#it's nothing about all of you
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short hiatus notice / psa.
Putting under a cut !!!!!
Lily here. Been having a really really rough time. Barely communicating on discord so if you've noticed that among my friends, this is why and I'm very sorry. and frankly my mental health isn’t great at all. I feel very overwhelmed on my blog and I need to go on a break I think for my own sake, my health, dealing and grappling with some very tough situations, and to organize and just relax which I haven't...really done since I lost my grandmother less than a year ago. Since then things in life have really been a relentless snowballing of bad things for well, me, my family, friends, and I know among my loved ones I'm not the only one that needs a break.
It's only a break. Not a long one, but one that I don't feel bad taking so I can feel better and the situations and my life get better because I kinda feel like I'm drowning.
By no means am I ever leaving my blog, Edward means everything to me, but I need to clean it up, drop old drafts, clean followers etc and I’m not full of energy enough right now to do that so it's easier to navigate. I just need some time. A lot is going on and I feel guilty when I shouldn’t, but right now all the bad things going on in my life are completely distracting me from giving this icon the love he deserves in writing. I just need some time, it's really bad right now.
I won’t be gone forever, just a lil while until my health / situations improve, but I need to take care of myself first. I hope you understand and I hope to see you all when I get back!
Again, love Lily, take care of yourselves and hopefully I'll see you soon. If there is any activity on this blog it will be Edward content running on a queue, gifs, pictures, musings, etc from his sideblog. Sending you good vibes and well wishes like always.
I'll see you all as soon as it starts to look up, okay? Until then please take care. You all are so good to me so I really hope you take care of yourself too.
#𝐏𝐒𝐀 * ── a lesson without pain is meaningless.#𝐎𝐎𝐂 * ── revving at full throttle!#this has been a long time coming but it's nothing about my dash#it's nothing about all of you#you're fantastic#i'm just doing /very badly/#and i gotta take care of myself so i can give Ed the attention he deserves and justice he deserves#when i /am/ feeling better / managing#tw: mental health
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#when you’re a humanities scholar#and more#like when they ask me what is your blog about#it’s about nothing but it’s actually everything to me#just found this and thought#wow isn’t it still relevant#i can tell you all about bouba and kiki but you’d be surprised to know how much of the generally quotidian stuff i have 0 clue about#10k
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i hope (know) this is how everyone who has ever fumbled me feels
#femmeofhearts thoughts#lesbian#certified weird femme#this is totally not about anything specific that i’m still mad about at all wdym#i love nothing more than to haunt people#ooo yes you cannot escape the thought of me oooooo#femme dyke
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OBSESSED with this new su signing poster. pearl holding greg just because. slightly older steven with attempts at growing out facial hair. the little pebble in the corner. garnet criss-crossed on greg’s van. lapis’ pants riding down so low you can see her hip. bismuth with that muscle definition. connie’s preppy outfit. peridot’s blank glasses.
#steven universe#i had nothing spectacular to say about how amethyst was drawn#but shout out to the dimensionality of her pants it’s all so solid#but you must understand that i’ve been staring at this poster for full minutes#also LOVE lapis’ expression#(not my poster ftr it’s from someone else and i blanked out their name)
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I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
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"Do you miss the time when you used to do no harm?"
Old habits.
Merc behaviour is based on a nice little comment @up-in-flames-writing left on one of my comics :)
Rambling and more silly drawings below.
Loosely based on the Solemn Vow's public blurb:
Art lovers will cherish the bust of Hippocrates, commemorating a time when the Medic still thought doing no harm was a good idea.
I am absolutely convinced that Medic carries dextrose drops with him. German pharmacies throw these after you when you buy anything at all. I went to check if this one specific brand I know of had been around since the 60s and 70s and yes, it was.
Small acts of kindness I can see Medic doing is giving everyone one of these if they are tired. I'm talking about Engineer mostly.
Or they snack on them when solving practical problems together, like during the teleporter bread tumor incident.
#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 medic#tf2 scout#tf2 heavy#tf2 spy#tf2 archimedes#tf2 sniper#tf2 pyro#tf2 demoman#tf2 engineer#*Vaxx leans out of the head canon window with this one*#A lot going on in the second half; if it's hard to follow: I'm trying to contrast medic keeping candy in his office despite no kids around#against his disregard to the hippocratic oath/suggestion#Why would he keep doing this general-practicioner-core thing but not the bare necessity for keeping his medical license?#I want to convey that him losing his license was nothing surprising because#in his mind the oath was always ever a mere suggestion hence it wasn't actually a big change in his values#the punchline is that there's no contrast: keeping candy in the office is just as much of a habit as is not following the hippocratic oath#When I found out about the Solemn Vow's description text I spent minutes thinking about the implications behind that#Herr Doktor what happened in your life; did nothing happen at all; did you change or were you always like this and just came to realisation#what made you stop being wholesome and choose violence
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Forbidden orange juice
#Narcissus is an overlooked tragedy i think#in that its not usually considered one#but narcissus was born beautiful and wanted by everyone#and he spurned all advances#generally without particular cruelty--mostly it seems he ignored or recoiled from those chasing him. and for that he was cursed#to love what would not love him back#to be doomed as soon as he knew himself#in a mythos with ravaging heroes and grotesque monsters narcissus is punished for being beautiful and solitary#and the moment he catches sight of his reflection in still water he is lost--gazing at himself#that which would not love him back.#wasting away until nothing but a gold flower remained#and that's what this is about#finding a stranger in your reflection#the self that does not love you#a curse for someone who was solitary#narcissus i hope the water was fathomless#i hope you found something worthwhile in yourself.
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I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#twin runes comic#twin runes au#my art#art#susie deltarune#chara#this will ignite the “chara did nothing wrong�� vs “chara is a murder hobo” debate I just know it#fact is they gave up everything for their plan to succeed and asriel blew it#HOWEVER they were also forced to watch asriel die and they could do nothing about it#so what does a dead child do for who knows how many years all alone with no one else to talk to?#they rethink everthying that went wrong#guilt is a weird thing that lingers and festers in your mind#no matter how much you're actually at fault#I mean come on... they were an abused kid#all they wanted was to not hurt anymore and return the love they were given no matter the cost#but now they are CONVINCED it was their plan that kickstarted this whole mess#and it's eating at them#you can see it because they actually used contractions for once#i love subtle stuff like that#also hey#susie's feeling remorse for her whole “chara offed asriel” comment#the two are more alike than she thought and now she feels bad#out of all people she should know what it's like to be falsely accused
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learning to love
#they make me so fucking unwell i feel so ill whenever i think about them#it's OVER for me i'm done#teen skk is going on my fucking suicide note thanks for everything asagiri#something something your bloodied hand in mind something something by you i am forever undone#something something to the world we may be villains but to each other we're two halves of the same soul#head in my fucking hands#sry for getting all emo i rewatched pmmm yesterday and i've been feeling existential about everything#i actually listened to the pmmm ost while drawing it saved me i love you yuki kajiura😍 (i died)#nothing like a haunting latin chorus echoing through my empty head while i draw tragic yaoi 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#big shoutout to sis puella magica i had that one on loop for like two hours‼️#anyway enough about the doomed yuri anime back to skk#forget everything i said i actually hope they explode i'm sick of their asses#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#soukoku#skk#posting at ungodly hours again this is gonna catch up to me 💔#lotus draws
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Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows
In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.
If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.
So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.
I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?
However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.
Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)
And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.
Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.
It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.
Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?
While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:
She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.
You see where I'm going with this.
When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:
And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD
When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.
MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS
No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.
And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:
Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!
The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.
And, uh
Yeah.
I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.
But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.
Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:
But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.
There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.
After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:
"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.
Kind of like another bird in this show:
#blue eye samurai#mizu#akemi#kinuyo#bes#women are birds okay they are BIRDS#the let me die line is so SCARY AND SAD like a part of Mizu wants death but she cant? she doesnt know how?? excuse you show???#when all these other delicate birds are dying all around her#akemis character gets more and more gutwrenching upon subsequent rewatches because whenever she says her life is in danger#NO ONE BELIEVES HER - certainly not other women#because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right?????#and it turns out that all of akemis instincts were right and she was in danger the ENTIRE TIME#also I need to make a post just for kinuyo because I am sad
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he did it! 🐍 and it only took...uhhh...well, there probably could've been less punches, but why hold back!
PUNCHES FOR EVERYONE
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 9 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 9 spoilers#snakes#ONE MORE DOWN#oh my god happy jamil was SO scary and yet adorable all at once#i want real jamil to see him and just be utterly disgusted#and yet he got nothing on the return of everyone's favorite twst character: WEIRD RHYTHMIC ELEPHANT#oh weird rhythmic elephant what would we do without you#me kicking my stupid little feet as jamil wakes up through sheer force of kalim though#he was SO happy for jamil and SO ready to just go along with everything. my sweet boy.#jamil getting so flustered by him that he's just shocked back into reality#and the SLAPFIGHT#silver being like 'they need this' and doing his one smile animation as kalim and jamil are pulling on each other's hair and going YOU SMEL#mmm yes delicious#also this is probably nothing but#but...they brought up the whole thing with azul having dirt on crowley again#the thing that was briefly alluded to in episode 4 and never mentioned ever again?!#i had JUST finally convinced myself that i was reading too much into it and it was just azul playing along with jamil's plan#but now they've mentioned it again and i'm going to be all BUT WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEAAAAN for another three years about it#is it a meaningless reference to that one scene?! is it absolutely ridiculous foreshadowing?! am i ever going to be validated?!#I HAVE TO KNOW
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hey silt verses? I just want to talk
#the silt verses#I'm soooooo!!!!! I'm sooo!!!!!#you can't do this to me silt verses!!!!!! I'm soooo!!!!!#val voice: you didnt want to be this I'm sure that#something something what did you want to be? a ballerina. a milkman.#the promised bride. become something else the trawlerman told her. she was just a girl. just a human with no where to go#all these characters stripped down of all titles and pretenses and forms and shapes. that's all they are. human#sorry i had to make another post about this because i was just talking about this on twitter yesterday#wouldn't it be truly fucking awful if it was just people out here and nothing else
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personal opinion but. the reason tiktok’s ‘zepotha’ isn’t doing great isn’t because of a lack of cohesion or poor reasoning behind it (although I’m sure these would’ve contributed). It’s because when I was first introduced to Zepotha it was as a fake movie concept. And when I was first introduced to Goncharov it was as me spending the entire morning trying to figure out why Tumblr was obsessed with some random movie.
#pherrie rambles#goncharov#zepotha#you need less ‘hey guys lets do this’ and more#‘hey guys do you ever think about [character]’#unreality#omg anyway its kind of fun to post about internet events that mean nothing to me LOL i get why you all do this now
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i hate motherfuckers who base their whole personality on the sum experience of their formative years + the people they mostly interact with + some key impactful events in life + a small amount of traits they were just born with + their current interests and some other stuff probably. so fucking annoying...
#notifications blocked goodnight all of you#i like that theres people from both ends of the spectrum of opinions on how to build a personality in the tags#i just wanted to make a joke about when someone says the phrase “making it their entire personality”#its a nothing phrase
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You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?
The emotional amnesia.
Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.
You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.
It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?
And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.
#Ironically thinking hard about all this creates a somewhat paradox#By stressing about feeling nothing you torture yourself into feeling bad things#Not about the memories just about yourself as a person#x Celyn#celyn speaks#dissociative disorder#dissociation#depersonalization#derealization#depersonalisation#derealisation#dissociative identity disorder#did system#osdd system#osdid#osddid#osddid system#system stuff#emotional amnesia#osdid system#cdd#cdd system#complex dissociative disorder#dissociative amnesia#flux speaks#flux takes#did symptoms#sysblr#cdd community#did community
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to speculate about the sexual and romantic undertones of celebrities’ professional relationships
#thinking about the larry thing again. all my life i’ve been a believer 🙏#obviously many times of misguided beliefs were there before i like. learned how the world works. now i practice rpf discernment#but quite frankly there’s nothing like the drug of looking at star wars ot promo and being like man.#carrie fisher and harrison ford definitely fucked didn’t they.#and then for carrie fisher to drop the princess diarist and be like yeah me and harrison had the most torrid 70s affair#you can possibly imagine.#VINDICATIONNNNN#quite frankly they are the reason i still believe something similar happened with gillovny. we just need the memoir drop#rpf quiz
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