#it's often unreasonable but sometimes i'm right

[rpsense]

just a little add on about campelysium bc lol i remember they were around as the same damned rp but were promoting as a twitter rp. but it flopped BIG TIME. then a year or a two later came back to promote as a discord rp and acting like they're brand new 😭 many times i tried to app on that rp but just can't put myself into cause there's always so icky about them (can that first elysium anon come back im waitng for the tea)

i think i sorta remember what you’re talking about. the twitter rpc will never appreciate something with that level of worldbuilding. glad i’m not the only one who had bad vibes about it lol - x

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

it is not really a shock that this fandom has a bit of a misogyny problem, but i think a specific one is how the boys are often somewhat babied and given all sorts of pity for every single tiny thing they go through, while the girls with similar issues are often ignored entirely. there are many examples of this, but right now, i am going to talk at length about the Tenmas and the Shinonomes in particular, as them being pairs of siblings allows very direct comparison.

firstly, the one that irks me most: Tsukasa Tenma, and how a ridiculous number of his fans will make absolutely everything about him. including Saki's disability. i do think it's right to acknowledge the impact on him as well- but it gets overdramatic really quickly. i'm sorry to be harsh, but Saki did not spend her childhood in and out of hospitals, believing that she was dying, just for half the fandom to completely brush over her trauma and be like "oh... poor, lonely Tsukasa..."

i rather hate this, because not only does it feel quite ableist to skim over the one directly suffering from the condition in order to massively favour someone who happens to feel a bit of the knock-on effect, but it's also used to unreasonably villainise the Tenma parents. people will go on about how "neglected" Tsukasa was... very well, how exactly would you have handled the situation? they did their absolute best. it was a highly unfortunate situation for everyone involved, and it's unfair to deem Mrs and Mr Tenma as "bad parents" simply because they prioritised their dangerously ill daughter over their confident son who always assured them that he'd be alright. yes, they could have made better choices for Tsukasa, such as hiring a babysitter... but i think people tend to forget that Saki's illness flared up very suddenly and randomly. as the good parents the Tenmas are, they very likely couldn't think properly due to their panic for their daughter. it was instinct to drop everything and get her immediate help. and Tsukasa himself understands this, so it's an absolute wonder that the fandom doesn't. he was not ignored. he was phoned, updated on the situation, reassured that his sister was recovering... and praised by his parents for being such a wonderful brother.

also, with the situation of Saki's hospitalisation, i do feel like Tsukasa's own personality is sometimes not taken into account, ironic since it's him that everyone's interested in. because i would, in fact, be more critical of the Tenma parents, had Tsukasa been a more fragile child. if he had been the type who was easily scared, who could not handle being by himself, who would, in fact, have been traumatised from being left alone- i would say that the Tenma parents would have deserved the treatment they get from the fandom. but... that's not Tsukasa. it has been shown that Tsukasa was always a very bright, self-assured boy, positively brimming with confidence. even when little, he was creative and strong- and his parents knew this. they could have some peace of mind during a stressful time, knowing that their son could entertain himself with ease, such as how he was practising some acting just before his mother rang him. all of this is shown within the Dazzling Stage event which is, funnily enough, the very same event that the lovers of Tsukasa angst latch onto.

of course Tsukasa was heavily concerned about Saki. he is an incredibly caring person, why wouldn't he be? and yes, of course he missed her while she was in the hospital. no one is trying to deny that, nor minimise his suffering. the fandom does that to Saki. while acknowledging that Tsukasa was affected is good, in fact, it is very interesting to see the impact of disabilities beyond those directly affected... it's the fact that it is majorly Tsukasa's issues that are focused on that confuses me. it's disproportionate. i do wish we saw just as much sympathy and discussion about Saki herself, in addition to her brother. the psychological impact that her illness and consequential exclusion had on her, as well as the obvious physical aspect. because that is just as interesting, if not potentially more so, and i will be making a future post about it.

moving on from the Tenmas, i'd now like to talk about the Shinonome siblings, in a little less detail, considering i personally have not witnessed the unfairness of their treatment as much as that between the Tenmas. though, make no mistake, it still exists.

now, Ena is a character who i feel has a certain percentage of those who dislike her. and what are the general traits that people point out when asked why they aren't a fan? from what i've seen, it is her anger management issues, past violence, and a general "tsundere" type of personality that earns her this criticism. i'm not saying she does not have any of this. she absolutely does. she is flawed, as good, complex characters should be. though, everything she is despised for... who else regularly displays the exact same traits?

none other than her own brother, Akito. yet the dislike for him, while it is obviously around, does not seem quite as common as hers. a very short and hot temper? check. shows of violence? check. a sometimes harsh way of speaking? check. can sound aggressive and off-putting on occassion? check. Akito and Ena are incredibly similar when it comes to their more negative traits. i suppose it's not a surprise, considering that they were both brought up in the same, questionable environment. though, why does Ena seem to be hated so much more?

most will bring up the very infamous mention of how Ena and Akito's fights would get physical when they were younger. and how this makes Ena an "abuser" because supposedly, as she is the elder one, there was an imbalance in power... but was there really? it is incredibly controversial to say, but i do believe that the violence between them, particularly that which was committed by Ena, is quite exaggerated by fans. and here is where i think that Akito tends to be babied.

Ena was not significantly stronger than Akito. perhaps not ever physically stronger than him at all except when they were literal babies. there is only one year of difference between their ages. in the current day, it is no debate that Akito is one of the strongest characters, regularly going on runs, being able to sprint with Tsukasa on his back, while Ena is quite on the opposite end of the spectrum, preferring the indoors and such. what i am saying is that it is absurd how the fandom makes it seem like Akito was some utterly defenceless little toddler that was getting beaten up by his Big Bad Sister. realistically, he was fully capable of fighting back- and he does. it's hardly as if we see him cower before her. he has absolutely no issue retorting to her in a snarky manner. when people bring up the whole drama of Ena scratching him, they conveniently forget what he says directly afterwards- that he could dodge her attacks. not to mention, sibling fights getting physical and a little violent is incredibly common, take it from me- i am an oldest sister myself. if you call Ena an abuser, you are saying that you want half the older siblings in this world behind bars.

oh, and people will talk until they're blue in the face about how the "nasty" and "crazy" Ena scratched up her brother when they were younger- are we forgetting that Akito punched Toya in the literal main story? that left a massive bruise on his cheek. that isn't talked about nearly as much as some common sibling scrap.

if you can let similar behaviour slide from Akito... how come it is unacceptable from his older sister? who is, arguably, from what has been shown in the story so far... under the greater amount of stress from the tension within their family. it was her that was explicitly discouraged by their father. we haven't seen such conflict between Shinei and his son, have we? that's not to say that Akito's current personality isn't also explained, having grown up in that environment, but why is it that Ena receives so much less sympathy than him when she, understandably, lashes out?

Saki and Ena have both had it rough. in their own, very different, ways. yet, a staggering amount of pity is given, not to them, but to their respective brothers.

and i must, sadly, wonder... if the mere genders of these four characters happened to be swapped and all else remained as it is...

... would the perception of any of them be quite the same?

[captain-bubble-wrap]

loved your sick gf/helpful quinn post

can we get a sick quinn this time? I feel like he'd be a big baby when he's sick

THE BIGGEST BABY

Quinn had coughed all night.

It had started off small but had quickly developed into something more consistent and with a persistent wheeze alongside it. He seemed so uncomfortable: tossing and turning, trembling with the chills and cold sweats. It seemed like with each passing hour a new symptom appeared: from the cough to finally the body aches. You wanted to soothe his pain and make him comfortable but he just pushed you away, It had kind of hurt your feelings having him reject you time and again, but you were just trying to help. Best you could do was tell yourself it was just because he felt bad and that he didn't mean to be that way.

By this point, you couldn't sleep. Quinn's constant shifting and coughing had given you no peace or himself for that matter. Sometime in the night, you grabbed your pillow and went to the sofa instead, You didn't want to leave him, but if he was sick, he would need someone to care for him come the morning. If you were running on a couple hours sleep, it wasn't going to be you; you might as well be sick right alongside of him.

Even from the living room, you could hear him cough, hear the wheeze cause him so much pain with its ability to take his breath away. You probably didn't sleep any more on the sofa than you would have beside him. Every so often you'd force yourself to get up and check on him. He had a fever and was burning up yet he appeared to be asleep. Quinn needed medicine and as soon as possible but you weren't about to wake him up to take any. Instead, you'd dig through the bathroom cabinets and find some multi-symptom cough syrup. The label said it would help counteract each of the things Quinn was dealing with but would it be enough? You'd leave it on his bedside table for the next time a coughing fit woke him.

When morning came around he seemed worse. Congestion had set in and it had changed the sound of his voice to something nasally instead of its usually velvety tone. Getting him to take anything was like pulling teeth because he just wanted to lay with the pillow over his head, hidden from everything especially the morning light. Though Quinn wasn't normally the dramatic type, when he was sick, it was like the end of the world.

"Baby, please, just take this and I'll leave you alone. That's all I asking you to do."

"I'm fine. I just-- I'm fine," he said from under the covers.

"You're not and you know it. Please, just take it?"

"I just need to sleep it off."

You tried to contain your sigh but it was hard. He was being completely unreasonable and it was starting to wear on your nerves. If he just took the medicine it would help but getting him to see that point wasn't going your way. This wasn't the first time he had probably felt like this, so why was he being such a baby?

"Why won't you take it, Quinn?"

There was a long pause. You knew he wasn't asleep. Was he ignoring you in the hopes that you'd give up and just walk away? If that were the case, you were close to it.

"Okay, fine. Suit yourself." Leaving the medicine on the table, you'd leave the room defeated. What else were you supposed to do? He didn't want to be touched, loved on, or anything but left alone. At least that's how it seemed. Even simple conversations were proving to be a battle.

You shut the bedroom door behind you and went to the kitchen. Food didn't seem like the magical end-all-be-all cure to his cold but if he didn't want it then you'd just take it for yourself. Soup seemed like the best choice even if it was the cliche option. "Comforting to the soul and stomach," your mom always said when you were sick. However, a quick assessment of the pantry revealed you didn't have what you needed for soup.

Instead of sticking your head back into the bedroom to let him know you were headed out, you texted his phone saying something similar.

"I'm going to the store. I'll be back in a bit."

Short and painfully to the point. It wouldn't be until you were in Quinn's car that you felt guilty for how you had come off. You'd text him once more before finally leaving; trying to rewrite your sour attitude towards him.

"I love you."

- - -

When you returned to the apartment, you could see signs of life that hadn't been there before. The cough medicine was now on the island; the used dosing cup had remnants of the syrup still in the bottom, A loaf of bread was poorly wrapped up alongside it, and what looked like a simple cheese sandwich sat on a napkin with one bite taken out of it. And finally, on the sofa, was a bundled up Quinn, his tangled curls spilling out over one of the pillows he rested his head on.

"Hi," he said, when you walked past him. His tone was defeated, moping even. Had you hurt his feelings? It wasn't your intention to, but it was just frustrating trying to help someone who just came off like they would rather stay miserable.

"Hi, baby."

"Where did you go? I came out and you were gone." Quinn didn't lift his head off the pillow or even his eyes. When you looked over at him he was looking at your feet.

"I texted you. I went to the store to get stuff to make you soup."

"I haven't looked at my phone. You didn't have to do that." His monotone was worse now, tinged slightly with his own flavour of annoyance.

Had you been in a worse mood, you would have said something about checking his phone, but instead you were able to bite your tongue. He didn't feel good, you had to remind yourself of this fact. This wasn't your Quinn - your sweet Huggy Bear - this was someone struggling with their body fighting against them to get better. You knew Quinn would never purposefully give you an attitude or be short with you, and the same should have been said about you.

"I'm sorry I was short with you, Quinn," you finally get out. You had hoped that would have removed some weight from your chest but instead it only made it heavier. He still wouldn't look at you. In fact, he closed his eyes after you had spoken your apology. Seeing him ignore you that way felt terrible, but you felt you had earned his cold shoulder. You had been sick a few times since you had been together and Quinn had been so kind and selfless. What had given you the right to be so unsympathetic?

"It's fine," he said, snuggling deeper into his self-made cocoon.

"It's not fine." Your heart hurts as you cross the room to kneel before where he lay. "Honey, I'm sorry." You brush the sweat-matted hair from his forehead. He was burning up with fever but this time he managed to look at you. He looked like he could melt into tears at any moment.

"I'm sorry I ignored you earlier," he replied, meeting you halfway with his own apology.

"You don't feel good, Quinn, it's okay. I'm sorry I got mad. I had no right to."

Quinn sniffled, either from the congestion or just because he was getting that emotional. Either way, you leaned forward and gave him a tender kiss to his forehead. This made the faintest smile appear on his half-concealed lips.

"You probably shouldn't kiss me," he mumbles, silently thankful for the gentle affection. Deep down, he wanted it; wanted to be babied and taken care of but instead of asking for it, he just found himself coming off as hard-headed.

"It's alright," you reassure him, a second kiss finding its mark along with the first. "I'll just get sick right with you."

"I don't want you to get sick, though."

"I know you don't but sometimes it happens. At least we'll have soup." You give him a smile, the first one that day. He returns the sentiment.

"What kind?"

"Broccoli cheddar and the classic chicken noodle. Which do you want first?"

"You got stuff for both?" His little voice sounded shocked, amazed that you'd treat him to two different types of soup varieties. Sometimes it was the little things that made the biggest impact.

"Of course I did."

Quinn tried to sit but got winded halfway through, a coughing fit taking what strength he had built up.

"Oh, baby, you need to rest. How about you get a nap and I'll wake you up when I get something done?"

"Okay."

"It's okay, sweetheart, I'll manage." You wink, trying to reassure him that everything would be okay, and that you could handle some soup-making alone. When you stood up, you caught the subtle trembling from under his blanket. "I'm going to get you another blanket, okay?"

"Okay."

Those short responses you recognized were the best he could do at the time and didn't strike a nerve like they had earlier. But walking away from him still hurt like it had the first time, and you could feel his eyes on you still. From a tote under your bed, you found a heated blanket your parents had sent you after you made the decision to move to Vancouver. Hopefully this would bring Quinn some more consistent heat despite his body running his internal thermostat like a child left unsupervised.

"Here, baby, this should help you. Do you want this overtop or...?"

"I want that one," he said, pulling the original one from his body as best he could.

"It's okay, it's okay. Here, let me get it," you say, helping Quinn untuck himself before draping him with the ultra-plush heated one. "Should be nice and hot in just a few minutes."

"Thank you," he said, gripping it tightly. "Thanks for helping me."

"Thank you for letting me. I'm going to go make you some soup, okay? I'll try to be quiet so I don't wake you."

"I'll just...I'll be right here," he said through a yawn, the medicine finally kicking in and lulling him to sleep.

[citrustan]

for what it's worth [3/4] (jjk)

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: angst, fluff, light smut, college student!reader x crush!jungkook

summary: you make an awful revelation about your crush of two years.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: some bitchiness (or like justice? idk it's up to you really)

note: yes. there is a chapter 4 because i'm not ready to let go of this just yet. and a thank you.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

Two weeks passed by and you and Jia pretended as if absolutely nothing happened. It was simply the quiet before the storm.

Your days seemed to blend into nights, you felt yourself slipping into a bad place mentally. Always feeling distant and fatigued.

The emotional turmoil of having your trust broken and your privacy invaded caused you to miss out on much needed sleep.

While on the outside, everything seemed pretty much the usual except for a few painfully obvious differences.

You had stopped (publicly) obsessing over Jungkook, and it initially invited a lot of concern from Yoongi and Namjoon. But they didn’t push you too much when you blatantly ignored their questions about him. You also avoided Jia as much as you could. She didn’t seem to have noticed.

Despite your crush on Jungkook, you had come to accept the boundaries of your non-friendship with him and the fact that he was deeply committed to Jia.

You had no intention of causing any harm to their relationship, as you had already shared your support with Jungkook for their secret.

It was difficult to not think of them. It often made you break into tears of anger and frustration. You had to mourn your loss.

Every night, thoughts of Jungkook would continue to consume you. You’d still imagine him to be yours. Images of him smiling at you and his voice calling you cute would linger in your mind.

It’s just pretend. There’s no harm in it.

You knew that Jia had described you as a ‘creep’ to Jungkook, but the label bothered you. You were not a creep, and you wanted to understand why Jia had portrayed you that way. No matter what you came up with in your head, nothing was a good enough reason to call you such a gross name. Sure, she hadn’t revealed to Jungkook your identity but that baffled you more.

Also, had Jungkook never wondered about this ‘creep’?

Too many things kept you up at night and you couldn’t stand being on the other side of the truth. You could no longer afford to let these things bother you. You were too fucking old for this shit.

With the final week before your course evaluations being right around the corner, you had subconsciously come to some harsh unanimous decisions. They weren’t impulsive or unreasonable. You really had thought this through. These decisions may be a risky, or bitchy, or just as sneaky as Jia was, but they’d still be within reason.

He needed to know the truth about you, Jia, and what she told him.

You wanted to tell Jia that you knew about them. It probably wasn’t going to come out of Jungkook, so it had to be you.

Why must you continue to suffer?

You didn’t want to wait around and anticipate Jia’s next move.

You’re not the type of person who sits around and ignores things like these. You had held it in for a while now.

You understood that your actions would have consequences and you were more than ready to face them. You hoped.

While you pretended nothing ever happened, Jia and you saw way less of each other.

You could count the times you interacted, or even passed by, or saw each other over the weeks on one hand.

Still, every time you’d think about your interaction with Jungkook, you were reminded of Jia too. Him and Jia. You couldn't help but notice his annoyingly deep feelings for Jia. He was so… considerate of her. It probably is just the bare minimum but it doesn’t matter. You could tell he was a great boyfriend to her. No wonder she kept him hidden.

Sometimes, it felt so wrong and scandalous to fantasize about the man. Maybe it even is so. But you weren’t just infatuated with Jungkook. You really liked him. Emotions like these don’t disappear overnight.

You longed to be loved and held by him too.

The campus shuttle came to an abrupt halt, indicating that it was the last stop. You had missed yours.

*

As the semester continued, Jungkook found himself missing the moments he had shared with you before everything became so complicated. Jia completely stopped mentioning you. Whenever he’d ask, she’d pout and demand his attention to be back on her. While he’d give into her, you still remained in the back of his mind.

It was late in the evening, and Jungkook had decided to take a break from his hectic study schedule, opting to go for a walk around his dorm on campus.

As he neared the drop-off point for the shuttle, he couldn't help but think about you, remembering the first time you had met at a bus stand.

He stood there, lost in thought, when he suddenly saw a figure leaning against the street light.

An involuntary smile crossed his face as he couldn't believe the coincidence.

"_____, is that you?" Jungkook called out, waving to get your attention. He jogs to where you now stood upright.

You turned towards him, your eyes widening in surprise as you recognized him. "Jungkook? What are you doing here?"

He chuckled and motioned to the bus station. "Well, it seems like the bus stands are our special spot. I thought I'd take a break and enjoy the nostalgia."

You let out a mix of a sigh and an awkward laugh, feeling a mixture of nostalgia and uncertainty. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Jungkook nodded, and he noticed the hesitation in your eyes. "Would you like to grab some dinner? We can catch up?"

You were caught off-guard.

"Right now? It's not late enough for dinner." You attempt to find an excuse.

"Sure it is. There's a new Chinese fusion restaurant right off the road outside." Jungkook urged.

"Fusion? What is it fused with?" You wondered.

Jungkook paused. "I... Actually don't know. Want to find out?" He smiled, invitingly.

Not used to the attention he was giving you just now, you found it difficult to tell him 'no'.

Especially when you really wanted to 'catch up' with him.

So, you reluctantly agreed, and the two of you were headed to the nearby restaurant.

Jungkook smiled back at you as he led the way, "Do you want me to hold your hand? It looks heavy."

WHAT?

Your mouth slightly parted open.

Oh, my god? What was his deal?

You're malfunctioning.

"No. I'd rather not..." You hesitantly refuse. Jungkook slows down to let to catch up to him. "Are you sure? You look like you've been carrying that around for a while. And, I really wouldn't mind it."

More confused than ever, "Well, it is attached to me. I'm okay."

"Well, un-attach it! I'll hold it for you." Jungkook's hands graze your shoulder.

Your brows furrow. Finally, you just ask him. "What?"

"Let me hold your bag. Unbuckle, un-attach, relax." Jungkook blabbered as he switched positions to walk behind you, gently taking your backpack off your shoulders.

Oh.

Oh, no. Did you really think he was asking to hold your hand? Really now?

You big dummy with a capital 'D'.

You sigh. "Okay. Thanks, but let me just-" You cut yourself off by unzipping your backpack and pulling out a white sweater with pearls for buttons.

The two of you pause mid-way so you can comfortably wear your sweater. The temperature was dropping my the hour.

Although you don't have your matching mittens and earmuffs, it should be fine.

"That's pretty, _____." Jungkook complimented you.

"Where'd you get that?" He asked, thinking about how much Jia would like this kind of clothing.

You shyly blush and look down at your glossy, red pointed toe heels, "Thanks. I made it myself with the yarn my mother spun for me."

Jungkook looked genuinely impressed. "No way. That's got to be worth a lot then."

You stared up at him with big eyes. Nobody had ever said such sweet things to you.

(That's a lie. Your other friends have always praised your clothes and outfits. But this is different, so it's ok!)

You wordlessly, softly smile at him. Jungkook stares back at you.

Suddenly, his expression changes. His eyes grow big and his mouth forms a smile, "Ah! Could I commission you to make something just like that for Jia? She loves stuff like that!"

And just like that, your heart shattered. Again.

Your kind smile turned into a forced one. "Maybe if I have time."

You noted that he didn't demand or suggest you to make a sweater for Jia, but rather requested it and offered to compensate for it. That just tells you more about how considerate and present he is.

Every time you've talked to people about your handmade clothes, they'd beg you to make them one or jokingly ask about it so that if you do end up making something for them, they wouldn't have to pay you for your efforts. This doesn't include your friends, obviously. And, even if your friends were to act this way, you'd gladly gift them your handiwork.

Well, even though he's somewhat of a stranger to you, if Jungkook ever asked you for something, you'd probably just do it for him too. No questions asked.

Jungkook asked you about your day and your classes. And, you him.

As you were walking on the snow covered sidewalk, you mentally cuss yourself out for picking these shoes. Not only were your feet partially frozen and numb, but also you were ruining very expensive shoes.

"Oh! Puddle, watch out." Jungkook swiftly skipped over a puddle of water that horizontally covered a significant portion of the walkway from one end to the other.

You watched him regain his footing and turn back to you.

Does he expect you to leap like that? Your legs aren't as long as his! But, you don't gave a choice.

You can't step in it, it could very well be a hole of icy water. That'd be risking a potential amputation.

You can't walk around it because there's nowhere to go. And, you can't switch to walking on the road because, well it's dangerous, and there's a metal partition placed specifically to avoid mixing people on wheels and people on foot.

Jungkook puts his hand out for you to grab.

"Just put one foot out to this side and I'll pull you up. Don't worry! I've always done this with Jia." He mentions Jia, hoping to reassure you that he wouldn't let you slip.

All it does is make you more uneasy. Just the thought of Jia. It has an odd effect on you. Your body feels colder. You shudder briefly.

Your only goal now is to get past this stupid puddle without humiliating yourself. You realize that delaying this makes you look more cowardly, hence humiliating you.

So, you grab hold of Jungkook's surprisingly warm hand. Not going to lie, you faked some uncertainty just so you could keep holding his hand.

Someone has got to get you in check.

Jungkook urged you to trust him yet again. His stance showed he was prepared to pull you through.

You lift your left foot and somehow land it on the other side of the puddle. Not even a second after, Jungkook roughly pulls you to him with all his strength.

Not expecting this amount of force, you clumsily collide into his chest, immediately wrapping your arms around his torso to avoid falling back into the very puddle you were trying to get across from.

Jungkook reciprocates by circling his arms around your shoulders and head.

How you wished he held you elsewhere, but he was so respectful.

Everything happened so quickly.

Embarrassed, your breath hitched and you suddenly pushed him to the side.

"Sorry." You whisper. You don't know if he could even hear you.

You fix your sweater and continue staring at your feet, eyeing the little droplets of water on your pants.

Your tummy and nether regions were blazing fire and you felt your nipples slowly hardening. You clench your hands into fists, desperately praying nothing is visible. I mean, you were wearing white.

You wanted so badly for Jungkook to reach out, just stick his hand up your top and soothe your pretty, sensitive nips. Your breathing has become unstable for a few seconds.

You should be beaten up for having these thoughts about a taken man.

Jungkook suddenly places his hand on your arm, making you jolt. "We're close. Look, it's there." He smiles and points to the establishment.

"Great. I'm so cold." You try to play it off, just in case he noticed something.

You then cover your chest by flipping your hair back over it.

This time, he let you walk ahead of him.

On reaching the restaurant, Jungkook skipped ahead of you and pulled the door open for you. "After you." He smiled, goofily.

You blush and instantly shake it off, "Why, thank you. My fragile hands could never."

Jungkook and you were immediately hit by the warmth and coziness of the home style, Chinese fusion restaurant.

"Huh. This is not at all what I expected." Jungkook looked around, pleased with himself.

You replicated that action.

The restaurant was designed to replicate someone's home, or garage. It had unique tables and chairs. No two items were the same. Even most of cutlery was different.

You appreciated the dedication to this concept.

"Good evening! Table for two?" A very familiar voice interrupted you.

Your head abruptly turned towards the direction of the voice.

"Joon!" You exclaimed, rushing over to throwing yourself into his personal space.

Surprised by your sudden enthusiasm, Jungkook raised a brow. This was the most chipper he'd ever seen you.

Jungkook and Namjoon knew each other.

Other than from your constant yapping, Namjoon knew of Jungkook because Jungkook was actively trying to pursue Namjoon, pleading for him to be Jungkook's musical mentor. However, Namjoon wouldn't budge.

Namjoon instantaneously engulfs your whole body with his arms, rubbing your back.

When Namjoon clearly looked at the man stood behind you, his eyes widened.

No way.

Is this why you went off-grid? Had you finally managed to bag Jeon Jungkook? Namjoon was too stunned to move.

Namjoon was just about to ask you about it when Jungkook speaks instead. "Table for two is right. Thanks."

You let go off Namjoon, confirming Jungkook's words.

Whatever. Namjoon will be blowing your phone up later either way. So, he decided to let you off the hook for the rest of the evening.

Namjoon cheekily smiles at the two of you as he leads you into an isolated booth.

It was a space behind some beaded curtains, giving the illusion of the space being more private.

The table was relatively smaller and surrounding it were three chairs; two regular wooden ones with soft cushions, and one loveseat.

Then, Namjoon abruptly left.

You didn't realize what Namjoon was doing until he returned with two menus and something that looked like a candle and a lighter.

Oh, no.

No. This was NOT happening.

You frown and awkwardly wait for him to set the table up and leave.

What? There's nothing you can do or say without overreacting! It's not like you WANT to wine and dine your friend's boyfriend.

(You totally do, but you would not pull something like that purposely.)

Jungkook seemed to just go with the flow, unbothered.

You promptly sat yourself on one of the wooden chairs and Jungkook opted to sit on the comfortable loveseat.

"So, how do you know Namjoon?" Jungkook wasted no time.

"We've been friends for a while." You continue, "Jia too. She knows him."

At that, Jungkook raises a brow. Jia knows Namjoon? Jungkook has mentioned Namjoon many times before. Jia never indicated that she knew him.

Still, he brushed it off.

"How do you know him?" You ask.

"Oh, he's like rhythm and poetry royalty. I've been sending this man emails for months begging him to mentor me... I can't believe Jia- It's so weird, finally seeing the guy who kept rejecting me." He cut himself off towards the end.

He can't believe Jia WHAT? Tell me. PLEASE.

You painstakingly push your annoyance away.

Instead you laugh, "I had no idea he was being pursued by students, wow."

"Yeah..." Jungkook giggled, somewhat embarrassed.

As the evening went on, you talked quite a bit. If he noticed, he didn't mind your awkwardness.

As if you were suddenly remembering something, you hummed. "I take it you didn't tell Jia about the... thing?" You struggled to find the right words to describe it.

Jungkook slowly nodded and repeated, "The... Thing."

"Yeah. You know, about you guys? Dating?" You press your legs together, a little anxious.

"Oh! Right!" He smiled in realization, "I actually did end up telling her about it that same night." He nodded, this time, positively.

You froze and your face dropped.

Had you been drinking something at that moment, you'd have spat that out. If you were eating at that moment, you'd have dropped your utensils on the floor.

"And then we talked about you for a while. I told her you gave me your word. I mean, I'm sure she already told you..." He continued.

Jia. She knows you know.

"Because she panicked..." Jungkook kept talking but at that point you had tuned him out.

Your mouth involuntarily formed a sad pout. Your eyes which were drying out from tiredness, slowly began to fill up with tears of... frustration, and anger, and confusion.

She knew.

She didn't even try to talk to you.

You assumed she was just busy.

But, she was actually just avoiding you. Just as you her.

Your eyes were glazed over.

The humiliation, guilt, anger and paranoia set in all at once.

Does this mean... Jungkook knows? Is he toying with you?

No. That's far-fetched. Way off. He'd never do that. He was so nice to you all night.

But, he IS a nice guy. Why wouldn't he be nice?

You're starting to make less sense now.

You don't even blink because if you do, your tears won't hold themselves back.

Jia fucking knew and avoided you on purpose. She couldn't face you. She fucking betray you, and she couldn't handle it. She didn't want to face it.

Jungkook sensed that there was something on your mind. "_____, is something wrong? Should I not have told her? What's going on?" He asked, his curiosity piqued.

You hesitated for a moment. You weren't used to being impulsive. That was never you. But, lately, that streak was becoming increasingly steady.

So, you decided to open up. Like an idiot.

"It's me."

Jungkook nervously smiled, "It's you?"

"The 'creep' with the schoolgirl crush." You added.

Jungkook's eyes widened in surprise, and he leaned in, his expression a mix of shock and curiosity. "You? But... I don't understand."

He shook his head and stared at you, expecting you to keep going.

Great job, idiot.

You didn't have a choice now.

You took a deep breath and began to explain, "I had a crush on you, Jungkook. I have a crush on you. I've never been silent about it." You winced.

The tears. They're coming.

"I mean, I've never been silent about it with my friends. Including Jia."

The knot forming in your throat felt tighter.

Jungkook listened carefully, trying to make sense of this... revelation. "So, it was all a misunderstanding? There was never a 'creep'?" He reasoned.

You kept your eyes trained down at your lap, more embarrassed than ever. "I... No? I don't know." Your eyes were heavy with tears. Your nose began to sting.

You pressed your lips together to hold all the ugly sobs in, and squeezed your eyes shut.

"_____?" Jungkook questioned worriedly.

You furrowed your brows and frantically shook your head, "Jia. Everyone, my friends, everyone knew about it- that I liked you. From the day we met. The- it was like a mixer?" You slouch and let your arms fall to your sides, "I can't remember. I've liked you for so long..." You trail off silently shedding tears.

You inhale before letting out a little squeaky apology.

Jungkook only looks at you. He doesn't understand, or register anything.

"_____..." Jungkook begins.

"I didn't know Jia was your girlfriend. I'd always talk to her about you, and how good you looked on whatever, whenever- and how you, and then she..." Your shoulders begin to shake towards the end of your sentence. You fully began to cry.

Thank goodness you were separated from the rest of the restaurant-goers.

You were clearly unable to hold a conversation.

You wanted to bang your head on the table. Repeatedly.

Jungkook's brows almost touched his hairline.

"I'M the 'creep' she told you about. I'm the reason for... But I didn't know. I SWEAR. Until you told me. I knew then." You sniffle every two seconds. "I was going to tell you how I felt but then you- I'm sorry!" You finally broke down, sobbing into your hands.

"Hey. Just... breathe, okay?" You felt Jungkook shimmy out of his seat and back away from the table. He then walks over to you.

You already knew tomorrow's _____ was going to kill herself.

Jungkook pours you a glass of water.

He has no idea what to tell you.

He can't find the words to even begin to describe what he's feeling right now.

Jungkook's brain had stopped generating new thoughts. All he's thinking about is the crying girl in front of him, half-heartedly confessing her feelings for him.

Frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair. Then he looked down at you.

You are whom his girlfriend was worried about?

The same girl whom he hadn't stopped thinking about the past weeks.

The same girl who's his girlfriend's friend. His girlfriend.

His girlfriend who lied- hid things from him.

Had you planned this? Was Jia right to hide him away?

Jungkook really doesn't know what to think.

Jungkook needed to leave. He felt suffocated.

"_____, I'm sorry for the way things turned out. I... wish I had known the truth earlier." Jungkook solemnly spoke.

He hoped you believed him. He can't tell if you're in the right frame of mind to talk. He knows he sure isn't.

You sniffle harder, still appreciating his understanding. "I honestly just wanted to clear the air and be honestly honest with you...." You sigh deeply, speaking shakily. "I just thought... Maybe Jia would talk to me herself. And when she didn't--- I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

Jungkook just stood by you, unmovingly. It was as if he himself was trying to figure out what to say.

After what felt like forever, you hesitantly lift your head up to look at Jungkook, "I understand if you'd want to leave now."

And you meant it. You couldn't force him to watch you cry like an idiot. So, you understandingly told him he had a free will, that he could walk away.

And he really did.

Jungkook stared down at your tear-stained face for a few seconds.

Then without uttering a single word, he slowly blinked at you and walked away.

Now, you stare at the back of his head, wide-eyed.

You didn't expect him to actually leave this instance.

I mean, he didn't owe you anything, but you still felt uneasy.

The rational part of you truly understood his choice. But the emotional part of you was destroyed.

Even though you have no right to feel this way, you're so disappointed. In him. In yourself. In Jia. You think that's well deserved though; your disappointment in Jia.

Did she hate you?

Nothing else mattered.

You don’t know it yet but the biggest burden had just been lifted off your shoulders.

(Until you face Jia. But, more on that later.)

And, as for Jia; Jia had enough time to come clean. This was not on you. It was all her.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

How about some headcanons about Vil being a big brother to a five year old sibling that is a little sweetheart who can be grumpy at times?

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Vil’s a real pro at handling his sibling. He’s got plenty of practice dealing with his younger fans while the eyes of the public are trained on them. His own family? Not a problem!

Vil fusses over them. A lot. Also adopts a generally “mother knows best” attitude, although it’s not as stifling as what he takes on when dealing with peers his age. He’s gentler and more lenient with children! (Think of the Gordon Ramsay memes where he’s calling an adult chef a fucking donkey whereas he’s hugging and comforting the child chef.)

Their father has hired help for housework, but Vil himself knows a few things himself. If his sibling has toys out to play, he'll make them pick up after themselves. If they're hungry, he can easily slice up some fruit, veggies, or yogurt (you know, healthy snack options).

Not a fan of cuddles to the face—it’s going to muss his hair and makeup! He still complains a little about being hugged, but in that resigned way where you know he really doesn’t mean it. After all, how can Vil deny his sibling of a little physical affection?

Sometimes they gift him things, like crayon drawings (which aren’t very good) or “skincare” they mixed up (which is actually a bunch of random leaves and flowers mashed up and thrown into a cup of water). Vil gracefully thanks them and accepts the gifts, knowing they were made with heart. The drawings he’ll keep or tack up on the fridge, but the “skincare” he’ll dab onto his wrist or nonsensitive part of the body to “use” it up.

He frequently corrects their posture and their way of speaking. A five-year old, of course, is naturally clumsy and imperfect with their words--but Vil's on a mission to ensure that their manners are impeccable!

They do those "mommy and me" yoga classes together. Yes, with matching outfits. Other group activities might involve at-home spa days, arts and crafts, and movie nights (typically of a production Vil recently starred in).

When they’re in a foul mood or throwing a tantrum, Vil speaks to them sternly but not unreasonably. A child this age is expected to be immature, but won’t learn right from wrong if Vil just leaves them be. He’ll wait for their emotions to come back down a bit before having a serious talk with them about their behavior.

They’re grumpy or off sulking? Vil shakes his head and tells them they’re acting an awful lot like this dreadful prince from school. With a sigh, he’ll bring himself down to their eye level and ask them what’s the matter. From there, he’ll try to dispense the appropriate advice or wisdom.

Usually has to wrestle them to slather on sunscreen before they head out, which they squirm against. He responds by giving them lectures on taking care of their skin.

Uses their full name when scolding them. Often does the finger wag and drops the classic "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed” line.

He encourages them to experiment with different forms of self-expression. They want to delve into his closet and vanity to try on new looks and makeup? Sure. Vil will even be there to help them coordinate. His little sibling will be the belle of kindergarten!

When they're out in public together, they wear the same big sunglasses, face masks, baseball cap, and tracksuit look. If things get tough and they get tailed by fans or reporters, Vil will shield his sibling with his own body or scoop them up and make a run for it.

[angelatsumu]

allistic simon x autistic reader was just so heartwarming and relatable to read as i’m someone with the tism that often feels like a burden on others. it was so lovely, feeling like simon didn’t want to change the reader as a person or expect anything unreasonable of them, but rather accommodate them where he can. i also liked that he didn’t have to compromise himself and was able to do an activity he likes, but also care for reader! all around just really enjoyed the piece.

if i may, i’d love to request something where one of the reader’s safe foods/essential items is out of stock or being discontinued and how simon would help them navigate that situation. one of my fave essentials just got discontinued and i’m devastated lol ♥︎

hi there! i'm very happy that you enjoyed my first autistic reader piece. i'm sorry that your safe food is out of stock ): i get fairly frustrated when i can't have access to things that comfort me. i apologize in advanced for the subpar writing that will ensue this message.

allistic simon x autistic!reader: crisis averted

in which your lovely husband attempts to help you navigate the sudden unavailability of your safe food.

simon came back from his meeting on base a bit winded and more confused than when he'd originally left the home. the meeting was a cooperative planning session involving KorTac, and your husband failed to keep up with the newly-introduced objectives and profiles. his head hurt, frankly. the entire meeting he'd only been wondering what you'd been up to and if you missed him. when he finally entered your shared home, he was relieved to have the workday slide right off his broad, strong shoulders.

simon hummed as he heard the tapping of your PC keyboard, knowing you'd likely well into a deep dive of one of your special interests. he took off his boots by the door and calmly took steps toward the study, whistling as he walked. his eyes fell upon you in the throws of your own world of wonder, irises blown as you took in the information before you. Simon cleared his throat to grab your attention, and you peeled yourself away briefly to greet him. ,"hey Si," you hummed back distractedly, and your husband chuckled in response. "hi lovie," he grinned at you, moving to stand beside you and take in the media you were consuming. he stands there for a moment, enjoying your company, before he decides to trek to the kitchen for a snack.

simon peers around the area for signs of your appetite, signs that you had been feeding yourself and staying hydrated. he was met with an empty sink and dishwasher, and the items in the fridge looked untouched. the water filter was exactly as full as when he left this morning. he sighed, shaking his head before a lightbulb went off. maybe we're out of [food item]. that could do it, he thinks to himself, treking to the pantry to confirm the item was missing. he padded back into the study to greet you again, politely asking for your attention.

when you spin around to see a frowning Simon you instinctively feel puzzled, and of course Simon can tell by the way you stare at him blankly. "lovie, you didn't eat today?" he's soft when he speaks to you, ensuring that you don't feel scolded or punished. Your lover has been so understanding of your mannerisms, fully aware that your appetite was fickle and sometimes undetectable. you shook your head in response, words lost on you as you tried to recall your last meal. "there's no food item so I can't really eat right now," you responded cooly, and Simon nods his head in response. usually he'd kept up with the supply of your items, and he was honestly quite shocked that this wasn't upsetting you as much as he'd always imagined it would. he didn't want to press the issue, but he was mildly concerned that you may be pressing it down. "why didn't you say anything, are you not upset?" the question slides over your head, and you direct your attention back to the media in front of you. " 've been busy today," you respond as your eyes focus again on the screen. Simon sighs again, turning on his heels and heading to the bedroom for a change of clothes. he knew he'd be heading to the store now, or helping you through a meltdown later.

Simon had read up quite a bit on the fickle nature of meltdowns, and he was well versed in how unpredictable they may be. he'd listened to numerous autistic media creators mention their experience in reference to valves. when the 'special interest' tank was where you needed it, and your 'manual labor' valve was at a minimum, then that allowed for things like social interaction or emotional regulation. when you had no time to yourself and no time for the things that keep you happy, your mask began to slip and 'smaller' things that you normally coped with began to feel a lot heavier and less manageable. he knew that your special interest tank currently filled your cup to the brim, allowing you to ignore the constant discomfort of hunger and dehydration. he also knew that should this hunger persist it may heighten other, seemingly less significant, senses and experiences and he'd find himself well into meltdown territory. the longer he waited for you to notice your hunger, the more likely dysregulation would occur.

at the store, Simon's breath is stolen from him. the damned item was out of stock. he haggled a store employee, begging them to check their inventory again, but they'd been completely out of it. Simon found himself driving all over the city in search of this item, but he found nothing. at the fifth store he felt defeated, and he decided to search for the item online. to his dismay, it'd been discontinued. there was a pit in your husband's stomach at the information. to Simon's surprise, it seemed that his lovely spouse's support of this item hadn't been enough to singlehandedly keep the item in service. he scoffed as he thumbed through the list of items he knew you liked, all of which seeming a reach to coax you into eating.

Simon drives the 45 minutes back to the home, and you're pacing in the living room with your headphones on. Simon doesn't even have to ask, he knows you've overdone yourself with the screens and now your head hurts and your ears hurt; your ears always hurt when you're overstimulated. No matter how much you loved [special interest], you still found yourself overwhelmed if you indulged for too long.

you turn the music down at the sight of your husband in the doorway, waiting for him to speak. "Lovie, it seems that item has been discontinued." The words take a moment to be processed, but you fail to hide the disgust and frustration you feel about the information. you feel your chest getting tight, and the music doesn't feel loud enough. "i know this is difficult but-" 'How could we not notice it was discontinued? Why didn't i pay attention! It can't be! I don't want that. I don't want it." you began to cry, frustration coursing through you as your ears began to sting. You'd tried so hard to do better, to feel better for Simon, but now you felt helpless. Your brain began to eat away at you, blaming you for not keeping up with your own foods and snacks. Your pacing continues as you find yourself striking your chest repeatedly, trying to dull the pain of the situation. your mind felt like it was melting, and the tears continued.

Simon steps to you slowly, striking his own chest lightly and he nears your smaller frame. he slowly reaches his arms out beside him, allowing you to walk into his chest. his arms remain at his sides, and he allows the painful stimming to be transferred to his chest. your strikes feel nothing close to anything he'd truly suffered, and he hoped this would help you make it through this world-shattering time. he stands there for as long as you need him to, fully prepared for this to last several hours. the tears stain his shirt as you sniffle and sob, strikes getting lighter and lighter. you cry so much it leaves you dizzy, and your arms slowly reach out to simon's to wrap them around your frame. you give him two taps to let him know that you'd like to be squeezed, and he does so without complaint.

"You're safe, lovie. I'm sure this is very frustrating, so how about we order that Chinese food place you like. I know it's not safe food but it will feed you. I even have the exact order from last time, hm?" you offer him another two taps as confirmation, and he smiles.

Once you begin to come down from your meltdown, Simon is sure to help you change into your favorite pajamas and wraps you in your compression blanket. you two spend the evening in your bed watching your comfort show and eating takeout.

an: i hope this as comforting for you as it was for me while writing. simon would be such a loving and comforting partner, and I deeply believe he'd study you and learn you so well that he can help. if anyone you love is having a meltdown, try to remove any extra emotional or cognitive labor for them.

[jiraisupportgroup]

~ Tips for Dealing With Anxiety or Intense Emotions ~

This post is really long so in the interest of not clogging your dashboard here’s a table of contents

1~ Dislcaimers

2~ Accepting Your Situation

3~ Grounding Exercises

4~ Expelling Anger

5~ Addressing the Trigger

DISCLAIMER: I am not a therapist or a doctor!! Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Additionally, depending on what causes your anxiety some of these tips may not help you very much or may actually end up making things worse! For example - if you have OCD and one of your compulsions is counting things, the "counting" grounding technique probably is not a good fit for you and could actually exacerbate the symptoms of your OCD. If you experience depersonalization or derealization some mental-based grounding techniques may not work for you. If you have CPTSD - sometimes writing through a situation that was traumatic can be intensely triggering and should be done in a safe and controlled environment (often with a therapist if that is a possibility for you). Please use your best judgment when choosing what tips to try. If at any point while following these tips you feel heightened anxiety or an increase in negative emotions - PLEASE stop immediately and move on to a different grounding technique. Please don't feel bad if any of these tips do not work for you - it does not mean anything is wrong with you. Everyone is different and will have different reactions to things.

~ Accepting Your Situation ~

✰ Do Not Talk Down To Yourself ✰ There is no shame in experiencing intense emotions. You are not being unreasonable or dramatic or dumb or anything like that; you are experiencing emotions. That is OKAY. You are allowed to feel upset, you are allowed to feel anxious, you are allowed to feel angry, you are allowed to feel panic. Telling yourself "I shouldn't be feeling this" is not helpful! It's also not true! No rule says you have to feel certain emotions in certain situations. The fact of the matter is that you are feeling these intense emotions, and we have to go from there.

✰ Remove Yourself From the Situation ✰ If you experience these emotions while you're in a situation like an overcrowded store, or a conversation you're having - remove yourself from the situation. Go ANYWHERE else. Your bedroom, the bathroom, a quiet corner, your car, anywhere where you can sit down and be in a quieter and less busy environment. If there is another person involved in the situation tell them "I need to take a minute" or "Please leave me alone for a minute". You do not have to tell them why you are upset or how you're upset, just tell them to give you space. If you have a friend or someone else you trust nearby tell them what you are experiencing. It doesn't have to be specific, just say "I'm having really intense emotions right now". If the person making you feel this way is refusing to give you space; walk away. You do not have to justify yourself to this person - you do not owe them any responses - your number one priority is getting out of the situation. If that means you completely ignore them and literally run to your car or the bathroom and lock yourself in - then do it. If this means you have to call for help - then do it. Whatever you have to do to remove yourself from the situation, do it. I would much rather you feel like you're being dramatic and making a scene but get yourself out of the situation than stay in that situation to avoid "causing problems". Slight side note~ most of this post is based on the assumption that you are not actively in danger or a triggering situation. If you feel unsafe or at risk of being harmed (mentally or physically) by another person or yourself, please seek additional help and ensure your safety. ✰ Make a Safe Space ✰ We want to ensure that you are in a safe environment to avoid further triggers and allow yourself the feeling of safety so you can process the emotions you are feeling. Once you are removed from the situation (or if you're experiencing these emotions outside of an active situation), make things as comfortable for yourself as possible. Think about each of your senses. Sight - Is it too bright in this room? Too dark? Does watching sensory videos help you calm down or stay relaxed? Sound - Is it too loud? Too quiet? Do you need earplugs? Do you want to play some calming music or nature sounds? Binaural beats? Touch - Are you too hot? Too cold? Do you want a weighted blanket? A stuffed animal? Do you need to change into more comfortable clothing? Smell - Does it smell nice? Do you want to light a candle or some incense? Do you have any lotions or perfumes you enjoy the scent of? Taste - What are you tasting? Do you have a drink? Water? Juice? Do you have any gum or snacks you enjoy the flavour of? I do quite enjoy going through a little check of all the senses because it can double as a grounding exercise. Note that this doesn't mean you have to light a candle and play music and chew gum and change clothes in order to process your emotions - you can if you want to or have the energy to, but the important part is that you feel safe and comfortable.

~ Grounding Exercises ~

If you are feeling anxious or upset, utilizing a grounding exercise to bring yourself back into your body and calm your mind can be really helpful. Keep in mind that often times if you experience an intense emotion your body will release adrenaline, which can take up to 10 minutes to process once it stops being produced. If you don't calm down immediately that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you - try to be patient with yourself. For as long as you need engage in a grounding exercise (or multiple grounding exercises). ✰ Breathing Exercises ✰ Slow down your breathing. Breathe intentionally. Feel yourself breathing. There are many different methods for this. Below I put some of my favourite breathing exercise GIFs I use, try them out and see which one you like the most!

✰ Feel Your Body ✰ Literally. Physically. Press your hands together, and see if you can feel what sensation comes from which hand. Tap your feet on the ground. Touch your elbows to your knees, how does that feel? (I like this one because I think it feels weird). Analyze the physical sensations you're experiencing from yourself, your clothes, your chair, whatever is around you. Use things with more intense (but safe) feelings like ice or cold water if you are struggling with basic touch. NOTE ~ Depending on your situation and history this may be a triggering experience for you. If at any point you get the urge to scratch, hit, or otherwise hurt yourself or the things around you please stop and move on to another grounding exercise. Additionally, if this begins to lead to negative emotions about your body itself, please try to stick to focusing on the feelings of physical objects around you instead of your body itself; if the feelings continue please stop and move on to a different grounding exercise.

✰ 5-4-3-2-1 Method ✰ What are 5 things you hear? What are 4 things you can see? What are 3 things you can touch (from where you are sitting). What are 2 things you can smell? What is 1 thing you can taste? Go through your senses and really try to feel them as much as possible. Analyze them. You can hear music but can you hear multiple things in that music? Are the notes going up or down? Is it very staccato and jumpy or is it more strung together? You can feel your bedsheets, but do they feel different in different spaces? Are some spots warmer than others? Do both sides of the blanket feel the same or are they different? It's 'soft' but is it more silky or fluffy or velvety? ✰ Do Something Active but Small ✰ This is one of my personal favourites. If you have a small ball toss it up and catch it. Toss it with one hand and catch it with the other. Toss it back and forth. Feel it in your hands. Do you have a fidget spinner? Spin it. Feel how it's harder to move it around when it's spinning. Spin it one way, then the other. See how fast you can make it spin. Play a basic tapping game. My personal favourites are typing games or easy rhythm games. Seeing something on the screen and then tapping to respond to it keeps your mind and your hands busy, and can help you kind of zone in. Stretch. Feel your muscles, are they tight? Do they loosen up when you stretch? What parts of your body are the most tense?

✰ Counting ✰ Do this in a way that really makes you focus. Count up in 3s. What about 4s? Count backwards from 100 but only the even numbers. Count to 100 but avoid any multiples of 5. How many different numbers can you make with only 2s and 0s? NOTE ~ Counting can very easily become an OCD compulsion. Be cautious if you feel yourself resorting to counting frequently and in situations where it is not a conscious decision, or if you start to feel like bad things will happen if you do not count or that you HAVE to count. If you have OCD and foster compulsions easily please try a different grounding method.

✰ Recite Something Out Loud ✰ Say the words to a song or poem you know, or pick up a favourite book of yours (mine is Alice in Wonderland because of course it is) and read it out loud. Focus on how the words sound and what they mean. Is there any wordplay? What words do you enjoy the sounds of vs what words do you not like so much?

✰ Use Anchoring Statements ✰ State facts. "My name is xxx. I am xxx years old. I live in city, state. Today is Friday, July 26th. It is 2 in the afternoon. I am sitting at my desk. My pet is in the room." Just state facts about who you are and where you are. NOTE ~ Be cautious not to spiral with this. If you start saying negative things about yourself or your home such as "This room is dirty" or "I don't deserve xyv" please stop and move on to a different grounding method.

✰ Be Your Own Comfort ✰ Sometimes I pretend I'm another person comforting myself, like the anxiety is a kid and I have to step up and comfort the kid. So I'll walk myself through things. "You're going to stand up, you're going to walk to the kitchen, you're going to pour yourself some water, you're going to drink the water" or even "You're okay, you're fine, you aren't in danger, you are doing your best, this feeling is not going to last forever". It sounds dumb but sometimes hearing it out loud can help, and the more you tell yourself these things the more you believe them.

~ Expelling Anger ~

If you are experiencing intense anger you might need a more physical or emotional outlet before you can calm down. You want to allow yourself to feel that anger in a way that is not destructive to you or your surroundings. Please note that there are different schools of thought on this and different people react in different ways! Some people say to release your anger through a controlled outburst, some people say even controlled outbursts keep you in that headspace and can cause you to become even more angry or agitated. Keep in tune with your body - if while you are doing these things you notice yourself getting even angrier or even more agitated, try a grounding exercise to calm yourself down instead. The final goal is that you are more calm and less agitated at the end of this. Try and feel out what works best for you. ✰ Do Something Active ✰ Go for a walk. Go for a run. Lift something heavy. Clean. Do jumping jacks. Do something active to get your angry energy out. ✰ Throw or "Break" Something In a CONTROLLED Manner ✰ Break something that is okay and safe to break. Tear up a piece of paper. Throw ice cubes into the bathtub. Throw a tennis ball around (preferably outside if you can). Throw stuffed animals at the wall. Beat up the stuffed animals (they will understand I promise). You can be "destructive" in ways that are not actually very destructive. NOTE ~ Sometimes these actions can make things worse for some people and increase your want to break something for real or do something destructive to yourself. If you experience these wants while engaging in one of these activities - do your best to stop and try something else.

✰ Scream ✰ Into a pillow or - my personal favourite - in your car. I am known to take little drives around town and scream at 3am because I just have to get it out. If you can't scream for real try silent screaming. Pretty much act just like you're screaming but don't actually make noise. It can be more effective than you would think.

✰ Cry ✰ Cry as much and as HARD as you can. Let it out. Be embarrassing and ugly about it, like really for real cry. Cry "unreasonably" hard. I like to set a timer for 10 minutes and just cry as hard as I possibly can for those 10 minutes just to get it out. There is no shame in crying - it's generally pretty healthy for you. Crying can release endorphins and oxytocin which are pretty much "brain feel better" chemicals. Some studies also suggest that crying can reduce stress hormones in your body. Crying is awesome. NOTE ~ Try to avoid hyperventilation. If you are prone to hyperventilating while you cry or if crying tends to lead to panic attacks for you, be cautious. This doesn't mean don't cry, just be aware and don't try to make yourself cry harder artificially. Also please avoid looking at triggering media to make yourself cry - if you don't feel like crying don't make yourself feel like crying please T-T

Once you have gotten it out and you're starting to feel a little better, I personally recommend doing a calming grounding exercise afterwards to give yourself time to fully decompress.

~ Addressing the Trigger ~

Once you have calmed yourself down and feel like you're mostly in control again, it's a good time to review the situation. It is up to you if you want to do this - if you did some grounding exercises and you feel better now and you want to move on, go for it. But if you've still got some lingering feelings or you find yourself thinking about the situation again afterwards I usually recommend analyzing it.

Breaking down and understanding a situation can help us a lot in the future because it helps us learn what makes us upset and how we deal with it. It also helps us understand our emotions better so we can work with that and develop coping mechanisms that work for us.

NOTE ~ Depending on what the situation is, like if it was a traumatic event, it can be very triggering to write through it like this. In these cases I typically recommend working through them with a therapist if possible - if not possible try to stay in tune with your emotions. If you feel like you are getting anxious or upset, or even potentially could send yourself into a flashback, please stop, ground yourself, and come back to it whenever you feel ready whether that be the same day or multiple days later.

"BREAK IT DOWN" Journal Prompt Sheet ^ This is a link to a Google Document that lays out how I personally break down situations. It's got an example in there to kind of show you how I use it, but you can make a copy of the document and delete that to use for your own situations ^-^ Below are the prompts and what they mean;

✰ What are the play-by-play facts of the situation? ✰ What objectively happened? Try to keep emotions or your guesses at the other person's motivations out of this one. Just state the concrete observable facts. ✰ What is the context surrounding the situation? ✰ Now you can talk about your emotions and what you think the other person’s motivations were. What led up to this? Do you have past experience with things like this? ✰ How did you feel mentally after this happened? ✰ Try to use specific words or really elaborate. “I felt sad” is not as meaningful as “I felt like I was being betrayed” or “I felt like everything I had been working for was meaningless and got taken away” (To absolutely no one’s surprise, I’m putting the emotions wheel in here for reference)

✰ What are your worries about the situation? ✰ What did / do you think was / is going to happen? What were / are you scared of happening? It does not matter how “unreasonable” it is - go ahead and write it. ✰ Did you feel any physical reactions to the situation? ✰ Did you chest hurt? Did you tense up? What areas of your body were affected? Did you feel exhausted afterwards? ✰ Why do you think you felt these ways? ✰ Think about similar situations or other times you’ve felt the same things. Did something specific trigger you? Did you just get overwhelmed because you were really tired? It’s also okay to say you don’t know. Sometimes things happen and you just don’t know why. ✰ What would you like to happen with this situation? ✰ If it’s ongoing what sort of resolution would you like to see? If it is done and over what sorts of things would you like to happen in future situations like this? ✰ What sort of compromises do you think you'll have to make? ✰ Consider the other person’s point of view, or if a situation like being in public in general triggered you consider how you’d deal with that in the future. ✰ Do you think these are reasonable expectations? ✰ Is this doable? Is this agreeable? Try not to fall into "no because they never agree with anything I say" try to think if you asked someone completely unrelated to the situation if this solution seemed appropriate what would they say. ✰ What sort of actions can you take to make these things happen? Is there anyone you can trust to help you in this situation? ✰ We love an action plan! How do we prevent this from happening again or how do we build up our coping mechanisms to be able to handle it if it does happen again? ✰ How are you feeling right now? ✰ Check in with yourself. Writing through things is hard. How are you doing right now? ✰ Is there anything you can do to reward yourself for working through this right now? ✰ You deserve a reward!!! Writing through things is hard!!! Reward yourself!!!

Thank you for reading ♡ hopefully some of the information can be helpful to you. I also cannot stress enough please, if any of these tips negatively impact you do not engage with them further T^T this is one of those things that everyone is going to react to very differently, so I'm counting on you to be responsible and recognize which ones work or don't work for you to the best of your abilities, okay? ♡

[missmeinyourbones]

hi!!! can i request megumi + "it's okay, we're the best of friends." congrats on the big milestone!! 🤍🤍

IT'S OKAY, WE'RE THE BEST OF FRIENDS (m. fushiguro)

L's MIDNIGHTS EVENT!

The only sound in your room is the cat clock ticking away on your wall, and you can't even hear it over the obnoxious thumping of your heart inside your throat.

Megumi sits like a statue on the corner of your neatly made bed, as awkward and out of place as he always does.

As if he isn't constantly coming over to your place. Like he doesn’t fall asleep on your couch at least once a week and knows that your shower’s water pressure sucks. That your shampoo is on the left and your conditioner on the right. 

He hasn't said anything, and you know he won't unless you do first, so you brace yourself to be the bigger person—even if you are mentally praying for a satellite to crash into your tiny two-bedroom apartment so you can avoid this stupidly awkward conversation. 

When it's apparent that there's no outside mishap (miracle) coming to interfere, you swallow your pride and open your mouth.

Fuck.  

"Look," you begin weakly, before clearing your throat and trying again, "I'm really sorry about… that."

That being your roommate referring to a blushing Megumi as your boyfriend when he showed up at your place for this week’s movie night.

And in your roommate's defense, it’s not even an unreasonable mistake on her end. You two don't really know much about one another's personal lives outside of work and the occasional passing kitchen conversation. And sure, Megumi visits a lot, and when he's not at your place, you're at his or out somewhere together. You suppose it’s not terribly out of left field for her to assume the two of you are an item.

But you’re not, and it feels like a pretty fucking big deal right now, as the two of you sit in the silence of your bedroom afraid to so much as swallow too loudly in fear of the other fleeing like a deer in headlights.

Megumi shrugs like he doesn’t care, but you both know he does by the way he fiddles with the hem of his sweatshirt sleeve. 

The action is halfhearted and his silence is so terribly loud that you have the sudden urge to overexplain yourself, so you do. 

"I think she just assumed since we're so close, and you’re always coming over, y’know? Not that that’s a valid reason to assume anything, or that there even is a valid reason at all, but I guess since you're a guy and—"

"It's fine," Megumi answers a bit too quickly. "I mean, we're best friends. People are bound to make that assumption sometimes, right?"

Though clearly flustered, his response is almost automatic, as if he's rehearsed his lines in his mirror for this very moment. It breaks your heart and somehow makes you feel special at the same time. Because sure, he’s letting you down gently, but he’s letting you down, gently. 

Shakily, you exhale and play it cool with a (totally not disappointed) nod, "Right." 

Wrong, your heart aches. It’s not often in your daily lives that people assume the two of you are together.

Or maybe they do, and you don't notice it anymore. Maybe you've become accustomed to the way the waitress at the diner you two go to on the weekend no longer asks if you want separate checks, but instead automatically hands the bill to Megumi and shoots you a wink. You're now immune to the way older couples coo when you two walk the streets, Megumi pushing you to the inner side away from the street. The way guys don’t really flirt with you at bars anymore, the way women no longer ask to pet Megumi’s dogs when you're by his side.

Maybe.

After a moment or two of you being lost in thought, Megumi clears his throat.

He speaks softly and casually, "Gojo does it, too."

His words confuse you, "What?"

Megumi second-guesses his nonchalant tone when he needs to repeat himself. He trips over his own tongue when clarifying, "He thinks—that we're like… together." 

Your throat suddenly feels like you've swallowed sand.

Gojo? The same Gojo who knows Megumi inside out? Who’s known you since you were sixteen years old, who pretended to ignore you sneaking in through Megumi's window and let you steal his cheap alcohol on Friday nights? Gojo thinks the two of you are together? 

"Oh," is all you can muster like a fool, before following it up with a meek, "he does?"

"He’s an idiot,” Megumi scoffs but nods. “Always calls you my girl, which I tell him is stupid and sexist when he literally knows your name, but he never listens." 

The words have your heart by the throat and again, all you can muster is a pathetic, "Really?"

"Yeah," he's not sure what possesses him to go on, but Megumi finds himself continuing. "Even just now when I left, he was on the phone with someone like ‘Megumi's leaving to go to his girl's place,’ or whatever."

The words set you on fire, and you think about how stupid that is. How simple words strung together can have such a huge effect on you. Words that if someone else said would mean nothing, might even make your nose scrunch in secondhand embarrassment. But here they come from Megumis lips, about you, and even if they’re from Gojo they still feel like something raw and buzzing with something sweet. 

"Just—don't feel weird about it, okay?” he feels the need to softly clear the air. “She's not the only one who does it." 

His words dance throughout your body like a drug as they play on repeat in your mind. Not the only one who does it.

Random people on the street. Your roommate. Fucking Gojo. People from all areas of your life, all agreeing that you and Megumi are something more than friends. You don’t know why the thought makes your chest tighten, and you don’t know why you kind of love it.  

"Okay," you breathlessly sigh, though you've barely spoken for the last few minutes.

Megumi echoes your breathlessness when he whispers back, "Okay."

“…”

"So... did you pick a movie?"

[wings-of-ink]

Mini progress report, some ramblings and Patreon planning

Hello all! I just wanted to drop a note and check in. I haven't been around as much lately as I've had some busy things in my personal life going on (all good things, btw), and they've made me a bit sleepy. I have some asks baking in my inbox, but I will attend to them when I've got the energy saved up.

For now, I am still working on chapter 5 and she is a biggie. I do not know when the update will go through. I had hoped for October, but realistically it will probably be November. I'm giving myself some wiggle room since the season for me is shifting, and I often experience fatigue and some strong-sads when autumn/winter set in. I won't know for sure until it hits if I will be a sleepy mess or not, lol. Sometimes it doesn't hit until December.

Assuming I remain in good humor, I will be doing a lot of writing and testing in the coming days. Around this time last year is when I was finally writing the first chapter of GC. It really helped me get through the winter months, so I hope that this year will be much the same.

In fact, I found when I made the document for the outline and rough draft for the start of our story:

Between here and the very beginning of February 2024, I wrote the prologue and chapters 1 and 2 and then published them. This coming February, we should celebrate our 1 year anniversary, right?

Chapter 5 is coming along well. I've had a couple scenes that I want to go back over and refine since I either forgot something or they just didn't turn out the way I wanted. I have also written out an event that happens in chapter 7 which I am very (unreasonably) excited about. I could not help myself, it was burning a hole in my brain. It will, of course, develop a lot more after I have 5 & 6 actually done, but I can't wait until you get there.

Here is where Chapter 5 stands now:

This looks massive, but keep in mind there are two paths at the beginning of this chapter and each have unique events/consequences. Some of the text is shared here and there between them, and then they meet. This also includes code and such. I am at the mid-point of the chapter currently where there is a bit of downtime and the MC can get up to...a few things.

Such as this tease for a Duri-moment:

Just what are you two up to???

As for Patreon, if anyone is curious, I am still planning. The feedback I got from the poll along with messages and such have helped a lot. I am not sure when I will have things running since I am prioritizing the actual chapter writing while I've been busy with other things. Since my weekly schedule is going to be back to normal now, I can think about it more.

I have determined to take Patreon nice and slow. It will focus on just a few tiers to start (centered on only God-Cursed for the time being). From there, we'll grow things at a sustainable pace. Most were interested in extras (POVs & drabbles), so I will focus on those, early access, and spiciness. I had debated about starting this next year as opposed to, say, November or December. I may just shoot for whenever I have chapter 5 done. I feel like that's a good round place we can branch off from, and it will open up more flexibility in any bonus content I write.

I think that's all of what's been on my mind lately, and I've prattled too long as it is. I hope you are all safe and well!

Take care! ^_^

~ Lunan 🐦‍⬛

[morsobaby]

With abusive people, there's no hierarchy of discomfort. Lemme explain that term.

Not all discomforts are equally as bad. That's normal and obvious. Sometimes the people close to you cause you discomfort but not enough for you to lash out. You may snap at them. You may make passive aggressive remarks. You may act annoyed around each other a little. But that's that. It's because they caused you this discomfort. The situation is INHERENTLY ABOUT this discomfort.

An abusive behavior pattern about this goes differently. You cause discomfort to another person and they lash out at you and rattle off everything else that's also wrong with you, berate you, shame you, guilt you or any number of other things that aren't Actually about the discomfort itself. They view this small act of causing discomfort as part of a YOU issue.

I accidentally burnt my food. My mom yelled at me, berated and shamed me, questioned my knowledge, ability and maturity as an adult person, and made me feel intense guilt and fear. For burning my food accidentally.

But the thing with this pattern of behavior is that it could've been Anything. And the abusive person would still react just as nastily.

It feels weirdly obvious to point out but I've only truly realized it until recently.

They have no hierarchy for what discomfort warrants lashing out. Or at least not for you specifically. If you start realizing that hey, they reacted just as badly about some other insignificant thing and have made me feel like this before, that's your sign. The abusive person will insist up and down that No, you're bad and I'm angry at you because you did this bad thing right now. And then they forget about it, and if you bring up how unreasonable their reaction was, they'll cling to the actual topic of disagreement when that's not what you're addressing.

"Hey, when I burnt my food accidentally, your reaction was way too harsh and it made me feel really scared and attacked"

"My reaction was because you burnt your food and it was really irresponsible and you shouldn't have done that and you should know better than to burn your food!"

Do you see what I mean? It's not about the discomfort you caused them. It's not about the burnt food. It could've been any equally ordinary event or disagreement, but their reaction is always disproportionately negative and punishing, and they'll insist it's because of this single discomfort despite it being a repeated pattern.

It IS a pattern.

Bonus points if you never know to expect what small transgression will cause them to lash out next so you start walking on eggshells around them, start keeping things from them, force yourself to do certain things around/for them purely for the sake of their comfort (or to avoid lashing out)

Repeated episodes of berating and lashing out can become traumatic if they keep happening. Thusly, if you feel like you get triggered into a panic/fight or flight response over seemingly innocuous disagreements and your nervous system expects an attack to come from this regardless of the topic, that's another sign that you're being abused. Your emotions often know, even when you yourself are being silenced and denied or called overly dramatic

[morathicain]

Rewatching the final of The On1y One after the second season announcement and because sometimes pain and heartbreak and good acting and longing symbolism are a must.

Still baffled though, how some people see Tian's breakdown on the stairs as a teenage temper tantrum. Like how???

Of course, emotions probably get heightened by those teenage hormones but it's no wonder Jiang Tian is breaking down? Like, he's so torn between care and sadness and anger. And not because Sheng Wang is switching to another classroom, but because Sheng Wang did it on purpose. Because Sheng Wang, after being so close to kiss him during that one night and giving a glimpse of hope that the love might be reciprocated, CHOSE to go away from him. Sheng Wang, who promised to stay by his side, who'd become his home, Tian's personal safe space, the one who promised to be honest with him, messed up an exam to the point that he now has to stay away (to make himself fall out of love). This isn't about a little distance while learning (although Jiang Tian will miss him for sure) but after so many years of getting abandoned and not daring to believe he has a place, the one he finally gives a chance again, basically betrays him.

Of course, it's all about unspoken words and misunderstood feelings. Sheng Wang calling Jiang Tian "Big brother" in the end as a damn reminder to himself to keep his proper distance and be a good younger brother and for Jiang Tian it means a forced distance that pushes him away and also Sheng Wang burying whatever spark of hope there had been. He's drawing a clear line between them and keeping Jiang Tian on the other side. And all of that after months of bonding and getting closer and Sheng Wang pushing himself into Jiang Tian's life and comfort zone.

And he knows or at least guesses and that guess becomes clearer with everytime Sheng Wang avoids his gaze and acts so fucking guilty, literally curling into himself. Let's not forget Jiang Tian is able to read him so well because he cares and watches. And even when he's about to cry angry tears because Sheng Wang won't even admit he fluked it on purpose and doesn't give a reason (which proves the point that it's because of Jiang Tian and that hurts double) but curls into himself and is lying so obviously, Jiang Tian cares so fucking much, he brings mint and lemon water. But while he's still there, Sheng Wang won't even touch that. Not even talking of the bracelet ripping in the most beautiful of symbolic choices.

And then he feels as if he's getting replaced in Sheng Wang's new classroom and yes, Sheng Wang being away now, out of touch and reach, especially emotionally (and the distance is a physical and emotional one, a symbolic even) does hurt him and make him devastated. Because that way, Sheng Wang can keep the mask on way too well.

So yes. Yes, he might be a teenager and his emotions might be heightened but this is not an unreasonable tantrum (and even those often have reasons but might be harder to get from the outside). I'm in my 30s and if the person I loved and finally let into my life and who was my home and promised to stay, lied to me and made sure they had to stay away from me on purpose, avoiding me and not even admitting to any of it? I'd be angry and devastated, too.

WE know Sheng Wang's reasons for trying to keep his feelings in check and forcefully turn his love back into what's right again. He's had his whole sexual awakening and self realisation all at once, together with the shame and guilt for feeling that way. We know but Jiang Tian doesn't and for him, this all comes out of nowhere and leaves him alone where they'd walked together before.

But Jiang Tian can't keep his care hidden and still cares so much. Ngl loved when he claimed Sheng Wang's seat, angry at Wang for leaving but possessive enough to have this spot for himself now. As if to keep it for Sheng Wang or as if to have whatever is left of the boy he loves and this is something, no one can take away.

So yeah, yeah, I am in my feels and they're deep and crushing and painful and I love it. Can't wait for the next season!!

[avatar-anna]

so just an idea. what if few years down the line when prof and h get married and he drops her to uni first time after they are married and people address her "professor styles" or "doctor styles" and she cant stop blushing and harry is just smirkingg. you can totally ignore this if this isn't something you like!

Heyyy queeeeeen, first of all HAPPY NEW YEAR! Second off all this is kinda a request/idea : how about y/n is mad at bf!Harry so she gives him the silent treatment and then out off nowhere he calls her y/n Styles and it gets her attention and then they have a talk about marriage and the end up making love?

I've given this a lot of thought, because on the one hand, I feel like Professor would be the type to keep her last name. BUT I also think she would appreciate the idea of shedding her past for good by taking a new name, Harry's name. She talks about it at length with Harry, and he holds his tongue, wanting her to come to her own decision and supporting whatever she wants to do (but he totally has an opinion and it's for her to be Mrs. Dr. Styles). And because you so graciously requested this, we're going with Mrs. Dr. Styles, so here is three times Professor was referred to as Dr. Styles!

The Professor Series

Harry often thought the way Y/n went on tangents was cute, adorable even, but right now she was being a little...unreasonable.

"Y/n, we talked about this. It happened for a moment, and security took care of it. I'm fine."

"This is not okay! Do you know how many creeps there are out there? So many. I don't need statistics because I encounter them all the time, Harry. This is serious. You could've been hurt, the band could've been hurt, anyone could've—"

"Darling, nothing happened. Come back down to earth for me. Please?" he said, standing up from the hotel bed to come near her.

"I am on earth! Where some...some freak decided it was okay to run onstage and charge you! Why aren't you taking this seriously, Harry? Anything could've happened? So many celebrities are attacked by fans who think they're in a relationship or have a right to..."

And on and on she went.

Harry knew it was scary for her. Y/n got easily spooked by this kind of thing. And he was fine with that, but honestly, hearing about all of this was freaking him out. He'd been fine after the show, but now she was making him uncomfortable.

"Y/n, love, come on. Stop," he said gently, reaching for her hand. But she wouldn't stop, she just kept going.

Harry loved her, he would never want to change a single thing about her. He loved her little quirks and all the things that made up who she was. She wouldn't be his love without them. But sometimes she didn't listen to him, and sometimes she worked herself into a frenzy when she didn't need to.

"Y/n Styles! Stop. I love you, but you need to stop," he said, voice soft but stern.

He didn't even realize what he said until she asked, "What did you just call me?"

"What?"

"Y—You called me Y/n...Styles," she said, and Harry thought she'd probably never looked so confused in her life. "Why would you do that?"

"I...I don't know," he said truthfully. "It just came out. Sorry."

He wasn't sorry, though. Not really. Harry might not have meant to, but he certainly liked the sound of it. They hadn't been together very long, but he knew what he wanted, he knew what his future was going to look like. Harry didn't care how long it took or when that future started, but he could wait.

What he didn't want was to freak his girlfriend out. Harry knew Y/n loved him, but she sometimes got squirrely about the abstract, the unknown.

"No, it's—it's okay, I—I kind of liked it," she said.

Of all the things to happen tonight, that was the most surprising.

Grinning, Harry said, "You did, did you?"

"I know that look. Don't give me that look or I'll take it back," she said, stepping away from him as he got closer.

"What look?"

"That look! Put those bedroom eyes away!"

"Bedroom eyes?" Harry asked, laughing as he cornered Y/n against a wall. In a sing-song voice, he said, "You want to be my wiiife."

"N—No, that's not what I said, I just—Hey!"

"No more talking," he said, carrying her over his shoulder. "We, Y/n Styles, are going to bed."

Y/n tried to say something, but Harry's mouth was on hers before she could make a sound. "I said no more talking," he murmured, nudging his nose against hers. "We're going to bed, and we're going to kiss for a little bit."

"Maybe a little more?"

Chuckling, Harry kissed the top of her cheekbone. "Whatever Mrs. Styles wants, she gets."

"Stop it with that. We're—mm."

"Shh. No more talking."

"It's—It's Doctor Styles," Y/n corrected, wrapping her arms around Harry's neck.

"Of course. Now, where were we?"

"Have a wonderful, wonderful day, Dr. Styles."

"It's review day. My least favorite day," Y/n huffed, slumping against the seat of the car.

"Impossible," Harry said, leaning across the middle console to kiss her temple. "Today is your first day of work as Dr. Styles, which means it is the best day."

Y/n's cheeks flushed at the sound of her name. Her new name. She loved it, of course, she wouldn't have changed her name if she didn't. But it was just so new. They'd only been...married...a few weeks. Seeing the ring on her left hand still surprised her from time to time.

"Are you going to say Dr. Styles every time you address me?" she asked him.

Harry's grin was broad as he winked and said, "Absolutely, Dr. Styles."

"Harry—"

He took her chin in his hand and kissed her long and hard. When he pulled back, her entire face was red. "Harry! Anyone could see—"

"Let them. I love my wife, and everyone should know it," he said. "I'll be by for lunch, okay?"

"Really?"

Harry kissed her forehead. "Yep. Gonna bring you flowers and embarrass you in front of all your students and make them jealous at the same time. So go, I'm looking forward to being a trophy husband."

He was being silly, he knew that, but he couldn't help it. They were married. Harry would shout it from the rooftops if he could, but he would settle for making Y/n blush every chance he got.

Grinning from ear to ear, Y/n surged forward and kissed him. "Do you have to bring the flowers?"

Chuckling, Harry pecked the bridge of her nose. "I have to bring the flowers, Dr. Styles."

Y/n, Dr. Styles, wrinkled her nose at Harry, her husband, who just wrinkled his at her and kissed her pouted lips. "You better go, Dr. Styles. You're gonna be late for class."

She nearly told Harry to drive them back home, that she didn't want to go back and teach, she just wanted to stay in all day with him. But that was impractical. She had to go.

So Y/n got out of the car and went, but not before one more kiss to Harry's lips.

All day, when students called her Dr. Styles, Y/n blushed. She got through her lectures without a hitch, but she couldn't avoid the teasing questions at the end, or the cheers and whistles when Harry came by as promised, a takeout bag in one hand and a large bouquet of her favorite flowers in the other. He ate up all the attention, then sat Y/n on his lap while they ate lunch together. And when her next class was about to start, he didn't leave like she expected. He stayed in her desk chair and minded his own business while she gave her lecture, though she could feel his gaze on her every now and again, each one more heated than the last.

Y/n could feel each one and tried not to rush through one of her lectures so they could get home. That wasn't who she was, she was a good professor who didn't let her husband's—her husband's—bedroom eyes get in the way of a lecture. She was better than that, she would be better than—

"I think that covers everything. I think you would all benefit from some free study time, so...so get studying!"

Students trickled out one by one, some of them going up to Y/n to ask her a question or congratulate her or both. She answered and accepted each graciously, but her fingers were also tapping furiously against her leg, just below the hem of her skirt. And finally, when the last student was finally gone, Y/n turned around and launched herself at Harry.

"Take me home," she mumbled against his mouth. "Take me home right now, please."

"Darling, you have one more class—"

"Now," she insisted, before going back to kissing him all over. His neck, his jaw, his cheeks, the corners of his mouth.

Harry hummed as he threaded his hand through her hair. He gripped her waist and indulged her in one more kiss before he tilted his head back. "I love you, my darling, darling wife, but no."

"No?"

"No. I know you want to now, but you'd be disappointed for letting your students down later," he said.

Y/n wanted to protest, but she knew Harry was right, so she slumped against his chest. "But I want you right now."

"Believe me, you are not alone in that department," he said, squeezing her hip. "But, we have our whole lives together, hm? So I will wait, and so will you, and when we get home..."

"Promise?"

Harry kissed his wife, loving the feel of her body pressed against his. "Promise."

"Okay, we're live in three, two, one!"

The host of The Daily Show smiled at the appropriate camera and did his normal greetings after the commercial break, then announced that Y/n was here.

"Welcome Dr. Y/l/n"

Y/n was nervous beyond all reason, but somehow she managed a small smile. "Thank you. I—It's Dr. Styles."

She wasn't used to this. She wasn't used to the cameras and the attention and the live studio audience. Well, she was, but her lectures were different. That was her safe space. This...a live television interview was not her safe space.

"Right! Of course, congratulations!" the host said. "How is married life treating you and your husband? What's his name again?"

"HARRY!" someone in the audience shouted, which caused everyone to laugh and cheer.

Y/n blushed. How long had they been married, and she still blushed at the mention of her and Harry being married? "Good. Good, I guess. We're very happy."

"I'm glad! And I'm so curious to know how the two of you met. A Cambridge professor with multiple PhDs and a world famous pop star. How does that happen?"

The host's voice wasn't condescending, merely curious, but Y/n wasn't prepared to talk about this. She didn't come to talk about her relationship.

Her mind buzzed with an answer that wouldn't be rude but would also change the subject. "We...met during the pandemic, which was when I realized how lacking schools were in...in so much. Which sounds silly, but I skipped most elementary grades and spent most of my time in higher education. But I...I realized I could help."

"Right! You became quite the internet sensation during lockdown to make educational videos, which obviously led to this. Your very own curriculum."

Grinning, Y/n nodded.

She never set out to write a series of textbooks for children. Y/n had a busy life, a fulfilling life as a professor. And yet somehow, she found herself wanting to do more. Harry had a lot of...younger family, and she liked to help them with their homework and projects and such. But her first look at their textbooks was very disappointing.

"This is what they're teaching you? This isn't even historically accurate! Where's..."

It was safe to say once something was on Y/n's mind, she couldn't let it go. Harry was amused but supportive, his usual reaction when she took on a new project.

"How can I help, love?"

"You didn't even finish school. How are you going to help me write a textbook?"

"Ouch, love."

"Well?"

"I mean you're right, but you could always say, 'Thank you husband. I love you so much.' Now you try."

"Thank you husband! I love you so much!"

"See? Not so hard."

"I started by just writing one. A comprehensive American History textbook," she said now, tapping her fingers under the desk where no one could see. " Kids have the capacity to learn so much more than what schools are currently teaching them. Leaving things out or not acknowledging certain events or painting our nation's history in a certain light is a disservice to them."

Y/n wasn't expecting applause, didn't necessarily want it. So she was surprised when the audience cheered for her answer. She smiled despite herself, then glanced to the side where Harry was standing off camera. He gave Y/n a thumbs up and blew her a kiss.

"That's amazing," the host said. "So you started with one, and it just progressed from there?"

"Yes, I—Once my mind is set on a project, I can't let it go, so I carved out time and just...wrote a bunch of textbooks, I guess. Well, I researched and got a Master's in Urban Education first. But then...then I wrote a bunch of textbooks."

"You wrote an entire elementary and middle school curriculum by yourself! That's incredible, Dr. Styles."

The audience cheered again, and when it died down, the host asked her more questions about her books, which she was happy to answer. She talked about her approach and her willingness to not shy away from or hide unsavory history. "In a way that's appropriate for each age group, obviously," she said. "But it's important for children to understand the complexity of history and that there's never just one side to a story. I tried really hard to be respectful and honor forgotten voices that have been left out for too long."

"Would you ever teach to younger pupils, yourself?" the host asked.

"Oh heavens no," Y/n said quickly. "My students at university can barely keep up with me. No, I—I wanted to do my part by providing well-rounded, unbiased material, but I'm not sure kids would want me to teach it."

And when it was all said and done, when the cameras were off, the host shook her hand and thanked her for coming to the show.

Y/n walked off the set and toward Harry, who was quick to spin her around in his arms. "You were fantastic," Harry said.

"I know! I was nervous at first, but I just am so proud of my work, you know? So it was easy to talk about. And I even managed a few jokes!"

Harry laughed because her "jokes" flew over everyone's heads. The only reason Harry got them was because Y/n practiced them on him the night before. "They were great."

She smiled, but it dimmed the longer she looked at him. "You didn't think they're funny."

"What? I didn't say that! Why would you—"

"You didn't have to. It's all over your face," she said, pouting. "You don't think I'm funny?"

"I think you're brilliant, and I think you have so many talents. Can you let the rest of us idiots be funny?"

"I suppose that's fine," she huffed. "Can we go home now?"

Kissing her temple, Harry took her hand and led her out of the studio. "We can go wherever you want, Dr. Styles."

[songscloset]

Cherry Magic and The Difference Between Who You Are On the Inside and On the Outside

I have, yet again, fallen into a fandom that's just old enough to not have an active fan group. I just inhaled the Japanese tv version of Cherry Magic. Fucking adorable. Seriously.

Often, while I'm driving, I record myself as I talk things through (I have worked out so many plot holes this way, omg). Yesterday, I was thinking about the tv show and what I want from it/what I think about it. This is that recording, transcribed (with mental jumps retained for humor).

Okay so what fics do I want to read in Cherry Magic Japanese TV show fandom that don’t exist? This isn’t hard. There are many.

One is I’d like to read a fic where Kurosawa isn’t such a goddamn wimp. Why does it take him seven years and Adachi becoming a fucking mind reader – that shouldn’t have to happen. Kurosawa, you’re a go-getter. Like, what the hell.

I do like the idea that he had to get over himself; that fic was really well done and I like that. That’s… anyway.

So, a fic where inside the first two years of his crush turning into something deeper, he then acts on it, because he CAN, because… anyway, whatever.

I lean toward stories where the magic doesn’t exist. I’m not sure why that is.

A lot of the fic that exists are set post-canon. But that isn’t what I want. I want more pining. I wanna watch Kurosawa absolutely fucking squirm and I’m not sure what that’s about, but it feels unkind. However.

That’s where I am with this.

I wanna watch him absolutely have need.

And maybe that’s what it is.

So I could just write … extend the in-canon period where he’s just pining. I could do whole vignettes of him pining during that seven years. Starting with when he and Adachi first started at the company and he ignored Adachi. He missed him. He doesn’t see him. And then go on through… through the whole thing.

This does also … doing this should be a reward. It seems like a lot of fun to do. I don’t know why I’m quite so taken with this.

Some of this is that the actor is awfully cute.  

It’s just that.

Kurosawa's character… and maybe this is a large part of it.

Kurosawa seems like someone I might know. And that’s really the difference, Kurosawa… they seem like people I might know. They seem – this situation is a real world situation. I mean.

Except for the mind reading, but you have to have a plot device.

But it’s a real situation, it’s a real world experience. We’ve all had hopeless work crushes and we’ve all thought terribly about ourselves, even if it’s unreasonable and all of that is true.

I also really like that the story is about people … the way … there’s a difference

A vast gulf of difference between who people think we are and who we think we are ourselves. The reality of who we really are, of course, is somewhere in the middle.

Um.

But that’s what this story is about. This story is about the fact that … that on the inside, most of us are pretty wrapped up in… you know, seeing only our own insecurities and negative bits and on the outside we project these images of security and confidence and ability

And so other people make decisions. Make assumptions.. other people react to the persona.  

This reminds me of the reality of worksonas. Who doesn’t have a worksona? Right? Everyone has one.

We all live inside these different personas.

Sometimes who we are on the inside and who we are on the outside don’t match. And it’s because we’re often deliberately projecting an external image that isn’t the entirety of ourselves.

This is not a bad thing. We don’t need to show everybody in the world who we are on the inside. None of this should be taken to imply that we have to be perfectly exposed and vulnerable to every single fucking asshole out there in the world. We don’t.

We don’t.

We get to defend our vulnerable little soft bellies.

Because we do!

Our vulnerable selves can stay inside our vulnerable you know, inside where it’s safe.

Anyway.

So that’s… I think that’s a large part of why I find this appealing and why I want to re-tell canon.

Because canon is showing us a lot of what… canon shows us Adachi’s side. That’s all we’re seeing, really. We get glimpses of Kurosawa’s side, because we get the little snippets of his internal dialog.

But we don’t get to see the morass of miserable self-hatred that is informing his decisions.

[elbiotipo]

Watched Strange Aeon's video essay on A/B/O dynamics and it touched on some really interesting tidbits on world building. Idk how much you know about it or if you have any thoughts on Omegaverse?

If not, basically how life/society would be with essentially extra sexes: cis men who could give birth, cis women who can knock up other uterus havers, how the world would cater for this stuff. V interesting 🤔

I know little about omegaverse, but I don't really find it that creative or engaging. Then again, I'm not the target audience.

However, without getting into specifics, I do appreciate when a erotic scenario gets into the worldbuilding and implications that such an scenario would mean, or when certain elements of worldbuilding have erotic undertones.

It's all in personal taste though, what one finds subtle eroticism others will call shoehorned fetishes and so forth. But what I really appreciate, even in a neutral sense, is when you design cultures, especially non-human cultures, and they have different approaches to everything. Making your non-human characters just be humans with tails is boring. They should have different ways of eating, of clothing, of living their life, of organizing society of perceiving the world, and yes, of doing it too.

In biology, we of course had to learn a lot about this. The very basics of sexual reproduction and sex (in the act and the definition) aren't that variable after all in animals if you look at the big picture. Creatures as diverse as arthropods, mollusks and chordates all present concepts such as mating, courtship, sexual selection, parental care and more. It's not unreasonable to expect many different cultures or beings to share some things in common (That's how you make some kind of romances work) There are lots of differences in the specific though, this is where the good bits of speculative evolution/biology lie, and I sometimes think that using human terms (for example, monogamy/polygamy or sexual/gender identities) is often a poor attempt to understand them (an attempt is made at least). It's interesting to study this kind of stuff and try to remove our anthropocentrism, but also, we find parallels and things we share.

In fact, when talking about humans, we have created so many ways to organize our sexual and romantic relationships, and our sexual and gender identities. I can imagine other beings capable of abstract thought and social organization would do the same, and what to me is more ironic, some ways will result familiar to us! I believe that when we're talking about sexes, the act of sex, and families at its broadest strokes, we would find things in common to talk about. The ability to concieve about such things lead to kinds of sexual and gender expression and family organization, at least in our own case that we know about.

But that's talking about animals in our own Earth. Then we get to the stranger things. The haplo-diplont life cycle in plants, with two entire different kind of beings involved in reproduction. Asexual reproduction is common in animals but it often takes the channels of sexual reproduction, the idea of reproduction by budding or separation and the concept of "genets" is something stranger. I don't even know what goes on with fungi.

There have been lots of science fiction and fantasy authors that explore this (I can't remember anyone specific right now) but I believe many take it as singular strange cases, when in a fantasy or science fiction world with many kinds of non-human cultures, we should expect this to be the norm. When you study biology, you learn everything is different and there are always exceptions, except we also share everything and there are always similarities.

[shinewerst]

Here I will leave some of my thoughts, guesses and headcanons. Some of them may be stupid and unreasonable, but I will share them with you anyway.

I've noticed that a lot of people headcanon Earth and Moon or Earth and Venus as siblings. And I partially agree with this. But here are my thoughts on this matter: They are celestial bodies and they do not have siblings in the usual sense, but since they live for a very long time, over billions of years of being close to each other, they can develop family feelings for each other. But only if they are always close. Therefore, most often this occurs between a planet and its moons or between several moons of one planet. This is unlikely to happen between planets, since each of them is in its own orbit, perhaps double planets are an exception. Therefore, I headcanon the Moon and Earth as brothers, Phobos and Deimos too, and Mars as their guardian. (Earth and Venus may be somehow connected, but not family) It's more difficult with gas giants. I believe that when their moons are too numerous and constantly increasing in number, they stop keeping track of them and treat them more like decorations. But Idk.

In the Solar System, having life is supposedly cool and the Earth is proud of it, Venus dreams of it, etc. but it seems to me that in other systems the attitude towards this may be different. For example, I have an oc exoplanet and in her home system this was not considered something cool. They literally treated it like lice lol.

Planets/stars/satellites do not speak any of the earth’s languages, but their own. But different systems have something like their own accents and dialects. So my oc speaks a little differently from them.

In different parts of the universe, the appearance of the planets changes and what the planets will look like usually depends on the star (I'm talking specifically about planethumans).

For the planet/star and satellites, love is something deeper than for earthlings. This is very strong, sensual.

I also noticed how in many fanfictions characters call Proto-Earth that way. But it seems to me that the term “Proto-Earth” itself appeared after his death, namely the collision with Theia and the appearance of the “new Earth”. Before that, everyone simply called him Earth.

Each of them has its own axis tilt, right? They don't really follow it, especially in the planethumans format, so I made a headcanon about them sleeping on their slants. So, Venus sleeps upside down, huh?

The Earth speaks all earthly languages and knows the stages of evolution of almost every creature on his surface, although sometimes he himself may be confused about this. His past memories are slowly fading. He does not remember how he and the Moon appeared, he does not remember that there could have been life on Venus before. I imagine him periodically reading a book about dinosaurs because he doesn't want to forget about them.

I like to think that Mars used to be a bad-tempered asshole, but Earth doesn't remember that. Mars himself does not want to remember this at all, since he has already grown out of it.

Probably the Earth became the way we see him because of humans. Perhaps he was different before. I imagine him as a sweet and kind planet who does his best to care for his friends and his little brother. But when he changed, Luna continued to love him like a brother and care for him in return.

Earth usually tells others only the good side of earthlings, but usually he complains to the Moon about how much he is hurt, about how they are starting another war and doing other terrible things. Therefore, the Moon is much more tolerant of the Earth; he must be the only one who knows how hard it is for him.

Venus is jealous of the Earth and everyone has already understood this. I like to think that Venus, after losing life on its surface, feels the need to protect Earth and its inhabitants.

Luna is aroace. Just because for some reason it seems to me that dating someone just doesn’t suit him.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll create a second part cause I might have forgotten something :p

[mxjackparker]

As a white sex worker, I am afforded many privileges over my peers who are sex workers of colour. Clients are willing to pay me more, clients assault me less often, support services treat me better, the police are less likely to arrest me if they raid a brothel I work in, I'm less likely to be reported by hotel employees when I go to meet a client at a hotel, the list goes on...

Radical feminists bring up this privilege disingenuously when I advocate for sex worker rights, which benefit all sex workers and have the largest impact on the most marginalized sex workers of colour, with statements like this:

(Identity of the poster is redacted, but this was in reply to a post of mine talking about how sex work is not exceptional in any way besides involving sex.)

Let's go through these disingenuous claims:

I have unprotected sex with my clients sometimes, because I can't afford to turn down the extra money they're willing to pay me for it. Even when I insist on a condom, clients sometimes stealth me or break them. I am absolutely at risk of catching an STI, though I do my best not to let fear-mongering make me unreasonably worried about this. The majority of STIs are highly treatable.

I have worked in brothels where I've had to give all my earnings to the owner, who then provides me with a percentage.

I've been beaten by clients, stalked, harassed and raped. All many times.

I started sex work at 17 and am legally considered a victim of sex trafficking in the country I live in for this reason (UK).

I reported a client raping me to the police when I was 18. They mocked me, told me I was "working [myself] up into a tizzy", and dropped the case after giving my abuser my legal name and telling him the area I lived in.

I don't particularly fear being murdered by the police, this is true. I fear being raped by them, as I've experienced before, but it's very unlikely they'd kill me.

I have been addicted to various drugs, and this was particularly a problem when I worked in a brothel where our manager constantly encouraged us to do more cocaine to work longer hours. The physical withdrawal was hard.

Doctors have refused me access to care more than once because I'm a sex worker, as have nurses at STI clinics.

My fear of being arrested and imprisoned has gone up and down depending on how criminalized the kind of sex work I'm doing at a given time is. I've feared it most when working with other workers for safety, which is illegal in the UK and is considered to be brothel keeping.

I've experienced a sense of terror when being assaulted by clients more than once, particularly the times I've been choked, thinking about how easily they could kill me and get away with it.

When I speak about sex work as not being exceptional besides including the sale of sex, that is not a claim that it is an industry that is free of exploitation - it's an acknowledgement of the exploitation that happens in all kinds of work. In every type of work, white people are privileged, because that's how systemic racism works.