sephiroth... are you doing okay out there? I'm maybe struggling just a little bit where I am, but... it's not as though I'm stuck underground, unable to see the sky or smell the rain or touch the breeze. I worry about you. I imagine the mako you're suspended in sustains you, but... still... you deserve to eat actual food and to get actual sunlight and breathe actual fresh air.

...Even if your situation is difficult, don't succumb to despair, okay? Because there are people out here who love you and are waiting for you to throw off the shackles of your trauma so that you can rise up into happiness and wholesomeness. Keep trying. Keep your chin up.

I'll give you this one for today; you can replace "little girl" with "little one":

...Don't write yourself off yet, okay? You're not unloved.

I love you. Please stay safe out there, okay? I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[buglyknight]

611) pantry goblin

ok now im a small goblin in a pantry

tech support mom and dad above me

"why are women so.. "

I stare at your name

"beautiful" I say.

"y'know what i mean?"

my smile leaps from my skin

three seconds later

"nevermind. women are so stupid."

Rebecca chimes in

she's looking at tik toks i guess of food

the way she says caramel.. something or other sounded cute

and comfy

anyway

she chimes in-

awww

listen, you got to be on top for a second

now we're back to baseline

women are dumb!!!!

women are stupid!!!!

tech support parents bicker and then

okay check this folder

make sure this matches this .dll file

me, a grape, a small pantry goblin

stares at pathfinder rules tom is looking at

while they look at files

i keep asking

'do you guys think i can make it to the fridge and back?

i can probably make it to the fridge and back.

do you think i could get water and make it back?

fuck im out of water every minute i wait its going to get harder

i should have got the water earlier!

do you think i can make it?'

right now, I'm doubting it

every once in a while tom will

pass a note in class over to me

okay but look at this rule

yeah i can fucking try but do you see what the words on your screen are doing?

anyone else blasting through serotonin right now?

fuck

yeah, whatever, it works like that

okay now you're a sorcerer with a wizard fucking spellbook?

just play a wizard, but alright..

i guess it makes sense

yeah i can barely read any of this

okay so that matches, ch ch ch, let's go back a folder and check documents, oh where's your game saved? can we go to the game directory, okay back a folder. No. three up. No, back where you were"

Austin is doing a great job

Grant is just.. this poor guy

i look over at what they're doing

BIG MISTAKE

too many letters and they're so small

go back to Tom it's comfy here

And I'm listening and feeling like I'm in a small pantry

smiling and staring at your name

what season of tech support anime is this?

how many arcs do we have to go through?

im so invested in this storyline are my friends

going to be able to play elden ring randomized mod together

is elden ring seamless coop folder going to get a happy ending?

this feels anything but seamless

i giggle in fits as i hear them talk about where to put things

gods i really hope this season is better

the classic fatalerror.dll twist! who could have seen it coming

cant wait for next season

please! it's been a thousand episodes! i need to know the ending!

okay, jacob but look at

bro whyyy did you wait till i took three tabs of acid before

you wanted to make this character!!!!

okay i can try to read but your letters keep dancing dude

sorry, i know but okay look at recognize spell and then quick recognition, isn't this one just better.. so why would i..?

idk man, oh it's a prerequisite! solved. easy, keep these easy ones coming

okay get all this wizard shit out of heeeeeeere get rid of it! it's getting in the way

okay now read magical shorthand

bro anything but magical shorthand i can't

it's so many leterrrrrs

okay but now that im basically a wizard this should work, right?

oh. yeah!

finally

oh my god

anything but magical shorthand again

he really wanted that to work

it just has like.. words in it

so your folder looks the same as mine.. maybe it's the crash text logs or something, that'd be STUPID but maybe??

okay it's still not launching

okay i know youre going to hate this but, we might just want to start from scratch

okay.. Grant i think starting from season 1 is probably best this story is way too convoluted

oh my god it's finally launching!

and i think they gave up they couldnt get it to work together

the seeds weren't working

but they should have been

i got up to go to the fridge but i

didn't make it back

Tom was in here till 4am clicking through things but

at least Austin could play

i had to go sit on the bed

why was your name doing that

with all its beautiful letters?

i couldnt keep my smile contained

i tried to catch it

but it kept leaping out of my face

[nadki]

"They were the worst thing they could be. They were a dragon..."

I'm writing this as a way to 1. cope with my current feelings as a sleep deprived and angry person and 2. rationalise my thoughts

fair warning, i just woke up from a nightmare... you've been warned.

Context: Ive been having trouble sleeping for the past couple months, which has led me to resort to over the counter melatonin to aid with it. it all started one night when i woke up with tachicardia. i went to the doctor, they reassured me i was alright, but in my mind the feeling of inminent dread of sudden death in my sleep was sedimented.

I fear dying in my sleep, because, its so sudden! many people preffer this method because its the most painless and easiest on them i suppose, but I call bs, it just isnt to me! Id rather it never happened, but if death is ought to happen anyway to anyone better it hurt or it be slow, and be aware of what's happening to me, than going to sleep one night all nice and peaceful and then never waking up! i just feel like, there might be nothing on the other side, but that doesnt mean it aint a betrayal, dammit! and dont come at me for summoning my own terrible death! i want to die of old age. Just... i dont know. aware im fucking dying, if i can crave any privileges in life, forget riches, let that be one for me personally...

so anyway, to present day, im taking a melatonin and finally falling asleep an hour later, a.k.a 4am (dont judge me, im on well deserved vacation, staying up late and sleep in is and should be allowed) and its perfect, i fall asleep so soundly, just like that, rain sounds in the bg from my phone, the fan as second white noise (its fucking summer over 30celcius at night in this country) my cats nearby, and i just doze off, its very safe. I began having a nightmare, but it wasnt a fear nightmare but more like a stress nightmare; god knows what it was about, unimportant. When I became aware of it though, I felt stuffed in this tiny little box, just a tiny little box crammed and jampacked into it, there was a narrator talking shit about me, I dont remember exactly his words (because they were all bullshit i guess), all I remember was when he said "and none of the flaws they had could ever be solved, because they were the worst thing they could be, they were a dragon..." and then suddenly my body began to ache, shake and burn like crazy, in dream me realised the human body was too small, it was trying to burn through my flesh and emerge like a parasitic wasp inside a caterpilar's body. Within the dream I could see myself, how my hands began to grow claws, my teeth sharper, my face deformed, my body stretched, all while violently shaking. I woke up half asleep thinking i could just reacomodate but it was all over me, my first stupid, just waking up "rational" thought was "i'm inside a microwave oven, somethin's happening to the universe for these wavelings to be reaching earth through my home" (I heard once being inside a microwave oven makes you feel this tingling burning sensation, it stuck to me forever.) It was all over me! Especially my abdomen and legs, it burnt so bad in the dream i genuinely thought gama rays finally reached the earth to kill us or something. It was so bad indeed, before rationalising it might've been just a panic attack triggered by a nightmare (because its too damn hot in this country right now) I legitimately believed i was turning into the dragon in my dream until i gained enough conciousness to sit up and go to the bathroom.

Now here i am, post panic attack, 3 hours of rest, skin still burning, trying to figure out if the new laundry detergent i bought is giving me a rash, or if i have jaundice of all things for some reason, or if im having a heat stroke, or a bad case or heartburn, or if the heat triggered it, or who knows what.

I hate that nights have been ruined to me after that stupid panic attack months ago... I also hate i did not indeed turn into a dragon. that would've been sick... and worth all the rash...

Upon further inspection after reading and correcting this, i realise it was, indeed, a rash and a bad case of heartburn, which lead to a mid dream panic attack.

god damn it...

that narrator sucked by the way, what a fucking asshole, maybe the rash came from all the gratuituous in-dream roasting he gave me, jesus....

im going back to bed....

[chesters-ocs]

had this rattle around my head and. yeah. idk its fun though i guess :)

wc: 1.1k

The home is silent, cold. The winter was unforgiving, as there was no sunrise to greet any soul, living or dead.

The husbands are in bed, one of whom is fast asleep still. The bedside lamp was left on overnight, as it often is. Visibility is low, but comfortable. Cozy. Homey, as the warm light bathes the room in hues of orange.

An old analog clock ticks loudly on the wall.

Tic.

Tic.

Tic.

4:00 is what it now read. Just the time the inhabitants started rising. Well, a select few, at least.

Blinking awake, Vikram instinctively reached for the smaller man besides him, enveloping him in his arms.

He savored the sort 'prr?' sound which left Sylvester, as he was jostled from his own rest.

He savored how the man looked, half asleep and nearly blind.

He savored every ounce of trust put into him to not be hurt in his sleep.

He savored the way Sylvester nuzzled right into his side.

He savored the complaints of it being too early, too cold.

"Mornin', angel," he mumbles, voice thick with sleep.

"Good morning."

"... 4am?"

"4am," he confirmed, before smiling to himself over the exasperated sigh.

"You know you can go back to sleep, right?" "Fuck you."

Sitting uprights, Vikram pulled the other with him, drawing yet another whine of protest: "Nooo... five more minutes?"

It was impossible not to cave into the sickly sweet, needy tone his husband used, so with a roll of his eyes, he stayed. He would've always stayed.

A hint of mirth sparkled in his dark eyes at the way he oh-so easily purred and melted, just from lightly petting the graying hair on his head.

Tic.

Tic.

Tic.

"Sylvester, we should be getting up now," Vik urged softly, his eyes flickering to the clock. They've been at this for half an hour now, give or take.

Begrudgingly, he nodded, pulling himself away from the most appealing heat source in the home, and sat upright. The loose, black tank top drapes over him like a curtain. And as evidence points, it was clearly borrowed from his husband. There's barely visible shorts underneath the dress-like garment.

Vik's unable to stop a comment escaping him.

"You're hot."

"No, I'm freezing cold over here," Sylvester huffs, reaching for the fuzzy robe he often wore around the home, which had been haphazardly thrown onto the ground the night prior. The robe isn't that large, but still manages to reach past his knees, covering him up nicely.

Watching the frail man wrap it around himself patiently, his husband speaks once more.

"And now?"

"Now I'm the hottest guy alive," Sylvester jokes lightly.

"Can't argue with that," he shrugs, throwing the blanket off his body, and rising, quickly stretching out his stiffened body, awaiting his husband, who leisurely walks around the bed.

The soft tap-tap-tapping of the cane almost soothes him to his very soul.

Opening the bedroom door, neither of them are surprised by the light coming from the kitchen.

"Samuel."

The boy jumps slightly, before looking at his step-father: "Ah?"

"It's four thirty."

Sammy just nods sheepishly, eyes briefly flickering to Sylvester's with a desperate look, wanting him to come to his aid.

"Don't you know it's a little unhealthy to be up so late... And eating?"

"Oh let him be, you know how the kid is," Sylvester mumbles, "Though, Sam, be a dear and put the kettle on?"

Samuel nods once, straying from his half-eaten sandwich, as he pours water into the device and switches it on. Soon, he resumes to his seat, finishing the little snack.

"Night," he says softly, not in the mood to talk, and Sylvester sees him off with a small, tired smile. "Sweet dreams."

All he's met with is the soft footsteps of his son, as he returns to bed. The step-father of the boy frowns disapprovingly.

"Damn kid..."

"Oh don't be like that. He'll grow out of it eventually, Angel."

"He better! It's not good for him to sleep the day away."

"And it's not good for you to worry so much," Sylvester coos, pressing a soft kiss to the cheek of his husband.

Soon, the kettle boils, and turns off, prompting the shorter one to reach in the cabinet for his medication, but is stopped before he can try and get the mugs, which as always, resided in the top cabinet.

"I'll get it!" Vik chimed, moving past his husband, obtaining a cup, while also asking for the tea of choice, "Mint?"

"Yes, thank you," Sylvester nodded tiredly, sitting down, leaning against the countertop, just watching as his husband puts the teabag in and adds water, passing it next to the man at the kitchen island with a spark of worry in his eyes.

"You look tired..."

"I am tired," he mumbles, burrowing his head in his arms, practically draped across the table, "I'm always tired. You know that."

Sighing, Vikram agreed: "I know. How about I go get ready, and you sit here and try to relax," he suggested, "Just... Don't fall asleep at the table again?"

"Yeah yeah. I think you freaked out more than I did though," he smiles, adjusting his glasses, stirring the tea. He, in that moment, decided he'll take the pills when it's cooled off enough.

"As I should have! You were in so much pain afterwards!"

Sylvester shrunk slightly at the reminder, not liking to be reminded of his own foolishness, nor how it almost led to an ambulance being called from the onslaught of aches.

"... Alright, alright. Didn't you say you're gonna get dressed now? As much as I appreciate the view, the house is pretty chilly right now. Might want to get the heaters going too."

"You're just always cold, but you got me there. Be back in a few."

And with that, Sylvester was left alone in the dimly lit kitchen, nursing the tea some more.

After an experimental sip, he deemed it cooled enough to drink, and downed the handful of pills he had with the beverage. With a glance out the window, he realized he could still see the moon. Bright and beautiful as it always was.

He didn't even notice when his thoughts shifted from the celestial wonder to his husband, though, he supposes the two are alike.

Always there in the darkest hours. Most of the time literally, and a few regrettable times, metaphorically.

Sylvester couldn't bring himself to mind it though.

He never would mind the presence of his husband, he decides.

Never.

So he still sat there, waiting for his eventual return.

Tic.

Tic.

Tic.

The smile that comes over him as he hears the creaking of bathroom door opening is unmistakably his own.

"So I'm thinking pancakes?"

"Only if you go pick the berries from out back."

"Deal."

[bubsub69]

Entry 2

14/05/2023 22:47

Well might as well start all entries with how my sleep schedule is, i had an afternoon nap so i might not sleep enough tonight but better than being up at 4am because i tried going to sleep at like 11pm and it went horribly wrong.

Reason for writing today? well while before looking at cute couple stuff like hugging and cuddling would make me cry now a porn video that wasnt even my first time watching made me cry because the couple seemed really happy and having a good time even though the girl was probably laughing cause she ruined the dudes orgasm on his face (video: https://www.redgifs.com/watch/quaintelderlyvireo#rel=tag%3Aruined-orgasm%2Cchastity%2Ca;order=trending)

I guess i should start with yesterday, with the blessing of the folders/briefcases whatever, it was as bad as expected so at least not worse than expectations, a very late start as a lot of people expected followed by a walk a queue to sit down, a small sermon and then speeches from each course. The worst part honestly might have just been the sun, it was blazing hot and i think i got sick from it, my nose was extremely fucked last night and still kinda is. After that we went to have lunch at a crisp 3pm and the food arrived at like 4, thank god my body has a high hunger resistance or i mightve killed someone, i spent a lot of time at the restaurant but at least i got to be with my cousin so it was actually pleasant, at the end we went to the lake garden to take some pictures for some reason and then went home (the for some reason comes from the fact we already had like 40 photos on the camera alone and went to take more).

idk why i wanted to write down what happened yesterday this was supposed to be more about emotions than story but oh well who can stop an autist from rambling.

But going to aforementioned (wow that was the word whos spelling i really had to look up, why am i spellchecking a personal diary? cause fuck you i want to, anyway another autistic rambling aside) emotions, those ribbons made me feel kinda weird when i reread them cause everyone was saying congrats on the hard work and for beating this challenge but i feel like its undeserved cause its not like i put a huge amount of effort studying, i barely passed some stuff which is definetly something im not proud of but yeah i feel like i slacked off most of the year even though ive never missed classes or failed to deliver a project, i guess im just associated with the studying part of school instead of this which is better honestly, even if i get stressed like now where i have a shit ton of stuff to do and am over procastinating as usual, but yeah, a lot of good jobs for a meh performance feels kinda weird.

But enough about school heres an update on D, today is sunday which matches the same day as the day of the call so how was her availability? well she gave me a maybe and then said that apparently her visa is expiring and shes super stressed out, well that seems like something way too complex for an excuse/lie so i believe her more but yeah her moving again is definetely going to make her busy again so i guess no calls for me.

Really feeling like a piece of shit that thats all the care i can muster for it, shes like about to get formally deported and im out here complaining shes too busy for me, and the worst is i decided to get a keyholder on chaster just to satisfy me, it feels like cheating i dont know why, we had some mild texting and a call and ive already like fallen in love and feel like a traitor, but i guess im tired of waiting and it might be for the best to move on if she just wants to stay an acquaintance (well new record for biggest spelling blunder), but yeah i feel like im giving up too soon cause i really liked her and just moving on feels really bad but what can i do when she doesnt show any interest, i mean not only does she not text back she also hasnt asked anything about me, which i guess is kinda fair for most boring person in the world whos hobbies are gaming and youtube, yippy, i guess ill wait again, this time im gonna do a week of no texting to see if she ever sends me something, she will be busy with the moving so she probably wont but oh well whatcha gonna do, not like shed say yes to a call in these circumstances either, i still wish i could help her but i dont think i can just ask dad if he has a contact with the visa man to hurry her process, but i did imagine that cenario

I guess switching to a different type of emotion to put some variety in this yesterday i fucked up the gamepads usb port out of anger but i think i tricked my parents by saying i saved the computer from falling, and on other hardware problem news theres a screw that i think broke the plastic around it so know the case keeps disconnecting from the rest. This was a shitty story but at least its not all about being sad and lonely

Well a bit of a blunder of an ending but oh well heres entry two, if the lady i messaged to be my keyholder replies the update will be here:

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

230 of 2023

What color is your fridge?

White, but all covered in magnets.

Do you like it when guys smell good?

Yeah, I do. I actually love it.

Is your phone mostly on vibrate, silent or ringtone?

It’s on silent all the time.

Do you own black sunglasses?

I don’t own any sunglasses.

Are you currently looking for a job?

No. I have a permanent contract with my company.

Do you watch MTV?

NO, I don’t. This channel is stupid.

How often do you braid your hair?

It’s too short to be braided.

What color is your microwave?

White.

Do you find making a survey hard sometimes?

I don’t make surveys.

Do you wash your face in the morning when you wake up?

Yeah, for waking up properly.

Are you interested in the ocean?

I love the sea and the beach, but is it a full interest? Rather a sentiment, I was born and raised at the sea.

Have you ever wrote a story from beginning to end?

No, I’m not creative.

What’s a big turn on for you?

Guys with beautiful eyes.

Do you wear plaid often?

I don’t wear it at all.

What are you listening to?

I’m watching TV with one eye.

What were you doing at 4am?

Sleeping.

What’s your favorite cereal?

Cheerios.

What’s the last thing you drank?

Multivitamin fruit juice, it’s made of carrot, I guess.

Where is your biological mother right now?

Abroad.

Where is your biological father right now?

Also abroad, together with my mum.

What’s your mood?

Content because my EEG result was much better than before, but also nervous because my doctor decided to decrease the dose of one of my meds.

Are you doing anything tomorrow?

Yeah, physiotherapy. Maybe going somewhere later on.

Do you cry a lot?

I don’t cry at all.

Have you recently?

No, I haven’t.

What’s your favorite candy?

I don’t like sweets.

Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin?

No, I hate pumpkin.

Does your car have a name?

Yeah, I named her Rosie.

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?

No. It’s too early, I need to take the shower and wash my hair from that EEG gel, and take my meds.

Who did you sleep with last night?

My husband.

Wearing any bracelets?

Not right now, but at summer I will wear that chain one, I guess.

What is your favorite color?

Black and green.

What should you be doing right now?

Nothing particular, maybe help my husband with the dishs, but I did half of it yesterday.

How much older is the person you’re currently interested in?

My husband is 18 years older than me, and for two other guys I’m kinda interested in, one is 4 years older, but the other one is 11 years younger.

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

I do, but it’s a boring question.

Have your parents ever caught you drinking?

NO, but they knew I was drinking because my equally drunk friends have carried me home.

Do you love the last boy/girl you were talking to?

Yeah, I do. He’s my husband, after all.

Did you have an exciting last weekend?

No, but I had an exciting week.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?

Yeah. They still don’t know I was sexually abused.

Have you ever flirted with a friend’s crush?

No. I’m just trying to be nice to everyone who deserves it.

Did you have a good birthday this year?

My birthday didn’t come yet.

Do you lead people on?

Somebody said I do, but I don’t think so.

What’s your most recent status on Facebook, and who has liked/commented on it?

I don’t use Facebook.

Think of the last party you went to. How many people had tattoos?

At least half of them had at least one. It’s nothing unusual here.

How do you take your tea or coffee?

Milk and a bit of sugar, but I don’t drink tea.

Have you got any exams coming up? Which is the soonest?

Probably an exam for renewing my certificates at work, but no one knows when yet.

What’s the last thing you bought online?

A pair of jeans, hopefully not too short.

Which of your friends has the most ‘outrageous’ piercing, and what is it?

I think Melanie, she has a microdermal on her cheek.

Do you use StumbleUpon?

I’m aware it exist, but I don’t know what’s its purpose and no, I’ve never used it.

If you use Twitter, who’s tweeted most recently and what did they say?

I don’t use Twitter.

When you’re taking a survey do you flick between the survey and other pages, or do you finish the survey in one go?

I change tabs in my browser, I check emails, I use the graphic software, and I’m kinda multitasking.

Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines?

No and I’m actually not interested.

Who was the last person you ranted about?

Our most disliked coworker.

Last thing to make you laugh?

Seeing that someone placed the word “bazooka” on a sticker in our tools cabinnet at work. We use an air pressure machine that we call bazooka, but it’s just a joke. I still can’t believe our bosses did it 😂

What was the last thing you remember saying sarcastically?

“I love you, too”.

How are you feeling?

Okayish, except for headache.

What were you doing before this?

I was at the hospital, and then at the grocery store.

What’s the favourite thing about the place you work?

Almost everything. The job itself, my workmates, the atmosphere.

Are you good friends with your girl friends’ boyfriends?

I’m mostly frinds with guys and most of them is married.

[thewild--flower]

[Translation] Code: Realize Future Blessings Short Story - Victor Frankenstein

Source: Code:Realize Future Blessings Stella Set Exclusive Booklet

Scan credit: Kou

Summary: Victor falls asleep after spending all night researching only to make a startling discovery.

Page 09     Victor Frankenstein

Midnight.

'Now then, today I think I'd like to do a bit more research on anesthetics. After all, if I can utilize them effectively, we can completely render our enemies powerless…..'

2am.

'Hm….. as expected, it really is too strong….. At the very least, I have to adjust the concentration so that there are no after-effects…..'

4am.

'Huaaah…..uff….. Guess we can't be using something this volatile in actual combat, huh. Which means, I need to think about whether to change the method of application or investigate other uses…..

6am.

'.....Ugh…..so…..sleepy…..! B-but….. just a little longer, I feel like I'm almost onto some…..thing…..'

Fighting against the wave of drowsiness that hit me, I took off my glasses and massaged my eyes. Taking a quick glance at my watch, I realized it was already around the time when it wouldn't be unusual for the others to be up and about. I, Victor Frankenstein, who had been sitting down working since the night before, collapsed forward onto my desk with a thud and breathed a deep sigh.

'Oh no….. Even though I know I shouldn't, I've pulled another all-nighter…..'

Completely forgetting about the time when concentrating on research was a bad habit of mine ever since my Royal Society days. With a light sigh, I pressed my cheek closer against the desk and closed my eyes.

'Ahh….. it's so….. nice and cool…..'

I knew that I really should just go to bed, but unfortunately, right now I just couldn't quite work up the energy….. s-since it had come to this, there was no helping it. A moment. Just for a moment—.

I'll take a quick nap here at my desk.

5 minutes. No, 10 minutes. Once I'd taken a quick nap for just 10 minutes….I'd get changed…..

And then………… get….. into….. bed…..

…..

…………

———————.

' ——————Huh!?'

Waking up in a panic, I thrust aside the blanket that had been covering me.

The sun was high up in the sky.

That alone told me that my plan to nap 'just for a moment' was completely in tatters.

'Aaaah…..! I really am…..! Sigh….. 

I've really done it now….. And it was only meant to be 5 minutes…..'

Completely exhausted, I got out of bed and put my hand to the buttons on my pyjamas.

….. At that moment, a feeling of uneasiness I couldn't quite shake brought me to a standstill.

'Huh? Come to think of it, when did I change into my pyjamas…..?'

And now that I was at it, I didn't have any memory of getting into bed either.

Still puzzled, I stretched out my hand to put on my glasses.

On the table, together with my familiar looking glasses….. a note written on a single piece of paper had been left, wedged in between them.

The contents of the note read:

'To Victor. When you go to sleep, make sure it's in a proper bed.'

'.....Um….'

Little by little my brain was starting to return to its normal operating capacity. 

At the same time, memories that I was probably happier not recalling, gradually began to trickle into my mind.

'Victor. Wake up, Victor.'

'.....Mnnn…..just…. five more minutes…. '

'If you're really tired, it's OK to sleep. But you gotta get changed and get into bed first.'

'..........Mnn~.....'

'Come on, Victor. Can you get changed?'

'.....Uuh…..I can't…..'

In other words.

After I had fallen asleep face-down at my desk, Cardia had—

'PS. I've put the clothes you were wearing out for washing. —Cardia.'

'?!'

In a total panic, I changed out of my pyjamas and threw on my coat.

And then, just like that, I dashed out of my room at top-speed.

The hallway. Not there.

The parlour. Not there.

Her room. Not there…..!

'C-Cardia!?'

Out of breath, I finally found her in the dining room. 

There she was, gathering the dishes from the table. At the sound of my voice she slowly turned around.

'Ah….. Victor.'

'U-Um, that is…..About what occurred last night…..?'

'Sorry Victor. When I'm done here, I've got to go do the laundry with Saint-Germain.'

Her eyes had been completely turned away from me.

Beginning to walk off as if to avoid me, who had started speaking formally for some reason, Cardia spoke quietly.

'.............But, I just think it's wrong to ask a girl to "Take them off for me?"'

'Wh-whaaaaat!? What exactly did I say when I was half-asleep!? No, what exactly did I do—!?'

I desperately chased after Cardia, as she rapidly walked away at a brisk pace.

[lutawolf]

oh! hi Luta~ 4am thoughts have reminded of a question i've had, that i have tried to find the answer for on the internet, but failed. so i am a big brat lover, all my fav characters are bratty or have sharp tongues or more mischievous. i am also really into kpop, and all my favourite group members are either the designated brat or super mischievous. and its like, that's what I want, in my heart of hearts, but i feel like i can't. i have a really really big deep fear of saying the wrong things and making people hate me more than I already hate myself (which i've gotten to a point where i can maybe say i don't hate myself on someday, so improvement!) but even with close friends, I hold back and never get playful or poke fun. even with your blog, ngl, I read your rule about always saying at least "Hi Luta" and I immediately want to do the opposite like a dumbass jfuisbxjanzjjre. so ... are like, broken brats a thing? bc that's what i feel like i guess. i also feel like a fake human most of the time, biggest of imposters. i exist in a state on constant fear, and like, i don't fight or flight, i freeze like a deer in the headlights. and that freezing and fear is the thing that's kept me alive probably, and i think i want out of it. but what if i am just a fake wannabe brat?? ???? is that possible??? but i guess mostly i wanna know if broken brats are a thing and can they be fixed. sorry for the wall of text, my brain isn't letting me break it up bc i need a physical representation that somewhat matches my thoughts in my head. tysm for reading this far if you did. sorry for being weird on main.

Hey nonnie,

We need to address a few things you said. That honestly have me concerned.

A) It's normal to feel some struggles concerning how we view ourselves. On loving ourselves but it should be surface level not any further.

B) Dove, you are more than surface level. The kink community is not where you fix this. It's incredibly unfair to not only yourself but a Dom who would try.

C) You have a problem with authority and it has nothing to do with being a brat. There isn't a brat who respects me that has an issue addressing me. Even a a good Dominant isn't going to have an issue because it's a sign of respect.

The dangers of you entering the kink community at this point. You would push a Dom to either using their's or your safe word. If you didn't freeze and not use your safe word at all. That is never the goal of a true Dom or submissive. We aren't here to hurt each other or break people but instead help find stability. A submissive, even a brat wants to serve and please. It's not about pushing authority until someone snaps. Even if one wants to be punished it isn't done like that. Even if you aren't concerned about yourself, think of the trauma you could cause a Dom.

What I'm hearing from you is you want to fight authority. Even if you respect it. You are seeking punishment. This usually means that authority figures have repeatedly failed you all while keeping control. So you are now spiraling because you neither want control but can't trust to give it up.

The “freeze” response happens when our brain decides we cannot take on the threat nor are we able to escape. Those with a freeze response have high anxiety. Freezing releases endorphins which serve to calm the body and are also pain relievers. Why would you need pain relief? Because freezing allows one to block out scary experiences that are too difficult to process.

Are you broken? No, but maybe a little cracked and in need of tlc. I once was actually broken but now I'm a survivor. Maybe I have to carry around peppermint to sniff and say the mantra "This Too Shall Pass" but I love and am loved. I also love myself.. now. I don't know what you have been through. I won't even try to guess based off the little I know. What I do know, is for you to have written this and started thinking about the future, that you're stronger than you think. You just need some tlc 🕊 Then we can work on the kink community part.

I wish you the best. Let know if there is anything I can do to help. 💜💜💜

[untitledarea]

Untitled's Prompt Writing - Generic

This 1/3 list of Prompts that I would like to do writing on Steve Harrington (I know, I'm biased. Sue Me.)

18/1/23 - Change of plans more bois are coming into the picture 😆

All of the lists will be credited to @justforshitsandcackles - I just changed some of them to fit to the universes I will write about. I'll roll a dice thrice to know who will I do the story about, what genre and number I do.  

There will be no requests, but I could change my mind over time :3

1.     “You know we’re meant to be.”

2.     “The thought of losing you scares me.”

3.     “Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”

4.     “You’re staring again.”

5.     “Wow. you look stunning.”

6.     “What are you doing here? It’s late.”

7.     “I missed you so much.”

8.     “Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.”

9.     “Mine.”

10.   “I’m going to marry you one day.”

11.   “You cant banish me! This is my bed/bedroom too!”

12.   “You’re seriously like a man-child.”

13.   “Stop being so cute.”

14.   “I feel like i cant breathe when i’m around you.”

15.   “It was a joke, baby. I swear.”

16.   “Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?”

17.   “Will you just hold me?”

18.   “What do you have behind your back?”

19.   “Not to toot my own horn or anything, but the dog loves me more.”

20.   “You look really good in my sweater.”

21.   “No, i’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.”

22.   “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

23.   “You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this.”

24.   “Lets just stay in bed.”

25.   “Is that my shirt?”

26.   “No, like..its just, i cant believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

27.   “Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles?”

28.   “Are you planning to stay glued to my side the whole day?”

29.   “Wow- you look…amazing.”

30.   “I’m not jealous! Its just..you’re mine!”

31.   “You snuck into my room, at 4am…to cuddle?”

32.   “This is gonna sound cheesy but….I love when you’re half asleep and talking nonsense.”

33.   “What? No! I wasn’t staring…I-I was looking at something behind you!”

34.   “Stop being so cute.”

35.   “Tell me again.”

36.   “Can’t you stay a little longer?”

37.   “Because i love you god damnit!”

38.   “Wait a minute.. are you jealous?”

39.   “I really want to kiss you right now.” || “Then do it.”

40.   “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

41.   “I heard that!” || “You were supposed to!”

42.   “I turned out liking you a lot more than i originally planned.”

43.   “Even when we were kids, i always kicked your ass!”

44.   “Why should we date?” || “Because we’re attracted to each other.” || “I’m attracted to pie, but i do not feel the need to date pie.”

45.   “Where have you been all my life?” || “Hiding from you.”

46.   “Somehow, i always seem to end up here. With you.” || “Soulmate shit, it’s hardcore as hell.”

47.   “I love you.” || “Thats nice.”

48.   “How do i look?”

49.   “If i didn’t know you better, i’d say you were trying to flirt by giving me books.”

50.   “No! It’s your turn!”

51.   “Enjoying the view, beautiful?”

52.   “Be careful, he’s so sweet you might get diabetes.”

53.   “I cant sleep without you. I need my personal body heater and cuddles.”

54.   “How am i supposed to spoil you when you wont accept my gifts?”

55.   “While i do enjoy the silent treatment, i wasn’t aware i had done anything to you.”

56.   “What, you’ve never thought about us?”

57.   “Why is your hand sweating so much?”

58.   “So, we’re just going to ignore the fact that you drunk-dialed me to tell me you love me?”

59.   “Im pretty sure your mom hates me.”

60.   “You’re such a fun drunk.”

61.   “Since my dog likes you then i guess i like you.”

62.   “Tell them to fuck off.”

63.   “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”

64.   “I want to strangle you 99% of the time.”

65.   “Could you not suck for five minutes?”

66.   “The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”

67.   “You can’t banish me! This is my bed/bedroom too!”

68.   “You’re seriously like a man-child.”

69.   “Well thats tragic.”

70.   “I’m too sober for this.”

71.   “You are actually insane!”

72.   “I think you’re actually satan.”

73.   “It’s like -50 degrees in here.”

74.   “Laugh at my jokes! They’re funny and you know it!”

75.   “Sorry isn’t going to help when i kick your ass!”

76.   “Don’t let one of them electrocute themselves or something.”

77.   “Holy shit! That thing is huge!”

78.   “Don’t kink shame me.”

79.   “I hope i’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”

80.   “I just cleaned that!”

81.   “Don’t get sassy with me!”

82.   “What do you have behind your back?”

83.   “If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.”

84.   “Not to toot my own horn or anything, but the dog loves me more.”

85.   “I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.”

86.   “Bite me.”

87.   “If you insist.”

88.   “Im not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

89.   “I need you to be my fake girlfriend/boyfriend.”

90.   “Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles?”

91.   “You snuck into my room, at 4am..to cuddle?”

92.   “If we get caught i’m blaming you.”

93.   “What? No! I wasn’t staring..i-i was looking at something behind you!”

94.   “I locked the keys in the car.”

95.   “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

96.   “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

97.   “Define normal.”

98.   “Do i get bonus points if i act like i care?”

99.   “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and i don’t speak english.”

100.    “Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”

101.    “And you wonder why you’re single.”

102.    “Remind me to kill you. Please.”

103.    “I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”

104.    “She’s crazy. and just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, theres a crazy underground garage.”

105.    “Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”

106.    “My middle finger salutes you.”

107.    “I don’t think i could ever stab someone. I mean, lets be honest, i can barely get the straw in the capri sun.”

108.    “I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how i feel.”

109.    “Somebodys cranky.”

110.    “Somebody needs to shut up.” 

111.    “All due respect but thats a bunch of crap.”

112.    “I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

113.    “Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

114.    “What did i tell you about calling him/her the devil?”

115.    “That it’s offensive to the devil?”

116.    “I heard that!”

117.    “You were supposed to!”

118.    “I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”

119.    “If history repeats itself, i am so getting a dinosaur.”

120.    “You seem somewhat familiar. have i threatened you before?”

121.    “Even when we were kids, i always kicked your ass!”

122.    “Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

123.    “Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

124.    “She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

125.    “Do i regret it? Yes. Would i do it again? Probably.”

126.    “You’re going to burn in a very special level in hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers, and people who talk at the theater.”

127.    “I’m not a damsel in distress. i’m a damsel doing damage.”

128.    “Sometimes i question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”

129.    “Why should we date?”

130.    “Because we’re attracted to each other.”

131.    “I am attracted to pie, but i do not feel the need to date pie.”

132.    “Why does everyone assume the worst of me.”

133.    “It saves time.”

134.    “You’ve successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”

135.    “Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.”

136.    “Wow somebody needs a happy meal.”

137.    “I didn’t do it!”

138.    “Then why are you laughing?”

139.    “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

140.    “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

141.    “You couldn’t handle me even if i came with instructions.”

142.    “Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”

143.    “I’m so glad you could come.”

144.    “Cut the crap. give me a drink.”

145.    “Where have you been all my life?”

146.    “Hiding from you.”

147.    “I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but...no.”

148.    “If you pull out my earphones, i will pull out your lungs.”

149.    “Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. thats cute.”

150.    “I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”

151.    “My ex? Yeah id still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or a baseball bat.”

152.    “Such big evil in such a little thing.”

153.    “For the love of fuck.”

154.    “Yep, thats me. i love to fuck.”

155.    “Are you ready to go?”

156.    “Yeah. let me grab my machete.”

157.    “We’re going to sephora. no machetes needed.”

158.    Clears throat seriously, “Yas bitch.”

159.    “No road trip is complete without the snacks. So go in there and buy everything you can fit in a tiny cart.”

160.    “I’m all for making you miserable by being insufferable, but unfortunately i have things to do today.”

161.    “Come on, you can help me make conspiracy theories. If you make an especially good one, ill pay for dinner.”

162.    “You know what? Why not? I haven’t ruined my life yet this week. Lets go.”

163.    “Do these dark circles under my eyes say nothing to you about how i am doing?”

164.    “If i didn’t know you better, id say you were trying to flirt by giving me books.”

165.    “What are you talking about? Im hilarious!”

166.    “Duct tape? Duct tape is not going to fix this!”

167.    “What did you think? That you were going to fight him?”

168.    “You’re blocking the view.”

169.    “I am the view.”

170.    “Why are you on the floor?”

171.    “Tying my shoe.”

172.    “You’re wearing rain-boots.”

173.    “Cant stop me from slaying!”

174.    “Close your eyes and imagine it, all the dogs in the world.”

175.    “Be careful, he’s so sweet you might get diabetes.”

176.    “Would you reconsider if i was sober?”

177.    “Stop running i’m wearing flip flops!”

178.    “Why are you holding your boobs?”

179.    “I wouldn’t call it stalking, more like far distance admiring.”

180.    “You need to stop making her laugh! you’re ruining her makeup!”

181.    “I’m sure i can get some kind of sexual gratification from just staring at him if i try hard enough.”

182.    “I’m not sure if its a sexual thing or not.”

183.    “I’m either in the mood for french fries or to rip someone’s head off. Hmmm. decisions, decisions.”

184.    “If you’re not out of the shower in the next five minutes, i’m going to cut your fucking hair off to make your life quicker.”

185.    “No, i will not dress up as a chicken.”

186.    “I never told my extended family that we broke up, and now they want to know when you’re coming over for dinner again.”

187.    “I need a date to my relatives wedding, and i’ve already asked literally everyone else i know, so i know you probably hate me, but please say yes. Otherwise they’ll try to set me up with someone, and they have awful taste.”

188.    “One more sound and i swear to-”

189.    “Sometimes when (name) texts me, i just pretend they didn’t so i don’t have to respond.”

190.    “You gave our pigeon boyfriend the wrong beans!”

191.    “If i’m like 50 and still single, ill marry you because tax benefits.”

192.    “Please, never have children.”

193.    “I know its like 11pm, but i’m on my way to your house with nacho fries.”

194.    “Sometimes i wish i was gay so i wouldn’t have to deal with all these dumbass boys.

195.    “You know, would’ve been nice if you told me your whole ass family was coming to this dinner! I look like a troll.”

196.    “Im going to the party to pet the dog, no thanks drugs.”

197.    “I hope in college i get some excuse to deck him. Maybe with a bottle or something, ill wing it and be like “oops, sorry shithead, my hand slipped.”

198.    “What is this shit...i’m just trying to graduate.”

199.    “Ooo, i sense attitude in your tone.”

200.    “Guess who only got two hours of sleep? Me, lol, i’m gonna die.“

201.    “I’m gonna strangle you.”

202.    “Is that a threat or a promise?”

203.    “Superheroes aren’t allowed in my house, especially after they’ve destroyed my living room. go away.”

204.    “oh you’re coming. even if i have to drag you through the snow in your pajamas.”

205.    “i swear you’re gonna end up getting like botox in your tits or something.”

206.    “well i mean-”

207.    “whAT DO YOU MEAN?!”

[jackiewepps]

Jackie in Japan - Kyoto (First Visit)

I made a post on my second visit to Kyoto the other day, which you can read here. In connection to this, I asked whether people would like to read about my first visit and @solarsavoy wanted to. So, here we are.

This post is based off of my diary entries from Saturday February 3 and Sunday February 4 2018. I didn't know as much about Japan and Japanese culture as I do now. I wasn't as good a writer either. But you won't see this. This is a translated and filtered version of my experiences, combined with what memories I have.

Like with my second visit, I arrived in Kyoto by shinkansen, but from the direction of Tokyo instead of Fukuoka. We had been up at 4am to catch that train at.. around 6am or so, maybe a bit earlier than that. We were 8 coming from Tokyo and then we had a local guide for each day. Our first guide was a guy who could speak English really well. As my Japanese wasn't as good at the time, he was easier to talk to.

We started out by visiting Fushimi Inari Taisha, the shrine I finished my last visit by going to. Our guide taught us how to pray at a shinto shrine. Throw in a coin (5 yen is best for good fortune). Then you have to clap twice and bow twice (I keep forgetting the order!) then you make your wish and bow once more. There is a mountain on the shrine grounds and some in my group climbed it, but I didn't feel like it and stayed behind. I wasn't the only one in my group who did that. Our guide stayed with us.

After this and after having lunch, we went to Kiyomizudera (Kiyomizu temple). What I remember best is the huge crowd. There were so many people. We had to pay to get in, I got in for free because the rules on whether disabled people get free entry or not seem a bit vague, and I guess the guy I had to pay felt pity on me or something. There were 3... springs or fountains. I don't remember the English word used then. Each would give you luck within one aspect. One is for health, one is for love and the third is for studies. We were told that if we drank from all 3, it would turn into misfortune instead. That makes sense, considering all the Japanese folktales about greed.

Around Kiyomizudera we also saw a lot of people in kimono. I asked the guide why so many wore them here and he said that Kyoto is the only place where it is not considered weird to wear kimono normally as there is a mix between traditional and modern culture in this city that is not seen as clearly anywhere else.

We did go to another shrine as night was about to fall, but I don't remember what it's called. I just remember we went up a bunch of stairs to get there, and there were many lanterns under a roof. I have a picture of it though. Believe me, I've tried to find out what it's called.

On the folowing day we went to Kinkaku-ji (Kinkaku temple) which is painted completely gold. It's by a pond and looks really beautiful. There was also a hole where people could try to throw in coins for luck. I should have thrown 5-yen-coins, but I knew there was no way I would hit that hole, so I just threw a couple of 1-yen coins. I did draw a fortune though. I'm sure some of you have seen how people do that in anime. I got "half luck".

We then went to Ryouanji, which is most famous for its stone garden. I have heard it said that people say there are 15 stones in the garden, but one can only ever count 14. People also took pictures of a room inside the building. If someone can tell me why that was, I'm willing to learn.

We went home after that. I only really remember the first two places clearly. The rest are a bit of a blur. I was too exhausted after that to do anything and spent a few days picking the pieces of myself up and gluing them back together. Thinking on it like that, I'm glad I went, but I'm even gladder that I went back the other day. And I probably should go back again in the future.

[awsuntanz]

a ramble about helium chapter 4 (and dakota’s wonderful characterization)

its 4am, forgive me for any mistakes. i’ve never written anything like this before, aha.

All of these quotes are from Chapter 4 of @heytherestilinski‘s fic Helium!

The way Dakota (the author) fleshes out conflict and allows their painfully realistic characterization to shine is so...perfect. I find myself heavily relating to Dream, George, and even Sapnap at times. 

Here are some lines that I didn’t think would stick out to me (but did):

After a quiet moment, to his soaring heart’s approval, George speaks up again.

This entire kitchen scene portrays that feeling of having a conversation with someone who matters to you. Whether it would classify as something important to someone else or not is irrelevant- to you, in that moment, it feels like you’re holding the world. It’s soft, and tender. You don’t want it to fall flat. You don’t want to let it go. (This scene may or may not have encouraged me to say goodnight to a special someone I was thinking of while reading this).

Sapnap dumps the responsibility of the cart back onto Dream. As he walks past him, he says, “You suck at flirting.”

I really enjoyed the stupid banter between Dream and Sapnap at the grocery store. It not only served as some nice comic relief that kept our guard down before the conflict at the end of the chapter, but it’s also something us readers would definitely hear from (and say to) our friends in real life. Good comic relief is something that eases us in naturally and allows us to immerse ourselves and enjoy the moment while maintaining that element of surprise that keeps us interested :)

He turns away from Dream. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Dream may be less controlled in his emotions and impulses, but he is very open in sharing them. George has more of a filter on everything. Controlled. Not wanting to push Dream (or maybe even himself) off the edge.

“You wanted to this morning,” he says, low.

“Yeah, because we were in your house, not the middle of the grocery store.”  

Rejection. Denial. George’s response holds some truth to it, but comes off as a haphazard excuse at the same time. He doesn’t appreciate the way Dream pushes for that direct confrontation and frankness when it comes to approaching their situation (and honestly? Neither would I). 

George halts to face him again, with a half-whisper, “Not exactly the best place to ambush me, Dream.” 

I like the use of the word ambush here because of the strong negative connotation it implies. It’s as if he’s saying that Dream sought out to make him uncomfortable. As if this was pre-planned and intentional, and not another one one of his silly impulses.

Dream stares at him wildly. “I didn’t ambush you. You brought up your expectations, not me.” His voice grows tight. “Are you seriously still going to act like this?”

We’ve had enough of “Dream, why? Dream, no! Dream, quit being an idiot!” from the readers. This time, he takes that blame and tosses it over to George instead. Conflict grows stronger.

“Like I’m—I’m this stumbling idiot who forces you into every bad situation,” he says. “It’s exhausting, and doesn't make me feel good about myself, and—” He runs a trembling hand through his hair. “It’d be nice if you took some responsibility, for once. That’s all.”

God, I’m so guilty of how George does this to Dream. Taking responsibility isn’t very fun when you feel like the other person is constantly making irrational, immature, and as we’ve established earlier, overall impulsive decisions when it comes to what they say and do. We assume that the other person should be able to understand us- We’ve put up with them for all this time, haven’t we?

Realizing that having a mentality like this is toxic and draining to the other person as well is... difficult. It’s difficult to remember that they’re trying, and that they genuinely care about you too. The very same things that make them irritating are what make them a loving and caring person as well. It takes growth from the both of you to learn and understand each other. And growth takes time.

It’s 4AM at the time I’m writing this, and I’m far too tired to quote the entire phone scene, so I’m going to assume you’ve read it. 

A few lines from George:

“Can...can you stay on, for a bit? Can we just talk?”

“Please, Dream.”

“I just want to hear your voice.”

A few lines from Dream:

“George.”

“Stop,” he warned. “Stop that.”

“Don’t say that.”  //  “What is wrong with you?”

“Fuck, George. Why are you doing this to me?”

The reason Dream brings this up is because it highlights a moment where their general character roles in the fic are switched. In this scenario, it highlights a moment of hypocrisy. George is desperate, and vulnerable. The phone call dialogue showcases him doing something that he knows he shouldn’t be doing. “Can we not talk about this? Can we pretend this phone call didn’t happen?”

Now, plenty of ugly nights and long weeks later, he steps closer to George in the grocery aisle as an unconcerned passerby skirts around their cart and conflict.  

I’m not sure why I like this line. It feels like a gentle reminder that in the grand scheme of things, your conflict is small. Insignificant to the rest of the world, mattering to you two and only you two. Makes everything a bit more personal, I guess.

He looms over him, wishing he could melt the bristling anger from his brown eyes, and wishing he had it in himself to be angry, too.

I relate to both sides of this. That gut-wrenching feeling of not being able to find your own anger at someone who is angry at you. The feeling of knowing that your anger is frustrating and hurting someone else, too. Either way, it feels absolutely terrible.

“You called me,” Dream recounts, even though he can tell George remembers it as vividly as he. “You talked to me.” He lets out a short, frustrated breath. “Then you got mad at me the next morning, and iced me out.”

Doing the same thing that you hated the other person for doing, and taking it out on them afterwards. Yeah.

(dakota. dream. can you pls stop calling me out through george i would really really really appreciate it thank u) /hj /lh 

“Because you let it happen,” George says, but he looks more vulnerable than before.

blame game here we go againnnnn

Dream stares down at him. “So it’s all on my shoulders,” he reiterates flatly. “It’s all my responsibility, now?” 

“Yes,” George spits, his sharpness startling them both. He meets Dream's gaze, unwavering, and recollects himself with a deep breath.

 “Yes. Because you made it your responsibility, when you sent me that text.”

George was ready to throw that blame right back into Dream’s face. When I saw that whole scene in Heat Waves, I realized how much I related to George in that particular situation. I knew it would come back, somehow. George wouldn’t be able to let something as huge as that, something that shifted the entire course of their relationship...slide so easily. Even with Dream’s eventual promise to work on himself. The whole time, I was thinking, “He’s too nice. He’s too patient,” and, “I wouldn’t be that nice. I wouldn’t be that patient. Not on the inside, at least.”

And you didn’t fail me. That final jab, although relatable- It hurt.

Now that the screens are off, the distance is gone, and the barriers are thinner than ever before, George’s flaws are becoming more transparent. We start to see other parts of his character that had only been foreshadowed in your previous work. I had no idea how Helium would unfold at the beginning, but I’m now very sure that you did not disappoint.

Seeing how you’ve evolved as a writer in both more subtle and more noticeable ways has been awesome :) I’m excited for the next chapter.