#it's not that hard to politely correct someone without being rude and disrespectful

[feybeasts]

I really don’t know if this is like. For anyone. But as a 33 year old autistic, I’ve spent a lot of time having to deal with a wide variety of folks in various jobs, and it’s forced me out of my shell. I dunno if you’d call ‘em masking behaviors or just… guidelines, but I thought I’d share some stuff about how I try to go about dealing with socializing with folks, especially neurotypicals, in the hopes it might help folks like me who, growing up, didn’t have a rulebook for this stuff.

It’s by no means comprehensive, but maybe some of you can use it:

Open with kindness, folks are a mystery until you get to know them, but if you’re polite and assume the best unless proven otherwise, nine times out of ten, they’ll be the same way!

If someone is rude or disrespectful or unkind off the bat, it truly is a problem on their end, not yours. I know that’s one your parents might have thrown out without explaining, but genuinely, my experience has been that people aren’t good about compartmentalization, and they tend to let their bad mood spill out.

Similarly, it’s your right to disengage if someone makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe someone your attention if they’re rude or too forward, and it’s not your obligation to correct their behavior. It’s okay to just move on!

Remember people aren’t mind readers- I know for folks like us, feelings can be Big and Present and Overwhelming, but from the outside, people might just assume you’re being sullen or grumpy. It’s helpful to explain yourself, what’s going on- don’t give ‘em your life’s story and try to lead with kindness, as above, but explaining where your head is at can help folks understand why things might be hard for you.

People REALLY like to try to fix stuff. If you tell someone who cares about you what’s going on and they try to throw a buncha stuff like “well have you tried this” or “maybe you should do this” at you, they’re generally not trying to tell you what to do like you’re wrong, they’re just not sure how to help and are doing what comes naturally- trying to fix the problem. It can help to open any venting with “hey, can I vent about this?” Since then the expectations are set.

People can only operate on the information they have, so it’s better to over-explain than not explain at all. Don’t throw out every single detail of what’s going on, just the basics, but “I’m feeling frustrated because of some unexpected news” or “Well, I’m kinda struggling with my relationship with a friend” can be enough for folks to understand things at the ground floor.

There are very few people in your life who are capable of taking on the weight of a friend’s problems on top of their own, and it takes time to learn who those people are. I know folks like us can make friends quickly and rush into trusting them implicitly, but people can sometimes take a while to show you who they are. And not every friendship is gonna be as deep as we’d like it to be. This is okay, of course, not everyone has to be best buds, but it can help a lot to take the time to wait for those people to show who they are.

Ask questions, listen to people, and know that it’s okay for there to be silence. It’s very easy to get excited about what’s stuck in your craw on a given day, but remember that from the outside, people might get worn out if every conversation is about what you’re fixated on. It’s a give and take, so try to consciously remind yourself to make sure to listen and give them room to speak too! It means a lot when you do that for people!

When you don’t know if someone is ignoring you or if they’re mad at you or what have you from a lack of information, remember that oftentimes it’s a product of ignorance, not malice. Again, you know how you feel about a situation, but they probably don’t. A conversation turning from what you were talking about, someone ceasing replying to you, not answering a question, etc is more often just unaware than they are actively being malicious.

Remember that it’s on other folks to tell you if there’s a problem between them and you, not on you to sleuth it out. If they aren’t properly communicating with you, that’s on them, not you- try not to beat yourself up if someone doesn’t talk to you about something before a molehill becomes a mountain, that’s a mistake all kinda folks make, and it’s something some people never learn.

Most of all, remember that for all the talk of social cues and neurotypical behavior, the truth is, everyone kinda… sucks at this social thing. All you really control is how you approach it, so if you do your best to come into a relationship of any kind with kindness and love for yourself and respect for others, most of the time you’ll come out ahead!

ADDENDUM: BIG one here- if you think you did something wrong, apologize! I don’t mean a big like- sobbing show of contrition, don’t grovel or write paragraphs, but if you speak over someone or say something that doesn’t land or make any little social mistake here or there (everyone does sometimes!) a simple little genuine “oh, my apologies!” Or “oop, my bad!” Not only makes them feel better, it can make you feel better too!

Hope some of these help folks!

[areyoumyfather101]

Dimension 20 Chat Etiquette...

It's time we had a chat. All my interactions with other Dimension 20 fans have been great and we chatted about opinions respectfully. But that was back when the first season of Fantasy High was coming out and when The Unsleeping City started. So I haven't been present in the community in a hot minute. Now there are more people in our community (yay), but it has allowed some toxic people to join. Because of this, today we're going over Dimension 20 etiquette. Examples used are from last week's stream.

I've noticed a spiral when there was a person who kept calling Gorgug "trash" because the whole Zelda incident. Then they started to call Fig's mom a "whore." (Let's make this clear, she is a cheater. But we don't need to be throwing names like that around.) No matter how much you disagree with a character's decision, you do not start insulting them in the chat. Some things are a flaw to a person's character because they can't be perfect. Secondly, you never insult someone's character that they have created in Dungeons and Dragons. Which I will talk about in the next paragraph.

Our latest stream:

It is highly disrespectful to insult a player's character. This is a character that they have created, connected with, and they have submerged themselves within that character. If you insult someone's character in a campaign, you might as well insult them. It's totally different if you're playing a villain, but it hurts hearing people degrade your character. Mostly because a small part of the character represents the player. You understand why your character acts the way they do, but it's frustrating when people decide to just taunt your hard work.

You are able to dislike a character, but if it comes to the point that you feel the need to just abuse what someone has created... Then just don't do it. Some things don't need to be said. Especially if it's rude.

Also, I would like to go back to what I said previously about how characters somewhat represent the player. When people started talking about disliking Adaine, they started throwing Siobhan under the bus. They insulted her gaming style and started making rude remarks about her. It's a spiral that doesn't need to go any futher. Don't insult her character nor her.

Just like what midnightfox452 said.

I think the main thing that rubs people the wrong way is how aggressively Adaine says things. But remember to keep in mind who her parents are. They are judgemental, careless, and unsympathetic beings. That kind of influenced Adaine's character, I think. She forgets sometimes that she doesn't have to have that cold mask when she speaks to people. She always had to use that fierce attitude for her parents to pay attention to what she had to say.

Now here's the correct way to disagree without being mean:

Chat Etiquette Rules:

Be respectful towards both players and their characters

Don't insult players or their characters

Be nice to others in chat

This is very important because Twitch, unlike YouTube, doesn't allow you to block people so you don't have to see any toxic comments they make in a livestream. We just have to continue streams in a respectful manner and conduct ourselves accordingly. If you have an opinion to make, don't start insulting people. Politely disagree, use constructive criticism, and move on. If you don't like a certain person or the way they play a character then just don't watch Dimension 20. It's that simple. Or watch it just as you would on Dropout... Don't say anything at all. This has been the use of the Chat Etiquette spell.

[tamamonomaes]

Clearing Up Misconceptions on How Gendered Language Works in Japanese

In specifically relation to Fate, how this effects how the characters present, and why these misconceptions could be interpreted as disrespectful to the Japanese trans community.

(DISCLAIMER: I am NOT cis like people seem to think! I realise you may assume that looking at me, but it's because of medical reasons. Corrections and input from native Japanese speakers welcome and encouraged!

1 The "I pronoun" is not indicative of gender as there is no such thing as a "personal pronoun. " The "I pronoun" is not primarily focused in gender, but rather, whether they are formal or informal, who you are talking to, sometimes your age, and what mood and tone you are trying to convey. "Ore" isn't a suitable option for a "personal pronoun" in the first place as it is informal and comes off extremely rude in some situations, like a job interview, so it is likely that the ore user is going to be switching to something more polite. For example, Astolfo's pronoun of boku is not indicative of them being male as its primary focus is to represent humbleness; yes it is "primarily" used for boys, however it is also considered "cute" for young girls; basically what Astolfo's use of boku can tell us about Astolfo is that Astolfo wants to be perceived as humble, and has an element of childishness to them.

2 Within the fandom, there seems to be this urge to binarise pronouns to support certain arguments that certain characters are cis and that certain characters are trans, when in actuality, the Japanese language is already far more diverse and expresses far more freedom in it's way of expressing pronouns and gender. The absolute biggest misunderstanding comes with the use of "ore" and "atashi." Basically, people believe that anyone who uses these pronouns wants to be perceived as either hyper feminine or hyper masculine, and if someone uses one of these pronouns, they want to be perceived as either female or male. However, this is simply not what these pronouns indicate at all. While atashi is traditionally considered feminine, gay men have adopted the pronoun as a means of talking casually without presenting; the same goes for ore. While it is true it is tradionally masculine, these days, it has evolved more to present the image of being casual, as well as youth wanting to sound tough. While a woman may not usually use ore irl, it is also true that anime characters don't actually talk like real Japanese people, and female characters in anime using ore is an actual thing.

You will often see this double standard that people will say they support pronouns not being idictitive of gender in English, ie, a he/him lesbian, but then binarise the Japanese language in the sense that atashi means you present female, and ore means you present male, like NB and trans Japanese don't exist. If you were told only women use atashi and. Men ore no shade, I'm just letting you know it's more complex than that. You see this particularly with ore as it creates a "tough" image, and people believe women don't want to, or even can't, be seen as tough. If you believe someone can use he/him and be female, for the sake of respect to the Japanese language and the nb community, I ask you to do the same for men who atashi and women who use ore.

3. Grammatically, Japanese doesn't actually require the use of she/him when reffering to others. This is why you don't see characters reacting to being misgendered because, quite often they just aren't there in the original. Since they are in English, this results in the translators own perception of the character affecting how they identify in the story. There are so many instances of transphobia in fate, however, because the series is handled by so many different writers and it's hard to track down who is responsible for what, I really shouldn't have to explain to you why it is disrespectful for you to put the Japanese writers at fault for getting angry because a character is being misgendered when you're literally reading a fan translation and the pronouns just aren't there in the first place. Please stop calling out "transphobia" on the writers part because you saw Astolfo being called a he in a fan translation, or even in NA where different translators with different views have to add pronouns in. There's bigger issues of transphobia you can be focusing on rather than non-existent pronouns. The only real way you can be sure if a character is being misgendered is to check the original Japanese. But reminder certain characters using the wrong pronouns, ie, Ophelia using she/her for Caenis does not necessarily reflect the views of the writers.

Contrary to what people think, Fate does actually have a way of acknowledging certain characters as GNC. This method isn't perfect and has problems, but Astolfo, Enkidu, D'eon and Avenger Nobunaga are all canonically considered GNC with the genderless attributes in Fgo. To me this includes trans as historically D'eon is a trans woman and Nobu a trans man, but nonbinary readings of these characters are still absolutely fair, so some may disagree. If you don't consider Nobu a trans man and instead nb, you could argue that the reason Mordred isn't included because the series may have a predudice to trans men considering they want waifus and have made historical men women instead.

[muggle-writes]

well I never heard back that #jewishjanuary must be fandom content

I tried to come up with headcanons for jewish characters based on the word strength

but my brain instead fixated on the idea of “jewish” and “strength” together and I wrote a Thing about some important women in my life

(may or may not be poetry. What the hell is a title. Below the cut because it’s long)

there are people I admire the women around me my mother my grandmother this coworker . where does their strength come from? their persistence in the face of injustice their commitment to tzedakah in deed if not in word?

. I cannot help but compare myself why am I so lacking? . look at this one working nearly fifty years as an engineer starting when women were often pressured out of engineering listen to her telling our creepy coworker that his uncomfortable jokes aren't funny watch me slip away silently, determined not to give him any more of my free time watch me eat lunch with most of the team the next day he is there, as usual she is not as usual listen to her telling everyone "happy new year" in September despite how none of us respond not even me . when does she eat lunch? is she lonely? I wish I could join her ask about her experiences as a woman in engineering as a jewish woman in engineering as a jewish woman at all in another life, perhaps I would have been any of those things perhaps all of them before I find a chance to ask even about lunch my internship is over I will never see her again . watch me now biting my tongue the eighth time I am cut off in a meeting in which I am one of two experts biting my tongue again later that day when I am praised for learning not to speak over people "I saw you holding back today" i had not yet been told it was a problem they believe I am a woman I do not correct them she would not have let them trample her like this . listen to that one repeating over and over to a cashier we will never see again the correct pronouns for my wife usually my wife and I just move on as quickly as possible in case this is the one ignorant transphobe that turns out to actually be a murderous transphobe but there is strength in numbers he finally calls her ma'am and we finally leave my wife admits she appreciated having someone to fight for her I cannot even fight for my own pronouns even among friends when it is just the two of us we resume never correcting anyone leaving instead of telling them they were wrong . And look at the other kindly but firmly informing someone they got our order wrong watch me scrape mustard off my burger rather than initiate confrontation listen to me insist it's okay it is really I’m eating it, see? . what makes them similar? is it that they are all women? I was raised to be a woman am I just weak? or was I taught that women could be strong in this way and it didn't stick because I am not a woman? . perhaps it is generational perhaps the similarities are coincidence and my grandmother taught my mother her strength and my mother tried to teach me and I have failed to learn why am I so weak? . is it that they are all Jewish? except one is not anymore but she was raised jewish and I was not i would like to be jewish my aunt says I already am my grandmother says I can be (christian) society says that religion is defined by belief I'm not sure I believe in anything . perhaps their strength has something to do with being raised jewish I was not learning young that you will not be heard unless you shout over the only voice society wants to hear that your voice has value to others like you I was raised christian through no fault of my own . I learned to trample others' boundaries in the name of religion in the name of helping the very people I was disrespecting I learned the hard way that my opinions were not welcome that presenting them so forcefully was rude I grew out of christianity I did not grow out of keeping everything to myself to be polite I try to never be rude . But look now at my rabbi listen to her introduce herself with her pronouns every time she stands on the bima to talk to teach listen to her call me 'they' without hesitation hear her offer me an adult b'nei mitzvah before I am confident enough to ask watch her navigate conflict with a confident diplomacy not as a scolding teacher (a call from the principal) but as a partner in finding peace the way I aim to do the same I say I prefer to avoid conflict but perhaps there is strength in seeking peace . my rabbi says I may honestly consider myself jewish given my ancestry given my effort to reconnect with my family's traditions but I also may honestly consider myself not jewish if I find that to be more true that I know myself best and that if I am not trying to lie about whether or not I am Jewish then I am not lying no matter what I say I can't decide which is more true to me my participation in jewish community now? or the lack of formal learning and ceremony . my grandmother never had a bat mitzvah either in her generation girls didn't get the ceremony . Look at all these women around me these admirable Jewish women each with their own strengths I have so many role models to choose from . one thing is certain I aim to be like them: a Strong Jewish ...Non-man

[sereisstuff]

ｂｌｏｓｓｏｍ  2　オゾ唄

Otoko Geisha!park jimin x chubby reader

Intro - a story about a certain soft Hearten male geisha and a poor broken musician who battle through a journey in which they explore the world through their performances Genres - a slow burn, comedy, romance, and angst

part 1 part 3

(Not proofread)

!!ENJOY!!

You shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of your elder, she held a prominent stare against your hard exterior trying to crawl her way into your mind. Jimin noticed clearly what she was doing as he tried making you comfortable with them but how could you when you’ve barely gained any insight into their real personalities. Unless he was always like this.

“It’s only polite to not stare”jimin said mentioned playing with the tips of his small fingers nervously, making sure no walls of disrespect was crossed between him and his mother like figure who kindly turned her way to jimin with a soft smile”this will give us some time to understand a bit about your guest, y/n” she muttered silent praises to herself to control her ability of snapping at you at any given time.

You hadn’t answered her question, shifting closer to the window of your guys transport.

“It’s rude to not answer, dear” she calmly stated, hands gently placed on the edges of her dress, lightly clinging to the colorful fabric that fell off her shoulders nicely.” there’s nothing to know” you breathing was ragged as you answered her question.

“We should be arriving soon”jimin jumped up to gain his elders gaze tearing her venomous eyes away from his company, he didn’t want anything to happen to you and he couldn’t understand why you barely spoke, but he vows to understand your ability to hide.

“That is correct”

You watched the fashionable vehicle come to a halt, as everything around you seemed unfamiliar. You felt out of place already, the surroundings were much richer than your original home. Geisha stride their way through the streets easily gaining the men's attention who could only stare in admiration.

Portraying heart eyes without a notice cautiously approaching the young woman with pride. Not only that but the trees were already blooming showcasing their light flavor to those who admired the diligent features the peace had in store for them. Everything felt so touched by the sunlight as they embraced it if you could explain it in one way this city was absolutely beautiful. So beautiful you felt unwelcome.

Jimin nudged your shoulder with a bright smile” your gonna get left behind if you don’t hurry” he joked playfully unknowingly welcoming himself into your heart, he pulled you out a daze to help you stabilize your wondering imaginations. Noticing that everyone had already made their way out.

You felt odd amongst them, like the black sheep of the so-called duo. Nothing was taken with you but your koto which you held dearly to your heart, if this was ever taken from you nothing will ever repair the damage that has bestowed your heart.

“Any baggage dear” you looked at her from beneath your large hat naming every color that was layered on her kimono, shaking your head indicating no sign of baggage at all, she was slowly accustoming herself to your non-verbal ways which she was sooner or later going to grow annoyed at.

A few men and women grabbed their things from the trunk rushing towards the Ryokan where you all will be saying, jimin has yet to explain your situation with them but will soon your hoping.

“knowing you have just joined us, you will be staying with yuno” you managed to look up at whoever she mentioned, a polite young woman raised her hand smiling at you with a welcoming smile causing your shoulders to slightly Un-tense at the sight of another companion.

Pressing your lips in a thin line was the only thing you could ever do for those who were nice to you, affection wasn’t something you were used too.

“She can stay with me”jimin suddenly barked nearly tripping over his silky attire, he raised his hand high up in the air as if someone had asked for a volunteer”jimin that’s not formal” she tried to persuade him otherwise but couldn’t, one of many traits you’ve observed from the man was he was very stubborn when it came to things he decided.

And he decided you were rooming with him.

“She will need to anyways, we have to practice for the upcoming show. Isn’t that right y/n” he called on you gaining a wide-eyed reaction from you as you looked up carefully noticing everyone's intense eyes sinking into your reaction. 

You couldn’t bear the weight of attention so you quickly nodded”that’s right” you whispered in a hushed tone, as jimin clasped his hands together gladly wrapping an arm around your shoulder” we should get to practicing then, goodbye” he quickly said, tilting his head to his own living area, leaving the older woman to check the entire group of people alone.

“Thank you” he bowed to the workers whispering something to yuno as she eyed your form taking in measurements of your figure. when they left the room he plopped himself on the mattress releasing a relaxed sigh, as you continued standing, holding the strap to the bag which held your beloved.

“Come sit down, there’s no need to be so awkward around me,” the brunette asked, patting a spot next to him, you shuffled on your feet biting the edges of your lips as you made no sign of moving towards him.

”I see” he muttered under his breath standing perking on his feet.

”We have a performance tomorrow” he approached your figure hesitantly, stabilizing his movements when he pointed to your koto “so it may be a good idea to practice, don’t you think” you nodded sitting down in front of him on a stool, jimin felt pleased with your reaction.

“What do you perform” you randomly asked, hearing your voice jimin swerved around on his toes to eye you back in the same manner as a mother would when she hears her child's first words” what” he faintly chimed focusing more on your face then your words” what. Do. you. Perform.” the words escaped your mouth slowly, and out of decent morals, you took your hat off.

Now being able to witness what you hid beneath the hat jimin was in awe, your chubby cheeks blemished in coats of red, thick lashed outlining your shaded eyes which held nothing but emptiness, in his eyes, he saw someone who he wanted to stick by for a very long time.

“Excuse me” you looked down to gain your composure, the hat gave you a sense of hiding having nothing to hide behind now let a petrified emotion take control of your insides, under his gaze you could feel your stomach churn making you feel sickly in away.

“Oh dear sorry, I um perform contemporary” jimin claimed to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly feeling guilty for staring longer than he should of. “Great i-I'll play something, and you can dance, i-if that's alright with you” you added licking the bottom of your dried lips nervously

Jimin placed himself in the middle of the room waiting to hear those soothing melodies enter his ears again. Freely letting the tunes control his precise movements.

You began to play the notes with closed eyes scared of any look you would perceive as judgment.

Jimin on the other hand. Twirled around his space with a great hold of decency as you peaked from your lashes casting a softer sound to suit his movements. Now it was your turn to admire his sways having to hold in the sharp breath you produced when He captured your gaze with his way of performance.

It was like watching art move, a hallucination which you didn’t have the strength to stop watching. He was magnificent that a small part of you wanted more.

But for jimin it was different how could someone play so fluently in the language of music. With every pluck, he felt his heart race in anticipation as if the sound of music danced with his hand in hand the entire way.

You both were compatible artistically yet nowhere near defining the other emotionally.

Words were no longer needed to admire both of the hard work put into the effortless performance both you and jimin had done, hours upon hours of work spent doing nothing but practice. The sun no longer hit the wooden roofs of the ryokan but now the moon shone through the paper like doors.

Birds stopped their choir and the booming voices of drunken men were now prominent.

“Your amazing”jimin acknowledged grabbing his black napkin to wipe the sweat from his face, your gaze stayed stuck to the floor imagining a more adventurous life of which nothing in the current life you live in existed. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, why were you playing the koto in the streets. By the sound of it I would have easily mistaken you as a professional,” the young man bent on his knees in front of your figure watching you pack away the instrument holding it like a child, preciously and with caution.

You stopped all movements when the question entered your ears, most people have beautiful stories to tell but that wasn’t the case. A story like yours was a story that would be locked forever in your mind until a key was to open it. And right now no key was to be found.

“shush. when i tell you to run you run as fast as you can” her petrified look was what held you back, bearing the weight no child should bear. Pushing you from the cliff into the water where you began your life of cruelty and continuous busking.

Her fear-driven eyes are what saved you.

You quickly swiped the forming tears ready to drop heavily from your eyes, silently continuing packing away the koto” it’s a long story” you coldly answered staring back into his innocent eyes. Jimin panicked when he saw the teardrop, doing the first thing that came to mind.

He shifted closer to your cold figure swiping a piece of hair from your face, flinching in fear from his sudden touch jimin tended to your eyes with the help of his white sleeve as he focused his gaze on your eyes unexpectedly, his wrist slowly sank back to his sides letting the silence control the room as the two of you held gazes, he appeared as someone so small compared to you.

But you could feel it, his curiosity. The kindness that oozed from him, the gentleness that he held within. You couldn’t ruin that for him.

You shifted your gaze from his features burning with desire not noticing his gaze wandering from your own as he could only wonder what just happened, calming the heat on your cheeks to stand up and bow deeply for the man who helped you from those dirty streets” I will be taking my leave now” you didn’t give him enough time to reply.

Rushing out of the room, leaving him with a mind full of curiosities.

[yaz-the-spaz]

Hey, I'm sending this on anon cause of reasons, but I just wanted to pull up your attention on your Ziam timeline. It's out of sync with fandom info. Take the time to get your dates and interviews right please before you type up responses. The date we have for them is the 4th of September. They fixed their shit on the 9th of June and Liam woke up and took what's his around his birthday. I'm not having a go at you but please learn your history before you share things. Thank you

Really. Really.

You say you’re not having a go at me but this is literally you having a go at me. Like the level of condescension in this ask is fucking sky high and just really unnecessary and also who tf are you to tell me how or when to blog on MY blog? 

Sure, nonnie. You’re sending this on anon “for reasons” and those “reasons” are that you wanted to be a rude and snarky asshole for no reason when you had plenty of other options. You could have messaged me kindly off anon with helpful links or even sent a nice anon message saying hey actually this is wrong, here’s the right info but instead you came to me on anon like a coward saying shit like “take the time to get your dates and interviews right please before you type up responses” and “learn your history before you share things thank you” and yet you expect me to believe you’re not having a go at me and not trying to be rude. Sure. Okay.

Now. I’m woman enough to admit that I did get the dates for the vegas concert/”more than this” moment mixed up because i’m a human (and not a robot) who makes mistakes and doesn’t always have perfect recall.

But. 

As for the rest. Take a look back at what I actually said anon, which is that a lot of the fandom accepts that the 21st is generally when they got together (if you look back at the other ask I even specifically said “around that time”). Did I say exactly? No. Did I say everyone? No. But even so, regardless of any of that, idk where tf the 4th of september even comes from or who this “we” you speak of is. 

The UAN tour ended in july 2012 and they were on break until february 2013 when the TMH tour started, so from the rest of july to february the majority of the content we were getting was through interviews, sm posts, and twit cams. Liam’s party (that Zayn, and also Louis, didn’t attend) was on august 25th, then on Liam’s actual birthday Zayn tweeted happy birthday to Michael Jackson and said nothing of Liam. The next day Zayn and Louis ribbed Liam in a twitcam about how things with his birthday went down. 

After that, outside of maybe the occasional tweet there was nothing of note that happened for the next few weeks. The Germany interview, however, is believed to have been filmed on the 22nd of september and in it the boys make a ton of innuendos and jokes hinting toward someone having definitely gotten some the day before (the iconic “early bird gets the worm” and “trying to walk” moments, said while looking at/gesturing towards zayn) and ziam were acting particularly honeymoon-ey, all feelings of ill will seemingly gone and the two of them appearing to have made up and not only that but acting extra flirty and comfortable with each other (more like boyfriends than friends) compared to before then. 

Hence the september 21st date which is the widely accepted/believed official date among the fandom of ziam having gotten together. If september 4th has some special specific meaning to you and/or your friends in regards to ziam then that’s great for you but as for me in regards to ziam dates when it comes to september 4th 2012

as for you anon:

you’re out of sync with fandom info. so how about you take the time to get your dates and interviews right please before you type up rude asks to send on anon like a coward and please learn your history before you share things thank you.

[avaantares]

So uh, I’m really really disappointed with the Torchwood fandom right now (over what you addresses in your post about being respectful/a normal human being online), and I’m just not quite sure how to deal with that. Sorry to barge in with this, but you seem like a really understanding, level-headed person 😅

I feel you, Anon, and you are certainly not the only one I’ve heard from! A number of people have told me they’ve been growing more uncomfortable with the fandom’s atmosphere lately, and have been actively avoiding posting about certain topics for fear of dogpiling. (This actually came up in a few private conversations before I made the post you referenced, and helped cement my decision to speak up.)

This post is long, so here’s a dash-saver. Below the jump I talk about the state of the Torchwood fandom, how people can avoid and resolve drama on their own posts, and some things everyone can do to make the internet a nicer place.

While my recent post was not targeted solely at the Torchwood fandom (the “how dare you differ in opinion from me” trend is disturbingly widespread; see also: politics), it is true that there has been a lot of sectionalism and polarization in that fandom lately. Fandom niches have always existed, but as the Torchwood fandom shrinks – whether due to natural attrition, lack of interest in the new content, or whatever reason – the Venn circles for each area of interest also shrink, making each group appear more segregated, and resulting in less crossover and less generalized Torchwood fandom.

Now, specific interest groups within the fandom are not a bad thing! They occur naturally, since not everyone engages with fandom the same way. Some people listen to the new Big Finish releases, while others have only seen the original series. Some people enjoy trading headcanons, while others aren’t interested. Some people create fanart or fanfiction, while others just reblog gifsets. Some people are only in the fandom for one specific character, and that’s okay! We’re all fans of the same source material; we can all share and respect each other’s unique interests!

The problems arise when we stop doing that, when interest groups become isolationist (i.e. ”we’re the only real fans”), or when one group decides their focus/interest is more important than another group’s or individual’s. If any group begins policing or calling out other fans who don’t share their views, that’s a problem. If fans are afraid to share their opinion on a topic because of the threat of harassment or name-calling from other fans, that’s a problem. If we can no longer politely discuss our respective viewpoints or agree to disagree, that’s a problem. If we all start blocking each other because we can’t get over the fact that Person A loves Gwen Cooper and Person B doesn’t, or Person C ships Person D’s NoTP, or Person E headcanons a character as a particular sexuality/alignment/whatever and Person F has a different headcanon, there will be no fandom left because everyone who loves Torchwood will be on another fan’s block list.

“But wait!” Person A cries. “[Opinion I hold] is really important to me, and is relevant to my personal identity! By disagreeing with me, Person B is being disrespectful to my identity!”

Sorry, but no. Certainly, Person A is allowed their opinion, and that opinion may well be informed by their personal identity or beliefs. But Person B is also allowed an opinion, which may also be informed by their identity or beliefs. Person A’s personal opinion is no more or less valid than Person B’s. It’s not about B being disrespectful to A by voicing an alternate opinion; it’s about both A and B showing mutual respect by acknowledging that the other person has an opinion.

Of course, just because you’re fully entitled to state an opinion doesn’t mean you are correct, or that you have license to say anything you want free of consequence. Any time you put your opinion out there, you are opening yourself up to disagreement or rebuttal.

“So how can I avoid people aggressively disagreeing with me?” Person A asks. “I hate reading dissenting viewpoints, especially on my own posts.”

Well, you have two options. Option 1 is for those who honestly can’t handle any level of conflict or disagreement, and that’s not to post your opinion at all.

“That’s no fun!” says Person A. “I like to share my opinions.”

Well, that brings us to Option 2: Set the tone of your posts. See, here’s the thing: If you post your opinion in an agonistic manner, you’re more likely to elicit agonistic response. Here’s an example of two different post tones:

A’s Post: I went outside today and looked up, and the sky looked blue to me, so I think the actual color of the sky must be blue.

This is a clear statement of opinion, phrased with supporting rationale, but it’s focused on the person who holds that opinion, rather than targeting or disparaging someone who subscribes to a different one. A dissenter might counter with this:

B’s Response: I’ve always thought the sky looked white. Those puffy spots up there are definitely white, so I think that’s the real color of the sky.

It’s relatively polite, with no offensive personal remarks, and (again) it’s focused on why they personally believe what they do. It is likely that this sort of rational discussion could continue for many exchanges without becoming heated or aggressive. Maybe one will convince the other, or maybe they’ll stick to their own beliefs and agree to disagree, but nobody’s getting hurt and nobody’s getting blocked.

Now, compare that to this type of post:

A’s Post: OMG I hate when those white-sky idiots say the sky is white, they must all be MORONS because it’s clearly BLUE and if you don’t agree you’d best unfollow me NOW because i don’t want you anywhere near my posts. This is a BLUE SKY ONLY BLOG.

This person has already personally attacked anyone with a different view, drawn a line in the sand, and declared that this is the hill they will die on – all without supporting their opinion with a shred of evidence or reason. Naturally, this will only serve to inflame the other side:

B’s Response: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A MORON, I’ll have you know I have a Master’s Degree in Cloud Watching and I wrote my thesis on why the sky is white. Only uneducated idiots think the sky is blue. BLOCKED.

Yeah, this exchange is never going to result in any kind of rational discussion. It is already 100% emotional, and there is no actual discussing going on, just name-calling. Getting involved in this kind of argument is a waste of time and energy, will not change anyone’s mind, and will only succeed in stressing out all parties.

“But the sky really IS blue!” Person A protests. “It doesn’t matter what tone I take, I’m still right!”

Nah, in this case both sides are wrong. The sky’s apparent color depends on the angle of the sun’s rays, humidity, and the way light in the visible spectrum is scattered by air molecules. It looks blue when the sun is high, and red or orange when the sun is near the horizon, but the sky itself is colorless. (There’s your science fact for the day). Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how right OP thinks they are; chances are the other person is just as convinced that they’re right, and it’s entirely possible that you’re fighting over something completely arbitrary or fundamentally unimportant.

And that brings me back to the Torchwood fandom and the hill-I-will-die-on arguments that have been plaguing it more and more in recent months. There is one thing I think we can ALL agree on, no matter our individual interests, and that is that Torchwood’s canon is a hot buttered mess. The original TV series is internally inconsistent; the novels contradict both the TV series and other novels; the comics contradict themselves, the novels, and the TV series; Miracle Day contradicts EVERYTHING that came before, including parent series Doctor Who; and the Big Finish dramas try really hard to respect all the prior releases, and mostly just end up creating their own canon, because it’s utterly impossible to reconcile everything. If canon can’t even agree on relatively simple things like

whether or not Jack can get drunk (no: BBC novels / yes: also BBC novels)

whether or not Jack can sleep/dream (no: TV and BBC novels / yes: also TV and BBC novels, plus BBC audio dramas)

if Jack and Ianto went on a date after KKBB (yes: BBC novels / no: also BBC novels)

what year Owen was born (1980: TV and Torchwood Magazine / 1981: TV and BBC novels)

what Ianto’s sister’s last name is (Evans: The Torchwood Archives / Davies: CoE)

…there are bound to be contradictory fan views on more complex issues, and there may not be a clear “correct” or “incorrect” position. It is possible to find canon support for nearly any Torchwood headcanon, because Torchwood canon is consistently inconsistent. Don’t make every issue a hard line in the sand. Accept that people are different, and based on their own unique backgrounds and experiences, people can legitimately come to different conclusions when presented with the same canon evidence (or lack thereof).

(Hmm… it’s almost like this principle could also apply to real-life sources of conflict like politics, religion, and social and cultural norms. Maybe keeping an open mind is a good idea in general…?)

“Well, it’s MY blog, and I can say what I want,” says Person A. “If people don’t like it that’s their problem.”

That is absolutely true. But remember, whatever you put out there is likely going to come right back at you. If you go with a rude or aggressive stance, or if you make personal attacks, you should expect your replies/reblogs to be just as nasty. If you escalate, so will they.

“Okay, so what if I post something polite and someone STILL comes back with a nasty response?” Person A asks. “I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now, and it isn’t even my fault!”

There are a couple of solutions to this that don’t involve breaking out the napalm:

Check for a misunderstanding. It’s hard to interpret tone in plain text sometimes. If you think the person may have honestly misinterpreted your post, maintain the polite tone and either clarify your post, or ask them (nicely) to explain why they are so upset about what you posted. Look for resolution, rather than merely refuting their post.

Don’t respond. “Be the bigger person” may sound cliche, but believe it or not, the world will not end if you choose not to engage someone on the internet. There is great power in putting down the phone or stepping away from the keyboard, and it’s much better for your blood pressure and stress level. Plus, if that person keeps raging on posts and not getting any responses, it may make them wonder why nobody pays attention to their opinions. Speaking of which…

“YOO-HOO!” hollers Person Z from waaaaaaay over in the corner. “Hi there! I just came for the fanart, and I’d like to participate more, but I’m really stressed out by the way this fandom is arguing all around me. I’m worried that if I post anything, someone will yell at me and tell me I’m wrong. That would really upset me.”

So let’s talk positive reinforcement for a second! This is where the casual observers and innocent bystanders can have a lot of power to steer the direction that fandom grows. Ultimately, the goal of all social media is to elicit interaction, whether that’s in the form of Likes, Reblogs, Replies, Retweets, Shares, Follows, or what have you. Giving posts this kind of interaction is like praising the writer. Reblogging also makes that post visible to more people, potentially attracting them to your fandom circle. Posts with more notes get seen more, read more, and can set the tone for other fandom interactions. The more rational, polite posts get spread around and accumulate notes, the more rational, polite people will be likely to get involved, and the more likely a new post on that topic will be worded in a rational, polite way. Whereas interacting with argumentative, nasty, stressful posts will tend to make new people avoid your fandom, and will encourage more people to turn things into a drama-fest because that’s what gets the notes, and notes are currency.

So when you see a post that just looks like a slap-fight or upsets you in some way, just ignore it and keep right on scrolling. You don’t need to attract drama to yourself or your blog, and you don’t need to feed that machine. But if you see someone doing it right, or if there’s an ongoing polite discussion, consider getting involved in the conversation! You can comment, reblog, reply or just like if you don’t have anything to add. Pay the polite, thoughtful interactions in notes and let the harsh posts die an unreblogged death.

So, dear Anon, that’s a very long-winded expansion on my previous post, and one you didn’t exactly ask for. :) But you’re not alone; many of us want to initiate change for the better. I hope we can help the fandom return to the happier, more collaborative place it was not so long ago.

Be kind to each other, be respectful, let go of whatever is driving you to have the last word, and we’ll all have more fun and significantly lower blood pressure.

[kurtty-drabbles]

5+1 PD AU OF AU

N/A: because Kurt is a manwhore and Kitty is discreet but they are immortals how many times they almost meet? Let´s see. 

Inspiration comes from this video

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling

1-first time.

The King Arthur´s kingdom didn´t offer anything of worth to the demonic necromancer, however, Kurt did enter in the small kingdom in the intent of stripping the king away from his title, sadly for Kurt, it seems someone else already did that.

"What happened here?" Kurt asked mildly curious now that the king is gone and a new ruler is in power the only motivation to conquer this place vanish.

The less scared citizen explain that the king lost the castle due to a bet or something like that.

"Pathetic" Kurt disdain of the old king and since the new ruler has no indication of being disrespectful, Kurt has little no reason to do anything here.

"Wait, I think he did make a deal with that pretty lady and her dragon, "someone corrects the first person that speaks with Kurt as they tell a tale where the king and queen were really impolite with mourning and death. Kurt wasn´t paying attention anymore.

2- the second time

An emperor of a great country is famous for his fascination with death or with killing is hard to pinpoint which is his favourite subject, yet, one thing is clear the man loves to do extravagant dinners that will fill your nightmares.

Kitty Pryde is invited to the dinner and has no saying in the matter as the emperor really could use an excellent healer as Kitty and the girl has no other plans for tonight. A huge sarau celebrating death is ready.

Dark curtains, dark plates, silence as the music and even the food is macabre. Kitty has to bite her lips to not laugh, to her, the emperor is just a little boy wanting to show how big he truly believes to be.

"Let´s take a minute for the dessert," the emperor said and one of the guests saw the human-like statues and rumours flies high in everyone´s mind(if you bother the emperor, he will make you part of his collection)

"Oh, boy, I hope the desert is good, cause I´m getting sick of this angst-fest here," Kitty said and many thought of her as a fool, no one can talk back to the emperor no matter how good of healer she truly is.

"How dare you? This is a party for death...if you misbehave you will be the main course" the emperor threats.

"No, if the desert is terrible I´m going to be really pissed" Kitty argue back.

The demonic necromancer was invited as well, showing up in the third day, only to see that the emperor is no longer in the realm of the living and several statues are highlighting the abandoned place.

3- Someone manages to pay handsomely to the Demonic Necromancer to prevent a wedding to happen, a political reason much more than heartbroken, if the princess of Kaledom marries with the prince of Aqua, the two countries will be unstable with one of the most efficient armies in all the 7 kingdoms.

Kurt did enter the church only to found the wedding is over, the bride and groom are dead way before saying their vows, no witness to say what truly happened.

Meanwhile, a maid coming crying to the lady necromancer saying that the prince of Aqua used her and laughing at her face once she explain give the "happy new" of expecting a little one, the prince was rude, cruel and vain and only said he sleeps with the maid to train to his real wife, the beautiful princess. How any man would prefer such an ugly woman over a gorgeous princess?

A few days later, the maid sobbing to the lady necromancer asks if she can do anything to make that day not so joyful for the prince.

"Can you live with the consequences?" Kitty asked and the maid nods.

Now, as Kurt look at the scene he can´t accept the payment, the demonic necromancer studies the scene and later some of his servants did tell a very odd tale that Kurt is not sure if he believes.

4-fourth time

Kurt has several servants all in different shapes and forms, zombies are not only what you will found if you are foolish enough to wonder in his domains. As Kurt is founding his own nation because why not? one of his servants(he has a tittle, but in his eyes, they all are his servants) has a task to guard the border.

Anyone that comes closer without Kurt´s permission is to be eliminated in cold blood. That´s was his existence, one day, Kurt visiting his own border saw his guard gone, now, is impossible for the guard to just "go out and drink beer" as he only exists for one thing.

Kurt frowns at this and spots the place where the guard should be, a huge seal on the spot revealing what happened.

"Someone free my guard?!" Kurt is unsure of what to think.

bonus- Meeting the wrong one.

A group of wizards have heard the tale of a superb healer that some can call as "lady necromancer" and they want to see this woman, they say she is so beautiful as is angelical and the men want to confirm this tale. Kitty saw the group and did give the address of where is the lady necromancer("a true beauty, the lady necromancer is so pretty that even lady Zaorvs is enamoured" and that sell the ticket)

Arriving in the place where it lives a necromancer, except, the gender is not what they were expecting

"but....you are not a pretty woman," one of them said crestfallen as Kurt Wagner is a male

"And you are not angelical" one concluded, the group leave with their heads down and Kurt is deeply confused. A lady necromancer?!

5- the fifth time

The tower of the north is not the hallmark of architecture or beauty but held a very significant role, it is the mark of who really owns this land, and it is, a moment, the X-men. Sadly this will change. The demonic necromancer is in a foul mood as some rumours are flying high and lead him to accept this useless job(useless to him, but the person did pay well enough)

"How tedious," Kurt said resting his face with his right hand and looking at his hostage, no reason to hurt or even kill them is a mere case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

A blue girl with wings that only identify as Sprite(who is not related to him in any shape or form as some of the others rudely asks) is terrified of him as well anger at him.

"The X-men will kick your ass," the tiny blue girl said shaking a little and Kurt nods amused. Hopefully, this will end soon and the hostage situation will be resolved nicely.

Meanwhile, Kitty Pryde arrives before the X-men could have surrendered the tower to the demonic necromancer as the woman phases through his shields(with a bit of difficulty, the man is feared for several reasons) and deal with his army.

The soulless ghoul that only want to eat anything that moves.

"Stop" she commands and they obey, she can´t make them turn against their master, but she can walk freely. "let me walk"

Arriving where the hostage is is a piece of cake and no signal of the demonic necromancer.

"Did he leave?" noticing the terror in the hostages' face the answer is a big no. "where are you? show yourself, demonic necromancer" and someone jumps from the ceiling and Kitty can see the demonic necromancer.

"Oh, you are the lady necromancer, nice to meet you, milady," Kurt said kissing her hand much to Kitty´s bemusement.

"Release the hostage"

"Of course, as soon as I get the tower and the ownership of the land" the man smiles devious and Kitty sighs.

"I really didn´t want to do this...but," she said and for a moment the demonic necromancer was expecting a fight(a battle of necromancers is something never once cross in his mind) but only got white pure gems.

"I´m paying to leave this tower and everyone alone, I know how much you love white gems so I´m giving all my 2.000 to you" Kurt blinks and analyse the gems, the purest gems that his golden eyes ever saw. Worth way more than what the client did pay.

"In that case, I have no reason to not accept the offer, but I make a counterpart, I accept the offer and you came to me for a nice tea, yes, I know you like tea, so we can talk or I can wreck this place up"

Kitty is still bemused with the situation.

"That´s not how I plan our first meeting but begs can´t be chosen," Kurt said as Kitty sigh and nodding Kurt release his ghoulish army and let the hostages go free.

Sprite has questions. Several questions.

Since when the woman that serves good pastries is a necromancer? What just happened here? The X-men also have questions and Kitty will have to answer them eventually.

[itskateak]

LET’S TALK ABOUT MY HISTORY TEACHER

(Who is currently on administrative leave and is awaiting trial with the school district)

(TW: Abuse, animal abuse, police brutality, racism, implied (but wrongly) terrorism, politics, anxiety, panic attack mention, violence, religious entitlement. Please let me know if there are more.)

He is....so many things. Rude, self-entitled, racist, and disrespectful, to name a few. So, here’s the things he’s done.

• Banned Metal water bottles because someone accidentally made a noise with one, once. It wasn’t even that loud, nor long. Just a slight clink as they put the lid on.

• Told a story about a storm in Mecca (2015) that knocked over a crane onto a Mosque and it killed 107 people. Injured 238. This happened to occur on 9/11. He told us the story the day after 9/11 this year (2018) and ended it with “Weird, right?” and a sly smile.

• Told us multiple times to write in the textbooks, which is basically vandalism. Previous markings in the book show it isn’t the first time he’s asked this of students. I always refused.

• “Freedom of press, right? Except the press are in the pockets of the democrats.” A direct quote from him (I had begun writing down these types of things as they happened to give to the principal. This stuff happened daily).

• He once planned to show us a video of the Chinese police beating a man in the streets, despite all of us protesting verbally and profusely. He forgot, and didn’t show it, but to think he would’ve.

• He showed us a video of monkies domesticating puppies, which inevitably included animal abuse. Although it is just nature doing its thing and it isn’t a human abusing an animal, he should’ve given a warning so that us animal lovers could step out of the room. I felt sick afterwards.

• I was afraid of asking to leave class while having a panic attack because I thought he would tell me to sit down and not let me go. I had planned to just walk out - the counselor told me I could do that - but he did let me go without asking any questions.

• We watched a video about online privacy and how google created a separate search engine for the Chinese government. He slandered the company and said that they’re awful and guilty for supporting a dictatorship like that. While it isn’t a good thing to do what they did, yes, I don’t think he should’ve thrown his political views in like that.

• In that same topic, he mentioned one of the creators of the video was a Democrat who voted for Hillary. I found this comment odd, and called him out on it and asked what that had to do anything. His response ran something like this: “Well, it’s usually something liberals are concerned about and I think all parties and everyone should be concerned about.” That didn’t answer my question, nor did it come close to explaining why that guy’s political part and who he voted for had any reason to be included in the discussion.

• I doodle in class sometimes to help stay focused. I always have, and it’s always a good tactic. Especially when watching videos or listening to lectures. I draw circles, boxes, swirls, etc. Just mindless things. Well, one day, I’m drawing on a paper that happens to have a larger drawing on it. It’s in a different pen color than what I’m currently using, so it’s obvious I’m not drawing that. I have my notes page right next to me, and I’ve taken three or four notes already. He tells me to stop doodling at least three times - other kids are sleeping, or not doing anything - and every time I try to explain, he walks away. I approached him after class and explained, and he told me that I got a good grade on my last test, so he can’t exactly tell me I can’t draw in his class, but it better not affect my grade. I said it helps me to focus better. He responds along the lines of: “I mean, if you believe that lie about how your brain works, then I can’t stop you. But that’s not true.” I responded : “I think I know how my brain works, since I’ve been doing this since third grade and it hasn’t negatively impacted me yet.” And then I walked out of the classroom.

• He dictated how we did notes. No full sentences, only use the word “the” when absolutely necessary, no more than half a page, etc. It was ridiculous. I gave one sentence summaries of the two paragraphs in each eight sections. That was eight sentences. He told me it was too long, and that I shouldn’t be writing full sentences. I told him my brain doesn’t work that way, and it won’t help me if it isn’t in a full sentence. We argued, and I walked out of the classroom to go to my next class. We also turned in our notes each class, and didn’t get them back until after the relevant test.

• He once limited everyone to three bullet points per reading section (usually two or three pages). Everyone blamed me since he pointedly looked at me when saying “some people write full sentences and a full page.” To say I was popular in that class is a very wrong statement. Every time he would mention anything wrong that we’ve done with notes, everyone would turn to me. Thanks.

• I once wrote half of my notes on the Japanese in Japanese, and I got extra credit. I did it out of spite, but hey. Worth it. I also wrote incredibly long and complicated headers to spite him.

• We re-enacted the Trial Of Socrates, and as the attorneys, we spent time in the library researching. We had to write opening and closing statements, and a script for our witnesses to follow with our questions and their answers. At the trial, they were not allowed to have the script with them. Somehow we won, as prosecution, but it was still difficult since the witnesses had not done any of the studying of their roles at all, even though we insisted they should. So not only did we have to research the entire case itself, write an opening and closing statement, we had to research our three witness and write scripts they couldn’t use AND research the opposing team’s four witnesses (one being Socrates) and write counter arguments and cross examination questions. In a week.

• A kid once came in really late to class. He came in quietly, apologized for interrupting, and gave our teacher his pass. He went to sat down, and the teacher told him what page we were on. While pulling the textbook out from the metal cradle under the desk, it snagged and made a ringing noise. The kid, realizing quickly what it was, silenced it and apologized again. Our teacher kicked him out of class for “interrupting”, not allowing him to take the textbook. He missed the entire class.

• He has a quote on the board one day and we had to explain if we agreed or disagreed with it. (“I would rather entrust our government to the first 400 people in the Boston telephone directory than the entire faculty at Harvard.”) I disagreed, naturally, and one of my friends explained most of my points. When asked to tell my side, I did say that she had said my main reasons. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but he looked me dead in the eye, and in front of everyone in the room asked: “So, you don’t care that they’re a bunch of liberal, champagne drinking jerks?” I was shocked, to be very honest. I kept my expression and voice even, and never broke eye contact. I responded: “If they do their job right, then no. I do not care, as long as they do their job and do it well.”

• Has spoken in ways that put his religion and beliefs above others. Comments like “When God made the world” and such were sometimes thrown in.

• Mispronounced multiple Greek Gods’ and Goddesses’ names. Such as Nike (uh-knee-kay), and Zeus (Zay-oos). I corrected him each time and each time he glared at me.

• He once tried to inform us that the reason Indian music sounded so strange was because they used the half-step intervals that we don’t have. I literally laughed so hard he paused the video and asked me why I was laughing. I had to explain chromatics to him. “We have them, we just don’t use them as abundantly or frequently in every song. It’s normal in Indian music to hear that.” He was still skeptical, even after I told him I’ve studied music theory in passing and have been in music classes for five years, and can read two clefs and can play two instruments.

• And now the finale, which got him suspended. This was not in my class, but this is what we were told happened. He held up a picture of a monkey and pointed to the only black kid in the class (we have very few in the school anyways) and said,”Look! It’s your ancestor!”

He will not be back to finish out this semester, and it doesn’t look good for him to come back next semester, if at all. I wrote all of these down with dates and my dad went to the principal with the list. If he does return next semester, it has been made abundantly clear that I am not to be in his class.

[pelannea]

"Speculating about Real People's Orientations and Relationships"

Can we ARMYs talk about this? Because our fandom is a mess and I have questions.

Where is the line between outing someone (and/or spreading opinions as truths) and discussing the orientation of a public figure from the point of view of either the person’s personal well-being or social issues and politics? Can this kind of discussion ever be justified if the person isn’t out? Are there such things as gradual or partial coming out? When and how does supporting these people begin? Why do some of us think that speculating orientation is fine but speculating relationships is against their morals? Why the hypocrisy?

This is only my take on these questions. I don’t claim that my opinions are the truth or the only correct way to look at things in any way and I do hope people would add their own thoughts to this, whether you agree or disagree or want to bring up a new perspective altogether.

Many of us agree that discussing someone’s private issues requires at least some kind of green light from the person themselves (although this too is debatable and depends on how specific the talk is, of course, for example: “anyone, including this person, could be LGBTQIA+” vs “this person looks terrified whenever someone mentions the topic, let’s spread this analysis of them to spark positive reactions from fans so they’ll know it’s okay”). There are two factors I’d like to talk about specifically: 1) what counts as permission and 2) why is it important this permission is noticed and responded to.

Art is communicative. So are interviews. Both are meant to have an audience and only through one will they fulfill their communicative purpose. When Namjoon says “boyfriend or girlfriend” in front of a camera, I don’t see why he wouldn’t want us to talk about it and speculate what he might’ve meant by that (I have an opinion, yours might be different). He gave us these words and it’s our job to treat them with care. Which, in my opinion, does not include ignoring them just because “we don’t know enough”. I think he gave them to us for a reason.

It’s comparable to Yoongi’s decision to talk about mental health. It’s important to remember he’s a person and, also, to wonder why he’s doing this and why it is important that people keep talking about the topic itself even after Yoongi’s lyrics are thoroughly analysed (is that possible? idk, can a piece of art ever be?). Either way, I’d rather not enhance the taboo status of the topic by looking away or talking about it in hushed tones when someone is willing to show such a vulnerable side to them, and, perhaps, encouraging us to talk about our own.

So why would we ignore the LGBTQIA+ related signs when, in BTS’ case, there have been so, so many of them? Isn’t it our job to pay attention? Why would we have to wait until an official statement of a coming out before we can talk about it? Aren’t they allowed to take one step at a time and shouldn’t we make an effort to meet them halfway? I’m not trying to analyse the symbolism behind BTS’ logos with what I’m going to say next, I’ll just use them as a metaphor: there are two, same double door pictured from different sides. It’s BTS’ job to decide what to do with that door while it is not our business to go banging our fists against it. But since the door is there and we are there, waiting, it’s our business to acknowledge it when we realise it’s there. There’s also been talk about “glass closets”, and I agree, the door might be transparent, or it might be becoming transparent before it finally opens for real. And at this point, when we notice the door they’ve personally pointed at without saying anything, I think this communication or discussion based on the clues they leave for us, should take place.

And if none of this is happening after all, is it so bad to let them know we’re there anyway, just in case a door one day appears?

Because support shouldn’t come into the picture only when someone comes out. There are plenty of stories where a teen comes out to their parent(s), first anxious and scared and then relieved when the parent says that of course they still love them. Heartwarming? Not really. If the parent was okay with it, why did the kid have such a hard time saying it? Why didn’t the parent make sure from the beginning that in their home their kid had nothing to fear? A closeted idol isn’t that different, if we don’t let them know we have their back even when they haven’t even said anything yet, they won’t know how we’d react. It’s easy to show this kind of support towards the community by calling out heteronormativity and not let it slide when people are being stuffed into those mass-produced default molds.

And now, speculating about relationships.

Someone told me that it’s sick to get representation from real people. But?? Isn’t that the most important kind of representation? Because celebrities and other public figures who are not only openly LGBTQIA+ but are also living, or trying to live, normal, healthy, successful lives play an important part in normalizing our existence? That includes normalizing relationships and having a family. The more invisible the community is, the harder it is to aim for a more equal society. Am I wrong? (If that person referred to getting that representation through forcing those people into it, then I agree because that has nothing to do with representation, that sounds more like trying to out them for your own benefit.)

But then there’s shipping.

Shipping and people’s prejudice against it is distorting our attitudes towards the above discussion so much that people who say, “I think this video that was released for millions of people to see and includes motifs with some traditionally romantic connotations and a love song from a gay artist might actually be romantic in nature and I think it is time for us to question why such a video was released” is treated like they’re a horrible person whose only goal is to fetishise the whole concept. No wonder there are so many people who have become hesitant to call themselves shippers anymore because of all the hate they get for their opinions.

But why is it that there is one ship name that has become such a curse word over any other pairing’s that it’s enough for people to flip out so bad it leads to hate, bullying and people within our own fandom turning against each other? I mean, ship wars and receiving hate from non-shippers are things that have happened before but I’ve never seen it this bad before. Why has it become so easy to call shippers toxic when, in truth, the tag itself is slowly starting to challenge its views and becoming more socially aware? (Not on everyone’s part, I’m not trying to defend those who have been rude and disrespectful and so on, there is no such group that doesn’t have those people but the change in the tag is still there.) After the release of the video (you know which video I’m talking about), there have been more people every day who talk about the oppression LGBTQIA+ idols face, more people who are scared for these people’s safety and more people talking about how they’re doing soul-searching of what shipping and/or supporting means to them.

The ethics of shipping is a topic of its own and I won’t go into that here. But talking about a potential relationship is not always about that and it wouldn’t hurt if those who are against shipping took one objective moment to try to understand the difference, even when a shipper and a supporter are the same person. To me, it really looks like shipping has been clouding our judgement on both sides. There are shippers in whose best interest isn’t the well-being of the idols but rather their own personal gain they get from them and there are people aggressively against all kinds of shippers, supporters and speculators alike. Some of these people are LGBTQIA+ themselves, some of whom have no problem speculating orientations even, and I’ve really been trying to wrap my head around that concept.

But in the end, the homophobes and the anti-shippers are saying the same: “stop saying they’re together, they’re not, you’re disgusting". It doesn’t really matter if these people have entirely different reasoning for what they’re saying because on the surface it just looks like a lot of people being against the idea of a same-sex couple, against real people who might or might not be trying to communicate with us. And if they aren’t, it’s not the worst thing to tell someone that if a door one day appears, we’re already there anyway, to make sure they don’t fall.

[lore-a-lie]

Chapter 2, Act 5: The Curious Case of the Siblings Shinguji

Daily Life- Free Time

Korekiyo wasn’t expecting any company as he left the dining hall the next day. He certainly wasn’t expecting it to be Kibo either. But lo and behold here they were, with the robotic approximation of a boy offering him the Story of Tokono. And who was he to turn down such a fine gift? It hardly mattered if the volume could be found in his lab or not, it wasn’t often he was the target of friendly gestures like this.

“So what brings you here Kibo? People rarely offer gifts without the expectation of gaining something in return. May I help you with something?”

“I hope you can? I was just wondering what your stance is in regards to Atua. You must know a lot about many faiths, even if you don’t strike me as religious yourself, given your various studies I assume.”

Ah, I see. Perhaps it would be for the best to tread cautiously then. I have no reason to cause him any undue crisis just yet at any rate.

“I have no knowledge on the sort of Atua she worships so if you’re looking for any particular works of his I’m afraid I can’t be of much service. If you’re asking whether or not I believe there is any truth to her claims of possession or divine inspiration… There are many cases across the globe that boast such claims and it’s nigh impossible to separate true instances from mere bouts of madness. But as in my personal experience, I know other forms of possession to be true among human subjects I see no reason to doubt it being possible in her case either. Does this answer suffice?”

Attempting to convince one who’s been brainwashed that the subject of their belief doesn’t exist would only serve to make things more difficult for everyone at present. Besides, I’m not really lying to him yet.

“So there’s no way to know for sure?” Kibo still looked most conflicted with his answer. ( Was he looking for genuine “proof” of Atua’s existence even if he was at “His prophet’s” beck and call? Most intriguing. )

“In this case no, but that is why this is called “faith” yes? If you choose to believe in Angie that’s up to you, just as none could force me to agree with her either. Not out of any disrespect for her mind you, but in my line of work I find it most useful to keep myself unconcerned with any “gods” I’m presented with. If invoking one is a matter of politeness then I will do what I must, but I’ve encountered too many that contradict each other to believe in more than their follower’s stories they are presented with.”

“I see… So this is what the emotion “faith” feels like. I understand! But to you this is more about putting my trust, my “faith”, in Angie rather than believing in Him?”

... You “understand” nothing Kibo. Faith isn’t an emotion, but rather a feeling based on one's belief- No. That might take a while to distinguish for him. And he is certainly trying to better understand himself. I’ll let him keep this, it should do his self-esteem some good at the very least. Correcting him can come later.

It was likely to Korekiyo’s benefit Kibo wasn’t one to take much notice of subtle social cues like “awkward pauses”, as from what he gathered from the way Kibo looked at him he was assuming his friend was merely talking a while to think through his response. The fact it was a positive one was likely also a sign Kibo was rather poor at reading any of Korekiyo’s expressions too, perhaps due to what his mask covers.

“For myself, most certainly. Humans are the only thing I’m truly concerned about, even if the topic can branch into other subjects such as what’s created through their beliefs. They can provide interesting similarities among different groups of people even if the groups involved had never once interacted.”

“How exactly are you defining “human” Kiyo?” ( ... Right. Persecution complex. How quaint. No matter. )

“Kehehe, am I being added to your list of “robophobic” individuals now? I meant no such offense. I’m certainly open to studying other sapient species should the opportunity arise, such as Gonta’s Reptites, for they provide new means of comparing human cultures. To better see what may be “universal” thoughts among sentient beings and thus sort out what may be more human-centric points of issue. I am an anthropologist after all; the human element would remain my greatest point of interest. As such I am more inclined to think of you in human terms, to better match your mind, rather than robotic ones.”

The issue of personhood would remain an open point of debate I’m sure, but humans have often tried to deny each other this right. Even if his robotic nature does make his case less interesting to me personally.

“I would appreciate not being limited to be thought of one way or the other. I may be based on humans but I’m not sure how accurate your assessment is as there are many aspects of the human condition I am obviously not attuned to. Like… Gender. I have no idea how this would apply to someone like me.”

Why must you be so difficult? I hardly need the reminder about your numerous inadequacies- No. Best not to think about him in such a way. Lackluster as he may be in concept, he’s still more than human enough in practice. Particularly with these horrid animatronic bears serving as a point of comparison.

“There are many things people can’t be sure they truly understand about themselves or others. Even gender as it’s conventionally considered isn’t nearly as rigid or binary as some cultures, such as our own, like to portray and socialize them as. Not that some of us here would likely understand I’m sure.”

Immature as it may be Korekiyo hoped the soft jab at a few of their friend’s expenses would help lighten some of Kibo’s tone, but it was hard for him to tell if it worked as intended. Not an unusual experience for him by any means, so instead he changed direction.

“Do you have any issues with how we are addressing you because of this? Many aspects of your appearance do incline one to treat you as though you are male but I understand if this can prove to be rather vexing for you.”

“Well… No. I don’t think I do at least? It’s not like I know what else I would like to be called, and this is certainly easier for everyone. “It” or “They” are too othering, trying to use female terms for myself doesn’t feel right at all, and anything else sounds... kinda weird to me. But I will certainly keep this information in mind for future reference!” ( There we go, he’s in higher spirits now. Much better. )

“I’m glad I could be of some service to you then. I do apologize if it’s not quite what you were expecting of me. Though given current tensions in the school I find your own visit here most peculiar. Is your council having any troubles the rest of us should be aware of?”

“N-no, not at all! Everything is under control. We even got another member last night. Nothing to be worried about.” Kibo said though he was as bad a liar as ever, since he strove to look anywhere else rather than risk meeting Korekiyo’s gaze. It was always fascinating to see how lying changed people.

This did limit the possibilities on who the new recruit could be if nothing else. But between Kokichi and Kaede this reaction was still a toss-up given Kibo’s personal grievances with both of them as of late.

“I’m sorry but I’ll have to be going now. Student council business. But thank you for your help Kiyo.”

With that not unpleasant anomaly out of the way, Kiyo returned to going over his lab’s works. There was still so much to discover, even with the delightful boons already uncovered such as the original Caged Dog Village’s tragic tome and its related artifacts. Not to mention how they already served to inspire him.

It almost seemed unfair for his lab to be so much larger and densely stocked than the others discovered thus far, but he wasn’t about to complain. A certain artist waltzing in unannounced and messing with the artifacts whilst he was preoccupied on the higher levels was a different story.

“Do be careful with how you are handling those Angie, pieces as old as these can be most delicate. Are you looking for references or inspiration perhaps?” (She’s not one to respond well to hostility, I’m not sure how often she’s ever even encountered it before. So let’s just try to stay calm. She’s no Kokichi. )

“Nope! Just looking. Atua provides me with all the inspiration I’ll ever need. And to ask you a question, has Kaede tried talking to you yet today?” (So it was Kaede after all. Odd choice to join her rival’s cult. )

“No, which isn’t surprising as she’s been giving my lab and to a lesser extent myself a fair berth as of late. Should I be expecting her?” Korekiyo was grateful for the lack of walls to dampen his voice as he made his way to the ground floor. Partly as it’d be less rude to carry a conversation that way and partly to make it easier keep her out of trouble. “Though if you have the time I would love to hear more about what your people and customs are like. If we manage to leave this place I’d enjoy paying your home visit.”

“You shouldn’t keep thinking like that you know. It’ll only cause more problems for us in here. You wouldn’t want Atua to punish you for defying his will now would you?”

How about I “punish” you instead, you conniving close-minded childish-  Calm down. Just avoid the topic. Neither of your opinions will be swayed here. She hasn’t been averse to talking about her culture in the past so simply reframe your request in a way that better plays to her own desires.

“I’d like to see him try, it would be a most unique experience I’m sure. Kehehe, it may even be able to make a believer out of me yet. But I would genuinely like to know more of your background even if the outside is no longer an option. If you think “culture clash” may be an issue you face when relating to the rest of us this could prove to be most beneficial for everyone in the long term could it not?”

There might have been a bit too much venom in his response to count as “calm” but the effort was being made. Angie wasn’t particularly convinced to become any more forthcoming unfortunately, but she hid her frustration with him most admirably with a large smile and hands clasped together in forced glee.

“Hopefully things won’t need to be that drastic for you to see the light! But until you do Angie doesn’t think she’ll be sharing anything just yet. If Kiyo doesn’t trust Angie why should Angie trust Kiyo?”

None of you should but you’re all essentially doing so anyway. Such a beautiful mistake in the making. It’ll almost be a shame when everyone else realizes this. But I’m sure your reactions will be well worth it.

“Why should I trust you in the first place? Given you won’t let anyone but yourself even look at our latest motive, much less weigh in on decisions regarding it. You do realize that the book it claims to be was the fictional creation of a certain Mr. Lovecraft yes? Hardly any reason for us to put stock into its claims about revival, even if you view it as a retrieval. Though with how you invoke your “Atua” for your own benefit I can see why honesty may not matter to you. What people think is more important to you yes?”

“... Angie doesn’t think she wants to talk to you anymore now. She doesn’t need to bother with baseless ramblings. Atua knows something’s wrong with you, and now He thinks maybe she can’t even help you anymore. But hopefully Kaede could talk some sense into you. Or at least make you see you’re wrong.”

I already know I am suspicious and “odd” Angie, your bluffs at knowing anything more are but a waste. Had you any sort of divine “protection” at least one of us wouldn’t be in here right now, would we?

Korekiyo did feel a twinge of what may have been guilt at the sight of her still masking her anger with a small smile as she left his lab in a hurry. He often had troubles dealing with personalities like hers, much in the same way talking to children can prove a most tiresome and fruitless endeavor.

It was a shame he might not get the chance to learn at least who Angie’s people were before her time came, but such is life. She did at least give him something to look into at the present though, even if Kaede may not appreciate him visiting just yet.

He didn’t need to look for her for long, as she was in her lab much like his map indicated. Hopefully his intrusion wouldn’t be too upsetting for her, as he had been trying to make up for his earlier mistake. One never could tell how long a person could be negatively affected by an act of carelessness like this.

It was a pleasant surprise that she didn’t look too bothered by his presence. She even took the time to pause her playing to properly address him. “Oh, hey Kiyo. Are you looking for something? I’m not sure I have many songs here that fit what you said interested you before, but I’d be happy to help if I could.”

“I’m actually here because Angie indicated you may be wishing to talk to me about something. Perhaps relating to why our previous leader has apparently joined our would be dictator’s tyrannical cult?”

“O-oh. Well first off it’s probably not what you’re thinking. Just… Make sure the door is closed okay?” ( And what would she think I’d be assuming? She’s not the weak-willed sort of person who’d genuinely buy into something like this, nor does a new loss of faith feel fitting. But neither was Tenko I suppose. )

Once she was confident the soundproofed door was firmly shut she resumed playing as if hoping the extra noise would further help mask what was being discussed. A pity to see how this game was making her become more paranoid to try and respond to their previous tragedies, but an understandable one.

And there is always something beautiful in the way humans learn to adapt to their situations, for better or for ill. It would be wonderful to see how else our situation might try to change her for the sake of protecting herself and those she has come to care about. Assuming she can last long enough to show it.

“I’ve already talked to Kaito and Kokichi about this but I’m just trying to convince Angie to postpone the ritual for another day. As far as she should be concerned I joined the student council to unite the class again and that means this day is to “convert” you all so the motive will be used as a group event of sorts tomorrow. I didn’t know what else I could do, since trying to stop her probably wouldn’t have worked.”

“So you’d like for us to all play along with this for the time being?”

“If you could that’d be great. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll be able to take the book away from her or something as a more permanent solution for this. I don’t want to risk it being used for real.”

“You do realize Kirumi was likely already attempting something similar yes? Her dedication to Angie’s ideals is obviously untrue, given how worried she is about her supposed wards beyond our current cage. I do believe you even saw firsthand how surprisingly lax she is being with her duties last night, despite how she normally fulfills her given tasks down to their very letter. Unless my ears had deceived me.”

“Well I… I mean I didn’t know for sure before, and I have no idea what she’s actually planning to do when Angie’s really ready to try and bring back Himiko.”

Because you are still all too trusting even with how this place has tried to change you. It’s not like Angie was ever one of her actual “citizens” and Kirumi will do anything to leave this place. Why else allow me to do as I will but try to set me up as her perfect patsy, given the ample opportunities I’d have with how our labs are on the same floor? It wouldn’t even be wrong of you to suspect me of doing such a thing.

“Do you really think she’ll believe you if you claim we’ve all had a change of heart? She’d have more than enough reason to think Kokichi, Kaito, or I are being less than sincere and her disdain for Ryoma and Maki has been equally apparent.”

“I think this does still have a chance of working. And speaking of… Try to go easy on Kaito for awhile okay? He hasn’t been well lately and I don’t want him getting any worse so I’m trying to help with stress.” 

Oh my, now this is interesting. She’s referring to that boorish brute of a boy from the other night, isn’t she? It would serve him right to be paid another visit for how he treated me. Honestly Korekiyo you really do need to raise your standards if you’re honestly considering someone that rude as a “friend” of yours.

Come now Sister, he isn’t so bad. Merely a bit old fashioned and a touch too earnest for his own good. Besides, it isn’t like you to be so active this early, no need to be hasty. Best we not rock the boat just yet.

Unexpected as his sister’s input was it wasn’t hard to keep any signs of his newly divided attention from showing. He’s had years of practice after all, and Kaede had no reason to look for any changes. She’d probably just take any pause she’d notice as being a moment while he considered her request.

“Of course, besides I doubt I’ll be seeing him much today at any rate. I do hope he improves soon.”

Are you seriously refusing me , brother? This isn’t like you either. Certainly not for a miserable lot like this. What could even be the harm of it? I merely want to mess with him a little. You can’t deny you’d like to see how he squirms when pushed too, with how pitiful his nerves are. Unless she’s who you’d rather see?

It’s not like that Sister. If everything is to go to plan it’d be best not to draw needless attention to myself.

Fine. But I think I want to be properly introduced to her next. You’d at least still do that for me, right little brother?

If Kaede saw anything off in his demeanor as he excused himself to head back to his lab she didn’t show it. This was a conversation best held in private, and certainly nowhere near the subject of discussion.

Not that he was terribly taken aback by his sister’s request, odd as the timing may be. He had already even gotten Kaede’s permission to prepare for this occasion quite some time ago, before even Rantaro died, and seeing his motive video didn’t seem to change her mind so this shouldn’t have been a surprise.

It’s not like he’s tried asking this of any of his other friends he thought would live up to his dear sister’s expectations yet either. Admittedly due in part to most already giving their consent earlier, as he didn’t wish to risk making any suspicious by reaffirming statements likely only said to help ease his worries.

Are you sure? She’s proven more useful than most of the others in the trials we’ve been facing in here. It’d be a shame to fail so close to your goal over losing a mere game such as this.

You’re not questioning me now, are you? Kukuku~ it’s a bit late for your rebellious stage, isn’t it?

Never Sister. I’d be nothing without you. I’m sure between Kaito’s experience and Kokichi’s intuition we’d be able to survive well without her. But should I hold back if someone else makes for a better target first?

As long as she’s the one you’re planning on I suppose it would be fine to also take advantage of a good moment. No point in ignoring someone so eager to meet with me if they unintentionally interrupt us. We wouldn’t want to waste an opportunity like what happened to Miss Yumeno again now would we? I was so looking forward to being able to learn more about her, but since you weren’t involved I can’t find her.

… Right. At least Miu’s death was no such loss for you, even if she could be amusing to me on occasion. But I best make sure current plans are going to schedule. I shan’t keep you waiting for much longer now.

At least that was enough to ease Her spirit’s concerns for now. She was still there of course, still watching over him as she normally does to help ease and guide him, but as a silent observer for the time being. This would just mean she’d be more likely to chime in on any of his other conversations from now on.

Particularly since to make sure everything was going as he’d thought they would he’d be visiting with Kirumi next. He already had a bottle of Cleopatra's Pearl Cocktail he assumed she’d enjoy so she shouldn’t refuse his company if he offered to share some with her in her lab. ( Though with its claim to help make one beautiful I’m inclined to think almost every girl here would be at least a little intrigued. )

She took the bait as expected. She hardly even considered his request to be unusual, so perhaps she thought this was a means of repaying her for her earlier leniency. From a certain point of view that could even be considered true. Her bloodlust gave him a safe window to act on his, so he is genuinely grateful.

Even though she could just as easily turn on you instead? I don’t like this little brother. You could have at least indicated to someone you two would be meeting in case something goes wrong.

I’m far more useful to her alive than dead Sister. If she wants to get away with murder in this place she needs someone to take the fall for her instead. Trying to set Ryoma up as a case of suicide was a boat that has long since sailed and with how I am it’d be easy to believably accuse me of killing anyone.

In an attempt to avoid getting lost in his own thoughts in front of her Korekiyo saw fit to break their comfortable silence. “So how does one such as yourself find any comfort among the student council? Has your sense of obligation towards us outweighed that of your supposed role as Prime Minister now?”

“Not “outweighed” so to speak, but I have made my peace with our situation for now. I do hope we can find a means to leave, despite Angie’s beliefs, but I saw firsthand my previous thoughts on how to do so were...deeply flawed. I merely want to make sure everyone’s lives here are as comfortable and bearable as possible until that time can come. And what about your sister? Aren’t you still worried about her?”

She is an amusing one, isn’t she? She’s even trying to avoid directly lying to you as if you were Oma. What a foolish girl. The inexperience of her youth betrays her no matter how mature she pretends to be.

But her heart’s in the right place. It’s only natural for someone like her to think of people as numbers that she can weigh against each other, as if there can ever be truly acceptable losses in any form of tragedy.

“I too have made my own peace of sorts, but at least I’m still being open about my desire to leave. While I’m here I do still have my lab and a unique set of human experiences to observe to pass the time. But your denial of weight begs the question, how do you value others? There are many ways to view it.”

“I could ask you the same thing then. But for me, if I can’t put the needs of my master first then I seek to aid those who can do the most good for others in general. That is why my initial reaction to certain circumstances was to act as though my own life was worth more than that of the rest of you. My master, our nation, still needed my service and on top of that I saw myself as best equipped to help everyone at risk.”

“So you use the perspective of your society as a whole? That’s rather arrogant of you wouldn’t you say? As “Prime Minister” you could easily argue your life was worth more than many larger groups of people. I value all of humanity, for all of their flaws, too much to accept such a thing. A life is worth one life, no more and most certainly no less, regardless of the actions a person may take or their physical condition. My fieldwork exposes me to too many differing sets of morals and values to try and use anything else, and all remain equal in death I find. All I can do to gauge beyond that is how I personally see a person.”

“I’m not putting myself first for the sake of my own needs so I don’t think “arrogant” is the proper word for it." Kirumi objected with a stern glare before she took another sip to settle herself. "It’s hard to really know how you’ll feel about judging others until you are truly tested I think. All I know is that as a maid it’s my duty to serve my wards as well as I am able. They are my only concern.”

Adorable sentiments if they are true, but I very much doubt that. Just look at how she bristles at the revelation of her hubris rather than taking the moment to self-reflect on it. However I do quite admire her spirit and determination, you’re right about that. Too bad you're having another one of those days where you keep getting under everyone’s skin though Korekiyo. Kukuku~

I'm glad you're enjoying yourself but I don't suppose you'd actually help narrow down if I'm the one too on edge or if it's everyone's nerves that's to blame for this, would you dear sister?

Now, why would I ever do something like that? It's so much more fun to see how your "friends" are when angered, given how much of them we've yet to see.

True, but it might be easier to observe all facets of their beauty if I'm not the target of their ire, yes?

Details, details~

“Responsibility is a virtue I more than understand I assure you, nor am I judging you for how you’ve chosen to best balance what you value the most. There is no shame to be had in expressing some selfishness afterall. And I’d certainly put my sister’s needs or wishes before my own as well, should she need me to. I simply don’t feel she needs me to endanger myself or others to leave this place just yet.”

Indeed, for if we play our cards right you won’t even need to leave to finally finish your promise. Though it will be a shame to lose a girl like Miss Yonaga to Miss Tojo, she would’ve made for a fine friend too.

“You accuse me of arrogance and then claim you aren’t judging me? Isn’t that rather contrary?”

“True. Perhaps it is best to say I am not negatively judging you. All aspects of humanity are beautiful to me, even those conventionally seen as ugly or “wrong”. I see nothing wrong with someone as generally selfless as yourself having flaws such as this. I certainly don't look up to you any less for them, if anything I think they make me admire your work ethic all the more." He assured her, which seemed to catch Kirumi by surprise which was a rare feat. She might have even been blushing a tad, since she turned her head away so her bangs hid most of her face. With a smile and a shug he continued. "Focusing only on one's “good” qualities can never give you a real idea of who they were. Humans are interesting because of their imperfections, not in spite of them. If people were perfect they wouldn’t be as wonderfully unpredictable as they truly are.”

As she faced him again she eyed him with some suspicion. He wasn't sure if it was because she was doubting his intentions with this talk or began thinking his words were hallow, but she didn't let him wonder for long. “I see. And do you see any contradiction in how you speak of “humanity” as if you aren’t a part of it?”

Touche. It is easy to sound like one has something of a God complex like this. Not to mention the irony of preaching the benefits of “unpredictability” to someone we’re relying on accurately predicting for now.

“I’m more often an observer than a participant so I’m inclined think it oft comes with the territory. It’s easy to divorce yourself from others. You have those not under your care, I have my subjects of study.”

She hummed a little at that, as if more in thought than agreement, but his answer satisfied her enough. They returned to drinking in silence for some time before Korekiyo made his leave, giving her what was left of the bottle in gratitude for her conversation and company.

It was nearly nighttime when he got back to his lab, but it wasn’t empty when he arrived. Maki had apparently made herself comfortable near one of many bookshelves, though when she heard him come in she put whichever book she was reading aside. If she wasn’t there to read there isn’t much else she could be looking for but him, given the sort of person she was. This was sure to be interesting.

What is she doing here? Send her away brother, we have no need for her company. We don’t need her lingering this late and interrupting Miss Tojo’s plans like she did last night. Even that delay was vexing.

Sister please, if she has been waiting to speak with me the least I can do for her is hear her out. It must be something unusual for her to come here. She’s far from the social type and we haven’t spoken much.

“Good evening, my apologies if I interrupted you. This is quite the surprise, seeing you here.” Korekiyo began as he offered her a brief bow.

Maki wasn't the sort to be offended by tardiness or mince words though. “You didn’t. I was hoping to talk to you actually.”

Why? Korekiyo I do not like this at all. Why must you keep interacting with such dangerous women?!

I hear you Sister but she’s hardly dangerous. Her talent being exposed puts too much suspicion on her to risk doing anything drastic. If she says she’s here to talk then there’s no reason to doubt her about that.

“Really? I’m sorry to have kept you waiting then. How may I help you? But isn’t it a bit late for this?”

“No, it’s fine. And there’s no point in acting like you actually care about any council’s curfews either. But…” Maki paused as if debating with herself for a moment, fiddling with her collar while in thought. Korekiyo took a seat near her as he waited to see what was on her mind. “... The only reason I’m asking you of all people is because no one would believe you if you breathed a word about any of this. And Ryoma indicted you aren’t as clueless about this sorta stuff as the rest of us mostly are. Got it?”

“Understood, but you do realize Angie’s just down the hall and doesn’t always stay in her lab yes?” Korekiyo reminded her but given her glare was less than appreciated. At least until it softened into a frustrated puffy faced pout as she nearly undid her bow with her fidgeting.

Realizing her mistake with a blush she instead shoved an item in front of his face to try and force things along. A mummified monkey’s paw no less. Awfully fitting considering what Monosuke indicated the results of a resurrection could turn out like. And as Korekiyo gladly took her bribe she found her voice.

“How… do you know when you like someone?” He heard her ask in a hushed tone and time seemed to screech to a halt.

… What ?

This… was not good. There is a reason why “May you live in interesting times” is considered to be meant as a curse, not a blessing.

He could only hope any pause on his part was taken as him thinking of a response to her question rather than dealing with the migraine to come. It was hard to tell where his own feelings ended and his sister’s began when situations got like this. But pain was far from a stranger and hiding it came naturally enough.

See what happens when you don’t listen to me?! Honestly, the nerve of this girl! How dare she ask us something like this. She could ask just about anyone else and no one would ever judge HER for whatever silly crush she’s dealing with! No matter how much blood is on her hands I doubt even the target of her affections would ever look at her with such… DISGUST . Korekiyo if you don’t get rid of her now I WILL.

Calm down Sister, she doesn’t know. And kicking her out for such a trivial mistake would be rather uncalled for, would it not? We don’t need her looking into us. Let’s just try to be more reasonable here-

And what, risk you saying too much again? You were pushing it as it was when you let that boy sidetrack you after you tried giving away that damned key! We both know what would happen to you if they find out, even if we do keep my current condition or my friends under wraps! They’d still look at you that way.

Regardless of how little it concerns them they’d still judge you, mock you, reject you, for this. For us .

Just like everyone else did. It always plays out the same, and these people will be no different Korekiyo.

And if I or the friends you’ve made for me do come to light they may very well try to kill you for it! Even if the blood you’ve shead for my sake couldn’t possibly compare to any of her measly blood money hits, or maybe not even match that of Killer Tennis’ bodycount, they’d see you as the threat. And what then?

I know Sister! I… I’m sorry. For everything you… that WE were put through before. But I can handle this.

“... If Ryoma gave you this impression then you know surely he’d be a better person for you to ask about this yes? As far as I’m concerned matters of the heart are a strictly private issue, not one for discussing.”

“Well I- I don’t know how I feel." She stammered, torn between looking embarassed and angered. "It could be something else. The closest I’ve come to feeling something like this was for a girl I knew back at the orphanage. Ryoma and Kaito tell each other everything so I can’t just ask him about anything…”

Okay. So she doesn’t need any personal information about this from me, just an outsider’s perspective. That… isn’t so bad. I just need to keep her the focus of this and act as an interactive sounding board.

BROTHER?!

Oh come now, can you really tell me you aren’t a little curious about our little assassin developing a crush on the world’s densest space cadet? Don’t forget who was the one bringing you those romance novels you’d ask for when you were ill. I remember what you like. And who knows where this could lead?

That was not the same thing! … But fine. If only to further mess with that awful boy. She suits him.

“So you are conflicted on if this is a crush or more… friendly or familial affections? For our own Kaito?”

The shade of the blush on her face alone was almost worth the literal headache, and heartache, that came with his sister’s frustration. For such a cold killer her range of expressions never ceased to amaze.

“... Something like that.” Maki mumbled, though it looked more like she was talking to her poorly re-tied and battered bow than to Korekiyo with her face still aflame. Red was certainly a color that suited her.

“So not quite? Are you also trying to sort out what you felt for your “friend” back then was too?”

“Maybe. So… How would I know?” It was likely a good thing she was too focused on her own thoughts to notice any of Korekiyo’s discomfort as she redirected things back to him. But there was an easy fix here.

“I couldn’t say. For some friends can be just as important as a lover, and to some others even more so. This is what part of what makes it so personal. How much do you think they mean to you?”

“... I’d be more upset if something happened to Kaito than the rest of you. No offense, but that’s really not saying much in this situation. But I was willing to kill for her. So she wouldn’t be forced to.”

“To be fair willing to kill for his sake here would be suicide at best and detrimental to you both at worst. Is that why you’re suspecting you may have felt more for her than just friendship or surrogate sibling?”

Bad move brother. What exactly are you going to say if she can’t figure out if her feelings for this girl were “sisterly” or “romantic”? And you could stand to be just a littleoffended by her lack of concern.

“A bit. I mean… It wouldn’t be normal to develop feelings in a place like this in such a short amount of time, would it?”

“It’s actually more common for strong bonds to develop quickly in times of great stress so it’s far from unusual. Which is why asking someone like Kibo, Kaede, or even Tenko may be more useful to you here.”

“I think you just mean Kaede, the other two aren’t exactly open-minded about me. And if I did Kaito might find out what I asked her about. Or worse Kokichi. He’s been hanging around her a lot lately.”

That would be a lot of fun. Maybe you should tell Oma anyway? It might make him less wary of you.

Sister no. Living is very much to our benefit at present.

“Fair point. Would it be so bad to just try talking to Kaito about this? He’s brash, but not inconsiderate.”

Korekiyo figured the glower he received was answer enough. So much for simply cutting this Gordian Knot. “No need to give me that look, I am being serious. If he had any existing relationships I’m sure he’d say so by now and he’s not the sort of person to play with a girl’s honest emotions. Would it hurt to try?”

You would know all about that, wouldn’t you little brother? Not always a girl’s honest emotions either. But they are ever so fun to toy with, aren’t they? Especially when something in them finally breaks.

“Fine. I guess I’ll think about it. And if any rumors start floating around before then you’re a dead man.”

“That’s a bit drastic wouldn’t you say? It’s not like you or he have been particularly subtle, as I’m sure you’ve noticed from the way Kokichi has tried teasing you both before. But rest assured, I won’t talk.”

“That would be a change.” Maki deadpanned, smirk naturally falling into place with it’s signature quirk.

Almost sad to consider an adorable if unusual physical feature like that might be part of why she hadn’t been adopted by a normal family when she still had a chance. Vanity could make people be ever so cruel.

“Alright, poor phrasing on my part. But it’s not like I’m one to participate in gossip anyway. Honestly I’d have much preferred going into the story connected to the paw you have so graciously given me than something of this nature. Or even how your work has affected your own views on the concept of death.”

“The one with the three wishes that keep going wrong? I think I’ve heard that one before. I think I’ll stop taking up your time though, just in case Kirumi comes by to check on you again. And… Thank you. It was nice to see Ryoma was right. You aren’t as much of a creepy weirdo as you could be. My words, not his.”

… How is an assassin able to be so blind to our intentions brother? Are you sure she isn’t toying with us?

It’s hardly like I’ve had any actual intent to kill around her. Not like Kirumi has. It makes sense she’d be more on Maki’s radar than I am. If you look suspicious enough sometimes you stop being suspicious.

And other times it just puts you on a fast track to be on a first name basis with the local sheriff. Again.

And yet that familiarity served its purpose, as they were still none the wiser and saw nothing wrong with me leaving town as a result even after her delightful daughter “ran away from home”, did it not?

He couldn’t help but laugh a little at the irony of it all while he gave her a partial bow as she departed. “Kehehe. I’m not sure your assessment, blunt as it was, is truly accurate. But I appreciate your praise, such as it is, all the same and do sincerely wish you the best. I’ll be rooting for you, so take care, Maki.”

He couldn’t really afford to spend too much time here himself though either. Kirumi would be less likely to do anything tonight if there was a chance he was still in earshot, and she already made an excuse if anyone rightly thought he was in bed when her crime was being committed with her Monopad trick.

It was tempting to at least try paying Angie one last visit before he left, but all things considered he thought better of it. Too much evidence against him could make proving Kirumi’s guilt harder if Kaede won’t be there to help anymore. But he could live with his last memory of Angie before her death being one that ended on poorer terms. He’s certainly had worse with all the friends he’s helped his sister make.

Getting back to the dorms was rather uneventful at any rate, but it was a small comfort for him to know that Gonta and Ryoma both made it clear they saw him. Witnesses will be a great boon in proving his innocence if the class turns out to be more inclined to trust Kirumi’s word over his own tomorrow. Gonta even insisted on walking back with him, to help ensure Korekiyo was indeed following the curfew now.

What will he and the others do with their leader gone? Would the cult remain without her guidance, or simply fall apart due to a loss of faith? Who would fill the voids Angie and Kaede would leave behind? Kaito? Kibo? Certainly not Kokichi, the imp’s too fond of implicitly pushing people to do what he wants.

He had ample time to think as he got ready for bed. It might not take as much time to undress and take off his sister’s preferred makeup than it does to put everything on but that wasn’t saying much.

Not to mention donning his sleeping mask and whatnot afterward. Sister was a tad too impatient to be in control when their body needed to rest so that was hardly an optional step for him anymore.

But before he entered his slumber he still had one question he needed to ask her first. And as there was no risk of interruptions they wouldn’t need to be as quiet this time. She did prefer to speak for herself.

“Sister, do you suppose voting for Kirumi tomorrow would be enough involvement for her spirit to reach you? I know indirect killings are far less reliable, but it could still work could it not?”

It wasn’t really his hand that reached to pull his mask down anymore, as odd a sensation as it was to lose control of his own body. Though it wasn’t “lost” as much as it was freely given. She didn’t even need to remove his mask to take full control, but it helped make it easier to avoid acting unusually around others.

It was more a ritual with a symbolic restraint they shared than an actual necessity for their symbiosis. Fitting considering its unconventional design, serving as a “fetish” for them in more ways than one.

She used the closest she could manage to her own voice as she answered him. “ How should I know little brother? The only chance we had to really test this was during that first execution, and you had voted for Miss Akamatsu rather than risk introducing me to a boy like Saihara by mistake back then did you not? ”

“Right, of course. But it would be nice to be able to make you two friends tomorrow instead of just one. Then we’d only need one more. Would you rather it be Tenko or Tsumugi? It won’t matter if I’m caught.”

“ Curb your impatience Korekiyo. It makes me happy to see you’re still thinking ahead, but do be careful. Over-eagerness can easily lead to one’s undoing so we mustn’t get too greedy just yet. We can’t let our emotions hasten your judgements and risk making a fatal error this close to our goal. First, we see how things will go. Then I’ll consider our options. Just focus on getting some rest for now, my sweet Korekiyo. ”

“Right, of course. My apologies. Goodnight Sister.”

He felt her response more than heard it as a hand reached to grip his shoulder while the other went around his waist. The closest either of them could get to anything resembling an embrace anymore.

Korekiyo ignored any sense of loneliness the gesture gave him in favor of basking in its intent. He should be used to this by now. And there’s nothing unusual about his pleasures having some pain intertwined.

It’s just a shame not all pains are of a sort I can find pleasure in. But it won’t be for much longer now.

The next day he had nearly finished getting ready for the day when something began pounding on his door. Odd as he hadn’t even heard the morning announcement begin yet, much less the one that signified a body discovery. Things were made odder still as it was Kaito he found on the other side looking ragged, like a man at the end of his rope, rather than a furious Tenko out for his blood.

“Did you have anything to do with this?!”

“... That depends what “this” would be. I’d offer you a good morning but it’s a bit late for that now yes? Did something happen that I should be aware of?” His answer gave Kaito some comfort as he calmed down a bit. Not the announcement choosing that particular moment to come to life helped that any.

Korekiyo really should have tried standing further away from his room’s monitor since he knew this should be coming. Or done something to help brace for how loud its parody of a school chime would be. He did so loathe loud noises like this, almost as much as he hated being bound to one place for too long.

“Okay, so you really didn’t know? That… That’s good at least. It’s in your lab, come on.”

Kaito obviously wasn’t in the mood for much talking so Korekiyo was content to merely follow his lead rather than ask questions. There wasn’t too much he felt he needed to really ask yet anyway.

Not until he saw a familiar head of silver hair in the hallway outside of his lab. Still happily bobbing along as per the usual for her, talking to Tenko standing beside her. At least Tenko hadn’t lost another friend.

Kukuku, I guess Miss Tojo wasn’t as predictable as you thought? This is good though, we haven’t lost my chance to be friends with her just yet. But whose body will we find now I wonder? Did she go for Hoshi after all?

This would explain Kaito’s current state. Or at least his response further narrowed down their options. But it wasn’t Ryoma’s body he found on the floor of his lab, lying there broken and bloody.

It was Maki’s.

It made sense Korekiyo supposed, even if the possibility slipped his mind before.

If Ryoma’s crimes helped ease any issues Kirumi could have with killing one of her citizens then so would Maki’s current profession. And if Kirumi was caught she could argue she acted for the good of the group.

But that doesn’t make this hurt any less does it? I told you, you should raise your standards little brother. Having friends like her would obviously only lead to pain or disappointment for you. They always do.

Never. This is... Bearable. And it's well worth the time spent with her. The same applies for everyone else here. Observing them all has been both informative and for the most part enjoyable, even with these... risks.

He could hardly even tell where the red of the blood ended and that of her clothing began anymore. He’d swear parts of the blood nearly looked pink against her crimson if he wasn’t looking directly at it. Seeing the mask sloppily laid over her face didn’t help either. Particularly given whose it really was.

But he knew better than to let any discomfort show. There was no need for it and it wouldn’t help.  

All he needed to do was make sure her death wasn’t a waste.

Korekiyo looked over to where Kaede and Kirumi were talking as he weighed his options one last time.

Maki may have never been admirable enough to be one of Sister’s friends but at least he could make sure her killer would soon be joining her. And his dearest sister was still in dire need of some company.

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[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

Problems in tech support #???/??? aka “I will just fucking hang up on you”

I’ve just started hanging up on callers when they’re rude to me

I literally give no fucks at this point

This  lady just called in and with this rambling, nonsensical question (?). I wasn’t sure exactly what her issue was, but it sounded like she needed to be able to log in to one of our programs. So I ask if she was ever issued a log in, because if she was then I can just reset her password and she’ll be able to log in then and there. But if she was never issued a log in, then I have to go into an entirely different system, open a request, send that request over to the admins who have to create her account.

Now, I cannot look up people by name in this program, because it’s dumb and no one thought that’d be a helpful feature. I can only do it by their user ID. Which she would’ve been provided with if she had an account.

Conversation went pretty much like this

Her: *rambles for probably 3 minutes without really any clear explanation, keeps repeating “I don’t know” and not letting me get a word in* Me: Ok, it sounds like you might need a log in for [program] Her: I guess? Me: And you’ve never been issued a username before, correct? Her: *huffs and sighs extremely loud* Her: *loud and slowly like I’m an idiot* WE. JUST. STARTED. WEDNESDAY.

... and? Usually all your accounts are created before you start.

Me: Alright, well that doesn’t-- Her: *shouting over me* WE JUST STARTED WEDNESDAY. WE’RE NEW. Me: OK. Me: *hangs up*

Listen, real talk. Being rude does not get customer service/tech support people to help you more. In fact, just the opposite happens. When someone is nice to me, or at least just decent, I’ll do my damnedest to help them. I’ll bend over backwards to make sure they get what they need. And that’s the case for everybody I know in the IT industry and everybody I know in customer service. If you’re nice to us, we’re nice to you.

However, if you’re a dick. Well, I go out of my way to NOT help you. And I don’t mean “I’m in a really stressful situation and I’m frustrated and being short with you”. Because that happens. I mean “I have no reason to be angry or upset but I started off this call being very disrespectful/aggressive/sarcastic/rude” and continued to be so even though I’m being polite to you, I will do everything I can to not assist you. And as of late, that involves me just hanging up on you. Does that make me petty? Yes. But frankly dealing with people who want to be rude/uncooperative is a waste of my time, and not fair to all the other people who’re waiting in queue behind them. I’d rather move on past the person who’s intentionally making it hard for me to do my job and slowing things down and assist people who are actually going to work with me and let me help them.

So, next time you really need some assistance, IT support, to return an item, whatever. Be nice. I guarantee you’ll get better results. You don’t have to be a pushover. You can be firm and stand your ground while being respectful. Just don’t be a dick.

[teachingtales]

How To...Be an Empath Without Being Overwhelmed

I saw this post and responded to it. I thought it may help others here. I asked the person if they wanted advice, they did, and so my reply is after the bold/italicized text. If you don’t know what an “empath” is, it’s someone who feels the emotions of others very strongly, and can find it overwhelming. The bold/italicized commentary directly below is a pretty standard example of what an empath experiences: 

Sometimes I feel like my heart is like 4 sizes too large because I care WAY too much about random things happening/people that I have literally no connection with. Part of it today is that I'm probably really close to my period, but I get like this a lot even when I'm not hormonal. Today, I saw a TikTok where a girl was taking a college class and everything is still online because of Covid. She said less than half of the class was showing up and no one turned on cameras and the prof seemed really sad. It was an environmental class, something this guy obviously cares about a lot and I just started sobbing. It's just so sad to think about these professors who just really love teaching people, and are used to seeing students faces every day, and now he's just talking into a void. like just a black screen. I cried for like 5 minutes about this 30 second tiktok. Little stuff like that just really gets to me. I played a dumb video game the other day (Journey to the Savage Planet) and you scan these little animals on this planet and the first one you come across the description of this animal literally says "loves you" and then you're supposed to kill a bunch of them. Do I just need to avoid media at this point?? The more visual it is (like a show, or a game or something) the worse I feel. Sometimes I even have a hard time reading books because I get so sad. This can't be normal. Does anyone else get like this? How do you separate your human emotions from things that really don't affect you at all?

It takes a lot of work to manage being an empath without shutting down or becoming overwhelmed, but I find it worth it.

A. When I’m overwhelmed with emotion.

In these cases, I analyze what’s getting to me and I find a place online where I can donate money. I donate what I can, it’s monthly but a small amount. I personally donate to a reusable pad charity that gets reusable pads to girls in regions where safe pads are hard to find (so they either use unsanitary things and get infections, or they miss school during their period and fall behind) and another charity that provides sun protective clothing and high SPF sunscreen to Africans (in Africa) with albinism.

I don’t know why these two in particular spoke to me...likely because oppressive religious concepts put them in danger and I grew up in a cult myself. Any amount you donate is helpful.

Sometimes I do a thing where if I’m buying too much c/s food, I donate an equal amount of money to different charities.

If you can’t donate money for some reason, then play the “grammar game” at https://freerice.com and each correct answer donates rice to hungry people. You can’t use an ad blocker since that’s where the money for the rice comes from.

I cannot fix all the problems in the world, but I can at least provide some help.

B. If I’m overwhelmed wanting to help someone I’m talking with who doesn’t seem to understand why they need my help.

This can be difficult but the best way to think about it is that I cannot help someone as an isolated concept; help can only happen if both of these things happen:

I am willing and able to help

The other person is willing and able to receive and enact my help

The problem of the empath is we desperately want to help others and, unlike most people, we are willing to put I’m the effort. The problems arise when the person is unwilling or unable to utilize that help. Help is like any other human interaction: IT REQUIRES CONSENT! This is something we don’t talk about in society, but it is simply inappropriate to force our help onto others. It causes them feelings of stress, inadequacy, frustration, self-hatred, and other negative, harmful emotions. As empaths, we don’t want anyone feeling that way, ESPECIALLY because of something we did or said! So I remind myself that if I force my help without their consent, then I’m contributing to worsening that person’s day.

C. The person wants my help...for everything. They are draining me.

This is likely the hardest one for us to manage, because we begin to feel responsible for that person’s wellbeing.

This type of person desperately needs a good friend, but because you’re offering help in one capacity they have decided that you are the person who will meet all their needs. This is an inappropriate relationship. If someone offers help with X, they are not also offering help with Y, Z, A, B, etc.. It’s like how I would be wrong to see a dermatologist for an eczema outbreak, but to call the dermatologist for help with my relationships, choosing healthy food at the store, asking for help picking a flattering outfit, and asking for advice on writing a resume or talking to a problematic coworker. The dermatologist is helping with ONE thing. Can the dermatologist offer advice on all those other things? Sure. But it’s inappropriate to think, “The dermatologist is helping me with eczema; THEREFORE, I will ask their help for all these other things.”

This means we as empaths need to set those boundaries. It’s okay for us to point them in the direction of someone who has more time and expertise to help them for another problem.

And, just like that dermatology visit, we must set a time limit. If you feel selfish at first, remind yourself that being “drained” means you can’t help as many people during the day AND that those extra hours spent aren’t actually getting that much extra improvement in their lives. It’s a better outcome to divide our time to help 3 people than to let 1 person swallow up all our time.

D. The person wants my ATTENTION, but not my HELP.

This one is tricky and can leave us feeling used and our time wasted. This person appears like Situation C, but each time they “totally promise” to use our advice, you find out in the next conversation that they didn’t use the advice or even claim to forget, or claim that we never said that advice. This person needs professional therapy. We cannot help them. If they cannot see a therapist in person for whatever reason, I have free and/or online alternatives for them.

I find that this person is ready to dump ALL their problems, even if they’re wholly unrelated to a problem you’re talking with them about currently. You find that when you try to excuse yourself from the conversation, they immediately try to start a new conversation. The more you try to excuse yourself, the more extreme the new conversation starters become, including talks of self-harm, suicidal ideation, inappropriate touching, and so on. These aren’t necessarily lies, but are ONLY brought up to keep your attention/concern/care. I call them “Pity Vampires”.

For Pity Vampires, I give them one helpful task to complete for the next time we speak, and I give a time constraint like, “Message me next week about your success.” If they message me next week with cheap excuses, then I refer them to a therapist (and the alternatives) and tell them I am unable to help them.

Typically, they will attempt to self-pity to manipulate me into helping them, such as, “That’s how everyone treats me, I thought you were different but you proved me wrong” or “I really am beyond helping, no one wants to be around me.” I reply to this saying something like, “Your response is deliberately manipulative to trick me into talking to you further. This is disrespectful and you’re asking me for inappropriate help. I am not a mental health professional, so it is rude and inconsiderate to use me as such. I am a person with my own issues. I’m happy to be a friend, but I am not here to be used by a person who is avoiding therapy.”

This sounds harsh but it is direct and truthful, which is what they need to hear because they’re either given pity or frustration. By expressing exactly why people keep leaving them, you are helping them see that it’s not who they are that is off-putting, but it’s how they treat others that is off-putting.

Similar to this person is the "Drama Vampire", who is combative for attention. It's similar to a troll in that they post to get a strong reaction, only they're being serious in their commentary and not trolling (trolls just post to anger people for fun, even if it's not their real belief/opinion). Drama Vampires are easier to spot and you can try talking to them politely to educate them on a topic. If they respond in an over-the-top way with insults and strawman arguments, you can say something like, "You are using straw man arguments and insults, and I'm not sure why. If you want to have a conversation about this, I'm happy to participate in civil, calm discussion. But if you're upset and looking to talk at me with common arguments that aren't anything I've ever said, then you don't need me for this since you're putting words in my mouth anyway. If you respond in the same way, I just won't reply. Either way, I hope you have a good day." 

You have to be careful to not be condescending, as it can sometimes come off that way. You can't include things like, "I just wanted to educate you but it seems you're in love with ignorance" or whatever. Just "Hey, I'm here to talk but not here to be yelled at, so if you respond with more of the same then I won't reply." 90% of the time, Drama Vampires respond with more anger and so I wash my hands of it. It is tempting to try to "reach" them with kind, rational words, but they aren't receptive to those at that time. If they are receptive, then after that "please don't be rude to me, I just want to have a discussion" comment they will soften up and you can have a discussion.

[seerofbread]

What’s in a Name (fic for saveWOY exchange)

This month’s @savewoygiftexchange gave me @cerise-the-traveling-artist!

Usually I post fic straight to AO3 but I was a little shy about asking about OC details so I’m just going to.... post it here, right, and if anything needs to be changed before you want it In The Tags with your OC then please let me know! Cerise is super cute and I love her, I hope I could do her some justice, even if it’s a little bit late.

(This is like 2K words so if you’re on mobile and don’t want to read it I am So Sorry OMG)

ETA: Now it’s on AO3!

Cerise knew that Wander would be late, and she was still fifteen minutes early. Luckily, the beach that they planned to meet at was a beautiful one. It was also good that she had her sketchbook, but luck had nothing to do with that: she carried it everywhere for moments just like these, when she could sit on the shore, bury her toes in the sand, and push her glasses up her nose so she could draw from her surroundings. A boy covered in yellow scales played in the surf, his green mother holding his hand, and Cerise needed practice drawing figures from behind.

Drawing almost completely distracted Cerise from the passing time. She remained entirely calm for the first ten minutes past the set meet time, but then she noticed how long it had been and anxiety began to gnaw at her. Wander was probably just distracted by some pretty flowers, but what if he wasn’t?

The sketches slowed down, and then stopped. Wander was fifteen minutes late, and Cerise was starting to wonder if he was late because he didn’t want to join her. Probably not as bad as if Wander had gotten hurt or something, but right now Cerise felt like it was more likely. Wander was so well-traveled, he must know so many people more interesting than Cerise and maybe he was done wasting his time with her now.

But someone on the beach was waving an orange hand, and then she heard him call out, “Cerise!” Wander came up the beach at a run, jamming his hat on his head as he skidded to a halt in front of Cerise. “Sorry I’m late, I had to help a family carry their picnic to the beach, and then I found a little girl who needed sunscreen, and you know how it is when you start offering sunscreen at the beach, folks just don’t stop coming until you run out!”

“Did you?” Cerise asked.

Wander tapped his hat. “I never run out. But boy, did they try! I reckon we could go up the beach and offer some more if you want to later, but I realized I was making you wait up again, and that’d be pretty rude of me, huh?”

Cerise looked down at her sketchbook, blushing in embarrassment as she thought of her doubt. Wander was too nice to just stand her up like that. She should know that by now.

“Sorry I made you wait so long,” Wander said again. “Did you draw all that before I got here?”

Instinctively, Cerise drew the sketchbook closer, as if Wander hadn’t already seen that she’d almost filled the page. So far, when she showed him her art, he hadn’t given her any real criticisms, but there would have to be a first time someday, right? But it was Wander, a trusted friend and a guy known to have a full mental breakdown over a box he couldn’t open. She gave him the sketchbook and said, “They’re all really hurried. And the people kept moving so I had a hard time getting it just right, and I don’t think I shaded them very well, and the waves are--”

“Wow, this is what you make when you’re hurried?” Wander asked. “I’d take about an hour to draw this much, and it’d be all bad. You’ve gotten real good at capturing the motion here,” he went on, pointing to a sketch, “I know exactly what they’re doing there, and that’s really neat!”

“Thanks,” Cerise squeaked.

Wander handed the sketchbook back. “You wanna go take a walk on the beach? Sylvia’s around here somewhere, taking a nap if I had to guess.” Cerise stood up. “She does seem to like doing that.”

“Beach naps are her favorite,” Wander explained, leading Cerise along the shore. “It might be a Zbornak thing, wanting to sleep in the sun or something. I mean, it’s also really nice and warm, if you don’t mind getting some sand in your fur.”

“I usually like the mountains a bit better,” Cerise said. “Cool trees and all that. It’s usually so much quieter, too. But this is a nice beach.”

“Ain’t it just the best? I don’t think even Zyzzx has such a nice beach. They certainly don’t have anyone so nice to spend the day with, anyway,” Wander said, nudging Cerise gently with his elbow.

Cerise tried again to hide her blush, but anything visible through her pink fur would never be hidden by something as simple as ducking her head. She knew she should try to say something nice back, but it was difficult to think of anything, so she settled with, “Thanks, that’s very nice of you to say.”

“Well, it’s true. It’s nice to travel with Syl all the time, but you know, it gets a little boring without someone else,” Wander explained.

Wander did most of the work in the conversation, which Cerise was fine with. She wanted to be friendlier sometimes, but Wander had enough of that for the both of them. The sun and the ocean breeze made for a pleasant walk, and if it ever seemed a bit too hot Wander would peel off his shoes and socks and they’d splash in the waves a little bit to cool down, Cerise always careful to keep her sketchbook far enough to stay dry without risking someone else looking at it. Coming back from the waves, Cerise smiled easily and admitted, “I have something for you.”

Wander gasped. “Really? For little old me?”

Cerise nodded, shaking water from her legs as she walked back to her sketchbook. Wander followed, and Cerise sat on the sand to pull a loose page from the book. Looking at the picture she drew, Cerise had a last wave of doubt, but--she’d already said it was for him. He would at least be nice enough to say it was good, even if it wasn’t.

Holding the art in his hands, Wander gasped again. “It’s me! Cerise, this is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and I have absolutely seen some truly remarkable things in this galaxy.”

“Really?” There was no way that was true.

“Oh, I guess the jellyfish migration might’ve topped it out, then,” Wander said, but he winked and went on, “I bet if you ever drew those jellyfish, you’d have all the galaxy’s beauty on one page.”

“They’re very different,” Cerise said, blushing furiously. “I don’t know if the same skills would apply...”

Wander laughed. “Well, maybe I’ll have to take you someday to give it a go, practice those skills.” He leaned back, holding the page up to the sun as though it would look any better backlit. “Wow, this is so neat! What’re you gonna call it?” Cerise shrugged. “I hadn’t really thought about it. It’s a gift, so you can call it whatever you want.”

“I don’t want to disrespect the artist like that! Didn’t you think of anything while making it? Must’ve taken a while, did you spend the whole time thinking of it without a name?”

That was exactly what Cerise had done. She’d thought of it as a gift for Wander. But it was easy to make something up. “I guess I would probably just call it Wander.”

“Aw, that’s sweet of you,” Wander said, sitting up to put the art back on the sand and hug Cerise. Her brain might have exploded, her heart racing from the feel of Wander’s sun-warmed fur on hers.

When he finally released her, leaning back on his hands, Wander was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. Nearly a full minute passed in silence, and Cerise began to wonder what was wrong, and what she should say to correct it, but then Wander said, “You know, that’s not technically my real name.”

“Wander?” Cerise asked.

Wander nodded. “Sylvia mentioned it when we met, and it sort of stuck.”

That wasn’t so surprising. Nobody else was named Wander, so that was probably a nickname. But Cerise didn’t know how to say that without sounding like she didn’t think Wander was a good name, so she asked, “If that’s not your real name, what is?”

Wander hesitated, and he almost stopped smiling. Panic swept through Cerise at the thought, knowing how much Wander expressed himself in smiles--cheerful grins, nervous grimaces, contented smirks. A smile-less Wander was unknown territory, and not the kind that Cerise wanted to explore if she could help it.

“I mean, Wander is a good name, and it’s cool, I guess you probably don’t know me well enough yet to share a secret like that,” Cerise began, but Wander stopped her with a shake of his head.

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you,” Wander said. “Just, you know. I haven’t told anyone in so long. Nobody calls me by it--I don’t think even Syl knows it.”

That made Cerise think. Not even Sylvia? “I thought you were best friends.”

“Bestest buds in the galaxy!” Wander agreed, beaming, but he looked nervous as he added, “She knows it’s not my real name. But--maybe it’s ‘cause of where she came from, but she never really asks questions about it.”

Cerise nodded. Something came to her mind the moment Wander mentioned Sylvia not knowing his real name. She wasn’t sure it would be polite to ask, but soon there was nothing else she could think of to say, so Cerise asked, “If nobody knows to call you by it, is it really your name? I mean, everyone knows you as Wander, and that’s what you answer to. Are you happy with that?”

Wander seemed a little surprised by the question, but he chuckled. “Well, not everyone calls me Wander--but you have a point, Cerise. I usually have a nickname based on who I am and what I’m doing at the time, but I am having one heck of a great time being Wander. ‘Specially because I got to meet you.” Again, Cerise ducked her head, hoping to hide her blush.

“Tell you what,” Wander went on, waving around Cerise’s drawing. “I’d love to return the favor on this one, but since it’s such a nice drawing, I don’t think I can really make anything good enough. So how about we keep meeting up, and you can give me some drawing pointers, and when I’m good enough to draw you, I’ll sign it with my real name.”

“You really don’t need to give me anything back, that was basically just a warm-up that got out of hand,” Cerise said, too nervous to meet Wander’s gaze. “But if you just wanna learn how to draw...”

“Well, that sure would be nice,” Wander said softly, leaning close to Cerise, the orange fur of his shoulder brushing up against Cerise’s pink fur, “but tell you honest, you don’t have to teach me. I just wanna get to know you a little better, see if you’ve got your own weird secrets.” Here he winked, and added, “And if I already know you as well as I’m gonna, then I just wanna spend time with you.”

Involuntarily, Cerise thought of how late Wander was. Maybe, she thought, he was just saying that to be nice.

But whatever Wander’s real name was, Cerise knew Wander. She knew that he would be late, even as she decided to show up early. She knew how much he had to help people, even if it delayed him from doing something he wanted. The fact that Wander was able to cut himself off, even after he already started with the helping, said a lot about how important it was for him to have this time with Cerise.

“We should keep hanging out,” Cerise agreed, feeling the heat rising in her face. “Whatever you wanna do. Drawing lessons might be fun, but anything with you is, because I love--uh, I love spending time with you,” she said at the last minute, not sure she could handle it.

“Aw, thanks!” Wander said, throwing his arms around Cerise. “I love spending time with you too.”

For a moment, Cerise thought she might actually die of happiness. Her heartbeat raced, throbbing in her ears, and she must’ve felt feverish from how hard she was blushing. She hoped Wander didn’t notice, and at first she hesitated to touch him back for fear of him noticing.

But Cerise’s excitement got the best of her, and soon she was pulling her arms around Wander’s waist, hugging him back.

[scientists-and-stars]

On Fascists, Complicity, and Internet Trolls (and what you can do about them)

So. I got a message today from a hate-mongering, fascist nazi bringing up how we are both libras and Slytherins, as if I was supposed to see them as more ‘human’ and ‘relatable’ because of that. They were trying to lure me into a sense of false security before mentioning that we’re on opposite sides beyond those few things we have in common. They wanted me to respond: they wanted me to direct my anger at them so that they could turn it right back on me and attack me after making themselves appear more human and therefore harder to ignore.

And this got me to thinking, about neo-nazis and blocking people on social media and other such things. And before I knew it, I wrote this piece. So here you go.

Luckily, I’m too smart or maybe just too done with all of this shit to fall for the little trick the previously mentioned nazi tried on me. I immediately reported and blocked their ass, just like I did when my uncle refused to stop blatantly disrespecting me and trying to start shit with me and my friends. Like I did when a dozen college bros catcalled and shouted at me repeatedly from their golf carts on campus. Without a word.

Listen- education and awareness and speaking up are all vitally important, but there also comes a point where the only thing you can do is ignore them.

Don’t give them the satisfaction of letting them get to you. Let their rage fuel you and then move on with your fucking life, because you have better things to worry about that their bullshit.

As someone who’s an idealist, I know that little spark of valiant hope that says you can change their minds or go down trying. But as a skeptic, I also know that this is usually not the case.

However, on the flip side, I’m not saying unfriend every single conservative relative and never talk to anyone who disagrees with you, because that is absolutely not the right answer. Like almost every issue in life, there’s no black-and-white answer to this issue. ‘Pick your battles’ is a statement that comes to mind, but even that is not the entirely correct mindset because you shouldn’t necessarily look at every conversation with your conservative family members or online people as a battle. But what is correct, in my belief, is that you should never assume everything is cut and dry, and that you shouldn’t engage in pointless arguments with people who were never going to listen to you anyway.

But let’s look at the other side of the coin, shall we?

I am a white person. Therefore, I have a responsibility as a person with a privilege and as an ally, and in order to uphold that, I have to have uncomfortable conversations sometimes.

I have to educate my parents who don’t fully understand the ways things have changed. I have speak up when my uncle says something blatantly racist, even if I’m terrified to and I don’t want to start a fight and how will I know what to say and- the excuses go on and on. But in the end, it’s. not. about. me. People are literally being murdered, and I have the audacity to make this about me? Fuck that. I’m done letting my excuses and my anxiety stop me from being the advocate I should be (and often claim to be).

If I’ve learned anything from being raised Christian, it’s that if you say you’re one thing but you don’t live like it every single day, even when it’s hard and you don’t want to- you’re lying to yourself and everyone around you. This doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes- hell no. Mistakes are to be expected. But if you don’t truly believe what you say you do, it’ll show in your life.

If you aren’t fully committed to furthering the equality of all people in every way you can, it’ll be obvious because you almost definitely aren’t acting like it. If you think you’re committed but you’re reading this and thinking ‘shit, maybe I’m not as committed as I thought?’, then you’re the reason I wrote this. Because I’m in the same place. As I’m reading this I’m realizing that I haven’t always practiced what I’ve preached, and that I need to reevaluate my commitment and start living it more unashamedly. This is no time for shyness or politeness.

This is all-out warfare and if I’m being complicit in any way and not fighting on the side of justice and humanity, I’m fighting against it, whether I like it or not.

You might be thinking that I just listed off two completely opposite ways of responding, and I understand if you are. It’s really, really freaking hard to navigate the line between speaking up and knowing when to move on and I can’t give you an all-defining answer because every situation is different. The only thing I can say with certainty is that you should always ask yourself these questions: “am I responding out of fleeting anger or am I thinking my responses through and being the better person, even if it sucks?”, “am I living out the values that I believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable for me?”, and “am I being a good ally/advocate to the best of my ability for those who don’t have the same privileges I do?”.

Meditate over the answers and don’t ever rush into a fight just for the sake of arguing. I believe there’s nothing wrong with ignoring your uncle’s rude comments on your Facebook posts as long as you aren’t being complicit in real life and you’ve already done your best to peacefully speak your mind and educate him (that said, please report trolls if you see them bullying or harassing someone else or if they are truly harassing you!).

In conclusion; nazis are bad, complicity is counterproductive, and nothing is black-and-white. Now go out there and start backing up your beliefs with actions. Donate, protest, volunteer, contact your representatives, educate your family members and friends, protect those you see being oppressed or harassed for who they are, and most of all Do. Not. Stay. Silent. Because none of us have time to be scared or complicit when real life oppression and battles are being fought.

[ob-fans]

Restaurant Fails

@fuck-customers 

Things you’re doing wrong in a restaurant that your server secretly hates you for.

Seating:  When you walk into a restaurant, unless you’ve been there before and you know for certain that this is acceptable – DO NOT SEAT YOURSELF DOWN. It is not fucking McDonald’s. This is incredibly annoying to servers for several reasons – firstly, their manager may be watching and it will appear they have kept you waiting so long that you were forced to seat yourselves, and secondly even if it is quiet when you arrive, they may well have a seating plan and tables intended for booked guests later on. Thirdly, it’s just plain impatient and rude.

Generally if the restaurant is quiet and there is 4 or less of you we give people some choice about where to sit as this makes the customer feel valued. However, do not turn up as a party of 6 or more, for whom restaurants often have a limited number of suitable tables, ignore our table suggestions and insist on us making some sort of table jigsaw in the middle of the restaurant floor, just to accommodate you. You're there for a couple of hours, not the rest of your life – chill the fuck out.

Further to this, yes we know it’s cold outside, but if you give yourself a minute to warm up you will realise once you’re INSIDE you will no longer be cold. Please don’t expect we can seat EVERY single person that comes in “as far away from the door as possible” as we would have a half empty restaurant and in our case, have most of our customers out of sight from the bar/reception area. Be patient, at least see if you’re warm enough where you are before asking to move.

Also, do not demand to sit away from children as soon as you arrive. You’ve chosen a child friendly Italian restaurant that serves pizza and fries. What do you expect? If you don’t like kids, go somewhere else. Which leads me on to…

Kids:  DO NOT ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO RUN OR SKATE AROUND THE RESTAURANT. This is not just annoying to staff and fellow customers alike, but is also incredibly dangerous – staff serve hot drinks and food, many dishes coming straight from the oven, and if your kid runs into us on their skates it’s very possible they could end up with food all over them or worse in the hospital with second degree burns.  

It is not acceptable to allow your kids to throw food everywhere and leave the table looking as though a bomb hit it, with more food on the floor than was on the plate. If your kid can’t handle eating in a restaurant without making THAT MUCH of a mess, they are not old enough to be eating out. Either that, or please, take wet wipes (not baby wipes, I mean antiseptic wipes) and at least clear up the mess before you leave. If you wouldn’t leave a friend’s house that way, don’t leave a restaurant that way - it’s just bad manners.

Please do not leave your young children alone in the restaurant. ALWAYS nominate at least one adult to supervise. We are not a crèche and are not there to look after your children because you want a glass of wine and a sit down for an hour or two. Children forget their orders, take ages to make up their minds, change their minds, and generally get confused about the whole process, and we cannot discuss the orders or negotiate the bill with a child if something needs fixing. The last time this happened, a kid ended up getting a Bolognese when they were vegetarian, because they had forgotten what they wanted and didn’t know what it was. This shit is not our fault if you can’t be bothered to look after your kids.  It’s fine to let them “be adults” and sit by themselves, JUST STAY IN THE DAM RESTAURANT SO THAT IF YOUR KID BREAKS THEIR LEG WE DON’T HAVE TO CALL AN AMBULANCE AND WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK TO TELL YOU YOUR KID IS IN THE HOSPITAL. Seriously, this is just un-fucking acceptable. Don’t do it. Ever.

Just because you are a young person and are eating out with your friends with your pocket money or a voucher your parents have given you, this does not mean that the standards are different for you. We don’t necessarily expect a large tip (hell, usually we don’t expect ANY tip) but at least have the courtesy and sense to split the bill, or take change with you so that you can pay for your amount exactly. The last time this happened, all 4 of them had kids set menus, the only difference was some had coke and some had juice, which was ridiculous. We do not have the time, nor we should we expected to work out the change for 6 or more people’s individual orders, and give you each exact change when you have only given us a £20 note each. We are not a bank and often waiters have their own floats, meaning that especially near the start of a shift they will not have a large amount of loose change on them. Basically, if you’re old enough to eat out like adults, you’re old enough to pay like adults too.

Headphones / phones / games – I personally don’t give a crap if your kid wants to play a game etc or listen to music while in the restaurant, as long as it does not disrupt other customers. However, please have the fucking courtesy to make sure your kid is making eye contact and actually treating us like fucking human beings when we are taking their order. I cannot tell you how dismissive and disrespectful it is to be for all intents and purposes ignored and treated like furniture. We are serving your food, we are not slaves.

Stacking Plates

Please, if you are sitting somewhere the waiter cannot easily reach you, take the plate from us when you receive your food, and hand it back to us when we come to clear your plates. We do not have extendable arms for hard to reach tables, please us common sense in this scenario – if you would struggle, then likely we are too.

It’s very much appreciated if you stack your plates, but please do this sensibly. Do not create a giant plate mountain destined to topple over at the minutest movement – this is counter-productive and it just means we have to unpile your plates before we can re stack them and take them back to the kitchen – completely nullifying the point. If you are incapable of determining what is a sensible plate stack and what is a plate catastrophe in the making, please leave your plates the fuck alone, and wait for us to collect them.  

Discounts  and Receipts

If you have a discount code or voucher, please make sure the server is aware of this BEFORE you ask for the bill. Please do not ask for the bill, wait for the server to print the bill and leave it with you before you decide to let them know. This is annoying to the server, a waste of everyone’s time and in some cases servers do not have the ability to do bill reprints themselves, so they must then chase down a manager, causing even more of a delay and frustration both to you and to them. When you’re trying to wait tables in a busy restaurant this is incredibly annoying. WHAT IS THE POINT of someone giving you a bill showing what you WOULD have paid, before you offer them a voucher to render this null and void anyway. I honestly cannot understand this.

Assuming you have followed the above etiquette, please do not approach the bar or register to harass the wait staff the second you have checked the bill. It is customary, unless you ask to pay straight away, to allow you time to check the bill is correct, before we return for payment. During this time we will do other tasks and serve other customers. You are no more important than anyone else, even if you do have a meeting to get to.

Following the above, please do not walk into a restaurant and open with “Can you serve us in 20 minutes, we’ve got a film to get to”. It’s rude, self-important and regardless of how “quick” you think your order may be, there are still potentially many other people’s orders ahead of yours, and you don’t get to skip the queue just because you’ve not left enough time. Go out for dinner earlier, god dammit.

Shots/Samples on arrival:  Some places give customers free samples on arrival. Occasionally parents get a panicked look on their faces as we pour them, as if “lord help us, what are they giving our CHILDREN?!?!?” *Sigh* No, the shots I’m giving your children are NOT alcoholic. I value my job and my life as a free person and wouldn’t be endangering that to give your 5 year old fucking limoncello. For crying out loud have some common sense. If I had a penny for every time I heard that one, I wouldn’t need tips, hell, I wouldn’t need to work, except for then I suppose I wouldn’t hear it in the first place. Dilemma.

Tipping: It is customary in the UK and many other countries to tip your waiter/server. In the UK the standard amount is 10%, which is one of the lowest percentages in the western world. The USA and Canada, for example, both EXPECT 15-20 or even 25% percent. In some cases they will even consider it a part of the bill. So please guys, unless you have had a truly terrible experience in the restaurant and this is specifically at least partially down to your waiter, tip the dam wait staff. 10% is fine and the staff always appreciate it. Waiters in most restaurants get paid hourly and usually minimum wage, the job can be stressful and very physical and we don’t get paid extra when it’s busy and demanding, so EVERYTHING counts. Please, don’t be a dick.

Furthermore, if you are a tourist visiting the UK, it is even more imperative and appreciated that you follow this custom. Likely, you have come from a country where the tip percentage is higher (see USA, Canada etc) and thus 10% is nothing. We have it drilled into us, here in the UK, that we should follow customs when abroad and tip as they do. We would hope for, and certainly appreciate, the same courtesy. There is also the argument that since you’re used to a higher percentage, and that in the UK tax is included in the price, making for easier bill understanding, that you should tip either 10% or the tip rate in your country, whatever is higher. Basically, do the polite thing and don’t do anything you wouldn’t do in your home country.  

Takeaway Coffee: In fairness, this is specific to each restaurant due to what else there is in the locality, but speaking for mine specifically.. No, we do not do take away coffee. We are situated in a busy town centre with no less than 10 cafes. Go to a fucking coffee shop if you want take away coffee, not a restaurant. Seriously, WHY?

When Orders Go Wrong: Sometimes mistakes are made, someone mishears an order, or misses off an item, which can easily happen if the server is distracted or the restaurant is very busy. That is our error and we apologise for that, but we will do our best to fix it as quickly as possible, accommodate other requests you have, and probably remove items from the bill, or give you some sort of discount. Please, please, please do not make the waiter feel like their entire existence is worthless because they missed off your fucking garlic bread. The world will continue to spin on its axis and the sun will still rise tomorrow. You will have forgotten all about it, but the waiter won’t have and will possibly get reprimanded by their manager – please consider this before making a huge fuss about a small mistake.

Fake Complaints: It is fairly common for waiters to check back on their tables to make sure that everything is ok with the food, and to see if the customers need anything else. This also serves as an opportunity for us to head off any complaints – if we ask you if the food is ok and you say yes, then we can leave you alone to enjoy your meal for a while. We are not mind readers, we rely on you letting us know if there is an issue. We check back on you for a reason – please do not say everything is ok and then complain later – this helps no one and appears occasionally as somewhat opportunistic, as usually the manager will then offer a discount. If the food was of a good standard and there was nothing wrong with it, pay the full price. If the restaurant is too expensive for you, find a voucher or just don’t bluddy go there. We know what you’re doing and it’s not cool.

Please apply the above restaurant etiquette and I guaran-fucking-tee you will instantly get better service, and if the waiter really likes you, maybe even free shit. Simple. :-)