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strxbrymochi · 9 months ago

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melting an ice heart | lmk

08. id card

masterlist • previous • next

pairing: lee mark (nct) x fem!reader

genre & tropes: smau, mostly enemies to lovers but a little bit of fluff too don’t worry, sports au (hockey player x figure skater), grumpy x sunshine energy, chaotic friend energy

chapter warnings: swearing, a lil glimpse into what she dealt with as a child, but i don't think it's too deep, just mentions of abuse but indirectly

synopsis: he’s the life of every party, the team heartthrob and mvp while she’s the stone cold ice-princess who will stop at nothing to get things her way. but when an accident intertwines the two more than they had hoped, will his fire be enough to melt the ice facade she’s built up or will they continue to clash and end up in ruins?

updates: mwf 8:00pm gmt+8 // 11:00pm gmt+11

taglist: open!

words: ~1.2k

"fuck." you curse out loud as you hit your fist on the ice. you've been here for around 2 hours now, your training ended at 9pm and here you are again, at 2am, skating, in a supposedly closed rink.

you've been coming in after hours for about a couple years now, well since you started at suwon at least. your parents had said they paid off time for you to skate anytime you wanted, and so you did. at first it seemed as though they never wanted you to rest-- not that you were complaining, but over time you saw of it as your safe space. the rink was more a home to you than your actual house. it was your solace everytime something went wrong. it was where all your pent up anger and stress was released on to. your emotions displayed through the way your skates glide smoothly, but aggressively, in the ice. as you stand back up and skate around to shake it off and try your routine again, memories of your childhood flood your brain.

"again." your mother would shout at you from the bleachers.

back when you were younger and skated near home, your parents made it a point to watch you at every training. refusing to let you go home until they thought your run was spotless.

your mom is a skater too, so she understood what it was like. well, was a skater. she wouldn't really tell you the details other than the fact she says she pushes you to experience the things she never got to. as a good daughter, you followed through, no questions asked.

you stand up from the fall, and brush your hands off your leggings. it felt sticky, and something stung. you look down on your hands to see scratches and a bit of blood from your now 12th fall in the last hour and a half. you pull your jacket sleeve over to cover it up and silently wince in pain. you move back to position and make eye contact with your coach, standing next to your mom. she nods at you. "come on now, we haven't got all day have we?" your mom shouts, arms crossing.

you take a deep breath and try again, you gain speed and you leap. you spin once, twice, thrice, and extend your leg to land, and you do. only it was too late and you tip over to the edge and fall; hearing a small snap.

"for goodness sakes, i did not go through all that to raise a FAILURE." your mother shouts. "stop being dramatic and get up. again."

you look over to your knee which gave way in that landing. you stretch it to test how bad the pain was. wincing, you do your best to stand up.

"maybe we should stop for today..." your coach tells your mom cautiously.

"she'll stop when she gets it right." your mom snaps back. "do you hear me y/n? we aren't leaving here til you get that jump right."

and so with another deep breath, you try to forget the pain on your knee and try again. hoping, praying, that's the last time.

you get home after practice and your mother immediately sends you to your room with no dinner. your mom believes in meal times and anything after 9pm was a big no for the digestive system, makes you gain weight apparently. so here you are, sitting in your chair, trying to do your homework, on an empty stomach because you got home at 10:30pm. all because you couldn't get a jump right. you glance at your foot, red seeping through the bandages from the cuts from your skates. you sigh. this was going to be a long night.

the lights in the rink suddenly turn on. what the fuck? no one has ever come in the rink at this time of night except you. cleaners maybe? no, they would be asleep. no one knew of your parents arrangement and if anyone were to find out you'd be in serious trouble.

you hear footsteps. shit. you skate your way to the entrance and quickly put on your skate guards, grab your training bag and run out. you had no time to change your shoes. as you run out, you hide behind the building, breathing silently, making sure no one caught you. as you reach down your training bag you freeze. your id card. you close your eyes and curse silently. it must've fallen out as you were running. you couldn't go back in, not when you didn't know who was in there. you'd just have to hope they don't find it and you can get it tomorrow.

you quickly change your skates for shoes and run off into the night before anyone else catches you.

back in the rink, mark makes his way to the entrance. huh, why are there skate marks? he was certain they cleaned off the ice after the last practice. come to think about it, he did hear glides as he entered the rink. didn't sound like a hockey skate, maybe a figure skater? he'd probably ask his uncle tomorrow.

as mark laces up his boots and gets into the ice, he moves around. just in a circle, letting the wind hit his face and calm him down. he was on the ice for as long as he could remember. it was his mother who introduced it to him, and it was his distraction when she got sick. lucky for him his family owned a rink, so it seemed only right he'd pursue it. now that he moved to suwon, his uncle allowed him unlimited access, now he can skate whenever he needed to, if he wanted to clear his head or if he just needed a break. and that's what he was doing tonight. the move wasn't exactly easy, but he's been adjusting well. he has friends, he's well-liked, hockey's doing good, but it's different. well, maybe it's because his mom isn't here for any of it.

"mom? you there?" he calls out as he skates around. he probably sounds stupid but his mom always told him she would always be watching over him, every single time he touched the ice. "it's been a while, the move's been crazy, i haven't really been able to skate freely like this but thankfully samchun's been great about letting me do now, so hopefully i'll get to talk to you more. anyways, i had my first game the other day and we won." he says. "i got mvp, pretty neat. school's been good, classes aren't as hard and i have friends. i think you'd really like them." he continues to tell her how he's been going, letting the way the air hits him serve as a sign she's listening.

he finishes his run and skates over to the bleachers to change his shoes. as he walks to the exit he hears a crunch. looking down, he sees an id card. weird. he thinks, bending over to pick it up.

huh. he thinks, flipping it over. y/n l/n, he says to himself, the girl he bumped into at reverie. now he had some sort of leverage to find out more about her but wait, what was the ice princess doing in the rink this time of night? was it really you he almost caught? questions circled his mind. only one way to find out he thinks, holding your id card as he makes his way out.

💌; @leefullsun @defzcl @ncityzenz @keemburley @syzavxy @doejaejung @softieluvsyou @leep0ems @nae-vm @hizhu @haechanielove @chezziy @excalibur-gone-missing @bluedbliss @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @planetkiimchi @swimmingismywholelife @cloudmrk @clean-soap @prettyrenjunn @yyangj3lly @kittydollzz @seunghancore @aerivrs @thisisnotjacinta

#nct dream scenarios #nct dream fluff #nct dream social media au #nct dream fic #mark lee smau #mark lee enemies to lovers #melting an ice heart smau #stxbrymochi maih #nct fic #mark lee fic #mark lee hockey au #nct hockey au #nct sports au #mark x reader #mark lee x reader

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gwen-pierce · 2 months ago

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Wednesday 10/23/2024, 2:07am

Gwen lay restless in her bed, tossing and turning, kicking one leg up and back down, tossing her arm over her face and then to her side. She slapped the mattress with a huff and sat up, throwing her blankets off herself in a rush to get out of bed. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she made her way to her front door. After sliding her feet into a pair of Uggs and grabbing her purse off the table she left her apartment.

The drive to her childhood home in Connecticut took less than 2 hours without any traffic. She ran out of tears by the end of the first hour. As expected, no one was awake as she entered through the garage. She kicked her shoes off by the door and dropped her bag down on the counter. In trance she made it down the hall, up the stairs, and through the last door on the right. By then her body had managed to rehydrate enough that once she fell into her bed she cried herself to sleep. 11:45am “Gwen, sweetie, are you going to be getting out of bed today?” Gregory Pierce’s voice called through the bedroom door she had locked before going to sleep. “No!” She called back, her voice hoarse from the intermittent sleeping and sobbing that had become her never ending cycle of sadness. “Do you want to talk about it? Brooke saw on the camera’s that you got here really late last night, should we be worried?” “NO!” Gwen called again, this time louder. A hysterical shriek that sent her into a whole new wave of emotions that she had to bury her face into her pillow to muffle the sounds until she heard the footsteps of her father retreating down the hall.

5:30pm

“Gwenee..” Brooke’s sickly sweet voice rang through the door and Gwen ignored it, cringing at the nickname from her father coming from her. “If you’re hungry we ordered dinner. Chinese...from that place you like off Main?” The woman tried again to no avail. After a few moments of silence she sighed and tapped the door. “It’ll be in the fridge if you decide you’re hungry later.”

9:56pm “Gwendolyn, I’m coming in.” Gregory said from the other side of the door. She heard him jiggle the knob with a click before the door swung open. Gwen didn’t move from the lump of blankets she was buried beneath in the center of her bed. The OC played on the tv but she stared blankly at the ceiling, not even turning her attention to him as he entered her bedroom.

“Daddy, I don’t want to talk about it.” Gwen finally said after her father hovered in silence for enough time that it was getting awkward.

“You don’t have to talk about it with me but you should answer your friends. This has been vibrating all day and you need to charge it.” Gregory said, handing the cell phone she had left in her purse on the counter over to her. Frowning as she carelessly took the device from him and tossed it onto her bed without another look. “They’re just worried about you, so am I.” He added tenderly, offering a half grin as he added. “Should I call him? Give him a piece of my mind?” The joke fell flat as Gwen shook her head with a sigh.

“It’s not his fault.” Was all Gwen said before she turned her attention to the tv, pretending to be sucked back into the show.

Thursday 10/24/2024 Tatum (10:27am) : Are you still at your dad’s? Tatum (10:27am) : Want me to come over? Tatum (11:03am) : Guess not!!! Tatum (12:43pm) : Make Your Day (tiktok.com) Tatum (1:04pm) : Make Your Day (tiktok.com) Tatum (3:58pm) Missed Cal lTatum (4:00pm) : If you don’t answer me I’m going to assume you’re dead and call the police. Gwen (4:04pm) : Not dead. Only rot. Friday 10/25/2024 Tatum (2:12pm) : Make Your Day (tiktok.com) Tatum (2:15pm) : Make Your Day (tiktok.com) Tatum (3:26pm) : ily Tatum (4:49pm) : Make Your Day (tiktok.com) 7:30pm “Gwen. Can you come downstairs? Please? It’s important.” Gregory called up the stairs to his daughter’s bedroom. “Now.” He added in a tone she hadn’t heard in quite some time. It meant not only was it important, she probably wasn’t going to like it. Not even bothering to pretend she hadn’t been spending the last couple days disassociating in a heap of blankets, she made her way downstairs. Her eyes were red and puffy but the sockets sunken in and dark, her curls were starting to clump together in the places they fell from her bun. She wore the same pajamas she had worn upon her arrival and they were already starting to fit more loosely than before and she was tugging at the waistband before joining her father and Brooke in the living room and plopping down on the couch.

“What?” She said hollowly, looking between them with a narrowed gaze. Both of them remained standing and looking at her, Brooke’s doll-like smile even more exaggerated than usual.

“Well, sweetheart, I know it’s not ideal timing but I have had this plan in place for quite a while…” Gregory began only to be cut off by Brooke’s excited squeal. She lifted her left hand and a huge diamond glittered in the track lighting that hung above him. “We’re getting married.” Gwen’s father cut in before his bride-to-be could begin gushing too excitedly. Gwen’s face remained blank, not taking her eyes off Greg to even look at the ring.

“Why on Earth are you going to do that?” Gwen balked, her face pinched in disgust as she looked between her father and her old schoolmate. “No, seriously, what’s the point? You’re going to cheat on her. She’s going to leave. Take half your shit. It’s going to be mom all over again.” The bitterness that laced her tone was venomous, even for Gwen, but her own heartbreak overshadowed her reasonability and she couldn’t bring herself to play the part of perfect, understanding daughter. Brooke frowned at the outburst but looked to Greg to handle his daughter.

“It is not up for debate or discussion. What I choose to do with my personal life is my business, Gwendolyn, and your judgment will not be tolerated. I do not owe you an explanation of my reasons nor do I need to justify my feelings to you on the matter. I asked Brooke to marry me and she said yes. Case closed.”

“I’m your daughter. My feelings don’t matter? Your choices affect us as a family and you’re saying I don’t matter in that?”

“I am saying that just because you are moping about ruining another relationship doesn’t mean you need to bring down my and Brooke’s happiness. I am sorry you are miserable, sweetheart, I am, but I have learned from my past mistakes and am able to move on in my relationship. Can you say the same?”

“You what?!” Gwen barked, now rising to her feet from the couch as she began to pace the length of the coffee table. “How can you even say that when you got with Brooke after cheating on another 20 something. She’s half your age! Even if you’ve matured, she sure hasn’t. I smoked weed with her out of an apple with her like five years ago!”

“That’s enough.” Gregory said, his ire freezing over from a fiery rage to ice cold. “Go back to the city, Gwendolyn. If you can’t support my life, I will no longer be supporting yours.”

10:02pm

Gwen arrived at Tatum's empty apartment after being turned away by the doorman at the building of her own. In the time it had taken her to drive back to the city, her father had made plenty of calls. She was locked out of her apartment. She didn’t even need to try to know she had been locked out of all her accounts and credit cards. She couldn’t even text Tatum until she made it into her best friend’s apartment and connected to the wifi, since her data plan had been turned off. It wasn’t the first time her father had used these tactics to teach her a lesson but it was the first time he had done them all together. She was completely and totally cut off.

#[gwen: 006]#[tw: depression]

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aimeebishop · 3 months ago

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kennedy’s birth story - 10.01.24

It all started Sunday night (9/29). I took my 3rd day-in-a-row dose of just a spoonful of castor oil (about a quarter of the “labor inducing” amount). My “plan” was to take the full dose on Monday night (9/30), so I could go into labor on 10/1 and have my October baby. However, that 3rd dose was all my body needed. I went to bed around 11:30pm on 9/29 and woke up 30 min later to go pee (3rd trimester woes). I started feeling crampy while in the bathroom and hung out there for a while waiting to see if these were just the Braxton Hicks type that I had been experiencing the last few weeks or if it was something more. I went back and forth to bed a few times and my contractions continued consistently. I waited to wake Jesse up because I still wasn’t convinced “this was it”. At 1:45am, after hanging on the toilet a little longer, I stood up to decidedly wake Jesse up & BOOM, my water broke right there. My contractions immediately became more intense. I woke Jesse up and he came in and supported me while I timed contractions and breathed through them. They were about 30-45 seconds long and coming every 1-2 minutes. VERY intense with VERY little rest time in between. I jumped in the shower and he called the midwife to update her. She stayed on the phone with me for 30 minutes at about 3am and after hearing me moan through contractions and be unable to carry on conversation much at all, she decided that, yep, she should start making her way to our house.

Jesse woke my parents up and called in the rest of the troops, my birthing team. Everyone started arriving around 3:30am. I labored in bed for a while longer and then made my way downstairs to hop in the tub for some warm hydrotherapy. At around 5:30am, I got my IV started for antibiotics in labor since I was GBS+ and got checked by my midwife. To my shock, I was only 3.5cm and that was the most disappointing news because I genuinely felt SO MUCH further along. Fast forward…I labored in every single position available: hands and knees, lunges, rocking chair, birth ball, leaning back in the birth tub, backwards facing on the toilet, leaning over the bed, leaning over the counter, exaggerated side lying in bed…. I requested to be rechecked a few times due to feeling like things were moving very fast. My entire labor, I never got more than a 4 minute break in between contractions. They were all mostly 1-2 minutes apart. At around 8am I was 5cm and by 10:30am I was 8cm. And that’s when things stalled…

I was feeling SO much rectal pressure and was grunty/pushy during contractions, trying desperately to go as limp as possible and let each contraction wash over me and through me. Contraction pain is an intensity I’ve never experienced before in my life. You are helpless to do anything to stop them and resisting them only prolongs the experience. Going from 3.5cm to 8cm in a matter of 5 hours was OUCH. My birth team was the most amazing support to me during this time, applying counter pressure, fanning me, hip squeezes, cool washcloths, letting me hang on them so my body could surrender everything. By 3pm I requested to be checked again and I was STILL 8cm with no change to effacement or station. I was desperately needing relief and told everyone I NEED to go to the hospital for an epidural to just let my body relax fully. I remember looking into each person’s eyes, grabbing their shoulders, and pleading with them with tears in my eyes, “Help me, PLEASE, help me.” I cried out to the Lord to help me. I cried. It took about an hour and a half of convincing my team that I was, in fact, DONE. I told my midwife to call the L&D charge nurse, ask who the on-call doc was, save me a bed, and let them know we were headed in SOON. Well “soon” is relative because my birth team kept trying to convince me to stay home: “You’re almost there. You’re so close. You can do this.” But I had been 8cm since 10:45am and I knew my body just needed relief. There was no light at the end of the tunnel if we stayed home. We tried one last ditch effort of walking up the huge flight of stairs (one of the most painful things to do in the thick of active labor) & we did one last vaginal exam in the living room & attempt to reduce the lip and push. Baby girl’s heart rate took a huge dip after my practice push and by that time, everyone was on board with what I had wanted for at least the last hour: we were transferring care to the hospital.

I crawled into the back of my friend’s van on all fours and we drove the 25 minutes to the hospital. I almost thought I would have her in the back of the car during a few contractions on the way there. Upon arrival, I rushed through admission questions at the front desk and finally said sternly and with conviction, “Paul. Just get me to my room. We can do admitting later. Which room am I in? Who’s my nurse? Call anesthesia and have them meet me there. I already have an IV and I’ve already had plenty of fluids at home. My blood pressure is good. Let’s get this show on the road.” Needless to say, my epidural was in and I was comfy about 45 minutes after I walked in the front door. (Awesome work Sutter OB team!) I cannot explain how WONDERFUL it felt to finally have some relief from the pain. I felt like new life was breathed into me and I could actually relax. I looked at Jesse across the room and said, “If this is what labor feels like with an epidural, we’re coming STRAIGHT to the hospital next time. I’m back in business for more kids now.” I hung out with family and friends, took a nap, and got a few more doses of antibiotics. My new goal was to wait til after midnight to deliver Kenn so she could have an October birthday. I asked my nurse not to check me til around 11:45pm. To be honest, I was probably ready to go hours earlier because of the rectal pressure I was feeling but Kennedy’s heart rate always looked beautiful (my L&D brain couldn’t help but keep an eye on it), so I breathed through the contractions and pressure and labored on.

At about 11:30pm, my epidural started to wear off & I began to feel my contractions again more intensely. At midnight, I started pushing and at that point, the pain coverage from my epidural was completely gone. I pushed for almost 2 hours exactly, feeling EV-ER-Y-THING. She crowned for what felt like AGES and at 2:01am, she made her grand entrance. 8lbs 13oz, 20” long. So I got my natural birth after all, just in a very different way than I expected. She stayed on my chest for about 2 minutes, but had a hard time transitioning & was hypotonic and not super interested in a vigorous cry so the NICU team brought her over to the warmer to give supplemental oxygen. Eventually, the decision was made to take her to the NICU to watch her more closely and give her the breathing support she needed / take blood cultures in case she may have contracted GBS. This was all due to her presentation and wouldn’t have been necessary if she came out screaming and crying and oxygenating well. While I’m so thankful Jesse was able to go and be with her in the NICU, I was heartbroken to be left behind in the labor room, unable to hold my girl or do the first skin to skin after waiting for SO LONG to get that moment with her. All test results came back beautiful and she ended up coming back to our room after 15 hours in the NICU. We were able to get a late discharge on 10/2 and head home as a family of three! I’ve never been more sleep deprived in my entire life, but also never more in love and in awe of what my body is capable of creating and enduring. I’ve never experienced a deeper dependence on the Lord and complete surrender and lack of control. While I didn’t end up delivering how or where I wanted, I trust that God had us exactly where we were supposed to be. He is a good God and He can be depended on. His ways are higher and better than our plans for ourselves. I can’t wait to tell Kennedy her birth story someday, about all the powerful women that surrounded her and prayed over her, about her Daddy who never left my side, about the Lord who carried me through, and about how she was worth every single second.

#home birth #labor and delivery #birth story

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addictedtostorytelling · 2 years ago

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Hello, I hope you're having a great day! Just wanted to ask a CSI season 6 episode 11 question about Sara and Sophia's interaction. Do you think that Sara is still mad about Sophia being close with Grissom. Or is something else going on? Thank you for your response.

hi, anon!

i hope you're having a good day—or night now—too!

if you're referring to the scene at the phone booth, i don't think sara is mad at sofia there at all (though sofia is definitely miffed at sara for being "late").

instead, i think what's going on there is that sara is being aloof because reasons.

check it out:

within the universe of the show, the events of episode 06x11 "werewolves" take place primarily on 01.03.06 and 01.04.06.

when the team is initially called in to process the victim's residence, it is, according the call log on the victim's phone, sometime after midnight on 01.03.06. they remain at the victim's residence processing until after sunrise that same morning.

sara is present for this action, as is grissom. however, thereafter, sara quickly drops from view throughout the middle part of the episode, during the remaining daylight hours, as does grissom (after he attends the victim's autopsy with doc robbins back at the lab). neither one of them then resurfaces in the episode again until after nightfall.

since both of them are conspicuously absent from the action taking place during the daytime hours at the lab, i think it's fairly safe to assume that they go home together at that time and remain there between approximately 10am and 10:30pm or so.

why they get to go home while the rest of the team is pulling a double, we can't say for certain; maybe they've both already used up all their overtime hours for the month, or maybe they were coming off a previous double from the day/night before.

maybe they'd worked the new year's eve and new year's day shifts while everybody else got those nights off.

in any case, during the hours while they are away from the lab, presumably during the afternoon/evening of what is regularly swing shift on 01.03.06, sofia tries to page sara to come process the payphone booth. however, sara does not respond to sofia's pages until sometime around the start of the next graveyard shift, circa 11pm on 01.03.06.

now.

in s1 and s2 of the show, we are shown that not only does sara always leap to respond to her pages, but she also sometimes shows up to work even when she hasn't officially been paged (like in episode 01x07 "blood drops," when she hears about the collins homicide over her police scanner and shows up to the scene of her own volition). only in s3, specifically when she is dating hank, does sara ever respond late to a page (see episode 03x03 "let the seller beware")—a marked change in her behavior, contingent on her for the first time ever having "someplace better to be" than at work. however, once she and hank break up, she then resumes her typical "always eager to show up to a scene" mo, as we see in episode 04x14 "paper or plastic?"

—at least until this episode, 06x11 "werewolves," takes place.

that so, the fact that sara doesn't immediately respond to sofia's page and buzz right over to the phone booth during her off hours in this episode is telling—and especially taken in conjunction with the episode timeline, as we've previously established it.

the subtle implication is that baby girl doesn't respond to sofia's page because she's got someplace better to be during her off-hours than at work.

she's home with grissom.

most likely at home in bed with grissom.

she's not answering that phone for anything.

the sara of the past would've come in early when called upon, but the sara who is secretly dating the love of her life and is blissfully happy spending all of her free time with him isn't going to show up until the start of her assigned shift.

not unless she has to.

not when she's, uh, busy.

of course, given the whole "secret dating" thing, she also can't tell sofia why she didn't drop everything to come in early to work—hence her aloofness during her and sofia's conversation.

all things considered, i read sara's interaction with sofia as follows:

sc: (annoyed) “i’ve been waiting for you.”

ss: (evasive) “sorry. i headed out as soon as i got your page.”

sc: “really? 'cause, uh, i left a voicemail several hours ago.” ss: (momentarily looks caught, then awkwardly sidesteps sofia’s insinuation sans comment, wearing a false smile) “what’s up?”

she isn't mad at sofia. she's just sidestepping the real reason why she ignored sofia's pages over the course of several hours.

his name is gilbert, and he's very distracting.

and to that end: i honestly think that by this point in the show, sara has gotten over whatever old jealousy she used to have for sofia anyway, because, frankly, at this late date, there's nothing really to be jealous of (if there ever even was something to begin with).

even if there had been some spark of attraction between grissom and sofia in the past—and it's definitely debatable if there ever was or if sara was simply reading signs where there were none—grissom and sara are now very much together and in love and sharing a life, with sofia nowhere in the picture.

the last bit of tension we see to that end between sara and sofia is in episode 06x08 "a bullet runs through it" pt. ii, which takes place, in-universe, several months before this episode does. thereafter, there are never any additional implications that sara still considers sofia a threat. their interactions are just neutral.

so anyway, that's my take: sara isn't nursing any kind of grudge with sofia in this episode; she's just trying to hide the fact that she had her phone on silent and didn't check her messages because she was at home getting absolutely railed by her boyfriend.

she's dodging, and not particularly gracefully.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #meta: sara #meta: sofia #06x11 #let's talk shop #csiverse

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reinemichele · 1 year ago

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Well. I had a post typed up about my cat and then the tumblr app crashed and I lost everything I typed. So I'm going to try to retype it all and I'm not gonna be cranky about it ❤

I'm putting a read-more bc it'll get long and be more of a stream of conscious/disorganized ramble and discuss animal death/injuries, alcoholism, and familial abuse, so please don't feel like you need to read it, I'm just getting my thoughts out.

Hurhghughhghugh . yeah that's how I feel send post

No um let's see. I usually try to be more organized with these posts but I started writing this at 6 in the morning and my back really hurts, so sorry if it's disjointed and has any typos.

First of all, I debated making this joke but it's my grief and mental illness, so

Every time I try a new antidepressant something bad happens, and I felt especially wary because something bad also happens every birthday too. But I was out of refills, wanted to try something else, couldn't get in until Dec 27th, & felt silly putting it off for a superstition I don't fully believe in. All that said, when I got home and took my first lexapro at almost 5 in the morning, I hoped that it would make these next few weeks easier.

Anyway, it was around 11:30pm, and I wanted to go to bed but I was trying to stay up to spend more time with my pets. My 🅱ack still really hurts from petsitting, so I was on the heating pad with my glasses off.

My mom called for me using my name, not a nickname, which she only does when she's in pain or distressed. It took me a minute to find my glasses, so she called again, and that got my brother's attention bc again, hearing "Erin" = something's wrong.

I don't remember what she said, probably that there was something wrong with Buttercup. I followed her and immediately saw he had a bloody gash on his eye. When he saw my brother and I he started meowing and tried to walk, but his legs buckled. My brother scooped him up and took him into the bathroom to see where he was hurt. I noticed blood on his tail and on 3 of his legs, but couldn't see where he was bleeding from.

There's really not enough room in our bathroom for 3 people and a big cat, so my mom started calling emergency vets while I got the cat carrier ready with a clean towel.

My brother wanted to grab gloves as a precaution before putting Buttercup in the carrier in case he got defensive and asked me to watch him while he left. I sat down next to him and he meowed to me, panting, and pressed his head into my leg for comfort. I petted his head and told him it'd be okay. I didn't think it was going to be okay.

I changed into a warmer shirt and brushed my hair, my brother and I took turns using the bathroom. We each grabbed a water bottle and headed out.

My brother knows my 🅱ack hurts, so he asked if I was sure about holding the cat carrier the whole time. I really didn't think we would be bringing Buttercup home, so I said yes. I didn't want the jostling of the car to scare and hurt him more than necessary, especially after he was seeking comfort in the bathroom. My brother could, um, drive fast, and I could hold the carrier as still as possible and stick my fingers in the gaps of the bars. He would be scared and in pain, but cats are smart; he would be able to understand he was being cared for.

The entire car ride, he cried frantically and pushed his head into my hand through the cage. I meowed to him and told him it was okay and I was sorry he was in pain. The closest emergency vet was an hour away and we had to stop for gas. My 🅱ack was definitely aching but I think it was worth it.

We got there and everyone was very nice and attentive and quick. They called Buttercup handsome and quickly gave him a painkiller. After 10 minutes he was still hyperventilating and they were concerned about his oxygen intake, so they took him into a little transparent cubby they could filter oxygen into. At one point I heard a tech mutter that his oxygen stat couldn't be "that"; he'd be in a coma if it was. He took the reading again and said that it made more sense. I can't really know for sure this is the case, but I know from experience both with my mom's time in healthcare and previous pets that animals can hold onto survival out of sheer will and stubbornness no matter how impossible it seems.

It was difficult to watch him struggle to breathe. I could tell he was still meowing for us. I wanted to ask them to give him another dose or possibly just sedate him, but I knew that it would suppress his respiratory system further (hospice babey), so I tried to just bear watching him suffer without being able to comfort him.

An hour later they gave him another dose and quickly did an ultrasound and xrays. They explained the respiratory system thing I just mentioned and that that was why they were hesitant to give him more, but they did give him another dose soon after that because he was still so agitated. After a few minutes we noticed that his breathing stopped. They started CPR and I wanted to ask them to stop, but my brother had gone to the bathroom and I didn't want to exclude him from the decision. He got back, we made eye contact, and we both asked them to stop doing CPR. It had been 8 minutes.

They told us they were really sorry for our loss and explained what the xrays and ultrasound revealed. He had no fractured bones, but there was a hernia in his chest, his heart had moved away from the surface of his chest cavity, and either his lungs or diaphragm were punctured because there was a lot of air in his chest, causing pressure/pain in the chest and difficulty breathing.

They didn't really need to come out and say it: even if his heart hadn't stopped, the internal damage was so severe that there wouldn't have been anything they could do to save him. We knew that was most likely the case even before the tests, we just couldn't let him suffer and die at home in that much pain.

Because of the gash on his eye and the punctured organs, they thought it was more likely to be a big bird that picked him up and dropped him when he started struggling than a car impact.

They wrapped him in a red blanket and took us to a private room where we could say goodbye. I held him, kissed his head, held his paws, and cried with my brother. We called our mom to tell her and she cried with us. She told us that my dad's sister offered to pay the bill, and I wanted to say that she (my aunt) could go to hell, but we really aren't in the financial position to refuse. So I didn't say anything ❤ And she texted my aunt's payment info to my brother.

I don't want to fully get into our relationship with her but as of writing this, my dad's sister is already emotionally blackmailing us. And that's the least abusive behavior from the people in my family I don't speak with anymore ❤

Anyway

I tried to process and piece together what all the test results meant. He was most likely picked up by a big bird and then dropped from a pretty decent height, causing severe pain and internal damage. Either he was dropped in our yard and didn't have to go far, or he was dropped far away and managed to hop the fence to get back into the yard despite his injuries. Once there, he cried for help and comfort from his trusted humans. Despite the pain and lack of oxygen most likely making him delirious, he didn't get defensive at all, completely trusting us. He didn't even hiss.

Cats are notorious for finding a quiet place to hide when they're injured, especially if the injuries are lethal. None of my cats have ever done that; a testament to the mutual love and trust we're able to build with them.

We spent a little more time with him and then made the cremation arrangements and payment. We almost forgot the cat carrier in our... state. It was late and we'd been crying a lot.

When we got home we all tried to make lighthearted conversation, but ended up all crying anyway. My mom apologized and said she knew he was "my" cat, but she still loved him a lot. I told her she didn't need to be sorry and that I was glad that he was loved by all of us.

We got Buttercup for my 21st birthday.

Alcoholism and abuse is prevalent in my family, to put it lightly, and people kept pressuring me to go out and drink for my birthday. I didn't want to have to share my childhood trauma to get people to leave me alone about drinking. I was, like, possessed with terror that I'd try one drink and then either spend the rest of my life burning for alcohol, or give in and become one of the monsters in the family. My brother could tell this was really weighing on me and suggested we adopt a cat for my birthday. In 2017 our 24 year old cat died, and in 2018 our 21 year old cat died, so I was still grieving them and we had the room. He said he'd never seen my eyes light up so quickly as when he made the suggestion. I think what he left unsaid was he didn't realize that all it would take to make me look less haunted would be to suggest taking in a new cat.

It sounds cheesy, but I think to me, taking in a new pet for my 21st birthday was a physical reminder that I wasn't doomed to repeat the same cycle found in my family. My future was mine to decide, and I could make it one where I put love and kindness into the universe. Being 21 didn't have to mean living in fear of hurting children the way I was hurt.

I had every intention of walking into the shelter and taking home the oldest cat there. But I saw Buttercup and just felt a connection. He was around 12 weeks old and the cutest creamy orange color. His ears and paws were too big for the rest of his body. He looked lonely and scared. I circled the shelter multiple times until both my brother and one of the staff gently said it was okay if I wanted to take a kitten home.

My brother's more of a dog person, but when we got Buttercup, he started really trying to research and understand cats, and I could see it in his eyes how happy he was that Buttercup saw him as a paternal figure and not just me. He was worried about Buttercup being too young to eat real cat food, he wanted to help potty train him. He started carrying Buttercup around on his shoulder and showing him parts of the house he was curious about. I had a migraine the day Buttercup was scheduled to be spayed and my brother said he could do it on his own. He spent the whole day checking in on him and nervously asked me if this or that was normal, when his appetite would return, when the anesthesia would wear off.

This was a turning point for my brother. Usually every time we took in a new cat, I was the one socializing them and helping them adjust to the house. This enthusiasm and love for Buttercup made my brother start putting in effort to bond with all our cats too. It was really sweet to watch unfold.

When we got Buttercup, my mom was working a grueling job really far away, so she had to get up at 5AM for the commute and sometimes didn't get home until 9PM. She almost always had to go straight to sleep, had no time for herself, and felt very depressed because of this job. So for the first year that we had Buttercup, he barely saw her and was quite shy around her.

After she was able to find a different job, she had more time and was much less depressed. She made it her mission to become Buttercup's friend, and within a few months he became her morning buddy. Suddenly he was knocking her eyeliner out of her hand so her hand was free to pet him, and he had gotten over his fear of the sound of running water because he wanted to stay in the bathroom while she showered. My mom stopped dreading mornings because she could look forward to spending them with Buttercup.

So... there's a lot I could say about my "family", defined as people who I'm related to by blood. But I'm not in the right mental space or time-frame to talk about it without saying things I can't take back. But I've cut contact with a lot of the people I share DNA with, and the only ones who I consider to be my "family" are my mom, two brothers, and one cousin. (My dad is dead, for the record, he didn't do anything heinous; he's just in an urn). In this small family of mine, our greatest strength is that we have an endless well of love for all living creatures.

So I don't want my mom or brother to feel guilty for being heartbroken. We loved that cat together; we made him feel wanted and cared for and loved. So we can mourn him together too. There's no hierarchy here.

#erin talks #text #first time being this emotionally vulnerable on this blog lol #the tone of this started like 😃🔪 but became 🥰 . what catharsis will do for a motherfucker

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0nlinejournal · 2 years ago

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04.19.2023 10:52am

I don't remember the first half of yesterday. I think I laid in bed until 1pm and only got up because Frank messaged me and I decided I was going to go over. Liz, Frank, and I had made plans the night prior to hang out, but they were loose plans and after viewing Liz's location to see that she was home (in the next town over), I figured nothing was going to happen. By nothing I do mean "official" plans, because I still wanted to just pop over to Frank's and chat for a bit. So when he texted me I got up and headed over.

I might've actually gotten up before that? I think I did. The bf and I definitely made fried rice before I left. So, I did get up at some point to stand in the kitchen and then eat some fried rice.

Anyway asked the bf if he wanted to go, he said yes but then no because he really did need to study. After just a couple of games of Overwatch. Ha.

Frank's was nice. Seb was there, too. We all three kind of talked out navigating other people's emotions while trying to do right by them but still trying to do right by yourself. Seb and I are in similar boats where our partners just... react so differently than we would to handling emotions. His gf has a tendency to be reactionary, and also feel like there are underlying messages in what people say or do that are spiteful towards her. So he's been falling into that place where you feel like you have to walk on eggshells a bit so as to not set the other person off, even though he knows (and he's right) that he's not doing anything wrong or anything warranted for passive aggressive guilt tripping. And, ya know, my partner isn't good at regulating negative emotions. And part of me still feels like he intentionally holds on to negative emotions until I'm around so I can see him pout.

Ah, don't need to go into too much of that conversation, because we talked for a couple of hours. Frank contributed as well, but had a different perspective to offer that would make this entry twice as long. And his gf, Liz, rules so whateverrrr!! We get it!! Haha. I love Liz. They obviously have some quirks to work out, but not in the same vein as what we were discussing right then.

Anyway, toward the end of my stay. Seb had already left so it was just Frank and I chatting for a bit longer and he was like, " Oh! By the way were going to [pretty bar] to surprise and celebrate John passing his level 1 sommelier test! I meant to tell you and [my bf] earlier." Oof. I texted da bf, with no response. I left Frank's when there was about 30 minutes before everyone was going to meet up at the bar. Came home to him NAPPING. He needs to be studying! He didn't study later on in the night either even when he said he was going to. I'm a bit upset with him. He's going to be so sad when he fails his exam. Anyway, I told him the info and very much wanted to go.

So he showered and we rushed over. I thought we were decently late, but we were there before everyone other than our friend who had planned the celebration. It was also bingo night! More people trickled in, John was late, but he didn't know it was a whole surprise obviously. We all played bingo, but none of us won anything.

It was a good time.

Back home I started my journey studying Japanese. My bf is taking a class and really wants to learn because he'd like to live there at some point, annnnd I just like learning so I thought I'd learn with him. My sister also just told me that she'll be moving to Japan. She has been studying Japanese on her own for a few years now and she said that she'd like to take it seriously, so she's going to attend a language learning school in Japan. The school sponsors the visa and I guess she has the money to pay for school? So off she goes! She's also been wanting to live in Japan for years now.

I'm going to eat an egg before work. I work today. Until around 8:30pm. I go in at 1pm. Sigh. I do work with Frank today, though. So it'll be fun at least.

11:25am

#april #2023 #journal blog #online journal

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its-sophia-isabella · 1 year ago

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Day 29 in (not sort of London anymore) SCOTLAND (7/30)!

Today started with checking out in Stirling. I finished packing, got the usual breakfast from the university, and then met Livvy at the bus stop to the train station. We took a train to Glasgow to spend the day with Nishtha before Livvy and I flew back to London!

While on the train, I did some work on my DECA social media and got some really pretty stories up for international friendship day. Speaking of which, I am super grateful to have made new friends here in London from 11 different countries! It is truly a privilege to be here. There is so much I have learned. To my friends from home- I’ll be there in two weeks!!!

When we arrived in Glasgow, we met Nishtha at her hotel to drop our bags off and then all went to the Glasgow Botanical Garden. Although Nishtha and I went yesterday, we got tot explore a new part of the garden which was so fun! After that, Livvy went off to see the Hunterian museum while Nishtha and I went to see murals near the Glasgow Cathedral. We met back up with Livvy at the cathedral, which is the only medieval building in the entire city of Glasgow (crazy since it is Scotlands biggest city).

We then had a fun time with the bus, as we were worried about making it on time and tried some different routes. Luckily, one of the routes came early and got us back to Nishtha’s hotel in time to grab our bags from her room and catch the bus to airport that would get us there in enough time without having to us a route that wasn’t on our bus day passes we paid for.

Once we got to the airport, we luckily had the easiest security experience I have ever had and had time to eat dinner at the airport. I had barbecue chicken pizza (it was just okay like I would expect), and it had pretty good barbecue sauce. I also has a cheesecake slice with strawberry drizzle and strawberry ice cream that looked pretty but was also just okay.

We got on the plane and I had my aisle all to myself which was so nice! I ended up listening to part of the Hamilton soundtrack and the Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) Vault Tracks during plane the ride.

We then waited 30 minutes and boarded our hour long coach ride back to Mile End (at this point we were so tired because it was like 10:30pm)! I got some KFC because I was hungry again and also to have some water for the morning and came back to the pleasant surprise that my towels and sheets were replaced and the elevator was fixed! I then started my laundry and cleaned while it was washing. I moved it and then talked to my parents while it was drying (the cycle finished at 1:40am)! I had no choice but to do my laundry because I didn’t have pajamas.

I brought it back up and had it all put away around 2am. It was then surely time to shower and then sleep! Tomorrow will be a long day as we have a walking tour of the famous square mile tomorrow after class, and today was also a long day. But those make for the best kind!

#studyabroad #london #scotland #glasgow #garden

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reshuffleadventures · 2 years ago

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9/17 Saturday - Slept in til 10:30 am. I cooked french toast for Josiah and Dorf for breakfast. After breakfast, we drove their rental car into the park. We drove through the tunnel to the East side of the park and parked at the earliest spot we could find which was maybe a half-mile away from the Canyon Overlook trailhead. We hiked to the end of the Canyon Overlook trail and enjoyed the beautiful view from way up there. After we finished our hike, we drove even further east, hoping to see some bighorn sheep. We found a HUGE herd of bighorns just east of the second, smaller tunnel! We took some photos of them, and then they crossed the road. Mission successful! We hiked all the trails they wanted to hike, and we got to see bighorn sheep! We drove home after that. We ate leftover pizza for lunch, and we started playing D&D around 4pm. We played D&D until around 11:30pm, with a 2.5 hour break for dinner. For dinner, I cooked everyone sweet potato quesadillas; I was a little in disbelief that I'd never cooked Josiah or Dorf my famous sweet potato quesadillas. So, I had to whip up a couple batches for those guys. Everybody loved them. After dinner, we got back to playing D&D. So all in all, we played D&D for about 5 hours. It was really fun! It was the first time we'd played D&D together, in person, since 2015.

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now-we-say-c0ral · 2 years ago

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April 7, 2023

I woke up at around 8am and went straight to the gym. Did chest, back, and abs for today. I gave mommy and my little sister a call while I was doing my sets. I'm quite nervous about today. It's the day Eddie and I were to have our difficult conversation and to be honest I really didn't know whether we are going to agree to each other's terms or not.

Got back home around 10:30am and took a bath and got prepared to go to Brighton. He texted if we could meet at around 2pm instead because he was still doing chores. I still went on to my journey because I know that me being farther I wouldn't make it in time.

Got on a train and went from Norbiton to Vauxhall then I took the Victoria line going to King's Cross and took a national rail there going to Brighton. The sun was shining really brightly today and though that's something to be happy about because the last time I was in Brighton it was raining so hard but the retinol begged to disagree. There were a lot of people swarming to go elsewhere because it was the holidays. Glad that I was still able to get seats in the train. I'm not really a big fan of standing up. It was really cold today though the forecast said that it would be around 13 degrees. It's another day of me underestimating the weather here in the UK. I only wore a plain white shirt and a thin black bomber jacket and I was shivering most of the time. Tiis ganda is real.

Met Eddie there around 2:15pm and I don't know... I was just happy to see him. He gave me a hug and he held my hand on the way to Bruha, a Filipino restaurant in Brighton. We ordered some chicken skewers, sisig, and lechon kawali. Their ube smoothie was okay but I was really happy with their calamansi juice. I haven't had calamansi in a long, long time and I think it's my favourite citrus fruit.

We finally went to the beach and bought some drinks. We sat there in the sun and talked a lot. About what the issue is and how we can do better in the future when these things happen again. How we respond to stress and how to check-up on each other when these difficult moments happen. Our expectations of each other and the boundaries that we get to set. Our non-negotiables and if this relationship is worth fighting for. It was a really stressful thing to do. Opening up your inner-most layer and being vulnerable, like, naked vulnerable and it was kind of frightening to see him react because most of the issues were revolving around me and perhaps my emotional immaturity but I was surprised to know that he's willing to work it out with me and he'll try to meet my expectations and me to him to. This was when I knew that there's really something worth fighting for in the relationship because we're both happy to compromise stuff for each other.

We took the train towards Farringdon and the hour's journey was kind of annoying because there were two very loud children in front of us. We went to this pasta shop to eat dinner. Didn't finish my pasta meal because it was kind of underwhelming.

Went home and continued the conversation and yes. I'm happy about how this conversation is healing our relationship. It's worth fighting for. After, like around 11:30pm, he kissed my neck and we were happy with whatever we'd done after that.

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loud-whistling-yes · 2 years ago

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You see

I was on my school's geography overnight trip

And I've been assigned to sleep with these two girls

Popular girls

Like those type of "parties all night with anyone and everyone" popular girls

So I've basically accepted since day one that I'm probably not gonna get any sleep for the entire weekend

Fast forward to night 2, they had been surprisingly well-behaved. Haven't done anything horrifically terrible to me just yet

Except for eating the cup noodles I was saving for myself but that was mild compared to what I was expecting

So it's like

10:30pm

And I'm tired as shit

We spent half the day jungle trekking okay I deserve to be wiped out after that

And they tell me

"we're gonna play volleyball outside :D"

ITS TEN THIRTY IN THE NIGHT

YOURE PLAYING VOLLEYBALL OUTSIDE TEN THIRTY IN THE NIGHT

Sure why the fuck not

Not the weirdest shit I expected from them

So a whole 10-15 of them are playing volleyball right outside our room. Eventually I give up and join them for maybe an hour

It's 11:30

I know very well these fuckers are planning to stay up till 6am

I know my limits so I tell them I'm heading back

I change to my pajamas

I climb to the top bunk of the bunkbed

I sleep

I am woken at 6:30am by a fucking alarm

6:30AM

I roll over, looking down at the other beds to see whats-

-there's 5 people on the bed

There's 5 people on the fucking bed

There's like 3 boys on that bed and at that point I'm pretty sure there's another 2 at the bunk beneath me

I ask them "what the fuck is going on"

They tell me

"long story."

YEAH NO SHIT LONG STORY YOU FUCKERS STAYED UP ALL NIGHT DIDNT YOU

CARE TO EXPLAIN THE 4 BOYS IN THE FUCKING ROOM??????

They broke a glass door

They broke a fucking glass door

I LEAVE THESE FUCKERS ALONE FOR 3 HOURS AND THEY BREAK A FUCKING DOOR

Apparently what happened was 2am in the boys room someone got dared to do a backwards roll

They did

They miscalculated the distance

They went straight into the door

It shattered

They scattered

They all chose my fucking room to sleep in

Guess who broke the door?

ONE OF THE POPULAR GIRLS THAT WHO

Anyways 5 years of my lifespan has been robbed from me in that unholy hour in the morning

I just got home

Thank god

This is the first time our geography department hosted an overnight trip and will probably be the last

You guys have no idea the shit I was going through last night

#fweeet #i think the sight of 3 boys just #there #on the bed below me #gave me a discount ticket on heart problems for the next 15 years #fucking hell they were nice but goddamn i cant fucking deal with popular kids

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imtheiliad · 3 years ago

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you're not scared of anything at all [922 words | girldads!buddie| fluff] {ao3} @buddiebingo square: kidfic a/n: for @quarantine-anon who requested what happens after Grace Madeline's first day of kindergarten, which then spiraled to include a random morning in High School, and after her college graduation party. Yes I named her bestie Abby on purpose but we'll get into that another time lol. yes grace is queer af cause i said so. title from the best day by taylor swift. enjoy!

Buck wasn't sure what to expect as he pulled into the parking lot at 1:25pm. The morning had been tearfilled as he and Eddie clutched hands and backed out of the classroom as the teacher's aid talked with Grace after about 10 hugs each and promises that they would indeed be back in just a few hours to go home. No they both did not cry their own tears when they got back in the car. Absolutely not. Eddie had to convince Buck that they could not just sit in the parking lot all day.

He waited the 5 minutes, because as much as he wanted to see Grace, he also didn't want to seem too helicoptery. So as soon as the little green clock blinked to 1:30pm, he hopped out of the car. Several other parents do the same and he smiles to himself. They all wait patiently on the walkway outside of the school, and a few minutes later he spots Ms. Sally leading the group of children out the doors.

He spots her before she does, obviously, but still holds back until she sees him. And when she does her face lights up, her blue eyes sparkling in the bright September sun.

"Papa!" she runs to him the rest of the way and he bends down just in time to scoop her up, little backpack and all.

"Hi baby, did you have a good day?" he asks, making his way to Ms. Sally to let her know that they were leaving.

"Where's Daddy?" she responds in lieu of an answer,

Ms. Sally seems to be engrossed in a complex conversation with another parent, but she nods and waves at them which he returns and then turns to the parking lot.

"He was sooo sleepy that he took a nap."

"Silly Daddy. That is my favorite part of kindergarten- no nap time!" Grace babbles as he gets her into the car.

Buck smiles and runs his fingers through her curls, and double checks her seatbelt.

"No nap time!? What did you do with all that extra time?" Buck asks slipping into the driver seat.

"Well we drew pictures and learned about addition, oh and recess! I met a new friend, her name is Abigail- but we call her Abby! And we want to have a playdate, can you talk to her parents?..."

Grace continues to relay her day that he knows he will have to hear at least three more times, but he doesn't care.

They arrive home and Grace is off like a shot through the door, racing to find Eddie or possibly Mr. Noodle, Buck isn't terribly sure who will take precedence.

It turns out it was Eddie because he walks into the living room and the sight to behold is one he will never get tired of. Grace is sitting on Eddie's lap, relaying about her new best friend Abby who apparently has red hair, and Eddie catches Buck's eyes and tilts his head, the question clear, and he just nods.

Grace then slows down and starts to crash from the day, leaning into Eddie, and mumbles, "I missed you Daddy,"

"We missed you too kid, but it sounds like you had so much fun, are you excited to go tomorrow?"

"I have to go again?" Grace asks,

Buck laughs, "Yeah kid, almost everyday for the next 12-16 years,"

"Geez Louise," Grace says, sighing.

✏️✏️11 years later✏️✏️

"Daad, have you seen my braces rubber bands?" Grace calls from the bathroom,

"Yeah they are on the kitchen counter Gracie," Eddie calls from the living room,

"Daddd I told you to stop calling me thaat," Grace huffs walking into the kitchen rolling her eyes,

"Your math homework is on the coffee table, don't forget it." Buck says, "We gotta get going if you want a ride kid."

"Claire and Abby are picking me up today," she says heading for the front door, stuffing the math homework into her bag on her way,

"Okay, have a good day! Love you too," Eddie calls after her,

"Love you Dads," she calls back with a small smile as she shuts the front door.

"Fuck she grew up too fast, she's gonna be in college soon and then we won't see her every day," Buck pouts tears pooling in his eyes, "You think she's ever gonna tell us Claire is her girlfriend?"

"She will when she's ready." Eddie replies, pointedly avoiding the first part of Buck's musings.

✏️✏️5 years later✏️✏️

The house was quiet, soft music leaks in from the backyard where Chris, Abby, and Cal are still spread across the grass talking. There's half a sheet cake sitting on the table, streamers still dangling from the ceiling and Buck walks into the living room, coming upon a common, but less common sight now that Grace had been at college, sight, Eddie's arms wrapped around her, placing a kiss on her temple, the look on his face the same as the day that she was born.

"So how does it feel to be done?" he asks gently,

"Geez Louise," she whistles, "I don't know."

"We are so proud of you," Buck says sitting down next to them,

"I know, you only told me like 100 times today," she says throwing her head back on the couch,

"Hey, we are, neither-"

"Of you guys went. I know," she says, "But both of you know that doesn't determine-"

"Our worth," they finish together, hugging her tightly.

"I love you Dads," she whispers quietly.

"Love you too kid."

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #grace madeline buckley-diaz #buddiefanfiction #buddie fic #9-1-1 fic #aj writes stuff #9-1-1 on fox #tuserzee #thatbuddie #userceecee #usersharky #usercombat #useroliii #useryb #userweres #buddiebingo #i will put this on ao3 sometime soon :P

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kireimarkeu · 4 years ago

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retrouvailles; l.mk

THIS IS A REPOST!!!!

Summary: counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

Mark is a jerk at one point. Also noticed how I put skype when they were calling through the phone and ft through laptop LOL

word count: 5.7k

Also lets pretend we can use spotify in korea ok

--Day 98

(10:33PM) Cutie: you idiot

(10:33PM) Cutie: answer my call!! You loserrrr

(10:34PM) You: omg give me a second

(10:35PM) You: ffs jshkdmj

(10:35PM) Cutie: omg what are you doing

(10:35PM) Cutie: why are you taking so long

(10:37PM) You: GIVE ME A SECOND

(10:37PM) You: im taking food

You plop onto your bed, placing the plate of grapes on the mattress, resulting in some to topple out of the bowl. You quickly pop one in your mouth before turning on your laptop.

Before you could even call Mark, he was already requesting a facetime with you. You immediately answered.

“Finally,” your boyfriend huffs when the call was finally connected.

You hum, your hands searching for more grapes that has dropped on your bed sheets, popping them in your mouth.

“What are you eating?” he asks.

“Grapes,” your voice came out muffled from chewing, but Mark understands.

“That’s what took you so long?” he frowns, “I can cut a watermelon in 5 seconds,”

“I didn’t ask,” you bite back.

Your boyfriend automatically raises his hand to flash his middle finger while you did the same back at him.

“What time is it there?” you ask him with raised eyebrows.

You were studying in Korea but because of the virus, you had to go back to Canada. You didn’t know how long you would be staying, but Mark had promised you that he would make it work.

“Um,” he looks at the clock that was a hanging next to him, “it’s 2:30PM here,” he answers, looking back at you, “It’s about 11 there, right?”

You nod.

“Don’t you have class tomorrow?” Mark asks.

Lucky for you, your classes has changed to the local timing in Canada. Meaning, you don’t need to stay up at ungodly hours for your classes.

“I think I can wake up tomorrow,”

“Do you want me to call you?”

“Please,” you pout.

Mark scowls jokingly at you, “the things I do for my girlfriend,”

You giggle innocently at your boyfriend, “I love you,” you make a heart with your hands, grinning at your laptop.

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes.

--Day 90

“Babe, look up,” you call.

Mark looks up to see you holding your phone up, obviously filming him through the screen.

“What?”

He could hear you grinning from behind your phone.

“Smile,” you instruct.

He grins awkwardly while you let out a snort from behind the screen. You put your phone down, typing something before looking back up at your boyfriend.

“What did you do?”

You look up at him, biting back a smile— to which you failed, “go check Instagram,”

Mark immediately opens Instagram to see that you had posted something on your private Instagram. Only him and the members are following your private account since your relationship is still private.

He clicks on the bubble to see a video of him that you had recorded. When he smiles, his face morphed into a horse from of the filter you were using. Mark couldn’t help but chuckle at the funny effect.

“Okay, that’s kinda funny,” he admits.

He looks back up at you to see you holding your phone in front of your face again, probably trying another filter on him again.

“Is this another ugly filter, again?” whines your boyfriend.

You laugh, your phone not covering your face anymore, “it’s not!”

“Don’t lie,”

Your giggles got louder, “it’s not! I swear!”

“Fine,” he huffs. He straightens his back and stares at the camera, waiting for you to finish recording.

You put your phone down re-watching the video, chuckles leaving your lips.

“What filter did you use?”

“It’s on my insta, baby,”

He looks down on his phone again to see that you have posted another story. He immediately clicks on it to see it was an NCT filter.

‘Who is your NCT Bias?’ Was written on top of his head.

Mark waits for the filter to show the result. He grimaced when he got Jeno. He swipes up to reply to your story to send you a message.

markleeee99 replied to your story: ewww

--Day 87

(1:18PM) mwark: hello baby

(1:20PM) you: wht im having class rn

(1:20PM) mwark: so

(1:25PM) you: i have class??? go away loser

(1:25PM) mwark: :( I just wanna talk to my girlfriend tho :/

(1:27PM) you: later

(1:27PM) mwark: nooo

(1:33PM) you: omg youre an idol why are you so free

(1:34PM) you: go dance or rap or smth

(1:34PM) mwark: babyyyy

(1:35PM) you: im putting my phone on dnd

(1:35PM) mwark: nooo

(1:35PM) mwark: babe

(1:40PM) mwark: did you actually leave me D:

(1:40PM) mwark: ok whatev

(1:40PM) mwark: I was about to send you something but I guess I won’t now

(1:40PM) mwark: are you still ignoring me????

(1:41PM) mwark: omg babe I was jst joking I’ll send you some gifts

(1:41PM) mwark: booo u suck :(

--Day 81

This time, it was slightly different. Instead of your usual late-night calls through the computer, you had immediately skype him through your phone when you had received a package from Korea.

“You got me something?” you ask loudly when your boyfriend answered your call.

“Jeez, hello to you too, babe,” he rolls his eyes, “and yea, did it arrive?”

“What did you get me? And what type of shipping did you choose? It arrived so quickly,”

The box was pretty heavy, so you had to put your phone down to place the huge box on the counter before bringing your phone back into view.

“Express, I paid like extra,” Mark answers, eyeing you through the screen.

You click your tongue, opening the drawer to take out a knife, “stop wasting your money, you dumbass,”

Mark didn’t reply, instead he waits for you to open the package.

You let out a sigh, “what did you get me this time?”

You open the cardboard box, a navy-blue hoodie covering the top of it. You pull it out, looking at Mark who has a smile plastered on his face.

“Is this your hoodie?!” you squeal, putting it on yourself.

Your heart melt when the familiar scent fills your nostrils. It smells just like Mark.

“Canada is getting cold isn’t it? Keep yourself warm, baby,”

You lean over to take everything out from the box. Mark had given you his half-used cologne that he uses on a daily.

“I bought a new one just so I could give you mine,” he tells you, a playful smirk on his lips.

He had also packed some of your favourite Korean snacks, and some that you haven’t tried before. Along with some matching phone cases for the both of you.

“Now I feel bad I didn’t get anything for you,” you frown., pulling the hoodie over your head.

“Don’t be,” he reassures you, “being able to see you is already enough,”

You scrunch your nose in disgust, “cringey, Mark-ie,”

“Fuck you,” he chuckles, flashing his middle finger at you.

Your eyes widen when he cursed, “my mom’s home, you idiot!”

You laugh loudly when Mark’s eyes widen in surprise, both his hands covering his mouth.

“Y/N?” you hear your mom call from the living room, “who are you talking to?”

Before you could even reply, your mother was walking towards you.

“It’s Mark,” you answer as your mother got into frame to see Mark.

“Mark! It has been a while, how’s Korea?”

Your boyfriend greeted your mom politely, a grin plastered on his face. Your mom was about to reach for your phone to talk to Mark, but you frown and pull away.

“Noo, I wanna talk to Mark,”

You gathered the gifts Mark had given you in your arms before skipping up the stairs to your room, to spend the whole day (night for him) with him.

--Day 80

“Yo, Mark, there’s some food left outside, do you want it?” you heard Johnny ask from through the screen.

Mark turns to look at the intruder, “knock next time, dude,” groans Mark.

“Is that y/n?”

Johnny suddenly enters the frame with a gummy grin, waving enthusiastically at you.

“Hi Johnny, how are you?” you smile, waving back at the older boy.

Just when Johnny was about to get comfortable on Mark’s bed, your boyfriend let out string of whines, moving his phone until you could only see his cheeks.

“Ah, that’s enough,” your boyfriend says in annoyance, “y/n is tired, goodnight, baby.”

You couldn’t even reply because Mark had already ended the skype call.

You pout, opening your messenger to send a text to your boyfriend.

(7:35PM) You: heyyy why’d you end the call? ):

(7:36PM) Bubba: sorry

(7:36PM) Bubba: johnny was being annoying

(7:36PM) You: he wasn’t tho ):

(7:36PM) You: can we call again?

(7:38PM) Bubba: sorry angel

(7:38PM) Bubba: johnny wants me to go make music

(7:38PM) Bubba: later tonight?

(7:38PM) You: oky

(7:42PM) You: love u!

(7:42PM) Bubba: love u too

(7:42PM) Bubba: <3

--Day 76

You were in the middle of facetiming mark when your phone vibrates from a text. You raise your eyebrows, thinking it was Mark.

(12:11AM) Johnny: hey

(12:11AM) Johnny: I need to ask you something

(12:13AM) You: yeah?

(12:13AM) Johnny: is mark okay lately?

(12:13AM) You: he seems fine to me, why? Did something happen?

(12:14AM) Johnny: I don’t know if I should tell you about this

(12:14AM) Johnny: but

(12:14AM) Johnny: youre the only one who can probably help him

(12:14AM) You: help him with what?

You look up at your laptop to see that Mark’s eyes was still glued on his phone. Probably playing some games.

(12:17AM) Johnny: he hasn’t been eating lately

(12:19AM) Johnny: he doesn’t really tell us stuff anymore so I was wondering you would’ve known something?

(12:22AM) You: oh

(12:22AM) You: he hasn’t told me anything

(12:23AM) You: I’ll talk to him about it

(12:25AM) You: thanks johnny :)

“Hey,” you jump at your boyfriend’s voice. You snap your head to look at your boyfriend who was already staring at you with curious eyes. “What are you so busy with?”

You clear your throat, shaking your head, tossing your phone to the side.

“I wanna ask you something,” you say.

“Whats up?”

You scratch your head, unsure of how to put it into words without offending your boyfriend. You knew he hated being babied but you still want to care for him. He was your other half, after all.

“Have you been eating well lately?”

You could sense Mark was stunned by the random question. He looks away from your wary eyes.

“Who told you?”

“Mark—”

“It was Johnny wasn’t it?” he cuts you off in anger. “God damn it, this is why I don’t want you talking to my friends,”

Why was he making this such a big deal?

“Mark I was just asking a simple question, why are you acting this way?” you argued back.

He shakes his head, threading his fingers through his black hair stressfully.

“I need to go Y/N,” sighs your boyfriend, “Goodnight,”

“Mark—” you were too late. Mark had already ended the call.

A heavy sigh left your lips as you lied down on your bed.

You weren’t sure if you should text him or give him space. Should you apologize? Was it your fault for bringing it up?

After thinking for a while, you decided to send him a text.

(8:33PM) You: hi baby. I was just asking because I was worried about you. I know you hate it when I baby you, but I’m just looking out for you. I didn’t mean to bother you

(8:33PM) You: please don’t blame your friends for this.

(8:36PM) You: I’m sorry, okay?

(8:40PM) You: I just want you to eat healthily. I’m not there to take care of you and I just want you to be healthy.

(8:47PM) You: just text me whenever so we can talk this out

(8:57PM) You: goodnight, mark

--Day 75

(12:03PM) Lovey: hey

(12:03PM) Lovey: I was thinking and realised how selfish I acted towards you

(12:05PM) Lovey: I know you were just looking out for me and I was just wasn’t in the mood because of how stressful it has been

(12:05PM) Lovey: please don’t apologize. Its my fault

(12:15PM) You: why haven’t you been eating?

(12:15PM) Lovey: comeback

(12:15PM) Lovey: I’m trying to lose some cheeks for this comeback

(12:30PM) Lovey: sorry for worrying you

(12:31PM) You: whaa…

(12:33PM) You: but you know my favourite part of your face is your cheeks D:

(12:33PM) Lovey: :(

(12:33PM) You: will you start eating again?

(12:35PM) You: im not going to force you, mark. It’s really up to you.

(12:35PM) Lovey: im eating right now

(12:35PM) You: what are you eating

(12:38PM) Lovey: cereal

(12:38PM) Lovey: and um some left over sushi from yesterday

(12:38PM) You: ohhh sounds delicious

(12:40PM) You: okay I wont disturb you anymore, have fun eating bby

As you were about to put your phone away but there was an incoming videocall from your boyfriend. A small chuckle left your lips as you answered the call.

--Day 73

“Yo, did you see it?!” was the first thing Mark had asked you when you answered his call.

You raise your eyebrows in confusion, sitting up from your laying position, “see what?”

“We just posted a new dance practice; did you not see it?” his eyes widen dismay.

You shook your head, grabbing your laptop from the table, placing it on your lap, “nope, my phone was on dnd,”

“How did you answer my call, then?”

“You’re in my favourites dumbass,”

You type in your password before searching YouTube and clicking on the video that your boyfriend was talking about.

While watching the video, you placed your phone resting on the laptop so Mark could see your face. Throughout the whole video, you were singing softly to the song.

“Did you see that?! Did you see it?” Mark suddenly yells through the screen during the dance break part.

You jump a little, “what? What? What did I miss?”

He groans at you, “the bracelet! Johnny dropped it!”

“Huh?” you press the arrow to repeat it again and you noticed how Johnny’s bracelet fell while he was dancing.

“Wait a little more, I picked it up! Like a professional!”

You waited a little longer and your boyfriend was right. While he was getting into position, your boyfriend had swept the bracelet in his hands.

You grin, “proud of you, babe,”

You wanted to continue watching but your laptop started lagging from the terrible wi-fi. You groan in annoyance, pressing pause, hoping it would reload but it only hangs even more.

“God damnit, this fucking wi-fi,”

“Should I buy you a router? Or a new laptop?” he jokes.

--Day 71

(9:02PM) You: hey wanna call?

(9:02PM) You: today was so stressful I just wanna talk to you

(10:12PM) You: ahh you must be busy with comeback

(9:32PM) You: sorry babe! We’ll jst call tmr? :)

(9:33PM) You: love u! make sureee u drink lots of water <3

-Day 67

Mark lets out an aspirated sigh as he answers your facetime call. “What, Y/N?”

You frown at the way he greets you. He was moody probably because he just finished practicing.

You could tell from how he was laying on his bed without a shirt on, or how he would repeatedly thread his fingers through his black locks.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” you mumble out softly, your eyes softening, feeling guilty that you were disturbing him.

You bit your lip anxiously when Mark simply sighs, rolling his eyes slightly, “should we just call another time?”

He sighs once more, moving around until he lays on his side, “no, no, what’s up?”

You felt a little hesitant, unsure if he was being sarcastic or not. Mark wasn’t the type to approach something if he doesn’t like it, he would just go with the flow.

You shook your head, laying back down onto your bed, “No, you’re tired and I shouldn’t be disturbing you right now.”

Mark opens his mouth but you cut him off, “Sorry, Mark. Goodnight.”

You quickly end the call with a heavy heart, throwing your phone next to you. You knew you shouldn’t be expecting an incoming call from your boyfriend, but you shamelessly waited for his specific ringtone.

It did break your heart a little when you didn’t get any response from your boyfriend.

That night, you had spent your time watching Netflix with tears rolling down your cheeks.

-Day 62

“Y/N?”

A choked sob left your throat, your hands wiping the tears running down your cheeks.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Johnny’s voice filled your ears.

You gulp as your heart clench painfully when you hear Mark’s laughter in the background.

“Y/N, d-do you want me to pass the phone to Mark?”

“N-no,” you quickly say out, pausing a little. Hiccups leaving your lips, “d-don’t… please,”

“Okay?” Johnny replies in uncertainty, “Are you… okay? Should I beat Mark up?” he jokes.

You couldn’t bring yourself to smile. “How is he doing?” you whisper, but Johnny could hear very clearly.

You assumed that he had moved somewhere else since you can’t hear the boys screaming in the background.

“Did something happen?” Johnny asks, “I’m not with them right now, so you can tell me.”

You remember the last time you had last talked to Mark.

It has been exactly 5 days since the both of you last texted— or even called. You weren’t sure why or how it happened.

It had taken a big toll on you— you couldn’t focus during lessons and you had spent most of the nights wide awake, thinking what had gone wrong. You had contemplated multiple times whether you should send him a text, but every time you push yourself to say something, you would always remember how busy he is.

“We haven’t been talking for a while,” you answer painfully, “but he’s doing fine, right?”

You hope he’s doing fine.

You hear Johnny lets out an agitated sigh, “Don’t worry Y/N, I’ll go talk to him, okay?”

“Just… don’t stress him out even more.”

“I won’t. Just… stop crying over him, okay?” he says, “Mark is an idiot, he’s not worth crying over.”

A small giggle leaves your lips, “you sound like a girl right now,”

-Day 61

(12:12AM) Mark: hey babe

(12:12AM) Mark: johnny just talked to me about what happened

(12:13AM) Mark: can we talk?

(12:45AM) You: okay

(12:45AM) Mark: great, I’ll call you

(12:45AM) You: no

(12:46AM) You: we’ll text

(12:46AM) You: here

You just know that you would be a sobbing mess once you hear Mark’s voice.

(12:46AM) Mark: oh

(12:46AM) Mark: okay

(12:46AM) Mark: youre okay tho

(12:47AM) Mark: right

(12:52AM) You: mhm

(12:52AM) Mark: that’s great um

(12:52AM) Mark: i didn’t know you were feeling that way

(12:53AM) Mark: i’ve been so busy lately i forgot to text or call you

(12:53AM) Mark: and that is not your fault at all

(12:53AM) Mark: i shouldn’t be acting like that in the first place

(12:54AM) Mark: its just really hard with timezones and everything

(12:54AM) Mark: especially with the comeback and all

(12:54AM) You: what are you saying mark?

(12:55AM) Mark: what?

(12:58AM) You: are you breaking up with me?

(12:58AM) Mark: wat? no. what.

(12:58AM) You: wait so we’re not breaking up?

(12:58AM) Mark: what

(12:58AM) Mark: no of course not what are you saying?

(12:59AM) You: I DON’T KNOW

(12:59AM) You: i thought you wanted to break up

(12:59AM) Mark: no I don’t want to what the fuck

(12:59AM) You: so we’re good now right?

-Day 51

Soft melodies were playing in the background while the both of you were doing different things.

You were sitting on your chair, your elbows pressing painfully against your desk, working on your homework diligently. Your phone was perched on your lamp, making sure Mark could see your face.

Your boyfriend was laying on his bed with a notebook laying in front of him, a pen in his hand while he thought of lyrics. He had his legs swinging back and forth behind him cutely.

You exhale loudly as you re-read the same question over and over again.

Mark immediately looks up, “you okay?”

You hum without even looking at him before you continued doing your work.

Mark decides to leave you alone as to not distract you. He rests his cheek against his arm as he tries to think of another sentence to finish the song he was working on.

His eyes slowly dart towards you who had their eyebrows furrowed cutely, a pout plastered on your lips, baby hairs littering against your forehead and cheeks.

Without even realising, a small smile spreads across Mark’s lips. His breath slows down as he relaxed and stares at your figure.

Multiple sentences that could be used as lyrics flooded through his head. He quickly sits up to write the flood of inspiration that was bursting through his veins.

-Day 43

(2:53AM) boyfie: duuudee!!

(2:53AM) boyfie: vlive!!

(2:53AM) boyfie: quick!!!!!

(3:15AM) You: omg ok give me a sec

(3:15AM) You: I just woke up

With a yawn, you open the vlive app and click on the NCT127 page to enter the live your boyfriend was doing.

‘Hi’ you type in the comment section. You stare at your boyfriend, scanning his facial expression to notice your comment.

Exactly 5 seconds later, a huge grin spreads across his lips as he looks up at the camera to wave.

It eased you to know that he was waving at you, for you. Maybe you were being selfish, but you were glad that Mark was yours. Although it does get on your nerves when you see your friends post about how much he loves your boyfriend.

‘mark is so handsome’ you typed.

Unfortunately, Mark didn’t notice your comment, but Donghyuck did. Donghyuck nudges your boyfriend, who immediately responded, turning to look at him.

His friend showed him your comment, which your boyfriend immediately smiles to.

‘I love mark lee so much!!!’

A few seconds later Mark creates a small heart at the camera before looking away with crimson red cheeks.

-Day 38

“So you and Mina, huh?” you say bitterly, rolling your eyes.

You were referring to the interaction between the two when Mina was leaving music bank. You might’ve been slightly jealous of the chemistry between the two, especially when all the fans would ship the both of them.

Mark can only watch you in amusement, a small smile playing along his lips.

“Is she better than me?” you say sarcastically, clicking your tongue,

You envied their friendship. Someone who was merely a friend was able to see your boyfriend so easily.

His face softens, “you know she’s not like that, baby,” his tone was soft, easy to persuade you.

Baby. You wanted to scoff at that. He only used that term when he was trying to win your heart.

You huff, crossing your arms violently. “You’re always with her!”

He chuckles, looking down at his phone before looking back up at you quickly.

You pout at the boy through the screen, “you love me more, right Mark?”

He sarcastically rolls his at your question. What kind of question was that?

His face scrunches in disgust, “Firstly, I don’t even love Mina that way, babe,” he tells you, “and secondly, the only person I love you, alright? So stop being jealous you wimp.”

“Wimp?” you scoff, “and you’re my boyfriend?”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

Just as you were about to respond to him, your phone vibrated with a notification. You look down and gaped.

_happiness_o wants to send you a message.

“Mark…”

You unlocked your phone to see the message that Mina was trying to send you.

“You told her?!” you exclaimed, looking up at your boyfriend who was stifling his laughter. “Mark! Why would you do that?!” you whine, throwing your phone next to you.

“In my defence, I didn’t tell her to send you a text,” he says, “I was just talking about how cute you were being!”

-Day 22

You were laying on your side, deep in a slumber while Mark stares at you lovingly.

Your cheek pressed cutely against your pillow which made your lips pout cutely. The little pieces of hair adorning your temples and cheeks only made Mark want to push it back against your ear. Something he would do every time you were sleeping with him.

He suddenly got an idea and fishes out his phone, searching a filter that he had saved for this particular moment.

He clicks on the filter, waiting for it to load for a moment, before adjusting the angle so the filter could scan his face properly. Once he was sure it won’t budge, he presses record.

‘your soulmate is sleeping right now’

A sad smile adorns his lips, looking at you through the screen. He flips the camera, zooming into your sleeping form then ending the video.

Mark was quite hesitant to post it since he was never the type to post about his relationship with you. But these past few days has been hitting him differently.

He missed you so much, he swore he could go crazy. He had spent another unreasonable amount on you again. He couldn’t even sleep because you were always stuck on his mind.

He bit his lip anxiously before posting the video on his Instagram story. He noticed how your phone vibrated right when it was uploaded— you had his notifications on.

-Day 15

“So it’s gonna be forever~” you sing loudly, pointing your hairbrush to Mark who was laughing loudly through the screen.

“Or it’s gonna go down in flames…” he sings off tune.

While you were busy singing and dancing from all Taylor Swift’s song, Mark had stealthily recorded you with his phone to upload them on his private Instagram.

‘idiot. But my idiot’ he captioned before tagging you and posting it on his page.

“Sing with me, Mark!” you shout, looking at your boyfriend. “Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things,” you sang, pointing at Mark.

Your boyfriend blushes when he realizes you were singing to him.

You cough loudly before clearing your throat after blaring out lyrics to Taylor swift. You reach for your cup of water before gulping it down.

“What song should we sing to next?” you ask, scrolling down through you and Mark’s playlist. The both of you had shared one account ever since he found out the both of you shared the same music taste.

“Should we do a rap?” he suggests.

You smirk up at him, “oooh, because you’re a rapper, huh? Okay, okay.”

You thumb press on ‘Beauty and a Beat’ by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj.

“I’m a better rapper than you, Mark Lee,” you shout at your boyfriend before rapping to Nicki Minaj’s part.

It was so adorable at how you stumbled over some words, or when you had your eyebrows furrowed trying to rap to the lyrics.

At this moment, Mark thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. You had your hair tied up in the ugliest bun he has ever seen, but you looked so adorable, especially in the huge t-shirt you were wearing. But most importantly, the huge grin plastered on your lips and tint of red adorning your cheeks, puts a smile on Mark’s face.

Right when the song has ended, you let out a tired sigh, lying against your bed.

“Am I better than you, Markie?”

He bit back a smile and nodded, “you should replace me in NCT, babe,”

You pretend to think, “I should, shouldn’t I?”

-Day 7

You were talking about Mark about your friend who had pissed you off earlier today.

He shrugs, “honestly, I saw that coming. I never liked her,”

You groan, throwing your head back, “I know right,” you stress, “I should’ve listened to you,”

Mark rests his cheek against his palm, “so what are you going to do?”

You pout, “I don’t know. What should I do, Mark?”

Your boyfriend hums, thinking for a while, “I think it’s best if you cut her off. She doesn’t deserve you, babe.”

You let out an aspirated sigh, frowning. “she was just a close friend…” you trailed off sadly.

“I know, baby,” he coos, “but your mental health is important too.”

Your eyes widen cutely, “I love you,”

That caught your boyfriend off-guard, his eyes widen in awe. “w-what, don’t be weird!” he sputters out.

“You’re weird!” you bite back.

-Day 3

“Mark,” you call out, your boyfriend immediately humming. “I learnt a new tiktok dance,”

He raises his eyebrows. He has never downloaded Tiktok but he knows how much you love the app. Most of the time the both of you were calling, you would be scrolling through the app, sending him links of videos that you found funny.

It was a secret: Mark never actually watches the video. But you do not need to know that.

“Show me, baby,”

You stood up, adjusting your laptop in a decent position. You reach for your phone to play the music before you started dancing.

Mark recognized the song as Savage. It was a song that Taeyong would constantly play.

Your boyfriend’s eyes widen in bewilderment, amazed at how good you were at dancing.

“Woah, woah,” he gapes when you started throwing back.

When the song ended, you ambled towards your laptop, “how was it? Was I good? Was I as good as Taeyong and Johnny?”

He rolls his eyes at that, “do you do it to other people?”

“What?”

“The throwing back thing,”

Ah. He was jealous.

You shrug, looking away from his intense gaze, “I don’t know. I was planning to ask some of my friends about their opinion.”

“Y/N,” he says sternly.

“I was joking! Jeez. You’re such a party pooper.”

-Day 2

You laid on your side, your arm supporting your head. A movie was playing on your laptop screen but you could only stare at Mark’s face.

He was busy laughing at one of the scenes but you couldn’t focus from his handsome face.

He was wearing the ugly black glasses that he chose a few weeks ago, but he still looked so good in your eyes. His black hair was styled messily from laying around.

“Babe, are you watching?” his eyes widen cutely after sensing how quiet you were being.

“I am,” you mumble out, but your eyes never leaved your boyfriend’s screen.

“Okay,” he whispers, resting his body as he continued watching the movie that was played on the screen.

At this moment in time, you wanted to tell Mark how much you love him. You wanted to smother him in kisses.

“Mark,” you called. You realise how he had paused the movie that was playing to listen to you. “I love you,” you tell him.

Mark was frozen for a second, confused yet flustered by your sudden confusion. He smirks, playing the movie, “weirdo. I love you too, you cutie.”

-Day 1

(11:01PM) bub: babyyyy hiiiii

(11:01PM) bub: wanna call ;)

(11:05PM) bub: hello why r u not replying

(11:05PM) bub: it’s only 11 there

(11:10PM) bub: I know youre not asleep babe

(11:10PM) bub: arghhh

(11:10PM) bub: are you asleep????

(11:10PM) bub: :(

(11:10PM) bub: well ok gn bb I’ll talk to you tmr

(11:10PM) bub: love youuuu

D-DAY

You were laying on Mark’s bed restlessly, waiting for your boyfriend to reach his dorm. When you heard the door unlock, a grin spread across your lips when you saw your boyfriend walk in.

“Hi Mark,” you greet, waving at your boyfriend.

Mark looks up at you and nods, “hi y/n,” he says back before turning the other way to go to the bathroom.

You bit back a smile quietly, giving him a minute to realise. You quietly stood up by the bed to amble towards your boyfriend.

“Wait,” he pauses, turning around slowly, his eyes widening at the sight of you walking up to him, “w-what? Is this real? y/n?”

You smile at him, spreading your arms, waiting for him to tackle you in a hug. “I’m here, baby.”

“Oh my god,” he breathes out before rushing towards you to pull you against his chest. “You’re here, oh my god,”

You rest your head on his chest, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. You’ve missed the moment for so long. For more than 3 months, you had to live without Mark’s presence.

He pulls you away, his hand gripping your shoulder tightly. “How— what are you doing here?!” he exclaims.

Your cheeks were hurting from smiling so much, “to see you, of course!”

“You surprised me!” he exclaims, pulling you in for another hug, “oh my god, you scared me so much, I love you so much. When did you get here? You didn’t answer my texts yesterday!”

“I love you too and I was in the plane, I couldn’t text you back,” you reply, however your voice was muffled by the black cotton shirt he was wearing. You pull away, looking up at him, “are you not going to kiss me?” you asked abruptly.

He looks down at you with wide eyes, “w-what. That is so sudden, don’t say that!” he stutters out, looking away from you.

You pout at him, wrapping your arms around his neck, “what? I came all the way here, didn’t get enough sleep just to see my boyfriend but he won’t kiss me?”

He scowls at you, his arm dropping to rest around your waist. He leans down to connect both your lips. You felt your heart spark when you felt his lips graze against yours.

You didn’t even realise you were pulling him down even more to kiss him deeper. Mark’s grip on your waist tightened, pulling you even closer.

“Ah, the kids have finally met,” you heard someone say from behind you two.

Mark and you pull away breathlessly, his lips tinted a bright shiny red. The both of you turn around to see Taeil standing at the door.

Your boyfriend whines, “Go away, Hyung,”

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