#it would be soooooo sexy of her :)

[snakedemonstories]

She stops walking.

But he drags her along anyway.

"Give me patience." *rolls eyes*

The most iconic scene ever.

[came-out-of-the-coffin-desisted]

writing dragon age fanfiction is so so so so hard for me because every time i spot another historical inaccuracy that’s like “i don’t care that it’s fantasy they have the same level of technology this is WRONG” i have to have a moment of like. “kaed NO ONE ELSE will EVER care about this. you watch ‘ranking period dramas on corset accuracy both in construction and writing’ videos on youtube for entertainment normal people simply do not give a FUCK about medieval castle layouts!”

and yet this cycle continues, because the dragon age devs so so so so clearly DID research but they did BAD research and it HAUNTS me. like WHYYYYY is there only one courtyard that isn’t even really a courtyard in castle cousland WHY is the “main hall” huge with no furniture while the great hall “dining room” is tiny as fuck and in a horrible to access spot WHY are there no ovens in the kitchens where the FUCK do they bake the breaaaad!! like ok fine cool servants get beds in thedas i’ll bite. that fucks hard, actually! but WHY are there more servant rooms than rooms for visiting nobles do you honestly think anybody in the middle ages fucking had servant rooms???? they slept on the FLOOR in the GREAT HALL! and WHY is there a fucking library and a ‘treasury’ (which what the fuck is THAT there should be a DON-JON in there you locked your valuables in the TOWER at the TOP, not in ONE room centrally located on the first floor with TWO guards!!) like i KNOW it was for level design i KNOW it was but oh my fucking g-d it’s gonna KILL ME to write out creeping through corridors when there WERE NO CORRIDORS! like look at this. look at this.

castle cousland: stupid, awful design, honestly they kinda asked to be coup’ed with their garbage unsurvivable castle that supposedly nobody sieges regularly even though it’s literally a death trap. there is ONE main exit, no way to trap your enemies, and only one official guard post that i can see. fuck awful.

harlech castle in wales: it took 115 years for someone to successfully take this castle, and it’s withstood COUNTLESS sieges, you can go visit it right the hell now if you go to wales (not at all getting into the evilness of the english building castles in wales, that’s not the point i’m trying to make.) see how the outside makes it so that even if your enemies breach the walls, to actually reach anyone important they have to survive the volleys of arrows from the ramparts? and then presumably kill everyone ON the ramparts, or the minute you go to open a door or try to drag someone out, you’re going to get shot full of arrows. that’s after breaching TWO heavy doors (which would require a battering ram both times) which would wake up the entire castle LONG before they got anywhere NEAR the heir to the castle’s wife and child.

and before somebody says “oh well kaed maybe you just don’t know your castle building periods very well” think again. i know my castle building periods. that style above is concentric (harlech castle’s initial construction was finished in 1289 and was one of the first finished castles in england in this style,) which came after the keep and bailey style, which came after the motte-and-bailey style, which came after the burh (which arguably WASN’T a castle but whatever,) etc. there are no fortified castles in english history that look like castle cousland, because it’s fucking indefensible. now, this does lead to the question of “oh, well, what is the timeline for the game, maybe there’s something you missed!” so let’s examine the time period of origins:

at the very, very latest, origins could be based off of the BEGINNING of the british “wars of the roses” (the civil wars between the various members of the house plantagenet) which began in the 1450s— this is personally what /i/ think origins is based off of, for a couple reasons. 1) trevelyan was a real person— g.m. trevelyan was a british historian who wrote about the wars of the roses, and in one instance there’s a quote of his the devs almost verbatim used for the design of the free marches: “the Wars of the Roses were to a large extent a quarrel between Welsh Marcher Lords, who were also great English nobles, closely related to the English throne…” they ixnayed the part about the marcher lords being ferelden nobles, i imagine because it was too complicated, but trevelyan? marcher lords? a close relationship with this country? (i.e. like somewhere that might take in their refugees after a catastrophe?) cmon. 2) because ferelden is fucking huge and the histories are kinda weird, because they aren’t 1 for 1, i’m gonna say that we have to use the norman conquest of england as our unification date. in other contexts i wouldn’t try to argue this, but in this one, i’m saying 1066 is the unification date of the anglo-saxon kingdoms into england. calenhad gives us a hard unification date for ferelden— the first landsmeet was in 5:42 exalted, ergo origins is 388 years later. the wars of the roses started in 1455, 389 years after the norman conquest ended. 3) the wars of the roses happened because of a succession crisis— admittedly, these two succession crises are very, very different, but there are definitely parallels between loghain and henry vi and alistair and edward iv. henry vi was crowned at a young age (loghain largely ruled for maric at various points in his life, starting when he was very young,) and was very ineffectual— he suffered from an unknown mental illness which made him extremely unstable and unable to rule for large periods of time. loghain, on the other hand, ruled when the /theirins/ weren’t stable, so you argue he had the opposite— meanwhile, his policies WEREN’T sustainable, whatever you might think of him. loghain is too shaped by his own experiences to be a truly good leader, and by the time his rule/anora’s rule is threatened by cailan, he’s sacrificed enough of his principles that he’s willing to commit atrocities (notably, margaret of anjou ruled during the worst parts of her husband’s mental instability, which again could apply to loghain OR anora, as they ruled fairly jointly after a certain point.) edward iv was the son of richard of york, who was eligible for the throne at a very young age (18 to alistair’s 19) because his father was dead. he was coaxed and led into battle by his cousin, the earl of warwick (also known as the kingmaker— sound like a protagonist you might know?) that’s about where the similarities end, but that’s largely because alistair is a grey warden— if he weren’t, he’d probably be able to have kids and end the question of succession. but he can’t, which, assuming the devs eventually remember, WILL lead to another civil war. hence why i say this is at the BEGINNING of the wars of the roses.

another option that could be argued but makes much less sense and i have no evidence for is that alistair has similarities to edward ii (second son who only became king because his brother died, married a more powerful woman to consolidate power, not very good at ruling, no offense to alistair,) but that still puts origins at like 1307-1327. in either case, they would have been using concentric castles— and given what time period castle cousland was originally built in, it would have been built as a motte-and-bailey, which would NOT have lasted four hundred years. so the castle had to have been rebuilt, and bryce cousland would have had to update that rebuilt castle, because no one lived in it during the orlesian occupation. so where the hell does this winding, weird multi-level design come from?

i GUESS— and this is SO charitable— they could have designed castle cousland based off of a country house design from the mid 1500s, but none of them look like that, either. they’re exclusively rectangular, for one thing, and one of the huge bragging rights of owning one was that they weren’t fortified— they came into fashion during a period of relative stability under the tudor rule, when it was considered guache and maybe even treasonous to build a fortified castle. ferelden is NOWHERE NEAR a period of stability, if anything at the end of origins they’re entering their greatest period of INstability, given what happens in inquisition, and that no matter who ends up on the throne, there’s no way for them to have children. so there’s NO way this castle is a country house, or inspired by one.

leaving us with the final conclusion that a) the game devs definitely did do research into the time period because i can fairly directly trace a line between the event i think inspired origins and the plot, but they didn’t do enough research to figure out what the everloving fuck the BUILDINGS looked like. so these castles make no fucking sense and can’t possibly be called historically accurate even with the fantasy defense, and b) i care WAAAY too much about this for somebody who isn’t even a medieval historian. my area of expertise is the paleolithic, i have no clue why this bugs me so bad i spent four fucking hours writing this post.

[troublcmakcrs]

//mr & mrs tweak are my favorite sicko4sicko ship

[sexynetra]

PSA: if you aren’t a Marcia stan I don’t trust you fundamentally as a person :) like you don’t understand, that’s my babygirl for real

[leclercloml]

Shameless | PG8

Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x reader

Summary: where Pedri's girlfriend have 0 filter on and love saying freaky things on social media.

Genre: SMAU

Warnings: suggestive

Author's note; this is something...

Twitter

Instagram

Pedri

liked by yourinstagram, pablogavi and 7,784,628 others

pedri Noche muy feliz porque siempre es especial marcar, y más si son los primeros goles con @/sefutbol. Gracias Palma por tanto cariño. ❤️ Con más ganas que nunca de que la #Euro2024 empiece!! #VamosEspaña

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liked by yourinstagram

username they're my favourite couple.

pedri added to story 5m ago.

seen by yourinstagram, pablogavi and 2,638,799 others

View replies

yourinstagram babbyyyy<3 now come and fuck me.

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pablogavi simp.

alejandrobalde we get it bro

yourinstagram

liked by pedri, sophiaamelia and 856,739 others

yourinstagram summer te quiero mucho. 🍀

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pedri mi niña hermosa ❤️❤️ (my beautiful girl)

⤷yourinstagram mi hermoso chico ❤️ (my beautiful boy)

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username she's soooooo pretty

twitter

instagram

yourinstagram

liked by pedri, mikkykiemeny and 865,729 others

yourinstagram he can ruin my ability to walk.

view comments

pedri proudly.

⤷username okay king.

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username I love them sm

username REALEST WAG ever.

[eternalsa2z]

Self-Reflection

"Oh my god...I'm so pretty..."

"Oh my gawd...I'm soooo hawt..."

"OMG...I'm, like, soooooo sexy!!!"

Mistress let Joy toy with her hair, admiring her makeup, and bounce her bimbo boobies as she repeated the same thing over and over again in shock. A few more hours in front of the mirror and John should be both out of sight and out of mind. Joy would think she's just like what she sees: a mindless bimbo pet for Mistress to play with.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

How about Vox successfully installs a hidden camera in Charlie and Vaggies room for sexy blackmail. But is pissed all the footage he has is cute fluffy hugs and kiss. Nothing explicit at all.

i think if the V's tried this... they would regret it SO fast and probably be scarred for life in the process XD

Vox: "The lack of risk research in this new venture of ours... astounding."

Valentino: "Aw kitty, what better way to keep track of Lucifer's bimbo daughter Charles than by keeping a little camera tucked away in her bedroom?"

Vox: "Pointed at her bed? ONLY her bed?"

Velvette: "Imagine the BLACKMAIL. Hashtag cancel little miss Morningstar!"

Valentino: "Her and her spicy lady are soooooo pruuuudish and so WHOLESOME about that shit stain hotel of theirs- just think of what they'd do not to be the new stars of hell's porn scene?"

Vox: "I'm thinking, if they DON'T mind, their ratings will skyrocket."

Valentino: "....ah."

Velvette: "Oh come on flat screener, there's no way they'd ever be ok with-"

Vox: "And if they DO mind, Lucifer will take us all off the air so fast the cameras will still be rolling while our own heads start to."

Velvette: "FUCK."

Vox: "Am I the only one here actually forecasting audience reactions??"

Velvette: "I HATE BORN LUCKY GIRLS AND THEIR TOP DOG DEMON DADS!"

Valentino: "We can at least heckle their boring sex life privately, yeah?"

Vox: "If they even HAVE one."

Velvette: "Heads up. They're getting into bed now."

Valentino: “Oooooh and they’ve brought equipment~!”

The V’s: “………………”

Valentino: "..... is that. Paperwork?"

Velvette: "Oh hell no."

Vox: "Birds of a feather. If Alastor can be so chummy with them, then-"

Valentino: "They're doing- they’re- fucking doing PAPERWORK in bed!? Together!?? INSTEAD of each other? That’s IT?????"

Velvette: "This is sick. I'm gonna be sick."

Valentino: "AND THEY'RE ENJOYING IT???"

Velvette: "Hhrrrk-"

Vox: "Cut the feed. Destroy the camera. I can feel the static of their domestic fuzzy feel-good lives overtaking my entire network, program by program, station by station." (clutches tv head) "This would be less unsettling if they were a pair of MUPPETS... Fuck this." (deletes camera)

-five minutes later-

Charlie: “You know what Vaggie?”

Vaggie: “What, sweetie?”

Charlie: "I love how much easier doing the hotel budget is when we have each other to cross check it! Frees up a lot more time!"

Vaggie: "Me too babe. Though I kinda still think I love you more."

Charlie: (smiles softly) "Yeah..?"

Vaggie: (leans in) "...yeah."

Charlie: (grins) "Wanna fuck nasty about it?"

Vaggie: (grins back) "I’ll get the toybox."

-meanwhile-

Valentino: “WAIT! ….I feel a disturbance in the fuck! As if two people are having really kinky gay sex right now, and I’m missing out on exploiting it!”

Velvette: (still nauseous) “I’ll exploit my fist to your face if you don’t shut up.”

Vox: “Velvette.”

Velvette: “Oh you know don’t mean it, darling~ Much.”

Vox: “Fair enough.”

Velvette: “Paperwork, blegh. They were using, actual PHYSICAL bits of paper… I’m gonna have fucking nightmares.”

Valentino: “This IS my nightmare!”

Vox: “Welcome to hell, Val.”

[razbrry]

Grell with a vampire SO?

note 💋— grrrrrr!!!!! i love this prompt. D1 vamp lover over here. -> this is me trying to not go off the rails and make it a smut. my greatest apologies!

when you’re a vampire— ft. grell sutcliff

apart from this whole honor she has by the ripping grim reaper activities…

you’re her biggest flex!

way to keep the secrecy, grell. greatly appreciated.

she’ll be fawning over you.

grell would push her hair back to leave her neck bare for you to behold, purposefully tilting her head.

she’s soooooo obvious.

but so tempting!

you of course don’t want to hurt her, but that should honestly be the least of your concerns.

have you SEEN grell? she’s freaky.

“ou, and the sun today was so…! dazzling and sunny! oh, right, you’re more of a darkness connoisseur, aren’t you?”

oh, shut up grell. we haven’t seen you in daylight since the stone age.

(stone age=butler duties for angelina)

she teases you about your gargoyle-like tendencies as if she goes out every day out of pure productivity. YOU’RE NOT CUTE.

(that’s the fattest lie ever, shes the cutest.)

more on your nutrition,

both of your supernatural roles fit in surprisingly well!

she’ll lead you around discreetly while she’s over here absolutely ripping.

it *is* a regulation to not tamper with a corpse.

bit you’re not a grim reaper, are you?

free dinner!!!

grell feeds you well. <3

and the whole ‘being invited in’ phenomenon? she’s got you covered.

grell would try to coax the host/property owner to verbally let you in by the most over the top monologue.

“oh?! and you’re going to just let us waltz right in by ourselves like we’re some ordinary mortals?”

the host is all like ‘are you… not?’

one of you has fangs and drips of dark and broody… and the other has sharpened teeth bearing a chainsaw.

we are NOT the same.

so yes, entering royal estates is a royal pain with grell.

ciel is sick of you two.

you and grell are a match made in hell :3 she feels like she’s living a rom-com fantasy with you!

‘ooh, a VAMPIRE, how sexy☆!!’

oh, i can totally hear her say that.

[atopvisenyashill]

Worst things GOT did casting wise:

- making Dany too beautiful (+ styling her in a way that she never has a hair out of place, always wears BLUE - which makes her look peaceful and soft and angelic, not making her burn her hair off etc). I just think of that one official art piece that's in the illustrated AGOT book where dany is bald, with the dragons and sparks and frames around her and its so striking instead of the "beautiful angelic blonde women stand empowered with her tits out" scene we got

- casting Iain Glen as Jorah and not like. a random Lannister (like. Come on. He is a burly and ugly man... why are you casting one of the most beautiful men to play him.... this is how we ended up with dany/jorah shippers)

-making Joffrey too unattractive (this is not meant to disparage JG who is a great actor and seems like a really cool dude and i'm not saying he's ugly but I think from his very first scene Joffrey looks very punchable and it would have been so much smarter to make the audience .. relate to Sansa's infatuation with his golden looks. In my head (and in all the official art) Joffrey looks like a male version of cersei/a younger version of Jaime.)

- making Dany, Jon, Robb, Marg, Brienne etc 10+ years older than Sansa and the younger starklings .... It's not "the main characters and arya (who is so cool and can kill people) + the little children" it's ONE AGE group of equally important characters

Like I know people are upset at Ned/Jon etc being too attractive, WHICH I GET, but I feel like those were very vibe based casting decisions and i'm ultimately fine with that (I also think it's easier for the audience to root for someone if they're attractive so like. I guess they had to do it) but these other things resulated in people's perception of the characters being so wildly different from what they're supposed to be. The real reason people get so angry whenever someone says they wish tamzin had stayed is because they don't like the idea of daenerys not being this ethereal beauty (TM is beautiful but not in a conventional way) that they can fully root for without issue.

1. NO YOU ARE SOOOOOO RIGHT ABOUT THEM REFUSING TO LET DANY LOOK UGLY. it’s not to say tamzin isn’t clearly beautiful, but i think she’s beautiful in the same way gwendoline christie is, which is that she’s very striking and she has a strong presence but she’s not exactly what people picture when they say “typical hot lady” (which is Crazy these are all able bodied white women, like the definition of “beauty” is soooooo fuckijg narrow that tamzin merchant is ~atypically beautiful) vs emilia definitely is, and YES like everything from not burning her hair off to emilia being,,,,,fuller in figure than dany as a fourteen year old would be is just very clear that they saw dany different than the way she is On The Page. i mean i know people whack george for saying that she’s like a sexy funny lady or whatever but george never lets go of the fact that she’s incredibly young whereas d&d completely miss that part of her character.

i will say i Get the criticism of tamzin perhaps not picking up on the conlangs easily because one thing you can say for emilia is that she had a decent head for the conlangs, she’s even still partially fluent in dothraki lmaooo. but all the other stuff they said about why they recast dany it’s like. hmmmmmmmmmm.

2. absolutely right about iain especially because he’s similar to idk paddy in that he’s got CHARISMA but unlike viserys, they didn’t intent to portray him as a deeply flawed, antagonistic character they went in portraying him as like an objectively Good Guy dedicated to dany. he’s just so much less creepy and pushy in the show and has several scenes where he shows some moral backbone - that “yet here you stand” “yet here i stand” scene is sooooooo good for example, the fact that he actually apologizes for spying on dany, giving him the greyscale story & not having him fuck a valyrian looking woman in a brothel 💀, etc etc - and you also just lose some of the creepiness here because emilia is clearly a grown if young woman and ian is handsome, so it’s like. welll of Course you want to root for them to be together! and never mind that this is a Massive departure from their book characterizations!! again, they have this idea of jorah in their head that doesn’t match up with what’s on the page even a little.

3. i do get your point re: joffrey and i think this is my problem with aidan as littlefucker too - they’re too obviously villains and it makes ned and sansa look stupid. like, in the books we have that moment where robb almost decks joffrey which does seem to signal something bad but the crown prince being full of himself doesn’t mean he’s going to threaten his betrothed’s sister with a sword then get his ass handed to him by a toddler. in the show we get QUITE a number of scenes where joffrey is shown to be a brat AND as you say, just like aidan, jack has a Certain Look, he looks like a shitty jock who has allegations against him ajsjdj like irl when jack smiles he’s so adorable!! but in the show they REALLY play up his ability to channel a greasy aura ya know aksjd. when the point of asoiaf is often that villains don’t LOOK like villains, but some of our Main Villains clearly resemble typical villains in the show.

4. “it’s ONE age group of characters” NO YOU ARE SO RIGHT. like, there’s several years difference from robert to ned to cat to the twins to tyrion but they’re all the same generation of characters. there’s that exact same age difference from brienne to robb, dany, jon to sansa, arya, bran, with theon kind of similar to characters like jorah, who are old enough to remember The Before Times but aren’t quite in either generation. but because they wanted dany, brienne, jon, robb, and margaery to be more of a Typical archetype rather than an exploration of that archetype, they aged everyone up and essentially invented another generation between the “adult” characters and the “kid” characters. not to be super nerdy here but one of my favorite worked shoots in wrestling is one cody rhodes did where he was ranting about the way young wrestlers get put through the grinder and he has this amazing line where he sums it up as “old men talking, young men dying” and it’s not to say there aren’t a lot of old dudes Also dying lmao but you really see this where young leaders are often unprepared for their responsibilities and used as puppets by older men and you just MISS THAT when that whole generation is so grown!

it’s like they looked at those themes of war being terrible and all consuming and brutal no matter how justified you feel you are and went “wow war is brutal 😍” LIKE PLEASE????

[orkbutch]

laezel is soooooo. sexy. ugh :3c her earrings and her war paint and her leather harnesses. her lil updo. her smirk. oof. modern au laezel would be such a feral hot jock butch. almost as many scars as she has in the game and they're all from extremely competative mma and other violent sports. bullying people shes into in the locker room. obsessed with this vision now actually

[lacystar]

p5 Percy Jackson au

Joker: son of Zeus. stay with me

Akechi: son of Hades. it makes the most sense that joker and akechi are the only ones who are kids of the big three. of those options, this is just what makes the most sense. neither of them are posideon kids lol

Ann: daughter of Aphrodite. imagine atlus wrote her arc well. also sexy technique is literally charmspeak

Ryuji: Son of Hermes. I like him, the runner, being the son of a god of travel and athletes. also, as the Hermes cabin is the newbie cabin, it would make sense for him to be the first person joker (assuming we're following his POV similar to p5/percy) meets and befriends. also I think he'd just be very sweet helping new campers and helping them feel welcomed.

Yusuke: Son of Apollo or Dionysus. look. ik that he should be an Apollo kid. I know. but he gives the vibes of a Dionysus kid more. soooooo... whatever.

Makoto: Daughter of Athena. fucking obviously. no elaboration needed.

Futaba: Daughter of Hephaestus. technology, obviously, but also I feel like she'd resonate with the sort of. ugly unwanted recluse nature that Hephaestus is usually tied to.

Haru: Daughter of Demeter. she gardens. she's pretty. thats abt it.

Sumire: Would it be weird to say daughter of Nike? since so much of her character is about pursuing victory as/on behalf of her sister, I feel like it could present an interesting internal conflict. this one is still up for debate tho.

BONUSES:

Shiho: Hebe or nemesis? not sure yet

Hifumi: Also probably an Athena kid. this makes sense as makoto is her knock-off LMAO

Mishima: Mishima isn't real because I dont like him

Morgana: Maybe .... . . a satyr????? id ont fucking know

[bmbochangetales]

My wife was making fun of some woman. We were at a work party and my CEO’s latest arm candy was there. My wife and several others were at the table quietly laughing and making fun of her. Calling her a bimbo and making fun of the way she spoke. But the second I heard her mimic that voice, I wanted her to be a bimbo too.

I thought about it often the next few days. Hearing her talk in that voice. She would never go for that in bed. We had a plain boring nearly scheduled sex life. The boss’s new girlfriend stopped in the office one day and it just pushed me over the edge. I wished my wife was a bimbo like her.

As soon as I got home, I told the wife I needed to handle a few things. She mumbled some response as she continued cooking dinner, chatting away on the phone.

I pulled up a picture of my wife and the boss’s bimbo. I even found a video of her on her Instagram page. I imagined that silly high pitched voice coming from my wife. Adding in all the likes and cutting words short to her formerly pristine highly educated vocabulary. Big words becoming harder. She couldn’t remember the right sounds for her words. I began stroking my cock. It had been hard for so long. Up and down to that sound. I swear I could hear her down stairs on the phone.

“Oh my gawd, we had like this like big big party thingy for hubby’s work. And like soooooo many people were like there! It was like totes soooooooo fun”

She sounds so much better with that voice. Stroking harder. God I love bimbo voices. So dumb and silly. Women are just hotter when they talk like that. I imagine my wife talking like that forever. High bitch and breathy. No one will take her seriously, just like she and the others said at the party.

“Umm what do ya mean I like sound funny?” I heard her ask. I want her to talk like that more and more. She and all her friends should all talk like that. My cock gives a spurt of cum when she talks again.“Mmm I’m like totes sure I am like totes talkin normaler cuz like you talk same as me silly!”

I looked at the pictures. My wife was alright, maybe a bit plain. But my boss’s bimbo, she would stop traffic from space walking down the street. Especially her boobs. I wish my wife would have a big pair of tits like that.

“Uhm like ya! I totes luuuuuuvvvv having a big ol pair of double ds! My hubby soooo luvs them too!”

No, bigger. She would have a massive fake rack. All the wives and girlfriends would be whispering and mocking her just like she did at the party. No! They would all be bimbos too! But women on the street made fun of them all. They didn't understand it becvause they were too dumb to realize it.

“Yeah like H cup tiddies are so hawt and stuff! Everyone just stares at me cause I'm lik so cute and stuff”

She would wear sexy outfits like my boss's girlfriends. Bright and girly colors. Lots of pinks and neons. Her and her friends made fun of that, but it would be so hot to see them all like that dressing sexy for their men.

"So lik all my cloths are pink, and green and like orange and so pritty!!! omg gurl! we shuld go shopping! I need supa sexi stuff fir my man!"

I stroke erratically as i reached my climax. Cum was squirting everywhere. If only my wife was that type of bimbo. No wonder my boss was always so happy

I went down to dinner. And there on her knees was a much improved version of my wife. Even though I just came, I was hard again. Dinner was reheated hours later.

[katakosmos]

Sorry for periodically invading ur inbox and not shutting up but no voldemort au soooooo funny to me bc theyre equally evil but domesticated now. Evan midlife crisis is looking back on his years at hogwarts like “i used to psychologically torment my friends and fellow peers….so much potential wasted…”

Evan has a wife and kids but he pretty much ignores them in favor of periodically cheating with his favoritest specialest dearest boy <33 who now has a nepotism ministry position that is slowly sucking the life out of him (cannot decide if Barty would be married or not either way hes not happy)

nooo i love when you share these 😋😋

also, i have to admit cheaters rosekiller makes me feel things. they have the most heartbreaking, passionate, ruinous relationship, and no one knows about it. even better if they have a bit of an age gap.

like: evan is an unsatisfied-close-to-40 man who has a habit of sleeping with his barely twenty years old assistants because he believes the problem in his relationship with his wife is that he's no longer attracted to her because she isn't young and sexy anymore.

one day, exhausted, he leaves work. and, on the sidewalk on the other side of the street, he sees a young man leaning against the wall of a large building. and yes, that guy is 25 years old barty!!

he's smoking and when he notices evan staring at him, he smiles and exhales smoke. evan waves at him and nods and... yeah, that's pretty much how it starts.

evan spoils barty in every way, and daydreams about him constantly. and barty literally gasps and blushes every time he remembers that he has a boyfriend.

the fact that they have a family and a soon to be wife is just a detail 🙄

[thegreencanary]

You’re So Damn Perfect

Inspired by this request. I didn’t do the single for a long time thing but if you want that to be more a part of it let me know and I will write another one!

Paring: Billy Hargrove x Fem! Reader (plus size)

Style: Y/N and You. A little ooc Billy, I mean he’s still alive soooooo

Summary: You and Billy have been dating a while and you’re a bigger girl. Some people have something to say about it but Billy has a great response. Set 1989, 5 years after Billy graduated High School.

TW: SMUT. MINORS DNI. GO. SHOO. AWAY!!! Also some body shaming. It’s light smut.

A/N: My work! I don’t give anyone permission to use it for any media or other reasons. Please don’t claim it as your own.

“Okay but hear me out…”

“No.”

You laughed as Billy cut you off. The two of you were riding back from a date and you were trying to convince him to let you drive his car one day. He shut you down as he always did but the squeeze of your thigh let you know it was playful. The mid length dress you wore went over your knees but you could still feel the callouses on his strong hands. He parked his car outside of your job, a quick stop to pick up your paycheck, and the pair of you walked inside. It was a slow Tuesday night at the bar, but Sydney was working, and she sneered the moment you two walked in. You rolled your eyes but just went to the back to grab your shit.

Sydney was tan, beautiful and skinny; and she had a huge thing for Billy. It made your blood boil, but Billy assumed you knew that you were his type, not her. That didn’t stop you from getting pissed when you came out from the back and she was leaned over the bar trying to flirt with your boyfriend.

“Have you seen the new horror movie in theaters? Black Rainbow?”

Her hand reached out to touch his arm, but thankfully he moved away before she could. He saw you, and smiled; that calmed you down. Billy didn’t smile for a lot of people, but he did for you.

“Nope. Ready babe?”

You confidently walked to him and wrapped one of your arms around his waist while his strong arm went over your shoulder. He turned you away from her and lead you out the door but her last words still stung as he took you outside.

“Fat bitch.”

The ride was quieter than before, he talked and you gave little answers; but it was obvious the fun atmosphere was gone. You turned to him curiously when he passed the turn to get you to your apartment.

“Billy? Where are we—“

“Hush. Trust me.”

“Billy…I just want to go home…”

He sighed and pulled the car over, killing the engine. Unbuckling his seatbelt; he got out and you were even more confused. You watched him walk around to your side, so you unbuckled your seatbelt as well. He all but ripped the door off of the car and you tensed. Billy was bad but you didn’t know what you did. He grabbed your waist and turned you, so your legs were dangling outside the car; but your but was still on the seat. Billy got low, squatting before you.

“Billy?”

He gave you a look that locked your jaw closed. There was a darkness in his eyes; it was something you’d seen before…and you tried to cross your legs to hide the excitement that began to warm up in you.

His hands lifted up your dress, and Billy broke his eye contact with you when he pulled your legs apart. Kissing from your ankle up to your knee, then pausing.

“You’re so damn sexy.”

Before you could respond he kissed up your thigh, and you became harshly aware of where you were. If a care drove by they would see his face in your lap.

“Billy…Billy wait…”

He groaned, but held back, looking up at you. The red blush that covered your face made him smirk.

“Someone could see…”

His grip on your thighs tightened as Billy pulled himself up to be face to face with you. His lips stopped just before yours.

“Let them see. I want everyone to know how much I fucking want you.”

A soft whimper left your lips. The sentiment was nice but…it was still embarrassing. He could see the hesitation, and Billy may have been an ass to everyone but not to you. He groaned, and rested his head on your shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he kissed your neck before standing, placing your legs back in his car; but your dress was still hiked up to your underwear.

The California boy shut your door and went back to his side. He sat, started up the car and when you went to put your dress down; his free hand stopped you. It rested high on your thigh, gripping it tightly. He slowly began to caress your thigh, going up and down your leg. Your hips shifted and he let out a deep chuckle.

“What do you expect Y/N? I can’t keep my hands off of you. You’re so fucking beautiful, I want you all the time.”

Damn it. Billy always knew how to make you blush. His hand moved further up until it rested right before your core. The angle was a little uncomfortable so he flicked his pinky under the fabric.

“Scoot down for me baby. I’m going to make you feel good.”

A soft gasp escaped your lips but your body obeyed. Hips moving forward, you slinked forward and leaned the chair back. It didn’t feel���sensual but doing anything for Billy had a sexual air to it.

“That’s my girl.”

His eyes were still firm on the road but Billy’s jaw was tense and he was white knuckling the wheel with his other hand. Slowly, his free hand slipped into your underwear and he let out a breathy laugh.

“Already wet. Have I told you how fucking sexy you are?”

Before you could answer his fingers began to move up and down teasing you. You bit down on your lip and screwed your eyes shut. Billy noticed how quiet your were being and he used two fingers to start rubbing circles on your clit.

“I want to hear you.”

You let go of your lip and soft, restrained moans left you. The road became more empty as he just drove and you had no idea where he was going. That didn’t matter as he sped up his circular motion. The lewd sounds filling the air, mixing with the soft sound of the radio.

“Billy…”

He gripped the wheel tighter.

“Hold on baby. We’re almost there.”

He kept his pace while pressing on the gas pedal abbot more. It was just cornfields at this point, and the sun was almost fully set. Suddenly he pulled off into a clearing. It would have shocked you but his fingers went from your clit to entering you as he turned; and your gasp was from the pleasure. Billy didn’t even kill the engine, he just threw it in park and immediately turned his full attention on you.

“Holy Fuck. You’re so god damn gorgeous.”

He leaned over and captured your mouth in a kiss. There was no doubt his positioning was uncomfortable for him but he didn’t care. His fingers sped up inside you and your climax was close.

He pulled his lips away and looked into your eyes as it was closer and closer to you finishing.

“You’re mine. All mine. I just want you, no one else gets to see you like this. Cum for me baby. Just for me.”

Your head went back as you arched into his fingers; cumming. He smirked as you unraveled before him. Slowly, he removed his fingers; but he brought them up to his lips. Tasting you he chuckled, you could hear it but you still had your eyes closed. There was some shuffling and then a *click*.

Slowly you opened your eyes to see him taking a Polaroid picture.

“Billy?”

He kissed your forehead as you came to a little bit.

“I want to remember this, how beautiful you are. Is that okay?”

You knew if you told him to burn it; he would. But you kinda liked the idea of him having some risqué photos of you. Nodding, you sat up fully.

“We should take some more…”

Billy smirked and finally killed the car engine. You were in the middle of nowhere and he was going to prove to you how he felt. He cared about how you looked, because he loved how you looked.

“I love you Y/N. I want to take pictures of you exposed. You’re so sexy baby. I won’t ever let you forget it.”

He got out of the car and went around to your side again. It was going to be a long night.

————-

The end!

A/N: this is my first smut like piece. Be kind! As usual constructive criticism is appreciated!! I hope y’all liked it!

[mermaidsirennikita]

Do you have any queer historical romance recs? Are there any upcoming 2024 queer historical romances that you’re excited for?

Absolutely, I have recs! As for 2024 books, I'm currently most looking forward to You Should Be So Lucky by Cat Sebastian, which is an m/m romance set, I believe in the 50s, set around the world of baseball.

I also just read A Sweet Sting of Salt by Rose Sutherland (out 4/9) which I SUPER recommend if you want a f/f romance set in the 1800s, with a touch of fantasy. It's about a prickly midwife who finds this mysterious woman in the middle of the night, literally about to give birth. She helps her, and her husband turns out to be a local fisherman. But... something isn't right... both with the husband, and with his wife's origins. And when the husband realizes the women are falling in love, he only becomes more possessive. I promise it's romantic and has an HEA and doesn't feature overwhelming sadness (there is domestic and sexual violence alluded to, but it's brief and off the page).

As for historicals otherwise...

M/M

We Could be So Good by Cat Sebastian--set in the same general era and space as the 2024 release, I think, about a pair of reporters slowly and sweetly falling in love, especially after they become roommates (and they were ROOMMATES).

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by KJ Charles--about a guy who moves to the marshland after he becomes a baronet, and has to take care of his estranged father's family left behind. He finds out there is a crime family of smugglers controlling the area, and he rats on them after seeing something sus... But when he goes to testify, who's there to stop him but the guy who he used to anonymously hook up with! JOSS DOOMSDAY. Joss Doomsday is amazing I love him. Super sexy, funny, and definitely focused on a side of England you like, never see in historicals.

The Nobleman's Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel by KJ--the standalone followup to the last book. In this case, another title is inherited, and this time the lord's this gruff former soldier. His cousins or something contest his inheritance, and he hires this young, charismatic secretary (especially important because our lord has a hard time reading, which I felt was done in a really touching way). Anyway, the sexual tension boils over and they start hooking up on the low, but there's a SECRET. (Also, the lord is very like "I'M ABUSING MY BOSSLY POWER" while the secretary is like "I mean... abuse it some more.....")

Band Sinister by KJ Charles--kind of a queer sendup of gothics, this is about a young guy whose sister is like, always spying on their scandalous neighbors who hold orgies and shit for the sake of writing her novels. Then she breaks her leg and ends up laid up in the orgy house, and he rushes over like NO ORGIES FOR HER, but he realizes the group of friends is actually super cool, especially the verrrry siiiiiilky smoooooth one who's just soooooo suave. So good, and especially interesting in that, while I would definitely not call this a poly romance, it does explore the complexities of open relationships and polyamory.

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian--Kit is a retired highwayman running a cafe, and suddenly this vERRRY pretty nobleman comes in flashing his very nice ankles and asking Kit to steal this mysterious book from his dad. Kit refuses, but agrees to teach Percy how to steal. Both are great, but omg PERCY is AMAZING. He's kind introduced as somewhat like... conventionally more on the femme side, but he's like a secret swordmaster, and also takes the lead with Kit sexually a lot. One of my favorite moments in this book is when he's blowing Kit and Kit thinks he's gone too deep and is like "SORRY" and Percy rolls his eyes and makes Kit grab his hair and start facefucking him lmao. Also has nice demi rep in Kit.

Something Fabulous by Alexis Hall--A frosty duke proposes to a woman he was always supposed to marry, and she subsequently goes on the run. He then has to pair up with her dramatic, fanciful twin brother. It's a really funny romcom, with a ridiculous duel that had me wheezing. Plus a semi-cultlike group of lesbians? Also, enthusiastic ass eating.

F/F

An Island Princess Starts a Scandal by Adriana Herrera--A cold vamp widow wants this business deal with a fun and flirty heiress, and the heiress agrees to make the deal... If the vamp agrees to show her LESBIAN PARIS. Hot, and both of the leads are Latina.

Mortal Follies by Alexis Hall--Adding this even though it definitely has a good dose of fantasy, because it's like... Jane Austen meets a Midsummer Night's Dream, with an emphasis on the fairies. This young deb ends up hexed so her dress is unraveling at a ball, and as she hurries into the pushes, she meets the mysterious Lady Duke, who's rumored to have murdered her brother and father. They begin this push and pull of seduction. It's both funny and kind of dramatic.

Trans/Nonbinary

Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall--the standalone followup to Something Fabulous. The runaway fiancee's ex, the genderfluid Peggy, is roped by said ex into attending an opera. The ex wants to seduce Orfeo, this gorgeous castrato soprano, and when they open their mouth to sing Peggy, who's very gruff and in control typically, faints. Orfeo is naturally like "WHO'S THAT" and begins pursuing Peggy rather than the ex. One of my favorite books, so funny (at one point they accidentally incite a gay orgy) with a hint of melancholy and great sex. Also, it has one of the most unique sex scenes I've ever read.

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian--a bisexual marquess makes a new friend in this young dandy in town. They kiss, and he thinks his friend is going to blackmail him... But the friend, Robin, turns out to be chamber maid in disguise! Except they're actually not a man or a woman, and don't want to live as a woman. It becomes as an FWB thing, but naturally our romantic hero falls in love and things become Fraught. Has one of my favorite "resentfully horny" moments, when Alistair is watching Robin from across the ballroom, and they pull a glove off with their teeth, and he's like "THAT IS IMPROPER" and wants to fuck them so bad.

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall--Viola faked her death at Waterloo in order to live as her true self. Years later, she's pulled into helping her old best friend, the Duke of Gracewood, who's suffering from a chronic injury and severe depression following the battle. At first he doesn't recognize her... at first. Has an absolutely INCREDIBLE moment of recognition, and I really like that it's this romping old school type romance with a trans heroine.

Most Ardently by Gabe Cole Novoa--this one is actually a YA Pride and Prejudice retelling, highly recommend if you're open to it. In this case, the Lizzie character is actually Oliver, a trans boy, and he and Darcy fall in love--molly houses are included in this, which I really like. It's not super about historical accuracy, which I personally dgaf about, and it's very sweet and funny and warm. Also, the author is a trans man.

Queer Polyamory

Scandalous Passions by Nicola Davidson--FFM. A king's former mistress is sent away because the queen hates her, and is also asked to care for the king's ward. She and the ward begin to give in to their attraction, and at the same time their escort is this much-feared knight (who's really quite subby) who's been in love with the older heroine for years. And then he begins falling for the ward as well.... Super sexy medieval, with Dom/sub overtones.

Their Marchioness by Jess Michaels--A playwright is asked to a marquess and marchioness's home... Turns out he and the marchioness were in love before she was forced to marry the marquess. Fortunately, she and her husband are now very much in love, and he's basically gifting her a tryst with her old love for her birthday. Then he joins in... and it begins being more than sex. Has some bi awakening stuff.

M/F with Bi leads

The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes by Cat Sebastian--a standalone followup to Kit Webb. Percy's stepmother Marian is having a correspondence with a blackmailer, who unbeknownst to her is her odious husband's secret son. He ends up falling in love with her as they go back and forth with letters, so when she ends up in trouble and on the run, he comes to "save" her, only to find that Marian ain't that girl. Both leads are bi, and the sex is really cool and interesting because Marian doesn't like penetration due to trauma surrounding her pregnancy and labor. So she penetrates him (among other things) instead.

Hugo and The Maiden by S.M. LaViolette--a successful sex worker ends up being transported and washing ashore after a shipwreck. He's very snarky, but finds himself up against the vicar's uptight and uncompromising daughter--but he still has enemies lurking. Hugo is openly (for the day) bi and services both men and women. I really liked that even as he fell in love, his bisexuality wasn't like this background thing--he sees a guy he likes at one point and is basically like "if I wasn't taken......."

Any Duke in a Storm by Amalie Howard--a spy (who's also kind of a lady pirate) ends up being attracted to her super rakish and slutty first mate. She's bisexual, and one of the women on her ship is her former hookup (still her friend), which I like.

Melissa and The Vicar by S.M. LaViolette--a madame goes to a small village to recuperate and de-stress, and ends up falling in love with a virginal vicar she's so sure she can't have. Melissa is bisexual, and I thiiink a woman she used to be involved with is on the page? Her hero, Magnus, kind of has a "oh shit am I bi?" moment when Melissa tries to fake him out by pretending she's hooking up with Hugo. To be fair, everyone wants to fuck Hugo.

In Which Margo Halifax Earns Her Shocking Reputation--a scandalous woman begins chasing her sister (who ran off with a Bad Man) along with her brother's best friend, who's secretly in love with her. Margo is bi, and her relationships with women are one reason why she's considered scandalous~.

[p-redux]

Weekly Summary October 20, 2023

Hi peeps, lots of stuff happened this week, so I'm going to do my weekly summary instead of individual posts or answering individual Asks. This is a LONG one, so grab a drink, and dive right in for: Ringgate, Sam and the City, and Sam and open letter and follow up statement. Also, starting tomorrow, I'll be off for the weekend, my man surprised me with a trip away to the beach before the weather starts to cool down.

Anyhooo, let's start off with something light. #ringgate. For different reasons some fans get verklempt when Sam wears jewelry, and panties definitely get twisted or wet, depending on who you are, when Sam dons RINGS. Sam wore the 2 rings he's been wearing lately during his appearance on Jimmy Fallon a few days ago. Sidenote: Samshine is EXTRA Samshiny is in this pic. Say what you want about him, but the man is BEAUTIFUL 👇

So, of course, Extreme Shippers are convinced Sam is "finally" wearing his wedding rings because he's married to Cait. Um, one small problem, Caitriona Mary Balfe is already married to Tony McGill. Some Non-Shippers get excited to see him wear rings because maybe it makes them think of when Sam WILL get married. There is something about a man wearing rings. I find it sexy as well. But, alas, these rings are on the right hand and Scottish people wear wedding rings on the left hand. Also, Sam's definitely NOT married to anyone since we've seen him linked to several women lately.

For the people who had doubts the copper looking ring is an Oura ring, it definitely is. Here is what the two rings most likely are. The silver one I'm told by some of the Team is 👇

And here is the Oura ring he's wearing, most likely in Rose Gold. It's basically a ring with a computer in it to keep track of physical stuff, the way a fitbit or Apple watch does. Seems EXACTLY like something Sam would wear 👇 So, let's put #ringgate to rest now, please.

On to WHERE in New York had Sam been hiding. Everyone thought he had left and that his recent appearance on Jimmy Fallon had been taped earlier, until we saw THIS fan pic with him. 👇

My New York sources said he had not been seen at his usual hotel The Crosby. I'm putting out the name now just because EVERYONE knows that's where he stays in New York. He used to stay at The Bowery Hotel, but the last few years it's been The Crosby. None of the usual pic and autograph hounds got pics with him, so we assumed he wasn't staying there. All those hounds have contacts at the different hotels and restaurants frequented by celebs, so they would have been alerted to Sam staying there. Soooooo, if he wasn't at The Crosby, BUT he was in New York, THEN the possibilities are. He's aware too many fans know he stays at The Crosby, so he's switched hotels. Or he decided to rent an Airbnb instead. Or he stayed with friends. Or he does have a lady friend in New York, like some think, and he stayed with her. Who knows...but I'm sure we will find out...

Onto more serious matters. I'll preface this by saying I have made it a policy on my blog to NOT talk about anything political and to also not talk about any world events happening, which are upsetting. This blog is my escape from real life. So, I want to continue on that path. But I'm making an exception this time because based on the DMs an Anon Asks I'm getting there is some confusion as to why Sam posted this message on his social media. I just want to give people some clarity on it. And them move on. So, Sam posted this. 👇

It was in response to Sam and other mostly UK celebrities signing an open letter asking Israel to cease fire on Gaza, and explicitly claiming Pro-Palestine sentiments. If you click below, you will find an article on it and then keep scrolling down and you can read the actual letter. That's the letter Sam signed. A few days later, he clarified his feelings and regretted signing it because it doesn't represent fully what he meant. 👇

Here's the thing the history of Israel/Palestine is LONG and COMPLICATED. And most people haven't done enough research to know it fully. Most people go by sound bytes they see as they scroll social media. Or they give in to confirmation bias based on their political party, nationality, ethnicity, religion, affiliations etc.

I'm not going to get into the specifics because all of the information is easily accessible if anyone TAKES THE TIME TO RESEARCH AND READ THE HISTORY, both of Israel and Palestine...with an OPEN MIND.

The reason Sam got himself in trouble with signing the open letter and then the subsequent damage control message is that he didn't take the time to do his research. In extremely simplistic terms: Most of the UK, and in fact, most of Europe has traditionally been Pro-Palestine (except for European Jews, of course). The U.S. has traditionally been Pro-Israel and are allies. Up until recently that is. Due to the divisiveness in the US since the Trump era, Conservatives (Republicans) in the country became even more Pro-Israel, which then meant Liberals (Democrats) had to be the opposite. The rhetoric that Israel was the oppressor and Palestine was the oppressed grew louder. You had to pick one or the other. You couldn't take a step back and look at the history of the Jews being oppressed pretty much since Moses kept trying to get back to The Promised Land aka modern day Israel and Palestine. Or the Palestinians also being oppressed and their lands shrinking year by year.

The Jews have always been fucked over throughout history. And the Palestinians have always been fucked over, but especially since 1948 when modern day Israel was created. So, then, TERROR GROUP, Hamas decides, we're gonna fuck you over, Israel, REALLY BADLY, and engaged in some of the worst atrocities in recent times. No matter what anyone's beliefs are, when you saw what Hamas did (I'm not going to write the details because it's a horror show we all already know about) EVERYONE in the world should have said "Not today, Satan, not today," and DENOUNCED their savagery.

Hamas is NOT the Palestinian people, Hamas' ONLY goal is to terrorize and destroy. First the Jews, then their allies. Look up in the sky if you're in the US, one day a missile will be coming your way if they aren't stopped. After Hamas committed their savagery, Israel, understandably attacked back. They defended themselves from TERRORISTS trying to literally annihilate them. That was NOT the time to chant Free Palestine or write Free Palestine open letters. Just like after the murder of George Floyd, the Black Lives Matter movement came to the forefront in the US, but you had people countering "All Lives Matter!" Yes, all lives matter, but RIGHT NOW we're focusing on Black Lives, ya dopes. Breast Cancer awareness month. But what about Lung Cancer, Colon Cancer, they're important too?! Yes, but JFC, FOCUS people. Should Palestine be free from Israeli occupation, should they have more land? OF COURSE. But when the world SAW what Hamas did to HUMAN BEINGS, regardless of nationality or religion, the ONLY thing that should have been chanted is "DESTROY HAMAS." Hamas fucked things up for Palestinians, not just Israelis. And because of Hamas' actions, now Palestine is getting destroyed by Israel. And then Hamas will counter attack. And it will go on and on. There should be NO sides. There should only be ONE side, the HUMAN side.

So, when celebs seemingly "pick" a side, especially without considering the repercussions, they will get pushback. I love Sam and he's a good man, but he missed the mark on this one. Not through malice, but rather, naivete and ignorance. By cosigning that letter he didn't realize he wasn't simply signing a Pro-Palestine letter, he was simultaneously signing an Anti-Israel letter, Anti-Jews letter. And the reality is he alienated his Jewish fans, his more US conservative fans, his more centrist fans, assorted other fans...and I'm just going to state facts...he forgot WHO runs Hollywood, has always run Hollywood, and will always run Hollywood, including people who run Starz, as well as WHO are some of his agents, and publicists, hence the "better late than never" damage control quasi apology.

If you're wondering about MY stance: I feel badly for the Palestinian people and I feel badly for the Israeli people. There, that wasn't so hard to say, right? You CAN be Pro-Palestine AND Pro-Israel aka Pro-Humans. In the end, ALL HUMANS want the SAME basic things: food, clean water, shelter, safety and peace for their loved ones. To pick sides is to say that one set of people is more important than the other. And that can't be true. It isn't true. I pick the Human Side. Simple as that.

*big long sigh* Okay, peeps, you can leave comments, but I'm not going to answer them because I'm TIRED now. Also any hate comments, antiSemitic or antiPalestineMuslim comments and they will be deleted, and you will be blocked.

I'll check in later today. And then I'll be off until Sunday evening. Of course, still feel free to DM me and send Asks. I'll answer when I can.

Peace, people, PEACE.