#it's just so fascinating seeing the change. and how it isn't an easy decision.

[fungi-maestro]

The Question #4 (1987)

[hotheadedhero]

Love at First Fight

We can have an adoration for someone but sometimes it takes a special moment to realise how we truly feel about them. This moment is different for everyone and isn't always... conventional

Raphael x Reader

Watching Raphael fight and spar has always fascinated you from the first moment you spotted him from your apartment window. It must have been after he had one of many arguments with his brothers because he was clashing with a gang of Purple Dragons on his own. You’ve always been a night owl, so it was only a matter of time before one of these battles fell before your wondering eyes. After getting over your initial confusion about his appearance, you found yourself utterly enraptured by his moves and how he fights with a lack of reservation. Curiosity got the better of you that night and urged you to take a closer look - a decision that has snowballed into you being here with him and his family now. 

“I’ll spar with you,” you chime, earning many baffled glances. 

“And risk wrecking that pretty face of yours?” he asks through a teasing, confused smile. “Not happening, princess.”

Your blood warms with both the sly compliment and his skepticism. It isn’t uncommon for the two of you to flirt, whether it’s playful banter or a means of trying to disarm one another. No one is entirely sure how this exchange came to be but everyone has put it down to you retaining a similar fiery temperament. What they don’t know is that this friendly transaction of dallying quips has been hanging hot in your stomach recently. You can’t pinpoint exactly when this materialised but you know that you’ve got it bad. He’s just so iron-willed - brazen in the face of danger no matter the circumstances. You’ve always revered strong figureheads, so you suppose it was only a matter of time before you’d develop a crush on your friend. 

“You think I can’t take it?” you challenge bluntly. 

“I know you can’t. Remember how many times I had to save your ass within the first week of knowing ya’?”

How could you forget? This guy makes a point of reminding you every opportunity he gets - a fact that annoys you tenfold given the feelings you harbour for him. You would love nothing more than for him to see you as something other than a damsel in distress. That being the case is admittedly your fault but it’s time for a change. You don’t expect to dazzle him but it would be nice to feel as though you can stand on his level and what better way than to engage in a sparring session? That is pretty much his language, after all. Hopefully, this will be the defining moment that halts the frequent patronisation you endure. It just so happens that you have a little something up your sleeve. 

A hand makes home on your hip, pushing out slightly as you quirk a brow in his direction. “Will you at least humour me?”

His eyes flicker down and up again to meet yours, noting the absence of any jest. You are dead serious on this one and that alone manifests a new level of respect. It’s stupid, quite frankly foolish to volunteer a match with him, but he will oblige nonetheless. Raphael may give you a hard time but deep down he does care about you (though he’d never admit it), which is why he’s going to go easy on you. He has years' worth of training and genuinely doesn’t want to run the risk of hurting your pretty little head. 

When he caringly rests his sais to one side and stands just a few feet in front of you, you know you’ve gotten your way. Promptly, you dash for your bag, retrieve a small item, and return to your position. His head cranes to the side as you open up the case and slip in your earbuds. A smile from the youngest of the brothers shines from the corner of your eye. Michelangelo was a huge inspiration for this idea and he’s more excited than anyone to see how you follow through. Your opponent merely saunters ahead of you with an unamused patience that is wearing thin, assuming that you must think this to be some kind of joke. In a sense, you do.

After a quick song selection, you hop on the spot and shake everything off before readying yourself. A raised hand that double taps the air is all it takes to beckon him to make the first move. He sprints in and swings a hand around your right, a hit that he holds back enough in case you don’t dodge but you do. You swerve back and your feet crisscross in time with the beat before one leg swings up to jab him in the cheek. The look of stark surprise pressed onto his face with the contact of your calf will be cherished forever; heavy bass and harmonic strings vibrating into your skull make the small victory all the more worthwhile. He doesn’t fall but the shock has him stumbling until he quickly regains his posture. 

Your movements aren’t copies of Mikey’s, so there’s no way he taught you any of this. One wouldn’t trust him to teach to begin with. When Raphael turns back to face you, he is met with an expectant grin. Raised tauntingly, your hand gestures for him to go at you again. He complies by doing so, swinging with less restraint than before and, yet, every jab sent your way is only met with empty air. The rapid movement of your limbs doesn’t give him a clear indication of where you’re going next. In between each side-step, you smirk at him, egging him on with your rising cockiness. You barely attempt to strike him, instead focusing on these effortless evasive manoeuvres. 

As if you can sense his agro, you decide to stop this back-and-forth shuffle and hook an ankle around his knee, knocking him onto his front. This will be a short-lived win, however. Frustration finally takes its helm and Raph pirouettes on his hands before he forces a foot into your abdomen. With a strained grunt, you fall back and one of the earpieces tumbles onto the floor. Your face scrunches up and you gasp against the hysteria of your rattling stomach. 

“Crap!” Any grievance he had before diminishes and he’s quick to try and make amends. “You okay?” 

Once he’s close enough, you lurch your hands on either side of your head, lift your legs into your chest, and use any strength left in your core to spring up and kick. Your shoes make a crisp smack against his cheek and he loses enough footing to fall onto his back, arms pressing into the floor to prevent his shell from rocking. He can’t find it in himself to form any words at this moment. Words have lost all meaning. All he sees is stars. That was… incredible. He had you down on the ground and still, you found a way to turn the situation in your favour. Where has this side of you been hiding? Have you always been able to fight or have you been taking lessons in secret? The latter may explain why he hasn't had to come in and be your knight in green amour as of late. Regardless, he’s speechless. Usually, a beatdown like this would have him going savage but the only thing he feels is admiration and a strange rush in his chest. If it’s adrenaline, it’s like nothing he’s ever experienced amid battle before. This intoxicating, almost painful sensation sends his mind into a spin and he barely registers the small hand outstretched in front of him. Your prideful smile only accelerates the screaming pounding of his heart and it takes a second before he manages to take your grasp.

You help him back onto his feet and chortle confidently. “Reckon I can take it then?”

“I… how…?” These are the only words he manages to stammer out with his slowly furrowing brow. “What?”

“If you think that was cool, you should see what I can do with flamenco,” you joke, crossing your aching arms over your chest. 

“Where’d you learn to fight like that?” 

“My old man used to teach me self-defence.” You kneel to retrieve the stray earbud from the floor and place both back into their pod safely. “As for the dance moves: that’s all self-taught, honey.” 

The shot of a wink from your person has him reeling again but he has another burning question that just about keeps him stable. “If you know how to defend yourself then how the hell d’you end up in so much trouble back in the day?”

A mischievous grin brightens your face and you absentmindedly shrug. “Had to get your attention somehow.”

Softly, you pat him on the cheek you had just pummelled - the sting only now registering with your touch - before leaving to check for any bruising. If you want to avoid questions at work, you’ll need to treat them quickly with a cold compress and some aloe vera; a neat little trick courtesy of the braniac brothers. This leaves Raph to stare at the doorway you just left through. A million and one questions are still whirring around in his head but he can’t seem to shake the thought that you have just unequivocally bewildered him. You wanted his attention. That confirmation alone threatens to burn his face, surely worsening the condition of his bruise, but he doesn’t care. The only thing he loves more than your playfully flirtatious banter right now is the fact that he now knows you can handle yourself in a fight. 

Cooing from his brothers’ voices draws him out from the rose-tinted world and he glares them down to the best of his abilities with his supposedly tarnished pride. 

“You just got served, son!”

“Yeah, well, I won’t be holding back next time.” A confident smirk pulls at the side of his lip and his eyes return to the open doorway. “Especially now I know she’s got what it takes.”

A/N: It was a happy accident but I got ecstatic with the parallel of you falling in love with Raph from watching him fight, and him falling in love with you because you proved you could fight. Hope you enjoyed!

[romancefranaticstay]

F⋆i⋆r⋆s⋆t⋆ ⋆s⋆i⋆g⋆h⋆t

This is comedy, drama, romantic serie

All members are included but its technically...

Hyunjin x reader

A new day, at a new school... In Korea. At the moment your life was upside down after the sudden decisions your parents made.

Your parents wanted to move to Korea, because it is a safe country, but they never thought about you. You knew how to speak the Korean language, okay, you know how to write it... but you had to leave everything you loved behind.

Your friends, your childhood...

It wasn't very easy to step in that airplane, it really wasn't. Your parents had to force you to go in that plane.

The worst thing first, you heard the Korean school system was pretty strict and there was a high percentage for bullying at those schools. You tried to mentally prepare yourself during the summer vacation, but there was only a week left.

Your uniform was at least decent....

To be honest, the schooluniform was pretty awesome. Because your old uniform was pretty... how an you say it... horrible... a crime towards fashion you might say.

You were actually the most scared of the students, because you were scared what they would think about you.. would they judge you because you weren't actually born in Korea? Would they judge you because you have (choose a country) roots?

Maybe they would be fascinated... yeah lets hope for the best you know!

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During the last week you tried to change yourself up a bit. And you also tried to think about other stuff in the mean time. It didn't really help the stress, but you could atleast try...

You had a lot of fun actually decorating your room. It was very cozy actually your new room, and you actually hope to get your 'k-drama' school life...(ofcourse that isn't going to happen... really not).

The last two days were actually pretty calm, your moods changed from time to time and you weren't really focusing on it. You were missing your friends back home, ofcourse you always could call them or chat with them, but its never going to be the same...

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You were laying in bed, staring towards your ceiling, and you were stressed out. Today was official your last day and tommorow was your first day. Actually you were stressed but also kind of exciting. A new school is always a bit exciting.

You went early to bed, you alreaddy packed your school supplies, you went to the hairsalon alreaddy, you did set a alarm for tommorow at 6 a.m. just to be sure,... you have done everything to be prepared for your big day...

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*beep beep beep beep*

'Dammit.' you gasped, reaching out for your heart. You slammed on your clock to put it off. Ofcourse not slamming to hard, so it wouldn't break.

You weakly stood up and went towards the bathroom.

'I am a fricking mess.' you thought by yourself. You started to brush you teeth, to style your hair, to put some 'natural-girl' make-up on and ofcourse some earrings.

You went downstairs, greeting your parents and getting your lunchbox.

'I am going to head out.' you waved. 'Bye bye.'

You took your bike and started to drive off. Looking around, just fascinated about the surroundings. It felt off, to be here. You saw some other students on your way to your school. You also saw someone who immediatly caught your eye while passing by.

A boy with big plump lips, dark eyes, and black hair. His face was just, how could you describe it, lets just call it 'chefs-kiss'. His uniform was the same as yours. So that meant you went both to the same school. You hoped that you will see him at school frequently.

You walked inside and everyone stared at you. Nobody ever saw you at this school so it was pretty normal. You also weren't from Korea, maybe thats why.

You explored the school a bit, looking around, wandering behind people. There was a big library at the school, it was well organized and actually very quiet. I know you might say: your supossed to be silent in a library, but still. Not even a single word. You couldn't hear any whispers. It was a bit weird you thought.

The bell ringed and you first went to a secretary. Because how was you supossed to know were to go?

'Goodmorning miss, mine name is I/N Y/N. I am new at this school and i never got the information where classes are or where to go.'

'Oh sweetty, i will get you all the papers and someone to show you around. No worry's!'

'Thank you.' it was a very nice old lady behind the desk. She didn't seem very old but still.

You waited for maybe 2/3 minutes when she arrived with some papers.

'Here are your classes, the number of the classroom you can find next to your lectures. I will lead you towards your classroom, okay darling?'

you nodded. You followed her into a big hallway, with everywhere classes with learning students. They were very focused. You two walked a bit further until she stopped infront of a classroom. Classroom number 705.

She knocked two time's.

'Goodmorning, i've got a new student for you.'

'Ahh, welcome miss..' he looked towards a piece of paper 'I/N Y/N.'

'I will take care of her further.' the man said to the old lady.

'Could you introduce yourself to the classroom?'

'Mine name is I/N Y/N, like you all heard. I am sixteen, i just moved to Korea maybe two months ago.'

'You can take a seat at the back next to... Han Jisung.' he pointed towards a young student.

You seated yourself next to him. He was quite silent, even tho his face shined some kind of cozy, warm type of feeling out. He wasn't very talkactive at first, but when the teacher assigned you both to do some groupwork it was laughing, pointing and angry teacher.

It all started like this...

'Hey, mine name is Y/N, by the way.'

'Nice to meet you, mine name is Han.'

'Okay lets start with it! So what do we have to do?'

'Why are you looking at me? How am i supossed to know?'

'Look i am the new student here, i shouldn't be alreaddy in the end-zone.'

'I shouldn't either.'

'Lets just look what the others are doing will you?'

'Why are they mixing something together.'

'Because maybe this is science?'

'Oh yeah, thats right. How hard can it be?'

'Yeah actually, its just mixing some stuff together.'

'Okay lets just take this.' he had a cup of purple stuff in his hand.

'Why that?'

'Because the colors of the rest are like magnenta kind of color, so we will just mix purple and blue together.'

'Thats actually smart.'

(by the way, it wasn't right.)

'Okay so... uhmmm why is it boiling?' you asked.

'Uhmmm, this wasn't supossed to happen actually...'

'O my god, its rising.'

'Oh no no no no.'

'Lucky that we are in the back of the class.'

'O no noo noo, it doesn't stop rising.'

'Oh no no no no, what are we going to do?'

'I don't know, how am i supossed to know?!'

'Why don't you know anything?'

'Wait i have a idea, just pour it out in the sink next to use.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah, yeah just do it.'

you poured it out in the sink and... nothing happend. Strange...

'You smart-pants, nothing happend.'

'See, mister smart to your service.'

you both laughed.

'You know, because you are new, we are officially now friends.'

'Thats cool.'

'So i will introduce you to mine friendgroup if you don't might.'

'Why would i?'

'They are kinda hyper-active, you know?'

'Thats okay.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah yeah.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You both were walking out of the class, talking and gossiping about your class-students. You two really had a connection. You both also were very loud so those students alreaddy knew you talked about them.

You saw a bench full of boys. They alreaddy turned their heads when they heard you both laughing and shouting loud. Han waved towards them from a distance. You saw a familiar face...

'Hey whatsupp guys, this is Y/N.'

'Hey.'

'Whatsupp.'

'Hello.'

'Hi-i.'

'Hey Y/N.'

'Hi.'

'Mhm.'

You felt someone staring at your body. Suddenly you locked eyes with that boy, that boy you saw on your bike.

'This are Seugmin, Bangchan, Changbin, Lee Know, Felix, Jeongin and Hyunjin.'

... His name was Hyunjin.

'Nice to meet you all.'

'So you are the new student?' Changbin asked.

'Yeah, i am.'

'So are you single?'

'I am a single pringle, indeed.'

'Your funny.' Felix smirked.

'I know.'

'Aahaaa, i know, you know, Lee Know!' Han shouted.

They all laughed but suddenly Lee Know stood up and he ran after Han.

'Oh no, here we go again.'

'What are they doing?'

'Yeah something with tissue's.'

You saw Han running away from Lee Know but Han tripped and fall into the grass. He pinned him down into the grass and putted tissue's in his mouth.

'Very interesting.'

'Its his habit.' Hyunjin said to you.

'Are they a couple?' you whispered towards him.

'They never admit it, but i think they are.'

you both giggled.

Lee Know helped Han to get up from the grass. Their hands interwining with eachother. They are very suspicious to be honest.

'Sorry for that.' Han came running towards you.

'It was funny.'

'Finally someone who finds it funny.' Lee Know commented.

Everyone started to talk about different thema's. Some were talking about their teachers and some about random stuff they saw online. You were just sitting there, next to Hyunjin. The bench was very comfortable. And the sky looked very bright today. You were observing other students when Hyunjin tapped on your shoulder.

'I forgot to ask, could i show you around maybe?'

'Oww, yeah sure, why not.' you smiled.

You both got up and started to walk around, you two, alone, without the others...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'These are the girlsbathroom they are very neat. Don't try to hide in here when you try to skip class. They get checked frequently.'

'Good to know.'

you two walked further.

'And here is a 'secret' room.'

'If its that secret, how come you know it?'

'All the students know about this room.'

'Really how come?'

Hyunjin cheeks turned bright red.

'Its... its just a place were.' he went silent 'were, couples like... you know.'

'No i don't know.' you smirked.

'Were couples can be alone.'

'Never heard of such place's in schools.'

'Really?'

'Yeah in mine school, you just had the bathrooms.'

'The bathrooms?! Ewww.'

'I know, its disgusting.'

'Are you familliar with that concept?'

'You mean.... umm even tho its normal for teenagers... i never really had interest in that stuff... you know?'

'Yeah yeah, i understand, but why?'

'I just want to save myself for that one person.'

'I understand, you have an idea who that one person might be?'

'I don't know, but i don't want to waste myself before i met him or maybe her, you never know.'

'Yeah, you never know.'

You both smiled weakly at eachother.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HIS POV

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I totally embarassed myself, why dammit why would i start a conversation about that kind of concept? What is wrong with me? You know just be calm, be calm, okay its just a girl.

Just a girl...

'So you like the school alreaddy?'

'Yeah its cool.'

'Cool.'

Do not ask it Hyunjin, don't you dare... don't do it, don't do it.

'So are you single?'

Dammit dammit dammit.

'What?'

'I mean, you like jingle? Like christmas jingle?'

Smooth dumbass.

'Yeah, i love christmas.'

'Me to! I love the winter.'

'Me to! Wow, you know what i love the most about Christmas?'

'What?'

'The decoration, its just so warm and cozy. Just make's me feel warm.'

'The films are also great don't you think?'

'Yeah ofcourse also the films and also the food.'

'You can't forget about the food, can't you.'

'Everything about Christmas is beautifull you know?'

'What is that noise?' she asked.

O dammit, i swear if Changbin followed use...

'I really don't know.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YOUR POV AGAIN

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You saw the boy named Changbin running towards you both.

'What are you two up to?'

'We litterly saw you 5 minutes ago.' Hyunjin said.

His arms were around yours and his shoulders. Hyunjin gave him a side-eye.

'Stop leaning on me-eeee.'

'StOp LeAnInG oN mE-eEeEe.'

'I don't find it funny.'

'You never searched for it.'

'Clever.'

'As always.'

The bell finally ringed. The bell almost gave you a heartattack but it was worth it.

'Yeah, i am going to mine class. Bye!'

'Do i need to bring you there?' Hyunjin asked.

'No worry's, i will find mine way.'

'Oh okay.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HIS POV

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah i messed up. I am not sure, but problably. She thinks i am weird, i feel it. I feel the spirit.

'So you like her don't you?'

'What?'

'I see the way you looking at her.'

'Is that all your basing on?'

'Thats all i need to base on.'

'Okay small-bean.'

'STOPPPP calling me short.'

'Awww, StOpPpp cAlLiNg mE sHoRt.'

i started to pinch him.

'Awaaaa, stop pinching me.'

'AwAaAa sToP PiNcHiNg mE.'

'Not funny.'

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I cannot stop thinking about her. Girls around me try to get mine attention by asking for stuff. Asking for help during art class. Trying to play with mine hair.

I don't understand, why i cannot get her out of mine head. I just met her. Her face is adorable and her little hands compared to mine. I want to hold them forever. I want to hold her face between mine thumbs. I want to feel her waist, i want... i want... i want her. With me, here.

'Hyunjinnniee, can you please help me with this painting.'

'You are so tall Hyunjinniee.'

'Please help me.'

It annoys me, i do not want all those girls, i just want her. Here with me. Is that to much to ask?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your POV

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Y/N?'

'Y/N?'

'Y/N?!'

'Huh what?'

'Whats the answer to question number four?'

'Shouldn't you try it yourself?'

'I tried like 20 times, but math just isn't mathing.'

'I came out 20.34'

'How did you- how?! I came out 18839.93.'

'How is that even possible?!'

'I don't know ask mine calculator?!'

'Just write off mine paper, here.'

You gave him your paper with all the answers alreaddy.

'Thank youuuuu.'

'Your welcomeeee.'

You couldn't stop thinking about Hyunjin, it was very strange. You just cannot imagine a life without him right now. Maybe thats a bit over dramatic. You only knew him shortly, so how is that even possible.

'Psst.'

You turned around and came eye to eye, to a very cute boy.

'Yes?'

'Could i borrow a pencil?'

'Sure, here.'

you gave him a pencil from your pencilcase.

'What is your name by the way.' you asked.

'Mine name is Min Yoongi and yours is...'

'Y/N, Y/N I/N.'

'Cool name.'

'Thanks, mine parents picked it for me.'

you both laughed.

You two started to have a deep conversation, about all sorts of things. He was very interesting. He never seem to be understood by the students around the campus. His story's made your heart sink and fall over again. He told about his passion about writing music, also about his friends, and funny enough, he could passiontly talk about sleeping.

After hours of talking you could tell he really liked sleeping. He liked sleeping so much, he could just stay in bed for hours. Even tho it isn't that healthy.

'You are a very interesting person Yoongi.'

'Thank you.' he blushed.

'We really should hang-out sometime's.' he proposed.

'That sounds wonderfull.'

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AUTHORS POV

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Hyunjin saw both of you smiling and talking together. His heart sank towards the ground. He never felt such a pain which wasn't physically. It was another sort of pain.

He went home with a broken-heart, even tho he didn't know you felt the same for him.

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Part 2 coming soon

xoxo

Rachel

[ellin-e]

hey gorg! having some succession thoughts and thought id come bug you about them. what do you think of tomgreg vs kenstewy.

Moki. I cannot describe my joy at receiving this question, it is immeasurable.

where to begin.

To me, these pairings are fundamentally different, partially because one has a little more solid foundation in canon, but mostly because I believe one is an actual pairing of people who (could) love each other and one is heavily situational.

Kenstewy is in my mind a tragedy of the finest sort; it's a relationship that, at the same time, could have been and could never have been. If that makes sense? Under other circumstances, it could have happened, but in this environment, and especially Kendall's environment, it could never ever be, and wasn't even close to being able to be. Ken as gay is infinitely fascinating to me, and it adds such an interesting layer to his lack of manhood in the eyes of his father. He lacks so many qualities that his father deems essential to men, both personality-wise and also physically (he can't father children, for example). Him being gay on top of that just cements him as effeminate and therefore unworthy, yk? I think, in another life, they might actually have loved each other, whilst I view Tomgreg as purely a result of their circumstances, which brings me to:

Tomgreg. It is delicious. DELICIOUS. Tom's need to have someone lesser than him, so he's not at the bottom of the food chain, and his need to take out his marital frustrations on Tom, is DELICIOUS to me. I eat it up. I giggle. I kick my feet. At the surface, Greg would be someone I would pity in this dynamic, but I just can't. He starts out as a total newbie and a loser that would be easy to pity, and I think its brilliant how the show sets him up for that but then refuses to let you fully sympathise with him. He constantly makes morally reprehensible decisions and shows no real moral fibre or even an interest in doing what is "right" or "good".

I don't think Greg is gay, I think he's very much straight, but I think Tom might be bi. At the very least I think Tom feels a sexual attraction to Greg, I just don't know whether that attraction is to Greg, or just to the power Tom has over Greg. It's again so heavily intertwined with ideas of masculinity. Tom feels emasculated by his circumstances and uses Greg to supplement that. Using Greg as this punching bag for his frustrations and insecurities makes Tom feel masculine, and in turn "turned on" in that sense. It feeds his ego and that leads to a feeling of sexual arousal.

It might be controversial for me to say that Greg isn't attracted to Tom idk. The only thing that could come close to actually changing my mind on that is the scene at the wedding in Italy, the whole "what am I gonna do with a soul anyway?", where Greg looks at Tom with the most submissive puppy eyes I have ever seen. But still, I don't think Greg is attracted to Tom, I think he's clumsily opportunistic, and attracted to what Tom can provide for him.

So I don't think we could have a coffee-shop au where Tomgreg happens, for example. Because if those power structures weren't in place, I don't think Tom would be attracted to Greg, nor vice versa. Kenstewy on the other hand, I could see happening in a coffee-shop au where Ken has gone no-contact with his abusive father and everyone lives happily ever after.

Phew, yap over.

Please tell me your thoughts!!

[mejomonster]

Ill stop being a broken record soon (about sherlock chapter one anyway - im just starting the next game and WILL be blathering about it lol)

If you do want to play a be-sherlock simulator? Sherlock Holmes Chapter One is worth checking out. Or if, like me, you like detective games generally (i recommend Judgement by the way if thats your vibe), id also say pick this up because the freedom to make wrong deductions and decide outcomes is quite the unique choice and its interesting to see. Many detective games can give you a case to solve (and as a story nerd id like to solve them thoroughly and correctly). And they'll hold your hand to some extent because u generally do Need to solve the cases to continue the game. Now, SHCO does to an extent hold your hand, with the typical gameplay tools and by providing eventual paths To Progress the cases in some direction depending on how many clues you find and deductions you put together in the mind palace. But because most of the cases have areas you can be wrong and progress, or pick from multiple viable options to decide what happened, and just the fact you decide the final outcome for that accused... fascinating. It means the case writing is interesting enough you do guess to yourself who did it, and regularly change your guess based on evidence, and theres no obvious BAM for sure guess (in contrast simpler detective shows like some cdramas i love often have easy to guess perpetrators once you learn the writing pattern). When i saw this game's reviews, people seemed mixed on this particular feature of the game. Since it means theres many points where you feel either theres no True perpetrator and the game changes it, or you feel theres no power to determine the Truth.

But i think... partly thats the point. Verner (lol) wont shut up about his opinion of many things possibly mattering more than the truth, and in true frustrating fashion you are JUST as aggravated as Sherlock is by the difficulty in Absolutely being sure of the Truth. And that frustration, and experience, is hammered home in the very final decision of the game: deciding the answer to the main question you started this journey for. You can pick any of the answers. You'll get its own ending. Sherlock will be certain he deduced the truth. Or at least, as certain as you Or him can be... when any 4 of those scenarios might be the truth as far as you can tell. Sherlock's shaken, and maybe he isn't convinced of the truth being certain any more than you are... but he does DECIDE on an answer to live with. He is unsure whats true, but picks one of many possible truths and gives himself closure with it. A very relatable though painful experience pretty much everyone does in life at some point.

And i think thats a big reason they designed so many cases that way. Its not that the game's whole story is unfirm, or the cases stories are inconsequential. No. Its just that the point is in the meaning you take from a world you can never fully completely be sure of, how you pick what to base your life on when you can only be sure of your own reasoning. But no mattwr how much you wish to control life by understanding it, you can never fully understand it, never fully know everything. Ambiguity is part of life and life is impossible to fully control. The cases are like that so you feel like Sherlock, trying desperately to nail down a firm reliable truth to make sense of a messy stressful uncontrollable world.

So like. From a story perspective? The choice serves the game's themes and point well.

From a detective game perspective? Its very fun if ur trying to feel like a detective, to get some stories where you actually turn over your guesses and contemplate and feel you need to really delve in the clues thoughtfully, if u want to draw the best conclusions u can.

[animatedjen]

I have a question about the scenes from different angles! I often wonder why they seem to...jolt or maybe stutter (for lack of better words) and yet the actual finished scene presented in the game seems so much more fluid.

I was thinking of this with the one with Kata boosting herself up and settling herself on the couch you just posted but I've wondered about this before. I know that other examples, like BD jumping into Cal's arms makes a little more sense since BD doesn't actually exist and is added separate where they definitely need to change the angles to make it more seamless but it's fascinating how the raw product (again, lack of better words!) reveals just how much those angles and panning in (not so much out) matter.

Or is this just a technical thing that has an easy explanation and I'm making it far more complicated? LOL

Good question! I'm not a game dev and my animation days were a long time ago, but there's probably a few things at play:

Every cutscene in the game would be designed, polished, and optimized specifically for the end visual. Disconnecting from the intended camera always look worse when the entire scene is built around a specific POV.

Sometimes animators will "cheat" a movement if it ends up looking better from the camera's perspective. Or if a character's hand or face isn't visible to camera, there's no need to fully animate it. My guess is: here Cal's hand "snaps" to BD-1 as the animation transitions from PCAP (performance capture) data to locking onto BD's character model. We don't see it in the final cutscene, so it doesn't need to be polished.

Kata's hands/legs aren't seen in the actual cutscene, so any animation left there is to better serve the in-camera visuals-- could also be the PCAP moving her character rig. Or the animator selected two finger controls while adjusting torso movement, idk for sure. But her face is cute :') Don't ask me about Merrin's leg though.

Notice how the camera is shifting too! That changes how we perceive movement. I'm also very new at capturing game footage and may not be using the ideal framerate/settings to best showcase the visuals, which could definitely add some stutter.

The alt-angle cutscenes are fun to explore (Twitter found one of them and it got a little crazy hah) and it's WILD to "re-film" a scene after it's been created, which is something I can't do in live-action or 2D animation. Outside of VR, most things aren't designed for 360 viewing! And I'll always, always uphold Respawn's decisions with its visual narrative and how they wanted to present it.

TLDR; cutscenes are designed around the camera, animation is super time consuming so prioritizes in-camera visuals, and Jen is still learning how to capture game footage

[marypsue]

I'd love to hear your thoughts on S1 of ST being a tragedy! No main character dies, so I never thought of it that way before

I mean, nobody has to die for a story to be a tragedy (at least, in the modern definition. I'm pretty sure '(almost) everybody dies' is a requirement of Greek tragedies and Renaissance revenge tragedies). But also, no main character dies in season one...if you take season one as part of a series. Which it wasn't originally conceived as.

I am not going looking for copies of the original pitch bible, because I am lazy, and also I only saw them floating around this webbed site. But the show changed a lot from the initial pitch (Joyce had a Long Island accent! Lucas' parents were divorcing! Murray was there and named Terry Ives! Most of what ended up in Hopper's character originally belonged to Mr. Clarke! The original pitch bible is fascinating). And part of the original pitch was a proposal for possible sequels.

The Duffers' proposal for a possible sequel was "It's ten years later, and Eleven is dead".

So that's the setup. Everything that came after season one was made up wholecloth after season one was a hit and people wanted more, but also people loved the adorable little psychic murder child (cue the Duffers shockedpikachu.jpg) and Netflix obviously recognised it would be a bad call to make a new season without her in it. So it makes sense to take season one as a unit, as a self-contained story on its own. You can also take it as part of a whole, but it makes sense to read it first as a complete story. Especially given the thematic drift of later seasons and the way they are...I'm just going to say it, each new season is very much added-on to what came before rather than being built on foundation that the earlier season(s) laid. It is very clear there was never a planned five-season story arc from the beginning. (This isn't necessarily always a bad thing, when it comes to sequels, but it does mean it makes sense to 'read' each season as its own thing.)

Okay, now that we've established all of that. Season one has one very clear goal, one very clear stake for the characters: save Will Byers from the Upside Down. (I like this. It makes the stakes both extremely high and extremely personal, it makes it very easy to understand each character's motivation, it also keeps the stakes grounded in reality. I like this a lot.) And by the end of the season, that goal is accomplished. So at first blush, you're right, season one doesn't look like a tragedy.

But when you start to unpack it a little, you start to see just how many important things were lost along the way. It's most glaringly obvious with Mike and El, with Nancy and Barb. The whole Wheeler family is fractured down the middle, with Mike and Nancy on one side and Ted, Karen, and Holly on the other, and Karen, who's been trying so hard the whole time to be part of her children's lives and understand what's going on with them, is aware of the ever-expanding gulf between them but will never be able to cross it, and will never fully know why. Hopper's finally managed to snatch a kid out of the jaws of death, save a woman he obviously cares about from the pain of losing a child, and Joyce has finally had someone believe her, support her, trust her. But it became blindingly obvious to me on my fourth rewatch that Hopper's plan, from the moment he went to leave the middle school gym, was always to trade El for Will. And that decision (and the fact that Joyce obviously understands that he did something to get the lab to let them go after Will, but she obviously doesn't dare press him on what) has broken her trust in him, and left him with what looks like an equally heavy burden of guilt as what he was carrying before. The lab stays open. The government gets away with everything. No one will ever know the true extent of the hurt they've caused.

And in the end, none of it even saved Will. He's back. He's alive. But he's spitting slugs in the sink. He's permanently marked by the Upside Down, and by trying to hide it from his family, he's putting a crack down the centre of them, as well. They're losing Will, just as surely as they had when they thought he was dead, just without him going anywhere.

And there's still a hole in the world.

The fragile bonds of community, the things that people share in common, the way catastrophe can bring people together and bring out the very best in them, are the major thematic threads woven through season one. Human connection is the only thing that can change what seems inevitable, the only thing that can bring back what's seemingly lost forever.

And it's still not enough to protect anyone from the random tragedy of the world.

The love was there. The love mattered. The love bent the entire course of the world around itself.

And it still wasn't quite enough.

If that's not a tragedy, then I don't know what is.

[theoreticalinsights]

Theory of Planned Behaviour

Ever wondered why we do what we do? Enter the Theory of Planned Behavior (TPB) – a fascinating concept that dives deep into the complexities of human actions. Developed by Icek Ajzen in 1985, TPB offers a roadmap to understanding and even predicting our behaviors.

So, what's TPB all about?

It breaks down into three key components:

Attitudes: Think of attitudes as our personal scorecards for behaviors. Do we see them as good or bad? It's all about the beliefs we hold and the value we attach to the outcomes.

Subjective Norms: This is the social pressure factor. What do our friends, family, and society at large think? Their opinions can sway our actions more than we realize.

Perceived Behavioral Control: How easy or tough do we think it is to pull off a behavior? Factors like confidence, past experiences, and external barriers play into this.

Now, where does TPB come into play?

In health, TPB helps experts design interventions for things like exercising more or sticking to a healthy diet. By understanding attitudes, norms, and control, they can nudge us toward better habits.

Marketers also love TPB. It helps them figure out why we buy what we buy. Do we like the product? What do our peers think? And how much control do we feel over our purchasing decisions? It's all in the mix.

Even in saving the planet, TPB lends a hand. By grasping attitudes toward eco-actions, societal norms about sustainability, and our sense of control over green choices, policymakers can shape effective environmental campaigns.

But hey, TPB isn't without its critics. Some say it overlooks the power of habits and emotions on our behavior. Plus, its effectiveness can vary across cultures.

In a nutshell, TPB is a powerful tool for untangling the mysteries of why we do what we do. It's a journey into the human psyche that's helping psychologists, marketers, policymakers, and researchers everywhere decode our actions and make positive changes.

So, the next time you find yourself pondering human behavior, remember TPB – it might just hold the key to understanding the intricacies of our actions.

[learningsanctum]

April 27th, 2024

Do you remember when OG "it girl" François de La Rochefoucauld went "perfect valor is to do, without a witness, all that we could do before the whole world" and it changed planet Earth's very core for generations to come? Me too.

Lately I have been trying to up my game on the company I work. Currently I have temporary contract but it does have a promise of promotion depending on my performance and, as most people would, I thrive on this promise. Which is why I'm so far away from my comfort zone - that would be law books, hiiiii law! - researching for books such as "How to Become a Successful and Valuable Executive for Companies" in the administration hub.

Although I think I look a little ridiculous reading those books - because they honestly look fake or one of those authors who just throws shitty advices on a book to earn an extra with the publication - I'm honestly giving those a chance. Maybe they can teach me something! I'm all for learning more so if it's learning something you shouldn't be doing! What if the book is just shitty in essence? Then I will have backhand experience to identify a shitty book when I first star reading it and see it's essence is similar to the last "bad" book I read.

I like to think that everything we do is constructive. "For better or for worse" is something I apply but with motivational undertones so i can channel it into something positive!

I'll soon complete three months working at this company and it's a "big girl job" per say. It's an international company that has a gamma of possibilities for growth and literally can take me to unexpected places if I manage a promotion, which, for someone like me who dreams of seeing the world would be a nice bonus not to mention a dream come true.

However, my dreams aren't merely limited to company growth but if I manage it will be something that will make me feel good and what are we on this Earth for if not to appreciate little pleasures in life?

Since I can remember I have this will to work on an office and be part of something bigger than me. This company aligning with my principles, such as it being environmental conscious and caring for it's workers - I work at HR so I have first hand experience - is the most awesome part of going to work everyday.

In my life plan - which I believe haven't changed much since I was a teen - all of it's goals are constructive, long term and take time to complement each other. When I say I intend to do five years of law only to enroll on temporary (eight years) navy service people tend to say I want very different extremes and I simply can't see it this way.

Corporative life is part of my life but I don't necessarily want it to be all my life! I believe new experiences and a change of scenario can always do good. Also that people make decisions based on the options they have at hand at the time they are picking. Sometimes what you want is not on the table thus why you have to come up with a plan to make it an option. That can take years. That's when we start outlining long and short term goals for ourselves.

I, for an example, had a dream of coming out of high school and doing medicine, with a specialization in psychiatrics later on in mind. The human mind always fascinated me! But as all of us know it isn't that easy to get into law and because of a ton of life-changing problems I had in high school I couldn't really focus on passing the exams to get into public universities. So I applied for law which was my second option and am rolling with it since then. It doesn't mean I gave up medicine. Of course it doesn't!

Carefully I analyzed my options and build a plan from there, always taking into consideration the areas which I have more affinity and seeing how and why they could complement each other. That's the conclusion of months of research and pondering: I would finish law so I could apply to the temporary navy service (TNS) as an Official rather than the lower rank, which will give me a bigger monetary return, allowing me to live with easy and simultaneously saving a good amount so when I finish the TNS I can enroll on an international medicine university and sustain myself while living there.

Of course those are the main goals connecting with each other and people often fail to see the process. What I mean is that in the five years it takes me to graduate I will be studying and training to pass on the military exam and while I'm at navy I will be studying Spanish so I can enroll on my dream med university.

Once, upon telling a colleague about my plans, she said, and I quote, "it is okay for you to want to be the Barbie: a thousand and one jobs" but she also added "you just gotta make sure to have your goals set on stone so when difficult comes you can keep yourself on your toes and focused on the goal" and that's the best advice I have gotten so far.

When people tell for you to work in silence they mean it most sincerely because most of those around you won't understand your plans and, even unknowingly, will demotivate you. Sometimes it seems crazy and most of times it really is but its not impossible and it's exclusively on you how far you will go to achieve your dreams by transforming them in plans and following through and through.

"Work in silence" isn't supposed to be bitter or trendy but is simply stating people don't have the same world view as you, so you won't make sense to them most of times and - good news - you don't need to! They aren't bad for not understanding though. They just have a different color pallet of lens to see the world and it's fine.

Don't give up on something because it doesn't makes sense. Make sense out of your nonsense if it's the true call of your heart.

[impish-knight]

Dark Valentine

I tell myself it's just another day, nothing special about it because the sun will rise and fall just like all the others. Just another day where I see all the sickening cute lovebirds flitting around the town with nothing better to do than mark their property with candy and flowers. Well, they may not call them property, but it's essentially the same. Who are they fooling other than themselves?

I let the hours flow over me in a wash that means nothing other than a marking of time in a dull drone. Soon it'll be dark and all these sick lovebirds will fly home to their nests and do who knows what. Do I really care? Not really, I'd rather just prowl the night with all the loners that wish to drink away their woes of loneliness. Easy prey, or something like that.

If only I was aware that this year was going to be a bit different than the rest.

Being a predator is an easy thing for me, slipping into the shadows and making the bumps in the night that you're warned about. Being the prey isn't as easy for me. Have I fantasized about someone hunting me; sure. Who wouldn't? There's nothing better than meeting a darker nightmare than yourself.

Walking down the dark street I set my sights on a lonely drunk human sitting with their back against the wall of a local store. By the way they keep lifting the brown bag to their mouth for extended periods gives me an idea of how much they'd just love to forget. How much I'd love to just help them forget out of the kindness of my heart. I'm more than happy to be your valentine tonight whispers through my mind so quickly that I can't help but smile.

A soft sound pulls my attention from my prey for a second. I'm fairly certain I have come down this road alone, yet it seems I might have been wrong. There is a feeling prickling on the back of my neck that alerts me to someone else's presence, their gaze fully upon my back. I'm not used to being watched, always keeping to the dark shadows of night as I stroll in the city. It's not matter, I'm sure they'll move on soon.

Stalking deeper down the road I duck myself into the alley, leaning myself up against the corner as I watch my lost little lamb drink away their poor demons. I take pleasure in watching the anguish that washes over their darkened face before anger replaces it followed up by the sadness of hurt. Don't worry, I'll take it away soon. You'll no longer have a reason to raise a bottle to that mouth of yours to make the memories fade away.

Losing myself in the theater before me, I didn't hear the sounds of steps behind me before the feeling on the back of my neck returns. Interesting. Who has the crazy idea to walk down a dark alley at night in a place like this? Maybe I should be turning my attention elsewhere tonight.

"You're getting sloppy." A soft femme voice whispered right behind me. There's nothing else to pick up from them than the fact they've stayed one step behind me. I wonder if they know I let them walk up on me, unwilling to take my eyes off my new fascination.

I contemplate my choices: ignore the intruder and hope they leave due to my silence, or address them. Me, getting sloppy? I knew the risk of being in this open alley after hearing and feeling someone present just a few minutes ago. I just call myself cautiously optimistic.

Grinding my teeth out of frustration I blow out a slow breath trying to calm my ire. Out of all nights for someone to dick measure with me, it had to be this night.

"I'm not sure what you're referring to. I'm just enjoying my night." I drone out with as little emotion in my voice. This isn't enough to take my attention away from my planned happy ending of the night. Why should I ruin all my plans because someone has mistaken me for someone else.

"You haven't' enjoyed it yet. But you will... soon." The voice whispers back to me, the sound of a step fall before their last word.

Sneering and more irked that my night is coming closer to being ruined, I make the decision to change my focus from my prey to this new person. Turning on the balls of my feet, I open my mouth to retort something scathing when their hand flashes before my vision and wraps itself around my throat. Surprise makes my mind short circuit for a brief second as they push my back up against the wall, their hand taking my short stutter to tighten more around my throat.

My lips curl up into a sinister smile as I take in their face, or what I can observe from what their mask still shows. Their eyes are just like mine, cold and emotionless. What a pity it will be to end another life that is as cold as mine, but I don't allow anyone to play me for a fool. I reach up to their hand and grasp the thumb that is useless against my throat, leaning forward to use the momentum when I feel it and still.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. It'd be a shame to end this so soon." Their voice whispers again, a slight uptilt in their voice giving away their small excitement. "I've been hunting you for a while. Watching you while you hunt others in the darker shadows than you transverse in. Now I'm hungry."

I'll be damned. So not only do they have a sharp wit, but they also seem to enjoy other sharps. I'll play their game for now. I'm curious to how this will end.

~~~

((I'll add onto this later.))

[randomkposts]

K:-Hey Eclipse, Imagine Claude decided to wait/ it was full, and so Lornz was leading the Deer that year.

I mean, I can't really see any of the other attending nobles leading in that house. Hilda is too lazy, and Marianne is uncomfortable enough with people already. And no matter how adult she wants to be seen, Lysithia leading would not go well. 

Though that could be an interesting AU. Hilda having to step up to lead.

Admitibly, I don't go out of my way to look, but has there ever been an AU where Edelgard just died at the beginning? Byleth was too slow to save her, and so never unlocked time manipulation powers. 

Cause that alters the plot soo huge.

What would Slithers do? 

I know that members of them can shapeshift??? Maybe? Or maybe its more akin to possession? 

But like, imagine she shows up to be the flame emperor due to being impersonated, to lead the empire into invasion, and Claude, Dimitri, Jeralt, Byleth, and Alois are insisting that she was dead, and everyone else is like "where were you if you were not dead?" whereupon Edelgard accuses the church of being assassins, and claims she faked her death. Or something. I haven't thought it through yet

Then I think what kind of mystery trying to be solved would be route dependent.

E:-Wow that would be AU in here take if Claude wasn't there yet. Lmao Lorenz leading isn't any better either ahahah.

K:-I mean, of the remaining nobles if Claude wasn't there, who would you put in charge?

Leading Hilda AU has Anxiety. She cant afford to slack, shes leading, and she doesn't what dead friends due to her lack of leadership. She can't calm down, shes in charge. How does Holst do this?!?!?!

E:-Leading sucks cause now you got more stress and anxiety.

K:-Even one of the house leaders changed makes a big difference in direction, but what  if we  swapped out all the house leaders, with Ferdinand and Felix as leaders. They are both trained and expected to lead, but their social skills are based in different flavors of Autism, I think, which does not always make for easy communication. 

 Which means Dedue is not going to Garreg Mach, opening to 4 potential commoner OCs in the year. Or world building nobles. 

Dimitri is the hardest one not to be there, a reason for which could potentially be Rufas and the slithers getting impatient, causing Dimitri to flee for his life with Dedue, which causes the war to start early. 

All of them missing means the plot is in shambles, Eclipse. 

A  plot swap could be interesting to see here though. Hubert, spotting strategic weakness in Hilda makes the decision with Fake Edelgard to hit Leicester harder at first, which goes really rocky for the Later without Claude, as Faerghus breaks into Civil war when Prince Dimitri and Dedue comes to the Blue Lions with news of his Uncles actions and tales of Conspiracy. As war breaks out around them, and Edelgard being even more sus then canon, the Black Eagles have to decide what they stand for, as in this version, who they supported with has an influence on their priorities. 

That would be an intimidating thing to write, but a lot of potential to be fascinating to read

[anonypeng]

Modules and Post Show Depression... Day 29

Every day I have made it my goal to finish a module from my course and I have kept a good 3 days pace with it. I feel like I am learning so much about this course and this career and I am so excited to finally do something about it. It isn't easy after work and doing NY exercises. I'm lucky to be able to do such work while living at home. having someone cook and take care of the bare necessities when you have a lot on your plate is nice. I am eternally grateful for it. I definitely can recall the level of understanding it takes to be in a course... studying, remembering, and recalling information is difficult but its a topic I find interesting so I do look forward to it everyday! Debating about doing it on weekends but it's not like I have anything planned... plus I can always do it before I sleep or when I wake up. Depending on the day's schedule!

I haven't gotten over NANA obviously... oh to have a man like Nobu. I'm so fascinated with the show and excited to read the manga on it! I love the characters and how they are perfect in some ways, and imperfect in others and how each character changes throughout the story! I love the unexpected plots and mini-plots that lead to the bigger picture! I really wanna read and see what the differences are between the manga and the anime.

Thinking on it, whenever I watch NANA it makes me wonder and reflect on my past relationship. I know some things about E and I can say I am content with my decision on where it ended. Sometimes I wish I was still in it but I don't think it was a good idea to continue it for various reasons. E and I just aren't ready for a relationship. I think we need time to develop still. But maybe we could have worked on things like Ren and Nana... or maybe we just might end up like Nobu and Hachi. I don't know... the what ifs are hard to not think of but also hard to define since they are just unrealistic scenarios that appear in our imagination.

Anyways... peace out!

[thexgrayxlady]

What I read in May 2024

Hummingbird Salamander by Jeff VanderMeer - 4.50/5.00

This book is the embodiment of the feeling that the world is ending, and you have to go to work tomorrow.

This is a tense eco-thriller with a messy, complicated main character. The book follows an unreliable narrator, security consultant "Jane Smith," while she blows up her life to follow the mystery surrounding a taxidermied hummingbird in a storage unit. The main character is neither likable nor particularly relatable and I love her for it.

The writing is beautiful and the book is fast paced and surprisingly easy to read. The action scenes are brutal and visceral, there was one scene in a warehouse that was horrifying and I could not look away.

The ending is a little disappointing, but I still loved the book as a whole.

Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells - 4.00/5.00

This was a fun little murder mystery that was unfortunately hampered by being a midquel. I appreciate that some of the humans were less stupid and annoying. I'm still not very interested in action that happens mostly in Cyberspace, but there was less of that this time around.

Jade Legacy by Fonda Lee - 5.00/5.00

This book pulls the camera back and spans decades in the life of the Kauls and brings the Green Bone Saga to a stunning conclusion.

The characters are so deep and complex. I love watching them make choices, even really bad choices, because it's what's consistent with their character. Even when they're not always likable decisions. Seeing Wen come into her own and take over pop culture was a neat storyline. Anden growing more comfortable and confident in his own skin and his skills as a doctor is such a big change from the unsure kid he was in the first book. Even though you start to feel his age, Hilo is still a terrifying badass and his moments of good strategy show how far he's come. I liked watching the next generation grow up and find their own place in the world. Watching the Kauls shape the city streets and eventually their country as a whole is so compelling.

The antagonists are fascinating and you really do have the feeling that if this story were from their point of view, they would be the heroes. I liked the parts where Jeun teamed up with the new Horn of the Mountain clan to solve bigger problems.

Bero remains my favorite little cockroach man. He should be dead. He should be dead so many times over. He's responsible for so much shit. But he's just some guy. He's just the worst little guy.

The passage of time in this novel lends it a great sense of scope and scale. Even though it's over seven hundred pages long, it feels like it goes by too quickly, in a good way. You just want to linger with the characters you've come to love for just a little while longer.

Borne by Jeff Vandermeer - 4.75/5.00

What can I say? I needed another hit after Hummingbird Salamander.

This post-apocalypse throws the reader right into the deep end with little explanation and I love it. Set in the ruins of a city ruled over by the giant mutant bear Mord and the specter of The Company, the protagonist Rachel scavenges an organism from Mord's fur and against the wishes of her partner, takes it in.

Borne starts out surprisingly cute and charming, to the point where you can almost forget that as good as it is at imitating humans, it isn't one. His close bond with Rachel is what holds this story together, even as that bond becomes strained and uneasy. The end of part two hits like a truck, especially because you already know what's going on, but to see it said out loud is devastating.

Vandermeer is so good at writing toxic, but compelling people. And as the story progresses, you see Rachel and her partner Wick drift apart and come back together on a brutal trek across the city.

There's so much of this book that winds up being simultaneously gross and beautiful. The urban warfare between Mord and his smaller clones and The Magician and her fucked up mutants is fascinating as a backdrop for the story. Even amidst the giant bears and shapeshifting anemones and leviathans, the most surreal bits of the story wind up being the flashbacks to before the world ended.

I also loved the bestiary at the end, complete with illustrations.

The Obsidian Tower by Melissa Caruso - 3.50/5.00

After really enjoying Swords and Fire, I was excited to start Rooks and Ruin. While I don't think that the sequel series is quite as good as the original, I appreciate that I don't feel like I need to have read the first series to know what's happening.

I appreciate that the author doesn't waste time and just gets right to the plot. I really like that while Caruso's heroines both greatly value diplomacy, Ryx feels very different from Amalia. Vaskandar feels different from Raverra and the setting, a mixed up castle added onto by the whims of witch lords, was really cool. I like how aware Ryx is of the political realities of her standing, their world, and her friendships. Ryx is very sheltered, so you understand why she's sometimes too trusting and I appreciated the instances in which her trusting nature comes back to bite her.

That being said, I feel like Ryx trusted the Falconers too quickly and her bonds with them don't feel earned. I also wish she felt more like the other Vaskandrans.

Legacy of Kings by Eleanor Herman - 1.00/5.00

Cards on the table, I am a board certified, card carrying horse girl, so I'm naturally biased towards Alexander the great. So when I say that this book is probably read to people at CIA black sites, I mean it.

The characters are all whiny and annoying and too many of them have POVs. Jacob and Hephestion are both really stupid and fall for the dumbest tricks and traps. Katerina is aggressively bland and kind of a bad friend. I sometimes forgot that Zofia existed outside of her chapters, which have no impact on the plot. Alexander is whiny and I do not want to hear him talk about how hot is mom is again. Cynane is the only character I liked, if only because she's so edgy she loops back around to being hilarious.

The plot is kind of all over the place and lacks a good sense of time or scale. Things just kind of happen, then they work out fine. I don't think that the hunger games sub-plot is necessary. Katerina has a voyage to an old mentor to learn to use her powers and an entire training montage nearly entirely off page, only to come back for the last battle, all in the last fifty pages.

[toomanytookas]

Jem, I am always so enamoured with your analysis and understanding of Din’s character, and it’s so fascinating to get to see you bring his point of view to life here!!

To start off, I adore that peek into his anxieties about fatherhood. This section was so fascinating to me and I think really cuts deep not only in relation to his love for Grogu but his reckoning with his own experience as a foundling; I really, really felt for him:

something’s changed since the adoption. Din has started to care what others think of his parenting style. He hears people whisper that fatherhood clearly isn’t coming easily to him (he thought he was doing alright). He watches how his babysitter closely monitors every move the kid makes (the Mandalorians never watched him that closely). He listens when people talk about how they raise their own children (he hadn’t realised it was such hard work). And it’s made him feel as if he’s… lacking.

And after this deep reflection, I love love love how we right away see that contrast between his worries and preoccupations and Maia's bright disposition. From that first line of her dialogue alone it feels so easy to get a sense of her character and it was like something had just lit up.

I really enjoyed how you describe Din's fondness for her, how quickly we get a sense that he's not only attracted to her but that she brings a brightness into his life.

This made me a bit starry eyed:

Just like every other time he’s left Maia in charge, he relishes the chance to walk into his home and see her there. As if she belongs. He finds that image far more dazzling than the constellations sparkling above him. It’s far sweeter than the fresh air he inhales through his helmet filters as he hastens toward his cabin.

It's so sweet and soft and just... lovely. *sighs happily*.

I always like how deeply you think about world-building details and so this just absolutely tickled me:

Nevarro’s volcanic environment means the basement maintains a cosy warmth, so he’s not surprised she passed out down here. It’s not exactly soft, but those who grow up in the Outer Rim spend their lives making do. He likes that she’s a survivor. Like him.

There's so much thought about lore and environment, but it's also a really interesting way of furthering our understanding of what he sees in and likes about her.

Jumping ahead just a little (with passing appreciation for his level of respectfulness), I was so fascinated with the way you portray Din using self-pleasure as an escape and comfort in trying moments. It gives such meaning to him jerking off here, which feels like such an odd phrase to type, but I genuinely am really drawn to how it feels so significant in this moment (also his awareness of that is very interesting to me, too — that he's conscious of his own choice here). That alignment of this precipice of him deciding he can't just leave things unstated or unaddressed with Maia and that past devastation of his life being entirely upended. The decision to allow himself to withdraw from reality for a time as a form of self-soothing that goes beyond sexual pleasure. This line was so good: So, right now, he’ll imagine the positive and lose himself in the fantasy, just like he used to.

His yearning for her is so achy and his firm sense that she isn't interested (and that kind of similar energy we get from Maia's words even if Din isn't understanding them that way) is really interesting. I'm so intrigued to see how they work out their feelings!

I always love the detail in your end notes. I feel like I always learn more about the SW universe and your writing!

Never Look Down

Part 1: Din’s Evening

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Prompt: “I don’t know what’s happening but I love it.”

Summary: Din has been ignoring his crush on Grogu’s babysitter for a while now, with varying degrees of success. But after a misunderstanding leads to some revelations, there’s no denying things any longer. Sometimes you just need to look at things from a different perspective.

Rating: Mature (18+) with a smidge of explicit

Pairing: Din Djarin x Original Female Character (for his POV scenes) / Din Djarin x Reader (for her POV scenes)

Word count: 5,330

Tags/warnings: alcohol, drunkenness, vomit (no description), numerous references to erections, some swearing, references to sex, non-explicit smutty thots, Din carries OFC a short distance, masturbation (male, semi-explicit, but I don’t think enough to push up the rating), 3rd person POV (part 2 will be 2nd person POV and OFC will become reader/you).

Author’s note: This was originally supposed to be for @beskarandblasters’ Din Djarin Fic Club Drabble Event, although drabble this is not! Kel said there was no word limit, but it grew so long that I couldn’t even call it a one-shot anymore, so I’m uploading it in two parts to make it easier to read and I think that probably disqualifies it from the Drabble Event. But Kel, thank you so much anyway for the prompt – it resulted in me finally pushing through my writer’s block and finishing/uploading something new, so I’m eternally grateful!

READ ON AO3 (author’s preference)

Tumblr version ahead if you prefer…

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He’s panicking. It’s stupid, really – he’s been in situations far trickier and more critical than this. But Karga said he needed help urgently, and now his babysitter isn’t answering her comlink.

Should he just go and leave Grogu here? It’s not like he never left him alone on the ship.

Except… something’s changed since the adoption. Din has started to care what others think of his parenting style. He hears people whisper that fatherhood clearly isn’t coming easily to him (he thought he was doing alright). He watches how his babysitter closely monitors every move the kid makes (the Mandalorians never watched him that closely). He listens when people talk about how they raise their own children (he hadn’t realised it was such hard work). And it’s made him feel as if he’s… lacking.

He hates feeling less than adequate in any area of his life, but somehow, failing as a father cuts deep. Perhaps it’s because he grew up without one. Plus, that scolding Peli gave him after she found Grogu alone on the Razor Crest still haunts him.

Although the Mandalorian method of letting them learn from their mistakes has merit (and it never did him any harm), he wants to be there for his son. So, no. He won’t leave Grogu here alone. He can’t risk him waking up and wondering why nobody comes if he calls. The kid has probably had enough of that in his past.

Why isn’t Maia picking up?

Din paces the cabin’s length, listening to the gentle ping of the comlink as it tries to connect with the one he gave her. Even the soothing pulse doesn’t ease his frustration. Diligent parenting is hard.

Just as he’s wondering if he can wake the kid and bring him along, the comlink crackles to life.

“—know what the stinking stang is wrong with it! Ah, frotz! Hello? Is this thing totally borked?”

For a baffling moment, he can’t work out whether he’s shocked or thrilled. She certainly doesn’t use that type of language around the kid, but he’s delighted to hear her voice nonetheless.

“Maia!” He interrupts her frustrated confusion as loud as he dares, lest he wake the sleeping child downstairs.

“Shiny, hi! It works! What’s up, my metal man? It’s late… is this a booty call?”

Once again, Din can’t decide if he’s shocked or thrilled. However, his dick’s instant twitch of interest proves that it, at least, is clearly siding with the latter. Dank farrik, he wishes it were a booty call. “No, Maia, I need—”

“Course it’s not!” she interrupts, giggling inanely. “Sorry, that was ridiculous, ignore me. Go on, you were saying?”

He takes a deep breath and tries to push past the stab of dismay at her labelling the idea of a booty call as ridiculous. At least she sounds in a happy mood.

“I’m sorry to contact you so late, but Karga has some kind of crisis. IG-11 is still with the Anzellans for repairs after the last crisis, so he’s asked for my help. Grogu’s asleep, but I’m gonna need you to come over and wait at the cabin until I return. I’ll pay you double your usual rate. I just don’t wanna leave him here alone.”

“Suuure! I’ll haul my jets over to you now. Five, ten minutes, tops. If you wanna take off now, I know your door code. I’ll check on the li’l bug as soon as I arrive.”

Din breathes a relieved sigh. “Thank you, I owe you. I shouldn’t be long.”

“Happy hunting, Beskar Boy! Or happy dispute settling!” Maia signs off with a melodic laugh that instantly makes him grin beneath his helmet, despite the stupid nickname.

The grin fades as he processes the meaning of the words preceding her addictive laughter, and he sighs. She’s probably right, although he hopes he’ll at least need his blaster for whatever mess the High Magistrate wants him to clean up.

Karga was once able to intimidate the townsfolk, but these days, they see him as purely a leader and captain of industry. They respect his ability to govern and improve the town – he’s more than proven himself capable in those roles. But whipping out a blaster from beneath those ridiculous robes now gains him little more than dubious raised eyebrows. By contrast, Cara was a fearsome and capable law enforcer, and now IG-11 keeps the citizens in line.

Except a reptavian tore off both of IG’s legs a few nights ago. Apparently, whatever the droid equivalent of ‘sick leave’ is, he’s taking it.

Din doesn’t mind helping out when he’s not on jobs for Carson. As long as Karga doesn’t solicit his help too often, it’s an easy way to make a few extra credits. He supposes that kind of makes him a part-time deputy, though he’ll never accept a title or a contract. But if tonight’s job is nothing more than a neighbour dispute, he’ll be a little peeved. His friend is aware of his skillset and wouldn’t contact him unless it required weapons and armour. He hopes.

He checks on Grogu once more, then equips himself with his usual arsenal, making sure to lock the weapons cabinet behind him. For some reason, his blasters fascinate Maia. He’s given her several shooting lessons, and she always asks to hold them whenever the cabinet’s unlocked. Although he doubts she’d handle them without his permission, he’d rather be present if she’s caressing his things.

Truthfully, he’d prefer it if she handled and caressed something else entirely, though he buries that thought for now. He has work to do, and an ill-timed hard-on would be awkward at best, if not downright perverse. He can torture himself later.

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Din wraps up the problem in less than an hour. It does require his blaster, in fact, and he does have to shoot someone. Okay, it’s in the shoulder to disarm him, but the guy is only on his drunken vendetta because he’s heartbroken. He doesn’t deserve to die.

A year ago, he would’ve just shot him in the head and gone home. But he’s lived among the citizens of Nevarro for several months now, and he’s almost starting to feel like part of the community. Passing through it to visit the old covert was different. The Mandalorians were a separate (secret) colony, and he was merely a visitor who lived on his ship. Even though his new home is still on the outskirts, Grogu attends the school in town, and he already knows many of the other parents by name. These days, the market stall owners try to chat with him instead of looking away in fear as they used to.

The guy standing on a table in the cantina tonight with a blaster trained on his ex and her new flame is someone Din recognises. He can’t recall from where, but disarming rather than killing him feels like the right thing to do.

Once he has him in binders, he delivers him to Karga and hurries straight home. The lava flats are quiet and peaceful this time of night, free from the nocturnal bustle of the town and lit only by the celestial display above. There’s no sulphur fog tonight, and the air smells fresh.

But as pleasant as it is, he doesn’t dawdle. Just like every other time he’s left Maia in charge, he relishes the chance to walk into his home and see her there. As if she belongs. He finds that image far more dazzling than the constellations sparkling above him. It’s far sweeter than the fresh air he inhales through his helmet filters as he hastens toward his cabin.

He can’t pinpoint when his interest in her changed from professional to passionate. Grogu made it clear that he liked her best out of the several childminders they auditioned, so he gave her the job. At some point between then and now, he became enamoured with her.

But he can’t do anything about it.

His loyalty to his son means he can’t fuck the babysitter, so for now, Maia belongs to the kid, and Din sleeps alone.

Even though he’s had no serious relationships in the past, he imagines he’d be willing to try it with her. But since it’ll never happen, it’s not worth dwelling on. He’s noticed a few locals checking him out, so he can always approach them if he’s looking to get laid. He’s much more used to casual encounters.

But none of that stops Din from thinking his babysitter is beautiful. It doesn’t stop him from wishing he could run his hands over her welcoming body, indulge in her tender touch and heady scent, sink into her depths over and over until she’s crying out his name as they shatter together in ecstasy….

Dank farrik, he’d better quit thinking like that. He has enough trouble controlling his physical urges around her as it is. In fact, it’s starting to become a problem. He’s lost count of how many times he’s had to dash off and furtively rearrange himself so his stomach padding hides his boner. He can’t wear the flight suits with the tight pants around her anymore, so the looser-fitting ones are getting much more use. In fact, he’s wearing his last pair. (That reminds him: he needs to do laundry tomorrow.)

Maia teases him whenever she can, but it’s always friendly, not flirty, and it doesn’t come close to being sexual. He’s never caught her looking anywhere other than directly at his visor. Still, he can’t help feeling embarrassed whenever something she says or does causes his cock to harden. He simply can’t control it.

Din reaches the cabin and punches in the door code, happy to note that his guest has locked it from inside. Her diligence and attention to detail certainly helped him trust her in his home from the outset of her employment.

Stepping across the threshold, he notices all the lights are out except for the one above the kitchen sink, which is unusual. Stranger still, all it illuminates is a near-full cup of water standing in a pool of condensation.

Nonetheless, it’s bright enough for him to survey the rest of the room cast in shadowed shades of grey.

He can’t see Maia.

Instantly, his heart rate rises, although he doesn’t panic. She’s probably just in the refresher or the kid’s bedroom with him. But the amount of moisture surrounding that cup shows it’s been sitting there almost as long as he was gone, which is curious. And there’s no light coming from downstairs either.

The cabin is small, with an open-plan kitchen and living space, and a staircase leading down to two bedrooms and the refresher. Din’s priority is his son, so he creeps down the ferrocrete steps, well-practised at following the route silently. With his night vision on, he can see that Grogu’s door is open a crack, and he pushes it wider. Little purring snores verify that the kid is sleeping soundly, and he slides the door fully closed to ensure he stays that way. Good.

Since his babysitter wasn’t in that room, and she wouldn’t invade his private space without permission, there’s only one other option. He bypasses his own bedroom opposite Grogu’s and heads to the door facing him – the refresher. He can’t pick up any sounds from within, but he’s not about to invade her privacy by listening too intently. The door is fully shut, but there’s a faint glow through the ventilation grill at the bottom, too weak to be the usual lights. A glowrod?

That’s rather odd. He’s grateful that Maia avoided putting on the hall lights while Grogu’s door was ajar, but she could’ve switched on the refresher lights once inside.

For an unsettling moment, Din isn’t sure how to proceed. He really doesn’t want to interrupt her if she’s busy. But… his instincts are telling him something is off, and he wants to know she’s okay.

He’ll give her a little longer. He’d rather be cautious than a perv.

He retreats upstairs again, conducting a thorough check of the living space and kitchen but finding nothing abnormal or suspicious. Nothing besides that abandoned cup of water, at least. Next comes his nightly check of the cabin’s weak points – the windows and entryway. He secures them all, figuring he can escort Maia out when she’s ready. Tipping away the water, he runs a fresh cup, turns his back to the stairs to lift his helmet and drink, and refills it. Finally, he disarms himself of most of his weapons, leaving one blaster in its holster and his vibroblade in his boot. He likes to bring some of his usual arsenal downstairs with him, even though he has multiple spares in a secure cabinet near his bed.

Which is where he’s headed now. Din sets the drink on his nightstand, switches off his night vision, and switches on the dim bedside light. His guest has seen him armourless a few times before, so he begins removing his beskar and the rest of his kit. He’s almost finished – just his armourweave stomach padding to go – when he hears a thump from the refresher.

In seconds, he’s outside it again, listening intently for any further clues. He’s been in the business of handling unconscious bodies for decades, and that sounded like an unconscious body.

“Maia?” he tries, keeping his voice low to ensure he won’t disturb the kid.

Nothing.

He knocks gently, giving it a few moments.

Still nothing.

Okay, now he’s really starting to worry. He returns to his bedroom, grabs his vambrace, and flicks through his visual settings until he’s replaced his night vision with the thermal overlay. He hopes he isn’t crossing a line here, but what else can he do? Walking to his doorway, he takes a deep breath… and directs his visor at the refresher.

Dank farrik, she’s on the fucking floor. Why didn’t he check sooner?

Jabbing off the thermal overlay, Din throws his vambrace on the bed, then rushes to the refresher door. He keeps his voice low in case he wakes Grogu, hoping it reaches her anyway. “Maia, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I hope you’re decent because I’m coming in.”

He gives her five torturous seconds to respond or get decent if she isn’t already, and then he keys in the override code. The door slides open, revealing his unconscious (but blessedly fully clothed) babysitter slumped near the toilet, lit by a glowrod on the floor next to her. He can now hear her breathing heavily, though it doesn’t sound laboured, just a deep state of sleep.

His helmet isn’t sealed, so straight away, he’s able to detect the lingering smell of vomit. A somewhat grim consequence of being both a bounty hunter and a father means Din can also distinguish types of vomit. Although she has flushed, there’s no air filtration with the lights off, and the residual odour tells him that Maia has been drinking alcohol.

It also explains her unconscious state, so his worry dissipates a little, and mild annoyance starts to creep in.

She agreed to look after his son when she’d been drinking?

He kneels down next to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. “Maia. Wake up.” He shakes her, but she doesn’t stir.

He assumes she slipped from a propped-up position against the toilet, and the thud he heard was her slumping onto the ferrocrete floor. Did she bang her head? If that didn’t wake her… shit.

He tries shaking her again with as much force as he dares, and she groans and curls up even more. She’s fighting it, but he sees consciousness sluggishly returning.

“Maia, it’s Din. Can you sit up?”

“… y’can’t make me sing for the cup….” She’s still half asleep and confused, but that’s not surprising. A few seconds later, she cracks open her eyes, becomes aware of her situation, and slams them shut again. “Oh… fuuuck… no no, m’sorry… so so so s-sorry… please don’t be mad at meee….” She’s tearful and rambling but mostly coherent, even though she’s still curled on the floor with her eyes squeezed closed.

“What happened?” He can’t think of anything else to say until he’s established her culpability. He knows she wouldn’t drink on the job, so she must’ve been drinking earlier this evening. It certainly explains her overzealous response on the comlink. Dank farrik, he should’ve realised. But, no, he was busy revelling in his own drunken high from her joke about it being a booty call. Idiot.

“It was accidet— ac-ci-den-tal,” she continues from her foetal position. “Tried to call you back, but m’comlink’s busted… figured better I’m here drunk than not at all… ’m sorry sorry sorry, kark, pleeease don’t hate me. I jus’ wanted to make sure the li’l man was okay. I didn’t realise how much I’d had till I stood up, n’ it hit me worse on the way over. But Grogu’s fine, I checked. But I’ve grossed up your ’fresher, ’m sorry…”

Din sighs. In the scheme of things, Maia did the right thing. He’d rather she was here puking in his refresher than risk his child waking up alone. And it occurs to him that she achieved a surprising amount while seemingly drunk as a pirate. She secured the cabin, poured herself some water, stomached a few sips, managed to descend the stairs unscathed, and checked on the kid. Then she sealed herself inside the refresher and threw up neatly into the toilet bowl with no spills, even managing to flush before she passed out. And she did all that by the light of a glowrod so she wouldn’t wake Grogu.

In many ways, his babysitter’s actions tonight were more responsible than some of his own questionable choices regarding his son’s safety. He can’t be mad at her.

He tells her so. “I’m not mad, Maia. Thank you for coming over anyway. Can you sit up? I need to know you’re okay.”

Her eyes are still clamped shut, but she cracks them slightly as she tries to push herself off the floor. It doesn’t go well, so Din reaches forward to help, and together, they get her into a stable sitting position. Nevarro’s volcanic environment means the basement maintains a cosy warmth, so he’s not surprised she passed out down here. It’s not exactly soft, but those who grow up in the Outer Rim spend their lives making do. He likes that she’s a survivor. Like him.

“Everything’s s-spinning,” she groans. “N’ my mouth tastes like bantha balls.”

Din suppresses a snort. “Hold on.” He climbs to his feet, retrieves the cup of water from his bedroom, and then passes it to her. “Here, sip.”

After she’s taken a few delicate sips, Maia gives him back the cup. “Don’t wanna puke again.”

“You won’t,” he assures, placing it in her hands again. “Pretty sure you got all the alcohol out of your system already. You gotta rehydrate, or you’ll feel worse.”

Kneeling down next to her again, he watches her try to follow his instruction, pleased she trusts him. He can’t help but admire how adorably dishevelled she is. Her hair is mussed, her clothes are wrinkled, and she keeps pouting between sips… but it’s all so… cute.

Once she’s had half the cup, he accepts it back, though she follows it up with more apologies. “M’so sorry… , m’such a karkin’ idiot… I get it if you don’t want me to look after Grogu anym—”

“Stop,” Din interrupts sharply, unwilling to let her beat herself up. “This is as much on me as it is on you. I didn’t ask you if you were busy. I demanded you come over and bribed you with extra credits. I didn’t question why you sounded different on the comlink. And I didn’t wait for you to arrive. If I’d done any of those things differently, you might not have ended up on my ’fresher floor. So I’m sorry too.” Maia doesn’t reply besides blinking at him a few times, so he asks, “What was the occasion? For the drinking, I mean.”

“One year of freedom from a terrible relationship,” she states resolutely, and for a moment, she seems a little more sober. “Me n’ Zandi, we were both in deep with some mudscuffers who locked us in when we were too young to know any better. But we got lucky. Marshal Dune caught them dealing spice, and now they’re spending a decade mining the asteroid field at the edge of the system. The Nevarran tribunal sentenced them a year ago today, so we drank to celebrate our freedom.”

Din doesn’t really know how to respond. She’s made some previous passing remarks about the toxic relationships she and her friend escaped from, which he’s always taken as hints of her wish to remain unattached. It’s yet another reason he wouldn’t feel right about making any sort of move on her. He settles on, “You… deserve to celebrate.”

“Thanks, Shiny.” He bristles at the nickname out of habit, but he secretly likes that Maia has numerous nicknames for him. “N’ you deserve a ’fresher without a woman on the floor. I should get outta your way, Beskar Boy.”

She tries pushing herself up but instantly becomes dizzy and topples to the side. Din’s naturally quick reflexes kick in, and he positions himself to catch her, letting her fall into his chest as his arm snakes around her back. Before he can even process what he’s doing, he’s slipping his other arm beneath her knees and lifting her up.

“Whoa!” she exclaims, grabbing onto his flight suit with one hand while the other flies to grasp his neck. He almost shivers from feeling her clutch at him so keenly. “I don’t know what’s happening, but I love it! Thanks for the lift, muscles!”

He’s glad his bold move has amused rather than perturbed her, so he doesn’t answer, too busy willing his cock to remain unreactive to this sudden closeness. His main goal is to get her off the ferrocrete floor and put her down somewhere softer as fast as possible. As he elbows open the door and navigates out of the refresher, he makes a split-second decision. His bed is closer than the couch.

“Shiny! This is your bedroom!” Maia whisper-shouts as he steps through the door. At least she’s lucid enough to keep her voice low in case Grogu hears across the hall.

Din grunts in agreement as he approaches his bed and starts carefully lowering her onto it.

She keeps going in a gleeful whisper. “Is this…? Are we…? Kriff, I never thought I’d actually end up in your bed, metal man! I mean, it’s been a dream, sure, but I figured your creed thing meant, like, no sex or whatever. But holy frotz, I guess tonight really was a booty call! Count me the fuck in!”

He’s already laid her down by the time he fully processes her words.

Dank farrik, he’s a fucking idiot.

He will never have sex with any woman in this state. He’s not that kind of guy. The fact that being with Maia is a dream for him too is meaningless, and so is the possibility that she might actually want him. Because does she really? Maybe this is still the alcohol talking. It has to be. Right?

It doesn’t even matter. All Din needs to do is extract himself from this situation in the least awkward way possible and without having to reject her verbally.

But how?

He points a finger at her. “Stay put.” She bites her bottom lip and acknowledges his order with a sloppy salute.

Damn it, the image of her lip caught between her teeth is now burned into his brain, haunting him with forbidden promise.

He pads back to the refresher in his socks and closes the door, relieving himself, flushing, and then pouring some cleaner down the toilet to sit overnight. He then washes up at the sink as fast as possible and refills the cup of water. Returning to his bedroom, Din places the cup on the nightstand along with the glowrod that belongs to his guest.

Speaking of whom…

In his brief absence, Maia has toed off her shoes, stripped naked and strewn her clothes across the floor, and burrowed under his covers. She’s still bleary from the booze, but he sees fire and lust behind her hopeful gaze as she blinks up at him.

It kills him.

He remembers he never finished removing his armour, so he retrieves the vambrace from where he threw it and places it on its shelf. Then he finally removes his stomach padding and puts that away too, directing his visor anywhere except at the naked woman in his bed. He’s doing everything possible to deny the physical reaction her presence is giving rise to.

When he’s done, Din approaches the bed again, acutely aware that she’s tracking him with a hunger he shares but can do nothing about.

Fuck, this is torture. The blanket has slipped down (or maybe Maia has arranged it) so low that it’s daringly close to exposing her nipples. She’s right there, waiting for him. Wanting him.

But she’s drunk. And she’s his kid’s babysitter. He tries to quell his ache by thinking about how she’s thrown up this evening, which would make kissing gross. It helps for a second, although the idea of kissing her at all ends up eclipsing the negatives, and he hardens even more.

Shit, he cannot think about kissing her. Or how naked she is. Or anything like that. Vomit. He should focus on vomit.

Okay. Din taps off the bedside light and picks up the glowrod, then heads to the door in the dark, stumbling over her clothes strewn on the floor. He can’t activate his helmet’s night vision without his vambrace control, but he won’t put it back on just to navigate his escape. Nor will he switch on the glowrod yet because he doesn’t want to see any dismay or regret in her eyes as he leaves her. He wants to remember the hunger he witnessed there.

Hazardous garments notwithstanding, he finds his way to the exit.

Crossing the darkened doorway’s threshold, he whispers, “Get some rest, Maia.” Then he fumbles for the control and taps the door close button, releasing a sigh as it swishes shut behind him.

Switching on the dim glowrod, he traipses upstairs. It’s going to be so kriffing awkward in the morning. Nonetheless, one thought keeps repeating itself to him above all others, one he can no longer prevent his dick from swelling at the prospect of.

Is she really attracted to him?

He has to know.

Din extracts another blaster from his cabinet, knowing he won’t sleep without one beside him. Then he sits heavily on the couch, thinking about how often he used to sleep in his helmet before this cabin became his home. It’s the first place he’s felt secure enough to remove it at night, so he’s no stranger to sleeping beneath his beskar mask. It’s almost a comfort in a way.

With his face covered in a darkened room lit by nothing but a glowrod while those he cares for slumber downstairs, more memories return…

Sitting in the Crest’s darkened cockpit, fucking his fist by the swirling glow of hyperspace, chasing a release during those first stressful days as a fugitive. In theory, if something had pulled him out of hyperspace, someone could’ve quite literally caught him with his dick in his hand. But the odds of anyone being close enough to peer in through the transparisteel at that very moment and notice his furtive actions were slim. Back then, he was so untethered that in his weaker moments, he desperately sought anything that made him feel good. Fleeting moments when he could pretend his life wasn’t falling apart yet again. The risk was worth it.

Here, too, although he’s locked up the cabin and closed the shutters, there’s a risk of Maia sneaking up the stairs and finding him. But a similar desperation fills him now – the utter frustration of loss. Back then, it was the loss of a stable income, the loss of his covert. Now, it’s his missed chance – the loss of what could’ve been with the woman downstairs. And maybe even the total loss of her in his life. Perhaps she’ll be too embarrassed about this evening’s events and quit. Din couldn’t take that, nor could Grogu. It’s why he tried to avoid this.

Can they get past this? Maybe he ought to find someone else to care for the kid. Would that be best? This is getting too complicated. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore.

So, right now, he’ll imagine the positive and lose himself in the fantasy, just like he used to. He’ll think about the hunger he saw in her eyes and let himself believe it wasn’t merely the alcohol. Just for tonight, he’ll believe it’s the truth. The risk, once again, is worth it.

He’s already tenting his loose flight suit pants, so he fumbles to expose himself and relaxes against the couch cushions behind him. The wet spot on his underwear displays just how profoundly turned on he is simply by the idea of being with Maia.

After all the temptation it’s endured this evening, his cock is extra sensitive, so he begins with measured, lazy strokes. Whilst he’d love to revel in the fantasy, he knows he won’t last long. As he imagines joining her in his bed, filling his palms with those half-exposed breasts he saw, pressing his naked body against her, his movements begin to speed up and his pressure increases. Very soon, he’s plummeting toward the edge of ecstasy like a podracer pilot with the finish line in sight.

His helmet tips back to stare at the ceiling as he pictures how it would feel to sink into her warm depths, and the notion ignites his fuse, burning rapidly. It only takes a few more strokes before the powder keg within him explodes into a million tiny raptures. His hips stutter, his muscles clench, and his orgasm tears through his body. He comes hard, and a fractured groan far louder than he’d intended escapes through the modulator as he spills forth his pleasure…

Fucking. Bliss.

Din’s mind is blank for some time, just a sense of fulfilment and contentment gently rippling throughout his relaxed form.

As the real world filters back in, he’s able to think clearly, and he now knows what he has to do. He doesn’t like it, but it’s the mature and sensible option. It’s also a fucking daunting prospect, but he’s faced worse. Has he? Yes, he has. He can do it. 

He tucks himself away and finds a cloth to wipe down the mess on his flight suit. That task makes him realise he’ll have to sneak into his bedroom tomorrow without waking Maia to grab his armour and some fresh clothes. And now he really needs to do laundry tomorrow. The only pants he has left are the tighter ones, which he tries to avoid wearing around her. Great, there’s another reason to dread the morning. Although it’s not as if he’s ever caught her checking out his package – she may tease him verbally, but her gaze is always polite.

For now, he’ll enjoy the security of darkness and the lingering swirl of happy chemicals in his brain.

Din lays down on the couch and switches off the glowrod. With a deep sigh, he surrenders to the relaxing state of comfort brought on by his orgasm, letting himself fall into a contented sleep. Before he drifts off, his last thought is of Maia’s beautiful lips… leaning in for a kiss….

If only.

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Part 2 →

Those of you who've read my work before will be familiar with my copious end notes:

As usual, it’s British spellings I’m afraid. Demographic stats say about 60% of you are American, but I can’t help where I was born, so sorry about all the extra ‘u’s and ‘l’s and for using ‘s’ where you would expect ‘z’. However, I’ve channelled my inner linguist and used American language and speech patterns since the show is filmed in the US and Din’s accent is American. All other wording is internationally neutral, including Maia’s dialogue (since the next chapter is written from her POV and I’ll be switching to second person reader insert for that, e.g. you/your pronouns). I’m a little sad I didn’t get to include any Mando’a linguistics in this fic tbh. Maybe another time.

The cabin’s layout is inspired by the concept art by Christian Alzmann that appeared in the closing credits of s3e8, in which there appears to be a staircase leading down to a lower level. That makes sense to me, as Din would need total security to sleep without his armour on, and a windowless underground room seemed appropriate. I also like the parallel that on the Razor Crest he used to sleep on the lower level in a windowless room too.

I know Carl’s absence is going to be felt when we finally get the movie, so I wanted to write something where Karga is still around. If this had been a longer piece, I would’ve had him actually featuring in it instead of being in the background, but in any case, Karga lives forever in the universes I write.

The reference to Din wearing looser pants is, weirdly, Canon. One of the ways you can tell it’s Brendan Wayne in the suit is because he seems to prefer these weird baggy clown pants. Contrast to Pedro who likes them tight (Din Peña?), as does Lateef Crowder, and as did Barry Lowin in season 2. Since Brendan did the majority of season 3, we saw Din in the loose-fitting style a lot more, so I decided to write in a reason for that beyond actor preference.

Though we have no information on Nevarro’s judiciary system, they’re an independent world who have a marshal and a magistrate, so my guess is they’d adopt the New Republic’s system of having a tribunal. Generally, group decision-making is favoured during this era, in contrast to the single-judge system of the Imperial era, so it seems more likely that Karga would encourage citizens to serve on a tribunal rather than unilaterally passing judgments himself.

Apologies to @the-mandawhor1an for using the name of your longtime established OC – it was coincidental, I promise! I chose it after looking up the most common female names in the world, one of which is Maria, and I settled on the variant Maia because it sounded like a more Star Wars-y version (and for another reason which you’ll see in part 2). I only realised when you reblogged my WIP Wednesday snippet, and it was a bit late to change it by then. I guess it’s a common name in the SWU too! But I’m sorry and I hope you don’t feel like I’m muscling in on your domain. Your Maia is of course the original Maia 💖

I made the GIF myself. Sorry it’s a bit blurry, I’m not very good at making them yet. I tried to use Tumblr’s GIF-making function, but it wouldn’t let me crop out Grogu’s ears, so this was my alternative attempt. It’ll have to do.

Definitions: Comlinks are those little cylinder comms they all use. Glowrod is a catch-all term for anything portable that produces light. All the swears/insults (stinking stang, frotz, borked, kriff, kark) are from the Legends list of phrases and slang this time (it’s longer than Canon). Nevarran reptavians are the ones that Grogu saved Karga from in s1e7 and that the Mandalorians were roasting in s3e7. Ferrocrete is a compound building material (Canon and Legends) made from concrete and iron, used in roads, reinforced bunkers and building foundations. I figured Din would only be happy with something strong and defensible, so Karga had the cabin built with it. Transparisteel is used for windows and ship viewports, as well as helmet visors.

Part 2 is written and will be uploaded next weekend once proofing/editing is complete. What do we think? Is Din gonna be dumb and tell her she can’t babysit Grogu anymore? Deny himself what he wants for Maia’s own good?

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:

Tags requested…

@aheadfullofsteverogers @alltheotps @axolotllover225 @burntheedges @copperhalfcent

@foomoosworld @jude77 @secretelephanttattoo @stagerightlauren @the-mandawhor1an

Those tagged below showed interest in my masterlist and WIP snippets (comments/reblogs), so I thought I’d sneak in some extra tags. Apologies if it’s too forward, if you’d prefer I didn’t tag you in part 2 just let me know…

@604to647 @cheekychaos28 @djarinmuse @gingerlurk

@joelalorian @kyberblade @readingupsidedown @sunflowersunlight7-blog

@thefrogdalorian @whataenginerd @wrathkitty

[blorb-el]

very happy to finally see someone who is as much mentally destroyed by flashpoint kal as me (it gets better I promise) and thanks to you I finally tried the superman radio show and... I don't know if I should thank you or curse you ? I just finished listening to the headless indian and the super sleuth and I fear this hyperfixation isn't going away soon...

But anyway, please pretty please could you give me some recs ? Is there an order I should listen them to or are they more stand alone stories ?

And continue to share your knowledge about superman and comics in general please it's fascinating!

flashpoint kal is literally something i'd daydream up and then go 'no no you're being too self indulgently angsty come on.' flashpoint beyond #3 was worth it all to see him finding a purpose :,)

old time radio the adventures of superman my beloved! (qualified). I've wanted to do a rec list for a while but I keep on getting hung up on how anti-Native/Indigenous a lot of the episodes are, especially in the first 'season.' That being said, I think most people are going to go into a radio show from the 40s aware of both the progressiveness of the show and the instances where it fails to reach the high standard it set for itself, particularly in the postwar era.

When I listened, I listened to The Clan of the Fiery Cross first, then went back to the beginning and just listened straight through. A very knowledgeable old time radio enthusiast did a podcast of every complete serial. 3 caveats here: 1. there are a few episodes missing or out of order but that's pretty easy to figure out, 2. the first 40 or so podcast episodes went missing (look those up on youtube or download those on archive.org here), and 3. while looking it up I only just now found out he's pretty far right-wing. He keeps it off his commentary though.

I think of OTR TAOS as 3.5 eras: the first before it moved to Mutual (40-42ish), the War years which are almost entirely lost, the postwar "S stands for sjw and sci-fi" era (my beloved) (Dec 45-48), and the short last series of half-hour standalone episodes. Here’s how stuff changed over time:

There’s a major paradigm shift between the first era and lost war serials where Superman operates first as an urban legend/cryptid, then switches to operating in the open and the world becomes aware he exists. Weird Justice Cryptid.

There’s a ‘soft’ retcon at some point in the lost serials where instead of growing up on the way to Earth and stepping out of the spaceship fully grown, as in the first episode of the first era, he gets to grow up with the Kents (who, fun fact, are from Iowa). His origin will be retold at several points.

During Looking for Kryptonite, the serial following the Atom Man saga, Clark makes the momentous decision to trust Bruce with his secret identity. This is a paradigm shift on the level of revealing his existence to the world.

In the switch to the last era of half hour standalone episodes, Bruce is then retconned out of existence (RIP). The half hour episodes may as well be a different canon, since many of them are adaptations of previous serials. They do have their own charm though.

There’s some smaller details that happen as ‘continuity’ within the postwar era, but all these shouldn’t trip a listener up much - Poco shows up, Perry gets elected Mayor of Metropolis, Lois gradually becomes more friendly to Clark, Unity House is built, etc.

Under the cut, a LONG list of highlights in order of airing, but tl;dr I’d say my top 10 were: the first storyline, The Black Pearl of Osiris, A Mystery for Superman, The Headless Indian, the entire Atom Man saga including Looking for Kryptonite, The Clan of the Fiery Cross, George Latimer Crooked Political Boss, Superman vs. Kryptonite, The Mystery of Meteor Island, and The Voice of Doom.

From the first era:

the first 21 episodes form a roughly continuous story which I'd recommend highly. this was the only era that they gave individual episode titles so I'll skip listing them all, just stop when you get to The Emerald of the Incas which is five episodes of pure YIKES. (to be fair the last episode is essentially "hey you moron, ask the Native Americans if perhaps they wrote down the statue's inscriptions instead of STEALING IT???" Debatable if it's worth slogging through the five episodes before that. )

Pick right back up again with Donelli's Protection Racket and Airplane Disaster, which were Jimmy Olsen’s first stories in any medium, and go a long way to explain why Jimmy loves Clark. The found family really kicks off here imo.

It's been a year or so since I listened to these but I recall Buffalo Hills, Happyland Amusement Park, Pillar of Fire at Grave's End, and The Yellow Mask and the Five Million Dollar Jewel Robbery were all pretty good, with the last featuring a familiar villain.

The Howling Coyote is a tossup, featuring maybe the one (1) multidimensional, memorable Native character in the whole run, but also more racism than usual. Give it a try if you like Westerns. It has one of my favorite side characters from the entire series, Tumbleweed Jones, a cowboy who took one look at Jimmy and turned to Clark and said i know you're his adopted dad but i want to also adopt him. can i. elder queer mentor vibes. gay little cowboy adopts gay little bowtied city kid and coparents with gay tired superhero. Howling Coyote goes right into...

The Black Pearl of Osiris, which is one of my favorites. Tumbleweed Jones comes to the big city. A decent mystery. Ridiculous side characters. Clark gets gaslit instead of gaslighting everyone else for once. Some racism as usual, though. Note that this one is slightly out of order on the podcast.

Last of the Clipper Ships is slow paced but good if you are in love with Jimmy (I was at this point) and also features an ABSURDLY good Moment in part 18 where they're in a dark room and Clark ventriloquizes a conversation between himself and Superman. It was one of those moments I felt like a kid listening because it blew my mind.

Dr. Roebling and the Voice Machine pays tribute to one of the original inspirations behind Superman with its machine that listens into crime - a fun look at what sci-fi looked like in 1941.

The Silver Arrow, a direct continuation on from the preceding The Crooked Oil Association (a thoroughly meh episode), is a delightful Western treasure hunt with Tumbleweed's return.

The Mechanical Man has an evil Nazi robot Superman gets to punch, what's not to love.

The first three parts of Lita, the Leopard Woman are really good Daily Planet family dynamics, the rest is skippable.

A Mystery for Superman is the last episode in this run, and you are either going to think the solution to the mystery is INCREDIBLY FUNNY or SO STUPID. I think the first. love this episode.

There are almost no complete serials from the war years, a consequence of the master recordings being stored on cheaper materials in order to preserve metal for the war effort. You’ve mentioned The Headless Indian, one of the best serials in the entire show, IMO. Amazing characters, great villain, and somehow less racist than the title would imply.

The first Batman/Superman team up and the first encounter with Kryptonite are from this era and they are both lost and I’m going to die mad about it.

Postwar era favorites:

Dr. Blythe’s Confidence Gang is the first surviving Batman serial; I would recommend it just on those grounds but it’s also a fun story where Batman and Clark Kent work together to clear Lois’s name of a false murder.

The Atom Man saga is the longest connected group of stories. It goes Meteor of Kryptonite, The Scarlet Widow, The Atom Man, and The Atom Man in Metropolis, and technically leads right into Looking for Kryptonite. Big recommendation; although Superman’s faced off against criminal genius type supervillains like the Laugher and the Yellow Mask, this is the first (and one of only two times) he comes up against an enemy with superpowers, and he shows his mettle and courage as he’s almost killed multiple times in this storyline.

Is There Another Superman, another Batman team up, is a little ridiculous but it does delight me because half their problems could be solved if Clark took a nap while Bruce watched him. This makes sense I promise. 

The Radar Rocket is so bad it’s good. Terrible, terrible science. Superman fights moon pterodactyls and moon ants and also Poco is there. Also notable for being the only serial I can remember where Clark spends the majority of his time being Superman instead of Clark Kent.

Story of the Century is an adaptation of A Mystery for Superman, only this time Bruce gets to get in on the fun, and then Clark gets to turn the tables.

The Hate Mongers Organization is the opening salvo of the show’s antiracist campaign. From here on out, this will be the show’s major concern. This is followed by Al Vincent’s Corrupt Political Machine, a similar story which I also recommend, and then comes...

The Clan of the Fiery Cross. Justly famous, a fierce, pointed criticism of a real, present opinion in American society, and it deserves the praise it gets. Although folks coming to this serial from Superman Smashes the Klan may be disappointed to know that there’s never an explicit Superman as Immigrant storyline in this serial, it’s still devoted with a singleminded, refreshing intensity to making sure that the bigot is proven wrong at every turn, and showing the violence and hatred of the Klan is founded on hypocrisy. (ALSO READ SUPERMAN SMASHES THE KLAN.)

The Super Sleuth is another delightful teamup with Batman, where a detective is convinced Clark Kent is Superman and annoys the hell out of him.

The Secret Menace Strikes Again returns to the justice and tolerance themes, this time with the corporate censorship of the Daily Planet, fearmongering, war profiteering, and the kidnapping of Perry White.

George Latimer, Crooked Political Boss, deals with violent antisemitism, Nativism, and the political machine. High recommendation, especially since Latimer will return.

The Dead Voice: Someone is blackmailing Robin. Furious, protective World’s Finest Coparents, Alfred gets to do something, and Dick gets a grandfather!

The Disappearance of Clark Kent - Superman takes a break from corruption on Earth to try to save a planetoid from destruction. A quintessential Superman Moment in here as he decides he has to do what he can to help despite the personal risk. The rest of the serial is bizarre sci-fi. It leads right into The Secret Letter, also recommended, in which Clark returns to Earth to try to reclaim the last will and testament he left for his friends before they open it and discover his identity. Another Batman appearance.

Drought in Freeville returns to corrupt politicans, addressing the tension between newly-returned veterans and people suspicious of and hostile to them. I liked it mostly as a historical document - if you like the political stories listen, if they’re not your cup of tea it’s skippable.

The Monkey Burglar - if you liked The Dead Voice, here is more Robin being threatened!

The Knights of the White Carnation - White supremacists try to destroy a high school basketball team because there are Catholics/immigrant children on it.

The Man Without a Face - international spy espionage featuring a surprise return from Herbert Caulkins, the investigator in The Super Sleuth, and an attempt to sabotage the World Peace Organization/UN.

The Mystery of the Lost Planet - This is Poco’s origin, meaning it’s a rewrite of one of the lost War serials. Possibly the funniest thing radio Clark Kent has ever done in his life in part 10.

Superman vs. Kryptonite - Another of my favorites. Spoiler alert, Superman does not win the fight vs Kryptonite. George Latimer returns, determined to get revenge on both Clark Kent and Superman, and runs steps ahead of Batman as Bruce frantically tries to figure out where Superman is and rescue him. Features a completely bonkers plot twist halfway through which I kind of love, and one of the most memorable ending sequences - I can see it as clearly as a movie.

The Secret Rocket - The only time Clark returns to the Kent farm, in a poignant moment (it’s been sold: the Kents are dead in this continuity). The remainder of the story is a little eh, but a fun core idea of how destructive Kryptonian technology could be in 1947.

The Ruler of Darkness - yet another political machine story, except in this one, Perry White has HAD ENOUGH and runs for Mayor himself. Cue many, many, many attempts to sabotage his campaign.

Batman’s Great Mystery - the mystery is that Batman has turned into a hatemongering bigot, and obviously Dick and Clark must team up to go “this isn’t you.” It isn’t him.

Mystery of the Stolen Costume - Someone’s robbed Clark Kent’s apartment and has found his secret closet with his spare costume. Bruce and Clark work together to try to save his identity.

The Skin Game - More bigots try to de-integrate a track and field team, explicitly because one of the athletes is Black. For reference, this serial was broadcast in 1948, Brown v Board of Education was decided in 1954.

The Mystery of Sleeping Beauty - completely ridiculous in terms of history and sci-fi, but it rolls right around into kind of charming, and plus Superman gets to fight and probably kill a whole bunch of Nazis. In an off-camera 1948 way.

The Mystery of Meteor Island - okay have you ever read/listened to/watched a Superman story where he gets owned by Kryptonite and thought idly to yourself, what if someone ELSE got owned by radiation poisoning? Well have I the radio serial for you. Batman and Robin story.

The Voice of Doom - the only other superpowered enemy in the series. A killer convict acquires some hypersonic voice power in a lab accident. A Batman team up, and also the return of the Scarlet Widow (even though she totally died earlier. Comics style retcon!)

The Mystery of the Letter - the most memorable Lois centric episode, she receives a letter from her sister Diana which brings her and Clark to Paris.

And finally, of the half hour standalone stories - after so long listening to the serials, I’d gotten used to their slower paced storylines, so this wasn’t my favorite format, but the pacing is probably more amenable to most listeners. I liked The Double Trouble, One Minute to Death, Death Rides the Roller Coaster, Mystery of the Mechanical Monster, and The Diamond of Death. The Mystery of the Walking Dead was also okay, but Clark was a bit of an ass in the first part of that one. These were oriented towards adults and were much darker in tone, hence the edgy titles.

Whew. Or as Jimmy would say, gleeps! Fellow otr taos enjoyers feel free to yell at me anytime about any of these serials, or sound off about your favorites.