#it's like. interest imposter syndrome lmao

[soggypotatoes]

do you ever feel like you've made up all your interests/favourites and you're lying when you talk about them

like, the other day, I went on a pilgrimage to this dinosaur museum. it took a Lot of work to get there. and I was like damn, it's crazy that I'm doing this even though I am actually secretly ambivalent abt dinosaurs. then I spent so many hours there and whenever I saw my favourite dinosaur (spinosaurus) I'd be like yep here he is. buying spino merch, taking pics. thinking, damn it's crazy that I don't even care about spinosaurus and I just go around looking for them bc I decided to arbitrarily make them my favourite.

when I was lying down to sleep later that night I was just like, imagining a spinosaurus, rotating them in my mind, thinking about their flat tails and the way they swim and such. and I had the thought. if I'm faking it, who am I faking it for? aren't all our interests/favourites.. decided upon? by us? does it invalidate my affection for spinosaurus that I actively decided to love them?

I feel so distant from things sometimes. I do feel like all of this means I do genuinely love dinosaurs though lmao

[jeoseungsaja]

What's your role in a tragic play?

bold protagonist

you're the star of the show, baby! and boy does that come with a lot of emotional turmoil. you have a seemingly endless supply of determination. whether you have a lot of goals, or one big one, you're constantly working towards it. you're pretty restless, and struggle with imposter syndrome and generally feeling like you should be doing more. your insecurity might not be immediately obvious to others, however, as you come across as very strong and bold. vulnerability is not your strong suit, and that's likely to be your downfall. if only you had just let people in, and asked for help... well, maybe this was always gonna be a tragedy.

TAGGED BY: @rippleofwords TAGGING: @astremourante | @mythvoiced | @ofgentleresolve (How about K? 👀) | @eclavigne & whoever wishes to do this one!!

[sincerelystesichorus]

let's talk about that one scene in oops

(and fizzarolli in general bc me and my autism r obsessed with this scene and haven't seen someone break it down. also ft. blitz lmao)

just a general scene and vague character breakdown/analysis!

i first of all want to admire the perfect representation of best friends to enemies with blitz & fizz because ugh.

And like Blitz tells everyone this but the way it's so malicious here. Just the perfect simple dig and Fizz's little shit eating grin because it delivered how he knew it would sdfkjsdkf. Shoves Blitz to the side because really that's all he cares to say. Fuck you and what you did to me, bye bye <3 Fizz is so for talking shit and dipping (House of Asmodeus) I love how messy it is but also shows how he really doesn't hold malice for Blitz otherwise. Obviously we see this front and center later in the episode once they start reconnecting, but I like the subtlety and how he's so willing to snap at Blitz despite his usual anxiety with confrontation.

Blitz also knowing exactly what to say to really piss Fizz off once things escalate <3

(Fizz literally so smug and content with himself lmfao)

(smirk wiped off bc hey that's the thing i'm sensitive about!!)

But Fizz keeps his composure. And if you'll let me be alarmingly gay for a second, I love how his version of keeping his cool as a messy gay is managing to basically recreate this drag race confrontation in what is probably my favorite set of Fizzie lines.

eat him up babes. also it's so important that that shitty coffee and fizz were on this side of the street for framing i'll talk about it more in a sec jfskjdfksf.

and now my personal favorite exchange of this entire scene that is criminally underrated imo:

love his face after this line. I SUPPORT DISABLED PEOPLES WRONGS sfjdlkfsdd. literally so fucking nasty with his clown wit but also so justifiable because yeah blitz did just pull this nightmare and dip in fizz's pov. i cannot wait for that to get touched on more likeeee why were they kept apart ugh.

and finally!!

this cut to blitz,, specifically the scarred side of his face is sooo good.

the face of a man who just achieved critical vicious mockery vs. the face of a man that knows he can only win this interaction one way now

Blitz does deserve a little violence maybe <3 Fizz underestimated his ass jjdkfsdlk.

Idk I just love how indicative this whole interaction is for their characters but especially Fizz, it's a perfect build-up for him. Fizz has major imposter syndrome with dual layers because of general haters but especially because of Mammon and Asmodeus. Not on any fault of Ozzie's,, we just see Fizz obviously thinks he isn't fully deserving of their relationship/his situation and the healthy dynamics of it and so do most major news outlets apparently askjfsk.

(full fizzy meme post & also i like how this is a special also like damn do u think they were also apart of the crossword??)

It'll be really interesting to see how his character develops in future episodes because I feel like a lot of what I've rambled about here has come to a resolution after 2 Minutes Notice in the musical special lmao. I really like how here when he goes to compose himself, this is how he does it.

Makes me wonder how many times him and Ozzie have had the self-worth and imposter syndrome conversation before it finally stuck in the Mammon Musical Special. I just love their relationship and how they compliment one another,, and how it projects into Fizz's other relationships because they're healthy for one another. Love my OTP love Blitz & especially love Fizzie. Obviously.

[altocat]

For Cloud actually! We gotta talk about that boi more <3 1. Do you project onto this character?

2. Did you always like this character?

3. What first drew you to this character?

4. Did you initially dislike/hate this character?

6. Do you have any nicknames or pet names you use for this character?

I do a lot! Like Cloud, I often question my identity. I have a lot of imposter syndrome in certain situations. And I can sometimes be avoidant and keep my problems to myself, panicking when I feel confronted. I really feel for Cloud in that sense.

2. I thought he was kind of emo and edgy in Kingdom Hearts. I didn't know much about him and was mostly like "blah blah another angsty stoic anime character who ruins everyone's fun boringgg". I was SO WRONG ASDFGHFDS He's such a dork. And he's so layered. The fact that the edgy asshole side of him was literally an INTENTIONAL PERSONA cultivated by the narrative makes him so much more interesting and iconic. The writers KNOW. And they WANT you to see him for what he REALLY is. That's amazing. More reasons why he's my second fave character just behind Sephiroth.

3. Remake had just come out and I saw an entire compilation of Cloud being a complete socially awkward loser lmao It was great. I think "yoU OWe me A pIzZa." is what clinched it for me.

4. I was just indifferent to him, like I said. I didn't know anything about him and Kingdom Hearts really isn't the best presentation of his character. There's nothing that really separates him from, say, Squall, or other edgy FF characters that show up. It's just Cloud at his most template default broodiness. It's not KH's fault, of course--the story's not about Cloud. He's a guest character. But it still doesn't give you the full picture.

6. I call him "The Clouder" lmao I think someone calls him that in FF7 Abridged and I can't stop calling him that. He's THE CLOUDER. And also Best Boy.

[verdemoun]

Do any of the gang members find out that they have any disorders/mental illnesses/etc. once they get timewarped and if so what are their reactions? Ranging from “oh, I though that was normal” to “NUH UH!”

timewarp was founded on the gang realising they have ptsd and kieran's autism being more obvious and worse in timewarp. but in detail

kieran is autistic

sean might have adhd but he doesn't actually have hyperactivity as a symptom. plot twist he just has that erratic trauma avoiding energy. it is a lot more masking severe c-ptsd and imposter syndrome that is his behind his exaggerated happy personality. see reform school lore

arthur is one of the few diagnosed he definitely had an acquired brain injury which while a physical injury manifests with mostly neurological symptoms. sometimes he gets confused or irritated for seemingly no reason, and this has been a thing since long before timewarp. the gang move on from joking about how dumb he is he does have an intellectual disability as part of his ABI. his response was very "oh I thought that was normal" and "bah i ain't need help".

the gang have subconsciously been aware of this long before they had the medical knowledge to understand it and are all pretty used to quickly explaining things or reminding arthur of stuff he forgets. lowkey consider this canon ever notice how the gang talk to arthur sometimes not entirely condescending but explaining things on his level eg sean being the one to point out the grays will definitely recognise him and he should hide in the wagon, grimshaw almost playfully reminding a grown man to wash because he straight up forgets, gentle reminders of what they're doing through heists even beyond game mechanics a lot of heist cut scenes are super repetitive like charles very much breaking down we're blowing a hole in the bank. take the spool and connect it to the detonator. the detonator is over there. it just feels like they know arthur isn't always entirely there and are v supportive. arthur is so curious and asks so many questions and the gang just roll with it and answer most of the time it feels so kind and positive.

arthur also definitely has adhd. hyper-fixates on new interesting thing for a month and then completely forgets everything he ever learned about it

almost the entire gang acknowledge they have ptsd/c-ptsd and varying levels of trauma as a response their lives/childhoods/relationships with parents/being a VDL. acknowledging it doesn't mean they do anything to move towards recovery because they are still mostly men raised with 19th century values who hang shit on each other for flinching at loud noises or being 'is someone shooting at us' alert

lenny and isaac as the most aware begging their friends/family to take their mental health seriously and are constantly met with 'lmao no' 'that's?? normal?? what do you mean' and 'NUH'. lenny cries 'please this is re-traumatising you are actively upsetting yourselves' while the gang go 'boo grow a pair' despite experiencing varying levels of anxiety attack in response to triggers.

john will only bring up 'hey stop making wolf jokes about me it is Actually a Trigger' to stop the gang bullying him. very genuine trigger and phobia of wolves and wolf-like dogs but still doesn't take it seriously himself

bill has recognized anger management issues and is in therapy. alcoholism is a definite concern. he's also just got a lot of internalised homophobia and complex feelings about the gang and his own childhood to unpack and learn how to articulate and express his feelings in a healthier way. only one of the adult gang who is actively trying to improve his mental health through therapy go king

the d in dsm-5 stands for dutch and he is thriving in in-patient care. not even the doctors know entirely what to diagnose him because he seems to have symptoms of everything but is responding best to medications traditionally used to support bi-polar

special acknowledgement to karen who is very very depressed but is a thriving with anti-depressants because trying to get the gang to go to actual psychologists and therapy is Hell. her and sean send each zoloft memes constantly

[candysharkart]

still no art, i miss it, but im trying to make myself take a real break (been just kinda crumbling every time i try the past few weeks and it was just not really improving anything lmao)

i really REALLY miss it tho and idk i guess i was wondering if anyone had anything they were interested in me drawing?? like stuff you miss from me or something you think itd be cool if i did?? idk lol my imposter syndrome makes this feel like a really dumb egotistical question to ask but you guys follow me for some reason!! and thank you for that.

[zipstidbits]

hi zip! 👋 i'm just really curious about how you got into astrophysics 👀 and what careers interest you in that field if you don't mind sharing ☺️ i just think it's so cool, but like, in the way of someone who knows absolutely nothing about astrophysics except that it's probably really hard and also rockets 😛🚀 have a lovely day! 💞

hi zesty!!!!! thanks so much for asking, i don't mind sharing at all :))))

how i got into astrophysics:

both my parents are second-generation americans so education/college was always The Big Goal growing up. this translated to my parents really emphasizing math and science skills and i got really interested in science this way. (the post-cold war american cultural emphasis on science as a whole probably contributed to this as well, lmao.)

i ended up momentarily ditching the science dream because i started struggling with math in middle school. i can do it, but my adhd means i struggle to hold numbers in my head (do mental math) and sometimes i can be slow/need to write things out more than others/make silly mistakes/and then get bogged down by imposter syndrome. this was like 10+ years ago so i had zero diagnoses and minimal support so i hopped onto the anti-math train.

i never stopped liking science though. i want to know everything and imo, science contains the answers to everything and is how we'll learn all that is unknown right now. once i hit high school and science class started having a shit ton more math i started to view math differently. it became the whole 'the enemy (math) of my enemy (the unknown) is my friend' thing. thankfully, math, when applied to physics concepts, makes more sense than when in a pure math class, so this became a very doable arrangement.

i also started consuming a lot more pop-science/science in the news around this time. neil degrasse tyson, the one astrophysics class i took in high school, and my dad who played a lot of star trek and pbs space videos on youtube to bond with me opened my mind to the most beautiful thing ever (space). i just think it's the coolest thing ever and the unknowns are so cool and i want to know what's going on up there so bad!!!!

this (and some spite*) led me to apply to college for a BS in physics. doing just physics and not astrophysics was sort of a safety net because i thought i'd really like particle physics too but it turns out quantum mechanics is evil and fucked up so i chose to stick with astrophysics as my concentration, lmao.

*i felt like a lot of my peers in high school assumed i couldn't do this because i wasn't naturally good at math/physics and i took a little more time and effort (i spent a lot of early mornings and afternoons in help sessions, lmao) and a part of me wanted to prove them wrong.

then, this past fall/winter, i applied for a bunch of astrophysics phd programs because i've thankfully got a BS degree and i've made my mind up on what i want to do in life (study/learn about space). i got rejected from 7 out of the 8 schools i applied to which was terrible in the moment but great now because i didn't really have to choose what program to accept, lmaoooooooooooo.

careers that interest me:

i very much enjoy teaching (i was a teaching assistant this year) and i would really like to continue it. i could probably do that in most research jobs by mentoring others in a lab/research setting but also being a professor sounds really cool and appealing to me since i could do research and traditional teaching, lmao.

i'm kind of willing to give most astrophysics research jobs a try, i think? the only line i'd really draw is i don't want to work anywhere near the american military-industrial complex for moral reasons

thank you again for asking zesty!!!! sorry for rambling so much and i hope you have a lovely day as well!!! <33333

[eeblouissant]

Unorganized (angsty? Also unedited) Dorothy thoughts I wrote down on the train this morning :)

- Dorothy seemed much more passive before the divorce, & regardless I headcanon her being that way (until Stan effectively destroyed it). She was unhappy & then became very depressed through being married to him, I think she coped by disassociating whether she was aware of it or not. I don’t think Dorothy remembers a lot of her time with Stan (not her kids, Never her children. she’s separated Stan from them for a long time now) simply because she wasn’t there mentally - she chose not to be. We see (or, at least I do) a drastic shift in the way she behaves around Stanley even when she’s in a room with Blanche, Rose & Sophia. Some of the only people she feels like she doesn’t need to “disappear on” in order to tolerate. Her pessimism was a result of Stanley (specifically before & during the divorce, it was a painfully slow process.) & she uses it as a defence mechanism, or a safety blanket. I like to think that she wasn’t that way growing up, even the opposite.

- Dorothy is Very good at tuning out. If she doesn’t want to pay attention to you, she won’t. And you’ll never know the difference. (I saw a mutual mention her also just straight up taking out her hearing aid, so, she also definitely does that lmao– poor Rose gets the most of it)

- Anyone who’s spoken to Dorothy since the divorce, & knew her before it happened, especially before Stan – will tell you that she is Not how they remember her to be. And I think this is why so many of the people around her (besides the Obvious Reasons to hate him) have immediately taken to disliking Stan, the damage is so visible & absolutely undeniable that it would be impossible not to have something against him, no matter what role they might play in Dorothy’s life. Sophia would obviously harbour the most resentment, next to Dorothy. I don’t think Dorothy has been able to grasp just how badly Stan hurt her yet & I believe that is partly another choice she’s made. That &, she doesn’t remember much about who she was before anymore, anyway. It would just depress her to try & uncover.

- Side note on that last point, Blanche & Rose have definitely not believed Dorothy whenever she might have shown them old photos of her. Jaw drop moment for sure. & of course cursed Stan to all hell – I think Blanche would have gotten a little emotional. As much as she’d want to poke fun for a laugh I don’t think she’d have been able to bring herself to. She recognizes how tragic what happened to Dorothy is & was immediately. Not to say that Rose wouldn’t.

- I love love picking apart the ways Dorothy’s changed, the drastic change in how she chooses to dress (ignoring trends, & all that, just for a second) has always been interesting to me. We see a younger version of Dorothy in clothing that hugs her figure & creates an explicitly, traditionally, feminine silhouette. While after Stan dumps her, she’s begun leaning towards a style that could at times be considered more masculine. Especially in the new silhouette she’s created. This could for sure just be me reaching. I like to compare her to Rose, though, who still dresses in styles Very reminiscent of the 50s’. I’ve talked about Rose dressing the way she does because of Charlie before but I’ll address it here again, because Blanche is also very similar here. They never really changed because they never felt a need to, it’s obvious that Dorothy felt the need to do something. (brought on through insecurities, Stan, her own mental health, the list goes on. She needed to match the outside to the inside because she didn’t feel like that same passive person she was once. Imposter syndrome … question mark? Just a touch, perhaps.)

[pomefioredove]

Hi, congrats on the 500 followers!

Thank you for the event - this is my first time joining such a thing so I apologize in advance for how long this is (if you wish to ignore this - that's fine, I understand, thank you for the chance to participate)

I.. don't really know how to describe my personality anymore but I will try to from both my perspective of myself as well as what I've learned from others' impressions of me (tbh to try and sum it up - I'm an ISFJ personality type, if that helps any)

I'm pretty quiet and reserved. I prefer to be by myself/avoid people mostly due to not being very sociable or not having the energy to engage with others (heavily introverted here lmao). Others have said I seem hard to approach and/or intimidating (which is super funny considering I'm not even 5 ft tall - I am super short so idk how I could be intimidating. Maybe it's the rbf 😂).

Because of this, I'm pretty awkward in social situations though I don't mean to be. I'd like to be a part of things too and have fun but because I never really learned how to/wasn't really socialized enough, I just don't seem to vibe with most. I understand I'm generally pretty different both in terms of looks and personality/mindset too (apparently I stick out like a sore thumb) but it's still discouraging and lonely.

I think people don't really know what to make of me and while they may be polite, it's only because I try to be approachable and friendly to show I'm not someone who should be avoided. Ofc that doesn't always work and if people don't vibe with me there's nothing I can do about it. I'm unfortunately really used to being misunderstood and being projected onto despite the lack of proof of the assumptions people make of me because of this.

I won't go into details (tho I feel like it might be important to mention to give some context) but I experienced a lot of neglect, emotional abuse, and interpersonal relationship trauma while growing up so it has really affected my ability to trust others. I am very wary and guarded so my walls don't come down easily. It'll take a lot of time to get to know me, especially the things that bring me joy. Most people have never seen me be my true authentic self or learned what my favorite things are because it was just too much work to get thru to finally get there (which I understand and don't deny and for the longest time have been trying to work on these issues of mine).

Anyway, for what it's worth - I'm known for being hard working, reliable, and honest. I'm unfortunately a perfectionist and have imposter syndrome too which also means I'm ridiculously humble. It's been brought to my attention that it's much to my detriment lmao (I've also been trying to work on that too)

Though I'm very distant and reserved to most, the very few people I've ever had in my life who were close to me have seen my more playful and affectionate side and that's only because I trusted them and felt safe with showing them this side of me. But again, that's only possible if I've developed a really close bond with someone

My interests include anime/manga, video games, reading/writing, art, nature, and food, to name some. I'm also (embarassingly enough) a hopeless romantic at heart and prefer to collaborate with others instead of compete unless it's friendly and no hard feelings are involved.

Please let me know if I've left anything out accidentally and I also apologize again for the length!

Thank you again for the event, I can't wait to read the matchups you've done for everyone who participated! Please have a great day/night!

I match you with 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐮𝐬 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐚

I was really close to giving you trey but malmal won again

The First Impression:

Malleus isn't exactly a social butterfly, but he's heard your name once or twice. The other students speak of you as if you're some intimidating, unapproachable thing... which may or may not intrigue him, just a little.

...Of course, when he actually sees you, he's thoroughly unimpressed. This is the person everyone avoids? Why? You're like one of the cute woodland creatures that follows Silver around.

You're not even a powerful mage or feared warrior! You're just standing there awkwardly!

Why He Fell:

It's almost a "last two kids without a partner being forced to work together on the group project" situation. Being constantly left out and avoided has very few positives, but getting to spend time with Malleus is one of them.

There's no real pressure to be social or overly-friendly around him, he's truly just happy to have someone to sulk in the shadows with, though as time goes on and you become more comfortable around one another, conversation will start to blossom.

Hearing him go on and on about his special interests like a little nerd, you might share a similar sentiment: "this is the guy everyone's terrified of?"

There's something quite tender and gentle about two loners finding company within each other, and as your walls come down, you find yourself sharing your vulnerable self with him. Your fun, affectionate side, which Malleus cherishes and protects like a gift given especially to him.

The Relationship:

It's safe. Not boring, mind you, safe. You treat each other gently, which so starkly contrasts how others have treated you in the past, and there's something quite special about that.

Malleus is able to share sides of himself with you he hasn't with anyone else. He treasures your reliability and honesty, and sees you as a safe space in his life, as much as he hopes you see him. It's a very cozy relationship, full of comfortable silences and an unspoken trust shared just between the two of you. Despite his status, the relationship feels very private, if only because you only share these sides of yourself with each other.

[ao3wasntenough]

Anon again lmao. Thankyou so much for all the recommendations and I’ll definitely be checking them out. Oo I agree that mini bot Sam has a lot of potential. I love the idea of minicons not being that common anymore from the war and I saw this piece of lore somewhere on tumblr about how minicons had a fear of being trampled or not treated so well hence why they view bigger bots as clumsy and reckless. I look forward to seeing what more you add to your au. :DD Sam fr could be such a pest and it would be interesting to see what alt mode he could have as in RID (which I somewhat despise) we see minicons such as Fixit, Slipstream and Jetstorm. Of course there’s others but they seem to have a range of useful alt modes to bigger bots e.g. weapons, extra armour plating. So it be interesting to see how Sam’s new status would be taken with the bots and how the relationships would be. Especially if Sam have to choose a host or a bot to be close to. Somewhat like cassette bots bonds. I love the aspect they need this connection to keep their spark stable.

Oop sorry for the spam. I like to chatter too much. 😆 totally not stalking ya blog.

Sam realising his a bot ＿|￣|○

Sam being told minibots can transform and be helpful partners to larger bots ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

Sam when he realises he still doesn’t know how to transformer or even if he has a helpful alt form and the autobots are just as awkward and walking on eggshells about having a minibot around for the first time in forever (c" ತ_ತ)

I think that’s why I thought Prowl would be an interesting choice with Sam cause from what I’ve learned about his character he’d probably get over the precautionary factor around Sams situation the quickest without to much thought and start incorporating Sam into routines around the base.

Maybe Prowl picks up how Sam can move amongst larger Bots without them perceiving him and Sam’s natural trouble magnet to have him fetch and find out who’s doing shit their not supposed to. Or using Sams human nature in feeling peoples and bots changes in mood or behaviours to aid in handling human to bot communication or complaints.

Also having the bot most at risk of being physically taken hostage or captive by his side means he doesn’t have pankicked autobots running around trying to find Sam thinking he’s missing.

And while Prowl fully believes he’s not Sams larger bot partner everyone thinks that’s how their acting. Envy it just a little bit to but other bots even Bee and Optimus get a bit lost in how to handle their former human friend now bot

Though if I had to think of another bot I could see minibot Sam working well with would be Jazz, both deceptively good at disarming Bots and humans with their behaviours while noting personal details and information to use later. And Jazz’s relaxed approach while believably acting like everything under control comforting to Sam’s anxiousness. Little intel hunters that make Prowl alarmed at how much they know

I am so stuck on alt forms for Sam 😅 the funniest idea I had was a high tech Bat, something bots would be like wtf at seeing another bot wield still they hoods are smashed in while also being familiar to Sam as a human

And don’t feel bad or nervous about spamming or rambling!! It’s actually so enjoyable to have people talk or ask questions at length for something I can talk with!! I get like huge imposter syndrome over wether I have valid ideas or takes so feedback or interpretation off something I’ve created or said is like crack to me

[theforgottenmcrmy]

live reactions to house of the dragon season 2, episode 3

this is still for my own amusement, but as always, I’m open to polite discussion🖤

spoilers below the cut

Still loving this new intro, is it just me, or is it changing with each episode? it’s definitely changing, right?

Ooooooo we’re getting right into the Bracken and Blackwoods, let’s freaking go! 👏🏻

Lmao, everyone calling Rhaenyra a kinslayer, conveniently forgetting Aemond threw the first stone with Luke

Blackwoods standing on business, as usual 💅

Wait that transition was💀 We’re not even into the thick of the war yet, and look at the cost…

Rhaenyra “I cannot fault him for keeping his oath” you’re too good for this world ma’am

Rhaenys spitting stone cold facts. And so poetically too.

This might be a hot take, but I don’t feel like Rhaenys suggesting Rhaenyra make another attempt at peace with Alicent would be a weak move. She’s right on the money with suggesting they’re both largely backed into their respective corners by the men who surround them. One last attempt at peace, woman to woman, is not a sign of weakness (in my opinion at least).

Crispy Cole having imposter syndrome already?!💀👀

this man has the balls to abandon his duty to canoodle with the dowager queen, but can’t take the position of Hand in stride with a bit more confidence?

Lmao, Aegon’s own council doubting him and Cole already😂😂😂

Daeron mentioned again, I want to see the Blue Queen let’s go 🤞🏻

Aemond holding onto that same coin, interesting…

Cole really having a chuckle at Ser Arryk’s death as though he did not single handedly sentence him to that death. And a few people are still disputing that this guy has to be one of the worst ever in Westeros?

I’m pretty sure Aemond’s trying to bait Aegon here, plant some doubt in his head about his suitability to actual fighting in the war🤔

Mysaria, the voice of the small folk

Does this mean Laenor’s dead? And it was recent? I can’t help but think Seasmoke at least would have tried to follow him years ago when he left… and if he’s just recently become restless, what changed?

I understand why Rhaenyra is asking what she is of Rhaena, and I don’t think she’s doing it to hurt Rhaena at all. But Rhaena, that poor girl🥲 she needs to have her moment, even if it’ll take a few episodes or longer. Not to prove her worth to others, but to herself.

Also, definitely getting Daemon vibes from her, in terms of wanting to prove herself

HARRENHAL, here we go! 👻

I know this is supposed to be serious and hall because Harrenhal is haunted, but Daemon sneaking around Scooby Doo style waiting for something to come at him is so unintentionally funny to me

Speaking of Scooby Doo, not the bat flyby😂

Also, Daemon’s armor is sickkk.

Wonder if Daemon ever thought, “This is where Rhaenyra’s last serious lover died. So wtf am I doing here?!👀”😂😂😂

Daemon “knock out guard first, ask questions later” Targaryen

“I’m claiming Harrenhal.” (Tywin Lannister voice): “Any man who has to say he claims a castle did not truly claim the castle at all”

It was so anticlimactic too😂 you will not convince me that the writers don’t know what they’re doing, rightfully throwing in these sort of bits to diffuse the tension

Alys Rivers, that you?!?!?!👀

Simon Strong disowning Larys😂 we love to see it.

Sin begets sin begets sin. This line has no right to go so hard-

“The throne?”

“It’s a big chair, made of swords.”

Music this season is (not surprisingly) serving as always

Do you think Ser Gwayne has his suspicions about Criston and Alicent yet?🤔

This man is so bold, I stg- if you’re that bold, Ser Crispy, why don’t you show Aemond what you just received from his mother? Or better yet, Aegon?

It’s kind of ironic, how Cole has probably deluded himself to thinking he finally has this great courtly and noble love with the widowed queen- all without seeing the hypocrisy of it all.

Rhaenyra needs to set these men straight. I cannot believe how quick they are to suggest she go into hiding. She’s already made plans to send her most vulnerable children away to safety. You cannot convince me that, were she a man, her councilors would not even dare to make this suggestion to her.

Rhaenys steadfast support of Rhaenyra is going to make the inevitable hurt that just more.

Rhaenys suggesting Rhaena become the heir to Driftmark?👀 I like the idea tbh

This is the last time we see them have a one on one conversation, isn’t it?🫥

Chillllllllllls with the dragon eggs. Morning is coming.

Joffrey😓 and Viserys and Aegon.

Helaena trying to rationalize her son’s death.😭 And still acknowledging the small folk…

Also, poor Helaena forgiving her mother🥲 she’s a better woman than me, because I could never.

Larys, the pot stirrer. I swear this man’s only motivation in life is chaos.

But I do have to wonder, is his allegiance really to Aegon, or is it some backwards attempt to keep Aegon safe to garner Alicent’s favor still?

Her name is escaping me rn, but not the poor girl who Aegon assaulted STILL being assaulted by men at her new job😭

I get the desire to make the connection with the audience that Ulf has to Targaryens, but of alll the people the writers could have chosen from, choosing Viserys and Daemon’s father doesn’t sit well with me. Not saying it is impossible, but from what we know of Baelon and Alyssa’s relationship, it just doesn’t seem super likely he’d have a lot of bastards running around out there.

Ulf, already showing his turncoat ways🫢

Oh Lordy, that’s a bit graphic

Aegon, still being a terrible bully to his younger brother. Great to see how little his truly changed over the years.

Oh Lordy, the Aemond girlies are going to go absolutely feral after this scene———

Daemon might have been the one to call him Ser Crispin, but his daughter is about to make the name become a reality 😂👏🏻

Just the foreshadowing of Rook’s Rest is already too much for me personally🥲

Here we go, more mystery solving antics from detective Daemon…

🫨🫨🫨

Now if that man didn’t truly love Rhaenyra in his own way (or at least have some guilt over what he had done) why the hell would he have had that reaction to that vision?

The Sept?👀

SEPTA RHAENYRA👏🏻

The new Kingsguard members might not have even recognized Rhaenyra if they had seen her

Alicent swearing on the memory of her mother, just like Rhaenyra had years before🫢

Literally seeing a lightbulb moment go off in Rhaenyra’s head-

Ooooooooooo god, Alicent realizing all this started because of a misunderstanding and her hearing what she wanted to hear👀

And of course, she has to double down. It’s already gone too far.

I do have to pity Alicent a little here. Just like Cersei, she has to admit that she knows her son has become a monster she cannot control.

Alicent can think she is taking the upper hand now, but the next time she sees Rhaenyra, it’s likely to be another story😏

Chillllllllls for next week’s preview

[the-crystal-femmes]

hellLLO three things!! One: sorry about not being around to send asks the other day, I was on and off tumblr a bunch because of some stuff, but I'm glad to hear you're feeling better! /gen Two: New kin discoveries!! Axel is apparently fictionkin of a character from a game we have NO interest in but uh. she's a pyromaniac anime girl named Burnice and she's from Zenless Zone Zero. this has been an... interesting development. Also Alex is a pterosaur of some kind??? this system is getting more interesting by the day /silly Three: We stumbled upon a reblog of yours that mentioned layering and we looked into it and IT FITS US PERFECTLYY. we've been struggling with imposter syndrome lately because we felt like we needed to have stricter boundaries between our "selves" if that makes any sense, but finding that term kinda made it all click, so... yay! :) Sorry for the ramble, this kindaaaa got out of hand /gen

It's alr! No need to apologize (both for the rambling and for not sending an ask yesterday) /gen

That's interesting! We have no clue what that game is either unfortunately. ^^” /lh, pos

We haven't had any updates ourselves besides the fact that we've affirmed that Pearl is my front buddy, aka ze's essentially always co-fronting with me. I'm unsure where ze is right now but brain says "nearby". (Actually pretty sure ze's right next to me lmao)

Also, we're glad to hear that works for y'all! We definitely get the imposter syndrome stuff, I'm always dealing with that especially among what's real or whatever.. The others deal with it too but it's mainly when they front.

- YP

[vidcurious]

Not really a Sims focused post but somehow this niche blog has more followers than my main lmao

I can't sleep and I'm thinking about how my hyperfixations changed since I started taking ADHD meds around a year? ago. And just, hyperfixations in general.

I've had hyperfixations since as long as I can remember, long before I even knew what they were or that there was even a word for it. Even as a kid I would get so fixated on something that I'd spend all my free time analyzing it, writing fanfics, scouring the internet in the glory days of AOL and Geocities/Angelfire/etc fan sites, making fanart and trying to surround myself with it as much as I could. Things I love would (and still do) seep their way into my own characters and stories in the form of inspiration or references.

I have a huge love/hate relationship with hyperfixations. I love having them because I'm just generally passionate about things I love and that goes into OVERDRIVE when a hyperfixations hits. I love having something that occupies my mind and gives me that rush of inspiration and adrenaline, especially when I'm able to draw or write about it. However, throughout my life it's always been seen as a negative thing to people in my life. Having people say "is this your obsession of the week" or implying that once I'm "over it" I won't like the thing and I'll move on to something else.

Which brings me to the other reason I hate hyperfixations. I hate the guilt and feeling of abandonment? when I feel it start to fade, or when I feel myself being drawn to something else. I hate the lingering worry that people won't think I'm a "real fan." I'm sure these feelings are due to people making me feel self-conscious about it throughout my life, and it's still something I struggle with.

It's so rare for me to permanently lose an interest. When a hyperfixation goes dormant it doesn't mean I love the thing any less. I've realized that, nowadays, I try to keep my hyperfixations to myself (mostly IRL) and not make it obvious what I'm currently focused on. I find myself feeling nervous and mildly ashamed to share my hyperfixations with people close to me IRL. And it frustrates me that I feel that way.

I suffer quite a lot from imposter syndrome and rejection sensitivity so I'm sure that plays a big part.

But on to how my meds affected my hyperfixations. When I first got diagnosed with ADHD and meds were discussed I was so afraid I would lose my ability to hyperfixate on things. It's always been that I fixate on something, it lasts generally from a month to three months until my focus shifts to something else. I've never really been able to hyperfixate on more than one thing. But since I started taking meds I find I not only can hyperfixate on more than one thing at a time, but they're lasting so much longer. It's like they're not going dormant like they used to. There's a period where the focus and obsession is at its peak and then it dwindles down but still sticks around while something else takes focus. And where a hyperfixation would normally last three months or so, now they're just... There. I've been focused on The Sims and Jem and the Holograms since I started taking meds, and they occupy my mind all day on rotation alongside more recent hyperfixations like AMC's Hell On Wheels and my own characters. If I had a single micron of free time in my life right now I guarantee every second of it would be spent doing fanart or fanfics lol.

ANYWAY it's past 5am and my eyes are sizzling out of my head. Thank you for coming to my insomnia ramble.

[whinlatter]

Hello! I just read the latest chapter of Beasts and I am, once again, blown away by your skill. I don’t usually read fics in the HP fandom (not sure why, to be honest- there are so many good ones!) but yours are far and away my favorite of the works I have read. (Re: Beasts, I would like to note that your portrayal of Hermione is dead-accurate and delightfully layered. I appreciate the kindness with which you write her, as neither a saint nor a monster— just a deeply traumatized teenage girl.)

I’m not sure if you dispense writing advice on here— if not, feel free to ignore the following— but if you are, I would love some pointers! I’m sure part of it is my anxiety talking, but I find whatever I write to be irritatingly juvenile. You do such a wonderful job of bringing nuance to your works, and I’d appreciate any guidance you have for amateur writers looking to take their fics to the “next level,” so to speak. Also, on a broader level, any tips you have about nailing characterization would be very welcome. I know the ultimate answer to my questions is simply “time and practice,” but I have a genuine desire to improve, and I figure there’s something I can do to hurry the process along.

In the interest of not wasting your time, I’ll wrap it up here. Many, many thanks!

Oh man, I’m blown away by this comment, are you kidding me? Thank you so so much. You really don’t know how much that means to hear (saving this to look back on on a rainy low self-esteem day).

On writing advice... I'm always a bit hesitant about offering writing advice, even though I have benefited so so much from other people’s advice over the years in lots of different ways (probably because I suspect few of us ever really see our own work very clearly). This is also sort of hypocritical of me because I literally teach (non-fiction) writing as part of my job, lol, but maybe this is my imposter syndrome syndroming.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about this question since you sent this, and wanted to say something that might be useful. I actually ended up going back to the (very bad) fanfiction I wrote about 15+ years ago for another fandom (I will not be linking this here lmao), to see what I do differently now and what I’d gotten better at. This was both a very unsettling but also very cathartic process, lol, because I think I’ve gotten a lot better since then (though, truthfully, it couldn’t have gotten much worse).

So, having done that, I’ve tried to put some writing advice and reflections and thoughts below that I think I’ve learnt since I first started writing and that I feel I’ve found out the hard way (by getting it wrong first time around). My points below are more ‘what I admire in other people’s work and ‘what I would like my writing to do’ rather than me thinking I do all these things well all the time, especially on the nuance and characterisation questions. Some are going to sound super obvious but I definitely did not know them once and have definitely had to work to learn all of them, so I really hope they’re useful to you all the same.

Having now sat down and read my truly truly dire past fanfiction (which has a lot of reviews on it telling me, in no uncertain terms, how and why the work sucked), I think these are the things I wish someone had told me or the things I've learnt after a long long time of getting it extremely wrong...

Writing should answer a question, or a series of questions. I think the big shift from the fanfiction I used to write is that I would start from the premise of ‘I want to write these two characters in X setting’ or ‘I want to fill in Y missing moment’. It’s not that these are bad premises - often, fic ideas start this way - but there needs to be a step after this idea before the writing happens, which is the ‘what question would this answer and what would the answer be’. To give an example, for Orchards I always wanted to write a Harry/Ginny summer teenage love story, but I never really thought of it as answering a question, and so every version I could imagine doing of it was unsatisfying. It was only when I realised the question I had was how does someone fall in love and not realise it (and, I guess, and what do they do when they’ve realised it too late?) that I was like ohhh ok, the fic needs to answer that question, and the conceit is how do we get from A (not being in love) to B (falling in love, but not knowing it) to C (knowing it, and being tormented by knowing it). The later layers the fic took on and that I now like so much - flashbacks, use of the future tense to switch to a period where Harry knows he’s in love but can’t do anything about it - all came after that realisation, and I think the fic is more satisfying for me as a writer because it answers a question I had always had in the back of my mind but hadn’t made conscious.

Show, don’t tell - so, signpost, but give the reader credit. Work that I really admire and take the most from is work that doesn’t beat the reader around the head with the point of each scene. You don’t need to tell the reader how x character is feeling. ‘Ginny felt angry because she thought Hermione was being dismissive of other people’s feelings’ - that’s a note to yourself as a writer more than it needs to be expressed so obviously written to the reader. On a first draft, maybe you need that line to be written out as you figure out how characters are feeling in that scene - that’s completely fine. But as you edit, think of ways you can show that kind of emotional response without coming out and straight up saying it. Try to cut lines that state emotional responses so starkly and jarringly, because they take the reader out of the flow of the scene. How might Ginny as a character show she’s pissed off in ways that are legible to the reader (especially a reader of fanfiction, who is familiar with her)? How can we show Hermione being dismissive (not making eye contact, for instance, or saying curt, dismissive statements that shut down the conversation). This relates to the next point which is… 

Make the setting work for you - or even let it be a character in its own right. It’s rare in any form of fiction writing that the setting or the activities around characters are incidental. This is especially true for HP, where the author uses the setting throughout to both build a sense of atmosphere but also parallel/symbolise the dynamics of the scene at hand, like little winks to the reader. The weather is often the most obvious way of doing this. As the author, you play god - the weather is exactly what you want or need it to be to best serve the scene. That doesn’t mean necessarily happy scene has to = sunny, or sad scene = rain,, but it could mean torrential rain = huge release of something pent up that’s been building for hours (think of the rain pounding on the tent when Harry and Ron have their screaming match in DH - it’s like a fourth character in that scene), or too-hot sun = rising pressure, huge discomfort, feeling prickled and angry and trapped with no shade (think of Harry at the start of OotP, in the heatwave). It doesn’t have to be weather, either. If you want to show how a character is guarded, struggling to let another character in, why not have them have the conversation hovering in a doorway, with the door partly closed? If you want to write a scene where two characters are thinking about their future together and really getting somewhere emotionally, why not have them have the conversation in a moving car, heading towards a meaningful destination (you could even have the instigator of the conversation in the literal driving seat, if you want to suggest dynamics of control or maturity). These are just examples, obviously, but the writing I really admire does this so well (and rewards re-reads for that reason).

Find a motif or a hook. This is more a personal preference, but I love reading pieces of writing that have a clear framing. The post-war summer fic I’ve been working on for nine thousand years lol only really started coming quicker once I finally found a conceit - an image, really - that worked for me (the fic is called Rubble, and the conceit is: how do you literally build a house that is a family home, as a way of thinking about rebuilding after the war, told around the Weasleys as a family). For Orchards, there are a few motifs: ‘the truth’ as a character; ‘truth or dare’ as a game, but also as a metaphor for Harry and Ginny’s early love story, and Quidditch (love is a quaffle). In Beasts, I have motifs and hooks that I hope to stretch over the entirety of the fic, not least this idea about beasts and beings and the hubris and the monstrousness of the wizarding world - I wanted to write a postwar fic for a long time, but I didn’t have a conceit that allowed me to get at the type of story I wanted to tell for ages. Within each chapter, I also like to have a little motif: so chapter two it was ‘coming back’, chapter three it was sleep and dreams, chapter four it was the soul/what makes a person who they are, chapter five was the sea. Some of these were more successful than others lol, but it helps me to fashion and discipline a piece when writing and when editing/cutting to think: everything in this piece, in some loose way, needs to link back to this theme I’m trying to thread through.

Make sure people sound/think/behave like people. I’ve put points specifically about characterisation below, but this is a more general point: characters shouldn’t sound like generic talking points, they should sound like real people putting together sentences. I think in fanfiction writing, because we often want to resolve flaws in characters, write about characters we love and admire, or want them to have the difficult conversations or hard confessions that they don’t do in canon, we sometimes can both idealise them and make them sound like very self-aware consistently compassionate angels who are experts at expressing exactly how they’re feeling in extremely emotionally healthy and communicative ways. It would be nice if our characters all did that, sure! But what makes for immersive, compelling writing is when characters try and struggle and fuck up and live their flaws, and sound like real living breathing failing growing people.

You probably need to lose the last line. The last line of a fic is important, but sometimes you can lose a reader who’s been with you the whole time with a clumsy last line or one that’s excessively cheesy or overly summarising or just seems like an afterthought because you wrap up. I say this as a real mea culpa because I still suck at last lines, but the best advice I have gotten on this is, if in doubt, cut the last line you were going to go with, lol. Let the scene end without the line you think is a great summative profound line or something reassuring or overly comforting for the reader. I am definitely still learning this (the end line of chapter four of Beasts I’m still considering cutting or editing severely lol - it’s too on the nose for my taste, and I don’t love it), but the last lines I do like most are always the most minimalist, sparse, simple, or even abstract. basically - if it sounds like chat gpt could write your last line (chat gpt loves an on-the-nose happy ending - eg. ‘Hermione knew it was all going to be ok after all’) then go back to the drawing board.

Embrace critique. This is a very subjective one, especially for writing fanfic. Writing fanfic is a rich and rewarding hobby but I recognise that it is a hobby and a source of pleasure, so lots of people prefer not to get constructive critique. I’m actually being a bit hypocritical here as I don’t currently have a beta for fic writing, but I do have a brutal self-editing process (oh, the scenes and sentences I’ve cut!) and I have spent the last decade of my life in academic writing and sharing my work-in-progress written work over and over and over again, often for a couple of hours every few weeks in front of a room of people more senior and much smarter than me all with my written work printed out in front of them ready to tell me what I got wrong and what I need to change or get better at, lol. This has been bruising to say the least, but it 100% has made me a better writer and disabused me of a lot of the bad habits I picked up when starting out, and kicked the ego out of me thinking I didn’t need to edit and draft and re-draft everything several times. I’ve also spent a long time reading and editing and responding to other people’s work, in the same way, and that’s also been super productive to help me think about how to better communicate written ideas, fiction or non-fiction. So I think real improvement and growth in your writing has to come from getting a thick skin and being able to take critique from people you respect, who are constructive not destructive, and who believe in your talents, your right to show them, and want to see your work presented in the best possible way.

On characterisation specifically...

Look for similar scenarios in the books and see how the character reacts to those. I go back to canon a lot to find plots that are analogous to the plots I’m writing to see how characters physically and verbally respond to them. My thought processes are like, Hermione and Ginny in conflict? Head to HBP when they clash over Harry and Sectumsempra to see how they fight lol. Need to write a Weasley ensemble scene? Head to Goblet of Fire Burrow chapters pre-world cup to see the family dynamics in full swing, and see how the text conveys warmth and love between the characters, while also attending to power dynamics and changing/fractious relationships, down to the adverbs used to describe how people speak, how they physically occupy the space. (I used this chapter a lot when writing the beach day scene for the latest chapter of Beasts, because I knew I was going to have a scene that in part shows how Bill operates an older brother, especially how he deals with his parents and Percy, but also how to distinguish Bill from Charlie when they’re often characters that can get blurred together a bit as ‘the older ones’.) I’m doing this a ton with Hermione atm, because I think she sometimes exists in fanon differently to how she appears in canon and I didn’t want to just assume I knew her speech patterns based on reading a lot of fanfiction about her, but also because Hermione, unlike Ron, doesn’t have her existential crisis within canon but probably (I suspect) has a post-war reckoning that speaks on insecurities and traumas that do occur within the canon text. So if I’m looking at Hermione struggling to relate to the student body, I need to go back to the canon text and find moments where some of those dynamics were already starting to come into play (eg. Hermione not getting Quidditch, Hermione’s responses to Neville telling them what life was like under the Carrows, Hermione’s relationship with other girls in her year eg. Lavender and Parvati).  

Relatedly: look at how characters that are similar to each other react to certain scenarios if you don't have enough evidence of how one character might behave. I decided with Beasts that, while Harry and Ginny are not the same person, they are characters that often react in certain situations similarly, so if I don’t have an example of how Ginny herself would respond to a certain situation (eg. injury in Quidditch), I can use Harry’s response as a bit of a guide for what Ginny would be like. That scene in chapter two where Harry and Ginny discuss her going back to Hogwarts actually borrows lines from Dumbledore and Harry’s conversation in the purgatory King’s Cross after Harry’s ‘death’ - ‘I have to go back, don’t I?’ ‘That’s up to you’ - because although Ginny deciding to go back to Hogwarts is not exactly the same as the decision Harry makes not to ‘go on’, it seemed there were enough analogies with it that I could borrow little lines and colour from that scene. (I have a bit of a cop-out dumb joke to myself in this scene - Harry saying to Ginny ‘we’re the same’ is me nodding to swapping out two very similar protagonists).

Play the ‘there’s a pigeon in the living room’ game. There’s lots of different versions of this exercise for improving characterisation, but I like this one: if this character woke up tomorrow, went into their living room and found a pigeon in it, what would they do? How would they respond? Would they scream/swear/laugh/calmly acknowledge the situation? How would they physically respond - would they try to get the pigeon out, if so how would they physically try to do that? What words could you use for how their body would move in the space while they tried to, say, open a window, or shoo it out the door? Would they call someone to help, if so, who, and why? What would they say, and how would they say it? It's such a stupid game but I do really find it helpful to better inhabit the character, especially if the character is very different from you as the author.

Good characterisation means trying to get everyone right. The trouble sometimes with fanfiction writing is that we have our main character as someone that we love and want to write about, and then harness all other characters in the service of our main character’s personal development. But that’s not really how real people behave - people rarely walk around thinking all day every day about one specific main-character person they know, lol (I always think of the bits in Inception where everyone starts looking at the person in the dream…) Strong characterisation means having at least a working understanding of what motivates every character that interacts with the main character in the fic, that thinks about how both characters perceive their relationship, and how their behaviours and the things they say might change based on who they’re talking to. Characterisation is deeply relational, and very much about how characters react or respond in a way that’s highly specific and contextual. It just takes a lot of really boring slog work of figuring how characters’ typical sentence structures, their body language, their thought-processes, who they gravitate towards, the kind of arc or change they are capable of. It’s important not to come in with judgement, and from a place of wanting to understand and empathise with a character. (It's why I don't really write characters I don't fully understand or 'get' - I'd do a horrible job!)

The last thing I want to say is that the best advice I ever received is pretentious and cloying but true: it's to know your gift. You say you find your own writing ‘irritatingly juvenile’. But in even asking a question like the one you’ve asked, you’ve shown you’re clearly a thoughtful, curious and creative person - and thoughtful, curious and creative people will always produce writing that other people will get something out of. I’ll bet your writing has real strengths, some that you don’t even see and others that actually (at least I hope!) you recognise and that you’re really proud of. This doesn’t mean you can’t develop new skills or improve or challenge yourself. But starting any process of improvement by clearly identifying what you’re good at (knowing your gift), figuring out why you’re good at it, thinking about how best to showcase it and believing you have a right to show this talent or skill is really important. I know this is excruciating to do but I really recommend making a little list of things and starting from this point of acknowledging you have stories to tell and ways of telling them that other people will admire and benefit from you sharing with them. You'll never actually want to improve if you come from a place of being horrible to yourself as a writer. What you do has worth, and wanting to improve is a journey we're all on, just trying to find ways to better share what we have and have it mean something to someone else who comes across it.

[saltyyetbland]

I have just posted my fic that I wrote for the Petals of a Rose fanzine on AO3. You can find it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57670000

I have a lot of thoughts about this fic, the zine and the qsmp in general so I'm just going to write it all under the Keep Reading line cause this ramble might be as long as my fic lmao.

When I saw that applications were open for this zine, I initially didn't even consider joining. I liked hideduo but I was definitely out of the fandom by then. I haven't even written anything hideduo specific (I only had like 2 QSMP related fics on AO3 and they were more trauma than romance lmao) so in my head I thought that even if I applied, I wouldn't get selected.

And I guess that mentality ironically is what made me decide to impulse apply during my Marketing class at like 8pm.

And somehow I got accepted.

You can imagine my surprise when I get an email with a discord link saying that I got accepted to be apart of this zine. I joined and then I see a bunch of cool artists and writers that I recognize and my brain immediately goes "oh shit, i should not be here wtf" but thankfully I decided to not be impulsive this time and actually stick with this zine.

And then prompt creation starts and then artists and writer match-ups and then it fully dawned on me that art is going to be created out of my fic. And that was such a complex thought to swallow as I struggled with imposter syndrome yet again (it is what it is lol) and just me trying to grapple with the concept of fan creation as a product of inspiration while being a source of inspiration as well (the fan studies/media nerd in me is jumping out).

And then the sketches and conversations from Kye and Bio started and I was just in awe by their skill and effort that it motivated me to try and write better too.

And then after months of me struggling to write the fic, it was done. I had multiple people look over it including my irl writing group as well as a beta reader (shoutout to skelepen) and I then submitted it to the final submission google form.

There is a clear memory I have in which I am simply working and I just check over at the discord and I see a photo in general chat. It is a snippet of my fic and it is Aynee saying that "damn... this fic got hands" and like 4 other comments from other members of the discord basically saying the same thing. When I tell you that this has almost made me cry at work, I'm not joking cause this was the moment when I truly felt like I contributed enough to the zine.

And now the zine is published and it is 500 pages of pure effort and I feel satisfied with myself but I also feel the looming sense of closure that I know stems from the knowledge that this is the end of my qsmp era.

I've been aware of the qsmp since its inception but I only really got into it during the ice prison event where creators like tubbo, mouse and tina joined. And though i only really lurked in this fandom and occasionally posted, i can still see its effects on me today. I have discovered my ever-growing interest of community building in media and cross-cultural communications and translations. I am currently on a 300+ day streak on Duolingo for Portuguese. I was able to revitalize some of my previous knowledge of French and Korean and actually find joy in learning languages, something that I seriously struggled with when I was younger.

And for that, even though my relationship with the QSMP is now a bit more complicated, I am grateful for it opening my eyes and for allowing me to be a part of it, even in my small amount.

All in all, I am proud that this fic has been created. I am proud of this community that I have been apart of. And even though I am closing this era, it won't be on a bittersweet note like my previous fandoms.

So, thank you.

Thanks to Kye and Bio for creating amazing pieces for my fic, skelepen for beta reading my work, Aynee for creating the zine itself, the POAR discord for being such a cool and fun place and to the larger QSMP community as a whole for being a part of my life.

[noemilivv]

Hello! I was wondering if I could request a romantic Hazbin Match up!

Just call me Olivia.

Pronouns: She/her Sexuality: Straight

Style: My style ranges depending on my mood but it consistantly falls into three categories of dresses (Usually knee length with a fit and flare waist), comfy (Sweaters and comforters), and sexy (Think corsets and bustiers.). I like wearing make-up and styling my hair into cute styles (Sadly I suck at braiding.) Shoes… honestly I think I like all shoes except crocks. I love Nail art too!

Hobbies/Interest: Drawing, singing, gaming, reading and shopping. I like trying out new things from activities and foods. Favorite subjects are history, mythology, and computer science, and I like building furniture when I have a guide.

Book genres: Romance, Fantasy, Historical, and Mystery

Personality:

I'm called a social butterfly by everyone I know. I've also been told I have a tendency to adopt introverts into my circle and care for them. No joke, I've been invited to place because I'm willing to talk to strangers and not shy away from conversation. I've been told that I'm very entertaining to be around because I'm very bubbly and animated in my interactions because I like making people happy.

Jokes on everyone because internally I'm very shy and a nervous wreck, I just know how to hide it well. I definitely can suffer from feeling inadequet and have imposter syndrome XD Honestly to quote my favorite character: I'm an insecure, neurotic control freak… on crack. I can also be materialistic and pouty.

I'm very protective over my loved ones, think "Hurt them, I hurt you and no one will find the body." I tend to hover over loved ones if they are sick or sad and help take care of them.

I also can definitely be a bitch but usually the other person deserves my ire. I also will hold grudges if people backstab me or my loved ones. They can say they are sorry but I will not trust them again nor will I let them near my circle of people.

Fav Foods: I love spicy foods, baked goods, and love trying to make new dishes or eating them.

Love Languages: Physical Touch: I love to cuddle, hug and everything else under the sun. If I'm kissed on the forehead, I will swoon.

Emotional: This is a must because if there's no emotional connection why is there a relationship to begin with. I want to be able to talk to my partner and them to me no matter the situation. Both the good and the bad.

Gift giving: I don't care what kind of gift, for me it's the thought that counts that I was on his mind.

My type: I'm very specific in my type so I'mma choose two good and one bad: I want someone loving and caring, and not a jackass. Otherwise I will be the one punching them.

Lord… I sound like a mess XD I feel bad for this but I'm really curious so good luck!

hello olivia!! this was one i wasn’t so sure on who i was gonna do, but i decided on…

Sir Pentious !!

Pentious definitely fits your type imo because he’s actually so genuine and sweet like I would not understand anyone who thinks he’s a jackass lmao

He’s very big on physical touch, but he’s scared shitless to initiate like anything ever, so the fact that he doesn’t have to worry too much calms him down a lot haha

Pen is a bit shy and a tad bit of a wreck haha so the fact that you’re social enough to draw him out of his shell a little AND aren’t too crazy for him is something that matches well with the row of you <3

He also feels very flattered if you ever get protective over him, it kinda makes him all warm inside, like you care about him so much to be protective? Like bro, he’s swooning