#it's 1:15 am right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

adw520 · 2 years ago

Text

hey should i format my lab report now or do it in the morning

#adw's ramblings #it's 1:15 am right now #i have to combine 5 word documents into 1 including pictures #also i have to add pictures and references to one of those first

0 notes

adhderall · 2 months ago

Text

well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.

also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever

(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )

#so. i get why people are against children transitioning i really do. and i have my own nuanced complicated feelings about it #but honestly. im beginning to believe id be more well-adjusted by now even if just a bit if i had started larping as male by 15.#would it fix all of my problems? no. but it would make a lot of things in my life much smoother and easier.#but i was sooo deep into raddie/gc shit that i had this fucking. complex about not wanting to troon because its ~cheating~#and 'omg all the butches are leaving!!1 butch flight i cant be one of them!!!1'#'i MUST be a good example for all the young girls!!!1' a weird sort of almost martyr-like complex if you will.#but as i get older im like... honestly man fuuuuccckkkkk this.#barely anybody expects straight or even bi women to abstain from dating men forever For the Good of Womankind #its not seen as Expected but rather Exceptional and Wow Amazing if you do.#and anyone who Expects it is seen as a ~crazy extremist~#meanwhile lesbians and especially HSTS are almost fucking Expected to sacrifice themselves for the ~greater good~#and ngl other lesbiams perpetuate this shit too.#oh you CANT transition even if you feel it'll make your life easier because because because #[arguments that would really only apply to OSA females transitioning]#[strawman] [misinterpreted stats] [unverified reddit posts]#and if all else fails 'think of how the very act of doing so will HURT ALL OF WOMANKIND'#no fucking wonder dysphoric lesbians develop an fucking insane martyr complex and start to treat hrt/transitioning like its fucking crack #'ill give into the temptation if i see a happy trans person ohh nooo so nobody should be allowed to troon'#like thats not fucking normal! you realize thats NOT FUCKING NORMAL right?#youre acting like a deranged christian who is so afraid of sinning by wrongthink #and disclaimer no. i dont inherently hate being female or a lesbian but with the way i am physically and mentally #i would have/have had a Much easier time integrating into society as a ~man~. just because of how i am physically and mentally.#now i wont say internalized homophobia/etc. NEVER has anything to do with transition or etc. but im gonna be real #for HSTS (which are extremely rare in the first place) thats often only a very small part of it at most.#its often more about making our lives easier and integrating better without having to completely remold our entire personalities.#thats the reality.#would we not transition if society have patriarchy/gender roles/sexism? perhaps. i wont deny that possibility.#the fact of the matter is however #that it wont be happening any time soon. so we just want our lives to be easier.#'oh but youre lying to yourself' not necessarily. i dont have a ~gender identity~ and im well aware of myself and my situation.

11 notes · View notes

faaun · 3 months ago

Text

ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

16 notes · View notes

alwritey-aphrodite · 4 months ago

Text

Guess who just slept a full uninterrupted 8 hours for the first time in weeks 🎉🎉🎉🎉

#I woke up expecting it to be like 1 or 2 am because that’s how my life was going but it was 7:15!! a full 8 hours!! I feel so awesome right #now today better keep the good vibes going

7 notes · View notes

muirneach · 5 months ago

Text

wrote an essay long post complaining about my academic life but i deleted it before posting youre welcome everyone

#the gist was: LET ME INNNNNN (to the university courses i wanna take even though i do t have the prerequisites)#annoyed at 15 year old me for making one (1) stupid mistake in my course planning that i think i will literally never recover from #i try to be kind to past me. he didnt know better. mostly i am annoyed at how the education system is set up #so i couldnt go back and take the two classes i needed to take to not be in this position right now

7 notes · View notes

hope-ur-ok · 1 year ago

Text

Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I start to remember the car trip with my dad and step mom where she spent like an hour alluding to how good my dad is at sex, genuinely one of the worst conversations I have ever had to be a part of

#this was in the context of marrying someone within the church being the right choice #cause it would guarantee me good sex as a blessing from god (her ex husband was not a church member and I guess bad at it)#but 1) that's not how anything works 2) I'm gay (though they didn't know that then and still don't now)#and 3) THAT WAS SUCH AN INAPPROPRIATE CONVERSATION TO HAVE WITH YOUR 15 YEAR OLD CHILD #anyway so I thought of that again tonight and am once again wishing it had never happened #the turtle speaks

13 notes · View notes

knightelf · 5 months ago

Text

sorry for the nonstop vent poasting all night and all morning i am full on having a breakdown over how bleak it all is rn jobwise = futurewise like wow. wow

#its only a 1 to 6:15 shift tonight i guess but with the 2 worsy fucking people i dont want to be there #i am so miserable at this place its making me start to hate myself loke its having an effect on my psyche or self perception or whagwver #basically just thinking like huh im not 19 anymore so having part time jobs is jusy not going to cut it #but Nobody is hiring for full time anymore.#not unless i have several years of experience or education in shit ive never done.#so i havw to keep trying to force ot to work here but dude im breaking #idk if its that im way overtired or it Is that bad right now or both but i jusy want to cryyyyyy 😭😭😭😭😭

3 notes · View notes

akkivee · 1 year ago

Text

ichiro ic

jiro ji

saburo sab

samatoki s

juto jut

rio ri

ramuda ram

gentaro gent

dice dic

jakurai jak

hifumi hif

doppo do

sasara sas

rosho r

rei r

kuukou k

jyushi j

hitoya h

otome ot

ichijiku ichij

nemu nem

——

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING

#this is vee speaking #I NEED TO RETURN TO MY PARTIALLY MULTIFANDOM BLOG ROOTS I AM DISEASED CLEARLY #I KNOW I SAID YALL DONT NEED TO KNOW HIM BUT YALL WILL KNOW YOUHEI NOW #I WATCHED PARALIVES FIRST EPISODE THE OTHER DAY I THINK THE ANIME IS FIRE THEY CLEARLY DIDNT COME TO PLAY #IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO SEE KAMONOHASHI RON CIRCULATING IN MORE BL ORIENTED CIRCLES AMANO AKIRA IS MY FAVOURITE ARTIST #AND SPEAKING OF MY ANIME HUSBAND OF LIKE 15 YEARS OR SOMETHINGS BDAY IS IN 3 DAYS #I AM OBSSESSED WITH AMAHIKO FUMIYA AND SARUKAWA AS A TRIO #ORV IS LOVE ORV IS LIFE AND I WANT TO BE HAN SOOYOUNGS WIFE #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #god and i know my phone recognized some of those names so quickly because it guessed based off the previous word #so if i’m talking about sasara then clearly next i must be talking about rei or rosho next right?????#and that’s exactly what my phone assumed the moment i typed r because BOTH REI AND ROSHO SHOWED UP IM TRAGIC COMEDY NO 1 INSERT CLOWN NOISES

10 notes · View notes

bangcakes · 9 months ago

Text

.

#in the past i would have given up but now im like #oh right if i want something..... i gotta go for it and make it happen HDJDJDJDJDJDJ #itd be easier to give up tho LOL. god....#idk im just................ what if like. nothing even happens n i spejt all this time liking him like that would SUCK. hhhhhhhhh #i should just see if him n my ither friend wanna hang out but im ANXIOUS ABOUT ASKING #BC. GOD. the longer i dont see someone the more im like.... oh they probably didnt even like me that much JDJDJDJD #like this even happens with ppl ive been friends with for 15 years like i am just THAT insecure????#maybe not insecure.... idk. i think i just.... dont wanna get hurt so i tell myself that ppl dont actually like me. but thats like so dumb.#bc thats like... borrowing grief from the future right????? and like hhhhh god #idk i just like. sometimes its better to have 0 expectations or hopes??????#idk romance has never worked out for me b4 so why would it this time #tho to be fair this is the first time ive actually like wanted stuff to keep happening.#prev guys ive been like oh god oh no this is so fast #and its like. just them wanting to talk constantly #but now i have this guy that i talk to like. every 1 to 2 weeks LOL GOD #im trying to hang in there #i think its just that its passed 2am #idk idk #im just.............!!!!#and like what if bc im not moving fast enough.... he moves on JDJJDKDKDKDKDMDMMDMD #but then its like.... ok it wasnt meant to be then....??????#god this is so JDJDJJDJDJDJD #be careful what u wish for bc like. i said i always wanted a friends first slow burn and LMAO.......#hhhh n e way #im also like maybe i jynxed this whole thing by talking about it too much 😭😭😭#ugh whatever... im so JDJFJFJDMDMMD #personal

6 notes · View notes

pepprs · 2 years ago

Text

also cringefail double vent posting over things that are not actually that big of a deal once again lol but i am so fucking miserable today in ways i don’t even know how to articulate. i need to move out. i know exactly where i want to live but they raised rent $300 and i can’t afford that but i want to live by myself so badly but my parents are adamant that i can’t bc i can’t drive and im a “diminutive inexperienced young woman” and i want to punch something. i read half of the drivers manual and cried reading it which is fucking stupid bc it s just the drivers manual. but i want to move out so bad. i hate sharing a room with my sister and im not getting the new room anymore bc we don’t have money to finish it up bc my mom is still sick and no one knows what’s wrong with her and she has to get all these tests. i never have a space i can go to that’s just quiet. i don’t want noise. i don’t want to block out noise with more noise. i want QUIET. i don’t want to be afraid to go into rooms or hear noises i don’t want to hear. and i don’t want to be living here for the three extra months it’ll take me to ng et my permit. im just done. i don’t want to live here!!! and things at work suck and are exhausting and draining and so unbearably overwhelming and i feel terribly lonely and disconnected from everyone and small and scared and i don’t have energy to fix any of it or explain what’s going on or ask for help or get a therapist or whatever. and i keep pulling muscles in my neck. and i want to go to sleep!!!!!!

#purrs #also 3 years ago today i found out i was getting sent home from brighton because of covid. FUCK covid. i am so lucky i haven’t gotten covid #and i hope i never ever get it but this pandemic truly ruined my life in some ways. why am i 24 sobbing hysterically over studying for a #test 15 year olds pass with ease. why am i terrified to step out into the world and do whatever. because being locked down for a fucking #year and a half made me lose hope over and over again until i couldn’t bear to have hope anymore that’s why. and now i guess i can again but #there’s nothing there to work with and part of me doesn’t want to work with anything anyway. i just am stuck in survival mode. i don’t want #to just survive. but every day is like being blasted with a firehose and im exhausted and overstimulated all the time and nothing feels #fully real and i just don’t have the energy to try to change things so i surrender to it or something. idk. it’s not like im the only person #experiencing that and that should help. but it doesn’t. im so angry about what this fucking nightmare pandemic stole from me and how i will #never recover from it or if i do it wont be for decades probably. and i can do things to fix it all right now but instead i want to be angry #delete later #also i probably will never feel comfortable being around even 1 person without an n95 mask even if covid goes away. which it won’t. so lol

15 notes · View notes

owlfacenightkit · 2 years ago

Text

I should absolutely be asleep

#Owl Hoots #it is 1:15 A.M. and I am hot now #so sleeping is a no #:O #I COULD READ FANFICTION #edit: I SHOULD NOT BE READING RISE FANFICTION RIGHT AFTER HAVING WATCHED TWO EPISODES OF 2012 #ALL I CAN PICTURE IS THE 2012 VERSIONS OF THE CHARACTERS IN THE RISE LAIR/SETTINGS #another edit: I am never doing that again #I will stick to Rise or stick to 2012 #they do not mix

4 notes · View notes

sexynetra · 1 year ago

Text