#it's kinda eldritch-y ya know?

[frownyalfred]

Imagining Alfred's horror the first time he has to send out the batmobile to Crime Alley

1. Because him having to send it out means His Boy is hurt enough he can't make it back on his own

And 2. Because it's Crime Alley, and the petrified thought of losing Bruce where he lost Thomas and Martha

I've always thought that Bruce bleeding out in Crime Alley decades later would be very poetic for Gotham. Maybe when the city thinks he's given enough, fought long enough, he has to go where he was always meant to be -- into death, with his parents.

[maguro13-2]

Shattered Hero ~ Origins of the Ink Demon : Episode Maka Finale (7/11) ~

[Abandoned Egg Carrier]

Seto : Heh. That doll was much more frightening than other demons that I'm not so sure About. When did the last time it jumpscared everyone after the curse was only a programming from previous data?

Solva : Gladly that we put up a show to stuffed doll. Who knows? It's likely what those programming of a doll can create a hellish realm of his own, it's not like that's gonna ever happen to us. So this doll was revived with demonic powers and was given the significant basics that was given the powers of body horror and Eldritch horror. I bet that mating with an eldritch horror is kinda disturbing about the bonds with humans and monsters. That totally freaked me out and give me the chills.

Seto : Well, it's programming was it to create the curse was simply not what it seems, but having powers that makes creepy, when did the mad scientist get that Annabelle stuff from where? Huh? Saya? Where did she go, and what is this place? Hey, Disk-Chan. What do you think of this place. Hey, Disk-Chan! Guess the whole place is empty except for the robot maids that are cleaning ship, I don't know why anyone doesn't work at this ship anymore.

[Behind them is Disk-Chan appearing from the monitor]

Disk-Chan : That's because this ship was abandoned after the incident of that liquid entity named Chaos that crashed landed on the ocean surface around 8 years ago. (Seto and Solva jumpsacre)

Seto : D-Disk-Chan! Y-You're here!

Solva : And how did you get your head so big?

[Emilia - Takuya Yasuda]

Disk-Chan : I might knew that you would figure it out. And my head's not big, I accessed it with personal data through the via network system. Grim told me that you, Solva, was supposed to lookout for the castle and I had finally notice that the two-tailed doll was snooping around!

Solva : Yeah, I might noticed that one. I didn't know that a two-tailed fox doll would be sneaky on leading us here to this abandoned aircraft. I look humble apologies to not lookout for Master Grim.

Seto : Say, Disk-Chan. How on earth did you do that.

Disk-Chan : Easy! I hacked into the ship's control network by lending a hand for Lain Iwakura.

Seto : Lain Iwakura, that weird famous computer girl from 8 years ago? Everyone heard the news said that she disappeared.

Disk-Chan : Didn't disappeared, she disappeared from Tokyo and relocated herself to an abandoned facility, used to be a launch base used by Deathscythe creator Professor G, but the place was built by under the supervision of Drawcial Family Corporation and NERV. So now that place where she resides is now called the "Iwakura-Maxwell Residence". Otherwise originally known as the Deathscythe Launch Base, a place that is much livelier than The Titans Tower in California.

Seto : Heh. Seems like a girl from the near end of the 20th century doesn't seems like lending a hand would be so cool.

Disk-Chan : What else is there?

Seto : Is this Lain person weird or something?

Disk-Chan : What? no? She's a genius and technological wizard! Besides she's like the witch of Data and Memory space. (clears throat) Gladly that you all survied the realm, That Tails Doll curse was nothing more than a typical programming made by Creepypasta.

Seto : Creepypasta? That Internet horror freak, the Tails Doll Curse was made up by data all along! I knew the Mad Scientist wouldn't create a stinking doppelganger that is supposed to be a Metal Tails or something, but why creating doll that is real fearful to people? Was it a demon or something?

Disk-Chan : Perhaps that the Tails Doll Curse was only part of it's programming, It's got nothing to do with the greatest Deathless that determines to be Shinigami!

Seto : Yep! See these guns? (flexes her arm) These are not just average arm and weapon to deal with a fierce creature like me! But where to find the exit? Hey, Disk. Does the ship have like any kind of transport?

Disk-Chan : Sure. I'll bring it down for ya. It appears that all of it's engines are still running, and I don't know why it just crashed landed in the ocean.

Solva : Obiviously, it was that blue hedgehog that came all the way to rescue that Pink one and then decided to trashed down the ship, but also, the the robot that was chasing down Amy and that blue flicky, I believe he caused a mess in the Hot Shelter, the only place that a blue hedgehog does not go in.

Seto : And why is that?

Solva : Because the only one that is running ship's functions are all running from this purplish robot that was transformed into a stationary defense unit, "E-105 Zeta."

Seto : So, umm, nothing's too damped around in this giant ship that was did not sink into the ocean, but crashed landed on the surface. What else is there? (We then cut to the girls seeing the ocean)

[Egg Carrier ~The Ocean~ - Kenichi Tokoi]

Seto :Wow! Talk about getting yourself lost on a giant ship with no to cruise for. I can see the ocean clearly.

Solva : So this is the Egg Carrier that we're on, but we need to get aboard to the halberd. Surrounded by oceans and swimming across is to get aboard, are filled with deadly sharks.

Seto : The Ocean's predators, from walking the plank to the Shark Attacks. No where to swim, no where to survive, but this place has definitely got no food or water over here. Just an empty feeling on getting something to eat.

Solva : Good thing I brought lunch, It's a Bento Box made from the Reaper's finest chefs. I got mine as well.

Seto : Oh, boy! Let's eat while we wait!

(scene changes to the girls sitting down on the central dome, eating their lunch from their Bento box)

Seto : So, now that we're waiting for the arrival. I always looked into becoming Shinigami, the title that I wanted to reclaim. It's funny that Botan was the previous Shinigami before Ichigo and then Ryuk, I've known Shounen characters that has ever seen a Shinigami or became the Shinigami. Me, yeah, I definitely wanted to become Shinigami because I was chosen the death gods and gave me a sword that can cut down any beings. They say that the sword I was given has the power to make me a God of Death, it was created and hand crafted by the Gods of Death. I used to be a part of the Mercenary Guild or something like that in the world of Needless, but eventually both you and solva died during the final battle with archlight and we ended up here in the 21st century of Real World AU. So the Shingamis did requested me on becoming Death Gods after our reversed Isekai theory made us to live in Real World AU.

Solva : That's wonderful to hear. Even though, I still have my personality, my true personality that is a deadly sadistic monster inside me. My parents, friends, and teacher too. I was outcasted and I only met you at the school. Do you remember the year you were born?

Seto : Well, ummm...

Solva : Seto, don't lie to me. What was the day when you were born.

Seto : Although I'm still looking alike 17 year old girl. But does that mean I'm born in...

*Clock ticking*

Seto : Wait a sec, I was born in 1987, but I nearly died during the space colony ark incident before I go Isekai again, but then Master Grim came and gave me the Sacred Sword of the Reaper, crafted by the Angels of Death.

Solva : Oh yeah, that's right. I used to work as a maid at an affluent place that you grew up at. But that's when I realize that I died during the final battle with Archlight and I was reversed Isekai to the real world. So I did too become a Deathless. We were the girls that became a Deathless Somebody.

Seto : Yep. That's right, I was once lived in a mansion full of affluent people, and I understand why I did not care about the money, although they attempted to get rid of me, but I slayed everyone, I killed the parents that I never had and left that to keep everything. Nobody would able to think that I don't even have a family anymore, the only family that I have are Darts, Kanna, Master Grim, and you. That is why I don't care about money, I care about you!

Solva : (giggles) Maybe you're right, you do care about me and not just greed. So I'm not a bit too shabby about personality, you were not the one who killed your parents, I did.

Seto : Eh? When did that happened?

Solva : My sadistic personality just made killed the affluent people and I was feel sorry for what I've done and then, I made you an apology sandwich treaty.

Seto : Well, that sucks. It turns out that my parents aren't affluents, they're low lives. And all the money they have were stolen, so I actually made money by working as a hero in the real world.

Solva : That's what I expected.

"later..."

Seto : Oh man. That lunch sure filled me up, I think that's what I represent a fine classy meal from the castle. Master Grim sure know how to make that delicious fine meal of that. That hit the spot.

Solva : It sure is! That's why I made it myself just for you.

Seto : ...!? Ehh...!? What? No! It's not like that it's...Umm...maybe I might be you're right. It was that lunch that you gave me, not to mention it, it was kinda tasty to have an important meal of the day. So, the arrival should be here soon. Hmm? What's this dead robot doing on the deck's central dome?

Solva : And I found another one. It's black and it has a some kind of symbols with numbers. This one's "Beta". The Alpha one is the Bird Catcher.

Seto : And this red dead robot that is lying on the floor is...

*flashing images of Gamma are shown*

Seto : The member of the elite crew...E-102 Gamma. And that one over there is his "Brother" Beta. These robots were just a couple of badniks that were serving for Dr. Robotnik to search for the emeralds, but during his time in the story, his brothers were sent away in different locations while Beta and Zeta remained only on the ship.

[E-102's Theme by Fumie Kumatani plays, various scenes of Gamma's memories are shown from Sonic Adventure]

Seto : Yeah, Gamma. That's the name Omega mentioned, he died right here at the deck, facing an ill-fated battle with his brother, E-101 Beta. Despite being a robot, these machines were powered by flickies and Gamma was never heard again until Omega mentioned them.

Solva : Oh my. That is pleasantly sad story! He was a cool robot and a good friend to Amy and now he's gone forever.

Seto : Can't say that he's been destroyed by his own brother for 8 years, so that's why Omega never met them. It's probably a shame that no one on this ship survived and then two robots were shown and got destroyed in an ill-fated battle. That Gamma Master Grim mentioned during the Space Colony Ark incident were only just copies of this one the original and for Chaos Gamma,during the Gizoid incident, yeah not the same one as usual. Inside on it's back, the two flickies were freed from being powered inside the robot, that's why his story was so tragic. Eggman had the nerves to keep it all a secret just make everyone a tearjeaker.

Solva : I know, right? Who does that to birds anyway, they're just machines. (hears a jet roaring) Seto, Look!

Seto : What could that be?

Solva : There! That might be our transport! Get a load of this! (Seto takes binoculars to see them through) Do you see anything what's coming down here? Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

Seto : (viewing from Binoculars) Hmmm...That's not a bird nor a plane. That's a spacecraft shape like a Phantom! That's the Falcon Flyer! (The Falcon Flyer arrives)

[Captain Falcon - Daiki Kasho, Alan Brey]

Seto : It's a Falcon? Well it's just like Samus Aran's spaceship.

Solva : But who's flying that thing?

Captain Falcon : Hey there, ladies. You need a ride to hitch? That little Pink demon went off to Meta Knight's ship to hitch a ride into space!

Solva : It's only that Mr. Falcon guy.

Captain Falcon : I heard that you were on your way to Meta Knight's ship, guess that means I'll take you there to head for the

Seto : Oh great, a smasher. Just what we needed. Well, you can say that we let this cat out of the bag. We're on way to stop a pseudo ruler that is the going to cover the galaxy in darkness. Do you think that we needed ourselves a ride to space? Could that be a great help?

Captain Falcon : Could it be? (laughs triumphantly)

Seto : (looks at Solva) You thinking what I'm thinking?

Solva : Always planned for a biggest trip ever. Going into the stars. (fist bumps Seto)

Captain Falcon : Next stop! Dark Nebula's domain in space! Hang to your seats cause it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Seto : Hang on Tight, Seto! We're going to Space!

Captain Falcon : C'mon! Go Falcon!

(the Falcon Flyer blasts off)

Gamma's Voice : (eyes turned on) Thanks for everything. That is what I wished for.

~ Act 32 : The Last of Gamma ~

[tigerkirby215]

5e Vex, the Gloomiest build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Horace “Hozure” Hsu. Made for Riot Games.)

Writing this build in a dark room late at night, super tired and stuff... Stuck inside cause of this dumb virus... AFKing in TFT for a Prestige skin like a tryhard... It’s kinda aesthetic, ya know?

GOALS

Another person to kill... Shadow? Can you handle it? - You don’t need best friends: you’ve got your Shadow. He’s the only cool one, because he’s basically you.

Ugh. Can we get some rain clouds in here? - No one likes a debbie downer, but everyone loves a good scare!

Man, walking suuuucks - Nowadays even the anti-dash champion needs a resetting dash. “Do the thing, Shadow.”

RACE

I could make Vex a Harengon to justify her rabbit ears, but she doesn’t really do much “jumping.” That, and I didn’t buy Wild Beyond the Witchlight. So Halfling still works good enough for a yordle. Your Dexterity increases by 2, and while your movement speed goes down to 25 you have Halfling Nimbleness to move through people who are bigger than you. You’re also “Brave” for advantage against fears (when you hang around the Shadow Isles stuff really isn’t that scary) and of course have good ol’ yordle Lucky to reroll Nat 1s.

Halflings are normally pretty cheerful but Ghostwise Halflings are perfectly dark. You’d normally increase your Wisdom by 1 but I’d recommend increasing your Constitution instead. But I mean, it’s not a big deal if you take Wisdom instead. It is only +1. You also get Silent Speech to keep to team chat with 30 foot telepathy. I mean, they have to understand your languages but at least you don’t have to tell everyone what you’re talking about. And oh yeah you obviously speak Common and Halfling.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - Turns out when you don’t release any new yordles for (wait it’s been 5 years since Kled was released? Holy shit) people end up wanting them.

14; DEXTERITY - Just because you don’t like walking doesn’t mean you’re slow.

13; CONSTITUTION - Imagine dying like a normie.

12; WISDOM - Vex isn’t sad because she’s pessimistic. She’s just realistic.

10; INTELLIGENCE - You’re too cool for school. (And I needed everything else more.)

8; STRENGTH - Ughhh I don’t wanna lift heavy stuff! I’m tired...

BACKGROUND

I guess you’re technically a Haunted One, even if the black mist is the best thing that ever happened to you. You get proficiency in Arcana and Survival as well as two language of your choice to talk to your "allies.” (I guess one of them has to be exotic or whatever.) (I’d personally pick Sylvan as the language of yordles and whatever language the majority of your party knows as your second choice, but that’s just me.)

The thing that sucks about having a Heart of Darkness is that everyone keeps trying to help you, thinking that your sadness (and the living shadow on your back) is something to be fixed. I mean, at least you can get the NPC normies to help you, as long as you don’t spook ‘em. “No doctors! I told you: being sad makes me happy.”

(Artwork by @ToggleD0wnFall on Twitter.)

THE BUILD

or whatever...

LEVEL 1 - SORCERER 1

Starting as a Sorcerer for saving throws and stuff. Also proficiency in Intimidation and... Persuasion, I guess? Look, persuading people that you’re fine “no really” is a skill too.

I wonder what Sorcerous Origin we’ll pick... If only there was one based entirely on shadows and darkness... Oh hey Shadow Magic. As a Shadow Sorcerer you get Eyes of the Dark for 120 feet of Darkvision to see with your dumb Halfling eyes, and Strength of the Grave which will let Shadow take a hit for you. (As long as you make a good Charisma save.)

But of course the main appeal of a Sorcerer is the Spellcasting. You can learn 4 cantrips from the Sorcerer list and two level spells: For cantrips Mage Hand will let Shadow pick things up for you, Mind Sliver and Sword Burst will keep loud people off you both up close and from afar, and Prestidigitation will let you do all sorts of normie yordle magic. As for leveled spells Shield and Mage Armor are both kinda mandatory for some Personal Space.

LEVEL 2 - WARLOCK 1

What? Did you really think we wouldn’t get at least some support from adults? Work for that cool gloomy dude Viego and make a pack with The Undead. That’s because Undead are super dark and morbid and have a Form of Dread: as a bonus action you can turn on your Doom and Gloom for 1 minute. You get some temporary hit points, fear people when you hit them, and are immune to fears yourself. You can transform a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

You also get Pact Magic, which is different from normie Spellcasting because you get the cool stuff done with just a Short Rest. Anyways you can learn two cantrips from the Warlock list like Minor Illusion to have Shadow trick some normies and Eldritch Blast to Eldritch while you Blast. You can also grab some first level Warlock spells like Hex to mark people you don’t like, and Arms of Hadar if you really need your Personal Space.

LEVEL 3 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get their Eldritch Invocations for extra stuff that you don’t have to put effort into. While Armor of Shadows does exist it’s honestly better for you to cast Mage Armor with a spell slot, so with that being said take Agonizing Blast to agonize while you blast and Eldritch Mind so you can keep your concentration around annoying people.

You can also learn another spell like Hellish Rebuke, because people just keep barging into your Personal Space!

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 2

Now that you can agonize your blasts it’s time to go back to Sorcerer. Second level Sorcerers get a Font of Magic for Sorcery Points which currently don’t do much other than give you more spell slots. You can turn your Warlock slots into Sorcery points though, which is good because they come back on a Short Rest but the rest of your magic does not.

You can also cast another spell like Earth Tremor, to slow people down with Looming Darkness and sunder the land with your edginess.

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers finally get Metamagic! Empowered Spell will allow you to maximize your damage and retain your role as an artillery mage. Alternatively if you want to guarantee fears in your foes take Heightened Spell to give them disadvantage to resist Shadow’s influence.

If you want Shadow to stick around then Dust Devil will swirl around for quite awhile. Alternatively Shadow (Magic) also teaches you Darkness for free, and you can cast it with 2 Sorcery Points to see through it! Your friends can’t see through it, but you can team up with Shadow for some powerful combos when you can see them but they can’t see you!

(Artwork by @jpdiasarts on Twitter.)

LEVEL 6 - SORCERER 4

4th level Sorcerers get the first of many Ability Score Improvements, but I can’t take Fey Touched every time for Flash. That, and we won’t give into basic yordle society. So let’s get value out of our Halfling race with the Second Chance feat. Along with +1 to your Charisma you can also use your reaction to make an enemy you can see attacking you reroll their attack roll, potentially making them miss.

Don’t use this against an attack that you can Shield against, but if someone gets a really good roll you can use this to get your Personal Space back! You can only use this once per combat though (it comes back when you roll for initiative!) so make sure to use it when it matters to keep your spell slots in check.

Oh and you can also learn another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Shocking Grasp will help you push people away if they get too close (folk tend to react poorly when zapped by a tazer!) As for leveled spells Web will keep foes from dashing around, and is also pretty flammable. Huhn; wonder if that’ll be useful.

LEVEL 7 - SORCERER 5

5th level Sorcerers get gifts from the Ruined Queen Tasha in the form of Magical Guidance. You can use a Sorcery point to reroll a d20 if needed, potentially squeezing a success out. Don’t use this all the time (even if Warlock slots means you’ll have plenty of Sorcery points to spare) but this can be very useful in an emergency!

You can also learn third level spells and hey: Fireball may be a normie spell, but it’s still pretty effective. It’s maybe a bit too flashy to be Looming Darkness but it’s a good source of AoE damage which isn’t as loud and annoying as Shatter.

LEVEL 8 - SORCERER 6

All this time being a Shadow Sorcerer and Shadow hasn’t even done anything for us! Well how about you go out there and get some work done, Shadow? For 3 Sorcery points you can summon a Hound of Ill Omen to target a foe within 120 feet of you.

Shadow is basically a Dire Wolf except he’s Medium, has temp HP equal to half your Sorcerer level, can move through stuff (but takes damage if he ends his turn in stuff), and automatically chases whoever you told him to go for. Shadow will appear 30 feet away from the person you told him to get, and will chase after him like I said. All he’ll really do is attack the target you told him to though; he won’t even opportunity attack unless it’s the person you told him to chase. But if Shadow’s near someone they have disadvantage on their saving throws, which is pretty cool. (Unfortunately it’s only against spells, not your Form of Dread.)

Speaking of saving throws: Slow is a really great way to keep normies from running around doing annoying stuff. And you don’t have to hit Shadow with it which is pretty cool.

(Artwork by @Lauriquess on Twitter.)

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get to choose their Pact Boon: if you want a really small Shadow go for Pact of the Chain, and if you want your cool necklace go for Pact of the Talisman, but we’ll be going for Pact of the Tome because you’re mostly a spellcaster really. (And we definitely don’t have enough cantrips.)

You get a Book of Shadows (See? Books can be cool!) with three cantrips: take Thaumaturgy to be extra spooky, Vicious Mockery for some sick teenage burns, and Sapping Sting to make normies fall over when you fear them. Some might say that 10 total cantrips by level 9 is a bit overkill but look on the dark side: you’ve now got a cantrip for basically every type of saving throw in case you can’t hit with Eldritch Blast!

Honestly none of the Pact Boons are particularly important for Vex so I picked the one that made the most sense. Feel free to take something more practical since 10 cantrips is admittedly overkill.

Oh and you can learn more Warlock spells, so now it’s time to finally take Misty Step. For Flash!

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get another Ability Score Improvement: getting more Charisma for better spellcasting is probably a good idea.

You can also learn another spell, and hey look another cantrip. For your cantrip even if more damage options are kinda overkill by this point Chill Touch inflicts Grievous Wounds, which might be useful. You can also grab another second level spell and Blindness / Deafness (which is on the Undead list) is far more useful than any of the other normie options you’d have at this level anyways.

LEVEL 11 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation, and even if you’ve got a resetting dash you’re still a squishy mage. So grab Tomb of Levistus for Zhonya's Hourglass.

You can also grab third level Warlock spells now! Remember how I took Fireball and complained that it wasn’t a good replica of Looming Darkness? Well Hunger of Hadar takes your Concentration but it’s a lot edgier!

LEVEL 12 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Undead Warlocks have become Grave Touched by the mist, and can make mist of their own! Along with being able survive without eating, drinking, or breathing you can turn any of your damage into necrotic damage. If you’re in your Form of Dread however you can add one extra damage die to whatever you’re using to get people to buzz off, adding to that morbid and macabre aesthetic.

You can also add another spell and if you’re bored with Shadow being a wolf how about you make them a Summon Shadowspawn? Weaponize your Fury, Despair, or Fear (I’d honestly recommend Fury since it has good synergy with your Dreadful Aspect) and work together with Shadow to deal with all your annoying foes! I’d also suggest replacing Hellish Rebuke with Counterspell, because even if the former fits better the latter is way more useful.

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks can finally activate Shadow Surge. Relentless Hex lets you mark a foe with Hex and then dash to them. And technically you can move Hex around after the fact to reset your dashes! And while you’re at it you may as well grab Dimension Door for Summoner Teleport.

You could also upgrade Summon Shadowspawn to Summon Aberration if you so desire, but Summon Shadowspawn is more than strong enough and far more fun and thematic.

LEVEL 14 - WARLOCK 8

Another Ability Score Improvement. Yay. Cap off your Charisma for the best spellcasting you can get out of Shadow. You can also learn another spell, but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 15 - WARLOCK 9

9th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation: even if it’s kinda ineffective Ascendant Step is still pretty useful to have Shadow carry you around. I mean yeah it’s slow but not that much slower than walking for you, and Shadow can lift you up in the air. “Shadow; carry me...”

You can also learn 5th level spells. If one guy’s being particularly annoying Negative Energy Flood can get them to shut up and work for you. Alternatively if you want more Personal Space Antilife Shell is on the Undead List and will make sure normies keep faaaaar away.

LEVEL 16 - WARLOCK 10

Are you ever so sick of everything that you just want to explode? Necrotic Husk has two benefits: for one you’re resistant to Necrotic damage, and immune while in your Form of Dread because being around Viego for so long means you’re used to his work.

But additionally when you are reduced to 0 hit points you can use your reaction to drop to 1 hit point instead and cause your body to explode! Each creature of your choice within 30 feet of you takes 2d10 + your warlock level in Necrotic damage. You do gain 1 level of exhaustion after using this, and after using it once you can’t do so again until you finish 1d4 long rests. So I’d perhaps use Strength of the Grave first unless you really need to lash out.

I hope you weren’t expecting more spells because you aren’t getting them from Warlock: just a cantrip. By this point we’ve honestly got far too many cantrips so I dunno maybe just grab Prestidigitation again and swap it out from Sorcerer when you get the chance.

(Artwork by @DukkoArt on Twitter.)

LEVEL 17 - SORCERER 7

Finally back to our yordle roots: 7th level Sorcerers get 4th level spells like Storm Sphere for a sphere of darkness and angst. But I mean the real benefit is that you get more Sorcery points let’s be real.

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess. Spooky winds and stuff. Either this level or next level depending on your DM.

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 8

Your last Ability Score Improvement... You’re gonna have to ask: what’s more important to me? More Metamagic, or more Eldritch Invocations? If Metamagic is to your liking take Metamagic Adept for Careful Spell and Distant Spell along with two more Sorcery points to use on them. If you like Eldritch Invocations though Eldritch Adept has a ton of options as a level 10 Warlock. I won’t tell you what invocation to take (they’re all great boosts but none of them shout out at me as something you should prioritize) as there are plenty of options to make your own Vex now that they’re all grown up.

I can at least tell you what spell to take: none of them! Wait until next level!

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 9

9th level Sorcerers can learn 5th level spells which means you’ve finally caught up to your Warlock slots. And look at that: the good wish Tasha gave you one last way to weaponize Shadow. Bigby’s Hand does a bunch of cool stuff and is pretty much the ultimate way to make Shadow crush some normies. (Most literally.) Alternatively if you want to borrow from Viego Enervation will let you heal from the mist and also do some damage. Great if you’re stuck in a corner with a bunch of annoying normies.

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 10

Our final level is the 10th level of Sorcerer for one last spell, one last cantrip, and one last metamagic option! For your metamagic it’s honestly about time you take Quickened Spell to up your DPS. For your cantrip take Mold Earth to dig holes in the sand and brood. And as for your leveled spell? Honestly I just like Synaptic Static, and there isn’t much else I want anyways.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

We’re all doomed. But you’re more doomed - 5th level spells pack more than enough punch, and you’ve got plenty of them. Warlock slots will always be at your fingertips, and Sorcery points give you plenty of flexibility too!

I can feel it: someone’s happy over there! - Along with giving you a temporary hitpoint shield Form of Dread puts a nice bit of CC on all your abilities. Keep enemies scared and sad with tons of Doom and Gloom!

Ugh. Stop copying me Shadow! - Hounds of Ill Omen are cool. Summon Shadowspawn is also cool. Bigby’s Hand is especially cool. And hey: even your lower level Concentration spells like Hex? They’re pretty cool too.

CONS

Ughhhhhhhhhh this is gonna take foreeeever! - You’ve got limited fumes, even for a coffeelock. Form of Dread has limited uses and there’s only so much spell slot melting you can do to get your magic back.

I’m dancing... Happy? - You’ve got a really boring set of really normie skills... and if you’re playing Vex the way she’s meant to be played you’re probably not going to use any of them except for Intimidation.

Yup; the glass is half empty - Half your levels are Sorcerer levels, meaning you’re squishy. You’ve also got Mage Armor on which guess what: also means you’re squishy. People who hit teenagers sure are lame but it’s really not hard to Power Word Kill you.

But I guess you’re pretty cool overall. Shadow’s an alright partner and you can spread Ruination even without Viego. Trudge around and get people to frown for once. There’s nothing wrong with being sad, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting the world to be sad. But do try to at least be happy out of character, because we play games to have fun. I mean, who’d play a video game that just makes you depressed and angry?

(Artwork by @AzzylumArt on Twitter.)

[absolutepokemontrash]

Beach Day!

Masterlist~

As requested by an anon, The Half Demon kids get to have their beach day! Please enjoy!

‘‘Twas a summer’s day in the Devildom, and school was out for the next couple of months, what else was there to do other than have a fun little beach vacation?

“Do we have towels?”

“Check.”

“Umbrellas?”

“Yep.”

“Beach toys?”

“Uh huh.”

L!MC and Lucifer were running through the long list of items as the rest of the family loaded everything into their (several) cars. Mammon grunted and shoved one of three umbrellas into a gap in the piles of luggage, they were all packing the rapidly filling car like they were playing a game of Tetris from hell.

“Ya know, you two can try and, I dunno, help a little?!”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and looked up from his list. “I am helping, Mammon. I’m making sure this doesn’t end up like the last family vacation we took.”

“What happened last time?” The soft voice of A!MC piped up, they were carrying roughly four different carryon bags into one of the cars.

“Mammon forgot to pack sunscreen during our last little visit to a human world beach and we all got horrifically sunburned. That’s why this year we’ll be visiting a proper Devildom beach.” Lucifer explained.

“That stupid mistake nearly cost me my perfect skin.” Asmo grumbled, A!MC patted him on the shoulder.

“Don’t feel too bad, dad. You look great!”

“Oh little butterfly,” Asmo patted A!MC on their head, much to the kid’s delight. “Go on~.”

“Hey pop!” Mammon’s head whirled around as he looked for the source of the voice. “THINK FAST!”

A duffel bag slammed into the side of Mammon’s head, knocking him into the side of the car.

“What the hell M!MC?!”

The little culprit gave their dad a fanged megawatt smile and shrugged. “I said think fast.”

“M!MC, he can’t think fast, he doesn’t have a brain.” Asmo smirked over at Mammon, who not so graciously flipped him off. A blast of water from wiped both the smirk and some of the makeup off Asmo’s face.

“Whoops,” M!MC lowered their water gun. “Misfire.”

Lucifer massaged his temples as he watched this complete and utter chaos unfold. This was ridiculous, he turned to L!MC. “I refuse to subject you to this, I don’t was CPS to come knocking. You are riding with Lord Diavolo and I.”

“Wooop!” L!MC cheered, then paused. “Was I not riding with you two before now?”

——————

After arriving and unpacking, everyone set out to the beach, per Lucifer’s totally reasonable beach rules, no cameras within eight feet of the beach. Asmo had to compromise and take his Devilgram selfies at Diavolo’s villa in the five minute window of time before everyone set out for the beach.

While the group made their way to the beach, M!MC proudly presented their shiny new metal detector to the crowd of not too impressed family members. Well, everyone but Mammon, he was hyped as all hell to try and find buried treasure.

As M!MC and A!MC lagged behind and chattered aimlessly, something flew right into M!MC’s face. Reeling at the sudden loss of their sight, M!MC’s hands flew to their face and peeled the thing off of them. A…piece of paper..?

No, not a piece of paper, it was a map! Well, half of a map!

“Woah… Pop! Check it!” M!MC waved the piece of paper in the air. “What if we use this to find treasure or something?”

Mammon’s eyes practically sparkled as he swiped the map from M!MC. “Kid, we’re gonna be rich. Not the lame kinda rich either, we’ll be… multiple yacht rich!”

“Oh geez…” A!MC murmured.

By the time the entire group had gotten to the actual beach, Mammon and M!MC had already had the layout of their fabulous Hollywood mansion planned out and were busily describing the kinds of cars they wanted to own. Armed with only half a treasure map and a metal detector, the two set off down the beach.

L!MC, Belphie, and Satan snickered like a bunch of kids as they set up their new pink unicorn floaty. It was just perfect for just slightly ticking off Lucifer. A!MC hummed happily as they unpacked all their sand toys, perfect for making a sand-empire! The rest of the adults set up the umbrellas and beach chairs and practically deflated when all the work was finished.

Hang on- where was Levi- OH! There he was. He had ran right into the water and was petting Lotan. Man… Lotan was fucking massive.

“Hey, Luke,” L!MC called out. “Why are you wearing water wings? You know those things don’t work, right?”

“H-huh?” Luke tilted his head in confusion. Like a chihuahua- “What do you mean?”

“Well, water wings aren’t like life jackets, water wings only keep your arms out of water. If you start to drown, those aren’t helping.” L!MC dutifully explained. “There are documented cases in the human world of kids drowning with their arms still afloat because of the water wings.”

Luke was having such a good day forty five seconds prior, now he was petrified.

——————

“Ah, this is the life, right Sea Monster Levi?” L!MC leisurely floated around on their giant pink unicorn floatie as Levi swam around them.

Levi couldn’t exactly speak, but the terrifying eldritch shriek of delight was enough of an answer.

“See, you should go outside more often, the ocean is outside, fresh air is outside,” L!MC continued to list lovely things that just happened to be outside until Lotan poked four of his heads above water. “Lotan’s outside,”

Levi grumbled and slammed his tail into the water, sending a massive wave over to L!MC.

“Fuck.”

Those were L!MC’s last words before the wave crashed into them and tipped over the floatie, leaving them angrily starfish floating in the water. “You fucking hikikomori.”

—————

A!MC carefully placed their bucket full of sand onto the ground upside down and slowly pulled the bucket away. Perfect! That made a great castle tower! The sand-city that A!MC had concocted could put any city to shame, there was a town hall, a bank, a museum, and multiple construction projects headed by Luke. Well, the chihuahua wasn’t doing too well with his castle-building.

“Aww…” Luke pouted as his castle crumbled. “I ruined it…”

“You should add a bit of water to the sand, Luke.” A!MC said as they carefully placed some seashell decorations around their castle tower. “It’ll help stop your towers from crumbling.”

Luke vehemently shook his head. “There’s no way I’m going near that water. Not after what L!MC said…”

“Luke, L!MC’s just being a butt, you won’t drown-” A!MC was unceremoniously cut off by Lotan rising from the depths of the ocean and L!MC’s squawk of protest when he began to bat their unicorn floatie around.

“Y-yeah… I won’t drown, I’ll be eaten by a sea monster…” Luke shuddered.

“A!MC, I’m living here.” Belphie laid his towel out a little ways away from the sand-city and collapsed into a snoring heap on the sand.

“Great! A new citizen!” A!MC smiled and clapped their hands. “Beel, are you going to join us?”

Beel took a large bite out of a watermelon and sat down next to Belphie. “Yeah, I’m going to live here too.”

“We’ve got a real kingdom now!”

—————

The metal detector beeped for the thousandth time that day and M!MC and Mammon were beginning to get tired. They had found a total of 45 cents and a bottle cap, not the heaps of pirate treasure their map promised.

“Alright old man, dig.” M!MC lazily motioned towards the spot in the sand where the metal detector beeped.

“Why do I gotta dig?” Mammon whined. “You do it this time!”

“I’m holding the metal detector!” M!MC snapped. “Lookit! This shit’s heavy!”

“UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.” Mammon dropped to his knees and began to dig, unearthing a second bottle cap.

“Have our intrepid treasure hunters struck gold yet?” The taunting voice of Satan wormed its way into M!MC and Mammon’s ears as they both rolled their eyes.

“Why do you care, Satan?” M!MC sneered. “Shouldn’t you be off waxing philosophical about the demon condition or some other pretentious shit right now?”

Satan scoffed and shook his head. “So you haven’t found anything, shocker.”

“Ya didn’t answer the question, Satan.”

“Fine, you two dumbasses forgot to bring water after you immediately ran to go find your treasure.” Satan chucked two metal water bottles at Mammon, both of which hit him in the face. “So where’s your little treasure map?”

M!MC grumbled and pulled the map out of their pocket. “Here.”

Satan raised an eyebrow as he looked over the map, then looked back up at Mammon and M!MC. “I’d expect this level of idiocy from Mammon, but not you, M!MC.”

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” M!MC and Mammon shouted in unison.

Satan flipped the map around so it was facing the pair, he pointed at the X. “You’re supposed to be going that way,” Satan pointed back towards where they had set up the towels and umbrellas.

“…shit.” Mammon murmured. “I swear if we just wasted two fuckin’ hours on this-”

“Don’t blame me! I’m a mathematician, not a fucking geographer!” M!MC hissed.

“Actually, cartographers are the ones that make maps-”

“SHUT UP SATAN!”

——————

“Ugh… I hate the ocean now…” L!MC trudged over to Lucifer and plopped themselves down next to him. “0/10. Next year, can we go somewhere with significantly less seaweed?”

Lucifer wordlessly pulled a clump of sea-gunk out of L!MC’s hair and dropped it on the sand next to them. The fucking gunk-thing then began to MOVE-

“…is that alive?”

“Probably.”

L!MC grabbed the thing and threw it as hard as they could into the water. “I’m not allowing that eldritch terror the privilege of evolving.”

Lucifer chuckled and shook his head. “This is karma for the unicorn floaty.”

“That wasn’t even all my idea!” L!MC hugged their knees to their chest and grumbled. “Where’s Belphie, Satan and M!MC’s karma?!”

“I’m sure it’ll come soon.”

“Now would be nice…” L!MC growled.

“If you’re going to go sit and whine for the rest of the day you can walk back to the villa by yourself.”

“Ugh!” L!MC threw up their hands and walked away. “So Belphie can angst all he wants but I can’t?! This is bullshit!”

“LANGUAGE!”

—————

A!MC’s burgeoning kingdom had grown in population in the last few hours; Barbatos and Diavolo had moved in and were gleefully helping out with the construction projects (well, Dia was gleeful, Barbatos was standing off to the side holding lemonade), Simeon had joined in and was making a moat, and L!MC was designing the flag.

“Our walls will be impenetrable!” Diavolo proclaimed as he continued to reinforce the sand-walls. “No one would dare invade us!”

“Where’s our sand-army? I call dibs on being sand-general.” L!MC raised their hand. “Luke, you can be a sand soldier.”

“Huh?”

“Here’s your sand-sword.”

“L!MC this is driftwood…”

“Hit a bitch with it.”

“There will be no hitting of any bitches.” Simeon gently took the driftwood from Luke and chucked it into the ocean.

“Lame…” L!MC rolled their eyes.

A little while into the kingdom building, A!MC surveyed their land with a proud smile. Every little building was adorably decorated with shells and pebbles, the roads were laid out perfectly, the castle was stable… Ah. Perfection!

A familiar trio sauntered over looking down at their map and occasionally back up at the surrounding beach until they stopped right outside the moat outside of A!MC’s kingdom. Satan, Mammon, and M!MC looked up at the group and pointed their shovel and metal detector at them.

“Hey kiddos, and… not kiddos. We’re gonna need ya to move over. There’s treasure in the area and we gotta dig!” Mammon proclaimed, standing up straight and putting a hand on his hip.

“Uh… no?” A!MC sat down on their beach chair, but to them, it was more like a throne. “We spent forever building this, we aren’t just going to let you destroy it.”

“Can’t you build somewhere else?” M!MC waved their hand to a place farther down the beach that was just littered with holes from M!MC and Mammon’s treasure hunting. “Couldn’t have taken that long.”

“Are you stupid or just ignorant?” L!MC hissed, protectively moving in front of the sand-wall next to Diavolo. “This took literal hours. You three can piss off.”

“L!MC, don’t be dramatic.” Satan rolled his eyes, then looked to the adults. “Come on guys, this may actually lead to something historical. Can you guys move out?”

“Uh… fuck off?” Belphie sleepily looked up from his towel. “We were here first. Finders keepers.”

“Yeah,” Beel paused his job of helping clean up the toys and buckets. “Belphie napped here, this spots been claimed.”

Barbatos and Diavolo nodded in agreement.

“A!MC has claimed this land, therefore, it’s their kingdom.” Diavolo said.

“Guys, this ain’t a joke! There’s actual treasure here!” Mammon waved the map in the air.

“That doesn’t matter. our sandcastles, our rules.” Luke crossed his arms and huffed.

“Oh bullshit! Move over! Money and treasure is under your city and we’ll take it by force if we have to!” M!MC crossed his arms and glared.

“Really now~?” L!MC cooed, slamming their fist against their open palm. “Fucking try us.”

————

A fight would have broken out if it weren’t for Lucifer calling for everyone to eat. Everyone sat down on their towels and angrily munched on their macaroni salad and sandwiches.

Team Treasure hunter (it was generous to call them a team considering there was only three of them) were forming a plan to try and get passed the much larger Team Sandcastle. M!MC and Satan bounced ideas off of each other while Mammon stole everyone’s potato chips.

“So, we need to lure at least some of them away… but how?” M!MC stuck their hand into the much reduced bowl of chips and took out a fistful.

“Mmm…” Satan murmured. “Well, there’s a thief in our midst…”

M!MC knitted their eyebrows in confusion, then began to nod in understanding. “Ah… and we have someone very quick…”

Both Satan and M!MC turned to Mammon, who was polishing off the chips and counting their metal detector money. He stopped mid chew and tilted his head.

“What are ya lookin’ at?”

Over with Team Sandcastle, L!MC carefully traced Belphie’s hand onto a piece of paper with a vindictive smirk on both their faces.

“What are you doing?” Luke asked as he bit into his kebab.

“It’s an official declaration of war.” L!MC quickly finished up the tracing and proudly showed the picture of Belphie’s middle finger to the assembled team. “I think it’s very clear and concise.”

Simeon slapped a palm to his forehead as Luke let out a gasp.

“L!MC! That’s so vulgar and awful-” Luke’s irate yapping went completely ignored.

“It’s a very nice picture.” Beel calmly observed, turning over the paper in his hands.

“Enough about the declaration!” A!MC stood up and put their hands on their hips. “We need to take action immediately! I’m not letting our sand kingdom fall into their hands!”

“We know that A!MC, but we need to at least give them some kind of warning that we’re going to beat them into the ground.” L!MC said.

“They got their warning. Now is not the time for being polite, now is the time for curb stomping.”

“Is it just me,” Belphie leaned over to Beel and cartoonishly whispered. “Or is A!MC getting really intense about this?”

—————

Team Treasure Hunter’s battle plan did not go as well as they thought it would. Satan and M!MC did not factor the fact that Mammon would be stealing something and then running in sand, and next to no one can properly run in fluffy beach sand, what this poor narrator is trying to say is that Mammon got football tackled immediately because he couldn’t run after he stole something as a distraction. Oh well… at least the sand was soft…

Team Sandcastle’s superior numbers meant superior ideas, and one of their ideas was for A!MC to politely ask some of the beach dwelling creepy crawlies to attack the other team. Well uh… toes were pinched that day…

“Fools,” A!MC sat straighter in their beach chair. “All of them.”

“I’m loving the supervillain vibes, A!MC, but-”

“But nothing!” A!MC cut L!MC off with a huff. “I’m not a supervillain either!”

“Sounds like something a supervillain would say.” Belphie snickered, only to be blasted in the face with a water gun. A!MC was turning on their own people…

“Alright, everyone who dares to doubt me gets the water gun.” A!MC sneered. “My kingdom won’t fall!”

The kingdom fell.

One giant wave caused by Lotan and Levi playing in the water nearby crashed onto the beach and absolutely flattened the detailed sand kingdom. A!MC slowly moved their hair out of their eyes and turned to Lotan and Levi in the water.

“You… you…” A!MC growled, a tick forming in their right eye. “YOU SHUT-IN PIECE OF [Hello, this is the narrator, I’m very sorry but I cannot repeat what little A!MC said here. I hope you all can find it in your hearts to forgive them for this outburst, their kingdom just got destroyed after all.]”

Simeon vaulted forward and covered Luke’s ears while the rest of the group on the beach stared in wide eyed shock as their sweet little A!MC cussed out two giant sea monsters. This was… not what they expected from their beach trip…

Beel quickly recovered from his shock and scooped A!MC up into his arms. A!MC didn’t seem to care all that much as they continued to kick and scream profanity at the giant sea monsters. Beel lumbered over to Asmo and handed the screeching A!MC to him.

“This is yours.”

“…Beel dear,” Asmo looked at the practically feral child that had managed to shift into their demon form, then looked to Beel. “Are you sure?”

——————

Ever the opportunists, Team Treasure Hunter managed to dig in the area where the sand kingdom once stood. After roughly an hour of digging, Mammon struck something… wooden. Hmm…

“Hey I uh… think I found somethin’!”

“Really?” M!MC exclaimed. “Lemme see! Let’s get it out!”

“Allow me,” Diavolo motioned for everyone to move away and leaned in. He yanked a massive treasure chest out of the sand like it was nothing and plopped it onto the beach. “Oh! It is a treasure chest! How novel!”

Mammon jumped forward and yanked the chest open, inside was an absolute mess of glimmering gold and jewelry.

“DON’T TOUCH THAT.” Lucifer’s booming voice stopped Mammon dead in place. Everyone’s heads swivelled to look at him. “It’s probably cursed gold, you idiots.”

“As much as I hate to agree with Lucifer, we should at least check before we touch anything.” Satan crossed his arms and grumbled.

The gold was hella cursed and basically useless. No one went back to the villa happy.

———————

A!MC sulkily kicked off their shoes and flopped backwards onto their bed. They stared half-vacantly up at the ceiling, they were so tired despite the fact that they hadn’t even gone swimming… they had spent their entire day building that stupid sandcastle kingdom…

M!MC flopped down next to them and let out an explosive sigh. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry about your sandcastle stuff…”

A!MC sighed and shrugged. “Yeah… sorry about your treasure…”

“Yeah… so far this trip blows.”

L!MC flopped down next to A!MC and practically deflated.

“What’s wrong with you?” M!MC asked, rolling over onto their side to look at their cousin.

“I’m in mourning…” L!MC grumbled, holding up a piece of pink stretchy plastic. “Lotan ate my unicorn floaty.”

“Aww… I’m sorry L!MC.” A!MC patted them on the shoulder. “Let’s go fight Lotan and Levi for revenge.”

“A!MC. I’m grieving, not suicidal.” L!MC said seriously, then their face melted into a grin as they began to giggle. “Dummy…”

“I’m not a dummy! I think we might have a chance!”

“Yeah, a chance of gettin’ eaten!” M!MC snickered.

“Okay… maybe…” A!MC giggled.

“Hey guys,” Simeon knocked on the door and poked his head in. “We’re making a fire for s’mores, you all better hurry up before Beel gets to everything.”

The three kids stuck their thumbs up and got ready to go. S’mores fix everything!

————

Author’s note: Okay, back in like… May, I promised I’d write a beach day episode for these characters, and it’s finally done!!

The whole sandcastle war is something that actually happened when I went to a summer camp ^.^

It was less about digging for treasure and more about who had the best sandcastles, and I shit you not, a wave slammed into the rival team’s sandcastle. It was funny as S H I T. HA! TAKE THAT RIVAL TEAM! MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE MADE YOUR CITY SO CLOSE TO THE WATER!

[art-i-know-yes]

Well, coping mechanism. My reaction to episode 62 of DnDaddiessss!! I have fun doing these!

SPOILERS FOR EP 62

Mnnnnhh not particularly alarmed by the episode name

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE FIFUFBDJIDBDJD IT'S THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS "ON RON'S ARC, NO WAY" IM CRYING ALREADY FVCK

Ok so that ruined me already.

"Pretty in check or internalized"

Oh my gAaaahhdd Darryl this is why you don't repress

Nailed it

ELDRITCH SUGAR CRASH I FVKIN WISH

"Doesn't mean that I love you" sheesh ok Willy

Ohhhhh no safety net :(

Wow Ron's will and testament

"I'm a gentleman"

"It's not about you having a dUmptruck azz"

The return button

WOOOOOOOOOWWWW

"This isn't smooth Anthony"

"You gonna ghost me"

Erin is goals

beeeeeaaaaaacchhhh

Cute little baby creature

Banana Boat. BB.

Do we hAve to get fishing stuff

"Someone roll" "you mean mE"

They really said give us an encounter and then "I cast fireball at my highest level"

Genies?!?!

Why do they have to start playing dnd NOOOWWWW

Aaaaaannnnddd he's small

Henry almost saying he's not from here but quickly changing it to i haven't been here for a long time

FOUR DAYS

Baby sized Henry. How tall is Henry?

HUUUUH babybear

PAEDANNNNNN THAAAAAT'SSSS RUUUDDEEE

"You can't be best friends with your kid, that's what Glenn learned" jesUz i chocked

Wow look at them genuinely having fun being alive

"Half pint sized self"

Oooo an army consisting of: The Omega Daddies, the dragon Radiolab, 10 beefy bounty hunters, David (can't spell his last name), and 10 bluuueeecoaatssss so far

Hell yeah trees

Ohhhhh we have to make them break concentration

Pfftt what allies

Wow 1-10 hours chance to do something, every 5 hours the OD army can improve from 1-12 ways, aaaannddd everything is depending on good choices

Awww Grant happy that he's alive

Baby boi Grant is really debating

Smol Henry voice uwu

JESUS F V CKING CHRIST GLENN

"Read the room...read the beach!"

"A d4 is that all?"

Nobody has said anything about smol Henry

She's been training for this moment

Grant is the epitome of gay panic rn

I love Sparrow

"Ooo..sh-t"

Sparrow is just slightly worried

TJ teaching Ron how to play love it

5'10 HENRY 2'11 HENRY

Laaaaaaarkkk CPS ahhhhhh

Glenn being the most reactive and it doesn't even affect him

"There's a good chance we're not gonna get outta here so GOOD luck with one" AAHHHHH DARRYL YOU CANT SAAAAY THAT

Grant freaking out

Asking Glenn immediately for help

Reverse arcs

"Still a kid we're not giving him money" "Even if we do win my son is probably not gonna forgive me"

"This is for fun" YOU DECIDED TO ADD BETS DARRYL

"You want your kid to forgive you?!" "I wanna earn it!"

We love instigating

Awwww good brothers

The Hotties carrying it but also Grant had the best roll of the kids

JESUS HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

MAAATTT GAAAAHHHH

Scottish mother for Ron

"We draw the line at child soldiers" "Paedan you don't count"

Rip Grant died from gay panic

I will never express how much I love Sparrow and I love Lark too but mmmhhhh

"Your grandfather is kinda a jerk" that has been established. He kept their unconscious bodies in a secret room.

Is Henry venting to his kids

Peace maker Sparrow right now love it but I am also enjoying deadpan violent Lark

"And Sparrow likewise" his kid is so gonna try and get violent

Do not ask this man if he's ok Terry, the answer is gonna be no

Awwww Terry Jr. and Ron relationship always mwah

"I knew that from the very first moment I saw you"

Terry Jr. giving an awkward laugh

The thing Ron said about his personality is really coming back to me

gasp AFFECTION TERRY GIVE AFFECTION I LOVE IT AHH CUTE THE CARE HE DOES

"Trust me you don't want me to lose my sh-t" He's gonna unleash the Doodler

Ooooo Oooo OOOOOO Laaaaarrk

Glenn's in everyone's convos

I mean this is a conversation

Ooooof oof oooff oof oof don't be cruel

"I'm gonna kill him" "He's twelve"

Beth is angy

Wow it's really bad Henry doesn't want his kombucha

"Hey Darryl as the two good dads" BDJDKDVEJSO YOU LOST UR KID AND HIS KID IS COMPLETELY TRAUMATIZED INTO A DIFFERENT PERSON

Ya know what I wanna see Glenn have a complete breakdown

Y-y-you don't you don't know what to talk about mmm hmm k

Ahahhaha Glenn book

The GROUP scream from hearing about a string of x's

Rip Erin's mushrooms

Gleeeennnn 50/50 on going back

PFFFT

beach episode

This episode just had like a biiit more emotional baggage than I was expecting

[we-want-mini-mini]

I have this short one shot in mind. It’s essentially abt the entire Batfam gathering up together (and its also the anniversary of Jason’s death but that’s kinda jus a background detail).

Anyways, everyone gathers round the dinning table, eating, laughing, etc etc. And when I mean everyone, I fucking mean all the Batkids, which include but are not limited to:

Dick

Jason

Tim

Damian

Stephanie

Cassandra

Duke

Barbara

Anyways, Alfred and Bruce are obvi there as well, eating, and talking and stuff.

Suddenly, some fucking kid bursts through the fucking window, does a mid-air flip, and lands smack dab in the middle of the dining table, on their hands, which is conveniently holding onto this package.

All hell breaks loose, as various Bats (and birds!) start throwing various items. Then this kid sends out this weird ass pulse, that makes everything freeze in place. Only this kid and move.

The kid slowly floats up, cross legged in the air, moving a batarang, and throwing knife away from their face. They announce, “Hello, the Wayne Family and Friends! Who are also... Gasp, the infamous Bat and Bird themed Vigilantes of Gotham?! Now, to quote John Mulany, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that” which is fine! ...Why are none of you responded—oh sorry! I froze you all in place, my bad.”

The kid snaps their fingers, allowing the Batfam & Co. talk but their still frozen in place. Immediately Damian starts antagonizing the Kid. The Kid responses by literally zipping close Damians mouth like a Looney Toon cartoon.

The Kid sighs but continues on, “C’mon now! Don’t shoot the messenger as they say, whoever they is that is. Anyways, I have a package for one: Jason Peter Todd!”

“Who the hell sent you?” Jason askes.

The Kid shrugs, “No clue, they sent it in anonymously. Though, from what I know, there is a card inside the package so that might offer you some clues.”

“And what exactly are you?” Bruce inquires.

The Kid’s lips stretch out as wide as they can go, their pearly white, jagged teeth on display. Their eyes glow slightly red, as their neck cranes forward at a tilt. Their neck seems to extend a lot further, and their face tilts at an inhuman angle. They open their mouth, with rows of teeth on display for everyone too see.

“Why don’t you find out?” Their once chriper, goofy, kid like voice contorts into a deep, distorted version. Everyone freezes, at the Kid simply stares back at Bruce before their fave goes back to “normal” as they laugh their collective ass off.

“Ahaha... You know, that trick never does fail to make me laugh and all of you freeze in fear—then again, your already frozen but still!”

The Kid continues, their face still stretched out in a smile. A smile a little to sharp and inhuman for them. “But, you should know that’s quite a rude thing to ask! Didn’t your parents teach you any manners?! Then again, they are dead.”

A beat of silence.

“What? Too morbid? Seriously, what a tough crowd! But hey, everyone has their sore spots, so I can’t blame ya. Anyways, I’m guessing all of you have questions. So, fire away!”

They snapped their fingers, making the literally zipper on Damians face disappear.

“Who are you?” Damian seethes.

“I’m Ty Kidd! But call me Kid. Oh and, my pronouns are she/they, thank you very much. I am also a delivery person for—” Kid pulls out a business card, which start to multiple and appear infront of everyone. “—the Multiversal Express Delivery Service, or MEDS for short!”

“And what exactly is MEDS?” Dick asks.

“It’s literally in the name.” Kid deadpans, before another inhuman like smile spreads across their face. “I travel from parallel world to parallel world! Fun fact: there’s a world where you guys are just fictional characters who’ve existed since the 1930s! Isn’t that cool?! One of the many reasons I love my job.”

“Yeah, yeah, fun stuff, but who sent you?”

Kid shrugs, “I dunno. Sender was anonymous. But no worries! At MEDS we ensure that none of our packages include any sort of life threatening object, material, and etc! So, no need to worry about releasing a plague that would decimate this world in a blink of an eye or a nuclear bomb that would wipe this continent out of the map! But, if you do want to send world ending plagues or bombs, you must submit a form and blah blah blah HR bullshit.”

“And... how do know right trust you?” Tim spoke up.

Kid’s face once again spilts in half into a smile, their jagged teeth slightly teasing her lips. Her eyes turned into black silts. “You don’t.” Their voice reasonated throughout everyone’s ears, deep and contorted to the octave.

She pulled back, face once again going “normal”. “But! You can trust MEDS! Trust me when I say, nothing like a bomb, plague or that sort of item is inside this package. Anyways, I’m on a schedule, so—“

They snapped their fingers, a small device and pen appearing infront of Jason. “—please sign, and I’ll be on my merry way. Don’t worry about the window, I’ll fix it!”

Jason was momentarily stunned wondering what the fuck is happening? Why is their probably a fucking eldritch-demon-person in front of me? What is my life?

Before Jason could even tell what was happening, he picked up the floating pen and signed his name on the little device thingy. When his name was signed, the pen and device poofed! away in a plume is smoke.

The Kid, still smiling that inhuman and unsettling smile, snapped their fingers, fixing the broken window, and putting away all the various knifes and objects that were still floating in the air.

“Thank you for your service! If you ever want to send anything to a parallel universe, just give us a call and we will send it! No matter how desolate the Earth, no matter how frankly strange item, we shall send it! Anyways, happy Death day Jason Todd. Kid Out!” They said with a salute, before disappearing in a plume of smoke.

All hell breaks loose and after some arguing and lowkey existential breakdowns everyone converges to the Cave.

Bruce being paranoia incarnate, makes the package go through numerous tests. All being negative. They can’t even identify what it is.

After some more arguing, Jason slips by everyone, and tears open the box. Everyone tries to stop him, but it’s already to late, he opened it.

Now, no one can see what’s inside since Jason is blocking them with his gigantic ass figure. Bruce is the first one to realize that Jason freezes up, and goes to him, worried that something happened.

“Jason, whats wro—“ Then Bruce sees what’s in the box and pales. Everyone sees how Bruce freezes, just looking at the box.

Soon, one by one, it revealed: its Jokers decapated head.

Or alternatively, Jason is the last one to see what’s inside (Damian or someone else being the first). Up to you.

Anyways, there’s this card. Jason picks it up, and it reads:

As the Persians say: an eye for an eye. But the world doesn’t go blind. Happy Dead Clown Day, Jason.

—[Insert an intial or some shit]

Cue some time later, and, yes, it’s confirmed, this is Jokers head. You see, Jokers been awfully quiet for two years, as he went missing after an explosion rocked Arkham Asylum. This, is proof that Joker is finally dead.

News breaks that Joker is dead, and it follows Jason reaction to his death.

In my opinion he’d be lowkey angry that it wasn’t him who killed the damn Clown. But, holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. He’s... He’s dead. He’s finally fucking dead.

Cue some more time later, after everything has cooled down. Jason is in Robinson Park, sitting at a bench, when another kid (who kinda looks like Kid but Jason is too busy inner monologuing to care).

The kid speaks up, “You know, before I use to hate the phrase, ‘an eye for an eye’ ‘cause, the world would go blind.”

Jason freezes, and the kid continues. “But, now I get it. An eye for an eye, but the world never goes blind. Simple as that, since, sure, your blind in one eye, but justice was finally served, right Jason?”

The kid turns to him, and smiles. Not a too large, too sharp, too inhuman smile, but a sincere, warm one. “Y-Yeah.” Jason finally manages to choke out.

“It’s a nice day out, you know. It’s real nice. I know, that, at least you get to see more of these nice days.”

“You day that as if you can’t see days like these anymore.” He blurts out.

The kid sighs, with a bitter smile on their face. “Yeah, I can’t see or experience days like these anymore. I haven’t been able too for three years. But hey, an eye for an eye, but the world never goes blind.” As the kid speaks, their voice fades away. In a blink of an eye, the kid disappears, leaving behind daffodil and a note.

The note is an invitation for a funeral.

Jason goes to the Manor, specifically the cave, and conveniently everyone is there. Damian, Stephanie and Cass are sparring. Dick is using the aerial equipment. Bruce and Tim are working on some cases with Barbara helping. Alfred is done, handing out snacks.

Jason immediately shoves the card to Tim, who’s confused and then sees how utterly shaken up and pale he looks.

“Tell me what happened to this kid.”

Everyone immediately turns to Tim, as he types in their name, date and etc.

What they find out, is that, this kid, who died three years ago, died in the last ever attack wide scale attack the Joker committed. They were the only casualty in said attack (surprisingly).

And they were only 13. Like Jason. And the date of the attack... is the same day Jason died all those years ago in Ethiopia.

“I saw them.”

“...what?” Dick said, in an incredulous voice.

“I saw them. At Robinson Park. They even said that exact same phrase in that fucking card: an eye for an eye—“

“—and the world never goes blind.” Everyone says the last part in unison.

Then the Bats get news that rest of Jokers body was sent to the GCPD, addressed to—

-END-

Basically, that’s how the one shot goes. If anyone wants to use the idea:

Jason gets a package while he’s at the Manor. They test said package and nothing comes up. Some start arguing and someone opens the package (which is more dramatic, Jason seeing it first or last?). They see: Jokers decapiated head. Chaos ensues and a metric shit load of testing later, it’s confirmed: thats Jokers head. And Jokers been missing for [insert amount of time]. The Batfam then deal with the fallout of Joker being (finally) dead.

If anyone writes this, please tag me! I want too see ANGST, and FLUFF, and GOOD DAD BRUCE, and, DRAMA, and ALL THE BAT KIDS.

(I can’t delete the fucking pic below me and I refuse to rewrite this entire post. Lowkey it’s kinda ironic too lmao).

[neerasrealm]

would it be too much to request a part 2 to cody x demi!reader where cody takes y/n to the mansion with the intention of just introducing them to ej, only for them to meet the whole family (including slender and jack who DEFINITELY don’t think of themselves as y/n’s new fathers and TOTALLY don’t have the wedding planned and y/n’s new room converted and CERTAINLY are not starting to work on a nursery in hopes of becoming grandfathers)

please ignore everything in the parentheses 😂

YES YES YOU MAY XFHSGFSAGHDF I HAD A BLAST WRITING THIS FHDGDSH SLENDERFAM JUST EMBARRASSING CODY WAS SO FUN. That’s probably why this story is 6.4k words long AGDSHFGS

enjoy

‘’Hey, y/n?’’

You look up from your laptop and half-typed essay at your boyfriend. His name is Cody! And he has the softest honey-brown hair and dazzlingly bright green eyes. He’s standing in your doorway, leaning out from behind your door, with his hand holding his phone up to his ear. You tilt your head at him. 

‘’I uh- I was wondering if you’d like to come hang out with a friend of mine later? Just the three of us.’’

A friend? Cody- Cody told you he didn’t have friends. Odd. Maybe he made one! You smile at the thought and nod. ‘’Sure!’’ 

Cody smiles wide and nods. ‘’Yeah, yeah we’ll come!’’ he chirps into the phone, sounding excited. He disappears from view, behind the door, and closes it. From just outside your room you can hear him excitedly chattering to someone. You smile to yourself.

This essay can wait.

-----

‘’So how long have you had this...friend?’’

Cody looks up at you. The two of you are walking through a park- specifically, the park where you asked him to be your boyfriend. He’s wearing his regular track jacket, and has his hood pulled up. 

‘’Oh uh- y’know...a couple months…’’ he murmurs, scratching at his neck. ‘’You’ll like him! He’s a chill dude- just uh-’’ he fidgets a bit. ‘’He has a uh- a skin condition! So he wears a mask...try not to mention it, okay? He’s kinda insecure about it.’’

You nod. Oh- poor guy. You decide not to pry any further after that. Cody having a friend is rare, and you don’t want to scare them off. The two of you walk into the forest bordering the park and you look around nervously. It isn’t dark, just evening. But that’s really only a small comfort. Cody takes your hand and squeezes it, like he can tell you’re scared. The two of you eventually arrive in a clearing, away from any and all trails. You frown. ‘’Where are we?’’

‘’This is the spot where he said he’d meet us.’’ Cody murmurs. He looks around. ‘’Weird- he’s not normally la-’’

‘’Hey Cody.’’ a deep voice growls behind you. You yelp and jump in surprise, stumbling away. Cody does the same.

‘’Dude!’’ he yelps. ‘’Stop doing that!’’

You turn and look at the person behind you. Your eyes widen. He’s incredibly tall and dressed casually in sneakers, grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. Your eyes go to the face. He’s wearing a mask, as you expected. It’s blue, and the face is smooth and flat. The eyes are pitch black, with black splotches trickling down the eyes like tears. Fluffy auburn hair hangs over his masked face. He’s- calm. Docile. Just standing there casually with his hands in his pockets. His head slowly turns from Cody to you. His gaze- though he has no visible eyes, bores straight through you, making a cold shiver run down your spine.

‘’Sorry.’’ he grunts. Cody looks at you and gestures to the tall, masked guy.

‘’y/n...this is Jack. Jack, this is y/n.’’

Jack stares at you for a moment, then steps forward. You back up in fear. He pulls his hand from his pocket and holds it out to you. You stare. His hand is big, with sharp black nails that remind you of claws, and ashy grey skin. Right- skin condition. Not wanting to be rude, you take his hand and shake it.

‘’Nice to meet you.’’ Jack’s voice is soft, friendly. ‘’Sorry for scaring ya. I tend to do that…’’ he sounds so sad and apologetic- all fear melts away and you smile gently at him.

‘’It’s okay.’’ you pull your hand away. ‘’It’s a pleasure to me-’’ you stop when Jack holds a clawed finger up. He looks around, sniffing the air. Cody suddenly looks worried.

‘’Something wrong dude?’’

Jack pauses for a moment, then looks at a bush. He lurches toward it, then reaches in. You stare in confusion until-

‘’Hey! HEY!’’

‘’AGH- EJ GET OFF-!’’

Jack lifts two...young...boys...out of the bush. One of them is dressed in a white hoodie and ripped black jeans with converse sneakers. His messy black hair is tied back in a loose ponytail. The other is blonde, with tanned, faded skin and...pointed ears. He’s wearing a green sweater and blue jeans with brown boots. The two boys struggle in Jack’s grip until he steps back and drops them down on the ground. Cody stares in horror as this whole thing happens. 

‘’Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me-’’ you hear him whisper. You look from him to the two boys. The black haired boy grunts unhappily and rubs at his head. Looking at him more, you realise his skin is deathly pale. A white, barely pink colour, and his face has two jagged scars curling up from each corner of his mouth in a morbid smile. He looks up and blinks at you.

‘’Who’s the lab rat?’’

‘’They’re not a lab rat!’’ Cody spits.

‘’Food?’’ The blonde boy asks. His bright blue eyes look from you to Jack, who shakes his head.

‘’How’d you two sneak after me?’’ He asks, crouching down. ‘’How didn’t I smell ya?’’

‘’I took a shower.’’ the black haired boy says smugly.

‘’I stopped showering.’’ the blonde says, sounding proud.

‘’That explains it.’’ Jack stands up. You look at Cody and- oh. Oh god.

He looks angry. The angriest you’ve ever seen him. Angrier than that time a guy told you ‘demisexual isn’t a valid identity’. When that happened, Cody broke the guy’s nose and beat him into unconsciousness. You had to literally drag him away before he killed the poor guy! You look at the two kids in worry.

‘’What the FUCK,’’ His voice starts off soft and angry, only to turn into a furious bark. ‘’IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!’’ The four of you all flinch. Cody glares daggers at his friends. 

‘’Cody calm down-!’’ The blonde yelps.

‘’OH FUCK OFF BEN!’’ He marches forward, but Jack quickly gets in front of him and grips him by the shoulders. Cody glares up at the gentle giant, who very softly pets his head.

‘’Ssshhhh…’’ He shushes. ‘’Go to your happy place, X.’’

Cody’s glare hardens. He inhales sharply, closes his eyes and then- flops...against Jack’s chest. Jack rubs circles into his back. That’s- that’s exactly what you do with him when he's angry- there’s no way Jack has only known him for a few months. 

‘’...Babes...?’’ you very gently and very carefully ask. Cody shifts, looking at you. ‘’Uh- so...who’re these guys…?’’

Cody stands back up and sighs. He gestures to the two terrified looking boys. ‘’y/n...these are Jeff and Ben...my-’’ he hesitates. ‘’My brothers.’’

‘’Brothers?’’ you look at the two boys. They’re on the ground, holding each other. They blink at you.

‘’Babes?’’ The black haired boy asks. He looks at Cody, then at you. His mouth opens. ‘’Wait!’’ he jumps to his feet and runs at you. You stumble back as he invades all of your personal space. Up close, you can see he has a green eye and a brown eye, and that his skin is...burnt. ‘’You’re y/n?!’’

‘’I literally just called them that.’’ Cody mutters. ‘’That’s Jeff. He’s dumb. Be patient with him.’’

Jeff steps back away from you. He looks you over for a few seconds. ‘’I like ‘em,’’ he says, glancing at Cody. He looks back at you. ‘’Your taste in guys sucks though. I mean- Cody? Really?’’

‘’Jeff I am going to kill you.’’

You laugh, half out of anxiety and half out of actual amusement. This is weird. So weird. Very weird. ‘’You- never mentioned brothers…’’ you murmur. Cody glances at you, then the others.

‘’Uh- give- give us a second.’’ he mutters before walking toward you and pulling you into the bushes and behind a tree. You stare at him, surprised. 

‘’What’s going on?’’

‘’I’ve...been lying to you.’’

‘’Again?’’ you stare up at him, confused. He winces.

‘’Yes...again- but it’s for a good reason this time!’’ he takes a deep breath. ‘’I...I wasn’t homeless. I actually live- or- lived, here in the woods. With Jeff, Jack and Ben.’’ he tilts his head at you to make sure you’re following. You nod for him to continue. ‘’We all lived together with...our dad. He- adopted us all. A lot of us- our dad he um-’’ he fiddles nervously with his hands. ‘’He’s...not human.’’

‘’E-’’ your eyes widen. ‘’Excuse me what?’’ not human. Not Human. NOT HUMAN?!

‘’He’s um-’’ Cody smiles sheepishly at you. ‘’He’s an eldritch monster with no face who likes to bake muffins and read sci-fi novels?’’ Your mind blanks. Literally. You’ve been reduced to a windows error screen but in human form. Cody tilts his head at you and smiles wider. ‘’...sweetheart…?’’

‘’What the fuck…’’ you whisper softly. ‘’How- how did you- why did you let him adopt you?’’

‘’He’s a good dad!’’ Cody says quickly. ‘’Listen- I know it’s a lot but…’’ he takes your hands in his. His hands feel soft, they’re good hands, hands that have carried out genius experiments and held you gently late at night. ‘’A lot of us in the house...we look up to him. He gave us a home, a new life. A lot of us...we didn’t have good lives, but Slender tried to fix that for us.’’ he smiles gently. ‘’Jeff came from a home where he wasn’t loved. Ben- Ben is a ghost...he drowned when he was twelve. Jack was a human, but now he’s a demon. We’ve all gravitated to each other. It isn’t the most functional home, but it’s the closest thing we have to one. Nobody judges anybody, and everybody treats us like we matter. Like we’re loved.’’ his hands squeeze yours. ‘’I know it’s a lot...and it’s scary...but they’re my family, just like you are.’’

You gulp. It’s silent for a few moments. ‘’...Nobody will hurt me?’’

‘’I won’t let them.’’

‘’...then I wanna meet him.’’

‘’Huh?’’ Cody looks confused.

‘’Your dad. And everyone else.’’ you smile at him. It’s your turn to squeeze his hands. 

‘’Like- right- right now?’’ he asks. You nod. Cody looks from you, to the clearing where the others are still waiting. ‘’...well- I- I guess.’’

He pulls you back to the clearing and looks at his three...siblings. 

‘’Good news everyone! y/n wants to meet dad!’’

‘’Really?’’ Jack turns to look at you.

‘’Are they crazy or somethin’?’’ Jeff asks.

‘’Ohh this is gonna be fun…’’ Ben murmurs with a smile.

Cody glares at them. He sighs. ‘’I told them everything. They wanna meet dad so they’re gonna meet dad.’’

‘’Dude! You gave my deep-seated traumas to another person without my asking?’’ Jeff exclaims. ‘’Rude!’’

Cody rolls his eyes and begins walking deeper into the forest. ‘’You’ll have plenty of time to drop your emotional baggage on us later!’’ he calls back. 

-----

‘’So I had Silver lock me in the closet and I had to speedrun the game without even looking at the screen!’’ Ben exclaims. His bright blue eyes are full of excitement as he tells you about his various speedrunning misadventures. He’s been talking you ear off for the better part of fifteen minutes while the five of you trek through the woods. He’s a sweet kid, honestly, and you’d feel bad cutting him off. You honestly never expected a ghost to be so...lively.

‘’Hold up!’’ you all suddenly stop as Jeff holds his hand out, blocking you from walking any further. He turns and grins at you. ‘’Watch this.’’ he steps backwards, holding a finger up in the air. ‘’Now ya see me-!’’ he steps backwards and suddenly disappears from view. You stare in shock.

‘’...and now ya don’t.’’ Ben finishes for him. Cody rolls his eyes. 

‘’H-how-’’ your brain scrambles to find an explanation for Jeff just- disappearing. A trick of the light? Mirrors? Maybe a projector hidden in the trees? Jeff’s head appears again, his upper body just- floats there. He grins even wider.

‘’Cool huh?’’

‘’How are- how are you-’’ you squint. Ben laughs next to you and steps forward. He disappears just as Jeff did. The white-skinned boy winks at you and disappears once more. You look at Cody for an explanation. Jack nudges you and you turn to him. He points a clawed finger at the ground. Your gaze follows his finger and you look at the ground. There’s...mushrooms. You arch your brow, confused.

‘’You know what that is?’’ EJ asks, leaning down slightly to look at you properly. You shake your head. ‘’It’s a fae circle. Also known as the entrance to the realm of the fae.’’ he looks at you.

‘’Like...fairies…?’’

EJ nods. ‘’This one’s special though. Dad set it up to keep the house hidden. You can only enter if you’re a fae, or you have the family marking. Of course you’re human, and don’t have the marking, so Cody’ll just pull you through.’’ you can hear him smiling in his voice as he explains. He stands up and steps toward the line of mushrooms. As he steps over it, he disappears from your sight. His hand appears again, and gestures for the two of you to follow. Cody takes your hand in his. He looks at you.

"Ready?"

You nod at him. "Ready."

Cody steps backwards toward the mushrooms. He holds both your hands, keeping his eyes on you. He disappears beneath the veil as he crosses, becoming nothing but some disembodied arms. You step over the mushrooms and-

"Oh my god-!" 

Everything just- appears. Suddenly you're standing in a sunny clearing bordered by bushes and tall trees, and standing in the centre is a gigantic house. Practically a mansion. It looks old, but welcoming. The front yard is decorated with various bushes, a flower patch, a set of monkey bars, and a tall fruit tree with a tire swing hanging off one of the branches. I say fruit tree, because just by looking you can see it's growing apples, cherries, avocados, oranges and bananas. Bananas- can't even grow in this climate what-

"Cool huh?" Cody murmurs next to you with a small smile. You grin. 

"Yeah…" you murmur. Cody squeezes your hand and walks toward the mansion. "You should've told me you lived in such a fancy pla-" you're interrupted by the loud barking of a dog. You look over to your left and see the biggest dog you've ever seen in your life, poking its head around the corner of the house. It has deep red fur, with some spots of orange and...hair. It has a long mane of messy black hair running from the top of its head and down its back. 

"Smile! C'mere boy!" You hear Jeff call. You look over your shoulder and watch the massive dog bound over to the short boy. The dog leaps at him, knocking him to the ground and licking him while its tail wags happily. 

"What...what is that…?" You ask, pointing at the dog.

"That's Smile." Cody says. "Jeff's pet hell-hound. He's a good boy, don't worry."

You nod. Smile barks again and turns to you. He grins wide and suddenly bounds toward you. You yelp and stumble back in fear.

"Down!" Cody barks (pun fully intended) at the dog. Smile skids to a halt. "Sit." He says firmly. Smile sits down obediently, his grin dropping. Now you know why they call the dog 'smile'. Cody grabs your wrist and gently guides it toward Smile. The massive dog sniffs your palm ever so gently. Cody lets go of your wrist and you reach up toward Smile, who lowers his head to let you pet him. You grin. 

"Well hey there," you coo. "Aren't you a cutie?" 

Smile lets out a happy yap and steps forward, butting his massive head against your body. You laugh and hug his head, scratching his neck just below where his spiked collar is. 

"Cody!! Ye're home!" You hear a young, peppy voice call. You look over just in time to see Cody grin and crouch down to hug the young girl running towards him. Her hair is short and blonde, and she's wearing a black and white striped shirt, along with grey overalls, ankle boots and a pirate hat. Cody stands up, lifting the girl in his arms. She pulls away and grins at him. Getting a better look at her, you see that she has reddish brown skin that seemingly glints in the light. Her hair isn't blonde, in fact, it fades to red towards the ends, like fire. Her eyes are a bright eye-catching gold. On the sides of her head are two small, red horns that curve inwards. "Ya didn't tell us ye'd be visitin'!" 

Cody laughs a bit. "Well I wasn't really planning it." he murmurs, casting a look at Jeff and Ben as they walk up to join you. Cody sets down the girl and looks at you. ‘’Slendra, I want you to meet someone,’’ he gestures to you. The girl, Slendra, looks up at you with big golden eyes. She looks surprised. ‘’This is y/n.’’

She gasps. ‘’The y/n?!’’ her eyes widen and she grins. She hops over to you excitedly and curtsies. ‘’It’s great ta meet ya! Cody told us aaaallll about you!’’ 

You laugh a bit and crouch down to her. ‘’He did, did he?’’ you give her a sly smile, glancing up at Cody. His cheeks flush red and he glares at you. Slendra giggles.

‘’Yep.’’ she rocks on her heels as she speaks. ‘’Once when he was crushing on you he told us that he wanted to-’’

‘’Avast ye landlubbers!’’ Slendra is interrupted by another young voice. You look up and see a young girl in a pirate costume with a pink skirt. Her hair is brown and frizzy, and her green eyes glare at you and the others with a playful scowl. She...floats, toward you all, her eyes locked on you as you stand up. She stops and points her toy cutlass at you. ‘’Who be this scallywag?’’

‘’Sally, this i-’’

‘’y/n, fearsome pirate of the seven seas!’’ you interrupt with a grin. Cody looks at you in surprise. The girl, Sally, gasps.

‘’The dreaded pirate captain y/n?! Stealer of brother’s hearts?!’’ she cries. You laugh and nod.

‘’The very same.’’

Sally lowers her cutlass and smiles, pleased with you for playing along so easily. She walks toward you and holds out her hand. ‘’Sally Dawn, pirate queen of four of the seven seas.’’ 

You take her hand and shake it. ‘’y/n, stealer of older brothers,’’ you smirk and lean into her. ‘’Sorry for stealing Cody away, but his booty was too good to pass up.’’ you quietly add with a wink. Sally laughs loudly and lets go of your hand. EJ laughs quietly behind you and opens the front door. 

‘’You gonna invite your date inside, Cody?’’ he asks. Cody rolls his eyes. 

‘’Course I am.’’ he mutters. It goes silent, with everyone just...staring at Cody. ‘’What?’’

‘’I’m waiting for you and y/n to go in.’’ EJ shrugs.

‘’Why do we have to go in first?’’ Cody replies defensively. You frown.

‘’You scared of somethin’, X?’’ Jeff asks with a smirk.

‘’Like...dad seeing y/n and freaking out?’’ Ben adds with an even wider, cheesier smirk.

"N-No…" Cody mutters. "I just- y'know-" he fidgets, trying to come up with an excuse. You smirk a bit, stand up, and stride right past Cody and into the mansion. 

Inside is massive. The walls are a pleasant blue, and when you step out of the small entrance area, you're greeted by a massive living room. There's two black, leather couches, a few single armchairs and some bean bags, all facing a massive TV. The walls are decorated with photos, and in a few of them you can see Cody, EJ and the others, along with people you haven't even met yet. 

"Hey guys." Someone greets you as the others come inside to join you. Laying on the couch, holding the TV remote aloft, is a young man. His hair is a light brown colour, and swoops over one of his eyes. He wears glasses, a grey jacket, blue jeans, and a black shirt with the logo of some band you've never heard of before. He sits up a bit, cocking a brow curiously. "who's this?"

"Cody's partner." Sally chimes in as she floats into the mansion. She's hovering, and slightly transparent. Oh. She’s a ghost. Well okay then.

The guy on the couch smirks and stands up. He's taller than you expected him to be. He walks across the room and extends his hand. "Liu Woods. Nice to meet you."

You smile and take his hand, shaking it. "y/n." You say. 

He tilts his head, looking at Cody. "You didn't tell us you'd be bringing them over."

"I wasn't planning on it but your brother decided to stalk EJ and ruin my plans." He gestures to Jeff, who holds his hands up defensively. 

"Hey don't look at me! I was just taking Smile for a walk and he picked up Cody's scent!" Jeff replies defensively, gesturing at his pet hellhound. Smile looks almost offended at the accusation. Liu laughs a bit. 

"Sure bro, I believe you." He murmurs, turning and walking toward the couch again. "So is y/n gonna meet dad?"

"Yup…"

Liu chuckles. "That's gonna be fun."

"Why is it such a big deal…?" You ask. Everyone is hyping up 'dad' so much it's- kind of unnerving. Ben leans out from behind Smile and gives you a devious grin.

"He's gonna flip his shiiiiit." He says softly. Cody huffs and strides past you. 

"It's no big deal! I'm gonna go tell dad I'm here, then casually mention y/n and just- introduce them! No big deal!" He turns and looks at you. "Just- wait here, ok? I'll sort eeeeverything ou-"

As if on cue, the door behind Cody swings open. Out of it leans a gigantic, horrifying creature. It's incredibly thin and tall, with white skin. It has no face at all, just a smooth white head. It's dressed in a proper black suit, and over it...a frilly pink apron. 

"Kids, dinner is ready."

Oh. So this is dad. 

Cody whirls around immediately. "D-dad!" He exclaims. The creature looks surprised. 

"Cody!" The creature steps out from the kitchen and walks over to Cody, yanking him into a tight hug. "Oh, it's so lovely to see you! You didn't tell us you'd be coming over! I would have gone out and bought some fresh fish for your dinner." The creature's voice is deep and elegant, but speaks exactly like a doting mother. Cody squirms in the hug and eventually gets released from it.

"Haha, yeahhh...sorry about that uh- well you see I uh-" he fidgets, the creature staring at him with nonexistent eyes. "I brought someone with me."

The creature's head snaps up and stares right at you. You gulp. "N-Now I know what you're thinking!" Cody exclaims. "I should've warned you before bringing in someone new, you guys should've put on disguises and stuff but- well it's a funny story really I was just gonna show em EJ but then Jeff and Ben were in a bush and-" the creature's head lowers, looking down at Cody. He looks over his shoulder at you, gesturing for you to come closer.

You cross the room and stand beside Cody. He takes your hand in one of his, and grips your shoulder with the other. "This...is y/n. The person I'm dating." you both stare up at him in anticipation. Cody looks worried. ‘’Dad…?’’ 

‘’Cody…’’ The creature’s voice is soft, and almost threatening in tone. ‘’You are...the stupidest person I have ever met!’’ 

‘’Ow!’’ The creature lightly smacks the top of Cody’s head. He rubs at the spot and glares up at his father. ‘’I told you, it wasn’t planned, it just happened! Calm down!’’

‘’Honestly Cody! I would have cleaned! I would have put on a good tie, made everyone dress up and put disguises on! You don’t want us scaring them!’’ the creature gestures to you, then around the general room. ‘’This place is a mess! What kind of first impression am I supposed to make in this pigsty?!’’

Cody mutters something to himself and looks at you. You gulp and look at the creature, its hand on its hips, glaring down at Cody. You force a smile and bow a bit. ‘’It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.’’ you say gently. It stops and looks down at you, seemingly surprised. 

‘’Oh dear- I’m so sorry, where are my manners?’’ the creature holds out a large, white hand. You notice a small, silver ring on its ring finger. Without hesitation, you take the hand and shake it. ‘’I’m Slender, Cody’s father. I’m so sorry you had to see this place in such a state.’’ 

‘’I think it’s lovely,’’ you say with a soft smile. ‘’And I think your tie is very nice.’’

Slender withdraws his hand and seems to smile despite his lack of features. ‘’Oh, so polite…’’ he murmurs, sounding like he’s fond of you already. ‘’It’s a pleasure to meet you. Cody told us all about you.’’ he laughs gently. ‘’You’re even prettier than how he described you!’’

You smile nervously and laugh a bit. ‘’Oh- well thank you, sir.’’

He shakes his head. ‘’Please, just call me Slender, dear. No need for formalities. You’re family.’’ Slender clasps his hands together and tilts his head at you. ‘’You two must be staying for dinner, yes?’’

‘’Uh- actually we ate befo-’’ Cody tries to cut in, but Slender has already taken your wrist in his hand. 

‘’Great! You like beef, I assume?’’ he asks. You force a polite smile and nod. Slender pushes open the kitchen door and pulls you inside. ‘’Jack, we have a guest!’’

The second you step into the kitchen, your eyes go to the one person sitting at the kitchen table. They’re wearing a grey crop top, bandages around their hands and torso and feathered shoulder pads. Their sleeves, socks and cone shaped nose are all striped black and white. They turn and look at you.

‘’Eh?’’ the...clown? You assume they’re a clown- squints. 

‘’Jack, dear, this is y/n! Cody’s partner!’’ Slender gestures to you enthusiastically.

‘’It’s a pleasu-’’ before you have a chance to properly greet the strange clown man, he climbs off his chair and quickly walks over to you. Jack leans down, sticking his face right into yours. You stumble back, only to be caught by Cody as he’s entering the room. You force a polite smile. ‘’H-Hi?’’ 

"...so ye're Cody's da'e, eh?"

You nod. "Yes sir." 

"...ye scared 'f clowns, kiddo?"

"Only ones with cockney accents." You say. Jack's stern expression softens and turns into a grin. He stands back up and laughs loudly. 

"I like this one!" He cries. Slender laughs gently above you. Jack grabs your wrist, much like Slender did, and yanks you. "C'mon, take a sea'. Yous're stayin' fer dinner, ain'tcha?" 

You can't understand half the things Jack is saying because of his unbelievably thick accent, but you just smile and nod as you take a seat. Cody sits down next to you. You reach over and give his hand a reassuring squeeze while the others sit down. The kitchen table is huge- how many people live here?

"So yous two're livin' t'gether?" Jack asks. You nod.

"Yeah, on campus. I'm studying chemical engineering."

"So you're both scientists," you hear Slender say. You look over your shoulder and see him tending to a large metal pot by the stove. Behind him, more of the black tendrils you saw earlier are pouring dog food into a large bowl for Smile. "That's wonderful."

"And ye're smar'. Tha's real good." Jack adds, looking at you like he's examining you. Cody rolls his eyes.

"Ignore them, they're old fashioned and still think I need their permission to date." He mutters. Jack laughs. 

"Well we like y/n, so yous don' 'ave ta worry abou' bein' broken apar'." He winks at you and grins. Cody sighs. 

"Hey Slender," Liu speaks up. "Where's Tim? He'll wanna see Cody I'm sure," you notice he, Jeff and Ben all have sly smiles on their faces. "And meet y/n."

You glance at Cody. He looks pale, panicky. You frown. "Oh, he went out to get his prescriptions and some other things. I'm sure he'll be home soon." Slender replies like nothing is wrong. Cody looks like he really, really doesn't want to be here. 

"Who's Tim?" You ask quietly. Cody gulps.

"He's-" he's interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing. His head snaps to the kitchen door. He looks utterly horrified. 

You wait in silent anticipation for whoever it is. Your mind is racing. Tim must be terrifying if Cody is scared of him. You're picturing someone large, muscular, with eyes that can bore straight through you. Someone who would crush a man's skull without hesitation. Someone who-

"Hey guys." The kitchen door opens and in walks a short, stocky man with black hair, sideburns and stubble. He's wearing an old flannel shirt, and holding a paper bag in one hand. He walks past the table, not really giving anybody a second glance.

"Hi Tim." The other kids chorus. 

Oh. This is Tim. He doesn't look bad- he seems quite friendly. You watch him set the bag down on the kitchen island and rummage through it.

"Slender, I got a couple of the things you mentioned we needed," he says. "And also a box of donuts, for later." He turns and smiles at the table. His eyes finally fall on you and he blinks, then smiles a small bit. "Oh hey. Who's the newbie?" He glances at Jack for explanation. The clown grins. Before he can answer though, Cody shoots up out of his seat and whirls around.

"H-Heeeey Tim." He sounds like he's trying so hard to be cheerful, and it isn't working at all. Tim gives Cody a surprised smile.

"Hey kid," He tilts his head and walks toward Cody. "I didn't know you were comin' over."

"Heheh- yeah it wasn't uh- wasn't planned-" Cody fidgets nervously. Tim glances at you again. He can probably tell you and Cody are connected. ‘’How have you been? It’s been a while eheh-’’

‘’Good…’’ Tim folds his arms, tilting his head. ‘’Who’s your friend?’’ he nods at you

Cody gulps and glances at you before looking at Tim again. ‘’This is...y/n. My uh- partner.’’

Tim’s eyes widen almost comically. His head snaps to you and he stares. You gulp. Oh. Oh. Tim suddenly doesn’t look friendly anymore, he looks like he could crush a man’s skull without hesitation.

‘’...oh.’’

‘’Is that okay?’’

Tim shrugs. ‘’Yeah, yeah, perfectly fine. Of course that’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be fine?’’ his tone of voice tells you nothing is fine. Slender laughs gently like none of this is awkward or weird. 

‘’Calm down Tim. y/n is very nice! They’re smart, they’re funny, they-’’

‘’They made Cody move in with them without even talking to us first.’’ Tim cuts in. Cody whines.

‘’It wasn’t like I had a choice! They didn’t even know about you all until less than an hour ago!’’

‘’Oh, thanks Cody, good to know you care about me.’’

‘’Oh my gooood-!’’ Cody slams his face into his hands. ‘’This is why I only wanted y/n to meet EJ…’’

Before Tim can give another angry retort, Slender puts a hand on his shoulder. ‘’Tim, why don’t you sit down?’’ he says gently. Tim glares at him like he killed his loved ones before sitting down. Cody sits between you two, keeping you safe from Tim’s wrath. Slender puts a large plate in front of you. It’s loaded with mashed potatoes, corn, carrots and meat of some kind. You grab your fork and cut the meat off the small bone it’s attached to. It looks to be ribs of some kind. You cut the meat in half, and take a bite.

The taste is unlike anything you’ve ever had before. It’s definitely beef, but the flavor is almost overwhelming. It melts in your mouth and covers your lips in a glaze of grease and leftover sauce. The sauce is tangy and rich, and very faintly you can taste wine. ‘’Mmmm-!’’

Your involuntary hum of delight is followed by laughter from around the table. Except for Tim, who rolls his eyes and mutters something about table manners. Slender laughs and pats your head. ‘’Eat as much as you’d like, pet. There’s plenty to go around.’’

You smile a bit and keep eating. Even if you had food before coming here, you’re definitely not letting any of this go to waste. It goes silent as you all eat. Even Tim has calmed down. Just as you’re finishing off the deliciously sweet carrots, Slender speaks up again. ‘’So y/n, how much longer will you be in college?’’

‘’Oh uh-’’ you shrug. ‘’I have finals in a couple months, then I’ll only have my final year left.’’ you smile at him. He nods.

‘’I see...a year should be long enough.’’

‘’Long enough for what…?’’ you frown and tilt your head.

‘’To put your room together of course!’’ Slender chirps. Cody starts choking on corn next to you. ‘’After college you’ll probably be moving out of your dorm, and we have plenty of room here. You are family after all.’’

‘’D-dad-!’’ Cody speaks up next to you. ‘’Me and y/n haven’t even talked about that- wh-what if they wanna live outside with like- y’know- normal people?’’

‘’We are normal people, Cody.’’ Slender retorts. 

‘’G-guys-’’ you cut in before a fight can begin at the dinner table. You smile at Slender. ‘’I’m flattered at the offer- that’s very kind of you. We’ll think it over,’’ you glance at Cody. ‘’Right babe?’’

‘’Don’t call him that.’’ Tim cuts in. Cody rolls his eyes, but gives you a nod. 

‘’Sure.’’

‘’So ‘ow long exac’ly ‘ave you’s been’ da’in’?’’ Jack asks.

‘’Oh uh- a couple months. We’ve known each other a while,’’ you smile. ‘’It’s a funny story really, the first time I met him was in the campus library. We reached for the same book at the same time.’’ you glance at Cody and smirk. 

‘’Tha’s real cheesy.’’ Jack murmurs.

‘’But it’s sweet,’’ Slender adds. ‘’Makes me remember the first time we met…’’ his face flushes a grey colour. Jack laughs gently and squeezes his hand. Cody rolls his eyes. 

‘’Speakin’ of me an’ Slen,’’ the clown looks at you. ‘’When’s th’ weddin’?’’

‘’DAD-!’’ Cody yelps.

‘’There isn’t gonna be one if I have anything to say about it.’’ Tim mutters. You gulp. Oh. The faceless monster wants you to marry his son. You fidget nervously and look to Cody for help.

‘’We haven’t- we haven’t even thought about that yet!’’ he yelps, sounding as embarrassed as you feel. ‘’I mean- what’s next, you’re gonna ask me for grandkids?!’’

‘’We were planning that yes.’’ Slender doesn’t even sound like he’s joking. ‘’We can convert one of the spare rooms into a nursery! We might have to move someone to a different floor though…’’ 

Tim glares at you from behind Cody. ‘’Touch him and you die.’’ 

‘’I know this lovely place by Lake Charles where we could hold the wedding. Me and Jack got married there back in ‘98, you remember that don’t you dear?’’ he glances at Jack.

‘’I remember th’ dress…’’ Jack smiles fondly. You’re- not even going to question that. Cody sighs. 

‘’We’ll think about it…’’ he mutters. Clearly, he’s given up. ‘’But no grandkids! Not yet!’’ 

"Fine. But I'm still putting the baby name books in your room. They're taking up too much space in my office anyway."

Cody rolls his eyes and sits back in his seat with a huff. He reaches over and grabs your wrist. "May we be excused?"

"You're done eating?" Slender glances at both your plates.

"We'll take the leftovers home." Cody responds quickly. Slender sighs and nods.

"You may."

Cody pulls you up out of your seat and towards the backdoor. The two of you step out into the backyard. It's starting to get dark now, and a chilly breeze blows past you both. Cody sighs gently and leans against the wall, rubbing at his face tiredly.

"You okay?" You ask gently. He nods.

"Yeah just-" he purses his lips, frustrated. "I'm sorry my family's so...weird. I really wanted you to like them and have a good first impression of everybody."

You tilt your head. "I do like them."

He looks up at you. "...you do?" He frowns. "They're not- y'know- weird? You aren't freaking out?" 

"Oh no they're super weird and I'm definitely freaking out I mean- you have three dads and one of them is a clown, not to mention Tim is fucking terrifying but-" you pause and smile at him. "They're really nice people...and they love you, just as much as I do." You move closer to him. "Plus...they already consider me family so- I don't think I have a choice but to like them."

Cody stares at you for a moment, then cracks a smile. He laughs gently, relieved. "...thank fuck." He murmurs with a smile. He holds out an arm. "C'mere."

You move over to him and rest against him, letting him hug you. You snuggle up against his chest. He feels warm, and safe. His lips brush against the top of your head. "I love you." He murmurs. "I'm...glad you like them."

It's quiet then. Just the two of you enjoying the warmth of the moment. 

"Ey, luv birds." Aaand it's been interrupted. You look up and over at LJ, leaning out the backdoor. "Slen wants ta know if yous're stayin' th' nigh'." He gives you both a sly smile. Cody exhales softly and looks down at you, cocking a brow to ask what you wanna do. You smile up at him.

"Sure pops. I guess we could stay."

[arce-elliot]

Magnus Archives - First Impressions (151-175)

We’re almost there, gang. Out of the Lonely and into the Eyepocalypse we go! Blah blah I had 75% of the series spoiled and am jotting down my thoughts, you know the drill.

EP 151 (Big Picture): - OH SIMON??? - okay okay Simon's kinda funny, you go you funky little sky grandpa - Martin Tell Her The TRUTH EP 152 (A Gravedigger's Envy): - oooh another ancient one - hey that's terrifying wtf - can someone please comfort jonny boy good lord EP 153 (Love Bombing): - Idk why the cult ones freak me out, maybe because cults are real? - oh god what's gonna happen to that dog - I literally just made my dinner with white wine vinegar that's a little old are you sHITTING ME - GIRL GET OUT OF THERE WHILE YOU HAVE A CHANCE YOU KNOW SOMETHING'S OFF - AYYY THE HUNTIN' GANG - tbh it was weird that they helped him even though they knew he wasn't human actually - DAISY!!!!! - Jon can you chill w/ the sass if you're not gonna help - Okay I'm gay but Daisy Growl Hot - Two dying monsters trying to reconcile their humanity, this is sad I hate it here EP 154 (Bloody Mary): - oh god it's This Episode I've been dreading it poor Eric - g o d Gertrude sounds so upset - I would die for Eric - "Eric I'm gonna count to ten and you're gonna tELL ME HOW YOU QUIT" - I'm already crying good god - "he needed me" o w - MARTIN GOT TO SAY FUCK!!!!! - O U C H - i am so upset FUCK this podcast - the catalogue of the dead is just the Delano-Keay family album EP 155 (Cost of Living): - CALL HER OUT JON - Tova, to this doctor's heart: it's free real estate - A FUCKING C H I L D?????? - ah yes, some more DIY surgery, who needs doctors when you have knives? EP 156 (Reflection): - ayyyy adelard how are ya - oh fun flesh time - oh? extinction? - also that was gross what the fuck - M A R T I N EP 157 (Rotten Core): - go save Martin before I cry - ADELARD!!! - ah no, I'm gonna miss this dude he was kinda cool - this hits different in corona times - okay this is actually pretty gross wtf - Martin's lonely because he chose to be, Jon is lonely because everyone hates him, poetic cinema EP 158 (Panopticon): - Ah Shit Here We Fucking Go - OH WHAT THE FUCK NOT!SASHA???? - AYYYYY THERE'S JONAH MAGNUS WELCOME HOME RAT BASTARD - uh oh bye bye Gertrude Time - mom and dad are fighting to be Martin's favorite parent lmao - no not the promise :C - Martin is the brain cell, he really just played both these men like kazoos - gdi Peter give me my boy back EP 159 (The Last): - hi I am Sad - Marto blease just go with the tired eyeball man - "i see you" MY B O Y S EP 160 (The Eye Opens) - oh lord here we go - at least we get some Jonmartin conversation - Monologue Time! - Jon: can I just say, from the bottom of my heart...my bad EP 161 (Dwelling): - welcome to the apocalypse bitches - FINALLY i've been waiting for these tapes for my entire life - TIMMMMMM! SASHAAAAA! - Elias being a normal person is unsettling - ALL THE EYE JOKES gdi I refuse to simp for eyeball man - THE JARRING "ARCHIVIST" I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD - "If I wish for all of you to go away do you think it'll work?" well it worked on Tim and Sasha - Elias: I'm a cool boss, I can drink wine - the image of Jon just huddled on the couch with a bag of tapes and listening to them over and over is so sad - sorry Gertrude no Sasha, just a sad little man - thank u for the powerpoint Gertrude - JON DON'T SNAP - i love them so much your honor EP 162 (Cosy Cabin): - GERRY GERRY GERRY - okay Gertrude and Gerry are adorable I love goth boy and his badass grandma - Gerry, ever the pragmatist: but what about TAXES gertrude - Tim and Sasha interacting is the sweetest thing ;_; - oh this is AFTER the hookup lmao - OH WAIT Sasha canonically knew about Danny??? I didn't know that oof - Oh Jon's getting a phone call I suppose - Jon's trying so hard to be dramatic and Martin's like "okay bitch grab ur backpack and lets go" EP 163 (In The Trenches): - "Tell everybooooody I'm ooon my waaay, new frieeends and new plaaaaces to seeeee" - YESSS LET MARTIN CURSE OVER THE GUNSHOTS AND BAGPIPES - "Martin can you stand over there and cover your ears while I cast Eldritch Ramble" EP 164 (The Sick Village): - another one that hits different in corona times - I hate the word soupy - what in the midsommar - if you can't find your own statements, DIY your own - Martin: fuck u Jon, Helen's my friend now - Martin: can I get an Uber, can I PLEASE get an Uber EP 165 (Revolutions): - this is my friend's favorite episode so I'm excited - oh circus music gross - THE RHYMINGGGGG OH I LOVE THIS - my arms are sore from happy stimming at this audio oh my god - SHUT UP JON IT WAS A GOOD POEM - GET HER ASS JON - is that our first "Ceaseless Watcher"?? I think it was! - Jon: Level Up! - Martin: that's hot EP 166 (The Worms): - HELL YES JON SAID FUCK - oh worm? - Martin answer your damn phone - awww Martin don't doubt yourself :C EP 167 (Curiousity): - Fiona: lmao watch this -passes out- - oh I didn't realize Eric was one of the OGs, their conversations make more sense now - Michael :c - Gertrude you got played like a fiddle damn EP 168 (Roots): - jealous Martin lmao - Jon just tell him why you woke up that would probably solve this - As someone who also freaks out about every little twinge this episode felt targeted EP 169 (Fire Escape): - desolation time? desolation time. can't wait to walk through hell - so aside from Smirke's 14 we have the 3 additional fears: the Extinction, the Scotland, and the Landlord - oh this one is terrifiyng i love it - OOOOH the "jons" slowly fading in was really clever - G O D martin sounds so defeated poor boy EP 170 (Recollection): - Martin finding tape recorders is the cutest thing - Oh fuck are we in the Lonely oh shit - this is so disconcerting i love it - someone get this man a better chair EP 171 (The Gardener): - Martin: damn that's a lot of bones - oh not THIS dude again I can barely understand him oh my GOD - well that was interesting EP 172 (Strung Out): - oh web? - oh this is sad shit - I think this is one of the worst domains yet for me personally this sounds like hell - g o d the web makes my brain hurt blease Jonny I'm stupid EP 173 (Night Night): - oh dark? - oh so the darkness is just the apocalypse daycare? nice - oh and this tween runs it, nice - Jon: are you SURE you want me to kill this middle schooler? - wow this is depressing EP 174 (The Great Beast): - oh hunt? - oh vast? lmao that's what i get for assumptions - Martin just wants to kill a man is that too much to ask someone give him a gun EP 175 (Epoch): - ex...tinct...ion? - “Peter was right” no FUCK YOU I refuse to give Peter any credit LOOK ADELARD WAS RIGHT, Adelard Decker laid the BLUEPRINT - poor Jon he's gettin these hard-hitting google searches - Basira and Daisy?????? OH WAIT THAT MEANS OH NO

[blindrapture]

a union-mandated break post

(okay, let’s see if I can type this all over again after losing the post. gotta remember how it all went.)

Hey there, the few mutuals who Like all of my posts, the lurkers who occasionally make their presence known, the lurkers who I also hope are there, and all you folks who come across this post naturally before scrolling on (that’s fine too, please have a nice day! remember to take a deep breath and unclench!). I wanted to make a post giving a casual update.

Things have been going. You know how it is. Time proceeds onwards at a pace that is a crawl to some and fleeting to others, depending on relative perspective. The average of all these observations may be Objective Truth, a hazy mythical and abstract prospect which to this day no living human has ever known (due to the nature of perspective). We still try to know it for some reason, an endeavour which may be “a good thing” or “a condemnation of our species,” but that’s relative too. See above. Still, it is possible to take an approximation of what we figure this average to be and find ourselves (mis)balanced on a knife-edge in between all perspectives. This narrow path, the knife-edge between fast and slow, between good and bad, between ecstasy and despair, seems precarious at times, yet at other times is like a garden, wide and spacious enough to sit awhile. Our perspectives cover this garden from us with the shrubbery of Can’ts and Shouldn’ts, and the way to the garden is fraught with the misty cloud of Look-Like. And yet, ultimately, these shrubs and mists are but prismatic scenery colouring our time on this Earth, a perspective which is easy to see from within the garden. The Earth is brown and grey and immortal, though wearing an impermanent coat of blue and green. One day, we will slip out of our perspectives and return to the Earth, join her mounding’s mass, and that will be death.

So that’s the weather. Sometimes cold, sometimes mild, sometimes wet, sometimes dry, sometimes bothersome and sometimes the only backdrop I could ever want. I’ve been up to the usual, cycling between interests like a bat between haunts.

- The other day I got around to playing Smile For Me, an experience which took me about three hours to more-or-less complete 100%. Really cute game, I fell in love with all the characters, and the budding horror elements made me excited to see where it’d go.

- Currently I’m playing A Monster’s Expedition Through Puzzling Exhibitions, a game often cited in the same breath as Baba Is You and Stephen’s Sausage Roll. I think those two games are puzzle masterpieces, and A Monster’s Expedition is hitting me in the right spot. It frequently fills me with awe, which is impressive considering the game is just a long series of oblong block-pushing puzzles. It has scope, though, and it has the guts to hide that scope from you until you’re able to discover it for yourself. I’ve played for about 10 hours so far, beaten over 200 islands, and yet I feel I’m only getting further away from the end goal. Hard to describe. It’s a good game.

- When I’m done with that game, next I’ll be checking out Spelunky 2. I’ve wanted to try the original for a long time but never got around to it; I picked up the sequel. I know very little about the games (with a rough idea of what gameplay is like), and I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. I like games that rely on discovery.

- Book-wise, I’m, y’know, reading Finnegans Wake as I fall asleep, occasionally inching through other books too, but my main reading focus at the moment is The Familiar. I went and picked up a new copy of Volume 5, and I found the Volume 3 I had kinda lost for a while, so now I have the full Season 1 again. And it’s been long enough since I read any of them that it’s finally time to reread them. As a unit this time. I am... so happy to be in their headspace. I’m currently in the second act of Volume 1, taking in a lot more details this time (and I do still remember a sense of where the whole plot goes), really cherishing the commitment to physicality and aesthetic. There’s not many authors out there like Danielewski. House of Leaves kickstarted my book obsession, y’know. And The Familiar is about as grand as a project can be. It’s supposed to be 27 volumes, each one 900 pages long, and the design of these books is goddamn sublime. The publisher only let him do the first 5 volumes, which is sad, but luckily those 5 volumes make up a “Season,” so they’re still a whole thing, a complete story arc for each of the nine protagonists, and plenty of secrets and details that give a good sense of the true scope. And did I mention the series is fucking scary? Profoundly so, each new volume weaving you deeper into its conspiratorial web of eldritch coincidences and patterns. The story is full of cats, immortal cats, God-cats. There’s a scientist who keeps a freaky magic orb and is known as Wizard. There’s an Armenian taxi driver who’s one of my favourite characters. And you can probably get all the volumes Used for fairly cheap on Amazon now. ........please, somebody join me in loving this series.

- Creative-wise, I’m working on music as always, putting notes next to each other until I get a result I can do something with. There is one piece that’s definitely done, a collaboration between Lindsay and I, but it’s going into Nine Is God so you won’t hear it just yet. Speaking of, that’s coming along. I haven’t even started making any codes or cool connections yet; I want to finish the... Core of this update first. Let’s be deceptive and call it the Main Blog. I have proven to myself that I definitely can do this; I keep stumbling on new mechanisms I can add, and I have a pretty vivid idea of what the whole thing will look like. It’s gonna be maybe a decent size for a Blog, all told, but it’s the form of the thing that mandates a lot of care. Luckily I have made Viceking’s Graab, so this isn’t the first time I’ve done something this mechanically ambitious. ...look, just. Of course I’m excited to Actually Talk about this thing, but like with the Graab, its nature requires me to keep it secret until players finally discover it for themselves. I like making that kind of thing, I want the sense of discovery, of climbing up a hill only to reach the summit and see an even bigger mountain looming over you that you hadn’t realized was there. Like Frog Fractions, or its sequel, even if you know there will be more than meets the eye you still get surprised and filled with delight. This concept fits neatly into an ARG format.

- Oh, also, I’m super excited for the Braid remake. It’s gonna have a comically thorough amount of developer commentary, and that’s all I want from this world. It’s even coming to Switch!

Media can be used as a tool to assist with the experience of life, and that is the way I want to approach things. I have spent time adapting myself to feel comfortable in these boring aesthetics (of understated puzzle games, thoughtful pretty books, blogs as art) because this means I am less susceptible to getting burned out during contemplation and self-examination. It may seem like a matter of taste, but taste is relative too; it’s not hard-wired, it can be adjusted, it does adjust all the time under the hood. ...I don’t know where to go with this one, other than that I should be careful not to condescend. I am not above anyone, I am confused too. I just.. like confusion and mazes, and I try to speak these aesthetics in an approximation of how I see others talk about theirs.

Right. I think that’s the bulk of it, that’s what I wanted to say today. I hope you are holding on, reader. It’s a wild and lonely world out there, and it’s our world; it’s yours just as much as it’s anyone else’s. You are important to it.

I leave you, mysteriously, with an old Genesis song. It’s called “Can-Utility and the Coastliners,” which is a silly way of saying it’s a song about the myth of King Canute. Sick of flatterers claiming he was equal to God, he went to the sea shore and said “If I truly am equal to God, then let the waves halt at my feet!” They didn’t. An astute demonstration, but it just prompted his flatterers to praise his ingenuity. “But he forced a smile, even though his hopes lay dashed where offerings fell.” I’m not really sure how the story ends. But it’s a wonderful song, starts off very folks-y but quickly takes a left turn down Mystery and Beauty. And it’s freaking Genesis.

See ya.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X1 Lazarus Rising

I did not need to look to know the title

I have my hot cocoa, the big screen, a blanket, a cat and the crushing weight of my sins

that is totally enough separation

let’s go see the crazy bee man

YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG IS THE FUCKING OPENING CARD I’M CRYING

IS IT ALWAYS GONNA BE AN ACDC SONG 

OH HELL YEAH

oh my god this TORTURE SEQUENCE HOLY FUCK

seriously 40 years he would not be well adjusted

did he scream “help” for forty years??

I can’t believe they actually fucking buried Jensen for this scene, I CANNOT

the visuals are HELLA EXCELLENT

this kinda looks like the field he dreamed about in the opening of the finale

oh my GOD THE VISUALS THE VISUALS THE VISUALS THE TREES THE CROSS THE SHADOW AAAAA

And yes, he does look very good

the hair looks great, not gonna lie

MISHACOLINS MISHA COLLINS M I S H A FUCKING C O L L I N  S 

How long has it been? three months or so I think?

the flashback to the torture, the no scars

THE HANDPRINT!! THE HANDPRINT THE HANDPRINT!

Boy what must this have been like live

Of course Busty Asian Beauties

the static? the radio that keeps going on?

is this why he calls it angel radio

Local Eldritch Abomination wants to say hi

poor Dean is hardcore panicking oof

and he tries all of the phones

no they’re not gonna believe it’s you Dean

~hotwires a car~

*goes after Dean*

“you’re about the closest thing I have to a father” AWWWWWw

THE FACT THAT BOBBY KEEPS TRYING TO STAB HIM

Aw man and you just got rid of all your scars

AWWWWW

NO THIS REUNION SCENE IS MAKING ME TEAR UP

He still had to try the holy water thing

HE LOOKED SO DONE IT WAS SO FUNNY

YEAH I KNOW IT’S BECAUSE IT WAS HALF LUBE

F O U R MONTHS

~lights out~ you’re lying, you have to be lying

and of course Sam goes angsting away like in mystery spot

poor Bobby

~this force, this presence~ I wonder wHo ThaT couLD bE

they’re convinced it’s whatever the fuck Sam did

“what don’t I know about that kid”

Bobby’s been drinking? aw? I mean terrible coping mechanism but

Is this Gen? I don’t know who’s who

So Sam wasn’t expecting

AHAHA BACK TO THE TRYING TO KILL HIM

“I’ve been through this already” AHAHAHA

what happened to his(Sam’s) hair it used to be fluffier

ah once again the *they’re dating* joke why did they keep doing that

...is Sam trying to,,,,become Dean...?

it...wasn’t Sam...Ohoho who could it be?

We all fucking know who it is where is ya fucking boy

this thing is a whodunit of who brought him back

So Sam’s been...spiraling

“who do you think you are, your old man” B U R N 

they’re doing the “did we bring him all the way back

MISSOURI???? PLEASE BE MISSOURI

AW HE’S WEARING THE SAMULET AWWWW

“I don’t remember a damn thing” YOU’rE LYING YOU HAVE TO BE LYING

oh yeah, he’s lying

remarkably well adjusted for forty years in the pit tho

AHAHA THE IPOD JACK

*chucks it behind him*

Sam you have psychic powers don’t you think you should explore that

“you didn’t want me to so I didn’t” oof

Dean takes *fear of the unknown* pretty far

No it’s the lady who calls Dean out?

Pamela Barnes

Does everyone know them as Bobby’s Boys that’s so cute

is that a ramones...shirt?

it’s a Band Shirt I just don’t know what 

the decor is like hard rock cafe y but cooler

ok so they flirt back and forth I see 

that’s a pretty big burn damn

C A S T I E L 

Please tell me she doesn’t die

Oh god he true forms her??

HER EYES ARE BURNED OUT WHAT THE FUCK

oho Diner Bar full of demons

and turns out the lock, fun

~to hell and back

the smile with “I’m not lying”

Aw it’s like he doesn’t normally have a good rebuttal

Fiercely Powerful Castiel that terrifies even the demons

OH RIGHT SERAPHS ARE LIKE SUPER SUPER POWERFUL RIGHT

Boy he’s seriously just...unphased now

“the smarter brother’s back in town” DAMN why is he so much more confident

Hell...really did a number on him

VISUALSSSS

THE FUCKING EVERYTHING GOING HAYWIRE

Cas just...doesn’t know how to talk to his crush, it’s fine

Local Wavelength of Celestial Intent just keeps breaking windows

And Dean’s Goddamn Ears apparently

oh wait it’s just Bobby and Dean oHO I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING

*we’re gonna get food* THEY DID IT BOTH WAYS YOU FUCKING-

COMMUNICATION

HE SWIPED THE KNIFE 

THE K N I F E 

they’re already burned out oh boy

They’re fucking blinded

BOY THEY FUCKING WENT A P E S H I T WITH HOW POWERFUL CAS IS

SAM JUST....PSYCHICALLY EXORCISED SOMEONE?? WOW??

DAMN that was neat

Oh is this Ruby? AH RUBY

dammit I wanna know what Sam’s been doing

BOY THEY’RE FUCKING B U I L D I N G THIS 

THE SHEER A M O U NT OF SIGILS

ooo VISUALS

Sam did you ask her why she’s so dead set on helping you

OHOHOHOHOHO

THE CLACKING SCARED MINA

DWIHRAWPAIHPAS

FUCK YES

they rly made Misha say “gripped you tight and raised you from perdition” huh

yes hurt Bobby that’s gonna help

I’m An anGel oF the Lord

HEY REMEMBER HOW ANGELS WERE ON YOUR BULLSHIT LIST

HE D O E S HAVE FAITH JUST NOT IN YOU

HE’s SO SMALL AND SCRUFFY LOOKING 

Holy Tax Accountant

“he actually prayed for this” KILLE DME JIMMY YOU FOOLE

“you don’t think you deserve to be saved” OH MY G O D 

AAHAHHHHHHHHHH

wrap up:

1. I wanna know more about Sam’s thing when Dean was gone, I’m intrigued to see what’s gonna happen next

2. Dean’s Startlingly Appalling Self Worth Issues come in, are back, and AT FULL SWING. the “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” followed by the micro expressions? O U C H

3. I do appreciate how they kept building the suspense, and how powerful they showed Castiel to be

4. CASSSS!! CASTIEL!!! ANGEL OF THEE LORD! ! HE LOOKS SO GODDAMN YOUNG IN THIS SEASON IT IS Y A B OY AHHHHH

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR THREE MONTHS IT IS HERE WELCOME TO C A S T I E L TI M E O NL Y 

is he only in like three episodes? sure

BUT IT’S STILL YA BOI 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[evergreen-dryad]

thoughts about spook 65

...Although, it’s more like a stream of consciousness commentary. I try and fail not to make this too long as usual, so warning long post ahead.

Summary: Aidairo leaves us on that cliffhanger by giving us a break with tension-breaker Kou with his caring friends, more Mitsukou, and then dun dun dun they encounter a Wild Comic Relief of Universal Proportions Natsuhiko (poor fish and tarantula I hope they got back safe) and apparently Natsuhiko wants to capture No.6 like he’s the rarest pokemon of all and might have the secret key to the immortality fountain?? Will we ever know more about these mysterious man stay tuned next month. And oh yeah also No.6 always wanted to throw Aoi into the hole to rot away because he’s also a necromancer. Just great and swell here folks, don’t know how Nene and Akane are faring ~

whaaww Kou’s feeling really overwhelmed I mean this is a lot for like what a 13 year old boy

LMAO IS HE WIPING THE MOKKE OR DID HE READY A KERCHIEF FOR NENE

‘Teru-nii hasn’t been home recently’ -- hmmmmm? What’s he up to? Is he out on a journey to exorcise bigger fish out there?

...Or it could be just a field trip lmao

lol. out of context -- 👀

(I love that white-black juxtaposition between the two of them)

AWW WHAT GOOD BOIS

KOU HAS SUCH GOOD FRIENDS I’M MELTING HEREEEEE

ahahahahaha ofc Satou sugarboy here has his priorities right. ‘Get sweet drinks and sweets for us you simp’

awwww

I love it, we’re getting outside perspective from the supportive side characters. It’s the Arc for no1 Supportive Side Character Ao-chan after all!

ooooooohhhhh Satou’s the observant one here. Starting to love him now~

what a cheerful sandboy Yokoo is holding that carrot

oyo it’s Mitsuba but I’m just distracted wondering if those plants on the left side are mimosa plants, le touch-me-not

LMAO

MITSUBA YOU NEVER HOLD BACK

omg you just popped right outta the mirror like that. I would have screamed and flung my hands everywhere. Kou you have nerves of steel or in this case your brain is a steelwool scrubber right now

Yeah man that’s his job your man’s a ghost in case you forgot

AWW HE’S ALSO CONCERNED

MITSUBA DOING THE BLESSED WORK AROUND HERE HE JUST OUTRIGHT ASKED KOU WHAT’S UP

LMAO KOU

It is unbelievable to him since Mitsuba has always been such a prickly tsun before he’s probably never shown much common decency let alone common friend interaction like showing concern esp since Kou to him is a blokehead

Awww, Kou

(oh? oh? what was his wish again exactly, to be friends or for him to be human somehow?

and lmao Kou is going doki-doki when Mitsuba for the first time ever asks if he’s okay)

Aww, Mitsuba misses his Daikon-senpai, this is too cute guys I--

Nene your fantasy came true Mitsuba’s looking for you like a lost puppy

LMAO HANAKO IS THE BAD FRIEND IM SCREMINH BUT KOU HONEY YOU’RE RIGHT HE FIGHTS BEATS STABS PEOPLE UP AND INTRODUCES YOU TO PORN AND EVEN GOES YANDERE FOR AN ARC

really. why am I so intrigued Teru is gone. Where did he go. There must be a story somewhere.

oh whoa there goes Kou acting all otome ML again (callback to Hanako wanting Nene’s wish to come true too with the shoulder-clutching?)

HAHAHAHA YEAH HE DIDN’T LISTEN AT ALL. THIS SIMP. YOUR BI HIMBO. YOUR MORON.

Mitsuba’s face is sending me I swear

Yes Mitsuba he deserves that kick to the arse. Teach him to listen to you

There we go again~~ *Kou otome ML move count: 2*

A scream??? COULD IT BE---

BUGS AND TRASH PLS PLS BE OKAY

wow Mitsuba just suited up. our two superheroes on the move

AAAAAAAAAA

IT’S A FISH???? WHOSE LEGS ARE THOU TOO LONG?? DON’T TELL ME IT’S NATSUHIKO

also lmao these phat daikon arms. And these rando fish are all so cute. Look at this guy on the right. So smooth and chill like a seal

Ya jeez more and more apparitions are showing up y’all it’s becoming a yokai manga (I’m not complaining I love them all.)

Oh that dramatic foot in a spotlight, Natsuhiko you dramatic hoe, it’s you I’d know you anywhere (jokes aside I saw that Sailor Moon edit of him so)

HAHAH THE FISH LOOKS SO HAPPY. PEAK COMEDY THAT FOOT SILENTLY SLIPPING OUT OF SIGHT I--

HONESTLY HOW DOES NATSUHIKO KEEP GETTING INTO THESE SITUATIONS

Good shonen boy Kou finally jumping into action to the rescue, because god knows without Hanako around there’s no one to do the saving of damsels in distress around here

‘I want to join too’ -- AWWW LOL THIS IS SO CUTE

and off they go bullying a fish like it’s a game, so sad I liked that whalefrogfish

is it ded. rip.

oh wow Natsu you kissed fish gullet, look how red your face is wow. Also you really shouldn’t think that you’re too funny to let die. You survived being thrown into Nowhere, you’ll survive fish llke Jonah did. But fr did Sakura throw you into a fish trash pit or smth

LOL OH YEAH KOU DOESN’T KNOW AND YEAH HE IS THE NO1 AIRHEAD FOR MITSUBA NOT KOU LOL

OHMYGOD HE DID A DRAMATIC SELF-INTRODUCTION WITH THE FLASH STEP AND ALL I LOVE U YOU DORK. YOU HUGE SHONEN DORK OF INDESTRUSCTIBLE COMIC RELIEF PROPORTIONS

ohmygod he called himself an Onii-san. He wants Kou to call him Onii-san. I am crying. Teru come back your lil bro’s being propositioned (w hA T a tiME for YoU TO Be GonE eH)

HAHAH THAT IDOL POSE. NO WONDER SAILOR MOON I AM DECEASED

KOU BABY IS SUSPICIOUS IM CRYING YES AS YOU SHOULD BE HUN (that font is just perfect *chef’s kiss*)

Natsuhiko just awkwardly perched there in the background

Touchy touchy LOL MITSUBA YOU SAID WHAT I THOUGHT

and yikes Natsuhiko’s pulling the same moves as Nene to gain kouhais lolol, aaah I’m starting to see similarities between them

HAHAH OMG *Kou otome ML move count: 3*

ooh what a shady guy. Natsu what do u know tell us tell us tell us

omg y u like this. whY do you sound so threatening now. I take it back you’re not harmless

W H A T

Natsuhiko do you mean to tell me you’re immortal????? Is that why you survive all these ridiculous levels of eldritch horror????

Fml he really looks like a vampire in that lighting. Esp since I can like see all his individual teeth what on earth is this level of detail Aidairo for once Natsuhiko looks like the cool mysterious guy he was meant to be

Just realised he has like a dyed hair thing going on kinda like Tsuchigomori. Don’t tell me. Natsuhiko are you Tsuchigomori’s secret love child.

‘There’s a bad energy coming from here’ --- pFFFT. He sounds like he’s trying to be a fengshui expert now. A conman

hmmmm??? Oh that wasn’t a phone?? what is that it’s an onsen...?

wait that is probably a phone nvm. I’m just jumping at every little detail like 👀 

so huh I’m assuming Tsukasa can’t handle no6 on his own either, so....or possibly Natsuhiko is acting on his own??

Ooh cool blankets, everyone has different flowers!! (*squints* no stop you can’t go looking for flower meanings everywhere)

And yes that’s a phone. Naatsuhiko just canonically has an onsen symbol phonecase just to show he’s a Chill Bro

lol Mitsuba i don’t think you need to worry you’re not a whole soul anymore

D’AWWWW LOOK AT ALL THOSE LITTLE CUTIES (sheep, elephant, bunnies (multiple), rubber duckling)

You. Natsuhiko. You’re the one most like a cat.

omg what a braggart. what a chest-thumping man u are Natsu-senpai

OMG KOU NOOO WE WERE MAKING PROGRESS HE TAMED YOU ANYWAY

hahahahha I’m crying. Even Natsuhiko’s conscience is touched by Kou’s trusting naivete I can’t

oh my god. but thank god Teru-nii still comes first he still hasn’t completely seduced you over to the dark side just yet

awwww, Kou. Awww. He really, really wants to do his best to save them all. I--

Aw yay Natsu is touched to the point he’ll help!! Hopefully he wasn’t lying!! I hope there isn’t a sacrifice involved-

oh???

Onix (srsly I really love all the lotuses everywhere. really going Buddhist symbology there)

look at dat foot. it go.

oh!! we’re fresh at the battlescene!!

!!!!!!

IT’S ALIVEEEE

I guess these guys are too useful to let rot in the trashpit eh

?? For one moment I thought we were looking down into the trashpit at our missing 4 lmao. But why. No 6 you’re coming off as ...naturally innocent??? Dang. Let this cutie rest

I’m genuinely curious how on earth this no 6 is not a god on his own. (It’s funny to me that I’m coincidentally writing about a god like this as well at the same time.) How does he rank equal to the others. How is Hanako even his boss have they ever met before I demand a full show of Hanako’s powers one day. We’re not even sure what his boundary is. Or is it that he only has the power of life and death on those in his boundary?

(edit: just realised that if Tsukasa is behind Natsuhiko then no6 is basically Tsukasa’s dream power - necromancy. He could build all the Frankensteins his little heart ever wanted)

oof there go the minions. I love how they have little buds on their heads. Every minion of his is ‘living’! And they’re like the first with individuality I’ve seen...?

oh he thinks Aoi did this purposely? Pfft she got dragged in there

juijuirjfuerjcjkekerjckdediejdiedmwec. I am so worried. But fr this one panel of Aoi is so beautiful.

Huh the hole is a starburst shape? 6 points hmm --oh wait im dumb it’s closing up oh no

LOL KEIKAKU DOORI

But shiet really how did he see to that. By giving her power over those specific bugs?? Planting info of that hole in her?

IM SCREAMING THAT’S THE END OF IT THAT’S IT TILL NEXT MONTH

[clown-bait]

Monster Family (Monster Roommate AU) CH5

Getting this part moving along before IT CH2 comes out. Leech is not a happy camper right now and Pennywise is in huge trouble. Protip: Don’t let the clown drink.

Pennywise stumbled back and howled in pain as leech stomped forward grabbing the other woman with a horrible shriek that could shatter glass. “Get you face off my clown bitch!” she hissed rearing a clawed hand behind her in striking position. The woman in question threw a pouch that burst into black smoke against the vampires face and trotted off leaving the couple to sort out the mistake.

"Who hit me?!" The eldritch snarled and swayed.

"I did you idiot!"

The clown groaned "Too many Peachies foul poison playing tricks."

"There's just one of me here jackass." The vampire spat and grabbed her mate by the ruff causing him to stumble.

"Hey Fangs when you get a minute we have good news and bad news!" Freddy called out to his friends and the vampires skeletal face hissed at him in warning.

"Oopssss?" The eldritch choked out trying to smile despite the claws now digging into his neck ruff.

"Yeah fucking oops! This is a big fuckin oops Pen!"

"L-love y-you?"

Leech's eye twitched before releasing him. The clown was still very cross faded and beating the deadlights out of him wouldn't really accomplish much at this point.

"I'm not happy." She huffed as she dragged him to a booth and away from the staring eyes of her fellow fiends.

"Mistkate." He snarled and fixed his ruff. "I made a mistake."

"You also owe me a crockpot." Leech mumbled as she carefully sat down hand on their trilling offspring who enjoyed the thrum of the bass from the speakers around them.

"Actually I won that back for ya! You lost the first round though." Freddy called to her holding up the coveted cookware. "You owe me big Fangs this thing is nice!"

“And now I owe the devil a favor fantastic.”

Pennywise's eyes went wide as he stared at her bump. "Peachy you're pregnant?!"

The vampire turned to her two companions "You let him drink more while I was playing didn't you."

"Hey he was just grabbing any colorful drink he saw! You try controlling a 6 foot murder machine like that"

"Did I...did I do this?" The clown chittered leaning over her stomach and poking it.

"Congrats again baby daddy." The vampire sighed and slumped back in her booth.

Pennywise swayed and stumbled a bit the room swam when he remembered all the events from the past few months. Then he stopped and turned to throw up into an ice bucket containing a very nice champagne bottle.

"JINGLES!" Chucky and Freddy shouted at once.

The clown made a face of disgust his long black tongue rolling out of his mouth. Before anyone could stop him he grabbed the bottle and chugged it down wiping his chin. The trio stared in disbelief.

"So did everyone believe that time?" Leech asked quietly. To which she got two nods. "Fuck."

"IS THIS A JOKE?" Someone shouted upon receiving the bucket of clown sick.

"Shit give me him." Leech hissed.

The vampire grabbed her dizzy mate and searched for his pantaloons for his pockets the clown made a husky growl groping at her rear.

"Oh! Well look at you tasty little treat what cha lookin for in ol Pennywise's pants hmm?"

"That wallet you perv, we need to pay off that champagne before I get banned from here….again."

"Suree it's not something else?" The drunk eldritch growled and groped her breast causing it to leak a bit. Leech snarled and swatted his hand causing the clown to actually yelp in pain.

"Uhh Fangs your tit is bleeding." Chucky winced at the dark patch of red on her shirt.

"Yeah it does that now." She growled and tossed her friends her boss' wallet.

"That’s….not normal?"

The vampire rolled her eyes and grabbed her clown's cheeks causing a spittle of drool to fall from his mouth as she turned his head. "Yeah dont expect normal when this is the father."

"Meee?" The clown giggled and grinned from ear to ear then hiccuped violently giggling some more.

It was hard to be furious with him when he genuinely didn't even know where he was and was a bouncing mess. Leech sighed to herself wishing she could be giggling with him. At least it would help her block out the image of the love of her life kissing some random witch out of her mind. Leech slumped back and rested her wrist on her forehead.

"Krueger move we're gonna take care of that ruined bottle service." Chucky nodded at his undead companion

"I just sat down I'm not movin for shit."

The doll growled and slapped the back of his head. "Move you idiot." He mumbled out through gritted teeth gesturing to their emotionally drained friend.

"What?"

"My god you're clueless give the chick and her moron some space." The doll kicked his companion till they were out of the booth "You get ten minutes Jingles. Fix it."

The clown blinked in confusion then turned to his mate noticing the very uncomfortable gap between them. "Peachy? Are you still mad?"

"What do you think?"

Pennywise giggled and slowly leaned past the gap letting gravity pull his massive head down till it bumped with hers. He then chuckled wildly with his big buck teeth sticking out over his lips. It was frankly adorable but Leech could still smell the woman he'd mistaken for her on his skin and she scowled instead.

"You're verry pretty! Pretty eyes, pretty skin, big pretty ears hehe!"

"That's not gonna work"

The clown slumped to the side dramatically and leech shifted her glare to the side refusing to look at him. Pennywise was relentless in his pursuit ever the hunter he was not giving up. His finger slowly inched toward her poking her nose and making a honking sound when he did. His vampire hissed and snapped at him in response. He snarled back at her and limply swatted in her direction falling forward over the table and growling in frustration. Leech finally found herself smiling at that. Her mate is a complete mess when drunk but he was definitely her mess. "Mmph" he groaned and twisted his spine so he was now facing the ceiling.

"Pen what are you doing?"

"Trying to get to you." He growled continuing to tie himself in knots until he felt a cool hand on his cheek. The clown stopped his fighting and melted to her touch that soothed his skin that was warm with drink.

"You're a full on disaster." Leech sighed and kissed his forehead. The clown instantly unfolded and shook then stared at her with a wide victorious grin on his face.

"You still have to make it up to me." The vampire crossed her arms over her chest but was quickly grabbed by her mate and hastily pulled from her seat.

"Pennywise where the hell are you taking-" Leech began to scold him but his grip was strong and the crowd of people on the dance floor was large. Somewhere in the mess of lumbering masked killers she no longer felt the warm soft glove on her wrist. Great she had lost her idiot again. The small vampire shoved her way through the other towering members of the crowd looking for a tuft of fiery hair that rose above the sea of gray and rot. A warm gentle hand touched her shoulder and a strangers raspy deep voice calmly asked her "You alright little lady? Not the best place to be lost." She turned to the unfamiliar person he reminded her a bit of a middle aged Johnny Cash with peppered gray hair and crystal blue eyes. "Well that's quite a cargo you're carrying miss why don't you come sit down."

"Im actually looking for my uh baby daddy. He had a bit too much and tried to dance with me until we got separated." Leech sighed and eyed the stranger wearily as he sat down. "I haven’t seen you here before who are you? Demon? Witch?"

The man chuckled and sipped a half full beer. "Just an old blues man here to visit a very old friend."

"..I...I should find my idiot."

"Sweetheart you put too much stress on that bun in your oven have a seat an' tell me what that boy looks like. I'll drag him back here by his ear."

Leech narrowed her eyes "You sure about that? He's the boogie man of Derry."

"You don’t say? So the critter has a heart after all! Who knew!" The man laughed "How did a pretty thing like you end up with a nasty bug like that?"

“He can be charming if he wants to.” The vampire chided as she cautiously sat down. It did feel better to be off her feet. Her body was strong but carrying eldritch half breeds take a lot out of a girl even an undead one. "Alright this is a bit better. Gotta love my shitty friends for ditching me."

"Don't expect the company here to look out for you." The man chuckled "I take it a little lady like you ain't that type either."

"Yeah I'm post deceased." Leech smiled removed her wig and pointed to her ears "Nosferatu. You?"

"Like I said just an old sinner passin through."

"Fair enough." Leech sighed and glanced to her left at the beaten guitar case "There a guitar in here?"

"What kinda blues man would I be if there weren't?"

"I just started playing again myself." She smiled "Not any good yet but I can do a bit of Zeppelin."

The man smiled and took another sip of his beer "So tell me darlin bout that nasty bug of your’s."

"Well truth be told I’m mad at him...he accidentally kissed another woman with the same hairstyle as me."

"Haha! Can't say I haven't been there myself! Has he ever drank? I admit I don't know much about him other than the whispers."

"It’s mostly my fault. I’d say we’re even now anyway." Leech smiled "I broke his nose."

They both laughed at that.

"FANGS!"

Leech's ears perked up at the sound of Chucky's voice then turned to the stranger. "That’s uh my friend I think I need to go."

"Go on darlin set things right with your nasty bug, he'll come around. I gotta set up cross the street soon anyway." The stranger patted his guitar case and raised his beer. "You take good care of yourself and them little ones."

Leech slowly got up and began to walk into the crowd looking back to wave but the man was gone. A sudden hand on her wrist startled her and Freddy found his throat in Leech's claws.

"JESUS FANGS ITS ME! Also who the fuck was that? Never mind, we uh probably should get out of here Jingles stole a designer lamp."

".....Why?"

"No idea.Think he's proposed to it three times now."

"I'm not getting banned from here again. Where is he?" She sighed and the dream demon pulled her along through the gathered crowd. Sure enough there he was the Monster of Derry himself declaring his undying love to a lampshade.

"Peachy, darling, my queen! Eternally mine! The deadlights hum only for you!" the clown twirled dangerously while trying to dance with the fancy appliance. He was clearly black-out drunk at this point and Leech was genuinely surprised that he hadn't fallen over.

"Hey Fred, please tell me you've recorded this."

"You kiddin?! I've already sent it to you."

"This is why we're friends." She smiled and patted his shoulder. Leech strode forward and pushed the appliance out of her mate's hands "That was a lamp Pen."

The clown blinked clearly blitzed out of his mind then fell back giggling and drooling.

"Oh." He chuckled. "Hi Peachy."

“Do you want to say something to me?”

“S-sorry.” he stuttered still grinning like an idiot.

"I think you've humiliated yourself enough tonight Ruffles." She sighed and pet his fluffy orange hair "I'll forgive you if you forgive me tomorrow when you inevitably try to kill me for the hangover." The clown nodded vigorously shaking his bells as he did. Her lips touched his softly and Pennywise sighed in ecstasy deepening the kiss. He was all teeth and drool but Leech didn't mind his sloppy drool filled kisses were her favorite anyway. "Wanna get out of here?" she breathed quietly as the crowd of people quickly began to leave in mild disgust.

Her clown smiled wide and grabbed his mate vanishing in a jingle of bells before anyone could protest. Leaving their two companions without a ride and a very heavy crockpot.

[muggycuphead]

weird flex but ok i guess pt.28

27

War...Hold up, do we really need a warning for this one? Dunno, but however, watch out for slightly disturbing and kinda…disgusting imagery, trypophobic patterns, as well as ‘necrotic’ (and dark themed) designs I made while having funky fever bc o h m y g o d do I get a little crazier every new quarantine day (and at this point it’s coming to be an usual thing for me, big sad). However, most are made no other than for the sole sake of satire, so y’know, no need to get your underwear in a twist

This one's to all my eldritch creatures fan folks, have a taste

Friday Night Funkin’ BoyFriend’s Hood – AU fanconcept sketches [XXV]

EDIT 26/10/2023: Updated the drawing with a rescanned, more clean version

1.- Puppil (Grown/Sick)

cooties bad

So yeah, this is BF's pet pupper after so long...and I mean it it's been 10 years already whatzefu-

He was fun to make, and the result came out awesome, I love it <3

2.- "Puppil, it really is you buddy!"

(This happens after StiX's rewritten events, and once Puppil is de-cootied)

(Instinctively, Puppil pounces towards BF and throws him off, as he gasps in shock)

(Both GFs) "BF!"

"Major B!"

(BF is shaken, as the eldritch canine slowly steps closer, growling)

"..."

(BF notices something on the creature's eye that rings a bell on his memory lane)

"Wait, is it...?"

(BF stands up and walks towards the canine, his hand put foward)

(Little G) "No! BF!"

(GF) "Oh my devils, are you serious?!"

(The canine looks aggresively towards GF, until...)

"...Puppil? Is it you, buddy?"

(The canine stands paralyzed for a while, it's ears going a little up, as it looks towards BF, his eye slightly getting expanded)

"...Do you...still remember me...?"

(The canine walks a little closer, as it sniffs BF's hand)

(Pause for a moment...and the doggo jumps over BF)

"BF!"

(Panic ceases the moment she hears BF beeping and laughing, noticing the canine's just...y'know, licking him in a playful way cuz dogs things amirite-)

(Stops Puppil for a sec and holds its face, it still panting) "Ahaha! Ah, Puppil, it really is you, old buddy! And BOY did ya get big, you rascal!"

(Puppil barks enthusiastically, as it puts itself close to BF)

(Hugs Puppil back, still petting him) "Yeah, I missed you too, pal...it's been a long time..."

(Minor B joins in, as Puppil looks to him and back to BF in confusion)

"Oh, uh...it's a long story"

(Puppil looks toward Minor B, sniffs him, and licks him as a "hello hi")

"Hehe, welcome back, Puppil!"

(Another hug because hell fucking yeah)

Can we have wholesome cake thank you

3.- "Awe, who's a good boy?"

(Vibing) "Sooo...you guys done there?"

(Puppil looks back at GF and frowns, growling)

(stands up) "Ayo, easy there boy, she's not a threat" (pets Puppil, who looks back to him) "If anything, she's my partner...or as you guys know it, my 'mate'"

(GF giggles) "Hey, don't you furrify me"

(BF chuckles) "But anyway, she's GF, and that little fella next to her is...also her" (Puppil looks confused) "...Yeah, it's awkward but it is what it is"

(Puppil walks to GF and looks at her, waving its tail)

"Heya, what's up, doggie boy?"

"Aw, he's so cute! Can I pet him?"

(Puppil walks close, as Little G puts her hand on its head, while GF tickles it below its chin(??)

"Awe, who's a good boy? Who's a cute little spooky boy?"

(Puppil licks GF a little in her hand)

"Hey, watch it there, I might be a little too spicy for you" (wink)

Demon girl and eldritch doggo vibin

4.- A favor

Chuck's gonna keep doggo boi at his place for now till GF and BF come back

What are friends for anyway?

29

[vickyvicarious]

the activity club and the abrupt intruder (bmw 5)

bullymagnet week, day five: pokémon 

read day one, day two, day three, and day four first. also available on AO3.

.

Johnny’s recovery rate is, frankly, disturbingly quick. He gets a bit stuck on the whole zombie thing same as Max did, but is fairly swift to move on to the takeaway of superpowers and weirdo spirit fights.

Actually he gets really really excited about the prospect of weirdo spirit fights.

Which is… not really that much of a surprise.

Max doesn’t have any of the Activity Club members’ numbers memorized yet, so in the end he tells Johnny to meet up with him tomorrow morning and he’ll introduce him to the rest of the club. They part ways at dusk, with Max offering to walk Johnny home since he’s probably seeing a lot of weird stuff he’s not used to, and the bully reddening and viciously refusing the offer. Max didn’t mean to wound his pride, and if Johnny really has been seeing things for a few days now he guesses the suggestion was unnecessary anyway, but he still felt the need to make it. Watching Johnny walk off into the near-night, he finds that he wants to follow, to spend a little more time with someone else who is just as new to this spirit stuff as he is. Johnny is definitely going to be even more wild with spectral powers, probably, but it’s kind of exciting to imagine doing something like hitball with Johnny in the know this time around. They made a decent team, after all.

The upshot is that he’s pretty excited to go to school in the morning. Isaac is at the store buying breakfast again so they head to school together, and Max feels like he’s buzzing the whole way. He wants to share the news, but he also wants to see the look on everyone’s faces all at once, and besides he’s still determined to be petty to Isaac at least a few times today, so he keeps quiet. It’s pretty clear Isaac can tell something is up, given the sidelong glances he keeps giving Max, and the multiple times he almost says something.

Actually, Max realizes fairly swiftly upon arriving at school that he must just suck at playing it cool today, because it’s barely been five minutes with them all in the same room before Isabel turns to him.

“What’s gotten you so twitchy this morning?” she asks bluntly.

“I- I am not twitchy,” Max says indignantly. He hears a noise in the hall, and half-turns to see if Johnny is here yet.

Ed snorts loudly.

“Son, you’re twitchier ‘n a rattler’s tail,” he drawls. Spender makes a disgusted face at him, muttering about getting ‘enough of that already’, but Isaac just nods solemnly.

“Seriously, did something happen?” he says. “Max, you can tell me.”

“Us,” Spender corrects. “The Activity Club is behind you, Max.”

“Uhhhhhh,” Max says. He may have to reconsider international spy as a career choice if this is how he reacts to being confronted. “Guys, I–”

With perfect timing, Johnny kicks the door open, walks in, and sits down in the middle of the couch. Everyone turns to stare at him instead. He puts his hands in his lap, and takes a deep breath.

“I like fire,” Johnny tells them earnestly.

“…..Th-this isn’t the counselor’s office?” Spender says after a moment, looking a little horrified. Everyone does, to varying degrees. This is not what Max expected, but at least the faces are still hilarious. “Um. Please go see the actual counselor about that.”

“Thought ‘bout it a lot last night, Max,” Johnny continues, unperturbed, “an’ in the end, the answer’s as simple as it always was: fire is the best.”

“I – don’t follow,” Max admits. He’s sincerely hoping the bully’s brain has not broken due to the strain of ghosts being real.

“I picked Charmander,” Johnny snaps, causing everyone in the room to jump. “I picked Cyndaquil, even over that friggin’ croc, I even picked that little chicken which worked out since it turned into a big punching type anyway, I like fire types. I wanna fire type.”

His gaze narrows in on Spender. “Gimme a fire type,” he commands, pounding a fist down onto his opposite palm.

“Wh-what?” Spender whispers. “Is this a prank?”

Max, at this point, cracks.

Only a moment ago, he was right in the same boat as everyone else: concerned for Johnny’s sanity and the safety of a world in which Johnny was a pyromaniac, but as soon as he comprehends what is actually going on here, he bursts straight through into complete and utter hilarity. Like, an immediate gut-hurt of a laugh.

“HA!” he says, and kind of points at Johnny while also clutching at his stomach. “Hahahahaha, no, Johnny- pfffftno, oh man...”

“What?” Johnny says, no actually he’s kind of pouting, oh boy Max is going to bust something all right laughing this hard. “What, you got a cool steel type, I want fire. Like, a fire dog if you got one, with big metal teeth maybe –”

“You’re amazing, Johnny,” Max blurts, grinning so wide his whole face hurts. “No. It doesn’t work like that, okay? This isn’t actually Pokémon.”

“N-never said it was,” Johnny mumbles, face red all over. “Jus’, I mean, you said I could pick a tool an’–”

“Tool?” Spender and Isaac gasp as one.

“It has to match the color of your weird stress smoke though, remember, the spectral energy,” Max reminds.

“Spectral energy?” Spender and Isaac gasp. Still in perfect unison, it’s actually really impressive.

“Well gray is kinda smoky so it’d work for a fire type,” Johnny insists stubbornly. “Look, I dunno why yer laughin’ at me, you’re the one who told me last night spectrals are like Pokémon trainers–“

“I DID NOT,” Max laughs, so hard now that he has to shut his eyes and put a hand on his face and it still does not one iota of good at keeping the giggles in check. “I- I said spirits look like weird Pokémon, sometimes, and also sometimes like eldritch nightmares or cute little sea creatures, I mean – do you really think I’m gonna be spinning my hat around yelling ‘I choose you baseball bat?’”

“…sounds kinda fun though…” Johnny mumbles, sounding a little distracted. When Max opens his eyes, Johnny’s looking straight at him, face still really red, but smiling a little. It’s the nice one, like he had yesterday, the one Max really sort of likes actually.

“Yeah, all right,” he agrees, smiling back. “It kinda does.”

“…I see,” Ed says thoughtfully. “Johnny’s a spectral now and got you to dig him, Max. Nice job!”

He aims a thumbs-up at Johnny, who gets this smug little grin and shrugs, like, ‘no big deal.’

“Uh, dig what?” Max asks. “Huh?”

When he looks at Johnny for an explanation, the other boy avoids his eyes and a lot of gray smoke begins billowing out from his body in wild directions.

“JOHNNY’S A SPECTRAL NOW,” Isabel shouts ecstatically. She bounds across the room to yank Johnny into a hug, then back again to grab Max up, finally pinballing back to cling to Ed in glee, a whirlwind of affection too swift to counter. “Two new spectrals in like a week, this is so amazing I can’t believe it.”

“Johnny’s a… spectral now…” Spender mumbles. “Johnny.” His voice is rising now with, yep, that right there’s a clear edge of panic. “Johnny Jhonny is a spectral who likes fire.”

“I mean I’m not sayin’ I’ll join your dumb club or whatever,” Johnny grins, settling back into the couch, smoke dissipating around him. “Jus’ I want more superpowers so I can punch zombie ghosts too. Max said he’s nearly died like three times already, it sounds sick.”

“You knew about this, Max?” Isaac asks. There’s a weird nervous look on his face. “When did it happen? When, uh-”

“That time ya thought I was dead after I fell on that rock and kicked lightning at nothin’,” Johnny suggests, “was weird.”

“Y-you probably eat a lot of citrus don’t you!” Isaac grins shakily, avoiding looking at Spender. Max wants to tell him not to bother, as the teacher is clearly in shock, but this conversation is too amazing to interrupt. He sits down on the couch next to Johnny to get a better view.

“Ooh, and that time you got a picture of us all floating in the sky on the ghost train, right,” Ed interjects fairly casually. Isabel squeaks a little. Maybe a lot.

“Yeah that too,” Johnny agrees.

Spender has begun to moan, a low, wordless plea.

“But mainly that thing on yer arm after hitball,” Johnny says, nudging Max with an elbow, “was kinda squishy-looking, and purple-”

“That’s PainKiller,” Max tells him, making sure to emphasize the cool name. “It’s a little octopus that eats all your pain, there was one on your head when I first met you.”

Johnny is appropriately impressed by this.

“Diesel,” he judges, before continuing. “Anyway I see them and I’ve already punched one sorta, it was fun. I want a tool too.”

Lefty didn’t really count even as a sorta to Max’s mind, since he blocked every punch, but he won’t put it past Johnny to have gotten into a fight with a spirit on the way to school this morning, so he doesn’t try to make any corrections there.

Instead, he just sits there, mostly quiet except for the occasional smart remark, as the rest of the Activity Club try to pull themselves together in the wake of the cannonball known as Johnny. Ed is the only other person even slightly composed by the end of the meeting, and he holds Johnny back in the room for a second after everyone else leaves. Johnny grabs onto the back of Max’s shirt, not that he would have left anyway. He’s pretty curious about how these two know one another.

“…Your friends all saw that picture of us floating, too,” Ed points out in a quiet voice. “Why didn’t you mention them today?”

Max blinks. That didn’t even occur to him – but, as he looks sideways to Johnny standing next to him, he feels almost like he’s slipped back a few days to that moment in the middle of hitball, when he asked since when Johnny cared about rules.

“They figured it was CGI,” Johnny says with a big innocent smile, but Max hears I don’t and understands that Johnny’s gang has already been informed of everything. He thinks, with a sudden rush of warmth, that Johnny probably decided not to officially join the club as early as last night when Max told him what really happened during hitball.

His dad was maybe onto something about Johnny’s hands being good at protecting people, when he wants.

“Oh, cool!” Ed says, right back to chipper, and trots out of the room with a wink and a wave. It’s impossible to tell if he believes the blatant lie or not, at least for Max who still doesn’t really get the kid. Johnny moves to follow, but this time Max is the one to grab his shirt and hold him back.

“Wh-what?”

“You might be a bad guy,” Max says, though he’s not entirely sure of even that, anymore, “but you make a pretty good friend.”

Johnny’s face goes very red again, but this time he doesn’t stumble over his words.

“It’s me that’s lucky to have them,” he says firmly, and okay. Wow. Max still doesn’t approve of the bullying, but he’s starting to like Johnny more and more anyway. He’s kinda really glad Johnny wants to be his friend.

“I dunno,” he hums, walking around Johnny to head out the door. “I think that probably goes both ways.”

And he leaves, smiling (and feeling more than a little proud of that exit), Johnny’s gaze warm on his back all the way down the hall.

[umbrahighpriestofgiratina]

Rude Awakening, Chapter 1

Aaand, after some delays preventing me from getting it here, here’s a chapterfic. It’s a crossover of Pokemon and Fire Emblem Awakening, and has ties to not only the Yangverse but some RP shenanigans of mine involving both franchises. Knowledge of Fire Emblem is nice but not strictly required due to the characters explaining stuff along the way. Anyway, to start off, Chapter 1, where Palkia gets some weird vacation ideas.

Chapter 1: Off The Clock You'd expect picking a vacation spot would be easier for the goddess of space, Palkia thought. Unfortunately, it wasn't, for the vacation spots were ones a bit out of her comfort zone in that regard: Alternate universes, ones mostly heavily displaced from the ones she sometimes casually visited. It didn't help the guide to said multiverse she was reading had various terrible jokes and memes scrawled in it by a certain brother of hers. She groaned and looked up to gaze around said brother's home dimension, looking among the black and purple haze and the chunks of off-looking earth with off-looking plant life until she spotted Giratina in his Origin forme, idly hovering and levitating a Nintendo 3DS he was playing before him. Knowing her space-bending powers would probably be affected by the nature of the place, Palkia spread her wings and summoned a jet of water to propel her to a chunk of the off-looking earth near where her brother was idly floating to wave the book at him, scowling. "Hey! Giratina! You agreed to help here!" Giratina turned his attention away from the video game to address his sister. "Ooh, right, the vacation! What's it for again?" Palkia sighed and shook her head. "We're trying to cheer Dialga up!" "Isn't bro too stuffy and busy for a vaycay most of the time?" Palkia paused, then looked away. "It... Hasn't been that long since... What happened with Cyrus. I see him more than you do. As much as he tries to hide it he's still really upset over it." She turned back to him with a still-despondent look."And... Well, we both already owe you, that kid, and Cynthia big time for stopping him... But you know the multiverse better than I do, so I wanted you to help me pick a fun spot. So we could both cheer him up." Giratina paused, then nodded somberly himself. "Good point... We could all try to find a place to chill after that..." He then promptly turned back to his game. "Just let me get to a spot where I can save..." "Alright, then-" She took a closer look at the game he's playing and scowled. "Hey, wait a minute!" She snatched the game and system from him. "That's my copy of the latest-" She paused, stared at the game for a few seconds, then snapped two of her claws together and grinned. "That's it! We give Dialga one hell of a theme vacation!" Giratina stared at her in confusion. "Why would we want to take him video game shopping?" Palkia smirked. "A bit deeper than that, dear brother." She gestured to the eldritch space around them. "Your little... abode ties into all sorts of other worlds! Now, not even we know exactly how many are out there, but likely millions, trillions, quite possibly an infinite number of 'em! And if there are that many, well, some might just very well be kinda familiar..." She points to the 3DS's screens. "...But that's more your department. Can you find out if there's a universe anything like the thirteenth and newest installment of my favorite strategy game series?" Giratina blinked and stared a good while before responding. "Um... Lemmie try something." He soared off further into his realm until he was a speck in the distance, leaving Palkia to stand impatiently and cross her arms to stare after him a while. Eventually, Giratina returned levitating a small rectangular device in front of him, using the points of the tentacle-like structures on his back to tap it carefully. Palkia eyed the device quizzically. "Is that… A Sliphpad?" "Yup! State of the art. Use it for keeping track of all the really out there universes as well as the closer-to-home ones." Palkia glanced at the book she was holding then at Giratina irritably. "Why'd you give me the musty guide with all your doodles in it then?" "Hey, don't diss my modern art." Palkia flung the book at Giratina's head. He didn't notice as it bounced off of one of his facial plates, but he did notice something on the screen he quickly tapped a tentacle to and levitated toward Palkia for her to look at. "Is this it, sis?" Palkia grumbled as she took the Sliphpad, expecting Giratina to have found a world closer to Dragonite Quest or Last Legend or, if she was lucky, a previous game in the same series as the one she wanted, only for her own eyes to light up upon seeing she was wrong. "This… This is it! It's pretty much it! I can't believe I'm saying this, Giratina, but you're a genius! Thank you so much!" She embraced her more serpentine brother, who reciprocated with his three sets of tentacles. After the hug was broken, she bounced up and down excitedly on her large feet, her claws clenched and her long tail thumping the ground in excitement. "This is gonna be great! We're gonna take Dialga on vacation there and all have a blast, and he's gonna be so much happier and we just need to think up some good disguises and get access to -" She froze in place mid-sentence, then scowled, tapping her foot. "Great. I just realized there's one particular obstacle to getting the resources." Giratina gave her a puzzled look. "...Um, we're Legendaries? We can just get 'em however?" Palkia sighed and put a claw to her forehead. "...Problem is that "however" involves one particular other Legendary." ---------------- "So... let me get this straight, space babe." Palkia's eye twitched at that particular moniker from the small, grey-and-pink creature with gold hoops before her and Giratina within a quiet forest grove, but allowed him to continue. "You want to take your bro on vacation to a fancy swords 'n sorcery universe to cheer him up after that Cyrus guy tried to push the reset button on the universe, and honestly, I don't blame ya!" said Hoopa. "Some asshole trying to do that has gotta rub you guys the wrong way." He then raised an eyebrow. "That said, why do top-tier deity Legendaries like you guys need into... The Stash?" Palkia sighed. "Hoopa. Everymon knows you are the ultimate hoarder. Your pocket dimensions are filled to the brim with the sorts of things we need for this fantasyland vacation we can have easy access to anytime, so we're gonna need you to tag along." "Plus, if I screw with your pocket dimensions enough I can let us get to the wifi and stuff back home!" said Giratina. "Can't forget the essentials." "...What he said too," said Palkia. Hoopa tapped one of his mitt-like hands to his chin in thought for a bit before looking to the other two Legendaries and nodding. "...Alright then. You guys are the bosses. Plus, If you wanna cheer your bro up that bad that's a hell of a nice thing to do. I guess I can let you in on The Stash for this little trip of yours." He then smirked a bit. "...On three conditions." Palkia scowled. "Figured. What do you want, you greedy little djinn?" Hoopa's smirk grew wider. "First, all use of the Stash is under my supervision." "Okay, that's fair enough. Next?" "Second, I actually want in on this vacation, not just to be some sort of luggage carrier. And if it helps on your end I'll at least try to help cheer your brother up." "Also fair enough, what's the thi-" Hoopa made a gesturing motion with one of his hands as his smirk morphed into an outright mischievous grin. "...Bottle." Palkia's scowl likewise grew more intense. "You know full we-" "Deal's a deal." "Just roll with the dude, sis," said Giratina. "...Fine," said Palkia, "but keep an eye on him." A rift in space opened, which she quickly dashed through. ------------ In a Hoenn Pokemart winding down for the evening, a lone employee stood idly lost in thought as he waited for his manager to bring his paycheck, only to hear a voice in front of him. "Yo!" He blinked and turned to see a young, pink-haired, red-eyed woman in pink and white clothing - he noted her t-shirt had characters from the TV show Valiant Knight Skarmory on it - giving him a doe-eyed look that to the worker seemed a tad too innocent. "Hi there! Let me guess, you were working the night shift one night some time ago?' "Erm, yea-" "And this crazy old man came in and robbed the place?" "...Y-yeah?" "And then he gave you this bottle and made all these oh-so-creepy mutterings about this Hoopa Pokemon whose power would be unsealed for three days if you opened it but when you did nothing happened and it was all like, to use the phrasing of one of my brothers, two spoopy four you?" "H-how-" "And you've just been oh so dearly hoping you can find some passerby you can feasibly pawn it off to so you don't have to deal with it anymore?" "U-um..." The woman extended a hand. "Gimmie." The man quickly pulled out a strange purple-grey-and-gold bottle and plopped it into her palm. "Thank you sir, have a nice day!" A rift in space opened next to her, which she darted through just before it closed and vanished. The man simply stared blankly a good while after. "...I need a raise." ---------------- Palkia quickly emerged back in the grove where her brother and Hoopa were, her more natural form and scowl quickly returning. "Found it." Giratina blinked. "How'd you find it so fa-" "The 'pay a guy to act like a creepy hobo and pawn it to some nobody' trick is losing its luster, Giratina." Giratina fell silent as Palkia grumbled and popped open the bottle. Immediately a sparking haze of black energy emerged and swirled around Hoopa, and he laughed maniacally as he grew and grew until the haze dispersed to reveal a towering, six-armed, monstrous version of himself. "Yes! My true power! And I know just what i'm going to do with it first!" He created six portals from his hoops and reached through them with all six arms to pull out countless boxes of donuts of various brands. "Hey!" Said Palkia. "You're supposed to help us with-" "Aye, space babe, hold up! Getting my true form back works up an appetite!" He promptly used all six arms to shovel the donuts into his toothy maw and toss the boxes away, let out a resounding belch, then turned back to the two dragons before him. "Alright, appetite sated, I'm ready. What are we gonna need from The Stash for this little renaissance affair?" Palkia's expression became more passive as she put a claw to her chin. "Hmmm..." -------------- In a dimension dominated by an omnipresent blue haze and teal, diamond-like, crystals of various sizes floating through it, Dialga was peaceably reading a book - a long one, he needed it to keep his mind on it for long. He flipped to one page, blinked at something scrawled in the corner, and groaned. "Giratina, must you leave your mortal innuendoes and cultural crude jokes everywhere?" It was right then he heard a voice from behind him."Bigger question, bro, you ready for us to rock your world?" Dialga stiffened with an annoyed expression and turned around. "Please tell me you weren't stupid enough to replicate a certain-" He blinked to find not only Giratina, but Palkia and Unbound Hoopa standing together before him, standing under a banner that said "VACATION TIME!" With a strange teardrop-shaped sigil Dialga didn't recognise below it. "...Alright, what are you three up to?" "We're up to cheering you up by going on a multiversal vacation!" Said Palkia. "Sis got a crazy idea for the theme," said Giratina. "And it only took just under three days for us to get most of the stuff read-" said Hoopa. Suddenly a mass of black energy dispersed from him and entered someplace on Palkia's person, reverting him to the form of a small, poltergeist-like creature. "...Scratch that, exactly three days," said the now-Confined Hoopa. He made another beckoning gesture to Palkia, who wagged a claw back in a scolding fashion. "Ah ah. You're gonna need to be small and innocuous-looking for part of this." "And what exactly are the fine details of "this"?" said Dialga, scanning the other three skeptically. "Well," said Palkia, "You - and really, all of us - could use a load off after... the Cyrus incident..." Everyone grew silent. Dialga stiffened a bit but allowed Palkia to continue. "...But me and the others found a good way to do so!" Said Palkia. "Go on a theme vacation to an out-of-the-way universe and have fun incognito with the locals to let off steam better than Volcanion does!" "Erm," whispered Hoopa, "Knowing Volcanion personally, if you take what you just said metaphorically it totally works,but more literally not so much since she can get kinda-" "I know, stick to the script!" Palkia whispered back. Dialga just stared awkwardly until hesitantly continuing. "...Go on?" "Well," said Palkia, "Giratina and I found a universe just like the thirteenth, newest game in my favorite strategy game series! And Hoopa here's gonna join the ride and let us all have access to local niceties while we're at it!" *"We'll go incognito, chill with the locals, relax, have a good time," said Giratina. "It'll be perfect!" "And I've got all we need to keep access to conveniences back home!" said Hoopa. "It's a win-win situation!" Dialga looked at them all, conflicted, before sighing. "All of you, I appreciate the effort and" - he paused - "concern. But this sounds rather risky, especially given things have gotten iffy via Palkia getting me too deeply into her interests in a less literal fashion. Remember when you tried to get me to read that Home-whatsit comic, sister? I had to drown my sorrows in Giratina's alcohol over all the convoluted meddling with time in its narrative!" Palkia frowned and raised a claw. "Okay, that was an exceptional case, yet I get why you're wary. But me and Giratina found a spacetime coordinate in this universe that'll be totally fine." "How?" said Dialga. "Doesn't that strategy game involve war? We can't barge in on another universe and commit wanton murder on the locals!" "That sweet spot Palkia mentioned is an era of peace, bro, just long enough for a good cooldown," said Giratina. "...Era of peace?" said Dialga. He turned his head away and thought a bit before turning back and nodding. "...That does, in fact, sound nice." He frowned again. "But abandoning our posts here might cause complications, especially so soon after a disruption..." "Well first," said Palkia; "we're not Legendaries from some human fantasy novel that go poof if no one is around to clap their hands and believe, You know we're made of tougher metaphysical stuff than that. We can leave and come right back in a spacetime sense just fine. And just to make sure, Hoopa can help us keep an eye on things back home." Dialga paused, then lowered his head and closed his eyes a bit before looking up and smiling. "...Very well. This vacation could be just what we all need." Palkia pumped her claws. "Yes! Thank you, Dialga, you're going to love this! We're going to love this!" "Alrighty then!" said Hoopa. "Now the multiversal getaway is a thing, we gotta get the disguises ready!" Dialga eyed him oddly. "Disguises?" Hoopa grinned. "Newsflash, Timeasaur! Me and your sis teamed up on the filthy cosplaying and LARPing bit!' ---------- The four Legendaries, all but Hoopa having assumed human forms, were gathered around four of the latter's pocket dimension hoops, all going over a book together with Palkia. "OK, to start I think I'll demonstrate what we're going for..." said Palkia. She hopped into the hoop-portal and emerged a few minutes later wearing a distinctly flamboyant dress-like outfit themed around her more natural dragon form, complete with a long staff that had the Lustrous Orb embedded atop it. "Ta-da!" Dialga raised an eyebrow. "I thought this was a universe stuck in the medieval period, not one of your human magical girl shows." Palkia huffed and waved her staff at Dialga. "Not so fast. I'm a Valkrye, I've got a balance of healing and offense magic. Granted, latter for self-defense, but still." Dialga tilted his head. "So this is one of those character class things?" Palkia smirked. "Exactly." "Ooh!" said Giratina, balling his fists excitedly, "What do I get to be?" Palkia grinned. "Found a perfect one for you, Giratina..." She flipped the book to a new page and presented it to him. "Dark Knight!" "Ooh!" he said again, his red eyes giving a rather off-looking sparkle, "Is this like that one Gligarman movie?" He struck a dramatic pose. "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the vil-" Palkia quickly frowned. "Not quite right either, you've got a lot of both physical and magical power and can still take a hit." Giratina blinked. "Oh, that's cool too! Lemmie get mine on..." He ducked into his own portal and emerged in plate armor themed around his own natural form, complemented with a sword adorned with a Griseous Orb on its hilt. "Ready to kick ***!" <OK, wait, if you guys are all putting on human suits for the locals, how do I get in on that?> said Hoopa. Palkia raised an eyebrow. "You likely have something in that "stash" of yours... " Hoopa placed a mitt-like hand to his chin and thought a bit before his eyes widened. <Wait! There's that one armband doohickey, hold on!> He jumped into his hoop portal and emerged shortly after as a scrawny, bronze-skinned youth, more teenager-ish in looks than his fellows, with pink hair tied back in a ponytail. "Geez, I dunno how you guys are so used to the whole funny looking monkey gig, such weird spindly legs..." He shuddered, then turned to Palkia. "But I'll live with it for this. Speaking of which, what do I go as for this whole LARPing session?" Palkia smirked and turned the pages of the book to a page she held up for Hoopa to see. "Trickster." Hoopa looked and grinned. "That's my style." He lept through his portal again and emerged wearing clothes themed around his confined form that seemed a paradoxical combination of jestery and roguelike. "Ready to role!" He turned to Dialga. "Your turn, vacation boy." Dialga put a hand to his chin and thought, then turned to Palkia. "May I see the book?" Palkia handed it over, with Dialga immediately flipping through it until he came upon a particular page and grinned. "Perfect! This "Manakete" class suits me nicely." Palkia raised an eyebrow. "The dragon one?" "Yes! It'll let me assume my natural form while still blending in!" Palkia scowled. "Hey! You may be vacation boy, but no cheating!" She smiled and flipped to another page in the book. "How about a Taguel? Turns you into a critter other than a dragon, good for variety, huh?" Dialga looked a bit before nodding. "Acceptable." "Great! Can I have your Adamant Orb?" Dialga hesitantly handed it over before Palkia and Hoopa whispered to each other, she dived into his hoop, and emerged with the Adamant Orb emitting a strange glow. "Here you go!" Dialga warily took the orb back and gasped and shuddered a bit as his human ears grew much longer and floppier in shape and excess blue hair sprouted in several places on his body. "What just-" "I tweaked it a bit to let it serve as your Beaststone. It'll let you shift between what you are now and your more beastial form. Though for this form you should get that armor you saw in the book on." Dialga blinked, but hopped into his own hoop anyway, and hopped out in armor that was, like his fellows, themed around his more natural form, but in his case form-fitted around his upper arms, lower legs, waist, and chest with no noticeable weapon. "I... believe I am ready." "OK!" said Palkia. "I think our usual human monikers will work here." "Valentina for you, Howard for Giratina, and Quentin for Dialga, right?" said Hoopa. Palkia smiled. "Yep." Hoopa smiled back. "Call me Bartimaeus then." "Fine by me. Everything we need packed in The Stash already?" Hoopa nodded. "Yep." Palkia turned to Giratina and grinned. "Gratina? Rev up that portal." Giratina grinned back to spread his hands in front of him and summon a large, distorted portal with a bright light emerging from within. "So we're going?" "Ayep!" said Hoopa. "You bet," said Palkia. "But Giratina?" "Yeah sis?" "No flirting with the locals." Giratina raised a finger to object before Palkia cut him off. "Of any gender or species." Giratina grumbled, and crossed his arms as he followed the others into the portal. ***

[zombolouge]

11 Questions

I was tagged by my perfect Unicorn Wife @whenwewereoceans to answer these here questions, and then ask different ones. WOOOO. (like ya do)

1. How do you take your coffee?

I prefer flavored creamer only, but if none of that is available I will do just cream. A lot of cream.

2. What’s your favourite kind of weather?

RAIN. Rain, storms, cold. Anything that makes it good sweater weather. I would like to experience some real snow sometime soon, because I’m pretty sure I would like it a lot, too.

3. If you could go back in time, where would you visit?

I’mma go back in time with a sweet arsenal and tame some fucking dinosaurs. I will be queen of the dinosaurs. Y’all will see cave drawings of a smol redhead riding around on pterodactyls and be like “she’s a myth”. No, wrong, it was me, I did it, and then I came back forward to lurk on tumblr, because y’all don’t know about my dinosaurs.

4. What’s the weirdest song in your music library?

The entire Galavant soundtrack.

5. If you could invent a national holiday, what would you celebrate?

National Stay at Home and Let me Write day. It’s a day where I don’t have to go to work or talk to people, and I can write from the minute I wake up without being interrupted, and somebody brings me tea and food so I don’t even have to stop for that. (just think how many words I could write you guys. I wonder what the world record is for most words in a day??)

6. What would you like to be famous for?

WRITING. MY STORIES. HAVING EXCELLENT CHARACTERS IN MY STORIES.

7. What is the thing you have loved the longest?

Uh...reading, I suppose? O.o

8. What would you name your pet dragon?

Jeff

9. Is there a kind of food you can’t stand, but everyone else likes? Or vice versa?

Cilantro. And I like to eat tuna sandwiches with pickles and cheese, which is apparently some kind of sin against mankind.

10. What is your favourite literary genre?

Fantasy, with Science Fiction in a close second.

11. What is your favourite thing about yourself?

That I write very very fast.

MY QUESTIONS, BEHOLD THEIR SPLENDOR:

1. You have successfully cloned yourself. What is the first thing you will ask your clone to do?

2. You have to change your name, BY LAW, and you get to choose what it will be. The catch? It can only be from JRPGs created in the last 2 years. SO, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BECOME?

3. When was the last time you got so happy you screamed and kicked your feet a lil’ bit like a cartoon character?

4. What the fuck is wrong with ducks?

5. What are your three least favorite synonyms for “balls”?

6. You have been tasked with saving the Bees. All of them. FUCKING DO IT, THEY ARE ENDANGERED OMG.

7. YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS, THE CLOCK IS TICKING, DON’T MESS IT UP: What is your favorite animal?

8. If you could be any deep sea horror, which one would you be and why?

9. My autocorrect really wants to change “Cthulhu” to “Cathleen”. If Cathleen were an eldritch horror, what do you think would be her worst attribute?

10. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck were a 50-foot tall robot with the fur of a thousand moose plastered to its cold, chrome exterior?

11. You’re going to the family reunion. Are you:

a) the gay cousin

b) the drunk aunt

c) uncle “ate all the fucking fried chicken again” Sal,

d) scene teen

e) someone’s mom on the verge of an anxiety attack because god dammit Percy, you can’t just put things down your pants in public you’re embarrassing me and that was a whole bowl of jello

f) drunk but not an aunt

g) an orphan and very lonely

h) the weird third cousin who farms llamas and won’t stop talking about it but for the love of God, Harold, no one wants a fucking sweater

i) the one that takes Monopoly really seriously

j) auditioned for the Bachelor/Bachelorette and was told they would be called. They weren’t.

k) dad who is aggressively proud of his gay son and needs everyone to hear about it

l) the aunt with lipstick that is kinda melting but nobody wants to tell her

m) the rich one

n) the one that can’t stand the rich one because you didn’t fucking earn it, Sasha, get a fucking grip

o) the Cat Person

p) the Dog Person

q) A Slytherin

r) The Hufflepuff that insists they’re really a Gryffindor

s) licking all the frosting all the cupcakes and then just leaving them there what the fuck, Josh

t) Not Anyone’s Real Dad Todd

u) The Sane One

v) hitting on their cousin, but only to piss off their mom

w) The anime fan

x) the inter-dimensional traveler who disappears mysteriously as soon as someone starts talking about tracking “strange readings” to a blue police box

y) The Artist

z) fucking done

I’m gonna tag: @illneverrecover @wesnest @kmandergirl @celeste-draws @evillyte @m0th3rw4r @mercenarysexuality @rhetoricalrogue @rederiswrites @shenko​ and anybody else that wants to answer my questions, feel free, because I would LOVE to see your answers. <3