#it's working Bruce is so confused

[internetgiraffekid1673]

No wait, I got carried away in the tags on a reblog, I need to talk about the Batkids sharing clothes in a real post.

So I fully believe that Dick and Babs shared clothes as a couple and then continued sharing clothes afterwards because even when they're on an off cycle of their on-and-off relationship, you cannot tell from an outside perspective.

I haven't read Cass' Batgirl run yet, but I'm fairly certain it's canon that she's getting most of her clothes from Babs. I then also believe that Steph started taking her shopping and sharing her clothes with Cass when they became friends.

This was also when Steph and Tim are besties and dating, they are absolutely sharing clothes with each other. And Tim is already being a Little Brother TM and stealing Dick's clothes.

Tim and Cass start stealing each other's clothes when they get close in the aftermath of Steph's death, partially because Cass just thinks this is how you acquire new clothing and partially because it's habit from being friends with Steph.

Then Steph comes back to life and gets mentored by Babs and starts leaving her clothes at Babs' place and stealing shit from Babs.

Then there's also the TimKon and the general Young Justice clothes sharing to consider, not to mention Cass stealing Kon's clothes when they dated.

And then there's Tim and Bernard sharing clothes. . .

This isn't even factoring in Jason's clothes getting thrown into the mix when he gets closer with the Bats, or the OG Titans and their off-the-wall levels of intimacy.

All this to say, I think at some point, Bruce Wayne walked into a room with Bernard Dowd and noticed him wearing Babs' T-shirt, Kon's hoodie, Dick's sweatpants, Steph's fuzzy socks, and Cass' shoes and just stared at the kid for a solid 3 minutes before he gave up trying to figure out how Bernard got all these people's clothes.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

A bit of dream and time magic become tangled on accident and result in robin!Jason sharing a dreamscape with one of the batfam post Ethiopia.

They can’t talk to or hear each other. They can only see each other.

It takes a while for the future Bat in question to figure out this is not just a nice dream where they get to spend time with a happy, carefree, safe Jason. And now it’s a race against time to find a way to convince him not to go to Ethiopia without using words. :)

[imashittalkingmushroom]

A part of the reason I love the idea of twobats so much is because I love the idea of the tragedy happening in the first year or two of Robin. Like. Little Dick Grayson, warming up to not only bruce, but Harvey too, who always comes over and reads to him, teases Bruce, and shows dick all of the fun little ways and places Bruce and he used to sneak off to for mischief around the manor.

Like, Dick looking back on it and remembering him fondly while also remembering Harvey's downfall-- How scary, as a child, to have trusted someone so much and watch them become a shadow of themselves so sharply, and to even have to fight them at their worst. To ask Bruce every time he came back from an arkham visit how Harvey's doing and knowing he's not old enough to be able to visit his uncle Harvey himself because the man is dangerous.

And I even imagine, sometimes, Dick standing outside of Bruce's office during the time Harvey spent in the hospital and overhearing Bruce talk to alfred about how scared he is for his friend. Bruce whispering, "He means everything to me, Alfred. What am I supposed to do without him?" And dick, outside the door, clutching a stuffed Zitka and feeling just as lost.

Like, I love the idea of dad!harv, but in my head it's always been for Dick.

[sarcasticslytherin-sassyserpent]

Harry Potter x DC x Danny Phantom prompt idea

Okay so I haven't seen Danny Phantom in years but I've gotten big into Danny Phantom x DC crossovers lately thanks to tiktok (r.i.p), anyways before that I'd gotten big into Harry Potter x DC crossovers. I've even written a couple myself on ao3.

Anyways, last night, I got this idea for a 3 way crossover with Harry, Jason, and Danny. Harry would be the Master of Death, and Danny would be the Ghost King. Both of them would, for some reason or another, end up in Gotham and come across Jason, whether when he's a civilian or as Red Hood would be up to you. Whether Danny and Harry met first and then become friends before Jason comes in, it's up to you, but I do like the idea.

Maybe they're roommates at university and then are dancing around the sexual tension between them or something when Jason or Red Hood appears, and both are sold instantly. They need to drag Jason in and make themselves a throuple. Bonus points for both Harry and Danny looking like unassuming small twinks while Jason is the absolute tank of a man utterly besotted with two guys who honestly look a bit like drowned wet rats or something compared to him.

Danny, of course, would be doing a degree with aerospace engineering or any other space related degree you want to give him. I'm not sure on Harry, but I also want to throw out like over half of the bullshit from the series. He'd actually be smart and, for one, not have taken divination. I personally prefer the fics where he's in runes and arthimancy too but especially runes. Honestly, come up with whatever degree you want but I'd have it where he'd also managed to get his muggle education along with Wizarding one, he could do that after the war and before coming to Gotham if you want.

Honestly, I just really want a Harry, Danny, and Jason fic of three fucking nerds in love and stressing out Bruce because what do you mean his other son has two boyfriends as well as both of them are fucking eldritch beings that scare John Constantine who does everything in his power to avoid the two. Bonus points if you have Tim, Kon, and Bernard decide that it has become some sort of game between the two throuples to cause Bruce so much stress and panic. Oh, even more bonus points if both Alfred and Damian are aware of the Wizarding world so Alfred ends up dotting a little extra on Harry while Damian tries to work out how Harry ended up with an idiot but at least it's not Tim.

Just an idea. If you happen to write it, tag me and let me know. I'd love to read it.

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

Tim is one of those kids that can use their mom voice on their mom except the mom in this case is Bruce

[lemonsherbertzzz]

Not completely sure how it works but you guys know how your hearings the last thing to go when you die I think it last for seven minutes or something

Do u think Jason could hear the aftermath of his death, he could hear Bruce quiet mourning for the son he held in his arms. Do u think he could just hear the all most shellshocked atmospher

.haven’t read death in the family yet will very soon tho (: so I don’t know exactly what happens after he dies but do u think he could hear Bruce’s feet crunching against the rubble of the building as he walked to the Batmobile, the clicking of the door and Bruce strapping in his sons dead body in, because just since he is dead doesn’t mean he wants anything else to happen to him.

Do u think it just went silent, not because his hearing has stop yet but because Bruce’s quiet mourning has gone completely silent suffocating the air around them.

Do u think he would remember that, one of the first things he remembers after he’s is revived is just the sound of his deaths immediate aftermath, do u think he would tell anyone would it be something he revealed on one of those late night patrol talks after him and Bruce reconcile

Idk just something I was thinking about yesterday

[roseworth]

the only people that say that comic books arent hard to get into are the people that have been reading them since they were a kid. and the only people that say that comic books are too hard to get into so you shouldnt try are the people that have never bothered opening a comic book.

[wesavegotham]

The different parts of Gotham War not lining up at all in terms of plot, character motivation and characterization is bad enough, but now that DC is suddenly trying to explain when other titles like Detective Comics and Batman and Robin are taking place in relation to Gotham War it gets even worse because now all of these storylines make so much less sense too.

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Honestly fascinated learning more of the fanon vs canon going on here. Truly tempted to read Tim's comics just to see the extent of what's been done to him

[crazyw3irdo]

saw jaws for the first time today and i can’t believe despite knowing so much about it through cultural osmosis i had no clue matt hooper existed and i love that funky little guy

[lbjeff]

Later at the Manor:

Damian: Father! Sign it, please *hand a papers*

Bruce very confused: Why would I sign a “not adopt people” commitment? Damian, it has been a year since the last time i adopted someone

Damian: But I need to make sure you not gonna adopt Danny Fenton or his siblings before I could ask him to marry me, that may makes thing complicated. I just want to be extra careful, Father. After all, Danny really is a temptation.

Bruce: What?! What does that mean….

Tim *join in suddenly*: Danny Fenton? Like Dan Fenton’s brother?

Damian: yes, his brother works at Wayne

Tim *hand Bruce the paper that look almost like Damian’s*: Sign this too, Bruce. I just want to make sure you don’t make my favorite employee become my sibling

Dick and Jason watch everything happen and smell something interesting is going on

Dick *hold Damian*: No Bruce! Don’t sign it!

Jason *crossed his arms, looks amused*: Yeah, don’t sign it old man! Why not more siblings?

Then Tim looks at Jason: Their sisters’s name are Jazz Fenton and Dani Fenton

Jason *launch himself at Bruce*: Sign it now, old man! No, give me your fingerprint

And Dick, he is holding Bruce and hands his brothers an ink jar to get the fingerprints

Teacher: Class, we have a new student joining us today. Danny, could you tell us a little about yourself? Danny, standing up: Ugh, okay. My name is Danny Fenton. I'm from Amity Park, Illinois. I moved to Gotham with my siblings. Teacher: That's lovely, Danny. Do you have any hobbies? Danny: I like to stargaze, but it's tricky here in Gotham to see them. Teacher waiting for more: *Stare* Classroom: *stare* Danny panics as the class stares at him. I also really liked helping Dan with his experiments. Teacher: Who's Dan? Danny: He's my eldest brother. He got a job at Wayne Labs three months ago, so we moved. Classmate: What kind of experiments do you guys do? Danny: Dan's a chemist. He likes to create antidotes to various poisons or toxic substances. Last month, he made the new Anti-Fear Gass Antidote! Classmate: *scoff* Yeah, right, and I'm the tooth fairy Classroom: *laughs* Teacher: Alright, everyone, settle down. Danny, welcome to Gotham, but you should be careful with your fibs. They can be dangerous in this city. Danny: I'm not lying. Teacher: Of course not. Everyone turn to pages three and twelve in your math textbooks- Danny, please sit down. Danny: *sits* It wasn't a lie Damian: I believe you. Danny: Really? Damian: Yes, my Father signs Dan Fenton's paychecks. Danny: Oh, does he work at Wayne Labs, too? Damian: .....In a way. Would you happen to know who I am? Danny: Damian Al Ghul. I heard you tell the teacher you prefer that name. Damian: .....Yes. Your pronunciation of my last is perfect. Most people claim it's too hard. Danny shrugs: If I can learn to pronounce Obi-Wan Kenobi, I can learn how to say your last name. Most people are just rude. Damian, under his breath: Is this the rush Mother felt when she found her Beloved? Danny: What? I'm sorry I didn't catch that Damian: Do not worry about it. Merely know that you belong to me now Danny: Like a friend? Damian:.....In a way. Danny: Cool :D

[prlssprfctn]

The concept of Jason Todd, who makes so many good friends around Crime Alley, so they eventually start asking him to help them out in their small businesses or take their shifts are so funny to me, because imagine the sheer confusion of randomly catching him, standing in the midst of Crime Alley in a stupid bright red-yellow uniform behind the street vendor cart, screaming "Hot dogs! Fresh out of oven!"—

Tim, during the patrol, landing to grab a food: Hi, can I have—

Jason, pale: ...

Tim: You said you are out to help a friend

Jason, through gritted teeth: Yes. I am.

Tim, trying not to choke on his laughter: Well. Uh. Ahahah, SORRY, THIS IS HILARIOUS

Jason, irritated: Of course you would find it hilarious, rich boy

Next week, in the early morning, Bruce pauses before ending his patrol to help some teacher with a line of kindergarten kids to cross the busy road, and it is only when they are in the middle of the street that Bruce realises that the teacher is... his son?!

Batman: J— Lad?

Jason, holding the colourful rope that all kids hold on to, so they all would follow him, as ducks, in the bucket hat and with a name tag hanging on his neck: ...I cannot curse when I work with kids, I cannot—

Batman: ...What are you doing here?

Jason: Can you please, PLEASE, kindly f... fridge off my way, sir?

Batman: ...

Kids, in awe: Nanny Jay is so cool. He is not even afraid of big Bat!

Jason, in the verge of tears: Just go.

Batman: Have a nice, uh, day?

Batman, minutes later: O? Had you made screenshots of this encounter? I need to put it in the frame. He looked so cute.

[reubyanne]

Bruce Wayne loves to be a dramatic dad when he's out in public. It feels right to his character and somehow his children listen to him.

Dick: *swinging on the chandelier.* ppft! i can do more than this!

Bruce: *act like about to faint.* oh, ohh! Richard my son! oh, how worried i am seeing you like that, please my son! please come down before anything happens.. t-that chandelier is already 100 years old!

Dick: ... o-okay.. *gets down.*

..

Jason: *ready to leave the party with his motorcycle.*

Bruce: *holding to jay's motorcycle.* dear jason! my prince, where would you go leaving your dad alone here huh?? you don't know i would be so lonely and weak without you here..!

Jason: *can't even move his motorcycle for an inch, turn off the gear.* right.. so fucking weak.

Bruce: Jason! language! aaahh– *faints.*

..

Tim: *holding a meeting in WE, clearly tired.*

Bruce: *barge in.* my son Timothy! you look very unwell! come, don't let your dad worry you too much! we can always continue this meeting next week!

Tim: i think.. i think that is for today, I'm gonna take a rest for today too. thank you for everyone's hard work..

..

Damian: *at Gala with Bruce.* father, i need to–

Bruce: *dramatic gasps, the guests now look at them.* what sweet pie??! you want to tell my friends here your achievements in the hospital internship?! oh please go on, my dear! father is so proud of you

Damian: *confused.* i.. i.. i just.. helping heart attack patients..

Bruce: *clapping hands, wiping tears.* pop off, son!

[plethorawrites]

Image how confused the entire Bat family would be if Jason— touch repulsed, wants to work alone, barely even tolerates them most days— Todd finally gets sucked into one of Bruce's charity events, only to come with a date who he *cannot* keep his hands off. I'm talking, has his arm draped around her waist or over her shoulder whenever they're walking, hugging her from behind with his jaw on top of her hair (carefully though, so he won't mess it up), occasionally randomly kissing the back of her hand, or her cheek, or very quickly her neck before she smacks him away playfully.

And the media LOVES this.

The reporters who usually bother Bruce about his company, Dick about his romantic life, Damian about school, Duke about being recently legally adopted, Cass about her improving speech skills, Tim about recent publicity statements, all suddenly leave them alone to take picture after picture of Jason and whoever his date is. And Jason—has threatened, attempted, and actually punched reporters— Todd doesn't even care. He doesn't bat an eye, (pun intended) because they should take pictures with how gorgeous she looks.

He'd be offended if they didn't.

And when she blushes, getting a bit shy after hearing a few too many clicks, he runs a hand up and down her arm, tearing her away from the buffet to dance. Dance. Yes, Bruce thought he'd lost his mind when he saw his son whisk a beautiful woman into the middle of the room, willingly, even eagerly wrapping his arms around her comfortably and familiarly, while she rests her head against his chest and he rests his cheek against the side of your head, his eyes fluttering shut every once in a while.

Of course, his family tried to get to talk to him, really, they did. Something or someone conveniently got in the way every single time, until the event is over and Jason and his date manage to slip out in the crowd before the family gets to interrogate him about it.

His phone? He has to shut it off from all the calls and texts that overwhelm his inbox. Alfred even sent an email.

When he eventually does pick it up after having it on do not disturb for a while, he simply types in the group chat, "You told me to bring a date." Before putting it face down on the nightstand and rolling over in bed to wrap his arms around her, kissing her temple softly as she sleeps, out of your fancy dress and in his arms, where she belongs.

[phantom-dc]

Bruce sighed.

He never thought he would die like this. When he started out as Batman he was certain he would meet his end fighting the criminal underworld of Gotham. When he got older and life got stranger, he believed he would die fighting off a threat like Joker or Deathstroke, maybe even Darkseid. Being used as a human sacrifice to the King of the Infinite Realms was not on that list, let alone being a willing sacrifice.

Unfortunately, it had been necessary. An asteroid was on collision course with Earth. The asteroid had a colony of sapient alien life on it, so destroying it was not an option. As the League grew desperate, Constantine revealed a similar incident had happened a few years ago. The King of the Infinite Realms had, along with his subjects, turned the Earth intangible and both the Earth and the Asteroid had survived. Constantine isn’t sure why or how, but there are signs an extremely powerful ghost had merged realities and in the process erased the memories of this event from the entire population of Earth! The only reason Constantine knows about it is because a Demon with time-based powers told him during one of their poker games. Summoning this King was risky, as they had no idea what the King would want in return, but this entity seemed like their best bet. Now Bruce thinks they had been wrong.

Superman pulled Bruce out of his thoughts:

“Bruce, are you sure you want to go through with this? If we work together, we might be able to-”

Bruce cut him off:

“No, Clark. You heard Constantine. If we do not hold up our end of the deal, the Ghost King could simply make his ally, this “Clockwork”, reverse time to before the planet was saved. The Earth and the asteroid will still be destroyed, killing everyone on both. This is the only way.”

Clark looked dejected. He knew his friend was right. The King had turned the entire Earth intangible with one hand! He knew the League couldn’t defeat this foe, not without help. Any being that could help them would demand even more bloodshed in exchange, though. One human life in exchange of saving the entire planet had been a steal, according to the Justice League Dark. Clark looked at Bruce:

“Are you going to put on your cowl? This will be the only chance you have to tell the other Leaguers who you are.”

Bruce looked at his cowl. He had taken of his suit, so that his family had something to bury. But to reveal his identity to anyone other than Clark....

“I will keep it on. Even if I die here, I cannot risk anyone finding out my identity and using it to get to my family. I hope the League understands.”

Bruce is pulled into a hug. As Clark holds him as close as he can without breaking bones Bruce cannot help being filled with regret. He wanted more time with his family and, dare he say, friends. This was not how things were supposed to go. Clark pulls away and seems to want to say something:

“Bruce, I just want you to know, I-”

“WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON, B?”

Suddenly Nightwing enters the room, along with the entire Bat-family. Even Alfred and Oracle, donning masks, are there. They looked confused and scared, which made sense. They had all been summoned to the Watchtower, and when they had seen non-field members there as well they knew something was very wrong. Robin stepped forward, demanding an explanation:

“Father, what is happening? Why did you ask for us here? Explain yourself this instant!”

Red Robin looked ready to fight, staff in hand and in a low stance:

Where is the danger? Who is the enemy? Do you have intel for us? ARE YOU BEING MIND CONTROLLED?

Spoiler yanked at Red Robin’s cowl, pulling him out of his paranoid spiral:

“Easy, Captain Paranoid! Let him speak!”

Red Hood was clearly agitated. It was never a good sign if he was asked to the Watchtower:

“The fuck is going on, old man? Are you dying or something? That’s my stick, not yours!”

Bruce steeled his nerves. This was not going to be an easy conversation. How does one tell their family they are going to die and there is nothing to be done about it? Things had been going well for them, too. Dick and he hadn’t fought as often anymore, Jason had not called him names when he patrolled Crime ally last week, Tim hadn’t done anything that could be considered villainous (that he knew of) and Damian had not stabbed any goons for a month. Truly things had been good. Bruce knew this would mess it all up. He feared Jason would start killing again, or Damian would take out his grief on the criminals or Tim would… Well he had no idea. Last time Bruce disappeared Tim blew up so many LoA bases (he still wasn’t sure whether there had been people inside or not), so it was anyone’s gue-

“Sir, could you please elaborate on why we are here? I’m assuming it has something to do with the reason for this dreadful cold, and perhaps your lack of a shirt?”

Bruce sighed. Alfred always knew how to get through to him. With a heavy heart he told them everything. He would sacrifice himself for the survival of both planets. There was nothing to be done about that, and he asked them to please accept his decision. Naturally everyone was outraged. Amidst the chaos, Orphan asked a question:

“Why you?”

Bruce explained that, according to Constantine, the King had asked for a single sacrifice in return: “To feast on a non-magic, non-meta mortal human that will not resist being consumed.” It had pointed specifically at Batman, making sure they all knew which one it wanted. There had been no time to negotiate the prize, so he had accepted. After that it had left immediately for Earth, turning it intangible so the asteroid flew through harmlessly and fulfilling its end of the deal. Orphan seemed to think for a bit, before speaking up again:

“We’ll miss you.”

She hugged Batman. The others, realizing there was nothing they could do, at least not before facing the King, joined in as well. Bruce told them how proud he was of everyone. That they were strong and brilliant, and to please protect each other and Gotham in his stead. He thanked Alfred and Oracle for their help over the years and to please continue to support the others with the same strength they used to help him. After a moment they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Wonder Woman had entered the room. With a saddened expression, and a dented doorhandle that showed her tension, she had come to collect her friend.:

“Batman. It’s time.”

Bruce nodded at her. Thanking her, he tried to leave with her, but was stopped by Alfred. After a quick hug, Alfed offered Bruce a cookie from the plate he had brought along:

“Every man deserves a final meal. I’m sorry this was all I have to offer.”

Taking a grateful bite, Bruce allowed himself to indulge in the taste of home.

“Thank you, Alfred. This means more to me then you realize.”

Steeling himself once more, Batman and the others followed Wonder Woman to the main room. It was the largest room in the Watchtower, several stories high with observation platforms, security screens showing cities all over the planet and a teleportation platform. As they approached the room, Batman was surprised by the cold that radiated form the entrance. Opening the door the source of all the cold and grief became visible to the group. Signal had to shield his eyes:

“What the hell!?!”

There it was, the High Ghost King of the Infinite Realms. A giant being, which had been so large they had to move to the observation platform to speak with it. Even then it towered over the heroes. It’s skin impossibly dark, with constellations spotting its tail & torso. The stars converging on its lower arms, making it look like it was wearing glowing white gloves, the same as a strange symbol on his chest that seemed important. The stars on its neck blending seamlessly with its hair, yet leaving its head completely dark aside from a few little spots on its face. The only facial feature they could make out where 2 Lazarus green eyes, focused on the new arrivals. On its hand, a ring with a skull on it that had freaked out the Lanterns. On its head a dark crown covered in patches of frost, and its own Aurora Borealis spreading from it. The room had already been partially covered in frost simply from the King’s aura. Power emanated from it, which had caused several members that had been dead and revived before to kneel on reflex, which was frightening even if they managed to get up on their own again.

Martian Manhunter had tried to peek in the Kings mind, hoping to find a way to convince the King to spare Batman, but he had been unsuccessful. As soon as he tried his knees buckled, and he had been pushed out. Ever since the Ghost King had radiated frustration. Now, as Batman entered wearing only his cowl and some spare pants, that frustration seemed to spike dangerously. Was the King upset he had been left to wait for his offer?

"What the fuck is this? I didn’t ask for a striptease, especially from some old Frootloop!”

“Constantine, what’s wrong? What is it saying?”

Batman was worried. He had not expected more anger from the being when presented with the offering. Looking at Constantine, he saw the magician frantically looking through the pages of his books, desperately looking for a translation.

“Hang on, mate. I’m doing my best here! Ehrm… no, that’s not right… Something about mating? Maybe he likes you, Bats. He also said something about “the absence of clothing” so…

Suddenly he is cut off by a strange sound coming from the Ghost King. It makes a strange motion with its body and its giant maw opens, as more of those sounds escape. It reminds Robin of Alfred the Cat when he has a hairball. However, there is more sound in the Watchtower now. The Red Hood is clutching his stomach as he is doubling down in laughter.

“HAHAHAHA!!! WHAT? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU TRANSLATE THAT BADLY? HOLY SHIT!”

The Ghost King stops making the noises, and it’s eyes snap to Red Hood. It moves it’s head closer to him, casually passing it through the barrier Constantine had put up. Constantine’s swears in surprise, but the King seems not to care as it “speaks” to Red Hood:

"Oh, thank the Acients! Someone who understands Ghost Speak! Can you PLEASE help me and translate for us? This trench coat guy is terrible, and somehow twists everything I say in the worst way!"

Red Hood relaxed, looking up at the Ghost King’s giant head.:

“Sure man, no problem. I’m pretty sure he is using like 3 different dictionaries to get this far. I saw him first translate Ghost to Pixie, Pixie to Gnome and Gnome to Demon before telling us in English! So, what’s up?”

Batman was stunned. The Ghost King actually face palmed. What the heck was going on?

"Of course he is. That explains why it sounds like he is putting this through Google Translate 4 times! These guys summoned me to save the Earth, which, totally cool. Happy to help! But a summons makes it official, which means I need to get an offering. I can’t leave without it or I face a mountain of paperwork from some stupid bureaucratic eyeballs for not following proper procedure. But I can always ask something simple and get it over with. No biggie, right? WRONG.”

Red Hood actually grabs a chair to sit on. Not even in a somewhat respectful way, he is sitting on it backwards, casually leaning on it.

“Oh, boy. How badly did they fuck up? Gotta be big since Batman over there is ready to be eaten?”

The King glares at Constantine, who puts up his bravest “time to out-bollock a Eldritch Demon” face. The King is not impressed:

"Man, I asked, and I quote: “I’d like to eat a regular human meal that doesn’t fight back, like that guy would eat!” I wanted it to be clear I didn’t want blood, or corpses or virgins or any of the other horrible things stupid cults try to give me! I just wanted a burger or something! But then Mr. triple dictionary over there somehow turns that into: ‘’I wish to feast on a non-magic, non-meta mortal human that will not resist being consumed, and it must be that one.” I’ll admit I was pointing at one of the non-supers, but that didn’t mean I wanted to eat him! I just wanted to make sure it was normal food, something that doesn’t fight back!”

Red Hood looked confused, asking if the King’s food usually fights back. The King rolls it’s eyes:

"In life, I lived with mad scientist parents who treated lab safety as a suggestion at best and a chore for teens at worst. Put enough samples in the fridge and you get a whole new type of Thanksgiving trauma. Dang, I’m getting even more hungry. I’d love some turkey right now. Could you get them to bring me some food? That way I can have my sacrifice and leave…”

Red Hood stands up. He asks if the King can wait a few more minutes, claiming that after all that frustration he deserved something better. Getting a nod from the Ghost King, the Red Hood suddenly shouted over the platform railing towards the waiting Leaguers:

“FLASH! Get your squad up here, and bring pen & paper! I got a job for y’all!”

Zooming up every member of the Flash family gets a list of things to get and a warning not to tell the Bats what’s on it, or Red Hood will shoot them in the knees. Looking at the lists, they quickly caught on what was going on and promised they wouldn’t tell. This was way too funny! Red Hood does a fake bow to the King, clearly amusing himself.

“Don’t worry, your Hungry-ness! Your sacrifice is being prepared! Anything else we can assist you with?”

The Ghost King seems to tilt its head in amusement. Whatever Hood was doing, it was working, which honestly was the only reason nobody had tackled him to the floor.

"Actually, if you could get that Frootloop to put on a shirt that would be great. He is shivering and honestly, I’m worried he’s going to poke someone’s eye out with a nipple. Why is he shirtless anyway? Please tell me he wasn’t actually trying to seduce me or something, he’s old enough to be my dad! Gross!”

This caused Red Hood to again double over in laughter. Everyone was confused, what could possibly be so funny in this situation? Constantine had frantically tried translating during their conversation, but it had gone too fast for him. He gave up when the King mentioned eyeballs and seduction, accepting he wouldn’t get anywhere like this. Batman however couldn’t resist his need to know everything anymore.

“Hood, report! How are you communicating with the entity?”

Red Hood turns to Batman, walks past him and towards Alfred, grabbing one of the cookies he had brought with him. As he walks back and hands it to the Ghost King, he starts to explain:

“Honestly, not sure. It feels instinctive, like a second mother-tongue. Pretty sure it’s some sort of “dead-guy-language” you learn when you die. Speaking off: Turns out Constantine is a VERY unreliable translator. Spooky here is actually pretty chill! He used you as an example to make sure we knew what he wanted, not to demand you as a sacrifice. He is in fact pretty ticked that you guys tried to feed B to him. Speaking of: Batman? Put a shirt on, for fucks sake. You look like you’re going to freeze your tits off.”

This earned a round of giggles from Green Lantern & Green Arrow. Now that the tension had left the room, other Leaguers also smiled in relief. Besides, it’s always fun to see Batman being the butt of a joke. Sure enough, Batman let out a frustrated sound, that got the rest of the Bats to join in on the fun. They understood that their dad in fact felt rather silly right now, which meant that they had more to gossip about soon. Constantine now was wondering what Hood was up to:

“Mate, I did my best! Sorry for not being fluent in every language in existence. What the hell did you send the Flash to get? The bloke is a scientist and denies magic when it’s right in front of ‘im! What could they possibly get that I couldn’t-”

At that moment, the Flashes zoom out of the Zeta tubes and zoom across the observation deck. After a few moments of red and yellow blurs, the deck is covered with tables filled front to back with food! Picking up a receipt that fell to the floor, Batman realizes this is take-out from all over the world. Seeing a puddle of Lazarus water grow on the floor, he looks up. The Ghost King is actually drooling! Red Hood steps aside and gestures to the feast:

“Welp! There is your sacrifice! One. And I also quote: “regular human meal that doesn’t fight back, like “that guy” would eat!” Well, more of a feast then a meal, but I’m sure a big guy like you can finish it, and you can always take home the rest I guess. Bon Appetit!”

Opening his giant maw, the Ghost King digs in. Well, as much as he can. He actually looks kind of silly eating everything with a tiny fork. Still, judging from the purring sound emanating through the Watchtower it’s to the Kings liking.

"DUDE, THIS IS SO GOOD? I need to know these restaurants! You want a bite for helping me out? You saved me SOOO much annoying paperwork, I was about to bail!”

Picking up a plate of karaage, Red Hood took of his helmet revealing a second mask underneath and dug in as well:

“Don’t mind if I do, this smells fantastic! Oh shit, you should try this stuff, it’s great!”

Red Hood being allowed to partake in the offering so casually caused Constantine to do a double take. He realizes he seriously misjudged this entity. Still, that didn’t explain the horrific stories about him. He would need to do some digging into that, maybe with Hood as a translator. For now he takes a swig of his drink. The world was saved, no one died or lost their Soul and he didn’t make any new enemies he thinks. Plus, Batman felt like an idiot, and that always made the Brit smile.

All in all a good day!

[daydreamerdrew]

Marvel Team-Up (1972) Annual #3