#it’s the same with the ascended astarion ending
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Non-Durge Strike would've been a far worse person than he is as Durge, fun fact
Non-Bhaalspawn Strike is a child of a drow and a cambien who was found by his adoptive mothers back in their pirate days, before they settled down. He's a magical prodigy that grows up in a loving home that actively encourages him in pursuing the study of magic. He's an extremely talented sorcerer and he knows it, and without Bhaal who would keep his ego in check by being an abusive father, Strike becomes just kind of the worst?
No Bhaal means that doing good (non-murder) things isn't taboo or a novelty anymore, so they're boring now. He has no god to serve so there is noone he would feel inferior to, which means that all his ambition now goes unchecked and he ends up wanting to be a god himself. He's a sociopath in any au, here that just means less murder and more selfishness. He's still charming and manipulative but now lacks the background of a sheltered, abused child, so boy does it get worse.
In game time: There is no memory loss and no physical trauma, meaning that Strike doesn't have to rely on his companions for survival and support for his crippling mental health; he's sane, perfectly self aware and in perfect control of himself. Because of that he just manipulates mansplains manwhores his way to be in charge of the team and never establishes a strong bond with anyone there. Him and Gale know eachother from when they were studying in Waterdeep and Strike always looked down on Gale for needing to rely on Mystra for his spells. He would very much encourage Gale to explode himself and in the end succeed.
He gets Astarion to ascend. Why? Cause he wants to see how the ritual works, nothing else. Demonic magic would be really interesting to him. He'd then break up with Astarion and laugh in his face at the idea of becoming bonded to him for life - they leave off on bitter terms. They do save Aylin but only because Strike wants to see a demigod in action; later he helps her kill Lorroakan but also steals the wand that could seal Aylin forever, just in case if he ever needs a convenient immortality on hand.
When he meets Gortash they vibe so hard with eachother that Karlach punches Strike in the face for being such an awful dick about it, but he manipulates his way out of the situation. He does like Gortash but at the same time pities him because he thinks it's pathetic to serve a god like that.
In the end, he gets the crown of Karsus for himself and manages to override it back into its true purpose, and the gang would have to fight him to try and stop him. Upon their failure, he'd become the next Karsus.
So yeah, all in all? Bhaal surprisingly helps him be a way better person lmao
#sorry anon tumblr ate your ask#but thank you for it!! made me think a lot lmao#bg3#oc strike#answered asks#kawa rambles#tav
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The lack of media literacy in the baldurs gate fandom is astounding. There's a good ending for Astarion and a bad ending for him and people keep picking the bad ending for him and being shocked when he's mean to them LMAO.
#dnd lore is very specific about vampires too they don't have souls but spawn do#bg3#bg3 spoilers#not to mention i think the writers of the game confirmed that ascension is a bad end#neil said he has an a and a b end which is basically the same thing#as for the soul thing the reason true vampires are so evil is bc of their lack of souls#and bc when a player character gets bitten and becomes a spawn they still have their soul and cognition and alignment#ascended Astarion#Astarion x reader
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"If Ascended Astarion gets everything he wants and Tav is happy with him, then there are no consequences and he learns nothing!"
#the absolute ignorance I saw posted today on tumblr dot com#sorry I am trying to shut up about the discourse but I see things randomly when Im just looking for Astarion gifs 🥲#astarion discourse#ascended astarion#lol imagine thinking everyone is a hivemind who must follow the same interpretation of open ended art#otherwise it's Wrongthink and you are Bad Person#let people indulge in something harmless and positive for them that brings them joy dang it!!
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Cool so no ending where we get to fix her engine huh
#before people start with 'not every character has a happy ending'#i will just say this: if lae shadowheart astarion and wyll all have the option of being free from their situations#then karlach should have been given the same option#it didnt need to be 'this problem is totally solved' ending they could've put a clause in like they did with astarion when he doesnt ascend#or Shadowheart with her wound#could've done something like Karlach has the option to stay but she's gotta deal with sudden bursts or has to find a way to keep cooling off#or SOMETHING that's just better than it is#sigh i love this game but karlach's deal puts a whole damper on the game for me#having her go back to Avernus when she tells you she'd rather die than go back is just......#bg3 spoilers#baldurs gate 3
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Oh, Patch 6 gave me another present in sort-of acknowledging the elephant in the room with breaking up with Ascended Astarion as his spawn.
Astarion: "Oh my dear, you didn't leave me - I let you go. If I'd wanted you to stay I only had to say the word and you would have been back by my side. But I'm not some controlling monster. "I wanted to give you space to see what else is out there, make your own mistakes, and return to me ready to fully appreciate our life together. Anyway, I have had more than enough to keep me busy..."
So "I'm waiting for you to come crawling back, and I can take you back any time I want" it is then.
The dialogue tree is impossible to get, and Karlach exclusive regarding her going to the hells without him, but it counts for something: The situation that bugged me has been sufficiently acknowledged, and I am at peace and free from the itching of the unacknowledged (potential) consequences.
#Jokes on him if I get this ending I'm either going with Bhaal or Bane#And Bane is exactly the same as this shit but more impressive#edgelord hours#babbling#/astarion#/ascended astarion
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currently losing my mind over astarion he means so much to me for a character that literally has never had a friend or known kindness and been horrifically tortured and traumatized for as long as he can remember, all you have to do is show him the barest amount of respect and kindness and he immediately starts showing it back. so often characters like that don't have a choice to not end up f*cked over, bitter and miserable if not outright evil but there's a version of his story where you see him blossom with hope and kindness and love. its amazing that they let you have a hand in a story where you can choose to be a part of such hope and healing. bruh.
#ppl who like ascended astarion can do their thing#but for me why would u take somebody like that so fragile so scared so defensive and be able to give them hope and a happy ending and then#just not give it to them#bg3#astarion#idk#im emo he really shot up to my top 5 favorite characters ever in a matter of a few days the writing is so powerful#and then he's fucking silly and weird at the same time. perfect
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the breakup dialogue in astarion’s final romance scene is so funny why the fuck does he get so mad 😭😭 you asked if i still wanted this!!
like he’s so sweet about it when you break up with him during gameplay but now he’s yelling and super offended?? also “after everything I’ve done for you” baby i love you…. what the fuck have you ever done for me
#my money’s on the breakup dialogue being the same for both ascended and not-ascended astarion and that’s why he flips out#+ ‘after all I’ve done for you’ is probably referencing turning you#im sorry it’s just so funny the way he freaks out. after literally never doing that once#god this fucking ending#bg3 spoilers#bg3#bg3 astarion#astarion x tav#tooth talks
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I am....so so tired. Astarion isn't real. People enjoy the ascended astarion ending for a plethora of reasons I'm sure.
He isnt real. He did not suffer real abuse. I'm sorry you cannot separate narrative from reality but people are not bad for the fiction they enjoy. You cannot make morality or character judgements about real people based solely on the fiction they enjoy and engage with. You are the asshole in that situation.
#its great if you enjoy the ending where astarion either chooses to not ascend l#im glad you are enjoy the fiction that you like!#pls grant me the same courtesy
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“I could fix him”
Well I could make him worse cause actually, hes got a point
#astarion#baldurs gate 3#look all im saying is that he deserves it#yes im going to help him become vampire ascendant#no i dont care if thats considered his ‘bad’ end#just the same as shadowheart is a dark justiciar#death flows like water in our wake#blood spills with the ease of a pitcher#my soul is far past damned whats a few more steps#i dont care if this makes me evil#its worth it to see him happy#no spoilers please
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I swear, I see the weirdest fucking takes.
Like, it's not the first time I stumbled across it, but that's the first time I saw someone say that the Spawn Astarion ending is the bad ending because you're gaslighting him to make the choice you want him to make.
I'm just like ?
Like, first off, it's a video game, so there are other times where you tell the companions what you think they should do, sometimes persuading them. It's the same in other games like this. It can be for the good or bad or the character. But then also, there's literally the insight check? That he's scared, and in the moment, he can only see the power that can give him freedom, which wouldn't since it's just a continuation of a cycle. Cazador's old master's skull is down there and if you make all the checks, you can see that Cazador was treated the same way and became like his master to his spawn. It's a cycle of abuse, like, Astarion's dialogue afterward is very clear on that.
But yeah, I've seen some people try saying how the Spawn ending is the bad one, but that was a first.
#also in the same comments saw someone use Strahd as an example of how vampires still love#though also another person agreeing with original saying Strahd is just an exemption#and while I do think that love isn't an entirely positive thing#like they were using obsessive love as if that's a good thing#like even if love that's just obsessive and positive is love that doesn't make it good?#and like if that's what you want for your character that's fine#like that one person saying some people want to be degraded#but also why deny that it's bad#also same comment section calling Spawn Astarion also evil and his original backstory that didn't make it into the game#like no there is no alignment system in BG3#and also he literally likes options that are good at times like feeding an orphan or freeing the spawn#also someone says that he's an asshole to everyone but himself?#I'm like ?#anyway I'm just once again floored by how far some Ascended fans go to try to say that the Spawn ending is somehow a bad ending for him#and basically calling Spawn fans idiots that don't know his character#also like to add I don't think love and caring are the same thing#I've never loved someone but I've cared for people#and from what I've seen and heard love like what they're saying isn't caring even if it is a form of love#so like trying to equate the two like doesn't work#des says stuff#astarion
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I do have slight beef with the god Gale design.. just slight beef. I actually really like the chrome skin thing I know people clown on it. My only problem with it is that he still has regular skin texture so it just looks kind of weird? Like they should have smoothed his ass out. Controversial but I think they should have gotten rid of his beard too, or at least made it a different color than his skin because it like exactly matches the color of his skin which changes his whole face shape. Maybe they should have made both his hair and beard black? But honestly I think they should have just lasered his face and completely smoothed him to make him look weird and inhuman, since the whole tragedy of God Gale is that he was soooo human before and now hes not. I like his stupid outfit though. And I like that his balls are out under it as well.
#that one scene where you try to kiss him at the epilogue party but the electricity shocks tavs mouth and they have to pull away :((#i love godgale ending sooo much actually because i think its the most nuanced of the good/'evil' options..#when hes not romanced yes he is annoying and he is also annoying while romanced how ever its still so clear that he luvs tav#and he is so sad when you choose not to ascend as well#but at the same time he is unwilling to give up his godhood for you#like they could have made him comically evil like astarion. but they didnt. hurgghhgh
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I find it funny sometimes when people suggest lamenting on your consort Tav being depressed and mopey over what and who they could have been if only they hadn't done that darned ritual *shakes fist*
But like... Efenity was... broke. Penniless. Homeless. Living on the streets in an abandoned house just outside the city that she shared with another criminal. She'd break into someone's house just to use the bathtub every other day. Agreeing to situationships with shady men who really only liked her for the dommy mommy vibes. Convincing herself that opening up and getting "official" with anyone was a mistake. That only leads to more grief, more pain, more loss.
Pre-game events, Efenity was working on a plan for stealing/skimming millions in gold over time from a charity organization run by a rich family. While she had high hopes to reach her goal of living in a mansion and living lavish (and alone) with her own criminal ring to support her... in reality she would have just gotten caught and arrested. Probably would just stew in her rage, angering the wrong people and winding up dead.. or defeated so much that she wishes she was.
Getting kidnapped and having a worm shoved in her eye was the single greatest thing that could have ever happened to her and there isn't a single thing in her journey that she regrets--except manipulating Shadowheart. But that's literally it.
If she's lamenting while sitting on a chaise with hand done embroidered demask designs and gold filigree backing, wearing her fluffy feathery robe while her Lord lays his head on her lap and she strokes his hair and ears about what "could have been" it ain't gonna be about something better.
While I totally understand the angst angle and would actually be comfortable checking out other people's versions of it, if I didn't associate it with such horrible negativity and discourse there's such a great power fantasy and positive dark romance here that gets ignored and poopooed by so many, without even the slightest consideration that maybe... just maybe... it's actually pretty darn valid and cathartic too, once you take off your Bias Goggles.
I wish more people were once again willing to let themselves explore their creativity in fiction enough to not care about the opinions of others not in your head, not developing your Tav, and not writing your story. YOUR Tav has their own unique story and it's ENTIRELY in your hands.
#efenity#ascended astarion#lord astarion#astarion#astarion ancunin#and to be as entirely clear as possible I am NOT saying “I wish more people explored abuse relationship dynamics in fantasy”#I'm saying I wish more people explored fantasy scenarios without measuring it up to real life and how it “should” or “has” to be irl#BG3's stories yield to the player more than the other way around and I think a lot of players struggle with realizing this#are there doorways you can take from the dialog and events to make the narrative lean that way for your personal rp? YES!#Are those same dialogs open ended to the point the narrative can lean far away from an abuse narrative? ALSO YES!#Do both the Spawn ending and Ascended ending have the same amount of likelihood for an abuse narrative? ALSO YES!#And vice versa.
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finally finishing up my doli lin run of bg3 and as promised he went with karlach to avernus (wyll didn’t even offer this time??) and i joked about the humor of it but truly. one of his worst choices. he can hardly walk a day without pain, he’s a reluctant diplomat who didn’t like fighting even before jat broke his legs, he gets migraines and dissociates and worse when he’s around strong negative feelings which, you know, hell. karlach is a glorified babysitter. all he’s got to recommend him is that he cares So Much, and maybe magic if he actually does have it now. he is simply Not Cut Out for this, he is literally trophy husband shaped, he should be lounging around in fluttery tunics being handsome and drinking very sweet wine and thinking about tomi!!! not fighting devils!!!!! he barely knows which side of the sword is the business side!!!!
#also i keep microdosing on bad endings for the companions and this time i let god gale happen#bc tbh i just cannot see doli lin liking him that much ahdjdkdksksfdjdk#(sucks to be jat her dad/older brother figure looks at the love of her life and is like. :| you could do better. a lot better.)#and wow! he’s insufferable!#i wasn’t going to fight too hard for non-ascended astarion too bc same#but bards and their good persuasion rolls yk#so thankfully i only had to deal with one smug asshole#anyway that’s my 3rd campaign done should i play another game now……………….probably not!
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just to add:
Using Poe rather than any other Dark Romantic writer that was his contemporary to pull a quote from was such a good choice. Of his sotries, "The Tell-Tale Heart" was the perfect one for Astarion, but Poe very specifically believed stories should be written in a circular manner - like a snake biting its tail - which fits so perfectly with all the little ways Astarion's story and romance references itself.
Direct quote from my source:
Poe believed in “fashioning a tale like a kind of ouroboros, with its tail in its mouth, beginning with the final effect and working backwards to that the story’s beginning is a natural derivation of its conclusion.”
It's the setting up of the Romantic Astarion in act 1, finding out he's not as fine as he keeps insisting as the narrative swings into Dark Romantic territory, the paranoia starts to really come out (relating back to tell-tale heart), and then he is literally given a choice: continue the cycle or break free. The cycle of abuse is literally a circle here. He can take up Cazador's place in the ritual and step into his role entirely, reentering the ouroboros I mentioned earlier.
The "Thank you" when he first bites the player being referenced later when they see past his paranoia and how unreliable of a narrator he is about his own feelings and seeing that he doesn't want power. He wants safety in a world that he believes isn't capable of kindness or good.
I love how Astarion quotes The Tell-Tale Heart every once in a while. It's a rarer line, and initially I thought it was out of place (Neil is very well versed in theater, so I assumed it was a riff from him), but since reading an analysis of the work I think it was pretty purposeful.
The piece is all about fear and paranoia, things we know Astarion is plagued by despite how he might act. Similarly, the narrator of the story also tries to convince the reader that they are not as troubled as they seem. In the end, the narrator is consumed by the beating of the heart of the old man he killed and dismembered, the sound growing louder and louder until in a fit of rage he reveals the body to the police to absolve himself from the persistent beating.
Except the police never heard the heart beat, because it wasn't the old man's heart at all. The narrator was consumed by the sound of his own heart beating more and more rapidly in his chest from fear. He was the owner of the thing that forced him to reveal his true nature, he is the owner of the tell-tale heart.
And what happens with Astarion after you romance him? He realizes over time that, while he tried to deny his feelings and was initially only interested in manipulating you for his own means, he actually has grown to care for you. You have done something to his heart that hasn't happened in centuries, you have made it feel as if it has started beating again.
Therefore, his tell-tale heart leads him to admit his transgressions, which were committed out of fear and paranoia for his safety.
So the line is actually very, very apt. His confession during Act 2 is his own version of "Villains! Dissemble no more! I admit the deed! Tear up the planks! Here, here! It is the beating of his hideous heart!" Except, of course, it is his own heart that he is unearthing for us (and it's not so hideous, after all).
#this got my brain churning as someone who studied Poe's writing techniques and stuff#i did an intense study of his writing style back when i was in college lol#i'm so sorry if this derailed a bit#i was gonna make my own post but this was the one that got me thinking so#here i am#i literally saw this at like 6:50 am so my thoughts aren't as full as i'd like#but i wanted to add this bc i've been thinking about it a lot for the reasons i stated above lol#my writing style is very heavily influenced by poe due to how much i've researched him for analytical papers & for mimicking his style#i also think some of his more difficult writing may come back to like#he feels like a poe pastiche thrown into a video game#and all his difficult convo trees where you get no information?#astarion is an unreliable narrator of his own story#he doesn't WANT the truth out there#they also very well could have chosen like#the black cat or one of his poems#but tell-tale heart very specifically has to do with the paranoia that causes you to hurt people who never hurt you#the only thing the old man did was stare with that vulture eye#i also have Thoughts about how Astarion's story is a Dark Romantic Gothic Horror#but one that ends on a good note OR can end with him back in the cycle of abuse#and his good end rejects the pessimism that comes with dark romanticism#while also seeing the world not as perfectly good#but finding hope that in spite of the bad parts of life#the good outweigh the bad and make it worth lowering your defenses and truly living#or else be trapped by paranoia and fear for eternity#he has other things that are repeated in ways i don't see the same like#thread of connection through in other companion romances#for example if you ascend him he uses the “i love you” line#same tone as when he used it before while trying to convince LI to sleep with him a second night#and the fact that the cycle he's in now is just a reflection of what cazador and vellioth did#the family abuse cycle that traps and destroys
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Soft Astarion Jealousy
Now with part 2!
I love Ascended Astarion because he's horrible but the sweetness of the other end of the spectrum is impossible to deny. He's just so in love and grateful I can't 🥺🥺
So here's some jealousy that isn't psychotic. Well it is but not as bad:
Astarion never expected to be the jealous type. He always thought...well. In all honesty he never thought about the reality of having a relationship. He didn't even think it was possible for him, let alone the idea that he would actually want it. Even with you, even after he admitted a fraction of his own feelings to himself, he never thought that he would be so... possessive. Though admittedly, he had very good cause for it.
Because you were frustrating. So, so frustrating. For some idiotic reason, you simply didn't understand how alluring to others you really were. You were a pretty little thing, yes but that wasn't the problem. It was so much more than that. And he knew that the others wanted you. Every last one of them. Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Wyll, Karlach, Gale, Halsin. All of them like moths to a flame. And that wasn't even counting all of the strangers you had met on your journey, the extras that thought they had a shot with your greatness. They all wanted you in ways that made Astarion seethe. And the desire from others wasn't even the kind that he was used to, the kind he understood like the back of his hand. Because you didn't need to seduce to cultivate desire. All you needed to stoke the flames was merely your presence. Experiencing you was all that was required for people to know they wanted more.
Astarion knew that the others weren't just looking for a bedmate, they wanted you for the same reasons he had grown to. Your empathy, your desire to understand those around you. Your fearlessness, your infuriating habit of always trying to do the right thing. They wanted you for your laugh, the way your eyes would crinkle in the corners when your smile was too wide. Your silly jokes, your endless hopefulness for a future. It felt as though everyone around saw you for the gem that you were and it was... concerning. Extremely concerning.
Astarion hated thinking about things like this. He loathed admitting the truth to himself even more. But he was...terrified of losing you to someone else. Especially since it could so easily be done. He was so very lucky that you weren't the brightest, or at least not when it came to matters of the heart. You could do so much better than him, a fact that was incredibly obvious to everyone around you. Everyone but you, a luck that Astarion did not take lightly. But how much time did he have before it ran out? Would it ever?
Perhaps it was delusional, but he was starting to think when all of this was over, assuming neither of you perished anyway, that...it could just be the two of you. Living together, exploring the world, even if it had to be under the cloak of night. Maybe... maybe the two of you could even find a cure for his unsavory condition. The thought itself was incredibly stupid, but then again, it was just as idiotic to believe that there was a cure to the Mind Flayer parasite. But here they were, closer then ever. And if that was such an impossibility turned into reality, perhaps a vampiric cure wasn't so impossible. Or maybe even finding an alternative method for immortality for you, without the downsides of his own. Anything that could just keep you both together, for as long as possible. It was an unrealistic dream, that would never come into fruition. If anything it was dangerous, so very dangerous to even entertain the thought of forever. Especially when your connection was so tenuous.
Astarion would never be stupid enough to thank Cazador for anything but...he'd be lying if he said he wasn't appreciative for his own lack of subtly when it came to seducing you. Even if it originally was for distasteful reasons, it still got him ahead of the pack. If he had been less calculating, less astute, there was a sincere chance that you would be warming someone else's bed at night. Callousness would never be without it's uses, even if it led to uncomfortable situations like his current infatuation.
What would he do when you inevitably wanted to leave? How could he survive after having something so...good. Someone so caring, someone who for some very horrifying reason liked being around him. And the sex... it was fabulous. He was a massive fan of your intimacy, when he was capable of participating in it. He adored it, he adored you, your beauty, the sweet noises he could coax from your mouth, the europhia of being inside of you. Then there was the fact that you could be intimate without any traces of it devolving into lovemaking. He had never been gifted with the ability to say no before, so often and so freely without a single fear of punishment. If anything, it felt like he was rewarded when he was honest with you, when he would share his sudden fits of discomfort in his own body, the memories that plagued him and doomed him to staying stubbornly soft. You would never get angry, never even disappointed. You would just listen and smile, always adorable when you would ask, "But I can stay for a cuddle, can't I?"
An extremely silly question, considering the two of you hadn't spent a night apart from each other since you'd made it to the Shadowlands. Yet it never failed to make him melt.
It was getting worse, these feelings. He just wanted you around, by his side, constantly. Constant enough for him to get the ridiculous urge to hiss at anyone else who dared to come near you. He felt an intense need to protect the closeness the both of you had cultivated, the kind that he had never been allowed before. He had no interest in sharing you with your own friends when it came down to it, let alone another lover.
Which is precisely why his original, mild distaste for Halsin turned into a full-blown hatred the night he had the gall to proposition you.
It had felt like a shard of ice going through his chest when you bounded over to him, laughing about one of his greatest fears coming much too close to reality, "You won't believe the conversation Halsin and I just had-"
"Ah, I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that," Astarion laughed, purposefully interrupting you. He had no desire to hear the specifics of that conversation. He didn't even want to be having this conversation, where you were inevitably going to ask if it was okay to explore someone else.
The answer was no. Never would he be okay with it, allowing someone else to be close to what should have been his. But he needed to think strategically here. To say no could be disasterous. If it became a game of choice between him and Halsin... he's almost certain he would lose. Halsin was everything he wasn't; caring, giving, sharing in your worldviews in a way that Astarion never could. He couldn't risk it, he wouldn't. Having you at all was better than nothing.
"But I'd never even consider something like that-"
"It's fine," Astarion interrupts again, the fakest smile he can muster plastered on his face. The pain was worth the risk mitigation, he was sure of that. But... he still had to ask, "But is this because we haven't...y'know, in awhile?"
A sick part of him prays that you'll say yes. Because if that's the reason, he could do something about it. He could force himself if need be to always tend to your needs. Especially if it meant keeping you to himself. It was such a small sacrifice in comparison to the rest of his life. He would do it in a heartbeat if you demanded, anything to just make you stay.
But that was not the answer he received. Instead you frowned, looking him up and down, "What? No, I-Astarion no. Please don't think that. What we have together is so special to me. The physical part of it is lovely, perfect even. But...it's not what we are."
It's almost comforting to hear you say that. But then why did that make the situation feel so much worse? If it wasn't sex you were after then that certainly meant you wanted more with Halsin as well, did it not? But it was too late to rescind it now.
Astarion nodded, a confused mixture of hurt and gratefulness swirling through him, "I just needed to know. But if you're satisfied with me and just want to explore, go right ahead. I'll be here when you're done."
You nodded slowly, brow furrowed when you asked, "So...we aren't exclusive then?"
"No, of course not," Astarion confirmed, ignoring everything inside of him that was screaming for him to take it all back, "We can be as open as you'd like."
"I see..." You said, trailing off with a frown. You coughed into your hand, looking up at him sharply. Sharp enough for him to be sincerely confused, "Does this mean that you'll be speaking to me before you explore your other options?"
"I-yes? If you want?" Astarion answered, a new type of unease settling in his chest. You didn't seem very happy with this conversation, despite his best attempts to give you what you wanted. Where had he gone wrong? Was he already working to throw you into the arm's of another man, without even trying?
You were still frowning at him, your look cold in a way that made him feel particularly ill, "Please do. I'd like to know everything. I'm going to speak to Halsin, get this all sorted. We can talk later."
And then you were spinning on your heel and marching away, like Astarion was the offensive party here. It made no sense. He had done it all right, hadn't he? Agreed to it immediately, didn't make you feel guilty, had tried to be what you wanted. How had he failed?
He didn't wait around to see you go to Halsin. Instead he went straight back to his tent, closing the flap as he laid down. Great. Fantastic. Now he would have to be aware, perhaps even hear you being with another, while simultaneously reliving that horrid conversation in his head for the entire night. The hurt and worry was making his mind wander to uncomfortable places. Perhaps...Halsin could be dealt with in another way if things became too serious between the two of you.
Would poisoning the man be too extreme?
But before Astarion had the time to start thinking of a more detailed plan he was interrupted. Suddnely, moonlight was filling his tent, with your silleoute shining in the darkness.
He blinked up at you, confused, "What are you doing here?"
You frowned at him, looking hesitant in the entry way, "Should I not be? I thought-I can go if you'd like."
"No!" Astarion blurted out, loud and desperate enough to make him cringe. He cleared his throat, trying again, his voice still a touch too pitiful for his liking, "No, no, come here darling. Of course you're always welcome. I just assumed you would be busy."
To his relief you listened, crawling into the bedroll next to him. Astarion didn't waste any time in wrapping his arms around you, relieved to humiliating degrees that you had chosen to come back after the deed. Though...you didn't quite smell as he had thought you would. There were no traces of the floral, woodsy smell of the druid on your skin. Just the sweet, pleasant scent that he had grown so fond of.
You sighed as he tucked you against him, the warmth of you enough to make him relax for the first time that night. You laid together in a pleasant quiet, one that Astarion was actually scared to disturb. Despite the fact that he desperately wanted to know what happened between the two of you.
But you broke the silence for him, muttering into his chest after the two of you were settled, "I'm...sorry for being snappish earlier. I shouldn't have been. You didn't do anything wrong, and I know I don't own you. I shouldn't have assumed."
Astarion frowned, pulling back to get a proper look at your face. You looked hurt, sad even. Like you were the one who had gotten their heart broken. He could feel a curl of distaste settling in his stomach, annoyed that this felt as though the situation was being placed back to him. He had played his part, perfectly. What more could you ask for? What was there to assume?
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," Astarion carefully said, his eyes fixed on every micro expression on your face, "What did I do that could have been construed as incorrect?"
"Nothing!" You rushed to say, shame coloring your cheeks, "I was being stupid. You never promised me anything. I just...assumed. Wrongly that we were something we aren't."
That didn't-he-what? Astarion frowned at her, his confusion evident on his face, "What did you think we were?"
You looked uncomfortable, avoiding his gaze when you answered, "I thought that we were...together. Alone. Just us. But if that's not what you want I understand. It's fine-"
"What in the hells are you talking about?" Astarion blurted out, his anger and pain bubbling to the surface, "I haven't done a thing. And we were just us before you decided to galivant off with a bear of a man!"
He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. So much for playing things safely. No, he couldn't even have the self-control to stay quiet. He always had to ruin everything.
But surprisingly, you didn't look angry. If anything you seemed just as confused as he felt, "What? I didn't-we didn't do anything! When did I say I wanted to do anything with Halsin? You were the one saying you didn't care!"
You weren't making any damn sense, "Well why else would you ask me about it?"
"I didn't!" You huffed, glaring at him, "All I was going to say was that he asked me. And I wanted your help on how to best turn him down! And then you jumped at the chance to push me onto someone else-"
"I did nothing of the sort!" Astarion seethed back, "If it was up to me you would never look at another man again! Or woman for that matter!"
It was an odd feeling, to be arguing while holding each other so closely. But Astarion had no intention of letting you go anytime soon, even if he could feel you squirming against his ironclad grip when you fumed at him, "Then why would you say it was okay?!"
"Because I don't want you to leave me!" He shouted back, loud enough to snap him out of his own anger. All of his fury was instantly replaced with fear. Gods, why had he felt the need to say that? To lay his biggest insecurity out on the line. Why not just hand you a stake while he was at it, since he was so eager to give you the tools to destroy him.
But you were still seething, hissing back at him, "Why praytell, would I leave the man I've been in love with for months? Hm? Please, explain it to me!"
Astarion couldn't. He was too busy being shell-shocked at the confession, feeling too many emotions at once. Joy, relief, somehow even more fear than before. You so freely said the words that he had done his damndest to bury, to ignore. But now they were out there, filling him with a horrifying joy.
He wanted to say it back. He did. But he couldn't get the wrecthed words out. Instead he was just staring at you like an imbeicle, his mouth hanging opening at the confession.
But his silence didn't make you falter. Instead you looked determined, near fierce as you grasped his face into your warm hands, "I love you Astarion. You don't have to say it back. That's not what this is about. But I want you. And only you. If you want the same of me then you must tell me. Now."
Astarion let his hands flutter over your wrists, humiliating tears prickling at his eyes. But at least his vocal chords allowed him to answer you this time, "I do. So much more than you know. I want us. Just us. No one else."
The words were flowing out of him, too fast and sincere for him to make the appropriate edits in his head. He was saying too much, feeling too much, giving too much. But the way your eyes brightened at his words, the way you grinned at him before pulling him in for a sweet kiss made it suddenly feel like he wasn't giving anything up at all.
As much as he loathed to admit it, Astarion was exceedingly grateful for Halsin's existence after that night. He would never have had the gall to demand you to himself without a trigger, without the anger you both shared at being misunderstood. Because now, you were his. His alone, the proclamation coming from your own lips. And he was free to stop hiding how much he had wanted it. How willing he was to do anything to keep it. He let himself off his own leash after that, leaning completely into the mutual ownership you had of each other. No more would he silently sit back and seethe as a stranger flirted with you. No, now he'd be upfront and center, with a possessive hand around your waist as he glared them down, more than prepared with a confidence-shattering quip on his tongue.
He started to let all of his urges seep through, taking full advantage of your willingness. If Wyll looked at you for too long at the fire, with a touch of something that Astarion didn't like in his eyes, he'd effortlessly pull you into his lap onlookers be damned as breathed you in. If Gale suddenly had a suspect offer to teach you some new magic in a secluded location, Astarion would invite himself, impervious to any glares sent his way. And when he felt as though all of them were being a bit too flirtaious, he was more than happy to put them in their places at night. Spending hours upon hours making you scream his name in bed from pleasure, loud enough for everyone to hear and know exactly who you belonged to.
He couldn't care less if it added to his own unpopularity amongst their merry-band of rejects. Their opinions didn't matter. Not when you were eating all of the sudden attention up.
You let him do it all because you understood him, in ways that no one else had bothered to before. You knew who he was, what he wanted, the extent to how much he craved your attention. And you let it all happened, reveled in it even. The intense shows of affection. Because you loved him. And he loved you. And one of these days he'd allow himself to admit the obvious.
But for now, he had what he wanted. What he needed. And in the first time in his life, even with disgusting tadpoles squirming his his brain, Astarion was actually...happy.
#astarion#baldur's gate 3#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#astarion fic#long fic#you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands#may add a dirty part two here#dirty sweet
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If Durge Could Recruit Gortash Headcanons:
Once agreeing to ally with Gortash, Durge can convince him to join the party, but only if they agree to kill Raphael. If Karlach is in the party, this may be done in exchange for Gortash to fix her heart if Durge can pass the persuasion roll on Karlach.
• Upon joining the party, Gortash shows up in a more practical armor set, still gold and black but not as decorated as his robe. There’s scrapes and dents on parts of it, clearly having been worn before. Durge can ask him about it in conversation and discover he has chosen to wear the same armor as he did when they robbed Mephistopheles Vault. He never repaired it and can tell a story for each scratch.
• He does a lot to try to jog Durge’s memories, and it works a some degree. We hear little stories around the city, some more suggestive than others.
• Old habits never die. He’s constantly touching Durge, always walks next to them, has a lot of strong opinions but will only concede to Durge.
• Durge persuasion rolls on Gortash are DC10 and under. Anyone else it’s DC30.
• He absolutely compliments Durge a little too much. And he’s always the first at Durge’s side after the fighting ends. Grumbles if he has to rez anyone else but dotes on Durge.
• Gets along well enough with Astarion, Shadowheart, and Laezel. Respects Minthara and Gale, sees them both as potential allies if they know their places. Absolute bitch to Wyll. Actively the number one Ravengard hater.
• If Durge can convince Karlach to stick around, she will only be in the same party as Gortash once or twice. She’ll confront Durge about it after and either has to be kept separate or leaves the party.
• If taken to Astarion and Shadowhearts’ personal quests, he’ll be surprisingly respectful, and will tell them they’d make good Banites, particularly if Shadowheart resists Shar. (Kinda think he would tell Astarion not to Ascend but for his own advantage of not having to deal with an Ascended Vampire and not wanting the hells to gain power from 7,000 souls)
• Random gifts pop up in Durge’s inventory. He says nothing about them. One is definitely the hand of an enemy.
• When in the House of Hope, Gortash will only allow Durge to enter the prison with him until the warden is dead. He’ll tell them everything, but won’t let the others see it.
• Killing Raphael is very emotional. He’s proud, happy, relieved, but being there shakes him up. Durge can hug him in private when they talk about it.
• If Durge chooses to save Hope, she tries to hug ‘little Enver, all grown up’ before they leave. He does not like it, but part of him is happy to see her free.
• Durgetash romance can initiate after Raphael is dead. Sceleritas is so fuckin' pissed. Like, he kinda ships it, but he CANNOT handle Durge getting labotomized again for this Banite fool.
• He has random little personal quests and pop-up events like his formal coronation celebration ball, taking Durge to a fancy dinner, dealing with fans, and assassinating a rude journalist who called him not-so-young-and-handsome.
• If taken to Lady Jannath's estate, she flirts with him. Durge has an option to stab her for this- just once. Just a little. She'll be fine! Gortash approves. He apologizes to her, but he's absolutely into it.
• His two allied pathways at the end are to remain fully evil and control the brain/Faerun with Durge or absolutely still be, ya know, Gortash but destroy the brain and become archduke without the tadpoles' help as he’s now viewed as the city’s hero. This is his least evil option and requires a Durge romance or at least a Durge that will remain by his side regardless and saving Hope as pivotal moments.
• Durge's alliance or resistance of Bhaal would significantly influence this. Resisting Bhaal lowers the DC on any persuasion. Failing the duel with Orin would block any option except controlling the brain with Gortash as he sees it as the only way to protect Durge. Because controlling the absolute would offer them a large enough following to grant them literal ascension to godhood, freeing Durge from Bhaal's control. Plus, you know killing a god would only inflate Gortash's ego more, and that would be his new goal.
#This got so long but I have so many thoughts#bg3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 spoilers#durgetash#the dark urge#dark urge#durge#enver gortash#lord enver gortash#headcanon#cats thoughts#honestly think hed be down for most quests#but like for the sake of order rather than helping people#like if they let a hag ruin their life thats on them#but he cant have a hag in HIS city#Saverok and Orin would throw SUCH a fit if you brought him to the temple#it would be delicious
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