#as for the soul thing the reason true vampires are so evil is bc of their lack of souls

[youaskedfurret]

The lack of media literacy in the baldurs gate fandom is astounding. There's a good ending for Astarion and a bad ending for him and people keep picking the bad ending for him and being shocked when he's mean to them LMAO.

[atlasshrugd]

i'm sorry bangel shippers, but i just cannot GET OVER the fact that angel is such a bad person without a soul.

like. hear me out. it has been proven that a vampire without a soul (aka a normal vampire) isn’t necessarily pure evil, shown through spike. a vampire is made when the person gets bitten, their soul leaves their body, which then gets re-animated by a demonic energy, which rises it from the dead with vampire powers. it retains characteristics and personality traits of the person who died, but is mainly overcome with a perpetual thirst for blood, coupled with a lack of empathy. yes, it is true that the only reason spike didn’t kill anyone through s5/6 is bc of the chip. but it is also true that he DOES feel empathy, remorse, guilt, and even love.

spike may be more human than most vampires, but that has never actually been confirmed mythologically. he is still a vampire without a soul. yet, he can still experience love and loyalty enough to withstand the worst torture in order to protect dawn. he can still feel immense guilt when he failed. and while his motives are usually selfishly-based, he can still be selfless, shown in spike looking after dawn even after buffy is dead. this shows that he is not just protecting dawn to get closer to buffy, as that was obviously impossible. he did it because of his enduring love for buffy, because dawn is a part of buffy, because buffy died to protect dawn, because spike respects buffy and her wishes, because dawn is a part of buffy. spike does not have a soul throughout all of this. that begs the question: what does having a soul truly mean?

as dawn mentions, people with a soul can still do terrible things, and people without one can still do noble and good things. this obviously means that a soul does not equate to goodness. mortal murderers and rapists still exist, and they have souls. yet they are capable and find pleasure in the most evil of actions. we even see some demons, like clem, who are good ordinary people, despite the fact that they are a demon without a soul. from this i maintain that:

a soul cannot create goodness, it only amplifies what is already there.

so. when spike goes through the trials and earns his soul back for buffy, he comes out the same man reborn. he is spike the vampire, and he is william pratt, and he is none of them, and he is both of them. he is not completely different from before, but there is something irrevocably changed. he can now feel the full embodiment of human emotions without them being obstructed and twisted by a demonic inhabitance. the soul didn’t give him a personality transplant. it only amplified and de-obstructed the goodness that was already there; already in his heart — the goodness that showed itself in glimmers when he didn’t have a soul, but could not full actualize.

this is why i have a bit of a problem with angel (not as a character, but as the soulmate of the hero). angelus is completely estranged from angel. angelus does not conceive and in fact is revolted by human emotion, and any empathy, guilt, remorse, or love is completely erased from him. this means, if we are going to apply the facts, that there was not much there to begin with. there was not enough goodness to amplify with a soul; for as soon as it is taken away, any and all goodness is eviscerated. i am not saying souled-angel is a bad character, and he definitely did his penance and does good, but this post isn’t really about that. this isn’t about what souled angel did. this is about what angelus did, and why the man beneath the soul was not worthy of a soul and did not fight for one. angel was cursed with his soul. spike, without a soul, fought for his. this shows that soulless beings have the capacity to desire and achieve ultimate redemption (if they are worthy).

i am not saying bangel shippers are wrong or that it is a bad ship. i don’t hate it. but i am expressing why i cannot get on board with angel as buffy’s soulmate or her “best boyfriend” or whatever. there are too many factors that don’t get considered when it comes to buffy and angel’s relationship. the reality is largely clouded by her strong feelings for him that derived out of him being her first love. she will never love anyone the way she loved angel, because when you are 16 years old, everything is huge and important and unique and end-of-the-world stuff (pun intended). knowing and seeing the sheer horrors that angel  commits as soon as he loses his soul is...worrying. even with all his time repenting as angel, i still can’t imagine loving someone who shifts into a complete psychotic evil serial killer any time they are truly happy, when i KNOW what soulless vampires can feel and do. idk thanks for reading

[chazz-anova]

tagged by my loves @johnnycranes and @scungilliwoman to fill out a lil 'about me'! thank you guys these are always so fun!

Name: Paige/Jaden (don't look at me ygogx was my fave)

Age: 22

Height: 5'2" short queens unite

Zodiac Sign: Gemini Sun/Sag Moon/Sag Rising ♊♐

Where do you call home: 'The navel of this great country' (gone girl quote my beloved) lol, but fr the central midwest!

Any tattoos or piercings: My ears are pierced, and I haveeeee (pausing to count) 19 tattoos! In quick succession they are- a black widow on my neck, lilacs on my shoulder, the maze from westworld on my inner right arm, some eyeballs in a jar from ozark on my wrist, the frog from otgw on my other shoulder, a lightening bolt on my lower arm, 'let me not be derided by fools' along my arm, sam from trick r treat with the pumpkin from halloween on my wrist, the evil eye on my inner arm, a quote below that saying 'bosses beware when we're screwed we multiply', the triple goddess, a bony fish on my thumb, the symbol for Venus on my index finger, devil horns on my middle finger, an evergreen tree on my ring finger, a gemini symbol on my ankle, a heart with the words 'fuck you' in it on my knee, some crossbones from the game dishonored on my other knee, anddddd a little ghost on my thigh! i think that's it! (didn't realize this would turn into a paragraph when i started listing them but i couldn't stop when i started lmao)

Last song you listened to: STFU - Pink Guy

Last movie you watched: I watched Treasure Planet to fall asleep last night!

Last book or fanfic you read: Last book I read was the first in the True Blood (Sookie Stackhouse) Series, last fanfic was uhhhhh my own probably- I'm so bad at reading fics unless people send them to me lol

Do you collect anything: Yes! I collect crystals for mystical reasons, candles, perfumes, and I have a decent collection of cups from the restaurant The Other Place that my mother so kindly donated to me from her collection lmfao

Morning person or night owl: Not to be that person but- both? I love an early morning where I can get my coffee and get some writing done as the birds begin to wake up, but I also bask in the hush of night and watching the lights twinkling in the city

Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist: Optimist!

A quote you live by: There's a couple I can think of! "Progress isn't linear", "Every cloud has a silver lining", and one of my faves from Buffy The Vampire Slayer- "The hardest thing to do in this world is live in it. So be brave- live."

Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert: Ambivert no question!!! I love being social and big, elaborate gatherings, but afterwards I will need like a week to recharge lol

Do you believe in an afterlife or not: Absolutely! I believe there's limbo, there's something after, and of course something before as well. I don't have anything necessarily fully formed- but I believe you reincarnate until you're learned all the lessons your soul must learn, and then you get to retire and function as a guide for others going through their lessons or possibly just get to rest for eternity! Probably depends on what you want or are destined for (not to sound hokey lol)

A weird or fun fact about yourself: Copying off of Mika's fun fact bc I'm unoriginal lmao, I was once an extra in a zombie movie with my mom and stepmom and her kids! After filming me and my family went to Dennys with all our makeup still on it was great lol

If you could have coffee with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be: Oooooh wonderful question... HARD question!!!! I would have to choose someone interesting like Robert Patterson (he seems nice and unhinged), or Julie d'Aubigny, that bisexual 17th century pirate/opera singer

tagging @fadedjacket @envyisms @chyrstis @depyotee @lovely-english-rose @adelaidedrubman and anyone else who would like to do it!!

[choco-style]

ignore this, just some will wood lyrics that butter my bread

tws and cws of sorts(don’t account for the full songs): small/slightly religious terms, death, memory loss, dissociation, s////c1d4l thoughts/implications, nods at physical 4bus3 

Lyrically:

yeah a lot of them are edgy cry about it

“culture’s not your friend [...] it’s only culture and it’s more afraid of you than you’re of it”

“it doesn’t take a killer to murder, it only takes the reason to kill”

“the only ones in need of love are those who don’t receive enough so ~ evil ones should get a little more ~”

“glory be satori but it’s hallucinatory”

“and if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? i’ll stay awake tonight”

“cry my name remind my brain of my identity- well i’m not gonna listen, i’m not my volition-”

“it’s times like this that make me wish that i wished that i were dead, i don’t wish i were dead but somebody’s got to go”+the counterpart??that one specifically

“check in the mirror to see how i look, i look different in different ways - you do the math, who’s looking back [...] that’s not me !”

“i'm not a flower, not a solar-powered calculator, damn my eyes for seeing what’s not there”

“you’re trying to replace yourself”

“levitating off the ground is another man wearing your face”

“what you feel and what you do, are those things really you - and if not, then what is?”

“ My soul was crushed like a tall boy Underneath the boots on the curb And I’m still picking up my molars And putting them back in my face “

“it’s not profound to know that you can never know“

“What is “is?” What is not? What is “what?” What’s up, party people? What? What I wonder? Why I’m not “whatever” What the fuck?”

“it’s good enough but not enough to be good enough for me”

all of front street bc fuck r@p3 culture

Vocally:

all of cotard’s solution mwah relatable comfort content my beloved

honorary first place: “sha na na na na na na na free will”, the last “toniiiiaiaiiaiaiaiiiaiaiaight” in cotard’s solution+ the instrumental drop right after HHH THATS MY  SHIT!!, “never never never”, “you’ll never take me ali-hahaha-ive”, “you could, you could”

“-blood, didn’t they want your blood?” and tbh everything in suburbia&vampire culture is just so satisfying to my ears

“is it bad/am i bad, am i bad, am i bad, am i really that bad?”

“with my head up in the clouds i can see so much ground, and from here you look like ants in a row”

“it’s whether you’re singing [oooh]” tbh the entire chorus(es) of laplace’s angel esp the “yeah”s towards the end

“i don’t remember- wow the whole year’s a blur”

“i heard the world would turn to hell, compared to that i’m doing well”(2012)

“when i can(’t?) hardly see”

“calculator”

“i’m not scaaAAAAAAred”

“the staaaaaate you’re iiiiiiin”

“well who should i be then”

“a fall from grace”

“Bottle, well, or barrel? All are empty Dug, or drank, or poured it out “

“if it kills me”

“In your head, in your head, in your head And yet you believe it’s true, well you do Like you knew anything ever“

“give me that old time religion”

[foxy--stoat]

music

for the last few days I’ve been listening to a lot of music while I write, and I came across some songs I think describe some Penumbra characters pretty well, or at least some situations they’re in or would be in at some point. also some of them are going to be super obvious but I’m going to write them anyway. here they are:

Moonage Daydream, by David Bowie (Peter Nureyev) 

I'm an alligator I'm a mama-papa comin' for you I'm the space invader I'll be a rock 'n' rollin' bitch for you

(Nureyev is good at using different disguises and he’s a different person before and after and before and with Juno)

Keep your mouth shut You're squawking like a pink monkey bird And I'm bustin' up my brains for the words

(In his episodes of season 3, he gets annoyed with Juno not being discreet, flirting, making a show of himself, and saying anything at all to Nova Zolatovna (apologies for any misspellings))

Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe Put your ray gun to my head Press your space face close to mine, love Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah!

(well Juno literally has an electric eye, always carries a ray gun, and I imagine they ‘put their faces close together’ quite often.)

and the whole song also has kind of a Peter Nureyev vibe. I imagine he would listen to a lot of David Bowie/stuff like that but be embarrassed to tell anyone that he even listens to music at all

Be Calm, by Fun. (Vespa Ilkay)

But I always knew you'd be the one to understand me I guess that's why it took so long To get things right

(they obviously understand each other to an extent, and also they didn’t see each other for years and years, and the first time they actually met Buddy stole from Vespa and they fought)

Oh, why haven't you been there for me? Can't you see? I'm losing my mind this time This time, I think it's for real, I can see

(she is literally losing her mind, and in her episodes of season 3, Buddy is gone)

I'm scared that everyone is out to get me.

(exactly what it sounds like. especially Juno)

But with every single buck I've made I'm saddled with bad luck that came

(also exactly what it sounds like)

Or when I found out one day I'm gonna die If only I could find my people or my place in life

(idk, it just sounds like something Vespa would think)

Oh be calm. Be calm. I know you feel like you are breaking down. I know that it gets so hard sometimes, Be calm. Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times. You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive And everything's wrong It just gets so hard sometimes Be calm.

(I just imagine she would feel this way sometimes)

I don't remember much that night, Just walking, thinking fondly of you Thinking how the worst is yet to come From that street corner came a song And I can't remember the man, The panhandler or his melody. The words exchanged had far exceeded any change I'd given thee.

(this reminds me of her first interaction with Buddy)

Don’t Ask Me, by Ok Go (First half Peter Nureyev to Juno, second half Juno Steel to Nureyev)

Peter Nureyev:

Quit acting so friendly. Don't nod don't laugh all nicely.

(when Juno flirts with Nova at the heist where they steal the map)

And don't flash that stupid smile.

(he stares at Juno’s smile for like 2 minutes and describes it for what seems like longer)

Don't show up so on-time And don't act like you're so kind Don't ask me how I've been.

(Juno changed a lot since the 1st and 3rd seasons, and he’s been I think more polite to Nureyev, and I think no matter what he does Nureyev will be annoyed, but this annoys him especially for some reason)

Juno Steel: 

Don't sit there and play just So frank, so straight, so candid, So thoughtful, so gracious, So sound, so even-handed.

(all of these words could describe Nureyev, cold and pretending to be an ideal thief, an ideal family member, always listening, but really just tucking things in his “save for later” file)

Don't be so damn benign And don't waste my fucking time.

(he’s also benign)

Also I have a couple of BTVS inspired songs bc why not? one isn’t really a song, just a singer who the voice sounds like someone else, but whatever.

Heavy Cross, by Gossip (Buffy Summers)

It's a cruel, cruel world to face on your own A heavy cross to carry along The lights are on but everyone's gone And it's cruel

(the slayer is a very isolating job. It’s a burden, and she literally has to carry a cross with her. Also vampires don’t come out when the ‘lights are on’, and of course it’s cruel. her job is fighting demons.)

It's a funny way to make ends meet When the lights are out on every street It feels alright but never complete Without joy

(it is a very unique way to ‘make ends meet’, or at least a weird job to have. the vampires come out when ‘the lights are out on every street’ and it feels alright but she can’t be fully happy knowing that she’ll probably die young and will never have the ability to choose her future)

I checked you, if it's already been done Undo it It takes two, it's up to me and you To prove it

(this makes me think of her and angel, of her checking that he’s good, then undoing his spell, and it took two people to do it, if you know what I mean.)

On the rainy nights even the coldest days You're moments ago but seconds away The principle of nature, it's true but It's a cruel world

(demons don’t stop being evil when it’s rainy and cold! Sometimes when she’s fighting she punches/kicks where they were moments ago, but she punches too early and they are just seconds away. the principle of nature is that the slayer kills demons)

We can play it safe or play it cool Follow the leader or make up all the rules Whatever you want, the choice is yours So choose (this is her deciding to go on her own, no council, no official watcher, just her and Giles and the “scooby gang”)

I checked you if it's already been done Undo it It takes two and it's up to me and you To prove it

(I’m repeating this line because Spike also got himself a soul. They thought that Angel was the only one, but Spike always had to do everything angel did (even if it wasn’t for that reason)

so that’s it! whoo, that was a lot. 

[animeloversworldsblog]

Anti mahiru post after read all volumes from novel

Warning if you are her fan please don’t try to convince me otherwise, nothing will change everything that she showed in the novel, so if you don’t like ignore it.

what she did to guren since their first encounter of children is what I see as devotion, she is proud of herself, her power, the thirst for power, which she longs for above Everything and everyone, nothing has to do with the excuse of demon possession, and the fact of being a vampire because from the beginning what she wanted to achieve more power and more power and no matter the atrocious methods to get them. So she has always put herself on a big pedestal that does not deserve and believes herself that there is no human being more powerful and beautiful than her, which made people see as if she were everything and knowing that they once Could be compromised could make them do what she wanted, to use and destroyed, as she wanted for her all this was always intoxicating and their best victims:

Guren ichinose a boy with very low self-esteem that was born believing that him and his family were trash and hated them by all, which she saw a great opportunity to use this guy at will testing and analyzing him since she met him , seeing as a tool to get revenge on Her father, so she went crazy him, manipulated him, showed him a great false kindness and guren only knew his people, his family, his followers, and so he “fell in love with her”, a false and twisted fictitious love, that Guren refuses to see that true love that disinterested love, genuine, loyal and in many ways great are in front of him and those are: sayuri, shigure, mito, goshi and mainly shinya, something that mahiru showed the opposite, using him, harassing him, Manipulating him, humiliating him, hurting him, bringing him to death and his loved ones and thousands of atrocities more than she has shown throughout the novel and not to speak of the hatred she feels towards Sayuri and Shigure and how she sees them without value, Useless, weak, ugly and maidservants.

Shinoa, the little sister she used as a means of escape to do whatever she wanted, talking to shinoa only of her all the time, while she could use her to the end as a means of victimization, to her that was great, because to say That everything has done for shinoa when shinoa did not exist when she went in search of guren and treated him as a toy to take revenge on her father, when she treated shinya as trash and as a useless boy and just talking and thinking about herself, watching And knowing that a lot of little boys were locked up and killed each other for years for her horrible family, showing total disinterest for them and for everything, her sister until the age of 10 had not been born so to use her as an excuse in everything is very vile and She shows absolutely nothing in the whole novel that she loves and worries about shinoa since she tells her plans, she takes her demon because shinoa gives her more power, she only talks about herself, she treats her as a messenger, she lets kureto torture her and Interrogates and almost killed her, and every opportunity she has talking to guren uses shinoa as a means of escape and victimization to make him feel sorry for her.

Shinya from the first meeting showed that she does not see any other person as a human being, does not show grief, pain or consideration not only to shinya but to all children who have died, treats him as disposable garbage and uses him to cover herself over time , And as time goes by she shows her hatred towards him, and more when he becomes guren's best friend, she is the one who most wants him out of the way, when she hears that congratulate her for being engaged with shinya shows how much she hates him, how If shinya was to blame for being stuck in a situation as horrible as being his fiancé and the worst is that She hates him for no reason

Now that I can say of vol 7 from novel, only a couple of things: she never felt or feel any remorse for anything or anyone, just think of her and how to end it all, shows that love power more than anything in life, since She herself says so, and hates to use that great power she has for the hiragis, which ohhhh makes her one of the hiragis, power hungry, manipulative, abusive, possessive, and destructive if you do not do what she says she kills you , Just like her family, she says she's the only one who's right and everyone else is wrong, she loves the feeling of having killed the boys and girls, because she even makes fun of guren saying, " I kill your precious things" and she laughs and enjoys it, she hates the fact that guren is not paying attention to her Because he is trying to save Shigure after she killed her and throw her body like trash, kill shinya stabbing six times with her hand, that shows that she hated him more than the others and that boy never did anything else to be Kind to her, victimized and she believed that the goddess is jealous of her because she is the most beautiful and wanted to take her soul, in addition to not speaking of god but goddess, does not recognize his existence, is super narcissistic, she considers that men are useless, which proves again that she is a hiragi more, proud of herself and victimizes to the end without caring anything or anyone, for her all this was always fun, the More cruel and vile that can exist and even herself puts herself above god or any other powerful being bcs she says that she is so powerful more than any vampire bcs she says i have this power and i have to used to the hiragis after killed the guys.

She is a person that takes advantage of good people, and uses them until they destroy themselves, like she did to guren, she is the kind of person that provokes people and takes advantage of their vulnerability, that were always her tricks since she went to seek guren to destroy his life and his family, she was always a bag full of lies and that is something very typical of her, she make guren destroy the world for her own selfish reason, this never was love only use and destroy whoever get in the way.

Now that more I can say these guys, these people meant everything to guren and mahiru took all that as an advantage, she twisted it causing them to suffer and thus take to guren to her where she wanted because she knew that he would do anything to protect them, That ended up turning off all that since they did not serve to her anymore, she was diabolic without the demons, with the demons and as a vampire and everything was always completely conscious and purpose and in the end, the only thing she did before she died was to enjoy and have fun killing them Since for her everything was a great hassle in her way.

And for guren what can  i say, she destroys him completely more than anyone else, he ended up so hurt that he ended up doing crazy things, he never had to listen to or trust her, he let be manipulated by her from an early age and he's so stupid and and blind that after she killed all his friends cruelly, he is determined to save her and puts her on a pedestal that does not deserve, in the end I find that he did not deserve so much those great friends since they were so willing to die for him and so it was, They showed all the love of the world which she never showed him, but he does not want to see it, he does not want to see that his worst enemy is and will always be mahiru hiragi and that she also thinks herself as a cinderella, which is so twisted and horrible on the end, since she alone think she is the only one that has suffered in life, when the one that caused thousands of people to suffer and the main protagonist guren ichinose was her and she alone, looking for guilty and / or victimizing do not justify her in  Absolute nothing in the whole novel. It is a hiragi more, it is worse than any of them, and that tenri is a great garbage, but both father and daughter are horrible people and of course do not discard kureto and sheishiro hiragi.

And in the end everything shows what the bastard from kureto said is a prodigy that does not know the suffering of others.

I love guren but if he continue to no seeing who are the biggest evil here that are hiragis and worse mahiru he is gonna lose all over again the only true and disinterested love he has bcs hiragis are no victims from absolute nothing even if “they were created to be used” bcs that is just ridiculous.

Are you anti guren?

Are you team guren?

Who is guren really doing this..?

[luukeskywalker]

kishibejosuke replied to your post “kishibejosuke replied to your post “SPIKE/BUFFY IS OTP” DUDE SAME. I...”

LMFAO I think my switch wasn't as sudden, but I understand. I do find Angel (with short hair) hot too, but this whole "I'm a vampire but I suffer bc I don't wanna kill" bores me. This is one of the reasons why I love Spike. I always think like, Angel fell for Buffy when he had a soul, but the moment he lost it he became an asshole who treated her like shit and tried to kill her. Spike fell for her when he was souless and somehow tried to be good for her, he even got his soul back even knowing that would make him suffer bc of her, if that's not true love idk what is. BUT THE BEST THING is that Spike's personality didn't change when he got his soul back. Still a punk wannabe bad boy. I love him. I love all seasons of BTVS but ATS was just good. A lot of thing that happened bothered me (like Angel's son, that kid is annoying af), but I love Wesley's character development so much. The final season was pretty good but then it just... ended there. AND LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THE COMICS. I tried to read them once and noped so hard I never tried again. My brother told me a few spoilers and I noped even harder. I don't wanna know about the comics, they're cursed, BTVS ended in season 7. Also, Joss is an asshole, what's new.

RIGHT??? i feel like it would have been cool to see a more clear change from “boo hoo poor me evil vampire with a soul” to “what’s up my name is angel i’m 200 years old and i never learned how to fuckin read” or something along those lines, tbh i think he had a lot of room for character development but they just... kinda kept him the same broody boy the whole time...

i think the introduction of spike is what caused me to start hating angel, because spike was so unabashedly cool and happy to be a vampire and boy he really just loved killing! and it was genuinely fun watching him on screen, even when he was a straight up villain all the way back in season 2. and of course his character arc was one of the best things i’d ever seen, minus the bit at the end of season 6, but to be honest i disregard the end of season 6 and the first half of season 7 entirely so dfkjgh

i loved how he was just this, nerdy loser when he was a human? he was SUCH a loser, and that was revealed at just the right moment where you could appreciate his badassery but also see just how far he’s really come since becoming a vampire... he experiences real character change, and a fuck TON of it, to become the man he was in the series, and even then he wasn’t done changing! i am a spike stan except for That One Thing, but even spike’s actor hated it so i really just blame joss for that fuck up. the real spike would never

okay to be totally honest i watched the last season of angel before i watched any other episode from it and i did this because i was devastated that spike “died” at the end of buffy and when i found out he was in ats i lost my shit and just started with the season he’s in lmao, i am still really upset with how it ended but that’s how it goes with cancelled shows :( i’m still really upset about fred actually, i heard they were going to bring her back had the show gotten another season! i really just disregard that entire “angel has a son, cordelia becomes a goddess, the son is evil” nonsense... i pick and choose what i accept as canon from the series because some of it is just, so fucking bad.

for some reason i’ve talked about the buffy comics a lot lately, and the only good thing about them (that i’ve gotten from the wiki page because you will have to threaten my life to get me to read Any of them) is that spike and buffy are back together right now and it’s actually kind of healthy at this point? which is cool. but too much happens in between for me to even consider getting back into them. i stopped at airborne universe-creating sex and i think i would legitimately choose death over picking up another issue

[somanypetals]

ok ok ok. are you a spuffy fan? i feel like i've seen spuffy on yr blog and if that's not true then please ignore but i've been thinkin recently and i'm very interested in what you think/how you reconcile spike's attempted rape?? bc as a spuffy fan i love them together but i also can't ignore this part of their history in good conscience. was it ooc? was their relationship building to a horrible climax? i'm just very interested in what people think abt that writing decision

omg I’m sorry for taking so long to answer this, I wrote like half an essayand then firefox crashed and I got grumpy about it for a few days lol ;___;

anyway in short: do I ship it? yes. is my relationship with the shipcomplicated? fuck yes. can I reconcile the attempted rape? on a base level, no.on a character level, I am able to move past it but not look past it. on awriting level, I don’t reconcile it at all. was it ooc? yes and no,which is the interesting part

this got really long and I’m hoping that I can remember everything I wassaying before I had to start all over again (rip) but I’m sorry it got so longunder the cut

so I do still ship spuffy, but I have a really complicatedrelationship with it. I’ve shipped it since I was a tween, before I reallyunderstood the unhealthy parts of it (rape scene aside, which I was very clearon), and I’ve come to see those in a new light the past five or so years, butI’m still also someone who is very adamant about people being allowed to shipwhatever the fuck they want in fiction whether it’s unhealthy or not becauseit’s fiction, and at the end of the day I’m shipping something because I findit entertaining or interesting, not because it’s the paradigm of relationshipexamples. in fact most of the time it’s not, because I find most of thoserelationships boring on screen. so like, I do still ship it, but not the way Iused to?

 anyway, was it ooc? in terms of mythology canon I don’tthink it was ooc at all. spike had no soul, he was at a base level evil. I don’t think this excuses theattempted rape at all, nothing excuses it or forgives it, but it does explain abit how the spike who dressed buffy’s hand wounds at the start of the seasonwas the same spike who flipped a switch and attempted to rape her near the endof the season. spike never became “good” when he had no soul, he was like aferal animal on a leash. he learnt to play relatively nice with others andbecame fond of some of his owners, but he still wasn’t cured and if you tookthe leash off at the end of the day he would have bitten them. yes, spike lovedbuffy in his own soulless way, but he still had a literal, animalistic demoninside him (we even see in angel in over the rainbow etc. what the actual demoninside vampires is like at its base level) and no soul to control it—only theintellectual knowledge that some actions would get him in buffy’s good booksand some would get him in buffy’s bad books and so he kept it under controlbecause he wanted her and he also wanted to not be killed by the scooby gang.again: this does not excuse the attempted rape at all. nothing forgives it. butlike, it does explain why buffy and many viewers are able to move past it. Idon’t think that on a mythology canon level it was ooc at all, I think thatpeople just forget that spike was stillevil when he was being nice to buffy or dawn or joyce. I think that’s partof the reason it’s so hard to piece together whether spuffy really could workor be good as a ship, because the show never separates spike with a soul fromspike without a soul the way they did with angel. with angel it’s so clearlytwo different people, but with spike it’s a muddy mess of the same thing and ifyou don’t write spike with a soul differently to how you wrote him withoutone—how are viewers supposed to forgive him for what he did?

 was it ooc on a character level though? that’s a wholedifferent thing because that opens the can of worms of spike being ooc ingeneral. the spike we see in season four onwards is drastically different fromthe spike we see in season two, and I do think part of that is just plain oldcharacter development but I also think that part of that is due to them wantinga slightly different character when he became a regular? spike was almost woobified by his own writing team? I don’t thinkit’s anything like the character assassination of britta for example, and Iwouldn’t even call it character assassination, but I do think that at somepoint late during season three or early season four they decided they wanted aspike who was funnier, a bit more sympathetic, and a bit more worthy of being afan fave. it's less like character assassination and more like characteradaptation? I feel like they saw that james had this excellent comedicpotential and wanted to use that, and I’ve seen that with other characters onshows too. I think they had to bend spike a bit along the way to get the spikethey wanted and who they could have fun with. he went from spike the genuinelychilling villain, to spike the comedic relief, to spike the stalker, to spikethe coping mechanism, to spike the love interest…and it definitely wasn’t astraight line of development. they definitelyhad to bend the character along the way and lose some of what was thereoriginally and add some of what wasn’t there. and like, it’s not necessarily abad thing, like I fuckin love comic relief spike and I can totally understandwhy they might’ve been like “fuck this james guy is good we want more of that”,but I do think that on a character level they ended up with something that wasquite frequently messy. if you’ve taken this villain and woobified himyourself, then even if he is still evilit’s not surprising that people are surprised or find it ooc for him to attemptto rape buffy because they made him a puppy with a temper instead of a wolfwith a playful streak, and then suddenly his fangs come out again. andobviously to a degree that was the point of it, to remind viewers that he wasevil and he wasn’t good and buffy forgot that, the scoobies forgot that, everyoneforgot that, but at the same time if you woobify a character that much doesthat point land? or does it just become ooc? I think a spike in love with buffyand protecting dawn and getting flowers after joyce died could be consideredjust as ooc as a spike who attempted to rape buffy. he became a bit of a messycharacter if you really think about it for too long, and they never separatedhis soulless state from his soul-having state enough to keep track of it

 so anyway, on a character level I’m able to move past itbecause I think at the end of the day…spike didn’t have a soul when it happenedand he was written kind of weirdly over the course of the show but I still likehim. I move past it as a viewer because I wantto move past it, and because I find the spuffy relationship interesting (yet Istill want more/better for buffy always? man, I said it was complicated hahah)

 NOW, FROM A WRITING STANDPOINT

 bullshit bullshit utter fucking bullshit.

 why though? well apart from the reasons I’ve already mentionedabout kind of messy character writing and it being impossible to tell whichparts of spike are ooc or not…………the attempted rape scene was not about buffy,before during or after it happened

 they wrote it as a gateway to spike’s redemption arc. theytraumatised their main character, this beautiful female character and one of mytop favourite characters of all time, to boost a man’s redemption arc, andthat’s just fucking awful and we’ve seen it too many times and buffy doesn’t deserver that bullshit.

 now I don’t know whether there’s a solid answer on whetheror not spike went to that demon at the end of season six to get his soul or toget his chip removed, but it also like…doesn’t matter, lol? I personally alwaysread that scene as he went to get his chip removed so he could kill her, andthen the demon was like lol psych herehave a soul! which I think also makes it easier for me to move past theattempted rape, because then it didn’t literally lead to him choosing to go have a redemption arc andbecome a better man for her, but like a lot of people do read it the secondway. and either way!! it’s a crock of shit!!

 not only did they put in this scene so they could kickstartspike’s redemption, instead of picking some other non-rape or non-violence againstbuffy related plot point to lead to him getting a soul, but then they sort ofmade it all about spike in season seven too?

 they do address bits and pieces of buffy’s trauma afterwardsand how it impacted her, but way way too much of the focus was placed onspike’s guilt and spike’s wanting to fix it and how it impacted spike etc., sonot only did they have buffy almost raped to kickstart a man’s storyline, butthey barely focused on her trauma over the “trauma” of spike and that’sjust…fucking awful. like it makes me so mad and it makes me feel so gross.

 as a writing decision I think it’s sexist, disgusting, lazyand unforgivable and the biggest fault with what is literally my favourite tvshow of all time lol (you wouldn’t think it is from this rant?? but it is?? andI like spike and ship spuffy??? god this is a mess) and I think it was probablythe worst fucking writing decision on all of buffy (and this is the show thatkilled tara, a literal lesbian angel)

 and honestly……the fact that I am aware of and think it’s theworst writing decision possible almost makes it easier to move past from acharacter standpoint? because it was a bad writing decision, it takes some ofthe weight off of spike’s actions for me and I’m aware that it was stupid and grossand it would’ve been better if spike tripped and accidentally fell into a gravethat had a stray soul in it that he inhaled.

 I don’t know if that makes sense, in fact I don’t know ifany of this makes sense…but it’s like: spuffy is interesting. to me they havechemistry, they have narrative and trope appeal (even though it wasn’tfulfilled, or wasn’t fulfilled right), they are two characters I likeindividually, and so…I continue to ship it and enjoy it despite the horriblefucking bad writing decisions that went down in season six. I know that evenwithout the attempted rape season or even without season six it’s still anunhealthy ship and it’s problematic (and I want better for buffy at the end ofthe day), but it is at a base level to me entertaining, and that’s what I likefrom my ships

 god this is almost two thousand words I’m so sorry I have alot of thoughts and I had to rewrite half of this so it’s really, really scattered and confusing butlike…yes I ship it, no I don’t think the attempted rape was a good writingdecision, no I don’t excuse or forgive it but I do move past it

 and in answer to what other people feel about the scene andship….it’s really divided lol, a lot of people feel like I do, a lot of peopleprefer bangel, a lot of people prefer spuffy, a lot of people can’t look pastthe rape at all, a lot of people look past the rape too easily, and a lot of people probably don’t know what to thinkor have no strong opinions lol

 god

this is two thousand words I’m sorry

[i-want-my-iwtv]

who is your favorite short term character? I personally adore baby jenks for reasons I can't quite explain

Mojo. Lestat’s real son, protective of his dad and loyal, a heart of gold, and basically a living security blanket. Lestat re: Mojo, TOBT:

And before this story moves any further, let me say something about this dog. He isn’t going to do anything in this book. 

He won’t save a drowning baby, or rush into a burning building to rouse the inhabitants from near-fatal sleep. He isn’t possessed by an evil spirit; he isn’t a vampire dog. He’s in this narrative simply because I found him in the snow behind that town house in Georgetown, and I loved him, and from that first moment, he seemed somehow to love me. It was all too true to the blind and merciless laws I believe in - the laws of nature, as men say; or the laws of the Savage Garden, as I call them myself. Mojo loved my strength; I loved his beauty. And nothing else ever really mattered at all. 

^He’s at least a little wrong, Mojo did alot in this book. He was quietly supportive when Lestat needed it most. He saw through to Lestat’s soul, bc he recognized Lestat even though the physical appearance changed drastically

Runners up, or, If I Had to Choose A People: (in no special order)

Yvette from movie!IWTV - I headcanon her as having been raised with Louis, close to his age, and treated like a sister to him. That he was more fond of her than of his own biological sister.

Celeste and Estelle - Stunning vampiresses at the Theatre des Vampires who seemed to think they could paw at Claudia w/o consequences.

Santiago - I headcanon that he had a thing for/with Armand, maybe an unrequited crush on Armand, and then lashed out horribly when Louis came into the picture and stole Armand’s heart. Santiago has a wicked little serenade for Claudia in one of my fave fics of all time, @wicked-felina​‘s First Light. #Headcanon Accepted.

Gretchen the nun - I just felt very inspired by the way she handled things and was saddened by the way she had to leave the story. It made sense, though.

Khayman - Most of his action is in QOTD so I’d consider him a short term character for that. He was a BAMF, and then later, had a real presence, and his awkwardness was so charming.

Tough Cookie - I mean c’mon. She’s in Lestat’s band. Or is he in her band? More about her would have been awesome.

Baby Jenks - Yeah I liked her alot, too! The way her narrative was written was refreshing, unlike any canon before it. Concisely stated but rich and believable backstory. She deserved to have more screentime.

Morgan - from IWTV, the dude who lost his wife on their honeymoon to the European vampire and ended up not lasting much longer. I really loved Louis and Claudia’s interactions with him.

Nicolas de Lenfent - bc of reasons, and yet, with all the love for him of late, he doesn’t feel like as much of a short term character. He can’t be described in one or two sentences so easily as the others on this list. Suffice it to say that just his name brings up my headcanons about him, and I struggle to choose one over any others, it feels like it would cheapen him to do that.

…There are more but those are the main ones that come to mind, and it’s a long enough list, so I’ll end it there.