#it's kinda upsetting

[apomaro-mellow]

today was "try Apo day" and it brought some heavy hitters

First things first, my period was in full swing which meant I woke up tired and fatigued and all I wanted to do was stay in bed but I'd taken a sub job and the commute was 30 min-1 hr away.

I get there and there's confusion on which sub is going where at first because these sub requests were put in advance and things have changed and teachers are moving rooms and testing. I'm all set to sub for 1st grade (a lovely grade) and then they suddenly switch it on me and tell me I'll be a Sped Aid instead. That's not bad on it's own but it does mean that instead of being w/one group in one room, I'll be moving from class to class.

Now, idk if the term "spoons" really applies to me, but I am the kind of person who needs to know exactly what I'll be doing that day in order to allot my energy and this kinda change up wasn't it fam. To make it worse, the work was completely understimulating. I can push through that morning sleepiness and make it work throughout the day when I'm on top of a schedule that keeps my brain buzzing. But when the work is just to sit and make sure these already well behaved kids stay on task, it gives my brain nothing to doooooooooo.

I legit just hung out in the staff bathroom at times. Completely unrelated to the blood spewing from my cooch. Like, I'm more than happy to collect a paycheck for nothing. But trying to look busy and alert when there is nothing to keep your attention is not nothing!

The commute back was fine and my mood started to lift until I hit this one bad stretch of traffic bc of construction. At a literal standstill on a one way road for like 20 minutes

I get home and know I gotta go right back out bc something's been up with my car and my cousin's got a guy for that and we planned to drive out to him right after I got back from work and I appreciate it but all I wanna do is eat my takeout, shower, and go to sleep but I don't know what kind of arrangements they made with their friend exactly, so I'm not gonna impose so we go and I

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate

having to follow someone on a drive.

It is one of the most stressful things I ever have to do and especially when I don't have the address. We get there just fine but I could do without the stress on the trip when I'm already dead tired. It's about 20 minutes into the drive over that I realize what time it is and it is at THAT moment that I realize I'm 20 minutes late to the discord movie night that IIIIII scheduled.

I know no one's gonna form an angry mob over it, but I still feel bad that it happened and I need to reschedule.

This is also the third time in one week I was scheduled for one sub position and they put me somewhere else (even if it was just temporary). Yall, I only worked 4 days this week, this job is not sustainable for me

[gigizetz]

Hi Gigi :3

Are we gonna get a hold them down animation? Or no because the uncomforty topic?

that's up for the future to decide

I'll be busy with commissions up until february I think, so util then I won't be working on any Epic animatics

and then once I have time again I'll finish God Games

and after that I kinda want to do Legendary-

[curapicas]

I'm aware this is part of the trend of snarky, snappy dialogue we see for banter on the american television. But I like that it's also Cassandra's little sister instinct shining through - every time we see her in season 3 she's being a leader, a lady, someone who deserves to be at the discussion table; and that's all well and good. Except whenever she's one on one with Percy she's smart mouthing him, being snarky and lovingly annoying him, lol. I think that goes to show how she leans on her big brother, and does so in a way that brings out a more comfortable and youthful side of her. As much as the De Rolos are not huggers, he was clearly all the family she had left :(((

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

“I can tell TV from real life, Jeff. TV has structure, logic, rules, and likeable leading men. In real life, we have this. We have you” is still one of the most METAL fucking lines in the entire series like??? abed just gagged him like that??? in front of EVERYONE??? insane. I’m still not over it. goddamn

[hahahalfwit]

I HATE MIRROR MIRROR IM GOIGN TO FROW UP

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

as long as he leads the way . .

katsuki's childhood habits remain the same

katsuki still apologizes to you the same way he used to when you were kids.

he always makes a face whenever he knows he’s gone too far or when he’s done something he knows he shouldn’t have, his eyebrows are furrowed and his little chubby face contorts into a sad little pout. he tries to look tough but he can already feel guilty tears in his eyes so he looks away from you, little hands balled into fists at his sides and his head hangs low so you can’t see his red face through his bangs.

usually, he tries making it up to you by showing you something he thinks you’ll like or something he finds cool, and sometimes he’ll even let you hold his precious all might card, but only when he knows he really messed up. he’ll stiffly pet your head as an apology for pulling at your hair a little too hard earlier and if you ask him to he’ll kiss the pain away from when you scrapped your knee because he accidentally shoved you a little harder than he meant to when he was chasing you around.

but when you’re mad at him because he’s been really mean, in ways he knows his shiny holographic all might card won’t fix, he opts to simply sit next to you. with a little pout on his face and with his cheeks turning red, he’ll shove his head into your shoulder. he holds onto you tightly so he’s sure you won’t be able to escape him or his apology. you squirm around a little bit but he doesn’t let you go. you stop moving around but you still huff at him, calling him a big meanie. all he does in response is shoving his head against your shoulder and he mutters out a little "m’sorry." against it.

he hears you shuffle to look at him and he looks up at you, his eyebrows are still furrowed and his cheeks are so red because he’s really not used to apologizing and he doesn’t like to, but he does for you. and even at the tender age of seven, you really can’t stay mad at him when he looks like that, so you forgive him and you’ve already forgotten what you were even mad about when he grins at you boyishly, already back to his usual self as he drags you off to your next adventure who knows where, but even at the tender age of seven, you knew you’d follow him to the ends of the earth as long as he led the way.

he’s changed so much and not at all at the same time. he hates it whenever you get mad at him and he still does everything and anything to get your attention when you are. and just like before, whenever he hurts you in ways he knows his actions can’t fix, he opts to come up behind you and wrap his arms around your middle loosely, giving you the option to break out of his hold if you wanted to. his hold on you slowly tightens when you make no move to, his head is shoved into the crook of your neck and his chest is pressed flush against your back,“ i’m sorry.” he whispers.

it wouldn’t mean much if it came from anyone else but this is katsuki. you’ve known him for as long as you can remember, you know how he is : he’s unruly, headstrong and so stubborn it drives you crazy sometimes. but he casts all of that—all of him aside for you.

“i’m sorry.” he says again, his voice is low and a little shaky.“ shouldn’t have said all that to you. that wasn’t…cool” he fumbles around for the right words to say and you have to hold back a laugh as he does so, but you can tell he’s trying.“never wanna make ya mad at me..” he finishes quietly. he’s fiddling around with the ends of your shirt waiting for your response. then he hears you shuffle around to peek at him and he looks up at you.

he really hasn’t changed. he’s still got the same little frown, the same little crease between his brows and the same rosy cheeks. sure his features are less rounded, his cheeks are definitely less chubby, he’s gotten taller but he’s still your same katsuki who’s a little rough and a big meanie sometimes, but who also always makes sure to apologize to you when he knows he’s hurt you because that’s the last thing he wants.

you grant him a tiny smile. his eyes light up and he stands a little straighter and after a second he’s on you, pressing kisses all over your cheek, grinning boyishly at you and you still want to follow him to the ends of the world as long as he’s leading the way.

[bubbarnes]

“... please, come and hang out with me. let's go. it's time.”

[lyss-sketchbox]

Bloodhound

[temeyes]

im asking the important questions here, shut up!!

[divineandmajesticinone]

4 MINUTES (2024) I EP 5 "How about this. How much do you want? Give me a number."

[bixels]

The Ryoko Kui interview's reception is such a disaster over a pretty normal (yet still flawed) interview between a non-Japanese fan and Japanese artistic. This is discourse for discourse's sake, and it's no surprise that almost every Twitter user I've looked at who's using this interview to parade Kui around as a goated mangaka standing strong against Western ideology is anti-trans.

Like, I do think the interview was kinda wonky with its focus on fandom culture, which Kui clearly didn't have much interest in. But sometimes that happens. Sometimes interactions between two people, especially a fan and a creator, two people who view and interact with a piece of media in completely opposite perspectives, don't click. Does this really need to get blown up into a "West vs. East culture war" issue.

Anyways, Kui saying "I don't consider my audience's interpretations when writing. I leave it to their imaginations, but I have my own read on things too" is the healthiest, most normal thing an artist/writer who wants a non-parasocial audience could say. Artists and writers use this line all the time. If Kui didn't enjoy autistic Laius or Farcille headcanons, she would have probably voiced/signalled her discomfort, like she did on the topic of Senshi fanservice. Overall, Kui handled the interview really well. Props to her to sticking to her guns and keeping a healthy disconnect from the fandom. While I think the interviewer could've/should've been more tactful and restrained, the flaws in their questions is not a symptom of the woke mind virus trying to wriggle its way into the pure Japanese psyche. It's the sign of an over-eager fan who sees a piece of fiction differently than its creator.

[dio-niisio]

I'm a bit obsessed with the idea that Batman can't find anything on Captain Marvel. Like the guy tries but is quite literally impossible!

Sure he CAN find some of Captain "old selfs" (just other people that where the champions of magic at some point), he's in vases, murals and even cave paintings! But new Marvel nothing. All Batman knows is that the face of Captain Marvel change over time.

And it doesn't help that his Dad instinct™ is going on overdrive!!

Like Marvel accidentally said that his name is Billy and now Batman is only calling him William (cuz that is the only information that he has on him...) and is starting to upset Marvel cuz that is uncle used to call him before he stole all his money and put him in the system , and he only uses when he's mad at him (just like a parent will use their kid full name when they are mad at them…). So one day he asks - in private - that he can quit doing that. And that his name is Billy not Willian "I choose it myself. Please respect that."

And now the newest theory is that Captain is a shapeshifter, that not only change the way they look over time but that comes with a name change that should be respected.

It only gets funnier when he figures out that Billy is actually a child, an 12 year old child, that has been his colleague for almost 5 years. That man is not well.

[almondpiglet]

detach deflect distract dependent

[claraoswalds]

#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[tealmussel]

Reunion.

Because while I do love headcannoning these two as absolute sweethearts, I don't think Scout's mom would be happy with Spy dropping a sex bomb on her, then bouncing. Pose inspired by stills from Famous Love Affairs, 1961 (just thought the name kind of fits lol)

____ ko-fi