#it's going to be a long one
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god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait
#executive dysfunction#shitpost#every day I get stuck in waiting mode for SO LONG and SO MANY TIMES#that one time I tried adhd meds it fixed it but then I. was like no I am going to be scared and not continue taking it <3#and also. I simply did not like the psychologist and did not want to have to go back#so. rawdogging the world <3#man if I could start a task right now...then you'd see...then you'd all see....
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".
Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.
#there is not a third option. it is either trump OR biden#and one of those will be much MUCH worse for palestine#i'm really really sorry that these are the options. i wish they weren't.#but WHAT third option are you trying to take here? what on earth is your proposed outcome#that will actually make things better for palestine?#because letting trump win the election is NOT going to help them#i'm sorry but you need to set aside your feelings and take the option that will lead to less harm to palestine in the long run#you talk such a big game about how people need to be willing to make sacrifices to help palestine#but you yourself aren't even willing to hold your nose and vote to stop things from getting worse?#or did you think 'sacrifice' only meant not getting mcdonalds for a few months?#us politics
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"we know how to move our bodies, but i didn't know how to manage my heart, so you need help for this"
hi we need to talk more about judo gold medallist christa deguchi.
#maybe i need her#that video about her battling mental health woes in 2021... ;___; i love her#she's all over the japanese forums the past few days#and the wlw community is going feral shfgshjfk#some of them call her “the one who got away”#and “my wife who was too hot for japan judo to handle but is now thriving under canada”#and today i just saw a post that just says:#i just learnt about deguchi-sama and then i rolled over in bed and looked at my husband#and thought to myself: maybe he's not the love of my life#in love with her actually#incredible things happening ;___;#also she has the three cutest cats........... please let me raise them with you....#long post#christa deguchi#team canada#olympics#paris 2024#cats#cats of tumblr#wlw#wlw post
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Of the 19 hijackers who carried out the Sept 11 attacks:
15 were from Saudi Arabia (a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)
2 were from the United Arab Emirates (also a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)
1 was from Egypt, 1 from Lebanon.
None of the hijackers were from Iraq.
None of the Sept 11 hijackers were Iraqi.
None of the 9/11 hijackers were from Iraq.
#9/11#serious post#not a shitpost#this should be one of the first things kids learn when they learn about the 9/11 attacks#politics#this is just...it's such an essential and brazen fact and i rarely see basic outrage over it#i want outrage. i want fury. i want disgust over the way fundamental facts are disguised and discarded and downplayed#because there are things we should KNOW. basic fact we should ALL KNOW. and they are tucked away in the footnotes.#and no this is NOT to put the blame on other middle eastern countries#we know this was carried out by a specific terrorist organization not a national government#but King George the Second decided (and was encouraged by his cabinet!) to invade a nation!#a nation that was not at all related or responsible!!!#a dictatorship to be sure--but a dictatorship that King George the First had been happy to support#so what changed? why did we go in guns blazing to DEMOLISH a country *we had NO PLANS OF REPAIRING*???#well. because they wanted a villain didn't they. a nice clean war. clarity of purpose. us the heroes against them the villains#and when you're in that mindframe--truth is irrelevant. you can pick your villain (your victim) by rolling a roulette wheel#truth is irrelevant#worse: to the people in charge#truth is a HINDRANCE#'Alternative facts' existed long before it became a catchphrase#facts don't matter. truth doesn't matter. the impulses of a handful of volatile & rich & power-high people--that's History. congratulations
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does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.
#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like#completion consistancy i am thinking for with this#personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥#i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional#i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic#but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one#it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played#however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music#because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do#so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan#very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay#TO ME 🤫#if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead
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oversaturate
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#jjk yuuji#been trying some stuff out in an attempt to beat the artblock out of myself with hammers#and i LOVE how it looks but god it takes so long painting like this#i had a ref style i was going for that was a lot more washed out and watercoloury#and to be fair my take on it did start out looking more adjacent to that#u can still kinda see remnants of the initial watercolour washes in the collar of yuuji's jacket in th bottom one#but it Did Not Last fhdjfjjg what can i say im a gouache/oils gal#i can't use soft greys and watery inks i need stark blacks i need the reddest red the colour wheel will provide#one thing i did keep from the refs were the sharp prickly fine lines i think those look real cool against textured colour blocks#anyway ive also been having a lot of fun playing with rly rly harsh lighting on the hair#and even thinner linework put down after the colour as opposed to before#probably one of the reasons why it takes a lot longer but also it mimics traditional art a lot more#ill probably continue playing around with this sort of render ! or at least keep elements of it
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birds of a feather
#totk#loz#link#tulin#totk spoilers#my comics#my art#it is almost 8 in the goddamn morning and my hand is cramping SO bad but if i didnt make this i was going to die#anyways link's signs: page 2 panel 1 he's signing “danger” and page 2 panel 4 he's signing “important/significant”#also idr where i got the “hair braiding is significant to the rito” probably from the reva/ink i used to read back in the day#(censored so it doesnt show up in the tags just in case lol)#theyre everything to me. if you couldn't tell#they have a brother dynamic 2 me but its open to interpretation#idk wtf happened tonight. two long comics from me back to back is absurd#broke this one up also so its more viewable too#sparks art
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still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)
anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#calling dibs on skeleton kisses as the name of my band#man scully is just a delightful little weirdo and i'm enjoying him immensely#(i'm going with scully until we get something official just because it makes me think of x-files)#(スカリー is also how the agent's name is transliterated and i don't know if it was intentional but i love it as a bonus reference)#(i want to believe™)#gosh though#'no one at school likes me because i won't shut up about halloween and jack skellington' i'm feeling VERY attacked right now twst#look scully your people are out there#just get on the forums and -- oh wait you're probably from like the 1800s or something#(my theory is that he's from the past and there's just some Book Magic going on to bring us together)#(LOOK they made a point of saying that the book fair has been held annually for a super long time)#a hot topic goth born before hot topic was invented...so sad 😔#i dunno i could be wrong but that feels like a good working theory for now#if it wasn't for mal sensing twsty ~magic~ on him i would think he's like. a christmas elf who's going to kidnap jack in a reverse-nmbc#(not ruling that out though because it would be amazing)#god all the sprites in this event look AMAZING. loving the desaturated colors and the extra drawn-on lines 😍#i'm genuinely kinda sad that we aren't gonna get to see every character like this#who knows...maybe halloweentown will be imperiled again next year...#come back and destroy my keys again please#(that said i'm doing weirdly well so far?)#(i promised i'd save for sebek and just do cursory pulls to get the SRs and not hope for the SSRs)#(...but then leona jumpscared me four coffins in anyway. halloween magic is REAL)
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Baby boy tiny bee baby
#7iffer#co-parenting at its finest#ngl I lowkey forgot I can draw#maccadam#transformers#transformers one#tf#tfone#tf one#oh dear these tags are going to be a little bit long#tfone bumblebee#bumblebee#b127#tfone optimus prime#optimus prime#orion pax#tfone megatron#megatron#d16#megop
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
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so like is it specifically planets the solver craves or can it get by with just eating dirt off the ground
#thank you those people in that one server i havent been there long enough to remember names#for bringing up the idea#is very funny#god i have genuinely no idea what to do for n's dialogue boxes. cannot think of a gimmick whatsoever#suprise attack by the artstyle change. i am imploding right now#cannot settle on any style whatsoever. genuinely changing by the hour#so strangely proud of ns hand in this one i dont know what it is about it but i really like it#hats still pisses me off though. why so difficult to draw#murder drones#art#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones cyn#or its#murder drones absolutesolver#who knows at this point#murder drones skig#still fighting tooth and nail for the tail to be named skig. it fits so well#iz go attack glitch headquarters for me#i think its late enough i can keep this unspoilered
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#文字化化#Homicipher#mr crawling#homicipher mc#my art#2024#long time no post... one more doodle and then i go back into my cave and disappear yet again
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switcheroo part 2 electric boogaloo (soundwave edition)
for those of you who were wondering, yes soundwave is still the most loyal hes just a flamboyant conniving megalomaniac, and yes starscream is still traitorous hes just calculating and methodical and very very patient
part 3
#guys. guys. do you see the potential soundwave has as a troll#like you piss him off and he pulls out a zip file of blackmail hes been accumulating specifically for this#whats stopping him from compiling your voice cracks into a remix#whats stopping him from vocoding your recordings to gangnam style#he WILL be exporting your colossal bluckups in HD quality for everyone to see#soundwave my boy. you must be more evil and dramatic#originally I was going to include a starscream segment as well but it was just getting too long#maybe I’ll do it one of these days!!#transformers#soundwave#maccadam#fanart#thundercracker#starscream#I have to clarify because this is the Internet. no this is not ship art#I just adore the dynamic skybound gave these two specifically#will thundercracker ever be happy on my blog?#no
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first vs last appearances
#their growth...... means so so much to me#toh spoilers#toh#the owl house#watching and dreaming#luz noceda#gus porter#willow park#amity blight#hunter#mine#*all#i was going to do vee but no room D:#okay there was one specific hunter shot i wanted but text was in the way :(#long post#long gif post
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Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara
They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them
But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd
The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>
#zutara#zuko#katara#atla#book 2 au#my art#i mentioned in my last book 2 au post that i wanted to include short hair katara into it and y'all were so supportive of it!! 😭😭😭#so this is how i think it would go#it would happen as katara is trying to evade one of zuko's fire balls#she manages to avoid it but since her hair is long it still caught on fire#she'd be pissed so she water whips the hell out of zuko#and then promptly forgets about it akfhkakdkakdj#even after the sparring session she still hasn't remembered cause 'oh no zuko's in pain i have to help him!'#it isn't until zuko even mentions it that she remembers#zuko thinks she's more calm than i thought she would be after burning her hair so he mentions it to her#little did he know katara just forgor aldjlakdkaljd#n e ways zuko does feel bad so she offers to help fix it up for her#i think after the haircut katara would find herself looking in mirrors when there are any around cause 'zuko thinks i'm beautiful?? really?#zuko doesn't know this tho and he thinks katara is till sad about the unwanted haircut so he keeps telling her that she looks beautiful#and katara just keeps losing it aldjlakdlald#in conclusion they are idiots your honor
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