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My 4 homophobic uncles when I show up to Easter dinner on shrooms

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i would like to propose a new accessibility feature for movies where every time a brown-haired white man comes on screen they tell me which one he is

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really the meaning of life is when a singer stops singing and the crowd knows every single word

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when in doubt about whether or not to make a thing, do it for your 3 hardcore fans.

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me when someone who has been nice to me every single time we've interacted is nice to me:

omg... you dont hate me?....

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god im infected by that posting style that's like "posting about my thing #my thing" i just got back to my apartment and my first thought had to go and formulate itself as damn im so sleepy i haven't even had my tea #mytea

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hello professor i did not do the assignment because it sounded like a stupid fucking waste of time and i think you should be fired for giving this to me. maybe make the next one more interesting/relevant and i will consider it. regards

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My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency

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what were your almost names ur parents could’ve given you. i was almost: kevin, hazel, griffin, forrest, alison, jamie

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Being chronically ill is like having a curse where every 4 hours you get a random status effect, and most of which are debuffs.

Also you only have 1 action per day and long rests heal 2 hp. You're cooked.

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love a character that's like. i survived (<- not a brag) (<- this is a curse that weighs on me every waking hour)

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the problem with trying to apply for jobs is. i just dont want to do any of that

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being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

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sorry i can’t come i’m too busy hurting my own feelings over nothing

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for a better tomorrow