#it's been half an hour 😭
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hi choco! i'm so excited to see you back on my tl; i've missed you and your god-tier fics & i'm super duper excited to read your wonwoo fic as well (140k words? we will all be well fed fr 🤲)
i had a little rant? not exactly rant but something that's been itching my mind a bit haha, i hope you don't mind me sharing it with you! i genuinely want some advice over this.
as a long fic writer, how do you consistently come back to writing your fic without getting bored? i looooove writing long fics too (big lover of slowburn and angst lol) but i always get so impatient and bored of writing the story so quickly :(
i'd posted a teaser for a fic a while back and it got a good amount of traction (something i will always be grateful for) and someone asked me when i would release the full fic, to which i gave them a tentative date. fast forward to the day before the day i said i would post the fic and you have me typing out paragraphs upon paragraphs of stuff that i absolutely loathe in my writing. i ended up posting the fic anyway, but it's been only a day and i already want to take it down—not bc it's not getting any attention, because it is, but more so bc i hate that fic and would do anything to rewrite it.
iirc your joshua fic, 'best friend's brother' was a rewrite of a fic you'd written earlier, right? was your thought process similar to this? where did you start your rewriting process from? did you have any second thoughts when you took it down the first time?
i'm really sorry if this is too many questions 😅 please take your time if you do choose to answer this! much love and have a great day, choco!!! thank you so much :)
(is it alright if i use an emoji to sign off so i can find this ask later?)
— 🍫
first of all, THANK U SO MUCH <3
and i don't mind at all! these are rly insightful questions :o though i'll just chunk my answers a bit so i'm not all over the place.
not getting bored to be honest, i'm not sure if i ever "get bored" of writing out the plot. but i definitely get burnt out, and sometimes i get downright sick of reviewing my own writing, to the point where i just have to close my laptop and walk away. i think the most important & overarching piece of advice i can give--not just in terms of long fics but any fic for that matter--is to never force anything & take breaks!
when i'm busy at uni, there are like 5 month breaks where i don't bother writing at all. i always think that the second i have free time, i should theoretically want to write, but sometimes i just don't. and i make peace with it bc i know the second i force anything i will end up hating it (also takes the fun & enjoyment out of the process).
i think if you're getting bored, it's probably a sign that your body & mind just isn't interested in writing at the moment. so i would step away & take a break and attempt to get your mind off the plot. i think that taking a break also invigorates your mind a bit and gives you newer, better ideas (at least from my experience).
bfb rewrite the reason i rewrote best friend's brother was bc the og fic was from 2016, when my writing style was completely different. i still liked the concept but naturally, as my writing grew, i just detested the way the old ver was written, which spurred me to create the rewrite.
i wanted to give the characters a lot more depth & beef up the plot, so the new fic is actually a lot different in comparison to the old one. i wasn't attempting to do a scene-for-scene rewrite--it was simply just my approach to an old concept that i felt i could now execute better.
as to how i went abt rewriting it, i just picked out moments from the old fic that i liked and built around them. for instance, i rly liked the "skipping stones" scene that shows some intimacy & tenderness between joshua and reader. but it can't just happen out the gate. so i had to figure out the typical "why, when, and how is this moment happening right now?" from scratch.
the thing with long fics for me, it honestly is a test of patience & dedication!! bc it can truly be so frustrating :( a lot of times, you want to jump right into the good parts bc those are like the shiny glimmers that make the fic attractive. but depending on how impactful you want those moments to be, build-up is sooooo key! the thing is, build-up is just so critical in my opinion, but it can also be such a pain to write :p
i find when i review my writing, these are scenes i criticize or change the most--more than the big, hard-hitting scenes. bc to me, it's such a specific thing that you have to nail down justttt right. it's a lot of thinking and finagling and i think this process is what i dread the most? especially when it refuses to turn out how you want it--ugh, so discouraging!! but once you get it's like a silky flowy river!!
the big takeaways (i guess?) 1. taking breaks is so important! 2. don't force anything xxxx 3. take the big moments & build around them i totallyyyyy understand your frustration!! there have been so many moments where i'm like I NEED TO WRITE AHHHHH and then i promptly open the document only to sit there, blankly read a few sentences, and then get this rly big sinking feeling in my gut that is essentially telling me "never mind" and honestly i just listen to it bc if i'm gonna close & open the document 10 times in a row i obviously don't want to write. i'm just searching for something fulfilling and clearly not finding it in the task at hand so i should do smth else.
THIS IS EXTREMELY LENGTHY AND I''M BEYOND SORRY, but i hope somewhere amongst this mumbo jumbo there was something that stood out & may give you a bit of closure!
#i thought i could answer this in like 10 minuutes#it's been half an hour 😭#i rly had my thinking cap on for this#n: 🍫#x: moonbeam#t: choco's letters#OMG SOMETHING else i thought of when i reread your ask#if you do struggle to write consistently or have trouble seeing fics through to completion (i'm exactly like this unfortunately)#then i would suggest not providing release dates ?#i think this definitely adds pressure and strips away the fun of writing#i understand that it's like the readers have an almost tangible idea of when to expect new work#so that might keep them more engaged#but if it's proving to be detrimental to your writing process then perhaps it's not worth it to give the writing a date#also like... life very much so happens whether we want it to or not and can easily get in the way#and i'm sure your readers will understand!!#like when i wrote bfb 2.0 i posted the preview in may#THEN DIDN'T POST THE ACTUAL FIC UNTIL ALMOST A YEAR LATER I FELT SO AWFUL ABT IT#so i was likeeee okayyyy that's the last time i post a teaser without actually having the damn thing written#bc like... what if i never even finished it lmao
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My eyeball bill won best crafted!!!!!!
#gravity falls#bill cipher#Alex Hirsch#I'm FREAKING OUT RN#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#oh my god 😭😭😭#this ouija board is going to be. my most prized possession.#I will literally kill someone to protect this thing when I receive it.#my hands have been shaking for the past half hour or so#AHHHHHHHHHHHH#this is. the greatest thing to ever happen to me.#I cannot wait to tell my coworker tomorrow#cosplay
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*guy that hasn't slept properly in several days voice* damn why am i so tired
#rye.txt#my sleep schedule is so messed up man 😭#started going to bed at 2am instead of 10pm. except it takes me like an hour and a half to two hours to fall asleep each night#so really im getting to sleep around 3am-4am#and then my body wakes me up at 7am#and sometimes i can go back to sleep but other times i have Work To Do and have to get up then#and then i can maybe try to go back to sleep around 10am#except oops my body doesn't let me actually sleep so i just go to bed and sit there until i feel bad about trying to sleep during the day#and then i get up again#my works schedule is also Very Weird but it's always been like that#im. tired. i wanna draw kitty cats but im too eepy :(
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well, i was going to wait to formally announce something when i got the time but i’m a bit irritated that the first thing i see when i log in is this ask
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^ to answer your question anon, idk why you’re following if that’s what you feel 💀 respectfully, unfollow and never interact with me again. and this goes for everyone else who has left nasty asks in my inbox demanding me to update. my priority is law school and family, not to update fanfics that i don’t get paid for. this is something i do on the side for fun, it is not a job nor does it help me secure my future. spend less time demanding free work from people and spend more time working on your own future. it quite literally should never get to the point where you’re demanding strangers on the internet to provide you with fanfiction and insulting them when they have other things going on—seek help. that is weird.
but on a more serious note to everyone who has been respectful & kind about it—i don’t think i’m gonna be able to update anything until winter break, i apologize to everyone who has been waiting patiently, i promise i’m not abandoning heliotropes but it will not be updated for at least a month and a half. my workload has skyrocketed the past two weeks and my professors are warning us that it’s only uphill until after finals when we get our break. i need to be focusing on work, i barely even have the energy to answer messages from ppl right now.
^^ so if you are here for just my writing, this is the time to leave. i’ve been very vocal about this not being a writing blog. it is just my blog. if you only want writing, unfollow and find it in the tags.
i am going to be closing my inbox to prevent more asks like this because it’s rude and it’s not something i want to deal with. officially on semi-hiatus.
#tw discourse#i guess#i’m just irritated#i did not want to see that as soon as i log in#but anyway#i will try to post more like regular posts so i don’t disappear off the face of earth but#they’ll be sparse#i literally am so busy i only texted my bf like a dozen times over the past week 😭 i feel so bad#i’ve been taking like#an hour and a half a day to decompress and relax and even then i don’t even have the energy to write#i caught up on jjk manga and anime#i’ll lyk what i think about it soon#but anyway i have to go shower and get ready for my 4 o’clock class
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do you crave to be home playing with your sims while you’re out or are you normal
#ugh i’ve been out all day 😭#i had to sit through a two and a half hour marvel movie (actual hell) (for me)#it was my husbands work thing and it was free as the whole company went and then we had lunch after and omg bro#i can’t socialize for the rest of the week actually. i’m tired. overly stimulated as heck.#being a naturally quiet and shy person with anxiety is hard when you’re surrounded by outgoing extroverts for hours lol#anyway. i’m in the car going home now. i just want to work on my sims story 🫠#it’s just hard choosing to be out on a weekend when it’s where most my free time is lmao like. huh i could be playing sims rn#oh being an adult and having hobbies and a social life and work is hard
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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why is being honest about my feelings so embarassing i'm going to die
#luc posts#like i've been texting my irl abt stuff for the past half hour and i feel so annoying like ugh why don't i just shut up 😭
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on a scale from 1 to 10 how much r u getting booped rn
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UH-IT FUCKING BROKE
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I feel a bit like an asshole.
#One of my friends is gonna be in my state for her honeymoon cruise#And we've been friends for almost 7 years now#Never met in person before#And I'd be stoked to meet her but the last few years she's realized she has DID#So I'm not gonna be meeting HER but an alter of her that I'm not the biggest fan of#I don't hate this alter or whatever but I don't like her enough to drive 3 hours to go see her#And I have to pretend like I'm speaking to someone who is like. Occupying my friend's body?#I can't talk about any memories cause she'll be all like 'I didn't go through that with you. It was my other alter"#And it's like#Oh my gosh lmao#I've left her on read but I have to reply#I wouldn't have to make the drive for another 3 months and a half but I'm kinda turned off by the idea#Even if DID is bullshit#She doesn't think so#So I'm gonna have to play along#And I'm not sure about alla dat 😭
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#ao3 down for matinence so i cant keep reading the fic ive been reading all day at work 😭😭😭#now what am i supposed to do!! its slow as fuck and I still have three and a half hours left of my shift
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going to leather events solely to get my boots cleaned for free - not even into it, i’m just lazy & cheap
#stream#ALSKALSKALSKLSKLAKSLAKSLAKS#like girl ok if i’ve to sit there then it’s not worth it to me like im SUCH A FINDOM in that regard id be like ‘ur going to clean my shoes#while i go get a treat w ur credit card be back in like idk half an hour maybe or maybe not. u will be done in an hour im watching.#‘ ALKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLASKLAKSLA like 😭😭😭😭#i value my time more#i say i value my time more as if i haven’t been doing fuck all for days
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Posting some mini art tutorials while I work on some bigger projects.
First we have Darceus Alamastern, created by @toothpastecanyon in Unto Dust
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And last (but not least) we have Nxlar the Antithetical, made by @gnomewithalaptop in Transcendence AU dash simulator and also appeared in The Comfort of Agony chapter 8
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#transcendence au#my art#how to draw#mine#Nxlar the Antithetical#Darceus Alamastern#combined these took an hour to make#still proud though#I don’t really know how to make the glitch effect work#also I use procreate#Jesus Christ I just realized how much of my time these fics have been taking up#and how I probably seem a little deranged from obsession#I need a nap#but I hate naps#HEEEELLP WHY DOES DARCEUS’S EYES LOOK LIKE THAT#oh yeah and if u want u can add spider details on Nxlar’s eyes#I planned a n doing lineart for the bigger projects this event by#so that I can color on a plane tomorrow#but I only want to do the sketching 😭😭😭#and I don’t want to half-ass the pictures bc I’m really excited about them#I’ll make myself do them after dinner
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The culturally accurate Mikus is the best thing to have happened on the internet ever since Goncharov
#I've been scrolling for half an hour they're all so beautiful 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#I really love the love for one's own country together with the love for Miku that connects everyone together#It's such a beautiful manifestation of humankind!!!#I love the ethnic dresses (SO much). But I also love to see what people think “makes” their country. What are their symbols and icons.#It's so so fascinating in a deeply heartwarming way#And honestly seeing Miku with different features and skin colors is so immensely refreshing 😭😭😭#While staying so authentically /Miku/. It's so nice#Off to find a Miku from my country!!!#random rambles#Time to brush up by vocaloid side blog (╥﹏╥)
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i actually don’t know how i’m gonna go anywhere tomorrow even with my client’s car, there’s gotta be at least 6-7 inches of snow IN the city, which means it’s probably close to 12 where she lives
#manifesting that things get cancelled tbh#lmFAO#brooooo i really don’t wanna drive in this i’m gonna throw up 😭#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#like i just looked out the window and the snow is already up to my neighbor’s car door 😭#it also snapped a tree in half and crush the car of my neighbor across the street sjfjsjfhskdjdj#it’s not stopping either it’s been heavy snow at 100% for 20 hours 😭😭😭😭
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i'm begging my uni to stop making every fucking student social activity something where you have to walk around a bunch if you are a slow walker who cannot help it they literally want you dead
#i try to walk as fast as i humanly can. which i shouldn't bc it hurts and makes me dizzy. and i'm still slower than everyone else#last week we divided into groups and had to walk to checkpoints around the city to do tasks#i had a friend in my group who knows abt my issues and they walked slower with me which was nice. everyone else walked like 10 20 meters#ahead and it was fucking embarrassing bc for every checkpoint they had to wait for me#and i felt bad my friend couldn't talk to anyone else in the group bc they were zooming way ahead of us and i'm the one who couldn't keep up#and like. they didn't know my body's fucked. but these are people i do not know well at all and maybe i don't wanna disclose my medical#history to everyone i interact with#and like this event wasn't mandatory. i could've skipped it#but it's every fucking time#most nights we end up going to a bar and to these people “walking distance” is like a half an hour. and they walk fast#i can never keep up#i don't reallu enjoy bars either and i don't drink but you just kinda have to endure to socialize. some days i can't handle it tho#this week there's another checkpoint type activity. i know i shouldn't. i know i'm gonna slow everyone down#but i got specifically asked and invited to be a part of a team. i can't remember the last time that happened#also we're doing a group costume and mine includes platform heels on the streets of a very old city i am so cooked#my friend is nice tho. they know the basic lore and check up on me a bunch which always catches me off guard 😭#i'm used to pushing through and also used to people not really taking my shit into consideration so i don't know how to respond sometimes#2 people in the group know the issues and i just sent the gc a “sorry in advance i can't walk very fast” so like what else is there to do#only accessibility info we're ever given is if it's wheelchair accessible. and that's good. like you should do that. but it kinda ends there#like how much walking is there. where are the stops. are there places to sit.#i love having to either push through or be excluded disabilities are awesome#been in soooo much pain lately and have to take breaks walking uphill. functional body#i live in an area where everything. literally everything. is uphill one way or another. so as you can imagine it's going great#also “you have to endure to socialize” as if i don't end up hovering around my friend like a lost puppy with separation anxiety anyway#the group costume is winx club. btw
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It's my birthday today, and I'm now as old as kita shinsuke in the timeskip! 🥳
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#wasn't sure if i wanted to celebrate here but KABU CAME HOME in my 4th multi pull and the world HAVE to know!!! ❤️🔥#legit shook my mom's shoulders in the middle of a jbbq spot because i didn't expect to pull him this early in a pokefair scout 😭💖#also! peek my hbslv photocards from 42yojin on the bird app 🤩💝 they came earlier this month and i gotta flex that here waughhhh 🥺🫶#anyway: here's to another year hoping that i can be somewhat healthy! i sure hope this month's medicine dosage works haha :')#and for whatever shitshow awaits me when i start school again in sept. nawt sure how i'm gonna wing it with my condition but 🤷♀️#that will be a problem i'll deal when i get there. thankfully i've been getting better at nawttt borrowing grief and anxiety from the futur#here's to hoping i can also live the ちゃんとやんえん way like kitasang does... i need have just half of his resilience to organize my life lmao 😭#but i'm grateful to have lived long enough to see the beauty in life 🥺🫶 met all kinds of amazing people and had tons of fun too!#also i went out today for ~3 hours 🥳🥂 my joints are sore as hell but i had fun + looked and felt pretty + bought a new jacket as my gift#most importantly KABU-SAN CAME HOME RRRRRAAAAHHHH ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 燃えろおおおおおおお!!!!!#LAST WISH but here's to hoping my exhaustion + stress from may disappears soon 😭🤚 i miss writing and i think it's interfering my writing#i hope you all have a great day ahead!!! 🫂💖 and kabu + larry comes home soon if you pull for them!!! 🥺🍀#personal
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